May 23, 2025 • 50 mins
Special thanks to Kendra for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show
Kendra Shoemaker shares how surviving a near-death experience at age seven fundamentally shaped her fearless approach to life and adventure. From leaving home at 16 to pursue ballet to building her own van to live in, her remarkable journey demonstrates how embracing challenges leads to personal growth.
• Surviving lacrosse encephalitis (brain swelling from a mosquito bite) at age 7 gave Kendra a unique perspective on life and death
• Left her small Minnesota hometown at 16 to attend pre-professional ballet academy in Pennsylvania
• Attended an "outdoor college" with 30-day backpacking and river rafting trips as classes
• Built and lived in her own van conversion during the pandemic, complete with power tools and custom furniture
• Prefers driven, ambitious partners over purely physical attributes in relationships
• Believes in manifestation from a philosophical standpoint - setting goals makes you more likely to make choices leading to those outcomes
• Values surrounding herself with like-minded friends who share her passion for outdoor activities
Life is too short not to embrace adventure – get out of your comfort zone and see what you're capable of achieving.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't know what kind of person I would be if I
didn't go and do everything I'vedone.
I remember just being in painbecause I had such a bad
headache and then I woke up aweek later in the hospital and
had no idea, but apparently Iwas like screaming in pain.
They took me into the hospitaland I remember being in this
like white space, if that makessense.
(00:22):
It was very peaceful, where Iwasn't in my body or in some
spiritual realm.
I don't know how to explain it,but it felt like I could have
let go and been peaceful andbeen fine.
I've always carried that kindof knowing what the feeling is
of dying.
So I'm like okay, I've beenthere already, stuff doesn't
(00:44):
scare me as much.
I think it's natural to bescared, but I think it's more.
You have a sense of like okay,I need to be brave.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Why the f*** would I buy meal prep If I have to do
the work I'm paying you to dothe work, You're going to make
me cook it.
Fucking.
Sit there.
Oh, put a tablespoon of avocado.
Chat GBT.
What's the difference betweenteaspoon and tablespoon?
Like I'm sitting like a fuckingidiot trying to make this food.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I do have a whole box of power tools, yeah, but I did
that and, like, had a windowinstalled on the side, so
there's like a sliding room.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I don't tell many people I lived in a van guys
care about looking like to havethe hottest girl in the room if
you're with a true masculine man, it's easy.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
You don't have to be like why isn't he doing this,
this and this?
You're like oh, okay, I'm goodA rejection.
You can do one of two things.
You can either be likeswallowing in your self-pity, or
you can go the other way andlike, okay, well then, I'm going
to work on myself so thatdoesn't happen again.
Obviously, the people yousurround yourself with are so
important.
If you have a goal set in yourmind, you're more likely to,
(01:49):
along the way, make the choicesthat lead you up to the house
that you got.
And you could say I manifestedit.
But really in a logical sense,what you did is you got a better
job, you went to college to geta degree, you made these things
.
Maybe you made these businesstransactions to get the money to
get the house, but because youset that goal in your mind, like
(02:10):
I'm going to get it.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, herewith my co-host, mohamed
Mollahi, and we have a specialguest on the show today.
This is Kendra.
Kendra, why don't you go ahead,introduce yourself to the
audience, name what you do andyour star sign?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Sure yeah, I'm Kendra Shoemaker.
I am a fashion and fitnessmodel.
I'm also a talk show host, andI'm an Aquarius.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I know all about you guys.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Really.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Fun but bad for my mental health.
Really Dangerous, dangerousthat's funny.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I don't know much about zodiac signs, but all I'm
told is, whenever I say I'm anAquarius, everyone's like oh, so
you're very creative.
I'm like yes.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
They're lying to you.
Toxic is the word that theymean.
They say creative is like astand-in for toxic.
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I feel like any guy that I've dated who's aquarius
is emotional, so I don't knowprobably yeah I'm pisces, so
pisces okay used to be toxic,back in my villain era so that
means you no, I'm a recoveringfuckboy, so are you uh born in
march?
Is that pisces, okay?
So it's coming up, yeah come tomy birthday party it'll be to
(03:25):
my birthday party.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
That was a real invitation what are you?
A guess, not that you know muchabout me, so it's going to be
probably a shoot in the dark aLibra no.
I'm tapping out what's the bestsign in your, in your mind.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
A Sagittarius.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Why.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I don't know.
You just made it up.
I think people I've met thatsay their Sagittarius are cool.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
I don't know.
Who do you know is aSagittarius?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Um, some of my friends, some of my really good
friends, are Sagittarius.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
You just attract a lot of Sagittarius.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I guess I don't know.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Are you in a relationship?
No, have you ever been in arelationship?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
What signs?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
were they?
That's a good question.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
You don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I think one of them was a Sagittarius.
He might have been.
Do you know their birthdays?
December?
Speaker 5 (04:30):
So yeah, that was Sagittarius, right?
Well, it depends.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Capricorn Halfway through.
December.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Like the 15th.
Yeah, yeah, okay, and so I'massuming that went well.
Do you like him?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
um, that was like my very first boyfriend, so that
was how old were you?
Speaker 5 (04:53):
I was 18 oh okay, and how long did you guys date?
Like a year and a half uh-huh,yeah, wait, how old are you
again?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
yes you didn't say it oh, you didn't say your sign,
no, no, I'm just wondering ifyou said it in the beginning?
Speaker 5 (05:08):
no, I didn't okay that's what I was like um you
look like you're 23 okay, I'm 26okay that's good yeah you.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
You seem older than you look thank you yeah, it's
like, like, like it's veryconfusing.
I'm like do we talk about likeinvesting or, like you know,
flip over the water bottle, landon the thing for tiktok?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
you know what I mean yeah, I have been out pretty
much on my own since I was 16,so I think I grew up really fast
okay well, I still really closewith my parents, but I moved
out when I was 16 to go to aballet school Interesting.
So I went to Pennsylvania and Iwas dancing at a
pre-professional ballet academy.
So I did that for two years anddanced in Pennsylvania and
(05:53):
Boston.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Was that scary, leaving your hometown so early?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
No.
I'm from a tiny town.
So I grew up in a town of like600 people, okay, and everyone's
so nice in Minnesota, but it'skind of like cornfields.
We grew up like in the prairiebasically which was gorgeous to
grow up because we got to beoutside a lot.
But I'm always like soadventurous, so I wanted to like
go out and I was so passionateabout ballet at the time, so I
(06:20):
was like I need to go yeah, no,I get that In Wisconsin at the
time, so I was like I need to go.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, no, mix, I get that in wisconsin.
It's very much the same.
Yeah, I go back to wisconsin.
I see like my old high schoolfriends and like y'all are going
to the same bowling alley thatwe went to when I was a junior
in high school yeah like some ofthem, never been on a plane, I
just want to like shake themlike.
Go to your comfort zone forlike two seconds and like try
some sushi, maybe raw fishthere's spicy food that exists.
(06:48):
It's crazy, yeah, and like halfmy relatives are like oh my god,
you live in hollywood yeah didyou see brad pitt?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
like at the grocery store, like they think everybody
in la is like a celebrity, likeit's crazy yeah, I have some
friends and totally understand,like if you are from somewhere
and you love it and you're withyour family, that's great.
But it's like they grew up inthe same town, went to college
and now they're like probablygoing to live there the rest of
their life and I'm like I don'tknow what kind of person I would
(07:17):
be if I didn't go and doeverything I've done.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
But what like about you?
And your experiences made youlike, want and like gave you
that drive to like OK, I want tohave an adventure, go on my own
, because you seem veryadventurous.
You seem like you don't give afuck, you just travel where you
want to go.
Yeah.
What about your upbringing madeyou want to do that?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
That's interesting.
This might get deep really fast.
Let's go.
That's interesting, this mightget deep really fast.
Let's go.
When I was seven, I got reallysick and I had lacrosse
encephalitis which you get froma mosquito bite, and it's like a
disease that swells your brainand it hits young children like
the hardest.
So I remember just being inpain because I had such a bad
(08:03):
headache and then I woke up aweek later in the hospital and
had no idea, but apparently Iwas like screaming in pain.
They took me into the hospitaland I remember being in this
like white space, if that makessense.
It was like very peaceful,where I like wasn't in my body
(08:23):
or like in some spiritual realmI don't know how to explain it,
but it felt like I could havelet go and been peaceful and
been fine.
But then I woke up and I feltlike there was a reason I was
brought back and I didn't let goand I feel like I spent.
I was seven years old and I hadfully comprehended what it was
like to die and so I just feltlike the world I need, I'm here,
(08:49):
I have another chance, andthat's seven years old, and I
just felt like I need to go, dosomething, I need to explore,
and I feel like that I've alwayscarried that kind of like
knowing like what the feeling isof dying.
So I'm like, okay, I've beenthere already.
It's stuff doesn't scare me asmuch if that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
No it, it comes through on your energy it comes
through on.
I don't know just the way youkind of act.
You seem to have this veryfree-spirited, yet kind of
confident in a way yeah side ofyou.
That's just very.
I think a lot of people wouldbe kind of jealous of it.
I appreciate that yeah but thenit's interesting.
So when I was growing up, likewhen I was a kid, I remember
(09:30):
thinking that like nothing badcan actually happen.
Like I just thought like oh,you're sick, the doctor just
fixes it.
Like that's how it works.
You know what I mean yeah, likeI never had any even perception
like I'd have surgery when Iwas like in fifth grade or
something and like I didn't evenhave a thought in my mind like,
oh, this could go wrong and Icould like die tomorrow no,
that's crazy, huh, yeah, yeahbut you seem to like have come
(09:53):
through with not a lot of trauma, almost the opposite yeah, I
guess more like like drive tolike keep going
Speaker 1 (10:04):
and there was definitely times where it was
hard because my brain wasswollen, so it took a few years
for like that to heal so I wouldhave sensitivity to like lights
or loud sounds when I was a kid, especially that first, like
six months after that.
But other than that, yeah, Iwas.
I was lucky to come out of itand be healthy, because the
(10:25):
doctors had told my parents like, oh, if you hadn't brought her
in, she could have like passedin her sleep type thing, because
it's like that serious and it'sfrom a mosquito bite.
Yeah.
So like you don't even thinkabout stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Yeah, no, my dad got Lyme's disease because he got
bit by a tick and he didn't likenotice it.
That because he got bit by atick and he didn't like notice
it, that's insane.
He was like out of commissionfor like three months.
He thought he had the flu andhe was like it's not going away
and it's like it's just sobizarre how like you could do
nothing wrong and just theuniverse is just like yeah I
know, and I think, if I'mcorrect, the year that it
(10:58):
happened.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's like there's only two people in minnesota
that got it and I was like oneof them, so it just never
happens.
Yeah, but yeah, we grew up likenear a forest, so there are
trees.
I think that's why mosquitoesyeah, definitely, that's the
reason.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
That's why, for sure, yeah you said you, you're no
longer scared of anything inlife.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Well, I think it's natural to be scared, but I
think it's more you have a senseof like okay, I need to be
brave.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
You're willing to take more risks?
Yeah, so what's the craziestthing you've done?
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Well, I that's a good question, like in what sense?
Speaker 5 (11:42):
In any sense that you felt in yourself that you were
the bravest you could have beenhmm, I went to an outdoor
college when I was 18.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
I took a break from dancing you said, you said what
an outdoor school um what doesthat mean?
So it was a college where alltheir classes were outside.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
um, that's probably what it was, but why is that?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
So we would go on like 30 day backpacking trips or
like 30 day river rafting trips.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
And so maybe that's, but it was kind of cool because
we got to just experience likeliving outside.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
I don't know if that makes sense.
How long did you do that for?
Just a semester so like threemonths yeah and so every single
class, and how many days a weekwas it?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
um well, we would come to campus and stay on
campus for two weeks and thenwe'd go on like a 10-day
backpacking trip on the northrim of the grand Canyon, but
we'd be learning.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
So it's two weeks indoors and then, and then 10
days outdoors.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Yeah, so kind of like that.
But then sometimes it was like30 days backpacking and then
we'd come back.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Yeah, interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Fascinating.
You must have learned a lotabout being.
Yeah, just like you learn a lotabout being human, I think a
lot about being human, I thinkso is that now you're, one of
your criteria is to datesomebody who is who is outdoorsy
?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
that's funny like if they don't know how to make fire
without a fucking lighterthat's funny, because that's not
my type at all, because I knowwhat you're talking about what's
your type?
Um people that are driven,probably businessmen, I don't
know uh-huh, so so like richpeople no, not necessarily, but
(13:32):
somebody that's passionate anddriven and has their shit
together you gotta be carefulabout that.
I got scammed really in whatway?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
okay, have you ever heard of hello fresh?
Speaker 4 (13:45):
the food.
It's like a meal delivery.
Yeah, so I don't know how tocook, right, uh-huh like even
the microwave I'm like.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Which buttons do I press?
I just like hop in the bmw, goto catch, get a steak that's
been prepared by a fucking dudewho's his whole life is just
making steaks, right, yeah, so Iwas like, okay, let me get like
this meal delivery service.
It can do all the work for me.
I can still be healthy.
Blah, blah, blah.
So I get the 20 meal pack.
It's like the biggest meal pack.
I open up the first thing and Iwas like, oh shit, they fucked
(14:13):
up.
It's just ingredients in there,like it's not even cooked yeah
and I open up the second onesame thing.
So I'm on the phone with support.
I'm like yo, you fucked up.
Like none of these are cooked.
And they're like, yeah, youhave to cook them.
And I was like why the fuckwould I buy meal prep if I have
to do the work?
I'm paying you to do the work.
You're gonna make me cook it.
Fucking.
Sit there.
Oh, put a tablespoon of avocado.
(14:34):
Chat gbt.
What's the difference betweenteaspoon and tablespoon?
Like I'm sitting like a fuckingidiot trying to make this food.
So it's like for girls.
I never understand.
Like why would you wantsomebody who's the ingredients
when there are already guys whoare the final product?
Like they're already mediumrare steak you can taste.
You say yum, I like this taste.
(14:57):
Or you can say, oh, thisdoesn't taste good.
Versus like some dude with like, uh, don't worry, babe, my
bitcoin uber app for dogs istotally gonna pop off soon I
guess.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
But you can date a successful business person.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, yeah, like someone who'salready made it?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
not someone who's like yeah, someday, someday I'm
gonna make it.
Don't worry, babe, you won'thave to fly middle seat on
spirit too much longer.
Seat 77 spirit.
Oh my gosh fucking got thepilot off craigslist two weeks
ago he just passed his final um,yeah, I feel like girls fall
(15:35):
into this trap, especially in la, because there's so many guys
who are, you know, sayingthey're drake's manager or the
owner of this club, or I workwith DJ blah, blah, blah.
You know what I mean that'sfunny.
Yeah, yeah, I could see thatmaybe I haven't lived here long
enough to run into much of thatoh, just you wait, you're gonna
see the scum of the earth in agood way, in a good way how long
(15:58):
have you been in LA?
Speaker 5 (15:59):
like six months okay, so you're like brand new yeah,
I just moved here from Hawaiiokay, okay, cool, and how long
were you there?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I was in Hawaii like two years, but I was living in
California before that, so I wasin Orange County and Santa
Barbara.
Why are you all over the placeLike?
Speaker 5 (16:21):
what do you mean?
What do you mean?
What do I mean, like, why areyou going from one place to the
other?
I don't know.
It's a short amount of time.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, I spent a lot of time like living different
places, like I lived in Bostonalso.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
Well, we established you're jumping from one place to
the other, I suppose.
What is the reason?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
I spent Minnesota somehow and figure out what you
gotta get out of one place once.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Wait, say that again.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
I said, I said you got to get out of one place once
, yeah, and so I left Minnesota,and I was on the East Coast
Pennsylvania, so you went toBoston.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I was in Pennsylvania .
Speaker 5 (16:56):
And then I went to Pennsylvania, to the ballet
school.
I danced there.
How long were you there?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Two and a half years.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
And how old were you?
18?
, 16.
Okay, so how old were?
Speaker 5 (17:08):
you 18, 16, okay, so 16 to 18.
You were in pennsylvania, yeah,and then from pennsylvania you
went to boston, I went to uh,arizona oh, dear jesus so the
school, the outdoor school, andhow?
Long were you in arizona for?
Three months, uh-huh okay, andthen from arizona you went, then
I went to santa barbara.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
uh-huh and Okay, and then from Arizona you went to.
Then I went to Santa Barbara,uh-huh, and then I went to Wait.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
how long were you there?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
A year.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
And then I went to Boston for four months.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
For what?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
To dance for a season .
Speaker 5 (17:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
And then I went back to Santa Barbara.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Uh-huh, for what?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
There was a ballet company out there.
Okay, um there was a balletcompany out there.
Okay, that invited me out there.
And then covid happened sureand then I was in santa barbara
and then I moved on to orangecounty for what?
Um, well, I was living in, likeduring covid.
I built out a van conversionthat was like my little project,
so I was living in it in santabarbara and then I moved down to
(18:02):
Orange County.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
With it.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yes, and I was living in it in Orange County, and
then I was surfing.
I started doing school online.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Wait, don't skip over the.
You lived in a van.
Yeah, Fuck, I did See.
This is what happens when youdate ambitious guys.
Yeah, you end up living in avan.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, I bought a brand new Ram ram pro master.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Okay in 2020 during covid am I supposed to know what
that is?
It's like a sprinter van oh oh.
So it's like a big, it's a bigvan, yeah, and I what year was
it you said?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I bought it in 2020 what year it was, a 2019, so it
was like 10 months old when Ibought it and it used to be an
enterprise rental vehicle and Ifound it used so I completely
cleaned it.
Um, and I just went on youtubetutorials and like built it out
so it's like insulated, has likethe floor, the bed, like
cabinets, and my surfboards areon the ceiling but like by bed,
(18:59):
you mean you put a mattress inthere, or do you like?
No, I built it you built likeyou.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Yeah, like I bought power no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
I bought power tools.
I got a drill and a sawcircular saw I built everything
and the bed is made out ofrefurbished kitchen cabinets.
So I bought actually newkitchen cabinets from home depot
and I installed them.
My brother helped me installthem into the floor, and then we
like cut them down and likebuilt a bed frame on it so I
(19:25):
feel like you would date a guyand he'd be like babe, I got
like a new, like a new cabinet.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Can you put it together for me, like, can you
read the instructions?
I?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
do have a whole box of power tools.
Yeah, but I did that and likehad a window installed in the
side, so there's like a slidingwindow.
I don't tell many people, Ilived in a van, welcome well,
now, the now, the world is gonnaknow so, so, so okay you better
share the clip once we post itdid you like?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
was there ac?
Like you have to leave the caron like if it was hot?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
no, but I would sleep by the beach, so I would just
crack the windows and thesliding window, but from the
outside it just looks like autility vehicle.
So I'd park in likeneighborhoods by, like nice
houses.
I think no one even knew I wasin there probably not, they
probably like oh, there'ssteve's plumber steve's plumber
(20:17):
at two in the morning hangingout with the wife of steve.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yeah, but it was fun so do you ever take like a guy
back to your van?
Like, hey, like you met a niceguy at the bar, you're like, oh
man, this guy's hot.
You want to come back to my?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
van um.
Yeah, but I dated sir.
I would only date surfers sothey probably liked it.
Yeah, they were probably likethis is sick yeah yeah, because
it's like when do you see a girldoing something like that?
Speaker 5 (20:43):
wait, you, you had sex in the van.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
I'm not going to talk about that.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
The neighbors just see it going up and down, no
comment.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Okay, so you go back to Santa, you go to Orange
County, you drive down and thenyou stay there.
For how long?
For what?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
For like a year.
For what I was working at arestaurant.
Okay, just living in the vanand living.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
But what was the purpose of going to Orange
County?
Speaker 1 (21:10):
To get away from my ex-boyfriend.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
Why did you have to get away from your ex-boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
You know those types of relationships where, like you
break up, but then you keeprunning into them everywhere and
you just can't move on.
Have you had, like he wasfollowing your van?
No, like santa barbara's asmaller town for california and
we liked very similar things, soI would run into him at like
the beach or like oh, so he wasa surfer and was going to the
(21:36):
same spot, so I would see himand I just was like I cannot
keep living in a place where Ikeep running into him, because I
cannot move on.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
So because you were in love with him still.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Okay, and how long were you guys together?
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Like two years when did you break up?
Speaker 5 (21:52):
He cheated on you.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
No, it was just.
I don't think he was ready fora relationship and he was going
through some hard things.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
How old was he?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
He was older.
I was 21 at the time and Ithink he was 27.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Okay, I could be wrong is that the oldest you've
dated?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
um no, why are you smiling?
That's a question I don't know.
Speaker 5 (22:18):
I've dated someone older than that what's the
oldest you've dated?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
like 40, I don't know you don't know how old they
were like something likesomewhere around there, like
okay, 39, okay, yeah and okay,obviously you're fine with that
yeah, oh, it's eight.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
How, how's like pretty that's pretty normal yeah
, I feel like you're saying itlike it's like, you're like
don't want to say it or no, it'sinteresting.
So when I had my company in themodeling industry, it was like
we called something.
Like we called it hot guy face,because like whenever, like new
models like 18, 19, 20 likekind of come on the scene, it's
like they're always dating likeyoung hot guy and they're all
(22:57):
like the same person, like theyall have the same, like tiktok
hair and like dangly littleswoop, little fucking dangly
cross earring.
They got off a timu like there'slike star wars attack of the
clones, like they all look thesame right like oh, I don't know
if it's that girl's boyfriendor that girl like it was very
confusing, but the most girllike beautiful girls.
(23:17):
Every time when they're 22, 23,24, it always brings some guy
that's like like, like, like ifyou dropped off your ups package
you'd be like that makes sense.
But they were always extremelysuccessful or charismatic or or
mature, just had their shittogether yeah, and it's almost
(23:39):
like they got bored of like.
Like how long can I like look atthis six-pack for before I
fucking get bored and I lose mymind?
I need someone that's actuallylike funny and intellectually
stimulating and smart and likeactually can teach me something
about life, versus just somedude with like three brain cells
rattling around in his skullbut like you can like iron your
clothes on his abs.
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (23:59):
mean, yeah, like you can be cute and attractive, but
that's not enough.
Yeah, most.
Of the time it's like, okay,are you mature, can we carry a
good conversation?
Which is usually like a bitolder from a girl's perspective,
because guys mature later?
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Yeah, I think so.
You seem like you like surferguys a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I think very similar energyadventures, yeah, but I think
also when I was younger, thatwas more what I was attracted to
.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Is height important?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Height.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I'm kind of tall for a girl.
You are.
Yeah, I would say.
So I think yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
No, I don't blame you .
I think it's weird kissing up,you know what I mean.
Like if I had to kiss up likehey babe, I feel fucking weird.
You know what I mean?
yeah, no one of, uh, this girlthat I know she's like I think
she's six foot, she's either 5,11 or six foot and she always,
like, comes to me with like herboy problems, right, and she's
(24:59):
always would date like nbaplayers, basketball players,
just because they were like, youknow, six, five and above, and
so one day she's like zach.
I'm so sick of dating thesefuck boys.
I don't care about height andlooks and all this stuff, I just
want, like a guy with a greatpersonality, blah, blah, blah.
So she starts dating this guywho's like five, seven, so
shorter than so, her with heelslike she's like towering over my
(25:22):
track.
Yeah, oh my god like it's likethey just didn't look good as a
unit you know what I mean yeah,like I saw them kiss one time.
It was like it was like thedwarves trying to conquer the
mountain and, lord of the rings,like it was like it did.
They just didn't look good as aunit, you know yeah and I met
the guy super cool, successful,good, looking like really good,
looking like facially, just kindof like short, and I was like
(25:45):
yo, it's like dave coming outtonight and she's like, yeah, so
what happened to him?
I was like what happened?
So apparently she had a coupleglasses of wine and he comes
over and she said she opened thedoor and she gave him big hug
and she was kind of tipsy so shepicked him up and she spun him
around and she watched hislittle legs go like this.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
That's what she said oh my god, she was like I lost
like I can't do it in thatmoment.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
That's funny and I'm like I get it like I feel for
the guy.
But at the same time like youdate him, like your bloodline is
going to be fucked.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
My first boyfriend was shorter than me.
He was like 5'5" 5'5" yeah.
But he was so good atskateboarding and he was very
like so.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Oh, he could ride on a board for a long time.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
No, but he could like do airs like on a skateboard
and like surf really well.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
So every time you would look at him and be like,
oh my God, that's so hot.
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
And he was like a fighter.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Like he would spar.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
So, I'm like, okay, he could like beat someone up
for me.
I understand that part of it.
That's like, yeah, he's aprotector, yeah, I mean I guess
you were young, like when Ithink skateboarder, I think like
like 12 year old.
I was 18, so I was like I wasso into it.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
Yeah, yeah, I could see that, yeah but you were, I
mean, you were already tall atthat point.
Yeah, yeah, I was about, as youwere towering over him yeah,
but I think, yeah, it workedthough I mean, as long as he
didn't mind, obviously, yeah,he's trying to save his
bloodline.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
He's like like, if you like like ended up with him,
like like it'd be fine, butlike you're fucked in the
afterlife when your ancestorsare like what the fuck, kendra,
we could have d1 athletes.
I've got some oompa loompaleprechauns running around
trying to get their lucky charmsback, jesus.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
That's so funny.
At least they'd be good atskating.
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, that's true, they'd begreat skaters, surfers.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
They'd be really good .
Low center of gravity yeah,easier to stay on the board, you
know, mm-hmm.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
So, other than the ambition thing, what else is
your type?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Do you have a physical type or no?
I don't know.
I don't think I do on paper,but when I look back at people
I've dated, I do apparently havea type.
I've dated a lot of Latinpeople and white people mostly.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Not on purpose, it's just how it happens
subconsciously on purpose yeah Iguess I was picturing like tall
tan white guy, like tribaltattoo around the bicep, surfs
every day, long hair maybe, yeah, yeah interesting, and then and
then other than um.
So you said, money doesn'tmatter, just ambition I suppose
(28:39):
yeah or did I change your mindon that?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
well, fresh story I'm saving girls, one at a time I'm
not gonna lie, like if therewas a guy who's like I work a
minimum wage job but he had likea heart of gold, I'd be like
you're so great, but but like,if I married you, are you going
to be able to provide for mychildren?
I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I got to fight with my mom about this.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Really yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
My mom because she's from Wisconsin.
She's like Zach you always datethese like models and actresses
.
Like you should just date agirl with like a great
personality.
Yeah.
I'm like okay, mom, let's do themath right.
Does there exist beautifulgirls with great personalities?
Yes, of course.
And then there exists uglygirls with great personalities.
So of course I'm going tochoose the beautiful girl who
(29:23):
also has a great personality.
And I think it's the same withlike there's rich guys with
great personalities, like peoplejust assume, oh, he's a rich
guy, so he must be like anasshole, narcissist, sociopath,
whatever, yeah, or he could justbe a rich guy with a great
personality.
Of course you're going to wantthat if you have the opportunity
.
You know what I mean, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
No, that's fair From a guy's perspective, because I
know like women it's always likeokay, you date a man because
he's well off and he's driven,maybe he's rich or has a company
.
It's because I think women lookat men as like he's a provider.
Is there an equivalency forwomen in from a guy's
perspective?
(30:01):
From a personality standpointpersonality or like anything
like that, where it's like youdate a man who's like rich and
has his shit together.
Is there something that'sequivalated?
The vice versa?
Speaker 3 (30:15):
Just be super hot Like not for me Like.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
I'm very shy and romantic.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
So like I only care about personality, character and
morals and values, but, likefor all the other guys, yeah, be
really hot.
It's like the hotness is whatmakes him want to date you.
But then to stay in therelationship, I think it's two
things.
It's guys number one want tofeel like a man, right, and so
they want you to be like likefeminine submissive yeah, maybe
(30:44):
a little bit submissive, and notin a submissive way of like, oh
, you're his slave and you doeverything but like he's a
leader, yeah, like he wants totake control, like and I get it
like from a girl's perspective,because girls all the time say
on this thing they're like yeah,but the guys aren't leading.
I'm like yeah, because you'redating these fucking Gen Z
fucking dudes.
Get their furniture off TikTokshop and have a bed with no
headboard.
(31:04):
It's touching two walls like apoor person just smashed up
against the corner.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I have no idea what a nightstand is.
I do that with my bed.
I put put in the corner.
We need to get you some lifeskills.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
We gotta get you some one-in-one shampoo, just
shampoo don't put that shit inyour dishwasher.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Don't put laundry detergent.
Here's my problem, though.
I move around a lot when Isleep, so I've fallen off the
bed multiple times so you needthe wall to protect.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
I stopped the wall stops.
Put some wall of pillows on theother side, a little barrier
for you.
Yeah, yeah, that's smart, butyeah.
So there's two things guys want.
They want to feel like the manand this is going to sound
really egotistical, but it'strue.
Guys want other people to think, damn, he's dating a hot girl.
So like, if you go out, guyswant you to look nice, like
(31:53):
dress up and like look the part.
And don't get me wrong, I thinkthe guy should take care of the
guy part and like, yeah, openthe door for you, pay for dinner
.
Don't do none of this tiktok,no splitsies, splitsies.
Let me, venmo, request you forthe fucking airbnb oh my god nah
, but if the guy is doing that,I do think the girl should also
give the guy what he wants,because guys don't care about
(32:15):
buying overpriced food justbecause they put some Christmas
tree lights up and pretend theyput a drizzle over the steak.
Oh, look at my amazing steak.
Like guys care about lookinglike they have the hottest girl
in the room yeah, and girls careabout being taken out on a nice
date.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
They like the feeling being taken care of.
Being taken care of, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
So, in my opinion, as long as the guy's providing
what he should be providing,then I think the girl should
also provide what she provide orif you want to be strong,
independent woman, I run shit,I'm a boss bitch, cool.
But then like, split the bill.
You know what I'm saying.
Like you can't have both sidesof the equation, it's not fair I
think it makes sense for womento.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
If you're with a true masculine man, it's easy.
You don't have to be like whyisn't he doing this, this and
this?
Speaker 3 (33:03):
you're like oh okay, I'm good do you like masculine
men or more like the kind offemboy, kind of like?
Uh no, that's like in right now, it's very in.
It's like the like shaven faceand like they look like they're
in a boy band no, I would saylike an alpha masculine, male,
for sure, yeah, male energy,yeah, yeah which one of your
(33:23):
ex-boyfriends would you say isthe most alpha?
Speaker 5 (33:26):
which one of your ex-boyfriends would you say
would beat up the otherex-boyfriends?
Speaker 1 (33:31):
um, probably the one I dated for like two years only
because he was the tallestuh-huh, I would say, how tall
was he six, three, I think, Idon't know so so he was.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
He was the one that you ran away from, okay yeah and
then do you know what he'sdoing now?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
yeah, he's like doing missions trips and he's been
all over the place.
Speaker 5 (33:57):
Is that where they go ?
Try to turn people intoChristianity.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
He was Christian, so he was like in Costa Rica and
like all these different places.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
Yeah, if you could go back in time, is he ready to
get married now, or, like settledown or whatever, I don't think
so I have no idea, he's stillokay.
Yeah, but at the time I wasbecause you were saying that
that's what.
That's what what the reason waslike he wasn't ready to settle
down.
Do you like, how did that comeabout?
(34:27):
Like, did you guys have aconversation and he was like I'm
not ready, or did you just?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
yeah, um, I think it was kind of like the whole time
I knew like he had his ownpersonal things he was dealing
with like internally so I don'tthink he was in a place to be in
a relationship necessarily, butwe just got along really well
and dated for as long as we did.
But I think he still had a lotof like internal things he was
(34:56):
going through before.
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Yeah do you have a?
Do you do you feel like a lotof the guys that you date have
the same problem?
Speaker 1 (35:03):
no, I think like boyfriends have had.
They're all very differentpeople.
Why isn't it?
Working out what was that?
Speaker 5 (35:11):
why isn't it working out?
Speaker 1 (35:13):
I don't know.
I think some people enter yourlife to almost like be there to
teach you something, but they'renot necessarily like end game.
Speaker 5 (35:23):
Do you date?
You don't date to marry.
I do, yeah, you do date tomarry.
Yeah, I'm very intentional withdating, so every time you start
dating a guy you're like, okay,i'm'm gonna spend my time to
try to make this work, yeah butyou don't think they're doing
the same no, I think they are,so I'm very confused why it's
not working out why what's notworking out the relationships oh
(35:46):
well, my last relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
He just moved to kansas, so that's why that
didn't and you didn't want tomove with him there would you
want to move to k?
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
You've moved like 20 million times to anywhere and
everywhere.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
So it wouldn't be shocking if you went to Kansas.
Yeah, you don't want to move toan ugly person's state, though
At least move to a hot person'sstate.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
There is no ballet in Kansas.
No ballet, or surfing, for thatmatter, or culture for that
matter, or culture.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Well, it's funny because I didn't know this, but
there's actually a lot of stuffgoing on in kansas, like kansas
city.
Well, I mean, the chiefs arethere taylor swift is there um
yeah, there's actually a pocketof like high industry in kansas
city.
I did not know about crazy.
Yeah, like a lot of rich peoplelike randomly in kansas they
probably like oh like.
We manufacture the gear partsthat make like the factory
(36:39):
settings for like yeah, and it'sso cheap out there, so it's
like they can live in a massivehouse for like a million dollars
.
A million dollars in la wouldbe like a shack yeah like
nothing.
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty crazyyeah, but yeah, we were living
in hawai Hawaii, and he moved toKansas and it's like how do you
compare that?
Speaker 5 (37:00):
That's your last boyfriend, and so he leaves
Hawaii and you're like I've gotnothing else to do here, let's
go to LA.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Well, yeah, and I was also flying back and forth from
LA and Hawaii to work somemodeling jobs and runway shows.
Speaker 5 (37:14):
So for the past six months you haven't been dating
anyone.
Oh, I have, oh, you have.
Yeah, now you're in arelationship.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
Um still like kind of situation no but just seeing
like where things go, taking itslow I guess.
Speaker 5 (37:28):
So still dating?
Yeah, okay, not not asituationhip, not a relationship
.
Still dating yeah how long hasit been?
A few months okay, yeah, like acouple months after you moved
you met him yeah very quick yeahhave you heard of the three
loves theory?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
no, tell me about that so everybody in their life
has three big loves.
So you have your first loveyeah which is new and exciting.
You think it's going to lastforever because you just don't
know any better, right?
Yeah.
Second love is your toxic lovethat just breaks you and it
teaches you the tough lifelessons and the things you don't
(38:09):
want to learn about yourself,but it forces you to grow, yeah.
And then your third love islike after you really figure out
what kind of person you are,what kind of partner you want,
what you genuinely want insomebody, not what society says
you should want in somebody, butwhat actually makes you happy.
That's when you find yoursoulmate and that's you actually
are ready for your soulmate,because you've went through all
(38:31):
these other experiences.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah, definitely, I think that that's fair.
Do you think you've gonethrough all three?
Not all three, but definitelythe first two.
Oh interesting, yeah, my firstboyfriend.
Um, we were actually talkingabout getting married at one
point, even though my firstgirlfriend yeah, we'd only dated
like a year, but it was like,oh my gosh, like I just am so in
love with him, like he'sactually the reason I moved to
(38:53):
california originally, and so itwas like he's the one like I
was just head over heels typething, and then, obviously, like
I'm 18, so like you're, youdon't even know who you are yet
so that you think you do yeah,you're like I know everything,
like when you're it's funnybecause the older I get, the the
more I'm like I don't knowanything.
(39:15):
When you're young, you have thislike false confidence of like
this is it?
Type thing.
And then, yeah, I've definitelybeen through the one that I was
so into, but it shaped me as aperson.
Yeah.
And I think now when I date,I'm like I know what I don't
want.
So, I can be more like on thenose with like okay, yeah, this
(39:38):
person is worth investing in andgetting to know better.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
You have the wisdom.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
Yeah, you have the wisdom that you've been in
before.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, my first girlfriend.
So back in high school I wassuper fucking awkward I was very
like Catholic parents.
Parents and everybody made funof me because my family was poor
.
So all these little kids withtheir fucking, they all had the
same shirt.
It was like the little polowith the guy and the horse.
You know what I'm talking aboutand it's just different colors.
(40:07):
They all have the same shirt.
Different colors, just clones,just fucking making fun of me, I
still hate fucking Ralph Laurento this day because of those
fuckers.
Um, so I was like super lonelyand I just wanted a girlfriend.
So bad because I was like youknow, we can hang out, we can
like watch movies, we can go ondates.
And one of the football playersstarted this rumor that I was
(40:27):
gay because I was like no girlsbecause I was like scared to.
So I was like, and I can squashthese rumors at the same time,
right.
So my junior year, one of myfriends is like yo, this girl,
julie, wants you to ask her toprom.
And I'm pumped.
I'm just like, zach, don't fuckthis up, this is your shot,
this is your shot.
So I go to her locker afterclass and it was like the most
(40:51):
like cringe, awkward, like Ilike went up I was like hey,
julie.
She was like hey, I was likeyou want to go to prom with me?
She's like, yeah, of course.
Oh, then she said yes.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
And then because, like she had liked me for some
reason, and then I like paused,I was like okay, bye.
Like I had no fucking clue whatI was doing.
Yeah, like I had no fuckingclue what I was doing.
Yeah, but we started dating andI was like so like it was like
the first time in my life that Ifelt like truly happy yeah, I
mean like, truly like, likecontent with my life, you know,
(41:25):
and I became the biggest fuckingsimp loser guy, like I would.
This is gonna make you cringe.
I would literally wake up 6 amevery Monday and I would drive
to the Walmart between ourhouses and I would pick up a
package of the purple Skittles,the wild berry because that was
her favorite flavor and someflowers, and I'd write a note
and I'd just like leave it onher doorstep for her to find.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Every day.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Every Monday.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Okay, every Monday.
No, that's cute.
Speaker 3 (41:51):
It's not going to be cute for long.
Wait till the rest of the story.
So then we go to college andshe went to, like, the private
school right by our town.
My parents couldn't afford it,so I went to UW Oshkosh, in the
middle of nowhere, wisconsinright.
Right and I would call her everyday.
I was still happy Yo, how'syour day going?
Blah, blah, blah.
And there's always this guythat she would talk about and
(42:13):
she would say, yeah, he's suchan asshole, he's so annoying.
He was dating two of my friendsat the same time, behind their
backs.
They didn't even know.
We hate this guy.
I'm like, yeah, fuck this guy,we hate him because you were
long distance, long distanceokay so then two weeks later I
get a call from this kid from myhigh school that I like barely
talked to and I was like yo,what's up?
(42:34):
He's like.
Yo, like I feel like I shouldjust tell you this, like you
were always like good to me inhigh school and stuff like that.
But uh, we're at this partylast night and we see Julie
going to this bedroom with thisguy.
They're in there for like 30minutes.
Everybody's saying they hookedup Right.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
And I'm like what guy ?
And he's like oh, steve andsteve was that asshole guy that
she hated, right.
So I started laughing at him.
I'm like ha ha, ha, she hatesthis guy what this is so silly.
But the weird thing was I feltlike nervous in the back of my
mind yeah even though I waslaughing, I was like there's no
way.
(43:12):
I couldn't shake this feeling ofnervousness.
It was like this intuition.
So the next day I drive to herdorm to surprise her right and I
knocked on her door and Iremember expecting her to open
the door with a big smile like,oh my God you came to surprise
me.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Well, of course yeah, because you're seeing your
girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
And I just remember she opens the door and she's
just kind.
What are you doing here?
Oh, no, yeah and I was like,yeah, like everybody's like
starting this rumor about you, Ijust wanted to let you know.
But like, don't worry babe,like I don't believe it, I know
it's like none of it's true.
And she just looked at me andshe's like actually it is oh,
(43:54):
she was on it.
That's crazy and the worst partto me was like I'm talking to
her and I'm like bawling my eyesout.
I'm like like like taken abackby this whole situation and she
was just so like nonchalantabout it.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Like like like our relationship just like almost
annoyed that I was like thereand talking about that's shitty
and I still remember the lastthing I ever said to her.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
I was like julie, like I was the best boyfriend to
you.
I would do anything to make youhappy.
I just want to know why yeahand she literally just looks at
me.
I remember she shrugs hershoulders like this and she goes
.
I just got bored and thatfucking moment I was like I will
never be this fucking loseragain I will never be this
(44:40):
fucking city.
That's like like wait, likelike tricked by some girl yeah,
you know what I?
mean, and then I started wakingup 6 am every day, working on my
youtube channel, fucking, goingto the gym, like all this shit,
and then became a fuck boy.
For like five years I was justlike fuck this shit and finally
got over it.
You know, yeah, it taught me alot of things.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
You know, it taught me a lot of truths about life no
, it's true, and it's also notyour fault when someone does
something bad to you yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
But see people say like, oh well, she was a jerk,
blah, blah, blah.
But I actually kind of disagreebecause, yes, she could have
done in a better way.
She could have said, oh, like,you know, you're the great guy,
you're just so nice, neverchange, some girl will be lucky
to have you.
But the reality was like in theweeks like after the breakup, I
(45:31):
remember feeling like I wantedto be angry but ironically I was
more so just, this is gonnasound crazy but I was more so
sad that she wouldn't take that,she didn't want me.
Yeah.
And it's like I should be theone like fuck you, I don't want
you.
But I was like sad that Iwasn't good enough for her.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're not good
enough in general.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
No, I disagree with you.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Really.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
Because the reality was I was really fucking boring
at the time.
I was so boring but because ofthat experience I like worked
really fucking hard on myself,on my confidence and my sense of
humor, my storytelling, and Igot really fucking good at those
things.
And now, like, if I go on adate with a girl like maybe you
like me, maybe you don't, but Inever have boring dates, like
it's always fucking fun.
And it's fun because I put theteam on my back and make the
date fun, because I have tobecause of that experience that
(46:27):
I went through.
So in a way, like I'm glad shedid in that way in the long run,
versus just being nice, andthen I'm just boring the rest of
my life and just get likefriend zoned by girl after girl.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
You know what I mean yeah, well, it's gonna shape you
as a person then yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, because you realize
like, okay, a rejection.
You can do one of two things.
You can either be likewallowing in your self-pity, or
you can go the other way andlike, okay, well then I'm gonna
work on myself so that doesn'thappen again exactly like what
you did yeah which is positive Ithink.
Speaker 3 (46:58):
But you kind of did the same thing with your whole
disease thing.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
You know I suppose yeah, yeah, it seems like it
yeah yeah, it's like I canchoose to be this girl who went
through that, or I can choose tobe the girl who perseveres and
keeps going.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
Yeah, so do you think you're gonna find the third one
soon the soulmate I hope soyeah I don't know.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
I feel like a lot of times in my past I've tried to
plan out things and be like I'mgoing to be married by this age
and have kids or whatever.
But I feel like at this pointI'm like I don't know.
I feel like it's just a blankslate and I'm kind of just
letting things come as they comeand I think that's healthy.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
Do you believe in manifestation?
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Philosophically yes, I think spiritually no explain
okay, philosophically andlogically, I think, if you're
like I'm gonna manifest a house,right, I want to manifest a
house.
I think if you have a goal setin your mind, you're more likely
to, along the way, make thechoices that lead you up to the
(48:01):
house that you got and you couldsay I manifested it.
But really, in a logical sense,what you did is you got a better
job, you went to college to geta degree, you made these things
.
Maybe you'd made these businesstransactions to get the money,
to get the house like butbecause you set that goal in
your mind, like I'm gonna get itfinally that goal in your mind
(48:25):
like I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Finally, someone with more than two living cells
riding around your skull thatunderstands how manifest.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
I think that that's like mo, who thinks the universe
drops things on your head ifyou think about it too many
times yeah, and I think thatthere's a difference between,
like divine intervention, where,like, you pray for something
and maybe things come in yourlife that are better than you
even asked for, type thing.
So it's like I'm praying forthis, an example like this job
(48:51):
I'm praying or manifest.
I really want this job and Ithink like, yeah, you can
manifest, but from a spiritualsense, I think you can pray and
then you can receive things thatare better than you even asked
for, that you wouldn't have eventhought of.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
But you're like this is it, this is what I actually
needed so you put in the work toget to that first level and
then it's like there's so manymore rewards that come as of
that.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
Yeah, yeah definitely because you know, if you
believe I believe in godhonestly and it says in the
bible God gives us more than wecan ask, think or imagine.
So if you pray and you say, god, I want this, god's going to be
like, okay, but I actually knowwhat you really need.
And he's going to start puttingthings in your life that you
(49:36):
wouldn't even have imagined thatare better, and you're like, oh
my gosh, like you love me somuch, that, like you're giving
me things like I didn't even Icouldn't even thought, have
thought of myself, but it's likewhat I really needed, type
thing.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
if that makes sense yeah, no, it does yeah yeah what
have you?
What's the thing you'vemanifested in your life that
you're most proud of?
Most proud of besides the vanum, that's pretty sick no for
sure.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
I think friends like really solid groups of friends
and I think the people,obviously the people you
surround yourself with, are soimportant.
Like I've, I have a reallysolid group of friends out in
hawaii and I met them my secondyear out there and like
everyone's super fit, superhealthy, we all like to free
(50:28):
dive and surf or go on hikes andI think it's just like you
surround yourself with reallygood people and it like shapes
you into the type of person thatyou want to be.
Yeah, yeah.
Awesome, Um all right, cool.
This has been very fun.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
Kendra, any uh, social media shout outs or
anything you want to be.
Yeah, yeah, awesome, All right,cool, this has been very fun.
Kendra, any social media shoutouts or anything you want to
give.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Oh yeah, I'm on Instagram.
Kendra underscore is underscoreoutside, and that's about it.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
Awesome.
Well, we'll have to do roundtwo sometime.
Speaker 1 (50:56):
Yeah, of course, thank you.
Speaker 3 (50:58):
Thanks for listening.
I don't know what kind of person I would be if I
didn't go and do everything I'vedone.
I remember just being in painbecause I had such a bad
headache and then I woke up aweek later in the hospital and
had no idea, but apparently Iwas like screaming in pain.
They took me into the hospitaland I remember being in this
like white space, if that makessense.
(00:22):
It was very peaceful, where Iwasn't in my body or in some
spiritual realm.
I don't know how to explain it,but it felt like I could have
let go and been peaceful andbeen fine.
I've always carried that kindof knowing what the feeling is
of dying.
So I'm like okay, I've beenthere already, stuff doesn't
(00:44):
scare me as much.
I think it's natural to bescared, but I think it's more.
You have a sense of like okay,I need to be brave.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Why the f*** would I buy meal prep If I have to do
the work I'm paying you to dothe work, You're going to make
me cook it.
Fucking.
Sit there.
Oh, put a tablespoon of avocado.
Chat GBT.
What's the difference betweenteaspoon and tablespoon?
Like I'm sitting like a fuckingidiot trying to make this food.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I do have a whole box of power tools, yeah, but I did
that and, like, had a windowinstalled on the side, so
there's like a sliding room.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I don't tell many people I lived in a van guys
care about looking like to havethe hottest girl in the room if
you're with a true masculine man, it's easy.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
You don't have to be like why isn't he doing this,
this and this?
You're like oh, okay, I'm goodA rejection.
You can do one of two things.
You can either be likeswallowing in your self-pity, or
you can go the other way andlike, okay, well then, I'm going
to work on myself so thatdoesn't happen again.
Obviously, the people yousurround yourself with are so
important.
If you have a goal set in yourmind, you're more likely to,
(01:49):
along the way, make the choicesthat lead you up to the house
that you got.
And you could say I manifestedit.
But really in a logical sense,what you did is you got a better
job, you went to college to geta degree, you made these things
.
Maybe you made these businesstransactions to get the money to
get the house, but because youset that goal in your mind, like
(02:10):
I'm going to get it.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, herewith my co-host, mohamed
Mollahi, and we have a specialguest on the show today.
This is Kendra.
Kendra, why don't you go ahead,introduce yourself to the
audience, name what you do andyour star sign?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Sure yeah, I'm Kendra Shoemaker.
I am a fashion and fitnessmodel.
I'm also a talk show host, andI'm an Aquarius.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I know all about you guys.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Really.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Fun but bad for my mental health.
Really Dangerous, dangerousthat's funny.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I don't know much about zodiac signs, but all I'm
told is, whenever I say I'm anAquarius, everyone's like oh, so
you're very creative.
I'm like yes.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
They're lying to you.
Toxic is the word that theymean.
They say creative is like astand-in for toxic.
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I feel like any guy that I've dated who's aquarius
is emotional, so I don't knowprobably yeah I'm pisces, so
pisces okay used to be toxic,back in my villain era so that
means you no, I'm a recoveringfuckboy, so are you uh born in
march?
Is that pisces, okay?
So it's coming up, yeah come tomy birthday party it'll be to
(03:25):
my birthday party.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
That was a real invitation what are you?
A guess, not that you know muchabout me, so it's going to be
probably a shoot in the dark aLibra no.
I'm tapping out what's the bestsign in your, in your mind.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
A Sagittarius.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Why.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I don't know.
You just made it up.
I think people I've met thatsay their Sagittarius are cool.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
I don't know.
Who do you know is aSagittarius?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Um, some of my friends, some of my really good
friends, are Sagittarius.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
You just attract a lot of Sagittarius.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I guess I don't know.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Are you in a relationship?
No, have you ever been in arelationship?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
What signs?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
were they?
That's a good question.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
You don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I think one of them was a Sagittarius.
He might have been.
Do you know their birthdays?
December?
Speaker 5 (04:30):
So yeah, that was Sagittarius, right?
Well, it depends.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Capricorn Halfway through.
December.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Like the 15th.
Yeah, yeah, okay, and so I'massuming that went well.
Do you like him?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
um, that was like my very first boyfriend, so that
was how old were you?
Speaker 5 (04:53):
I was 18 oh okay, and how long did you guys date?
Like a year and a half uh-huh,yeah, wait, how old are you
again?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
yes you didn't say it oh, you didn't say your sign,
no, no, I'm just wondering ifyou said it in the beginning?
Speaker 5 (05:08):
no, I didn't okay that's what I was like um you
look like you're 23 okay, I'm 26okay that's good yeah you.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
You seem older than you look thank you yeah, it's
like, like, like it's veryconfusing.
I'm like do we talk about likeinvesting or, like you know,
flip over the water bottle, landon the thing for tiktok?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
you know what I mean yeah, I have been out pretty
much on my own since I was 16,so I think I grew up really fast
okay well, I still really closewith my parents, but I moved
out when I was 16 to go to aballet school Interesting.
So I went to Pennsylvania and Iwas dancing at a
pre-professional ballet academy.
So I did that for two years anddanced in Pennsylvania and
(05:53):
Boston.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Was that scary, leaving your hometown so early?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
No.
I'm from a tiny town.
So I grew up in a town of like600 people, okay, and everyone's
so nice in Minnesota, but it'skind of like cornfields.
We grew up like in the prairiebasically which was gorgeous to
grow up because we got to beoutside a lot.
But I'm always like soadventurous, so I wanted to like
go out and I was so passionateabout ballet at the time, so I
(06:20):
was like I need to go yeah, no,I get that In Wisconsin at the
time, so I was like I need to go.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, no, mix, I get that in wisconsin.
It's very much the same.
Yeah, I go back to wisconsin.
I see like my old high schoolfriends and like y'all are going
to the same bowling alley thatwe went to when I was a junior
in high school yeah like some ofthem, never been on a plane, I
just want to like shake themlike.
Go to your comfort zone forlike two seconds and like try
some sushi, maybe raw fishthere's spicy food that exists.
(06:48):
It's crazy, yeah, and like halfmy relatives are like oh my god,
you live in hollywood yeah didyou see brad pitt?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
like at the grocery store, like they think everybody
in la is like a celebrity, likeit's crazy yeah, I have some
friends and totally understand,like if you are from somewhere
and you love it and you're withyour family, that's great.
But it's like they grew up inthe same town, went to college
and now they're like probablygoing to live there the rest of
their life and I'm like I don'tknow what kind of person I would
(07:17):
be if I didn't go and doeverything I've done.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
But what like about you?
And your experiences made youlike, want and like gave you
that drive to like OK, I want tohave an adventure, go on my own
, because you seem veryadventurous.
You seem like you don't give afuck, you just travel where you
want to go.
Yeah.
What about your upbringing madeyou want to do that?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
That's interesting.
This might get deep really fast.
Let's go.
That's interesting, this mightget deep really fast.
Let's go.
When I was seven, I got reallysick and I had lacrosse
encephalitis which you get froma mosquito bite, and it's like a
disease that swells your brainand it hits young children like
the hardest.
So I remember just being inpain because I had such a bad
(08:03):
headache and then I woke up aweek later in the hospital and
had no idea, but apparently Iwas like screaming in pain.
They took me into the hospitaland I remember being in this
like white space, if that makessense.
It was like very peaceful,where I like wasn't in my body
(08:23):
or like in some spiritual realmI don't know how to explain it,
but it felt like I could havelet go and been peaceful and
been fine.
But then I woke up and I feltlike there was a reason I was
brought back and I didn't let goand I feel like I spent.
I was seven years old and I hadfully comprehended what it was
like to die and so I just feltlike the world I need, I'm here,
(08:49):
I have another chance, andthat's seven years old, and I
just felt like I need to go, dosomething, I need to explore,
and I feel like that I've alwayscarried that kind of like
knowing like what the feeling isof dying.
So I'm like, okay, I've beenthere already.
It's stuff doesn't scare me asmuch if that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
No it, it comes through on your energy it comes
through on.
I don't know just the way youkind of act.
You seem to have this veryfree-spirited, yet kind of
confident in a way yeah side ofyou.
That's just very.
I think a lot of people wouldbe kind of jealous of it.
I appreciate that yeah but thenit's interesting.
So when I was growing up, likewhen I was a kid, I remember
(09:30):
thinking that like nothing badcan actually happen.
Like I just thought like oh,you're sick, the doctor just
fixes it.
Like that's how it works.
You know what I mean yeah, likeI never had any even perception
like I'd have surgery when Iwas like in fifth grade or
something and like I didn't evenhave a thought in my mind like,
oh, this could go wrong and Icould like die tomorrow no,
that's crazy, huh, yeah, yeahbut you seem to like have come
(09:53):
through with not a lot of trauma, almost the opposite yeah, I
guess more like like drive tolike keep going
Speaker 1 (10:04):
and there was definitely times where it was
hard because my brain wasswollen, so it took a few years
for like that to heal so I wouldhave sensitivity to like lights
or loud sounds when I was a kid, especially that first, like
six months after that.
But other than that, yeah, Iwas.
I was lucky to come out of itand be healthy, because the
(10:25):
doctors had told my parents like, oh, if you hadn't brought her
in, she could have like passedin her sleep type thing, because
it's like that serious and it'sfrom a mosquito bite.
Yeah.
So like you don't even thinkabout stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Yeah, no, my dad got Lyme's disease because he got
bit by a tick and he didn't likenotice it.
That because he got bit by atick and he didn't like notice
it, that's insane.
He was like out of commissionfor like three months.
He thought he had the flu andhe was like it's not going away
and it's like it's just sobizarre how like you could do
nothing wrong and just theuniverse is just like yeah I
know, and I think, if I'mcorrect, the year that it
(10:58):
happened.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's like there's only two people in minnesota
that got it and I was like oneof them, so it just never
happens.
Yeah, but yeah, we grew up likenear a forest, so there are
trees.
I think that's why mosquitoesyeah, definitely, that's the
reason.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
That's why, for sure, yeah you said you, you're no
longer scared of anything inlife.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Well, I think it's natural to be scared, but I
think it's more you have a senseof like okay, I need to be
brave.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
You're willing to take more risks?
Yeah, so what's the craziestthing you've done?
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Well, I that's a good question, like in what sense?
Speaker 5 (11:42):
In any sense that you felt in yourself that you were
the bravest you could have beenhmm, I went to an outdoor
college when I was 18.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
I took a break from dancing you said, you said what
an outdoor school um what doesthat mean?
So it was a college where alltheir classes were outside.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
um, that's probably what it was, but why is that?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
So we would go on like 30 day backpacking trips or
like 30 day river rafting trips.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
And so maybe that's, but it was kind of cool because
we got to just experience likeliving outside.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
I don't know if that makes sense.
How long did you do that for?
Just a semester so like threemonths yeah and so every single
class, and how many days a weekwas it?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
um well, we would come to campus and stay on
campus for two weeks and thenwe'd go on like a 10-day
backpacking trip on the northrim of the grand Canyon, but
we'd be learning.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
So it's two weeks indoors and then, and then 10
days outdoors.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Yeah, so kind of like that.
But then sometimes it was like30 days backpacking and then
we'd come back.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Yeah, interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Fascinating.
You must have learned a lotabout being.
Yeah, just like you learn a lotabout being human, I think a
lot about being human, I thinkso is that now you're, one of
your criteria is to datesomebody who is who is outdoorsy
?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
that's funny like if they don't know how to make fire
without a fucking lighterthat's funny, because that's not
my type at all, because I knowwhat you're talking about what's
your type?
Um people that are driven,probably businessmen, I don't
know uh-huh, so so like richpeople no, not necessarily, but
(13:32):
somebody that's passionate anddriven and has their shit
together you gotta be carefulabout that.
I got scammed really in whatway?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
okay, have you ever heard of hello fresh?
Speaker 4 (13:45):
the food.
It's like a meal delivery.
Yeah, so I don't know how tocook, right, uh-huh like even
the microwave I'm like.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Which buttons do I press?
I just like hop in the bmw, goto catch, get a steak that's
been prepared by a fucking dudewho's his whole life is just
making steaks, right, yeah, so Iwas like, okay, let me get like
this meal delivery service.
It can do all the work for me.
I can still be healthy.
Blah, blah, blah.
So I get the 20 meal pack.
It's like the biggest meal pack.
I open up the first thing and Iwas like, oh shit, they fucked
(14:13):
up.
It's just ingredients in there,like it's not even cooked yeah
and I open up the second onesame thing.
So I'm on the phone with support.
I'm like yo, you fucked up.
Like none of these are cooked.
And they're like, yeah, youhave to cook them.
And I was like why the fuckwould I buy meal prep if I have
to do the work?
I'm paying you to do the work.
You're gonna make me cook it.
Fucking.
Sit there.
Oh, put a tablespoon of avocado.
(14:34):
Chat gbt.
What's the difference betweenteaspoon and tablespoon?
Like I'm sitting like a fuckingidiot trying to make this food.
So it's like for girls.
I never understand.
Like why would you wantsomebody who's the ingredients
when there are already guys whoare the final product?
Like they're already mediumrare steak you can taste.
You say yum, I like this taste.
(14:57):
Or you can say, oh, thisdoesn't taste good.
Versus like some dude with like, uh, don't worry, babe, my
bitcoin uber app for dogs istotally gonna pop off soon I
guess.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
But you can date a successful business person.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, yeah, like someone who'salready made it?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
not someone who's like yeah, someday, someday I'm
gonna make it.
Don't worry, babe, you won'thave to fly middle seat on
spirit too much longer.
Seat 77 spirit.
Oh my gosh fucking got thepilot off craigslist two weeks
ago he just passed his final um,yeah, I feel like girls fall
(15:35):
into this trap, especially in la, because there's so many guys
who are, you know, sayingthey're drake's manager or the
owner of this club, or I workwith DJ blah, blah, blah.
You know what I mean that'sfunny.
Yeah, yeah, I could see thatmaybe I haven't lived here long
enough to run into much of thatoh, just you wait, you're gonna
see the scum of the earth in agood way, in a good way how long
(15:58):
have you been in LA?
Speaker 5 (15:59):
like six months okay, so you're like brand new yeah,
I just moved here from Hawaiiokay, okay, cool, and how long
were you there?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I was in Hawaii like two years, but I was living in
California before that, so I wasin Orange County and Santa
Barbara.
Why are you all over the placeLike?
Speaker 5 (16:21):
what do you mean?
What do you mean?
What do I mean, like, why areyou going from one place to the
other?
I don't know.
It's a short amount of time.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, I spent a lot of time like living different
places, like I lived in Bostonalso.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
Well, we established you're jumping from one place to
the other, I suppose.
What is the reason?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
I spent Minnesota somehow and figure out what you
gotta get out of one place once.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Wait, say that again.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
I said, I said you got to get out of one place once
, yeah, and so I left Minnesota,and I was on the East Coast
Pennsylvania, so you went toBoston.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I was in Pennsylvania .
Speaker 5 (16:56):
And then I went to Pennsylvania, to the ballet
school.
I danced there.
How long were you there?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Two and a half years.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
And how old were you?
18?
, 16.
Okay, so how old were?
Speaker 5 (17:08):
you 18, 16, okay, so 16 to 18.
You were in pennsylvania, yeah,and then from pennsylvania you
went to boston, I went to uh,arizona oh, dear jesus so the
school, the outdoor school, andhow?
Long were you in arizona for?
Three months, uh-huh okay, andthen from arizona you went, then
I went to santa barbara.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
uh-huh and Okay, and then from Arizona you went to.
Then I went to Santa Barbara,uh-huh, and then I went to Wait.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
how long were you there?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
A year.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
And then I went to Boston for four months.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
For what?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
To dance for a season .
Speaker 5 (17:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
And then I went back to Santa Barbara.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Uh-huh, for what?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
There was a ballet company out there.
Okay, um there was a balletcompany out there.
Okay, that invited me out there.
And then covid happened sureand then I was in santa barbara
and then I moved on to orangecounty for what?
Um, well, I was living in, likeduring covid.
I built out a van conversionthat was like my little project,
so I was living in it in santabarbara and then I moved down to
(18:02):
Orange County.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
With it.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yes, and I was living in it in Orange County, and
then I was surfing.
I started doing school online.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Wait, don't skip over the.
You lived in a van.
Yeah, Fuck, I did See.
This is what happens when youdate ambitious guys.
Yeah, you end up living in avan.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, I bought a brand new Ram ram pro master.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Okay in 2020 during covid am I supposed to know what
that is?
It's like a sprinter van oh oh.
So it's like a big, it's a bigvan, yeah, and I what year was
it you said?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I bought it in 2020 what year it was, a 2019, so it
was like 10 months old when Ibought it and it used to be an
enterprise rental vehicle and Ifound it used so I completely
cleaned it.
Um, and I just went on youtubetutorials and like built it out
so it's like insulated, has likethe floor, the bed, like
cabinets, and my surfboards areon the ceiling but like by bed,
(18:59):
you mean you put a mattress inthere, or do you like?
No, I built it you built likeyou.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Yeah, like I bought power no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
I bought power tools.
I got a drill and a sawcircular saw I built everything
and the bed is made out ofrefurbished kitchen cabinets.
So I bought actually newkitchen cabinets from home depot
and I installed them.
My brother helped me installthem into the floor, and then we
like cut them down and likebuilt a bed frame on it so I
(19:25):
feel like you would date a guyand he'd be like babe, I got
like a new, like a new cabinet.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Can you put it together for me, like, can you
read the instructions?
I?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
do have a whole box of power tools.
Yeah, but I did that and likehad a window installed in the
side, so there's like a slidingwindow.
I don't tell many people, Ilived in a van, welcome well,
now, the now, the world is gonnaknow so, so, so okay you better
share the clip once we post itdid you like?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
was there ac?
Like you have to leave the caron like if it was hot?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
no, but I would sleep by the beach, so I would just
crack the windows and thesliding window, but from the
outside it just looks like autility vehicle.
So I'd park in likeneighborhoods by, like nice
houses.
I think no one even knew I wasin there probably not, they
probably like oh, there'ssteve's plumber steve's plumber
(20:17):
at two in the morning hangingout with the wife of steve.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yeah, but it was fun so do you ever take like a guy
back to your van?
Like, hey, like you met a niceguy at the bar, you're like, oh
man, this guy's hot.
You want to come back to my?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
van um.
Yeah, but I dated sir.
I would only date surfers sothey probably liked it.
Yeah, they were probably likethis is sick yeah yeah, because
it's like when do you see a girldoing something like that?
Speaker 5 (20:43):
wait, you, you had sex in the van.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
I'm not going to talk about that.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
The neighbors just see it going up and down, no
comment.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Okay, so you go back to Santa, you go to Orange
County, you drive down and thenyou stay there.
For how long?
For what?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
For like a year.
For what I was working at arestaurant.
Okay, just living in the vanand living.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
But what was the purpose of going to Orange
County?
Speaker 1 (21:10):
To get away from my ex-boyfriend.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
Why did you have to get away from your ex-boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
You know those types of relationships where, like you
break up, but then you keeprunning into them everywhere and
you just can't move on.
Have you had, like he wasfollowing your van?
No, like santa barbara's asmaller town for california and
we liked very similar things, soI would run into him at like
the beach or like oh, so he wasa surfer and was going to the
(21:36):
same spot, so I would see himand I just was like I cannot
keep living in a place where Ikeep running into him, because I
cannot move on.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
So because you were in love with him still.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Okay, and how long were you guys together?
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Like two years when did you break up?
Speaker 5 (21:52):
He cheated on you.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
No, it was just.
I don't think he was ready fora relationship and he was going
through some hard things.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
How old was he?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
He was older.
I was 21 at the time and Ithink he was 27.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Okay, I could be wrong is that the oldest you've
dated?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
um no, why are you smiling?
That's a question I don't know.
Speaker 5 (22:18):
I've dated someone older than that what's the
oldest you've dated?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
like 40, I don't know you don't know how old they
were like something likesomewhere around there, like
okay, 39, okay, yeah and okay,obviously you're fine with that
yeah, oh, it's eight.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
How, how's like pretty that's pretty normal yeah
, I feel like you're saying itlike it's like, you're like
don't want to say it or no, it'sinteresting.
So when I had my company in themodeling industry, it was like
we called something.
Like we called it hot guy face,because like whenever, like new
models like 18, 19, 20 likekind of come on the scene, it's
like they're always dating likeyoung hot guy and they're all
(22:57):
like the same person, like theyall have the same, like tiktok
hair and like dangly littleswoop, little fucking dangly
cross earring.
They got off a timu like there'slike star wars attack of the
clones, like they all look thesame right like oh, I don't know
if it's that girl's boyfriendor that girl like it was very
confusing, but the most girllike beautiful girls.
(23:17):
Every time when they're 22, 23,24, it always brings some guy
that's like like, like, like ifyou dropped off your ups package
you'd be like that makes sense.
But they were always extremelysuccessful or charismatic or or
mature, just had their shittogether yeah, and it's almost
(23:39):
like they got bored of like.
Like how long can I like look atthis six-pack for before I
fucking get bored and I lose mymind?
I need someone that's actuallylike funny and intellectually
stimulating and smart and likeactually can teach me something
about life, versus just somedude with like three brain cells
rattling around in his skullbut like you can like iron your
clothes on his abs.
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (23:59):
mean, yeah, like you can be cute and attractive, but
that's not enough.
Yeah, most.
Of the time it's like, okay,are you mature, can we carry a
good conversation?
Which is usually like a bitolder from a girl's perspective,
because guys mature later?
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Yeah, I think so.
You seem like you like surferguys a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I think very similar energyadventures, yeah, but I think
also when I was younger, thatwas more what I was attracted to
.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Is height important?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Height.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I'm kind of tall for a girl.
You are.
Yeah, I would say.
So I think yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
No, I don't blame you .
I think it's weird kissing up,you know what I mean.
Like if I had to kiss up likehey babe, I feel fucking weird.
You know what I mean?
yeah, no one of, uh, this girlthat I know she's like I think
she's six foot, she's either 5,11 or six foot and she always,
like, comes to me with like herboy problems, right, and she's
(24:59):
always would date like nbaplayers, basketball players,
just because they were like, youknow, six, five and above, and
so one day she's like zach.
I'm so sick of dating thesefuck boys.
I don't care about height andlooks and all this stuff, I just
want, like a guy with a greatpersonality, blah, blah, blah.
So she starts dating this guywho's like five, seven, so
shorter than so, her with heelslike she's like towering over my
(25:22):
track.
Yeah, oh my god like it's likethey just didn't look good as a
unit you know what I mean yeah,like I saw them kiss one time.
It was like it was like thedwarves trying to conquer the
mountain and, lord of the rings,like it was like it did.
They just didn't look good as aunit, you know yeah and I met
the guy super cool, successful,good, looking like really good,
looking like facially, just kindof like short, and I was like
(25:45):
yo, it's like dave coming outtonight and she's like, yeah, so
what happened to him?
I was like what happened?
So apparently she had a coupleglasses of wine and he comes
over and she said she opened thedoor and she gave him big hug
and she was kind of tipsy so shepicked him up and she spun him
around and she watched hislittle legs go like this.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
That's what she said oh my god, she was like I lost
like I can't do it in thatmoment.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
That's funny and I'm like I get it like I feel for
the guy.
But at the same time like youdate him, like your bloodline is
going to be fucked.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
My first boyfriend was shorter than me.
He was like 5'5" 5'5" yeah.
But he was so good atskateboarding and he was very
like so.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Oh, he could ride on a board for a long time.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
No, but he could like do airs like on a skateboard
and like surf really well.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
So every time you would look at him and be like,
oh my God, that's so hot.
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
And he was like a fighter.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Like he would spar.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
So, I'm like, okay, he could like beat someone up
for me.
I understand that part of it.
That's like, yeah, he's aprotector, yeah, I mean I guess
you were young, like when Ithink skateboarder, I think like
like 12 year old.
I was 18, so I was like I wasso into it.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
Yeah, yeah, I could see that, yeah but you were, I
mean, you were already tall atthat point.
Yeah, yeah, I was about, as youwere towering over him yeah,
but I think, yeah, it workedthough I mean, as long as he
didn't mind, obviously, yeah,he's trying to save his
bloodline.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
He's like like, if you like like ended up with him,
like like it'd be fine, butlike you're fucked in the
afterlife when your ancestorsare like what the fuck, kendra,
we could have d1 athletes.
I've got some oompa loompaleprechauns running around
trying to get their lucky charmsback, jesus.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
That's so funny.
At least they'd be good atskating.
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, that's true, they'd begreat skaters, surfers.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
They'd be really good .
Low center of gravity yeah,easier to stay on the board, you
know, mm-hmm.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
So, other than the ambition thing, what else is
your type?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Do you have a physical type or no?
I don't know.
I don't think I do on paper,but when I look back at people
I've dated, I do apparently havea type.
I've dated a lot of Latinpeople and white people mostly.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Not on purpose, it's just how it happens
subconsciously on purpose yeah Iguess I was picturing like tall
tan white guy, like tribaltattoo around the bicep, surfs
every day, long hair maybe, yeah, yeah interesting, and then and
then other than um.
So you said, money doesn'tmatter, just ambition I suppose
(28:39):
yeah or did I change your mindon that?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
well, fresh story I'm saving girls, one at a time I'm
not gonna lie, like if therewas a guy who's like I work a
minimum wage job but he had likea heart of gold, I'd be like
you're so great, but but like,if I married you, are you going
to be able to provide for mychildren?
I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I got to fight with my mom about this.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Really yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
My mom because she's from Wisconsin.
She's like Zach you always datethese like models and actresses
.
Like you should just date agirl with like a great
personality.
Yeah.
I'm like okay, mom, let's do themath right.
Does there exist beautifulgirls with great personalities?
Yes, of course.
And then there exists uglygirls with great personalities.
So of course I'm going tochoose the beautiful girl who
(29:23):
also has a great personality.
And I think it's the same withlike there's rich guys with
great personalities, like peoplejust assume, oh, he's a rich
guy, so he must be like anasshole, narcissist, sociopath,
whatever, yeah, or he could justbe a rich guy with a great
personality.
Of course you're going to wantthat if you have the opportunity
.
You know what I mean, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
No, that's fair From a guy's perspective, because I
know like women it's always likeokay, you date a man because
he's well off and he's driven,maybe he's rich or has a company
.
It's because I think women lookat men as like he's a provider.
Is there an equivalency forwomen in from a guy's
perspective?
(30:01):
From a personality standpointpersonality or like anything
like that, where it's like youdate a man who's like rich and
has his shit together.
Is there something that'sequivalated?
The vice versa?
Speaker 3 (30:15):
Just be super hot Like not for me Like.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
I'm very shy and romantic.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
So like I only care about personality, character and
morals and values, but, likefor all the other guys, yeah, be
really hot.
It's like the hotness is whatmakes him want to date you.
But then to stay in therelationship, I think it's two
things.
It's guys number one want tofeel like a man, right, and so
they want you to be like likefeminine submissive yeah, maybe
(30:44):
a little bit submissive, and notin a submissive way of like, oh
, you're his slave and you doeverything but like he's a
leader, yeah, like he wants totake control, like and I get it
like from a girl's perspective,because girls all the time say
on this thing they're like yeah,but the guys aren't leading.
I'm like yeah, because you'redating these fucking Gen Z
fucking dudes.
Get their furniture off TikTokshop and have a bed with no
headboard.
(31:04):
It's touching two walls like apoor person just smashed up
against the corner.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I have no idea what a nightstand is.
I do that with my bed.
I put put in the corner.
We need to get you some lifeskills.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
We gotta get you some one-in-one shampoo, just
shampoo don't put that shit inyour dishwasher.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Don't put laundry detergent.
Here's my problem, though.
I move around a lot when Isleep, so I've fallen off the
bed multiple times so you needthe wall to protect.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
I stopped the wall stops.
Put some wall of pillows on theother side, a little barrier
for you.
Yeah, yeah, that's smart, butyeah.
So there's two things guys want.
They want to feel like the manand this is going to sound
really egotistical, but it'strue.
Guys want other people to think, damn, he's dating a hot girl.
So like, if you go out, guyswant you to look nice, like
(31:53):
dress up and like look the part.
And don't get me wrong, I thinkthe guy should take care of the
guy part and like, yeah, openthe door for you, pay for dinner
.
Don't do none of this tiktok,no splitsies, splitsies.
Let me, venmo, request you forthe fucking airbnb oh my god nah
, but if the guy is doing that,I do think the girl should also
give the guy what he wants,because guys don't care about
(32:15):
buying overpriced food justbecause they put some Christmas
tree lights up and pretend theyput a drizzle over the steak.
Oh, look at my amazing steak.
Like guys care about lookinglike they have the hottest girl
in the room yeah, and girls careabout being taken out on a nice
date.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
They like the feeling being taken care of.
Being taken care of, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
So, in my opinion, as long as the guy's providing
what he should be providing,then I think the girl should
also provide what she provide orif you want to be strong,
independent woman, I run shit,I'm a boss bitch, cool.
But then like, split the bill.
You know what I'm saying.
Like you can't have both sidesof the equation, it's not fair I
think it makes sense for womento.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
If you're with a true masculine man, it's easy.
You don't have to be like whyisn't he doing this, this and
this?
Speaker 3 (33:03):
you're like oh okay, I'm good do you like masculine
men or more like the kind offemboy, kind of like?
Uh no, that's like in right now, it's very in.
It's like the like shaven faceand like they look like they're
in a boy band no, I would saylike an alpha masculine, male,
for sure, yeah, male energy,yeah, yeah which one of your
(33:23):
ex-boyfriends would you say isthe most alpha?
Speaker 5 (33:26):
which one of your ex-boyfriends would you say
would beat up the otherex-boyfriends?
Speaker 1 (33:31):
um, probably the one I dated for like two years only
because he was the tallestuh-huh, I would say, how tall
was he six, three, I think, Idon't know so so he was.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
He was the one that you ran away from, okay yeah and
then do you know what he'sdoing now?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
yeah, he's like doing missions trips and he's been
all over the place.
Speaker 5 (33:57):
Is that where they go ?
Try to turn people intoChristianity.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
He was Christian, so he was like in Costa Rica and
like all these different places.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
Yeah, if you could go back in time, is he ready to
get married now, or, like settledown or whatever, I don't think
so I have no idea, he's stillokay.
Yeah, but at the time I wasbecause you were saying that
that's what.
That's what what the reason waslike he wasn't ready to settle
down.
Do you like, how did that comeabout?
(34:27):
Like, did you guys have aconversation and he was like I'm
not ready, or did you just?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
yeah, um, I think it was kind of like the whole time
I knew like he had his ownpersonal things he was dealing
with like internally so I don'tthink he was in a place to be in
a relationship necessarily, butwe just got along really well
and dated for as long as we did.
But I think he still had a lotof like internal things he was
(34:56):
going through before.
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Yeah do you have a?
Do you do you feel like a lotof the guys that you date have
the same problem?
Speaker 1 (35:03):
no, I think like boyfriends have had.
They're all very differentpeople.
Why isn't it?
Working out what was that?
Speaker 5 (35:11):
why isn't it working out?
Speaker 1 (35:13):
I don't know.
I think some people enter yourlife to almost like be there to
teach you something, but they'renot necessarily like end game.
Speaker 5 (35:23):
Do you date?
You don't date to marry.
I do, yeah, you do date tomarry.
Yeah, I'm very intentional withdating, so every time you start
dating a guy you're like, okay,i'm'm gonna spend my time to
try to make this work, yeah butyou don't think they're doing
the same no, I think they are,so I'm very confused why it's
not working out why what's notworking out the relationships oh
(35:46):
well, my last relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
He just moved to kansas, so that's why that
didn't and you didn't want tomove with him there would you
want to move to k?
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
You've moved like 20 million times to anywhere and
everywhere.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
So it wouldn't be shocking if you went to Kansas.
Yeah, you don't want to move toan ugly person's state, though
At least move to a hot person'sstate.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
There is no ballet in Kansas.
No ballet, or surfing, for thatmatter, or culture for that
matter, or culture.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Well, it's funny because I didn't know this, but
there's actually a lot of stuffgoing on in kansas, like kansas
city.
Well, I mean, the chiefs arethere taylor swift is there um
yeah, there's actually a pocketof like high industry in kansas
city.
I did not know about crazy.
Yeah, like a lot of rich peoplelike randomly in kansas they
probably like oh like.
We manufacture the gear partsthat make like the factory
(36:39):
settings for like yeah, and it'sso cheap out there, so it's
like they can live in a massivehouse for like a million dollars
.
A million dollars in la wouldbe like a shack yeah like
nothing.
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty crazyyeah, but yeah, we were living
in hawai Hawaii, and he moved toKansas and it's like how do you
compare that?
Speaker 5 (37:00):
That's your last boyfriend, and so he leaves
Hawaii and you're like I've gotnothing else to do here, let's
go to LA.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Well, yeah, and I was also flying back and forth from
LA and Hawaii to work somemodeling jobs and runway shows.
Speaker 5 (37:14):
So for the past six months you haven't been dating
anyone.
Oh, I have, oh, you have.
Yeah, now you're in arelationship.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
Um still like kind of situation no but just seeing
like where things go, taking itslow I guess.
Speaker 5 (37:28):
So still dating?
Yeah, okay, not not asituationhip, not a relationship
.
Still dating yeah how long hasit been?
A few months okay, yeah, like acouple months after you moved
you met him yeah very quick yeahhave you heard of the three
loves theory?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
no, tell me about that so everybody in their life
has three big loves.
So you have your first loveyeah which is new and exciting.
You think it's going to lastforever because you just don't
know any better, right?
Yeah.
Second love is your toxic lovethat just breaks you and it
teaches you the tough lifelessons and the things you don't
(38:09):
want to learn about yourself,but it forces you to grow, yeah.
And then your third love islike after you really figure out
what kind of person you are,what kind of partner you want,
what you genuinely want insomebody, not what society says
you should want in somebody, butwhat actually makes you happy.
That's when you find yoursoulmate and that's you actually
are ready for your soulmate,because you've went through all
(38:31):
these other experiences.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah, definitely, I think that that's fair.
Do you think you've gonethrough all three?
Not all three, but definitelythe first two.
Oh interesting, yeah, my firstboyfriend.
Um, we were actually talkingabout getting married at one
point, even though my firstgirlfriend yeah, we'd only dated
like a year, but it was like,oh my gosh, like I just am so in
love with him, like he'sactually the reason I moved to
(38:53):
california originally, and so itwas like he's the one like I
was just head over heels typething, and then, obviously, like
I'm 18, so like you're, youdon't even know who you are yet
so that you think you do yeah,you're like I know everything,
like when you're it's funnybecause the older I get, the the
more I'm like I don't knowanything.
(39:15):
When you're young, you have thislike false confidence of like
this is it?
Type thing.
And then, yeah, I've definitelybeen through the one that I was
so into, but it shaped me as aperson.
Yeah.
And I think now when I date,I'm like I know what I don't
want.
So, I can be more like on thenose with like okay, yeah, this
(39:38):
person is worth investing in andgetting to know better.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
You have the wisdom.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
Yeah, you have the wisdom that you've been in
before.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, my first girlfriend.
So back in high school I wassuper fucking awkward I was very
like Catholic parents.
Parents and everybody made funof me because my family was poor
.
So all these little kids withtheir fucking, they all had the
same shirt.
It was like the little polowith the guy and the horse.
You know what I'm talking aboutand it's just different colors.
(40:07):
They all have the same shirt.
Different colors, just clones,just fucking making fun of me, I
still hate fucking Ralph Laurento this day because of those
fuckers.
Um, so I was like super lonelyand I just wanted a girlfriend.
So bad because I was like youknow, we can hang out, we can
like watch movies, we can go ondates.
And one of the football playersstarted this rumor that I was
(40:27):
gay because I was like no girlsbecause I was like scared to.
So I was like, and I can squashthese rumors at the same time,
right.
So my junior year, one of myfriends is like yo, this girl,
julie, wants you to ask her toprom.
And I'm pumped.
I'm just like, zach, don't fuckthis up, this is your shot,
this is your shot.
So I go to her locker afterclass and it was like the most
(40:51):
like cringe, awkward, like Ilike went up I was like hey,
julie.
She was like hey, I was likeyou want to go to prom with me?
She's like, yeah, of course.
Oh, then she said yes.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
And then because, like she had liked me for some
reason, and then I like paused,I was like okay, bye.
Like I had no fucking clue whatI was doing.
Yeah, like I had no fuckingclue what I was doing.
Yeah, but we started dating andI was like so like it was like
the first time in my life that Ifelt like truly happy yeah, I
mean like, truly like, likecontent with my life, you know,
(41:25):
and I became the biggest fuckingsimp loser guy, like I would.
This is gonna make you cringe.
I would literally wake up 6 amevery Monday and I would drive
to the Walmart between ourhouses and I would pick up a
package of the purple Skittles,the wild berry because that was
her favorite flavor and someflowers, and I'd write a note
and I'd just like leave it onher doorstep for her to find.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Every day.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Every Monday.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Okay, every Monday.
No, that's cute.
Speaker 3 (41:51):
It's not going to be cute for long.
Wait till the rest of the story.
So then we go to college andshe went to, like, the private
school right by our town.
My parents couldn't afford it,so I went to UW Oshkosh, in the
middle of nowhere, wisconsinright.
Right and I would call her everyday.
I was still happy Yo, how'syour day going?
Blah, blah, blah.
And there's always this guythat she would talk about and
(42:13):
she would say, yeah, he's suchan asshole, he's so annoying.
He was dating two of my friendsat the same time, behind their
backs.
They didn't even know.
We hate this guy.
I'm like, yeah, fuck this guy,we hate him because you were
long distance, long distanceokay so then two weeks later I
get a call from this kid from myhigh school that I like barely
talked to and I was like yo,what's up?
(42:34):
He's like.
Yo, like I feel like I shouldjust tell you this, like you
were always like good to me inhigh school and stuff like that.
But uh, we're at this partylast night and we see Julie
going to this bedroom with thisguy.
They're in there for like 30minutes.
Everybody's saying they hookedup Right.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
And I'm like what guy ?
And he's like oh, steve andsteve was that asshole guy that
she hated, right.
So I started laughing at him.
I'm like ha ha, ha, she hatesthis guy what this is so silly.
But the weird thing was I feltlike nervous in the back of my
mind yeah even though I waslaughing, I was like there's no
way.
(43:12):
I couldn't shake this feeling ofnervousness.
It was like this intuition.
So the next day I drive to herdorm to surprise her right and I
knocked on her door and Iremember expecting her to open
the door with a big smile like,oh my God you came to surprise
me.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Well, of course yeah, because you're seeing your
girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
And I just remember she opens the door and she's
just kind.
What are you doing here?
Oh, no, yeah and I was like,yeah, like everybody's like
starting this rumor about you, Ijust wanted to let you know.
But like, don't worry babe,like I don't believe it, I know
it's like none of it's true.
And she just looked at me andshe's like actually it is oh,
(43:54):
she was on it.
That's crazy and the worst partto me was like I'm talking to
her and I'm like bawling my eyesout.
I'm like like like taken abackby this whole situation and she
was just so like nonchalantabout it.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Like like like our relationship just like almost
annoyed that I was like thereand talking about that's shitty
and I still remember the lastthing I ever said to her.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
I was like julie, like I was the best boyfriend to
you.
I would do anything to make youhappy.
I just want to know why yeahand she literally just looks at
me.
I remember she shrugs hershoulders like this and she goes
.
I just got bored and thatfucking moment I was like I will
never be this fucking loseragain I will never be this
(44:40):
fucking city.
That's like like wait, likelike tricked by some girl yeah,
you know what I?
mean, and then I started wakingup 6 am every day, working on my
youtube channel, fucking, goingto the gym, like all this shit,
and then became a fuck boy.
For like five years I was justlike fuck this shit and finally
got over it.
You know, yeah, it taught me alot of things.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
You know, it taught me a lot of truths about life no
, it's true, and it's also notyour fault when someone does
something bad to you yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
But see people say like, oh well, she was a jerk,
blah, blah, blah.
But I actually kind of disagreebecause, yes, she could have
done in a better way.
She could have said, oh, like,you know, you're the great guy,
you're just so nice, neverchange, some girl will be lucky
to have you.
But the reality was like in theweeks like after the breakup, I
(45:31):
remember feeling like I wantedto be angry but ironically I was
more so just, this is gonnasound crazy but I was more so
sad that she wouldn't take that,she didn't want me.
Yeah.
And it's like I should be theone like fuck you, I don't want
you.
But I was like sad that Iwasn't good enough for her.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're not good
enough in general.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
No, I disagree with you.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Really.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
Because the reality was I was really fucking boring
at the time.
I was so boring but because ofthat experience I like worked
really fucking hard on myself,on my confidence and my sense of
humor, my storytelling, and Igot really fucking good at those
things.
And now, like, if I go on adate with a girl like maybe you
like me, maybe you don't, but Inever have boring dates, like
it's always fucking fun.
And it's fun because I put theteam on my back and make the
date fun, because I have tobecause of that experience that
(46:27):
I went through.
So in a way, like I'm glad shedid in that way in the long run,
versus just being nice, andthen I'm just boring the rest of
my life and just get likefriend zoned by girl after girl.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
You know what I mean yeah, well, it's gonna shape you
as a person then yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, because you realize
like, okay, a rejection.
You can do one of two things.
You can either be likewallowing in your self-pity, or
you can go the other way andlike, okay, well then I'm gonna
work on myself so that doesn'thappen again exactly like what
you did yeah which is positive Ithink.
Speaker 3 (46:58):
But you kind of did the same thing with your whole
disease thing.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
You know I suppose yeah, yeah, it seems like it
yeah yeah, it's like I canchoose to be this girl who went
through that, or I can choose tobe the girl who perseveres and
keeps going.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
Yeah, so do you think you're gonna find the third one
soon the soulmate I hope soyeah I don't know.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
I feel like a lot of times in my past I've tried to
plan out things and be like I'mgoing to be married by this age
and have kids or whatever.
But I feel like at this pointI'm like I don't know.
I feel like it's just a blankslate and I'm kind of just
letting things come as they comeand I think that's healthy.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
Do you believe in manifestation?
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Philosophically yes, I think spiritually no explain
okay, philosophically andlogically, I think, if you're
like I'm gonna manifest a house,right, I want to manifest a
house.
I think if you have a goal setin your mind, you're more likely
to, along the way, make thechoices that lead you up to the
(48:01):
house that you got and you couldsay I manifested it.
But really, in a logical sense,what you did is you got a better
job, you went to college to geta degree, you made these things
.
Maybe you'd made these businesstransactions to get the money,
to get the house like butbecause you set that goal in
your mind, like I'm gonna get itfinally that goal in your mind
(48:25):
like I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Finally, someone with more than two living cells
riding around your skull thatunderstands how manifest.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
I think that that's like mo, who thinks the universe
drops things on your head ifyou think about it too many
times yeah, and I think thatthere's a difference between,
like divine intervention, where,like, you pray for something
and maybe things come in yourlife that are better than you
even asked for, type thing.
So it's like I'm praying forthis, an example like this job
(48:51):
I'm praying or manifest.
I really want this job and Ithink like, yeah, you can
manifest, but from a spiritualsense, I think you can pray and
then you can receive things thatare better than you even asked
for, that you wouldn't have eventhought of.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
But you're like this is it, this is what I actually
needed so you put in the work toget to that first level and
then it's like there's so manymore rewards that come as of
that.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
Yeah, yeah definitely because you know, if you
believe I believe in godhonestly and it says in the
bible God gives us more than wecan ask, think or imagine.
So if you pray and you say, god, I want this, god's going to be
like, okay, but I actually knowwhat you really need.
And he's going to start puttingthings in your life that you
(49:36):
wouldn't even have imagined thatare better, and you're like, oh
my gosh, like you love me somuch, that, like you're giving
me things like I didn't even Icouldn't even thought, have
thought of myself, but it's likewhat I really needed, type
thing.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
if that makes sense yeah, no, it does yeah yeah what
have you?
What's the thing you'vemanifested in your life that
you're most proud of?
Most proud of besides the vanum, that's pretty sick no for
sure.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
I think friends like really solid groups of friends
and I think the people,obviously the people you
surround yourself with, are soimportant.
Like I've, I have a reallysolid group of friends out in
hawaii and I met them my secondyear out there and like
everyone's super fit, superhealthy, we all like to free
(50:28):
dive and surf or go on hikes andI think it's just like you
surround yourself with reallygood people and it like shapes
you into the type of person thatyou want to be.
Yeah, yeah.
Awesome, Um all right, cool.
This has been very fun.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
Kendra, any uh, social media shout outs or
anything you want to be.
Yeah, yeah, awesome, All right,cool, this has been very fun.
Kendra, any social media shoutouts or anything you want to
give.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Oh yeah, I'm on Instagram.
Kendra underscore is underscoreoutside, and that's about it.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
Awesome.
Well, we'll have to do roundtwo sometime.
Speaker 1 (50:56):
Yeah, of course, thank you.
Speaker 3 (50:58):
Thanks for listening.
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