May 7, 2024 • 23 mins
How we show love for the work of others is not the same around the world. The way we recognize and reward the efforts of team members needs to take cultural differences into account. While words of affirmation work well in Brazil and China, the best way to show appreciation in Türkiye and Thailand is through acts of service. So let's look at the "love languages" of appreciation at work.
Here's a link to the study we reference in the video: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happybytes/202404/surprising-ways-different-cultures-want-to-be-appreciated
𝙏𝙬𝙤 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙨 – 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝘾𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨 is the world’s #1 show on the business of culture and the culture of business. Christian Höferle and Brett Parry ponder culture in short bursts and deep dives, featuring your questions and comments related to culture, business, and personal growth.
Be sure to check out and subscribe to our YouTube channel for even more great content: https://www.youtube.com/@TwoChapsManyCultures
Visit https://theculturemastery.com/ for more information about the skills for working in a global context.
The music on this episode is provided courtesy of Sepalot.
“Duum Diip” - Artist: Sepalot - Label: Eskapaden - Copyright control
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You may have heard this before If you love what you
do, you never work a day inyour life.
That may or may not be true.
You still go to work.
And the way we show love forour work and the way our work
gets appreciated, that may notbe the same everywhere around
(00:21):
the world.
So let's look at the lovelanguages, the appreciation
styles at work, because they'renot the same around the globe.
Let's dig into that.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Welcome to 2Chap's Many Cultures.
In an increasingly globallyconnected world, it is vital to
possess the essential skills ofcultural intelligence.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Listen along as we present the topics, tips and
strategies you can use todevelop the power of cultural
understanding in your personaland professional life.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Here are your hosts, christian Huffala and Brett
Parry.
Welcome back to another episodeof Two Chaps Many Cultures,
where too much culture is barelyenough, and we might suggest
that too much thanks isn'tbarely enough, and that's what
we're going to talk about today.
But before we do, we wouldappreciate it absolutely, give
(01:15):
you an immense amount of thanksif you subscribe, hit the button
, ring the bell and, you know,check us out.
Every week.
We do this every week.
We turn up and we justobloviate about random topics
that we think we know thingsabout and we would love to hear
your feedback.
Don't forget also our podcast.
That's uh, that's also anotherway of listening.
(01:35):
So, appreciation how do we showappreciation?
How do we show that the peoplearound us that are working for
us or with us are valued fortheir work?
It's an important topic and aswe get to work with many people
around the globe from differentcultures, we see that their
motivations or maybe even theirobservations of the new culture
(01:59):
that they've landed in and howit wants appreciation displayed,
may be a little bit off-putting.
So let's think about some ofthose things, shall we?
So how do you like to beappreciated, mate?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, send me a paycheck once in a while.
That would be a good start,wouldn't it?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You mean show me the money, like our episode a few
weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Maybe, and I think this is a critical distinction.
So when we talk aboutappreciation for work, of course
everybody who goes into work orhas gainful employment wants
the gain to be substantialenough for them to pay their
bills.
So when we talk about howpeople want to be appreciated,
we're not talking about paymentstructures or compensation
(02:48):
structures.
That is something that themarkets usually handle.
It's most free economies have away to collectively bargain
over that or find solutions tohow does work get remunerated?
What we're talking about here ishow do people stay engaged at
(03:10):
the workplace?
How do we make sure that we showthem the love, show them
respect and recognition fortheir performance in a way that
it actually lands the way wewant it to, that they can
receive it in a way that keepsemployees engaged, that keeps
them in a working relationshipthat they find not only
(03:34):
financially beneficial but alsomakes them feel that they're in
the right place, and that isapparently not the same
everywhere we go in the world.
Right, and there are studiesthat help us unpack this a
little more.
In combination with culturalcomparison frameworks that we
(03:56):
use frequently in our work,brett and I and we came across
some work that I think is quiteinformative and blends well with
the other frameworks we havebeen using in our years of
experience.
So, brett, how would you say,just from your anecdotal
experience of having worked andlived in your home country of
(04:21):
Australia, but also in China andnow here in the US You've
worked and lived in Poland aswell how have you noticed that
appreciation styles for work aredifferent or not different?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Well, I've had the good honor, of course, of owning
and running businesses indifferent places, and that is
one of the differences in theimpact that I saw, of course,
moving from Australia to the US,so to your point, even just
between two cultures on thesurface that look very much the
same the motivation, how Iencourage employees and how I
gave thanks to them.
You know, I was blindsided bynot knowing that and I learned
(04:59):
very quickly.
I had to adjust my radar whenit came to that.
Quickly, I had to adjust myradar when it came to that.
So, yes, back in Australia therewas a lot of kind of, I guess,
that mateship type of let'scollaborate, let's get together,
let's you know we're all in thesame side.
Here it tends to be more of acollectivist approach, we and us
(05:19):
.
Here in the US it was much moreindividualistic.
Again, not wrong or right, it'sjust the way that people were
motivated when they showed up towork.
They wanted to be praised,oftentimes in public, so the
praise was usually communicatedin a wider audience so that
(05:40):
those people not only felt thatthey were validated, but it
became also a tool to encourageand have somebody to look up to.
Yeah, you look like Brett.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Brett did great, so this is your role model right.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
That's the role model , whereas you know my country,
with the tall poppy syndrome,we're kind of uncomfortable with
public praise.
We would rather just, you know,add a boy.
You know, let me buy you a beerone day, and and that'll be
great.
Um, so yes, that that'sfundamentally like one really
stark difference in two culturesthat, on the surface, are very
(06:16):
much the same.
So then, the study thatchristian alludes to here is,
looking at these.
It's kind of around the languagewhich suggests that it's all
communication, but in many ways,it's not just communication,
but it's also leadership style.
So how a leader might spendtime, or give resources, offer
(06:39):
that time to be able to gatherall the resources to help make
their employees successful, helpthe outcome to be positive.
And the other side of the coinbeing, no, just empower me, give
me the recognition, the trust,and leave me alone.
Don't come back and check on me.
I will come to you withquestions if I want to, but
(07:02):
other than that, if you check onme all the time, I'm going to
think that's micromanaging andthat can be demotivating.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Well, that will be true for my experience right In
my native culture.
Too much of micromanaging wouldhave sent the message to me
that I'm not doing my jobproperly.
So the study we're referring tois based on the work of two
psychologists, one being Dr GaryChapman, who a lot of people
(07:32):
know for his work around thefive love languages, which are
more focused on personalinterrelationship, personal
relationships, couples how do weshow love to our love and life
partners?
And there are five of theselove languages.
And his colleague Paul Whiteand Dr Chapman.
(07:53):
Together they expanded thatconcept into the workplace.
How do we show appreciation atwork?
Using these five love languages?
And those are, for those of youwho are not familiar with that
work, words of affirmation.
So we're expressing praise andgratitude through verbal or
(08:13):
written means, such as maybe athank you note or, as Brett said
earlier, public acknowledgementhey, employee of the week,
month, year, here is yourspecial bonus.
And ding ding ding, everybodysalute the, the super performer.
That would be words ofaffirmation.
That's one love language.
Another one is quality time,which means in the work context,
(08:37):
we are dedicating a focused andundivided attention to someone
to make them feel seen and heardand valued.
For example, he would take ateammate out to lunch or buy
them a beer or check in on theirwork and have a chat with them
and give them one-on-one time,even across hierarchical levels,
(09:02):
perhaps even right.
And another love language isproviding acts of service, such
as helping someone with theirworkload or making their
workload easier, providingresources, reassigning team
members to a certain task for aparticular timeframe in order to
facilitate a easier, smoothertask completion.
(09:26):
So basically displaying that Icare about my team members, that
I support my employees and actas their servant leader.
Another love language would begiving gifts, providing tangible
items.
They might be personalized,they might be small symbols,
(09:51):
even of appreciation that gobeyond the contractually agreed
upon rewards and remunerationpackages.
So basically giving somebodysomething, or number five in the
languages would be physicaltouch in the romantic
(10:12):
relationships.
That would refer to intimacy atwork.
We usually don't do that.
I mean, there might be lines ofwork where that might be part
of the job description, buttypically it's not.
So physical touch would be ayou see this very much in
individualistic and egalitariancultures of high fives or group
(10:43):
hugs and huddles or handshakesor fist bumps or anything that
symbolizes and signalizes hey, Igive you that, albeit brief
touch, physical touch, to showyou did great and I see what you
(11:03):
did and it is fantastic.
So those are the five lovelanguages that actually
translate very well from theromantic side of relationships
to workplace dynamics.
Now, the study that we stumbledupon took it upon itself to look
at how these love languages arepreferred in seven different
(11:29):
cultural areas that the studypicked.
One was China, mandarinspeaking Asia.
One was Thailand.
One was Brazilian Portugueselanguage zone.
One was Turkey, or TurkiyeForgive me, I think that's how
(11:50):
we say it properly now inEnglish Turkiye.
We looked at, or the studylooked at, french-speaking
Canada, the Spanish languageworld and the Danish language
world, and the findings were, toa certain degree, surprising,
wouldn't you agree, brad?
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I looked at the Danish because I just happened
to be at the moment working withDanish companies, danish people
, and I often relate thissurprise for me because my
perception of the Danish culturewas that perhaps a little bit
more independent and the waythat we do business might be
(12:26):
more transactional and thereforesay virtual training might be
actually a preferred platformfor them to do it.
Let's set a time, let's do it,let's get out.
I was very much surprised, andI think this chart kind of
brings it out is that thisspending time, this in personal
(12:48):
space, sharing the personalspace with Danish people, is
something?
If you give them the choice,they go.
You know what actually I preferthat and then so it really
talks to that.
Is that I?
It changed my perception of whatI thought was a stereotype of a
particular culture until youget underneath the surface that
(13:15):
that is a fundamental drivingforce between what makes them
feel validated.
And now that I get to spend alot of time in personal spaces
with these folks, you can seethat that comes out and when
they move to certain culturesthat are not like that, that
don't put that kind of value onthat type of space sharing, they
often comment on that and sayhow can I?
(13:35):
So then?
What is it as me, as a leader?
How can I motivate the peoplearound me now?
And then we just obviously goto the tangible things and the
strategies they can use.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
I think it's interesting and, as you see, as
you look at that chart, you onlysee four love languages
collected here in the chart.
Didn't I just talk about five?
Well, physical touch issomething.
Workplace can be quite a touchyliterally a touchy topic.
So that is not something thatthe study spent too much focus
(14:23):
on.
What I think is remarkable?
That, first of all, the givingof tangible gifts does not seem
to be of any relevant importancein the seven cultures that were
researched here, and thatspending quality time with
(14:45):
employees as a sign of showingappreciation ranks very low in
cultures that are seen ascollectivistic and, may I add,
also very often are quitehierarchical.
So you look at China, you lookat Thailand, you look at Brazil
and even in Turkey, which theseare all not only collectivist
(15:07):
cultures, they are also cultureswith a strong power distance,
where it's perfectly acceptedand that is the societal normal
that some people have more powerand influence than others.
So there is an unequaldistribution of decision-making
(15:28):
authority, decision-makingauthority.
So in those cultures, spendingquality time with your boss may
not be something you see as asign of appreciation.
That may actually be a sign ofintimidation because, wow, now
the person who has authorityover me, wants to single me out
of the group and spend time withme, or wants to single us as a
(15:51):
team out over another team.
That would mean that we thebalance in the collectivistic
nature of our organization wouldbe out of, out of whack.
And how do I maintain my, myformality, my deference to the
higher up in such a one-on-oneor one-on-team quality time
(16:16):
situation?
That might make people feelquite uncomfortable in these
cultures, whereas in moreegalitarian and more
individualistic cultures likeDenmark, like French-speaking
Canada, quality time is verymuch a good way to show
(16:36):
appreciation to your teammembers, right.
So as a leader, as anorganization, you will find
yourself, when you work withmulticultural teams, when you
work in an organization whereyou have different locations
with different culturesrepresented in your employee
(16:56):
structure, that aone-size-fits-all appreciation
motivation strategy is not goingto work.
It's not going to cut it.
You will have to customize it,to have to customize it to
(17:18):
whomever you are working with inyour company.
And does that make it a littlebit more time consuming?
Do you have to think about thata little bit more, brett?
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Well, absolutely Well , time.
This is interesting.
When you were saying that, Ican see somebody challenging us
and saying but hang on,collectivist cultures.
You talk about, in collectivistcultures, the importance of
building relationship, buildingtrust, credibility, and it
doesn't that take, you know,spending time with people.
But no, just listen to whatChristian said, it's the power
(17:43):
distance we have to be aware ofin that situation.
Certainly, in collectivistcultures, actually spending time
not just outside of work andthings like that is maybe not
even appropriate with your boss.
However, they might spend moretime with you at work, giving
you the resources, as that otherlanguage we touch on right.
(18:05):
They are there as successcheering partners.
They want to give you theresources, they want to be
available to you and they usetheir power, they use their
hierarchy to make sure thatthey're tapping, they're using
their network to support you andyour success.
So you know, it's a nuance,it's something we often have to
(18:25):
explain, because oftentimes itcan be seen that we're talking
at both sides of our mouth,which is maybe sometimes what we
do can be seen that we'retalking at both sides of our
mouth, which is maybe sometimeswhat we do.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Certainly not, I totally agree.
But as you look at thosenumbers and I think those are
quite supportive of theframeworks that we've been using
for a while If you look at howimportant words of affirmation
are for collectivist culturesbecause if the boss who is
higher up the food chain orhigher up the totem pole is
giving you verbalacknowledgement of your
(18:59):
performance, that carries someweight, that carries a lot more
weight coming from quote unquoteup top, as compared to an
egalitarian structure where yourbosses appear right.
Well, if they say somethingnice about your work, it yep,
sure, still feels good.
Does it carry the same weight?
Probably not.
Look at the numbers right, it'sin the 36, 37 percentage areas
(19:26):
in the individualistic cultures,whereas it's in China and in
Brazil it's way above 50, 55, 60percent, even right, where
words of affirmation mean a lot.
This is how you get people to torespond positively to that as a
yes.
The boss said I did well, great, I want to do more of that.
(19:49):
So I feel seen, I feelrecognized.
Now I want to keep trying justas hard, or even harder, so
knowing how to get the best outof your people, not exploiting
them, getting the best of themto help them reach the peak of
(20:11):
their performance, of the peakof their ability.
That is an important leadershipquality and I think this is
what this connects to.
When we said earlier it's notabout the money.
Yes, show me the money isimportant too, but these are
showing appreciation for yourteam.
So you, as a leader, are doingthe best for your company, for
(20:36):
your team, to make them performat the highest possible level.
And, yes, money will get themto come to work.
But how engaged are they?
Are they really going to bendover backwards to get that word
of affirmation, to get thatquality time or to get that act
(20:56):
of service that is important tothem in different ways depending
on which cultural backgroundthey have?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
absolutely well, I've just got one more thing to say.
My friend, I appreciate you, Iappreciate you very much.
Your gift is in the mail, yourpresent is in the mail what did
you say earlier?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I'll buy you a beer, mite.
Isn't that enough?
Do you want to rip the letter?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
that usually works too.
You're speaking my language.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
You speak my love language, man as long as it's
not physical touch, I'm willingto adjust.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah, we will compartmentalize that with other
relationships we may have inour lives.
Well, that's it.
We want to certainly hear fromyou what is your idea of good
appreciation and gratitude shownto you, and how do you pass it
on to others?
How do you encourage this can,as we talked about, it can be
practiced every day with yourintimate partner, it can be
(22:00):
practiced with your children, itcan be practiced with your
parents, and so on and so forth.
So think about that, as you arespeaking not just your literal
language, but also youremotional languages as you turn
up in the world.
So again, a reminder to checkthat subscription button, hit
the bell so that you get areminder and you're informed of
(22:22):
the latest episode, which comesout every week.
We do this every week becausewe love it and we want you to
also give us your feedback.
Tell us.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
We want you to appreciate it, maybe.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
We appreciate it Absolutely.
Two chaps, many cultures we'rebarely too much.
Culture is barely enough.
I almost got that back to frontand, yes, too much culture is
barely enough.
And we will see you in the nextepisode.
Bye-bye now, thank you verymuch.
Thank you very much for yourkind donation.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much for yourkind donation.
Thank you very much.
Maybe, moving on, see you.
You may have heard this before If you love what you
do, you never work a day inyour life.
That may or may not be true.
You still go to work.
And the way we show love forour work and the way our work
gets appreciated, that may notbe the same everywhere around
(00:21):
the world.
So let's look at the lovelanguages, the appreciation
styles at work, because they'renot the same around the globe.
Let's dig into that.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Welcome to 2Chap's Many Cultures.
In an increasingly globallyconnected world, it is vital to
possess the essential skills ofcultural intelligence.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Listen along as we present the topics, tips and
strategies you can use todevelop the power of cultural
understanding in your personaland professional life.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Here are your hosts, christian Huffala and Brett
Parry.
Welcome back to another episodeof Two Chaps Many Cultures,
where too much culture is barelyenough, and we might suggest
that too much thanks isn'tbarely enough, and that's what
we're going to talk about today.
But before we do, we wouldappreciate it absolutely, give
(01:15):
you an immense amount of thanksif you subscribe, hit the button
, ring the bell and, you know,check us out.
Every week.
We do this every week.
We turn up and we justobloviate about random topics
that we think we know thingsabout and we would love to hear
your feedback.
Don't forget also our podcast.
That's uh, that's also anotherway of listening.
(01:35):
So, appreciation how do we showappreciation?
How do we show that the peoplearound us that are working for
us or with us are valued fortheir work?
It's an important topic and aswe get to work with many people
around the globe from differentcultures, we see that their
motivations or maybe even theirobservations of the new culture
(01:59):
that they've landed in and howit wants appreciation displayed,
may be a little bit off-putting.
So let's think about some ofthose things, shall we?
So how do you like to beappreciated, mate?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, send me a paycheck once in a while.
That would be a good start,wouldn't it?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You mean show me the money, like our episode a few
weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Maybe, and I think this is a critical distinction.
So when we talk aboutappreciation for work, of course
everybody who goes into work orhas gainful employment wants
the gain to be substantialenough for them to pay their
bills.
So when we talk about howpeople want to be appreciated,
we're not talking about paymentstructures or compensation
(02:48):
structures.
That is something that themarkets usually handle.
It's most free economies have away to collectively bargain
over that or find solutions tohow does work get remunerated?
What we're talking about here ishow do people stay engaged at
(03:10):
the workplace?
How do we make sure that we showthem the love, show them
respect and recognition fortheir performance in a way that
it actually lands the way wewant it to, that they can
receive it in a way that keepsemployees engaged, that keeps
them in a working relationshipthat they find not only
(03:34):
financially beneficial but alsomakes them feel that they're in
the right place, and that isapparently not the same
everywhere we go in the world.
Right, and there are studiesthat help us unpack this a
little more.
In combination with culturalcomparison frameworks that we
(03:56):
use frequently in our work,brett and I and we came across
some work that I think is quiteinformative and blends well with
the other frameworks we havebeen using in our years of
experience.
So, brett, how would you say,just from your anecdotal
experience of having worked andlived in your home country of
(04:21):
Australia, but also in China andnow here in the US You've
worked and lived in Poland aswell how have you noticed that
appreciation styles for work aredifferent or not different?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Well, I've had the good honor, of course, of owning
and running businesses indifferent places, and that is
one of the differences in theimpact that I saw, of course,
moving from Australia to the US,so to your point, even just
between two cultures on thesurface that look very much the
same the motivation, how Iencourage employees and how I
gave thanks to them.
You know, I was blindsided bynot knowing that and I learned
(04:59):
very quickly.
I had to adjust my radar whenit came to that.
Quickly, I had to adjust myradar when it came to that.
So, yes, back in Australia therewas a lot of kind of, I guess,
that mateship type of let'scollaborate, let's get together,
let's you know we're all in thesame side.
Here it tends to be more of acollectivist approach, we and us
(05:19):
.
Here in the US it was much moreindividualistic.
Again, not wrong or right, it'sjust the way that people were
motivated when they showed up towork.
They wanted to be praised,oftentimes in public, so the
praise was usually communicatedin a wider audience so that
(05:40):
those people not only felt thatthey were validated, but it
became also a tool to encourageand have somebody to look up to.
Yeah, you look like Brett.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Brett did great, so this is your role model right.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
That's the role model , whereas you know my country,
with the tall poppy syndrome,we're kind of uncomfortable with
public praise.
We would rather just, you know,add a boy.
You know, let me buy you a beerone day, and and that'll be
great.
Um, so yes, that that'sfundamentally like one really
stark difference in two culturesthat, on the surface, are very
(06:16):
much the same.
So then, the study thatchristian alludes to here is,
looking at these.
It's kind of around the languagewhich suggests that it's all
communication, but in many ways,it's not just communication,
but it's also leadership style.
So how a leader might spendtime, or give resources, offer
(06:39):
that time to be able to gatherall the resources to help make
their employees successful, helpthe outcome to be positive.
And the other side of the coinbeing, no, just empower me, give
me the recognition, the trust,and leave me alone.
Don't come back and check on me.
I will come to you withquestions if I want to, but
(07:02):
other than that, if you check onme all the time, I'm going to
think that's micromanaging andthat can be demotivating.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Well, that will be true for my experience right In
my native culture.
Too much of micromanaging wouldhave sent the message to me
that I'm not doing my jobproperly.
So the study we're referring tois based on the work of two
psychologists, one being Dr GaryChapman, who a lot of people
(07:32):
know for his work around thefive love languages, which are
more focused on personalinterrelationship, personal
relationships, couples how do weshow love to our love and life
partners?
And there are five of theselove languages.
And his colleague Paul Whiteand Dr Chapman.
(07:53):
Together they expanded thatconcept into the workplace.
How do we show appreciation atwork?
Using these five love languages?
And those are, for those of youwho are not familiar with that
work, words of affirmation.
So we're expressing praise andgratitude through verbal or
(08:13):
written means, such as maybe athank you note or, as Brett said
earlier, public acknowledgementhey, employee of the week,
month, year, here is yourspecial bonus.
And ding ding ding, everybodysalute the, the super performer.
That would be words ofaffirmation.
That's one love language.
Another one is quality time,which means in the work context,
(08:37):
we are dedicating a focused andundivided attention to someone
to make them feel seen and heardand valued.
For example, he would take ateammate out to lunch or buy
them a beer or check in on theirwork and have a chat with them
and give them one-on-one time,even across hierarchical levels,
(09:02):
perhaps even right.
And another love language isproviding acts of service, such
as helping someone with theirworkload or making their
workload easier, providingresources, reassigning team
members to a certain task for aparticular timeframe in order to
facilitate a easier, smoothertask completion.
(09:26):
So basically displaying that Icare about my team members, that
I support my employees and actas their servant leader.
Another love language would begiving gifts, providing tangible
items.
They might be personalized,they might be small symbols,
(09:51):
even of appreciation that gobeyond the contractually agreed
upon rewards and remunerationpackages.
So basically giving somebodysomething, or number five in the
languages would be physicaltouch in the romantic
(10:12):
relationships.
That would refer to intimacy atwork.
We usually don't do that.
I mean, there might be lines ofwork where that might be part
of the job description, buttypically it's not.
So physical touch would be ayou see this very much in
individualistic and egalitariancultures of high fives or group
(10:43):
hugs and huddles or handshakesor fist bumps or anything that
symbolizes and signalizes hey, Igive you that, albeit brief
touch, physical touch, to showyou did great and I see what you
(11:03):
did and it is fantastic.
So those are the five lovelanguages that actually
translate very well from theromantic side of relationships
to workplace dynamics.
Now, the study that we stumbledupon took it upon itself to look
at how these love languages arepreferred in seven different
(11:29):
cultural areas that the studypicked.
One was China, mandarinspeaking Asia.
One was Thailand.
One was Brazilian Portugueselanguage zone.
One was Turkey, or TurkiyeForgive me, I think that's how
(11:50):
we say it properly now inEnglish Turkiye.
We looked at, or the studylooked at, french-speaking
Canada, the Spanish languageworld and the Danish language
world, and the findings were, toa certain degree, surprising,
wouldn't you agree, brad?
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I looked at the Danish because I just happened
to be at the moment working withDanish companies, danish people
, and I often relate thissurprise for me because my
perception of the Danish culturewas that perhaps a little bit
more independent and the waythat we do business might be
(12:26):
more transactional and thereforesay virtual training might be
actually a preferred platformfor them to do it.
Let's set a time, let's do it,let's get out.
I was very much surprised, andI think this chart kind of
brings it out is that thisspending time, this in personal
(12:48):
space, sharing the personalspace with Danish people, is
something?
If you give them the choice,they go.
You know what actually I preferthat and then so it really
talks to that.
Is that I?
It changed my perception of whatI thought was a stereotype of a
particular culture until youget underneath the surface that
(13:15):
that is a fundamental drivingforce between what makes them
feel validated.
And now that I get to spend alot of time in personal spaces
with these folks, you can seethat that comes out and when
they move to certain culturesthat are not like that, that
don't put that kind of value onthat type of space sharing, they
often comment on that and sayhow can I?
(13:35):
So then?
What is it as me, as a leader?
How can I motivate the peoplearound me now?
And then we just obviously goto the tangible things and the
strategies they can use.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
I think it's interesting and, as you see, as
you look at that chart, you onlysee four love languages
collected here in the chart.
Didn't I just talk about five?
Well, physical touch issomething.
Workplace can be quite a touchyliterally a touchy topic.
So that is not something thatthe study spent too much focus
(14:23):
on.
What I think is remarkable?
That, first of all, the givingof tangible gifts does not seem
to be of any relevant importancein the seven cultures that were
researched here, and thatspending quality time with
(14:45):
employees as a sign of showingappreciation ranks very low in
cultures that are seen ascollectivistic and, may I add,
also very often are quitehierarchical.
So you look at China, you lookat Thailand, you look at Brazil
and even in Turkey, which theseare all not only collectivist
(15:07):
cultures, they are also cultureswith a strong power distance,
where it's perfectly acceptedand that is the societal normal
that some people have more powerand influence than others.
So there is an unequaldistribution of decision-making
(15:28):
authority, decision-makingauthority.
So in those cultures, spendingquality time with your boss may
not be something you see as asign of appreciation.
That may actually be a sign ofintimidation because, wow, now
the person who has authorityover me, wants to single me out
of the group and spend time withme, or wants to single us as a
(15:51):
team out over another team.
That would mean that we thebalance in the collectivistic
nature of our organization wouldbe out of, out of whack.
And how do I maintain my, myformality, my deference to the
higher up in such a one-on-oneor one-on-team quality time
(16:16):
situation?
That might make people feelquite uncomfortable in these
cultures, whereas in moreegalitarian and more
individualistic cultures likeDenmark, like French-speaking
Canada, quality time is verymuch a good way to show
(16:36):
appreciation to your teammembers, right.
So as a leader, as anorganization, you will find
yourself, when you work withmulticultural teams, when you
work in an organization whereyou have different locations
with different culturesrepresented in your employee
(16:56):
structure, that aone-size-fits-all appreciation
motivation strategy is not goingto work.
It's not going to cut it.
You will have to customize it,to have to customize it to
(17:18):
whomever you are working with inyour company.
And does that make it a littlebit more time consuming?
Do you have to think about thata little bit more, brett?
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Well, absolutely Well , time.
This is interesting.
When you were saying that, Ican see somebody challenging us
and saying but hang on,collectivist cultures.
You talk about, in collectivistcultures, the importance of
building relationship, buildingtrust, credibility, and it
doesn't that take, you know,spending time with people.
But no, just listen to whatChristian said, it's the power
(17:43):
distance we have to be aware ofin that situation.
Certainly, in collectivistcultures, actually spending time
not just outside of work andthings like that is maybe not
even appropriate with your boss.
However, they might spend moretime with you at work, giving
you the resources, as that otherlanguage we touch on right.
(18:05):
They are there as successcheering partners.
They want to give you theresources, they want to be
available to you and they usetheir power, they use their
hierarchy to make sure thatthey're tapping, they're using
their network to support you andyour success.
So you know, it's a nuance,it's something we often have to
(18:25):
explain, because oftentimes itcan be seen that we're talking
at both sides of our mouth,which is maybe sometimes what we
do can be seen that we'retalking at both sides of our
mouth, which is maybe sometimeswhat we do.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Certainly not, I totally agree.
But as you look at thosenumbers and I think those are
quite supportive of theframeworks that we've been using
for a while If you look at howimportant words of affirmation
are for collectivist culturesbecause if the boss who is
higher up the food chain orhigher up the totem pole is
giving you verbalacknowledgement of your
(18:59):
performance, that carries someweight, that carries a lot more
weight coming from quote unquoteup top, as compared to an
egalitarian structure where yourbosses appear right.
Well, if they say somethingnice about your work, it yep,
sure, still feels good.
Does it carry the same weight?
Probably not.
Look at the numbers right, it'sin the 36, 37 percentage areas
(19:26):
in the individualistic cultures,whereas it's in China and in
Brazil it's way above 50, 55, 60percent, even right, where
words of affirmation mean a lot.
This is how you get people to torespond positively to that as a
yes.
The boss said I did well, great, I want to do more of that.
(19:49):
So I feel seen, I feelrecognized.
Now I want to keep trying justas hard, or even harder, so
knowing how to get the best outof your people, not exploiting
them, getting the best of themto help them reach the peak of
(20:11):
their performance, of the peakof their ability.
That is an important leadershipquality and I think this is
what this connects to.
When we said earlier it's notabout the money.
Yes, show me the money isimportant too, but these are
showing appreciation for yourteam.
So you, as a leader, are doingthe best for your company, for
(20:36):
your team, to make them performat the highest possible level.
And, yes, money will get themto come to work.
But how engaged are they?
Are they really going to bendover backwards to get that word
of affirmation, to get thatquality time or to get that act
(20:56):
of service that is important tothem in different ways depending
on which cultural backgroundthey have?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
absolutely well, I've just got one more thing to say.
My friend, I appreciate you, Iappreciate you very much.
Your gift is in the mail, yourpresent is in the mail what did
you say earlier?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I'll buy you a beer, mite.
Isn't that enough?
Do you want to rip the letter?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
that usually works too.
You're speaking my language.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
You speak my love language, man as long as it's
not physical touch, I'm willingto adjust.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah, we will compartmentalize that with other
relationships we may have inour lives.
Well, that's it.
We want to certainly hear fromyou what is your idea of good
appreciation and gratitude shownto you, and how do you pass it
on to others?
How do you encourage this can,as we talked about, it can be
practiced every day with yourintimate partner, it can be
(22:00):
practiced with your children, itcan be practiced with your
parents, and so on and so forth.
So think about that, as you arespeaking not just your literal
language, but also youremotional languages as you turn
up in the world.
So again, a reminder to checkthat subscription button, hit
the bell so that you get areminder and you're informed of
(22:22):
the latest episode, which comesout every week.
We do this every week becausewe love it and we want you to
also give us your feedback.
Tell us.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
We want you to appreciate it, maybe.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
We appreciate it Absolutely.
Two chaps, many cultures we'rebarely too much.
Culture is barely enough.
I almost got that back to frontand, yes, too much culture is
barely enough.
And we will see you in the nextepisode.
Bye-bye now, thank you verymuch.
Thank you very much for yourkind donation.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much for yourkind donation.
Thank you very much.
Maybe, moving on, see you.
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