What Happens When You Date Someone Who Already Has A Child

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We weigh the realities of dating someone with a child, from time limits and discipline boundaries to co-parent dynamics, money, and leadership. Hard truths on accountability, deflection, expectations, and why mutual respect matters more than labels.

• stepping into a parented household and what changes
• where affection meets responsibility and budgets
• boundaries on discipline for non-parents
• mutual submission, leadership and clear standards
• generational shifts in family and authority
• accountability versus deflection during conflict
• dating games, costs and honest expectations
• single life freedom versus relationship structure
• co-parent respect, jealousy risks and separation
• discipline that builds trust and outcomes
• mentors, feedback and real growth

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
We are back with another episode of Two for the
Culture.
I'm Justin Devante.
I'm Stephen Ray.
Yes, sir.
We are back.
How are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 (00:07):
Doing well, man.
Doing well.
Um, yeah, I really be doing thesame thing every weekend for
real.
I just have like a list ofpeople that I call.
Okay.
And then if they answer, theyanswer.
If they don't, they don't.
But everybody slick answeredthis uh this time around.

SPEAKER_00 (00:25):
Okay, so you just talking all weekend.

SPEAKER_01 (00:27):
Yeah, bro.
Uh it's it's just like a senseof community or something.
It just makes me feel like um,you know, just being by myself
all the time.
It's just like it's it's it's abetter um weekend for real.
If I'm just like having goodconversations with people that I
that that I fuck with.
So yeah, how about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 (00:48):
It was it was a good weekend.
Um you know, I'm always doingthe same thing.
I don't think I did anythingspecial um this weekend.
So it's pretty much working, youknow.
We hung up for a little bit,yeah, like for an hour and a
half, but yeah, yeah, yeah, forthat long.
Just stopped through.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05):
That was too funny.

SPEAKER_00 (01:06):
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07):
Yeah, I was definitely wondering where that
cookout charge came from.

SPEAKER_00 (01:10):
Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious.
You just yeah, it's like I'mjust taking the L.
It is what it is.
No, that's funny.
But one of those conversationsthat you had, which was dope
because when we talked on thephone, um, he was like, you
know, I talked to Tate and hisdad, you know.
And then I was like, you know,it just reminded me of like, you

(01:30):
know, the situation of how youknow his dad took on two extra
kids at 26, 27.
Damn.
Uh-huh.
It's like how yeah, I know.
You take so you have your ownfamily, and then you take on two
other kids, yeah.
On top of that, and you're thesole provider, yeah, at that
young of an age.

SPEAKER_01 (01:50):
Yeah, I'm I'm thinking, I'm like 24, 25.
I mean, 25, that's that's when Imean basically when um uh Kaya
was born, yeah.
Around there, I couldn't imaginejust like like being, I don't
know.
I I just couldn't imagine it atall.

SPEAKER_00 (02:09):
I know it's it's so much.
You know, and you don't have anytime to prepare for it.
It's not like right, hey, I knowI'm willingly taking this on.
You know what I mean?
Well, of course you're willingto take it on, but he's like,
hey, I know it's not likeadoption to where you're
planning for this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, oh, this thisaccident, this a tragic accident
happened, and I got two kids onmy plate.

SPEAKER_01 (02:30):
That's crazy.
Can't can you imagine yourselfum doing that?

SPEAKER_00 (02:35):
Um, I can't imagine how I would handle it.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So um I just don't know how I'llbe able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 (02:44):
Yeah, it's an immediate two other mouths to
feed, clothe.
Right.
Everything that deals with it.

SPEAKER_00 (02:51):
Everything that I have my life before has to
cease.
You know what I mean?
Like it's now I work a lot as itis now, but my expenses, things
gotta go.
Yeah.
Very quickly.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
There's things that I can nolonger handle and take care of.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yep, credit card gone.
You know, you know what I mean?
Like little things like, hey, Iain't gonna worry about it, send

(03:13):
it to collections.
Send it to collections, yeah.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my god.
There's no way I could I coulduh maintain it.
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 (03:21):
Um, I couldn't imagine it.
But um yeah, so is that kind ofyou you had touched on that one
time about uh dating women withkids.
Like, would you are you open tothat?

SPEAKER_00 (03:34):
Um no, but I I would I do want to I want to stay on
that one for a little bit.
Uh huh.
Uh for uh because I just it'ssuper commendable.
And when I didn't realize when Iwhen I met um met him how I
should have been like, dude, youknow, you're a phenomenal man at
a young age.
Because he he he's come he'slaid back.
You know what I mean?

(03:54):
Yeah, yeah.
He don't take anything, it seemslike too serious, yeah, yeah.
So I was like, dude, you knowwhat I mean?
I I need more guidance, you knowwhat I mean?
Like, how did you make it?
Like, I I feel like when you sayI talked to him, I was like,
dang, I feel like I need to callhim.

SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I don't know what what whatput that on my my heart to do
that, but no, I definitely umdamn, I don't know why I did
that.
Yeah, but I I I I set it up.
Uh then Tate just told me umthat that he would put him on
the phone, and then I justbasically I I can't remember
verbatim what I said, but I wasjust like kind of thanking him

(04:32):
for being him.
Yeah, it was very quick.
I mean, he always working, he'salways in the chair, the barber.
Yeah so um but yeah, hopefullythat that made his day.

SPEAKER_00 (04:44):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
I think he should be.
I don't know if he's appreciateda ton, but I feel like he should
be appreciated more.
You know what I mean?
Hey bro, you you a key, you knowwhat I mean?
All right, greeted with amassage, all right.

SPEAKER_01 (04:57):
Yeah, no, for sure, man.
He had his own shop andeverything.
I remember that at one point.
It was called Esquires, uh andhe had his face just like
painted, like it was big, it washuge.
That shit was dope.
That was cool to see.
Yeah, so he definitely, I mean,he he he about his business as

(05:17):
well.

SPEAKER_00 (05:18):
So yeah, yeah.
No, that's that's super dope.
But to back to what youmentioned.
Uh-huh.
Um, can I date a woman with achild?
So I did it before.
I don't I could possibly do itagain.
Yeah.
But she has to be phenomenal, aphenomenal woman.
I think I maybe mentionedbefore, but I'll expand on it a

(05:40):
little bit.
Uh, but I do want your um yes orno to you.

SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
Uh uh I'm open to it.
Yeah.
Okay.
I feel like that's that's whackfor me to say no and I got a
kid.

SPEAKER_00 (05:52):
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But some some people do that.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, like uh when I do my oldpodcast, uh, one of my co-hosts
had a child and he's like, no,I'm not dating another one with
a child.
Oh, for real?
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (06:05):
I I just I mean as soon as I would hear myself say
that, I just something seemsoff.
Like literally because I have achild.

SPEAKER_00 (06:14):
You're right.
No, I I think, yeah, if I had achild, it'd be different.
It's like I'll feel exactly thesame way you do, but that's not
always the case.
Um, yeah.
But for me, the reason why isbecause I've tried it and that
was an issue.
Uh-huh.
Um, how I see things to go is gois from my upbringing.

(06:39):
Um, and I I see pro problems incertain areas.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, it's hard for me to sitback and why and just do
nothing.
Or even that's not myresponsibility to do so.
Because that's also not mychild.
Yeah.
You know?
So it's it's it's a delicatebalance of you doing, hey, you

(07:01):
doing just enough, but not doingtoo much.
Because, you know, it's not yourchild, so it's not like you can
truly discipline.
Right.
So that's off the table.
But then you also gotta showfavor to the child because
you're like, how come you ain'tdoing, you know what I mean,
showing no love?
So so you gotta play thatbalance.

(07:24):
And then you gotta you you alsogotta, she has uh that person
has a dependent that they haveto rely on.

SPEAKER_01 (07:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (07:35):
So she can't just come over your house and stay
the night any night.

SPEAKER_01 (07:39):
Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 (07:40):
You yeah, so you have to plan around that.
And if she's not more thansomebody who's not with a child,
meaning if she's not bringingmore to that table to compensate
for all the things that yougotta do, then why is it worth
it?

SPEAKER_01 (07:57):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (07:58):
You see what I'm saying?
You got so you gotta be.

SPEAKER_01 (08:02):
Uh, yeah, I was just um thinking about it, and uh the
first thing that I want to sayis I feel like it just as I
always be saying, like it'ssometimes that should just
depend on the woman, like whattype of um relationship uh it
would be.
But going off of your point,that is like a I I didn't think

(08:25):
about it that I didn't thinkabout it that far.
Because now it kind of feelslike you're being put in a place
of you gotta be on your bestbehavior or something, versus
like being a parent.

SPEAKER_00 (08:39):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
So it's like really you're umyou're like a a a guidance
counselor.
Yeah, that's essentially whatyou are.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, hey, you can take it orleave it, you know, but I'm here
for you, but I can't at the endof the day, I can't do anything
about what you, you know what Imean?
Like I it's like I can't hit youupside the head.

(09:00):
Yeah, right.
So that's essentially whatyou're doing.
He's like, hey, I can giveguidance.
Shut up, okay.
You know, yeah, yeah.
Please don't talk back to me.
You know what I mean?
Like, like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (09:10):
It can only go so far.

SPEAKER_00 (09:12):
Yeah, it's exactly.
So um, that's why her attributeshave to be stronger, or it could
be a great child, you know, bevery respectful, happy you're
here, and and all those thingsmay be true, but you still have
the limited capacity of her aswell.
And that's the least of thefactors.

(09:34):
But if she's not realizing thatthat's the case, like, hey, I
know I got a child, but hey, letme make it to you in this way.
And that sounds a little bitweird.
Let me clarify.
And say, like, hey, you know, Iunderstand that we can't spend a
lot of time for each other, butwhen I have you here, I have
you.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Let me do something special andmake it worth it, not just being

(09:56):
like, hey, it is what it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (10:01):
I wonder how long it takes for if if um there's so
many factors in it, but I dowonder how long it would take
for new guy to get that type ofcontrol of the situation in
terms of like the discipline andthe um like kind of just being

(10:22):
that father figure.
I wonder how long it takes, orwill it ever?

SPEAKER_00 (10:28):
It I think it's just depending on how you how you're
raised.
We come from an era of where theprincipal got to spank you.

SPEAKER_01 (10:36):
Yeah, that's wild.

SPEAKER_00 (10:37):
So yeah, we came from an era to where the
community raised you.
So you you know, your your yourmom's friends may whoop you if
you act up.
That ain't happening in thisera.
So back then, it could be, Idon't want to say seamless, but

(10:59):
we have, you know, we had uh menthat my mom have dated that
taken it very far far far.
Um you know, we we gotdisciplined.

SPEAKER_01 (11:09):
Oh, for real?

SPEAKER_00 (11:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But other men.

SPEAKER_01 (11:12):
Was it was it uh after like how much time passed?

SPEAKER_00 (11:17):
Uh I didn't really get in trouble like that.
Yeah, yeah.
But I would I couldn't tell youfor sure.

SPEAKER_01 (11:23):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (11:23):
Yeah, yeah.
So I wouldn't know exactly thetime frame.
But you know, my mom was adisciplinary, so it's I'm sure
it wasn't, you know, if she feltlike you was acting up, then
that it is what it is.
You you deserve what you got.
Yeah, so it's not like you know,it's not like I cut you come in
and the man just coming in, justlike, hey, I'm establishing the

(11:44):
household, punching the chest.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, you did this thing, you geta whooping.
Yeah.
So for us, it wasn't like Ican't believe this man hit me.
Yeah, it's more like, hey, wedid break that window.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Yeah, so now let's try to hide,like tape it back together and
see if we can make it hide it.

(12:05):
Oh, yeah.
But once you get caught, you'relike, dang, you know?
Uh-huh.
And you'll try to weasel yourway out of it.
But outside of that, you know,we knew what we deserved, and I
wasn't gonna come back to myreal dad, like, hey dad, he hit
me.
I'm like, nah, bruh, you deservewhat you got.

SPEAKER_01 (12:20):
Uh uh uh okay.

SPEAKER_00 (12:21):
Yeah, and you own we essentially owned it at the end
of the day.
Like, I mean, we didn't.
I was more the person who'sgonna be like, hey, you know
what?
She, if I didn't clean my room,and uh she my mom would say
that, and that's why she maybetook it, she always was fair,
but tried to be a little bitlighter in understanding.

(12:42):
Was like, she's like, hey, youdidn't clean your room.
What I say would happen if youdidn't clean your room.
I'll get a whooping, so what'sabout to happen?
I'm about to get a whooping.
Like, okay, you know what Imean?
But versus my brother and mysister.
This is how she would say he'slike, hey, make all the excuses
in the world, you know, on whythey didn't do what they did.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
So you will we'll have thoseexcuses, but at the end of the

(13:04):
day, it's the charge was acharge.

SPEAKER_01 (13:06):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
Yeah.
We're not we're not mad at mymom for for whooping us.
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 (13:11):
Well, you're talking about like the dude, though.

SPEAKER_00 (13:13):
Oh, or yeah, even the dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it is what it is.
Yeah, he that this is an erawhere you respect your elders.

SPEAKER_01 (13:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (13:22):
So that's kind of how it goes.
Yeah, now, yeah, you and the kidis on the same playing field.

SPEAKER_01 (13:28):
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 (13:29):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (13:30):
Yeah, I wonder how that that that that dynamic
would be.
Um, I feel like it's gonnahappen.
I feel like I could be wrong,but I do feel like just the way
the world works, like I feellike I'm gonna end up dating
somebody with a kid one day.
Yeah, I just feel like maybeyeah.
I I don't know why I feel likethat, but I just I I don't know.

(13:52):
I I can see it coming.
Yeah.
Plus we're like 30 somethingnow, you know, like the odds are
higher.
The odds are higher.

SPEAKER_00 (13:59):
Yeah, but you can state somebody younger.
You also date somebody youngeras well.

SPEAKER_01 (14:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Uh um, I don't know.
I don't know.
I I just feel like if there'sany even if I'm like scrolling,
and then there's a girl who'spretty or whatever, but if that
shit says like 22, like I justkeep scrolling.

SPEAKER_00 (14:18):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (14:19):
Because I just feel like that's not we're not
mentally.

SPEAKER_00 (14:22):
I totally I yeah, I agree.
Yeah, there's a certain age, sowe're like 22, it's a little bit
young.
I think it's one of those thingslike you gotta be exceptional,
22-year-old, you know.
Yeah, it is so I think it's kindof like similar.
It's like, hey, if you got achild, you gotta be exceptional.
If you young, you gotta beexceptional in that same same
way.
I don't I'm not gonna likecompletely rule it out, but if

(14:45):
I'm like, say if I'm on a datingapp, which I'm not, but if I
was, then if I see she has a cata child, there's no point.
I'm swaying next, so it's notI'm not giving a chance.
But if I'm meeting somebody andlike I get to know 'em, like
which first date, and then shementions a child, it's like,
okay, I'm not going tocompletely rule it out, but I'm

(15:07):
not going to um, we're going totake some time to get to know
each other.
You know what I mean?
And it's we're not, we're goingto remain non-exclusive for a
minute to make sure this iswhere because now I gotta see a
lot more.

SPEAKER_01 (15:20):
You gotta see a lot more.

SPEAKER_00 (15:21):
And I even said at the time with the person I did,
I was like, after if I we don'tmake it, I'm not doing this
again.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just too, it's just toomany variables, it's too
difficult.
You know, this is not adiscussion, like I didn't plan
this baby with you, so this isnot a discussion on how we
parenting.
It's either I take it or leaveit.

SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I I get that.
Yeah.
So that that yeah, I just wonderhow how much or that that whole
dynamic, I kind of wondered thatsometimes.
Because, you know, like I had akid, I have a kid, and I was in
a long-term relationship, andthere were definitely times
where she would act up, likesometimes not even just act up

(16:05):
for real.
But at the time frame, I wasn'tlike uh in the same city as her,
right?
So I would see her uh like oncea month type thing.
And because of that, it would itwould put me in a position of
like letting some things justslide just because she don't see

(16:29):
me often.
You know what I'm saying?
So like if she said something,or I I I don't know.
Um like now it's different, youknow, I'm basically like up the
street or whatever.
But there were times where shewould she would probably get
like a little annoyingsometimes.
This is this is rare, rare,rare.
But um and the person who I waswith, they were like, you know,

(16:52):
you need to like, it's kind oflike how you saying, just like
overly, they grew up overly umlike a uh uh uh just more of a
strict environment.
And even though I'm I'm kind ofused to that too, that was a
thing on on my side where shedidn't really know she she

(17:13):
wanted to like she wanted to touh do more in terms of like the
parenting thing, kind of howlike how you saying, but she
just like take a step back,like, all right, whatever.
Uh I don't like that she's doingthis one thing.
Again, this is rare occasions,but uh I definitely was with
someone and they felt that whatyou're saying.

SPEAKER_00 (17:33):
Yeah, and your the level of that is different
because it's not like you hadjoint custody to where she's
like, hey, I'm dealing with thisa lot more.
Yeah, her patience is is youknow what I mean, it's it's
gonna be way bigger than minethat has to deal with it full
time.
Yeah, yeah, because she she hasa child full time, right?

(17:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The dad sees on weekends or youknow, like a holiday for a week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But most of the time mine mine,so if this if something happens,
you know, she got to immediatelyattend for that child.
And that child, regardless, youknow, good or bad, you know, you
know, that changes her mood.

(18:16):
And I gotta compensate for thattoo.

SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
Facts.

SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
Like, yeah, yeah.
So if if a child's, you know,even in at the hospital, yeah,
that's gonna be, you know,something's going wrong, you
know, that's a full attention,which I don't mind that, but you
know, now I gotta be the personto console if I'm not, you know,
I can't have concerns in thismoment.
I have to wait off.

(18:39):
Like, if we're not even doingwell in a relationship, I gotta
hold off.
Yeah, yeah, how I feel, andthat's that happened.
You know what I mean?
Like, like now I gotta my energyis already drained on the
relationship in general.
Now I gotta be here present on adrained relationship.

SPEAKER_01 (18:57):
Facts, yeah.
Yeah, I did.
Uh I read one time.
Um, I mean, it kind of sort ofties in in it a little bit, but
I I read one time that uh, and Icould be definitely completely
wrong, but I read one time thatwomen who have single mothers,
it's really um hard for them tosubmit.

(19:21):
Like it's it's not it's not aseasy as it is to submit to a man
um when they're single mothers.
And then it's because uh again,I could be completely wrong.
So, you know, whoever's on theother side of this video, like,
hell no, I love my man, myda-da-da.
But um, you'll never be abovethe child, like ever.

(19:45):
So yeah, I think so.
Yeah, so that that that's justthat's just what I meant.
Like, if there wasn't a childthere, then you know, it's just
kind of like letting all thepressure and all that type of
shit, usually it'll um bebalanced out, like in a
relationship.
But uh yeah, I think it's like aharder shell or because I know

(20:05):
how my mom treated me, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 (20:07):
And so I can understand um how that easily
can happen, and I don't faultfault you for that.
If you gotta be there for thechild, uh I'm gonna be
completely understanding.
Um and you're gonna have yourdown days.
But I'm saying you gotta you ifyou're going to have this, it's

(20:30):
baggage, literally.
Yeah.
I know that's a negativeconnotation, but that's
literally what it is, then youknow what I mean.
You gotta be strong, you gottabe carrying that baggage well.
So if you're doing the regularthings that a regular woman
would do in a relationship ontop of your baggage, that
baggage is already slowing youdown.

(20:50):
So all your negative qualitieson top of this, I might as well
have a woman without a childbecause therefore I I don't now
I'm forced to carry your baggagewith you with with you on top of
the negative qualities.
Yeah, you see what I'm saying?
So why?
Why would I do that?

(21:11):
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I love myself a lot morethan that.
Like, why am I so that's why youhave when you talk about the why
is like, why am I doing this?

SPEAKER_01 (21:20):
Uh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (21:22):
I'm we having problems as this is right now.
Yeah, I started to not care.
Like, that's and that'sessentially what it was.
It's like, yeah, I don't care toput in work anymore.
Uh-huh.
Because it's just not worth it.
I don't see where I'm winning.
Because now I'm a lot morestressful.
I I'm carrying this weight on meas well.

(21:42):
So, and that's just ultimatelywhere I landed.
And so I was like, it's notworth pursuing somebody with a
child.
Now, if I land on it, she'sphenomenal.
Fine.
I'm not gonna be like, hey, youknow what?
You didn't check the box.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's it's never gonna beabsolute in that way.
But in terms of like it was thisone um um one girl when we was

(22:06):
at um what is that?
Ducos.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
So I s I saw her from uh shewent to MTSU.
Um and I was already kind oftalking to a lady next to me,
but I remember like you know,she was still fine.
Yeah, yeah.
And then um and then I wound upcoming across a Facebook child,

(22:29):
I'm good.
I'm good, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was like, no, I'm good.
That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 (22:34):
Yeah, I'm starting to get used to hearing this
women with children that it'snot even like a surprise.
Yeah.
For real.

SPEAKER_00 (22:43):
I agree.

SPEAKER_01 (22:44):
Oh well.
Oh well.
Damn, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (22:48):
Nice to meet you.
You know, we know they're like,hey, nice to meet you.
Uh-huh.
Congratulations.
I'm sure you're a proud parent.

SPEAKER_01 (22:54):
Uh I'm sure they are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's yeah, I I don't know.
I just feel like this every yearthat passes is just more and
more of a thing.

SPEAKER_00 (23:03):
So yeah, I mean, as you get older, you're gonna come
across.
I will say that it's also a uhnew day and era too, to where
we're starting families laterthan ever as well.

SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
You think so?
Yes, absolutely.
Well, I mean uh actual together,like what do you mean?
Like kids or families?

SPEAKER_00 (23:21):
Uh kids.
Uh yeah.
So you'll have that, you know,because most of the kids that's
here, that's they're notplanned.
Yeah.
Most of them.
Yeah.
And but now, like the ourgenerations are delaying having
kids than we ever had before, Ithink.
I believe, yeah.

(23:41):
Cause the the the and you seethat in a lot of different
places.

SPEAKER_01 (23:45):
No, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 (23:47):
Like, um, I for an example, like Japan or South
Korea, they're having growthissues because um they're not
the adults are not having kidslike they used to.

SPEAKER_01 (23:59):
But I thought it was like a rule.

SPEAKER_00 (24:01):
Yeah, I thought it was a rule, like you can't have
more than you're talking aboutChina, and that's a uh like the
that was to stop growth.
But now they're paying that's nolonger the rule, but they're
paying the price for thatbecause what happened was that
um I think it was like the onechild policy.
Something.
Um, and but what what washappening was in like that uh

(24:27):
the son was supposed to takecare of the family.
So what they would do is if theyhad a daughter, they would get
rid of that daughter by themeans.
And so now there's a discrepancybetween men and women.
And so now they can't, yeah, sonow having trouble uh there's

(24:47):
more men than women, or or or orit's roughly, but nonetheless,
they're having uh productiveissues, and then on top of other
things, like you know, peopleare online more, so they're more
in the house on top of thatdiscrepancy between men and
women, and you know, now they'rehaving growth issues.
Wow, yeah.
So so but I I come acrossthere's several ladies that

(25:10):
you'll meet, they'll be in their30s that don't have a child.

SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
Yeah, it's I don't know, I just think it's more
rare.
Well, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 (25:18):
I mean, the older you're getting you're you're
right, of course.
Yeah, there's gonna be adifference between 18 in
college.
Facts.
Yeah, versus you 30.
Yeah, so yes, that's true.
Yeah, but um, I don't think it'sum I think it's different than
when our parents were uh ourage, then it's like, damn
everybody, you know.
Um I there was something thatyou mentioned that I do want to

(25:41):
go back to.
Oh, you talked about like thesingle parent being or uh the
single mom being submissive.

SPEAKER_01 (25:47):
Uh-huh.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (25:48):
I think that's just a um trouble in general.
What do you mean?
Because submissiveness has anegative connotation attack
attached to it.
How?
Um because they it has like yourunder me connotation.
Oh, like I gotta listen toexactly what you say.
Okay, I think somebody takingthat.

(26:11):
That that I've dated enough towhere using that word, now I pay
what I do is I pair it.
I'm sim and it says it in theBible.
Um I submit to you as you submitto me.
Uh-huh.
And so I so I pair it in thatway, and it's more digestible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't I don't I don't likeI'm the man you submit to me.

SPEAKER_01 (26:33):
I I Yeah, I've never said that.
Of course.
To anyone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I can tell the differencebetween um, I don't know, it's
is is it's kind of biblical too.
It's like women that want to bea wife like badly.
Usually they or from from myexperience, they are the ones

(26:57):
that are just like supersubmissive.
Like they they don't care.
They want you to lead, they wantyou to do whatever, and then I
got everything else, you know.
Um, but I I don't know.
Matt, maybe it just it doesn'thave a choice but to harden
their shell if they're like asingle mother, I would assume.
Yeah.
That's a lot of pressure and alot of, and you gotta be like I

(27:20):
I could tell how a woman wouldbe more in her masculine being
like the head of the householdfor your child for your child.

SPEAKER_00 (27:30):
Right.
And so I the overall example Iagree with.
So, right.
I mean, you gotta be the mom andthe dad.
So you gotta be thedisciplinary, yeah.
So I I get the concept of that,but I think it happens way
before even then.
You think so?
Yeah, yeah.
I think that's because most ofus grew in gr grew up in single

(27:53):
parent households.
So you're you're doing as yousee.
So you're doing as what your momis doing.
Oh uh.
Yeah, so you're and you'reyou're uh kind of copying her
moves, her style.
You see how she she is, howdisciplinary, you gotta be that
way.
You gotta be that hard, youknow, you don't have you don't
have that man in your life.

(28:14):
So I so I see it way before ithappens then.

SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
So it just you kind of like grow into this person or
this learned traits versus ummore experience wise.

SPEAKER_00 (28:30):
Exactly.
So yeah, so that happens then,and then you have the child.
I I can see a double downattached to it.
Um it just kind of all yeah,because what what kind of
confuses me a little bit is thatuh when some women have

(28:51):
extensive dating history butstill don't understand a man.
Yeah.
Oh, and what a man wants.
Yeah, and it's quite simple.
And I was like, how do you havehow have you not gotten it yet?

SPEAKER_01 (29:03):
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I mean it's it's it's Idon't know.
It seems like it's one and thesame of you don't know what
you're doing.
That's why your dating historyis so extensive.

SPEAKER_00 (29:15):
Yeah, but I uh where's where when are you gonna
learn?
Like, when are you gonna feellike, hey, regardless, if your
dating history is extensive, itcan't all be them.
Yeah.
That's literally even if it'sall them, what's how how are you
choosing?
You know, you gotta questionyour your methods of what you're

(29:37):
looking for.
Yeah, so I'd rather you say,hey, this is what I like, and
this is what comes with it, andI gotta live within that.
You know, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.
Like, hey, if you're datingmassive cheaters and that's what
you and apparently that's whatyou like, you gotta live like,
hey, you know what?
This is kind of what comes in myterritory.
Yes, yeah, that's what I'msaying.

(29:58):
I'm giving a um Painting a veryvague picture.
But yeah, essentially.

SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
No, I know, I know.
Um I've met people like that,like it's I don't know.
Just not really knowing whatthey're doing, like at all.
Um, or not even knowingthemselves to the point, you
know, where they'll wake up andsay, I don't know why I just
keep attracting the same man,and like, bless you, you know.

(30:24):
So that that has happened.
And I I do wonder, I'll bewondering going well, I'm kind
of like hopping back and forth,but that whole have you um have
you talked to somebody beforeand then they're like you well
you remember I I had aconversation um uh uh uh and I

(30:46):
was talking to you about it, andthen she just said something
like me, right?
You remember I told you that?
She was talking about this dude,and then she was like, Yeah,
then you know, I met thisfaggot, and uh oh, yeah.
Right, so yeah, you did tell methat.
Yeah, so and then I I wasthinking, like, you know, there

(31:09):
are certain women who will say,like, yeah, you know, I can get
a little spicy or I can get alittle this sometimes or that
sometimes.
So I just really need to be withsomebody who can deal with it.
Do you have you heard likesomebody say something like that
before?

SPEAKER_00 (31:25):
I know what you're talking about, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (31:27):
So like for me, that's kind of one and the same
of the other thing that we'retalking about.
About like, do you really do youeven know yourself?

SPEAKER_03 (31:33):
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (31:33):
Like, why I I just don't see that being an
attractive thing.
Like, as soon as I hear that,I'm like, oh, whatever you're
downplaying, it's way biggerthan that.
Like, if if somebody said, Um,yeah, you know, uh, I'll just be
in a mood sometimes, and I um,you know, some some days I'm
good, some days I'm not, but youknow, that that's just a part of

(31:55):
me, and I just need to be withsomebody who can balance that
out for me.
Like, why aren't you balancedout?
You know what I'm saying?
I I feel like it's notattractive at all.
If I say, Yeah, you know, I justgot anger issues sometimes, and
so I just need to be with a softgirl.
Bro, I'm a maniac.
So I I don't know.

(32:16):
Like I that that just it justcame to me.
Like, I don't understand.
I I wonder if some people thinkthey're being open and just
vulnerable.
Um, but in reality, like, atleast for me anyway, as soon as
I hear something like that, I'llautomatically, it's like a
turnoff for me.

SPEAKER_00 (32:35):
Yeah, I I and I agree with that that point.
Uh-huh.
Um, because for me, it's like,yeah, that's not something I'm
willing to handle.
Yeah.
Uh the thing I would ask next,is this something you're working
on and trying to work on?
Or is this just you and whoevergot to come has to come in with

(32:57):
it?
Because otherwise, I'll justgonna view it as a turnoff and
uh it's like, hey, thanks.
You know, shake your head.
It was nice to meet you, butit's just not gonna work.
Because if that's if that's yourrequirements, that's your
requirements.
Yeah.
It's not illegal to be anasshole, right?
It's not illegal to be a bitch,a jerk.
Uh-huh.

(33:18):
So if that's who you want to be,fine.
But you gotta accept you as longas you're willing to accept
that.
Like, hey, you know what?
I just gotta be with theinsecure guy who just loves me
for being beautiful.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, and and I can havemy way with them.

SPEAKER_01 (33:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (33:35):
Oh, okay.
That's that's not me.
Yeah.
But as long as you know whereyou're at.
So hey, I have no, so even ifyou was like, bruh, hey, I'm a
dick, I need to meet somebodywho lets me get my dick shit
off.
Yeah.
Like, okay, well, hey, those aregonna be you're that's gonna
reduce the people that you'regonna meet that's willing to put

(33:57):
up with that, but that's whatyou're searching for, and that's
just a part of your standards,right?
And that's just I appreciate thehonesty.
Yeah, it's just when you findout, like, oh, you thought you
were sweet for real.

SPEAKER_01 (34:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do, I do, uh, there is a senseof I'm glad you told me that.
Yeah, yeah.
That saves a lot of time.

SPEAKER_00 (34:16):
Absolutely.
Thank you for being honest.
I appreciate honesty, yeah.
But but it's the ones that thatthink they're really nice, but
they're not.
Yeah, and that's when I'm like,bruh, this ain't even what I
signed up for.
You know, all right, I I gottaplan my exit because this ain't
gonna work for me.
You gotta, I'm here to for you.
If you want to try to work onthings, if I bring your
attention and then you throw iton me, like I'm the issue.

(34:40):
Yeah, I'm like, what?
Like, yeah, I have my own issue.
Don't get me wrong.
But we how you how you um uhwhat is the word I I use?
Um, because I have I knowsomebody who does this well.
Um it's more of a distractingtext me.
I'm missing the term thatmanipulator?

(35:01):
Like we're no no, it's like umwhen um it's it's just like when
you're saying, hey, hey, you didthis wrong, and then I come, and
I'm saying that to you, you didthis wrong, and then um you come
back to me.
But so but deflecting, yes,deflecting technique, yeah,
exactly.
Yeah, so I hate that shit oneverything, yeah.

(35:25):
Like I somebody I know is thequeen of that.
Like, hey, she's you did thiswrong, but uh Josh did this,
uh-huh, and and it'll be farworse.
And then now you you focus onJosh behavior, you know what I'm
like like dang, you know, Joshbeat his woman.
Yeah, like dang, he, you knowwhat I mean?

(35:46):
Right.
I guess what you did ain't thatbad.
We need to talk to Josh.
Yeah, yeah.
So the the deflecting is I seenit, I I know how to counter it.

SPEAKER_01 (35:59):
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 (35:59):
Like, nah, we ain't talking about Josh, we on you.

SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
Yeah.
Um I know, I know people whostill get that shit off.
Oh, yeah.
If I'm like, no, we're here.
Why?
Yeah, that I don't know.
I I be feeling like women aredefinitely smarter than men.
Cause I don't be knowing how uhuh uh over my my span of dating
and shit, I don't know how I bein some of these arguments

(36:22):
because I know I'm right beforewe even start arguing.
And then like I'll see ithappen.
I'll I'm like, she about todeflect.
She bet I could write this shitall down.
I'm still in this in this wholeargument.
So I don't like that shit.

SPEAKER_00 (36:36):
Yeah, but uh I I don't I don't like it at all.
Yeah.
Um, but nonetheless, I I waslike, hey, we it's just never
gonna be about you.
That's what and I use this, oh,so you're perfect?
So you're saying you don't doanything wrong.
Because that's essentially it'syou've never did anything wrong
in this relationship, becauseapparently it's all me.

(36:57):
Is and and when you put it likethat, and you you add that
sarcasm, uh sarcasticnessattached to it, then it kind of
like, yeah, I do every time I doyou say something wrong, I can't
be perfect.
That's impossible.
Right.
Because only Jesus was perfect,yeah.
So yeah, so it has some type ofit penetrates just a little bit,

(37:18):
but if you're like I said, ifI'm willing to help you work on
things, and because you'recoming to me, I'm the person
who's gonna be receptive.
I may think I'm going to pushback, is what I tell people.
It's like, hey, I want to knowif I if there's things I need to
work on, and there's things thatI hear, it's like, you know
what?
I thought it through, and you'reright.

(37:40):
Actually, that is actually anissue.
Um, and I don't like how when Ihandle that.
Those are conversations thatI've literally had.
That's it.
Um, so I hold myselfaccountable.
If you're unwilling to do thesame, then I know it's already
telling me this relationship isprobably not gonna work.

SPEAKER_02 (37:58):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (37:58):
Because I'm not gonna be in a long-lasting
relationship to where we're onlyaddressing my problems and not
yours.
And I gotta, and I gotta be okaywith that.
Yeah, I I don't I when we talkabout equality, equally yoked, I
want to be able, we want to bothbe able to critique each other.
It may not feel good at thatmoment, right?
But I'm like, you know, threemonths, you don't even do that

(38:20):
thing anymore.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:23):
So I I I get that though.
No, that's that's something thatum I depending on the person,
and then depending on how welly'all know each other, I think I
think it's easier said than donein the beginning of a
relationship.
But like as it goes on and theyknow you, that shit hard.
That shit is hard to like likeyou said, you have a technique

(38:45):
or whatever, and then you don'tokay, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna
structure it like this or that.
But after they know you forreal, they just they know
exactly how to like bob andweave and move and shit,
depending on who you're with.
Yeah, but I feel like I could bewrong, but I feel like every
woman has that skill that likethey can figure out a way to

(39:05):
like deflect, move, and all thattype of shit if they choose to
do it, right?

SPEAKER_00 (39:09):
And it went I remember trying to like
sugarcoat and be very nice andsweet.
How I present it.
I was like, I think we shouldyou know do it this way, or I
I'm having issues trying tofigure you out in this manner,
and then she's like, nah, it'son you.
All right, I tried to be nice.
You need to work on this thing,yeah.
Click, you know, like itwouldn't be like that direct,

(39:30):
but essentially, like, no, I'mnot going for that.
Either you're gonna have to fixthis or we're gonna have issues,
it's just not gonna work.
Or yeah, or it'll be times towhere I'll just be direct to
where it's like, hey, you knowwhat?
I try to be nice.
I gotta actually work, I gottapay these bills off.
Sorry, I can't, I can't benegotiate at this moment, it's
just gonna be what it is.

SPEAKER_01 (39:51):
Yeah, that's the fact that I mean, excuse me.
Yeah, but no, that shit justdefinitely depends.

SPEAKER_00 (39:57):
And like I said, you hey, that we didn't sign a
contract, you can leave anytime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (40:03):
Uh I ain't nobody keeping you here.

SPEAKER_00 (40:06):
That's how it is.
Hey, you hey, I'll miss you, Ilove you, but at the end of the
day, hey, if you feel likethere's a need for you to you
can find better, then I'm happyfor you.
Uh Kevin Gates said it the best.
Please and blessings on yourjourney.
I couldn't have said it anybetter, Kevin Gates.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (40:24):
He definitely he be coming through with quotes for
you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and he don't even care,bro.
He just be on I I I I just lovethe man energy.
Yeah, yeah, I feel you.
He don't care.

SPEAKER_03 (40:35):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (40:36):
This man clearly like just finished smashing some
girl with that, he'll just go onIG Live, just just air little
booty.
So you gotta just digle him out.
You gotta she right there, shedon't give a fuck.
Yeah, it's too funny, yeah.
But um but nah, I wonder, yeah,I wondered that um what I was

(40:58):
bringing up uh uh uh that kindof got us into all this, is do
people like actually know thatthat's not like a uh an
attractive thing when they sayit's usually I haven't heard men
do it again.
I don't date men, so that makessense.
But uh, but I I just see it moreclearly like like from women.

SPEAKER_00 (41:21):
Yeah, and I think, yeah, and I think that, and I'm
happy they do it, and I you'renot gonna see a lot with men
because you know, they we havewe be wanting coochie.
Yeah, you know like yeah, weain't gonna come and like hey
bruh, I be cheating my ass.

(41:42):
You know what I mean?
Like so, like I don't want tosay we're just liars, yeah, but
we I think we lie more than uhwell no, I think people know
that.
I don't know.
Let me not try to play thestatistics because I don't know,
but I I when I talk to guys, Iwas like, Brad, they just liars,
bruh.
They ain't shit.

SPEAKER_01 (42:00):
Yeah, so yeah, yeah, but I mean more so like playing
the game.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, to to to to end up doingthat versus them, yeah, it's
it's different.
It is different.
We definitely have um, orclearly like a lot of guys, just
simply that's just the motive.
Like, let me get the draws and Igotta be whatever she needs me

(42:24):
to be till I can.
Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (42:25):
Yeah, exactly.
So that does make sense to you.
And that's the woo game.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, and I feel like that in away that's what you're supposed
to play.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're supposed to do all thethings, like you're supposed to
give the flowers, you'resupposed to do this and that,
you know.
So those are already things youset up to where it's like, I

(42:47):
gotta even even though you likeI know she loves flowers, I'm
gonna get her flowers.
Um, but it's like bruh, that'snot really in the budget to do
so.
Yeah, but I gotta do the thing,you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
So it's like you always have todo what makes her happy in spite
of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 (43:06):
Yeah, right.
So essentially what I'm kind ofin talk ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 (43:09):
Yeah, so so that manifests its way in different
ways.
So then you become a liarnaturally because you can't say
how you feel, yeah, becauseyou're gonna scare the coochie
away.
I mean, yeah, yeah, or or she'sgonna be mad and that ruin the
day.
Yeah, yeah, it could be a and soit's gonna constantly, man's
face, it's gonna get bigger,yeah, because you can't be who

(43:31):
you wanna be, essentially.

SPEAKER_01 (43:34):
And then no, we ain't going here.

SPEAKER_00 (43:35):
We we going to just you know, it's this uh expensive
restaurant again because I knowshe ain't gonna appreciate you
know the dive bar.
We gotta go to the Instagramplace.
Yeah, yeah.
Cause I remember one thing, umlike how I took you to the uh

(43:56):
the the Billard spot.

SPEAKER_01 (43:57):
Yeah, I'm a wide already knew you was talking
about.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (44:00):
So I took you there.
I could I can't take girls therelike that.
Uh-huh.
Um, well, I'll speak direct.
F all the yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when I was dating, I I toldher about the time I was uh that
we went there, and she's like,but you now you're going
everywhere, you know, like youknow, when we had our little

(44:21):
breakup.
And then I'm like, yeah, cuz Iknow you ain't gonna like it.
So why would I take you there?
And then not only that, that'salso I gotta pay for you and me.

SPEAKER_01 (44:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (44:36):
So everything's not the same.
So yeah, it's yeah, so I knowyou ain't gonna like it and it's
double.
That's like, of course, yeah,I'm on a break.
I'm gonna I'm gonna hang outwith my dog.
Yeah, yeah.
That's like I was like, yeah,Steve ain't gonna care about
that.
I'm not also on Steve's time.
He's a grown man.
If we gotta leave, we gottaleave.

(44:56):
If he wants to stay, he canstay.

SPEAKER_01 (44:58):
Facts.

SPEAKER_00 (44:59):
Yeah, so so I have to.
There's a whole thing of takingyou somewhere.
Because I gotta worry about howyou feel.
If you're having fun, you know,yeah, worry about the scenery.
Yeah, everything's moreexpensive.
It doesn't that that doesn'tquite.
So she's like, you just count meout.
We went to this one place, wedidn't stay but 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 (45:21):
And because the vibe was off.

SPEAKER_00 (45:22):
The the I mean it was like a country spot, it
wasn't a great place, but itjust was more to my point.
Uh-huh.
Like, I gotta take you to theplaces that are, you know, got
the lights, the Instagram,butterflies, you know what I
mean?
That you take the murals, thatyou I gotta do all that because
I know that's what you like.

SPEAKER_01 (45:43):
That's funny.
That's that's definitely a partof it.
I I was on uh I was on the phonewith uh uh my homie Broderick.
You know, half of my friends aremarried with kids.
Yeah.
So and he he he's he's married,um, and he he has a kid.
And then we were just talking,and uh it was just clear, like

(46:03):
there's there's so many pros andcons on like both sides of like
the the the the being in arelationship and all that, and
then not because like even evenmyself now I'm single and shit,
but like sometimes it's likedamn, like on those like long
days and shit, you just justjust a woman's touch in general,

(46:26):
like it would just calmeverything down.
And I be thinking about thatshit sometimes, and then there's
the other side of it, which islike it adds a lot to your life
too, you know, that sometimes wewon't really be wanting to deal
with, uhKA shit.
I I could I don't know.
Uh if you want to get some friesor some shit somewhere, like

(46:49):
that shit could be a fun time.
But I gotta go to this certainplace just so like she'll be
happy then, you know, whichmakes us have a great night, but
also I ain't want to spend thatmuch and I ain't wanna it's like
it's so much to to to to to dealwith that.

SPEAKER_00 (47:06):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 (47:06):
So uh I just thought about that.
I'm like, damn, like it's it'sbeing single is cool and free
and all that, but the lovething, that's that's different.

SPEAKER_00 (47:17):
Yeah, and I think it's just yeah, I agree.
I think that there's a lot ofways a relationship is very
fulfilling.
Um being somebody you canconfide in is great, you know,
that loves you for who you areis absolutely amazing.
Um You sound like you just aboutto say, but fuck all that.
No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 (47:37):
I'm just you're you're you're recently coming
out of a relationship, yeah.
Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 (47:41):
I think what what I was trying to do was say all the
things that I appreciated abouta relationship.
I didn't want to add a butt toit.
Yeah.
Because I mean, being single isyou and yourself.
I got of course you got your ownresponsibility, like you're
single, but you still have achild.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Yeah, so it's not really allabout you or even myself,

(48:01):
because I take care of mygrandmother.
So it's I I get there's a Ithere's a lot of my life that I
lend to other people.
But um, yeah, but I d I want tosay the great things about a
relationship though, becausethere is a as much as I, you
know, am and uh newly single,there is um things that I think

(48:22):
you know would would make meexcited about getting to another
one.
Um and you know, the the theloving you, the appreciating you
who you are, the one who's gonnapush you, even though you don't
really want to be pushed.
It's like you know, just havingthat gym trainer in all aspects,
essentially.
Just like for your mental.

(48:43):
It's like, hey, look you you'regonna they're gonna make you
better.
Um and it sucks sometimes.
It's like ah, I gotta look, youknow, that mirror.
Yeah, yeah.
The things that you feel like isinside, they see that.
Yeah, facts.
Yeah, yeah.
So so yeah, so now I gotta now Igotta work on this thing because

(49:04):
it's noticeable.
I thought I hid it.
Yeah, yeah.
So uh that um yeah, it thereit's an upgrade element to it as
well.
There's there's no doubt aboutit.

SPEAKER_01 (49:15):
Um my life definitely has more structure
when I'm in a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 (49:19):
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like automatic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 (49:23):
Yeah, everything matters more.
Like I gotta I don't everything,everything just kind of matters.
It's got a different level of umuh I don't even like like
getting up and going to work andall this type of shit.
Like if you know you have a goodday or a a day that you actually
feel like being like the man orwhatever at work, we have that,

(49:46):
but like to have somebody, youknow, that loves you and shit,
and then that you're at work andyou're like, damn, I really want
to go to this place and likemake them have sometimes we want
to go, you know.
I I gotta work to to to do this,so it's just like more of a
responsibility that kind ofmakes things um that are usually
you don't really care too muchabout it it brings a different

(50:09):
meaning to it.
So for instance, like if I'mmaking tacos here, is it's
different when I'm making itwith my my woman.
You know what I'm saying?
Like the the even the mealitself is different because now
it's like a it's a thingeverything matters a little bit
more.

SPEAKER_00 (50:24):
So yeah, getting loved on feels great.
Yeah.
Having somebody that appreciateslike when you are appreciated,
feels amazing.
That's an ego boost.
Like, yeah, like if somebody istruly happy, like I can't
believe I found you, makes youfeel the world.
It makes you want to, and thatwas the part of where I wish I

(50:49):
could have um penetrated alittle bit more.
That's like hey, when when I getthat positive affirmation, it
what makes me want to do more.
Yeah, yeah, to receive that.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's like, hey, when I'mhappy and when I feel like I'm
appreciated, I'm going to I'mreciproc I'm gonna reciprocate

(51:10):
that same energy to you.
Yeah, but when I get my energysucked out, I it makes me want
to pull away.

SPEAKER_01 (51:18):
You're right.

SPEAKER_00 (51:19):
Yeah, so like that that feel good, that possible
affirmation is like a magnet.
Like, uh oh, I want more ofthat, I want to get closer.

SPEAKER_01 (51:27):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (51:27):
Um so so this is just a lot of great things that
you know that you uh miss outwhen you're single.
Um and somebody who's gonna takecare of you when you're sick.
Yeah, yeah, that's really feelsgood.
Like, hey, she cares about mywell-being.

SPEAKER_01 (51:43):
Right, yeah.
Someone who like actually caresand knows you, you know what I'm
saying?
Not like no casual dating.
I ain't talking about that.
I'm saying like that that youactually feel like that that's
your person or whatever.
That's that's that's different.
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
So it does make me miss it likea little bit, but not yet.
Not yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (52:03):
For me, not yet, but yeah, those are the things I do
appreciate.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (52:07):
So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (52:09):
Um you think we did it?
Um this was great.
Like, I I had like a little one.
It was kind of, but how thispresented, I just like, oh my
goodness, this is a great topic.
Yeah, because I have so muchexperience in it.
Uh, so now that I've I guesskind of closing out a little
bit, is uh now that I brought,you know, my my situation, how I

(52:32):
feel about uh dating a lady withkids, does that change your
position at all?
Because it's gonna be tough,like I understand that you
having a child, but for a man,it's not gonna be the same.

SPEAKER_01 (52:45):
It's not.
Um yeah, it's definitely notgonna be the same.
Uh that's one thing that I thinkabout it's the the the the the
dynamic of a woman with kids andthe father.

(53:07):
Like, I be thinking about thatmore than what you said.
Clearly, because I haven't beenin your shoes, so like you would
know more about that.
But I think I usually when Ithink about that, it goes that
route.
So like I'm wondering, you know,um how these interactions are

(53:27):
going to be, you know.
I'm saying is it now it's justlike two men around a kid, it
just something just doesn't feelum I don't know.
It's some some something kind oflike plucks with me a little bit
when it comes to that.
So hopefully if I do end updating someone with kids, that

(53:49):
like their situation is good,but like I guess I just fear
well not fear, but I I I thinkabout their shit ended up being
my shit too.
So like if she's mad at the babydaddy, da da da da da now you're
my girl.

(54:09):
So now it's like I I'm gonnawanna protect you in some some
form, even emotionally, but likenow y'all shit is my shit.

SPEAKER_00 (54:19):
Yeah, I feel I feel that I I was able to separate
her feelings of what they gotgoing on, because that's their
rel they they they have a bondtied to each other forever.
Yeah.
So y'all gonna you beingemotionally upset at him uh for
whatever reason, that's y'all'sthing, that's y'all's
relationship, because y'all,even though y'all may be not,

(54:41):
you know, uh romantically tiedto each other, y'all still gonna
have emotionally tied becausey'all y'all share a bond, y'all
care about y'all's child wellbeing.
So if she's frustrating youbecause he's not, you know, he's
skipping out for the weekend orhe's not doing what it's
supposed to, that's y'all'sthing.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, everything else, if yeah,I mean y'all keep that over
there, y'all argue with eachother over there, you know, and

(55:05):
that's fine with me.
Like, yeah, I don't need to uhso I think that's an easy
separation now.
If he if there's some jealousthings that he and he's coming
at you sideways about something,or you know, or maybe there's a
talk between, you know, parent,you know, parenting and how he
thinks to handle.

SPEAKER_01 (55:25):
I think it just it just seems like it's just a lot
to deal with.

SPEAKER_00 (55:28):
Exactly.
So I I think that's just dependson like hey, you know what?
I because at the end of the day,like what I said to my nephews,
because my nephew my sisterdates a guy, and um they maybe
didn't respect him at somepoint, but what I was telling
them, I was like, hey, ifsomebody breaks in the house, he

(55:52):
has to protect y'all.
Right.
So y'all at least need torespect that.
And that's why, and that's if Iwas a parent, or yeah, if I was
a parent and there's a guy in myhousehold who's a good dude, or
uh that's um with my my babymama or whatever, then um I'll
at least appreciate him like,you know what, you know, um I'll

(56:13):
have a conversation like, hey, Iappreciate you for you know,
because that is yourresponsibility when I'm not
there, and I can at leastrespect you on that.
Yeah.
But that would be a conversationthat I would want to have, and I
was open to that if that was thecase.
Because who is this man?
Fix.
Yeah, yeah.
So that you want to have sometype of info because we have a

(56:35):
relationship here.
You're right.
That's my child I love, andthat's who's gonna be behind
them the most of the time.
And and that child may like himmore than me.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, because we aredifferent men at the end of the
day.
Yeah, so you know what I mean?
So it's it's all a game becausenow that the uh baby father may
be jealous of the man just forthe simple tech like, dude, why

(56:59):
is my kid always talking aboutthis guy?

SPEAKER_01 (57:00):
Oh, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 (57:02):
So it's a it's a lot of it's just so much you have to
kind of grap grapple with, yeah.
That it's like, is it worth it?
That's why I said that's why Ilean on she has to be phenomenal
because there's a lot more thanjust hey, I have a child.
I'm like yeah, yeah, that meansa lot.
So hey, you gotta compensate forthat in some type of way.

SPEAKER_02 (57:26):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (57:26):
So, and that's like, hey, some things that what you
may be able to get away when youdon't have a child, you can't
get away with here.
At least with me.
That's my standard.
Like I said, you can findsomebody else who's willing to
put up with that, fine.

SPEAKER_01 (57:39):
That's you.
That's why, yeah, that's that'sthat's a lot.
That's a lot to even like thinkabout.
Um, because I definitely, yeah,if uh uh uh I mean it's
inevitable, you know, eventuallyKyle's mom, she's gonna be
dating, or she probably has orwhatever, but if something were
to get serious, then Idefinitely would want to have

(58:00):
just some type just just to beaware, you know, uh of what's
going on.
But still, that's literally thewhat I'm thinking.
Like if I feel like that, thenthe other whoever I'm dating,
they gotta feel like that.
So it's just I don't know.
It's just it's it's it's it'sjust more steps that you have to

(58:22):
um make sure that you're readyfor when you signing up for it.
So I I I don't know.
It just seems like I mean theway the cards are looking right
now, again, I I see more andmore women uh not pregnant but
have kids already.
So, you know, I'll I'll meetthat whenever I um or if I end

(58:46):
up dating someone with kids.
But it it is something to thinkabout.
It is, it's like um, yeah,especially like you know, like
actually caring about thatperson and caring about the
dynamic of the household and allthat type of shit.
Like it's it's it's just abigger responsibility to to sign

(59:06):
up for.
And I do I do be thinking, Idon't I don't know, um about
that masculine shit though.
Yeah, every every woman ain'tthe same.
Every woman ain't the same.
But um I do something doesn'treally f I I I completely
understand it, but somethingdoesn't fully sit well knowing

(59:29):
that I'll never be as importantto the girl than her child.
It just feels I don't somethingabout that makes me feel like
I'll never like reach a certainlevel.
Because if I have a child withsomeone, then it's uh God,

(59:52):
husband, uh what is it?
God, you know, God, um husband,wife, kids.
Yeah, right.
But it ain't gonna be in thatorder.
I I think.
But I I'm almost kind of judgingyou if you do have it in that
order.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, why am I more importantthan your kid?

SPEAKER_00 (01:00:12):
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:12):
You know, but to be in that position, that's
something about that doesn'tlike it.

SPEAKER_00 (01:00:17):
Yeah, I think because the idea that I believe
um is because that's the leaderof the household, that's the one
who's gonna make the decision.
You know, he's the protector.
So you gotta, if he this is aperson who's gonna protect the
house, he's gonna die for us.
Then hey, he needs hey, he needsto be above, and I don't want to

(01:00:42):
say above us, essentially, buthe he needs to be that head and
he needs to lead.
So if I'm choosing him to be mymate, then I ultimately have to
be fine about the decisionmaking uh his decision-making
skills.
And if he says, hey, I may notfeel like he needs to be in
timeout for that, but if hefeels like he is, all right, you

(01:01:02):
know what I mean?
Yeah, because this is ultimatelya decision that could probably
and I know we're going over timea little bit, but what I
ultimately land at because we itwas um it was really more it was
I I'll use an example of mynephew, um and um he's was

(01:01:27):
young.
I think I've told the story onthe podcast, but pretty much I
had spanked him because he wasbeing disrespectful at his c
age, and then when I when he gotmad, he got around his my sister
and then he kicked me.
Like, oh well, you're gettinganother one.
Yeah, yeah.
So, but now but then uh myex-girlfriend at the time was
like, What if he hates you?
And I said, Oh well.

(01:01:48):
Like, oh well, you know what Imean?
Because as long as you'rerespect there, who cares?
Because what I'm not is like I'myour uncle, I wish the best for
you.
When I spanked him, I hateddoing it.
It did not feel good.
That's the last thing I want todo is put pain into my into my
uh nephew.
Um, but I gotta do what needs tobe done, whether I feel good
about it or not.

(01:02:09):
Yeah, because something can bethe life or death of him.
And if there's no respect there,if he doesn't trust me to give
him guidance, if yeah, then thenI'm failing in a way.
So, but then what happened whenwe went to DC?
Uh Cameron's like, where'sJustin at?
You know, and then I looked ather like, yeah, that's how it

(01:02:30):
goes.
Kids need discipline, theyrespect it at the end of the
day, and I and I'm tripling downon that.
Yeah, yeah.
They don't respect parents thatdon't give them discipline.
I know that for a fact.
So they're gonna run over youand not care, and that's not
gonna be best because they'regonna think they can run over
everybody else in their lifetoo, and not respect their

(01:02:50):
elders, even though the elderswish the best for them.
And so now they're going off oftheir parents' advice, and their
peers don't know anything, theyhaven't experienced life.
So they're telling you how to dothings and what you should do.
That's not going to work.
Yeah, that's why you getexperienced people right around
you, that's why you get mentor.
I got a mentor I lean forguidance.

(01:03:12):
What they say, oh geez.
Yeah, get somebody who's beenthrough some things that can
tell you something.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:17):
Right.
Yeah, so I feel like I need amentor.

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:20):
Yeah, for sure.
I I I I highly recommend it.
It's I can't tell you howimportant mine has been to me.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Just somebody who's like, hey,because we all need that.
Yeah.
Like, I yearn for it, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, okay, yeah.
Somebody who I can just who cansay, hey, you know what?

(01:03:41):
I my friend, if they didn't gothrough it, hey, I got a friend
who's been the exact same way.
And if you don't get this fixed,this can happen.
Yeah.
The Bible says this.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's like, oh my goodness, Inever saw it in that way.
Oh, things there is light at theend of the tunnel.
You know, I may be down and outright now, but all I have to do

(01:04:04):
is, you know, push through itand I'll become a better man.
Yeah, so it's like a a a millionreasons on why.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:12):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:12):
Yeah.
So I think it's worth it.
I I highly recommend to man,woman, please get you a mentor
if you can.
Please open up, get guidance,get feedback, honest feedback.
Right.
Because a lot of people have yesmen and women around them who
just tell them how it is.
Or not tell them.
Exactly.

(01:04:33):
They just said, Oh, it's him.
Oh, you need to get rid of that.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I can't believe it's like, okay,you need somebody like, okay, so
what what did you do to cause itthat handle that way?
Okay, so it's it's both ofy'all.
Or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:51):
Yeah.
So those conversationsdefinitely help for sure.
Uh to not be surrounded by theyes, ma'am.
Absolutely.
But I I do want to stop beforeit.
Yeah, I got you.
Yeah.
All right.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:01):
Well, this is two for the culture.
Yeah.
No, I was gonna say, but I waslike, damn, what podcast is
this?
It is two for the culture.
We'll be back.
We love y'all.
All right.
Peace.