May 15, 2024 • 29 mins
What happens when communication between you and your partner breaks down? Well buckle up because we'll go through our own experience and how it ultimately manifested and impacted our lifestyle journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Good morning everyone andwelcome back to the Unapologetic
Swingers.
I am the Tramp and I have toapologize strangely enough that
it's been so long since we haverecorded anything.
We've had a little bit of shakeup on our side so today is going
to be a topical episode and aswe sat down to record on this,
(00:37):
because I thought it was veryimportant to be fully
transparent with your listeners,I could tell that lady was just,
her heart wasn't in it and Ihave to respect that.
So she gave me full permissionto.
record from my point of view,and I'm here to share that with
(00:59):
you today.
And as a side note, I'mconfident that this will be just
a very rare occurrence.
There may be a time that ladyrecords on a topic that's
important to her, but nextepisode we should be back to our
full glory.
So don't worry about us toomuch.
We're going to slot this in asepisode six with the
(01:21):
unapologetic topic beingcommunication.
Over the last couple months, wehad what I would call a
communication breakdown.
And not to say we stoppedcommunicating, but rather we
weren't communicating on thelevel that we should have.
And breakdowns can happen for amyriad of reasons.
(01:46):
It could be stress.
It could be burying your head inthe sand about something that
you don't want to bring up toyour partner.
It could even be a reaction tofeeling like your needs are not
being properly met.
And so it knocks off a chainreaction.
(02:08):
of events in our case that endedin pretty spectacular fashion.
I may not get into all the gorydetails but you'll have enough
to put the pieces together.
It's funny how hindsight isalways 20 20 in terms of you can
(02:30):
look back and say I should havenoticed that several months ago
or now you're putting togetherthe pieces of the puzzle and it
all makes sense.
Whereas at the time in the wholesequence of events, you were
just scratching your head tryingto figure out what the hell was
going on.
(02:52):
So our breakdown again happenedbecause of a lack of
communication.
That we should have had allalong, strangely enough, it
wasn't anything lifestylerelated, it was on the
interpersonal level in terms of,pick whatever hot topic you and
(03:15):
your spouse may not want to talkabout.
And bury your head in the sand.
I know I've used that euphemismjust a couple minutes ago,
whether it be finances or longterm planning or ambition.
It could even be as simple ashouse chores, chores around the
(03:36):
house.
And I'm not going to focus onwhat it was for us that caused
this to come to a head, but whatI want to focus on is how it
manifested itself.
The source really doesn'tmatter, just the fact that it
was happening.
And when I started to notice thesigns that I did not press Lady
(03:59):
as to what the hell was goingon, And for her that when I
asked her that she said, well,nothing's wrong, which again,
back and forth, you can blame usboth there for me for not
pressing and her for not beingas forward as we should be.
(04:20):
And the thing is breakdownshappen.
over time and they createdistance in a relationship.
It wasn't all at once.
Of course, it happened over manymonths and some days, most of
the time it was fantastic, but Istarted to notice a disconnect
(04:44):
between us and, I am aphysically loving person.
So when I, that's my lovelanguage.
So when I don't get that or feelthat love, it sends off all of
the radar alerts in my brain.
And I'm trying to figure outwhat is going on here.
(05:06):
And With lady not giving me thefeedback that honestly she
probably should have.
It caused me to spiral and Ihave to say that it more or less
it manifested itself when wewere in the lifestyle
environment because it tends tobe a higher stress environment.
(05:29):
And every person has their owncoping mechanisms.
And unfortunately, mine turnedto alcohol.
So we would be at variouslifestyle events, whether it be
a club or a party or whatnot.
Or even out with some of ourclosest friends, some of the
(05:50):
other troublemakers.
And this doubt that had come upwith this disconnect in the back
of my mind was ever present.
And I used, alcohol as a copingmechanism and it wasn't good
that just push lady away evenmore.
(06:10):
And again, now I can look backand put together the pieces of
the puzzle.
And see the chain and it allstarted with one unspoken
expectation that she had of methat I was not meeting for her
and I'm not putting all theblame on her please don't take
(06:32):
it as that because we're allhuman we all have our faults.
But in the lifestyle,communication should be your
superpower.
You should be able to bring anytopic to your spouse without
fear.
And not let the silentexpectations or the silent needs
(06:55):
continue to be silent.
For lack of better terms, andthat's not the only reason why
breakdowns of communicationhappen, you know, it could be
stress or deflection, a.
k.
a.
just sticking your head in thesand or simply not feeling like
(07:18):
your core needs are being met.
Maybe you're just getting lostyou're not giving your spouse
what he or she needs.
Whether that makes sense is,maybe you guys can relate.
I don't know.
I'm just kind of talking off thecuff here.
And if you were to ask me acouple months ago, I would have
(07:40):
told you that our relationshipwas robust.
Our years in the lifestyle has,Given us superpowers.
Our foundation is strong.
The natural stress that isplaced upon it within this
arena.
For those who are experienced isunreal.
So once you overcome thathurdle, all the doubts, all of
(08:04):
the fears, you feel like you'rebulletproof.
And I think in our scenario wegot a little lax.
We assumed that we knew whateach other was thinking.
And I think that was the truepitfall, for lack of better
terms.
(08:25):
But to back up just a littlebit, when I felt like we had a
disconnect.
And again, it wasn't all thetime, but the signs were there.
That lady was pulling away, andfor the life of me, I could not
figure out why or how.
And as I mentioned, I would turnto alcohol as a coping
(08:49):
mechanism.
And I think that just kind ofnumbed me out a little bit and
allowed me not to focus on what,what the hell was going on with
my wife between us.
Now, even during this time, wehad some.
phenomenal experiences, with ourgood friends and our connection
(09:14):
afterwards was just as strongand after, it really reinforced
me.
But there was still always thatnagging, nagging voice in the
back of my mind.
saying, you know, tramps,something is off.
Something is wrong and we justcan't quite put our finger on
(09:36):
it.
And I wish that I would havereally pressed lady and sat her
down and said, we're not leavinghere until you tell me what in
the hell is going on.
It made me honestly thatunsettled.
I guess I want to tell this as acautionary tale.
(09:59):
Don't ignore the little signs orif you're feeling uneasy about
something, don't let it go.
Just don't bare your head in thesand thinking it will get better
on its own.
In any relationship, you're twopeople with Two very unique
(10:19):
minds, unique opinions, and allof that.
We think we know what oursignificant other wants and
needs, but it's up to you toalso tell your significant other
what you want and need.
(10:41):
Sometimes I have to remind Ladythat I am not a mind reader.
I'd love to be, don't get mewrong, but I and no one I know
can read minds.
If, if I did, I'd be a very richman right now.
So it finally came to a head acouple weeks ago and we had gone
(11:04):
out with Some of our very closefriends some of the
troublemakers and it was mybirthday.
And for whatever reason, I couldnot shake this nine feeling in
my gut that I just felt likelady was falling away from me.
(11:25):
I couldn't figure out why, eventhough I had asked her
repeatedly.
I think with alcohol, not onlydoes it numb you, but I tend to
retreat into myself.
And I was scouring my brain,even though I was surrounded by
friends and getting love, youknow, feeling the love from
(11:47):
them.
I was just introverted and itwas my own damn birthday dinner.
Yeah, I smiled.
I put on a good facade, but Ijust wasn't engaged.
I wasn't involved and ladynoticed it and yeah, I had
probably a couple too manydrinks.
Surprise, surprise.
And the whole time I was in myown head.
(12:12):
Just trying to get to the bottomof the situation.
And finally, on the car ridehome, I started to talk openly
with ladies saying, babe, whatdo you want?
What do you need?
I see you laughing with ourfriends, but I feel like you
never laugh with me anymore.
(12:34):
And what, what do they give youthat I don't.
Do I need to reinvent myself?
Do I need to change for the sakeof us?
And she really kind of got madat me, to be honest.
Saying, what, what are youtalking about?
(12:56):
And to a certain extent, stillnot answering, still not giving
me the answers that I needed orquite frankly deserved.
And honestly, I, I got kind ofangry and I'm a very even keeled
(13:17):
person naturally, but somethingabout her lack of base
communication here when I wasclearly hurting just put me in a
bad place.
Thanks.
In a really bad place.
And so what, what did I do tocope?
I drank some more when we gothome and things bumped along for
(13:42):
a couple more days, and then wedecided to go to the club with
some friends.
It was a Sunday fun day, and Ithink I had reached the end of
my rope.
I was about ready to snap andmaybe as a cautionary tale to
you guys, never go into asituation, whether it's a date
(14:07):
or going to the club or a partywith a negative attitude or.
just negative energy because itwill backfire spectacularly.
People say they don't want thedrama in the lifestyle.
They can almost sniff it out,those that are experienced.
(14:28):
Not that I or we generated thedrama, but the whole afternoon I
was social, but I was in my headand And coping and trying to
figure out.
And we basically separated allafternoon.
She was on the other side of thetable, just talking with friends
(14:50):
and socializing.
And I was on my side of thetable and I kept wondering why
doesn't she want to be aroundme?
Why does she place herself asfar away as possible?
And after a while, it can reallymess with you.
(15:10):
we had some friends that hadbeen wanting to play.
So I started interacting withthe gal and so did lady.
She started to interact with thehusband.
And at that moment.
As things were getting started,I can honestly say I just
checked out.
And I walked away and sat bymyself.
(15:36):
Lady did notice and came andfound me.
And I'll admit, I was prettyhammered.
And I think for her, that wasthe breaking point.
We had each found our uniquebreaking points, I guess you
could say.
(15:57):
And so we made our way home, andthere was just that
uncomfortable silence.
I'm thinking, Did I do somethingI don't remember?
Well, no, I mean, I know I waspretty hammered, but I wasn't
blackout, but she was like, Ijust need time to figure stuff
out and over the course of acouple days and just silence and
(16:19):
cold around the house, I finallysat her down and said, look,
we're going to talk about this.
And.
And once I did that, once Itruly forced her, the floodgates
opened, and we laughed and wecried, and I feel like we
(16:42):
finally got back on track, andhonestly, it was a long time in
the making.
You know, that level of stresson a person.
On a relationship is tough andwhen she was finally blunt and
(17:10):
honest with me, everythingsnapped into focus and she
finally let me know what she hadbeen lacking.
From me, what she needs in thisparticular arena of our
relationship.
And all I could think of is, whydid this take so long?
(17:34):
How could we let it get so badthat it nearly fractured us,
nearly caused us to just say,fuck it and walk away.
And it was certainly eyeopening.
It was, it was an insecurity ofhers that really wasn't on my
(18:04):
radar, but it was definitely onhers.
And now that I know, I canaddress it.
We can address it.
But what I'm going to do rightnow is pause real quick and tell
you about our new partner, whichis shivers, which is an edible
(18:30):
CBD derived sensation enhancer.
And these things are pretty damnawesome.
There are two specializedformulas and they're specially
formulized for both men andwomen.
respectively.
And when I say that these couldreplace alcohol in lifestyle
(18:53):
situations, I think this isgoing to be my go to from here
on out.
What they do is they usuallykick in after 30 to 60 minutes.
And personally, I find that Iget an energy boost, which
really makes a lot of sensesince a lot of clubs go well
(19:13):
into the morning hours, but evenbetter when they're in full
effect, every touch ismagnified.
It really does send thoseshivers right down your spine.
They named this thing incrediblywell, but it doesn't just end
there.
My pleasure is increased.
Everything is just a lot better.
(19:35):
A lot more, I don't know iftantric's the right word, but
it's magnified and the slightesttouch just feels so good.
But even better, I don't wake upthe next day feeling hungover or
groggy like I do with alcohol orsome other edibles.
And on top of that, it does havea lot of the same effects in
(19:57):
terms of, I find myself being alot more relaxed.
I'm social.
and just everything is better.
So we would love for you guys totry them out.
We have arranged a specialdiscount at shivers.
store on any of their products.
Just use the code US forunapologetic swingers at
(20:17):
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A link can also be found on ourwebsite.
And please let us know what youthink.
It's pretty obvious.
We think they are incredible andawesome.
So I'm going to launch into theunapologetic honesty, even
(20:37):
though this whole thing hasprobably seemed like
unapologetic honesty.
And the question is, afterreaching this crescendo, where
do we go from here?
We've both agreed to Take a stepback from the active lifestyle.
(21:03):
My anticipation is it will bemomentary.
Because Lady has told me thatshe would like to get back to it
in time.
And for me, it's really one ofthe favorite things about Lady.
It's brought us so much closertogether, and because there's
(21:24):
still so many fantasies, so manyadventures that I want to have
with her.
But for the time being, we're,we're taking a step back.
We're still socializing with ourclose friends, like the
troublemakers and it's really anoutlet.
I don't know about you guys, butI think swingers are most of the
(21:48):
time, the most genuine and kindpeople that you can meet.
And in social situations, youcan just have these crazy
conversations and say you're outto dinner and you're looking
over your shoulder, wondering, Iwonder if the next table is
eavesdropping in and, wonderingif they're intrigued or what,
(22:11):
and you try to keep it on the,on the hush on the down low, but
it's those crazy conversations.
And.
Just the friends we've madewould be so hard for me
personally to give up becausethey truly are, I think, some of
our closest friends.
But where are we going fromhere?
(22:33):
On top of stepping back, we'retaking some time to really focus
on us.
We've set aside 90 days to Havethose difficult conversations,
and we have a whole list ofthings, whether it's long term
planning financial goals sexualfantasies, but a lot of these
(22:57):
conversations are difficultconversations to have.
You have to go in with not onlyan open mind.
To receive the feedback thatyou're going to be getting, but
you also have to fully releaseand not be afraid of hurting the
(23:20):
other's feelings.
And there's a tactful way to dothat, and we're definitely
there.
We're not here just to beat downon each other when we have.
These conversations saying, youknow, you didn't do this, you
didn't do that, et cetera, etcetera, but to treat it as a
constructive exercise and reallytake it to heart and work toward
(23:43):
those shared goals.
Yeah, we're going to disagree oncertain things and that's
normal.
That's 100 percent normal.
But be able to come to afeasible consensus, one that
benefits the two of us.
(24:04):
Another thing we're doing is weare working through the five
love languages.
And I really picked this up fromanother lifestyle podcast where
they had mentioned that.
Their relationship only gotstronger after working through
(24:24):
the book and the workbookaccompanying it.
And for those that are unaware,it's the for our play podcast
with Bella and Chase.
They're a great couple, eventhough we've never met or even
talked to those guys when theydid that episode on the five
love languages.
It really, I guess, resonatedwith me.
(24:46):
resonated.
I can't talk.
And it truly, it happened beforewe had this blowout.
So when I brought it up to lady,she was like, that sounds good.
And we're only a couple chaptersin, but it's starting the deep
diving and trying to understandwhat fills each other's Love
(25:11):
Battery or Love Tank has beeneye opening.
As I mentioned earlier, mine isalways going to be physical
touch.
Whereas for Lady, she enjoys it,but it's not for her.
Hers is actually acts ofservice.
Whereas I can honestly saythat's not mine.
If I need to do something, I doit.
(25:33):
And if I don't need to dosomething, I don't do it.
It's it's that simple.
But we are in the next 90 orprobably closer to 75 or 70
days.
Now, we're really focusing.
On the two of us and rebuildingour foundation.
(25:56):
So it can be stronger and betterthan it has ever been.
And I can honestly say I amconfident that we will be back
in no time.
She has told me that she wantsto continue the podcast, which I
am.
eternally grateful for.
(26:17):
Because this is a good outletfor me and she has agreed as
well.
It's good.
It's fun.
It's good to talk about thoseexperiences and the good and the
bad, and we're really going todouble down and tell you all
about the good and the bad.
And we've definitely had somedoozies.
(26:39):
So we'll be back to our normalroutine here.
And we so appreciate you guyssticking with us.
But I thought it was importantto let you know what was going
on with the two of us and notjust disappear.
Leaving you guys hanging.
I know there are a number of youthat have reached out and told
(27:03):
us how much you enjoy thepodcast and our stories and
have.
even given you confidence totalk with your own spouse about
the lifestyle or anything ofthat nature.
So I have to say, I encourageyou guys, if you're new, make
communication your superpower.
If you're old, you cannot letthat communication at any level
(27:28):
slip.
Don't make assumptions.
You need to hit everything headon and full bore.
And if something is botheringyou, you need to talk to your
spouse about it.
There's no if, ands or butsabout it.
In light of everything I'm notgoing to do an AMA this week,
we'll be back with one at thenext regular episode here in a
(27:51):
week or two.
And we will be talking about LasVegas and some of our adventures
and great early friends there.
And we truly love that you guyshave come on this adventure with
us.
We love your emails and all ofyour questions.
Please don't let that stop.
And if you do get a chance totry the Shivers product, let us
(28:15):
know what you think.
We're always looking forfeedback in that arena.
And even if it's just to say, hiwe love that.
And I can honestly say we answereach and every email.
You can contact us atunapologetic swingers at gmail.
com.
And if you don't mind, pleasejust leave us a review on
(28:39):
whatever podcast platform youare listening to us on.
And we have a website where youcan also reach out to us and get
the link to our partners.
And if you're really feeling upto it We have a link on there
for buy me a cup of coffee,which is a crowdfunding
(29:00):
platform.
And really we just use it tooffset the production costs of
the podcast, whether it be the,the hardware that we've already
invested in or the hostingplatform.
Or even the subscriptionsoftware that I use to do the
editing and some of the behindthe scenes magic.
(29:22):
Anyway, we truly want to saythank you for giving us your
time.
We value you guys.
So until next time, I'm theTramp.
Be sexy.
Be confident.
Be unapologetic.
Good morning everyone andwelcome back to the Unapologetic
Swingers.
I am the Tramp and I have toapologize strangely enough that
it's been so long since we haverecorded anything.
We've had a little bit of shakeup on our side so today is going
to be a topical episode and aswe sat down to record on this,
(00:37):
because I thought it was veryimportant to be fully
transparent with your listeners,I could tell that lady was just,
her heart wasn't in it and Ihave to respect that.
So she gave me full permissionto.
record from my point of view,and I'm here to share that with
(00:59):
you today.
And as a side note, I'mconfident that this will be just
a very rare occurrence.
There may be a time that ladyrecords on a topic that's
important to her, but nextepisode we should be back to our
full glory.
So don't worry about us toomuch.
We're going to slot this in asepisode six with the
(01:21):
unapologetic topic beingcommunication.
Over the last couple months, wehad what I would call a
communication breakdown.
And not to say we stoppedcommunicating, but rather we
weren't communicating on thelevel that we should have.
And breakdowns can happen for amyriad of reasons.
(01:46):
It could be stress.
It could be burying your head inthe sand about something that
you don't want to bring up toyour partner.
It could even be a reaction tofeeling like your needs are not
being properly met.
And so it knocks off a chainreaction.
(02:08):
of events in our case that endedin pretty spectacular fashion.
I may not get into all the gorydetails but you'll have enough
to put the pieces together.
It's funny how hindsight isalways 20 20 in terms of you can
(02:30):
look back and say I should havenoticed that several months ago
or now you're putting togetherthe pieces of the puzzle and it
all makes sense.
Whereas at the time in the wholesequence of events, you were
just scratching your head tryingto figure out what the hell was
going on.
(02:52):
So our breakdown again happenedbecause of a lack of
communication.
That we should have had allalong, strangely enough, it
wasn't anything lifestylerelated, it was on the
interpersonal level in terms of,pick whatever hot topic you and
(03:15):
your spouse may not want to talkabout.
And bury your head in the sand.
I know I've used that euphemismjust a couple minutes ago,
whether it be finances or longterm planning or ambition.
It could even be as simple ashouse chores, chores around the
(03:36):
house.
And I'm not going to focus onwhat it was for us that caused
this to come to a head, but whatI want to focus on is how it
manifested itself.
The source really doesn'tmatter, just the fact that it
was happening.
And when I started to notice thesigns that I did not press Lady
(03:59):
as to what the hell was goingon, And for her that when I
asked her that she said, well,nothing's wrong, which again,
back and forth, you can blame usboth there for me for not
pressing and her for not beingas forward as we should be.
(04:20):
And the thing is breakdownshappen.
over time and they createdistance in a relationship.
It wasn't all at once.
Of course, it happened over manymonths and some days, most of
the time it was fantastic, but Istarted to notice a disconnect
(04:44):
between us and, I am aphysically loving person.
So when I, that's my lovelanguage.
So when I don't get that or feelthat love, it sends off all of
the radar alerts in my brain.
And I'm trying to figure outwhat is going on here.
(05:06):
And With lady not giving me thefeedback that honestly she
probably should have.
It caused me to spiral and Ihave to say that it more or less
it manifested itself when wewere in the lifestyle
environment because it tends tobe a higher stress environment.
(05:29):
And every person has their owncoping mechanisms.
And unfortunately, mine turnedto alcohol.
So we would be at variouslifestyle events, whether it be
a club or a party or whatnot.
Or even out with some of ourclosest friends, some of the
(05:50):
other troublemakers.
And this doubt that had come upwith this disconnect in the back
of my mind was ever present.
And I used, alcohol as a copingmechanism and it wasn't good
that just push lady away evenmore.
(06:10):
And again, now I can look backand put together the pieces of
the puzzle.
And see the chain and it allstarted with one unspoken
expectation that she had of methat I was not meeting for her
and I'm not putting all theblame on her please don't take
(06:32):
it as that because we're allhuman we all have our faults.
But in the lifestyle,communication should be your
superpower.
You should be able to bring anytopic to your spouse without
fear.
And not let the silentexpectations or the silent needs
(06:55):
continue to be silent.
For lack of better terms, andthat's not the only reason why
breakdowns of communicationhappen, you know, it could be
stress or deflection, a.
k.
a.
just sticking your head in thesand or simply not feeling like
(07:18):
your core needs are being met.
Maybe you're just getting lostyou're not giving your spouse
what he or she needs.
Whether that makes sense is,maybe you guys can relate.
I don't know.
I'm just kind of talking off thecuff here.
And if you were to ask me acouple months ago, I would have
(07:40):
told you that our relationshipwas robust.
Our years in the lifestyle has,Given us superpowers.
Our foundation is strong.
The natural stress that isplaced upon it within this
arena.
For those who are experienced isunreal.
So once you overcome thathurdle, all the doubts, all of
(08:04):
the fears, you feel like you'rebulletproof.
And I think in our scenario wegot a little lax.
We assumed that we knew whateach other was thinking.
And I think that was the truepitfall, for lack of better
terms.
(08:25):
But to back up just a littlebit, when I felt like we had a
disconnect.
And again, it wasn't all thetime, but the signs were there.
That lady was pulling away, andfor the life of me, I could not
figure out why or how.
And as I mentioned, I would turnto alcohol as a coping
(08:49):
mechanism.
And I think that just kind ofnumbed me out a little bit and
allowed me not to focus on what,what the hell was going on with
my wife between us.
Now, even during this time, wehad some.
phenomenal experiences, with ourgood friends and our connection
(09:14):
afterwards was just as strongand after, it really reinforced
me.
But there was still always thatnagging, nagging voice in the
back of my mind.
saying, you know, tramps,something is off.
Something is wrong and we justcan't quite put our finger on
(09:36):
it.
And I wish that I would havereally pressed lady and sat her
down and said, we're not leavinghere until you tell me what in
the hell is going on.
It made me honestly thatunsettled.
I guess I want to tell this as acautionary tale.
(09:59):
Don't ignore the little signs orif you're feeling uneasy about
something, don't let it go.
Just don't bare your head in thesand thinking it will get better
on its own.
In any relationship, you're twopeople with Two very unique
(10:19):
minds, unique opinions, and allof that.
We think we know what oursignificant other wants and
needs, but it's up to you toalso tell your significant other
what you want and need.
(10:41):
Sometimes I have to remind Ladythat I am not a mind reader.
I'd love to be, don't get mewrong, but I and no one I know
can read minds.
If, if I did, I'd be a very richman right now.
So it finally came to a head acouple weeks ago and we had gone
(11:04):
out with Some of our very closefriends some of the
troublemakers and it was mybirthday.
And for whatever reason, I couldnot shake this nine feeling in
my gut that I just felt likelady was falling away from me.
(11:25):
I couldn't figure out why, eventhough I had asked her
repeatedly.
I think with alcohol, not onlydoes it numb you, but I tend to
retreat into myself.
And I was scouring my brain,even though I was surrounded by
friends and getting love, youknow, feeling the love from
(11:47):
them.
I was just introverted and itwas my own damn birthday dinner.
Yeah, I smiled.
I put on a good facade, but Ijust wasn't engaged.
I wasn't involved and ladynoticed it and yeah, I had
probably a couple too manydrinks.
Surprise, surprise.
And the whole time I was in myown head.
(12:12):
Just trying to get to the bottomof the situation.
And finally, on the car ridehome, I started to talk openly
with ladies saying, babe, whatdo you want?
What do you need?
I see you laughing with ourfriends, but I feel like you
never laugh with me anymore.
(12:34):
And what, what do they give youthat I don't.
Do I need to reinvent myself?
Do I need to change for the sakeof us?
And she really kind of got madat me, to be honest.
Saying, what, what are youtalking about?
(12:56):
And to a certain extent, stillnot answering, still not giving
me the answers that I needed orquite frankly deserved.
And honestly, I, I got kind ofangry and I'm a very even keeled
(13:17):
person naturally, but somethingabout her lack of base
communication here when I wasclearly hurting just put me in a
bad place.
Thanks.
In a really bad place.
And so what, what did I do tocope?
I drank some more when we gothome and things bumped along for
(13:42):
a couple more days, and then wedecided to go to the club with
some friends.
It was a Sunday fun day, and Ithink I had reached the end of
my rope.
I was about ready to snap andmaybe as a cautionary tale to
you guys, never go into asituation, whether it's a date
(14:07):
or going to the club or a partywith a negative attitude or.
just negative energy because itwill backfire spectacularly.
People say they don't want thedrama in the lifestyle.
They can almost sniff it out,those that are experienced.
(14:28):
Not that I or we generated thedrama, but the whole afternoon I
was social, but I was in my headand And coping and trying to
figure out.
And we basically separated allafternoon.
She was on the other side of thetable, just talking with friends
(14:50):
and socializing.
And I was on my side of thetable and I kept wondering why
doesn't she want to be aroundme?
Why does she place herself asfar away as possible?
And after a while, it can reallymess with you.
(15:10):
we had some friends that hadbeen wanting to play.
So I started interacting withthe gal and so did lady.
She started to interact with thehusband.
And at that moment.
As things were getting started,I can honestly say I just
checked out.
And I walked away and sat bymyself.
(15:36):
Lady did notice and came andfound me.
And I'll admit, I was prettyhammered.
And I think for her, that wasthe breaking point.
We had each found our uniquebreaking points, I guess you
could say.
(15:57):
And so we made our way home, andthere was just that
uncomfortable silence.
I'm thinking, Did I do somethingI don't remember?
Well, no, I mean, I know I waspretty hammered, but I wasn't
blackout, but she was like, Ijust need time to figure stuff
out and over the course of acouple days and just silence and
(16:19):
cold around the house, I finallysat her down and said, look,
we're going to talk about this.
And.
And once I did that, once Itruly forced her, the floodgates
opened, and we laughed and wecried, and I feel like we
(16:42):
finally got back on track, andhonestly, it was a long time in
the making.
You know, that level of stresson a person.
On a relationship is tough andwhen she was finally blunt and
(17:10):
honest with me, everythingsnapped into focus and she
finally let me know what she hadbeen lacking.
From me, what she needs in thisparticular arena of our
relationship.
And all I could think of is, whydid this take so long?
(17:34):
How could we let it get so badthat it nearly fractured us,
nearly caused us to just say,fuck it and walk away.
And it was certainly eyeopening.
It was, it was an insecurity ofhers that really wasn't on my
(18:04):
radar, but it was definitely onhers.
And now that I know, I canaddress it.
We can address it.
But what I'm going to do rightnow is pause real quick and tell
you about our new partner, whichis shivers, which is an edible
(18:30):
CBD derived sensation enhancer.
And these things are pretty damnawesome.
There are two specializedformulas and they're specially
formulized for both men andwomen.
respectively.
And when I say that these couldreplace alcohol in lifestyle
(18:53):
situations, I think this isgoing to be my go to from here
on out.
What they do is they usuallykick in after 30 to 60 minutes.
And personally, I find that Iget an energy boost, which
really makes a lot of sensesince a lot of clubs go well
(19:13):
into the morning hours, but evenbetter when they're in full
effect, every touch ismagnified.
It really does send thoseshivers right down your spine.
They named this thing incrediblywell, but it doesn't just end
there.
My pleasure is increased.
Everything is just a lot better.
(19:35):
A lot more, I don't know iftantric's the right word, but
it's magnified and the slightesttouch just feels so good.
But even better, I don't wake upthe next day feeling hungover or
groggy like I do with alcohol orsome other edibles.
And on top of that, it does havea lot of the same effects in
(19:57):
terms of, I find myself being alot more relaxed.
I'm social.
and just everything is better.
So we would love for you guys totry them out.
We have arranged a specialdiscount at shivers.
store on any of their products.
Just use the code US forunapologetic swingers at
(20:17):
checkout for 10 percent off yourentire order.
A link can also be found on ourwebsite.
And please let us know what youthink.
It's pretty obvious.
We think they are incredible andawesome.
So I'm going to launch into theunapologetic honesty, even
(20:37):
though this whole thing hasprobably seemed like
unapologetic honesty.
And the question is, afterreaching this crescendo, where
do we go from here?
We've both agreed to Take a stepback from the active lifestyle.
(21:03):
My anticipation is it will bemomentary.
Because Lady has told me thatshe would like to get back to it
in time.
And for me, it's really one ofthe favorite things about Lady.
It's brought us so much closertogether, and because there's
(21:24):
still so many fantasies, so manyadventures that I want to have
with her.
But for the time being, we're,we're taking a step back.
We're still socializing with ourclose friends, like the
troublemakers and it's really anoutlet.
I don't know about you guys, butI think swingers are most of the
(21:48):
time, the most genuine and kindpeople that you can meet.
And in social situations, youcan just have these crazy
conversations and say you're outto dinner and you're looking
over your shoulder, wondering, Iwonder if the next table is
eavesdropping in and, wonderingif they're intrigued or what,
(22:11):
and you try to keep it on the,on the hush on the down low, but
it's those crazy conversations.
And.
Just the friends we've madewould be so hard for me
personally to give up becausethey truly are, I think, some of
our closest friends.
But where are we going fromhere?
(22:33):
On top of stepping back, we'retaking some time to really focus
on us.
We've set aside 90 days to Havethose difficult conversations,
and we have a whole list ofthings, whether it's long term
planning financial goals sexualfantasies, but a lot of these
(22:57):
conversations are difficultconversations to have.
You have to go in with not onlyan open mind.
To receive the feedback thatyou're going to be getting, but
you also have to fully releaseand not be afraid of hurting the
(23:20):
other's feelings.
And there's a tactful way to dothat, and we're definitely
there.
We're not here just to beat downon each other when we have.
These conversations saying, youknow, you didn't do this, you
didn't do that, et cetera, etcetera, but to treat it as a
constructive exercise and reallytake it to heart and work toward
(23:43):
those shared goals.
Yeah, we're going to disagree oncertain things and that's
normal.
That's 100 percent normal.
But be able to come to afeasible consensus, one that
benefits the two of us.
(24:04):
Another thing we're doing is weare working through the five
love languages.
And I really picked this up fromanother lifestyle podcast where
they had mentioned that.
Their relationship only gotstronger after working through
(24:24):
the book and the workbookaccompanying it.
And for those that are unaware,it's the for our play podcast
with Bella and Chase.
They're a great couple, eventhough we've never met or even
talked to those guys when theydid that episode on the five
love languages.
It really, I guess, resonatedwith me.
(24:46):
resonated.
I can't talk.
And it truly, it happened beforewe had this blowout.
So when I brought it up to lady,she was like, that sounds good.
And we're only a couple chaptersin, but it's starting the deep
diving and trying to understandwhat fills each other's Love
(25:11):
Battery or Love Tank has beeneye opening.
As I mentioned earlier, mine isalways going to be physical
touch.
Whereas for Lady, she enjoys it,but it's not for her.
Hers is actually acts ofservice.
Whereas I can honestly saythat's not mine.
If I need to do something, I doit.
(25:33):
And if I don't need to dosomething, I don't do it.
It's it's that simple.
But we are in the next 90 orprobably closer to 75 or 70
days.
Now, we're really focusing.
On the two of us and rebuildingour foundation.
(25:56):
So it can be stronger and betterthan it has ever been.
And I can honestly say I amconfident that we will be back
in no time.
She has told me that she wantsto continue the podcast, which I
am.
eternally grateful for.
(26:17):
Because this is a good outletfor me and she has agreed as
well.
It's good.
It's fun.
It's good to talk about thoseexperiences and the good and the
bad, and we're really going todouble down and tell you all
about the good and the bad.
And we've definitely had somedoozies.
(26:39):
So we'll be back to our normalroutine here.
And we so appreciate you guyssticking with us.
But I thought it was importantto let you know what was going
on with the two of us and notjust disappear.
Leaving you guys hanging.
I know there are a number of youthat have reached out and told
(27:03):
us how much you enjoy thepodcast and our stories and
have.
even given you confidence totalk with your own spouse about
the lifestyle or anything ofthat nature.
So I have to say, I encourageyou guys, if you're new, make
communication your superpower.
If you're old, you cannot letthat communication at any level
(27:28):
slip.
Don't make assumptions.
You need to hit everything headon and full bore.
And if something is botheringyou, you need to talk to your
spouse about it.
There's no if, ands or butsabout it.
In light of everything I'm notgoing to do an AMA this week,
we'll be back with one at thenext regular episode here in a
(27:51):
week or two.
And we will be talking about LasVegas and some of our adventures
and great early friends there.
And we truly love that you guyshave come on this adventure with
us.
We love your emails and all ofyour questions.
Please don't let that stop.
And if you do get a chance totry the Shivers product, let us
(28:15):
know what you think.
We're always looking forfeedback in that arena.
And even if it's just to say, hiwe love that.
And I can honestly say we answereach and every email.
You can contact us atunapologetic swingers at gmail.
com.
And if you don't mind, pleasejust leave us a review on
(28:39):
whatever podcast platform youare listening to us on.
And we have a website where youcan also reach out to us and get
the link to our partners.
And if you're really feeling upto it We have a link on there
for buy me a cup of coffee,which is a crowdfunding
(29:00):
platform.
And really we just use it tooffset the production costs of
the podcast, whether it be the,the hardware that we've already
invested in or the hostingplatform.
Or even the subscriptionsoftware that I use to do the
editing and some of the behindthe scenes magic.
(29:22):
Anyway, we truly want to saythank you for giving us your
time.
We value you guys.
So until next time, I'm theTramp.
Be sexy.
Be confident.
Be unapologetic.
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