Cornelia joins us to explore how negative experiences can transform into our most valuable character traits and personal growth opportunities. We dive deep into relationships, manifestation, and finding your authentic path.
• Dating dynamics and the importance of clear communication from the beginning
• How toxic relationships can become catalysts for powerful personal transformation
• Primary driver emotions—contentment versus excitement—and how they shape life satisfaction
• The science behind manifestation as alignment with your authentic self rather than mere visualization
• Dealing with friendship betrayals and maintaining openness while becoming more discerning
• The "five fight languages" and how understanding different conflict styles improves relationships
• Finding joy in personal growth rather than stability or external validation
• Balancing emotional expression with practical problem-solving in relationships
If you enjoyed this episode, follow Cornelia on Instagram @daiyinchi or on TikTok @boombanilla to follow her content creation journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If I was a girl nowadays, like at least fall for
a professional fuckboy.
So you get fucked over on yourEuropean vacation and you don't
get fucked over at half price.
Tuesday at Applebee's.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Girls have the choice to choose to stay or no.
I think I like funny guys.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We're the best you know, being in a relationship
with someone who will fix theirproblems, instead of
understanding that.
No, actually I need to fix myown problems so that I'm the
type of person that can be in ahealthy relationship.
The most valuable charactertraits are literally a byproduct
(00:34):
of the worst things that havehappened to you in your life.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Exactly Whenever negative things happen to me, I
will actually feel blessed,because it's a lesson that I
have.
Other people don't have.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
The best people in life are the people who figured
out how to grow from negativeexperiences.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Everything related to manifestation is about
alignment.
I feel happier when I'm herehere when I'm here.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, andfirst of all, thank you to all
of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofgrowth and engagement over the
last few weeks so we got tothank all you guys out for that.
Today we have a special gueston the podcast.
This is Cornelia.
Cornelia, why don't you goahead and introduce yourself to
the audience, name what you doand your star sign?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I'm Cornelia, I'm a content creator, content
strategist, and I'm Sagittarius.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Sagittarius Interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Why is it interesting you?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
guys are very fun, fun, very bad for my mental
health, let's just say that.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What's your sign?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I don't want to say toxic but a little bit edgy,
let's just say a little bit.
I don't want to say toxic, buta little bit.
Uh, edgy, let's just say thatit's just like freedom I'm uh
the best one the best smartfunny, attractive, tall, smart,
funny and attractive, yeah, yeah, tall pisces oh so yeah, I used
to be toxic back in my villainera uh-huh now I'm very shy and
(02:05):
romantic, of course, but yeah,back in the day.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
What makes you like?
What made you shit?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So here's the thing Back in the day I was always a
professional fuckboyProfessional Like you know.
Nowadays you guys got theseamateur fuckboys that have a bed
with no headboard, that theygot off a timu two walls like a
poor person bed and to me it'sjust like I don't understand how
(02:32):
a guy who doesn't know what anightstand is is tricking and
manipulating girls to fall forall his little tricks.
I'm like if I was, if I was a, agirl nowadays like, at least
fall for a professional fuck boy, so you get fucked over on your
european vacation and you don'tget fucked over at half price
tuesday at applebee this soundsgood um, but what I never
(02:56):
understood actually.
Let me get your opinion on this.
I would always be honest withgirls that I was dating.
I would say, hey, I'm notlooking for a relationship, I
don't want something exclusive.
And it's like they didn'tbelieve me.
And then, three months in, theywould say oh, why won't you
commit to me, why don't you wanta relationship?
And I'm like I told you thatfrom the beginning Like I'm not
(03:18):
even gaslighting you, likeyou're gaslighting yourself at
this point.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
It's like it's like in fight club when he's punching
himself in the face oh no, I Ifeel like for me it's definitely
better to like kind of makeeverything clear at the first
place, so girls have the choiceto choose to stay or no.
But I don't know, I don't knowwhat happened to people who gave
themselves like, probably theyhave, um, probably they believe
(03:46):
in their power to change anotherperson and do you think that
you can change another person,or do you think that's something
that is not advisable?
I don't think.
I don't think you can changeanother people, because I don't
want to be changed.
I'm a sagittarius.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So like you guys are stubborn, yeah yeah and so in
your past, have you typicallydated more the nice guy or more
the fuck boy, or have you alittle bit of both?
A little bit both move your mica little closer to you, yeah
okay, so a little bit both.
Okay, this is my question foryou.
(04:27):
So, when you've been in, let'ssay, a toxic relationship, right
?
What was it about him thatoriginally drew you into that
relationship and what did youlearn from that relationship
going forward?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
So I had one really toxic relationship and that was
actually my like guy friend likefor a long time, like, let's
say, eight years.
But I feel like the first.
I think at the beginning itfeels like good to be friends
and I think I thought we two arelike good to be friends and I I
(05:06):
think, uh, I thought we, we two, are like good match and also
he was like giving me a lot ofhope, like we're gonna like kind
of stay together for a longtime and it's gonna be.
It's gonna be a very committedrelationship.
But actually he just wanted asituation ship.
So that feels really weird to me, um, and also it's like um,
(05:29):
he's.
He was like keep.
He kept giving me hope, but atthe same time he was like
talking down to my value,talking down to my belief, um
and um, and that really made melike kind of question myself,
which, which was really bad.
So I decided to kind of leavehim.
(05:51):
But after that I had a lot oflike self work and like a
healing era where I just focuson myself, and I think that's
definitely a good lesson to meno, it's interesting, I was
gonna say, because the truth ismost people go through a toxic
(06:13):
relationship at some point intheir life and there's two types
of people right.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
There's some people who become jaded and negative
and they assume every new personthey date is going to be that
same type of toxic.
And then rarely it happens you.
You find someone who comes outof that relationship actually
more positive than they went in.
(06:38):
It's.
It's almost like they they seeit as a lesson learned and
something that they went throughthat made them into a better
person.
And I don't sense anynegativity on you at all.
You seem very um, unless youburied it deep down inside, but
you seem like like a verypositive person so how did?
you go from the toxicrelationship to figure out that
part of yourself uh.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
So I went through a lot of therapy sessions, to be
honest, and also I thought a lotabout like relationship between
like individuals andindividuals and I think, um, I
think it's, it's just like veryflowy.
I think um like, for example,me and my ex, uh, we probably we
(07:22):
are not suitable um like as a,as a, as a like in the
relationship, but we are good asfriends.
So I kind of um I, I spent alot of time like thinking about
it, thinking through it, andthen I kind of forgive what he
(07:46):
like, what he did to me, and Ithink I'm like I I finally
gained like power or gainstrength on myself and blaming
myself and I became independentand after that I was like, oh, I
can forgive him and let's justbe friends again.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
That's very mature of you.
Was it tough to get to thatpoint?
Did it take a lot of work?
Did it take a lot of figuringthings out?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I think it took me about like half a year, okay,
but I think it was a good halfyear.
Uh, like I, at the beginning itwas like really dark, because I
kind of lose trust in likehuman beings and also I felt
(08:38):
very depressed.
Also I didn't trust myself.
But after that I was like, oh,I have so many times like, so
much time on like for myself soI can do whatever I want to do
and develop hobbies like divingand I travel a lot, and also I
(09:01):
kind of focus on what I have.
Like I have a lot of goodfriends that support, always
support me, so I focus on loveand positive things and
gradually, like get out of that.
Got out of that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yes, good for you.
I'm proud of you.
Yay.
So then, going forward, haveyou had any relationships since
then, or have you just beenfocusing on yourself?
Focusing on myself yeah I hangout with some guys, but they
weren't good enough, they didn'tmake the cut yeah, nothing
worked out.
What's your uh, what's yourtype, what is the type of guy
(09:38):
you typically go for?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
um yeah, I've been thinking about this for a long
time and I think I like funnyguys.
We're the best yeah.
Funny guys and also kind,positive and has passion for
(10:05):
himself, like for, like what hedoes.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
And what about looks, looks.
Looks Ah, good looking Hotdudes, not too hot, not too hot.
Hot for me, yeah, yeah, yeah,height Does height matter?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Actually, no, really yeah, even if he's shorter than
you, yeah, short cans hard, nottoo hard hard for me.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, height, does height matter?
Uh, actually don't really.
Yeah, even if he's shorter thanyou yeah, short cans crazy
interesting, interesting, uh, uh, it's interesting.
So I have a friend who she well,technically she's my ex, but
she's 5, 11, so like when shehas like three inch heels on,
like we're like the same height,you know what I mean and she
would always date guys tallerthan her.
(10:47):
But even before me it wasmostly like nba players,
basketball players, stuff likethat, and we ended up breaking
up, but it was a good breakup.
We're still friends, and so Igive her advice about guys often
, though yeah, she's alwayscalling me oh, zach, blah, blah,
blah.
Like this guy's, and I, like Itold you from the beginning he
was a fuckboy.
I took one look at hisInstagram.
I'm like this guy's a fuckboy,it's very obvious, right?
(11:09):
But she never listens to me.
So finally, she was like Zach.
I'm sick of all these fuckboys.
I don't care about looks,height, anything, I just want a
guy with's like five, seven, andI meet him.
(11:29):
Honestly.
He's a cool guy, but it's justlike she's like towering over
him Like Shrek.
You know what I mean.
Like, she's like, like, like,like.
I watched him kiss once and itwas like the dwarves trying to
conquer the mountain and Lord ofthe Rings, you know it just
didn't.
They didn't look good as a unit.
You know what I mean.
A couple weeks later I call her.
I was like yo, is dave comingout tonight?
And she's like yeah, whathappened about that?
(11:50):
And I was like what did you do?
And turns out he comes over onenight.
She had had a couple likeglasses of wine and she opens
the door, she gives a big hugand she picks him up and she
spun him around and she watchedhis little legs flail out to the
side and she was like zach.
(12:11):
After that moment I couldn't doit anymore.
I got the ick, I got the oh,she got the ick she got the ick
and ended things.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
I think it's cute he's a baby, I mean it was, it
was, it was a.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
It was a interesting relationship.
Let's just say that do you, doyou typically go for more
masculine guys or do you likethe kind of soft boys?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
um, I think it doesn't matter to me, but I feel
like I do prefer guys who havea little bit of feminine energy.
Interesting yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
But not too much.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Not too much.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Not too much.
Okay, interesting, yeah, I endup in.
It's kind of my fault, but Ilike to take charge in
relationships I'm somewhat of afixer, which is good.
Relationships I'm somewhat of afixer, which is good, but then
I always end up dating peoplewho need to be fixed, which
(13:13):
which can be a toxic style ofrelationship to, um, one girl I
dated, I remember she calls meone day, facetimes me, and she's
like in tears, she's like superstressed.
She's like Zach, I just got in acar accident.
Help, I don't know what to do.
Like, what am I supposed to do?
And I'm like, babe, are youokay?
Like, are you hurt?
Are you bleeding?
And she's like, no, I just like, I'm just stressed, like what
(13:33):
do I do?
Like, am I supposed to gettheir insurance?
And I'm like, babe, it's gonnabe okay, you're gonna get out of
the car, you're going to gettheir insurance, you're going to
get a police report andinsurance is going to handle
everything.
It's going to be okay.
So she calms down and she getsout of the car and there's
another girl getting out of theother car and she's on the phone
(13:54):
with her dad freaking out intears.
She gotta know what to do.
So they just take the phonesand they put them together and
I'm talking I'm literallytalking in speakerphone to her
dad through the phone.
So it was an interesting, uh,interesting experiment.
Let's just say that so do you?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
are you like a dad type of guy in?
Do you prefer being in thedaddy?
Role.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I prefer taking charge, let's just say that Okay
.
Because I know that if I dosomething, that I'm going to do
it right and I'm reliable.
The other person I don't know,Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I'm also very old school withthat.
My dad raised me verychivalrous, right?
So, Zach, you know, son, if youtake a girl on a date, you're
(14:50):
paying for it.
None of these splitsies, noneof these.
What do you used to say?
Don't be a broke liberal artsstudent who can't afford to buy
a girl dinner.
You know what I mean.
Like that was like his thing.
So so you know, if I'm walkingon the sidewalk, like I'm
walking on the car side, so youknow if a car comes, stop the
car with one hand, protect mygirl with the other hand, you
know, man, shit, you know um.
(15:12):
So because of that, I've alwaysfelt like I'm in charge of
dealing with problems, right, Idon't think that's the girl's
responsibility.
I think if a girl wants to takecare of problems, cool, but I
don't think it's herresponsibility, does that?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
make sense.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
That's nice, that's actually rare I feel like it's
rare nowadays.
I think the gen z's are fuckingeverybody up too much ipads and
tide pods.
As a kid you know, yeah you.
So you find it.
You don't find guys like thattypically.
You don't find guys who arevery masculine and very
(15:49):
chivalrous uh, I mean like yeah,why you?
Said it's rare nowadays yeah,it's fair nowadays yeah yeah, so
I was like why?
how old are you?
You're?
You're very confusing um guesswell you seem like you're.
(16:12):
You're mid 30s mid 30s based onyour conversation skills, your
personality.
You you're a goodconversationalist, but you look
like you're like 19 with a fakeid that's a lot of I don't know
whether to talk about likepsychology and investing, or or
like like, flip over the waterbottle and post it on tiktok,
you know I heard it a lot but,I'm actually 27, 27, no way,
(16:38):
yeah, what?
just a bunch of yoga and botox,or what, what?
What's the secret?
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Skincare.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Skincare.
Nice nice.
So what's the oldest andyoungest you've dated in
relation to your age at the time?
The youngest Like how manyyears younger was he, um or
older was he than you at thetime?
I?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
think he's um three, three years younger and then um,
and then it is someone who's inhis 30s interesting.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah, I would have thought it would be higher,
actually, really, yeah, so soit's interesting.
I used to own a company in themodeling industry and it was so
interesting.
We started seeing this patternwhere, when a new model would
come into the agency or whateverwe called it hot guy phase
(17:34):
Because she would always bedating some young hot guy.
These guys looked exactly likeeach other.
They were like clones.
They had the little TikTok hair, they had the little dangly
earring.
They got off of tiktok shop,you know what I mean, like six
pack abs, like super attractive,but.
But then you talk to them andit's like the nine brain cells
rattling around with their skull.
They, they were sharing themwith their friend or something,
(17:55):
because they, they had nothinglike there's just nothing up
here, like you know when you'retalking to somebody and it feels
like you're talking but they'renot registering what you're
saying.
It was like that.
You know what I mean.
But the crazy part was is themost beautiful models in the
agencies, the real stunners, the10 out of 10s that would get
(18:17):
invited to Paris and London andeverything, even by the time
they were 21, 22,.
They would always be with likesome normal looking guy, like
some guy that like, if you like,dropped off your ups package.
You'd be like, oh, makes sense.
But they would always beextremely charismatic or
(18:37):
successful, ambitious, right,and typically 10, 15 years older
and it's almost like they gotbored of like staring at the six
pack and talking about nothingand they needed something that
was intellectually stimulating.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Definitely.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
You feel the same way .
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I mean I don't care about the age, but like kind of
experience, a lot of thingstogether and be very adventurous
together.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
That would be my type I see, I see, and so what are
the things you look for in arelationship with a guy like?
What are the things you've kindof learned about yourself in
terms of what type ofrelationship not what type of
guy you like, but what type ofrelationship you like?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I think it's like very mutually supportive, like
um can focus, we have our ownlives and also we have our own
things to do.
We can be whole as anindividual, but we are kind of
better together.
That's the type of relationshipI'm looking for.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
So you're a very independent person.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah, I did a lot of solo trips.
You seem like you are.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
You seem like you are .
It's interesting because a lotof people use this phrase where
they say my partner completes me, or my partner is my other half
and I actually don't like thatphrase because it makes it seem
like you're incomplete withoutthem being in a relationship
(20:20):
with someone will fix theirproblems instead of
understanding that.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
No, actually I need to fix my own problems so that
I'm the type of person that canbe in a healthy relationship
yeah, exactly so I thinkeveryone who probably thinks
that way need to go through ahard relationship to realize
that and then then they can kindof complete themselves and um
(20:51):
and attract healthyrelationships yeah, I always
think about it like if I'm goingthrough a tough time or a tough
relationship, it's like if youwere creating a human being from
scratch, right, like in thesims or something, and you
wanted to make him confident andtough and independent, what
would you do?
Speaker 1 (21:10):
well, you probably wouldn't give him a chill life,
right?
You'd probably put a hundredchallenging times and tough
relationships in his way andforce him to overcome these
obstacles.
So so it's like we all wantthese valuable character traits
of confidence and toughness andresilience cool.
But then it's like we all wantthese valuable character traits
of confidence and toughness andresilience Cool.
But then it's like, why are wecomplaining when life gets tough
?
Right, because it's like themost valuable character traits
(21:34):
are literally a byproduct of theworst things that have happened
to you in your life.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
So it's almost like the investment you're making in
yourself to become the type ofperson that you want to be yeah,
exactly, I totally agree withyou.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That's why I feel like whenever like negative
things happen to me, I willactually feel blessed because,
it's a lesson that I have, otherpeople don't have, so, um, and
also it like kind of helped meto experience things that I have
never experienced before, so Ican like kind of learn something
(22:14):
or get something out of thatyeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
It's the best people in life are the people who
figured out how to grow fromtheir negative experiences.
Yeah, yeah.
So let's talk manifestation.
That's a good statement.
How do you feel aboutmanifestation?
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I think I totally believe in it.
But it's not like in a woo-wooway.
I think it's a very scientificwu wu way.
I think it's a very scientific,it has a very scientific um
like way to explain it.
so I think, like everythingrelated to manifestation is
(22:56):
about alignment, and I think themost important thing is to kind
of find your authentic code,like what you really like to do
or what makes you feel reallyexcited when you were young,
(23:16):
before the society programs you.
So, once you find it and youcan develop your goals out of
that, so the goals align withyour true self and everything
will just flow.
But like, sometimes, um, like,sometimes uh, people may like
(23:38):
kind of have the goals that areactually not aligned with their
true self and it's actuallyprobably like expectations from
their family or from the society, and in that way it's going to
be very tough.
So I don't think it's only themanifestation, it's only about
(24:00):
visualization, to feel like, tofeel you are in that moment when
you like achieve everything.
But I think it's uh, or aboutlike finding who you are and
what you really want to achieveinteresting.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Okay, so like for you , for example right, what was
the thing that, as a kid, youwere excited about?
And then how did that translateto what you do today or what
you're you've manifested in yourlife?
Speaker 2 (24:34):
oh, so I actually did a little bit of self-work or
workshop and I found out myauthentic code is connection,
impact, uh, experience andexpansion.
And uh, when I was young, Ireally loved to travel with my
parents and when I, whenever Ivisit a place, I love to connect
(25:02):
with people.
I love to talk to people eventhough back then I did, I didn't
speak English really well and Iwant to connect with people.
I have to like the eager to liketalk to people like to learn
about their stories and to learnabout their experiences, and I
also like to try a differenttype of things and to explore
(25:28):
the city and I I care aboutsocial issues.
Uh, I was.
I did a lot of like projectsback in my little city.
I I'm from a small city inChina.
It's called.
W China, wenzhou, and did a lotof animal protection projects
with my friends.
(25:49):
I just feel like I feel I feelhappier when I, when I'm helping
people, when I'm creating value.
So I I think um like when Igrow up and I just keep doing
what I what keeps me um happy,like uh sharing my travel
(26:15):
experiences and uh like kind ofhelping small business to find
their community through myplatform, and I just kept doing
that before.
Like I really enter likecontent creation journey.
So I just keep doing what Ilove to do and my account just
(26:39):
blow up and everything like kindof flows from.
There yeah, from there and I gotto meet my favorite creators
and I got to uh collaborate withthem and I had a lot of
opportunities to work with myfavorite brands and I also
(27:02):
attract some a little bit pressand magazines.
So I think I didn't reallythink about that.
I just focus on the present,focus on, like, what makes me
happy good for you.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
And and something interesting that you said that I
picked up on was you said youknow people are passionate about
something as a kid and thensociety kind of pushes you out
of that passion.
So what did you feel likesociety was pushing you out of,
or how was society impactingyour natural passion?
(27:38):
You know what I mean uh-huh.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
So actually, uh like, I actually lost the feeling of,
like, the magical feeling ofattracting everything, when last
year so last year I recently.
Yes, um, so I I think it's veryinteresting because I
experienced the highs like thehigh energy feelings and also
(28:05):
experienced the low energyfeelings, and now I just like
kind of drag myself back up.
So that was a reallyinteresting experience.
So last year I went, I was likekind of I worked for a
corporate and I spent a lot oftime in China, like Shenzhen,
(28:27):
but in that city I feel like alot of people believe in the
same things, but that type ofthing are very different from my
value and in that environmentyou I kind of feel like I kind
of doubt what I achieved.
Like people there believe likein a certain age you have to
(28:50):
achieve like certain things.
A lot of things are materialand and I kind of like follow
them and I think I do a lot ofthings.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
That uh makes me look good, but that's not really
what I want so in terms of acareer path that's more set in
stone, or do you mean yourgrades, or what do you mean like
?
Like what's something that youfelt like was pushing you the
(29:27):
wrong direction?
Um I think or what was, whatwas?
You should be doing this oh, Ishould.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
For example, I should , um, uh, I should have a stable
, like like stable relationshipand gradually uh form a family
and then uh just like staying avery stable like job work that
job 60 years and then die andthen yeah, and then just climb
(29:56):
the corporate ladders, um, and Ithink that's I.
I actually have conversationswith myself like, is that what
you want?
And the answer is no.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Yeah, I grew up in Wisconsin, very never goes and
travels, works at the samefactory that my dad worked at
and work doubles at the dirtfactory until I'm 60.
And then, you know, you know,get married to whoever I'm
dating.
After high school, you justmarried whoever you happen to be
dating.
And it's so crazy.
(30:39):
I went back and visited some ofmy old high school friends and
it was an interestingconversation because we're all
sitting around and they're allZach, when are you going to get
married?
When you're going to miss yourboat, you know you're getting
too old, whatever.
And later on in the conversationI asked one of them.
I said what's your best day?
(30:59):
Like, well, if you could haveany day in the world, what would
you do?
And he goes, yeah, you know, mywife, my wife takes the kids,
she hangs out with her mom andthen I just like play poker with
the boys and watch the game,have a beer and remember
thinking like your greatest dayof existence.
I can do every single day of mylife.
(31:21):
I'm like like that's your bestday.
But that's how it is inWisconsin.
It's just like, and they're allgoing to the same bowling alley
we went to when I was like inhigh school.
You know what I mean.
That's like bizarre.
It's like some people you justwant to like push out of there,
like shake them and like go trysushi for once.
You know what I mean.
It's like it's crazy, it's very.
(31:44):
Yeah, I know, um, but I thinkit takes a certain personality
type to say no, fuck this, I'mgonna do what I want to do and
I'm gonna fucking make it work.
So let's go.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, I agree with you, I think.
I mean, some people lovestability, that's why they stay.
But uh, people who have thecourage to live and who have the
courage to achieve their ownstuff, that's, that's that's
really amazing have you heard ofum primary driver emotions?
(32:11):
What is that?
Speaker 1 (32:12):
okay, this is one of the most misunderstood things.
Um, that could really helppeople become more self-aware of
why they're not happy.
So people think that they wanthappiness, but happiness isn't
actually an emotion.
It's an umbrella term thatcovers excitement, contentment,
joy all of these emotions thatwe call happiness, when in
(32:35):
reality there's two main primarydriver emotions.
There's actually four, butmajority of the people fall into
two.
There's contentment, which isthe emotion of I wake up,
everything's good, I go out onmy porch and the sky is so blue
and the birds are chirping andI'm just going to sit on my
porch and enjoy the life, right?
(32:56):
And some people are driven bycontentment that they don't like
stress, they don't like travel,they don't like these things,
that what's going to happen?
Oh, no Right.
The second most common isexcitement, and these are the
people that say I'm fuckingbored sitting at my house
watching the birds fly aroundand I need to go do something.
(33:17):
And what if this happens?
And what if I could build thisbusiness?
And all of a sudden we'remaking this money?
And it's that excitement thatdrives them.
And a lot of people don'tunderstand that they're trying
to chase the wrong one and somaybe they see everybody else in
their small town chasingcontentment and they think that
will bring them happiness, whenin reality, for them, their
primary driver emotion isexcitement.
(33:38):
But the fear that's beendrilled into them by all the
contentment people is holdingthem back from achieving true
happiness and what they want toachieve interesting.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
I think I I'm between those two like you're in
between yeah I can enjoy, likelittle joys, um little happiness
, but I also have the excitementto achieve more than that but
I'm okay with like small, likethose type of things also make
me happy I.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I do think, if I had to read you, I do think
excitement is your primary andcontentment would you be your
secondary.
But you know what isinteresting is you know what
want to know.
My first impression of you whatis that?
so seeing your instagram, right,um, and then you come in.
(34:29):
You come in, you're veryconfident, you have a nice smile
, you're bubbly, you're friendly, you're warm, and that is one
side of your personality.
But the more I get to talk toyou, it feels like you still
(35:02):
have your understand thatthere's a fine line between
being warm and open and friendly, but also potentially being
walked all over or takenadvantage of or something like
that.
Do you think that's true?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Could you repeat like walk over and yeah, on one hand
it's good to be very warm andfriendly right.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
But on the other hand .
If you're too warm and friendly, you could be taken advantage
of or people use you in some wayor take you know, use your
kindness for weakness, and itcan be very easy to end up in
situations where it's not fairfor you because you are an
empathetic person yeah, that,I've actually experienced it a
(35:45):
lot like also lately, I'm tryingto like work on a certain like
part of the friendship, um anduh, that's what I want to talk
and that's very interesting,that you actually feel that and
also you sense that.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Um, so I like, oh, it's hard to talk about this,
but, yeah, I've never talkedabout this in public before, but
I think, um, I, I like I usedto truly like enjoy helping
people and that really made mehappy, but I like experiencing a
(36:31):
relationship that made me kindof feel a little bit traumatized
, feel a little bit traumatized.
So, uh, there's a girl that she, like we used to be like very
close to each other and I thinkshe has really good content.
But, like, her account was likenever like blow up or never um
(36:57):
being uh seen by more people.
So I was like, oh, we cancollab with each other, because
back then I've already in likedoing instagram a little bit.
So I was like, oh, we cancollab with each other so people
can see your account, see howlike good your content is.
So I did a lot ofcollaborations with her and also
(37:19):
introduced her ways.
Uh, back then she also told methat she didn't have like good
friends in New York.
So I was like, oh, I have a lotof loving friends and they are
so supportive, they are so good,so I can introduce you to them.
And after that I left New Yorkand she did really well on like
(37:44):
instagram later.
So I was really happy for herand I was really proud as well.
But, uh, when I left new york,um, and I like a couple of
months later and my close friendtold me that she was like, oh,
she could like like kind of behere at this stage without me,
(38:09):
so and also she didn't like mesaying like I was like I feel
grateful that I helped her.
So she said it's all because ofher, without like it's nothing
about me.
Uh, so I was like a little bithurt back then and yeah, um, yes
(38:30):
, I feel hurt and I feel, um,like that make me question a
little bit, uh, about likefriendship and also like when I
moved back to new york and Ifeel like she's like kind of
asking, always asking my bestfriends out, but excluding me.
(38:51):
So it's like never, I never gotinvited.
So that really made me feel alittle bit uncomfortable and
also like there was a time thatI questioned my worth and I
questioned like was I like, am Inot good enough for her now
(39:12):
because she did really well onlike content creation area and
that's that's that's.
That was not a good experiencefor me, but later I did more
conversations with myself and Iwas like, and I realized one
thing that I can keep being openand I can keep like helping
(39:37):
people because like the like,the action of helping people,
make me happy, but just need tobe more cautious on like, uh,
who I spend my time with and whoI can trust, and I should also
trust myself, uh, on like theability of like like building
(40:02):
people in my life yes, yeah,that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
That sounds like a very challenging thing to go
through emotionally you know itis do you feel like it stemmed
mostly from her, like jealousy,or what do you think was the
biggest reason for?
Speaker 2 (40:22):
I actually have no idea and I don't think, I don't
think it's my and I don't thinkI should spend time or effort
thinking about that, becauseit's all about me and I have the
choice of choosing who to stayin my life and if that things
hurt, if she hurts me, I I justlike let her, let her, and I can
(40:51):
, I can choose my own friendsand can choose what I can learn
from this experience good foryou.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
It's no, it kind of connected me the the way you
told that story.
Because so when I was in highschool and middle school, right,
I was very shy and awkward.
My parents were very strict, um, and we didn't have money.
So, you know, I'd wear mycousin's hand-me-downs they'd be
like three sizes too bigbecause, you know, my cousins
were kind big and so we alwaysgot made fun of in school.
(41:23):
So freshman year of high schoolI didn't have any friends, right
, and I was kind of lonely.
I was kind of a little sadabout it, you know.
And then there's this new kidto our school.
His name was Nate and he wasnew to the school, so he didn't
have any friends.
I didn't have any friends, sowe like clicked instantly and we
(41:44):
would eat lunch together.
We'd like go play video games,like we'd have sleepovers, like
all that kind of stuff, and itwas like the first time in my
life that I just really justremember feeling happy, just
like I'd wake up, excited forschool and like, oh, me and Nate
(42:05):
are going to talk and you know,talk about people in the
lunchroom and whatever you knowbe fun.
But then one day it was aroundlike wintertime, one of the
football players started thisrumor that we're gay, oh my God,
and back then it wasn't likecool Now kind of gay is kind of
like trendy and like cool, butlike back then being gay was not
like cool right Now in my mindI was like who cares what some
stupid football player thinks ofus?
(42:27):
I know that we're just friendsand like that isn't going to let
me like stop my friendship.
But I felt Nate kind of likepulling away a little bit and
similar things.
Like he kind of stoppedinviting me places you know he'd
always be busy.
Similar things like he kind ofstopped inviting me places you
know he'd always be busy, likethings like that.
And the moment it hit me was itwas the first lunch after winter
(42:49):
break.
So I come back to school, I getmy tray, I'm sitting in at our
usual table in the back rightcorner of the lunchroom, right,
and I see Nate from across thelunchroom with his little tray
and he looks at me and I see himmake eye contact and then he
like looks away really quicklyand then he goes and like sits
(43:10):
next to like some other kids,right that hurt and it was like
this combination of number one,just feeling like so like hurt
that he would do that to me.
But then, on top of that, I justgot this like like overwhelming
anxiety that everybody wasgoing to see me eating lunch by
myself and this was first yearof high school.
(43:32):
So you have like seniors in thelunchroom, you know, and you
want to look cool, and then Ithought everybody was going to
see me eating alone.
So I stood up and I startedlike walking around the
lunchroom for like people to sitby and I was like so nervous I
was like shaking walking downthe little aisles and I snaked
around the entire lunchroom kindof like looking for someone to
(43:53):
sit and kind of being too scaredto sit down.
And finally, at the last table,when I know more space to walk,
I was like, well, I guess Ihave to sit here.
So I was like, hey, like isanybody sitting here?
And they all kind of likestopped talking and kind of like
look at me and they're like no,you're good.
And so I sit there.
And it's not like they saidanything that was mean or rude,
(44:18):
but you could just tell theentire vibe was like why is this
random dude sitting at ourtable.
You know what I mean.
And it was just so painfullyawkward and I sat at that table
for two, three days and thenfinally I couldn't take it
anymore and I just went in andkind of sat alone for the rest
of the semester.
And the crazy part is, to thisday, if I like go to a party
(44:40):
where I like don't know a lot ofpeople and I like haven't like
started drinking and stuff, whenI walk into the party and I
don't know anybody, it's like itbrings me back to that same
feeling in the lunchroom.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Where I'm like walking around.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
I'm like fuck, who do I talk to?
And like I get this like socialanxiety.
That's like I to this day Ican't shake it.
Social anxiety that's like I Itill this day I can't shake it.
Like I've gotten a lot betterat managing it, but I still like
feel this like weird socialanxiety where, where now I'm
like good, I'm successful,whatever, like I know how to
talk, but I still get it.
I can't shake it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
It's so weird I can definitely feel you yeah through
your stories.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, do you find it easy or difficult to make
friends in LA and New York?
Speaker 2 (45:25):
uh difficult.
Um, I think New York it's likeyou have a lot of chance to meet
new people but like it's veryhard for like to get close to
people.
But I think in LA I thinkeverything spread out it's hard
to meet people.
But once you meet like theright person and or the right
(45:50):
person will introduce you to afriend circle and that's gonna
be really like stable, I think.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Yeah it's interesting .
I never understood.
I think it's very difficult forgirls in la to meet female
friends.
I think for guys it's mucheasier really.
Um, I remember the, the firstreally beautiful girl I ever
dated uh-huh I remember from theoutside looking in, especially
being from wisconsin it seemedlike she had, you know, the
(46:21):
easiest life ever.
Oh, she goes to private jethere.
She gets flown out to Tulum,free dinners, bottle service,
all this kind of thing.
But it's interesting becausewhen I saw her life close up I
realized that it's like shenever knew what guys wanted to
help her and what guys secretlyjust wanted to sleep with her
(46:43):
and, even worse, what girls hadher back and what girls were
secretly jealous and and preyingon her downfall and that was so
bad I just saw like she had somuch stress and anxiety behind
the scenes and I rememberthinking like, yeah, like it
looks great from the outside andthere's a lot of advantages,
but at the same time, likenobody really knows what you're
(47:05):
going through and nobody canreally understand it because
they just see your life aseverything's great all the time
and look this amazing trip andeverything's sunshine and
rainbows.
But a lot of people don't know,like how difficult it can be
yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I think this happens to a lot of people doing social
media too, like because youdon't want to like, post
negative things online you wantto spread positivity or just
like good life, like everyone'slike that actually it's not only
content creators or influencers.
(47:41):
It's like most of people inlife so I think, yeah, social
media is not all about the life.
Like everyone has their ownstruggles and everyone has their
(48:01):
um a lot of things to gothrough, so just focus on the
self, Don't compare yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
It's, it's interesting, it's um, we've
gotten to the point also wherejust everything is fake anyway.
It's like every picture you seeis facetuned to the max.
You actually look like yourinstagram oh really, but I use
face app you do use face appyeah I I'm, you must not crank
it to level 10, then you mustjust uh crank it a little bit,
(48:36):
you know I actually like it,like recommend, face up to a lot
of my creator friends.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
They all love it.
Interesting.
Yeah, they should pay me, theyshould sponsor me.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, faceapp, faceapp, let's go.
But thank you, yeah, and ofcourse, you see the most
glamorous pieces of everybody'slife.
You see every time they travel.
You see every great thing thathappens to them, and most people
don't post the bad things.
You know the boring parts, theparts of struggling and working
(49:08):
hard.
I'm sure the content creationjourney wasn't isn't always fun.
I'm sure it's a lot of hardwork.
I'm sure it's a lot of behindthe scenes things to make the
videos do well, am I right?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Definitely need to spend a lot of time at it.
And also if, like starting tocause, I recently like kind of
do content creation full timeand I did all the brand deals,
like negotiations by myself, andit's it's kind of yeah, of yeah
(49:42):
it's it's not as easy as Ithought, so, um, and also you
need to always keep up yourenergy to post consistently and
to, but also, at the same time,you want to be as authentic as
possible yeah, it's a weird mixbecause it's like, as a content
(50:08):
creator, you, you are creatingentertainment for people.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
So even on this podcast, right, there's some
days I'm just fucking tired,right, and there's also some
guests that are very difficultto talk to like you're pretty
easy to talk to, but there alsosome guests that are very
difficult to talk to Like you'repretty easy to talk to, but
there's some guests I'm justlike I can't get anything that's
intriguing or interesting outof them, which means I have to
do all the talking.
And when I'm tired and I haveto be entertaining, it's a lot
more difficult, right.
(50:32):
And so to some extent, you feela little bit fake because you
have to put on this front oflike being extra, but it's like,
okay, am I just gonna have aboring fucking podcast?
And then everybody listens islike, well, this sucks, you know
.
Or, yeah, you have to be alittle bit fake and like put on
his face and like hype yourselfup to to make the podcast better
.
It's like it is what it is atsome point, yeah, yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yeah, just for the audience yeah, all for the
audience and so content creationgetting into it.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
Um, what did your parents think about that?
Speaker 2 (51:04):
oh, at first they were like super against it
because my parents are very theyare very traditional and they
want me to like kind of keepdoing the corporate job or or
later helping the familybusiness.
But like it was at thebeginning, but later I kind of
(51:26):
proved them that that's actuallya thing and I kind of educate
them and communicate with themlike this is a new industry and
and it's it's also like there'sa lot of thing you can play
around with in that area andalso there are a lot of
(51:48):
opportunities out there.
So they kind of like let me go,just let me explore, but
they're not they, they are notlike they don't 100% support
this career.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
Even now, when you're successful.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
Uh yeah, interesting.
But they were like oh, you doyour own thing.
Okay, you are responsible foryourself, uh-huh.
So, that's the situation.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
It's interesting though, like I would understand
a parent being worried beforeyour career was successful oh,
what if she never makes it?
What if she never blows up?
She never figures out how tomake money off this or something
?
But it surprises me that evenafter it's like, hey, look guys,
I'm successful, look what I'mdoing they're still a little
(52:41):
concerned about it yeah, becauseit's not as stable as like what
they say, because they I thinkthey were.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
They are really, um, looking for stability and also
my mom think that happiness comefrom stability.
That's why we had a lot ofconversations together and I
have to explain to her that ourdefinitions of happiness are
(53:12):
different, and then shegradually understand that.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Yeah, my parents were .
I remember I switched my majorto music.
I do music full-time on youtubeon yeah, I have a bunch of
channels.
And, um, when I switched mymajor to music, I remember I
called my mom.
I'm like, hey, mom, I'mswitching.
I'm so passionate about musiclike I'm sitting in math class
and all I can think about ispracticing piano and practicing
(53:39):
is the boring part.
And I'm just like so pumped toeven go practice, like I have to
see where this takes me.
And I remember there's justthis long pause on the phone and
she goes are you sure this iswhat you want to do?
And I'm like 100%.
And I was so lucky to haveparents that, from that day
forward, 100% supportedeverything that I did wow,
(54:03):
amazing, yeah, but they were,they were concerned, but they
still were like, hey, like webelieve in you and I feel like
that's so huge yeah that's verypowerful yeah, when you feel
like you are support, likeyou're supported, and then
you're loved and that makes it.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
It's like a invisible hand, that kind of hug you in a
way yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
so they did a study on the most successful people
ever right, and the parentingstyles were typically the mom
was extremely supportive andcaring and I will love you no
matter what you do.
And typically the dad is veryhey, let's get shit done Almost
like you have to.
(54:51):
You really have to work for hisapproval, like he doesn't give
you that love for no reason.
You have to earn it and youhave to earn it.
And they said it's interestingbecause it forces you to push to
get the approval of your dad.
But you have the safety net ofyour mom still loving you.
So you have the support youneed, but you also have like the
(55:11):
fire to go for the difficultthing.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
That's a good balance .
Speaker 1 (55:17):
Yeah, I agree, my dad was super old school growing up
, so I remember I fell off mybike one time and, like you know
, skinned up my knee.
And I come in the house, daddy,daddy, my knee's bleeding.
I remember he just looked at me.
He goes good thing, you'retough, just walks away but but
ironically, it taught me animportant lesson.
(55:38):
That was kind of like hey, zach, you're a man.
There are going to bechallenges in life you're going
to get hurt sometimes.
You have to learn to deal withthis yourself, because the truth
is, as a man, nobody is comingto save you.
You know what I mean.
Like as a girl, ideally youfigure out how to save yourself,
but if you don't, you can finda guy who will save you.
(56:01):
But if you're a man, nobody iscoming to your rescue.
You have to learn how to do ityourself, and I think that's
under appreciated in today'skind of parenting styles where
everybody's oh a little gen z.
Let's go ride bird scooters andtalk about your feelings I'm gen
z all y'all know is tiktok birdscooters charging your phone,
(56:29):
flaming hot cheetos feelings areimportant what's the wi-fi code
?
Speaker 2 (56:34):
what's the wi-fi?
Speaker 1 (56:37):
I, I just think, I feel like, like feelings are
overrated.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Overrated, very overrated.
Why?
Speaker 1 (56:45):
Because I think a lot of times, spirituality and
inner work and healing and allthese things can be a conduit
for emotional avoidancedisguised as healing.
Because the truth is, as a man,right, if you have anxiety, the
(57:10):
reason is because you suck.
That's the truth.
Like, if you have anxiety aboutmoney, you either suck at
making money or you spend all ofyour money and you don't have
discipline.
Right, if you have anxietyabout relationships, you either
suck at communication, you suckat reading people or you can't
spot a red flag at a Chinese NewYear parade.
Right, like.
That is the truth.
(57:31):
And so a lot of people, insteadof facing their problems,
they'll go, you know, closetheir eyes and hum to the
universe like a moron in thecorner of their room and
scribble in their 400 gratitudejournal how they're worthy,
instead of looking in the mirrorand telling your inner child
shut the fuck up, bitch, I runshit.
(57:51):
Telling the universe, go fuckyourself.
I'm gonna clock in and I'mgonna go to the gym and when I'm
struggling to lift that weight,my inner child's gonna to be my
spotter and he's going to bewhispering in my ear and you
know what he's going to say.
He's going to say, zach, don'tbe weak like last time.
(58:14):
Then you fucking lift theweight as a man, like I don't
understand what it's like to bea girl.
I know you guys have like twicethe hormones we do, so when you
feel an emotion, you feel like20 times stronger than we do,
right?
But I think there needs to bemore of that attitude in men
today, where it's like, yeah,maybe we should bring back a
little bit of bullying, likejust a little bit of like, yeah,
sometimes you need to be likepushed around a little bit to
(58:36):
like toughen you up yeah, I feellike it's.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
You can still like, you can push around, but you can
still like keep the feeling oror deal with the feeling, um,
and I think, for example, likeanxieties are more like a signal
, so you know like what, whatyou need to look at, what what
(59:06):
you need to look at um withinyourself and then you can fix
that.
Okay, let me ask you this it'sa good thing to have.
Speaker 1 (59:10):
Let's say you're dating a guy.
Actually, let's up the stakes.
Let's say you're married to aguy.
You guys have a couple kids.
Whatever he comes home one day,he's like baby, I lost my job
today, I got fired.
Would you rather have the guywho you come home the next day
and he's, you know, sitting onthe couch with a glass of wine,
(59:33):
watching reruns of love is blind, babe.
Oh my boss, what do we do?
Where, where, where.
And then the whole week you'recoming home.
Oh I, I don't know what to do.
The life is so hard.
Or do you want the guy whocomes home?
Babe, I got fired.
And then he takes his emotionsand he stuffs them deep down in
his psyche and then he says allright, let's time to man up,
(59:56):
it's time to clock in, and we'regoing to start that business
that we've been talking aboutfor the last three years and I'm
going to wake up at 6 am everyday and make this money so I can
support my family.
Which one would you rather have?
Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Neither of them.
Neither I feel like.
I think it's important to talkabout feelings, but you
shouldn't be stuck in thefeeling but you should be able
(01:00:33):
to talk about the feelings andthen you can take actions to fix
it.
But if you buried all theemotions deep down and I believe
one day it will kind of burst-out.
Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
I believe in talking about emotions in like a logical
way, kind of like uh, have youheard?
You know the, the lovelanguages.
Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Oh, the five love languages.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Yeah, yeah yeah, have you heard of the fight
languages?
Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
No.
Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Okay, nobody knows about these, and they're way
more important than the lovelanguages.
Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
Oh, did you know that ?
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Okay, so I'm really smart and, yeah, I read a lot.
I don't understand how you guysjust go into relationships,
justinging it, just raw doggingrelationships like, oh, I hope
this works out, don't do anyresearch on any of this shit,
all right.
So, okay, similar to lovelanguages, there's five fight
languages.
Um, officially they're calledconflict archetypes, right, so
(01:01:33):
the first one, oh, and you haveto know which one you are and
also which one you have the mostdifficulty communicating with.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
Oh, interesting, interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
So the first one is the Venter, and this is the
person who gets very emotionaland they raise their voice and
they're yelling at you.
And the good thing is they'revery honest about what they feel
.
They're not hiding anything.
You know exactly what theythink, right.
But of course, the downside isyou might feel like they're
attacking you or they're pushingyou away, in a sense.
(01:02:04):
The second type is theprocessor.
So these are the opposite, thepeople who say I don't want to
fight right now, I just needsome space and I need to just
process everything.
And the problem is, if you saythat to a venter and you leave
the room, the venter will feellike you're leaving because you
don't care about therelationship, when in reality,
(01:02:26):
you actually care so much aboutthe relationship that you don't
want to say something that youcan't take back and might ruin
it and you want to think aboutit first, right.
The third type is the fixer.
This is the most mature fightstyle, this is my fight style,
it's the best one.
And these are the people whothey're like okay, this happened
(01:02:48):
.
Very logical, let's get to theroot of the problem and let's
fix the problem so it doesn'thappen again.
Now.
The problem with fixers isoftentimes they don't understand
that if you're dealing with anemotional person, before you
even tell them how you're goingto fix the problem, you have to
make them understand that youunderstand what they're feeling
(01:03:12):
and you have to validate theiremotions first, otherwise they
won't even listen to you.
Yeah.
Fourth type is the martyr.
So these are the people whoinstantly take all the blame.
They say I'm so stupid, yes,it's my fault Stupid, stupid,
stupid, and they take all theblame.
Now the good thing is they endthe fight really fast because
(01:03:32):
they just take the blamethemselves.
But the problem is they don'tactually fix the problem, and so
they oftentimes will continueto build more and more
resentment until eventually thatkind of like pops off.
Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
Then fifth type is the um, the freezer.
So these are people with veryhigh anxiety, and when there's
conflict they're veryuncomfortable with it.
So they will stay there andkind of be frozen, but their
brain is 400 miles away anddoesn't want to deal with the
problem.
Those are the freezers, that'sme, that's you Interesting.
(01:04:07):
The freezers are the ones Ihave the most difficulty dealing
with, actually.
And why do you think you're afreezer?
What's going on in your mind?
Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Because I don't really like conflict.
Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
I would choose to walk away if there's a conflict
going on typically, freezers arevery sensitive and very
empathetic, and it's becausethey care more about the other
person than they do about thefight and, and because of that,
(01:04:40):
they're not comfortable with thefight, because they feel like
they don't want to lose theother person.
So the biggest thing that youwant to do if you're dealing
with somebody is you have toexplain to them.
You almost have to become aprocessor and say hey look, I
care about you.
I'm just feeling really anxiousright now, I'm feeling really
(01:05:02):
nervous about this.
So I just need some time tokind of think through everything
and then you can come back andkind of have a conversation
about it.
Which type do you have the mostdifficulty dealing with?
Huh.
Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
I actually don't know .
Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
Maybe the first one, that's typically what your type
has the hardest with, becausethey're very loud and scary.
They're scarier than the otherones.
Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Yeah, interesting, interesting but I think I'm
working on that what about lovelanguage?
Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
what's your love language?
Do you know the five?
Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
remind me of the five .
Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
So there's a physical touch, physical touch, quality
time, quality time acts ofservice, so doing things for
your partner, gifts and thenwords of affirmation.
Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
So you know, compliments essentially I think
college time is the mostimportant, and then act of
service.
And then what is that?
Gift giving?
Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
they say, gift giving is the red flag one and then
later it's physical touch.
Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Physical touch service oh no, I've already
mentioned words of affirmation.
Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, compliments, yeah yeah,
interesting.
I could see it was quality time.
You seem like you'd be thattype.
You seem like you'd be thequality time type yeah,
experience yeah, yeah, exactly,exactly, awesome.
Well, we are about out of time.
Um, let's do a couple rapidfire questions at the end.
(01:06:55):
Uh, favorite first date spot oractivity Favorite first date?
Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
It's a hard question Because I have so many, so many
spots in my mind.
What are a couple of?
Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
your top ones.
What are a couple of your top?
Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
I like food, so definitely a good restaurant.
And then also I love to chasesunset.
Sunset, oh, sunset, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
So a good sunset watching spot would work as well
with wine and yeah blanket andeverything that's what do you
think about like hiking and thatkind of hiking.
Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
I love it you love hiking yeah, I love nature, so I
love nature.
So either nature or food orfood.
Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
Okay, interesting, Best actually that's the next
question Best restaurant or foodthat you like?
It's really hard.
Yeah, I have a bunch of them.
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
God.
But right now, on top of that,in New York City, it's Not 17.
It's an omakase spot.
Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
It's called Not 17?
, not 17.
Oh, not 17.
Yeah, gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 2 (01:08:09):
Interesting, that's really good.
Speaker 1 (01:08:13):
Next travel destination or place you want to
go but you haven't visited yet.
Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
So many places.
Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
I'm so indecisive, uh but I think I will say is it
called belize or belize?
Yeah, yeah, belize.
South america, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been all over south
america oh not belize yet, butI've been peru uh, brazil,
argentina, colombia yeah, whichone is your favorite?
Colombia by far why, so.
So the people in colombia arevery kind, romantic, friendly,
(01:08:55):
love americans.
So when you go to to col, right, like all the girls are always
like oh, mi corazón, mi amor, mylove, my heart.
It's like if you're a whitedude with blue eyes in Columbia,
they just love you for noreason, like I could just walk
up and like, be the most awkwardperson and they just still love
you.
But no, I just like it for theculture and everything For the
(01:09:18):
girls.
Speaker 2 (01:09:19):
No, no, I've dated it for the culture and everything
For the girls.
No, no, I got it.
I've dated a couple ofColombian girls.
Speaker 1 (01:09:25):
It's good news, until it's not.
It's a very it's like a rollercoaster.
It's like a roller coaster.
You know, you get the highs,but then you get the lows too.
Speaker 2 (01:09:34):
Interesting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, experience.
Speaker 1 (01:09:37):
Yeah, the fullest why .
Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
What is the?
Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
fullest.
Yeah, why?
What uh?
What uh ethnicity do youtypically date um?
Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
asian, all asian, not all asian.
Okay, that's your normal type.
Yeah, I think the majority ofthem are asian.
Probably it's because I like Ilive in the asian community and
then, yeah, yeah, I, I feel likeit's because I don't really
reach out or I don't proactivelylooking for a relationship or
(01:10:12):
so I just like kind of choosefrom whoever reached out to me
and you just happen to have moreasian people you hang out with.
Speaker 1 (01:10:20):
So it's just a numbers game, it's statistics at
that point.
Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
Yeah, I think it just happens.
Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
I see, I see Awesome.
Well, this has been fun.
Any social media shout outs youwant to give to the audience?
Speaker 2 (01:10:34):
Social media.
Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
Yeah, do you want to shout out your Instagram or
TikTok, or?
Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
anything.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, guys,yeah, guys like family.
Everyone follow me on instagram.
It's d-a-i-y-i-n-c-h-i.
I also have a tiktok, but Idon't post on that platform very
often.
But if you want, you can followme at b-o-o-m-b-a-N-I-L-L-A.
(01:11:02):
It's a stupid name.
Speaker 1 (01:11:05):
We'll put it in the description.
Thank you Awesome.
Well, this has been fun.
We'll have to do round twosometime.
Thanks for listening.
If I was a girl nowadays, like at least fall for
a professional fuckboy.
So you get fucked over on yourEuropean vacation and you don't
get fucked over at half price.
Tuesday at Applebee's.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Girls have the choice to choose to stay or no.
I think I like funny guys.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We're the best you know, being in a relationship
with someone who will fix theirproblems, instead of
understanding that.
No, actually I need to fix myown problems so that I'm the
type of person that can be in ahealthy relationship.
The most valuable charactertraits are literally a byproduct
(00:34):
of the worst things that havehappened to you in your life.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Exactly Whenever negative things happen to me, I
will actually feel blessed,because it's a lesson that I
have.
Other people don't have.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
The best people in life are the people who figured
out how to grow from negativeexperiences.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Everything related to manifestation is about
alignment.
I feel happier when I'm herehere when I'm here.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, andfirst of all, thank you to all
of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofgrowth and engagement over the
last few weeks so we got tothank all you guys out for that.
Today we have a special gueston the podcast.
This is Cornelia.
Cornelia, why don't you goahead and introduce yourself to
the audience, name what you doand your star sign?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I'm Cornelia, I'm a content creator, content
strategist, and I'm Sagittarius.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Sagittarius Interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Why is it interesting you?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
guys are very fun, fun, very bad for my mental
health, let's just say that.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What's your sign?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I don't want to say toxic but a little bit edgy,
let's just say a little bit.
I don't want to say toxic, buta little bit.
Uh, edgy, let's just say thatit's just like freedom I'm uh
the best one the best smartfunny, attractive, tall, smart,
funny and attractive, yeah, yeah, tall pisces oh so yeah, I used
to be toxic back in my villainera uh-huh now I'm very shy and
(02:05):
romantic, of course, but yeah,back in the day.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
What makes you like?
What made you shit?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So here's the thing Back in the day I was always a
professional fuckboyProfessional Like you know.
Nowadays you guys got theseamateur fuckboys that have a bed
with no headboard, that theygot off a timu two walls like a
poor person bed and to me it'sjust like I don't understand how
(02:32):
a guy who doesn't know what anightstand is is tricking and
manipulating girls to fall forall his little tricks.
I'm like if I was, if I was a, agirl nowadays like, at least
fall for a professional fuck boy, so you get fucked over on your
european vacation and you don'tget fucked over at half price
tuesday at applebee this soundsgood um, but what I never
(02:56):
understood actually.
Let me get your opinion on this.
I would always be honest withgirls that I was dating.
I would say, hey, I'm notlooking for a relationship, I
don't want something exclusive.
And it's like they didn'tbelieve me.
And then, three months in, theywould say oh, why won't you
commit to me, why don't you wanta relationship?
And I'm like I told you thatfrom the beginning Like I'm not
(03:18):
even gaslighting you, likeyou're gaslighting yourself at
this point.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
It's like it's like in fight club when he's punching
himself in the face oh no, I Ifeel like for me it's definitely
better to like kind of makeeverything clear at the first
place, so girls have the choiceto choose to stay or no.
But I don't know, I don't knowwhat happened to people who gave
themselves like, probably theyhave, um, probably they believe
(03:46):
in their power to change anotherperson and do you think that
you can change another person,or do you think that's something
that is not advisable?
I don't think.
I don't think you can changeanother people, because I don't
want to be changed.
I'm a sagittarius.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So like you guys are stubborn, yeah yeah and so in
your past, have you typicallydated more the nice guy or more
the fuck boy, or have you alittle bit of both?
A little bit both move your mica little closer to you, yeah
okay, so a little bit both.
Okay, this is my question foryou.
(04:27):
So, when you've been in, let'ssay, a toxic relationship, right
?
What was it about him thatoriginally drew you into that
relationship and what did youlearn from that relationship
going forward?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
So I had one really toxic relationship and that was
actually my like guy friend likefor a long time, like, let's
say, eight years.
But I feel like the first.
I think at the beginning itfeels like good to be friends
and I think I thought we two arelike good to be friends and I I
(05:06):
think, uh, I thought we, we two, are like good match and also
he was like giving me a lot ofhope, like we're gonna like kind
of stay together for a longtime and it's gonna be.
It's gonna be a very committedrelationship.
But actually he just wanted asituation ship.
So that feels really weird to me, um, and also it's like um,
(05:29):
he's.
He was like keep.
He kept giving me hope, but atthe same time he was like
talking down to my value,talking down to my belief, um
and um, and that really made melike kind of question myself,
which, which was really bad.
So I decided to kind of leavehim.
(05:51):
But after that I had a lot oflike self work and like a
healing era where I just focuson myself, and I think that's
definitely a good lesson to meno, it's interesting, I was
gonna say, because the truth ismost people go through a toxic
(06:13):
relationship at some point intheir life and there's two types
of people right.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
There's some people who become jaded and negative
and they assume every new personthey date is going to be that
same type of toxic.
And then rarely it happens you.
You find someone who comes outof that relationship actually
more positive than they went in.
(06:38):
It's.
It's almost like they they seeit as a lesson learned and
something that they went throughthat made them into a better
person.
And I don't sense anynegativity on you at all.
You seem very um, unless youburied it deep down inside, but
you seem like like a verypositive person so how did?
you go from the toxicrelationship to figure out that
part of yourself uh.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
So I went through a lot of therapy sessions, to be
honest, and also I thought a lotabout like relationship between
like individuals andindividuals and I think, um, I
think it's, it's just like veryflowy.
I think um like, for example,me and my ex, uh, we probably we
(07:22):
are not suitable um like as a,as a, as a like in the
relationship, but we are good asfriends.
So I kind of um I, I spent alot of time like thinking about
it, thinking through it, andthen I kind of forgive what he
(07:46):
like, what he did to me, and Ithink I'm like I I finally
gained like power or gainstrength on myself and blaming
myself and I became independentand after that I was like, oh, I
can forgive him and let's justbe friends again.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
That's very mature of you.
Was it tough to get to thatpoint?
Did it take a lot of work?
Did it take a lot of figuringthings out?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I think it took me about like half a year, okay,
but I think it was a good halfyear.
Uh, like I, at the beginning itwas like really dark, because I
kind of lose trust in likehuman beings and also I felt
(08:38):
very depressed.
Also I didn't trust myself.
But after that I was like, oh,I have so many times like, so
much time on like for myself soI can do whatever I want to do
and develop hobbies like divingand I travel a lot, and also I
(09:01):
kind of focus on what I have.
Like I have a lot of goodfriends that support, always
support me, so I focus on loveand positive things and
gradually, like get out of that.
Got out of that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yes, good for you.
I'm proud of you.
Yay.
So then, going forward, haveyou had any relationships since
then, or have you just beenfocusing on yourself?
Focusing on myself yeah I hangout with some guys, but they
weren't good enough, they didn'tmake the cut yeah, nothing
worked out.
What's your uh, what's yourtype, what is the type of guy
(09:38):
you typically go for?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
um yeah, I've been thinking about this for a long
time and I think I like funnyguys.
We're the best yeah.
Funny guys and also kind,positive and has passion for
(10:05):
himself, like for, like what hedoes.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
And what about looks, looks.
Looks Ah, good looking Hotdudes, not too hot, not too hot.
Hot for me, yeah, yeah, yeah,height Does height matter?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Actually, no, really yeah, even if he's shorter than
you, yeah, short cans hard, nottoo hard hard for me.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, height, does height matter?
Uh, actually don't really.
Yeah, even if he's shorter thanyou yeah, short cans crazy
interesting, interesting, uh, uh, it's interesting.
So I have a friend who she well,technically she's my ex, but
she's 5, 11, so like when shehas like three inch heels on,
like we're like the same height,you know what I mean and she
would always date guys tallerthan her.
(10:47):
But even before me it wasmostly like nba players,
basketball players, stuff likethat, and we ended up breaking
up, but it was a good breakup.
We're still friends, and so Igive her advice about guys often
, though yeah, she's alwayscalling me oh, zach, blah, blah,
blah.
Like this guy's, and I, like Itold you from the beginning he
was a fuckboy.
I took one look at hisInstagram.
I'm like this guy's a fuckboy,it's very obvious, right?
(11:09):
But she never listens to me.
So finally, she was like Zach.
I'm sick of all these fuckboys.
I don't care about looks,height, anything, I just want a
guy with's like five, seven, andI meet him.
(11:29):
Honestly.
He's a cool guy, but it's justlike she's like towering over
him Like Shrek.
You know what I mean.
Like, she's like, like, like,like.
I watched him kiss once and itwas like the dwarves trying to
conquer the mountain and Lord ofthe Rings, you know it just
didn't.
They didn't look good as a unit.
You know what I mean.
A couple weeks later I call her.
I was like yo, is dave comingout tonight?
And she's like yeah, whathappened about that?
(11:50):
And I was like what did you do?
And turns out he comes over onenight.
She had had a couple likeglasses of wine and she opens
the door, she gives a big hugand she picks him up and she
spun him around and she watchedhis little legs flail out to the
side and she was like zach.
(12:11):
After that moment I couldn't doit anymore.
I got the ick, I got the oh,she got the ick she got the ick
and ended things.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
I think it's cute he's a baby, I mean it was, it
was, it was a.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
It was a interesting relationship.
Let's just say that do you, doyou typically go for more
masculine guys or do you likethe kind of soft boys?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
um, I think it doesn't matter to me, but I feel
like I do prefer guys who havea little bit of feminine energy.
Interesting yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
But not too much.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Not too much.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Not too much.
Okay, interesting, yeah, I endup in.
It's kind of my fault, but Ilike to take charge in
relationships I'm somewhat of afixer, which is good.
Relationships I'm somewhat of afixer, which is good, but then
I always end up dating peoplewho need to be fixed, which
(13:13):
which can be a toxic style ofrelationship to, um, one girl I
dated, I remember she calls meone day, facetimes me, and she's
like in tears, she's like superstressed.
She's like Zach, I just got in acar accident.
Help, I don't know what to do.
Like, what am I supposed to do?
And I'm like, babe, are youokay?
Like, are you hurt?
Are you bleeding?
And she's like, no, I just like, I'm just stressed, like what
(13:33):
do I do?
Like, am I supposed to gettheir insurance?
And I'm like, babe, it's gonnabe okay, you're gonna get out of
the car, you're going to gettheir insurance, you're going to
get a police report andinsurance is going to handle
everything.
It's going to be okay.
So she calms down and she getsout of the car and there's
another girl getting out of theother car and she's on the phone
(13:54):
with her dad freaking out intears.
She gotta know what to do.
So they just take the phonesand they put them together and
I'm talking I'm literallytalking in speakerphone to her
dad through the phone.
So it was an interesting, uh,interesting experiment.
Let's just say that so do you?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
are you like a dad type of guy in?
Do you prefer being in thedaddy?
Role.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I prefer taking charge, let's just say that Okay
.
Because I know that if I dosomething, that I'm going to do
it right and I'm reliable.
The other person I don't know,Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I'm also very old school withthat.
My dad raised me verychivalrous, right?
So, Zach, you know, son, if youtake a girl on a date, you're
(14:50):
paying for it.
None of these splitsies, noneof these.
What do you used to say?
Don't be a broke liberal artsstudent who can't afford to buy
a girl dinner.
You know what I mean.
Like that was like his thing.
So so you know, if I'm walkingon the sidewalk, like I'm
walking on the car side, so youknow if a car comes, stop the
car with one hand, protect mygirl with the other hand, you
know, man, shit, you know um.
(15:12):
So because of that, I've alwaysfelt like I'm in charge of
dealing with problems, right, Idon't think that's the girl's
responsibility.
I think if a girl wants to takecare of problems, cool, but I
don't think it's herresponsibility, does that?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
make sense.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
That's nice, that's actually rare I feel like it's
rare nowadays.
I think the gen z's are fuckingeverybody up too much ipads and
tide pods.
As a kid you know, yeah you.
So you find it.
You don't find guys like thattypically.
You don't find guys who arevery masculine and very
(15:49):
chivalrous uh, I mean like yeah,why you?
Said it's rare nowadays yeah,it's fair nowadays yeah yeah, so
I was like why?
how old are you?
You're?
You're very confusing um guesswell you seem like you're.
(16:12):
You're mid 30s mid 30s based onyour conversation skills, your
personality.
You you're a goodconversationalist, but you look
like you're like 19 with a fakeid that's a lot of I don't know
whether to talk about likepsychology and investing, or or
like like, flip over the waterbottle and post it on tiktok,
you know I heard it a lot but,I'm actually 27, 27, no way,
(16:38):
yeah, what?
just a bunch of yoga and botox,or what, what?
What's the secret?
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Skincare.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Skincare.
Nice nice.
So what's the oldest andyoungest you've dated in
relation to your age at the time?
The youngest Like how manyyears younger was he, um or
older was he than you at thetime?
I?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
think he's um three, three years younger and then um,
and then it is someone who's inhis 30s interesting.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah, I would have thought it would be higher,
actually, really, yeah, so soit's interesting.
I used to own a company in themodeling industry and it was so
interesting.
We started seeing this patternwhere, when a new model would
come into the agency or whateverwe called it hot guy phase
(17:34):
Because she would always bedating some young hot guy.
These guys looked exactly likeeach other.
They were like clones.
They had the little TikTok hair, they had the little dangly
earring.
They got off of tiktok shop,you know what I mean, like six
pack abs, like super attractive,but.
But then you talk to them andit's like the nine brain cells
rattling around with their skull.
They, they were sharing themwith their friend or something,
(17:55):
because they, they had nothinglike there's just nothing up
here, like you know when you'retalking to somebody and it feels
like you're talking but they'renot registering what you're
saying.
It was like that.
You know what I mean.
But the crazy part was is themost beautiful models in the
agencies, the real stunners, the10 out of 10s that would get
(18:17):
invited to Paris and London andeverything, even by the time
they were 21, 22,.
They would always be with likesome normal looking guy, like
some guy that like, if you like,dropped off your ups package.
You'd be like, oh, makes sense.
But they would always beextremely charismatic or
(18:37):
successful, ambitious, right,and typically 10, 15 years older
and it's almost like they gotbored of like staring at the six
pack and talking about nothingand they needed something that
was intellectually stimulating.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Definitely.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
You feel the same way .
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I mean I don't care about the age, but like kind of
experience, a lot of thingstogether and be very adventurous
together.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
That would be my type I see, I see, and so what are
the things you look for in arelationship with a guy like?
What are the things you've kindof learned about yourself in
terms of what type ofrelationship not what type of
guy you like, but what type ofrelationship you like?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I think it's like very mutually supportive, like
um can focus, we have our ownlives and also we have our own
things to do.
We can be whole as anindividual, but we are kind of
better together.
That's the type of relationshipI'm looking for.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
So you're a very independent person.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah, I did a lot of solo trips.
You seem like you are.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
You seem like you are .
It's interesting because a lotof people use this phrase where
they say my partner completes me, or my partner is my other half
and I actually don't like thatphrase because it makes it seem
like you're incomplete withoutthem being in a relationship
(20:20):
with someone will fix theirproblems instead of
understanding that.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
No, actually I need to fix my own problems so that
I'm the type of person that canbe in a healthy relationship
yeah, exactly so I thinkeveryone who probably thinks
that way need to go through ahard relationship to realize
that and then then they can kindof complete themselves and um
(20:51):
and attract healthyrelationships yeah, I always
think about it like if I'm goingthrough a tough time or a tough
relationship, it's like if youwere creating a human being from
scratch, right, like in thesims or something, and you
wanted to make him confident andtough and independent, what
would you do?
Speaker 1 (21:10):
well, you probably wouldn't give him a chill life,
right?
You'd probably put a hundredchallenging times and tough
relationships in his way andforce him to overcome these
obstacles.
So so it's like we all wantthese valuable character traits
of confidence and toughness andresilience cool.
But then it's like we all wantthese valuable character traits
of confidence and toughness andresilience Cool.
But then it's like, why are wecomplaining when life gets tough
?
Right, because it's like themost valuable character traits
(21:34):
are literally a byproduct of theworst things that have happened
to you in your life.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
So it's almost like the investment you're making in
yourself to become the type ofperson that you want to be yeah,
exactly, I totally agree withyou.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That's why I feel like whenever like negative
things happen to me, I willactually feel blessed because,
it's a lesson that I have, otherpeople don't have, so, um, and
also it like kind of helped meto experience things that I have
never experienced before, so Ican like kind of learn something
(22:14):
or get something out of thatyeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
It's the best people in life are the people who
figured out how to grow fromtheir negative experiences.
Yeah, yeah.
So let's talk manifestation.
That's a good statement.
How do you feel aboutmanifestation?
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I think I totally believe in it.
But it's not like in a woo-wooway.
I think it's a very scientificwu wu way.
I think it's a very scientific,it has a very scientific um
like way to explain it.
so I think, like everythingrelated to manifestation is
(22:56):
about alignment, and I think themost important thing is to kind
of find your authentic code,like what you really like to do
or what makes you feel reallyexcited when you were young,
(23:16):
before the society programs you.
So, once you find it and youcan develop your goals out of
that, so the goals align withyour true self and everything
will just flow.
But like, sometimes, um, like,sometimes uh, people may like
(23:38):
kind of have the goals that areactually not aligned with their
true self and it's actuallyprobably like expectations from
their family or from the society, and in that way it's going to
be very tough.
So I don't think it's only themanifestation, it's only about
(24:00):
visualization, to feel like, tofeel you are in that moment when
you like achieve everything.
But I think it's uh, or aboutlike finding who you are and
what you really want to achieveinteresting.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Okay, so like for you , for example right, what was
the thing that, as a kid, youwere excited about?
And then how did that translateto what you do today or what
you're you've manifested in yourlife?
Speaker 2 (24:34):
oh, so I actually did a little bit of self-work or
workshop and I found out myauthentic code is connection,
impact, uh, experience andexpansion.
And uh, when I was young, Ireally loved to travel with my
parents and when I, whenever Ivisit a place, I love to connect
(25:02):
with people.
I love to talk to people eventhough back then I did, I didn't
speak English really well and Iwant to connect with people.
I have to like the eager to liketalk to people like to learn
about their stories and to learnabout their experiences, and I
also like to try a differenttype of things and to explore
(25:28):
the city and I I care aboutsocial issues.
Uh, I was.
I did a lot of like projectsback in my little city.
I I'm from a small city inChina.
It's called.
W China, wenzhou, and did a lotof animal protection projects
with my friends.
(25:49):
I just feel like I feel I feelhappier when I, when I'm helping
people, when I'm creating value.
So I I think um like when Igrow up and I just keep doing
what I what keeps me um happy,like uh sharing my travel
(26:15):
experiences and uh like kind ofhelping small business to find
their community through myplatform, and I just kept doing
that before.
Like I really enter likecontent creation journey.
So I just keep doing what Ilove to do and my account just
(26:39):
blow up and everything like kindof flows from.
There yeah, from there and I gotto meet my favorite creators
and I got to uh collaborate withthem and I had a lot of
opportunities to work with myfavorite brands and I also
(27:02):
attract some a little bit pressand magazines.
So I think I didn't reallythink about that.
I just focus on the present,focus on, like, what makes me
happy good for you.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
And and something interesting that you said that I
picked up on was you said youknow people are passionate about
something as a kid and thensociety kind of pushes you out
of that passion.
So what did you feel likesociety was pushing you out of,
or how was society impactingyour natural passion?
(27:38):
You know what I mean uh-huh.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
So actually, uh like, I actually lost the feeling of,
like, the magical feeling ofattracting everything, when last
year so last year I recently.
Yes, um, so I I think it's veryinteresting because I
experienced the highs like thehigh energy feelings and also
(28:05):
experienced the low energyfeelings, and now I just like
kind of drag myself back up.
So that was a reallyinteresting experience.
So last year I went, I was likekind of I worked for a
corporate and I spent a lot oftime in China, like Shenzhen,
(28:27):
but in that city I feel like alot of people believe in the
same things, but that type ofthing are very different from my
value and in that environmentyou I kind of feel like I kind
of doubt what I achieved.
Like people there believe likein a certain age you have to
(28:50):
achieve like certain things.
A lot of things are materialand and I kind of like follow
them and I think I do a lot ofthings.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
That uh makes me look good, but that's not really
what I want so in terms of acareer path that's more set in
stone, or do you mean yourgrades, or what do you mean like
?
Like what's something that youfelt like was pushing you the
(29:27):
wrong direction?
Um I think or what was, whatwas?
You should be doing this oh, Ishould.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
For example, I should , um, uh, I should have a stable
, like like stable relationshipand gradually uh form a family
and then uh just like staying avery stable like job work that
job 60 years and then die andthen yeah, and then just climb
(29:56):
the corporate ladders, um, and Ithink that's I.
I actually have conversationswith myself like, is that what
you want?
And the answer is no.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Yeah, I grew up in Wisconsin, very never goes and
travels, works at the samefactory that my dad worked at
and work doubles at the dirtfactory until I'm 60.
And then, you know, you know,get married to whoever I'm
dating.
After high school, you justmarried whoever you happen to be
dating.
And it's so crazy.
(30:39):
I went back and visited some ofmy old high school friends and
it was an interestingconversation because we're all
sitting around and they're allZach, when are you going to get
married?
When you're going to miss yourboat, you know you're getting
too old, whatever.
And later on in the conversationI asked one of them.
I said what's your best day?
(30:59):
Like, well, if you could haveany day in the world, what would
you do?
And he goes, yeah, you know, mywife, my wife takes the kids,
she hangs out with her mom andthen I just like play poker with
the boys and watch the game,have a beer and remember
thinking like your greatest dayof existence.
I can do every single day of mylife.
(31:21):
I'm like like that's your bestday.
But that's how it is inWisconsin.
It's just like, and they're allgoing to the same bowling alley
we went to when I was like inhigh school.
You know what I mean.
That's like bizarre.
It's like some people you justwant to like push out of there,
like shake them and like go trysushi for once.
You know what I mean.
It's like it's crazy, it's very.
(31:44):
Yeah, I know, um, but I thinkit takes a certain personality
type to say no, fuck this, I'mgonna do what I want to do and
I'm gonna fucking make it work.
So let's go.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, I agree with you, I think.
I mean, some people lovestability, that's why they stay.
But uh, people who have thecourage to live and who have the
courage to achieve their ownstuff, that's, that's that's
really amazing have you heard ofum primary driver emotions?
(32:11):
What is that?
Speaker 1 (32:12):
okay, this is one of the most misunderstood things.
Um, that could really helppeople become more self-aware of
why they're not happy.
So people think that they wanthappiness, but happiness isn't
actually an emotion.
It's an umbrella term thatcovers excitement, contentment,
joy all of these emotions thatwe call happiness, when in
(32:35):
reality there's two main primarydriver emotions.
There's actually four, butmajority of the people fall into
two.
There's contentment, which isthe emotion of I wake up,
everything's good, I go out onmy porch and the sky is so blue
and the birds are chirping andI'm just going to sit on my
porch and enjoy the life, right?
(32:56):
And some people are driven bycontentment that they don't like
stress, they don't like travel,they don't like these things,
that what's going to happen?
Oh, no Right.
The second most common isexcitement, and these are the
people that say I'm fuckingbored sitting at my house
watching the birds fly aroundand I need to go do something.
(33:17):
And what if this happens?
And what if I could build thisbusiness?
And all of a sudden we'remaking this money?
And it's that excitement thatdrives them.
And a lot of people don'tunderstand that they're trying
to chase the wrong one and somaybe they see everybody else in
their small town chasingcontentment and they think that
will bring them happiness, whenin reality, for them, their
primary driver emotion isexcitement.
(33:38):
But the fear that's beendrilled into them by all the
contentment people is holdingthem back from achieving true
happiness and what they want toachieve interesting.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
I think I I'm between those two like you're in
between yeah I can enjoy, likelittle joys, um little happiness
, but I also have the excitementto achieve more than that but
I'm okay with like small, likethose type of things also make
me happy I.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I do think, if I had to read you, I do think
excitement is your primary andcontentment would you be your
secondary.
But you know what isinteresting is you know what
want to know.
My first impression of you whatis that?
so seeing your instagram, right,um, and then you come in.
(34:29):
You come in, you're veryconfident, you have a nice smile
, you're bubbly, you're friendly, you're warm, and that is one
side of your personality.
But the more I get to talk toyou, it feels like you still
(35:02):
have your understand thatthere's a fine line between
being warm and open and friendly, but also potentially being
walked all over or takenadvantage of or something like
that.
Do you think that's true?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Could you repeat like walk over and yeah, on one hand
it's good to be very warm andfriendly right.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
But on the other hand .
If you're too warm and friendly, you could be taken advantage
of or people use you in some wayor take you know, use your
kindness for weakness, and itcan be very easy to end up in
situations where it's not fairfor you because you are an
empathetic person yeah, that,I've actually experienced it a
(35:45):
lot like also lately, I'm tryingto like work on a certain like
part of the friendship, um anduh, that's what I want to talk
and that's very interesting,that you actually feel that and
also you sense that.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Um, so I like, oh, it's hard to talk about this,
but, yeah, I've never talkedabout this in public before, but
I think, um, I, I like I usedto truly like enjoy helping
people and that really made mehappy, but I like experiencing a
(36:31):
relationship that made me kindof feel a little bit traumatized
, feel a little bit traumatized.
So, uh, there's a girl that she, like we used to be like very
close to each other and I thinkshe has really good content.
But, like, her account was likenever like blow up or never um
(36:57):
being uh seen by more people.
So I was like, oh, we cancollab with each other, because
back then I've already in likedoing instagram a little bit.
So I was like, oh, we cancollab with each other so people
can see your account, see howlike good your content is.
So I did a lot ofcollaborations with her and also
(37:19):
introduced her ways.
Uh, back then she also told methat she didn't have like good
friends in New York.
So I was like, oh, I have a lotof loving friends and they are
so supportive, they are so good,so I can introduce you to them.
And after that I left New Yorkand she did really well on like
(37:44):
instagram later.
So I was really happy for herand I was really proud as well.
But, uh, when I left new york,um, and I like a couple of
months later and my close friendtold me that she was like, oh,
she could like like kind of behere at this stage without me,
(38:09):
so and also she didn't like mesaying like I was like I feel
grateful that I helped her.
So she said it's all because ofher, without like it's nothing
about me.
Uh, so I was like a little bithurt back then and yeah, um, yes
(38:30):
, I feel hurt and I feel, um,like that make me question a
little bit, uh, about likefriendship and also like when I
moved back to new york and Ifeel like she's like kind of
asking, always asking my bestfriends out, but excluding me.
(38:51):
So it's like never, I never gotinvited.
So that really made me feel alittle bit uncomfortable and
also like there was a time thatI questioned my worth and I
questioned like was I like, am Inot good enough for her now
(39:12):
because she did really well onlike content creation area and
that's that's that's.
That was not a good experiencefor me, but later I did more
conversations with myself and Iwas like, and I realized one
thing that I can keep being openand I can keep like helping
(39:37):
people because like the like,the action of helping people,
make me happy, but just need tobe more cautious on like, uh,
who I spend my time with and whoI can trust, and I should also
trust myself, uh, on like theability of like like building
(40:02):
people in my life yes, yeah,that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
That sounds like a very challenging thing to go
through emotionally you know itis do you feel like it stemmed
mostly from her, like jealousy,or what do you think was the
biggest reason for?
Speaker 2 (40:22):
I actually have no idea and I don't think, I don't
think it's my and I don't thinkI should spend time or effort
thinking about that, becauseit's all about me and I have the
choice of choosing who to stayin my life and if that things
hurt, if she hurts me, I I justlike let her, let her, and I can
(40:51):
, I can choose my own friendsand can choose what I can learn
from this experience good foryou.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
It's no, it kind of connected me the the way you
told that story.
Because so when I was in highschool and middle school, right,
I was very shy and awkward.
My parents were very strict, um, and we didn't have money.
So, you know, I'd wear mycousin's hand-me-downs they'd be
like three sizes too bigbecause, you know, my cousins
were kind big and so we alwaysgot made fun of in school.
(41:23):
So freshman year of high schoolI didn't have any friends, right
, and I was kind of lonely.
I was kind of a little sadabout it, you know.
And then there's this new kidto our school.
His name was Nate and he wasnew to the school, so he didn't
have any friends.
I didn't have any friends, sowe like clicked instantly and we
(41:44):
would eat lunch together.
We'd like go play video games,like we'd have sleepovers, like
all that kind of stuff, and itwas like the first time in my
life that I just really justremember feeling happy, just
like I'd wake up, excited forschool and like, oh, me and Nate
(42:05):
are going to talk and you know,talk about people in the
lunchroom and whatever you knowbe fun.
But then one day it was aroundlike wintertime, one of the
football players started thisrumor that we're gay, oh my God,
and back then it wasn't likecool Now kind of gay is kind of
like trendy and like cool, butlike back then being gay was not
like cool right Now in my mindI was like who cares what some
stupid football player thinks ofus?
(42:27):
I know that we're just friendsand like that isn't going to let
me like stop my friendship.
But I felt Nate kind of likepulling away a little bit and
similar things.
Like he kind of stoppedinviting me places you know he'd
always be busy.
Similar things like he kind ofstopped inviting me places you
know he'd always be busy, likethings like that.
And the moment it hit me was itwas the first lunch after winter
(42:49):
break.
So I come back to school, I getmy tray, I'm sitting in at our
usual table in the back rightcorner of the lunchroom, right,
and I see Nate from across thelunchroom with his little tray
and he looks at me and I see himmake eye contact and then he
like looks away really quicklyand then he goes and like sits
(43:10):
next to like some other kids,right that hurt and it was like
this combination of number one,just feeling like so like hurt
that he would do that to me.
But then, on top of that, I justgot this like like overwhelming
anxiety that everybody wasgoing to see me eating lunch by
myself and this was first yearof high school.
(43:32):
So you have like seniors in thelunchroom, you know, and you
want to look cool, and then Ithought everybody was going to
see me eating alone.
So I stood up and I startedlike walking around the
lunchroom for like people to sitby and I was like so nervous I
was like shaking walking downthe little aisles and I snaked
around the entire lunchroom kindof like looking for someone to
(43:53):
sit and kind of being too scaredto sit down.
And finally, at the last table,when I know more space to walk,
I was like, well, I guess Ihave to sit here.
So I was like, hey, like isanybody sitting here?
And they all kind of likestopped talking and kind of like
look at me and they're like no,you're good.
And so I sit there.
And it's not like they saidanything that was mean or rude,
(44:18):
but you could just tell theentire vibe was like why is this
random dude sitting at ourtable.
You know what I mean.
And it was just so painfullyawkward and I sat at that table
for two, three days and thenfinally I couldn't take it
anymore and I just went in andkind of sat alone for the rest
of the semester.
And the crazy part is, to thisday, if I like go to a party
(44:40):
where I like don't know a lot ofpeople and I like haven't like
started drinking and stuff, whenI walk into the party and I
don't know anybody, it's like itbrings me back to that same
feeling in the lunchroom.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Where I'm like walking around.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
I'm like fuck, who do I talk to?
And like I get this like socialanxiety.
That's like I to this day Ican't shake it.
Social anxiety that's like I Itill this day I can't shake it.
Like I've gotten a lot betterat managing it, but I still like
feel this like weird socialanxiety where, where now I'm
like good, I'm successful,whatever, like I know how to
talk, but I still get it.
I can't shake it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
It's so weird I can definitely feel you yeah through
your stories.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, do you find it easy or difficult to make
friends in LA and New York?
Speaker 2 (45:25):
uh difficult.
Um, I think New York it's likeyou have a lot of chance to meet
new people but like it's veryhard for like to get close to
people.
But I think in LA I thinkeverything spread out it's hard
to meet people.
But once you meet like theright person and or the right
(45:50):
person will introduce you to afriend circle and that's gonna
be really like stable, I think.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Yeah it's interesting .
I never understood.
I think it's very difficult forgirls in la to meet female
friends.
I think for guys it's mucheasier really.
Um, I remember the, the firstreally beautiful girl I ever
dated uh-huh I remember from theoutside looking in, especially
being from wisconsin it seemedlike she had, you know, the
(46:21):
easiest life ever.
Oh, she goes to private jethere.
She gets flown out to Tulum,free dinners, bottle service,
all this kind of thing.
But it's interesting becausewhen I saw her life close up I
realized that it's like shenever knew what guys wanted to
help her and what guys secretlyjust wanted to sleep with her
(46:43):
and, even worse, what girls hadher back and what girls were
secretly jealous and and preyingon her downfall and that was so
bad I just saw like she had somuch stress and anxiety behind
the scenes and I rememberthinking like, yeah, like it
looks great from the outside andthere's a lot of advantages,
but at the same time, likenobody really knows what you're
(47:05):
going through and nobody canreally understand it because
they just see your life aseverything's great all the time
and look this amazing trip andeverything's sunshine and
rainbows.
But a lot of people don't know,like how difficult it can be
yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I think this happens to a lot of people doing social
media too, like because youdon't want to like, post
negative things online you wantto spread positivity or just
like good life, like everyone'slike that actually it's not only
content creators or influencers.
(47:41):
It's like most of people inlife so I think, yeah, social
media is not all about the life.
Like everyone has their ownstruggles and everyone has their
(48:01):
um a lot of things to gothrough, so just focus on the
self, Don't compare yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
It's, it's interesting, it's um, we've
gotten to the point also wherejust everything is fake anyway.
It's like every picture you seeis facetuned to the max.
You actually look like yourinstagram oh really, but I use
face app you do use face appyeah I I'm, you must not crank
it to level 10, then you mustjust uh crank it a little bit,
(48:36):
you know I actually like it,like recommend, face up to a lot
of my creator friends.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
They all love it.
Interesting.
Yeah, they should pay me, theyshould sponsor me.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, faceapp, faceapp, let's go.
But thank you, yeah, and ofcourse, you see the most
glamorous pieces of everybody'slife.
You see every time they travel.
You see every great thing thathappens to them, and most people
don't post the bad things.
You know the boring parts, theparts of struggling and working
(49:08):
hard.
I'm sure the content creationjourney wasn't isn't always fun.
I'm sure it's a lot of hardwork.
I'm sure it's a lot of behindthe scenes things to make the
videos do well, am I right?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Definitely need to spend a lot of time at it.
And also if, like starting tocause, I recently like kind of
do content creation full timeand I did all the brand deals,
like negotiations by myself, andit's it's kind of yeah, of yeah
(49:42):
it's it's not as easy as Ithought, so, um, and also you
need to always keep up yourenergy to post consistently and
to, but also, at the same time,you want to be as authentic as
possible yeah, it's a weird mixbecause it's like, as a content
(50:08):
creator, you, you are creatingentertainment for people.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
So even on this podcast, right, there's some
days I'm just fucking tired,right, and there's also some
guests that are very difficultto talk to like you're pretty
easy to talk to, but there alsosome guests that are very
difficult to talk to Like you'repretty easy to talk to, but
there's some guests I'm justlike I can't get anything that's
intriguing or interesting outof them, which means I have to
do all the talking.
And when I'm tired and I haveto be entertaining, it's a lot
more difficult, right.
(50:32):
And so to some extent, you feela little bit fake because you
have to put on this front oflike being extra, but it's like,
okay, am I just gonna have aboring fucking podcast?
And then everybody listens islike, well, this sucks, you know
.
Or, yeah, you have to be alittle bit fake and like put on
his face and like hype yourselfup to to make the podcast better
.
It's like it is what it is atsome point, yeah, yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yeah, just for the audience yeah, all for the
audience and so content creationgetting into it.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
Um, what did your parents think about that?
Speaker 2 (51:04):
oh, at first they were like super against it
because my parents are very theyare very traditional and they
want me to like kind of keepdoing the corporate job or or
later helping the familybusiness.
But like it was at thebeginning, but later I kind of
(51:26):
proved them that that's actuallya thing and I kind of educate
them and communicate with themlike this is a new industry and
and it's it's also like there'sa lot of thing you can play
around with in that area andalso there are a lot of
(51:48):
opportunities out there.
So they kind of like let me go,just let me explore, but
they're not they, they are notlike they don't 100% support
this career.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
Even now, when you're successful.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
Uh yeah, interesting.
But they were like oh, you doyour own thing.
Okay, you are responsible foryourself, uh-huh.
So, that's the situation.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
It's interesting though, like I would understand
a parent being worried beforeyour career was successful oh,
what if she never makes it?
What if she never blows up?
She never figures out how tomake money off this or something
?
But it surprises me that evenafter it's like, hey, look guys,
I'm successful, look what I'mdoing they're still a little
(52:41):
concerned about it yeah, becauseit's not as stable as like what
they say, because they I thinkthey were.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
They are really, um, looking for stability and also
my mom think that happiness comefrom stability.
That's why we had a lot ofconversations together and I
have to explain to her that ourdefinitions of happiness are
(53:12):
different, and then shegradually understand that.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Yeah, my parents were .
I remember I switched my majorto music.
I do music full-time on youtubeon yeah, I have a bunch of
channels.
And, um, when I switched mymajor to music, I remember I
called my mom.
I'm like, hey, mom, I'mswitching.
I'm so passionate about musiclike I'm sitting in math class
and all I can think about ispracticing piano and practicing
(53:39):
is the boring part.
And I'm just like so pumped toeven go practice, like I have to
see where this takes me.
And I remember there's justthis long pause on the phone and
she goes are you sure this iswhat you want to do?
And I'm like 100%.
And I was so lucky to haveparents that, from that day
forward, 100% supportedeverything that I did wow,
(54:03):
amazing, yeah, but they were,they were concerned, but they
still were like, hey, like webelieve in you and I feel like
that's so huge yeah that's verypowerful yeah, when you feel
like you are support, likeyou're supported, and then
you're loved and that makes it.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
It's like a invisible hand, that kind of hug you in a
way yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
so they did a study on the most successful people
ever right, and the parentingstyles were typically the mom
was extremely supportive andcaring and I will love you no
matter what you do.
And typically the dad is veryhey, let's get shit done Almost
like you have to.
(54:51):
You really have to work for hisapproval, like he doesn't give
you that love for no reason.
You have to earn it and youhave to earn it.
And they said it's interestingbecause it forces you to push to
get the approval of your dad.
But you have the safety net ofyour mom still loving you.
So you have the support youneed, but you also have like the
(55:11):
fire to go for the difficultthing.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
That's a good balance .
Speaker 1 (55:17):
Yeah, I agree, my dad was super old school growing up
, so I remember I fell off mybike one time and, like you know
, skinned up my knee.
And I come in the house, daddy,daddy, my knee's bleeding.
I remember he just looked at me.
He goes good thing, you'retough, just walks away but but
ironically, it taught me animportant lesson.
(55:38):
That was kind of like hey, zach, you're a man.
There are going to bechallenges in life you're going
to get hurt sometimes.
You have to learn to deal withthis yourself, because the truth
is, as a man, nobody is comingto save you.
You know what I mean.
Like as a girl, ideally youfigure out how to save yourself,
but if you don't, you can finda guy who will save you.
(56:01):
But if you're a man, nobody iscoming to your rescue.
You have to learn how to do ityourself, and I think that's
under appreciated in today'skind of parenting styles where
everybody's oh a little gen z.
Let's go ride bird scooters andtalk about your feelings I'm gen
z all y'all know is tiktok birdscooters charging your phone,
(56:29):
flaming hot cheetos feelings areimportant what's the wi-fi code
?
Speaker 2 (56:34):
what's the wi-fi?
Speaker 1 (56:37):
I, I just think, I feel like, like feelings are
overrated.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Overrated, very overrated.
Why?
Speaker 1 (56:45):
Because I think a lot of times, spirituality and
inner work and healing and allthese things can be a conduit
for emotional avoidancedisguised as healing.
Because the truth is, as a man,right, if you have anxiety, the
(57:10):
reason is because you suck.
That's the truth.
Like, if you have anxiety aboutmoney, you either suck at
making money or you spend all ofyour money and you don't have
discipline.
Right, if you have anxietyabout relationships, you either
suck at communication, you suckat reading people or you can't
spot a red flag at a Chinese NewYear parade.
Right, like.
That is the truth.
(57:31):
And so a lot of people, insteadof facing their problems,
they'll go, you know, closetheir eyes and hum to the
universe like a moron in thecorner of their room and
scribble in their 400 gratitudejournal how they're worthy,
instead of looking in the mirrorand telling your inner child
shut the fuck up, bitch, I runshit.
(57:51):
Telling the universe, go fuckyourself.
I'm gonna clock in and I'mgonna go to the gym and when I'm
struggling to lift that weight,my inner child's gonna to be my
spotter and he's going to bewhispering in my ear and you
know what he's going to say.
He's going to say, zach, don'tbe weak like last time.
(58:14):
Then you fucking lift theweight as a man, like I don't
understand what it's like to bea girl.
I know you guys have like twicethe hormones we do, so when you
feel an emotion, you feel like20 times stronger than we do,
right?
But I think there needs to bemore of that attitude in men
today, where it's like, yeah,maybe we should bring back a
little bit of bullying, likejust a little bit of like, yeah,
sometimes you need to be likepushed around a little bit to
(58:36):
like toughen you up yeah, I feellike it's.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
You can still like, you can push around, but you can
still like keep the feeling oror deal with the feeling, um,
and I think, for example, likeanxieties are more like a signal
, so you know like what, whatyou need to look at, what what
(59:06):
you need to look at um withinyourself and then you can fix
that.
Okay, let me ask you this it'sa good thing to have.
Speaker 1 (59:10):
Let's say you're dating a guy.
Actually, let's up the stakes.
Let's say you're married to aguy.
You guys have a couple kids.
Whatever he comes home one day,he's like baby, I lost my job
today, I got fired.
Would you rather have the guywho you come home the next day
and he's, you know, sitting onthe couch with a glass of wine,
(59:33):
watching reruns of love is blind, babe.
Oh my boss, what do we do?
Where, where, where.
And then the whole week you'recoming home.
Oh I, I don't know what to do.
The life is so hard.
Or do you want the guy whocomes home?
Babe, I got fired.
And then he takes his emotionsand he stuffs them deep down in
his psyche and then he says allright, let's time to man up,
(59:56):
it's time to clock in, and we'regoing to start that business
that we've been talking aboutfor the last three years and I'm
going to wake up at 6 am everyday and make this money so I can
support my family.
Which one would you rather have?
Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Neither of them.
Neither I feel like.
I think it's important to talkabout feelings, but you
shouldn't be stuck in thefeeling but you should be able
(01:00:33):
to talk about the feelings andthen you can take actions to fix
it.
But if you buried all theemotions deep down and I believe
one day it will kind of burst-out.
Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
I believe in talking about emotions in like a logical
way, kind of like uh, have youheard?
You know the, the lovelanguages.
Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Oh, the five love languages.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Yeah, yeah yeah, have you heard of the fight
languages?
Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
No.
Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Okay, nobody knows about these, and they're way
more important than the lovelanguages.
Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
Oh, did you know that ?
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Okay, so I'm really smart and, yeah, I read a lot.
I don't understand how you guysjust go into relationships,
justinging it, just raw doggingrelationships like, oh, I hope
this works out, don't do anyresearch on any of this shit,
all right.
So, okay, similar to lovelanguages, there's five fight
languages.
Um, officially they're calledconflict archetypes, right, so
(01:01:33):
the first one, oh, and you haveto know which one you are and
also which one you have the mostdifficulty communicating with.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
Oh, interesting, interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
So the first one is the Venter, and this is the
person who gets very emotionaland they raise their voice and
they're yelling at you.
And the good thing is they'revery honest about what they feel
.
They're not hiding anything.
You know exactly what theythink, right.
But of course, the downside isyou might feel like they're
attacking you or they're pushingyou away, in a sense.
(01:02:04):
The second type is theprocessor.
So these are the opposite, thepeople who say I don't want to
fight right now, I just needsome space and I need to just
process everything.
And the problem is, if you saythat to a venter and you leave
the room, the venter will feellike you're leaving because you
don't care about therelationship, when in reality,
(01:02:26):
you actually care so much aboutthe relationship that you don't
want to say something that youcan't take back and might ruin
it and you want to think aboutit first, right.
The third type is the fixer.
This is the most mature fightstyle, this is my fight style,
it's the best one.
And these are the people whothey're like okay, this happened
(01:02:48):
.
Very logical, let's get to theroot of the problem and let's
fix the problem so it doesn'thappen again.
Now.
The problem with fixers isoftentimes they don't understand
that if you're dealing with anemotional person, before you
even tell them how you're goingto fix the problem, you have to
make them understand that youunderstand what they're feeling
(01:03:12):
and you have to validate theiremotions first, otherwise they
won't even listen to you.
Yeah.
Fourth type is the martyr.
So these are the people whoinstantly take all the blame.
They say I'm so stupid, yes,it's my fault Stupid, stupid,
stupid, and they take all theblame.
Now the good thing is they endthe fight really fast because
(01:03:32):
they just take the blamethemselves.
But the problem is they don'tactually fix the problem, and so
they oftentimes will continueto build more and more
resentment until eventually thatkind of like pops off.
Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
Then fifth type is the um, the freezer.
So these are people with veryhigh anxiety, and when there's
conflict they're veryuncomfortable with it.
So they will stay there andkind of be frozen, but their
brain is 400 miles away anddoesn't want to deal with the
problem.
Those are the freezers, that'sme, that's you Interesting.
(01:04:07):
The freezers are the ones Ihave the most difficulty dealing
with, actually.
And why do you think you're afreezer?
What's going on in your mind?
Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Because I don't really like conflict.
Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
I would choose to walk away if there's a conflict
going on typically, freezers arevery sensitive and very
empathetic, and it's becausethey care more about the other
person than they do about thefight and, and because of that,
(01:04:40):
they're not comfortable with thefight, because they feel like
they don't want to lose theother person.
So the biggest thing that youwant to do if you're dealing
with somebody is you have toexplain to them.
You almost have to become aprocessor and say hey look, I
care about you.
I'm just feeling really anxiousright now, I'm feeling really
(01:05:02):
nervous about this.
So I just need some time tokind of think through everything
and then you can come back andkind of have a conversation
about it.
Which type do you have the mostdifficulty dealing with?
Huh.
Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
I actually don't know .
Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
Maybe the first one, that's typically what your type
has the hardest with, becausethey're very loud and scary.
They're scarier than the otherones.
Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Yeah, interesting, interesting but I think I'm
working on that what about lovelanguage?
Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
what's your love language?
Do you know the five?
Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
remind me of the five .
Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
So there's a physical touch, physical touch, quality
time, quality time acts ofservice, so doing things for
your partner, gifts and thenwords of affirmation.
Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
So you know, compliments essentially I think
college time is the mostimportant, and then act of
service.
And then what is that?
Gift giving?
Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
they say, gift giving is the red flag one and then
later it's physical touch.
Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Physical touch service oh no, I've already
mentioned words of affirmation.
Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, compliments, yeah yeah,
interesting.
I could see it was quality time.
You seem like you'd be thattype.
You seem like you'd be thequality time type yeah,
experience yeah, yeah, exactly,exactly, awesome.
Well, we are about out of time.
Um, let's do a couple rapidfire questions at the end.
(01:06:55):
Uh, favorite first date spot oractivity Favorite first date?
Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
It's a hard question Because I have so many, so many
spots in my mind.
What are a couple of?
Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
your top ones.
What are a couple of your top?
Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
I like food, so definitely a good restaurant.
And then also I love to chasesunset.
Sunset, oh, sunset, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
So a good sunset watching spot would work as well
with wine and yeah blanket andeverything that's what do you
think about like hiking and thatkind of hiking.
Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
I love it you love hiking yeah, I love nature, so I
love nature.
So either nature or food orfood.
Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
Okay, interesting, Best actually that's the next
question Best restaurant or foodthat you like?
It's really hard.
Yeah, I have a bunch of them.
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
God.
But right now, on top of that,in New York City, it's Not 17.
It's an omakase spot.
Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
It's called Not 17?
, not 17.
Oh, not 17.
Yeah, gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 2 (01:08:09):
Interesting, that's really good.
Speaker 1 (01:08:13):
Next travel destination or place you want to
go but you haven't visited yet.
Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
So many places.
Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
I'm so indecisive, uh but I think I will say is it
called belize or belize?
Yeah, yeah, belize.
South america, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been all over south
america oh not belize yet, butI've been peru uh, brazil,
argentina, colombia yeah, whichone is your favorite?
Colombia by far why, so.
So the people in colombia arevery kind, romantic, friendly,
(01:08:55):
love americans.
So when you go to to col, right, like all the girls are always
like oh, mi corazón, mi amor, mylove, my heart.
It's like if you're a whitedude with blue eyes in Columbia,
they just love you for noreason, like I could just walk
up and like, be the most awkwardperson and they just still love
you.
But no, I just like it for theculture and everything For the
(01:09:18):
girls.
Speaker 2 (01:09:19):
No, no, I've dated it for the culture and everything
For the girls.
No, no, I got it.
I've dated a couple ofColombian girls.
Speaker 1 (01:09:25):
It's good news, until it's not.
It's a very it's like a rollercoaster.
It's like a roller coaster.
You know, you get the highs,but then you get the lows too.
Speaker 2 (01:09:34):
Interesting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, experience.
Speaker 1 (01:09:37):
Yeah, the fullest why .
Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
What is the?
Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
fullest.
Yeah, why?
What uh?
What uh ethnicity do youtypically date um?
Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
asian, all asian, not all asian.
Okay, that's your normal type.
Yeah, I think the majority ofthem are asian.
Probably it's because I like Ilive in the asian community and
then, yeah, yeah, I, I feel likeit's because I don't really
reach out or I don't proactivelylooking for a relationship or
(01:10:12):
so I just like kind of choosefrom whoever reached out to me
and you just happen to have moreasian people you hang out with.
Speaker 1 (01:10:20):
So it's just a numbers game, it's statistics at
that point.
Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
Yeah, I think it just happens.
Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
I see, I see Awesome.
Well, this has been fun.
Any social media shout outs youwant to give to the audience?
Speaker 2 (01:10:34):
Social media.
Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
Yeah, do you want to shout out your Instagram or
TikTok, or?
Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
anything.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, guys,yeah, guys like family.
Everyone follow me on instagram.
It's d-a-i-y-i-n-c-h-i.
I also have a tiktok, but Idon't post on that platform very
often.
But if you want, you can followme at b-o-o-m-b-a-N-I-L-L-A.
(01:11:02):
It's a stupid name.
Speaker 1 (01:11:05):
We'll put it in the description.
Thank you Awesome.
Well, this has been fun.
We'll have to do round twosometime.
Thanks for listening.
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