From Mom's murder attempt in Trailer Park to Valedictorian & Throat Goat ft. Dylan Moore - Ep.077 - Unattainable Podcast Show

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My jobs are like that .
It comes in the bio that I usedto read.
It's a mouthful.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'll go through this a little bit about me.
My name is Dylan Moore and I'ma new rising adult film actress,
as well as a sponsoredskateboarder.
Audio engineer, publishedauthor, pole dancing instructor,
former stripper, professionalhot girl and a a throat goat.
I am an only fan girl of threeyears and signed my first

(00:29):
contract with a professionalporn company who rated you the
throat goat actually mymanagement that I'm working with
now.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
It's like a newfound talent what's the key to
finessing dudes at the strip?

Speaker 1 (00:41):
club.
My mom tried to kill me when Iwas like three.
And then my dad tried to killher for trying to kill me.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Tried to kill you how .

Speaker 1 (00:50):
With Windex Tried to feed me Windex.
I've been arrested like ninetimes growing up, like just
getting into all kinds of.
He tried to strangle her forthat.
Once he found out One of myfirst anti-psychotic ever.
It's like I could.
I finally felt like I had agrasp on my life.
I finally felt like I could.
Like I finally felt like I hadautonomy over my thoughts and my

(01:10):
my action.
Took my leg and like pinned itagainst the exhaust pipe on his
motorcycle and burned it.
I still have the scar on my legto this day.
He fed me acid when I was sevenyears old jesus, we're like the
drug acid or like acid acid LSD.
That's crazy.
Yeah, him and his friendthought it was funny.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
They did it for fun.
Yeah, holy shit.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
I don't know if you're being serious or not.
Do you think people watch pornLike don't even I don't judge
porn, but I'm not saying like,oh, my God, like, look at the
art on this.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Like the camera angles are so amazing.
I'll show you my OnlyFansmessages.
It's women saying to me Welcometo Unattainable.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Glad to have you with us and hope you continue to be
a part of our family for theforeseeable future and, if so,
please hit that subscribe button.
I'm Mohamed Mollahi here withmy incredible co-host, zach
Evans, and our newest, latestand probably the most incredible
guest of the day, dylan.
How's it going Good?
Probably the most incredibleguest of the day, dylan.

(02:09):
How's it going again?
Um, I, actually, so I, wetalked about this right before
that.
I got your bio um from yourmanagement and I I I found it
very fascinating.
So I kind of just want to readthis because I think it pretty
much is a better way ofdescribing you.
But before I read it, actuallyjust introduce yourself how old

(02:31):
you are, where you're from andwhat you do, and then I'll just
read through this.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Sure.
So my name is Dylan Moore.
I'm from Canada.
I was born in the Yukon, whichis like basically near the
Arctic.
Most people get it confusedwith Antarctica.
It's the opposite pole.
Arctic most people get itconfused with androgyne it's the
opposite pole.
Uh grew up in a trailer park,went to school in vancouver,
came from montreal and I'm 24and I do a lot of things.
My jobs are like that.
It comes in the bio that I usedto read.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
It's a mouthful, I'll uh, I'll go through this.
Um, a little bit about me.
My name is dylan Moore and I'ma new rising adult film actress,
as well as a sponsoredskateboarder.
Audio engineer, publishedauthor, pole dancing instructor,
former stripper, professionalhot girl and a throat goat.

(03:20):
I was a little drunk when Iwrote it.
We'll come back to that in alittle bit.
We'll come back to that in alittle bit.
I built my following on YouTubein 2019-2020 through posting
skateboarding videos and havegarnered a cult fan base of
skaters, writers, sex workers,porn lovers, and all of which

(03:40):
encompasses a veryunconventional demographic.
I am an only fan girl of threeyears and signed my first
contract with a professionalporn company, uh, rosalyn levy.
Rosalyn levy levy production atthe end of uh 23, very, very
recently yeah, uh, november yeahvery nice uh, canadian born

(04:02):
raised in a trailer park.
Like you said, in what is it?
yukon yeah, yellow knife niceand have lived in notable big
cities such as vancouver, whereI completed my double major in
audio engineering and bachelor'sin psychology very interesting
as um as well as Montreal, newYork and Los Angeles.

(04:27):
My various party tricks havegarnered me scholarships,
notoriety at parties and viralsuccess on social media, all
formed from a skill set toescape poverty and build
valuable entertainment thatrequired no monetary investment,
some of which includes firetricks.

(04:48):
Reciting 1200 digits ofmathematical pie uh.
Sticking pins in broken nervesfrom skateboarding uh.
With no reaction.
Backflips, juggling, swingdancing and more unfortunately
more very fascinating stuffthank you um, okay, so let's

(05:09):
talk about the throat goat thingokay what is that all about?
First of all, who?
Who rated you the throat goat?

Speaker 1 (05:18):
actually my management that I'm working with
now.
It's like a newfound talentuh-huh I had no idea that.
it's just like talents are beinguncovered day by day and, um, I
got a request for a customrecently and like he wanted a
lot of throat fucking and I, youknow, I've never been broken up
with.
So I kind of knew maybe therewas some some reason I was never

(05:39):
been broken up with.
So I was like maybe I givegreat blowjobs but yeah, they
like could not stop raving aboutit and they were like you
should pin yourself as that,that should be like your niche.
And I was like interesting, Iknew I had, like you know, other
talents, but I didn't expectthat one.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
So if you and Alex, what's her name?
What's her last name?

Speaker 3 (06:00):
The color of anything .
Yeah, cooper.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
Alex Cooper.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
I've the color daddy.
Yeah, yeah, cooper, alex cooper, if you know, I've been
watching that since I was likelike beyond a minor, like too
young to be listening to it.
And the gluck, gluck, 9000,it's like always on the back
burner, it's always in the backof my mind, actually my managers
.
They're like millennial gen x's, so they're like quite a bit
older, and they even knew thereference and they were like, oh
yeah, actually that that linesup, like they're like that makes
bit older.
And they even knew thereference and they were like, oh

(06:26):
yeah, actually that that linesup, like they were like that
makes sense that you watchedCall Her Daddy, Cause that
sounded.
the noises sounded like thegluck gluck.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
She called us older, by the way.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
I mean older than me, I'm like a literal baby.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
I suppose Interesting stuff.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
Wait.
So what's your best moves?
Moves is that your like go-to?

Speaker 1 (06:48):
um, I'm like, okay, the moment I knew I could get
into porn is when I well,there's two moments I'm like I
can like theatrically squirt,like like a porn star the one of
my first boyfriends was likeyou can squirt like a porn star,
locked that in the back of mymind and thought I could be a
four star.
And then, um, I just like themost money I've ever made in my

(07:08):
entire life, despite having twouseless degrees, was at the
strip club.
As a stripper I like found such, I feel like that's what I was.
Honestly.
I'm very educated but I feellike that's what I was destined
to do.
I'm a performer.
I like love flirting.
I'm great at it.
I love talking to men, takingtheir like, giving them a good
time.
Like, honestly, the strip clubis where I know that I'm always

(07:30):
like safe and can do my job andI just feel like I'm good at
performing and everything.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Okay, so at what point?
How old were you when youstarted stripping?

Speaker 1 (07:42):
So I got into it when I was 19 or 20 and I got into
it too because I just like mythree other jobs were not paying
my student loans off.
They're not paying the bills.
Um, I had started an only fansbeforehand, during the pandemic,
and I had got a pole like in myroom as well and I wanted to be
a stripper, but then obviously,like with the pandemic, but

(08:04):
then I got really good reallyfast, so I started doing pole
lessons via facetime for girlsand then, once the clubs opened
in like beginning of 2021, Iwent like full-time while I was
still in school and I managed topay off my student loans in
like eight months which theywere big student loans, so well,
for two degrees I would.

(08:25):
I would say so yeah yeah, and Ilike took a year off and I
switched majors and did all thestupidest things you could do to
cost you money.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
So so what's the key to finessing dudes at the strip
club?

Speaker 2 (08:38):
um like how do?

Speaker 3 (08:38):
you like okay, I need money.
Fuck, the bills are coming up.
I need like as much money ashumanly possible now okay.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
So it's horrible, like honestly, no one wants to
hear it because it's just thereality things.
It's like the thing that peopledon't want to say.
But you have to look in themirror and like understand what
your stereotype is.
You have to look in the mirrorand you can't say, like I can't
look in the mirror and go.
I want to be like jessicarabbit, sexy vixen.
I look like a cutesy Riley Reid, like he, he, he like and as as

(09:08):
soon as you understand that andyou don't like fight it.
So I was wearing like chokersand like BDSM stuff to the club
and like all black and like Iwould not have as much success.
The second I started puttingglitter on my face and wear pink
and white and like I alreadyliked wearing my hair in
pigtails but just like playedinto the stereotype that men are

(09:29):
already seeing you, asEverybody loves a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like everybody wants to beright when they talk to you.
They want to be like I knew it,like I was right about it, and
that comforts them and makesthem feel more comfortable to
talk to you.
And like everyone likes alittle bit of familiarity with
their thoughts.
So like when I played into thatand I really like just giggled
more and kind of had a softervoice and like played into just

(09:52):
you know the little young blondegirl.
It did a lot better for me thantrying to be like like sexy or
like you know, that kind ofessence.
You think your psychology degreehelped you with being able to
get more of a reaction that youwanted to from people um, maybe,

(10:12):
like honestly, I went intopsychology just because I had
like a really insane backgroundthat I didn't understand and
then, to be honest, by the endof it it just made it harder to
understand a little bit maybe insome ways.
But also, like I was never likelooking like this my throughout
high school and stuff.
So I I was able to like witnessmen not for like them flirting

(10:35):
with me and stuff.
I was able to kind of see itfrom an outside perspective.
So I feel like I kind of had agood understanding of like men
in general going into it.
Um, and they're like I hate tothis they're a lot more simple
than you'd need a psych degreefor, sure, like especially in
that environment is what I'llsay Like not just men in general
, but in that environment verypredictable Of course you don't

(10:56):
need a psych degree tounderstand like kind of how to
work it, especially after like ashift or two.
So it probably helped in someways, but I wouldn't say I think
my psychology degree probablyhelped in like relationships
more than anything.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Um you said you had you had an interesting uh
background growing up yeahwhat's?
What was that like?

Speaker 1 (11:17):
so, uh, well, being born in a child park in the
yukon is like I haven't metsomeone yet with that background
other than my friends back home.
So, um, and then I was infoster care twice, so just I
don't know if I should get.
Should I get the full?

Speaker 2 (11:34):
yeah, yeah, go for it okay.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
My mom tried to kill me when I was like three and
then, um, my dad tried to killher for trying to kill me tried
to kill you how uh, with windexhad to feed me just like
randomly or like what's thestory behind?
That um.
She had really bad postpartumpsychosis oh so that's also like

(11:56):
I think, subconsciously, thatwas probably a huge pushing
point for me to want tounderstand the psychology,
because growing up, people tellyou what happened and you're
like I still don't get it, likeit just doesn't make sense.
I fully am like under my mom'sthe best mom in the world now.
She's gone through insaneamounts of work and rehab to
like be a better human being andshe's never fully a mom to me.

(12:19):
But, um, going through my psychdegree, I like understand that
a lot of it is totally out ofher control, fully and entirely
so, and the fact that she's evenlike managed to get past a lot
of it, which a lot of womendon't, is crazy.
So, but then I was um in twodifferent foster families for a
little bit.
My grandparents took care of meand my brother for a little bit

(12:40):
.
Uh, we moved around quite a lotand, yeah, I got like I've been
arrested like nine timesgrowing up, like just getting
into all kinds of shit.
I had to move schools multipletimes for like getting expelled.
But then I ran forvaledictorian my last year
because I managed to still keepup with like my school pretty
well and I think I'm just like agenerally intelligent person,

(13:02):
thank god, because with myupbringing like if I wasn't
probably in the gutter, but yeah, interesting.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
So so your mom tried to kill you by giving, by
feeding you, feeding me windex,and then your dad tried to kill
her.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Well, because, yeah, because I made a statement I, I
was not I don't have memories ofthis, um, because I was too
young, like I have a vaguememory of getting taken into, uh
, by cps.
But, um, yeah, she was tryingto poison me and my brother, I
guess at a different point, andwhen my dad found out about it
my dad's a fuck too, likethey're both they were on some

(13:40):
shit both at that time, but thenhe tried to strangle her for
that once he found out.
And then, yeah, cops alreadykind of were warned about some
stuff beforehand.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
And I'm assuming they weren't together at the time.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
They were actually.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
They weren't married.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah, they were married and they were living in
the same house but, like mydad's also disabled, like he has
really gnarly brain injuries,so he's not all there.
So all the years, like my mom,uh, just kept him like living in
the house but he couldn't workor anything and he was just like
not all there.
So they were they and also theydidn't get a divorce because my

(14:21):
, my mom just couldn't affordthe divorce.
She was the breadwinner likethe whole way through when we
were with her and them and, um,she just couldn't afford a
divorce.
She'd have to pay him out ifthey got a divorce.
So she just let him live in thehouse because she knew he
wasn't gonna like work, becausehe couldn't, she didn't get
arrested after that incident um,because she went into, she
agreed to go into rehabilitation.

(14:41):
So like canada's like that,which for my mom's situation
great, for canada's like alittle too chill in some
situations.
But people could take advantageof that opportunity yeah, I
don't even think the people takeadvantage.
I think, like, probably theirlawyers and the people around
them take advantage because,like, the people who are not
sane are not really making thedecisions for themselves.

(15:03):
It's like the court mandatedpeople and, um, yeah, like you
could murder, like an orphanagein canada and be like they're
sick, give them, give them, youknow, a year in rehabilitation.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
Let's, let's circle back well, arguably they are
sick no, totally.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
And I think what has like me kind of on the fence
about all those feelings is thatlike my mom did deserve that
and like the, the empathy forthat and kind of like the
humanity for that, because shedid get better and she did wind
up fixing um and getting out oflike what was not her fault.
But then there's other cases inCanada where, like you know,

(15:42):
rapists can do a lot of fuckedup shit and not really have a
lot of consequences and like um,domestic abuse and murders.
There's just a very, verysocialist, chill government, as
everyone probably knows.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
So what did you mean by before?
When you're like, oh yeah, likein psychology, people do things
, but it's not their fault, likeI don't understand how it's
like, um yeah, somebody's faultwell, so it's it's physiological
, versus like your own autonomyand your own willpower and your
own um conscious, like um active.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
Like decision to do things gets completely um warped
or completely misconstrued andcompletely like um involuntary
at a certain point, which whichis why canada is kind of like
that is because they theypsychologically investigate
every person in any severe caseto see how responsible they are
for their sicknesses.

(16:40):
Like I'm also have my.
I have my diagnoses for mymental illnesses and before I
took initiative to get umtherapy and to get onto my meds
that work for me, there werestates where I could not
remember and could not likeresonate with the feelings and
emotions of the person who didthe things that I was like not

(17:02):
proud of or not happy with.
Like you get kind of like wipedand dissociate from that person
and it's really reallyconfusing and like conflicting
when you're going through that.
And then when I went on myfirst anti-psychotic ever, it's
like I could.
I finally felt like I had agrasp on my life.
I finally felt like I couldlike finally feel like I had
autonomy over my thoughts and my, my actions.

(17:23):
I feel like you have morecontrol over your actions but my
thoughts like I couldn't,couldn't get a hold of them
until I went on my firstanti-psychotic, which I used to
be ashamed of.
But honestly, with how muchit's changed my life, turned my
life around and it's done goodfor me.
I'm not ashamed of it now.
I'm actually like I think morepeople need to talk about it,
because I thought I was ashamedfor a long time.
I was like I don't want to goon an anti-psychotic.

(17:44):
Oh my god, now I don't want tojump off a fucking bridge.
Maybe more people should hearthat what are your diagnosis?
borderline personality disorderand schizoaffective disorder.
But um, I went on like everytime you go into foster care you
have to get an evaluation witha social worker and like a
psychiatrist and everything, andum, so like my parents didn't

(18:07):
have money for that, but it waslike through the government.
But I was put on all kinds ofmedications that were wrong for
me I was misdiagnosed so manytimes.
I thought I had adhd growing up.
I was on ritalin vivance, justshit.
That was like making me not aproperly growing child and like
not a human.
And then I had to go through alot of misdiagnoses to finally
get on my first anti-psychotic.

(18:28):
And that's when I actually likeit's like.
It's like when you can't, don'thave perfect vision and you put
on a pair of glasses yeah, Imean over here, especially in
america, they give out vivanslike it's fucking candy.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Every single doctor you go to is just fucking hand
them out like I have without asingle thought, and it's just.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
It's insane I feel like I had a late, like very
late, grasp on my personalitybecause, like um, I didn't under
, I didn't understand and Icouldn't explain, like with how
young of a child I was, that itwas zombifying me and I I
completely lost interest ineverything and like my whole
personality from ages like sixto like 12 and but you don't

(19:07):
have the vocabulary, theunderstanding to explain that,
to like mental healthprofessionals or your parents or
anything, or foster parents,and so, like I didn't know it
was misdiagnosis.
I'm fucking like 10 years old,you know.
But then I was felt like I wasmaking up for lost time, like
once I was going through pubertyand growing up a little,
because I was like, oh my god,this was just the wrong

(19:28):
medications for me.
It was, and they do hand outlike candy, like they don't do
enough um like second opinionsto make sure that it is um
tailored to you and like properand like not a misdiagnosis it's
actually supposed to be whatyou should be taking, as opposed
to something that they justthought about and thought that
it'll fit felt like I had toping pong um through so many

(19:52):
like life-altering medicationsjust to get to the one that you
know.
I saw success in um, but that'slike I wish that was not the
reality, for if it was thereality for me, I'm sure it's
reality for a lot of other youngkids and I wish it wasn't,
because be like I wouldn't havehad so many hurdles to get
through, and I'm sure it's thesame for a lot of people, which

(20:13):
is just not good is yourexperience with your mother.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Uh feeding you.
Windex is the the onlytraumatic experience you went
through with your parents uh,that was the main only traumatic
with my mom.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
She's actually a lovely human being and she so.
When I got diagnosed withschizoaffective disorder, it's
because I was seeing the worldin a completely different
reality and it's because I'mjust predisposed from it,
because my mom was alsopredisposed to it and she didn't
know that because she grew upon a mormon farm they didn't
believe in mental health, right,so she didn't seek help herself
because it was like againstwhat she believed in and she

(20:49):
didn't know that.
So I don't judge her.
Look at her differently.
Actually, the fact that she'seven like competent to be more
of a mother now than she everwas is like probably more than I
could even do, to be honest.
So I have a great relationshipwith my mother now, like she's.
She's more of like my bestfriend than anything like she's.
I see her more as like um, aresilient, really like, uh, good

(21:12):
friend that I look up to.
Um.
I don't really have muchcontact with my dad.
He like, yeah, my mom tried tokill me, but he was all he he
would have if he had the chance.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
Like yeah, but like he would have if he had the.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
He like yeah, but like he would have if he had.
He's a fuck.
Like.
He tried to act all like I'm Iwasn't mentally there because I
was too young, but I'm sure,like knowing him, that he would
have just like taken theopportunity to be like, oh, like
your mother tried to kill you.
Like, let me like try to be thegood guy like he's.
He's got bigger.

(21:45):
Issues like that are solvable.
To be honest, he's um, uh,misogynist.
Brain damage, um narcissist.
He's a full-blown narcissist.
He was diagnosed with it andthen just rejected his diagnoses
because, um, in order to seehis kids, he had to go to.
He was forced to go to apsychologist and a psychiatrist

(22:09):
and they diagnosed him withgeneral like narcissism and he
just like rejected it completelyand said, yeah, I don't want to
see my kids because I don'tthink that's right.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Well, I've always been confused, like because,
like everybody in LA says, oh, Idated this guy, he's a
narcissist.
And I I'm like I'm assuming youdon't mean like an actual
narcissist, just like you like,where is there an actual like
thing, like, oh, this part ofyour brain is missing, that
makes you a narcissist.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
Yeah, there is.
So, yeah, there is there's.
It's not just like gradients ofhow cocky you are so, um, from
some sort of, some sort of cptsdor ptsd or brain damage, you
can lack, um like adevelopmental aspect of your
frontal cortex if I'mremembering correctly, it's been
a minute and I have notutilized my education in a

(22:55):
minute but um, your frontalcortex, um determines like
future planning consequences, um, like a lot serotonin, uh, your
serotonin system, which has todo with like empathy, your
appetite, your sleep, all thatstuff.
And he completely lacked empathy, entirely like he had no
perception of how other peoplefelt whatsoever and also would

(23:18):
get like irritable and um justuncomfortable if the
conversation was not about himor it didn't involve him, or
like like could not perceivefuture consequences or like
anything outside of the realm oflike a very small bubble and
that gets stunted in all kindsof different ways, like I get

(23:38):
see PTSD.
Ptsd is a huge like, a hugecatalyst for being a narcissist.
Also, the brain damage that hewent through, particularly like
stunted a lot of his mentalgrowth, which puts a barrier and
you being able to put yourselfin other people's shoes and
being able to empathize and itmakes you inherently not just a

(23:59):
selfish person by likedescription, like by me saying
he's a selfish person,psychologically, scientifically,
physiologically, a selfishperson.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
By the way, his like neurons are now wired gotcha,
because girls always say I'm anarcissist, but I think they're
not really who says you're anarcissist bethany aaron, all
these girls okay, well, there'sa great.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
This isn't like or sociopath, but I'm not.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Yeah, that's their line yeah, I mean, there's a
difference between people beingmad at you and just like not to
mention people who areuneducated and don't know
anything about anything.
Yeah, to just throw out wordsthat that society has.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
Next time someone calls me a narcissist, I'm gonna
be like how many numbers of pican you recite?
Oh only three.
Sorry, I don't think thisdiagnosis is accurate.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
You're definitely not a narcissist.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
There's actually a really great determiner.
It's not the only one, but ithas a very low non-success rate
of the answers to it.
Do you think or see thepossibility that you could be a
narcissist or not?
Is that in the realm ofpossibilities to you?
Or do you believe that youcould be at all all?

(25:06):
Or do you see any narcissistictraits in yourself and answer
honestly?

Speaker 3 (25:11):
do I see myself as a narcissist?

Speaker 1 (25:13):
no, or do you see any traits that could be perceived
that way?

Speaker 3 (25:16):
at all, could be perceived, yeah do you think,
could you?

Speaker 1 (25:20):
is there in any realm any possibility that maybe you
could be wrong and you could bea narcissist?
No, there's no way so thebiggest determiner, um or like,
uh, you'd have to go through afull psychological evaluation.
I'm not gonna just diagnose youor anything, obviously, but um,
one of the like hints in asession with a psychologist is

(25:41):
like a narcissist has nocapacity and no ability
whatsoever to see or capacitateor understand that they're
narcissists, it's going to bedenied, denied, denied, 100 of
the time.
If you are fully, properlydiagnosed with, like the general
narcissism, like just um sign,like psychology wise and

(26:04):
everything like um, you will notbe able to see yourself as a
narcissist.
You will not be able to admitthat you are.
No one who's a narcissist canhave the perception or the
empathy to say am I a narcissist?
No narcissist will ever say amI a narcissist?
If you look in the mirror oneday and worry, if you're a

(26:24):
narcissist, you're not becausenarcissists don't.
They don't worry about it.
They look in the mirror andthey go I'm not, period.
And they don't look at facts,they don't look at logic, they
simply it's their, it's very,very um irrationally solidified
beliefs that are like justingrained in their own
self-beliefs.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
So I understand what you're saying, but I think that
the flaw in that theory is thatif a person even remotely has
any knowledge with regards tothe subject, then by looking at
themselves they would be able topinpoint the things that they
have done in their life.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
That would suggest that they're not a narcissist,
and therefore believing thatthey might be is is essentially
believing that anything that youknow is is incorrect but if you
, if you have the empathy tounderstand the things that
you've done and if they havepositive or negative
consequences, then that is toomuch empathy for a narcissist,

(27:28):
because a narcissist doesn'thave the capacity to empathize
with whether their actions hadan impact on other people or not
and are inherently good or bad.
So therefore, a narcissistwouldn't even come to that point
or conclusion of saying let melook back on my life and
determine if these arenarcissistic or not.
They just are not even there.
They're not even at that point,because that requires empathy

(27:50):
and narcissists don't haveempathy right and that's
understandable.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
However, I think the question itself is way too
simplistic to come to aconclusion with regards to what
the answer actually brings oh, Iagree, that was just the first
question they usually ask inlike an evaluation and it has a
high like stat of being, likemost narcissists who are
diagnosed followed up with otherquestions that determine what
this when somebody is

Speaker 1 (28:15):
it's the most interesting one to ask because
it has like the highest likeone-sidedness to it in the in
the research.
But yeah, there's way more intoevaluating someone beyond that
for sure, and if you like havethe capacity to empathize with
like thinking, am I narcissist?
And stuff, and then you tweakyour actions because you
recognize some things comeacross narcissistic, like I
think you were trying to justsay a little bit, then that kind

(28:37):
of veers into sociopathy, thatif you have the consciousness to
like manipulate your emotionsand actions because you're aware
of what a narcissist looks like, that's that.
Because you're aware of what anarcissist looks like, that's
that's.
You're going on to anotherdiagnosis.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
Now that's going on to sociopathy, which the only
difference between psychopathyis one's genetic, one's not yeah
, but I also think majority ofmen who have some level of
dominant personality tend tohave a level of narcissistic
traits within them, because itsort of goes hand in hand having

(29:10):
that level of self-control andbelief yeah, I agree which then
translates into I agree.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
But I think that's the differentiation, which is
like you need to have a skilledprofessional to be able to tell
the difference, because the masspublic wouldn't know this.
I agree with you, most men dohave, like narcissistic
tendencies, but that's becauseit's a societal standard that's
built up, that you're like um,taught and ingrained to believe
at a young age as a man, to belike confident and to not doubt
yourself and to, like you know,maybe lack emotional

(29:41):
intelligence or empathy andstuff, and that's not inherently
narcissism.
That's.
That's the way society bringsmen up, unfortunately.
But what the difference isthere is that if you're brought
up that way and if it's, like inum, authentic to you, or if
it's a standard you've beenbrought up with which is hard to
distinguish that's why you get,uh, like a psychological

(30:04):
professional to determine thisbut like you'll have to
distinguish eventually in anevaluation like are you having
these narcissistic tendenciesbecause that's what's manly and
that's like what men aresupposed to display and that's
what a lot of men typically haveas traits and you followed that
as a pattern that you've beeningrained with growing up?

(30:24):
Or is that inherently yourcharacter that you have no
empathy and you cannot seeanyone else's side and you're
just like that.
Those manly traits is itinherently you or is it based
off of the effect of a societalstandard?
Because if it's based off ofthe effect of a societal
standard, then that's still opento be manipulated, still not

(30:44):
like really a danger to yourselfand others, because you can dig
deeper into like your actualtraits as a person if that's you
and your character can't reallychange that you know, the
difference is essentially yourability to be able to learn and
grow and adjust and change asopposed to when you, your brain
essentially doesn't function anydifferently exactly, yeah 100.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
You said something with uh, with regards to your
dad, did did he at all doanything to you growing up?

Speaker 1 (31:13):
yeah, like I have.
Like I have a lot of scars, alot of stitches and he like he
was a bike, he was a motorcyclerider and, um, like my first
memory of him at all growing upwhen I was like four or five,
was I hated riding on hismotorcycle.
Like I would cry and stuff andlike my mom would try to like
make him not make me ride on it,but he would just like get mad

(31:35):
if I started crying.
So my first memory of him washim.
I was crying because I didn'twant to go to his motorcycle on
his motorcycle and he took myleg and like pinned it against
the exhaust pipe on hismotorcycle and burned it.
I still have the scar on my legto this day.
Um, my eyebrow has a scar in itfrom like a salad dish being
thrown in my head.
He was.
He was like, yeah, he was, he'smessed up from the get-go.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
So I'm sorry, I'm surprised he didn't feed you
anything.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Oh he did.
He fed me acid when I was sevenyears old.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Jesus, Wait.
Like the drug acid or like acidacid.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
LSD.

Speaker 3 (32:10):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
Yeah, Him and his friend thought it was funny.
Oh my.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
God, they did it for fun.
Yeah, holy shit, yeah, wow, youwere six.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Six or seven yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
Do you have a memory of that at all?

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah, because I had to go.
That's when I got taken intofoster care for the first time
and I had to go underpsychological evaluation.
There's a lot of concern that Iwas not going to turn out okay
after that.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
According to social workers, therapists and stuff.
So there's just a lot ofbyproduct of that.
That.
I remember more than the actualthing.
I remember it beingtraumatizing.
I have a vague memory of thatmore than the actual thing.
Like I remember it beingtraumatizing, like I have a
vague memory of that.
But honestly I don't think mybrain was developed enough to
intake that.
What it took more was like theseverity of being around social
workers and the therapists andat the hospital and stuff and

(32:54):
being like this is a big goddamndeal.
So so that was the start of youessentially ending up in foster
care yeah, it was the first timemy grandparents took us out
then because my grandpa, he'sthe coolest man on planet earth.
He is the coolest man on planetearth.
Um, he passed a couple yearsago but, um, he was a real man,

(33:15):
like.
He did every job you could everimagine best driver, locksmith,
professional, pool player,professional con man, owned a
laundromat, owned a professionalcon.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
Yeah, he just like grazed through it like it's
nothing so to pay okay.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I went to u of t for my first year and I dropped
out of journalism because Irealized how stupid it was to
take that but to pay my rent andmy tuition that first year when
I was 18.
Um, he was a professional poolplayer and professional con man,
so uh, those go hand in handyeah they, oh, without a doubt.

(33:50):
And so he um taught me to playpool from.
They had a pool table in theirhouse since I was born and I
just played pool all yearsgrowing up like they're.
They're never.
They're so poor growing up.
So all we had to play was like Igot really good at chess,
really good at pool, really goodat card games with my grandpa,
and so when I was in Toronto Ididn't have a job, I wasn't

(34:12):
stripping yet or anything.
I didn't want to be a bottleservice girl.
I didn't want to like serve oranything.
I did later on, but I just likeknew I could make good money
hustling.
So me and my ex, who's alsoreally good at pool, we would
dress me up in the sluttiestoutfit you could possibly
imagine.
We go into the pool.
I'd act like I couldn't playpool.
I'd ask someone to teach me weplay around, let them win.
I'd be like, oh my god, my richdaddy gave me an allowance.

(34:34):
Like I've never gambled before.
Do you guys want to like gamble?
Throw down like 700.
And they'd be like ha ha, ha,easy money.
And I'd go on a guy's team who,like you know, like thought I
was cute or whatever, uh, andthen we would just shark the
shit out of them, and thenthat's how I paid my rent for a
year wait.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
So then, like were they pissed?
Afterward, like what?

Speaker 1 (34:55):
the fuck I got banned from like almost all the pool
halls in toronto oh, you getbanned for that is it that's not
illegal right?

Speaker 2 (35:01):
well, you can't, it's not illegal.
If they don't have a gamblinglicense, then it's not illegal,
right?
Well, you can't.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
It's not illegal.
If they don't have a gamblinglicense, then it's not illegal.
But you can get kicked out.
But I got banned because a lotof the guys would get pissed
after.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Right.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
I bet, yeah, and then they would make a big deal and
whatever.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
I'm sorry, that's your fault, for, like yo, you
got played.
What do you mean?
My fault, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
I know I was like you're wasting time looking at
my ass when I'm lining up myshots like, do better.
But um, some of the place poolhalls there's like a lot of
girls working.
They thought it was funny.
So the guys make a big deal.
They're like, yeah, we'rebanning her.
And then they'd like you cancome back next week.
So, yeah, managed to stayafloat for that year by doing
that that's hilarious.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
I feel like your life could be a full-on TV show
running for like 10 seasons.
Really, thank you.
Actually, as you've been liketelling these stories, I'm like
huh, I think I want to.
We'll talk about thisafterwards.
I think it could be veryinteresting.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
I am.
So I've written like 70 plusnovels because like I'm also a
writer and stuff and like thefunny thing is I've never
actually written like a full andentire one about my life.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
These are actually published.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
No, not published.
Just one is published and it'spublished under an alias because
at the time so funny thingActually all my stories lead off
into so many differentdirections.
But you know that artist Grimes.
So she locked herself in a roomfor three days straight on
speed to write Visions, which isher debut most successful album
.
On speed to write visions,which is her debut most

(36:28):
successful album.
And I remember like when I wasa foster care, I wanted to
myself and I just had myheadphones in listening to
visions and it changed the brainchemistry.
I mean I don't really not thatsuper fangirly about a lot of
artists.
Grimes, like maybe a coupleothers, are the very few.
And so I locked myself in myroom once I finished university
for three days in montreal oncoke, forced myself to write

(36:49):
coke rooms, which is mypublished novel.
But, um, at the time I was, Ihad just finished my audio
engineering degree and I thoughtmaybe I might go into
engineering and stuff and thecontent of the novel is not
something I want my name likeassociated with.
So and also I learned in statsclasses that men's names sell
better for books and novels andthe realm that I was writing

(37:11):
about.
So it's under a male alias.
But um, yeah, that was the onethat got picked up by penguin
publishing.
Not, I've written 50 to 70novels, sent them like
erratically to penguin, tobroken press publishing, to all
these publishing places.
Nothing got picked up.
And then the one I lockedmyself in my room for three days
on coke.

(37:31):
They're like, yeah, actuallythat let's do that way drugs do
wonders, drugs do wonders it was, yeah it.
I had just been inspired byreading cherry by nico walker
and I read fear and loving whenI was way too young, like
probably like 11, and I've readevery single article that hunter
s hompson's put into the newyork times and so that's always

(37:53):
just been on the back burner ofmy mind and, plus that knowledge
about grimes and everything, itwas like a rapture and
whirlwind of that kind ofwriting interesting, very
fascinating stuff you don't wantto plug in that that, that, uh,
that novel no, I actually don't, because I
make farm.
My other jobs are far morelucrative and that's kind of
like a.
It's near and dear to my heart.

(38:14):
It's not something I wantnotoriety for and it's like I'll
be a porn star now.
I don't care what's associatedwith with my name now, but with
the intention of why I went withan alias Like I just like it
feels like it needs the dignityand respect to stay that way.
But I have sold like a fairamount.
But it's not even about Iwasn't even interested in
selling the book.
I just wanted to like I justwanted people to read my fucking
writing, right, and they have,and they have.

(38:35):
It's not under my face and nameand that's like better,
honestly then, there's less umless bias good for you.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Good for you, you said you.
You've been arrested nine timesI have for what do?

Speaker 1 (38:53):
you have them all I mean sure okay, so six are like
full charges, like uh, two likejail in canada or in us?
Uh, two of them were in the US,the other seven were in Canada.

Speaker 3 (39:07):
I know they arrested people in Canada.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
That's what I'm fucking saying.
Here's some pancakes.
But the fact that I don't havea criminal record that tells you
exactly like, yeah, they doarrest people, but they go eh
it's fine.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
Wait, wait, wait, you don't have a criminal record.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Well, I got it expunged recently.
But um, six of the nine werebefore I turned 18.
So in canada if you're a minor,it all gets wiped when you turn
18.
But three of them one of themwas, two of them were here in
the us after I was um, not aminor, and then um, one of them
was like a pretty major one whenI was about 19 in Canada and
that one got expunged recentlybecause I contributed to society

(39:52):
.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Wait, what was the major one?
What did you do, oh?

Speaker 1 (39:58):
God, I don't know if I should say this online,
because I just got it expunged.
Okay, I mean it's been expunged.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
What are they going to gonna do?

Speaker 1 (40:06):
they can't bring it back yeah, I know, but like
we're talking about it yeah, Iguess it's not that bad.
So when I was 16 I had justbought my first car on
craigslist for like 900 bucksand me and all my friends were
just like always high on drugsand just had issues.
So what we did for fun wasbreak into convenience stores

(40:30):
and just break into like storesor like chains and stuff and
steal stuff and whatever.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
Break in while they're closed.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Yeah, and just like there's a lot of illegal stuff.
We did actually, but this oneparticular time we went to like
a station like an hour and ahalf away and we stole about
like it was.
It was over $5,000 worth ofstuff because I was not charged
with with um, I forget themisdemeanor term.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
It's um, it's not petty.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
It's um, there's theft under 5, 5 000, then
there's theft over 5 000.
That's the the number Iremember because it's a bit.
It makes a big fuckingdifference.
I'll tell.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
I'll tell you that for free was the difference a
misdemeanor or felony?

Speaker 1 (41:20):
yes, and bigger in canada, because not a lot of
Canadians actually commit likesuper huge crimes like that.
And if they do, it's not likethat.
It's going to be like you knowyou're murdering someone, so
theft under $5,000 is likeyou're going to do 12, which
I've also been arrested for butyou're going to do 12 hours of
community service and like writean apology letter to your

(41:42):
younger sibling and donate tothe food bank and then you're,
you're fine, then you're allgood and then theft over 5 000
is like I'm.
I'm super, super, super lucky.
I even could still go touniversity, like it's I had to.
I wrote a paper in universitycalled the fetishization of the

(42:03):
impoverished, which is like medescribing like the craziness of
having to jump through hoopswhen you're poor to get a
scholarship and to go to schooland to just get normal
privileges that rich people get.
Add on top of that having likea federal criminal record and
the fact that I even could get ascholarship and get a loan.

(42:25):
My mom has black credit untilshe's dead, like she's not
allowed to have a credit cardfor the rest of her life.
We were evicted from, uh, orthe bank repossessed every house
we ever lived in and stuff, sono co-signers ever in my life.
The fact that I could have aloans from the banks, still be
accepted into schools and manageto get expunged is like
partially like, I guess probablybecause I really really like

(42:50):
didn't want to stay in thetrailer park and partially
because canada's laws like arenot chill as fuck to to chill
yeah for my position.
I don't think that's too chill.
I was a kid, I didn't knowbetter, but yeah, in a lot of
ways I would teach them.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
How's OnlyFans doing?
Is that like you're working onit?

Speaker 1 (43:11):
Yeah, so I've been on OnlyFans for like three or
almost four years now.
Oh my God, it's 2024.
Four years.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Four fucking years the pandemic started like four
yearsago.
That's like really Surreal,yeah, and jarring to think about
.
But, um, yeah, so I guessalmost four years, which is wild
.
But the reason I even got intoonly fans to begin with was
because, um, I was still inuniversity at the time and, like

(43:40):
the pandemic happened, we weregetting served in canada, but I
was kind of like, you know, justexploring my other options and
then, that was like three monthsprior, I had had a YouTube
video get to like one and a halfmillion views for skateboarding
and so I was just starting togarner a platform from
skateboarding and it was allyoung, horny skate boys, like

(44:02):
young skaters.
So I thought, oh my God, god,business woman endeavor, let's
that make perfect sense.
Starting only fans.
They want to see a young, hotgirl who skates naked.
So that's why I started it andmy first couple months were like
super lucrative and likeamazing.
And then I kind of, like youknow, had university to live.

(44:22):
My jobs didn't really take umit as like seriously as a full
job for a while and then when Icame down to here to do like
porn and stuff, like it's beenpicking up again.
But I'm also promoting peopleto go to my production agencies
only fans which I get a cut from, like I get commissioned well,
what makes more money?
porn or only fans, because mostof I I've dated two girls who

(44:44):
did only fans, but I, I don'tknow, and I assume people does
only fans, because you make moremoney doing only fans and porn
um, okay, so I work for an allwomen ran porn company, so that
makes a huge difference actually, and I I mean, I don't have
experience with anything else,but i- I know you only have sex
with girls for porn no, no, no,it's all women ran.
So like director, productioncompany payroll, like

(45:07):
photographer, videographer,everything like the only.
They just hire men who I'm acontract they call me a contract
star, but I'm a contract girlwith them.
They have no contracted men,they just hire them one on for
the scenes and it's all womenran.
So that makes a huge difference.
On that, honestly, like hate.
I don't want to rag on the pornindustry because I wasn't a part

(45:28):
of it.
I've just heard horror stories.
But the equitability of it alldoes make, honestly, a huge
difference because I hear somany horror stories.
People are like careful beforeyou get into porn.
My whole experience has been, Ithink, unconventional and like
really good because of that,with OnlyFans or porn making
more money, I think depends howmuch work you want to put in if

(45:48):
you want to live, breathe, sleep, sex work and and only fans
like and you put all the effortin and you're like a very like
self-motivated, like your workethic is insane, which mine is,
if there's a fire lit under myass, like if I have student
loans or things to pay for, likewe're a 26 000 warrant yeah,
shit like that.
Exactly the academia was like ahuge push but this stuff was

(46:12):
kind of like I could or Icouldn't, so I I wasn't posting
all the time and stuff like that, and that's.
You don't make as much money.
Then I think if you're a personwho takes it seriously as a
full-time job, it makes moremoney.
But then with porn, like thecompany I'm with, I make way
more money because I just filmsomething and I don't have to
touch any of the the content Idon't even have to post anything
.
I don't have to answer my ownmessages actually I still do

(46:35):
sometimes time, but I don't haveto do like even a fraction of
the work.
All I do is show up film, be anartistic part of it and enjoy
myself, and then for the workyou put in, you're making way
more money with porn.
But if you for the work you putin with only fans like, you're
gonna make more if you put morework in.
So I like putting less work inand getting paid, you know, like

(46:59):
a decent amount for a lot lesswork does any of the work that
you do um make it difficult foryou to date?
it did.
Actually I had my firstexperience with that this year,
but it was a great epiphanyactually.
I'm so happy it happened and itwas like a realization for me

(47:25):
that if a man is not comfortablewith himself, secure himself,
he's not kind of like takingwith the times, like if he's too
okay, if he's too influenced bywhat other traditional norms
are, or if that's just him andthat's just his own character
and belief of the traditionalnorms, then that just like lets

(47:49):
me know ahead of time we're nota good match because I I told
you about my upbringing andeverything and I'm just a very
unconventional person.
I've had an unconventionalstory, so it's like it shouldn't
be a shock that my job and myincome and like what I do with
my life is super unconventionaltoo.
And if that is too just doesn'talign with your lifestyle or
your character or what you wantand it's not something you can

(48:10):
like, I find comfort in a lot ofchaos, obviously, because my
upbringing was fucking chaoticand not comfortable.
So if someone has had, like youknow, wants a conventional life
and isn't comfortable with mehaving that more different job
and like something that's out ofthe norm, then we're just not a
good match and that's totallyokay.
The guy who took me to europefor two months, we kind of fell

(48:30):
in love, but he's um, he's atech businessman, like salesman,
and he wanted to introduce meto his family but he was like I
can't, I can't even send themyour instagram or anything like.
I can't show you online, likeit's just it.
It's not because he wasembarrassed.
He was like I think what you dois really cool, but I will be
flagged at my job if, like, thisis what I'm like attached to

(48:52):
and I can't film videos with you.
And if I can't film videos withyou, you're gonna film them
with other people.
And I thought you're a lovelyhuman being and I love being
around you.
But if our lifestyles and livesjust don't align, then that's
totally okay.
It's totally okay and I thinkhonestly it's like more
respectful to get that all theway ahead of time, so no one's
like heart gets hurt go ahead sookay, I'm just curious.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
So I've dated two girls who did only fans, but
they didn't like fuck guys andthey're only fans, they were
just like sure, whatever.
Yeah, are there guys out therewho are like yeah, I'm cool with
you, just like fucking otherdudes?

Speaker 1 (49:28):
yeah, I'm seeing a guy right now who's like that
and he's so hot, he is soconfident and secure.
You know why he doesn't give afuck?
Because he's got all his ownshit going on.
He is like.

Speaker 3 (49:39):
So I said wait, but then can he fuck other girls or
no I'm not.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
I'm not his fucking almighty ruler, like I'm not, I
have no say over it.
We'll, we'll come, we'll crossthat bridge when we come to it.
But honestly, like what he saidto me, which just was endearing
to me so I don't even know ifI've developed an opinion on
that yet.
I haven't put enough thoughtinto it, so I'll get back to you
in a couple months.
But one thing he said to methat just put all my thoughts at
ease was that he I said to him,are you cool with me, like like

(50:05):
doing this work?
He said I think it's superfucking cool.
I think what you're doing islike like really unconventional
and like fluorescent and justlike exciting and da, da, da.
And then I said um, do you wantto be in one of my only events
videos?
He goes no, I really don't,because I want to know that the
difference when we have sex isthat it's intimate.
It's just you and I, and I knowthat what you're doing is for
work with other people, so Inever want to be on camera with

(50:27):
you.
I want it to just be betweenyou and I when we have sex, so
that I know that it's not formonetary values, that I know
it's not for the performance ofother people.
I want to be the only personthat gets to know the real you,
when the camera's not on andfuck.
That's hot as shit.
I don't know what.
How I feel about him fuckingother people.
It's really new.
But like that just turned methe fuck on.

(50:48):
That's like do you know howconfident you have to be to give
a girl that response?
that is so fucking confidence,the right word okay, maybe not
confident, but just like hewasn't caring about the job and
me fucking other people, he wasmore concerned that he gets a
more personal and intimateversion of me.
And if that's his main concern,that is so unconventional and

(51:09):
cool and honestly I'm reallyimpressed and like like
attracted to unconventionalpeople because hello, I've had I
was like bullied growing up fora lot of what I was
unconventional for, like infoster care and stuff.
Like you know, you don't learnpersonal hygiene, like I was fat
growing up, all this stuff Isold drugs in high school and
like.
So meeting people who don'thave like the typical mindsets
is just such a turn on.

(51:29):
And he was like, yeah, like Ijust want to make sure that when
we're intimate it's justbetween you and I and that'll
make me feel differentiated.
And then what you do for work.
He was like send me the scenesfor what you do for work, cause
that's hot.
Then I can like get off to it,but like in a way that is like
you're making that like hot girlporn, but when I'm with you I
want it to be loving andintimate.
And I was like the fact thatyou can separate that and you're

(51:51):
a man too is like wildlyemotionally intelligent and cool
.
I just think it's cool.
I think it's a cool of a guy tobe like that.
And I think it takes more likethought and depth than just
going with what everyone elsetells you to think.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
So he's like a cuck.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Not at all, wait, but that's the definition of a cuck
he likes watching your his girlget fucked by their dudes he
wants to see me like eat othergirls pussies out and stuff oh
yeah, of course girls.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
But I'm saying he would also want you to send the
scenes with god, because that's,that's what a cuck is like.
That's the definition of thedictionary.
Like am I tripping, or?

Speaker 1 (52:25):
am I?
Well, okay, your definition isonly incorrect, depending if
you're talking aboutheteronormativity like a
heterosexual relationship,because I was lesbian for most
of my life and I've just kind of.
It's been an interesting likemy sexuality road has been
confusing and it's like it'salways ever changing.
But I've dated mostly women inmy life and so for him to like

(52:51):
just say like, oh, I'm only coolwith you eating other girls out
and stuff, it's like, butwouldn't that be more
threatening because of onlymostly dated women?
So wouldn't that be morethreatening?

Speaker 3 (53:02):
If, if I was dating a girl, let's say she like cheat
on me and left me for anothergirl, in my mind it's like, it's
not like, oh, the girl wasbetter than me.
It's like I'm not even in thatgame it's like if tom brady was
playing like basketball andsomeone like beat him on the
basketball game, he's like dude,I don't even play basketball

(53:23):
with a football player, you know, so it wouldn't hurt his ego.
And that's how I kind of waslike dude, I don't even play
basketball with a footballplayer, you know, so it wouldn't
hurt his ego.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
And that's how I kind of feel like, don't you, don't
you think that's kind of alimited mindset?
No, you should look into that.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
What makes it limited ?

Speaker 1 (53:35):
You know it's actually.
You know it's like I don'tcompassionate way.
Taking a sexuality course inuniversity not just at a liberal
arts college, I get a like arecognized school really is
beneficial to everyone who's umkind of maybe set in a

(53:56):
conventional state.
Also for people who are tooliberal to sexuality and gender
studies will, because the wayyou're explaining things right
now is a little bit limited,because you're not able to
empathize with the fact thatI've only ever been in love with
women.
Having sex with women is moreintimate to me than men.
So, if anything, you're seeingit from a man's perspective.

(54:20):
It's hot for girls to fuck, sothat's why you're more
comfortable seeing it for girlsto fuck, so that's why you're
more comfortable seeing it.
You should be moreuncomfortable, because the
chances of me being moreimpressed with a woman and
leaving a man for a woman ismuch higher than you leaving you
for another man.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
I don't care if a girl left me for a woman I
wouldn't feel like oh fuck, sheleft me for a woman I'd be like
okay, she just likes girls,that's fine that's what I'm
saying.

Speaker 1 (54:38):
You're having a hard time putting yourself in other
people's shoes.
You're saying what you thinknot because of that.
It's just the way it makes mefeel because like what makes you
feel you can't like logical putyourself in another person's
shoes, though not how you feelyeah, if she feels better with a
girl, then she should be with agirl.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
I agree with that I'm saying the guy I don't feel bad
about like her leaving me for agirl, but if she left me for a
guy then I'll feel bad does thatstem from insecurity?

Speaker 1 (55:01):
because another man's comparison to you makes you
more uncomfortable?
But you see women as lower, soit's not as threatening no, it's
because it's a differentcategory.

Speaker 3 (55:10):
It's because it's a different category why is what?

Speaker 1 (55:12):
what distinguishes the different category?

Speaker 3 (55:14):
it's a different gender.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
It's a completely different gender right, but that
requires it to have a differentstatus.
So where do you, where do youdistinguish the difference?

Speaker 3 (55:22):
because, besides, besides, the physiological
aspect, because if it's anotherguy, it's like I lost, it's like
he's a better.
He's up here.
I'm like, damn, like fuck,which makes me feel bad, which,
no, no, no shade to that.
It's like I need to fuckingwork on myself.
I'm like I need to go to gym, Ineed to make more money, I need
to work on my confidence, blah,blah, blah.
But if it's a girl, it's likeoh, she just likes girls.
That's fine.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
Like it's a different category, like I wouldn't be
mad about it but the fact thatyou're okay with seeing a woman
fuck another woman, even thoughshe's into women, if you're like
she's bisexual and like sayingyou'd be cool if, say, the
situation's us and you're coolwith me eating a girl out
because that's hot, but not aman, that's inherently you only

(56:04):
seeing women relationships in asexual way and not at all as it
could be, as as as um profoundand as serious as a heterosexual
relationship, and that denotesand like completely no, no but
here's where.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
Here's where it's different, because if you're
into girls, there's nothing thatI can do to change it if you're
in, but if you left me for aguy, it's like, oh, if I was
more confident, if I made moremoney, if I was, if I increased,
like I could have donesomething to stop you're just
expressing all of yourinsecurities to me, so it's
stemming from a place ofinsecurity no, but that's what

(56:42):
you just listed off theinsecurities that would spin out
if she left you for another manand that so your concern for
your partner and their, what,their actions, how it affect you
, it's all and how you want totreat them based off of that is
all stemming from no, becausegirls always say this thing like
no, no, it's not.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
If it's like uh, I'm not coming from a girls aspect.
I'm coming from apsychologically educated person.
Seriously, I try to be superunbiased with this stuff.
I'm very educated.
I was gonna take my master's ingenders and sexuality.
Not.
I look super girly right now.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
I am, yeah but college doesn't teach you about
real life dynamics.
It teaches about actually.
It takes mass research studiesabout real life.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
That's the cool thing about university and stats is
that it literally takes reallife research where people don't
know what they're beingresearched on.
People are getting interviewedand people are being researched
without knowing what they'rebeing researched on.
So it's completely unbiased.
So that's the cool.
That's wild that you just saidthat.
The cool part about universityis that it is not at all sorry.
It is not at all based on justacademics everybody I know that

(57:49):
has a gender studies major Idon't have a gender, I know, but
I'm saying this what I'm?

Speaker 3 (57:53):
I'm proving my point.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
I thought it was interesting is number one.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
They don't really understand relationships.
They understand this like bookversion of relationships.
Number two they're all wildlyunsuccessful.
I don't know a singlesuccessful are you college
educated?
Yes, okay, I have a musicdegree, but I didn't.
But that's my point.
That's cool.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
I didn't learn from my degree, I learned from living
life so that's how you learnlike real shit so there's
certain electives that I tookthat I found to be interesting,
not necessarily useful, some tobe actually like non-negotiably
valid and and and justacademically non-negotiable, and

(58:32):
then some that I found to be,um, yeah, like not based on real
life.
So it's.
It's definitely depends on whatyou're studying, and I did not
take gender and I just thoughtit was interesting.
But what I will say is everyonehas to take stats when they're
in university, right, correct?

Speaker 3 (58:46):
you had to take stats .

Speaker 1 (58:47):
I don't know if everybody yeah it's, it's a
requirement, I think, of everymajor.
It's.
Take stats okay, so you shouldhave.
I'm assuming you learned thatstats are based off of proper
research is not conducted unlessit's proven in some way, shape
or form, to be unbiased, unlessthe research is purposefully to
be unbiased.
So therefore you're saying it'snot based on real relationships

(59:08):
.

Speaker 3 (59:09):
There is no way for people to skew the research if
they are not, of way to skew theresearch, there is tons of ways
.
Let me finish go for it.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
There is no possible way to skew the research on the
participants behalf if they'renot being told what the research
is, what the what, the what theum tests they're doing are, and
if they are like they'retelling you we're gonna take a
test about burritos but it'sgonna be completely about, like,
indigestive enzymes, andthey're not being told at all,

(59:39):
like how to respond, or they'rebeing completely manipulated,
that the study is aboutsomething else.
How would they make that biasand how would they manipulate
that research?
That is the most crediblestudies.
Have the participantscompletely unaware of what
they're being studied about inorder to make it unbiased and
make it a proven,distinguishable uh proof on real

(01:00:00):
relationships?
It wouldn't be a notable studythat is taught in universities
if there wasn't a level ofunbiased that made it a real
representation of realrelationships, real sexuality,
real gender studies like none ofthe, none of the stats are like
from biased research, or elseit wouldn't be.
I don't know about the statescanadians education system.
I will be honest, I did.
There's a lot of things I don'tlike about canada, but they

(01:00:23):
have a great education system.
It is a requirement and youlearn this and you're like stats
101.
You cannot have funded by thegovernment in our education
system, any research that hasany sort of bias, and there's a
huge level of of of steps thatyou have to prove that it's not
biased.
So therefore it is.
It is based on real life, realrelationships, real people,

(01:00:45):
because the participants cannotskew it, because they don't know
what they're being studied on.

Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
But you can't anything that's a psychological
study is, by definition, tryingto figure something out that's
happening inside someone's brainwhich you can't know like how
do you?

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
it's called a cat scan, okay it's called a cat
scan.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Give me, give me an example of a study that that
proves um if somebody's happy ina relationship stunted frontal
lobe development cat scans.
There's no way you can prove ifsomebody's happy in a
relationship, because peoplehave different definition of
what they consider happy.
People say, oh, I'm happy whenthey're not.
Have you seen a scan ofsomeone's?

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
brain who's underdeveloped in a lot of
different places.
This is.
This is not what people thinkor their opinion.
Our technology will literallytake a scan of your brain and
there's proof if you're stuntedin some places.
There's proof if your neuronshave created a completely
unconventional course of firing.

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
You are very much overestimating what we know
about the brain.
We know almost nothing.
You can say, oh, this brain,part of the brain, lit up.
Therefore, blah, blah, it's nottrue.
There've been so many, by theway, I've researched this too.
There've been so manyscientific studies that show, oh
yeah, this brain part lit up.
That kind of ish means this,but we don't know shit about the
brain but I'm not ever okay, soI'm also a nihilist.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
So I only believe a nihilist.
So I don't believe in anything.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
I only go off of things that are tangible um and
I have scientific what I seewith my eyes, me too.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
So I only go off of logical, tangible, rational
evidence.
I'm not.
I don't believe in astrology.
I don't believe in religion.
I believe in science, but noteven credible science.
I'm the same way as you, but Ithink we're getting misconstrued
here.
So why do you think we'vefigured out how seizure
medication stops seizures?
It's from CAT scans being ableto analyze the brain.

(01:02:34):
Yes, you can't determine-.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
That's a completely different thing.
Listen, you can't determinethat's a medical thing.
You can't read someone's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
That's what I'm talking about though's thoughts.

Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
If someone's happy, if someone has anxiety, blah,
blah, blah blah, that's likesomebody like literally having a
physical symptom you can test.
Oh, I don't have seizuresanymore.
That's a testable thing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
But when there's a 99 success rate on determining if
someone's unhappy because thispart of their brain is misfiring
, based on the cat scan it's.
I think that's reasonable to umput out into society to execute
with antidepressants.
Yes, they don't work foreveryone, but there's a high
enough stats that it's helpedenough people, based off of
enough cat scans, realizing whatparts of the brain are lacking

(01:03:14):
in firing.
That.
It's a better help than not andI would rather look into that
and be of a participant of thatthan just fighting physiological
science like physiologicalscience is just not something
you gotta go.
It's the same way as if someonetakes a doctor, uh, takes your
um with a stethoscope and likehere's your heart okay, really.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
Then how come there's no if you, if you go in for
like hey, do I also wait, do ifyou go into the doctor, do I
have a depression?
Do I have anxiety, any mentalhealth issue?
Why don't they just hook you upto a computer, put the things
on your?

Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
head.
You have to pray no, they don't.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
They ask you like seven questions.
Here's your medication.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
Okay, that's where we have to distinguish difference
in canada.

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
That's not how it works so they hook you up to a
you have to get like oh, we seethe brain part right here.
You have depression, you haveto get it, so why?
Wouldn't the us?
There's no, there's no way.
That's because you guys have.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Because you guys have , because, um, I'm pretty sure
you could totally correct me ifI'm wrong, but I think it's
because your health system is umfor monetization, right.
So they want to feed you drugs.
I don't know, but in canada,yes, you, you have to get a full
evaluation of everything, or atleast if, if, there is
available psychiatrists, becausewe're really short on them in

(01:04:24):
canada also.
I just want to say too, um, Iam not directly even fighting
with you on opinion on this thelast bit, I was talking about
opinions before.
I'm only utilizing, like umacademic information that is
science-backed and that is umphysiological proof.
Right now I'm, if you'refighting with me, you're just

(01:04:44):
fighting with a textbook, not me.
I am, I'm fighting, I'm noteven fighting.
I'm just like, uh, basing myresponses on what I'm educated,
on what I'm educated on, and Idon't really believe in much
that's, that's spiritual andstuff.
So if you argue with me, pleaseknow you're arguing with a
textbook that's beenscientifically proven.
I have no opinion is I have nohorse in this race?
I really don't.

(01:05:04):
I have no horse in this race.

Speaker 3 (01:05:06):
This is just what I'm educated on but you saying that
you can diagnose depression Ican't the scan of your brain is
ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
No, it's not ridiculous.
You just put words in my mouth.
That's not what I said it's.
You just said that you it'sjust literally said those words
out of your mouth you justmissed a couple words on the end
.
A scan of your brain brain aswell as a phys, um or?

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
an evaluation.
You just said oh, we can tellby your brain.
But now you're saying oh no, wehave to ask you how you're
feeling.
We have to ask you all thesequestions.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
It depends depends on the diagnosis, depends on the
diagnosis.
Ptsd, you can just do a CAT scan, um, just a cat scan with um,
um brain, like, um, uh, likedown to uh, not down to um, um,
with certain deficiencies in thebrain, yes, and certain mental
illnesses, yes, depression,anxiety, um, bipolar, and a

(01:05:59):
plethora of others do require anevaluation as well.
Because, I'm agreeing with you,some of what it's based off of
is subjective and you need tohave that conversation with
people because some things youcan't read in the brain.
But I'm a big believer that thecat scans and the physiological
proof is big because for peoplelike who have seizures and you
can take seizure medication,we've literally solved that.

(01:06:21):
That is proof in itself.
But then I do agree that thereis some other things, like to
distinguish the differencebetween bipolar and borderline
or to distinguish betweenpsychopathy and sociopathy.
You do need to have thatone-on-one evaluation to hear
their exact personal experiencesand their exact personal
responses to some of yourspecific questions, to adhere to
kind of the decision on what itis.

(01:06:42):
But then you can also use thecat scan as extra proof and as
extra um, um, like, um you liketo utilize for your diagnoses I
think.

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
I think first of all, we're getting way too off track
, but yeah, sorry I think thethe one objective fact is that
the science is still growing inthose areas.
There's still a lot that wedon't know.
So, a lot of this subject andtopic is very subjective,
regardless of you know numerousresearch that's out there With

(01:07:22):
regards to you know.
going back to what you wereessentially talking about with
regards to which I've evenforgot by now yeah, I think the
last thing was, uh, somethingthat you had pointed out with
regards to insecurities, and Ithink, as far as that's
concerned, every single personon the planet, I believe,
generally has some level ofinsecurity to a certain extent,

(01:07:43):
and so, when it comes tofiguring out if you know your
relationship with somebody isgoing to work or like what
you're attracted to, or not,it's really difficult to say, um
, that a man that, for example,you're with now has no
insecurities and thereforethat's why you know they're
attracted to x, y and z no no, Iknow, I know you didn't say

(01:08:06):
that and so it.
I think, when it comes to, forexample, we had asked him
whether not and I get, I getyour point, your point with
regards to that, and I get hispoint because I understand what
he's saying as a man, which isif, if we look at the topic of

(01:08:26):
differences in gender, right,like you said, there's not much
we could do with that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
You were with me and then you lost me just because I
agree completely.
I agree with you so much.
I think one of the biggestissues in psychology and dating
advice particularly dating,dating based psychology and
stuff like that that's just likea complete issue to me is that
too many people are like in yourear and trying to conform you

(01:08:55):
and tell you exactly what isconfidence, what is not, what
you should feel about certainthings, what's not, what's a
social standard, how you shouldfeel about this and that, when
in reality I think the fact thatI'm attracted to his response I
don't think actually depictshis level of confidence or
anything.
It's just attractive to me andwhat I do is attractive to him,
and that means a better meshthan with someone who has a

(01:09:17):
different belief.
And that's just because I havea better match with him than
someone who maybe has yourbelief doesn't mean you're right
or he's wrong.
It doesn't mean you're wrong orhe's right.
It doesn't mean there's anupper hand or lower hand.
It just means I'm probably abetter mesh for him than for you
and also, a lot of girls likecucks yeah but you're, you seem
to be saying that in like a veryderogatory way.

Speaker 3 (01:09:39):
No, cuck means a guy who likes to see his girl get
banged by other dudes.
Right is.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
Is that not what a cuck means to my trigger?
He's never expressed that.
He actually, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
He said it's hot, but why are you saying no to what
she just said?
You do mean it in a derogatoryway.

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
No, I don't mean it in a derogatory way.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
No, you, I know that's what you mean.

Speaker 3 (01:09:59):
Why are you?

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
saying no, that he enjoys seeing me get fucked by
other guys.
What he thinks is cool is thatI'm um, I'm succeeding and and
doing an unconventional job andand succeeding at it and also
chasing my dreams as a personwho came from not much and from
a trailer park and doingeverything I can to be out in la
, even if it is unconventionaland kind of frowned upon.

(01:10:21):
He thinks that thatunconventionality and that
motivation and then that um,that, um, what's it called?
Dedication and everything, andjust just that pride in it all
and confidence that I havetowards it, is cool, and that's
what he's expressed to me.
He hasn't expressed the literalwords that you just dumbed it
down to.

Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
If I like seeing you guys, said.
He said send me the videos ofof anything I'm proud of.

Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
Essentially, maybe OK , that's my bad I left out
probably a key aspect.
He said send me anything you'reproud of in terms of there's
acting that goes involved inporn.
There's also performance, thereis things that, like you know,
I've had a lot of newexperiences since coming to LA
and porn that's not just evensexual, based like things.
Like like the, acting isprimarily the big thing that I

(01:11:09):
get really nervous to do andstuff.
I was nervous before I came onthis podcast and I think he is a
man at least in my perspective,which is why I think we're a
good mesh that sees, even thoughI'm a porn star, he sees
everything beyond sex and porn,like a lot of men I've met and
so a lot of the and I didn'tfeel like I had to explain this,

(01:11:29):
probably because when I wastalking with him it didn't feel
like I had to, but I recognizedthat you weren't there in that
conversation.
He and I were on the same page,that he was just proud and and
and blown away and in awe of andlike, really like, attracted to
the fact that I had my ownthings going on, my own success
going on my own motivation to dowhatever I want to do and my

(01:11:49):
unconventionality that he foundattractive no, but but you're,
you're kind of mixing up becauselike I'm not because everybody
would be okay with that.

Speaker 3 (01:11:57):
It's not that part that we're talking about, of
course and what?

Speaker 1 (01:12:01):
why do you just want to talk about the sex part?

Speaker 3 (01:12:04):
because that's the whole part that we're talking
about.
If you said, oh, he's sodifferent, because he likes me,
because, like I'm hard workingand successful at what I just
said.
Every guy would be like oh yeah, I like it, but do you know why
he's cool?

Speaker 1 (01:12:16):
you asked if he's cool with me fucking other dudes
.
Do you know why?
Because the success andadmirability he has for me doing
something unconventional, beingsuccessful at it and being
motivated overrides anydiscomfort he has of me having
sex with other dudes, because heactually values, um, the
internal more than the external,which is what I've gathered
from being around him, which Ithink is really cool, and it's
like I haven't met a lot of menlike that, so I'm intrigued by

(01:12:38):
him I just don't think, becauseyou're framing it as I'm not
framing it, it anyway.
I'm being so like I wish.
I'm a very empathetic person.
You seem so mad.
I want to like grab your hand.
I'm being so genuine, I'm notframing it in any way, shape or
form.

Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
I'll tell you why he seems mad it's because You're
framing ways.

Speaker 3 (01:12:57):
He's so confident that he lets me do this.

Speaker 1 (01:13:00):
Do you know why I'm framing opposite ways.

Speaker 3 (01:13:02):
He's insecure, so he lets you do this because he
doesn't want to lose you,because if you're confident,
you're like he doesn't even haveme, or we just started talking
he enjoys it, which is fine too,by the way.
I don't mean that in drugs oraway.
If you want to watch your girlget banged up by a bunch of
dudes like that's perfectly fine, like everybody he has, so much
going on for himself that hecould not talk to me in a second
if that really bothered him orhe was insecure.

Speaker 1 (01:13:24):
He's a very I can't say too much about him because
like I'm just a super respectfulI honestly am a super
respectful person and new to thewhole la stuff.
But he's a very successfulfashion designer who went to
school in chicago and he hasjust gotten a really big break
in la and he is constantly doinglike, he's constantly working,

(01:13:46):
grinding and and like has a lotof success going on for himself
that I don't think he has thetime or capacity to really be
dwelling on what?
probably fucking other girls tooand that's none of my business.

Speaker 3 (01:14:02):
Oh well, then, that's of course it's like you're
fucking other dudes, he'sfucking other girls.
It's like okay, I get that okay, so here's the thing.

Speaker 1 (01:14:08):
You're gonna disagree with this I can already tell
which is fine but but it's, it'sfair to put it out there.
And this is not the situationnow, because I yes, I have to
emphasize I just met this guylike maybe a month ago, and like
it's just going really well.
It's just going really well, isall okay.
When I was a stripper.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
You like him, that's all that matters totally.

Speaker 1 (01:14:27):
I do when I was a stripper with my ex um and I I
still do see it this way, but itdepends on the man, I think.
I think having all these setrules for relationships is so
silly, because everyone is sodifferent, everyone's so
subjective, everyone hasdifferent autonomy over
themselves, over their partners,and like it's not a one size
fits all but let me sayrelationship, it's just well,

(01:14:48):
you're saying, you're sayingevery guy situation okay, I get
it you're saying every guy whoacts like he does has to be a
cook.
Not true.
But let me just say my ex, whenI was a stripper, I said I
don't want you going to thestrip club, even though I'm a
stripper, because I'm there towork and I don't want to be
around these men I'm bringinghome.
I was paying the full rent forus.
I'm making money and I am thereto do a job.

(01:15:11):
I'm not there to enjoy myself.
If you're there to enjoyyourself and you have money to
spend on other women, you havemoney to be spending on me, like
if, why am I gonna let you goto the club and start spending
all the money when I'm payinghalf the rent or even the full
rent on other women, when Icould be shaking my ass at home,
which I had to beg him to evenwatch me pull dance at home,
which is another story.

(01:15:32):
That's not even relevant.
But why would I be happy withyou enjoying yourself and
enthusiastically, like withother women's bodies, when you
could be using that money?
I mean when I would give you athousand lap dances for free at
home non-stop if you reallywanted.
It's a difference between whatyou have to do for work and what
you do for pleasure, and so Isaid I'm going to be at the

(01:15:52):
strip club because you can'tafford your rent and I need to
pay most of it, and this makesthis is the.
We both came from badupbringings.
This is the best way we couldmake it work.
Why on earth would we just taketwo one step forward, two steps
back and you go spend half thatmoney on other women at the
club when I'm this is myprofession.
You want to lap dance?
I'll give you 10 at home.
I'm not there to actually flirtwith guys and actually get on

(01:16:15):
with guys and actually enjoymyself.
It is a job.
I am there doing my job and youknow I'm coming home at the end
of the night every night, sothat's where I do the line.
I said there there men don'tunderstand this because there's
not as many men in sex work.
It's a job.
I don't care how you want toframe it, it's a job, and I
think there is a distinguishingdifference between that and

(01:16:36):
pleasure.
So, yeah, maybe he is fuckingother girls and it's none of my
business because we're notdating yet but I'm saying there
is a difference between mefucking for work and on camera,
when you know for a fact I'm notactually enjoying myself or
like I'm enjoying myself becauseit's an art form in a sense and
I like the artistry of thiswomen ran company, but I'm not
coming on camera or anything butit.

(01:16:59):
It, I'm not.
It's not a volunteer, I'mpaying my bills.
You know, I'm paying my fuckingbills, I'm making my career.
There's a difference betweenyou saying, okay, she's
available, like me, and I'mgonna go fuck another girl
instead for pleasure, becauseI'm choosing someone else
instead.
He's choosing someone elseinstead.
I'm not choosing someone elseover him, I'm choosing money to
create a life for us.

(01:17:20):
Um, it's a job.
Such a huge distinguishingdifference and I think that
sometimes men just have a hardtime conceptualizing that
because there's less of them insex work, which is totally valid
this.

Speaker 3 (01:17:31):
What is?
There's three.
There's three possiblesituations.
Right, okay, you're seeing adude and you both are seeing
what?
You're fucking other guys, he'sfucking other girls.
In that case it's like, okay,it's fair, we're just in this
relationship, we're both goeseither way, right, then, that's
fine.
Situation b is he's a cock andhe enjoys you fucking other guys
, so he doesn't have to fuckother girls what's wrong with

(01:17:51):
that?

Speaker 1 (01:17:51):
you keep saying that with so much emphasis it's not a
bad thing.

Speaker 3 (01:17:54):
I don't know why you guys think that it's a negative
thing you just love the word heycuck.
I don't really say cuck, thatmuch to be honest.

Speaker 1 (01:18:00):
I think, quote me, you should watch it back.

Speaker 3 (01:18:02):
I'm gonna say 11 times 11 times well, I said it a
lot because it was relevant tothe conversation today well, I
don't really say well, how manytimes have you heard?

Speaker 1 (01:18:12):
me it comes out of your mouth pretty comfortably.
You seem to like, really likeit.
Do you have something to say tous?

Speaker 3 (01:18:18):
so those are the first two situations.
Or situation three he doesn'tlike you fucking other dudes,
but he puts up with you because,like you were saying, you paid
the rent, blah, blah, blah,which is fine.
He's like I don't make anymoney, I I guess I have to put
up with it, but that doesn't tome say like, oh, this guy's
confident you know what this?
Guy's broke and can't afford it.
I will tell you something toput, get the money.

Speaker 1 (01:18:38):
I'll tell you something as much as the rough
upbringing could have shaped mewrong, I luckily and will ball
to the wall.
I will I'll say this hold mywhole chest.
I've never been with a man whoputs up with me.
I've never been broken up with,I've never had my heart broken.
I taught and I respect all myexes.
We don't talk on a regularbasis, but I wish them all the
best.

(01:18:58):
I've broken up with them butwe're still totally on good
terms and I have never, ever,ever, been with someone who has
to put up with me because.
But I don't get it.

Speaker 3 (01:19:12):
That is just not the way I look at really either they
like it because they're a cuckor they don't like it.
But but if they don't like it,then by definition they're
putting up with it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:20):
It's one of the two.
It's not one of the two.
Could you ever conceptualize orperceive that some people maybe
see sex differently than you do?
Of course, so there is moreoptions beyond your two limited
views.
So what's the third option?
Viewing sex is um far more thanjust a a okay, but in that case
?

Speaker 3 (01:19:38):
in that case, then they can hook up with other
girls.
Right, let her finish.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
Sex for a lot of people, especially women, is not
just a weaponized concept tokeep people, uh, exclusive to
each other in order to preservetheir confidence.
For a lot of people there's anartistic aspect, like in porn.
This all women run company.
This porn is aesthetic, likeit's, beautiful it's.

(01:20:04):
Oh, you're laughing because Iam laughing because, let me,
well, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:20:08):
That's what I'm saying no, I totally watch porn
for the character development alot of women do.
A lot of women do I don't knowif you're being serious or not.
Do you think people watch porn?
Like don't run, I don't judgeporn, but I'm not saying like,
oh my god.
Like look at the art on this.
Like the camera angles are soamazing I'll show you my only
fans messages.

Speaker 1 (01:20:26):
It's women saying that.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
They appreciate that and our porn is primarily made
for women I mean maybe, maybeI'm so I'm sorry you're speaking
on something that's possible.
I'm completely wrong?
Maybe I highly doubt this istrue, but maybe I'm wrong with
regards to women she is right,they have they have more of a uh
desire to watch porn that issofter and like Not softer.

Speaker 2 (01:20:46):
No, no no.

Speaker 1 (01:20:47):
So that's the cool thing about the company I work
for.
It's.
Their goal is to be femaleempowered, but nasty and classy.
I don't mean softer, in a wayof the sexual Because it's still
hardcore as fuck, but it's veryaesthetically pleasing.
Yeah, I mean softer in a sense.
That's what I'm doing.

Speaker 3 (01:21:05):
Just be confident, it's okay, like it's cool.

Speaker 1 (01:21:07):
You do it cool.
Like that's cool.
I've owned what I do.
You are just like not reallyable to.

Speaker 3 (01:21:15):
I just live in reality.
I live in reality.

Speaker 1 (01:21:17):
You live in a man's reality.

Speaker 3 (01:21:18):
I do live in a man's reality.
That's true, right, but it isreality Like it is reality.

Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
So the only thing you seem like a great guy.
Only thing you're lacking isempathy.
So no, I don't think that's it.
Do you know what empathy is?
It's putting yourself insomeone else's shoes.
You can't seem that might bodewell for you.
If you try it, it's very useful.
In this day and age, for women,sex is a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:21:45):
Uh can be a drastically different thing and
you're saying it's one or theother and in this world it's
just this way or this way ifanything, it's more so that for
guys like it's more so like aguy like it's, there's more guys
out there that can have sexwith a girl and not have any
attachment, to just have sexwith 30 girls and be in love
with one girl much more than theother way around, which I think
there's people on both sidesfor sure that like, okay, I can

(01:22:07):
have sex with all these peopleand not feel attachment, but
there's a lot more guys that cando that than girls.

Speaker 1 (01:22:12):
You have.
You seem to have a hard timeperceiving that you're ever
wrong, Like I'm usually notwrong, the only ever.
That, like I'm usually notwrong the only ever that is
actually.
That's um you wouldn't go superfar in a lot of courses in in
psychology yeah, I don't, Idon't base, because here's the
thing you don't believe inscience you know how much shit I
learned in school.

Speaker 3 (01:22:31):
That was like either completely useless or completely
wrong so much.

Speaker 1 (01:22:35):
Can you do me a favor .
Can we switch the topic?

Speaker 2 (01:22:37):
I mean you could switch the topic anytime I'm
just um.

Speaker 1 (01:22:41):
I feel, like we're running in circles.

Speaker 2 (01:22:43):
We're also running out of time, but I think what I
want to get to.

Speaker 1 (01:22:48):
I feel like I've expressed what I wanted to, but
we're kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:22:51):
I respect that, I think you have two different
perspectives, and that's obvious.

Speaker 1 (01:22:57):
I try to be empathetic?

Speaker 2 (01:22:58):
Yeah, sure.
No, I didn't mean that.
I just think that sometimes theperception that we have with
regards to something has a lotto do with our experiences and
it does come down to empathy toa certain extent, but I think to
a certain extent.

(01:23:18):
The reality of it is you justdon't know what you don't know
and it becomes difficult to putyourself in somebody else's
shoes because simply it's justyour upbringing and your
lifestyle and everything thatyou were exposed to.

Speaker 1 (01:23:32):
But that's what a lot of people go to school for to
work on is to try to exposethemselves to things they've
never experienced, exposethemselves to new perceptions,
new thoughts, new ideas thatthey would have never otherwise
been able to have, and that'swhy I was just trying to give
him a perspective, an idea ofmaybe a woman's side of things
that maybe he never would havehad otherwise.
Um, how do you not forcehimself to kind of get in a
different mindset?

(01:23:53):
Otherwise you do just havethose.
Just it's one of the otherideas.
There is a lot broaderpossibilities, but you do really
have to make that consciouseffort to put yourself in the
viewpoint and the understandingof it.
Do you know me?
Courses with professors thatwere absolute kooks that I did
not agree with, but in order topass the class, you have to at
least somewhat formulate an ideaof like where they're coming

(01:24:16):
from, and I think that's createda really healthy and I've
become more patient and tolerantin conversations and in debates
with people because of that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:23):
I think that's valuable for everyone to be
honest it's a matter ofpossibilities at the end of the
day, totally, but okay.

Speaker 1 (01:24:29):
So your dating experiences in la have been wild
interesting actually, you knowwhat your guy, you, you seem to
be okay with that.
No, is this a bit?
No this is actually him like.

Speaker 3 (01:24:43):
No, I don't mean that in like a no, no, there is so
many people I don't want toargue anymore about the topic
itself.

Speaker 1 (01:24:49):
Are you this um hard-headed like as a person?

Speaker 3 (01:24:54):
see, see it's.
It's ironic because I see it ascompletely the opposite.

Speaker 1 (01:24:58):
Look, look we all grew up.
You haven't been open-mindedtoo much.

Speaker 3 (01:25:01):
I haven't 100% been open-minded, have you?
But I've been telling you whatthe reality is.
And you refuse to believe whatreality is.

Speaker 1 (01:25:08):
I don't refuse to Because, no, no, here's the
problem.

Speaker 3 (01:25:10):
I hear you loud and clear and I agree with a lot of
what you said you learn inschool is king, oh, the teacher
is my authority no, and you baseyour opinions off of the
teacher.

Speaker 1 (01:25:20):
No, you're putting a lot of my opinions, what I see
with my eyes you're putting alot of words in my mouth.

Speaker 3 (01:25:25):
Not at all, not at all, you love school and oh, I
learned this in college it mustbe true in the trailer park.
They said that the people thatwent to college were the gods,
and we don't know what we'retalking about.

Speaker 1 (01:25:37):
That is so untrue and uncorrect that it's not even
funny.
First of all, the reason Ibrought up schooling at all is
because I I do you know what,sue me.
I have pride that I got myselfinto school, being someone who
should have never gotten there.
Majority of the way I feelabout things and my opinions are
based off of a hell of a lot ofunfortunate life experience

(01:25:58):
that I've had to go through.
That I know for a goddamn fact.
99% of people have not beenthrough and I've, I've, I've
complimented that with somescience-backed evidence, but on,
but majority of the way I feelabout things is just very
open-minded.
Because here's the thing I seethat you're looking at a lot of
reality in the way the world iscurrently and I think the way I,

(01:26:19):
I think maybe it's just the waywe speak.
I see your side of things and Iagree the world is a lot of the
way you just described.
I speak in a way that I want tosee the world go to.
I speak in a way that I want tosee change in.
I think you're speaking ondirectly how the world is and a

(01:26:43):
lot of things you said, yeah, ahundred percent.
You go, look out at a hundredmen?
Yep, it is that way.
I speak in a positive,optimistic way, of the way I
want to see change and I actaccordingly.
So the way thing that I'veexplained things is like maybe
not necessarily the reality ofthings, but I speak it in a
mantra and optimism becausethat's the change I want to see
in the world.
But that doesn't denote thatdoes not denote that I I I'm not
.
Luckily I'm on meds now thatI'm not delusional and I do see
the world for the way it is andI am not completely, like you

(01:27:06):
know, far gone.
The reality of things is prettyunfortunate in some
misogynistic patriarchal sensessome not, some not, some not.
I benefit heavily from a lot ofthe way the patriarchy is now
currently and I'm not bitchingabout that at all.
I do see reality for the way itis, but I I feel like it helps
my better well-being and myhelps me sleep at night, to

(01:27:28):
speak in a way and carry myselfin a way in the direction of
where I want to see change well,you live in fairy tale line.

Speaker 3 (01:27:35):
I don't say that which is, which is not a bad
thing, you just positive people.

Speaker 1 (01:27:39):
You just took what I said and said it completely
wrong.
I don't believe that that's theway the world is.
I, but I understand the way theworld is.
I understand it.
But how is there ever going tobe change if I don't carry
myself in a different manner, ifI don't even believe some of
the things that I want to seechanging?
How do I expect that of anyoneelse?
So I, I, so I understand thatyou take a hundred guys.

(01:28:00):
They're going to say that a guywho wants to see the porn of
his girlfriend, like gettingback, is a cock, whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:28:06):
That's the definition of the word cock.
I'm not.
That's literally the definition.
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (01:28:11):
You're missing.
How are you missing all thesewords?
I agree with you.
I'm saying, yes, you're right.
Okay, I'm saying the way I'mcarrying myself and explaining
it.
Okay, the change that I want tosee, maybe, or not even change.
I want people to know thatthere's other ways to see it.
So I'm just carrying myself inthe change and optimistic, like
yearning for change, that I wantto see.
I don't think the world is likethat currently.

(01:28:32):
I know it's not.
I know it's not, I know that'snot reality.
I try to carry myself in a waythat I'm trying to like see a
difference in the world so thatmaybe, maybe in 10, 20 years,
when I have kids they'll,there'll be more men who see it
in a different way.

Speaker 2 (01:28:47):
Dylan, I think I think you've.
You've kept your own it's.
I'm actually pretty impressed,to be honest with you.
I think I think you did a greatjob.
That's why I didn't really jumpin much.
I kind of wish you did, Iunderstand, but I think I think
you were doing a great jobexplaining your side.
And I think and and I know him,I know his arguments and I know
his mentality and the way thathe is, so he's my best friend.

(01:29:11):
So it's just like it's veryeasy for me to understand where
he's coming from, but it's alsovery easy for me to understand
where you're coming fromargument.

Speaker 1 (01:29:17):
You, where you're coming from, is just like a
valid um debate spot, like whatyou're saying, not even debate.
Your point of view is like Isee it as well, like I can.
I'm smart enough and until I'mlike, I'm aware enough and
intelligent and in realityenough that I 100 can see where
you're coming from, 100, and Ithink that the more you can kind
of um diversify, seeing whereother people are coming from

(01:29:39):
makes it easier to not make itlike a full-on argument like I I
no, I see where you're comingfrom as well, but I see where
you're coming from and you'reright on the way reality is.
It's just I don't necessarilyagree where reality is right now
.
Like I, I would like to seechange.
So, yes, the world is the waythat you described it 100 and
I'm aware I'm not retarded.

Speaker 3 (01:29:56):
That's part of the problem with with people
thinking college speaks.
The truth is college is veryskewed, very far one direction
that's a generalized statement.

Speaker 1 (01:30:07):
He's not saying you said that right that's why I'm
happy I went to like that's whyI'm happy I went to four
different universities to get avery vast go no, no, no.

Speaker 3 (01:30:14):
All the universities are like this you know what?

Speaker 1 (01:30:16):
I'm happy.
I did go through foster care,go to prison, prison and I had
to work at McDonald's, panagoPizza.
I had to sell drugs.
I had to be a stripper.
I'm happy Tell me a bitch witha longer resume.
I've seen a lot of walks offucking life.
I've seen a lot of walks offucking life and I'll tell you

(01:30:36):
that has taught me 10 times more.
Oh sorry 10 of walks of fuckinglife and I'll tell you that has
taught me 10 times more oh sorry, 10 times more than university.
But that's what I'm saying.
I'm agreeing with you, but youhave to keep in mind that in a
lot of professional worlds I amalso conditioned to speak like
this because, whereas you'rerecognizing that my life
experience is more valuable,which I I agree with I am
normally before I was in thisindustry was in a lot of nine to

(01:30:58):
fives and a lot of around a lotof professional people where
nothing you say has value unlessyou regard it into some sort of
scientific research.
So the way I speak is alwaystrying to like.
I think I'm always trying tohave to.
I know that my perspectives havevalidity, but I have to express
them in like different ways forpeople to hear me out and

(01:31:19):
understand, have to express themin like different ways for
people to hear me out andunderstand.
I'm pretty conditioned to haveto bring up the school stuff for
people to hear me out.
But I do believe I don't justagree to agree with you.
I believe my life experiencehas done leaps, bounds and light
years and landslides beyondwhat my education has, and I
think my emotional debt is fardeeper than my financial debt

(01:31:40):
for schooling.
Like I think my experience debtis, like, far deeper than any
financial aspect of school.
So I agree with you.
My way of speaking maybe justgot misconstrued because I'm
used to having to, like, putsome sort of scientific or
academic back to it, so I don'tthink it did, to be honest with
you as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 (01:31:58):
But okay, last thing, craziest dating story, and then
we're gonna wrap it up craziestdating story.

Speaker 1 (01:32:08):
Okay, um, um, to be honest, I haven't gotten taken
on that many dates.

Speaker 2 (01:32:19):
Or relationships, or whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:32:20):
Okay, Just men.
One of the guys I was seeinghad to oh no, Actually this is
my ex-fiance.
I dated him for like threeyears.
He had to look at himself inthe mirror just to cum and just
to like get off and have sex.
That was pretty wild.

(01:32:42):
It was before I even went tolearn anything about psychology
or anything like that.
It's probably it was reallylike one of my first
relationships.
I was like what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (01:32:54):
um, I don't think it's that strange.
That should be the narcissismtest.

Speaker 3 (01:32:57):
Can you come while looking yourself in the mirror?

Speaker 1 (01:32:59):
for sure.
Um, I probably have crazierones, but honestly they're not
popping in my head right now.
I mean, like I used to wear,like we said, I used to drink my
each other's blood with likeone guy, but I was like 15, he
was like 22 you used to do whatwe drink each other's blood what
do you mean?
exactly what you think is wewould wear like vials of blood

(01:33:21):
on each other's necks, which Isaw megan fox and I'm educated
recently and I was like I didthat when I was 15 with like a
22 year old, so kind of like,yeah, not as sick as it sounds
not as sick as it sounds or,like I realized later on, it was
grooming or like kind of fuckedup, you know he was grooming

(01:33:43):
you probably I learned later,like when I started going to
therapy and stuff, I was like,oh, I was kind of susceptible to
be into that because I hadissues.
Now I like loving, compassionatesex with kisses on the forehead
what's the oldest man you wouldbe with?
The oldest guy I have been withwas 30, and that's not that he

(01:34:08):
was a sweetheart.
He's the guy who took me toEurope with him, and I'm
surprised you haven't been withall the men.
I'm yeah, I'm not interested too.
I like because I everyone'sgonna have something to say
about this.
I already know it and I don'teven want to defend myself, but
I mean it with my chest, take itor leave it.
I do value profound anddepthful emotional connection

(01:34:31):
and um like the capacity to beable to um communicate and and
be psychologically close withsomeone.
Like the, the actual depth ofsomeone I just don't like.
I think maybe it's from myissues growing up.
I have the tolerance to be init for anything else like.

(01:34:51):
I get so annoyed when peopleone of the things I hate the
most is being misunderstood,because it's just as it seemed
it's happened my whole life andyeah, and you know what?
I believe I'm very articulateand eloquent.
So I just I feel like, afterall the work I've done to be so,
it's just a waste of my time tonot be heard or understood if I
, if I can't use my most properand utmost um possible ability

(01:35:16):
to articulate and then still bemisunderstood.
I've realized it's just a wasteof time and I I really value
and like think it's a profoundand like valuable thing to be
heard and understood and to likelaugh with someone at the same
sense of humor and to be able tospeak on things that maybe the
rest of the world doesn't seeyou for, and to like have these
unconventionalities that youconnect over.
That goes leaps bounds andlight years beyond an Hermes bag

(01:35:39):
or a nice house or a whitepicket fence and two kids in a
swimming pool.
So yeah, Fascinating stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:35:46):
Um last question uh, is the green bubble the red flag
?

Speaker 1 (01:35:51):
what's the green bubble?

Speaker 2 (01:35:52):
when you get a text and it's green.

Speaker 1 (01:35:55):
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 (01:35:56):
The guy doesn't have an iPhone, he has an Android.

Speaker 1 (01:35:58):
I just got an iphone like uh six months ago you had
an android before I had a.
This is my friend explained tome that this is gonna sound
pretentious and I didn't thinkit was.
I am new to being hot girl andto like this industry.
I had a burner phone because Ihad collectors like I had to

(01:36:19):
change my phone and I had anandroid before it was beat to
shit and I just like I wasn'teven gonna have a phone.
But then I had to, like, have ajob.
So I was like, okay, I'll get arazor, get a burner phone.
I got a motorola off craigslistand, um, yeah, none of the
collectors had my number then.
But I just got an iphonebecause my managers were like

(01:36:39):
getting pissed that I couldn'tbe in group chats with them.

Speaker 2 (01:36:41):
So they bought me one , so so I'm assuming the answer
to that question is now I'm likeit's not a red flag the point
of that question was but yeah,no, I don't the.

Speaker 1 (01:36:51):
I think life would be a lot easier if I cared what
phone you had good for me that's.

Speaker 2 (01:36:57):
That's just another point.

Speaker 1 (01:36:58):
For me, that's really all that matters I think your
communication skills and yourvocabulary length, I would hope,
matters more than autocorrectoh, absolutely, I would hope I
100 agree um I've gone on a lotof dates with guys where they
read my writing and they go.
What does the wordcomprehensive mean?
And I go that's funny all right, this date's over.

(01:37:19):
That's hilarious well, maybe theage has something to do with it
, you know I've only ever datedolder than me, but I've only
dated in the window of five orsix years older than me, but
that's the oldest I've.
Honestly, all my exes arewithin a year or two of me all
right.

Speaker 2 (01:37:35):
Well, that explains it probably a little bit.
Explains what the lack ofmaturity.

Speaker 1 (01:37:41):
In them.

Speaker 2 (01:37:42):
Yeah, or inability to have a wide range of vocabulary
.

Speaker 1 (01:37:46):
No, they all did.

Speaker 2 (01:37:47):
They all did.

Speaker 1 (01:37:48):
I pick well, honestly .
And then the oldest oneactually was also like, yeah,
you're right, had a little bitmore life experience, but I
think I pick well, I'm friendswith all my exes, never been
broken up with, but like we'reall I pick, I choose my partner
as well.

Speaker 2 (01:38:03):
I take pride in that well, thanks so much for coming
on the show.

Speaker 1 (01:38:06):
You've been absolutely incredible thanks for
having me great stuff sorry ifI'm a little abrasive.

Speaker 2 (01:38:12):
No, I think you did great, absolutely fantastic.
Thanks so much for watching.
We'll see you later.

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From Mom's murder attempt in Trailer Park to Valedictorian & Throat Goat ft. Dylan Moore - Ep.077

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}From Mom's murder attempt in Trailer Park to Valedictorian & Throat Goat ft. Dylan Moore - Ep.077