June 26, 2025 • 29 mins
🎙 Episode 5: The Devil Left the Door Open
Some heat is weather. Some heat is... something else entirely.
This week, Archie and Shelly explore moments when something slipped through that probably shouldn’t have. Archie brings a tale involving a mysterious toolbox, an endless supply of useful problems, and a lesson in knowing when to leave well enough alone. Shelly shares a family story passed down from Maw-Maw—complete with rattlesnakes, raccoons, and a camping trip that very nearly came undone.
Also in this episode:
- Porch philosophy from Benjamin Franklin and Jean-Paul Sartre
- A look at the things we let in—on purpose or by accident
- Unexpected pests, unexpected wisdom, and just a little bubble gum
đź’¬ Listener Vote:
Which tale felt more like something cracked open? Cast your vote at notquiterightgoods.com/pages/two-frogs-talking or @notquiterightgoods on Instagram.
🛍 This Week’s Tee:
From the Southern Sayings collection: “The devil left the door open.”
Wear it when the heat hits hard—or when the unexpected comes knockin’.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Archie (00:01):
Hang on a second.
Miley.
Ah.
This dang thing just kicked onby itself.
Shelly (00:06):
What kicked on?
Archie (00:07):
The, the window unit.
Hold on.
You can't hear it?
Shelly (00:12):
No.
Archie (00:12):
Well, the sound canceling software is doing its
thing at least, but I gotta stopit.
It's blowing hot air.
Shelly (00:18):
You're kidding.
Archie (00:19):
I'm, I'm serious.
It's like someone set it totoast.
Shelly (00:22):
Um, can't you just turn it to cold air or Better yet,
turn it off.
Archie (00:27):
Now.
Don't you think?
I tried both.
It, it's the on off switchthat's got me mad.
I, I hit it three times.
Nothing.
Shelly (00:34):
Well, maybe it's possessed.
Want me to call a priest or arepair guy?
Archie (00:39):
If if it's the same person, send them both.
Shelly (00:42):
Oh no.
Ah.
Archie (00:46):
Alright.
Hang on.
We're everything's all right.
I am trying to reach the plug,but it's behind the metal
shelving unit with my socketorganizer, my jar of screws, my
nails and things, and thatbusted belt sander I haven't let
go of yet.
Don't judge.
Shelly (01:05):
No judgment.
I'm just.
I'm silently imagining the shelftipping and a cascade of washers
and loose screws burying youalive.
Archie (01:14):
Well, that's mighty kind to you.
Shelly (01:15):
I try my best.
Oh.
Archie (01:19):
Alright.
But if that shelving unit tumpsover, I have bigger things to
worry about than washers andscrews.
I mean this, this thing's abeast.
Shelly (01:28):
Ooh.
Sounds like the devil's left thefront door open, installed a
smart thermostat.
Archie (01:34):
You know this.
This is why I keep everythinganalog.
If it turns on by itself, I canturn it off unless the plug is
behind the shelf, then I juststew in my own overcooked air.
Shelly (01:47):
What are the chances you fix this anytime soon?
Archie (01:51):
None.
I'd have to shove too much outof the way.
Shelly (01:54):
Should we reschedule?
Archie (01:56):
Nope.
No.
No.
Not not for this.
We might as well record.
You wanna start the intro?
You are sure?
I'm sure if I pass out, justkeep going.
I mean, maw-maw always said theshow must go on.
So even if that's when Arch issweating through his underwear.
Shelly (02:17):
Well then, okay.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
Hi there.
I'm Shelly.
Archie (02:24):
And I'm Archie.
Welcome to the porch for
Shelly (02:28):
Two.
Archie (02:29):
Two
Shelly (02:29):
Frogs.
Archie (02:30):
Frogs.
Shelly (02:30):
Talking.
Archie (02:31):
Talking.
Shelly (02:32):
One part telling tales
Archie (02:34):
one part talking life.
Shelly (02:36):
All parts.
All parts.
A bit,
Archie (02:39):
a bit
Shelly (02:40):
not.
Archie (02:41):
Now quiet.
Quiet.
Right.
Now, it happens to be prettyapropos that my window unit is
on the fritz blowing hot air allover the place.
Shelly (02:50):
Ooh, it's like it knew today's theme is"the devil left
the front door open."
Archie (02:54):
Yeah, it is gonna start feeling like that in here pretty
soon.
Shelly (02:57):
I think the saying's pretty self-explanatory.
If the devil left his front dooropen, then all the heat from
hell would spill out.
Archie (03:05):
Like it's doing in my garage.
Shelly (03:07):
But it can also mean that if a door's left open, then
something can get in that's notsupposed to,
Archie (03:14):
or you might go to close the door and find out it won't
shut.
Shelly (03:17):
So today's stories don't necessarily deal with the heat
from hell, but they definitelydeal with something being where
it shouldn't.
Archie (03:25):
And not going back where it should.
Shelly (03:27):
Oh, and we've settled on what we think is a good format
for these episodes.
Archie (03:31):
Oh, mm-hmm.
Uh, subject to change, ofcourse, if we find we need to,
but it seems that something'smissing if we don't include a
family tale.
Shelly (03:39):
That's right.
So each week one of us willbring you a tale from the
family's story chest, and theother will tell a classic tell
with maybe a personal twist.
Archie (03:48):
Right then it's up to you to vote, continuing our
family tradition of weaving taleand honoring the tale spinners.
Shelly (03:55):
Arch, do you remember when you told your first story
on the porch?
Archie (03:59):
Oh, do I remember?
Like it was yesterday.
And for the folks out there,there's no hard and fast rules
on who can tell.
You just decide to do it whenyou're ready.
If you're ever.
Some folks like to take in astory, but don't care for
putting them out, and that'sokay.
It takes all types, as they say.
Shelly (04:17):
Archie holds the record for a youngest storyteller in
our family, and I was in mythirties before I was ready to
give it a go.
Archie (04:25):
And look at you now.
All caught up and holding yourown.
Uh, by the way, what makes youbring it up?
Shelly (04:31):
Don't know.
Just curious.
And you were only eight when youstarted.
Archie (04:37):
Okay.
Now, hey, I.
I'm getting up there in years,but my memory's not that bad.
Shelly (04:42):
Sore subject?
Archie (04:44):
Not at all.
I have no problem rememberingwhat I ate for yesterday's lunch
or where, where I put that sparekey.
Shelly (04:52):
All things folks, he most certainly does not
remember.
Archie (04:56):
Uh, she's got me there.
Now.
If we're done discussing mymemory and before I faint from
the heat, should we get totelling?
Shelly (05:04):
No time like the present.
Archie (05:06):
Well then.
Start us off'cuz
Shelly (05:08):
It's my turn this week to bring the family story.
So I've got one that comesstraight from maw-maw, or Agnes,
if we go by her given name, backwhen she was a teenager.
Archie (05:18):
Oh, I do love a good Agnes tale.
Shelly (05:20):
In this one, her daddy, Eugene, decided the family was
overdue for a proper campingtrip.
Not in the backyard this time,but out in the real woods.
Full on adventure.
Alice maw-maw's mama, and Eugenepacked up the old truck with
tents, gear, food, and the threekids, Agnes 14, Larry 12, and
(05:43):
Ronald just 10.
And when I say packed, I meanpacked.
There was barely room tobreathe.
Archie (05:51):
Mm-hmm.
That was back when you couldride with a few young ones in
the bed along with all yourgear.
And you never know what may comein handy out in the wild, best
to just throw it all in.
Shelly (06:01):
That was definitely Alice and Eugene's approach.
They figured that they weren'thiking the stuff into the
campsite.
It was a pull up and parkscenario.
So take more than you need.
Archie (06:11):
I can get behind that approach.
Shelly (06:13):
Well, trouble started not even 30 minutes out of town.
The truck got a flat.
And of course no spare.
Eugene had taken it out to makeroom for the cooler.
Archie (06:25):
A classic mistake.
Shelly (06:27):
But this was Eugene we're talking about, and he
wasn't about to turn back.
Nope.
Instead, he patched that tirewith bubble gum and inflated it
with a hand pump that somehowjust happened to make it along
for the ride.
Archie (06:41):
Now, see, that's innovation under pressure.
I, I can't get my bubble gum toeven stay in my mouth while I'm
working on my truck, Betsy.
Shelly (06:48):
Well, it stayed put and they made it to the campsite,
limping on a dodgy tire.
And, they're all excited aboutmaking it to the spot and
everything is falling intoplace.
They've got plenty of time toset up camp before the sun
starts setting.
The birds are chirping, the windis gently rustling the leaves
and there's flat land to pitch acouple of tents.
Archie (07:12):
Ah, and I see where you pitch your tent is paramount to
your sleeping comfort.
Don't want too slanted.
You don't want bumpy earth.
That's no good.
Shelly (07:20):
And they thought they had won the tent pitching
lottery.
I mean, it looked perfect, butas soon as they tried sticking
their stakes in.
Well, the stakes wouldn't getstuck in.
The ground was as hard as allget out.
The stakes bent like paperclips.
The ground was that hard.
Archie (07:40):
You know, was bad when the ground's fighting back.
Shelly (07:43):
So Eugene, he sent the kids to gather rocks to hold
down the tent cords.
Ronald found a good pile of themand led the family ever to
gather some.
Now what Ronnie didn't realizewas the rock pile was home to
another creature and thatcreature was none too happy
about having its homedismantled.
Archie (08:03):
Uh oh.
Shelly (08:03):
So there Ronnie is excitedly grabbing a rock while
everyone looks on.
The next thing happened in aflash.
Eugene snatches Ronnie out ofthe way with one hand and
snatches a snake with his other.
Archie (08:17):
Just like a snake handeler.
Shelly (08:18):
Except Eugene wasn't that versed on snakes.
I mean, sure he'd come acrosssome now and then, especially
water moccasins.
But this was a rattler, and hejerked it up out of its hole,
holding it right behind its jaw.
Like a professional.
Archie (08:33):
Nope.
Nope.
No, thank you.
I'd have been in the truck doorslocked, rolling up the windows.
Keys or not.
Shelly (08:40):
You don't know what you do if a loved one was in danger.
Archie (08:44):
Well, not true, but he, I mean, he just grabbed it with
what?
Confidence and a prayer.
Shelly (08:48):
Well, it seems that way.
I mean, maybe it was some sortof natural instinct.
I don't know.
Oh, and get this, they ended upgrilling that snake alongside
their hobo packets for dinner.
Archie (09:00):
Now that is one way has shown that snake, who's boss
Shelly (09:03):
Maw-maw said by the time dinner was done and the sun
setting the whole day didn'tseem bad at all.
They sang songs, Eugene on thebanjo and Alice on the
harmonica.
They told stories of course, andwhen it was time for bed, the
kids crawled into one tent andthe parents into another.
(09:23):
All seemed good.
Archie (09:26):
Beautiful.
Hmm.
And that is when the other shoealways falls.
Shelly (09:30):
And fall it did.
Maw-maw and her tent woke up tothe sound of rustling loud,
persistent, coming from right bywhere they'd stored the food.
Now, they'd been smart enoughnot to keep it in the tents, but
they hadn't hung it in a treeeither.
Archie (09:48):
Rookie mistake.
Shelly (09:49):
Maw-maw said it sounded like something big.
Bigger than a squirrel or an apossum.
Could have been a hog or worse,some forest creature with a
taste of foil wrapped potatoes.
She desperately needed herparents, but she didn't dare say
a word.
Any noise may draw the attentionof the creature.
Archie (10:10):
Whew.
Can you imagine your parents areright there, but you can't call
out to them?
Shelly (10:14):
No.
And can you imagine what Aliceand Eugene were thinking?
I mean, they must have beenterrified for everybody's
safety.
Archie (10:21):
I mean, Eugene's already saved a kid from a rattler, now
this.
Shelly (10:24):
Right.
Well, maw-maw figures, she hasto do something, at least get
eyes on whatever is feasting ontheir supplies.
So she motions for her brothersto stay put and stay quiet.
She finally works up the nerveto peek out through the tent
flap and just as she does, shesees her daddy come charging out
(10:45):
of his tent in nothing but hisunderwear, slapping two shoes
together and whooping like abanshee.
Archie (10:52):
Okay, now that that's a Southern solution if I've ever
heard one.
Underwear, shoes, and sheervolume.
Shelly (10:58):
In the moonlight maw-maw said he looked like a cartoon
hero.
Barefoot wild-eyed, making aracket loud enough to wake up
all of Alabama.
Archie (11:07):
A good thing the kid tent was already awake, or that
might have resulted in some wetbreeches.
Shelly (11:11):
Oh, well, it did nothing to stop the invaders.
They had more interest in thekitchen supplies than in Eugene.
Archie (11:21):
Kitchen supplies can be replaced.
Eugene, on the other hand
Shelly (11:23):
Well, he had no reason to be concerned for his safety.
The invaders ended up being afamily of raccoons: mama, papa,
and at least two little ones.
They froze.
Blinked at Eugene, and then wentright back to rustling through
the cookware.
Like he hadn't made a sound.
Archie (11:42):
Disrespectful and persistent.
Those raccoons had no fear intheir hearts.
Shelly (11:47):
No, they didn't.
And when his first tactic didn'twork, Eugene lowered his shoes,
cleared his throat, and said,real calm.
"I think we got off on the wrongfoot.
Y'all are welcome back forbreakfast, but could y'all head
out now?
The kids are trying to sleep andy'all are making a racket."
Archie (12:06):
Oh, I, I forgot about that part.
He negotiated with the raccoons.
Shelly (12:10):
And I kid you not, maw-maw swore those raccoons
listened.
Like they understood.
Maybe not the whole speech butthe vibe, absolutely.
Archie (12:20):
So sometimes all you gotta do is act reasonable and
the other party will followsuit.
Shelly (12:25):
Mm-hmm.
But it didn't end there.
Next morning, while Eugene wasfrying up eggs and the coffee
was percolating that sameraccoon family showed up again.
Lined up just at the tree line,like they'd come for seconds.
Archie (12:37):
I can't even get my neighbors to return my
Tupperware and Eugene had fourpawed critters returning for
seconds.
Shelly (12:43):
They came back for breakfast! And that's how
maw-maw's first camping tripbecame family legend.
Not just a camping trip, but the"Raccoon Family Breakfast."
Archie (12:55):
Mm-hmm.
A maw maw classic.
Thanks for reacquainting me withit.
I'd forgotten the detail aboutthem grilling that snake.
Shelly (13:02):
How could you possibly?
That sticks most in my mind.
That and the image of Eugenebusting out of the tent slapping
shoes, and only in hisunderwear.
Archie (13:11):
That little raccoon family lined up for breakfast.
That's a good,
Shelly (13:14):
oh, it is.
Holding out their little mugswith their little paws.
Archie (13:19):
Well, now can raccoons drink coffee?
Shelly (13:21):
Well, as the story goes, they did that day at least the
mama and the papa did.
Mm-hmm.
Archie (13:26):
Yeah, I figured giving the little ones coffee would
probably be a step too far.
Shelly (13:30):
Well, when did that ever stop anybody in our family?
Archie (13:34):
Not too often and good thing.
'cause some of our best storiescome from just that.
Shelly (13:39):
I'm just thinking of the time Jason got into Uncle
Frank's thermos without anybodynoticing.
Archie (13:45):
Yeah, he loved his strong coffee sweet and half
cream.
Uncle Frank that is.
Shelly (13:50):
Good thing'cause that cream diluted the caffeine.
Otherwise, poor Jason would'vevibrated out of the house and
down the street.
Archie (13:57):
As it was, he was bouncing off the walls for hours
more energy than a jumping bean.
Aunt Evelyn was furious withUncle Frank leaving his coffee
thermos unattended.
Shelly (14:06):
Yeah.
He never made that mistakeagain.
Archie (14:09):
Who, uh, uncle Frank or Jason?
Shelly (14:11):
Jason did look miserable after a while.
Archie (14:14):
Well, there's only so much jittering a being can take.
I mean by hour four he was done.
Shelly (14:19):
But the coffee wasn't done with him.
No, sir.
He had to ride that out for acouple of more hours.
Archie (14:27):
And then, and then he just collapsed.
You remember the head right intothe dinner plate, mashed potato
beard, all his energy justspent.
Man.
Whew.
Speaking of spent, uh, how'syour story?
Anything you got to add to theraccoon breakfast or should I
get going on mine?
Shelly (14:47):
I'm all told out.
It's your turn.
Archie (14:50):
All right.
Lemme just wipe all this sweataway from my eyes.
Shelly (14:54):
Oh, are you okay?
Archie (14:55):
Oh, I'm just cooking.
Just dandy.
Alright.
Whew.
So this one is, uh, older thandirt and twice as dusty.
Now we're headed back to ancientGreece, land of marble statues
and gods who couldn't leave wellenough alone.
Shelly (15:12):
Oh, there are so many stories out of that place we
could keep visiting each week.
Which one are you going withthis episode?
Archie (15:19):
Well, it's a, it's a little thing known as Pandora's
Box.
Shelly (15:23):
Ah,
Archie (15:23):
But here's a fun wrinkle.
It wasn't a box at all.
Nope.
Nope.
It was a jar, a big old clay jarlike a, the one you'd s store
olives in or secrets you didn'twant anyone sniffing around.
But somewhere in the fifteenhundreds, some scholar fellow
mistranslated it and ever sinceit's been a box.
Shelly (15:43):
Well, that is really interesting Arch, but if you
only think about it for asecond, I mean, you'd realize a
jar makes more sense than a box.
I mean, how many box shapedartifacts are there from that
time compared to jars?
Archie (15:57):
That's right, but Pandora's box sounds so much
more dramatic.
Apparently, Pandora's Jar soundslike she opened a bad batch of
Fig Jam.
Shelly (16:07):
Yeah.
Pandora's Jar just doesn't havethe same ring as Pandora's Box.
Archie (16:14):
Mm-hmm.
Now the, the story goes that thegods in their infinite boredom
decided to make Pandora, thefirst human woman.
Lovely, curious, full ofpotential, and gifted her with
this sealed jar.
But there's a catch.
Shelly (16:31):
Oh, there's always a catch when Greek gods are
involved.
Archie (16:34):
Sure is.
Now they told her not to openit.
Now, I don't know about you, butif I get a locked container and
someone says,"don't lookinside," well now that's a
guaranteed way to make me peek,and I don't think I'm much
different in that way then most.
Shelly (16:50):
You know, I was reading the other day, turns out there's
actually been studies on whypeople do the thing that they're
told not to do.
Like Pandora wasn't just beingdramatic.
There's psychology behind that.
Archie (17:01):
Oh, for sure, for sure.
That's called the Pandoraeffect.
That's a real thing.
You see folks get curious evenwhen they know there's a
downside.
You know, one study had peopleshocking themselves just to see
what it feel like.
No prize, no reason, justcuriosity wearing clothes.
Shelly (17:20):
I can't believe people shocked themselves for no reason
other than to feel what it feelslike to be shocked.
Archie (17:26):
Not everybody but a, a, a surprising number did.
The study showed that it's notalways about wanting good
outcomes, like a reward.
Sometimes we act becauseuncertainty is worse than not
knowing.
Shelly (17:40):
Hmm.
That tracks, I mean, you tellsomeone don't look over there
and suddenly over there is theonly thing they can think about.
Archie (17:47):
Yep.
Curiosity don't care aboutconsequences.
It's got a louder voice and ifyou also happen to be stubborn,
like a certain cousin I know.
Shelly (17:57):
Okay.
Rude but fair.
Archie (18:03):
Alright.
All right, so let's back toPandora Now.
She's got this jar slash box.
Mm-hmm.
And she opens it and out comesall the world's troubles:
disease, despair, hard work, badknees, broken hearts, you name
it.
They fly out like wasps at asummer picnic, just chaos
(18:25):
buzzing into the world.
Shelly (18:26):
A swarm of any kind is no good, but a swarm of all the
world's troubles.
Oh, yikes.
Archie (18:33):
Mm-hmm.
Pandora is horrified by whatshe'd unleashed.
And quickly she slams the lidshut, and when she does, she
traps something down at thebottom of the jar.
Shelly (18:44):
See, and this is the part I don't quite get.
Archie (18:46):
Well, why not?
I mean,'cause hope is trappedwhile all the bad stuff floats
through.
Shelly (18:50):
Yeah, exactly.
Instead of letting hope freeinto the world, she traps it.
Archie (18:54):
Well, that's one way of looking at it.
Or you could see it as beingprotected and there when you
need to pull the rip cord.
Tiny and quiet, but still there.
Shelly (19:04):
Well that is a very optimistic view.
I side with the gods are morecruel than not, and hope is left
there more as a taunt than as agift.
Archie (19:13):
Well then uhm a little miss pessimistic.
This story I've got is right upyour alley.
Shelly (19:18):
Oh, is it now?
Archie (19:19):
I believe so.
Now I ain't saying I believeevery strange thing I stumbled
across, but sometimes a storydon't leave you with much room
to argue.
Shelly (19:29):
And this is one of those.
Archie (19:30):
Sure is.
See, years back I was helpingclean out the back of an old
barn that hadn't been opened indecades and tucked behind a
stack of warped lumber and waspsnests was a metal toolbox.
Dusty and a bit rusty, butsolid, latches still sealed
tight.
Shelly (19:49):
And knowing you, you couldn't keep your hands off of
it.
Archie (19:53):
I sure couldn't.
Uhuh, of course, it, I, I askedif it belonged to anyone before
I started poking around with it,but nobody claimed it, so I took
it home.
Shelly (20:02):
Did you really need another toolbox?
Archie (20:05):
Now, you know, I didn't, okay.
But this one seemed, I don'tknow, rare.
There was a tag on it.
One of those old brass ones likeyou'd see on a locker, you know,
and it just read,"Handle withcare.
Tools do not return."
Shelly (20:21):
That's curious.
Archie (20:22):
It is.
And I was, now, I, I figuredthat that tag meant that whoever
owned it must have had a timegetting his tools returned to
him.
Uh, that maybe it was a gentlereminder to him and, and not so
much a warning to me.
Shelly (20:37):
It's never a warning for you, but usually an invitation.
Archie (20:42):
That's how I like to see things.
You know me well, and of course,curiosity got the better of me.
Shelly (20:48):
It always does.
Archie (20:50):
It always does.
Yep.
Now I open the box and inside itwas clean as a whistle and as
organized as maw-maw's utensildrawer.
Remember that?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Every tool you could want was inthere, wrenches, pliers, a hand
drill, even a full socket setthat clicked together like
(21:11):
magic.
Whoa.
Now the problem was when I wentto put the set back, there was
an identical one in its place.
There was no room for the setI'd just taken out.
So I, I laid it on the sidethere.
I took out a screwdriver, youknow, just to test the weight of
it.
And when I turned back, anotherhad taken its place just like
(21:32):
the one I had in my hand.
Shelly (21:33):
A magic toolbox.
Archie (21:36):
A magic toolbox.
Now, the evidence was staring meright in the face, but I thought
I was seeing things, so I tookout the hammer.
And wouldn't you know it,another one appeared same make,
same weight, same everything.
I don't know what compelled me,but I took out each one of those
(21:57):
tools and each time adoppelganger took his place.
Oh, you must have beensurrounded by tools.
A mountain of them.
I mean, I tried giving toolsaway to, to the neighbors, at
the church rummage sale.
I even set some out on the sideof the road with a for free sign
and it, it didn't matter.
They somehow kept replenishingin mounds in my garage.
Shelly (22:18):
Little mounds of tools scattered around your garage.
Whoa.
That would be a sight to see.
Folks, Archie keeps his placeneat and tidy.
I, I don't know how you dealtwith it.
Archie (22:31):
Well, I'll tell you eventually I got a second very
large toolbox just to hold theoverflow.
I filled that one too, andthat's when I knew this wasn't a
gift.
It was a responsibility.
Shelly (22:46):
Well, what did you do with them?
Archie (22:49):
What did I do?
I sealed them both on up.
I tuck the original one under aworkbench and, and the big one's
parked in a far corner of theshed, wrapped up in a tarp, and
both are far away from where Iusually reach.
I haven't opened them since.
Now, some things, once you take'em out, you can't put'em back,
(23:09):
no matter how useful they seem.
Shelly (23:11):
Even though nothing evil came out of that toolbox, still
messed things up.
Archie (23:16):
Right, right.
It wasn't demons or dark spiritsthat came spilling out.
Just the sneaky kind of troublethat shows up in useful
clothing.
The kind you let in with goodintentions, and before you know
it, your garage is buried intools.
Shelly (23:29):
So the door you left open was the latch on that box.
Archie (23:34):
Mm-hmm.
And what came out wasn't fireand brimstone.
It was clutter, responsibilityand just enough usefulness to
keep you from closing it all theway when you know you should.
Shelly (23:45):
Makes sense.
It's like not all messes startloud.
Some creep in nice and quiettill they take over your whole
space.
Archie (23:55):
I never thought tools could be such a bother.
Shelly (23:57):
I bet.
Well, anything else to add?
Archie (24:01):
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sweating.
What was that?
Shelly (24:04):
I said, do you have anything else to add?
Archie (24:08):
Oh, oh, no, no, that's all.
Shelly (24:10):
So folks, those are the tales.
Who told it best this week?
Was it Archie and his Pandora'stoolbox of non-returnable and
ever replenishing tools?
Archie (24:20):
Or was it Shelly with a maw-maw Classic.
The ill-fated camping tripturned raccoon breakfast.
Shelly (24:26):
Remember, Miley's keeping a weekly score and the
Great Tale Off winner will beannounced on our season finale.
We're still taking suggestionson the winner's prize.
Archie (24:36):
You can head over to our podcast page at not
quiterightgoods.com to makesuggestions, vote or just drop
us a line.
You can also vote on ourInstagram page at
NotQuiteRightGoods.
Shelly (24:48):
So Arch, we've come to the spot in the episode where we
turn from telling and tales andlook inward.
Archie (24:54):
Mm.
You know, I, I've been thinkinga lot on how once things get
going, they can get outta hand.
Once you open that door, well,it's easier to keep the door
shut than undo what's done onceit's opened.
Like all those mounds of tools.
Benjamin Franklin once said,"Itis easier to prevent bad habits
(25:16):
than to break them." And thatreally kept coming to my mind as
I was preparing for the storythis week.
Shelly (25:21):
That's a good one.
Arch, I mean, you openedPandora's toolbox and found out
you can't just put things backonce they're out.
Keeping the door closed on amess in the first place is
perhaps worth a thousandcleanups.
Archie (25:33):
That's my thinking.
I figure if, if you can keepyour tools where they belong or
even better keep'em locked away,you avoid all the unintended
chaos.
Shelly (25:42):
But what if in avoiding the chaos you shut the door on
possibility?
Archie (25:47):
Well, yeah, I, I guess that's an approach to some take.
It's not for me though.
I'd rather not sit in the chaoson the off chance a life lesson
or whatever might come my way.
Shelly (25:58):
But that's exactly what you did.
With the tools.
You made a choice to invite inchaos when you decided the
message didn't apply to you andlook what happened.
Archie (26:08):
Yeah, I learned a valuable lesson, but, but that
was the younger me makingchoices my current self wouldn't
make.
Shelly (26:14):
It doesn't matter.
You made it and it shaped you.
Archie (26:19):
Yeah, it did.
I, I take your point.
Shelly (26:22):
Okay.
Well, mine, this week isn'tquite on theme, but it fits
where we are.
My quote this week is a linefrom Jean Paul Sartre,"we are
our choices." Our lives areshaped by the choices we make,
right?
It's not just about whether tochoose chaos or not, it's also
(26:42):
about how you deal with it.
'cause you can't always choosewhether the door is left open.
Archie (26:47):
I hear you and I like it.
You make a choice every day topay attention to act, or to let
the chaos roll in, and sometimeslike on those days when chaos
gets its way and slips in, ourchoices, in those moments,
define us.
Shelly (27:04):
Right?
I've seen it firsthand whenwarnings go unheard and
distractions take over.
But it's our choices, even thesmall ones that shape our world,
whether it's deciding to open upa mysterious toolbox like you
did.
Or in the case of Eugene, invitethe raccoons for breakfast in
order to save breakfast.
Archie (27:25):
Eugene ended up with a story that's worth retelling and
I've got two tool makingtoolboxes, gathering dust.
Shelly (27:32):
We are our choices, Archie.
We are our choices.
Archie (27:37):
Point well taken, Shelly.
Man, it does get you thinking.
How does a simple phrase aboutthe devil letting in hot air,
which by the way, I've got sweatin places that I'm not
comfortable mentioning.
Right.
Oh.
How does that lead us topondering the meaning of our
choices?
Shelly (27:55):
Well, I bet you're pondering the choice of blocking
off access to the plug to thatunit.
Archie (28:00):
Yeah.
It's not blocked entirely.
It's just gonna take some effortto get to it.
That's all.
Who.
Boy, it is boiling in here.
Shelly (28:08):
Like the devil left the door open.
Archie (28:10):
Mm-hmm.
Just like that.
Shelly (28:11):
There's a t-shirt in the store that says the same thing.
It's part of Archie's Southernsaying series.
Archie (28:17):
Perfect.
For when life gets too hot tohandle or for when your AC
decides to turn the heat on allby itself.
Shelly (28:24):
Or when raccoons crash, your breakfast and your toolbox
won't stop giving.
You can find it along with therest of our products at not
quite right goods.com.
Archie (28:32):
And remember y'all, if it's too warm out there, it's
probably'cause the devil forgotto shut the door.
Shelly (28:38):
Thanks for sitting with us a while.
Archie (28:40):
You're always welcome on the porch.
Shelly (28:42):
Bye
Archie (28:43):
Bye.
Oh my Lord.
Is it hot in here?
I need to get out from underthis thing before I'm cooked.
Joe (28:53):
This has been a not quite right goods production.
Starring Joe Laureiro as Archieand Holland Renton as Shelly
written, directed and edited byHolland Renton.
Music sourced via Descript stocklibrary.
Hang on a second.
Miley.
Ah.
This dang thing just kicked onby itself.
Shelly (00:06):
What kicked on?
Archie (00:07):
The, the window unit.
Hold on.
You can't hear it?
Shelly (00:12):
No.
Archie (00:12):
Well, the sound canceling software is doing its
thing at least, but I gotta stopit.
It's blowing hot air.
Shelly (00:18):
You're kidding.
Archie (00:19):
I'm, I'm serious.
It's like someone set it totoast.
Shelly (00:22):
Um, can't you just turn it to cold air or Better yet,
turn it off.
Archie (00:27):
Now.
Don't you think?
I tried both.
It, it's the on off switchthat's got me mad.
I, I hit it three times.
Nothing.
Shelly (00:34):
Well, maybe it's possessed.
Want me to call a priest or arepair guy?
Archie (00:39):
If if it's the same person, send them both.
Shelly (00:42):
Oh no.
Ah.
Archie (00:46):
Alright.
Hang on.
We're everything's all right.
I am trying to reach the plug,but it's behind the metal
shelving unit with my socketorganizer, my jar of screws, my
nails and things, and thatbusted belt sander I haven't let
go of yet.
Don't judge.
Shelly (01:05):
No judgment.
I'm just.
I'm silently imagining the shelftipping and a cascade of washers
and loose screws burying youalive.
Archie (01:14):
Well, that's mighty kind to you.
Shelly (01:15):
I try my best.
Oh.
Archie (01:19):
Alright.
But if that shelving unit tumpsover, I have bigger things to
worry about than washers andscrews.
I mean this, this thing's abeast.
Shelly (01:28):
Ooh.
Sounds like the devil's left thefront door open, installed a
smart thermostat.
Archie (01:34):
You know this.
This is why I keep everythinganalog.
If it turns on by itself, I canturn it off unless the plug is
behind the shelf, then I juststew in my own overcooked air.
Shelly (01:47):
What are the chances you fix this anytime soon?
Archie (01:51):
None.
I'd have to shove too much outof the way.
Shelly (01:54):
Should we reschedule?
Archie (01:56):
Nope.
No.
No.
Not not for this.
We might as well record.
You wanna start the intro?
You are sure?
I'm sure if I pass out, justkeep going.
I mean, maw-maw always said theshow must go on.
So even if that's when Arch issweating through his underwear.
Shelly (02:17):
Well then, okay.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
Hi there.
I'm Shelly.
Archie (02:24):
And I'm Archie.
Welcome to the porch for
Shelly (02:28):
Two.
Archie (02:29):
Two
Shelly (02:29):
Frogs.
Archie (02:30):
Frogs.
Shelly (02:30):
Talking.
Archie (02:31):
Talking.
Shelly (02:32):
One part telling tales
Archie (02:34):
one part talking life.
Shelly (02:36):
All parts.
All parts.
A bit,
Archie (02:39):
a bit
Shelly (02:40):
not.
Archie (02:41):
Now quiet.
Quiet.
Right.
Now, it happens to be prettyapropos that my window unit is
on the fritz blowing hot air allover the place.
Shelly (02:50):
Ooh, it's like it knew today's theme is"the devil left
the front door open."
Archie (02:54):
Yeah, it is gonna start feeling like that in here pretty
soon.
Shelly (02:57):
I think the saying's pretty self-explanatory.
If the devil left his front dooropen, then all the heat from
hell would spill out.
Archie (03:05):
Like it's doing in my garage.
Shelly (03:07):
But it can also mean that if a door's left open, then
something can get in that's notsupposed to,
Archie (03:14):
or you might go to close the door and find out it won't
shut.
Shelly (03:17):
So today's stories don't necessarily deal with the heat
from hell, but they definitelydeal with something being where
it shouldn't.
Archie (03:25):
And not going back where it should.
Shelly (03:27):
Oh, and we've settled on what we think is a good format
for these episodes.
Archie (03:31):
Oh, mm-hmm.
Uh, subject to change, ofcourse, if we find we need to,
but it seems that something'smissing if we don't include a
family tale.
Shelly (03:39):
That's right.
So each week one of us willbring you a tale from the
family's story chest, and theother will tell a classic tell
with maybe a personal twist.
Archie (03:48):
Right then it's up to you to vote, continuing our
family tradition of weaving taleand honoring the tale spinners.
Shelly (03:55):
Arch, do you remember when you told your first story
on the porch?
Archie (03:59):
Oh, do I remember?
Like it was yesterday.
And for the folks out there,there's no hard and fast rules
on who can tell.
You just decide to do it whenyou're ready.
If you're ever.
Some folks like to take in astory, but don't care for
putting them out, and that'sokay.
It takes all types, as they say.
Shelly (04:17):
Archie holds the record for a youngest storyteller in
our family, and I was in mythirties before I was ready to
give it a go.
Archie (04:25):
And look at you now.
All caught up and holding yourown.
Uh, by the way, what makes youbring it up?
Shelly (04:31):
Don't know.
Just curious.
And you were only eight when youstarted.
Archie (04:37):
Okay.
Now, hey, I.
I'm getting up there in years,but my memory's not that bad.
Shelly (04:42):
Sore subject?
Archie (04:44):
Not at all.
I have no problem rememberingwhat I ate for yesterday's lunch
or where, where I put that sparekey.
Shelly (04:52):
All things folks, he most certainly does not
remember.
Archie (04:56):
Uh, she's got me there.
Now.
If we're done discussing mymemory and before I faint from
the heat, should we get totelling?
Shelly (05:04):
No time like the present.
Archie (05:06):
Well then.
Start us off'cuz
Shelly (05:08):
It's my turn this week to bring the family story.
So I've got one that comesstraight from maw-maw, or Agnes,
if we go by her given name, backwhen she was a teenager.
Archie (05:18):
Oh, I do love a good Agnes tale.
Shelly (05:20):
In this one, her daddy, Eugene, decided the family was
overdue for a proper campingtrip.
Not in the backyard this time,but out in the real woods.
Full on adventure.
Alice maw-maw's mama, and Eugenepacked up the old truck with
tents, gear, food, and the threekids, Agnes 14, Larry 12, and
(05:43):
Ronald just 10.
And when I say packed, I meanpacked.
There was barely room tobreathe.
Archie (05:51):
Mm-hmm.
That was back when you couldride with a few young ones in
the bed along with all yourgear.
And you never know what may comein handy out in the wild, best
to just throw it all in.
Shelly (06:01):
That was definitely Alice and Eugene's approach.
They figured that they weren'thiking the stuff into the
campsite.
It was a pull up and parkscenario.
So take more than you need.
Archie (06:11):
I can get behind that approach.
Shelly (06:13):
Well, trouble started not even 30 minutes out of town.
The truck got a flat.
And of course no spare.
Eugene had taken it out to makeroom for the cooler.
Archie (06:25):
A classic mistake.
Shelly (06:27):
But this was Eugene we're talking about, and he
wasn't about to turn back.
Nope.
Instead, he patched that tirewith bubble gum and inflated it
with a hand pump that somehowjust happened to make it along
for the ride.
Archie (06:41):
Now, see, that's innovation under pressure.
I, I can't get my bubble gum toeven stay in my mouth while I'm
working on my truck, Betsy.
Shelly (06:48):
Well, it stayed put and they made it to the campsite,
limping on a dodgy tire.
And, they're all excited aboutmaking it to the spot and
everything is falling intoplace.
They've got plenty of time toset up camp before the sun
starts setting.
The birds are chirping, the windis gently rustling the leaves
and there's flat land to pitch acouple of tents.
Archie (07:12):
Ah, and I see where you pitch your tent is paramount to
your sleeping comfort.
Don't want too slanted.
You don't want bumpy earth.
That's no good.
Shelly (07:20):
And they thought they had won the tent pitching
lottery.
I mean, it looked perfect, butas soon as they tried sticking
their stakes in.
Well, the stakes wouldn't getstuck in.
The ground was as hard as allget out.
The stakes bent like paperclips.
The ground was that hard.
Archie (07:40):
You know, was bad when the ground's fighting back.
Shelly (07:43):
So Eugene, he sent the kids to gather rocks to hold
down the tent cords.
Ronald found a good pile of themand led the family ever to
gather some.
Now what Ronnie didn't realizewas the rock pile was home to
another creature and thatcreature was none too happy
about having its homedismantled.
Archie (08:03):
Uh oh.
Shelly (08:03):
So there Ronnie is excitedly grabbing a rock while
everyone looks on.
The next thing happened in aflash.
Eugene snatches Ronnie out ofthe way with one hand and
snatches a snake with his other.
Archie (08:17):
Just like a snake handeler.
Shelly (08:18):
Except Eugene wasn't that versed on snakes.
I mean, sure he'd come acrosssome now and then, especially
water moccasins.
But this was a rattler, and hejerked it up out of its hole,
holding it right behind its jaw.
Like a professional.
Archie (08:33):
Nope.
Nope.
No, thank you.
I'd have been in the truck doorslocked, rolling up the windows.
Keys or not.
Shelly (08:40):
You don't know what you do if a loved one was in danger.
Archie (08:44):
Well, not true, but he, I mean, he just grabbed it with
what?
Confidence and a prayer.
Shelly (08:48):
Well, it seems that way.
I mean, maybe it was some sortof natural instinct.
I don't know.
Oh, and get this, they ended upgrilling that snake alongside
their hobo packets for dinner.
Archie (09:00):
Now that is one way has shown that snake, who's boss
Shelly (09:03):
Maw-maw said by the time dinner was done and the sun
setting the whole day didn'tseem bad at all.
They sang songs, Eugene on thebanjo and Alice on the
harmonica.
They told stories of course, andwhen it was time for bed, the
kids crawled into one tent andthe parents into another.
(09:23):
All seemed good.
Archie (09:26):
Beautiful.
Hmm.
And that is when the other shoealways falls.
Shelly (09:30):
And fall it did.
Maw-maw and her tent woke up tothe sound of rustling loud,
persistent, coming from right bywhere they'd stored the food.
Now, they'd been smart enoughnot to keep it in the tents, but
they hadn't hung it in a treeeither.
Archie (09:48):
Rookie mistake.
Shelly (09:49):
Maw-maw said it sounded like something big.
Bigger than a squirrel or an apossum.
Could have been a hog or worse,some forest creature with a
taste of foil wrapped potatoes.
She desperately needed herparents, but she didn't dare say
a word.
Any noise may draw the attentionof the creature.
Archie (10:10):
Whew.
Can you imagine your parents areright there, but you can't call
out to them?
Shelly (10:14):
No.
And can you imagine what Aliceand Eugene were thinking?
I mean, they must have beenterrified for everybody's
safety.
Archie (10:21):
I mean, Eugene's already saved a kid from a rattler, now
this.
Shelly (10:24):
Right.
Well, maw-maw figures, she hasto do something, at least get
eyes on whatever is feasting ontheir supplies.
So she motions for her brothersto stay put and stay quiet.
She finally works up the nerveto peek out through the tent
flap and just as she does, shesees her daddy come charging out
(10:45):
of his tent in nothing but hisunderwear, slapping two shoes
together and whooping like abanshee.
Archie (10:52):
Okay, now that that's a Southern solution if I've ever
heard one.
Underwear, shoes, and sheervolume.
Shelly (10:58):
In the moonlight maw-maw said he looked like a cartoon
hero.
Barefoot wild-eyed, making aracket loud enough to wake up
all of Alabama.
Archie (11:07):
A good thing the kid tent was already awake, or that
might have resulted in some wetbreeches.
Shelly (11:11):
Oh, well, it did nothing to stop the invaders.
They had more interest in thekitchen supplies than in Eugene.
Archie (11:21):
Kitchen supplies can be replaced.
Eugene, on the other hand
Shelly (11:23):
Well, he had no reason to be concerned for his safety.
The invaders ended up being afamily of raccoons: mama, papa,
and at least two little ones.
They froze.
Blinked at Eugene, and then wentright back to rustling through
the cookware.
Like he hadn't made a sound.
Archie (11:42):
Disrespectful and persistent.
Those raccoons had no fear intheir hearts.
Shelly (11:47):
No, they didn't.
And when his first tactic didn'twork, Eugene lowered his shoes,
cleared his throat, and said,real calm.
"I think we got off on the wrongfoot.
Y'all are welcome back forbreakfast, but could y'all head
out now?
The kids are trying to sleep andy'all are making a racket."
Archie (12:06):
Oh, I, I forgot about that part.
He negotiated with the raccoons.
Shelly (12:10):
And I kid you not, maw-maw swore those raccoons
listened.
Like they understood.
Maybe not the whole speech butthe vibe, absolutely.
Archie (12:20):
So sometimes all you gotta do is act reasonable and
the other party will followsuit.
Shelly (12:25):
Mm-hmm.
But it didn't end there.
Next morning, while Eugene wasfrying up eggs and the coffee
was percolating that sameraccoon family showed up again.
Lined up just at the tree line,like they'd come for seconds.
Archie (12:37):
I can't even get my neighbors to return my
Tupperware and Eugene had fourpawed critters returning for
seconds.
Shelly (12:43):
They came back for breakfast! And that's how
maw-maw's first camping tripbecame family legend.
Not just a camping trip, but the"Raccoon Family Breakfast."
Archie (12:55):
Mm-hmm.
A maw maw classic.
Thanks for reacquainting me withit.
I'd forgotten the detail aboutthem grilling that snake.
Shelly (13:02):
How could you possibly?
That sticks most in my mind.
That and the image of Eugenebusting out of the tent slapping
shoes, and only in hisunderwear.
Archie (13:11):
That little raccoon family lined up for breakfast.
That's a good,
Shelly (13:14):
oh, it is.
Holding out their little mugswith their little paws.
Archie (13:19):
Well, now can raccoons drink coffee?
Shelly (13:21):
Well, as the story goes, they did that day at least the
mama and the papa did.
Mm-hmm.
Archie (13:26):
Yeah, I figured giving the little ones coffee would
probably be a step too far.
Shelly (13:30):
Well, when did that ever stop anybody in our family?
Archie (13:34):
Not too often and good thing.
'cause some of our best storiescome from just that.
Shelly (13:39):
I'm just thinking of the time Jason got into Uncle
Frank's thermos without anybodynoticing.
Archie (13:45):
Yeah, he loved his strong coffee sweet and half
cream.
Uncle Frank that is.
Shelly (13:50):
Good thing'cause that cream diluted the caffeine.
Otherwise, poor Jason would'vevibrated out of the house and
down the street.
Archie (13:57):
As it was, he was bouncing off the walls for hours
more energy than a jumping bean.
Aunt Evelyn was furious withUncle Frank leaving his coffee
thermos unattended.
Shelly (14:06):
Yeah.
He never made that mistakeagain.
Archie (14:09):
Who, uh, uncle Frank or Jason?
Shelly (14:11):
Jason did look miserable after a while.
Archie (14:14):
Well, there's only so much jittering a being can take.
I mean by hour four he was done.
Shelly (14:19):
But the coffee wasn't done with him.
No, sir.
He had to ride that out for acouple of more hours.
Archie (14:27):
And then, and then he just collapsed.
You remember the head right intothe dinner plate, mashed potato
beard, all his energy justspent.
Man.
Whew.
Speaking of spent, uh, how'syour story?
Anything you got to add to theraccoon breakfast or should I
get going on mine?
Shelly (14:47):
I'm all told out.
It's your turn.
Archie (14:50):
All right.
Lemme just wipe all this sweataway from my eyes.
Shelly (14:54):
Oh, are you okay?
Archie (14:55):
Oh, I'm just cooking.
Just dandy.
Alright.
Whew.
So this one is, uh, older thandirt and twice as dusty.
Now we're headed back to ancientGreece, land of marble statues
and gods who couldn't leave wellenough alone.
Shelly (15:12):
Oh, there are so many stories out of that place we
could keep visiting each week.
Which one are you going withthis episode?
Archie (15:19):
Well, it's a, it's a little thing known as Pandora's
Box.
Shelly (15:23):
Ah,
Archie (15:23):
But here's a fun wrinkle.
It wasn't a box at all.
Nope.
Nope.
It was a jar, a big old clay jarlike a, the one you'd s store
olives in or secrets you didn'twant anyone sniffing around.
But somewhere in the fifteenhundreds, some scholar fellow
mistranslated it and ever sinceit's been a box.
Shelly (15:43):
Well, that is really interesting Arch, but if you
only think about it for asecond, I mean, you'd realize a
jar makes more sense than a box.
I mean, how many box shapedartifacts are there from that
time compared to jars?
Archie (15:57):
That's right, but Pandora's box sounds so much
more dramatic.
Apparently, Pandora's Jar soundslike she opened a bad batch of
Fig Jam.
Shelly (16:07):
Yeah.
Pandora's Jar just doesn't havethe same ring as Pandora's Box.
Archie (16:14):
Mm-hmm.
Now the, the story goes that thegods in their infinite boredom
decided to make Pandora, thefirst human woman.
Lovely, curious, full ofpotential, and gifted her with
this sealed jar.
But there's a catch.
Shelly (16:31):
Oh, there's always a catch when Greek gods are
involved.
Archie (16:34):
Sure is.
Now they told her not to openit.
Now, I don't know about you, butif I get a locked container and
someone says,"don't lookinside," well now that's a
guaranteed way to make me peek,and I don't think I'm much
different in that way then most.
Shelly (16:50):
You know, I was reading the other day, turns out there's
actually been studies on whypeople do the thing that they're
told not to do.
Like Pandora wasn't just beingdramatic.
There's psychology behind that.
Archie (17:01):
Oh, for sure, for sure.
That's called the Pandoraeffect.
That's a real thing.
You see folks get curious evenwhen they know there's a
downside.
You know, one study had peopleshocking themselves just to see
what it feel like.
No prize, no reason, justcuriosity wearing clothes.
Shelly (17:20):
I can't believe people shocked themselves for no reason
other than to feel what it feelslike to be shocked.
Archie (17:26):
Not everybody but a, a, a surprising number did.
The study showed that it's notalways about wanting good
outcomes, like a reward.
Sometimes we act becauseuncertainty is worse than not
knowing.
Shelly (17:40):
Hmm.
That tracks, I mean, you tellsomeone don't look over there
and suddenly over there is theonly thing they can think about.
Archie (17:47):
Yep.
Curiosity don't care aboutconsequences.
It's got a louder voice and ifyou also happen to be stubborn,
like a certain cousin I know.
Shelly (17:57):
Okay.
Rude but fair.
Archie (18:03):
Alright.
All right, so let's back toPandora Now.
She's got this jar slash box.
Mm-hmm.
And she opens it and out comesall the world's troubles:
disease, despair, hard work, badknees, broken hearts, you name
it.
They fly out like wasps at asummer picnic, just chaos
(18:25):
buzzing into the world.
Shelly (18:26):
A swarm of any kind is no good, but a swarm of all the
world's troubles.
Oh, yikes.
Archie (18:33):
Mm-hmm.
Pandora is horrified by whatshe'd unleashed.
And quickly she slams the lidshut, and when she does, she
traps something down at thebottom of the jar.
Shelly (18:44):
See, and this is the part I don't quite get.
Archie (18:46):
Well, why not?
I mean,'cause hope is trappedwhile all the bad stuff floats
through.
Shelly (18:50):
Yeah, exactly.
Instead of letting hope freeinto the world, she traps it.
Archie (18:54):
Well, that's one way of looking at it.
Or you could see it as beingprotected and there when you
need to pull the rip cord.
Tiny and quiet, but still there.
Shelly (19:04):
Well that is a very optimistic view.
I side with the gods are morecruel than not, and hope is left
there more as a taunt than as agift.
Archie (19:13):
Well then uhm a little miss pessimistic.
This story I've got is right upyour alley.
Shelly (19:18):
Oh, is it now?
Archie (19:19):
I believe so.
Now I ain't saying I believeevery strange thing I stumbled
across, but sometimes a storydon't leave you with much room
to argue.
Shelly (19:29):
And this is one of those.
Archie (19:30):
Sure is.
See, years back I was helpingclean out the back of an old
barn that hadn't been opened indecades and tucked behind a
stack of warped lumber and waspsnests was a metal toolbox.
Dusty and a bit rusty, butsolid, latches still sealed
tight.
Shelly (19:49):
And knowing you, you couldn't keep your hands off of
it.
Archie (19:53):
I sure couldn't.
Uhuh, of course, it, I, I askedif it belonged to anyone before
I started poking around with it,but nobody claimed it, so I took
it home.
Shelly (20:02):
Did you really need another toolbox?
Archie (20:05):
Now, you know, I didn't, okay.
But this one seemed, I don'tknow, rare.
There was a tag on it.
One of those old brass ones likeyou'd see on a locker, you know,
and it just read,"Handle withcare.
Tools do not return."
Shelly (20:21):
That's curious.
Archie (20:22):
It is.
And I was, now, I, I figuredthat that tag meant that whoever
owned it must have had a timegetting his tools returned to
him.
Uh, that maybe it was a gentlereminder to him and, and not so
much a warning to me.
Shelly (20:37):
It's never a warning for you, but usually an invitation.
Archie (20:42):
That's how I like to see things.
You know me well, and of course,curiosity got the better of me.
Shelly (20:48):
It always does.
Archie (20:50):
It always does.
Yep.
Now I open the box and inside itwas clean as a whistle and as
organized as maw-maw's utensildrawer.
Remember that?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Every tool you could want was inthere, wrenches, pliers, a hand
drill, even a full socket setthat clicked together like
(21:11):
magic.
Whoa.
Now the problem was when I wentto put the set back, there was
an identical one in its place.
There was no room for the setI'd just taken out.
So I, I laid it on the sidethere.
I took out a screwdriver, youknow, just to test the weight of
it.
And when I turned back, anotherhad taken its place just like
(21:32):
the one I had in my hand.
Shelly (21:33):
A magic toolbox.
Archie (21:36):
A magic toolbox.
Now, the evidence was staring meright in the face, but I thought
I was seeing things, so I tookout the hammer.
And wouldn't you know it,another one appeared same make,
same weight, same everything.
I don't know what compelled me,but I took out each one of those
(21:57):
tools and each time adoppelganger took his place.
Oh, you must have beensurrounded by tools.
A mountain of them.
I mean, I tried giving toolsaway to, to the neighbors, at
the church rummage sale.
I even set some out on the sideof the road with a for free sign
and it, it didn't matter.
They somehow kept replenishingin mounds in my garage.
Shelly (22:18):
Little mounds of tools scattered around your garage.
Whoa.
That would be a sight to see.
Folks, Archie keeps his placeneat and tidy.
I, I don't know how you dealtwith it.
Archie (22:31):
Well, I'll tell you eventually I got a second very
large toolbox just to hold theoverflow.
I filled that one too, andthat's when I knew this wasn't a
gift.
It was a responsibility.
Shelly (22:46):
Well, what did you do with them?
Archie (22:49):
What did I do?
I sealed them both on up.
I tuck the original one under aworkbench and, and the big one's
parked in a far corner of theshed, wrapped up in a tarp, and
both are far away from where Iusually reach.
I haven't opened them since.
Now, some things, once you take'em out, you can't put'em back,
(23:09):
no matter how useful they seem.
Shelly (23:11):
Even though nothing evil came out of that toolbox, still
messed things up.
Archie (23:16):
Right, right.
It wasn't demons or dark spiritsthat came spilling out.
Just the sneaky kind of troublethat shows up in useful
clothing.
The kind you let in with goodintentions, and before you know
it, your garage is buried intools.
Shelly (23:29):
So the door you left open was the latch on that box.
Archie (23:34):
Mm-hmm.
And what came out wasn't fireand brimstone.
It was clutter, responsibilityand just enough usefulness to
keep you from closing it all theway when you know you should.
Shelly (23:45):
Makes sense.
It's like not all messes startloud.
Some creep in nice and quiettill they take over your whole
space.
Archie (23:55):
I never thought tools could be such a bother.
Shelly (23:57):
I bet.
Well, anything else to add?
Archie (24:01):
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sweating.
What was that?
Shelly (24:04):
I said, do you have anything else to add?
Archie (24:08):
Oh, oh, no, no, that's all.
Shelly (24:10):
So folks, those are the tales.
Who told it best this week?
Was it Archie and his Pandora'stoolbox of non-returnable and
ever replenishing tools?
Archie (24:20):
Or was it Shelly with a maw-maw Classic.
The ill-fated camping tripturned raccoon breakfast.
Shelly (24:26):
Remember, Miley's keeping a weekly score and the
Great Tale Off winner will beannounced on our season finale.
We're still taking suggestionson the winner's prize.
Archie (24:36):
You can head over to our podcast page at not
quiterightgoods.com to makesuggestions, vote or just drop
us a line.
You can also vote on ourInstagram page at
NotQuiteRightGoods.
Shelly (24:48):
So Arch, we've come to the spot in the episode where we
turn from telling and tales andlook inward.
Archie (24:54):
Mm.
You know, I, I've been thinkinga lot on how once things get
going, they can get outta hand.
Once you open that door, well,it's easier to keep the door
shut than undo what's done onceit's opened.
Like all those mounds of tools.
Benjamin Franklin once said,"Itis easier to prevent bad habits
(25:16):
than to break them." And thatreally kept coming to my mind as
I was preparing for the storythis week.
Shelly (25:21):
That's a good one.
Arch, I mean, you openedPandora's toolbox and found out
you can't just put things backonce they're out.
Keeping the door closed on amess in the first place is
perhaps worth a thousandcleanups.
Archie (25:33):
That's my thinking.
I figure if, if you can keepyour tools where they belong or
even better keep'em locked away,you avoid all the unintended
chaos.
Shelly (25:42):
But what if in avoiding the chaos you shut the door on
possibility?
Archie (25:47):
Well, yeah, I, I guess that's an approach to some take.
It's not for me though.
I'd rather not sit in the chaoson the off chance a life lesson
or whatever might come my way.
Shelly (25:58):
But that's exactly what you did.
With the tools.
You made a choice to invite inchaos when you decided the
message didn't apply to you andlook what happened.
Archie (26:08):
Yeah, I learned a valuable lesson, but, but that
was the younger me makingchoices my current self wouldn't
make.
Shelly (26:14):
It doesn't matter.
You made it and it shaped you.
Archie (26:19):
Yeah, it did.
I, I take your point.
Shelly (26:22):
Okay.
Well, mine, this week isn'tquite on theme, but it fits
where we are.
My quote this week is a linefrom Jean Paul Sartre,"we are
our choices." Our lives areshaped by the choices we make,
right?
It's not just about whether tochoose chaos or not, it's also
(26:42):
about how you deal with it.
'cause you can't always choosewhether the door is left open.
Archie (26:47):
I hear you and I like it.
You make a choice every day topay attention to act, or to let
the chaos roll in, and sometimeslike on those days when chaos
gets its way and slips in, ourchoices, in those moments,
define us.
Shelly (27:04):
Right?
I've seen it firsthand whenwarnings go unheard and
distractions take over.
But it's our choices, even thesmall ones that shape our world,
whether it's deciding to open upa mysterious toolbox like you
did.
Or in the case of Eugene, invitethe raccoons for breakfast in
order to save breakfast.
Archie (27:25):
Eugene ended up with a story that's worth retelling and
I've got two tool makingtoolboxes, gathering dust.
Shelly (27:32):
We are our choices, Archie.
We are our choices.
Archie (27:37):
Point well taken, Shelly.
Man, it does get you thinking.
How does a simple phrase aboutthe devil letting in hot air,
which by the way, I've got sweatin places that I'm not
comfortable mentioning.
Right.
Oh.
How does that lead us topondering the meaning of our
choices?
Shelly (27:55):
Well, I bet you're pondering the choice of blocking
off access to the plug to thatunit.
Archie (28:00):
Yeah.
It's not blocked entirely.
It's just gonna take some effortto get to it.
That's all.
Who.
Boy, it is boiling in here.
Shelly (28:08):
Like the devil left the door open.
Archie (28:10):
Mm-hmm.
Just like that.
Shelly (28:11):
There's a t-shirt in the store that says the same thing.
It's part of Archie's Southernsaying series.
Archie (28:17):
Perfect.
For when life gets too hot tohandle or for when your AC
decides to turn the heat on allby itself.
Shelly (28:24):
Or when raccoons crash, your breakfast and your toolbox
won't stop giving.
You can find it along with therest of our products at not
quite right goods.com.
Archie (28:32):
And remember y'all, if it's too warm out there, it's
probably'cause the devil forgotto shut the door.
Shelly (28:38):
Thanks for sitting with us a while.
Archie (28:40):
You're always welcome on the porch.
Shelly (28:42):
Bye
Archie (28:43):
Bye.
Oh my Lord.
Is it hot in here?
I need to get out from underthis thing before I'm cooked.
Joe (28:53):
This has been a not quite right goods production.
Starring Joe Laureiro as Archieand Holland Renton as Shelly
written, directed and edited byHolland Renton.
Music sourced via Descript stocklibrary.
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