July 17, 2025 • 36 mins
This week on Two Frogs Talking, Archie and Shelly dig into moments that felt real…
Archie opens the episode with a tale of a lawn chair, helium, and an altitude record that probably shouldn’t exist. But his real story drifts somewhere stranger: a quiet diner, a conversation he can’t quite remember, and a napkin that might hold the answer.
Meanwhile, Shelly shares family lore involving postcards hidden under pillows and Florida roadside attractions.
Votes are tallied, new stories compete for the crown, and Archie and Shelly ponder the balance of accuracy vs impact when it comes to storytelling details.
Also in this episode:
🎯 Miley’s official count for last week’s Great Tale-Off
🎯 A new listener poll—which episode reigns supreme?
🎯 A merch spotlight for those moments that blur the real and unreal
Join us for tall tales, life talk, and a bit not quite right.
New episodes drop weekly.
Visit notquiterightgoods.com for updates and merch.
Vote for your favorite tale on Instagram and at www.notquiterightgoods.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Archie (00:02):
No, no, no.
For real, for real.
I swear he's an actual man.
Lawn Chair Larry.
But, uh, no, I, I'll tell youmore about it after we, we say
our hellos.
Shelly (00:13):
Okay.
Deal.
Archie (00:14):
Yeah.
All right.
Kick us off.
Go ahead.
Shelly (00:15):
Well, hi there, I'm Shelly.
Archie (00:17):
And I'm Archie.
Welcome to the porch for TwoFrogs Talking.
Shelly (00:22):
One part telling tales,
Archie (00:23):
one part talking life.
Shelly (00:25):
All parts a bit not quite right.
Archie (00:29):
Okay.
So, right.
So you, you know, maw-maw had aversion of this story, but I
swear the man was real.
Shelly (00:35):
Okay.
Archie (00:36):
Alright.
So, uh, Lawn Chair Larry.
Lawn Chair Larry was actually aman named Larry Walters, a truck
driver with a dream that didn'tmake a lick of sense.
Okay.
He wanted to fly.
Shelly (00:48):
Mm-hmm.
Archie (00:48):
But not, not in a plane.
Oh no.
Lawn Chair Larry figured he'dstrap 45 weather balloons to a
lawn chair, pack a cooler ofbeers, a BB gun, and a couple
sandwiches, and just float it upover town like a helium cowboy.
Shelly (01:05):
Wow.
I mean, that is something else.
Archie (01:09):
Okay.
And it doesn't need much help,that story, but, but maw-maw
told it with well, well, we'llcall it artistic license Uhhuh.
Alright.
See in her version.
See, Larry had been laid off forsix weeks and decided that the
sky might offer better jobprospects than the ground.
So he had duct tape assigned tohis lawn chair that read"Ariel
(01:30):
Consultant Available for Hire."And check this out, he wore a
clip on tie over his fishingvest Oh.
For, for professionalism.
Of course.
Shelly (01:40):
Of course.
Well, yeah, thanks for breakingout the facts from fiction.
Archie (01:45):
Of course.
Sure thing.
So his plan was to hover atabout 30 feet, float gently
across town, and then shoot theballoons with the BB guns when
he wanted to come down.
Shelly (01:57):
Well, it sounds like a winner of a plan.
Archie (02:00):
Uh, it sounds like it, but what actually happened was
Lawn Chair Larry miscalculated.
Oh.
And he miscalculated bad.
Okay.
Soon as his buddies cut theanchor ropes.
Larry shot up to nearly 16,000feet.
Oh, I mean that's, that'sairline territory up there.
Okay.
Commercial jets had to reroutearound this man and he had a, a
(02:21):
CB radio six pack of beers, andhe's drifting through regulated
aerospace like a confused goose.
Shelly (02:27):
Well, I bet he caused a bunch of confusion.
Archie (02:31):
Maw-maw said the best part was he didn't even panic.
He was just.
Mm.
Politely baffled what she said.
Yep.
Politely.
Baffled.
Shelly (02:41):
Baffled.
Well, forget baffled.
Wasn't he cold?
Yeah.
And did he have a seatbelt?
Archie (02:47):
Uh, these are all good questions and I don't have an
answer to any of them.
What I can tell you is that hisplan for getting down completely
fell apart.
It turns out those balloons wereharder to hit than he thought.
Oh.
Which was made more difficult,by the fact that he had dropped
his glasses yeah.
Look out below.
Shelly (03:05):
Well, that gives totally new meaning to the phrase:
"shooting blindly."
Archie (03:10):
Yeah, that's right.
Shelly (03:12):
Well, how'd he get down?
Archie (03:13):
Uh, well, it turns out he managed to hit a few of the
balloons and, and air startedleaking out and, and he slowly
started to sink and, well,eventually the chair drifted
into some power lines and causeda brief blackout.
Shelly (03:27):
He's lucky that's all he caused.
Archie (03:28):
I mean, could have been barbecue, Larry.
But, uh, in any case, the FAAfined him.
The local news interviewed himand folks around those parts
called him a folk hero.
And when they asked, why'd youdo it, Larry said,"Well, a man
can't just sit around."
Shelly (03:46):
Oh, that might be the most misguided, inspirational
quote I have ever heard.
Archie (03:52):
Same, same.
And, and also for that matter, Ikind of love it.
Uh,'cause what Larry did is whata whole lot of folks dream of.
He got unstuck.
He just did it with weatherballoons and a lawn chair and a
sketchy exit plan.
Shelly (04:08):
Well, did that man have no one to talk sense to him?
Archie (04:11):
Well, sometimes it don't matter.
Person's got to do what aperson's got to do.
Take for instance, uh, my uncleon the other side of the family.
Shelly (04:18):
Oh, Wayne again?
Archie (04:19):
Oh, no, no, no.
Not Wayne.
Uh, this, this was his moremotivated if, uh, just as
senseless twin brother Dwayne.
Shelly (04:27):
N No, they're not really.
Archie (04:30):
Yeah.
Oh, oh yeah.
They are.
Wayne and Dwayne born fourminutes apart and somehow Dwayne
never forgave the clock.
Shelly (04:38):
Well, they shouldn't have forgiven their parents
either for giving them rhymingnames.
Archie (04:43):
Well, you know, you have to admit it's catchy.
Dwayne Wayne.
Wayne and Dwayne.
Maybe a little.
Yeah.
Okay.
So back when Balloon Man madethe news, uncle Dwayne got it in
his head that he could build ahovercraft and he builded it
outta two weed whackers in asouped up leaf blower.
Shelly (05:02):
Ooh, that's industrious.
Archie (05:04):
Sure is.
Uh, he made alterations, ofcourse, lots of them.
And by the end, the tools thathe used to make this barely
resembled anything that came offof a hardware store shelf.
So the day came.
The big launch.
Everybody stood real stillbehind the living room window
while Uncle Dwayne strutted outinto the backyard like a man
(05:25):
about to rewrite the laws ofphysics.
Shelly (05:27):
Well, the man should have traded some of that
confidence for sense.
Archie (05:31):
Well, it would've saved him some trouble, that's for
sure.
But then we wouldn't havestories like this one now, would
we, so, so there's Dwayne, hehas a leaf blower strapped to
his back, like a jet pack.
He stands there with one foot onthe head of each weed wacker
holding them sort of likestilts, right?
Mm-hmm.
And he'd even marked out alittle chalk launch pad in, in
(05:51):
the grass.
Where, where, you know, so heknew where to take off and land.
Shelly (05:55):
I mean, you, you gotta have a clearly identified launch
pad for weed whackerhovercrafting
Archie (06:01):
That's right.
Safety first right now.
Uh, uncle Wayne?
Yes.
That Uncle Wayne.
Shelly (06:08):
Oh, uncle Wayne.
So he does make an appearance.
Archie (06:11):
He does, he does.
He handled the countdown, okay.
Mm-hmm.
He was in charge of thecountdown, so he stood over to
the side shouting numbers and,and flipping the poster board
signs, like, just like we wereat Cape Canaveral.
All right?
And when he got down to zero,uncle Dwayne hits the master
switch that he velcroed to hischest.
(06:32):
And for just a moment, heactually lifted.
Oh, yep.
Just two inches.
Just enough to float.
And just enough to be dangerous
Shelly (06:42):
Uhoh.
Archie (06:43):
That's right.
'cause what Uncle Dwayne didn'taccount for was the wind and
just one solid gust blew throughand bam sent him face first into
the old pine tree by the, by thefence over in the corner of the
yard
Shelly (06:57):
oh, ouch.
Archie (06:58):
Yeah.
Okay.
The tree tree was fine.
Not a scratch.
Uncle.
Uncle Dwayne's nose, well.
Let's just say it's had a leanever since.
Shelly (07:06):
Oh, the tree always wins.
Archie (07:09):
Indeed.
So anyway, I, I didn't startthis episode, meaning to talk
about all that.
I, I was actually thinking aboutsomething else entirely.
But, uh, it's funny, you know,you ever notice how one thought
leads to another and, andsuddenly you're trying to
explain a, a half liftinghovercraft made of yard tools.
Shelly (07:27):
Well, this has been quite the tangent, but I bet
there's a point in theresomewhere.
Archie (07:33):
There is, there, surely there is.
The truth is, uncle Dwaynedidn't just miss a detail, he
missed the deTale and that gotme to thinking.
See, sometimes we don't justmiss the details, we make'em up
just so the story makes a littlemore sense or, or hits a little
(07:53):
harder or so it lands where itneeds to.
Shelly (07:57):
And there you have it folks.
Archie just masterfullymaneuvered his way into the
theme for the week, which is"details were made up for
clarity."
Archie (08:08):
Yeah.
It only took us eight tries, butwe got there.
Shelly (08:11):
Oh, well hey, I think we got fairly close last week and
besides to borrow a phrase fromyou,"It don't matter how we got
there, we got there."
Archie (08:19):
Yes ma'am.
And I stand firmly by that and Igotta say I had my doubts when
we started this project.
I.
Now, I know most shows have ahigher volume per season or
whatnot, but uh, when we setout, we didn't know what kind of
pace we'd be keeping.
Shelly (08:34):
Hey, eight's a big number for us.
I mean, there's no need to becomparing ours with others.
Archie (08:39):
Oh, you know, I'm not comparing, I'm just making a
note.
That's all.
Like I said, I thought we'd runoutta stories or, or run outta
steam or both, but, uh, it'sfunny, the more I remember, the
more I remember, you know?
Shelly (08:51):
Which is why we should think about a season two.
Archie (08:54):
Okay, I see what's happening here.
You're, you cornering me tocommit?
Shelly (08:57):
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I wouldn't want to pressure you.
I am just gently pointing out infront of everyone that maybe we
should consider a season twosince season one went so well
and there's definitely morestories to be told.
Archie (09:11):
I will say there are definitely more stories and it's
stories that the folks have cometo hear, but before we delve
into Shelly's story, we have anannouncement regarding the
winner of the Great Tale Off.
Shelly (09:24):
We can't reveal the winner during this episode
because we record these inadvance.
We don't actually have the votesin right now at the time of this
recording.
Archie (09:32):
So future us is gonna do a special recording to slip in
before this episode drops.
Shelly (09:38):
We're gonna put it in after the credits.
That means if you want to knowwho won the Great Tale Off for
season one, then listen past thecredits.
Archie (09:47):
And no, this is not just us trying to find a sneaky way
to get you to listen to thecredits.
It's just the easiest way to getyou, uh, the info.
Shelly (09:55):
We promise.
Archie (09:57):
Okay.
I think that about covers it.
And how about we get in yourstory Shell?
Shelly (10:01):
Okay.
So one of my all time favoritestories, hands down, was told
during one of our classic FamilyPorch Tale Offs.
You know the kind Arch, but forthe folks out there, let me
explain.
It's a long summer evening, icetea sweating on the porch
boards, and maw-maw is holdingcourt like she is on stage at
(10:23):
the Opry.
Archie (10:25):
Man, I'd give an arm just to have one of those nights
back.
Well, maybe not an arm, but uh,you get my meaning.
Shelly (10:31):
I do.
And I'd be in line right besideyou.
Now.
So maw-maw's holding courtright?
And she launches into the storylike it's gospel.
Of course.
Starts off by saying she wasmaybe seven or eight at the
time, and the whole family's ona road trip down to Florida to
visit some cousins.
Archie (10:51):
Oh, okay.
You're going with a story fromthe, the Saga of the Great
florida Road Trip.
Folks, there's a couple ofdoozies that come outta this 14
day extravaganza to our cousinsdown in the south.
Shelly (11:03):
He's right.
Could have gone with the timegreat uncle Ronald found
treasure in the Everglades withthe help of his magic fishing
rod and a talking alligator, orthe other Agnes story featuring
a mermaid stranded on a sandbar.
Oh.
Oh.
And.
And the one where pops wentsailing with a sailfish.
Archie (11:23):
Okay.
Well you just narrowed it downfor me.
See folks, and if it's what I'mthinking, well, I'm not gonna
talk anymore.
I don't want to ruin it.
Shelly (11:30):
Thanks for stopping short Arch.
Archie (11:32):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (11:34):
Okay.
As maw-maw tells it, the storystarts somewhere along the
highway.
She doesn't remember whereexactly, only that it wasn't the
beach but inland.
They stop at a roadsideattraction called Flamingo Town.
Archie (11:50):
Ah, you know, they just don't make roadside attractions
like they used
Shelly (11:53):
to.
I think there's a reason forthat.
And it's called P.E.T.A.
Archie (11:56):
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
P.E.T.A.
Very important.
The, the track record for thosetypes of places ain't so good,
is it?
Shelly (12:04):
No.
Our standards are higher now.
Gone are the days of theroadside attraction free for
alls.
Archie (12:09):
Is it bad that I'm still a little sad that era's come to
a close.
Oh, I mean, not the harm of theanimal parts, of course, but
just the idea that you could getout and walk be amongst the
wildlife.
Shelly (12:22):
But being among the wildlife harms the wildlife.
Archie (12:25):
Yeah, of course I see that, I guess.
Shelly (12:30):
But this story takes place.
Before we knew all about thedangers of animal roadside
attractions.
And no animals were harmed inthe making of this story.
Archie (12:38):
Cross our froggy hearts and hope to die.
Shelly (12:40):
Now, according to maw-maw, this place had real
flamingos.
Big old pink ones just struttingaround like they own the place.
There were herds of them, A seaof pink flamingos.
Archie (12:53):
Or as you used to call 'em, pink chickens.
Remember that?
Shelly (12:58):
I do remember.
The things you remember versusthe things you forget.
Archie (13:02):
Well, the mind's a mysterious thing, you know?
Shelly (13:04):
Oh, yours is at least.
Archie (13:05):
Well, that's true.
I'll take that as a complimentI'm sure it was meant to be.
Shelly (13:09):
You do that.
Archie (13:11):
Hey.
Shelly (13:12):
So she's standing there flamingo's all about, and she
starts to get a feeling likeshe's being watched.
You know that crawling sensationon the back of your neck?
Archie (13:23):
Mm mm-hmm.
Never a welcome feeling.
Shelly (13:26):
No, it's not.
But maw-maw's got that feeling.
She looks around for the sourceand that's when she sees it.
A flamingo oh boy.
A little less bright than therest, sitting off a bit by
itself, staring at her.
And the bird looked so sad.
And, to make things even moreuncomfortable, it was staring at
(13:47):
her like it knew her.
Actually, more than that.
More than that.
Archie (13:51):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (13:52):
It stared at her like they shared a secret.
Archie (13:56):
Okay.
See, I I, I don't think I'veever been on the end of a stay
or that intense.
Shelly (14:00):
Right?
I mean, she's only seven oreight.
What's the frog supposed to do,but plan a jailbreak?
Archie (14:06):
Well, that's the logical response to this situation.
Shelly (14:08):
Exactly.
So she waits for a distraction,and as luck would have it,
Eugene provides a perfect one.
See, great Grandpa was upfrontmaking noise at the cashier
about a mispriced snow globe.
Why he was up in a tizzy aboutthat is anybody's guess.
But right maw-maw takes theopportunity and she sneaks
(14:30):
around to the back fence with ajump rope and liberates that
flamingo.
Archie (14:35):
Man, you know, even then maw-maw knew when to make a
move.
Shelly (14:38):
Mm-hmm.
She did.
About that great escape, shesaid, and I quote,"That bird
walked out with me like it knewfreedom was an option."
Archie (14:49):
And I, I bet she didn't have to tell it twice it was
ready to go.
Shelly (14:52):
Mm-hmm.
Eugene and Alice didn't evenrealize they had an extra
passenger until everyone wasunfolding from the car at the
motel for the night.
Of course.
As it was, they hadn't traveledfar from Flamingo Town, but
since they left at closing, theydidn't think anybody would be
there to accept the liberatedBird.
So it was decided that theflamingo would spend the night.
Archie (15:13):
Oh, I would've given anything to have been a fly on
the wall for that discussion.
Shelly (15:16):
I bet it was a lively one, but it had to be somewhat
contained because they didn'twanna draw attention.
And here's the thing.
They had to get it past theoffice manager who made a great
big point of the fact that nopets were allowed.
Archie (15:33):
No.
Well, now that's a problem.
Shelly (15:34):
Mm-hmm.
One they got around by dressingit up as a fourth kid and
smuggling it in into the motelroom.
Archie (15:41):
I, I wonder whose clothes it got to wear.
Shelly (15:44):
I don't have the answer to that, but mm-hmm.
I do know that it got to soak inthe bathtub, listened to the
radio, and maw-maw feed it hushpuppies that they'd snuck out
from the buffet line in herpurse.
Alice wasn't so sure the hushpuppies were a good idea.
But the flamingo seemed toreally enjoy them.
Archie (16:03):
I mean, who can resist a hush puppy?
Shelly (16:05):
Oh, fried bits of cornmeal.
Uh, Yum.
Archie (16:07):
Oh man.
Oh, you know, maw-maw used tosay about those when the dogs
got to barking and the fishgrease was popping, you'd toss
'em a piece of fried batter andsay"Hush puppies."
Shelly (16:18):
I don't know if it's true or not, but it's a good a
reason as any for the name.
Archie (16:22):
Oh, oh.
There are other variations thatmight hold as much truth, but
that one just feels right.
Shelly (16:27):
So let's go with it.
Archie (16:28):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (16:29):
Is our hush puppy detour done?
Archie (16:32):
Um, yeah, I believe so.
Shelly (16:34):
Then back to the story.
The night went by without ahitch.
The next morning when they wakeup, the flamingo is standing by
the door, like it knows the funis over and it is time to get
back to the real world.
After breakfast, that theflamingo passed on, it was too
full from the night before, theybring it back to Flamingo Town.
Archie (16:53):
I can just imagine them all slinking in trying not to be
noticed.
And I, I wonder, was the birdstill in its costume?
Shelly (17:00):
It wasn't.
It was too bad.
Really.
That would've made for a betterstory.
Anyway, Eugene pulls up to theback fence and the bird not in
costume, hops out and back overthe fence like it had been there
all along.
Maw-maw says she ties a note toits leg that read:"She needed a
break too." Just in case anyonenoticed it was missing.
(17:22):
And as they drive off, maw-mawswears she can clearly see the
flamingo's pink is the samebright pink as the rest of the
herd.
Oh man.
And not only that, the bird issmiling.
Archie (17:36):
What do kids call that these days?
Uh, glow up.
Shelly (17:41):
Glow up.
You heard that one?
Yeah.
Glow up.
Yeah.
If you say so.
Right.
Now, now.
This is important folks.
Maw-maw tells the story with hervoice cracking with absolute
conviction and everyone'sclapping like it was a show.
Archie (17:56):
I mean, the way maw-maw likes to tell things, it was a
show.
Shelly (17:59):
Mm-hmm.
But here's the thing, right atthe end, great Grandma Alice,
quiet as ever, sitting on arocker with a fan in one hand
and tea in the other, just goes"Agnes.
That wasn't a real flamingo.
It was a plastic yard ornament."Maw-maw doesn't even flinch.
(18:20):
She just looks out across theporch, takes a sip of her tea
and says"Details were made upfor clarity.
It felt real."
Archie (18:29):
A yard ornament.
And she had convinced herselfthat she had a real life
breathing bird.
Shelly (18:36):
Plastic or not that bird's part of family lore now.
Archie (18:39):
No, that's a maw-maw classic right there.
Thank you for bringing it to usthis week, Shell.
Shelly (18:43):
You are welcome.
And that line"details are madeup for clarity" is a family
staple, folks, I mean, we'veshortened it over the years, so
all you have to say is"details"and folks will catch your
meaning.
Archie (18:56):
And we are a family that likes to clarify a good bit.
Shelly (18:58):
That we are.
Archie (19:00):
Well now if you're ready, I, I, I have a story full
of details that need clarifying.
Shelly (19:05):
Oh, I am ready.
Archie (19:07):
Alright, buckle up.
Here we go.
So this is back when I was in mytwenties.
I, I took a, a summer just tosort of, you know, drift, find
myself whatnot.
I've talked about this tripbefore.
No plan.
No timeline, just me, my babyBetsy, a beat up road atlas and
a cooler full of peanut buttersandwiches and bottled root
(19:29):
beer.
Shelly (19:30):
If you're new to the porch, Betsy is his cherished
Bronco.
Archie (19:34):
Yes, she is.
That's right.
So there I was one afternoon,somewhere along Highway 45, I
think it was.
Might have been Mississippi,might have been Arkansas, I
can't recall.
And I pulled into this dinerthat looked like it had been
plucked straight from a postcardthat nobody ever mailed.
Shelly (19:54):
Like the travel postcards that kept showing up
under maw-maw's pillow the yearshe turned 18?
Archie (19:58):
Mm-hmm.
Well, I, I didn't have that inmind, but yeah, just like one of
them.
And since you brought it up, youmight as well go on and, and
finished the story of thepostcard.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
I mean, I haven't gotten goingyet and, and folks might like
hearing about'em besides, itsort of ties into my story, so
either you tell them or I will.
Shelly (20:14):
Well, then don't twist my arm too hard.
Archie (20:16):
Go, on.
Shelly (20:17):
Well, when maw-maw turned 18 she started finding
postcards under her pillow.
Not every night, just every nowand then she said they'd show up
without warning, no stamp, nopostmark, and definitely no one
owning up to leaving them, likesome kind of tooth fairy for
travel.
And they weren't from placesyou'd expect?
(20:39):
No.
Not the Grand Canyon or TimesSquare.
They were, they were picturesfrom ordinary places.
A diner in Kansas, a library inMinnesota, a hardware store in
Oregon, a park bench inNebraska, or, or a schoolhouse
in Idaho, just
Archie (20:55):
mm-hmm.
Shelly (20:55):
Things in small towns she'd never heard of.
Archie (20:58):
That's right.
I, I think my favorite is the,uh, the postcard of the fire
hydrant in Robersonville, NorthCarolina.
Shelly (21:04):
Well, fire hydrants don't look the same in all
places
Archie (21:07):
as that postcard proved.
Shelly (21:09):
It did.
Now she tried to ask aroundthought maybe her brothers were
playing a prank, but Ronaldswore on his baseball glove, it
wasn't him.
And Larry said he wished he'dthought of it.
So for a while she thought itwas random, but then she figured
"maybe it's a message.
(21:31):
Maybe I'm supposed to see theseplaces."
Archie (21:34):
Uh, when you hear the call, you can't ignore it.
Shelly (21:37):
As was the case with maw-maw.
'cause sure enough, a few yearslater after saving up from
working at the grocery store,she packed a suitcase, took her
daddy's old map, and went off onher own little American
adventure.
Archie (21:50):
She did it by bus and train, and an outstretched
thumb.
I mean, that, that takes a bitmore gumption than, you know,
just rambling along in a broncosay.
Shelly (22:00):
Mm, a lot of gumption.
Archie (22:01):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (22:03):
Now, she didn't hit all the postcard spots, but she got
to a good many of them.
She even kept a little notebookwhere she'd write down what each
place looked like in real lifeand whether it matched the
photo.
Archie (22:14):
Mm-hmm.
Oh yeah.
That, that notebook is a familytreasure.
We have it locked away, even ina, in a bank safe depository
box.
Shelly (22:20):
Mm-hmm.
We better not lose that.
maw-maw might come back and getus.
Archie (22:26):
I believe it.
Shelly (22:28):
Anyway.
Some places matched.
Some had changed, one had burneddown.
She said the weirdest thing wasthat most of them felt familiar,
like she'd been there before,just hadn't known it.
And here's the best part.
The postcards stopped once shestarted traveling.
(22:50):
Like that was the whole point.
Archie (22:53):
Now see that?
That's the kind of magic I canget behind.
Shelly (22:56):
Yeah, same.
And it makes me wonder though,who or what was leaving them,
but maw-maw always said"somemysteries ain't meant to be
solved, just followed."
Archie (23:08):
She had that way, didn't she?
Where she could just let aquestion go without an answer.
Mm-hmm.
You know, so many of us, we hangon too tight or, or for too
long, hoping that we can wrestleand answer out of a thing.
But maw-maw, well, I mean,"if itcame, it came." That's what
she'd say.
"And if it didn't, then there'sno you spending energy on
(23:31):
something that has it in itsmind to stay hidden."
Shelly (23:34):
Oh, but she did give us wrestlers some slack though.
Archie (23:38):
Wrestle.
That's right.
She'd say"you can't fight whatnature put in you."
Shelly (23:42):
"If you're born to wrestle, well wrestle on."
Archie (23:46):
Oh man.
There's two maw-maw quotes forthe price of one.
Uh, well, okay.
How about we get back to mystory in the diner?
Shelly (23:54):
Yes, by all means.
Archie (23:55):
Alright, so, uh, where was I?
Okay, now, uh, if, if youremember, as I'd mentioned, I'd
stumbled across this odd littlediner.
Mm-hmm.
And, and in it, there was thisold man sitting at the counter
just, you know, drawing onnapkins with a pen that, well,
this pen had definitely seenbetter days.
I think he might have had a,what they call an oral fixation
(24:19):
because the pen was all chewedup.
I mean, chewed up this way andthat way.
And the end of the cap, youknow, the part that you're
supposed to hook onto stuff?
Yeah.
Well, well, that part was, wasclenched in his teeth and he
worked it over while he drewjust gnawing on it.
Shelly (24:35):
Oh.
Archie (24:35):
So.
Naturally.
I was curious.
Shelly (24:38):
Color me surprised.
Archie (24:41):
Right?
So, uh, I leaned in to see whathe was working on, and it seemed
like he was drawing maps.
Only, they were all wrong.
Okay.
I mean, for example, north wassouth, west was east, but the
rivers flowed backwards and thehills were inverted.
Shelly (24:59):
You could tell all of this from a quick glance.
Archie (25:02):
Well, no, I asked him.
Me being me.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I said, uh, it lookslike you're working on a puzzle
or something.
And, and he handed me, one says,this'll get you where you're
going as long as you don't knowwhere that is.
Shelly (25:17):
Well, cryptic,
Archie (25:18):
isn't it?
Mm-hmm.
I chalked it up to, uh, justsome diner weirdness and I, I
tossed the napkin in the glovebox next to some of my cassette
tapes.
Shelly (25:27):
Ah, the glove box where things go to be forgotten.
Archie (25:30):
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And so indeed it was for a fewdays, but then somewhere deep in
the Ozarks, I got caught in adownpour and my atlas got
completely soaked and turnedinto paper mush.
How?
Oh no, that's a, that's a wholeother story for a whole other
time.
Shelly (25:49):
Well, I'll hold you to that.
Archie (25:51):
I'm sure you will.
So anyways, the, the Atlas is nolonger useful.
And the road signs were about ashelpful as a screen door on a
submarine.
Okay.
Then outta nowhere, I rememberedthe napkin.
So I reach into Betsy and I openup the glove compartment.
I pull it out.
It's all still wrinkled, stillstrange looking, but I gotta be
(26:15):
honest, it looked familiar.
I mean, the bands and the curveson that thing, they, they
matched the hills that I waswinding through.
Shelly (26:24):
Now that's convenient.
Archie (26:26):
I'd say so.
So I followed it and wouldn't,you know, it led me to this
little town with a gas pump, ascreen door grocery and an auto
shop with exactly the fan belt Ididn't know I was about to need.
Shelly (26:43):
Why, what happened to Betsy?
Archie (26:45):
Well, I was turning into the gas station to fill up and,
and grab another map when my fanbelt suddenly went, huh?
I mean, it just, it justsnapped.
And, and an engine doesn't worktoo good without a fan belt for
those who don't know.
Shelly (26:58):
No, it doesn't.
Well, that's what I call goodtiming.
Archie (27:02):
I mean, it certainly felt serendipitous and, and so
was the next thing.
See, the place was cash onlyand, and wouldn't you know it, I
had the exact dollar amountfolded up in the sun visor.
Like, like I'd put it there inpurpose.
Shelly (27:17):
Well, now surprise money.
That is always a fun find.
Archie (27:21):
Yeah.
Well, it was a relief'cause I, Iwould've been stranded
otherwise.
Shelly (27:24):
Well, good thing you stopped in that diner.
Archie (27:27):
Yeah.
Well, the funny thing about thatdiner is I went looking for that
town again once, mm-hmm.
Maybe a year or two later.
But the roads didn't matchanymore and, and nobody around
them parts had heard of it.
I asked a fellow at the roadsidebait shop, have you heard of
such and such?
It's got a gas station and astrange little diner.
(27:50):
He said that town had all butclosed down in the eighties.
He said even the church hadgone.
Shelly (27:56):
Well, if the church is gone, that's a bad sign.
Archie (27:58):
Mm-hmm.
And get this, I checked thatnapkin again.
It was blank.
Shelly (28:03):
What?
Archie (28:04):
Just a, just, I swear.
Just a smudge of grease in thecorner and a fold line like it
never held nothing at all.
Shelly (28:10):
Wow.
A whole town appeared via MagicNapkin just to save you.
Archie (28:14):
It certainly felt that way.
And now, now listen, I, I'vetold this story about a hundred
different times, a hundreddifferent ways over the years.
Sometimes that old man had abolo tie and sometimes he was
wearing a poncho.
I, I think one time I even toldit where he had an eye patch and
ordered peach cobbler, like hewas in a Western.
(28:34):
But, but there's one thingthat's never changed.
It's that map that got me whereI needed to go.
Shelly (28:40):
Mm-hmm.
Archie (28:42):
So.
Yeah, some of the details, maybeI dress them up a little bit,
provided a few extra forclarity.
But, uh, at the heart of thestory, you know, that part's
still true.
Shelly (28:53):
You know, that tale has a very familiar ring to it.
Archie (28:58):
Well, it should.
Folks been telling versions ofit for generations.
Uh, you know, the type ofstranger gives you a map or a
warning or a key that leadssomewhere you're not supposed to
find.
You know, some people say it's,uh, the cousin to that old
vanishing hitchhiker story.
The others say that's got itstoe dipped into the road to
(29:18):
nowhere tales where thedirections are too helpful and
the, the path too smooth.
And by the time you look back,the whole place is gone.
You know, sometimes it's a, it'sa hidden town.
Sometimes it's a strange dinerthat only shows up in the rain.
Sometimes it's just a, a turnyou weren't supposed to take.
(29:39):
Except you did and you ended upexactly where you needed to be.
Shelly (29:45):
I gotta say Arch, that's nicely done.
Nicely done.
That's a good way to wrap thingsup.
Archie (29:51):
Oh, thank you, Shelly.
Shelly (29:54):
So there you have it, folks.
The last batch of stories, andit's the last episode of the
season, so we're gonna do thingsa little bit differently.
Archie (30:03):
Right.
Uh, so in instead of voting onwho told it best this week, you
get to vote on which tale stoodout from all the rest of them
this whole season.
Shelly (30:12):
We have breakdowns of all the episodes on the podcast
page to help refresh yourmemory.
Archie (30:17):
And of course, all the episodes are up and available
for a re-listen whenever.
Shelly (30:21):
So make sure to visit not quiterightgoods.com and
notquiterightgoods on Instagramto put in your vote.
Archie (30:29):
Well, Shell, I, I think we come to the quote portion of
the episode.
Shelly (30:33):
Wow.
Already.
We're gonna be over before weknow it.
Archie (30:37):
Yeah, it sure seems that way.
Shelly (30:39):
Well, you wanna go first?
Archie (30:41):
I'd love to.
You know, uh, there's a sayingthat I've heard some folks
attribute it to, uh, one Mr.
Mark Twain, though, who reallyknows.
Anyway, it goes something likethis.
"Never let the truth get in theway of a good story."
Shelly (30:57):
Well, that sounds like something he would say.
Archie (30:59):
It does, doesn't it?
And, and I get it.
I ain't saying we oughta gomaking stuff up just to impress
people, but sometimes you gottabend a little if you want folks
to feel what really happened.
Shelly (31:11):
Details were made up for clarity.
Archie (31:13):
maw-maw Classic.
Exactly.
Shelly (31:16):
Well, mine's similar to yours and I don't know who said
it.
But I've heard it said"Facts arewhat happened.
Truth is what we make of it."
Archie (31:27):
Mm.
Yeah.
That's a nice one.
Shelly (31:29):
Mm-hmm.
And honestly, that's what I loveabout stories.
We're not always trying to provesomething.
Sometimes we're just trying toshare and remember it right.
Even if we have to make a fewadjustments on the way there.
Archie (31:41):
That's right.
Never shy away from adjustments.
Those details just may be thething that makes your story
memorable.
Shelly (31:47):
I couldn't agree more.
So Arch, unless you have morewise words of storytelling
advice, we have something wehave to settle.
Archie (31:58):
We, uh.
Oh, oh, oh, right.
Of course we, uh, we neverdecided what the prize would be
for the Great Tale Off.
Shelly (32:07):
So, bragging rights it is, then.
Archie (32:10):
Well now hold up.
Not so fast.
I, I think we can still throw itto the porch.
Shelly (32:15):
Is that what we're calling it now?
Archie (32:17):
Huh?
I mean, come, come on.
Just rolled off my tongue thatway.
And it feels right, doesn't it?
Huh?
So it's got a ring too?
It does have a ring.
So, yeah.
All right, there we go.
So, throwing it to the porch,uh, it'll just mean we're
throwing it to you folks todecide.
Shelly (32:32):
So I guess that means we'll have two polls up maybe at
the same time.
All right.
Maybe alternating.
I don't know what our web teamcan pull off.
Archie (32:39):
And by web team, she means her.
Shelly (32:41):
Arch, giving peeks behind the curtain.
Archie (32:44):
Well, a little peak never hurt nothing.
Shelly (32:46):
I'm sure there's a story to prove you wrong.
Archie (32:48):
Maybe, or to prove me right.
Shelly (32:50):
Oh, touche.
Well.
I guess that's it porch.
Archie (32:56):
Now, if today's episode hit home, or if you've ever told
a story that just got a littlemore dramatic with each
retelling, we've got the perfectt-shirt for you.
Shelly (33:05):
It's got the classic maw-maww saying"details were
made up for clarity."
Archie (33:08):
Mm-hmm.
Truer words were never printedon cotton.
Shelly (33:12):
You can find it and all our other designs at
notquiterightgoods.com.
That's where the stories livebetween the episodes.
Archie (33:19):
Yeah.
I gotta admit, I, I wasn'texpecting this little podcast to
become such a regular part of myweek, but, uh, well, here we
are, eight episodes in and Ican't imagine not sitting down
and talking life with you,Shell.
Shelly (33:32):
Same here, Arch.
I mean, we started this as a wayjust to stay connected and honor
maw-maw's love of storytellingand yeah, I think we did that.
I mean, I hope we did.
Archie (33:42):
I think we did.
Now we'll be taking a shortbreak, but, uh, we're already
tinkering with a season two.
See, I was just pulling y'all'sleg about being on the fence
about that one.
Shelly (33:53):
And if you've got a favorite moment or quote from
the season, tell us on oursocials or send a message
through the shop.
We'd love to hear from y'all.
Archie (33:59):
Y'all made this porch feel a little more special
Shelly (34:02):
and brighter.
Thanks for sitting with us thisseason.
Archie (34:05):
Yeah, you're always welcome back.
Shelly (34:07):
Bye
Archie (34:08):
bye.
Shelly (34:09):
Oh, and remember to listen past the credits for the
great Tell off winner and prizeannouncement.
Joe (34:16):
This has been a not quite right goods production.
Starring Joe Laureiro is Archieand Holland Renton as Shelly.
Written, directed and edited byHolland Renton.
Music sourced via Descript stocklibrary.
Shelly (34:32):
Hi.
We're back.
Just like we said,
Archie (34:35):
and we've got the final count of the great tail off.
Shelly (34:38):
Drum roll, please.
Oh, except don't because lasttime you knocked over your ice
tea.
Archie (34:45):
Alright.
It got in the way is all.
Shelly (34:48):
Oh, did it?
Archie (34:49):
Yeah.
That's Ill placed.
Glass placement.
That's what it was.
Shelly (34:53):
Well, that is a new one.
Archie (34:55):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (34:56):
So Miley did the official counting and she just
sent us a message.
Do you want to do the honorsarch?
Archie (35:02):
Okay, sure, sure.
Hang on now.
Let me, uh, go ahead and openit.
Just click here.
Okay.
Uh, Miley says,"Hi, Frogs.
Official tally is done.
This season's Great Tale Offwinner is: Archie." Hey,"by one
episode." What do you know?
Uh, says:"PS don't gloat,Archie." Oh.
Shelly (35:27):
Well hopefully that will keep your head from growing too
big.
Archie (35:31):
Ah, it's too late for that.
Shelly, my head's practicallyfloating.
Thanks for voting, folks.
Shelly (35:36):
Well, I hope you don't get too carried away by that
head of yours.
There's always next season.
Archie (35:41):
Well, it might make for a good story, you know.
Shelly (35:44):
Mm.
Instead of balloons like Larry,you travel through the air with
a head full of hot air.
Now that would be a sight.
Archie (35:53):
Well, you know, how about I just strap myself down
if I start to feel my feetleaving the ground?
Shelly (35:58):
Keep yourself grounded.
Archie (36:00):
That's right.
That's good advice right there.
Shelly (36:02):
Well, you're welcome.
Archie (36:03):
Well, all right, folks, with the vote tally in and the
winner announced.
Thanks again.
That wraps up The Great Tale Offuntil next season.
We'll see y'all then for moretall tales and life talk.
Shelly (36:15):
And as always, it'll be a bit not quite right.
Bye bye.
No, no, no.
For real, for real.
I swear he's an actual man.
Lawn Chair Larry.
But, uh, no, I, I'll tell youmore about it after we, we say
our hellos.
Shelly (00:13):
Okay.
Deal.
Archie (00:14):
Yeah.
All right.
Kick us off.
Go ahead.
Shelly (00:15):
Well, hi there, I'm Shelly.
Archie (00:17):
And I'm Archie.
Welcome to the porch for TwoFrogs Talking.
Shelly (00:22):
One part telling tales,
Archie (00:23):
one part talking life.
Shelly (00:25):
All parts a bit not quite right.
Archie (00:29):
Okay.
So, right.
So you, you know, maw-maw had aversion of this story, but I
swear the man was real.
Shelly (00:35):
Okay.
Archie (00:36):
Alright.
So, uh, Lawn Chair Larry.
Lawn Chair Larry was actually aman named Larry Walters, a truck
driver with a dream that didn'tmake a lick of sense.
Okay.
He wanted to fly.
Shelly (00:48):
Mm-hmm.
Archie (00:48):
But not, not in a plane.
Oh no.
Lawn Chair Larry figured he'dstrap 45 weather balloons to a
lawn chair, pack a cooler ofbeers, a BB gun, and a couple
sandwiches, and just float it upover town like a helium cowboy.
Shelly (01:05):
Wow.
I mean, that is something else.
Archie (01:09):
Okay.
And it doesn't need much help,that story, but, but maw-maw
told it with well, well, we'llcall it artistic license Uhhuh.
Alright.
See in her version.
See, Larry had been laid off forsix weeks and decided that the
sky might offer better jobprospects than the ground.
So he had duct tape assigned tohis lawn chair that read"Ariel
(01:30):
Consultant Available for Hire."And check this out, he wore a
clip on tie over his fishingvest Oh.
For, for professionalism.
Of course.
Shelly (01:40):
Of course.
Well, yeah, thanks for breakingout the facts from fiction.
Archie (01:45):
Of course.
Sure thing.
So his plan was to hover atabout 30 feet, float gently
across town, and then shoot theballoons with the BB guns when
he wanted to come down.
Shelly (01:57):
Well, it sounds like a winner of a plan.
Archie (02:00):
Uh, it sounds like it, but what actually happened was
Lawn Chair Larry miscalculated.
Oh.
And he miscalculated bad.
Okay.
Soon as his buddies cut theanchor ropes.
Larry shot up to nearly 16,000feet.
Oh, I mean that's, that'sairline territory up there.
Okay.
Commercial jets had to reroutearound this man and he had a, a
(02:21):
CB radio six pack of beers, andhe's drifting through regulated
aerospace like a confused goose.
Shelly (02:27):
Well, I bet he caused a bunch of confusion.
Archie (02:31):
Maw-maw said the best part was he didn't even panic.
He was just.
Mm.
Politely baffled what she said.
Yep.
Politely.
Baffled.
Shelly (02:41):
Baffled.
Well, forget baffled.
Wasn't he cold?
Yeah.
And did he have a seatbelt?
Archie (02:47):
Uh, these are all good questions and I don't have an
answer to any of them.
What I can tell you is that hisplan for getting down completely
fell apart.
It turns out those balloons wereharder to hit than he thought.
Oh.
Which was made more difficult,by the fact that he had dropped
his glasses yeah.
Look out below.
Shelly (03:05):
Well, that gives totally new meaning to the phrase:
"shooting blindly."
Archie (03:10):
Yeah, that's right.
Shelly (03:12):
Well, how'd he get down?
Archie (03:13):
Uh, well, it turns out he managed to hit a few of the
balloons and, and air startedleaking out and, and he slowly
started to sink and, well,eventually the chair drifted
into some power lines and causeda brief blackout.
Shelly (03:27):
He's lucky that's all he caused.
Archie (03:28):
I mean, could have been barbecue, Larry.
But, uh, in any case, the FAAfined him.
The local news interviewed himand folks around those parts
called him a folk hero.
And when they asked, why'd youdo it, Larry said,"Well, a man
can't just sit around."
Shelly (03:46):
Oh, that might be the most misguided, inspirational
quote I have ever heard.
Archie (03:52):
Same, same.
And, and also for that matter, Ikind of love it.
Uh,'cause what Larry did is whata whole lot of folks dream of.
He got unstuck.
He just did it with weatherballoons and a lawn chair and a
sketchy exit plan.
Shelly (04:08):
Well, did that man have no one to talk sense to him?
Archie (04:11):
Well, sometimes it don't matter.
Person's got to do what aperson's got to do.
Take for instance, uh, my uncleon the other side of the family.
Shelly (04:18):
Oh, Wayne again?
Archie (04:19):
Oh, no, no, no.
Not Wayne.
Uh, this, this was his moremotivated if, uh, just as
senseless twin brother Dwayne.
Shelly (04:27):
N No, they're not really.
Archie (04:30):
Yeah.
Oh, oh yeah.
They are.
Wayne and Dwayne born fourminutes apart and somehow Dwayne
never forgave the clock.
Shelly (04:38):
Well, they shouldn't have forgiven their parents
either for giving them rhymingnames.
Archie (04:43):
Well, you know, you have to admit it's catchy.
Dwayne Wayne.
Wayne and Dwayne.
Maybe a little.
Yeah.
Okay.
So back when Balloon Man madethe news, uncle Dwayne got it in
his head that he could build ahovercraft and he builded it
outta two weed whackers in asouped up leaf blower.
Shelly (05:02):
Ooh, that's industrious.
Archie (05:04):
Sure is.
Uh, he made alterations, ofcourse, lots of them.
And by the end, the tools thathe used to make this barely
resembled anything that came offof a hardware store shelf.
So the day came.
The big launch.
Everybody stood real stillbehind the living room window
while Uncle Dwayne strutted outinto the backyard like a man
(05:25):
about to rewrite the laws ofphysics.
Shelly (05:27):
Well, the man should have traded some of that
confidence for sense.
Archie (05:31):
Well, it would've saved him some trouble, that's for
sure.
But then we wouldn't havestories like this one now, would
we, so, so there's Dwayne, hehas a leaf blower strapped to
his back, like a jet pack.
He stands there with one foot onthe head of each weed wacker
holding them sort of likestilts, right?
Mm-hmm.
And he'd even marked out alittle chalk launch pad in, in
(05:51):
the grass.
Where, where, you know, so heknew where to take off and land.
Shelly (05:55):
I mean, you, you gotta have a clearly identified launch
pad for weed whackerhovercrafting
Archie (06:01):
That's right.
Safety first right now.
Uh, uncle Wayne?
Yes.
That Uncle Wayne.
Shelly (06:08):
Oh, uncle Wayne.
So he does make an appearance.
Archie (06:11):
He does, he does.
He handled the countdown, okay.
Mm-hmm.
He was in charge of thecountdown, so he stood over to
the side shouting numbers and,and flipping the poster board
signs, like, just like we wereat Cape Canaveral.
All right?
And when he got down to zero,uncle Dwayne hits the master
switch that he velcroed to hischest.
(06:32):
And for just a moment, heactually lifted.
Oh, yep.
Just two inches.
Just enough to float.
And just enough to be dangerous
Shelly (06:42):
Uhoh.
Archie (06:43):
That's right.
'cause what Uncle Dwayne didn'taccount for was the wind and
just one solid gust blew throughand bam sent him face first into
the old pine tree by the, by thefence over in the corner of the
yard
Shelly (06:57):
oh, ouch.
Archie (06:58):
Yeah.
Okay.
The tree tree was fine.
Not a scratch.
Uncle.
Uncle Dwayne's nose, well.
Let's just say it's had a leanever since.
Shelly (07:06):
Oh, the tree always wins.
Archie (07:09):
Indeed.
So anyway, I, I didn't startthis episode, meaning to talk
about all that.
I, I was actually thinking aboutsomething else entirely.
But, uh, it's funny, you know,you ever notice how one thought
leads to another and, andsuddenly you're trying to
explain a, a half liftinghovercraft made of yard tools.
Shelly (07:27):
Well, this has been quite the tangent, but I bet
there's a point in theresomewhere.
Archie (07:33):
There is, there, surely there is.
The truth is, uncle Dwaynedidn't just miss a detail, he
missed the deTale and that gotme to thinking.
See, sometimes we don't justmiss the details, we make'em up
just so the story makes a littlemore sense or, or hits a little
(07:53):
harder or so it lands where itneeds to.
Shelly (07:57):
And there you have it folks.
Archie just masterfullymaneuvered his way into the
theme for the week, which is"details were made up for
clarity."
Archie (08:08):
Yeah.
It only took us eight tries, butwe got there.
Shelly (08:11):
Oh, well hey, I think we got fairly close last week and
besides to borrow a phrase fromyou,"It don't matter how we got
there, we got there."
Archie (08:19):
Yes ma'am.
And I stand firmly by that and Igotta say I had my doubts when
we started this project.
I.
Now, I know most shows have ahigher volume per season or
whatnot, but uh, when we setout, we didn't know what kind of
pace we'd be keeping.
Shelly (08:34):
Hey, eight's a big number for us.
I mean, there's no need to becomparing ours with others.
Archie (08:39):
Oh, you know, I'm not comparing, I'm just making a
note.
That's all.
Like I said, I thought we'd runoutta stories or, or run outta
steam or both, but, uh, it'sfunny, the more I remember, the
more I remember, you know?
Shelly (08:51):
Which is why we should think about a season two.
Archie (08:54):
Okay, I see what's happening here.
You're, you cornering me tocommit?
Shelly (08:57):
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I wouldn't want to pressure you.
I am just gently pointing out infront of everyone that maybe we
should consider a season twosince season one went so well
and there's definitely morestories to be told.
Archie (09:11):
I will say there are definitely more stories and it's
stories that the folks have cometo hear, but before we delve
into Shelly's story, we have anannouncement regarding the
winner of the Great Tale Off.
Shelly (09:24):
We can't reveal the winner during this episode
because we record these inadvance.
We don't actually have the votesin right now at the time of this
recording.
Archie (09:32):
So future us is gonna do a special recording to slip in
before this episode drops.
Shelly (09:38):
We're gonna put it in after the credits.
That means if you want to knowwho won the Great Tale Off for
season one, then listen past thecredits.
Archie (09:47):
And no, this is not just us trying to find a sneaky way
to get you to listen to thecredits.
It's just the easiest way to getyou, uh, the info.
Shelly (09:55):
We promise.
Archie (09:57):
Okay.
I think that about covers it.
And how about we get in yourstory Shell?
Shelly (10:01):
Okay.
So one of my all time favoritestories, hands down, was told
during one of our classic FamilyPorch Tale Offs.
You know the kind Arch, but forthe folks out there, let me
explain.
It's a long summer evening, icetea sweating on the porch
boards, and maw-maw is holdingcourt like she is on stage at
(10:23):
the Opry.
Archie (10:25):
Man, I'd give an arm just to have one of those nights
back.
Well, maybe not an arm, but uh,you get my meaning.
Shelly (10:31):
I do.
And I'd be in line right besideyou.
Now.
So maw-maw's holding courtright?
And she launches into the storylike it's gospel.
Of course.
Starts off by saying she wasmaybe seven or eight at the
time, and the whole family's ona road trip down to Florida to
visit some cousins.
Archie (10:51):
Oh, okay.
You're going with a story fromthe, the Saga of the Great
florida Road Trip.
Folks, there's a couple ofdoozies that come outta this 14
day extravaganza to our cousinsdown in the south.
Shelly (11:03):
He's right.
Could have gone with the timegreat uncle Ronald found
treasure in the Everglades withthe help of his magic fishing
rod and a talking alligator, orthe other Agnes story featuring
a mermaid stranded on a sandbar.
Oh.
Oh.
And.
And the one where pops wentsailing with a sailfish.
Archie (11:23):
Okay.
Well you just narrowed it downfor me.
See folks, and if it's what I'mthinking, well, I'm not gonna
talk anymore.
I don't want to ruin it.
Shelly (11:30):
Thanks for stopping short Arch.
Archie (11:32):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (11:34):
Okay.
As maw-maw tells it, the storystarts somewhere along the
highway.
She doesn't remember whereexactly, only that it wasn't the
beach but inland.
They stop at a roadsideattraction called Flamingo Town.
Archie (11:50):
Ah, you know, they just don't make roadside attractions
like they used
Shelly (11:53):
to.
I think there's a reason forthat.
And it's called P.E.T.A.
Archie (11:56):
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
P.E.T.A.
Very important.
The, the track record for thosetypes of places ain't so good,
is it?
Shelly (12:04):
No.
Our standards are higher now.
Gone are the days of theroadside attraction free for
alls.
Archie (12:09):
Is it bad that I'm still a little sad that era's come to
a close.
Oh, I mean, not the harm of theanimal parts, of course, but
just the idea that you could getout and walk be amongst the
wildlife.
Shelly (12:22):
But being among the wildlife harms the wildlife.
Archie (12:25):
Yeah, of course I see that, I guess.
Shelly (12:30):
But this story takes place.
Before we knew all about thedangers of animal roadside
attractions.
And no animals were harmed inthe making of this story.
Archie (12:38):
Cross our froggy hearts and hope to die.
Shelly (12:40):
Now, according to maw-maw, this place had real
flamingos.
Big old pink ones just struttingaround like they own the place.
There were herds of them, A seaof pink flamingos.
Archie (12:53):
Or as you used to call 'em, pink chickens.
Remember that?
Shelly (12:58):
I do remember.
The things you remember versusthe things you forget.
Archie (13:02):
Well, the mind's a mysterious thing, you know?
Shelly (13:04):
Oh, yours is at least.
Archie (13:05):
Well, that's true.
I'll take that as a complimentI'm sure it was meant to be.
Shelly (13:09):
You do that.
Archie (13:11):
Hey.
Shelly (13:12):
So she's standing there flamingo's all about, and she
starts to get a feeling likeshe's being watched.
You know that crawling sensationon the back of your neck?
Archie (13:23):
Mm mm-hmm.
Never a welcome feeling.
Shelly (13:26):
No, it's not.
But maw-maw's got that feeling.
She looks around for the sourceand that's when she sees it.
A flamingo oh boy.
A little less bright than therest, sitting off a bit by
itself, staring at her.
And the bird looked so sad.
And, to make things even moreuncomfortable, it was staring at
(13:47):
her like it knew her.
Actually, more than that.
More than that.
Archie (13:51):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (13:52):
It stared at her like they shared a secret.
Archie (13:56):
Okay.
See, I I, I don't think I'veever been on the end of a stay
or that intense.
Shelly (14:00):
Right?
I mean, she's only seven oreight.
What's the frog supposed to do,but plan a jailbreak?
Archie (14:06):
Well, that's the logical response to this situation.
Shelly (14:08):
Exactly.
So she waits for a distraction,and as luck would have it,
Eugene provides a perfect one.
See, great Grandpa was upfrontmaking noise at the cashier
about a mispriced snow globe.
Why he was up in a tizzy aboutthat is anybody's guess.
But right maw-maw takes theopportunity and she sneaks
(14:30):
around to the back fence with ajump rope and liberates that
flamingo.
Archie (14:35):
Man, you know, even then maw-maw knew when to make a
move.
Shelly (14:38):
Mm-hmm.
She did.
About that great escape, shesaid, and I quote,"That bird
walked out with me like it knewfreedom was an option."
Archie (14:49):
And I, I bet she didn't have to tell it twice it was
ready to go.
Shelly (14:52):
Mm-hmm.
Eugene and Alice didn't evenrealize they had an extra
passenger until everyone wasunfolding from the car at the
motel for the night.
Of course.
As it was, they hadn't traveledfar from Flamingo Town, but
since they left at closing, theydidn't think anybody would be
there to accept the liberatedBird.
So it was decided that theflamingo would spend the night.
Archie (15:13):
Oh, I would've given anything to have been a fly on
the wall for that discussion.
Shelly (15:16):
I bet it was a lively one, but it had to be somewhat
contained because they didn'twanna draw attention.
And here's the thing.
They had to get it past theoffice manager who made a great
big point of the fact that nopets were allowed.
Archie (15:33):
No.
Well, now that's a problem.
Shelly (15:34):
Mm-hmm.
One they got around by dressingit up as a fourth kid and
smuggling it in into the motelroom.
Archie (15:41):
I, I wonder whose clothes it got to wear.
Shelly (15:44):
I don't have the answer to that, but mm-hmm.
I do know that it got to soak inthe bathtub, listened to the
radio, and maw-maw feed it hushpuppies that they'd snuck out
from the buffet line in herpurse.
Alice wasn't so sure the hushpuppies were a good idea.
But the flamingo seemed toreally enjoy them.
Archie (16:03):
I mean, who can resist a hush puppy?
Shelly (16:05):
Oh, fried bits of cornmeal.
Uh, Yum.
Archie (16:07):
Oh man.
Oh, you know, maw-maw used tosay about those when the dogs
got to barking and the fishgrease was popping, you'd toss
'em a piece of fried batter andsay"Hush puppies."
Shelly (16:18):
I don't know if it's true or not, but it's a good a
reason as any for the name.
Archie (16:22):
Oh, oh.
There are other variations thatmight hold as much truth, but
that one just feels right.
Shelly (16:27):
So let's go with it.
Archie (16:28):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (16:29):
Is our hush puppy detour done?
Archie (16:32):
Um, yeah, I believe so.
Shelly (16:34):
Then back to the story.
The night went by without ahitch.
The next morning when they wakeup, the flamingo is standing by
the door, like it knows the funis over and it is time to get
back to the real world.
After breakfast, that theflamingo passed on, it was too
full from the night before, theybring it back to Flamingo Town.
Archie (16:53):
I can just imagine them all slinking in trying not to be
noticed.
And I, I wonder, was the birdstill in its costume?
Shelly (17:00):
It wasn't.
It was too bad.
Really.
That would've made for a betterstory.
Anyway, Eugene pulls up to theback fence and the bird not in
costume, hops out and back overthe fence like it had been there
all along.
Maw-maw says she ties a note toits leg that read:"She needed a
break too." Just in case anyonenoticed it was missing.
(17:22):
And as they drive off, maw-mawswears she can clearly see the
flamingo's pink is the samebright pink as the rest of the
herd.
Oh man.
And not only that, the bird issmiling.
Archie (17:36):
What do kids call that these days?
Uh, glow up.
Shelly (17:41):
Glow up.
You heard that one?
Yeah.
Glow up.
Yeah.
If you say so.
Right.
Now, now.
This is important folks.
Maw-maw tells the story with hervoice cracking with absolute
conviction and everyone'sclapping like it was a show.
Archie (17:56):
I mean, the way maw-maw likes to tell things, it was a
show.
Shelly (17:59):
Mm-hmm.
But here's the thing, right atthe end, great Grandma Alice,
quiet as ever, sitting on arocker with a fan in one hand
and tea in the other, just goes"Agnes.
That wasn't a real flamingo.
It was a plastic yard ornament."Maw-maw doesn't even flinch.
(18:20):
She just looks out across theporch, takes a sip of her tea
and says"Details were made upfor clarity.
It felt real."
Archie (18:29):
A yard ornament.
And she had convinced herselfthat she had a real life
breathing bird.
Shelly (18:36):
Plastic or not that bird's part of family lore now.
Archie (18:39):
No, that's a maw-maw classic right there.
Thank you for bringing it to usthis week, Shell.
Shelly (18:43):
You are welcome.
And that line"details are madeup for clarity" is a family
staple, folks, I mean, we'veshortened it over the years, so
all you have to say is"details"and folks will catch your
meaning.
Archie (18:56):
And we are a family that likes to clarify a good bit.
Shelly (18:58):
That we are.
Archie (19:00):
Well now if you're ready, I, I, I have a story full
of details that need clarifying.
Shelly (19:05):
Oh, I am ready.
Archie (19:07):
Alright, buckle up.
Here we go.
So this is back when I was in mytwenties.
I, I took a, a summer just tosort of, you know, drift, find
myself whatnot.
I've talked about this tripbefore.
No plan.
No timeline, just me, my babyBetsy, a beat up road atlas and
a cooler full of peanut buttersandwiches and bottled root
(19:29):
beer.
Shelly (19:30):
If you're new to the porch, Betsy is his cherished
Bronco.
Archie (19:34):
Yes, she is.
That's right.
So there I was one afternoon,somewhere along Highway 45, I
think it was.
Might have been Mississippi,might have been Arkansas, I
can't recall.
And I pulled into this dinerthat looked like it had been
plucked straight from a postcardthat nobody ever mailed.
Shelly (19:54):
Like the travel postcards that kept showing up
under maw-maw's pillow the yearshe turned 18?
Archie (19:58):
Mm-hmm.
Well, I, I didn't have that inmind, but yeah, just like one of
them.
And since you brought it up, youmight as well go on and, and
finished the story of thepostcard.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
I mean, I haven't gotten goingyet and, and folks might like
hearing about'em besides, itsort of ties into my story, so
either you tell them or I will.
Shelly (20:14):
Well, then don't twist my arm too hard.
Archie (20:16):
Go, on.
Shelly (20:17):
Well, when maw-maw turned 18 she started finding
postcards under her pillow.
Not every night, just every nowand then she said they'd show up
without warning, no stamp, nopostmark, and definitely no one
owning up to leaving them, likesome kind of tooth fairy for
travel.
And they weren't from placesyou'd expect?
(20:39):
No.
Not the Grand Canyon or TimesSquare.
They were, they were picturesfrom ordinary places.
A diner in Kansas, a library inMinnesota, a hardware store in
Oregon, a park bench inNebraska, or, or a schoolhouse
in Idaho, just
Archie (20:55):
mm-hmm.
Shelly (20:55):
Things in small towns she'd never heard of.
Archie (20:58):
That's right.
I, I think my favorite is the,uh, the postcard of the fire
hydrant in Robersonville, NorthCarolina.
Shelly (21:04):
Well, fire hydrants don't look the same in all
places
Archie (21:07):
as that postcard proved.
Shelly (21:09):
It did.
Now she tried to ask aroundthought maybe her brothers were
playing a prank, but Ronaldswore on his baseball glove, it
wasn't him.
And Larry said he wished he'dthought of it.
So for a while she thought itwas random, but then she figured
"maybe it's a message.
(21:31):
Maybe I'm supposed to see theseplaces."
Archie (21:34):
Uh, when you hear the call, you can't ignore it.
Shelly (21:37):
As was the case with maw-maw.
'cause sure enough, a few yearslater after saving up from
working at the grocery store,she packed a suitcase, took her
daddy's old map, and went off onher own little American
adventure.
Archie (21:50):
She did it by bus and train, and an outstretched
thumb.
I mean, that, that takes a bitmore gumption than, you know,
just rambling along in a broncosay.
Shelly (22:00):
Mm, a lot of gumption.
Archie (22:01):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (22:03):
Now, she didn't hit all the postcard spots, but she got
to a good many of them.
She even kept a little notebookwhere she'd write down what each
place looked like in real lifeand whether it matched the
photo.
Archie (22:14):
Mm-hmm.
Oh yeah.
That, that notebook is a familytreasure.
We have it locked away, even ina, in a bank safe depository
box.
Shelly (22:20):
Mm-hmm.
We better not lose that.
maw-maw might come back and getus.
Archie (22:26):
I believe it.
Shelly (22:28):
Anyway.
Some places matched.
Some had changed, one had burneddown.
She said the weirdest thing wasthat most of them felt familiar,
like she'd been there before,just hadn't known it.
And here's the best part.
The postcards stopped once shestarted traveling.
(22:50):
Like that was the whole point.
Archie (22:53):
Now see that?
That's the kind of magic I canget behind.
Shelly (22:56):
Yeah, same.
And it makes me wonder though,who or what was leaving them,
but maw-maw always said"somemysteries ain't meant to be
solved, just followed."
Archie (23:08):
She had that way, didn't she?
Where she could just let aquestion go without an answer.
Mm-hmm.
You know, so many of us, we hangon too tight or, or for too
long, hoping that we can wrestleand answer out of a thing.
But maw-maw, well, I mean,"if itcame, it came." That's what
she'd say.
"And if it didn't, then there'sno you spending energy on
(23:31):
something that has it in itsmind to stay hidden."
Shelly (23:34):
Oh, but she did give us wrestlers some slack though.
Archie (23:38):
Wrestle.
That's right.
She'd say"you can't fight whatnature put in you."
Shelly (23:42):
"If you're born to wrestle, well wrestle on."
Archie (23:46):
Oh man.
There's two maw-maw quotes forthe price of one.
Uh, well, okay.
How about we get back to mystory in the diner?
Shelly (23:54):
Yes, by all means.
Archie (23:55):
Alright, so, uh, where was I?
Okay, now, uh, if, if youremember, as I'd mentioned, I'd
stumbled across this odd littlediner.
Mm-hmm.
And, and in it, there was thisold man sitting at the counter
just, you know, drawing onnapkins with a pen that, well,
this pen had definitely seenbetter days.
I think he might have had a,what they call an oral fixation
(24:19):
because the pen was all chewedup.
I mean, chewed up this way andthat way.
And the end of the cap, youknow, the part that you're
supposed to hook onto stuff?
Yeah.
Well, well, that part was, wasclenched in his teeth and he
worked it over while he drewjust gnawing on it.
Shelly (24:35):
Oh.
Archie (24:35):
So.
Naturally.
I was curious.
Shelly (24:38):
Color me surprised.
Archie (24:41):
Right?
So, uh, I leaned in to see whathe was working on, and it seemed
like he was drawing maps.
Only, they were all wrong.
Okay.
I mean, for example, north wassouth, west was east, but the
rivers flowed backwards and thehills were inverted.
Shelly (24:59):
You could tell all of this from a quick glance.
Archie (25:02):
Well, no, I asked him.
Me being me.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I said, uh, it lookslike you're working on a puzzle
or something.
And, and he handed me, one says,this'll get you where you're
going as long as you don't knowwhere that is.
Shelly (25:17):
Well, cryptic,
Archie (25:18):
isn't it?
Mm-hmm.
I chalked it up to, uh, justsome diner weirdness and I, I
tossed the napkin in the glovebox next to some of my cassette
tapes.
Shelly (25:27):
Ah, the glove box where things go to be forgotten.
Archie (25:30):
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And so indeed it was for a fewdays, but then somewhere deep in
the Ozarks, I got caught in adownpour and my atlas got
completely soaked and turnedinto paper mush.
How?
Oh no, that's a, that's a wholeother story for a whole other
time.
Shelly (25:49):
Well, I'll hold you to that.
Archie (25:51):
I'm sure you will.
So anyways, the, the Atlas is nolonger useful.
And the road signs were about ashelpful as a screen door on a
submarine.
Okay.
Then outta nowhere, I rememberedthe napkin.
So I reach into Betsy and I openup the glove compartment.
I pull it out.
It's all still wrinkled, stillstrange looking, but I gotta be
(26:15):
honest, it looked familiar.
I mean, the bands and the curveson that thing, they, they
matched the hills that I waswinding through.
Shelly (26:24):
Now that's convenient.
Archie (26:26):
I'd say so.
So I followed it and wouldn't,you know, it led me to this
little town with a gas pump, ascreen door grocery and an auto
shop with exactly the fan belt Ididn't know I was about to need.
Shelly (26:43):
Why, what happened to Betsy?
Archie (26:45):
Well, I was turning into the gas station to fill up and,
and grab another map when my fanbelt suddenly went, huh?
I mean, it just, it justsnapped.
And, and an engine doesn't worktoo good without a fan belt for
those who don't know.
Shelly (26:58):
No, it doesn't.
Well, that's what I call goodtiming.
Archie (27:02):
I mean, it certainly felt serendipitous and, and so
was the next thing.
See, the place was cash onlyand, and wouldn't you know it, I
had the exact dollar amountfolded up in the sun visor.
Like, like I'd put it there inpurpose.
Shelly (27:17):
Well, now surprise money.
That is always a fun find.
Archie (27:21):
Yeah.
Well, it was a relief'cause I, Iwould've been stranded
otherwise.
Shelly (27:24):
Well, good thing you stopped in that diner.
Archie (27:27):
Yeah.
Well, the funny thing about thatdiner is I went looking for that
town again once, mm-hmm.
Maybe a year or two later.
But the roads didn't matchanymore and, and nobody around
them parts had heard of it.
I asked a fellow at the roadsidebait shop, have you heard of
such and such?
It's got a gas station and astrange little diner.
(27:50):
He said that town had all butclosed down in the eighties.
He said even the church hadgone.
Shelly (27:56):
Well, if the church is gone, that's a bad sign.
Archie (27:58):
Mm-hmm.
And get this, I checked thatnapkin again.
It was blank.
Shelly (28:03):
What?
Archie (28:04):
Just a, just, I swear.
Just a smudge of grease in thecorner and a fold line like it
never held nothing at all.
Shelly (28:10):
Wow.
A whole town appeared via MagicNapkin just to save you.
Archie (28:14):
It certainly felt that way.
And now, now listen, I, I'vetold this story about a hundred
different times, a hundreddifferent ways over the years.
Sometimes that old man had abolo tie and sometimes he was
wearing a poncho.
I, I think one time I even toldit where he had an eye patch and
ordered peach cobbler, like hewas in a Western.
(28:34):
But, but there's one thingthat's never changed.
It's that map that got me whereI needed to go.
Shelly (28:40):
Mm-hmm.
Archie (28:42):
So.
Yeah, some of the details, maybeI dress them up a little bit,
provided a few extra forclarity.
But, uh, at the heart of thestory, you know, that part's
still true.
Shelly (28:53):
You know, that tale has a very familiar ring to it.
Archie (28:58):
Well, it should.
Folks been telling versions ofit for generations.
Uh, you know, the type ofstranger gives you a map or a
warning or a key that leadssomewhere you're not supposed to
find.
You know, some people say it's,uh, the cousin to that old
vanishing hitchhiker story.
The others say that's got itstoe dipped into the road to
(29:18):
nowhere tales where thedirections are too helpful and
the, the path too smooth.
And by the time you look back,the whole place is gone.
You know, sometimes it's a, it'sa hidden town.
Sometimes it's a strange dinerthat only shows up in the rain.
Sometimes it's just a, a turnyou weren't supposed to take.
(29:39):
Except you did and you ended upexactly where you needed to be.
Shelly (29:45):
I gotta say Arch, that's nicely done.
Nicely done.
That's a good way to wrap thingsup.
Archie (29:51):
Oh, thank you, Shelly.
Shelly (29:54):
So there you have it, folks.
The last batch of stories, andit's the last episode of the
season, so we're gonna do thingsa little bit differently.
Archie (30:03):
Right.
Uh, so in instead of voting onwho told it best this week, you
get to vote on which tale stoodout from all the rest of them
this whole season.
Shelly (30:12):
We have breakdowns of all the episodes on the podcast
page to help refresh yourmemory.
Archie (30:17):
And of course, all the episodes are up and available
for a re-listen whenever.
Shelly (30:21):
So make sure to visit not quiterightgoods.com and
notquiterightgoods on Instagramto put in your vote.
Archie (30:29):
Well, Shell, I, I think we come to the quote portion of
the episode.
Shelly (30:33):
Wow.
Already.
We're gonna be over before weknow it.
Archie (30:37):
Yeah, it sure seems that way.
Shelly (30:39):
Well, you wanna go first?
Archie (30:41):
I'd love to.
You know, uh, there's a sayingthat I've heard some folks
attribute it to, uh, one Mr.
Mark Twain, though, who reallyknows.
Anyway, it goes something likethis.
"Never let the truth get in theway of a good story."
Shelly (30:57):
Well, that sounds like something he would say.
Archie (30:59):
It does, doesn't it?
And, and I get it.
I ain't saying we oughta gomaking stuff up just to impress
people, but sometimes you gottabend a little if you want folks
to feel what really happened.
Shelly (31:11):
Details were made up for clarity.
Archie (31:13):
maw-maw Classic.
Exactly.
Shelly (31:16):
Well, mine's similar to yours and I don't know who said
it.
But I've heard it said"Facts arewhat happened.
Truth is what we make of it."
Archie (31:27):
Mm.
Yeah.
That's a nice one.
Shelly (31:29):
Mm-hmm.
And honestly, that's what I loveabout stories.
We're not always trying to provesomething.
Sometimes we're just trying toshare and remember it right.
Even if we have to make a fewadjustments on the way there.
Archie (31:41):
That's right.
Never shy away from adjustments.
Those details just may be thething that makes your story
memorable.
Shelly (31:47):
I couldn't agree more.
So Arch, unless you have morewise words of storytelling
advice, we have something wehave to settle.
Archie (31:58):
We, uh.
Oh, oh, oh, right.
Of course we, uh, we neverdecided what the prize would be
for the Great Tale Off.
Shelly (32:07):
So, bragging rights it is, then.
Archie (32:10):
Well now hold up.
Not so fast.
I, I think we can still throw itto the porch.
Shelly (32:15):
Is that what we're calling it now?
Archie (32:17):
Huh?
I mean, come, come on.
Just rolled off my tongue thatway.
And it feels right, doesn't it?
Huh?
So it's got a ring too?
It does have a ring.
So, yeah.
All right, there we go.
So, throwing it to the porch,uh, it'll just mean we're
throwing it to you folks todecide.
Shelly (32:32):
So I guess that means we'll have two polls up maybe at
the same time.
All right.
Maybe alternating.
I don't know what our web teamcan pull off.
Archie (32:39):
And by web team, she means her.
Shelly (32:41):
Arch, giving peeks behind the curtain.
Archie (32:44):
Well, a little peak never hurt nothing.
Shelly (32:46):
I'm sure there's a story to prove you wrong.
Archie (32:48):
Maybe, or to prove me right.
Shelly (32:50):
Oh, touche.
Well.
I guess that's it porch.
Archie (32:56):
Now, if today's episode hit home, or if you've ever told
a story that just got a littlemore dramatic with each
retelling, we've got the perfectt-shirt for you.
Shelly (33:05):
It's got the classic maw-maww saying"details were
made up for clarity."
Archie (33:08):
Mm-hmm.
Truer words were never printedon cotton.
Shelly (33:12):
You can find it and all our other designs at
notquiterightgoods.com.
That's where the stories livebetween the episodes.
Archie (33:19):
Yeah.
I gotta admit, I, I wasn'texpecting this little podcast to
become such a regular part of myweek, but, uh, well, here we
are, eight episodes in and Ican't imagine not sitting down
and talking life with you,Shell.
Shelly (33:32):
Same here, Arch.
I mean, we started this as a wayjust to stay connected and honor
maw-maw's love of storytellingand yeah, I think we did that.
I mean, I hope we did.
Archie (33:42):
I think we did.
Now we'll be taking a shortbreak, but, uh, we're already
tinkering with a season two.
See, I was just pulling y'all'sleg about being on the fence
about that one.
Shelly (33:53):
And if you've got a favorite moment or quote from
the season, tell us on oursocials or send a message
through the shop.
We'd love to hear from y'all.
Archie (33:59):
Y'all made this porch feel a little more special
Shelly (34:02):
and brighter.
Thanks for sitting with us thisseason.
Archie (34:05):
Yeah, you're always welcome back.
Shelly (34:07):
Bye
Archie (34:08):
bye.
Shelly (34:09):
Oh, and remember to listen past the credits for the
great Tell off winner and prizeannouncement.
Joe (34:16):
This has been a not quite right goods production.
Starring Joe Laureiro is Archieand Holland Renton as Shelly.
Written, directed and edited byHolland Renton.
Music sourced via Descript stocklibrary.
Shelly (34:32):
Hi.
We're back.
Just like we said,
Archie (34:35):
and we've got the final count of the great tail off.
Shelly (34:38):
Drum roll, please.
Oh, except don't because lasttime you knocked over your ice
tea.
Archie (34:45):
Alright.
It got in the way is all.
Shelly (34:48):
Oh, did it?
Archie (34:49):
Yeah.
That's Ill placed.
Glass placement.
That's what it was.
Shelly (34:53):
Well, that is a new one.
Archie (34:55):
Mm-hmm.
Shelly (34:56):
So Miley did the official counting and she just
sent us a message.
Do you want to do the honorsarch?
Archie (35:02):
Okay, sure, sure.
Hang on now.
Let me, uh, go ahead and openit.
Just click here.
Okay.
Uh, Miley says,"Hi, Frogs.
Official tally is done.
This season's Great Tale Offwinner is: Archie." Hey,"by one
episode." What do you know?
Uh, says:"PS don't gloat,Archie." Oh.
Shelly (35:27):
Well hopefully that will keep your head from growing too
big.
Archie (35:31):
Ah, it's too late for that.
Shelly, my head's practicallyfloating.
Thanks for voting, folks.
Shelly (35:36):
Well, I hope you don't get too carried away by that
head of yours.
There's always next season.
Archie (35:41):
Well, it might make for a good story, you know.
Shelly (35:44):
Mm.
Instead of balloons like Larry,you travel through the air with
a head full of hot air.
Now that would be a sight.
Archie (35:53):
Well, you know, how about I just strap myself down
if I start to feel my feetleaving the ground?
Shelly (35:58):
Keep yourself grounded.
Archie (36:00):
That's right.
That's good advice right there.
Shelly (36:02):
Well, you're welcome.
Archie (36:03):
Well, all right, folks, with the vote tally in and the
winner announced.
Thanks again.
That wraps up The Great Tale Offuntil next season.
We'll see y'all then for moretall tales and life talk.
Shelly (36:15):
And as always, it'll be a bit not quite right.
Bye bye.
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