June 18, 2025 • 45 mins
Fashion designer Nara shares her journey from dating toxic relationships to finding self-worth and understanding what truly matters in a partner. We explore how dating preferences evolve with age and the psychology behind attraction to "fuckboy" types.
• The pattern of believing you can change someone who clearly shows red flags
• Why beautiful women often transition from dating conventionally attractive men to those with more substance
• How manifestation works (and doesn't work) in relationships and life
• The contrast between Instagram lifestyle projection and reality
• Dating as a Type-A personality when your partner is more laid-back
• The emotional intelligence required to recognize toxic relationship patterns
• Why some people need a period of intentional singlehood after difficult breakups
• The exhaustion of modern dating app culture and constantly starting over
Follow Nara on Instagram @exonara and keep listening to Unattainable for more honest conversations about modern relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
because he was a fucker.
I wanted to date him because Ithought I could change him.
Like yeah, he's gonna changefor me, no, and it's like I.
It was a constant pattern.
And then you, eventually, asyou get older, you're like I
don't want to do that anymore,like that's like not healthy.
I haven't dated anyone earlierthan me.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Actually, I've always dated older girls in their 18,
19, 20, first getting into anagency, they'd always be dating
some young hot guy and they'reall like clones of each other.
They're all like the sametiktok, hair dangling, like you
can't tell them apart.
They're exactly the same.
But the most beautiful girls,when they were, you know, 21, 22
, 23, they'd always be datingsome like normal looking guy
(00:38):
with, like you know, maybe dadbod like you, put a brown shirt
on him and he dropped off yourups package.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Like you wouldn't be surprised I don't want someone
to get me something like I canjust buy it for myself, like
I've never really been in a lifelike that.
I got accused of being a sugardaddy before you got accused
yeah To me when I can feelbetter is a girl likes you,
because you buy her things.
My parents cut me off after theypaid for college, like I paid
for everything by myself, andit's just like he would always
(01:07):
make me feel bad for making whatI made, and I wasn't even
making that much money at thetime.
My rule when I was dating is ifthey don't text me the day of
the date before noon, then I'mnot going.
Men, look better with hats.
Is this guy going to kill me?
He's like a serial killer.
Every fuckboy has a BMW.
No, it's in the driveway rightnow.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
My name is Zach Evans.
I'm going to be your host fortoday and first of all, thank
you to all of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofgood engagement over the last
couple weeks and we've got tothank all of you guys out there
for that.
Today we've got Nara specialguest on the show.
Nara, why don't you go aheadand introduce yourself to the
audience?
Name what you do and your starsign.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Hi, I'm Nara.
I am a fashion designer and mystar sign is a Pisces.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Pisces February or March.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
February.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
So close.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Close like starting pisces.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Oh man, I thought we're gonna be best friends for
a second oh, my birthday's nextweek nice happy birthday.
I'm march on march 18th ohreally yeah, so you're toxic
like me, huh never yeah don'tlie to me, nara, I think I'm
half and half half and half.
Yeah, I used to be toxic, usedto.
I'm recovering, fuck boy yeahback in my villain era.
But but.
(02:26):
But I was a professional, to beclear, okay, not like these
amateur gen z fuck boys you seenowadays they're bird scooters
oh my gosh.
No, yeah, they're a differenttype of fuck boy now you guys
fall for guys that have bedsthat touch two walls oh my gosh,
that's like on my list of eggslike.
Do you not know what anightstand is?
Stop dating these losers, noI'm not dating that anymore.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I used to, though, yeah yeah.
And I was like okay with that.
It's really sad when I likereflect.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
My friend is dating a guy who she showed me a
screenshot and he took ashirtless selfie at LA Fitness.
Like, first of all, go toequinox like a, like a
professional fuck boy and stopposting on hinge post on raya.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Well, I've seen planet fitness backgrounds
before, so that's even worse, Iknow that's a huge red flag.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, do you?
Have you ended up in in toxicrelationships in your past?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
um, yeah, and I didn't know it was until I got
out of it.
But I mean, you learn from itand stuff, but in the moment you
don't realize that I.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
I've always been curious because even when I was
a fuck boy, I was a very honestfuck boy okay I told girls, hey,
I don't want a relationship, Idon't want anything exclusive,
and they never believed me, likethey thought they could change
me or they thought somehow theywere going to be different or
something.
And I'm like, I was honest withyou guys, so like when you
would date a fuckboy in the backof your mind did you kind of
(03:50):
know he was a fuckboy but youjust enjoyed the excitement of
it, or did you literally have noidea that he was a fuckboy?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
no, I mean, I knew like, and I it's just like,
because he was a fuckboy Iwanted to date him, because I
thought I could change him.
Like yeah, he's going to changefor me, no, and then it's like
it was a constant pattern.
And then you, eventually, asyou get older, you're like I
don't want to do that anymore,like that's like not healthy.
And then you, just when youfinally realize your worth, it
takes a while.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
How old are you?
You're very confusing.
I'm 29, wait everyone says thatwhat age do I look?
You seem like mid-30s, mid-30slike personality, but you look
like you're like 20 with a fakeI d I don't know whether to talk
about investing or like doingmolly at disneyland it's very
confusing.
I know I've gotten that beforewhat's what's the oldest and the
(04:40):
youngest you've dated?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I haven't dated anyone younger than me.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Actually, I've always dated older, okay, so my
boyfriend right now is 34, sofive years yeah that's the
oldest that you have dated, yeaheveryone's usually like two
years older than me interesting.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, that's surprising to me but it's always
funny because they're alwaysolder and like still immature,
so it's just like I end up beinglike the more mature one girls
girls mature faster.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That's what most girls I know.
So I end a company in themodeling industry for a decade
right, and we had this thingcalled hot guy phase, where
girls, when they're 18, 19, 20,first getting into an agency,
they'd always be dating someyoung hot guy and they're all
like clones of each other.
They all like the same tiktokhair and like the dangly earring
(05:26):
and like you can't tell guy andthey're all like clones of each
other.
They all have like the same TikTOK hair and like the dangly
earring and like you can't tellthem apart.
They're exactly the same but themost beautiful girls.
When they were, you know, 21,22, 23, they'd always be dating
some like normal looking guywith, like you know, maybe dad
bod, like if you put a Brownshirt on them and he dropped off
your ups package like youwouldn't be surprised.
But they would always beextremely successful or
(05:47):
ambitious, or charismatic,intelligent and usually like 10
15 years older interesting yeah,and I think they just kind of
got out of hot guy phase andthey got kind of bored of those
guys and they needed somethingwith more substance yeah, but I
feel like they'll eventually getbored of that too maybe yeah
maybe which kind of leads into,like the sugar baby thing, like
(06:10):
have you ever, uh, dabbled inthe sugar?
Speaker 1 (06:11):
no, I just I always feel like my worst trait is like
having morals your worst traityeah, I'm just like I couldn't
do that, like I'm like I have areal dad, like I could just ask
him for that I have a real Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I know you don't have daddy issues.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
No, I don't have daddy issues, but I always feel
like I'm like I don't wantsomeone to get me something, I
can just buy it for myself.
I've never really been relyingon that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I see.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
But I'm like all for the girls that can Good for them
.
I got accused of being a sugardaddy.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
One time you got accused yeah, so I'm from
wisconsin.
Okay, there's no sugar daddies,the guys are too broke and the
girls are too ugly.
It's just, oh my gosh.
And so I moved to la.
It's like culture shock.
One of my best friends is likeshe basically has a sugar daddy
business, like she has like 10sugar daddies.
This guy gets her trips, thisguy buys her purses, whatever.
And I was raised very likechivalrous, my dad's old school.
(07:08):
So if I take a girl on a date,like I'm paying for the date.
Yeah, none of these likesplitsies, like I don't play
that bullshit.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
If I'm walking on the sidewalk I'm going to walk on
the car side.
So if the car comes, you know,stop the car with one hand.
You protect my girl with theother hand like mash it okay so
if I take a girl on a trip, andI'm taking girl to europe or
australia or something like that, like I'm paying for the whole
thing because to me it wouldfeel weird to not pay for it.
So, my friend, she's like zach,you know, you're a sugar daddy
(07:39):
and she said it in front of allmy friends too.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
And she's like zach, every guypays for girls in one way or
another, right?
Either you're paying for drinks, you're paying for dinner,
you're paying for trips, maybebags, maybe her rent, right?
yeah she's like all y'all aresugar daddies.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
They're just high class sugar days and low class
sugar daddies I mean, I neverthought about it that way, I
guess it was an interestingpoint yeah, but do you feel like
you're sugar daddy or it's justbecause you're nice and you
like?
You think like that's theproper way to do it?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I don't think it's about being nice yeah it to me
when I think sugar daddy is agirl likes you because you buy
her things where.
For me, if I'm taking a girl ona trip, I'm not just dming some
girl like come on a trip withme, it's a girl, we're already
dating okay she's already intome, yeah and at that point, okay
(08:30):
, let's go on a trip, it's gonnabe fun.
Yeah, so it's like the intent.
It's not.
Because it's not, let me buyyou a trick, so like, please,
like me, here's a trip it's morelike I would be going on this
trip anyway.
If you don't come, I'll fuckinggo by myself or bring one of my
guy friends, okay so you're nota sugar daddy yes, I'm not okay
, well, we can be if you want tobut does money play a role at
(08:53):
all to you in terms of like whatyou look for in a guy like
outside the sugar daddy role?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
no, because everyone I dated it doesn't make as much
money as I do.
But, um, I think long term, ifit's like someone that you see
yourself being like, fullycommitted to in the long run, it
will, because you don't want tobe like taking care of someone
at the same time, like you wantsomeone to like have goals with
you at the same time and likegrow together like it's like
fine if you like want like togrow together slowly and stuff.
(09:21):
But if they you don't see likethem like ever, like trying to
aim for higher, then it's gonnabe a no it's like you want to
fly middle seat on spirit therest of your life.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
No, I want to look at your plane ticket like exactly
64f.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, like one of my ex-boyfriends, he literally was
like he had like the worst joband it's just like he would
always like project on me andsay, oh, you only have this
because your parents bought itfor you.
Oh, you only went to thisschool because your parents and
I'm like my parents cut me offafter they paid for college,
like I paid for everything bymyself, and it's just like he
would always make me feel badfor making what I made and I
(09:55):
wasn't even making that muchmoney at the time, so I was just
like this isn't gonna work.
And yeah, I mean I don't knowwhat he's doing now, but I don't
think that he ever aimed forhigher.
So, yeah, I think it does playa role long term, but if it's
not someone that you thinkyou're going to see yourself
growing with, then no, yeah I, Ijust feel like I got to argue
(10:18):
with my mom the other daybecause she's like zach, you're
in la.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
She's like conservative wisconsin, mom
right.
She's like you're always datingthese like models, actresses,
you should focus on personality,find a nice girl from church,
blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like okay, okay, so youwant me to date uglier girls?
And she's like no, no, notuglier girls, just like focus on
personality.
I'm like, okay, mom, do thereexist like beautiful girls with
(10:43):
great personalities?
Of course, yeah.
And then there exists like uglygirls with great personalities,
like, of course, I'm going tochoose the beautiful girl with a
great person.
That's just like two plus twois four.
And so I think for girls it'slike yeah, there's rich guys
with great personalities.
Or there's like broke dudeswith great personalities, like
why wouldn't?
you want to choose like the richguy?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
yeah, that's true.
Do what stage are you in lifelike?
Are you looking to get settleddown or you still kind of
fuckboying it out?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
no, I kind of I still I went through my fuckboy phase
.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It was a long fuckboy phase, to be fair do you ever
get out of it, though I feellike guys never actually get out
of it, I actually do feel yeah,I'm kind of in the third
evolution.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
It's like I started off as as the super sweet nice.
My parents are very religious,taught me be polite to everybody
okay and I just got friendzoned and friend zoned and
friend zoned and cheated on andI don't like you, I like your
friend instead.
So eventually I was like fuckthis complete 180 became the
biggest asshole fuck boy,narcissist, sociopath okay and
(11:45):
then all of a sudden, magically,girls have connections with me
because I'm a fuck boy now andthen did that for a while, and
then I finally like filled myinternal need for validation and
I'm kind of like, just like thegentleman, you know, it's like
I have my boundaries, but Idon't need to fuck a thousand
girls to prove it, okay, yeahwhat stage are you in me?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
um well, I kind of had my fuck girl stage too, when
I was just like dating like thetrash rapper boys, the la
aspiring rappers boys who hadtattoos oh, I know, and I'm like
, oh, he wrote a song about melike he's gonna.
No, he's not.
No, I got over that.
Um, I'm in just like I'm readyto like be serious with someone
(12:27):
stage.
So we'll see if that gets therewith my current boyfriend.
But yeah, I'm not reallylooking to date around and stuff
.
I feel like it's just so hardand even like the dating apps,
like the idea of having to go onanother date with a random
person and like tell them myfavorite color, what I do for
work, like no, I just I can't doit again, so I'm like it has to
(12:47):
work this time the dating appsare a nightmare oh my gosh.
Yes, they're just likeoverwhelming.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
It's like I would just like forget who I'm even
texting and which app did I findthis person?
I mean, I haven't done them inlike five years, I just remember
feeling like oh fuck, I gotlike two dates tonight.
Which one do I cancel on?
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You schedule two dates at once.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You have to.
Girls are so flaky.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Guys do that.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
In Wisconsin.
I would literally like youcould text a girl on Monday hey,
you want to like go on a dateon Friday, dope sure.
A date on friday, dope sure.
And you could just not text herthe rest of the week and just
show up on friday and she'd justbe there.
It's like magic right here.
It's like you want to hang outfriday I'm down, dope.
Thursday comes, you still downfor tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm down, dope.
Friday morning you down forseven tonight, still on.
(13:31):
Yeah, I'm down, cool an hourbefore.
Hey, see you in an hour, ghostwait, I didn't know, and then
you would see her at a partywith gez or soldier boy or
whatever fuck celebrity is atthe party and you're like, okay,
so you just flaked on me for aparty okay, but it's you have to
double book you have to is Idon't I.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I don't make the rules, I just play by them um,
my rule when I was like datingis, if they don't like text me
the day of the date before noon,then I'm not going to like for
them to confirm.
But why?
Because, like they should, I'mnot gonna get ready.
Like makeup is expensive, likeI'm not gonna get ready, waste
my time to just like go on thisdate.
(14:12):
That might like lead to nothingif he just like doesn't follow
up with me, you know like youdon't think that you should
follow up with him.
Yes, but I'm weird and I don'tlike to text first, so I guess
I'm the problem.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
See, this is why we double book.
We have to.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Oh, okay Interesting.
I didn't know, you guys didthat.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I get it from a girl's
perspective.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
You're, I'm sure, inundated with guys, especially
if you have ever done onlinedating.
It's just a thousand messages aday, yeah.
But I also get the side of thepeople flaking the hour before
like I would never do thatbecause I would feel bad.
But I mean, sometimes you getin like this weird headspace and
you're like I don't really wantto do that, like I don't really
want to exert my energy, butI've never canceled on someone
an hour before I have left adate during the day did you do
the like text?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
your friend call oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
No, he was awful, like what happened.
He was a hat fish.
Do you know what that is?
Hat fish?
Yeah like he was bald no it'slike a guy that looks different
with a hat on and then when hetakes it off, he looks different
as well it's like but but likehis, is it?
he looks different in hispictures, or you're saying in
real life well, his pictureswere with a hat on, but then
when I saw him without a hat, itwas just like he was not the
(15:22):
same person doesn't everybodylook different with a hat on?
no, I feel like men look betterwith hats some men, I don't know
.
Anyways, he was a hat fish andwe went on this date.
It was like during covid, likewhen things are opening up.
He took me to this restaurant,beverly hills, and he was just
like the worst kind of person.
Like he was racist, homophobic,like he just brought up
(15:45):
politics at the table, cut meoff, like he would always be,
like I'm gonna let you finish.
I'm like, and he was just likeyou know those people that are
just like obnoxious about howmuch money they have and they
have to rub it in.
It's just like you probablydon't have that much money if
you have to like sit there andlike make a point about it.
But he was just like nasty andI made it all the way to dessert
.
And when we got to the actualrestaurant, it was in the back
(16:10):
and there was like a table.
It was a circular table and itwas covered in rose petals with
like tapered candles and I'mlike this is this, looks like
valentine's day dinner.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Like this is ridiculous this is the first day
this is the first day, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
And then I was just like, okay, I'm just gonna stick
it out.
Like maybe he's like nice andhe's being awkward.
He was just like horrible.
So I did make a dessert and thedessert was a chocolate cake
and it was in the shape of aheart.
And then it on the like plateit said wow and chocolate dust.
And I'm like wow, wow.
And I was like is this guy gonnakill me?
Like he's like a serial killer,like there's no way.
(16:43):
So then he just like basicallylike ticked me off when he was
like you probably get sexualizedfor the way you dress.
That did it for me.
I literally got up from thetable and I was like I'm not
gonna have this guy talk to meand I like sprinted out of there
on my louboutins and I was likescared for my life, honestly,
like he was horrible and like Ihate doing that.
I've never done that.
But I felt like I had to in themoment start sending me awful
(17:05):
texts, like your dad probablyhates you.
You suck, you're not even thatpretty like awful.
And so I blocked him and Ireported him on Bumble and stuff
.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
But yes, I reported him.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
It's a psychopath.
That's crazy yeah and then Ilike did not leave my house for
like a week crazy yeah I had, Igot pro or a lifestyle catfished
one time what's a lifestylecatfish?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
so this was like early covid, like 2020, when
everybody was blown up on tiktok.
So I meet this girl.
She had like million plustiktok followers on her story
every day, private jet thisyacht trip to tulum, like all
this kind of stuff so we startdating and she's always coming
to my place and she lives in thevalley.
(17:52):
I'm like, you know, you'realways driving over here every
once in a while, like I can cometo your spot.
She's like nah, it's okay, it'sfine.
I'm like okay, so one day I endup going there.
And are you familiar with thevalley at all?
Yeah, okay, so the valley'slike it's like.
Have you seen the lion king,the movie?
Yeah so you know, and mufasaand simba are on pride rock yes,
(18:14):
yes, he's like everything thelight touches is your kingdom
and he's like see those dark,shadowy areas.
Never go there.
There's crackhead hyenas.
It's dangerous.
She lived in, like the shadowyareas of the house.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You went to Van Nuys.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I don't know what part of it.
That's like the worst part, deepin the valley there's just like
bars over all the windows.
There's like feral childrenscurrying around in the sewers,
like it was like very sketched.
So go up to her apartment, openthe door.
There's like you know, we'rethree roommates on the couch or
(18:46):
whatever.
And I'm like, yeah, give me thetour.
So she opens the first door.
I'm like, oh, this is like anice walk-in closet.
She's like zach, that's my roomand I look down and it's just
like a mattress on the ground,not even like a fitted, just
like a flat sheet over the top.
I can go like this and liketouch both of the walls.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
No.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
And then we start watching like a movie on her
laptop because she like doesn'thave a TV and she has Hulu with
advertisements.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Not the Hulu with advertisements.
That did it for you.
You were on a private jetyesterday.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
You have Hulu with ads like this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
It was the ads that did it, it wasn't the space it
was the ads that did it.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I mean to be fair.
We still dated a while after.
I don't really care that much,but it was just so interesting
seeing the contrast between likeinstagram life and like real
life.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Well, that's like a lot of people here Like you see
people on TikTok like postingall their clothing hauls and
they're like in debt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah it's crazybecause people get so caught up
in that lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
And especially TikTok , like there's a lot of people
with a lot of followers thatdon't know how to monetize it,
so you end up in these weirdsituations.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I know, but I feel like that only even happens in
LA, so it's an LA people problem.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Pretty much.
Yeah, what's your type, let'sgo physical first.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Well, my ideal type is six feet tall.
I know you're going to saysomething because I'm like five
feet tall.
That's a requirement, thoughhas to have a good job.
It's not even like about looks,it's more about personality and
just like it has to becharismatic tall, yes, as long
as they're tall, no, I don'tblame you for that I, uh, so the
(20:27):
first fashion model I dated.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
She was 5, 11, okay, so three inches shorter than me,
but with heels it's like prettyclose, yeah, and she told me
before this like she wouldalways date like basketball
players nba players becausethey're me.
Before this, like she wouldalways date like basketball
players NBA players becausethey're always like six, five
and she said she's like Zach.
After that I started datingthis five eight guy because I
was like sick of getting fuckedover by all these basketball
players.
(20:50):
And she's like I'm dating him.
It's like three dates in andshe's like, yeah, I had a couple
glasses of wine one night andthe guy's like coming to her
house.
I had a couple glasses of wineone night and the guy's like
coming to her house.
She's like Zach, I opened thedoor, I gave him a hug and she's
like I picked him up and I spunhim around and she's like I
watched his little legs.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
No, that's such an egg.
She was like.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Zach, in that moment I couldn't do it and I'm like
that's your fault for doing that.
But I get it, yeah, becauselike there is something about
having a taller guy that makesyou feel more in like your
feminine energy, and makes youfeel protected and safe.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, but it's not like, oh, I say it's a
requirement, it's not really arequirement.
My boyfriend's five, 11.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
So yeah, well, that's still 11 inches taller than you
.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, you're right, and I'm actually not even this
tall, I'm wearing heels.
Yeah, you're right, and I'mactually not even this tall, I'm
wearing heels.
Um, yeah, it used to be likehave tattoos like sleeves, but
I'm just like I've outgrown thatso you used to like the bad boy
type yeah, yeah, I did likejustin bieber aesthetic actually
cheesy aesthetic boys I know sobad tall white boys skater
(21:56):
skater dude type yeah, well,actually I didn't even like
skater boys, but my boyfriend'sa skater interesting yeah I
don't know, I feel like I don'treally have a type.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
It like evolves yeah, and then what about personality
?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
they have to be like outgoing.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
They have to be open-minded, um patient and then
honestly, I feel like honestyis like an important one as well
I don't know if I believe you,why girls always say this oh, I
like a guy who's nice and honestand sweet and nice to the
waiter and all those things.
(22:31):
And then I see all the guysthat the girls date.
I'm like they're not nice orhonest or any of these things
well, maybe they were in thebeginning and then they showed
their true colors maybe, yeah,I've become a lot pickier when
it comes to intelligence of thepeople I date oh, that's a good
one actually, yeah and not evenlike they went to college and
(22:53):
they read a bunch of books butemotional intelligence and
social intelligence yeahinterested in psychology and and
the reason people are the waythey are, and I actually think
back to like my fuck boy dayswhere all I care about is like
she's hot I'm like I don't knowwhat I talked about on these
dates no, yeah, like three hours.
I'm like what the fuck did Italk about with these girls?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I don't even remember oh my gosh, like, where is this
?
Like when I would date theserapper guys, they would make me
sit at the studio with them andI would have to be like I really
like this song oh yeah, yeah,and I didn't.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Is it awkward when, like so, someone's like let me
show you the song, and then theyjust play the whole song?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
you're sitting here for three minutes in silence
yeah, and then afterwards you'relike like what are?
You supposed to say like, yeah,no, it's really good like well,
you have to say there's nothingelse you can really say yeah, I
mean, yeah, it's awkward, butit's like you can't tell them
it's bad.
I did tell a guy one time itwas bad and he was like you're
mean and I'm like, okay, well,your music went nowhere.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So I wasn't wrong work on your soundcloud.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, no, they don't use soundcloud anymore.
Spotify lets them put theirmusic on spotify now um, so what
?
Speaker 2 (24:03):
what attracted you to the, the rapper guys?
The rapper guys back in the dayokay.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
So I was like kind of a groupie when I first moved
here.
Um, do you know who like travismills, sammy adams, all those
boys no, I don't really know therap game no, okay, well,
they're not, they're not reallydoing anything like drake drake
kanye.
Well, I was just like a groupieum and then I don't know, I
guess just like, because theymade music, I liked them even if
(24:31):
you didn't like their music.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, crazy yeah and did?
Was it also because it makethem seem more like the bad boy,
and they're kind of into badboys?
Speaker 1 (24:43):
yeah, I think it was like the chase, basically.
I don't know, but we're overthat phase, so it doesn't matter
.
I'm like I look back back on it, I'm like that's so
embarrassing well, what's thelast toxic relationship you've
had?
Well.
So I like stayed single forfive years after the toxic one,
and then I was just like insituationships but like they
(25:03):
didn't really mean anything, andI was just like working on
myself.
So that was like five years agoyeah, it was like three years
and he just gaslit me the wholetime.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
How did you meet originally?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Bumble, I know, you know what's so funny.
We had matched and then I nevermessaged him and then I like I
would delete the apps all thetime and then re-download them.
And then we matched again andwe started dating.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah and he was a rapper no, he wasn't a rapper
what?
What attracted you to himoriginally?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
the way he dressed had tattoos.
He dressed like a fuck boy,because he was a fuck boy.
That's why I liked him.
Yeah, I see, yeah and then whathappened?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
so?
So originally did you know hewas a fuck boy, or you're like,
nah, he's a nice guy, or wereyou like I can change him?
How did that?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
I mean you could tell he's a fuck boy in his pictures
.
And the first time we hung outhe like picked me up in a stupid
white bmw smoking a cigarette,like every fuck boy has a bmw I
have a bmw what color?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
white no, it's in the driveway right now, and it's
the kind where the doors go uplike a spaceship.
Okay, well, he didn't have thatone um, but see, I'm a fuck man
, I'm not a fuck boy, okay yeah,that's different.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, and he had the earring war, supreme bathing ape
, so bad he's like, like, like,like.
If you google like pinterest,fuck boy yeah no, literally, and
I'm like, okay, he kind oflooks like cheesy, stupid white
guy yeah and then, so you startdating yeah what, what, what
(26:37):
happens in the relationship?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
He starts gaslighting you.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Yeah, like I was.
I was.
He was three years older thanme, so I was like 20, like
starting my fashion career andstuff.
So I was like really focused onthat.
And then he was just like notreally going anywhere, like he
was projecting on me when he waslike doing bad things.
He was projecting on me Like Icouldn't go out with my friends
to like literally like dinner,because he would be like where
(27:01):
are you at?
And I'm like I'm literally atdinner, like I'd be posting
stories, and he'd be like you'rewith a guy, I'm like I'm
literally at dinner right nowand it was just, it was good for
the first year and then, likethe second year, I was like
checked out, tried to break upwith him a couple times,
couldn't I mean tried like Iwould break up with him, like
you said, no, no but he wouldkeep coming back.
(27:22):
And so then I found out hecheated on me on my birthday
brunch day yeah, on the way tothe brunch how'd you figure it
out?
the girl dm me no way, yeah it'slike in the car, and then I'm
like I'm texting my roommate atthe time and I'm like, oh my
gosh, when you get to therestaurant like maybe in the
bathroom I have to tell yousomething.
She's like what?
And I'm like, oh, he cheated onme.
(27:43):
She's like, oh, my god, wedon't have to do this.
So I'm like, no, we're gonna dothis.
And then he's gonna pay for thecheck at the end of it and it's
gonna be over, and so you guysrack up the bill it was like a
bottomless brunch thing, so, um,I don't think he even ended up
paying it.
I don't even know who paid forit, actually.
But I was like, not gonna sayanything in the car and then I
(28:04):
he said something that ticked meoff.
And then I was like, didn't youcheat on me with ariel?
And he was like who's ariel?
Like you know, when a guy'slying?
like you can tell.
He like tensed up and I waslike, okay, well, that tells me
everything.
Like I'm like you just need totell me because you already dm
me.
And he like took my phone fromme and I'm like you have to be
kidding.
And then we got to brunch, likeI did not even acknowledge him.
He was sitting beside me andI'm like he sucks whatever, um,
(28:28):
and then that was it did he keeptrying to hit you up or did he
kind of know?
um, he did so we like try, Ididn't see him for like a couple
weeks and then we went todinner again and then I'm like
I'm disgusted by him, like Idon't want to be around this
person, so I was like I got outand that changed your
perspective on men yeah, I meanall, men really suck, actually
(28:51):
sorry.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Why do you say that?
Speaker 1 (28:53):
They're just like I don't know they're so
frustrating Like.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I think men are more simple actually.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
No, they're not.
They're so complicated Like Iget so like stressed out with my
boyfriend because he's so justlike, go with the flow, and I'm
so type A and I need to beknowing what we're doing that
day, and he's just like, oh, OK,well, I didn't know I had to
tell you that at this time wewere doing this and I'm like, no
, I have anxiety, like you needto tell me these things, but
they just like don't think, likethey're just like chill about
everything.
(29:21):
We just don't read minds, butit's just like is it that hard
to be like at this time, on thisday we're doing this?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I mean I will say so.
I'm much more I.
I always have been the type tolike very much take the lead in
relationships so.
I am very much here's the planbe ready at 7 30?
I'm picking you up.
Here's what we're doing.
Even at restaurants, liketypically, I order not for the
girl but for the table and I'mlike, hey, we're gonna, I know
what's good here, we're gonnaget this this, this.
(29:48):
Does anything specific you want, let me know.
But I kind of like take control.
But I also understand when guysare like, yeah, like what do
you want me to do?
Speaker 1 (29:56):
yeah, read your mind.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, I guess, I don't know, it's difficult has
he been better, though, now thatyou mentioned that?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
um no, but I just I feel like I sound annoying all
the time.
He's like, oh my gosh, let'schill out, like for two seconds,
and I'm like I can't chill out,like I need to know what I'm
doing on saturday and sunday soI can book my yoga class, and
he's like it's not that serious.
It really is not that serious.
Maybe I'm the problem.
It's funny because actually you.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Being type a, I feel like is the opposite of the
experience that I have with mostgirls in la oh really most
girls are.
Granted, I usually end updating in like the entertainment
scene.
So like models, actresses,musicians, like that scene.
So most girls I know it's likewake up at like 11 am, like hey,
you have a shoot at like noon,oh yeah, like show up like an
(30:46):
hour late to their shoot, likedon't.
Like, oh, there's traffic.
I'm like there's traffic everyday, like what?
Speaker 1 (30:51):
the fuck you talking about?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
you know yeah so it's interesting that you're kind of
the opposite of that I knowthat's what he was saying.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
He was like I'm so used to like girls that like
don't really have a job.
No structure yeah.
No, that's like most yeah, Iget up at 6 30 and, like I, go
to work and go to yoga was yourmom kind of that personality
type as well?
My mom doesn't work.
She didn't have to wake up.
Yeah, she um was always well.
(31:16):
She was like a stay-at-home momokay so she was just like on
the go, on, the go, on the go.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
But so what?
Why do you think you, yourpersonality, turned out more, um
, kind of running shit andtaking care of things and
because my dad's like thatactually okay, yeah, so you kind
of modeled him.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Do you feel like?
I feel like in traditionalrelationships right, there's
kind of like the masculine roleand then like the feminine role,
and the masculine role is moreabout like planning and getting
a job and bringing home thebacon.
The feminine role is typicallymore the supportive, taking care
of the household, stuff, likethat.
Do you find yourself taking themasculine role in relationships
(31:59):
often?
Speaker 1 (32:00):
yeah, I could read that definitely.
Um, I know it's, it's annoying,so so you prefer?
Speaker 2 (32:06):
would you prefer a guy who's like even more
masculine?
So then he kind of likenaturally you fall into the
feminine role, or do you enjoytaking the masculine role?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
no, I enjoy it because I don't want anyone to
tell me what to do.
Okay, interesting yeah so.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
So then, do you do you like dating more of like the
kind of like simp guys that aremore like the more feminine
guys that are in their feelingsand kind of you control shit and
they kind of like, okay, babe,whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, I guess so yeah .
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
I don't know.
I'm like why am I this way?
I also have, like I say this,I'm like I'm self-diagnosed high
functioning anxiety.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
I see what.
What gives you anxiety?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
No, like I always have to be doing something like
on the weekends, I can't sleepin I need to like I can't either
.
Actually I'm the same way Ineed to go to like a yoga class.
I need to go like do laundry,go grocery shopping, like I
always need to be doingsomething and I'm like why can't
I ever just chill like I'venever?
I do sleep in sometimes, butit's like 8 30.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
have you heard of primary driver emotions?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
no, no, what is?
Speaker 2 (33:16):
that.
So basically, in psychology,right, everybody has a primary
driver emotion.
It's like the emotion that youmost crave, right?
So people always say I want tobe happy, but in reality,
happiness is not an emotion.
Happiness is an umbrella termthat covers excitement,
contentment, joy, sense offulfillment, all these things
(33:37):
that are the real emotions thathappiness kind of covers.
So for me, for example,excitement is my primary driver
emotion.
So I'm similar to you where I'malways trying to like work on
something I need, like somethingto stimulate me and take my
attention, whereas some peopledon't like that and they like
contentment where they just wakeup, everything's easy Watch
(34:00):
some TV, you know, sit on theporch with my glass of tea and
like watch the sunrise.
I'm like that sounds so fuckingboring to me, like I would like,
two minutes into that, be likeall right, I need to fucking do
something.
You sound like you're more likethat.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yeah, have you ever tried the whole wake up Like the
first 10 minutes?
You're more like that.
Yeah, have you ever tried thewhole wake up like the first 10
minutes?
You're not supposed to look atyour phone, you're supposed to
meditate.
I did that, and it did nothing.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
So my first, when I found out about meditation, I
was going to Mexico.
Okay, and this girl was likeshe got this Airbnb with a bunch
of friends right, and likewe're all meeting there.
And she's like, yeah, when youget to the Airbnb, like just
walk in, like I'm just going toleave the door open, like it's
too annoying, there's only onekey, blah, blah, blah.
So I get to the Airbnb and Iopened the gate and there's like
(34:46):
a walkway to the door and thedoor is like cracked open.
So I start walking.
I'm like vanessa, nothing.
And I'm a little bit likenervous.
It was my first time to mexico.
I like heard these rumors, maybeit's dangerous or like maybe
they know where the tourists go.
(35:07):
They're like, so I'm like alittle bit nervous.
I'm like creak the door open.
I'm like looking around.
I'm like vanessa and I liketurn the corner and it's the
scariest shit.
It's just these eight girlssitting there like like zombies,
like I am legend, just likestaring at the wall.
I'm like vanessa what the fuck?
She's like we're meditating andthey would just stare at a wall
(35:27):
for like 20 minutes.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
It wasn't like guided , they were just staring at the
wall just staring at the wall.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
And then she told me she was like yeah, zach, you got
to start meditating.
She was like I went on thismeditation retreat for seven
days.
She paid $2,000 to just go tosomeone else's house and just
stare at their walls for likeseven days.
You're kidding and just likewalk outside.
Okay, now we're going to stareat the trees.
Now we come back we stare atthe table.
They just stared at things.
(35:52):
I'm like I have a bunch ofwalls I don't even use.
I would have for 500 bucks.
You could have stared at all mywalls the whole weekend.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah.
I've done sound bath.
That's different though.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
No, it's the same.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Well, what is sound bath?
Speaker 1 (36:06):
When they have the little bowls and the yeah, but I
don't.
I guess I don't understand it,like I don't want to make fun of
it, but I don't fall asleep.
I just like laid there and I'mlike okay, and like people were
like knocked out, and I'm likeokay, like did I do it wrong?
Am I supposed to feel something?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
I don't believe in any of that stuff.
I'm not going to lie, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
I tried to.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Yeah, what do you?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
think about like manifestation.
Okay, so you know, have youever been on the side of TikTok
where they're like like thisthree times or and he'll text
you?
Oh my gosh, I used to get thoseall the time and, like my
delusional self would be like,OK, I have to heart this and
he'll text me.
No, I think it works to acertain extent.
Ok, so you're going to thinkI'm crazy.
(36:51):
In my notes app, I likemanifested.
I think I manifest my boyfriendbecause I wrote what I wanted
in a guy and stuff and then hejust appeared out of nowhere
what did you write?
I'm not gonna tell you it'spersonal, but I made a list in
my notes and then I was thinking, no, it has to be like things
(37:12):
that matter that doesn't matterit does, but that was not a
priority but I to a certainextent, but I'm not like to the
point where I'm like delusionalabout it um, I don't believe in
the crystal thing either, like Idon't know how some rocks can
do anything for you what wouldyou do if you start seeing a guy
(37:32):
and then there's like you're athis house and there's a little
like thing in the corner, it'slike a blanket.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
You like lift up the blanket and it's like a, it's
like a fishbowl and it has yourpicture on the front of it and a
bunch of crystals in there.
And then you're like what thefuck is this?
And he's like, oh yeah, likeactually this is how I met you.
I was manifesting you for likeyears, before I even met you,
which would be like oh, that'ssweet.
I don't think men do that,though I feel like girls do that
(37:59):
I saw tiktok about it guys didthat I don't know if I don't
know if it was a sketch or if heactually did it but I was like
this is the creepiest shit I'veever seen in my life um, I guess
, like if he he was givingserial killer vibes already, I'd
be kind of creeped out.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
But I don't think I would be necessarily weirded out
.
I'd be like why are you doingthat?
Take it down.
Like, why is he still have thatup if you're already dating?
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know, it's weirdyeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
The manifestation thing is a huge red flag for me
manifesting yeah like what sortof manifesting like?
so I've met a lot of girls rightwho have hot girl syndrome and
they're like oh, zach.
Like this one of the girls Idid, she's like zach.
I've been manifesting like theI want, I've always wanted to go
(38:53):
to europe and I just manifestedit.
I'm going on this free europetrip.
I blah, blah and I'm like, whenyou're manifesting, please,
universe, give me the, theeurope trip.
You're not praying to theuniverse, you're praying to some
rich old dude who wants to fuckyou okay, that's your dms.
And said hey we have this europetrip with a bunch of chicks.
(39:14):
Come on the europe trip yeah,and she's like for her to think
that that was the universe, asopposed to her posting a thirst
trap every day for a year and,just statistically, some rich
old dude's going to slide intothe DMs.
It just shows like a lack ofself-awareness.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
That's not manifesting, then no Interesting
yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
And that's the thing is like people describe
manifesting in two ways.
Thing is like people describemanifesting in two ways.
Some people it's like theuniverse drops something on my
head because I sense my energyinto the magnetic field or
whatever.
And then some people likemanifesting is like, yeah,
reading through your goals everyday, thinking about your goals,
getting motivated and thentaking all the steps to reach
your goal yeah, I'm like I canget behind that kind of
(39:54):
manifesting yeah, and it's alsoyou're putting out in the
universe and you're workingtowards it.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
You're not just getting it handed.
Yeah, so I guess to a certainextent I do believe in it, but
not really.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
What's the next thing that you're manifesting in your
life?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Nothing really.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I don't know you already manifested your
boyfriend.
Why not keep manifesting amillion dollars?
I don't know, like I don't.
I want a dog.
It's so lame.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
No, we're not manifesting, we're just gonna
get it yeah yeah, we don't havetime to waste well, that's the
thing is like I was talking tosomebody one time and I was like
okay, you're like, oh, Imanifested coming to la.
I'm like how did you get here?
She's like oh, I likemanifested and it happened.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
I'm like no, but how did you like literally get here?
Speaker 2 (40:48):
she's like well, I flew here, I'm like okay.
So you went on the fuckinginternet.
You like went on a website, youput your credit card in.
Then you like buy the ticket.
Then you like drive through, gothrough, tsa.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Then that's not manifesting you just like bought
a plane ticket yeah, what areyou?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
talking about.
It's pretty funny, though Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
My favorite is when, like, they make the tiktoks and
they're like, oh my gosh, I cameto la with 400 and look at me
now well, that's the thing toois like a lot of times it's just
like a hot girl that getsopportunities because she's hot
which don't get me wrong morepower to use your hot girl
privilege.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
I don't blame you, but like they're, they're acting
like the universe is just sokind of like.
No, it's kind to you becauseyou're hot and like guys do
things for you because you'rehot, and that is the only reason
to be honest with you okay, soyou don't like manifesting?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
I'm from wisconsin, though it's different there
don't they just like have cheesethere and stuff?
Nobody in wisconsin believes inmanifesting signs, nothing I
think it's an la thing, because,like no one anywhere else, see
that what's interesting.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
So la miami vegas signs are very big, and my
theory is that signs are verybig in cities, that networking
is very important, right, and Ithink they evolved as a way to
quickly get off of small talkinto things that people care
(42:12):
about.
Right, if we're having smalltalk and it's like what do you
do?
I'm a dentist and it's likecool, how did you get into
dentistry?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Why do you like me?
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Like like it's a very boring conversation.
You don't really connect withsomebody because nobody really
gives a fuck that you're adentist.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
But if you say, oh, I'm a Scorpio, oh I like dated a
Scorpio and like it was one ofmy, my best friends, virgo, and
then it's like, oh, my bestfriend's a Virgo, and then it's
like, oh, my best friend's aVirgo, and people connect over
these like personality traits,and I think it evolved as
literally like a tool to networkyeah.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Do you believe in the whole like let's say, you're
talking to a girl and she's likea sign you're not compatible
with?
Are you just not going to dateher?
Speaker 2 (42:51):
no, I don't actually believe in signs yeah, like in a
literal sense.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Yeah, I just think they're super fun.
I don't even believe in my ownsign, like I don't think I'm a
true Pisces.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I'm not.
It's funny.
So like Pisces, at least, formen are supposed to be like
super emotional.
I hate Pisces man.
It's just like wah, wah,everything is so hard and I'm
like, I'm literally the polaropposite, like people always say
, zach, you're a robot.
You like girls are always likeyou need to stop suppressing
your emotions and like go totherapy.
And they always block me andblah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
So you're an Aries, basically.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
That's it.
I'm an Aries rising.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
Oh, I don't know what sign I would be.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
For your rising.
You seem like a Virgo you thinkOkay.
I honestly don't know anythingabout risings moons.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I have the costar app and I'm like I just referenced
that, um, but okay, you knowthat it reads your text messages
.
That's why your do's and don'tsare always accurate.
Shut the fuck up, it does, areyou serious?
Yeah, I read your text messagesbecause mine are always spot on
that's crazy it's like I wasupset about something the other
day and it was like don't dwellon the past.
And I'm like why do you knowthat?
Like stop.
It's like don't dwell on thepast and I'm like why do you?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
know that like stop, it's like, don't dwell on the
past.
Your ex anthony will try tocome back into your life.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
No, it's like spot on like it's crazy, but it's like
there's this whole article abouthow he reads your text messages
.
That's crazy.
Yeah, so invasive, I know, butI still keep it.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
They're hustling.
That's hilarious, All right.
Well, we're about out of time.
I got some rapid fire questionsfor you.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Favorite food, caesar salad.
What the fuck so lame Salad?
Speaker 1 (44:30):
I love salad.
Wait, no, can I change it?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Nope you're already locked in.
Oh fine, okay, go for it.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
Spicy vodka pasta favorite um first date spot or
activity.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Oh, drinks at the tower bar.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Oh, I do like tower, I love tower bar.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Yeah, tower bar is good it's.
Sometimes it's it's annoyingbecause, like it's not that big.
So if it's like packed, yeahyou end up like standing.
That's happened to me a coupletimes.
I don't usually go there, butor chateau marmont.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Where chateau marmont ?
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I've never been there you haven't.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
You have to go.
I'll check it out beautifulit's in west hollywood it's like
my pink taco okay yeah, um nexttravel destination.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
You haven't been that you want to go to um Greece oh,
mykonos yeah that's nice, allright.
Well, this has been fun.
Where can people find you anyInstagram shout out or anything
you'd like to?
Speaker 1 (45:25):
um.
My Instagram is at exonara.
You don't want my TikTok, it'strash all right, this has been
fun.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
We'll have to do round two sometime okay, for
sure all right.
Thanks for watching.
because he was a fucker.
I wanted to date him because Ithought I could change him.
Like yeah, he's gonna changefor me, no, and it's like I.
It was a constant pattern.
And then you, eventually, asyou get older, you're like I
don't want to do that anymore,like that's like not healthy.
I haven't dated anyone earlierthan me.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Actually, I've always dated older girls in their 18,
19, 20, first getting into anagency, they'd always be dating
some young hot guy and they'reall like clones of each other.
They're all like the sametiktok, hair dangling, like you
can't tell them apart.
They're exactly the same.
But the most beautiful girls,when they were, you know, 21, 22
, 23, they'd always be datingsome like normal looking guy
(00:38):
with, like you know, maybe dadbod like you, put a brown shirt
on him and he dropped off yourups package.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Like you wouldn't be surprised I don't want someone
to get me something like I canjust buy it for myself, like
I've never really been in a lifelike that.
I got accused of being a sugardaddy before you got accused
yeah To me when I can feelbetter is a girl likes you,
because you buy her things.
My parents cut me off after theypaid for college, like I paid
for everything by myself, andit's just like he would always
(01:07):
make me feel bad for making whatI made, and I wasn't even
making that much money at thetime.
My rule when I was dating is ifthey don't text me the day of
the date before noon, then I'mnot going.
Men, look better with hats.
Is this guy going to kill me?
He's like a serial killer.
Every fuckboy has a BMW.
No, it's in the driveway rightnow.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
My name is Zach Evans.
I'm going to be your host fortoday and first of all, thank
you to all of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofgood engagement over the last
couple weeks and we've got tothank all of you guys out there
for that.
Today we've got Nara specialguest on the show.
Nara, why don't you go aheadand introduce yourself to the
audience?
Name what you do and your starsign.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Hi, I'm Nara.
I am a fashion designer and mystar sign is a Pisces.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Pisces February or March.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
February.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
So close.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Close like starting pisces.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Oh man, I thought we're gonna be best friends for
a second oh, my birthday's nextweek nice happy birthday.
I'm march on march 18th ohreally yeah, so you're toxic
like me, huh never yeah don'tlie to me, nara, I think I'm
half and half half and half.
Yeah, I used to be toxic, usedto.
I'm recovering, fuck boy yeahback in my villain era.
But but.
(02:26):
But I was a professional, to beclear, okay, not like these
amateur gen z fuck boys you seenowadays they're bird scooters
oh my gosh.
No, yeah, they're a differenttype of fuck boy now you guys
fall for guys that have bedsthat touch two walls oh my gosh,
that's like on my list of eggslike.
Do you not know what anightstand is?
Stop dating these losers, noI'm not dating that anymore.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I used to, though, yeah yeah.
And I was like okay with that.
It's really sad when I likereflect.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
My friend is dating a guy who she showed me a
screenshot and he took ashirtless selfie at LA Fitness.
Like, first of all, go toequinox like a, like a
professional fuck boy and stopposting on hinge post on raya.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Well, I've seen planet fitness backgrounds
before, so that's even worse, Iknow that's a huge red flag.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, do you?
Have you ended up in in toxicrelationships in your past?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
um, yeah, and I didn't know it was until I got
out of it.
But I mean, you learn from itand stuff, but in the moment you
don't realize that I.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
I've always been curious because even when I was
a fuck boy, I was a very honestfuck boy okay I told girls, hey,
I don't want a relationship, Idon't want anything exclusive,
and they never believed me, likethey thought they could change
me or they thought somehow theywere going to be different or
something.
And I'm like, I was honest withyou guys, so like when you
would date a fuckboy in the backof your mind did you kind of
(03:50):
know he was a fuckboy but youjust enjoyed the excitement of
it, or did you literally have noidea that he was a fuckboy?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
no, I mean, I knew like, and I it's just like,
because he was a fuckboy Iwanted to date him, because I
thought I could change him.
Like yeah, he's going to changefor me, no, and then it's like
it was a constant pattern.
And then you, eventually, asyou get older, you're like I
don't want to do that anymore,like that's like not healthy.
And then you, just when youfinally realize your worth, it
takes a while.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
How old are you?
You're very confusing.
I'm 29, wait everyone says thatwhat age do I look?
You seem like mid-30s, mid-30slike personality, but you look
like you're like 20 with a fakeI d I don't know whether to talk
about investing or like doingmolly at disneyland it's very
confusing.
I know I've gotten that beforewhat's what's the oldest and the
(04:40):
youngest you've dated?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I haven't dated anyone younger than me.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Actually, I've always dated older, okay, so my
boyfriend right now is 34, sofive years yeah that's the
oldest that you have dated, yeaheveryone's usually like two
years older than me interesting.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, that's surprising to me but it's always
funny because they're alwaysolder and like still immature,
so it's just like I end up beinglike the more mature one girls
girls mature faster.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That's what most girls I know.
So I end a company in themodeling industry for a decade
right, and we had this thingcalled hot guy phase, where
girls, when they're 18, 19, 20,first getting into an agency,
they'd always be dating someyoung hot guy and they're all
like clones of each other.
They all like the same tiktokhair and like the dangly earring
(05:26):
and like you can't tell guy andthey're all like clones of each
other.
They all have like the same TikTOK hair and like the dangly
earring and like you can't tellthem apart.
They're exactly the same but themost beautiful girls.
When they were, you know, 21,22, 23, they'd always be dating
some like normal looking guywith, like you know, maybe dad
bod, like if you put a Brownshirt on them and he dropped off
your ups package like youwouldn't be surprised.
But they would always beextremely successful or
(05:47):
ambitious, or charismatic,intelligent and usually like 10
15 years older interesting yeah,and I think they just kind of
got out of hot guy phase andthey got kind of bored of those
guys and they needed somethingwith more substance yeah, but I
feel like they'll eventually getbored of that too maybe yeah
maybe which kind of leads into,like the sugar baby thing, like
(06:10):
have you ever, uh, dabbled inthe sugar?
Speaker 1 (06:11):
no, I just I always feel like my worst trait is like
having morals your worst traityeah, I'm just like I couldn't
do that, like I'm like I have areal dad, like I could just ask
him for that I have a real Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I know you don't have daddy issues.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
No, I don't have daddy issues, but I always feel
like I'm like I don't wantsomeone to get me something, I
can just buy it for myself.
I've never really been relyingon that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I see.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
But I'm like all for the girls that can Good for them
.
I got accused of being a sugardaddy.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
One time you got accused yeah, so I'm from
wisconsin.
Okay, there's no sugar daddies,the guys are too broke and the
girls are too ugly.
It's just, oh my gosh.
And so I moved to la.
It's like culture shock.
One of my best friends is likeshe basically has a sugar daddy
business, like she has like 10sugar daddies.
This guy gets her trips, thisguy buys her purses, whatever.
And I was raised very likechivalrous, my dad's old school.
(07:08):
So if I take a girl on a date,like I'm paying for the date.
Yeah, none of these likesplitsies, like I don't play
that bullshit.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
If I'm walking on the sidewalk I'm going to walk on
the car side.
So if the car comes, you know,stop the car with one hand.
You protect my girl with theother hand like mash it okay so
if I take a girl on a trip, andI'm taking girl to europe or
australia or something like that, like I'm paying for the whole
thing because to me it wouldfeel weird to not pay for it.
So, my friend, she's like zach,you know, you're a sugar daddy
(07:39):
and she said it in front of allmy friends too.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
And she's like zach, every guypays for girls in one way or
another, right?
Either you're paying for drinks, you're paying for dinner,
you're paying for trips, maybebags, maybe her rent, right?
yeah she's like all y'all aresugar daddies.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
They're just high class sugar days and low class
sugar daddies I mean, I neverthought about it that way, I
guess it was an interestingpoint yeah, but do you feel like
you're sugar daddy or it's justbecause you're nice and you
like?
You think like that's theproper way to do it?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I don't think it's about being nice yeah it to me
when I think sugar daddy is agirl likes you because you buy
her things where.
For me, if I'm taking a girl ona trip, I'm not just dming some
girl like come on a trip withme, it's a girl, we're already
dating okay she's already intome, yeah and at that point, okay
(08:30):
, let's go on a trip, it's gonnabe fun.
Yeah, so it's like the intent.
It's not.
Because it's not, let me buyyou a trick, so like, please,
like me, here's a trip it's morelike I would be going on this
trip anyway.
If you don't come, I'll fuckinggo by myself or bring one of my
guy friends, okay so you're nota sugar daddy yes, I'm not okay
, well, we can be if you want tobut does money play a role at
(08:53):
all to you in terms of like whatyou look for in a guy like
outside the sugar daddy role?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
no, because everyone I dated it doesn't make as much
money as I do.
But, um, I think long term, ifit's like someone that you see
yourself being like, fullycommitted to in the long run, it
will, because you don't want tobe like taking care of someone
at the same time, like you wantsomeone to like have goals with
you at the same time and likegrow together like it's like
fine if you like want like togrow together slowly and stuff.
(09:21):
But if they you don't see likethem like ever, like trying to
aim for higher, then it's gonnabe a no it's like you want to
fly middle seat on spirit therest of your life.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
No, I want to look at your plane ticket like exactly
64f.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, like one of my ex-boyfriends, he literally was
like he had like the worst joband it's just like he would
always like project on me andsay, oh, you only have this
because your parents bought itfor you.
Oh, you only went to thisschool because your parents and
I'm like my parents cut me offafter they paid for college,
like I paid for everything bymyself, and it's just like he
would always make me feel badfor making what I made and I
(09:55):
wasn't even making that muchmoney at the time, so I was just
like this isn't gonna work.
And yeah, I mean I don't knowwhat he's doing now, but I don't
think that he ever aimed forhigher.
So, yeah, I think it does playa role long term, but if it's
not someone that you thinkyou're going to see yourself
growing with, then no, yeah I, Ijust feel like I got to argue
(10:18):
with my mom the other daybecause she's like zach, you're
in la.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
She's like conservative wisconsin, mom
right.
She's like you're always datingthese like models, actresses,
you should focus on personality,find a nice girl from church,
blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like okay, okay, so youwant me to date uglier girls?
And she's like no, no, notuglier girls, just like focus on
personality.
I'm like, okay, mom, do thereexist like beautiful girls with
(10:43):
great personalities?
Of course, yeah.
And then there exists like uglygirls with great personalities,
like, of course, I'm going tochoose the beautiful girl with a
great person.
That's just like two plus twois four.
And so I think for girls it'slike yeah, there's rich guys
with great personalities.
Or there's like broke dudeswith great personalities, like
why wouldn't?
you want to choose like the richguy?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
yeah, that's true.
Do what stage are you in lifelike?
Are you looking to get settleddown or you still kind of
fuckboying it out?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
no, I kind of I still I went through my fuckboy phase
.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It was a long fuckboy phase, to be fair do you ever
get out of it, though I feellike guys never actually get out
of it, I actually do feel yeah,I'm kind of in the third
evolution.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
It's like I started off as as the super sweet nice.
My parents are very religious,taught me be polite to everybody
okay and I just got friendzoned and friend zoned and
friend zoned and cheated on andI don't like you, I like your
friend instead.
So eventually I was like fuckthis complete 180 became the
biggest asshole fuck boy,narcissist, sociopath okay and
(11:45):
then all of a sudden, magically,girls have connections with me
because I'm a fuck boy now andthen did that for a while, and
then I finally like filled myinternal need for validation and
I'm kind of like, just like thegentleman, you know, it's like
I have my boundaries, but Idon't need to fuck a thousand
girls to prove it, okay, yeahwhat stage are you in me?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
um well, I kind of had my fuck girl stage too, when
I was just like dating like thetrash rapper boys, the la
aspiring rappers boys who hadtattoos oh, I know, and I'm like
, oh, he wrote a song about melike he's gonna.
No, he's not.
No, I got over that.
Um, I'm in just like I'm readyto like be serious with someone
(12:27):
stage.
So we'll see if that gets therewith my current boyfriend.
But yeah, I'm not reallylooking to date around and stuff
.
I feel like it's just so hardand even like the dating apps,
like the idea of having to go onanother date with a random
person and like tell them myfavorite color, what I do for
work, like no, I just I can't doit again, so I'm like it has to
(12:47):
work this time the dating appsare a nightmare oh my gosh.
Yes, they're just likeoverwhelming.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
It's like I would just like forget who I'm even
texting and which app did I findthis person?
I mean, I haven't done them inlike five years, I just remember
feeling like oh fuck, I gotlike two dates tonight.
Which one do I cancel on?
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You schedule two dates at once.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You have to.
Girls are so flaky.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Guys do that.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
In Wisconsin.
I would literally like youcould text a girl on Monday hey,
you want to like go on a dateon Friday, dope sure.
A date on friday, dope sure.
And you could just not text herthe rest of the week and just
show up on friday and she'd justbe there.
It's like magic right here.
It's like you want to hang outfriday I'm down, dope.
Thursday comes, you still downfor tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm down, dope.
Friday morning you down forseven tonight, still on.
(13:31):
Yeah, I'm down, cool an hourbefore.
Hey, see you in an hour, ghostwait, I didn't know, and then
you would see her at a partywith gez or soldier boy or
whatever fuck celebrity is atthe party and you're like, okay,
so you just flaked on me for aparty okay, but it's you have to
double book you have to is Idon't I.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I don't make the rules, I just play by them um,
my rule when I was like datingis, if they don't like text me
the day of the date before noon,then I'm not going to like for
them to confirm.
But why?
Because, like they should, I'mnot gonna get ready.
Like makeup is expensive, likeI'm not gonna get ready, waste
my time to just like go on thisdate.
(14:12):
That might like lead to nothingif he just like doesn't follow
up with me, you know like youdon't think that you should
follow up with him.
Yes, but I'm weird and I don'tlike to text first, so I guess
I'm the problem.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
See, this is why we double book.
We have to.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Oh, okay Interesting.
I didn't know, you guys didthat.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I get it from a girl's
perspective.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
You're, I'm sure, inundated with guys, especially
if you have ever done onlinedating.
It's just a thousand messages aday, yeah.
But I also get the side of thepeople flaking the hour before
like I would never do thatbecause I would feel bad.
But I mean, sometimes you getin like this weird headspace and
you're like I don't really wantto do that, like I don't really
want to exert my energy, butI've never canceled on someone
an hour before I have left adate during the day did you do
the like text?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
your friend call oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
No, he was awful, like what happened.
He was a hat fish.
Do you know what that is?
Hat fish?
Yeah like he was bald no it'slike a guy that looks different
with a hat on and then when hetakes it off, he looks different
as well it's like but but likehis, is it?
he looks different in hispictures, or you're saying in
real life well, his pictureswere with a hat on, but then
when I saw him without a hat, itwas just like he was not the
(15:22):
same person doesn't everybodylook different with a hat on?
no, I feel like men look betterwith hats some men, I don't know
.
Anyways, he was a hat fish andwe went on this date.
It was like during covid, likewhen things are opening up.
He took me to this restaurant,beverly hills, and he was just
like the worst kind of person.
Like he was racist, homophobic,like he just brought up
(15:45):
politics at the table, cut meoff, like he would always be,
like I'm gonna let you finish.
I'm like, and he was just likeyou know those people that are
just like obnoxious about howmuch money they have and they
have to rub it in.
It's just like you probablydon't have that much money if
you have to like sit there andlike make a point about it.
But he was just like nasty andI made it all the way to dessert
.
And when we got to the actualrestaurant, it was in the back
(16:10):
and there was like a table.
It was a circular table and itwas covered in rose petals with
like tapered candles and I'mlike this is this, looks like
valentine's day dinner.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Like this is ridiculous this is the first day
this is the first day, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
And then I was just like, okay, I'm just gonna stick
it out.
Like maybe he's like nice andhe's being awkward.
He was just like horrible.
So I did make a dessert and thedessert was a chocolate cake
and it was in the shape of aheart.
And then it on the like plateit said wow and chocolate dust.
And I'm like wow, wow.
And I was like is this guy gonnakill me?
Like he's like a serial killer,like there's no way.
(16:43):
So then he just like basicallylike ticked me off when he was
like you probably get sexualizedfor the way you dress.
That did it for me.
I literally got up from thetable and I was like I'm not
gonna have this guy talk to meand I like sprinted out of there
on my louboutins and I was likescared for my life, honestly,
like he was horrible and like Ihate doing that.
I've never done that.
But I felt like I had to in themoment start sending me awful
(17:05):
texts, like your dad probablyhates you.
You suck, you're not even thatpretty like awful.
And so I blocked him and Ireported him on Bumble and stuff
.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
But yes, I reported him.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
It's a psychopath.
That's crazy yeah and then Ilike did not leave my house for
like a week crazy yeah I had, Igot pro or a lifestyle catfished
one time what's a lifestylecatfish?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
so this was like early covid, like 2020, when
everybody was blown up on tiktok.
So I meet this girl.
She had like million plustiktok followers on her story
every day, private jet thisyacht trip to tulum, like all
this kind of stuff so we startdating and she's always coming
to my place and she lives in thevalley.
(17:52):
I'm like, you know, you'realways driving over here every
once in a while, like I can cometo your spot.
She's like nah, it's okay, it'sfine.
I'm like okay, so one day I endup going there.
And are you familiar with thevalley at all?
Yeah, okay, so the valley'slike it's like.
Have you seen the lion king,the movie?
Yeah so you know, and mufasaand simba are on pride rock yes,
(18:14):
yes, he's like everything thelight touches is your kingdom
and he's like see those dark,shadowy areas.
Never go there.
There's crackhead hyenas.
It's dangerous.
She lived in, like the shadowyareas of the house.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You went to Van Nuys.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I don't know what part of it.
That's like the worst part, deepin the valley there's just like
bars over all the windows.
There's like feral childrenscurrying around in the sewers,
like it was like very sketched.
So go up to her apartment, openthe door.
There's like you know, we'rethree roommates on the couch or
(18:46):
whatever.
And I'm like, yeah, give me thetour.
So she opens the first door.
I'm like, oh, this is like anice walk-in closet.
She's like zach, that's my roomand I look down and it's just
like a mattress on the ground,not even like a fitted, just
like a flat sheet over the top.
I can go like this and liketouch both of the walls.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
No.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
And then we start watching like a movie on her
laptop because she like doesn'thave a TV and she has Hulu with
advertisements.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Not the Hulu with advertisements.
That did it for you.
You were on a private jetyesterday.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
You have Hulu with ads like this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
It was the ads that did it, it wasn't the space it
was the ads that did it.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I mean to be fair.
We still dated a while after.
I don't really care that much,but it was just so interesting
seeing the contrast between likeinstagram life and like real
life.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Well, that's like a lot of people here Like you see
people on TikTok like postingall their clothing hauls and
they're like in debt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah it's crazybecause people get so caught up
in that lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
And especially TikTok , like there's a lot of people
with a lot of followers thatdon't know how to monetize it,
so you end up in these weirdsituations.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I know, but I feel like that only even happens in
LA, so it's an LA people problem.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Pretty much.
Yeah, what's your type, let'sgo physical first.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Well, my ideal type is six feet tall.
I know you're going to saysomething because I'm like five
feet tall.
That's a requirement, thoughhas to have a good job.
It's not even like about looks,it's more about personality and
just like it has to becharismatic tall, yes, as long
as they're tall, no, I don'tblame you for that I, uh, so the
(20:27):
first fashion model I dated.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
She was 5, 11, okay, so three inches shorter than me,
but with heels it's like prettyclose, yeah, and she told me
before this like she wouldalways date like basketball
players nba players becausethey're me.
Before this, like she wouldalways date like basketball
players NBA players becausethey're always like six, five
and she said she's like Zach.
After that I started datingthis five eight guy because I
was like sick of getting fuckedover by all these basketball
players.
(20:50):
And she's like I'm dating him.
It's like three dates in andshe's like, yeah, I had a couple
glasses of wine one night andthe guy's like coming to her
house.
I had a couple glasses of wineone night and the guy's like
coming to her house.
She's like Zach, I opened thedoor, I gave him a hug and she's
like I picked him up and I spunhim around and she's like I
watched his little legs.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
No, that's such an egg.
She was like.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Zach, in that moment I couldn't do it and I'm like
that's your fault for doing that.
But I get it, yeah, becauselike there is something about
having a taller guy that makesyou feel more in like your
feminine energy, and makes youfeel protected and safe.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, but it's not like, oh, I say it's a
requirement, it's not really arequirement.
My boyfriend's five, 11.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
So yeah, well, that's still 11 inches taller than you
.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, you're right, and I'm actually not even this
tall, I'm wearing heels.
Yeah, you're right, and I'mactually not even this tall, I'm
wearing heels.
Um, yeah, it used to be likehave tattoos like sleeves, but
I'm just like I've outgrown thatso you used to like the bad boy
type yeah, yeah, I did likejustin bieber aesthetic actually
cheesy aesthetic boys I know sobad tall white boys skater
(21:56):
skater dude type yeah, well,actually I didn't even like
skater boys, but my boyfriend'sa skater interesting yeah I
don't know, I feel like I don'treally have a type.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
It like evolves yeah, and then what about personality
?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
they have to be like outgoing.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
They have to be open-minded, um patient and then
honestly, I feel like honestyis like an important one as well
I don't know if I believe you,why girls always say this oh, I
like a guy who's nice and honestand sweet and nice to the
waiter and all those things.
(22:31):
And then I see all the guysthat the girls date.
I'm like they're not nice orhonest or any of these things
well, maybe they were in thebeginning and then they showed
their true colors maybe, yeah,I've become a lot pickier when
it comes to intelligence of thepeople I date oh, that's a good
one actually, yeah and not evenlike they went to college and
(22:53):
they read a bunch of books butemotional intelligence and
social intelligence yeahinterested in psychology and and
the reason people are the waythey are, and I actually think
back to like my fuck boy dayswhere all I care about is like
she's hot I'm like I don't knowwhat I talked about on these
dates no, yeah, like three hours.
I'm like what the fuck did Italk about with these girls?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I don't even remember oh my gosh, like, where is this
?
Like when I would date theserapper guys, they would make me
sit at the studio with them andI would have to be like I really
like this song oh yeah, yeah,and I didn't.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Is it awkward when, like so, someone's like let me
show you the song, and then theyjust play the whole song?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
you're sitting here for three minutes in silence
yeah, and then afterwards you'relike like what are?
You supposed to say like, yeah,no, it's really good like well,
you have to say there's nothingelse you can really say yeah, I
mean, yeah, it's awkward, butit's like you can't tell them
it's bad.
I did tell a guy one time itwas bad and he was like you're
mean and I'm like, okay, well,your music went nowhere.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So I wasn't wrong work on your soundcloud.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, no, they don't use soundcloud anymore.
Spotify lets them put theirmusic on spotify now um, so what
?
Speaker 2 (24:03):
what attracted you to the, the rapper guys?
The rapper guys back in the dayokay.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
So I was like kind of a groupie when I first moved
here.
Um, do you know who like travismills, sammy adams, all those
boys no, I don't really know therap game no, okay, well,
they're not, they're not reallydoing anything like drake drake
kanye.
Well, I was just like a groupieum and then I don't know, I
guess just like, because theymade music, I liked them even if
(24:31):
you didn't like their music.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, crazy yeah and did?
Was it also because it makethem seem more like the bad boy,
and they're kind of into badboys?
Speaker 1 (24:43):
yeah, I think it was like the chase, basically.
I don't know, but we're overthat phase, so it doesn't matter
.
I'm like I look back back on it, I'm like that's so
embarrassing well, what's thelast toxic relationship you've
had?
Well.
So I like stayed single forfive years after the toxic one,
and then I was just like insituationships but like they
(25:03):
didn't really mean anything, andI was just like working on
myself.
So that was like five years agoyeah, it was like three years
and he just gaslit me the wholetime.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
How did you meet originally?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Bumble, I know, you know what's so funny.
We had matched and then I nevermessaged him and then I like I
would delete the apps all thetime and then re-download them.
And then we matched again andwe started dating.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah and he was a rapper no, he wasn't a rapper
what?
What attracted you to himoriginally?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
the way he dressed had tattoos.
He dressed like a fuck boy,because he was a fuck boy.
That's why I liked him.
Yeah, I see, yeah and then whathappened?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
so?
So originally did you know hewas a fuck boy, or you're like,
nah, he's a nice guy, or wereyou like I can change him?
How did that?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
I mean you could tell he's a fuck boy in his pictures
.
And the first time we hung outhe like picked me up in a stupid
white bmw smoking a cigarette,like every fuck boy has a bmw I
have a bmw what color?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
white no, it's in the driveway right now, and it's
the kind where the doors go uplike a spaceship.
Okay, well, he didn't have thatone um, but see, I'm a fuck man
, I'm not a fuck boy, okay yeah,that's different.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, and he had the earring war, supreme bathing ape
, so bad he's like, like, like,like.
If you google like pinterest,fuck boy yeah no, literally, and
I'm like, okay, he kind oflooks like cheesy, stupid white
guy yeah and then, so you startdating yeah what, what, what
(26:37):
happens in the relationship?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
He starts gaslighting you.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Yeah, like I was.
I was.
He was three years older thanme, so I was like 20, like
starting my fashion career andstuff.
So I was like really focused onthat.
And then he was just like notreally going anywhere, like he
was projecting on me when he waslike doing bad things.
He was projecting on me Like Icouldn't go out with my friends
to like literally like dinner,because he would be like where
(27:01):
are you at?
And I'm like I'm literally atdinner, like I'd be posting
stories, and he'd be like you'rewith a guy, I'm like I'm
literally at dinner right nowand it was just, it was good for
the first year and then, likethe second year, I was like
checked out, tried to break upwith him a couple times,
couldn't I mean tried like Iwould break up with him, like
you said, no, no but he wouldkeep coming back.
(27:22):
And so then I found out hecheated on me on my birthday
brunch day yeah, on the way tothe brunch how'd you figure it
out?
the girl dm me no way, yeah it'slike in the car, and then I'm
like I'm texting my roommate atthe time and I'm like, oh my
gosh, when you get to therestaurant like maybe in the
bathroom I have to tell yousomething.
She's like what?
And I'm like, oh, he cheated onme.
(27:43):
She's like, oh, my god, wedon't have to do this.
So I'm like, no, we're gonna dothis.
And then he's gonna pay for thecheck at the end of it and it's
gonna be over, and so you guysrack up the bill it was like a
bottomless brunch thing, so, um,I don't think he even ended up
paying it.
I don't even know who paid forit, actually.
But I was like, not gonna sayanything in the car and then I
(28:04):
he said something that ticked meoff.
And then I was like, didn't youcheat on me with ariel?
And he was like who's ariel?
Like you know, when a guy'slying?
like you can tell.
He like tensed up and I waslike, okay, well, that tells me
everything.
Like I'm like you just need totell me because you already dm
me.
And he like took my phone fromme and I'm like you have to be
kidding.
And then we got to brunch, likeI did not even acknowledge him.
He was sitting beside me andI'm like he sucks whatever, um,
(28:28):
and then that was it did he keeptrying to hit you up or did he
kind of know?
um, he did so we like try, Ididn't see him for like a couple
weeks and then we went todinner again and then I'm like
I'm disgusted by him, like Idon't want to be around this
person, so I was like I got outand that changed your
perspective on men yeah, I meanall, men really suck, actually
(28:51):
sorry.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Why do you say that?
Speaker 1 (28:53):
They're just like I don't know they're so
frustrating Like.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I think men are more simple actually.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
No, they're not.
They're so complicated Like Iget so like stressed out with my
boyfriend because he's so justlike, go with the flow, and I'm
so type A and I need to beknowing what we're doing that
day, and he's just like, oh, OK,well, I didn't know I had to
tell you that at this time wewere doing this and I'm like, no
, I have anxiety, like you needto tell me these things, but
they just like don't think, likethey're just like chill about
everything.
(29:21):
We just don't read minds, butit's just like is it that hard
to be like at this time, on thisday we're doing this?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I mean I will say so.
I'm much more I.
I always have been the type tolike very much take the lead in
relationships so.
I am very much here's the planbe ready at 7 30?
I'm picking you up.
Here's what we're doing.
Even at restaurants, liketypically, I order not for the
girl but for the table and I'mlike, hey, we're gonna, I know
what's good here, we're gonnaget this this, this.
(29:48):
Does anything specific you want, let me know.
But I kind of like take control.
But I also understand when guysare like, yeah, like what do
you want me to do?
Speaker 1 (29:56):
yeah, read your mind.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, I guess, I don't know, it's difficult has
he been better, though, now thatyou mentioned that?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
um no, but I just I feel like I sound annoying all
the time.
He's like, oh my gosh, let'schill out, like for two seconds,
and I'm like I can't chill out,like I need to know what I'm
doing on saturday and sunday soI can book my yoga class, and
he's like it's not that serious.
It really is not that serious.
Maybe I'm the problem.
It's funny because actually you.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Being type a, I feel like is the opposite of the
experience that I have with mostgirls in la oh really most
girls are.
Granted, I usually end updating in like the entertainment
scene.
So like models, actresses,musicians, like that scene.
So most girls I know it's likewake up at like 11 am, like hey,
you have a shoot at like noon,oh yeah, like show up like an
(30:46):
hour late to their shoot, likedon't.
Like, oh, there's traffic.
I'm like there's traffic everyday, like what?
Speaker 1 (30:51):
the fuck you talking about?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
you know yeah so it's interesting that you're kind of
the opposite of that I knowthat's what he was saying.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
He was like I'm so used to like girls that like
don't really have a job.
No structure yeah.
No, that's like most yeah, Iget up at 6 30 and, like I, go
to work and go to yoga was yourmom kind of that personality
type as well?
My mom doesn't work.
She didn't have to wake up.
Yeah, she um was always well.
(31:16):
She was like a stay-at-home momokay so she was just like on
the go, on, the go, on the go.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
But so what?
Why do you think you, yourpersonality, turned out more, um
, kind of running shit andtaking care of things and
because my dad's like thatactually okay, yeah, so you kind
of modeled him.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Do you feel like?
I feel like in traditionalrelationships right, there's
kind of like the masculine roleand then like the feminine role,
and the masculine role is moreabout like planning and getting
a job and bringing home thebacon.
The feminine role is typicallymore the supportive, taking care
of the household, stuff, likethat.
Do you find yourself taking themasculine role in relationships
(31:59):
often?
Speaker 1 (32:00):
yeah, I could read that definitely.
Um, I know it's, it's annoying,so so you prefer?
Speaker 2 (32:06):
would you prefer a guy who's like even more
masculine?
So then he kind of likenaturally you fall into the
feminine role, or do you enjoytaking the masculine role?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
no, I enjoy it because I don't want anyone to
tell me what to do.
Okay, interesting yeah so.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
So then, do you do you like dating more of like the
kind of like simp guys that aremore like the more feminine
guys that are in their feelingsand kind of you control shit and
they kind of like, okay, babe,whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, I guess so yeah .
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
I don't know.
I'm like why am I this way?
I also have, like I say this,I'm like I'm self-diagnosed high
functioning anxiety.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
I see what.
What gives you anxiety?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
No, like I always have to be doing something like
on the weekends, I can't sleepin I need to like I can't either
.
Actually I'm the same way Ineed to go to like a yoga class.
I need to go like do laundry,go grocery shopping, like I
always need to be doingsomething and I'm like why can't
I ever just chill like I'venever?
I do sleep in sometimes, butit's like 8 30.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
have you heard of primary driver emotions?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
no, no, what is?
Speaker 2 (33:16):
that.
So basically, in psychology,right, everybody has a primary
driver emotion.
It's like the emotion that youmost crave, right?
So people always say I want tobe happy, but in reality,
happiness is not an emotion.
Happiness is an umbrella termthat covers excitement,
contentment, joy, sense offulfillment, all these things
(33:37):
that are the real emotions thathappiness kind of covers.
So for me, for example,excitement is my primary driver
emotion.
So I'm similar to you where I'malways trying to like work on
something I need, like somethingto stimulate me and take my
attention, whereas some peopledon't like that and they like
contentment where they just wakeup, everything's easy Watch
(34:00):
some TV, you know, sit on theporch with my glass of tea and
like watch the sunrise.
I'm like that sounds so fuckingboring to me, like I would like,
two minutes into that, be likeall right, I need to fucking do
something.
You sound like you're more likethat.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yeah, have you ever tried the whole wake up Like the
first 10 minutes?
You're more like that.
Yeah, have you ever tried thewhole wake up like the first 10
minutes?
You're not supposed to look atyour phone, you're supposed to
meditate.
I did that, and it did nothing.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
So my first, when I found out about meditation, I
was going to Mexico.
Okay, and this girl was likeshe got this Airbnb with a bunch
of friends right, and likewe're all meeting there.
And she's like, yeah, when youget to the Airbnb, like just
walk in, like I'm just going toleave the door open, like it's
too annoying, there's only onekey, blah, blah, blah.
So I get to the Airbnb and Iopened the gate and there's like
(34:46):
a walkway to the door and thedoor is like cracked open.
So I start walking.
I'm like vanessa, nothing.
And I'm a little bit likenervous.
It was my first time to mexico.
I like heard these rumors, maybeit's dangerous or like maybe
they know where the tourists go.
(35:07):
They're like, so I'm like alittle bit nervous.
I'm like creak the door open.
I'm like looking around.
I'm like vanessa and I liketurn the corner and it's the
scariest shit.
It's just these eight girlssitting there like like zombies,
like I am legend, just likestaring at the wall.
I'm like vanessa what the fuck?
She's like we're meditating andthey would just stare at a wall
(35:27):
for like 20 minutes.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
It wasn't like guided , they were just staring at the
wall just staring at the wall.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
And then she told me she was like yeah, zach, you got
to start meditating.
She was like I went on thismeditation retreat for seven
days.
She paid $2,000 to just go tosomeone else's house and just
stare at their walls for likeseven days.
You're kidding and just likewalk outside.
Okay, now we're going to stareat the trees.
Now we come back we stare atthe table.
They just stared at things.
(35:52):
I'm like I have a bunch ofwalls I don't even use.
I would have for 500 bucks.
You could have stared at all mywalls the whole weekend.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah.
I've done sound bath.
That's different though.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
No, it's the same.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Well, what is sound bath?
Speaker 1 (36:06):
When they have the little bowls and the yeah, but I
don't.
I guess I don't understand it,like I don't want to make fun of
it, but I don't fall asleep.
I just like laid there and I'mlike okay, and like people were
like knocked out, and I'm likeokay, like did I do it wrong?
Am I supposed to feel something?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
I don't believe in any of that stuff.
I'm not going to lie, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
I tried to.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Yeah, what do you?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
think about like manifestation.
Okay, so you know, have youever been on the side of TikTok
where they're like like thisthree times or and he'll text
you?
Oh my gosh, I used to get thoseall the time and, like my
delusional self would be like,OK, I have to heart this and
he'll text me.
No, I think it works to acertain extent.
Ok, so you're going to thinkI'm crazy.
(36:51):
In my notes app, I likemanifested.
I think I manifest my boyfriendbecause I wrote what I wanted
in a guy and stuff and then hejust appeared out of nowhere
what did you write?
I'm not gonna tell you it'spersonal, but I made a list in
my notes and then I was thinking, no, it has to be like things
(37:12):
that matter that doesn't matterit does, but that was not a
priority but I to a certainextent, but I'm not like to the
point where I'm like delusionalabout it um, I don't believe in
the crystal thing either, like Idon't know how some rocks can
do anything for you what wouldyou do if you start seeing a guy
(37:32):
and then there's like you're athis house and there's a little
like thing in the corner, it'slike a blanket.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
You like lift up the blanket and it's like a, it's
like a fishbowl and it has yourpicture on the front of it and a
bunch of crystals in there.
And then you're like what thefuck is this?
And he's like, oh yeah, likeactually this is how I met you.
I was manifesting you for likeyears, before I even met you,
which would be like oh, that'ssweet.
I don't think men do that,though I feel like girls do that
(37:59):
I saw tiktok about it guys didthat I don't know if I don't
know if it was a sketch or if heactually did it but I was like
this is the creepiest shit I'veever seen in my life um, I guess
, like if he he was givingserial killer vibes already, I'd
be kind of creeped out.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
But I don't think I would be necessarily weirded out
.
I'd be like why are you doingthat?
Take it down.
Like, why is he still have thatup if you're already dating?
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know, it's weirdyeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
The manifestation thing is a huge red flag for me
manifesting yeah like what sortof manifesting like?
so I've met a lot of girls rightwho have hot girl syndrome and
they're like oh, zach.
Like this one of the girls Idid, she's like zach.
I've been manifesting like theI want, I've always wanted to go
(38:53):
to europe and I just manifestedit.
I'm going on this free europetrip.
I blah, blah and I'm like, whenyou're manifesting, please,
universe, give me the, theeurope trip.
You're not praying to theuniverse, you're praying to some
rich old dude who wants to fuckyou okay, that's your dms.
And said hey we have this europetrip with a bunch of chicks.
(39:14):
Come on the europe trip yeah,and she's like for her to think
that that was the universe, asopposed to her posting a thirst
trap every day for a year and,just statistically, some rich
old dude's going to slide intothe DMs.
It just shows like a lack ofself-awareness.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
That's not manifesting, then no Interesting
yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
And that's the thing is like people describe
manifesting in two ways.
Thing is like people describemanifesting in two ways.
Some people it's like theuniverse drops something on my
head because I sense my energyinto the magnetic field or
whatever.
And then some people likemanifesting is like, yeah,
reading through your goals everyday, thinking about your goals,
getting motivated and thentaking all the steps to reach
your goal yeah, I'm like I canget behind that kind of
(39:54):
manifesting yeah, and it's alsoyou're putting out in the
universe and you're workingtowards it.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
You're not just getting it handed.
Yeah, so I guess to a certainextent I do believe in it, but
not really.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
What's the next thing that you're manifesting in your
life?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Nothing really.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I don't know you already manifested your
boyfriend.
Why not keep manifesting amillion dollars?
I don't know, like I don't.
I want a dog.
It's so lame.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
No, we're not manifesting, we're just gonna
get it yeah yeah, we don't havetime to waste well, that's the
thing is like I was talking tosomebody one time and I was like
okay, you're like, oh, Imanifested coming to la.
I'm like how did you get here?
She's like oh, I likemanifested and it happened.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
I'm like no, but how did you like literally get here?
Speaker 2 (40:48):
she's like well, I flew here, I'm like okay.
So you went on the fuckinginternet.
You like went on a website, youput your credit card in.
Then you like buy the ticket.
Then you like drive through, gothrough, tsa.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Then that's not manifesting you just like bought
a plane ticket yeah, what areyou?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
talking about.
It's pretty funny, though Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
My favorite is when, like, they make the tiktoks and
they're like, oh my gosh, I cameto la with 400 and look at me
now well, that's the thing toois like a lot of times it's just
like a hot girl that getsopportunities because she's hot
which don't get me wrong morepower to use your hot girl
privilege.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
I don't blame you, but like they're, they're acting
like the universe is just sokind of like.
No, it's kind to you becauseyou're hot and like guys do
things for you because you'rehot, and that is the only reason
to be honest with you okay, soyou don't like manifesting?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
I'm from wisconsin, though it's different there
don't they just like have cheesethere and stuff?
Nobody in wisconsin believes inmanifesting signs, nothing I
think it's an la thing, because,like no one anywhere else, see
that what's interesting.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
So la miami vegas signs are very big, and my
theory is that signs are verybig in cities, that networking
is very important, right, and Ithink they evolved as a way to
quickly get off of small talkinto things that people care
(42:12):
about.
Right, if we're having smalltalk and it's like what do you
do?
I'm a dentist and it's likecool, how did you get into
dentistry?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Why do you like me?
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Like like it's a very boring conversation.
You don't really connect withsomebody because nobody really
gives a fuck that you're adentist.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
But if you say, oh, I'm a Scorpio, oh I like dated a
Scorpio and like it was one ofmy, my best friends, virgo, and
then it's like, oh, my bestfriend's a Virgo, and then it's
like, oh, my best friend's aVirgo, and people connect over
these like personality traits,and I think it evolved as
literally like a tool to networkyeah.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Do you believe in the whole like let's say, you're
talking to a girl and she's likea sign you're not compatible
with?
Are you just not going to dateher?
Speaker 2 (42:51):
no, I don't actually believe in signs yeah, like in a
literal sense.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Yeah, I just think they're super fun.
I don't even believe in my ownsign, like I don't think I'm a
true Pisces.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I'm not.
It's funny.
So like Pisces, at least, formen are supposed to be like
super emotional.
I hate Pisces man.
It's just like wah, wah,everything is so hard and I'm
like, I'm literally the polaropposite, like people always say
, zach, you're a robot.
You like girls are always likeyou need to stop suppressing
your emotions and like go totherapy.
And they always block me andblah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
So you're an Aries, basically.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
That's it.
I'm an Aries rising.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
Oh, I don't know what sign I would be.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
For your rising.
You seem like a Virgo you thinkOkay.
I honestly don't know anythingabout risings moons.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I have the costar app and I'm like I just referenced
that, um, but okay, you knowthat it reads your text messages
.
That's why your do's and don'tsare always accurate.
Shut the fuck up, it does, areyou serious?
Yeah, I read your text messagesbecause mine are always spot on
that's crazy it's like I wasupset about something the other
day and it was like don't dwellon the past.
And I'm like why do you knowthat?
Like stop.
It's like don't dwell on thepast and I'm like why do you?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
know that like stop, it's like, don't dwell on the
past.
Your ex anthony will try tocome back into your life.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
No, it's like spot on like it's crazy, but it's like
there's this whole article abouthow he reads your text messages
.
That's crazy.
Yeah, so invasive, I know, butI still keep it.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
They're hustling.
That's hilarious, All right.
Well, we're about out of time.
I got some rapid fire questionsfor you.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Favorite food, caesar salad.
What the fuck so lame Salad?
Speaker 1 (44:30):
I love salad.
Wait, no, can I change it?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Nope you're already locked in.
Oh fine, okay, go for it.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
Spicy vodka pasta favorite um first date spot or
activity.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Oh, drinks at the tower bar.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Oh, I do like tower, I love tower bar.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Yeah, tower bar is good it's.
Sometimes it's it's annoyingbecause, like it's not that big.
So if it's like packed, yeahyou end up like standing.
That's happened to me a coupletimes.
I don't usually go there, butor chateau marmont.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Where chateau marmont ?
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I've never been there you haven't.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
You have to go.
I'll check it out beautifulit's in west hollywood it's like
my pink taco okay yeah, um nexttravel destination.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
You haven't been that you want to go to um Greece oh,
mykonos yeah that's nice, allright.
Well, this has been fun.
Where can people find you anyInstagram shout out or anything
you'd like to?
Speaker 1 (45:25):
um.
My Instagram is at exonara.
You don't want my TikTok, it'strash all right, this has been
fun.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
We'll have to do round two sometime okay, for
sure all right.
Thanks for watching.
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