The Masculine-Feminine Energy And why Letting Your Man Lead Just Feels Right ft. Erin - Ep.087

Special thanks to Erin for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

We explore the nuances of modern dating and building meaningful connections with brand strategist Erin. Through personal stories and candid insights, she reveals how taking things slow physically helps filter out people with misaligned intentions and why being "kind" matters more than being "nice."

• Intentionally taking things slow in the physical department helps weed out those who aren't interested in meaningful connections
• The difference between "nice" (people-pleasing) and "kind" (genuinely compassionate) is crucial when evaluating potential partners
• Dating apps can distract us from noticing real-life connections happening right in front of us
• Masculine and feminine energy dynamics in relationships work best when both partners understand their natural preferences
• Building community and friendships in a new city requires consistently showing up for activities you genuinely enjoy
• Physical appearance (including height preferences) becomes less important as you mature and seek more meaningful relationships
• Meeting people through common interests like sports or hobbies creates stronger initial connections than dating apps
• Past relationship patterns teach valuable lessons about what works for your unique relationship style

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Taking things slow, like in the physical department,
before you know if there'sreally like a deep down
connection, is a good way toweed out people, because the
ones that are only interested inthat are not going to be
patient.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
I think a lot of girls get it wrong where they
think, oh, if I make guys wait,it makes them like me more.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
I have had ghosting before.
The connection is a priorityfor me and I don't want
something that's just asituation shift.
If you really pay attention toanyone, they're going to like,
show you their intentions withtheir like energy and how they
are.
But if you're not payingattention, you're not really
going to notice.
I usually was dating peoplevery close to my age.
Looks are not indicative oflike, how meaningful or how long

(00:42):
lasting, or like meeting yourgoals or relationship.
I got accused of it.
Gifts it's about thoughtfulness.
It's not about dollar value.
I think there's a differencethat people don't talk about or
like that we don't clarify,because between nice and kind,
the most interested people areones that are just interested in

(01:02):
themselves.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
First of all, thank you to allof our listeners.
We have been getting someexplosive growth over the last
couple of weeks and we got tothank you guys for that.
Today we've got a special gueston the show.
This is Erin Erin.
Why don't you go ahead andintroduce yourself to the
audience?
Tell everybody your name?
What you do and your star sign.

(01:33):
Hi everyone, I'm erin.
I am a brand strategyconsultant that lives in la and
I'm a virgo, you have 100 virgoenergy.
Thank you, my co-host isactually a virgo oh really and,
uh, you can't quite trust themoh, okay, is that what you think
?
What you think.
A little bit toxic, but youknow Toxic.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Oh no, did a Virgo, do you wrong?

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Two, okay.
I've only had a drink thrown inmy life twice.
Both were from Virgos.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Really Interesting.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
It's okay.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Do you find yourself in toxic relationships much?

Speaker 1 (02:03):
No, I don't.
To be honest, Interesting yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
By the way, I don't judge.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I used to be very toxic back in my villain era In
your villain era.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm a recovering fuckboy, yeah.
Okay, not very shy and romantic, but back in the day Got it.
How did you end up avoiding thetoxic relationships.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
Living in LA, I think my mindset when I moved here
which I moved here like a yearand a half ago I had just gotten
out of a serious relationshipand I think I knew, like moving
to LA, that if I didn't have amindset that was like in line
with what I really wanted withdating, that it would probably
be a difficult city for me todate in wanted with dating, that

(02:47):
it would probably be adifficult city for me to date in
.
So I came in with like a reallyopen mind but also knowing that
I am looking for something likemeaningful, like a meaningful
connection, and actually that'shelped me a lot with dating here
.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Well, how do you try to suss out if somebody
potentially for a relationshipis someone meaningful that you
would potentially date?

Speaker 1 (03:12):
I think for me, something I've learned is that
like taking things slow, like inthe physical department, before
you know if there's really likea deep down connection is a
good way to weed out people,because the ones that are only
interested in that are not goingto be patient.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
So how long do you?
And it's interesting you saythat because I think a lot of
girls get it wrong where theythink, oh, if I make guys wait,
it makes them like me more.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
I used to think that too, and it's not like that.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
But you're exactly right, it just weeds out the
people who are there for sex,and sex only exactly, and
there's no set timeline.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
It's all about connection, like I've connected
with some people a lot fasterthan others and I think it's
just that getting in thatquality time with people that
you really know if you have thator not what's like a ballpark
range of typically how longyou'd, I would say like if
you're hanging out consistentlyand like actually getting to

(04:08):
know each other because you canhang out with people.
I've hung out with people orgone on a lot of dates and I
didn't feel like I was anycloser to them than I was on,
like date number two for sure um, but if you're actually like
building that relationship, like, I think, a couple months, you
kind of know, by that couplemonths, yeah, that is a long
time that's a long time for guysare guys ever like yo?
what the fuck no, actually a lotof guys, they just ghost after

(04:32):
a while they're like can kind ofsee the right like I have what
happens when you date like afuck boy and then he's like oh
shit, this isn't going anywhereI have had ghosting before, but
then again, for me that's a goodthing, because it's like that
probably wasn't someone that Iwanted to continue a
relationship with andsurprisingly though, like in

(04:53):
communicating, actually likewhat my intentions are behind it
and then I'm not just likearbitrarily making someone wait
just to make them wait.
A lot of guys respect it a lotthat's what I found and so
they're not in a rush.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
There is something attractive to the fact that I
was talking to my friend aboutthis.
Like if I'm dating a girl andit's like she's that easy to
sleep with, like let's say, shejust sleeps with guys in the
first night, all the time, right, no disrespect, no judgment.
But it makes me more concerned,if I'm dating her, that she

(05:29):
seeks variety.
She seeks the excitement of thenew thing.
X, y, z.
So it does make me like peoplemore when, in a way, when they
make me wait, but I also don'tlike it because I'm a fucking
dude.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, Well, here's the thing.
I don't like it because I'm afucking dude.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, well, here's the thing Idon't like If they make me wait
but then some other guy they'lljust sleep with on the first
night because they're like ohyeah, I know this guy has no
future, I'll hook up with him onthe first night.
Because then I'm like wait,that just seems unfair.
Yeah, if I'm a good guy blah,blah, xyz, I'm good in

(06:05):
relationships, but then I'mgetting punished for essentially
being a good guy.
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
I definitely see what you're saying.
I see, I think that for me,like I wouldn't do that either
way, just because my intentionsare clear like.
I'm dating with and with an endgoal in mind, I guess or not
even an end goal with just likethe connection is a priority for
me and I don't want somethingthat's just a situationship, and

(06:33):
I know that.
So I think with someone whoseintentions are really clear and
they know what they're actuallylike, why they're doing
something, I don't think theywould do that because that's
showing that they're not clearon their intention.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, and so do you communicatethis very early on, like, is it
like first day?
You're like look, this is whatit is.
I'm not looking for anythingcasual.
If you are, you know this isn'tgoing to work out, or how does
that conversation?

Speaker 1 (07:02):
I do communicate it.
I don't say it like that, Ithink I just like let it come up
organically.
Something I've actually beenexploring which is, I guess,
interesting, maybe somewhatunique, is that I've been
exploring having more intimaterelationships with men that are
not physical or romantic.

(07:24):
So just like having moreintimate relationships with men
that are not physical orromantic.
So just like having more malefriends and like in meeting
people in LA and some and Ithink in a lot of ways that's
helped me with dating to like bearound more masculine energy
and be more comfortable likebeing myself in front of men
like whether I'm dating them ornot.
Um, I think, first of all, it'slike really nice to have male

(07:46):
friends that are just a slightlydifferent perspective than the
female, like to get thatmasculine and feminine energy
balance.
I think it's really nice and Idon't think I've actually met a
lot of guys that are not like,oh, I can't be friends with
women, or like it has to beromantic or we can't be friends.
I've met a lot of guys thatactually really appreciate that,

(08:11):
and so a lot of myrelationships have kind of
started as friendships.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
So here's the problem Cause I do agree with you that
there are guys out there thathave female friends.
I have tons of female friends,A lot of my friends do.
But there are also a lot ofguys who will be your friend but
in the back of their mindthey're kind of waiting for
their opportunity and they'resitting there they're like, we
call them orbiters becausethey're kind of orbiting around,

(08:33):
they're just waiting.
Oh, one night she's gonna getdrunk, she's gonna cry about her
, this guy she's seeing, andthen it's my shot.
Let me pounce, you know, yeah doyou feel like you can read that
, or do you think well, someguys are like that, but hey,
that's not my responsibility.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
A little bit of both.
I think that if you really payattention to anyone, they're
going to show you theirintentions with their energy and
how they are, but if you're notpaying attention you're not
really going to notice.
But then also it wouldn't hurtmy feelings if someone was doing
that.
I think it's like about nottaking things personally.

(09:11):
If someone ended up beinginterested in me and I didn't
reciprocate those feelings.
I would just communicate thatto them, and if they didn't want
to be my friend anymore, thatwould be fine, I guess.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
You seem very mature, how?

Speaker 1 (09:26):
friend anymore.
That would be fine.
I guess you seem very mature.
I like to think so confusing um.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
I just turned 32, I was gonna say yeah, because your
personality is very much 32,but you look like you're like 22
oh thank you I was like do wetalk about like business and
investing or like doing molly atDisneyland?
Like it's very confusing that'sfunny what's the oldest and the
youngest that you've dated?
The youngest probably in termsof relation to your age.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, probably just like a year younger than me, and
then the oldest, 12, 12 years,12 years older, yeah, okay, that
makes sense, but that's recent.
Actually, I usually was datingpeople very close to my age,
either like a year or two olderthan me, and then recently

(10:13):
started dating a little olderand how did you like the older
guys?
Um, I like, I think thematurity is like more of a match
sometimes, but I don't thinkthat's like a guarantee, just
because someone's older thatthey're necessarily more like
emotionally mature for sure soit's not.
It wasn't something I did onpurpose, it just kind of

(10:34):
happened yeah it's interesting.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
So I used to have a company in the modeling industry
and we used to call somethinghot guy phase because, there'd
be these girls coming into theagency 18, 19, 20, whatever yeah
and they would all be datingthe clones.
It would just be all these hotguys that look like clones of
each other.
They all have the same tiktokhair they all have the dangly.

(10:58):
They're literally like they alllook like youtube fucking uh
influencer people right yeah butthe funny thing was the most
beautiful girls in the agency,like the 10 out of 10s.
Whenever they turn like 21, 22,23, they'd always be dating
some like normal looking dude,like maybe dad bod, like some

(11:19):
dude.
If he put on a brown shirt andlike dropped off your UPS
package, you'd be like, oh, thatmakes sense, like it wouldn't
be a surprise, you know, yeah,but it would always be a guy
who's extremely successful andestablished and charismatic and
he had all these other qualities.
And it's almost like they gotbored like updated hot guys.
You know they got bored of thehot guy phase and now they're

(11:39):
want something more maturesomeone who's more of a provider
, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
So it's just.
And, by the way, when I sayprovider, I don't mean like in a
sugar daddy kind of way, Right?
Right, I mean like literallyjust like a masculine kind of
way.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
I can see that.
I think that something thatI've learned from dating in my
20s was that looks are notindicative of like how
meaningful or how long lastingor like um meeting your goals a
relationship will be oh yeah no,so I try.
You just figured that out, butlike people talk about it, but I

(12:17):
do think that we don't alwayswalk the walk.
Like a lot of us will talk thetalk and I think I was someone
that talked the talk, but Iplaced a lot of value on that
and something that I stoppeddoing was going on dating apps,
just because I do think they puta lot of value on surface level
things that aren't as importantas other things about someone

(12:42):
the problem with dating apps forme is I didn't.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
I mean, this was four or five years ago, and because
there are so many options atyour fingertips, one, it was
just overwhelming yeah it's justlike you're just constantly
messaging, setting up dates,like forgetting you have dates
set up and then, even if you goon a date like if I meet someone
in person, I go on a date likeif I meet someone in person, I
go on a date like it goes well,like okay, second date, whatever

(13:07):
, we keep it going.
Whereas with these apps, it'slike you go to the bathroom and
you know they're on their phonetalking to more dudes on Hinge,
tinder, raya, and it's just like.
It's just like, like there's somany options out there, I feel
like no matter, unless the dateis just the perfect,
quintessential nothing out there.
I feel like no matter, unlessthe date is just the perfect,
quintessential nothing,everything is just so amazing.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
It's like, yeah, they're going to be onto the
next one next time and it's.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
it doesn't seem a very genuine way of meeting
people.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
I agree, I agree.
I think it's because you aregoing on dates and you don't yet
know if you even have chemistrywith someone, versus, like you
said, if you already met someone, you ask them out.
You ask them out because youalready know that you have
chemistry.
Like you chatted with them, youmet them through a friend or
you met them at a party orwherever, and you already know
that there was like a littlesomething there, like you

(13:54):
connected some kind of energy.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
You have at least some.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, you have something to work off of versus
like an app you have no idea,because like a photo doesn't
like convey someone's energy wewant to hear something crazier
yeah, what okay, so first of all, the level of catfish nowadays
is just insane I mean it's justlike, like literally.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
My friend sent me this account.
He was like it was like an aigirl, oh okay, and I'm like, if
I look closely I can tell thatit's ai, but I couldn't
distinguish it from.
Is it ai or just a girl whouses facetune?
Right or face app or whateveryeah, because face app also
looks like ai it does,especially if they turn the

(14:35):
slider to 100, which a lot ofgirls do yeah, that's true you
actually look pretty much likeyour pictures, thank you yeah, I
, I try.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
I don't really edit them.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
Yeah, or minimal, minimal editing the other thing,
though, is now guys are usingand I know this because I keep
getting the ads on Instagram- ohthey're using this app that
plugs into your online datingand it literally chats for you.
You don't even have to becharismatic, funny charming.
You literally just, oh, here'slike the three options, Cool,

(15:06):
this one's funny Boom.
So then one girl told me shesaid, Zach, I got personality
catfished.
I'm like what the fuck doesthat mean?
She's like, yeah, he'shilarious over Tinder.
And then I go on the date andhe's fucking boring and I'm just
like, how are you the sameperson?
Well, he's probably using oneof these chat gbt things.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
I had no idea that was a thing, and that makes me
glad that I'm not using datingapps even more.
Yeah, stay safe out there forreal.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
It's a dangerous world.
Wow, that's kind of wild.
Yeah, do you?
Do you get people sliding intothe dms a lot?
Do you get like the sugar daddyrequests in the dms?

Speaker 1 (15:41):
um, not too much, not too much, gotcha yeah you've
avoided that.
Yeah, whole scene I have allthe dms of like people that I
don't know going into like therequests so I don't usually see
them.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
Gotcha, yeah, have you ever thought about going
that route?

Speaker 1 (15:57):
I have not no personally, but honestly I mean
I don't judge like any routethat anyone goes For sure yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
I'm the same way.
I got accused of being a sugardaddy once.
Oh really, I'm so mad at her.
She said in front of all myfriends Really I'm mad because I
didn't have a good response.
Oh, okay, and you know I'm verysmart, so normally I would like
outwit her and everything, butshe outdid me so I was kind of

(16:27):
pissed.
But she's like okay, I'm fromwisconsin.
Yeah, sugar daddies don'treally exist.
Like the guys are too broke,the girls aren't hot enough.
It's just not a thing, right?
So I moved to la, where it'svery normalized one of my best
friends is like the.
She's like the queen sugar babyof like the west.
Okay, she has 10 sugar daddies.
This guy pays her rent, thisguy takes her on trips.
She's like all the infinitystones of like the sugar daddies

(16:48):
.
Like she's very powerful okay sowe're talking to my friends and
she's like zach, you know,you're a sugar daddy.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
And she's referring to the factthat, okay, so when I was a kid
, my dad was very old school,right, right.
So, hey, if you take a girl ona date, you're paying for it if
you're walking on the sidewalk.

(17:09):
You know I'm walking on the carside, so if a car comes I can
stop it with one hand, protectmy girl with the other.
Like very yeah, I love that andso if I travel which I travel a
lot and if I take a girl toeurope or australia or asia or
something like I'm paying foreverything right, because I
would feel weird being like oh,here's the venmo request for the

(17:31):
87 for the hotel room, blah,blah, blah, like it would just
feel weird to me yeah and she'slike, okay, zach, well, you're
taking these girls five-starhotels, flights, all these
things.
she's you're a sugar daddy.
And I was like I didn't have agood response at the time.
And she's like, yeah, everybody, every guy pays in some way,

(17:52):
whether it's drinks, whetherit's dinner, whether it's trips,
purses.
So like, where do you draw theline between, like this is a
sugar daddy relationship versusthis is just like a boyfriend
kind of thing?
Where would I draw the line?
Yeah, cause my opinion Ithought of later.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
I think if you're in a committed romantic
relationship with someone that'syour partner, and if they want
to pay for things or if that'show they treat you, that that's
totally different than a sugardaddy to me.
I guess I would define a sugardaddy as someone that you have
more of an agreement with and II don't know what those

(18:30):
agreements look like, but Ithink it could look like
anything you want it to, um, butI would say that you're
probably not, maybe not justonly with that person, unless
that's part of your agreement.
But yeah, I think a mutualchoosing of someone that you
want this to be your lifepartner is totally different

(18:52):
than sugar daddy.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yeah, I think that makes sense I see it as kind of,
if I'm going on a trip, it'slike we're experiencing
something together.
If I buy a girl dinner, we'reexperiencing something together.
If I buy a girl a Louis Vuittonpurse, I literally could care
less if she has a Louis Vuittonpurse.
I don't think I would actuallyprefer to date a girl that

(19:15):
doesn't wear Louis Vuittonpurses to be honest with you
today to a girl that doesn'twear Louis Vuitton purses to be
honest with you, um.
So in that case it feels likeit's like uh, here's a purse,
please like me instead of like.
I'm doing this because I wantus to experience something
together right.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
It seems like you might be like a quality time,
love language person like you,like doing experiences together
and spending time that waythat's meaningful to you in a
way I would say I'm morephysical touch and um words of
affirmation actually oh okay,because in my daily life I have
a couple businesses so I'm verybusy all the time I

Speaker 2 (19:47):
don't have time to text back all the time.
Hang on all the time that kindof thing got it what's your love
languages?

Speaker 1 (19:54):
quality time is probably my number one okay um
quality time and gifts, but Iwant to highlight that gifts is
more about play huge red playfor gifts.
It's about thoughtfulness andit's not about dollar value.
For me, I see.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
So if you're dating out, he's like I thought about
giving you a gift, but I didn't.
He'd be like, okay, well, hethought about it.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
It's more like if they know your like favorite
snack or something and they wentto the store and picked it up
for you like.
To me that's more thoughtful ofa gift than just being like, oh
, I'm just gonna walk into thestore and get her like the most
expensive thing that I see, evenif.
I don't like know if she wouldlike it that's.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
That's my lowest love language his gifts yeah because
people just get me like, like,if I want something, I'll
usually just get it right andthen I end up with like oh, like
you play piano, so here's likean ornament of like a piano
player and I'm like the fuck, amI supposed to do with this?

Speaker 4 (20:56):
like a fucking ornament like it's just gonna
sit in my thing.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
I feel guilty.
I don't want to throw it awaynow.
It's just like racks up spacein my closet yeah, no, I can
understand that me and my buddyare.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
We send the same 100 bucks venmo back and forth every
birthday nice it's just thesame money going back and forth
well, yeah, I mean I think withmoney too.
Sometimes I try to do like giftcards for people to places that
I know that they love to go.
Just anything that like showsthat you paid attention to

(21:26):
something that they like I seeyeah, I think to me that's why
gifts is meaningful, because,like that's how my parents
showed me love growing up, butit wasn't like necessarily
extravagant things, it was justlike they paid attention to
those little things that I likedthat makes sense that makes
sense, so.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
So what's your usual type?
Let's go usual type okay firstand then, and then personality.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
I would say usual with looks.
I I've probably like tall darkhair.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
Tall, dark and handsome.
Yeah, how tall do they have tobe?

Speaker 1 (22:07):
I recently like got rid of that rule that I had, or
like I've been more open todating people that are not like
six.
Okay, I feel like I used todefinitely um want like six feet
and above, because I'm prettytall, I'm 5'8 okay, yeah and I'd
like to wear heels and stuff.
So it was kind of likepractical for me to be with

(22:32):
someone six feet or taller.
But this past year I dated likea couple people that were like
way shorter than that.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
So and how was that experience?
It was good, it was nice.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
I was glad I was like open to it, because I don't
think it's the most importantthing, and I was kind of like
how we were talking aboutearlier, like walking the walk
of, like not placing so muchvalue on physical appearance.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Yes, but the way you said it's nice.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Doesn't feel like you're excited about it, it
feels like oh well, I'm notcurrently dating those people
anymore, but the height hadnothing to do with why I'm not
dating them, like I actuallyreally liked them and got to
know them, but it just likedidn't progress I see yeah so
nice is probably not a good word.

(23:22):
I know that's not.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
That sounds like very honestly and this is because of
my own fucking trauma.
I would rather have a girl say,behind my back zach's an
asshole, he's a sociopath,narcissist, fuck zach.
Then say zach's such a nice guy, he's such a sweetheart, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
Because to me that's almostlike it's an insult.

(23:46):
It's almost like yeah, I don'treally find you attractive,
you're just like a nice sweetpushover guy.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
I think there's a difference that people don't
talk about or like that we don'tclarify, because between nice
and kind, that's interesting,See.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
I would have said nice and genuine, but I think
you're getting at the same point.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Genuine kind, I think , like very much synonyms.
Nice is like when someone'sbeing very in general, guys and
girls, when you're being nice,you're being polite and kind of
having this front up wherepeople can't really see what's
below, and so I think that's whywe associate that word with

(24:29):
people being boring or just likeyou said, you wouldn't want to
be called nice.
You don't associate it as acompliment and I think that's
because that's not not.
It doesn't actually mean likekind or genuine or caring or
compassionate.
It just means like kind ofsurface level, like you're being
polite.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Well, there's two things.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
So number one, I agree with you, aren't honest
because they're saying they'resaying things that are nice
right because it's their ownselfish purpose of oh, I want
this person to like me, or Iwant this person to feel good,
so then they will think that I'mgood right, it's like a
people-pleasing thing yeah it'slike you're you're putting on

(25:15):
this front to get someone's likeapproval or validation from
them, and that's what's notgenuine about it yes, yes,
because when you're justgenuinely kind and like you're
compassionate or caring, andthat's something that a lot of
people look for not not justwomen, but men, I think, as well
like that shines through nomatter who you're with.

(25:35):
But if you're like trying toget someone to like you, I think
that energy comes across likeicky, like I think we're like
subconsciously turned off bythat.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
I think we can read it on, you can like yeah, you
can like smell it on people thething, too, is with people who
are too nice.
It's often an indicator thatthey're not setting appropriate
boundaries yeah and so they putup with certain behavior because
they want to be nice, theydon't want to rock the boat,
they won't don't want someone tobe get mad or get sad or
whatever.
So, they're unable or unwillingto have the difficult

(26:06):
conversations that they need tohave to, and then instead they
just kind of like let inertiaplay its course.
Yes.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
And they just kind of like let that resentment build
up until they get so fuckingangry that they just blow up and
then just torch the entirerelationship yeah, definitely, I
think it's like it's that again, that's that that energy of
like, wanting to be liked, orlike the pick me energy, like
it's the same thing.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah, very much so, yeah yeah, yeah, it's
interesting, the short thing so.
So I dated this girl one timeand she was 5, 11.
Okay, so she's like two inchesshorter than me, but with heels
it's like yeah but she, oh shetold me she would always date
like basketball players, likenba guys, blah, blah, blah, blah

(26:51):
.
Yeah, and she's like zach.
I got fucked over so much bythose guys that one day I was
like fuck this, I don't careabout height, I don't care about
looks, none of that, I'm justgonna date like a short king.
So apparently she starts datingthis short guy yeah and he was
like probably like 5'8, whichisn't that short, but compared
to 5'11 with heels it's like.

(27:11):
She's like shrek towering overhim, you know yeah and she's
like on the third date I was atmy house, she was like I had a
couple glasses of wine.
And she's like on the thirddate I was at my house, she was
like I had a couple glasses ofwine.
And she's like he opens thedoor, I give him a hug and she's
like then I picked him up and Ispun him around.
She's like Zach, in that momentI just lost all feelings for
him.

(27:31):
Oh my gosh, and I was like thatwas your fault, but I get it too
.
I also understand.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
Like I would feel weird kissing up.
Yeah, I mean, I definitely cansee that.
I can see like that we are kindof physically attracted, like
as women, to guys that are justbigger than us, so it depends on
how tall you are for whatbigger means?
But yeah, but I did kiss acouple guys that were like my
height this past year and it wasnice, it was good.

(28:03):
I shouldn't use nice, sorry.
Um, they were great kissers,like it wasn't.
I don't know.
I it's not as important as Ithought it was, is my point
interesting, yeah, so what about?

Speaker 2 (28:14):
so that's looks tall, dark and handsome, but
obviously you're said that's nota huge deal for you.
What are the personality traitsyou look for.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Personality definitely kind and, like we
said, kind, not nice.
Someone that, like I, observehow people treat everyone around
them, so like even the waiter,or like the valet guy, or the
person that's like in theelevator with you um I don't get
when people say this.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
I'm like where are you all finding these people
that just like shit on waiters?

Speaker 1 (28:48):
like I've met like two people in my life no, it's
not like blah blah blah likeeverybody's like it can be
really subtle sometimes okaylike I think it's more.
I even noticed this was someonethat I went on a date with a
few months ago like there wasjust like a subtle disdain for

(29:08):
like the way that he talked tosomeone when we were out, and
like it was so subtle.
But if I wasn't payingattention I probably wouldn't
have noticed it interesting,yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
So it's kind of like uh, you know, maybe they pour
your water and you don't saythank you, just kind of like act
like they're not there insteadof saying, oh, thanks, like
little yeah, little things likethat.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Or like someone tells you that like the bar is
closing and you're kind of likeshrugging them off, like you're
too cool to like listen to themor like yeah, just something
like that.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
I had one girl that was like I don't even know how
these people exist, but she waslike very much, oh, why are we
at this table?
I want that table and they'relike you didn't have a
reservation.
I'm sorry, somebody.
There's literally peoplesitting at the table.
Yeah, and it was so.
And she asked for the manager,like one of those Karen fucking
videos oh, and I was like withyou, yeah, wow and I felt so

(30:05):
embarrassed yeah like Iliterally afterward, like she
went to the bathroom like dude.
I'm so sorry about her.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Like I felt bad like.
I felt embarrassed myself, justlike being associated with her
yeah it's like bizarre even,especially on a date, it's like
I would just let the guy leadwith that if he wanted to ask
for a table.
That's fine, but I wouldn'tlike ever say anything do you?

Speaker 2 (30:28):
do you typically like letting the guy lead?
Are you more dominant or moresubmissive in relationships?

Speaker 1 (30:33):
I wouldn't call it submissive.
Um, I do think I guess I'vebeen like learning more about
the masculine feminine dynamic.
I'm by no means any expert, butI do like letting men lead on
dates and like planning thingsand like seeing.
It's also like a great way tosee, like how their attention to

(30:55):
detail which is somethingthat's important to me um, and
see how they like how much theycare really what do you mean?
attention to detail just likethe effort that they put into
planning something, like pickingsomething, whether it's a
restaurant or whatever, um, oran activity that they think you
would like, and like having allthe little details planned, like

(31:18):
picking you up, or like havinga way to get there yeah um I.
I find that men like enjoydoing those things yeah and they
enjoy when women like let themlead.
And I enjoy it as a woman whenthe man leads in that way 100%
yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
I am very like I said .
My dad was very old school, soI grew up with these kind of old
school values of relationshipsand I would never push these on
people like I do think there'ssome girls out there who are
like fucking boss bitches andthey run shit and okay, go find
yourself a nice little beta boyand you guys can.
We'll be happy together.
Probably nothing wrong withthat, right?

(31:58):
I think the problem withsociety today is is is the
marketing?
It's like it's like beyonce andandrew tate are just fucking up
all relationships in likewestern hemisphere because all
girls are being taught you wantto be like beyonce strong and
independent, bar movie tick-tock, everything is like pushing

(32:21):
toward like be strong,independent woman, yeah, which
I'm like great.
But if you want to be bossbitch, energy it comes with boss
bitch responsibility right anda lot of people don't want the
responsibility of.
Oh, I have to, like, work hardnow.
Hey, it's three in the morning.
Something goes wrong.
I have to fix it.
Like being a boss isn't funright, but if you want that

(32:44):
status of being a boss, then youneed the responsibility.
And then, on the flip side, forguys it's like they watch three
andrew tate videos.
They're like I am the alphareally like.
Are you the alpha of your, yourcall of duty clan on your video
game system?
What are you the alpha of?
It's like?
You can't just proclaimyourself the boss.
You have to actually do all thework and, like you said,

(33:06):
planning.
You have to fucking go in andlike oh, google Maps, how long
does it take to get there?
Where's parking?
What are we going to order?
You have to take all theresponsibility.
Oh, maybe it sucks.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
And then I'm gonna get blamed for it sucks, but
that's the responsibility ittakes.
If you want to take charge,right, I I can't speak from the
masculine side, but from thewoman's perspective I think that
you can fully be like in yourwork life or that side of your
life, like bring that masculineside of you out.
But I think it feels, first ofall, just feels really good, at
least for me, and like you said,like there's no right or wrong

(33:46):
way to do it.
Like if some women don't wantto do that, that's totally fine.
But I think for me, likeadmitting that, it just actually
just feels really good to likelean back in the relationship
and let the guy lead, and it'slike really attractive to me
when the guy does lead.
Like learning that about myselfhas made dating a lot easier.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
I think there's.
There is natural where, justgenetically, I think most girls
are are genetically hardwired tobe more like that and most guys
are genetically hardwired to bemore like that.
And those guys are geneticallyhardwired to be the opposite and
it's just a matter of you know.
Are you in touch with what youreally want and self-aware

(34:26):
enough to know that's what youreally want and then kind of go
for it?

Speaker 1 (34:29):
Exactly and I like in my past relationships, like
wasn't self-aware enough and Iwould like try to control things
.
And that's all of trying tocontrol things.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, where it kind of didn't work out.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
I wouldn't say it's the reason that my last or
long-term relationship ended,but it definitely came up in
that relationship for me and Ithink it came up because I knew
deep down I wasn't in the rightrelationship for me.
But yeah, I would just try tocontrol everything and plan
everything and have everythinggo a certain way.

(35:06):
Virgo.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Yeah, virgo, put it on the calendar.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
you got the excel sheet yeah lined up and I think
what that did, was it like, hadit wasn't for it had the
opposite effect, like it madethat person not want to do
anything.
And I can, I could see thatlike in hindsight, like once the
relationship had ended and,like I said, it wasn't the

(35:32):
reason that it ended, but I justthose were things that I
noticed that I was like, oh,that like didn't feel good for
me to do, like why was I tryingto do that?
And I think I was just reallyattached to Like, oh, life has
to look this way and like thingshave to go this way.
I think like letting go of thathas been really helpful for me

(35:52):
interesting.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
What was his reaction when you kind of took control?
Was it like a direct he waslike what the fuck?
Or was he just kind of likealso unaware that it was
bothering him and he didn't evenknow why it was bothering him,
kind of I think it was exactlythe second thing.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
Like he was unaware, it was bothering him and like
what would happen was then Iwould wish that he would step up
and plan more things or likesurprise me like a romantic
gesture or something like takingme somewhere, like doing
something fun together.
And then he didn't.
And then in hindsight I waslike, well, he didn't because I

(36:27):
was like bringing this, likecontrolling energy in the other
parts of our lives.
That was probably making himlike he probably wasn't even
consciously doing it, but likesubconsciously, like not even
want to try yeah yeah, no, thatmakes sense I know.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
So I went from like I grew up very religious family.
So I went from like very polite,nice boy blah, blah, blah like
that side to like gettingcheated on and all this stuff
and then saying friend, friendzone.
So many times I was like fuckthis shit.
And then went all the way tothe fuck boy side villain era
for like eight years and now I'mkind of like in the middle, so

(37:05):
like I understand how thathappens, where it's like you're
like kind of just pissed offabout something but you don't
even know what you're pissed offabout and the reason you're
pissed off is because there's agirl that's emasculating you.
But in reality it's your faultbecause you didn't take the lead
to begin with.
So now nobody's taking the lead.

(37:25):
So now she takes the lead,because there's just this void
and somebody has to do it.
Otherwise, you both are justgoing to fucking sit around and
watch Netflix all day, so it'slike at some point that you have
yourself to blame, but youdon't even understand why you
feel that way.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah.
So, and that's kind of.
It was kind of the same thingfrom my perspective too, like I
also had myself to blame, but Ididn't fully understand what.
I was doing.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
Yeah.
Until-mortem what about ummoney success?
Does that play a part?

Speaker 1 (37:56):
not in a you know gold digger kind of way, but
just right relationship kind ofway definitely, um, I would say
that I look at it a lot like asyou attract what you are.
So if you want to attractsomeone that is successful and
like creative and, like you know, inspired by what they do and

(38:19):
all those things like, you alsohave to show up and be that.
And for me, I think moving toLA has been like a lot of like
pursuing things, that pursuingdesires, um, that I'd had for a
long time but that I like didn'tknow how to pursue.
Like I used to work in financeand I was like really bored by
it and I just like didn't knowwhat I really wanted to do.

(38:40):
Um, and then, moving here, Ikind of like had a a lot of like
soul searching, where I justlike figured out my interests
and like align those with likewhat I was good at to work with
brands, which is something thatI love doing.
Um, but back to likerelationships.
I felt like that was actuallyaffecting my relationships

(39:01):
because I wasn't like living mylife in a way that like inspired
me or excited me and I waslooking for that from someone.
But I was like how was I gonnaattract that if I wasn't like
being that?

Speaker 2 (39:14):
you know what I mean attract in like a manifestation
kind of way um, no, just attractlike a partner.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
That's like that.
See, I disagree with you.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
Like about that I think there's a lot of guys who
are successful and they don'tcare necessarily if the person
they date is successful in thosemetrics of like financial and
and success on like a industrylevel got it.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
I mean it's less about like external markers of
success and more about like isthat person excited about their
life?
I see, I think for me that wassomething that I didn't have for
a while, like I didn't.
I'm like surface level, likeeverything was going great for
me.
Like to the outside person,everything looked great, but I
think for me I wasn't likeliving a life that just like

(40:05):
excited me and that wasinteresting to me.
And so I think actually themost interested people are ones
that are just interested inthemselves, but not in like a
narcissistic way.
Clip that not in the way thatthat initially sounds like in a
narcissistic way, not in a likeum, self-aggrandizing way, but

(40:29):
just like interested in whatthey're doing, like they're so
excited about it, whatever thatis Like.
To me, that's actually like theultimate, like foundation of
success, because you can haveall the like outward markers of
it, like aka, money and likematerial wealth and all that.
But if you're not like actuallylike excited to like wake up
and like do what you do, to meit's not true success I don't

(40:56):
know if I believe you you don'tbelieve that.
I believe what if?

Speaker 2 (41:01):
I believe that you think, you believe that okay, um
, but what if?
Let's say, you're dating a guy,right?
Yeah, 6 am you wake up, youroll over, he's not in bed.
You're like a guy right, yeah,6 am.
You wake up, you roll over,he's not in bed.
You're like this is the firsttime sleeping over.
You're like where is this guy?
right and you're like, babe, Iwant to cuddle, and then he's
like hold on, I'm working on myRubik's Cube performance.
And he's just so passionateabout the Rubik's Cube.

(41:23):
Just all day.
Just blue, yellow, red, red,red, green.
Just rubik's cube.
He's like I'm gonna be the bestrubik's cube player of all time
and you know you type in likesalary of best rubik's cube
player of all times, like 30 000a year off his sponsorship,
whatever.
Would you still be like, allright, this guy's excited for
life.
Or would you be like, yeah, butit's kind of lame if rubik's

(41:44):
cubes was his passion?

Speaker 1 (41:46):
it is, yeah, he loves , I would absolutely be into
that really yeah I don't, Iwould not care if someone was
like literally into model trains, if that was genuinely their
thing model train.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Yeah, don't take the model train, guy.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Come on, eric, you're better than that I don't know
anyone into model trains but I,if it was like a, it was
actually like genuinely theirthing I would support it.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Interesting, okay.
So on the flip side, you want aguy tall, dark and handsome,
you know, ideally kind, genuine,decently successful, at least
excited for what he does.
What, what do you bring to thetable on the other side of the
equation?

Speaker 1 (42:30):
that's a fair question.
Um, I think.
Well, we could talk about thelike excited about what you do,
or just like passionate aboutlife I think that's something
that I bring to the table.
um, I personally find thatreally attractive in people and
that goes like I guess it's likein line with the success thing,

(42:50):
but like maybe it's not whatthey do for a living, but they
have things that they'repursuing, that they care about,
like I don't know, martial artsor tennis or whatever it is that
you do that, like you know,gives you a zest for life.
I think that's attractive.
That's something that Irecently, in like the last last
few years, have like tapped intomyself more with.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
What is the part of the brand stuff that gets you
excited?

Speaker 1 (43:20):
I have always been fascinated by direct to consumer
brands and like how they likedraw people in, connect to
people, and my initial like whatreally I think cemented that
for me was, like what I startednoticed what I looked at on
social media and I would alwayslook at influencers and like
what brands they were workingwith, but like from a brand like
strategy perspective, and Iwould notice, like when they did

(43:42):
that really well, like whenbrands worked with influencers
really well and like I woulddiscover brands that way, like
very organically, and then Iwould notice when they did it in
more of like an advertising way, that like didn't have the same
type of effect and that got mereally fascinated.
Just about brand strategy ingeneral, and I love the creative

(44:03):
aspects of working with brands,but I also have, like a finance
business mindset.
So I like the connectionbetween like how do creative
things communicate a messagethat actually gets people to
like buy into your brand?
But they're not just buyinginto your brand because, like
you can get a product anywhere.
When you go to a specific brandfor something, I think you're

(44:24):
really going to like, feel partof something and to feel like
you're like, yeah, part ofsomething bigger than you and
that's like where the real brandloyalty comes in, and so that
whole like human connectionaspect of it has always
fascinated me interesting.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
I do think there's also a lot of space for
creativity where, like, like mybusiness, I run ads.
I run YouTube, facebook andInstagram ads, right, and the
reality is there is somecreative level, but it's like so
saturated that, like what endsup happening somebody starts
doing really well, everybodyfinds out about it in a month.

(45:01):
Then they all copy each otherand it's just like clones of the
same ad running around.
Whereas the influencer space islogistically a lot harder to
work out.
You have to figure out okay,let's actually find people that
match the brand, and you got tomake sure they're a good fit for
the brand.
Then you got to like make surethe content they're going to
produce doesn't look like an adand they're not.
Thanks for the free bag.

(45:22):
Everybody buy this bag and ithas to look more organic.
So I think there's like so muchlike like potential that it's.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
It is kind of exciting in that way, you know
definitely yeah, I think thebest partnerships I've seen with
influencers are like veryorganic.
It's people that already loveyour product and they happen to
be an influencer.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
I see, I see, I see, yeah, but is it hard to get
volume like that?
Like it depends on the brand.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
Yeah, it depends on the brand, of course.
Like is it hard to find enoughpeople?
Yeah, it depends on the brand,of course.
But smaller brands I've justseen like explode, like I'm just
thinking of this Canadian brandcalled 437.
They make bikinis and likeactivewear, okay, and they like
started very organically andthey really just embraced the
people that were already lovingtheir products, even if they
weren't like influencers Maybethey were like you can call

(46:11):
micro influencers, but everyonehas influence on some level, and
remembering that your customersalso have influence among the
people in their lives, liketheir friends and family, is
very important, and I thinkbrands that keep that in mind
and like cater to the peoplethat are already fans I've
noticed that they grow reallywell.
Interesting, yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah, I've always thought it would be a good
strategy and I just don't knowlogistically how to do it.
But if you could get like ahundred influencers that have
like 5,000, 10,000 followers,maybe they're not even
influencers, but they just havea lot of friends and then they
see your product on their page,but just the logistics of that
seems like a nightmare of dmingpeople reaching out, figuring

(46:55):
out.
Oh, did they actually post thecontent?
You know how?
much make sure we venmo them themoney, whatever you know like
that's where you need aconsultant, because they manage
that whole thing is thatessentially what you kind of do?
It's part of what I do?

Speaker 1 (47:07):
yeah, because that's one of the ways that brands can
connect with people.
Another is like through theircontent, their own content.
And then another is like events.
I actually think events arelike really, really important in
2024 for brands.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Yeah, I know, like the Blush dating app, which is
like a new dating app.
And they've been throwingevents every month or two and
their events are sick like I'veheard yeah, they're pretty sick,
but I'm like I could see thisworking because they understand
who like the cool kids are yeah,you understand.
La has this thing where there'sthe cool kids and they know what

(47:45):
the cool party is and blushmade themselves the cool party.
So then people see that andthey think, oh, the cool kids
are here, I want to be hereexactly, and it gets people
talking about their brand and,like it has a reputation already
yeah, even if you haven't beenset up, kind of you know, yeah,
um so past relationships, howmany times have you been in love

(48:06):
?

Speaker 1 (48:08):
I would say twice.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
So supposedly you have your first love, and that's
you don't know what you'redoing.
It's puppy love.
You're just so enamored by thisperson.
And then you have your secondlove, which is your toxic
relationship, where you thinkyou're in love, but you're just
being gaslighted into being inlove.
And then your third love isyour true love, that's the one.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Oh, interesting, I actually haven't heard that
theory before.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
Does that line up with your two loves so far?

Speaker 1 (48:40):
No, haven't heard that theory before.
Does that line up with your twoloves so far?
No, I would say my first lovewas the one that was like a
little toxic because we were soyoung and like oh, so you
skipped a step, you jumped rightto the toxic one yeah, but then
my last relationship was like,not toxic at all it was actually
very healthy why was your firstrelationship toxic?

Speaker 2 (48:55):
what made it toxic?

Speaker 1 (48:57):
toxic is a strong word, so I like use that with
caution.
But, um, I think both of uswere just very like reactive
people at the time.
I know I was like I'll speakfrom my perspective like I was
just someone that first of all,I like I did take examples from
my parents that probably weren'tlike subconsciously, that

(49:19):
weren't the best examples.
I thought like a lot of passionand like fighting in a
relationship meant that you werereally in love and it was like
fighting about, like you know,like bickering, but like letting
it like snowball into something, like where you're yelling at
each other, like just beingreally like over the top, and I
thought that was like whatpeople did when they were in

(49:41):
love.
It's like passion yeah, Ithought that was passion and
then I think after thatrelationship I realized that
that wasn't the case.
Then in my next relationship itwas like the opposite of that
but, but I'm confused yeah, Icannot picture you yelling at
anybody.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
I know in my mind like I don't even know, like I
don't even know what your facewould look like yelling.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
I know, but that's just like a lot of work.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
So you have like a dark side to you.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
I think everyone does .

Speaker 2 (50:12):
Maybe.
Yeah, I'm just surprised thatyours is like that.
You seem like the person that.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
Well, not anymore.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
I wouldn't say Okay, so you kind of grew from that I
grew from that.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
Yeah, it was like a lot of reflecting and like
understanding patterns, and thenI feel like when you understand
your patterns you can kind oflike work to undo them so that
was your first relationship.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
Why did that one end, or who ended that one?

Speaker 1 (50:37):
that was volatile.
Um, we would like break up andthen get back together.
On and off.
Yeah, I think he ended it, butonce, like a relationship is
over.
For me it's over Like I don'ttalk to exes and I don't like
hang out with them again.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
I was just blocked.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
Oh really.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Well, back in my villain, era.
I don't even block.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
I just like, I feel like it's just so done like when
you've been with someone atleast like a couple years you're
kind of like we know what thisis, you know what this?

Speaker 2 (51:09):
is at that point yeah , yeah, it sucked back in very
easily I did get sucked back inlike we had.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
We broke up officially once and then got
back together, okay, but I wasreally young then, I was like 22
.
So it was like 21 to 23.
It was very young.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
And when you got in the more secure relationship,
was there any part of you thatmissed the excitement and the
ups and downs and the turmoil ofthe toxic one?

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Yes and no.
I think what happened with mewas I kind of went to the other
side of the spectrum, maybe likea little too too far, and
picked like the very safe, thevery safe route I guess you can
call it um.
But at the same time thatrelationship, like I grew a lot

(52:00):
in it and I think that we bothreally like cared about each
other and there was not like alot of drama.
So it's not that I don't thinkI don't think the drama that I
sought in my first relationshipwas healthy in any way, um, but
I also think that maybe likegoing to that other extreme of

(52:21):
like someone that didn't want tolive um, maybe the type of life
that I want to live, which isjust more spontaneous and
exciting, and that's my likenon-virgo side of me, you have
like this dichotomy that, yeah,you're like, yeah, I'm very
chill and like very nice andvery sweet and genuine, but I'm

(52:42):
also like very exciting and Iget mad at people and yell at
them yeah sometimes I can'tpicture you like that.
I have some mystery to me.
Yeah, that's what I've beentold, at least interesting yeah
I've been told the same thing.
I think everyone does we're notall.
You know all of our cards onthe surface so so you start

(53:06):
dating this nice.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
Where did you meet him, the nice guy?
Um san francisco when I livedthere but like on an app, oh no
through a friend.
It was actually my friend'sbrother it's the best way to
meet people yeah and you datedfor how many years three three,
and then how did that one end?

Speaker 1 (53:21):
that was more of a mutual thing.
I mean, he I think he was theone that initiated it, but I
like knew that it was right andI didn't like fight it or
anything.
It was very, it was veryamicable and like we lived
together.
So it was like we did have alittle bit of logistics of like
you know, undoing that, yeah, todeal with, but it went really

(53:43):
smoothly because we were bothlike like there was no like
animosity or anything.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
One thing that scares me about marriage.
Yeah.
Is everybody I've talked tothat lives with somebody and
I've never lived with a girlbefore, partly because for this
reason.
But they say like, like, takelike sex, for example.
They're like yeah, like Italked to my brother about this

(54:09):
and he's like I had more sexwhen we didn't live together
than we when we live togetherbecause, we see each other every
day.
It's just like not I don't know,and it's like, and obviously
that's just the sexual part, butI also think that part of the
relationship is a indicator ofthe also kind of the level of
excitement and fun andspontaneity that exists in the

(54:30):
rest of the relationship itdefinitely can be an indicator.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
I don't think it always is, though.
I guess just because in my pastthat part has always been like
really good, even when therelationship.
I'm really good in bed, notnecessarily, not necessarily
what I mean, but I don't know.
I'm just like that part hasnever like been an issue for me
or like I think sometimes it canconfuse you and into thinking

(54:56):
that there aren't other likeunderlying things in the
relationship that maybe aren'tworking.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
I see, yeah, so you almost think of the opposite.
It kind of covers up.
Yes.
What might not be working inthe relationship.
Yes.
I see, I see.
So you dated him for threeyears, you end up breaking up.
How long ago was that?
A year and a half ago okay,yeah, and since then casually
dating kind of yeah, I've beendating in la just feeling it out

(55:24):
feeling it out.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
Yeah, I recently started seeing someone, though,
but it's still really new gotcha, gotcha, yeah and how did you
meet him?
Bar club um tennis tennis yeah,play tennis, I do interesting
yeah and what are your?

Speaker 2 (55:38):
is it like a meetup group?

Speaker 1 (55:39):
you just there's a couple really cool brands in la
that I play with, and then atone of them I met him.
And it's actually kind of acute story, because that night I
sprained my ankle on a ball,which is like the worst thing
that can happen in tennis.
Like rolling your foot on aball yeah, it sucks, and no one.
We were all like playing thisgame, and so the game just
stopped and it tennis.

(55:59):
Like rolling your foot on aball yeah, and no one.
We were all like playing thisgame, and so the game just
stopped and it was like slowmotion, like a movie, and
everyone was just staring at meand I didn't know what to do
because, like I couldn't walkand I was like how do I get out
of here?
And this guy like offered towalk me to my car and like I
really appreciated that.
And then we ended up likehitting together and hanging out

(56:20):
and now we've been on a fewdates interesting yeah, that is
a good story.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
You know, I always think about the people that meet
on like tinder or some shityeah, and then they have kids
like how'd you guys meet?
Swiped right on the mom's bootypic yeah it's like kind of
cringe.
I feel like I would just lieabout it probably.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
But yeah, I mean, I know a lot of people do really
meet on the apps and that'stotally great and they're in
real relationships.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
I've seen it, yeah, but I don't know how.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
I think for me I had quit the apps actually before my
last long term relationship andthen literally like I quit the
apps and then like actuallylooked up in front of me and
like saw my friend's brother.
Yeah, holy shit, there's realpeople, literally, I feel like
sometimes that actually is likeone of the biggest downsides of
the apps is that you aren'taware of, like who's around you

(57:11):
and you're not as open when youcould be meeting someone, like
you know, at tennis or or youjust see some dude who's super
hot, but then he's like he'sfucking around with like 10 know
at tennis.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
Or or you just see some dude who's super hot but
then he's like he's fuckingaround with like 10 chicks at
the same time, but then youdon't know that.
So then your brain in the backis like, oh what if this guy
he's even hotter than this guy,maybe right, you know what I
mean.
I think a lot of people fallinto that trap as well yeah, I
can see that yeah, yeah, um,interesting.
How was your?

(57:40):
What is your friend group?
Like you said, you have a.
Have met some friends in LA.
I have it's kind of rare.

Speaker 1 (57:46):
I feel like we were talking about this before the
yeah, I've heard a lot of peoplehave told me that that's rare,
but I'll say that I had a verystrong intention about building
community when I moved here andlike being kind of my own guinea
pig for that and like how to dothat.
But the number one way that Iwould recommend people, or that

(58:08):
I tell people how to meet likenew friends, is to like do
things that you're interested in.
That's like step one becauseyou're already like more likely
to meet someone you're going toconnect with over like a shared
interest and experience.
I've met so many people throughtennis and dance, which are two
of my interests, passions.
But you also have to be open soyou can't just like walk in and

(58:34):
like not make eye contact withanyone and not look at anyone
and expect to just make friends.
That way, I think it's likebringing a consistent, open
energy where you really justlike make eye contact with
people, smile at people, likegive someone a compliment if you
notice that their jacket's coolor something like that, to just
like start a conversation withsomeone, but also not being like

(58:57):
not every conversation has togo somewhere.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
And I think if you have that energy like I've
noticed that I've just met somany people that way and like
actually formed friendships withthem, I think there is a
balance you need to strikebetween be like making an effort
and then, like you said, notbeing the try hard one who's
just like, oh be my friendexactly this is kind of like too

(59:22):
much it's too much.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
Yeah, I think if you what I've noticed, this is just
from my experience like ifyou're really just comfortable
with yourself, like you knowthat you have something to bring
to the table as a friend or ina romantic relationship whatever
, like you're not worried ifsomeone's not interested,
because if they're notinterested, it's fine.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
There's other fish in the sea yeah, like for friends,
for romance, for whatever andthe truth is, you don't need
that many friends no, you don'tlike I got, like my set,
probably seven of us that werejust boys yeah we just like
we're good, and then I I willsay though it it's tough, like I
have a lot of female friends,but it's very tough in la to

(01:00:06):
like really have them in yourfriend group, because what I
find happens is like there'll belike a group of girl that's
like friends for us for like two, three months, and then they
get like sucked into the uh,musician scene and they get
sucked into the tiktoker scene,they get sucked into the mansion
party scene yeah and theneventually they come back and

(01:00:26):
then they one of them gets aboyfriend and then they disperse
and then they come back and itseems like like my boys are like
always there and the girls justkind of like come and go.
It is what it is, which I wasreally disappointed about,
because in wisconsin when I wasin college, it was like we had
like five of us living in theguy's house and then there's
like the girl's house andthey're the we're the track
people, they're the volleyballpeople and they would just we

(01:00:49):
text one person what are y'alldoing tonight?
Oh yeah, let's pre-game.
And then they come overpre-game, go out, and it was.
It was fun, like some of usended up dating at some point
and then breaking up, and it waslike a fun group yeah and I
found the guy side of that in la.
Okay, the girls just seem they,just they come and go, they.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
I don't know it, just it seems like it is what it is
here yeah, I mean, I think theshared interest thing is like
really powerful, because youhave like, for example, with
tennis, which is like a co-edsport, which is nice, you have
like the people that you see atthe different tennis events and
competitions and whatever'sgoing on, and that's really cool

(01:01:28):
because it's like you feel likeyou really have like, if you
want to do anything tennis, youhave like the circle of people
that you can do it with and youbut you're still meeting new
people because, like, new peopleare always coming to all these
things.
I am someone that just likes tocontinuously meet new people but
, like I said, not everythinghas, not everyone has to be a

(01:01:49):
best friend yeah but it isreally just nice to go somewhere
, like to go to an event byyourself and just know a bunch
of people there yeah, I mean, Ithink that's the funnest thing.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
Like whenever we have a party, like at the house, for
example, I have way more funthan if it's just me and a
couple of my buddies.
Like going to the club, yeah,and it's like, oh, we're yeah
cool, we can meet all these newpeople, whatever we're at this
like cool club, and I'm like I'dliterally rather just like
invite a bunch of friends to thehouse and just kick it out like
it's way more fun to me it'smore like clubbing phase back

(01:02:22):
and you know five years ago orwhatever.
But kind of like yeah, we've allbeen there you know, it's kind
of like yeah, here we go again.
Like how many times can I likecheer somebody and then fucking
dance like this, you knowexactly, yeah, I've noticed.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
Or the ways that I approached meeting people have
not been like meeting peoplewhile out, like in nighttime
activities.

Speaker 2 (01:02:44):
I agree, because I think my thing is.
I would call a common goalcommon enemy.
That's how you buildfriendships, either common goal,
so maybe it's tennis.
Maybe you're building abusiness together.
You have some kind of goal orcommon enemy.
Have some kind of goal orcommon enemy, like, like.
Like when you're in college andlike the, you know you're

(01:03:05):
sitting next to somebody theentire semester.
You just say hi, that's it.
And then one day the professorhas the unfair pop quiz and
you're like what the fuck?
And they're like I know theynever told us anything.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
And then all of a sudden you're like best friends,
yeah magically you're bondedcommon enemy, and I think it's
like biological, it's like asurvival instinct of like yeah
the enemy tribe, or like we needto survive, so like we need to
get food or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
So it's kind of like those things at play.

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
But I agree.

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
I don't think I've ever met somebody just at the
club and like hey, hey, bro,let's grab coffee later.

Speaker 1 (01:03:34):
Like it's like fucking weird yeah exactly all
my um connections or friendsthat I've made, I think have
been all like daytime things andlike mostly non-drinking things
as well.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
Yeah, I think that drinking makes it easier at the
start, but then harder tomaintain a friendship.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
Yeah, so and sometimes like harder to really
connect with someone when you'rekind of like I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Blackout, you're wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
Yeah, when you're, definitely if you're blackout,
but even like a little, I guesslike it depends on the amount of
that you're drinking, but likeit can kind of like dilute your
like energy, I think sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Yeah, all right.
Well, erin, we are about out oftime.
Okay, I got some rapid firequestions for you.
Okay, quick questions, quickanswers.
Favorite food Sushi.
Oh, I love sushi.
What do you think about catch?

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
I actually haven't been to catch before.
Seriously, I know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
I thought you liked sushi.

Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
What's the best sushi spot in LA you've been to?

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
It's called Ola in Venice.
Although I don't go to Venicetoo much, you would like it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
I'll have to check it , yeah there's this place down
the street called crazy rockinsushi, which sounds like it'd be
like some like jank American.
You know fake sushi, but it'sactually like really good.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
It's actually like one of the best places I've been
to nice it sounds kind oftouristy, I know it is, but it's
like it's actually like reallygood.
It's actually like one of thebest places I've been nice.
It sounds kind of touristy, Iknow it is, but it's like it's
really good ends up being reallygood nice, uh favorite candy
reese's you have good taste.

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
I'm a big chocolate, not a big fruity candy guy me
neither.
Yeah, chocolate peanut butterfavorite uh first date spot or
activity tennis.

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
Of course you're gonna say I actually really like
that for date have you evertaken a date and you just whoop
his ass?
No, because I'm I'm.
I just started a year ago, soI'm still working on getting
better, so it would be kind ofunattractive if a guy wasn't as
good as me.
Probably, yeah, yeah, luckilythat hasn't happened yet I'm so
good at racquetball oh okay,tennis I don't have a finesse, I

(01:05:42):
just hit it too far.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
I hit it too far every time, or into the net is
racquetball, like with the wallyeah, you can smack it as hard
as you want it's like you're inclosed space.
Yeah, that's cool, but tennisis probably fun for, like I
don't know, other people you'dprobably be good at it, if
you're good at racquetball.
Maybe yeah, next traveldestination that's on your list.

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
Italy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
Italy.
You haven't been no.
But I'm going this summer.
Venice is overrated.
Okay, florence is amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:06:13):
I have a wedding there.
Oh, that's perfect.
So I'm starting in Florence,yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
Are you checking?
Rome is cool from like ahistorical perspective.
Yeah.
But I didn't really enjoy thecity that much.
I'm not a big museum ruins guy.
That's just not my thing.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
Yeah, I feel like you can only see so many of that in
one trip.

Speaker 2 (01:06:31):
You know I don't want , like a tour guide, to like
tell me about the culture.

Speaker 1 (01:06:35):
Me too.
I want, to like, experience theculture.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Yeah, culture, I want to experience the culture.
Yeah, it's different.
I'm the same way.
All right, cool.
What is?
Uh, any shout outs you want togive what's here?
Where can people find you?
Instagram, tiktok, anythinglike that?

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
yeah, I'm on tiktok actually, um, where I talk more
about brand stuff, and I thinkmy handle is just erin and lou
l-e-w and that's e-r-i-n e-r-i-nawesome, awesome.

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
Well, this has been fun.
We'll have to do round twosometime yeah, definitely all
right.
Thanks for listening.