Finding Ur True North, How Loss Shapes Our Life Path, Authenticity, Growth & Spiritual Journeys ft. Natalie - Ep.082 - Unattainable Podcast Show

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Once you grow to love somebody, like it doesn't
matter what they look like, youknow you love them for who they
are.
I'm not good at like faking thefunk, Like, if I don't like
know you or want to be aroundyou, like I'm not going to
subject myself to, you know,putting myself in a situation
that I might not want to be inand might be uncomfortable.
People's norms and things theylearn later in life.

(00:23):
I had to learn really early, soI've always had like a really
good sense of self.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
A lot of people end up with the kind of trauma
response of always because theydon't have somebody to lean on,
always looking for the nextperson to lean on.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
I just remember waking up one morning.
I don't know why.
I just woke up one morning andI was like there has to be more
than this.
Christians are also judgmental,but like being a true Christian
is like you don't have to doanything for Jesus and God to
love you.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Church just seems to me, it just seems like people.
I don't believe in God.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
But I think that you know what you think about, what
you watch, what you read.
The thoughts that you tellyourself do have a lot to do
with, like what you put out intothe world is what you get back.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, andfirst of all, thank you to all
of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofgrowth and engagement over the
last couple weeks and we got tothank you guys for that.
Today.
We got a special guest on theshow.
Why don't you go ahead,introduce yourself to the
audience, name what you do andyour star sign?

Speaker 1 (01:31):
hello everyone.
First of all, thank you forhaving me happy to be here.
My name is natalie volovic.
Uh, I am a tv host based in laand, like my astra astrology
sign, yeah, is a leo best, bestof the best, best of the best
baby you guys are uh bad for mymental health you know what?

(01:52):
it's funny?
Um, I wouldn't say that I'mlike a typical leo, because I
feel like, while we're verypowerful and we have good
attributes, there's also a lotof like negative things that
come with being a leo, or peopleassume.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Um, toxic, I think, is what people call it yeah yeah
, I wouldn't say I'm toxic.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
I have been toxic in my life.
I mean, you know everyonegrowing pains and stuff like
that.
But um, people say like leo'slike need to be the center of
attention and are very like loudand like out there, and I would
say I'm more reserved, for sureinteresting.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, so you say that , but then you're also a tv host
.
I know, yeah, I have kind of adichotomy to your personality.
You have a little bit yeah, Ihave it.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
um, but I also feel like the typical, like stigma of
a leo is they try so hard to bethe center of attention and I
just feel like this sounds likea little uh, what's the word?

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Narcissistic.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yes.
But I don't, I don't, I don'tfeel like I have, like I have to
try to be the center ofattention.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
It kind of just is just naturally you know, hair
flip, yeah, no, I center ofattention, it kind of just is,
just naturally, you know hairflip happens?

Speaker 3 (03:05):
yeah, no, I used to be very toxic.
Back in my what's your sign?

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I'm the best one, yeah, proven by science.
Smart, funny, attractive, smart, funny and attractive also,
yeah okay.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
I feel like signs who would say that are aries,
scorpio gem or Capricorn Pisces,oh, okay, but Aries is my
rising.
Oh, gotcha and I identify as anAries.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Pisces are a little bit of crybabies, you know.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, life is so hard .
So your birthday is coming up.
No, yeah, march 18th, exciting.
Are you coming to my birthdayparty or what Sure?
Yeah, awesome, love, awesome,love to be here.
Are you having a hair?

Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah Cool.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Of course, of course, yeah.
So back in the day I'm kind oflike a recovering fuckboy.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Okay, yep.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Now I'm very shy and romantic, of course.
But, back in the villain era, Iwas a professional fuckboy, to
be clear.
Oh, professional Not like theamateur little Gen Z fuckboys
running around nowadays yeah,yeah, you were like oh gee, you
knew what you were doing.
Yeah, did it well I don't takemy shirtless selfies at la
fitness oh, you're like equinox,okay, like date, at least date

(04:10):
a professional adult fuck boythat doesn't have his fucking
bed touching two walls like apoor person, oh my god, yeah,
like in the corner yeah, smashedup in the corner like no sheets
no idea what a nightstand evenis.
got it off off TikTok shopsomewhere I'm dead.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
What's your?
Uh, what's your type?
Do you typically end up fallingfor the fuck boy trick, or are
you?

Speaker 1 (04:34):
No, I wouldn't say so .
I mean, I've definitely, youknow, have had fuck boys in my
life in my early like teen 20years.
I'm actually like arelationship girl.
I've always been in likeserious long-term relationships
actually.
So, yeah, um, but I have been,you know, like fooled by guys

(04:56):
plenty of times, plenty of times.
But my typical type, um I wouldsay someone just genuine, like
that's my number one thing and Ican usually pretty much tell
that from, like my first fewinteractions with someone, like
if it's someone that I could getalong with and someone who is,

(05:17):
you know, just a genuine person,someone who's not trying to
like put on a front, um, someonewho can make me laugh, someone
who's smart and ambitious, isdefinitely, really important.
So I wouldn't say I have like aspecific type.
I kind of just vibe with peopleand whoever I like connect with
on a emotional level yeah, looks, don't matter oh, looks, matter

(05:41):
, you know, I mean, I don't knowthere's a lot of girls I don't
date anyone ugly like I wouldn'tsay anyone like not to state
the obvious, but yeah, looksdefinitely matter there's a lot
of girls who like ugly guys withgood personalities, you know
yeah, I think you know I don'tthink everyone would be like

(06:02):
always say anyone I've maybebeen with in the past is like,
oh my god, he's my type, he's sohandsome.
But I think you know to eachhis own and also I think that,
like, once you grow to lovesomebody, like it doesn't matter
what they look like.
You know you love them for whothey are.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
So, yeah, it's a very politically correct answer.
It's the truth it's the truth.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
I'm being honest here I'm not trying to, yeah show.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Show like face for the show or try and be anything
that I'm not.
I don't do that.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Have you ever dated somebody shorter than you?

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Not shorter than me, but I did date someone who was
just a little bit taller than me.
Just a little bit taller thanme.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Interesting, so with heels it's tough.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, you know, it kind of did bother me, but at
the same time it's like it's allsuperficial stuff.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
so yeah, yeah yeah, my ex used to date.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
She was 5 11 oh wow, um, how tall are you?
Six one, okay, so six, three ontinder.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
You know just kidding I use tinder.
I'm not a loser, you know whatbumble I don't use dating apps
in general oh, no, okay, they'reall the same girls act like
hinge's class here.
I'm like the exact same dudeson hinge.
They all also have a tinderaccount, I guarantee yeah, I
don't use dating apps either.
Yeah like raya, hasn't beenrelevant since like 2010 I was

(07:16):
never on raya.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
I just heard that raya was like I don't even
really know what it is, but kindof like where you like can bag
rich guys.
It's pretty well.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
It used to be like celebrities yeah, rich guys not
like kind of any dude with afour-pack and like a multi-level
marketing scheme is on there,yeah, so it's kind of different
yeah, um, but yeah so.
So this girl I dated, she usedto only date, you know, super
tall, six, five, six, six, nbaplayer type of guys yeah um, and
even me, like I'm like tallenough, I'm taller than her and

(07:45):
we're still friends.
I give her like relate.
She's always asking me for likerelationship advice and stuff.
We're like still cool.
And she's like Zach, like I'msick of dating like these
fuckboys, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
I just want like a nice, sweet guy with like a good
personality and you're likehello, no, no, this is after we
already broke up, okay.
Okay, we were we just didn.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
We just didn't have the I don't know.
There was something missingwith us Got you, but I love her
to death.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
you know what I?

Speaker 2 (08:08):
mean, and she starts dating this guy.
He's like five, like six orsomething.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Five, six Very short, oh wow.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
I saw them kiss once.
It was like the dwarves tryingto conquer the mountain.
In Lord of of the rings oh mygod, that's funny this guy was
on a mission to save hisbloodline it's like I gotta be
with someone taller than me.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
My kids gotta be tall .

Speaker 2 (08:29):
I'm getting d1 athletes that's right.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
Hopefully they don't get uh his genetics well.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
So I mean, hopefully he has some kind of like
recessive trait, like fuckingdeep buried inside bottom right
of the punnett square comingthrough in the fourth quarter.
Um, but I actually met him.
He was a cool guy, successful,really good looking, just short
you know, and month later I'mlike, oh, is John coming out?
And she's like, oh, yeah, webroke up and I was like what

(08:56):
happened?
And she's like Zach I had acouple of glasses of wine and
she's like he comes over to myplace And's like I opened the
door, I gave him a big hug andshe said she picked him up and
spun him around oh no she gotshe had the ick immediately
after that.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
She goes.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
I watched his little legs flail out to the side and
she's like I lost all respectfor him, oh I'm like I get it I
it sucks, but I get it, I get it.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
It sucks, but I get it.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
Yeah, it does suck, poor guy, he'll find somebody.
Short king, Short king, shortking.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
You know if you're a guy, if you're funny and rich, I
think you're good Funny, richand tall.
You need like two out of thethree.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
You're pretty much set.
Yeah, I would say in LA, ifyou're golden yes, but you also,
well, two things.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
One you also have to like know how to use money to
your advantage, because there'ssome like rich nerds yeah this
guy I follow, like we met a longtime ago.
He has some like startup, likemakes like 10 times the money I
do, right, and I would alwayssee like videos from at the club
and he's like videoing and likeall the girls are like covering

(10:07):
their faces, you know, becausethey don't, don't want to be
like, associated with them.
Yeah, and then he posts thevideo and I'm like, bro, like,
like the fact that you don'thave the social awareness right
to realize this is not a goodlook for you.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah, you have like a bunch of hot girls that are all
trying to hide because they'reembarrassed to be around you
it's just it's like he is heforgot to download social
awareness into his brain orsomething like that, like yeah,
I don't know what's uh, what'sworse him or the fact that girls
are kind of out with him, justobviously not really wanting to,
but using him for something?

Speaker 2 (10:40):
yeah, yeah, yeah that's typical so yeah, it is
what it is.
Yeah, I kind of feel like if Iwas a hot girl I'd probably I
wouldn't doubt I would get ropedinto something like that as
well yeah, I mean that seems tobe like kind of the, the culture
nowadays.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
I I've honestly never been like that, so I can't
really relate well, why do youthink you kind of avoided that?

Speaker 2 (11:03):
Because it's very tempting, I'm sure, when you get
a DM.
Hey, we got a private jet toTulum, Come bring your
girlfriends.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
I don't know, I just can't.
I'm not good at like faking thefunk, like, if I don't like
know you or want to be aroundyou, like I'm not going to
subject myself to you know,putting myself in a situation
that I might not going tosubject myself to, you know,
putting myself in a situationthat I might not want to be in
and might be uncomfortable.
So that's probably why.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Do you have both parents growing?

Speaker 1 (11:31):
up.
No, my dad died when I waseight.
I'm sorry, yeah, that's okay.
Yeah, he passed that kind ofshaped me to be kind of how I am
, because I had a pretty toughchildhood growing up, just like

(11:51):
the way he died was like prettytragic, and so I think, like
people's norms and things theylearn later in life, I had to
learn really early so I'vealways had like a really good
sense of self.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
Like.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
I haven't always been like super, you know mature
when I was younger and I've madeplenty of mistakes, obviously,
but still, like to my core, I'vealways been like sure of who I
am and like things I'm okay withand things that I'm not okay
with.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
So yeah, yeah, Do you ?
Do you feel like that almostmade you stronger as an
individual and helped you?

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Oh yeah, absolutely, oh yeah, absolutely.
I wouldn't be nearly the personI am if, if that, that didn't
happen.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
So because I feel like when people grow up without
a parent, whether that, or adivorce, or whatever.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
There's like very much like two distinct paths
that people take and a lot ofpeople end up with the kind of
trauma response of alwaysbecause they don't have somebody
to lean on, always looking forthe next person to lean on.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
But it sounds like you went kind of the opposite
way and said, hey, there'snobody to lean on, I'm going to
have to learn to lean on myselfand take things into my own
hands.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah, I would say maybe a little bit of both.
I wouldn't say that I've leanedon people like I've completely
relied on them and I just didn'thave anything without them.
I will say that, you know, fromlosing a parent, especially a
father figure and my wholefamily is like all girls so I've
never had like a strong malefigure in my life.

(13:26):
I would say that I think thatmight be why I'm like such a
relationship person is becauseI've always kind of like looked
for that male love, because Inever had it, you know.
So I would say that I have beendependent in that way, but also
I have been independent because,along with, you know, losing my

(13:47):
dad, I there was still a lot ofthings in my childhood that
were really hard, so I kind of,you know, had to teach myself
everything and you mentioned, um, being kind of like two paths.
You could go on.
And I would say, because I, youknow, have had a lot of

(14:07):
experiences in life and, like Isaid, made a lot of mistakes,
you know, wasn't thinkingclearly about a lot of things.
So I would say there was apoint in my life where I was
starting to go down maybe thewrong path and like, just like
where the road is about to split.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
I was like skirt went over to this way and just
pretty much like just changed mymindset, which changed my life
ultimately, yeah, and when you,when you had that split, because
it sounds like there's, there'sa it's kind of like teetering
on the edge of yeah what clickedin your brain, or what did

(14:43):
something happen or what madeyou say, hey, I don't want to go
down this way, I'm going tochoose the independent route and
I'm going to get my shittogether.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
I think, well, I specifically remember I think I
was about maybe 18, 19 years oldand prior to that, like when I
was in high school, I was likewiling out, like skipped school,
snuck out drinking, like thewhole thing, like really early,
because I, even though my momwas around, she was, you know,

(15:15):
going through her own thing, soshe wasn't really there for me
as a parent at the time yeah uh.
so at that time no one reallytaught me how to like care about
the right things.
So I was just you know, I waslike lost and confused, going
through the trauma of my life,just trying to sort it all out
on my own.
And so I was that's kind of thepoint where I was making like a

(15:37):
lot of bad decisions, hangingout with the wrong people caring
too much about like the peoplearound me who were having a
negative influence on me.
And I just remember waking upone morning I don't know why.
I just woke up one morning andI was like there has to be more
than this.
Like I know I'm better thanthis, like I'm meant for so much

(15:58):
more.
And pretty much from like thatday forward.
I just started, you know,slowly but surely, just becoming
the person that I want to be.
Yeah, Still still trying tobecome the person that I want to
be, you know so did you feellike it was the partying and the
drinking?

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Do you feel like a lot of it was a way to kind of
avoid your feelings.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah, I would say so.
I don't think I knew it at thetime because I was young and you
know, obviously not all kids,but a lot of kids in high school
, like that's kind of, when theystart to experiment and, you
know, do stuff and hang out withpeople.
So I think, you know, I thoughtI was just being like a teenager
, but now that I look, look back, I realize that I was like

(16:45):
running away from things likerunning away from my home life
and never wanted to be home, soit was always like going out and
just trying to do anything,just to like have fun and just
distract myself yeah, yeah, yeah, come a long way yeah, you know
it's impressive.
Still got a way to go.
What about you?
Were you a good kid in highschool?

Speaker 2 (17:05):
yeah, I mean, I got very lucky two parents still
together amazing parents.
I love that very religious,very overprotective okay which
had its challenges in its ownway.
I didn't grow up the cool kidin school.
I was very much the kid who, ifyou invited him over, my
parents were going to call theirparents and make sure nothing

(17:25):
bad.
So you know, you stop, kind ofstop getting invited to things.
You know, actually one time Iwent to a sleepover at my
friend's and it was Saturday andwe had church on Sunday, every
Sunday, you know.
So you know my mom called andhey, zach has to be back by you
know, 8 am because we got church, and then his mom, who wasn't

(17:47):
really religious, I think, butshe kind of felt guilty, so then
she would make him go to churchif I would sleep over.
So then he kind of stoppedinviting me because he's like I
don't want to go to church.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yeah, yeah are you uh , are you still religious like
how'd you grow up catholic?

Speaker 2 (17:58):
catholic okay yeah, I did.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
I did too.
Um, but kind of just like Igrew up basically going to
church on the holidays, I wentto a catholic high school for a
little bit uh got like mycommunion, my confirmation, the
whole nine but yeah, I thinkafter you know, when I was, like
in my teen years, like I'vealways believed in god but I

(18:21):
didn't have like a personalrelationship with God and Jesus.
So but now I definitely do.
I'm not Catholic, thoughChristian.
I go to a Christian church herein LA and it's also one of the
best decisions I've ever madeInteresting, yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, I think Catholicism.
The trouble that I have with itis there is all of these kind
of rules that just feel likesome dude just made this part up
, literally yeah, and there'sthings that make sense.
Most of what Catholicismteaches makes sense Be a good
person do what you want to do toyou, everything like that.
And then it's like and don'teat meat on Fridays.

(18:59):
And you're like that just seemslike you made that shit up, you
know.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, or just like the judgmental aspect of it.
I mean, I know Christians arealso judgmental, but like being
a true Christian is like youdon't have to do anything for
Jesus and God to love you, whichis the whole point.
Like obviously be a good personand because God and Jesus loves
you it makes you want to be agood person.

(19:25):
It makes you want to do theright things because you have
your own personal relationshipwith them, Not like when I was
growing up in like Catholicism.
You were just kind of likejudged for everything.

Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Church just seems to me, itjust seems like people,
everybody's just people.
It's not you.
You know, the priest is somecrazy.
God put him down on earth forthis reason.
You know, a lot of priestsobviously have some major issues
yeah I just remember when Ilived in nashville, I went to

(19:56):
nashville and I went to thischurch and it was like, uh, it
was like a ted talk and then itwas like a rock concert
afterward oh really giantbuilding and I remember just
thinking like aren't y'allsupposed to be like helping the
poor people?
but it just seemed a littlehypocritical to me and after
that I was a little like prettyskeptical after that so you

(20:16):
haven't uh been back to churchsince then, would you say uh,
pretty much no, okay you shouldcome to oasis.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
I think you change your mind maybe, maybe come on a
sunday.
I'm there every sunday where'soasis?
It's in koreatown okay, yeah,in koreatown, it's close by.
Our pastor is really reallycool.
His name is julian, alwayscracking jokes, he's just like
very for the people and healways, always says, like he's
not better than any of us, likewe're whole, like we're all one

(20:43):
church, we, we're all like onebody and we're just here to help
people and just like be goodpeople and just be vessels of
like the love of God.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yeah, I would feel a little bit like a hypocrite
because I don't believe in Godto be honest oh, you don't Okay.
Yeah, I just don't see any.
It feels a little bit like, ok,if I don't believe in church
and the Bible, then it's likewhat do I actually believe in if
I believe in God?

(21:15):
Do you understand what I'msaying?

Speaker 1 (21:18):
You could believe in.
Just Like God is a higher power, Like what do you think?
What do you think all of us is,and the earth is.
Just like science.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
For the most part, yeah, I think it's plausible
that there's something out therethat we don't understand yet a
higher power or something, maybe.
I'm not closed off to it.
I just haven't seen anythingthat makes me think that.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Yeah, I think I think I kind of used to feel the same
way, Like I've always believedin God, but I because, like I
said, I grew up in the Catholicchurch and didn't really
understand the Bible and I didnot have a personal relationship
with God.
I was like, oh, these are justlike some rules and stories that

(22:04):
happen, like yeah, they couldbe true, but like they don't
really apply to my life.
But once I started likeactually cultivating my
relationship with God and likereading the word, I know that
it's true because of the thingsthat it's personally done for me
in my life.
It's kind of hard to explain ifyou don't really know.
It's kind of hard to explain ifyou don't really know.
But that's kind of what faithand believing is, you know, just

(22:29):
knowing that something is real,even though it's like not
attainable or physical ortangible.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
You know what I mean no-transcript, thinking to
yourself or like somethinghappened.
I've just never had that before.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yeah I mean, it comes at different times for people.
You know even some people canbe, you know, the worst type of
people their whole life andcriminals and drug addicts.
And you know, one day they havelike an encounter with the lord
and it completely changes them.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
So you know it's each .
Is that what helped you duringyour fork in the road moment?
Is that one of the things thatum was there for you?

Speaker 1 (23:14):
I wouldn't say at that time.
I mean, like I said, I'vealways believed in god, so I I
always knew that someone waslike protecting me and and
guiding me.
I think that, because I wasn'tsuper close with Jesus, I, you

(23:34):
know, thought it was like eithermaybe my dad, because he's like
my guardian angel, or like justthe very broad word of God,
like oh, there's God, so he's,you know, he's guiding me, but I
didn't really understand.
Um, I would say that at thetime I probably thought it was
just a decision I made, butlooking back on it it was.
It was definitely like God justguiding me, and people who

(23:55):
don't even believe in God, likeSometimes such amazing things
happen to you and you can'texplain it, or like, have you
ever had a point in your lifewhere you were like really low
and you didn't know how you weregoing to like either make a way
out of something?

Speaker 2 (24:12):
or figure something out.
Here's an interesting thing.
So I play piano for a living.
I do piano on YouTube,Instagram.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
I saw the piano in the.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very nice.
So the reason I got into pianoI mean I took lessons growing
up- my grandpa was my teacher,stuff like that, and then I quit
because all the kids in schoolcalled me gay and this was
before like gay was like kind ofcool and accepted.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
It was like, oh, you want to be gay.
When I was growing up, you know.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
And I was very shy in high school, like I said, and
got made fun of a lot andbecause of that I was very
excited for college.
Because I'm like I have noreputation here, nobody knows
who I am.
I can just be whoever I want.
I can be the cool, confidentkid with a lot of friends and
social and all these kind ofthings.
So the school I went to.

(24:56):
Did you go to college, by theway?

Speaker 1 (24:58):
uh, I started college but I didn't finish gotcha.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
We'll get into that in a second okay, um, but I was
in the dorms my freshman year soI had this rule because I was
like you know, I want to havefriends, that anytime there's
like an open door, I was like,okay, I'm going to go in.
Hey, what's up?
I'm Zach, nice to meet you.
Blah, blah, blah.
How was your day going?
And kind of like, make friendsthat way.
And it was kind of scary.

(25:20):
And I know that sounds likekind of weird, but I'd be in my
room like all right, zach, let'sgo.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
Time to make friends, you know like pumping myself up
, yeah, pep talk.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
And so I did that for a couple months, but the
problem was, I was still veryshy and awkward because, that's
the way I grew up.
So instead of becoming like thecool popular kid, I kind of
became like the weird kid whowould come into your room and
like talk to you you know what Imean.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
Try and be your friend yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
And you pick up on it after a couple months.
It's like, yeah, people werealways polite to me, but like
never got invited when everybodyon the floor was going to
whatever yeah so around december, and I remember it was a friday
night, because I used to hatethe weekends, because the
weekdays it's like oh yeah, no,I'm studying.
This is why I'm here this.
You know, I don't have friends,but that's because I'm like

(26:06):
busy, you know.
But, the weekends, you wouldhear everybody partying and
laughing and all the musicoutside your room and I would
always feel very alone.

Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
And the worst part was my room was like way over
here and the bathroom was allthe way on the other side.
So if I had to go to thebathroom I would always walk
really fast, Cause I didn't wantanybody to know that like I'm a
loser on a Friday night.
So one Friday I go to thebathroom and as I'm coming back
in the like cool kids room orwhatever, like the door was open

(26:35):
.
I'm about to pass it and I hearsomeone in the room and they're
like yo, does anybody know that?
Zach, kid, kid.
And so I stopped because, Ididn't want them to know that I
could hear them yeah and Iremember someone in the room was
like they're like, yeah, he'ssuper weird.
Nobody likes him oh and I don'tknow why the fuck I even cared,
because who gives a fuck what?
Like some random people in aroom say, right, but for some

(26:57):
reason that shit fucking hit me.
But then I was kind of trappedoutside of my room because I
didn't want to walk past andhave them know that I, you know,
they saw me.
So I went down to the basementof the dorms and they have, like
you know, pool table, ping pongtable, and in the back corner
they had this piano room.
It was just like a closet withlike an upright piano in it and
I just went in there and I justplayed for hours and hours.

(27:19):
I was too tired and fell asleepand then every day after class
because I hated being in my room, because it reminded me of what
happened I would go to thatpiano room and I would just play
and play, and play and play forlike hours every day after
class and it's like, ironically,that's how I kind of ended up
in this career path and that'swhat I love to do.

(27:39):
So it's like sometimes you thinkmaybe things do happen for a
reason.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Oh, they absolutely do.
I don't think anything is byaccident or coincidence.
Yeah, I think literally,literally every single thing
happens for a reason interestinglike even the the smallest
things like popping your tire orsomething, like you don't know
if you would have gone in likean accident or pulled over or
something.
You know what I mean?
It's like I think that likewhen stuff like that used to

(28:05):
happen to me, or likeinconveniences, or like people
making fun of me, like I used tojust dread it and be like, oh,
this sucks, like why me, youknow what was me so I was like
I've always been cool you're oneof the hot hot.
I mean, yeah, people thought Iwas attractive but honestly I in

(28:29):
mostly in middle school and,like my freshman year of high
school, the same group of girls.
I was actually bullied.
Really bad, interesting, likereally really bad.
Um, in what way?
Uh?
just talking shit, yeah justlike I was literally the target,
I think, because when I was ineighth grade I was dating this
kid who previously had datedthis cheerleader.

(28:52):
Like I was always cool, but Iwasn't like the cheerleader type
like you know, trying to belike the most popular girl in
school, Like I've always beenlike.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
You were like the black sheep partying yeah,
Getting drunk no no, not thatyoung.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Not that young.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Oh, you're saying middle school.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Yeah, middle school and like early high school, but
I would say black sheep for sure, because, like I said, you know
, early on in this interview,like I don't try to be the
center of attention, like Idon't, you know, like try and be
cool or try and be the mostpopular, but yeah.
So basically, this group ofgirls, they call themselves the
Brat Pack.
I think they still callthemselves that, to be honest.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
They call them.
They made up their own name.
Yeah, the.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Brat Pack.
Yeah, so they bullied me prettybad, like to the point where in
eighth grade like I would sitwith like the like quirky kids
who like didn't really have thatmany friends like besides each
other, but they were all nice tome because like I could feel
people in the lunchroom liketalking about me there was once
where I literally just went intothe bathroom during lunch

(29:54):
because I didn't even want to bein there, um, and it really
bothered me at the time.
Um, I don't like to say it, buteven even like my eighth grade
teacher, she would see like howeverybody would talk about me in
class or whisper about me, andshe held me back for the at the
end of class once and she wasjust like, you know, just ignore

(30:16):
them like they're jealous ofyou and at the time, like I
didn't think I was, you know,like the most amazing looking
person in the world or anything.
So I didn't understand, likewhy they would be jealous of me.
But I don't know, I think thatgirls can be pretty catty a lot
of the time and I never reallyunderstood that.
So, honestly, I never.
You know, at that time, eighthgrade, early on in high school,

(30:40):
I had friends, but they werelike friends from all different
types of groups of people Like Ididn't have like a clique or
anything like that.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
You were kind of the floater.
Yeah, floating betweendifferent groups never really
fit in with one group or another.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Yeah, yeah, I would say so.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
Was that hard for you , or did you enjoy it?

Speaker 1 (31:02):
I would say it was hard for me because I would look
at other people that had likethis big group of friends to
like always hang out with and goout with.
But also I come from anAlbanian household, so like my
whole family is like I'm firstgeneration born here.
My whole family is like fromAlbania, came here and how

(31:23):
Albanians are is like family islike everything that's great so
I also have an older sister andeven though at the time, because
we have like a five, six yearage difference, we weren't super
close at that time, but Ialways had somebody.
So like I didn't feel the need,even though I wanted it, I

(31:45):
wanted like a lot of friends andlike that whole like girl group
and stuff like that, like I hadsomething that could like never
be swayed, which was likefamily, a family member who's
like super close to me.
You know what I mean?
She's still my best friend tothis day, like closest person to
me.
So yeah, so it was hard.
I still kind of feel like that.
I still kind of feel like anoutcast a little bit.

(32:07):
Yeah, like a cool outcast.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
I don't know how that makes sense, but is there a
part of you that kind of likesthat?

Speaker 1 (32:14):
uh, I think yes, because I don't have to like
deal with drama or anything.
You know that comes with havinga lot of people around you.
But I think that if you find agood group of people, then it's
nice to have a lot of friends.
And I would say, like now,within like the last two years

(32:37):
in la, like I finally found,like you know, a couple friends
like that are genuine peoplethat I get along with and like
now I kind of feel like I havethat.
But yeah, I feel like my, mynumber one thing is just like
genuine and people with likejust kind souls, and I don't, I

(32:58):
don't know like I've come acrossa million amazing people, but I
feel like finding someone youcan like really connect with and
and trust is kind of hard tocome by.
And maybe that's just like mypast and things that I'm talking
about right now, like when Iwas younger, just kind of
creeping into my adulthood.
Like I said, I'm I'm kind ofreserved, so I'm very selective

(33:21):
on who I spend time with, who Italk to.
I'm just like a very privateperson.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
So yeah, you come off like you don't come off as
reserved to me, but you come offas careful yeah you come off as
like I'm not sure if I shouldlet my wall down yet or not and
it is interesting so I neverrealized this until the first
like actually like beautifulgirl I dated.

(33:48):
I remember I was 25 years oldand it was this girl that I had
a crush on forever.
She was like did modeling andstuff like I kind of like had
seen on Instagram through likefriends stories.
And then she like came out onenight and like we hit it off and
I was like pumped and I beforethat, coming from Wisconsin, I
kind of had like the idea thatmost people from small towns
have, which is, yeah, if you'rea hot girl, like your life is

(34:10):
easy, you get things for free.
You know, you get all theattention blah blah yeah but
seeing her life you know upclose, like that, it's like yeah
, it's like very difficult totell you know what guys yeah,
actually fuck with you.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
And what guys are just trying to sleep like want
something from you.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
It's hard to see what girls really fuck with even
more so, what girls really fuckwith even more.
So yeah, which ones aresecretly jealous and talking
behind your back.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Exactly that's the toughest thing, yeah, because
guys at least, like they'll puton a front for a while to try
and get something they want, butif they're not getting what
they want, they're just gonna belike okay, bye, like they don't
care that much.
But not all girls, obviously.
But I've found for mepersonally, like it's very hard
to find genuine women who, liketruly support you and don't have

(34:58):
like jealous tendencies.
Because us, as women, mostwomen I'm not going to speak for
everyone like we just have this, this little thing inside of us
.
I think like even me, like Iwouldn't say I'm a jealous
person, but like when you seesomeone who, like maybe is doing
better than you, or so youthink, or is prettier than you,

(35:19):
you don't hate on them, like youwant to support them, but at
the same time, you could beinsecure and be like, oh, I wish
I had this, I wish I had thatyou know what I mean it's very
easy for women to feel that way,I think, because there's so
much pressure put on us to bebeautiful and be great and be
the nicest girl with theprettiest face and the best body
and who takes care of herselfand makes the most money.

(35:41):
I'm sure guys feel like that ina way too, maybe not like the
jealous thing, but, especiallyas a man, like there's so much
like responsibility put on you,especially from like a financial
standpoint, like at leastthat's what society makes.
It seem like like you have tohave your shit together you know
, yeah, I do think, a bigdifference with guys.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
That is why, because I moved to LA, I've had my same
group of guy friends for thelast eight years and, like we're
all, still friends.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
Oh nice.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
With, and I have a lot of female friends too, but
the female friends seem to moreso kind of come and go.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
They're there for a while.
Then they get a boyfriend.
You don't see him for eightmonths and they come back.
Then they like end up with thetiktokers in this house and then
they come back and then theyend up in this scene.
It's very like.
It's like the the la vortexkind of yeah and I think
honestly a big part is like forguys.
There definitely is a jealousyfactor where, if you like a girl
and you know your buddy's likehitting it off with her yeah you

(36:38):
feel jealous, but I think as aguy it's like we more so need
each other whereas like, ifyou're dating a guy and he's no
friends, you're like this guy'sa loser, why do you have any
friends?
or even if he has friends, buthis friends aren't cool like I
think one of the things that'svery attractive to girls that's
under talked about, I guess islike, if you have a good group

(36:59):
of friends, like if you havelike your boys, and you guys are
all cool, you guys are all youknow, nobody's weird, nobody's
like it.
I think it's we almost needeach other.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
So yeah, it keeps us kind of together a lot easier.
Yeah, yeah, I think I wouldprobably find it like a red flag
if guys don't have like a goodgroup of guy friends, because I
feel like guys like it's so easyfor guys to be friends with
each other, it's so much easier,like we can just talk shit like
if I insult your entirebloodline as a guy.

(37:29):
That's like how we bond yeah,like that's, like a joke, yeah
that's like the biggestindicator.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Are you my real friend or are you an
acquaintance?

Speaker 1 (37:35):
if I can talk shit about you like to your face,
obviously then it's like thengirls will be all sensitive,
like, oh my god, I can't believeshe's like is that how?
You really feel you know what Imean.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
So my friend was dating someone one time and you
know we're all clowning eachother and she, like, pulls him
aside and she's like I thinkyour, your, your friends are
bullies to you and he gotoffended from her because he's
like the fuck, I'm bullying themdon't tell me I'm the victim in
this circumstance.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
It's just that's how guys bond, right?

Speaker 2 (38:04):
that's funny the other thing about girls.
This is crazy, so I used todate this really toxic girl back
in my village um no no she wasa gemini.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Oh, the worst, no any male female gemini's and I'm
not, I'm not super into, but Ihave every Gemini I have ever
met.
They could be cool, but they'realso crazy.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
I didn't believe in signs until I met some of y'all
Gemini's out there Game over.
Y'all are toxic.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Okay, so tell me about this toxic Gemini.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yeah, so she told me one time she's like Zach, just
so, you know every group ofgirlfriends has a group chat.
And you know every group ofgirlfriends has a group chat and
I was like, okay, yeah, normalshe's like.
But what you don't know isthere's always a second secret
group chat with, like the coremembers of the first group chat
and then talk shit about thepeople who aren't in the secret
group oh my god, that's awful.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
No, that's toxic.
I don't have any group chatslike that.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
It's worse so we had a big breakup.
Usually I have good breakups.
I'm friends with some of myexes.
This was like bad breakup.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
Yeah, like throwing shit, oh no.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
And she had a falling out with some of her friends
because she's just toxic,whatever.
And then so I'm talking to oneof her friends, we're kind of
bonding over it, I'm like yo.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
Just so you know, they have like this second
secret group chat where theytalk shit about you guys you
guys, and she starts laughing,but kind of like diabolical
laugh, like evil villain, likeyeah, yeah, kind of like that
I'm like what she's like, zach.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
What she doesn't know is there's a secret secret.
Third group chat who talks shitabout the second.
I'm like y'all.
I need a like flow chart tomake sure like I understand like
who doesn't like who?

Speaker 1 (39:39):
yeah, you don't like them, but actually you're.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
You're frenemies with them.
You pretend like you like thesepeople like it's crazy, it's
hard.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
It's hard being a girl, but I wouldn't change it
for the world.
I don't think I love being agirl.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
I love like trust me, it's way better.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
All the girly thing, no, yeah it's way better being a
guy, for sure way better.
But you know it's each his own.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
At least girls are pretty that's true, you know,
get to like dress up and dostuff yeah yeah, wear heels,
yeah, all the things I mean.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Some guys do that too , so that's true, yeah, although
apparently, uh, there's onlytwo genders now officially in
the united states I know I knowI uh would speak on that, but I
don't know if I should we'll goon to another topic yeah how?
How old are you?
You're very confusing how so?

Speaker 1 (40:22):
I get this a lot.
How old do you think I am?

Speaker 2 (40:25):
you seem like late 20s, like personality wise, but
you look like you're like 19,with a fake id, like I don't
know whether to talk about, likeinvesting or, like you know,
flipping over the water bottle.
How many times do you get toland record for tiktok?
You know I haven't.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
I haven't uh done the the water bottle flip, so maybe
that's showing my age um I am29, gonna be gonna be 30, but
actually, uh, the past, thankyou.
The past few days actually arelike last week.
Um, I'm also a personal trainer, so a few people at the gym
that I work at.
I forgot how we got into theconversation, but I was like oh,

(41:01):
like yeah, when I turned 30this year they're like 30.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
I thought you were like 24, so yeah, you look good
yeah, at least when I'm like 50,I'll look like 40 yeah, because
I thought you were Latina atfirst and I know Latina age very
well, but I don't know ifAlbanians is the same way yeah,
I think um, I think they do most.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
Most Albanians are really good-looking people, so
they age well.
My mom is beautiful, has alwaysbeen beautiful her whole life,
so I think I'll age pretty well.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
And you work out, you know, yeah, so that's a plus.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
I try and take care of myself, you know.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
What's the oldest and youngest you've dated relative
to your age at the time?

Speaker 1 (41:51):
your age at the time.
Um, so I was not like in aserious relationship with this
person.
We were just dating and, youknow, together for maybe like a
couple months.
I was 20.
This was after my reallylong-term relationship.
I was just single for a whileand then was, you know, just
seeing this guy for a couple ofmonths.
I was 26 and he was 39.

(42:13):
Okay, yeah.
So, but my long-termrelationship we met when I was
19 and he was 24.
So there was a like five yearage difference, and I'm dating
someone now in a relationshipnow and I'm 29 and he's 32.

(42:33):
So that has been actually thesmallest age gap Interesting,
yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Yeah, it's interesting.
So I used to own a company inthe modeling industry and we
used to call it hot guy phase,because whenever like a new
model 18, 19, 20 is, like youknow, coming into the industry.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
They'd always be dating like young hot guy and
they look like like brothers,like they all had, like like the
same little haircut permhaircut same dangly earring.
They got off of Timu.
You know it was like Star WarsAttack of the clones, you know.
But the interesting thing,whenever girls would turn like
21, 22, 23, at least like themost beautiful girls, they would

(43:10):
almost always be dating justsome like normal looking dude,
like some dude, like if he likedropped off your UPS package,
you'd be like, oh yeah, it makessense.
But it would always be someonewho's extremely successful or
charismatic, mature, kind of hastheir shit together.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
And it almost felt like they tried the hot guy
thing.
It was fun for a while and theygot bored of it and now they
want something of actual likesubstance.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Yeah, I think, just because when you are dating
someone, especially because menage or mature, I should say,
than women do.
So I think I've heard thatthat's true.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Some girls in la I'm like I'm not sure about oh yeah,
well, girls in la, you knowalthough guys in la too.
But yeah, it goes both.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
No yeah, it's.
I think that women probablygravitate towards someone a
little bit older than them justbecause one they want them to
like be a leader and have, like,more experience than them so
they could kind of guide them.
You know what I mean and Ithink you know just, with age
comes maturity and experience.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
You don't want to date some dude with three in one
shampoo.
You know what?

Speaker 1 (44:16):
I mean, oh my god, yeah, like college days.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
No, so funny one of my friends.
She's like yeah, I was datingthis guy, it was like the third
date or whatever.
She's like I'm in his bathroomand I guess girls like I guess
you guys like snoop around guysbathrooms and like you know,
sherlock holmes, you're likelooking for the clues and shit.
Yeah she's like I go into ashower and I find three in one
shampoo red flag like I've seentwo in one, but like three in

(44:41):
one, yeah, shampoo, conditionerand body wash yeah, fucking put
that shit in your dishwasher,wash your car with that shit.
Like what is this?
Like fake shampoo, you know?

Speaker 1 (44:50):
yeah, crazy that's awful, yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Red flag um, what is the?
So?
You're in a relationshipcurrently.
How long has this one been sofar?

Speaker 1 (44:58):
it's been a year and a half about.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
Well, hey that's a good, you guys have survived.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Yeah, and what originally attracted you to him.
So we met at my church and healso goes to that church as well
.
I was taking my friend out fora birthday brunch because her
birthday had passed just like acouple days prior, and her

(45:24):
brother also.
They're very close and goes tothe same church.
So I was like, oh, you can haveMatt come, you know, because,
like they're always together.
So I was thought it was justgoing to be us three.
And then her brother had metthis guy at church and he just
like invited him to come and atfirst I was kind of like I don't
want this random guy at abirthday coming.

(45:45):
Yeah, I'm trying to take my girlout like I don't know this guy,
uh.
But when I first saw him, youknow, I thought he was very
attractive.
You know, first thing I noticedwas his eyes.
He has really pretty eyes, um.
But I wasn't looking for arelationship at all at that
point.
I was very, you know, just likefocusing on myself, working and
like trying to build myclientele and just like growing

(46:06):
closer to God at the time.
So I kind of was like I gavehim a ride home, actually
because his car was in the shopand we both lived in Hollywood
at the time.
So I just was like I'm justkind of who I am, I just am nice
, and was like, oh, you know,I'll just give you a ride home,
it's fine.
And so we were like texting alittle bit and he kept like
calling me, trying to hang outwith me.

(46:27):
And in my single phase,whenever I'm single and like
guys try and hang out with me,I'm like I'm the worst, I'm that
girl that'll be like, yeah,yeah, we'll hang out.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
And then I just like, yeah, you guys are the worst.
I never hang out with you likeyou try and make plans.

Speaker 1 (46:39):
I'm'm just like oh yeah sure.
Saturday Just say no, just sayno I know it's so hard to say no
, you don't want to hurt theirfeelings, but so I was kind of
doing that thing.
It took us maybe like threeweeks to a month to like
actually hang out.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
Oh, so you made him work.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
Yeah, I mean he would call me here and there I was
supposed to like shower, getready and drive all the way back
to like Beverly Hills, so Ikind of canceled.
And then we finally did hangout and, um, I was very
surprised because I had I hadgone over to his apartment with

(47:13):
the plans of like, okay, I'mjust gonna be here for like an
hour so I can say I hung outwith him.
You know, just because I'vebeen telling him I'm gonna hang
out with him, just like thiswill get it off my conscience.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
I don't have to feel guilty anymore.
Right, I'm?

Speaker 1 (47:24):
like you know, might as well give him a chance.
He seems nice and he wasn'tlooking for a relationship at
the time either.
I think he just wanted to hangout and get to know each other.
And then, after the first timewe hung out and had a real
conversation, I was like, oh wow, like him just because of the

(47:45):
things that we had spoken aboutand, like I said earlier, I can
always tell, like with my firstinteractions with people, like
if there's somebody that I havelike some yeah connection with,
or that they're genuine.
So yeah, so he's very genuine.
Really, really, really greatguy yeah, chemistry is rare.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
It's rare to find.
Yeah, I think it's more rarethan people think, because I
think a lot of people think theyhave chemistry when it's just
the honeymoon phase of arelationship.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
Yeah, like sexual attraction and like lust and
that sort of thing.
Yeah right, like the excitingnew feeling.
And then, like once that's kindof over, you kind of realize
you're like, oh, there's thisquality, I don't like this thing
, I overlooked you know, kind ofrealize you're like oh there's
this quality.
I don't like this thing.
I overlooked.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
You know what I mean, so it is rare.
Have you heard of the three?

Speaker 1 (48:26):
loves theory.
No, what's that?

Speaker 2 (48:28):
supposedly you have three loves in your life.
You have, like your first lovekind of the puppy love.
Don't know what you're gettingyourself into yeah then you have
like your toxic love and thenyou have like your soulmate okay
, I think I'm on soulmate.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
Soulmate, level Number three.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
So tell me about love number two.
So I would say it's flipped.

Speaker 1 (48:49):
So like my toxic relationship was when I was in
high school and kind of like youthink you're in like a real
relationship in high school.
But like you're not Like youdon't know anything.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
I don't know if any high school relationships really
count.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
I mean I, some people are high school sweethearts and
yeah, I guess go get marriedlike it could, and I think that
you at that age can understandwhat love is.
But I don't think you're matureenough to sustain that love,
because love is hard work everysingle day.
It's a decision over and overand over, to commit to that

(49:24):
person and choose to love thatperson.
It's not something you justlike fall into and you stay
there like it's work.
So I don't think.
Maybe in high school you havethe maturity to do that.
So, yeah, I had, you know, thattoxic relationship.
And then my first love was mylong term relationship that I
had.
We dated for about seven yearsand it was.

(49:46):
It was a good relationship,like I can't say anything bad
about that person A lot of likegrowing pains and we, you know,
eventually grew very far apartand you know, things happened in
our relationship thatultimately, you know, we ended
things.
Um, but yeah, I would.

(50:07):
I would say, excuse me, it was,it was a real relationship, but
I don't think that it was oneto.
You know, go the distance.
What about you?
What?
What number are you on?

Speaker 2 (50:21):
uh, man, I think I've had all three multiple times.
Actually the, the third one,the true love one, I think I've
only had once okay um, I fuckedthat one up.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
That was my fault yeah, that's what most guys do.
I'm just joking, I mean it'sprobably true.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
Um, she was like the most like beautiful person I've
ever met.
She would like.
I remember one time I go to herplace and I open the door and
there's just like this puppyruns up and I'm like oh hey, did
you get a dog?
She's like no, I like saw himon the side of the highway so I
like you know, like you know,pulled over and, like you know,

(50:56):
grabbed the dog and like, andshe was like printing out flyers
, she was gonna like hang themup you know what I mean?
oh sweet um, very sweet, verycaring, very put everybody
before herself, almost to afault, almost to the point where
I'm like what are you doing?
You know what I mean um, yeah,I still remember, even the first

(51:17):
time, like like we went out fordinner.
I remember we're at catch andwe're like walking out and
there's like a homeless personthere, right, and I'm kind of
like she's walking like quicklygoing to the side like yeah,
exactly and she like walks rightpast me and like starts talking
to him and like asking abouthis life, and she like that's

(51:38):
sweet takes this like gift card,like this grocery store gift
card, and I was like, why do youhave like a ralph's gift card?
She's like, oh, I just keepthem, like for the homeless
people oh, that's so sweet.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
It was like so fucking adorable.
You know that poor girl, I'mjust joking um I never like
cheated.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
I'm never been a cheater type.
Like I said professional fuckboy, you know.
Okay, what's up?

Speaker 1 (51:57):
oh, I thought professional fuck boy meant like
you did all the things, but youwere just really good at it.
I also was really good at it.
Yeah, I mean, I was aprofessional.
I'm good at what I do.
Got you, got you.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
At one point it was her birthday, okay, and I got
her a trip to Europe because,like I love taking girls to
Europe, it's like my favoriteplace, there's like fun shit to
do.
I actually think Europe is veryoverrated for like a friend's
vacation, but for like aromantic vacation.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
Oh yeah, for sure, yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
And she's like Zach, like thank you so much, but I
can't go on this trip becauseshe lived with her mom, she was
a nurse and she would like kindof take care of her mom.
And I was lived with her mom,she was a nurse and she would
like kind of take care of hermom and I was like don't worry
about that.
Like I, I and her mom was likean asshole to her.
Her mom would just like and I'mlike you have the most loving
daughter, she's sacrificing her20s to like live like she could

(52:45):
have.
She's a nurse, she makes money,she could have got her own spot
, but like she stayed with hermom because like her mom like
needed help.
And I told her I was like no,already got that set up, I hired
like a nurse off this site shecan come take care of your mom.
And she's like Zach, like thankyou so much, but like like I
can't leave my mom.
And at the time I just didn'tunderstand that level of like

(53:09):
sacrifice and we got in this bigargument.
I'm telling her she has sheneeds to set boundaries with her
mom.
You know, she can't just lether mom run her life, blah, blah
, blah.
And so I ended up going on theEurope trip.
Anyway, I just took one of myguy friends, we just like toured
around Europe and yeah, shebroke up with me, which was
honestly what I deserved at thatpoint, but I think you had a

(53:32):
point.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
I think she has a point, but you also had a point
too Like I could see whereyou're coming from in that
situation.
But also.
I could definitely see whereshe's coming from.
You know, like that's her mom.
You know what I mean, but Icould see where you're coming
from for sure.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Yeah, and I do think there's just a level of like if
you want that level of kindnessin a person which I do.
Yeah, I want that person.
Yeah, then you have to be likeaccepting of it comes with
sacrifice, like anything elseyou know.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
So is that one of the exes that you're still friends
with, or no?

Speaker 3 (54:03):
no, no no, she's engaged now, so okay yeah, that
one's never coming back, I thinkyeah but unfortunately are you
in a relationship now?

Speaker 2 (54:14):
I am not.
I went on a couple dates with agirl who I think has a lot of
potential intelligent love thatrecently, you guys recently, are
hanging out I uh.
Intelligence is just so muchmore important to me than it
used to be yeah, for sure yeah,it's just last girl I did it.
Uh, that wasn't like when I wasin my 20s, intelligence didn't

(54:36):
matter at all.
I dated this vegan girl firstdate.
We go to this restaurant.
She orders a chicken sandwichand I'm like.
I'm like no, this isn't likeimpossible chicken, this is real
chicken.
And she told me legit to myface, zach chickens don't have
souls.
And she was eat chickensandwiches and she's like I'm a
vegan.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
What crazy, like crazy and she did like yoga she
was eating chicken sandwichesall the time and she was like
I'm a vegan, what crazy likecrazy and she did like yoga.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
She's very into like crystals and like all that is
insane and like the thing aboutcrystals is like, do you believe
in crystals?
No, okay, how come everybodythat owns crystals rents?
Rents where they live yeah, youhave the power of the universe
and you rent like none of y'allhave like manifested crystals

(55:22):
don't work.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
Yeah, I just don't.
I don't believe in them.
Yeah, no, crystals don't workyeah, I'm all about.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
I'm not a big manifestation guy.
I don't know how you feel aboutall that kind of stuff yeah, um
, I believe in, like, the law ofattraction, absolutely.
I don't.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
But no, I think you know, like you can't just
manifest anything you want.
Like there's so many factors inattaining the things that you
want, it's you know how hard youwork, how much effort you put
in what God wants for your life,what I believe.
Like you know, there's a paththat you're supposed to follow

(56:02):
and I think we just like wake upand live every day, trying to
fulfill whatever we think ourpurpose is.
But I think that you know whatyou think about, what you watch,
what you read, the thoughtsthat you tell yourself do have a
lot to do with, like, what youput out into the world is what
you get back so that's.
That's as far as I go with likethe whole manifestation thing

(56:25):
yeah, what have you manifestedin terms of not necessarily?

Speaker 2 (56:28):
manifested but manifested, or what are some of
your achievements that came fromthat?

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Honestly, everything.
It blows my mind and this iswhy that I think that and I know
for me personally that God isreal, because someone who comes
from where I come from and thehardships that I've had to face
in my life, the path that I wasgoing down at one point in my

(56:55):
life, to face in my life, thepath that I was going down at
one point in my life, the factthat I did not become a product
of my environment, andeverything I've ever said that I
wanted to do has happened, noteven by like me, like okay, I
say I want this, I'm going towork, work, work, work, work

(57:15):
until I get this, like I'll.
Even when I was younger, you'resaying you didn't have to work
or you did have to work well ofcourse I've worked for things
but, like everything I've eversaid I wanted hasn't maybe
happened when I wanted it, how Iwanted it to happen, but
everything has just always likelined up for me and has just

(57:36):
come true give me, give me anexample like when I was younger,
before I knew I wanted to domodeling, before I wanted to do
tv hosting, before I knew Iwould be do anything in
entertainment, never being to LA.
I actually never visited LAuntil I moved here, like, like
where are you from?
Connecticut InterestingConnecticut, yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
And you came here for modeling, yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
Okay.
So when I was younger, I'd justbe like, oh, like, I'm going to
live in LA one day, like never,like why would I even think
that I had no specific goals oranything like that?
Um, so that's one example.
Another example like when Istarted modeling, I started
modeling around like 20, whichis pretty late to model,

(58:23):
especially if you're you don'thave like any connections or you
don't know anyone in theindustry.
Like modeling is such a toughindustry to break into Not so
much nowadays, like still tough,but it was.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
Social media has like tough in a different way now.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
Yeah, in a different way so, um, when I started
modeling, I was just like,basically like a shot in the
dark.
I'm like, let me just try it,let me just see, you know what I
mean.
And like things just fell intomy lap, like how I started tv
hosting was a complete randomcoincidence.

(58:59):
Like I had first startedmodeling and I was doing like
random photo shoots, just tryingto create a portfolio with just
like random photographers thatI found on Instagram in my
hometown or home state.
So once I did some like shootsoutside in the snow, like
literally just these, likelittle whatever shoots that
probably you know weren't evenwhat I needed to be shooting,

(59:21):
but I just wanted to practice infront of a camera and practice
posing and all of that.
And then one day I'm like, okay, I know, model shoot in studios
, like the most basic thing gotto find a studio.
So I found this girl who wasgoing to college at the time in
this town, maybe like 30 minutesaway from me, and I'm like,

(59:42):
okay, set up a shoot with herbecause I want some indoor shots
, some studio lighting, stufflike that.
And by her posting my photos onher Instagram I didn't know at
the time she was thevideographer for this um small
TV network called fashion newslifestyle network.
Her boss had just saw my photosand was like oh she's, she's

(01:00:06):
pretty Like.
Would she ever want to do TVhosting?
Like would she want to host?
Had no experience, like nothingat all.
It's funny's funny because, men, we mentioned earlier about
college.
I started to go to college.
I was paying for my classes outof pocket because you know, I
applied for financial aid.
But they said I made too muchmoney, which was ridiculous to

(01:00:26):
me.
I was a bartender at the time.
I was making good money.
But like, come on, like theylooked at your picture.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Like you get good tips.
No, I'm not gonna give you.
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
I don't know like a refill of that form.
Also, there was an issue withsomething like because, you know
, my mom had to fill some stuffout about her income and there
was like an issue with her thing.
And I tried to ask her like hey, there's some sort of issue
like can you fix it?
Or and my mom is not the bestwith how do I say it, I don't
know like she just paperwork andall these things yeah, just

(01:00:56):
paperwork and just uh, she justwasn't present at the time.
She was going through a lot ofthings so I was like, whatever,
I'm just gonna pay for schoolout of pocket.
So I like saved my money, wasgoing to school for journalism
because I wanted to do some typeof broadcasting.
I just knew I wanted to talk oncamera and like be on camera and

(01:01:19):
interview people, whether thatbe like morning news at the time
and so I was going to collegeat that time shot with this girl
.
Her boss had, you know,basically wanted me to join
their team of their TV show andthen, within just like a couple
months of me starting to domodeling, I end up at like New

(01:01:41):
York Fashion Week, which I don'tknow how much you know fashion,
but for me to know nothingabout the industry had like just
getting started.
For me to end up there was likelike there's no way that I that
that could just happen.
Like this is what I'm meant todo and if you are sure of what

(01:02:05):
you want to do and you know whoyou are and, like I said, god
has a path for you, there'snothing that's gonna get in the
way of that or stop that likethings will fall in line for you
to eventually get you to where,exactly where you need to be.

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
Yeah, you crushed it yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
So that was just some examples of like manifesting.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Thank you, but I don't think you should give the
universe the credit, because no,I don't give the universe the
credit.
What I was kind of thinking isyes, you were thinking about it
a lot.
You were, you know it's in yourmind all these things, but then
it felt like then you wentoutside.

Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
Yeah, you did the work.
You reached out tophotographers.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
You did how many shoots before.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
You know, maybe you did 50 shoots before you got the
one that worked out.
Right, so I feel like that'syou like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
Give yourself credit don't get, I'm not good, I'm not
, I'm not gonna give you credit.
Yeah, I, I did, yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
So you know how many people I know who want to be
models and they just wait andthey just sit there and I'm hot.
People should just book me fortheir things for no reason my
manager is not working hardenough for me and there's part
of me that's like you gottastart hitting the pavement.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
You know you gotta start getting yourself out there
honestly, when I first started,like my modeling and tv hosting
journey, I did not get paidever but, I was just like, oh, I
have an opportunity, like I wasmodeling for this brand in new
york.
Um, just, they had, like youknow, um like evening wear
dresses and stuff like that andI did not get paid for those

(01:03:39):
shoots, but I was like hey, I'mshooting for a brand, I'm on
their website, like this is andI was just starting, you know
what I mean.
So I think that you have to like, do your due diligence.
Like I think a lot of peopleexpect things to get handed to
them, um, but especially in likethe entertainment industry.
Like you have to hustle ofpeople expect things to get
handed to them, um, butespecially in like the
entertainment industry.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
Like you have to hustle yeah, you do have to
hustle yeah my I think peoplereally underestimate the power
of working for free.
I I had an internship innashville yeah and I interned,
for he was like this guy waslike the evil genius of like
music marketing on, so this islike social media was like there
.
But yeah, instagram was kind ofnew.
It was like the evil genius oflike music marketing on.
So this is like social mediawas like there.
But yeah, instagram was kind ofnew.

(01:04:18):
It was like that kind of aspectyeah and I found him because,
like, uh the in college, right,you need an internship to like
graduate, and most people wouldjust go to the local music store
yeah and like sell trombones tolike middle schoolers for like
three months and like, oh, checkit off, I got my degree, I'm
good, right, and now they're,you know, still selling the

(01:04:40):
trombones to middle schoolersyeah
and me and my friend were likefuck this.
So we drove to Nashville, whichwas like 12 hours away, and we
just started going knocking ondoors of like studios and um,
different, like recordingstudios, stuff like that, and we
met a guy and I said I'minterested in marketing.
He's like, oh, I know somebodywho's actually looking for
interns and the first day I goin for the internship it's just

(01:05:03):
like at this dude's house hejust has like a normal house.
I like he opens the door.
He's like looks like he's likecoked out or like he had a long
night or something like that.
He's like, oh, shoot, and helike goes, gets this like
folding table and like sets itup in his living room.
He's like, yeah, you're workingfrom here.
And there's like one otherintern oh wow, they like showed
up the same day, but he taughtme so much about marketing I

(01:05:25):
mean this guy was like a geniusin social media at the time and
I just took everything he wasteaching me and like oh, let me
like apply this to my pianovideos until, like my, shit
blows up and I'm so, and didn'tget paid a dime, but I was so
happy.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
I did it like the experience was so valuable yeah,
I think you have to be acertain kind of person to have
that type of mentality yeah, toyou know just like sacrifice the
short term for you know likelongevity, yeah, but I think
that, um, yeah, not, noteverybody has that trait, but
it's really important,especially in entertainment.

(01:05:59):
If you want to, you know, likeclimb the ladder, so to speak.

Speaker 3 (01:06:02):
For sure.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
What's next on your list?
What are your goals coming up?

Speaker 1 (01:06:08):
So I definitely want to do more TV hosting.
I've, you know, been likecontracted with like little
networks and you know I'vehosted contracted with little
networks and I've hosted reallygreat events.
I've been to, like I said, NewYork Fashion Week for a few
seasons, Milan Fashion Week,Miami Swim Week, a couple movie

(01:06:29):
premieres here in LA, and thebiggest event I ever did was the
VMAs in 2022.
Yeah, it was one of the bestdays of my life.
It was so fun.
Like how good I felt is like Iwant to feel that all the time.
So I would love to work morepermanently with some like big
network, Maybe here in LA.
Like actually just was lookingthe other day and I saw that

(01:06:53):
there's like a new um positionat like KTLA for like morning
news and someone who it's likean entertainment host for like
morning news and they host likered carpet events and stuff like
that so that, like e-news, justlike a a concrete, consistent,
you know, way that I can go anddo tv hosting.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
Every day you're waking up.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
Yeah, I don't.
I don't know about like everyday, I don't.
It depends on, like what thejob is.
I don't know if it has to beevery day, but I would just love
to like build my hosting career.
I think that I hold myself backa lot in a lot of ways.

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (01:07:35):
I've always like wanted to do social media more
and I think that if I just likecreated content, like even
something like this you knowwhat I mean Just like
interviewing people, or just youknow, I see something online
that's like trending news andthen like I get on my camera and
I talk about it and then postit, I think that that would help
me, just so people can see whatI actually do.

(01:07:58):
But I've never been like aposter, like I have such a weird
relationship with social media,like I use it.
Anything I've ever, you know,done in entertainment has pretty
much been booked through there.
But I also like kind of hate itat the same time.

Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
Is it because you're kind of like nervous to post and
like, is it good enough?
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
I think I'm hard on myself, like I think I I
question like, oh, is it goodenough?
And like I get self-consciousabout things, even though I'm
not a self-conscious person.
Just I think it's just theaspect of like which is so weird
because, like, I feel like mypurpose is to share myself with

(01:08:39):
people and talk to people andlike share my story, hear other
people's story and just connectwith them and, you know, leave
people like better than I foundthem and you need to like put
yourself out there to do that.
But at the same time, I'm likeI don't want to do that in like
the social media aspect.
So I think I have to like breakout of that and it's it's
definitely been, it's been hardbecause I've always been like

(01:09:01):
that with social media, alwaysso we should definitely talk uh
after the show, because so Ihave a piano channel.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
It's at like 900k subscribers on youtube big
following tiktok instagram.
And then I hired a uh amusician uh he's his channel's
now at over 100k.
I just hired another one.
His channels are like 80k oh,wow so like this algorithm, like
I if there's anything I know inlife.

Speaker 1 (01:09:24):
Oh yeah, I don't know , I don't know anything about
that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
I could definitely teach you the, the blueprint
okay, down to a science.
Oh cool, I need that yeah, interms of like posting, the thing
I always tell people is likeokay, there was a guy who
cheated on his pregnant wifewith a porn star.

Speaker 1 (01:09:43):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 (01:09:44):
And then we elected him president of the United
States.

Speaker 1 (01:09:46):
Oh, you're talking about that.
Nobody cares about your post.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
Nobody's going to think you're a bad person or
you're not.
Blah, blah, blah Like.
Just post it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:53):
Yeah, just post it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
Yeah.
You, you're a bad person oryou're not blah blah blah, like
just post it, yeah, post it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
That's true, yeah, yeah, I think I get in my own
way in that aspect, bro, a lotof people do when they're just
starting out.
It's a very common.

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
Uh, yeah, I haven't just been starting out, though,
like I've been on social media Idon't know I think I think,
like I said, I'm just I straddlethe line of I'm very outgoing
and I love to talk to people andlike, once you actually get to
know me, like what people thinkabout me when they first meet me
they're like, oh, like sheeither seems bitchy or like kind

(01:10:24):
of closed off you do a restingbitch face.
Yeah, you know, it's just justto be 100 real yeah, I mean, I
don't try to, it's just my face,you know.
But like, once I talk to you,they're like, oh, she's actually
kind of nice.
But yeah, I str's just my face,you know.
But like, once I talk to you,they're like, oh, she's actually
kind of nice.
But yeah, I straddle the linebetween, you know being very
private.

Speaker 3 (01:10:42):
And.

Speaker 1 (01:10:42):
I don't think that people need to.
Like I don't need to be seen.
I don't feel the need to beseen.
Like I don't care for that.
But at the same time, I knowthat I want to be seen in some
ways and I think that it'simportant for me to be seen
because, like, how will I growand what I'm trying to do if I'm
not?
Like imagine a TV host that younever saw.

(01:11:04):
Like it's like an oxymoron.

Speaker 2 (01:11:08):
Yeah, so so I'm curious now that you say that.
So what?
What makes you want to be a TVhost If you don't want to be
seen?
Well, like what?
What drives you?

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
I just I love entertainment.
I love.
I'm just very into like popculture, love music,
specifically hip-hop.
Like love, love, love, love,love.
It know a lot about it.
Love movies, like I love totalk about you know like
creative things and I also lovepeople.
Like I love to talk to people.
I love to hear people's.
You know like creative thingsand I also love people.
Like I love to talk to people.
I love to hear people's storiesyou seem like you genuinely

(01:11:40):
like.
Yeah, like people.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, I genuinely like people,so that you know, and also I
just think that I have a naturalgift at being able to to speak
to people when I want to youknow so.

Speaker 3 (01:11:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
Yeah, I'm a bit of a conundrum.

Speaker 2 (01:11:57):
You are a bit of a conundrum.

Speaker 1 (01:11:58):
Yeah, that's a good thing, you know, keep it
interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:12:01):
Yeah, I mean if it's.
If it's I like to think that ifpeople are.
I used to say back when I was afuck boy people aren't a little
bit toxic?
I don't know if that's toxic,but it is interesting yeah, it

(01:12:25):
is interesting no, your redflags are all other things oh,
okay bright, glaring red flagsare all other things like what
my resting bitch face?
You're a leo for one thing,okay, yeah, that's just instant.

Speaker 3 (01:12:35):
Instant, the flag is red run away, you know what.

Speaker 1 (01:12:39):
I'm albanian and our flag is all red with like a
black eagle in the middle, soI'm literally a red flag
literally a red flag.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
That's funny, yeah, all right, we are about out of
time we have one final question.
We always ask everybody me andmy co-host are taking a.
We're taking a poll.
He's up by like four or five.
Uh, let's say, if you're single, you meet a guy, he texts you
and the bubble is green.
Is that a red flag?
No no it's not preferable, butit's not a red flag uh, you

(01:13:15):
don't care if your guy, you know, has17 in his bank account and
got his phone from thegovernment.

Speaker 1 (01:13:23):
Honestly, I don't know if care is the word Like,
Maybe at this point in my life,when I was younger, there was an
Android user who did not haveany money Didn't matter to me
because they were a great personbut at this point in my life,
the green text no.
But if you, you know, can'ttake care of yourself, then I

(01:13:48):
personally can't be with you.
Yeah so no, no, I'm good withthe green text Interesting.
I'm good with the green textyeah.

Speaker 2 (01:13:54):
Yeah, when you're 21, it's like, yeah, like he's
starting out, he has ambition.
But if you're like 33, stilldidn't make it, it's like, nah,
that dude is probably not makingit ever, unless you like get
the lucky one who just likefigured it out late in life.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
Yeah, there's always this list.
I see on social media it's likejk rowling all these people
that like didn't do anything ordidn't get their big break until
they were like 40 something.
So you know there's hope,there's hope, but it's kind of
like I think positive you haveto at least have some kind of
track.

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
Yeah, something not like, yeah I just started my
crypto cannabis company, that'salso a multi-level marketing
scheme yeah I mean so all right.
Well, this has had.
This has been very fun.

Speaker 1 (01:14:36):
We'll have to have you on.
It's been great.
Round two sometime.
Yeah, I've enjoyed talking toyou guys thanks for listening.

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Finding Ur True North, How Loss Shapes Our Life Path, Authenticity, Growth & Spiritual Journeys ft. Natalie - Ep.082

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Finding Ur True North, How Loss Shapes Our Life Path, Authenticity, Growth & Spiritual Journeys ft. Natalie - Ep.082