March 26, 2024 โข 21 mins
Ever felt a twinge of unease at the thought of venturing into unfamiliar territory? Our latest episode peels back the layers of fear, the fear of the foreign, the unknown, the undiscovered. From a story of encouraging a loved one's trepidation towards traveling to a country, ew dig into the intricate web of influences, from the primal instincts of our amygdala to the vast, sometimes skewed, media portrayals that shape how we see the world beyond our borders. Together, we navigate through these instinctual fears with an aim to cultivate an eagerness for embracing new adventures.
Imagine fear not as a wall, but as a gateway to untapped strength and growth. We recount the story of a psychologist who, once bullied as a child, found resilience through his boxing careerโa powerful example of fear serving as both a shield and a hindrance. As we dissect the acronym F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real), we unravel the idea that our trepidations are often just distress signals based on what might never come to pass. This conversation is an invitation to share in the personal transformations that can emerge from reassessing the fears that once held us back.
We're not just your hostsโwe're your coaches, ready to celebrate those breakthrough moments that redefine our lives. So, remember to hit subscribe, because every episode promises to be a mosaic of insights, experiences, and contagious curiosity for the rich tapestry of cultures that make up our world.
๐๐ฌ๐ค ๐พ๐๐๐ฅ๐จ โ ๐๐๐ฃ๐ฎ ๐พ๐ช๐ก๐ฉ๐ช๐ง๐๐จ is the worldโs #1 show on the business of culture and the culture of business. Christian Hรถferle and Brett Parry ponder culture in short bursts and deep dives, featuring your questions and comments related to culture, business, and personal growth.
Be sure to check out and subscribe to our YouTube channel for even more great content: https://www.youtube.com/@TwoChapsManyCultures
Visit https://theculturemastery.com/ for more information about the skills for working in a global context.
The music on this episode is provided courtesy of Sepalot.
โDuum Diipโ - Artist: Sepalot - Label: Eskapaden - Copyright control
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
A few years ago, I had an interesting experience
with a family member.
A pretty good experience, andit involved encouraging them to
take travel to a particularcountry.
Their initial response wasquite negative and, as somebody
who had been to that country, Ithought that seems illogical to
me.
What could you possibly bescared of?
(00:22):
And we're going to talk aboutfear.
What makes us scared?
What causes fear of otherplaces, other cultures?
Just an interesting topic, andwe're going to talk about it
today.
Stick around.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome to Two Chaps Many Cultures.
In an increasingly globallyconnected world, it is vital to
possess the essential skills ofcultural intelligence.
Listen along as we present thetopics, tips and strategies you
can use to develop the power ofcultural understanding in your
personal and professional life.
(00:55):
Here are your hosts ChristianHufferler and Brett.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Parry, welcome back to another episode of Two Chaps,
many Cultures.
We're glad you're here.
Make sure you subscribe.
You know how this works Hit thebell or push the button or
click that link or whatever itis your device does to make sure
you don't miss an episode, thatyou always are up to date on
the latest development on thischannel and get the latest
(01:21):
episodes.
So today, fear, fear of theforeign that we don't know about
.
Should we do this?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Is this good, it's just.
I was listening, as you know,when we do these episodes,
oftentimes they come from just,they're inspired by certain
things we've here, and I thought, and I was listening to your
podcast about fear, the hiddenbrain podcast, and it's a
wonderful podcast Manyrecommended highly, as long as
(01:50):
and ours too, by the way.
But the good thing aboutworking with Christian here, my
wonderful dear colleague, isthat I can just throw a topic
like this at him and he has thiswonderful clarity of mind to be
able to go yeah, let's go itlike no fear at all.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh, you, you, I do have fears.
I'm very careful how many ofthose I disclose.
Oh, I think we all, we allprobably have those family
members or friends that won'tfollow us to a destination that
we have been to before and wesay, hey, this is fantastic, you
should do that too.
(02:28):
And they go, uh, uh, nope, hey,or here's why, and I don't like
this I'm afraid of the people,the food, both the, I don't know
the topography, the climate.
Brett's been nudging me to goto Australia and I've been
(02:49):
watching all these video clipsabout all all that nature has to
offer down under and you'reasking me not to feel fear about
the spiders and ruse and allthe other stuff that's crawling
and slithering and hopping andbopping down under.
Give me a reason to go.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Well, I'll get to the end of this story that I was
talking about my family in aminute, but in the meantime I
was just interested in likelistening to some that which I
get a lot right Australia, wow,the dangerous animals and all
this kind of thing.
And as somebody who grew upthere with a deep experience of
navigating life around thisapparently Jurassic Park of a
(03:33):
place, um, it seems illogical tome.
That's an illogical response,but it is A reasonable response
when you understand that I don'tunderstand the framework in
which other people see mycountry through, and that is
(03:53):
certainly media, but also a lotof documentaries which, you know
, quite frankly, hype up some ofthat by design.
It's a story, it's a narrative.
It causes tension, and fearcauses tension, driven by our
lizard brain speaking of crawlythings.
Keep the same theme.
We're trying to keep the sametheme, but I don't know.
(04:16):
I mean it is when we'reconfronted by the attitude of
somebody else with ourinformation, we oftentimes kind
of react to it in a visceral wayand say how could you possibly
think like that?
So what do you think is behindthat mate?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, but the illogical thing that's, I get
that because I am a cerebralkind of person.
I like to be in my head and Iusually reason with logic, and
I'm married to a person who is alot more emotionally expressive
than I am and she will remindme to get out of my head and
(04:54):
consider emotions, considerfeelings, and logic and emotion
sometimes don't communicate andour brains are designed to
sometimes keep those two thingsapart.
I'm not a neuroscientist.
All I know is that we have,through our evolution, the way
(05:17):
we became to be homo sapiens, westill have remnants in our
brains from evolutionary timeswhen we were not walking on our
hind legs and developinglanguage to express thoughts and
emotions.
So we have you used the word aminute ago reptilian brain.
Right, we have a part of ourbrain, the amygdala, that is
(05:42):
keeping us safe from predatorydangers, from anything that
could potentially harm us.
It's the fight versus flightresponse that is very intuitive,
instinctive knee jerk and werun away from potential pain and
we run towards potentialpleasure.
(06:03):
And that is often done withouttaking into account what we
might actually know or learnabout a situation or place a
country in the story that yourfamily member had.
Our instincts override ourconscious brains sometimes, and
(06:24):
it's there to keep us safe,right, it's not right or wrong.
It's what helped us evolve tothe beings that we are today.
If we didn't run away from thesaber tooth tiger, we would have
been eliminated from the genepool very swiftly, right, and we
wouldn't be here today.
So some of these biases serve apurpose.
(06:47):
So how can we then take ourcognitive part of the brain and
overwrite the reflex?
How can we tell the fear thatit's?
Hey, it's not fear, it's theexcitement.
And apparently and then I wastold this by neuroscientists, so
forgive me if I'm butcheringthis retelling of what I thought
(07:09):
I learned Apparently, the thechemistry in our neural synapses
is the same, whether it's fearor excitement.
What, what's happening betweennerve ending seems to be the
same thing.
We, our brains, have decided togive it a certain meaning.
We may have a memory ofsomething that wasn't pleasant
(07:30):
and we store that memory assomething that is a threat that
we survived.
And next time we are confrontedwith signals that point towards
the same, similar fear, werespond negatively.
Right, but the the chemistry inour brain between the nerve
endings is apparently the same,whether it's fear or excitement.
(07:51):
So telling our brain that it'snot fear that we experience,
that it's actually excitementthat might be the key to having
a wider experience.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Well, that's, that's right.
I like the fact you clarifiedwhen not, you're a scientist and
that, but we and we don't evenplay them on TV, we just appear
here on YouTube or on ourpodcast here, and but we do, as
Christine says, hang around witha lot of really smart people.
Another aspect of that wasinteresting you bought to mine
somebody that said once that ourfear response has no concept of
(08:26):
time.
So when we this is whytraumatic memories are so real
when you're faced with asituation that somehow is
related to the current or a pastexperience, so you bring that
experience very quickly intoreality and that causes extra
(08:46):
stress and there's no doubt thatpeople struggle with this.
It's a and it's a realchallenge for a lot of people.
So I don't want to diminish theimpact of this, but it is when
we're, when we have confrontedwith listening to somebody talk
about or refer to something thatwe are so comfortable about and
understand and have knowledgeof, through a fear reflex we
(09:11):
tend to miss.
And you know, and I'm certainlyguilty of that, even though we
do this work and we are, we aretaught in this work to be very
open to the experiences andunderstand the fears and the
trepidations and the excitement.
So you know the the the wholething about this environment is
to learn about yourself.
You know.
I think that's what is causingthose reactions.
(09:33):
What have you seen bringingyourself into this?
Another example in that podcast,which is great, how the person
was commenting as a psychologist.
He said I remember in my boxingcareer I got to a high level of
boxing and then in oneparticular circumstance I was
confronted by an opponent andwent back to my schoolyard
(09:56):
bullying days where I wasbullied.
And he said his boxing coachclarified it very well.
He said but don't ignore thatpast experience.
Connect with it and say whatwould you tell that kid in that
playground?
Would you tell them how proudyou are that you're standing
here today with strength andskill to be able to?
(10:18):
You know that you built becauseof that experience.
And he said that really snappedhim into reality of thinking.
There is a you don't squashthese past experiences.
You connect them to current dayand I think any time that I've
traveled to a place where I'vemaybe have not been before and
and gone, you know I'm a littlebit.
I'm a little.
You know I'm a little bitperturbed by this.
(10:40):
I'm not sure what to expect.
You know you can go back toother experiences where you've
been into those those differentplaces and gone.
You know that kind of workedout.
Well, what did I do then?
How and what am I going to sayto my family and my friends
about my travels and how I pushthrough those boundaries?
And of course, this is really,you know, this is personal for
(11:02):
me and with this family memberbecause I didn't want them to
miss out on the experience, thewonderful experience I had had
in this particular country, andbecause I cared for them.
So that was a reframing.
Maybe you could talk a littlebit about this kind of this
reframing idea where you cankind of move something from one
(11:24):
place to another.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I think a fear is limiting.
That's what it is right.
A fear might protect us fromsomething that's potentially bad
for us and it might help ussurvive.
It also limits our experience.
Right, because we don't dosomething that could be good.
Right, there is, it works.
In the English language, I'veheard people say fear is an
(11:46):
acronym for false evidenceappearing real.
I know this is a bit of an easy, easy way out of this, but give
it a second to sink in.
So if we none of us know thefuture right, none of us know
what will happen ten secondsfrom now.
(12:07):
All we have is this momentright now.
So fear is an anticipation ofpain.
So we anticipate that in thefuture there will be something
unpleasant, but I have noevidence supporting that.
It's only my presumption.
Something in my brain someusually a memory, as you just
(12:28):
said Triggers that fear rightthere.
I had a bad experience sometimein the past and now I'm having
similar data points that led meback to my memory bank, where it
is stored that I should beafraid of this.
But I have no way of predictingthe future.
(12:48):
So how can I keep myself safeand still go into it?
Right, how can I tell my brainthe same fear.
This is anticipation.
You're anticipating something,so would you be open to
entertaining the option that itmight actually be good?
(13:09):
And that is easier said thandone.
It takes practice and, ideally,take somebody like you in the
scenario that you encouragedyour family members.
I vouch for this place.
It is not as bad or to befeared as you might think.
So here are my data points I'msharing with you.
(13:30):
Take those into consideration.
Maybe you will change your mind, or at least give it a try, and
, if necessary, I'll be there toaccompany you and protect you
from what you might be afraid of.
There is different strategies toapproach this.
Now I like what you said aboutthe, the memory right that we
(13:54):
cannot change your past.
Think therapists might be ableto.
I'm not a therapist, buttherapists go into what happened
in your past and maybe fix that.
I'm sorry if I'm misscharacterizing what therapists
do, but we brought an eye.
We're not therapists, we arecoaches.
(14:14):
We coach people to enter theunknown in a way that equips
them with the resources theyneed to enter the unknown.
So we're not addressing what'sin the past, we're laying out
paths for the future and sayingyou could go down this way and
this is what you can expect, oryou can go down that way and
that will be the course ofaction potentially.
So it's not trying to undo whathappened and created the fear
(14:42):
in the first place.
It's opening up scope, openingup options, giving you more
variety and, hopefully, removingthe limitation, because Ideally
, what we want for our clients,for people that Want to go
deeper, wider, further, is toexpand their experience, and
(15:06):
those fears have a tendency tolimit that.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Well, in that particular case certainly the
story ends well, the and I guessback then you know it was a
little while ago back then I wasprobably very, very early in my
training and coaching career.
I probably didn't have theskills that I have now to be
(15:31):
able to kind of guide peoplethrough that.
But that's an example where,maybe inherently, I went to no,
hey, let me take a step back andunderstand that this person I
love and I want to have thisexperience is coming from a
different framework and just toencourage it by giving
information, right Understanding, because I know that person and
(15:55):
I know their values and theircultural framework, Of course
then I was able to kind of takethat to the next step and say
now let's gather information,Now let's take what I know, take
what you can find out on yourown this probably follows a
pattern in the work we do andtake that an extra step, taking
steps on your own to find outinformation, and then take that
(16:20):
leap right that encourages youto take that leap.
Information is power, as theold saying goes, and that's the
ultimate outcome was, the familymember went there and at the
end of that trip I was really,really touched by the comment
where they were still there inthe country and we did a call
(16:40):
and they actually said thank youfor encouraging me to do this,
because this trip has changed mylife.
This has changed.
This has been a life-changingexperience.
So that was an extra bit ofkind of heartening for me
because it was a deep sense thatI led somebody to an experience
that had had a pure effect ontheir life.
(17:02):
And I try and do that every dayin our work and Christian does
the same thing.
We take this work personallyand any leader, any person who's
kind of encouraging people topush their professional or
personal bounds, I think shouldbe encouraged when they see an
outcome like that, to tap intothat.
(17:23):
We can talk about numbers anddollars and return, investment
and profit and all that kind ofstuff, but at the end of the day
, the reason I do this work isfor those very experiences.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
And I want to address something that is easily
discarded or disregarded or notconsidered enough by people who
are personality types like Brettand I.
Brett and I are kind ofcerebral thinkers or in our
heads and logic-minded.
(17:56):
It would be doing those at aservice who are more emotional
creatures right To not addressthe fear would not help, right.
So it's always important inthat work to embrace the emotion
that somebody has around thefear, to validate that and not
(18:17):
make that wrong.
It's not saying, hey, your fearis stupid because it's
illogical.
Well, thank you very much fornot acknowledging what I feel
would be the response mostlikely.
So it's important toacknowledge and validate that
emotion and also help theemotion to find different ways
(18:37):
to give them a different channelto go through.
And what you just said aboutthat family member who called
you from the country that theywere initially so afraid of
entering, I think it's hugelyimportant in any type of
coaching relationship ormentorship relationship that
(18:58):
whenever somebody has experiencethat breaks through, whenever
they recognize that thelimitation that held them back
has been removed and theyactually did what they were
afraid of, is that we, as thosewho nudge them gently toward
that direction, we acknowledgethe fact that they did.
We help them celebrate thataccomplishment, however small it
(19:22):
may appear to us right.
If, if that breakthrough goes,uncelebrate it, it will not be
anchored in.
You want to help that personcreate a new memory, say, yes,
you did this.
See, wasn't that hard after all, was it?
And probably feels good nowthat you've done it.
Right.
You were so.
It's so comprehensive about itat first, and now look at
(19:43):
yourself.
You.
That's where you are now.
Isn't that fantastic?
Yes, hi five, please, orwhatever it is you.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
You anchor that emotion and so it becomes a
supportive memory for the futureand you can share with that,
especially if it's a familymember or a dear friend that you
can use going forward.
So perhaps you know, as youlook around in your life, when
you're, when you're seeingpeople react in a fearful way or
you see yourself reacting in afearful way, some of these
(20:13):
skills are really can be learnedand and we enjoy teaching them.
We enjoy learning themourselves and we're always on a
continuing learning journey hereas well.
So just leave in a commentafter question anything you
wanted in this episode.
We always love to hear from thepeople out there watching or
(20:35):
listening, and keep in mind justa reminder.
Of course, we now have the newpodcast, the, the two chaps,
many cultures podcast, availableon all the good platforms, all
the very best platforms that weonly the good.
Yes, we pay thousands andthousands of dollars to be
listed on these platforms.
No, but seriously it's.
(20:56):
We value you as an audience andwe want to thank you for
listening in.
Please don't forget tosubscribe, as Christian said
before, hit that bell, whetheryou're listening to us here on
the podcast or on YouTube.
That's another week, anotherepisode of two chaps, many
cultures want to.
Thank you very much for joiningus and we will see you next
time and don't be afraid tofollow.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Be very afraid.
A few years ago, I had an interesting experience
with a family member.
A pretty good experience, andit involved encouraging them to
take travel to a particularcountry.
Their initial response wasquite negative and, as somebody
who had been to that country, Ithought that seems illogical to
me.
What could you possibly bescared of?
(00:22):
And we're going to talk aboutfear.
What makes us scared?
What causes fear of otherplaces, other cultures?
Just an interesting topic, andwe're going to talk about it
today.
Stick around.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome to Two Chaps Many Cultures.
In an increasingly globallyconnected world, it is vital to
possess the essential skills ofcultural intelligence.
Listen along as we present thetopics, tips and strategies you
can use to develop the power ofcultural understanding in your
personal and professional life.
(00:55):
Here are your hosts ChristianHufferler and Brett.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Parry, welcome back to another episode of Two Chaps,
many Cultures.
We're glad you're here.
Make sure you subscribe.
You know how this works Hit thebell or push the button or
click that link or whatever itis your device does to make sure
you don't miss an episode, thatyou always are up to date on
the latest development on thischannel and get the latest
(01:21):
episodes.
So today, fear, fear of theforeign that we don't know about
.
Should we do this?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Is this good, it's just.
I was listening, as you know,when we do these episodes,
oftentimes they come from just,they're inspired by certain
things we've here, and I thought, and I was listening to your
podcast about fear, the hiddenbrain podcast, and it's a
wonderful podcast Manyrecommended highly, as long as
(01:50):
and ours too, by the way.
But the good thing aboutworking with Christian here, my
wonderful dear colleague, isthat I can just throw a topic
like this at him and he has thiswonderful clarity of mind to be
able to go yeah, let's go itlike no fear at all.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh, you, you, I do have fears.
I'm very careful how many ofthose I disclose.
Oh, I think we all, we allprobably have those family
members or friends that won'tfollow us to a destination that
we have been to before and wesay, hey, this is fantastic, you
should do that too.
(02:28):
And they go, uh, uh, nope, hey,or here's why, and I don't like
this I'm afraid of the people,the food, both the, I don't know
the topography, the climate.
Brett's been nudging me to goto Australia and I've been
(02:49):
watching all these video clipsabout all all that nature has to
offer down under and you'reasking me not to feel fear about
the spiders and ruse and allthe other stuff that's crawling
and slithering and hopping andbopping down under.
Give me a reason to go.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Well, I'll get to the end of this story that I was
talking about my family in aminute, but in the meantime I
was just interested in likelistening to some that which I
get a lot right Australia, wow,the dangerous animals and all
this kind of thing.
And as somebody who grew upthere with a deep experience of
navigating life around thisapparently Jurassic Park of a
(03:33):
place, um, it seems illogical tome.
That's an illogical response,but it is A reasonable response
when you understand that I don'tunderstand the framework in
which other people see mycountry through, and that is
(03:53):
certainly media, but also a lotof documentaries which, you know
, quite frankly, hype up some ofthat by design.
It's a story, it's a narrative.
It causes tension, and fearcauses tension, driven by our
lizard brain speaking of crawlythings.
Keep the same theme.
We're trying to keep the sametheme, but I don't know.
(04:16):
I mean it is when we'reconfronted by the attitude of
somebody else with ourinformation, we oftentimes kind
of react to it in a visceral wayand say how could you possibly
think like that?
So what do you think is behindthat mate?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, but the illogical thing that's, I get
that because I am a cerebralkind of person.
I like to be in my head and Iusually reason with logic, and
I'm married to a person who is alot more emotionally expressive
than I am and she will remindme to get out of my head and
(04:54):
consider emotions, considerfeelings, and logic and emotion
sometimes don't communicate andour brains are designed to
sometimes keep those two thingsapart.
I'm not a neuroscientist.
All I know is that we have,through our evolution, the way
(05:17):
we became to be homo sapiens, westill have remnants in our
brains from evolutionary timeswhen we were not walking on our
hind legs and developinglanguage to express thoughts and
emotions.
So we have you used the word aminute ago reptilian brain.
Right, we have a part of ourbrain, the amygdala, that is
(05:42):
keeping us safe from predatorydangers, from anything that
could potentially harm us.
It's the fight versus flightresponse that is very intuitive,
instinctive knee jerk and werun away from potential pain and
we run towards potentialpleasure.
(06:03):
And that is often done withouttaking into account what we
might actually know or learnabout a situation or place a
country in the story that yourfamily member had.
Our instincts override ourconscious brains sometimes, and
(06:24):
it's there to keep us safe,right, it's not right or wrong.
It's what helped us evolve tothe beings that we are today.
If we didn't run away from thesaber tooth tiger, we would have
been eliminated from the genepool very swiftly, right, and we
wouldn't be here today.
So some of these biases serve apurpose.
(06:47):
So how can we then take ourcognitive part of the brain and
overwrite the reflex?
How can we tell the fear thatit's?
Hey, it's not fear, it's theexcitement.
And apparently and then I wastold this by neuroscientists, so
forgive me if I'm butcheringthis retelling of what I thought
(07:09):
I learned Apparently, the thechemistry in our neural synapses
is the same, whether it's fearor excitement.
What, what's happening betweennerve ending seems to be the
same thing.
We, our brains, have decided togive it a certain meaning.
We may have a memory ofsomething that wasn't pleasant
(07:30):
and we store that memory assomething that is a threat that
we survived.
And next time we are confrontedwith signals that point towards
the same, similar fear, werespond negatively.
Right, but the the chemistry inour brain between the nerve
endings is apparently the same,whether it's fear or excitement.
(07:51):
So telling our brain that it'snot fear that we experience,
that it's actually excitementthat might be the key to having
a wider experience.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Well, that's, that's right.
I like the fact you clarifiedwhen not, you're a scientist and
that, but we and we don't evenplay them on TV, we just appear
here on YouTube or on ourpodcast here, and but we do, as
Christine says, hang around witha lot of really smart people.
Another aspect of that wasinteresting you bought to mine
somebody that said once that ourfear response has no concept of
(08:26):
time.
So when we this is whytraumatic memories are so real
when you're faced with asituation that somehow is
related to the current or a pastexperience, so you bring that
experience very quickly intoreality and that causes extra
(08:46):
stress and there's no doubt thatpeople struggle with this.
It's a and it's a realchallenge for a lot of people.
So I don't want to diminish theimpact of this, but it is when
we're, when we have confrontedwith listening to somebody talk
about or refer to something thatwe are so comfortable about and
understand and have knowledgeof, through a fear reflex we
(09:11):
tend to miss.
And you know, and I'm certainlyguilty of that, even though we
do this work and we are, we aretaught in this work to be very
open to the experiences andunderstand the fears and the
trepidations and the excitement.
So you know the the the wholething about this environment is
to learn about yourself.
You know.
I think that's what is causingthose reactions.
(09:33):
What have you seen bringingyourself into this?
Another example in that podcast,which is great, how the person
was commenting as a psychologist.
He said I remember in my boxingcareer I got to a high level of
boxing and then in oneparticular circumstance I was
confronted by an opponent andwent back to my schoolyard
(09:56):
bullying days where I wasbullied.
And he said his boxing coachclarified it very well.
He said but don't ignore thatpast experience.
Connect with it and say whatwould you tell that kid in that
playground?
Would you tell them how proudyou are that you're standing
here today with strength andskill to be able to?
(10:18):
You know that you built becauseof that experience.
And he said that really snappedhim into reality of thinking.
There is a you don't squashthese past experiences.
You connect them to current dayand I think any time that I've
traveled to a place where I'vemaybe have not been before and
and gone, you know I'm a littlebit.
I'm a little.
You know I'm a little bitperturbed by this.
(10:40):
I'm not sure what to expect.
You know you can go back toother experiences where you've
been into those those differentplaces and gone.
You know that kind of workedout.
Well, what did I do then?
How and what am I going to sayto my family and my friends
about my travels and how I pushthrough those boundaries?
And of course, this is really,you know, this is personal for
(11:02):
me and with this family memberbecause I didn't want them to
miss out on the experience, thewonderful experience I had had
in this particular country, andbecause I cared for them.
So that was a reframing.
Maybe you could talk a littlebit about this kind of this
reframing idea where you cankind of move something from one
(11:24):
place to another.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I think a fear is limiting.
That's what it is right.
A fear might protect us fromsomething that's potentially bad
for us and it might help ussurvive.
It also limits our experience.
Right, because we don't dosomething that could be good.
Right, there is, it works.
In the English language, I'veheard people say fear is an
(11:46):
acronym for false evidenceappearing real.
I know this is a bit of an easy, easy way out of this, but give
it a second to sink in.
So if we none of us know thefuture right, none of us know
what will happen ten secondsfrom now.
(12:07):
All we have is this momentright now.
So fear is an anticipation ofpain.
So we anticipate that in thefuture there will be something
unpleasant, but I have noevidence supporting that.
It's only my presumption.
Something in my brain someusually a memory, as you just
(12:28):
said Triggers that fear rightthere.
I had a bad experience sometimein the past and now I'm having
similar data points that led meback to my memory bank, where it
is stored that I should beafraid of this.
But I have no way of predictingthe future.
(12:48):
So how can I keep myself safeand still go into it?
Right, how can I tell my brainthe same fear.
This is anticipation.
You're anticipating something,so would you be open to
entertaining the option that itmight actually be good?
(13:09):
And that is easier said thandone.
It takes practice and, ideally,take somebody like you in the
scenario that you encouragedyour family members.
I vouch for this place.
It is not as bad or to befeared as you might think.
So here are my data points I'msharing with you.
(13:30):
Take those into consideration.
Maybe you will change your mind, or at least give it a try, and
, if necessary, I'll be there toaccompany you and protect you
from what you might be afraid of.
There is different strategies toapproach this.
Now I like what you said aboutthe, the memory right that we
(13:54):
cannot change your past.
Think therapists might be ableto.
I'm not a therapist, buttherapists go into what happened
in your past and maybe fix that.
I'm sorry if I'm misscharacterizing what therapists
do, but we brought an eye.
We're not therapists, we arecoaches.
(14:14):
We coach people to enter theunknown in a way that equips
them with the resources theyneed to enter the unknown.
So we're not addressing what'sin the past, we're laying out
paths for the future and sayingyou could go down this way and
this is what you can expect, oryou can go down that way and
that will be the course ofaction potentially.
So it's not trying to undo whathappened and created the fear
(14:42):
in the first place.
It's opening up scope, openingup options, giving you more
variety and, hopefully, removingthe limitation, because Ideally
, what we want for our clients,for people that Want to go
deeper, wider, further, is toexpand their experience, and
(15:06):
those fears have a tendency tolimit that.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Well, in that particular case certainly the
story ends well, the and I guessback then you know it was a
little while ago back then I wasprobably very, very early in my
training and coaching career.
I probably didn't have theskills that I have now to be
(15:31):
able to kind of guide peoplethrough that.
But that's an example where,maybe inherently, I went to no,
hey, let me take a step back andunderstand that this person I
love and I want to have thisexperience is coming from a
different framework and just toencourage it by giving
information, right Understanding, because I know that person and
(15:55):
I know their values and theircultural framework, Of course
then I was able to kind of takethat to the next step and say
now let's gather information,Now let's take what I know, take
what you can find out on yourown this probably follows a
pattern in the work we do andtake that an extra step, taking
steps on your own to find outinformation, and then take that
(16:20):
leap right that encourages youto take that leap.
Information is power, as theold saying goes, and that's the
ultimate outcome was, the familymember went there and at the
end of that trip I was really,really touched by the comment
where they were still there inthe country and we did a call
(16:40):
and they actually said thank youfor encouraging me to do this,
because this trip has changed mylife.
This has changed.
This has been a life-changingexperience.
So that was an extra bit ofkind of heartening for me
because it was a deep sense thatI led somebody to an experience
that had had a pure effect ontheir life.
(17:02):
And I try and do that every dayin our work and Christian does
the same thing.
We take this work personallyand any leader, any person who's
kind of encouraging people topush their professional or
personal bounds, I think shouldbe encouraged when they see an
outcome like that, to tap intothat.
(17:23):
We can talk about numbers anddollars and return, investment
and profit and all that kind ofstuff, but at the end of the day
, the reason I do this work isfor those very experiences.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
And I want to address something that is easily
discarded or disregarded or notconsidered enough by people who
are personality types like Brettand I.
Brett and I are kind ofcerebral thinkers or in our
heads and logic-minded.
(17:56):
It would be doing those at aservice who are more emotional
creatures right To not addressthe fear would not help, right.
So it's always important inthat work to embrace the emotion
that somebody has around thefear, to validate that and not
(18:17):
make that wrong.
It's not saying, hey, your fearis stupid because it's
illogical.
Well, thank you very much fornot acknowledging what I feel
would be the response mostlikely.
So it's important toacknowledge and validate that
emotion and also help theemotion to find different ways
(18:37):
to give them a different channelto go through.
And what you just said aboutthat family member who called
you from the country that theywere initially so afraid of
entering, I think it's hugelyimportant in any type of
coaching relationship ormentorship relationship that
(18:58):
whenever somebody has experiencethat breaks through, whenever
they recognize that thelimitation that held them back
has been removed and theyactually did what they were
afraid of, is that we, as thosewho nudge them gently toward
that direction, we acknowledgethe fact that they did.
We help them celebrate thataccomplishment, however small it
(19:22):
may appear to us right.
If, if that breakthrough goes,uncelebrate it, it will not be
anchored in.
You want to help that personcreate a new memory, say, yes,
you did this.
See, wasn't that hard after all, was it?
And probably feels good nowthat you've done it.
Right.
You were so.
It's so comprehensive about itat first, and now look at
(19:43):
yourself.
You.
That's where you are now.
Isn't that fantastic?
Yes, hi five, please, orwhatever it is you.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
You anchor that emotion and so it becomes a
supportive memory for the futureand you can share with that,
especially if it's a familymember or a dear friend that you
can use going forward.
So perhaps you know, as youlook around in your life, when
you're, when you're seeingpeople react in a fearful way or
you see yourself reacting in afearful way, some of these
(20:13):
skills are really can be learnedand and we enjoy teaching them.
We enjoy learning themourselves and we're always on a
continuing learning journey hereas well.
So just leave in a commentafter question anything you
wanted in this episode.
We always love to hear from thepeople out there watching or
(20:35):
listening, and keep in mind justa reminder.
Of course, we now have the newpodcast, the, the two chaps,
many cultures podcast, availableon all the good platforms, all
the very best platforms that weonly the good.
Yes, we pay thousands andthousands of dollars to be
listed on these platforms.
No, but seriously it's.
(20:56):
We value you as an audience andwe want to thank you for
listening in.
Please don't forget tosubscribe, as Christian said
before, hit that bell, whetheryou're listening to us here on
the podcast or on YouTube.
That's another week, anotherepisode of two chaps, many
cultures want to.
Thank you very much for joiningus and we will see you next
time and don't be afraid tofollow.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Be very afraid.
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