January 1, 2025 • 34 mins
The Tramp and Elle are back with a special guest to talk about navigating the lifestyle as both a partnered and single male.
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Episode Transcript
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Elle (00:05):
Welcome back to Unapologetic Swingers.
I'm Elle.
Tramp (00:08):
And I'm the Tramp.
And guys, we are so pleased thisweek, not only to have Elle back
as the guest co host but also weare joined by Sean this week,
who is a single male in thelifestyle and has quite frankly,
a fascinating story that Ipersonally can resonate with,
(00:29):
but hopefully A lot of you guyscan too, from all the aspects.
Elle (00:35):
Excellent.
Well, I'm excited that we haveSean here today because we've
known Sean for probably going onfour or five years.
Most of the time that we've beenin the lifestyle and just
getting to know him more andmore in the last couple of
years.
And he is a fascinating,wonderful, polite, thoughtful
(00:56):
Interesting human being and aswe were looking at, you know,
people that we could talk to andto get on the podcast, he was
one of those that Jay and Italked about that we really
wanted to see if he'd beinterested in getting on and
hearing his story because Ithink it is different and
intriguing and some people willrelate to it and some people
(01:20):
won't but maybe have more of anunderstanding for someone else
who's in a different situationthan they are.
Tramp (01:26):
You know, if you think about it, we're all in slightly
different situations.
Elle (01:30):
Yeah.
Tramp (01:30):
Whether you're coupled, single, poly, all of our
situations are unique.
Elle (01:36):
And going back to topics that we've talked about before,
communication is such a big partof it.
And then knowing someone else'sstory and what they have gone
through and where they're at isall part of it.
Tramp (01:48):
Mm hmm.
But without further ado, Sean,welcome.
Thank
Sean (01:52):
you very much., for the introduction, I was I hope I can
live up to that, that Iappreciate that.
Elle (2) (01:59):
Yeah.
Tramp (01:59):
So Sean, if you don't mind kind of give us an overview
of your experience, how you gotinto the lifestyle and where
you're at now.
Sean (02:08):
Sure.
So.
My wife and I originally gotinto the lifestyle.
We weren't even married at thetime.
We had been talking about thelifestyle for probably several
years and we didn't even reallythink about it being as the
lifestyle was just more pillowtalk about bringing in a third
or another couple or, orsomething of that sort.
(02:29):
So it wasn't even reallyanything that was in our vision.
It's actually sexy talk.
Yeah.
It was just more.
You do stuff to get each otherhot and heavy.
And then after that you justkind of went about your day.
And then eventually we were.
Getting into our pretty much rutlife.
(02:50):
We had been together for severalyears.
It was the same thing over andover again.
You take care of the kids, getthem to practice, go to meetings
you know, do your job and thencome home, get dinner.
And then after that sit down andwatch TV, go to bed, rinse.
(03:10):
Right.
So you guys were out of thehoneymoon phase.
Yes.
Oh yes.
So she had the strength andcourage to one day come to me
and say that she was bored.
She had at this point, she hadreally, I didn't know how I
would react to it.
And the way she came to me, Ican tell that it was more than
just bored with, that day.
(03:32):
So we had been working on ourcommunication a lot and got to a
place where we could both bringthings to each other without
being defensive and alsofocusing on what the message is
how the other person is feeling.
And then also making sure thatwe validated those feelings
whether in those situations weagreed with, How the person was
(03:57):
feeling or thinking or notdidn't matter.
It was more about understandingthat that's how they felt in
that moment.
And then really kind of gettinginto the, the deeper parts of
it.
So when I did ask her, tell memore she went into more of like
our sex life, our life ingeneral.
(04:17):
It was easy for me to then takea step back and realize exactly
what she was talking about andrealized I was bored too.
From there we discussed a lot ofdifferent things.
We went into more kink a littlebit of CNC or consensual non
consensual non consent.
(04:37):
A lot of other things whichreally kind of spice things up a
little bit.
We would go started going out inthe middle of the week just to
get out of the house.
And then you shook
Elle (04:48):
it
Sean (04:48):
up.
Yeah, we needed to we, we neededto shake up just otherwise we
just would have beensleepwalking through our lives
and then wake up one day andwonder where everything went.
Tramp (04:59):
Well, it truly sounds like that level of communication
is quite frankly, at anotherlevel, being able to take
something that she approachedyou with at that level and being
able to really think about it.
Even a lot of lifestyle folksaren't there yet.
They're just kind of flying bythe seat of their pants.
(05:19):
So that's awesome.
Sean (05:21):
And it just kind of took off from there.
Once we, started getting intothe really listening to each
other hearing what we bothwanted and then One day she came
to me and said that she wantedme to go and sleep with another
woman and then Come back andtell her about it Well, I had
been in a previous marriage witha very manipulative individual
(05:45):
and It's a trap.
Elle (05:46):
It's a trap.
Right.
Yeah.
A little
Sean (05:48):
gunshot.
So I would, I would just smileat her, nod my head and say,
Okay baby, and then we'd justmove along our day.
But she kept bringing it up atdifferent times.
It wasn't in the same day, or inthe same week, really, but it
would happen over and over againsubtly until finally she said,
you don't believe me.
And I said, no, I do not.
I said, I think it's somethingyou think you want me to do, but
(06:11):
when it happens that it'll besomething that you'll blame me
for.
And there's no going back.
And there's no going back forthat.
So she decided to show me.
That she wanted me to, so sheimmediately opened our laptop
and started creating a OKCupidprofile for me just as a regular
single male unattached.
(06:32):
So essentially, at the time, Ididn't realize it, but we were
catfishing.
So Oh, because she was Becauseshe's doing the Oh yeah, that's
Elle (06:41):
not good.
Okay.
Okay.
Hahaha.
Sean (06:43):
But she started creating this profile, and as she's
creating this profile for me, itimmediately starts getting these
IMs from women.
And then she starts chattingwith these women as me.
And at that point, that's when Isaid, well, this is gonna
happen.
And that's when I asked her tomove out of the way so I can go
ahead and run my own chat withthese women.
(07:05):
Within four days, I had a date.
And I saw a woman and we playedand I came back and told her
about it.
And she was very excited andpleased and we had phenomenal
sex after that.
And that's where we then startedreally talking about the
(07:27):
lifestyle and really gettinginto what do each of us want
from that?
And so we created a profile onadult friend finder.
I
Elle (07:38):
heard about that.
Sean (07:39):
And, and my personal experience it is not the
greatest place to begin or evenstart.
I have heard that too.
Not too many friends,
Elle (2) (07:49):
but,
Sean (07:51):
From there a couple of members who were members on
Cassidy.
Suggested Cassidy and theyinvited us to a Rocky Mountain
party That was going to behappening.
And so we did and it was reallynice and it was just say it was
an older couple but it wasreally nice to have someone kind
of Not really mentor you but atleast be there and be nice and
(08:16):
kind of tell you a little bitmore And help you learn about
this thing that we never reallyunderstood
Tramp (08:23):
I think that's something that stands out generally
speaking about the lifestyle isyou always have those older
couples or there's one couplehere locally that I refer to as
kind of the mayor.
And he's the first one, he andhis wife to just welcome you and
talk to you very unassuming andjust make you feel.
(08:44):
Jay, Jay does
Elle (08:45):
that.
And I'm always so amazed at himat the ranch that he'll spot the
people wide eyed, looking like adeer in headlights.
And we'll make sure to go overand talk to them, give them a
tour if they need to, or answerany questions, introduce them to
other people, and thengentlemanly walk away, or bring
me over and say, Hey, you needto meet these people.
(09:09):
Like Saturday night.
Yeah, it's helpful.
Yes, and
Sean (09:15):
it helped us relax a little more I didn't just
understand and get a get alittle bit of a better feeling
And then from there and talkingto them we started to kind of
formulate How we wanted to goabout the lifestyle.
Yeah now Like a lot of couplesout there we went into it with a
(09:36):
laundry list of rules
Elle (2) (09:40):
Been
Sean (09:40):
there, done that.
We were only going to datecouples.
And, and at that time we wereafraid of going to the ranch.
We had the visions.
And
Elle (09:51):
there's going to be an orgy.
Sean (09:52):
We had visions that it was eyes wide shut, asses and elbows
all the time.
And that if you went in and youweren't a part of the group, you
were going to be an outcast,right?
So we're, we decided datecouples and we thought that
would be the easiest thing.
And as a lot of people know outthere, dating couples, dating
couples is probably the furthestfrom an easy thing that you can
do.
Elle (2) (10:12):
Sure.
Sean (10:13):
There just has to be a, you have to have a lot of green
lights for something like thatto work out.
Elle (10:17):
All four have to be connected.
Everybody's got to be, have aschedule that works together.
Yeah.
Sean (10:24):
Well, and once we would find a couple, it would be then
we'd have all these other, setsof rules and things like that,
that we had implemented.
And we've eventually found outthat having a lot of the stuff
that we had there did not makesense at all.
And it proved that it actuallyprevented us from experiencing
(10:44):
the lifestyle.
We did find it extremelydifficult to find couples that
we Either we both liked or thatthey liked us or that everything
went well.
And then there are even timesthat everything's great in a
just typical social setting.
But then when you get down tosex and just even kissing,
there's an incompatibilitysomewhere.
(11:07):
And not to mention thescheduling, A lot of times it's,
well, we've got to plan thingsout two or three weeks in
advance for a hotel on thisspecific Friday or Saturday,
which isn't the Very sexysometimes, especially for who my
wife was very anxious.
She would get a lot of anxietyand get stressed about things.
(11:29):
So yes, in the moment whenyou're planning, she's on board,
she's ready to do this.
But then as that date getscloser and closer and closer,
there's a lot of anxiety becauseit's now no longer a get to it's
a half to, and so we kept,finding little I guess pits and,
things to have to navigate as wewere going through this until we
(11:53):
decided to finally go to theranch and we went on a Wednesday
night and at that time they weredoing new member dinners.
So that's when you couldactually reserve a spot.
And they would have a table, alarge tables.
And we were sat with about twoother new couples and then one
(12:17):
gold member couple.
Elle (12:18):
Wonder where they stopped.
Yeah, that's actually
Tramp (12:20):
sounds like a really
Elle (12:21):
good idea.
Every Wednesday.
We absolutely would sit at atable with a bunch of strangers.
Sean (12:27):
I don't know.
You just, yeah, you could justcall up or reserve it online and
you would be able to do it.
And that's really what helped usout.
So going in on a Wednesdaynight.
Meeting new people as well asgold member couples who were
just there to relax and tell youabout the place and talk about
their experiences.
And, it was wonderful.
(12:48):
It was eyeopening.
And then from there we went backto the ranch on a Friday and
then we went back that Saturday.
And then we went back the nextweek and the week after until
the bartender Until thebartender finally looked at us
and said you guys should have agold membership
Elle (13:06):
You are here a lot
Sean (13:08):
which we ended up doing But what we also found out for
my wife patty at the time wasthat she Really could lean into
The organic attraction andorganic fun times.
Tramp (13:25):
Those are magical and they don't often happen,
admittedly.
Elle (13:28):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, Jay and I go a lot.
I mean, we'll be honest.
We live five minutes from thereand it's a quick and easy place
for us to go on a Wednesdaynight for our dinner to start
the weekend off and maybe aFriday and a Saturday and
sometimes Sunday and, you know.
We're at the point now we don'tgo and play that often, but when
(13:49):
we do, it is spontaneous and itis that oh my gosh, we met this
couple and they're great.
And then that anxiety.
That I do a lot of times feel isnot there because I'm in the
moment, you know,
Tramp (14:02):
without getting sidetracked too much I think
that organic interaction ismostly driven by the women.
Elle (14:09):
Oh for sure Yes.
Tramp (14:10):
And sometimes us guys are just kind
Elle (14:12):
of flying along by the seat of our pants.
We're just along for the ride.
Exactly.
Tramp (14:19):
But no, it's fun.
Elle (14:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tramp (14:21):
Especially since Jay and myself, we're both compulsive
personality types.
So we enjoy seeing other peoplegetting pleasured or at least
someone that we're intimate withor attached to.
Elle (14:32):
Yeah.
Tramp (14:33):
Yeah.
So that's just a bonus.
Elle (14:35):
For us to just say no.
Oh, so, so sorry,
Sean (14:45):
Sean.
So now we're going to the rancha lot and now we're evolving our
relationship as how we look atit as being in the LS and we
went from, well, we can onlyplay with each other, same room.
With other couples and it reallyjust got to the point of, we had
(15:08):
hall passes, we can play withwhoever we wanted as long as we
knew where each other was andthat we were being safe and that
we were following certain safetyprotocols that we had aligned
and even to the point when therewas a brief moment where all the
kids were out of the house and Iwent ahead and made two of our
spare rooms into playrooms with,beds and swing, well, at least
(15:32):
hard points for swings anddifferent things like that.
And so we, we did be throughthat evolution and being at the
ranch, we ended up really beingpart of a social sphere or
tribe, if you will.
We would also start going backto the ranch on weekly on
(15:53):
Wednesdays or Thursdays andhaving dinners with a lot of the
friends that we had, it was justweekly dinners and whoever can
make it couldn't make it.
And there'd be anywhere from 12or 16 of us or just eight of us
at a time.
Tramp (16:07):
That's something I found pretty amazing about the
lifestyle is you really do findyour tribe.
Yep.
Elle (16:13):
Well, it's a group of people that you can talk to
about anything.
There is really no subject offthe table and that comfort level
of being around people who justget you.
You don't have a pretense.
There's no pretenses, you know,
Sean (16:28):
exactly.
You're just
Elle (16:29):
you.
Sean (16:29):
Yeah.
And that's when we really foundthat we really settled into the
lifestyle and, and just thedifferent people that.
make it so much fun with us.
And it's not even necessarilythat we're playing with them.
It's just those friendships andbonds that you just make from
those different things.
When my wife passed away inMarch of 2021, It was that tribe
(17:00):
that really supported me andhelped me through a lot of
different things.
Including who's one of mypartners now is Jay and not your
Jay.
Elle (17:13):
No, not my Jay.
But,
Sean (17:16):
How that came about was that she and my wife, Patty I
had met Jay, gosh several monthsbefore my wife passed and they
started to become friends.
And so they would go to theranch together if I had a date
with somebody else.
And Jay Kind of came in to ourtribe and our group as well.
(17:41):
It was all these people thatwere there to support me after
my wife passed that reallyhelped me out even more so than
my vanilla friends or family oranything like that.
That brought me up to the pointnow where I started to continue
to go through the lifestylebecause of the communication my
wife and I had with being in thelifestyle, cause it's just, for
(18:05):
us it was Constantly need tocommunicate, always talking.
And it wasn't even a have to, itwas a want to, it was just, it
was just something that wouldjust happen.
So you would sit down and getready to binge watch a TV series
or something at, you know, seveno'clock at night.
And you look over at the clockand it's 11 o'clock and you
hadn't even watched a singleepisode, even though it's been
(18:26):
running and you've just beentalking the entire time,
invested with each other and,and each other's lives and
what's going on.
And so, all that's gone for, forme at that point, right?
Right,
Elle (18:39):
and you're missing that.
Sean (18:40):
And, in that communication we talked about everything
including death.
We talked about death a lot.
And what we wanted each other todo and be and how we wanted each
other to feel.
We're not, tell each other howto feel.
But that, We didn't need to holdourselves back for anything and
that we wanted to make sure thatwe were both happy and able to
(19:03):
progress as well as we could, ifthat ever happened.
And so I did take that adviceand eventually moved forward.
And then found myself going froma well accepted couple in the
lifestyle to the now dreadedsingle male in the lifestyle,
(19:24):
which was a stark contrast fromwhere things had been as far as
how accepting just people thatyou don't know when they first
hear between.
You're a couple or have apartner or anything like that.
They're very more open armed andaccepting and willing to talk to
you and left less stand offoffice.
Whereas when you go in andyou're, I'm a single male and
(19:47):
it's, and there is some goodreasons behind that.
I understand just because of,there's a lot of single males
out there that treat thelifestyle as tender or a place
to just get notches on thebedpost or, or things like that.
But it was a stark contrast andit was, a big shock.
(20:09):
It is
Elle (20:09):
a, you're thinking I'm the, still the same person.
Yeah,
Tramp (20:12):
And it is a, jarring transition.
Let's just say,
Sean (20:16):
absolutely.
Tramp (20:17):
Sean, you're absolutely right.
When you're in a couple, peoplewelcome you with open arms.
And then all of a sudden, Oh,you're the single guy.
Just all of a sudden.
And it's like these barriers getput up.
Even people that are yourfriends, there's still sometimes
that weird energy.
(20:38):
There's a, yeah, there's
Sean (20:38):
a little energy.
Like you're at arm's length.
Tramp (20:40):
Yes.
Elle (20:42):
You're both looking at me.
I'm really sorry that you feelthat way and I hope I've never
treated you that way.
No, never.
Not at all.
Not at all.
I'd like to think I have not.
Well, considering you're two ofmy favorite single males, I, Do
not feel that way about you.
(21:04):
There's no arms length.
I will always hug you.
I will always welcome you withopen arms.
Tramp (21:09):
Thank you, Al.
Thank you.
Appreciate that.
Elle (21:13):
But you have found your way through this.
You have found your happy place,your way you need to be, the
lifestyle you have because it'snot just Jay.
Sean (21:24):
Yeah yes.
And I have there's, I haveanother partner C as well.
When kind of navigating this, itwas never a plan or an idea to
have multiple partners.
In fact, I, I didn't even reallylike using the term partner
originally.
(21:45):
But it didn't seem right to.
just call these wonderful womenjust my friends.
Because they were more.
Yes.
And it didn't seem right to saythat they were girlfriends
because I think it just puts adifferent context on things for
people.
You can kind of say it is alittle polyamorous, I suppose,
in a way but it's just, theyeach.
(22:10):
are different people and providedifferent things for me in my
life.
One's a great caregiver andcaretaker and another helps me
Not be a hermit and stay in thehouse and be by myself.
So
Tramp (22:27):
Building on that.
I think the lifestyle by andlarge, it's about variety.
It's about the excitement andthat you found yourself in that
very unique situation.
That's incredible.
And I'm happy for you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Elle (22:43):
Well, and like you've just said, the lifestyle allowed you
to have these two amazing womenin your life and still open to
more variety.
But these two women who give youvery different support and love
doesn't have to be one or theother.
And the three of you find thisbalance.
(23:04):
I, as an outsider view it as,that's balance is done very
well.
Sean (23:10):
It's not always, Rainbows and gumdrops can't be, but, but
there's some navigating things.
There's definitely, I mean,we're all human.
There's still, yes, there's lotsof communication needs to be
done.
Lots of care and understandingfor everyone's feelings.
Somebody may have.
something that they'd like to dowith me on this particular
(23:32):
Saturday.
And I've already committed thatSaturday to doing something with
somebody else.
And so there's just a lot ofbalance and helping everyone
understand that not everything'sgoing to be perfect on the top
all the time, but we're, as longas we're still, cool.
Enjoying the time that we spendtogether.
(23:54):
That's what's most important.
Tramp (23:56):
Yeah.
It sounds like it's definitelynot without its potential
pitfalls.
Of
Elle (23:59):
course not.
It's life, right?
Life is full of pitfalls, but Ithink it's what you do with it
and it's how you react.
And one of my favorite sayingsis I can't control how somebody
is directed at me, how theyspeak to me, how they behave
towards me, any of that.
The only thing I get to be ableto have control with is how I
(24:20):
react to it.
Sean (24:21):
Exactly.
And
Elle (24:21):
if you're keeping that communication going, as we tend
to do in the lifestyle, I thinkmore than a vanilla lifestyle
you have a better chance ofthat.
There's fewer hurt feelings.
It doesn't mean there's not hurtfeelings.
There's fewer and you workthrough it and you get past it.
Yes.
I think a lot faster in mostcases, at least you have a
(24:43):
better shot at it.
That's my two cents.
Sean (24:45):
Well, and yes.
And I think it's, it's aboutbeing authentic and really
acknowledging, even thoughsomebody is feeling a certain
way, again, that you may not,necessarily agree with, but at
least acknowledging that theyhave those feelings, that they
are there, and justunderstanding how they feel and
(25:07):
why they feel that way.
And then kind of going fromthere, at least.
It's just more of a validationof who somebody is and what
they're feeling at that time.
And again, they do a great jobunderstanding and there are
times I let them know that thesedays I am by myself.
I am on my own.
I need a break because I am aintroverted individual.
(25:31):
My recharge is when I am bymyself on my couch with my dogs.
I will go out and go dancing anddo different things.
And then usually a day or twolater, I have to have a just me
time break.
Or I just need a break from bothof them and I want to go out and
maybe just go to the ranch andon my own and be social.
Elle (25:54):
Right.
But again, you communicate.
Yes.
Communication truly is yoursuperpower.
It's not a surprise for someonesitting there waiting for a
phone call that's not happening.
Right.
I mean, I find it so fascinatingwhat a different level of
relationship the lifestyle isfrom basic vanilla dating and
meeting someone I've been on thesingle end of things a couple of
(26:17):
more times than I'd like to.
And being out there and just Notknowing what someone else is
feeling or thinking, it didn'tmatter.
It was fine.
I'm a big girl, but I want toknow where you're at so that I
can adjust my thought process ifI need to, and I think we get
more of that from at least thefriendships and the
(26:39):
relationships and theinterconnection of the
lifestyle.
Tramp (26:43):
That and vanilla people, I just find her kind of boring
to be perfectly blunt.
Elle (26:49):
I know they can be, they're funny, but And you
Tramp (26:54):
catch yourself I should not say that.
Cause amongst lifestyle folks,you can just let it fly,
whatever's on your mind.
But if you're at a companyfunction, you have to catch
yourself.
Yes.
Constantly.
Elle (27:05):
Or it's the going to give somebody a hug.
And Oh, do I?
Do I kiss them?
Do I give a kiss on the cheek?
Do I kiss their lips?
No, probably shouldn't.
No, don't do it.
Sean (27:16):
When you're going in to hug, you're like, no, I can't,
I've got
Elle (27:19):
to turn weird, awkward.
Yes.
Tramp (27:23):
No, Sean.
But thank you.
That was an incredible story.
Elle (27:29):
And
Tramp (27:29):
I think we both would love to have you back on and
probably explore some morefacets of that if you're
willing.
Sean (27:34):
Absolutely.
But
Tramp (27:35):
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(28:21):
In many instances, this is goingto replace alcohol for me at
lifestyle events.
I just feel good, I'm relaxed,and everything is better.
Especially when I get a chanceto play.
I would love for you guys to trythem out.
And I've arranged a specialdiscount code at shivers.
store on any of their products.
Just use the discount code USfor unapologetic swingers at
(28:44):
checkout for 10 percent off yourentire order.
A link can also be found on ourwebsite.
And please be sure to let usknow what you think.
It's pretty obvious.
We think they are incredible.
That was simply an incredibleunapologetic story.
I should have prefaced that atthe beginning, I always forget
to but now we're going to moveinto the unapologetic honesty
(29:06):
and Sean, here's a question Ihave for you, if you don't mind,
is as you moved into the singlemale realm, What was the hardest
thing for you to navigate?
Sean (29:17):
I think when I first started as a single male, it was
just the not being met with openarms.
Like I used to, I suppose thatthe people being standoffish or
whether it's online.
Or when you're just meetingpeople in the lifestyle and they
(29:38):
ask if you're partnered withanyone or anything there or if
you just come out and just say,I'm a single male, it just seems
like the air gets sucked out ofa room sometimes that at that
point You have the plague orsomething, or at least that they
want to take some time toobserve you a little more to
make sure that you're on the upand up and Yeah.
(30:02):
So from being in a couple tobeing a single male, you can
definitely feel that there's astigma that is very difficult to
shake and very true.
And it's, and I'm happy that I'mat the ranch and everybody there
pretty much, at least all thefront of the house staff and all
my friends know.
So That stigma is no longerthere and I'm very comfortable
(30:25):
moving through that environmentand not having any problems at
all.
And it helps me for othersituations, whether it's at a
party or a club or anything likethat, to have that confidence
and just being assured that I,belong.
Tramp (30:41):
Right.
If, you were to travel, say toanother city and visited the
club, I'm sure your personalexperience would be.
Very different,
Sean (30:49):
yeah, I'd probably be a little more confident than I
would have before.
Just as far as just beingassured of, I know who I am.
I know how to move through thisenvironment and to make friends
and to not be creepy and not becreepy and navigate the
uncomfortable social situationsthat we all have
Elle (31:07):
to.
And the thing is, the differenceI think between a successful
single male and an unsuccessfulsingle male creepy is, is the
engagement with other people,the ability to go up to somebody
and talk to them, thewillingness to wear a costume if
there's a theme.
The willing to engage both thecouple in a conversation and
(31:31):
make them feel comfortable.
It's the guys that stand aroundwherever we've been at that
aren't talking to anybody and Iknow it's hard and it's
intimidating, but you make thateffort that's generally
acknowledged like, Hey, look,you wore a costume to a theme
night.
Hey, look, you came up andtalked to us.
I think that's more rewardedthan other things, but it's also
(31:54):
the consistency, and you'retalking to people and engaging
them.
And the same thing with you,Tramp, is the talking to people
and making them also feelcomfortable with you around and
that goes a long way to makingsomebody welcome you into their
fold.
Sean (32:11):
Absolutely.
And I would say just eye contactand a smile.
And good intentions go a longway.
Tramp (32:18):
Yeah, you can feel someone's energy.
So true.
At least I'm a believer of it.
Elle (2) (32:22):
It's so
Sean (32:22):
true.
And usually, when I go into likethe ranch or a party or anything
like that, my only goal is tomake sure that I'm having a good
time.
Elle (2) (32:31):
Right.
Sean (32:31):
And, that doesn't mean play.
That just means just in theenvironment that I'm having a
good time.
And then anything that happensoutside of that is positive.
It's just icing on the cake.
And you'll find the less you gointo those situations saying I
need to play with someone.
I have to have sex.
I need to, whatever this, andhave that in the front of your
(32:51):
mind.
It starts.
putting you in a place ofdesperation and a mindset in a
place where people, like yousaid can feel that energy that
they can and they don't like itand they want to get away from
it.
And that's when you're thecreepy single guy in the corner.
Elle (33:09):
Yeah.
Sexpectations.
Don't have them.
Go in and have a good time.
Meet some new people who knowswhat'll happen down the line.
Yeah.
Tramp (33:19):
Well put.
Well, guys, this was an awesomeconversation.
I look forward to another one.
We have no ask us anything thisweek, so I'm begging you.
Elle (33:30):
Stop people right in.
Just throw us a question.
Yes,
Tramp (33:34):
we do.
It's, fun being able to answer aquestion on the fly.
But in the interim we can bereached at unapologetic swingers
at gmail.
com.
Our website is also unapologeticswingers.
com and wherever you happen tobe listening to us, just leave
us a review.
Let us know what you like aboutus.
And that's the biggest ask thatwe could have for you.
(33:57):
The next episode is kind of tobe determined, just like we have
been, we're going to try to workin some more sexy stories.
Cause I think that's what thepeople want.
Elle (34:05):
So be warned.
Sean.
I might have a few.
All right.
If you're willing to share untilnext time, I'm Al and I'm the
tramp.
Be sexy.
Be confident.
Be unapologetic.
Welcome back to Unapologetic Swingers.
I'm Elle.
Tramp (00:08):
And I'm the Tramp.
And guys, we are so pleased thisweek, not only to have Elle back
as the guest co host but also weare joined by Sean this week,
who is a single male in thelifestyle and has quite frankly,
a fascinating story that Ipersonally can resonate with,
(00:29):
but hopefully A lot of you guyscan too, from all the aspects.
Elle (00:35):
Excellent.
Well, I'm excited that we haveSean here today because we've
known Sean for probably going onfour or five years.
Most of the time that we've beenin the lifestyle and just
getting to know him more andmore in the last couple of
years.
And he is a fascinating,wonderful, polite, thoughtful
(00:56):
Interesting human being and aswe were looking at, you know,
people that we could talk to andto get on the podcast, he was
one of those that Jay and Italked about that we really
wanted to see if he'd beinterested in getting on and
hearing his story because Ithink it is different and
intriguing and some people willrelate to it and some people
(01:20):
won't but maybe have more of anunderstanding for someone else
who's in a different situationthan they are.
Tramp (01:26):
You know, if you think about it, we're all in slightly
different situations.
Elle (01:30):
Yeah.
Tramp (01:30):
Whether you're coupled, single, poly, all of our
situations are unique.
Elle (01:36):
And going back to topics that we've talked about before,
communication is such a big partof it.
And then knowing someone else'sstory and what they have gone
through and where they're at isall part of it.
Tramp (01:48):
Mm hmm.
But without further ado, Sean,welcome.
Thank
Sean (01:52):
you very much., for the introduction, I was I hope I can
live up to that, that Iappreciate that.
Elle (2) (01:59):
Yeah.
Tramp (01:59):
So Sean, if you don't mind kind of give us an overview
of your experience, how you gotinto the lifestyle and where
you're at now.
Sean (02:08):
Sure.
So.
My wife and I originally gotinto the lifestyle.
We weren't even married at thetime.
We had been talking about thelifestyle for probably several
years and we didn't even reallythink about it being as the
lifestyle was just more pillowtalk about bringing in a third
or another couple or, orsomething of that sort.
(02:29):
So it wasn't even reallyanything that was in our vision.
It's actually sexy talk.
Yeah.
It was just more.
You do stuff to get each otherhot and heavy.
And then after that you justkind of went about your day.
And then eventually we were.
Getting into our pretty much rutlife.
(02:50):
We had been together for severalyears.
It was the same thing over andover again.
You take care of the kids, getthem to practice, go to meetings
you know, do your job and thencome home, get dinner.
And then after that sit down andwatch TV, go to bed, rinse.
(03:10):
Right.
So you guys were out of thehoneymoon phase.
Yes.
Oh yes.
So she had the strength andcourage to one day come to me
and say that she was bored.
She had at this point, she hadreally, I didn't know how I
would react to it.
And the way she came to me, Ican tell that it was more than
just bored with, that day.
(03:32):
So we had been working on ourcommunication a lot and got to a
place where we could both bringthings to each other without
being defensive and alsofocusing on what the message is
how the other person is feeling.
And then also making sure thatwe validated those feelings
whether in those situations weagreed with, How the person was
(03:57):
feeling or thinking or notdidn't matter.
It was more about understandingthat that's how they felt in
that moment.
And then really kind of gettinginto the, the deeper parts of
it.
So when I did ask her, tell memore she went into more of like
our sex life, our life ingeneral.
(04:17):
It was easy for me to then takea step back and realize exactly
what she was talking about andrealized I was bored too.
From there we discussed a lot ofdifferent things.
We went into more kink a littlebit of CNC or consensual non
consensual non consent.
(04:37):
A lot of other things whichreally kind of spice things up a
little bit.
We would go started going out inthe middle of the week just to
get out of the house.
And then you shook
Elle (04:48):
it
Sean (04:48):
up.
Yeah, we needed to we, we neededto shake up just otherwise we
just would have beensleepwalking through our lives
and then wake up one day andwonder where everything went.
Tramp (04:59):
Well, it truly sounds like that level of communication
is quite frankly, at anotherlevel, being able to take
something that she approachedyou with at that level and being
able to really think about it.
Even a lot of lifestyle folksaren't there yet.
They're just kind of flying bythe seat of their pants.
(05:19):
So that's awesome.
Sean (05:21):
And it just kind of took off from there.
Once we, started getting intothe really listening to each
other hearing what we bothwanted and then One day she came
to me and said that she wantedme to go and sleep with another
woman and then Come back andtell her about it Well, I had
been in a previous marriage witha very manipulative individual
(05:45):
and It's a trap.
Elle (05:46):
It's a trap.
Right.
Yeah.
A little
Sean (05:48):
gunshot.
So I would, I would just smileat her, nod my head and say,
Okay baby, and then we'd justmove along our day.
But she kept bringing it up atdifferent times.
It wasn't in the same day, or inthe same week, really, but it
would happen over and over againsubtly until finally she said,
you don't believe me.
And I said, no, I do not.
I said, I think it's somethingyou think you want me to do, but
(06:11):
when it happens that it'll besomething that you'll blame me
for.
And there's no going back.
And there's no going back forthat.
So she decided to show me.
That she wanted me to, so sheimmediately opened our laptop
and started creating a OKCupidprofile for me just as a regular
single male unattached.
(06:32):
So essentially, at the time, Ididn't realize it, but we were
catfishing.
So Oh, because she was Becauseshe's doing the Oh yeah, that's
Elle (06:41):
not good.
Okay.
Okay.
Hahaha.
Sean (06:43):
But she started creating this profile, and as she's
creating this profile for me, itimmediately starts getting these
IMs from women.
And then she starts chattingwith these women as me.
And at that point, that's when Isaid, well, this is gonna
happen.
And that's when I asked her tomove out of the way so I can go
ahead and run my own chat withthese women.
(07:05):
Within four days, I had a date.
And I saw a woman and we playedand I came back and told her
about it.
And she was very excited andpleased and we had phenomenal
sex after that.
And that's where we then startedreally talking about the
(07:27):
lifestyle and really gettinginto what do each of us want
from that?
And so we created a profile onadult friend finder.
I
Elle (07:38):
heard about that.
Sean (07:39):
And, and my personal experience it is not the
greatest place to begin or evenstart.
I have heard that too.
Not too many friends,
Elle (2) (07:49):
but,
Sean (07:51):
From there a couple of members who were members on
Cassidy.
Suggested Cassidy and theyinvited us to a Rocky Mountain
party That was going to behappening.
And so we did and it was reallynice and it was just say it was
an older couple but it wasreally nice to have someone kind
of Not really mentor you but atleast be there and be nice and
(08:16):
kind of tell you a little bitmore And help you learn about
this thing that we never reallyunderstood
Tramp (08:23):
I think that's something that stands out generally
speaking about the lifestyle isyou always have those older
couples or there's one couplehere locally that I refer to as
kind of the mayor.
And he's the first one, he andhis wife to just welcome you and
talk to you very unassuming andjust make you feel.
(08:44):
Jay, Jay does
Elle (08:45):
that.
And I'm always so amazed at himat the ranch that he'll spot the
people wide eyed, looking like adeer in headlights.
And we'll make sure to go overand talk to them, give them a
tour if they need to, or answerany questions, introduce them to
other people, and thengentlemanly walk away, or bring
me over and say, Hey, you needto meet these people.
(09:09):
Like Saturday night.
Yeah, it's helpful.
Yes, and
Sean (09:15):
it helped us relax a little more I didn't just
understand and get a get alittle bit of a better feeling
And then from there and talkingto them we started to kind of
formulate How we wanted to goabout the lifestyle.
Yeah now Like a lot of couplesout there we went into it with a
(09:36):
laundry list of rules
Elle (2) (09:40):
Been
Sean (09:40):
there, done that.
We were only going to datecouples.
And, and at that time we wereafraid of going to the ranch.
We had the visions.
And
Elle (09:51):
there's going to be an orgy.
Sean (09:52):
We had visions that it was eyes wide shut, asses and elbows
all the time.
And that if you went in and youweren't a part of the group, you
were going to be an outcast,right?
So we're, we decided datecouples and we thought that
would be the easiest thing.
And as a lot of people know outthere, dating couples, dating
couples is probably the furthestfrom an easy thing that you can
do.
Elle (2) (10:12):
Sure.
Sean (10:13):
There just has to be a, you have to have a lot of green
lights for something like thatto work out.
Elle (10:17):
All four have to be connected.
Everybody's got to be, have aschedule that works together.
Yeah.
Sean (10:24):
Well, and once we would find a couple, it would be then
we'd have all these other, setsof rules and things like that,
that we had implemented.
And we've eventually found outthat having a lot of the stuff
that we had there did not makesense at all.
And it proved that it actuallyprevented us from experiencing
(10:44):
the lifestyle.
We did find it extremelydifficult to find couples that
we Either we both liked or thatthey liked us or that everything
went well.
And then there are even timesthat everything's great in a
just typical social setting.
But then when you get down tosex and just even kissing,
there's an incompatibilitysomewhere.
(11:07):
And not to mention thescheduling, A lot of times it's,
well, we've got to plan thingsout two or three weeks in
advance for a hotel on thisspecific Friday or Saturday,
which isn't the Very sexysometimes, especially for who my
wife was very anxious.
She would get a lot of anxietyand get stressed about things.
(11:29):
So yes, in the moment whenyou're planning, she's on board,
she's ready to do this.
But then as that date getscloser and closer and closer,
there's a lot of anxiety becauseit's now no longer a get to it's
a half to, and so we kept,finding little I guess pits and,
things to have to navigate as wewere going through this until we
(11:53):
decided to finally go to theranch and we went on a Wednesday
night and at that time they weredoing new member dinners.
So that's when you couldactually reserve a spot.
And they would have a table, alarge tables.
And we were sat with about twoother new couples and then one
(12:17):
gold member couple.
Elle (12:18):
Wonder where they stopped.
Yeah, that's actually
Tramp (12:20):
sounds like a really
Elle (12:21):
good idea.
Every Wednesday.
We absolutely would sit at atable with a bunch of strangers.
Sean (12:27):
I don't know.
You just, yeah, you could justcall up or reserve it online and
you would be able to do it.
And that's really what helped usout.
So going in on a Wednesdaynight.
Meeting new people as well asgold member couples who were
just there to relax and tell youabout the place and talk about
their experiences.
And, it was wonderful.
(12:48):
It was eyeopening.
And then from there we went backto the ranch on a Friday and
then we went back that Saturday.
And then we went back the nextweek and the week after until
the bartender Until thebartender finally looked at us
and said you guys should have agold membership
Elle (13:06):
You are here a lot
Sean (13:08):
which we ended up doing But what we also found out for
my wife patty at the time wasthat she Really could lean into
The organic attraction andorganic fun times.
Tramp (13:25):
Those are magical and they don't often happen,
admittedly.
Elle (13:28):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, Jay and I go a lot.
I mean, we'll be honest.
We live five minutes from thereand it's a quick and easy place
for us to go on a Wednesdaynight for our dinner to start
the weekend off and maybe aFriday and a Saturday and
sometimes Sunday and, you know.
We're at the point now we don'tgo and play that often, but when
(13:49):
we do, it is spontaneous and itis that oh my gosh, we met this
couple and they're great.
And then that anxiety.
That I do a lot of times feel isnot there because I'm in the
moment, you know,
Tramp (14:02):
without getting sidetracked too much I think
that organic interaction ismostly driven by the women.
Elle (14:09):
Oh for sure Yes.
Tramp (14:10):
And sometimes us guys are just kind
Elle (14:12):
of flying along by the seat of our pants.
We're just along for the ride.
Exactly.
Tramp (14:19):
But no, it's fun.
Elle (14:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tramp (14:21):
Especially since Jay and myself, we're both compulsive
personality types.
So we enjoy seeing other peoplegetting pleasured or at least
someone that we're intimate withor attached to.
Elle (14:32):
Yeah.
Tramp (14:33):
Yeah.
So that's just a bonus.
Elle (14:35):
For us to just say no.
Oh, so, so sorry,
Sean (14:45):
Sean.
So now we're going to the rancha lot and now we're evolving our
relationship as how we look atit as being in the LS and we
went from, well, we can onlyplay with each other, same room.
With other couples and it reallyjust got to the point of, we had
(15:08):
hall passes, we can play withwhoever we wanted as long as we
knew where each other was andthat we were being safe and that
we were following certain safetyprotocols that we had aligned
and even to the point when therewas a brief moment where all the
kids were out of the house and Iwent ahead and made two of our
spare rooms into playrooms with,beds and swing, well, at least
(15:32):
hard points for swings anddifferent things like that.
And so we, we did be throughthat evolution and being at the
ranch, we ended up really beingpart of a social sphere or
tribe, if you will.
We would also start going backto the ranch on weekly on
(15:53):
Wednesdays or Thursdays andhaving dinners with a lot of the
friends that we had, it was justweekly dinners and whoever can
make it couldn't make it.
And there'd be anywhere from 12or 16 of us or just eight of us
at a time.
Tramp (16:07):
That's something I found pretty amazing about the
lifestyle is you really do findyour tribe.
Yep.
Elle (16:13):
Well, it's a group of people that you can talk to
about anything.
There is really no subject offthe table and that comfort level
of being around people who justget you.
You don't have a pretense.
There's no pretenses, you know,
Sean (16:28):
exactly.
You're just
Elle (16:29):
you.
Sean (16:29):
Yeah.
And that's when we really foundthat we really settled into the
lifestyle and, and just thedifferent people that.
make it so much fun with us.
And it's not even necessarilythat we're playing with them.
It's just those friendships andbonds that you just make from
those different things.
When my wife passed away inMarch of 2021, It was that tribe
(17:00):
that really supported me andhelped me through a lot of
different things.
Including who's one of mypartners now is Jay and not your
Jay.
Elle (17:13):
No, not my Jay.
But,
Sean (17:16):
How that came about was that she and my wife, Patty I
had met Jay, gosh several monthsbefore my wife passed and they
started to become friends.
And so they would go to theranch together if I had a date
with somebody else.
And Jay Kind of came in to ourtribe and our group as well.
(17:41):
It was all these people thatwere there to support me after
my wife passed that reallyhelped me out even more so than
my vanilla friends or family oranything like that.
That brought me up to the pointnow where I started to continue
to go through the lifestylebecause of the communication my
wife and I had with being in thelifestyle, cause it's just, for
(18:05):
us it was Constantly need tocommunicate, always talking.
And it wasn't even a have to, itwas a want to, it was just, it
was just something that wouldjust happen.
So you would sit down and getready to binge watch a TV series
or something at, you know, seveno'clock at night.
And you look over at the clockand it's 11 o'clock and you
hadn't even watched a singleepisode, even though it's been
(18:26):
running and you've just beentalking the entire time,
invested with each other and,and each other's lives and
what's going on.
And so, all that's gone for, forme at that point, right?
Right,
Elle (18:39):
and you're missing that.
Sean (18:40):
And, in that communication we talked about everything
including death.
We talked about death a lot.
And what we wanted each other todo and be and how we wanted each
other to feel.
We're not, tell each other howto feel.
But that, We didn't need to holdourselves back for anything and
that we wanted to make sure thatwe were both happy and able to
(19:03):
progress as well as we could, ifthat ever happened.
And so I did take that adviceand eventually moved forward.
And then found myself going froma well accepted couple in the
lifestyle to the now dreadedsingle male in the lifestyle,
(19:24):
which was a stark contrast fromwhere things had been as far as
how accepting just people thatyou don't know when they first
hear between.
You're a couple or have apartner or anything like that.
They're very more open armed andaccepting and willing to talk to
you and left less stand offoffice.
Whereas when you go in andyou're, I'm a single male and
(19:47):
it's, and there is some goodreasons behind that.
I understand just because of,there's a lot of single males
out there that treat thelifestyle as tender or a place
to just get notches on thebedpost or, or things like that.
But it was a stark contrast andit was, a big shock.
(20:09):
It is
Elle (20:09):
a, you're thinking I'm the, still the same person.
Yeah,
Tramp (20:12):
And it is a, jarring transition.
Let's just say,
Sean (20:16):
absolutely.
Tramp (20:17):
Sean, you're absolutely right.
When you're in a couple, peoplewelcome you with open arms.
And then all of a sudden, Oh,you're the single guy.
Just all of a sudden.
And it's like these barriers getput up.
Even people that are yourfriends, there's still sometimes
that weird energy.
(20:38):
There's a, yeah, there's
Sean (20:38):
a little energy.
Like you're at arm's length.
Tramp (20:40):
Yes.
Elle (20:42):
You're both looking at me.
I'm really sorry that you feelthat way and I hope I've never
treated you that way.
No, never.
Not at all.
Not at all.
I'd like to think I have not.
Well, considering you're two ofmy favorite single males, I, Do
not feel that way about you.
(21:04):
There's no arms length.
I will always hug you.
I will always welcome you withopen arms.
Tramp (21:09):
Thank you, Al.
Thank you.
Appreciate that.
Elle (21:13):
But you have found your way through this.
You have found your happy place,your way you need to be, the
lifestyle you have because it'snot just Jay.
Sean (21:24):
Yeah yes.
And I have there's, I haveanother partner C as well.
When kind of navigating this, itwas never a plan or an idea to
have multiple partners.
In fact, I, I didn't even reallylike using the term partner
originally.
(21:45):
But it didn't seem right to.
just call these wonderful womenjust my friends.
Because they were more.
Yes.
And it didn't seem right to saythat they were girlfriends
because I think it just puts adifferent context on things for
people.
You can kind of say it is alittle polyamorous, I suppose,
in a way but it's just, theyeach.
(22:10):
are different people and providedifferent things for me in my
life.
One's a great caregiver andcaretaker and another helps me
Not be a hermit and stay in thehouse and be by myself.
So
Tramp (22:27):
Building on that.
I think the lifestyle by andlarge, it's about variety.
It's about the excitement andthat you found yourself in that
very unique situation.
That's incredible.
And I'm happy for you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Elle (22:43):
Well, and like you've just said, the lifestyle allowed you
to have these two amazing womenin your life and still open to
more variety.
But these two women who give youvery different support and love
doesn't have to be one or theother.
And the three of you find thisbalance.
(23:04):
I, as an outsider view it as,that's balance is done very
well.
Sean (23:10):
It's not always, Rainbows and gumdrops can't be, but, but
there's some navigating things.
There's definitely, I mean,we're all human.
There's still, yes, there's lotsof communication needs to be
done.
Lots of care and understandingfor everyone's feelings.
Somebody may have.
something that they'd like to dowith me on this particular
(23:32):
Saturday.
And I've already committed thatSaturday to doing something with
somebody else.
And so there's just a lot ofbalance and helping everyone
understand that not everything'sgoing to be perfect on the top
all the time, but we're, as longas we're still, cool.
Enjoying the time that we spendtogether.
(23:54):
That's what's most important.
Tramp (23:56):
Yeah.
It sounds like it's definitelynot without its potential
pitfalls.
Of
Elle (23:59):
course not.
It's life, right?
Life is full of pitfalls, but Ithink it's what you do with it
and it's how you react.
And one of my favorite sayingsis I can't control how somebody
is directed at me, how theyspeak to me, how they behave
towards me, any of that.
The only thing I get to be ableto have control with is how I
(24:20):
react to it.
Sean (24:21):
Exactly.
And
Elle (24:21):
if you're keeping that communication going, as we tend
to do in the lifestyle, I thinkmore than a vanilla lifestyle
you have a better chance ofthat.
There's fewer hurt feelings.
It doesn't mean there's not hurtfeelings.
There's fewer and you workthrough it and you get past it.
Yes.
I think a lot faster in mostcases, at least you have a
(24:43):
better shot at it.
That's my two cents.
Sean (24:45):
Well, and yes.
And I think it's, it's aboutbeing authentic and really
acknowledging, even thoughsomebody is feeling a certain
way, again, that you may not,necessarily agree with, but at
least acknowledging that theyhave those feelings, that they
are there, and justunderstanding how they feel and
(25:07):
why they feel that way.
And then kind of going fromthere, at least.
It's just more of a validationof who somebody is and what
they're feeling at that time.
And again, they do a great jobunderstanding and there are
times I let them know that thesedays I am by myself.
I am on my own.
I need a break because I am aintroverted individual.
(25:31):
My recharge is when I am bymyself on my couch with my dogs.
I will go out and go dancing anddo different things.
And then usually a day or twolater, I have to have a just me
time break.
Or I just need a break from bothof them and I want to go out and
maybe just go to the ranch andon my own and be social.
Elle (25:54):
Right.
But again, you communicate.
Yes.
Communication truly is yoursuperpower.
It's not a surprise for someonesitting there waiting for a
phone call that's not happening.
Right.
I mean, I find it so fascinatingwhat a different level of
relationship the lifestyle isfrom basic vanilla dating and
meeting someone I've been on thesingle end of things a couple of
(26:17):
more times than I'd like to.
And being out there and just Notknowing what someone else is
feeling or thinking, it didn'tmatter.
It was fine.
I'm a big girl, but I want toknow where you're at so that I
can adjust my thought process ifI need to, and I think we get
more of that from at least thefriendships and the
(26:39):
relationships and theinterconnection of the
lifestyle.
Tramp (26:43):
That and vanilla people, I just find her kind of boring
to be perfectly blunt.
Elle (26:49):
I know they can be, they're funny, but And you
Tramp (26:54):
catch yourself I should not say that.
Cause amongst lifestyle folks,you can just let it fly,
whatever's on your mind.
But if you're at a companyfunction, you have to catch
yourself.
Yes.
Constantly.
Elle (27:05):
Or it's the going to give somebody a hug.
And Oh, do I?
Do I kiss them?
Do I give a kiss on the cheek?
Do I kiss their lips?
No, probably shouldn't.
No, don't do it.
Sean (27:16):
When you're going in to hug, you're like, no, I can't,
I've got
Elle (27:19):
to turn weird, awkward.
Yes.
Tramp (27:23):
No, Sean.
But thank you.
That was an incredible story.
Elle (27:29):
And
Tramp (27:29):
I think we both would love to have you back on and
probably explore some morefacets of that if you're
willing.
Sean (27:34):
Absolutely.
But
Tramp (27:35):
guys, I'm going to pause real quick and tell you about
one of our very fantasticsponsors, which is shivers.
Now shivers is an edible CBDderived sensation enhancer.
And there are two specializedformulations, one for men and
one for women.
And let me tell you, thesethings are pretty amazing.
(27:58):
They usually kick in after 30,60 minutes.
And personally, I get afantastic energy boost, but even
better.
Every touch is magnified.
It truly does send thosewonderful shivers right down
your spine.
But it doesn't end there.
Not only is my pleasureincreased, but the next day I
wake up feeling great.
Not groggy, not hungover at all.
(28:21):
In many instances, this is goingto replace alcohol for me at
lifestyle events.
I just feel good, I'm relaxed,and everything is better.
Especially when I get a chanceto play.
I would love for you guys to trythem out.
And I've arranged a specialdiscount code at shivers.
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Just use the discount code USfor unapologetic swingers at
(28:44):
checkout for 10 percent off yourentire order.
A link can also be found on ourwebsite.
And please be sure to let usknow what you think.
It's pretty obvious.
We think they are incredible.
That was simply an incredibleunapologetic story.
I should have prefaced that atthe beginning, I always forget
to but now we're going to moveinto the unapologetic honesty
(29:06):
and Sean, here's a question Ihave for you, if you don't mind,
is as you moved into the singlemale realm, What was the hardest
thing for you to navigate?
Sean (29:17):
I think when I first started as a single male, it was
just the not being met with openarms.
Like I used to, I suppose thatthe people being standoffish or
whether it's online.
Or when you're just meetingpeople in the lifestyle and they
(29:38):
ask if you're partnered withanyone or anything there or if
you just come out and just say,I'm a single male, it just seems
like the air gets sucked out ofa room sometimes that at that
point You have the plague orsomething, or at least that they
want to take some time toobserve you a little more to
make sure that you're on the upand up and Yeah.
(30:02):
So from being in a couple tobeing a single male, you can
definitely feel that there's astigma that is very difficult to
shake and very true.
And it's, and I'm happy that I'mat the ranch and everybody there
pretty much, at least all thefront of the house staff and all
my friends know.
So That stigma is no longerthere and I'm very comfortable
(30:25):
moving through that environmentand not having any problems at
all.
And it helps me for othersituations, whether it's at a
party or a club or anything likethat, to have that confidence
and just being assured that I,belong.
Tramp (30:41):
Right.
If, you were to travel, say toanother city and visited the
club, I'm sure your personalexperience would be.
Very different,
Sean (30:49):
yeah, I'd probably be a little more confident than I
would have before.
Just as far as just beingassured of, I know who I am.
I know how to move through thisenvironment and to make friends
and to not be creepy and not becreepy and navigate the
uncomfortable social situationsthat we all have
Elle (31:07):
to.
And the thing is, the differenceI think between a successful
single male and an unsuccessfulsingle male creepy is, is the
engagement with other people,the ability to go up to somebody
and talk to them, thewillingness to wear a costume if
there's a theme.
The willing to engage both thecouple in a conversation and
(31:31):
make them feel comfortable.
It's the guys that stand aroundwherever we've been at that
aren't talking to anybody and Iknow it's hard and it's
intimidating, but you make thateffort that's generally
acknowledged like, Hey, look,you wore a costume to a theme
night.
Hey, look, you came up andtalked to us.
I think that's more rewardedthan other things, but it's also
(31:54):
the consistency, and you'retalking to people and engaging
them.
And the same thing with you,Tramp, is the talking to people
and making them also feelcomfortable with you around and
that goes a long way to makingsomebody welcome you into their
fold.
Sean (32:11):
Absolutely.
And I would say just eye contactand a smile.
And good intentions go a longway.
Tramp (32:18):
Yeah, you can feel someone's energy.
So true.
At least I'm a believer of it.
Elle (2) (32:22):
It's so
Sean (32:22):
true.
And usually, when I go into likethe ranch or a party or anything
like that, my only goal is tomake sure that I'm having a good
time.
Elle (2) (32:31):
Right.
Sean (32:31):
And, that doesn't mean play.
That just means just in theenvironment that I'm having a
good time.
And then anything that happensoutside of that is positive.
It's just icing on the cake.
And you'll find the less you gointo those situations saying I
need to play with someone.
I have to have sex.
I need to, whatever this, andhave that in the front of your
(32:51):
mind.
It starts.
putting you in a place ofdesperation and a mindset in a
place where people, like yousaid can feel that energy that
they can and they don't like itand they want to get away from
it.
And that's when you're thecreepy single guy in the corner.
Elle (33:09):
Yeah.
Sexpectations.
Don't have them.
Go in and have a good time.
Meet some new people who knowswhat'll happen down the line.
Yeah.
Tramp (33:19):
Well put.
Well, guys, this was an awesomeconversation.
I look forward to another one.
We have no ask us anything thisweek, so I'm begging you.
Elle (33:30):
Stop people right in.
Just throw us a question.
Yes,
Tramp (33:34):
we do.
It's, fun being able to answer aquestion on the fly.
But in the interim we can bereached at unapologetic swingers
at gmail.
com.
Our website is also unapologeticswingers.
com and wherever you happen tobe listening to us, just leave
us a review.
Let us know what you like aboutus.
And that's the biggest ask thatwe could have for you.
(33:57):
The next episode is kind of tobe determined, just like we have
been, we're going to try to workin some more sexy stories.
Cause I think that's what thepeople want.
Elle (34:05):
So be warned.
Sean.
I might have a few.
All right.
If you're willing to share untilnext time, I'm Al and I'm the
tramp.
Be sexy.
Be confident.
Be unapologetic.
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