What Really Matters When Looking for Love ft. Amber - Ep.098 - Unattainable Podcast Show

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You have to learn to step up and deal with your
problems and not only yourproblems, but deal with the
emotions that come with problems, because at some point you're
the one responsible for fixingthe problems.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
Gen Z guys are totally different and so not I
don't date anybody younger thanme.
Older is always the way to go.
I think looks you knoweverybody says either looks
super matter or they don'tmatter.
I think they matter a littlebit for sure.
You know you want to havesomebody that you're attracted
to.
Humor is definitely the numberone thing.
It's like the biggest jokeright.
Where it's like if a guy canmake you laugh, he can make you

(00:35):
do anything Like there'ssomething that's way more
interesting about somebody who'slike funny and again,
successful, driven like thesevarious things where it's just
honestly like looks areimportant to an extent.
Like you should have some typeof attraction.
Manifestation is one of thosethings where it's like you still
have to put in the work.
Where it's like you're not justgoing to be like I want a hot
body, it's going to be like you,every single day convincing

(00:56):
yourself like I'm doing this fora good reason.
I'm doing it for a good reason.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
The reason manifestation is such a red flag
to me is all the time therewould be like a beautiful world.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
You love people the way that you want to be loved,
right?

Speaker 1 (01:09):
I have a very dominant personality, so I like
taking the lead in relationships.
Back in my 20s, all I caredabout was like looks, and now
I'm much, much more picky interms of intelligence.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
I don't think being broke is a bad thing.
I think you know I'm like.
You know it enough to be.
Like money comes and goes and,honestly, if you're somebody
who's like talented and likegood at what you do, you will
figure it out.
But it's just also.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Welcome to unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, andfirst of all, thank you to all
of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofgrowth over the last couple
weeks and we have to thank youguys for that.
Today we've got a special gueston the show.
This is Amber Amber.
Hi Please introduce yourself tothe audience your name, what
you do and star sign.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
I'm Amber Koval.
I'm an actress and model and Iam a Scorpio.
I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
I've dated two Scorpios in my past and they
were very fun but very bad formy mental health.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
You know a lot of people say that, but I think
those are people that don'tunderstand Scorpios, right, or
maybe you got one of theScorpios in their villain area
too.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Possible, possible Are you?
Do you find yourself datingtoxic men often, or ending up in
toxic relationships?

Speaker 2 (02:32):
No, not too much, I would say.
I always pick people that arelike very opposite of myself.
So the challenge in that islearning somebody else right,
where you're just like.
You and I are so different inevery aspect, but those are the
things that draw me to.
Somebody is like learningsomething new, but then later
down the line you're like man.

(02:52):
This is a little bitchallenging, but I honestly
haven't been in relationshipsthat are too bad.
I've had guys that are nice tome for the most part.
I mean there's still guys atthe end of the day.
So there's that, there's still,guys.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
I've seen both sides.
I'm a recovering fuckboy.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I would say Aren't they all, everyone in LA.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
I used to be very shy and romantic, growing up with
very religious parents, and thenI just got friend zoned so many
fucking times that I was likefuck, this Went, complete 180,
complete fuckboy boy, sociopath,narcissist, and I'm kind of
like matured out of that and I'mkind of in the middle seem like
you need to have a little bitof both.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Right, you have the nice guy and then the bad boy,
and then you were able to kindof find yourself somewhere in
the middle, you know yeah, andthat's the thing that the bad
boy.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's like.
Back when I was a fuck boy, wewere professionals you know, not
like these amateurs nowadays,these little gen z guys on their
fucking bird scooters righty'all fall for dudes that have a
bed that touches two walls likedo you not know what a
nightstand is like?

Speaker 2 (03:55):
stop dating these losers hey, I had a time for a
while in my single time where itwas like you were like dating
with intention, right, and youwould go back to somebody's
house and you'd see that andyou're like, all right, nope,
this already tells me what Ineed to know here.
Interesting Make your bed, do alittle bit of something, you
know.
But I do agree, gen Z guys aretotally different and so not Not

(04:17):
.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Not the vibe.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Not the vibe at all.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
How old are you?
You're very confusing.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
I'm 31.
So not Gen Z Millennials.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
I was going to say you look in your 30s or you, you
act like you're in your 30s,you look like 20, with a fake ID
.
Hey, you know, I don't knowwhether to talk about investing
or doing Molly at Disney.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
Always, molly, at Disneyland.
Investing is not my strong suit, molly, I could tell you about
that.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
I my Wisconsin friends.
One time I tell them, yeah,we're going to Disneyland, like
me and a bunch of my friends,and they're like oh, so your
friends have kids.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
And I'm like no, I am the kid.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
And they're like wait , so you're just going to
Disneyland as adults and I'mlike yeah, we live in LA.
They thought it was so fuckingweird.
They're like what are you goingto say hi to Minnie Mouse?
Like, what are you guys doing?

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Acid.
That's what we're doing.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Exactly what's the oldest and youngest you've dated
.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Honestly, I don't date anybody younger than me.
Older is always the way to go.
I think in a relationship itdoesn't really work If you're
like five years older or younger.
You have to be in that range orsorry, five plus older, older,
five plus younger doesn't workand honestly I feel like if
you're a girl, you really justneed to date guys that are older
.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
you know, because but not over five years older not
over five years older.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
I disagree with you really?

Speaker 1 (05:35):
yes, very much.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
So you know I just saw something that was like five
years hey, it wasn't t, it wasreal.
So it's a little bit more.
You know, grown up.

Speaker 1 (05:49):
So when I had my company in the modeling industry
right, it was interesting wehad this thing called hot guy
phase, where new models comingin 18, 19, 20 would always be
dating the young hot guy andthese guys were like clones of
each other, right, they all hadlike the TikTok hair and the
dandley earring.
You couldn't tell them apart,right.
But the interesting thing was,once they were 21, 22, 23,

(06:14):
they'd always be dating somenormal looking guy, maybe dad
bod, like.
If you put a brown shirt on himand he dropped off your UPS
package, you wouldn't besurprised.
You'd be like makes sense,sense.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
But they're always extremely successful or
established or ambitious, andusually quite a bit older,
usually 30s, maybe even 40s Imean maybe that has to do with
the money, but uh, my thing isI'm like I think looks, you know
, everybody says either lookssuper matter, they don't matter.
I think they matter a littlebit.
For sure.
You know everybody says eitherlooks super matter or they don't
matter.

(06:45):
I think they matter a littlebit.
For sure, you know you want tohave somebody that you're
attracted to.
But I think what that turns intois when you're dating somebody
and you're younger and you'rejust like, oh my god, this guy
is so hot, like that's all youthink about, you know.
But then you go on dates withhim and there's just like
nothing to talk about and you'relike man, you know, it's like
when you get a new car right,like you want this, like nice,

(07:07):
expensive, like Ferrari orwhatever you know, and then
after you have the Ferrari for alittle while, you're like, all
right, well, this isn't reallyfunctional, like I can't really
take this camping this is a lotof maintenance exactly like that
type of thing where you're like, if the only thing is the way
that it looks like you, you knowyou can find a nice car that's
like an SUV but still is reallynice inside and can get you

(07:28):
every place, and I mean that'sit right.
Like hot guys are kind of morefocused on themselves, whereas
like somebody who's slightlyunder, that is going to be like
hey, you're coming first tonight.
As it goes, you learn yourlessons.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
So so what?
What's your type?
Let's, let's go looks first.
Get that out of the way.
I know it's not the mostimportant thing.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
See, I feel like if you lined up all of my
boyfriends, ever none of themlook alike Like I would say.
I guess maybe I kind of do likewhite boys but like we're the
best.
Hey, you can't say that outloud anymore best.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yeah, hey, you can't say that out loud anymore.
I got, I got straight white andmale and I'm a pisces.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
So I got like maximum privilege, so pretty much your
serial killer is what you'retelling everybody that and I'm
from wisconsin and jeffy don wasfrom wisconsin hey, you know
midwest has.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
A lot of sociopaths are in right now, you know you
know, aren't they?

Speaker 2 (08:20):
aren't they all?
We've got donald trump at theforefront leading the way for
everyone else.
Um, I don't know.
I mean, okay, cliche, I do liketall guys, just because you
know I have a big personality.
So I feel like everyone wantsto feel a little small at times
huge personality.
um, humor is definitely thenumber one thing.

(08:41):
It's like the biggest jokeright where it's like if a guy
can make you laugh, he, he canmake you do anything.
I'm like there's somethingthat's way more interesting
about somebody who's like funnyand again successful, driven,
like these various things whereit's just honestly like looks
are important to an extent, likeyou should have some type of
attraction, but I think if youreally know somebody's
personality and they have suchan awesome personality, those if

(09:03):
you really know somebody'spersonality and they have such
an awesome personality those arethings that you like care less
about.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
As long as they're taller than you as long as
they're taller than you, Becauseif you're the same height or if
they're shorter than you, thenyou can't hear them from down
there.
You're like what are you saying?

Speaker 1 (09:14):
Then it's just, it ruins their jokes.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
They can't be funny anymore Right, it's like louder
microphone.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
I dated a girl once, the the first fashion model I
did is she was five 11.
So she was like three inchesshorter than me, but with heels
it's like on par, and she toldme this story.
She said you know, she used toalways date only basketball
players, nba players, stuff likethat.
And then she was like afterthat she was like I started
dating this guy who was likefive eight.

(09:49):
She was like I'm, I got sofucked over so many times.
I'm like I don't care aboutheight anymore, I'm gonna date a
short king.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
And she told me she's like one night.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
She has a couple glasses of wine and this guy
comes over and she said sheopened the door and she gave him
a hug and she was like zach.
I picked him up and I spun himaround and I watched his little
legs flail out and she's likeZach.
In that moment I couldn't do itanymore no way and.
I was like that's your fault,but I get it, I understand.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
I feel like I'm pretty strong, though I think I
could lift up some guys biggerthan me and spin them around.
Maybe I don't know.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
Girls always say that hey, you know what?

Speaker 2 (10:20):
it's not the size of the dog in the fight, okay do
you lift weights?
Um, I'm more of a yoga girl.
I did do a little bit yoga.
Hey, that's what you thinkuntil you feel the weight of
your own body.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
I've tried yoga.
It was fucking hard I did.
I accidentally did hot yoga onetime.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
See, that's what I do .
I'm a hot yoga girl.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
I thought hot yoga.
This was years ago, before yogawas like popular, and I thought
it was like yoga for hot people.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
And I walk in and it's like all ugly people.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
I'm like what the fuck is going on and I'm
sweating and I'm in hell rightnow.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, the only hot one wasthe instructor and we ended up
she ended up stealing 450 bucksfrom me and my Dave and Buster's
gift card.
I was very upset about it.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
I had a lot of points on that thing you know what,
after leading that class, I feellike she kind of deserved that,
you know, think about that.
You were like in hell for anhour of your life.
That's like 450 hours of herlife maybe that's true.
Maybe I'm doing the world abetter place you're like here,
take this, go, do something else.
This sucked.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
No, she still.
We ended up because we ended upkind of like seeing each other
for a while and then she endedup one night.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
It's a long story, but yeah, all of a sudden I woke
up and no money in my walletsee, I feel like what you're
glossing over here is whateverhappened in the middle of
everything was fun and then Igot 450 stolen because it's like
it was her fault, okay, so saysevery guy ever yeah, so so so
we end up after like one of theyoga classes, right, I'm like,
oh yeah, let's like grab asmoothie or something.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
And she had all the like biggest red flags.
She, she believed inmanifestation and like
meditation, yoga and like allthe big red flag stuff.
Okay I, she told me.
I was like, what's yourfavorite food?
I remember she said it was likeblueberries or almonds and I
was like, like that's not food,that's ingredients, and nobody

(12:06):
just eats blueberries, like goesto the store and like buys
blueberries and like eats them.
So they're very confused.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
You clearly haven't been to the West Side very much
Maybe not Like that's everyoneon the beach is like a case of
like blueberries just getting it.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Blueberries yeah, just straight.
Blueberries, not in like a pieor like a fruit salad.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, you just straight blueberries, not in
like a pie or like a fruit salad.
Yeah, you guys are weird overthere.
Hey, you know what?
See, maybe that's why dating istroublesome in LA, if you can't
get behind the like you knowmanifestation they're like.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
I got you here do you believe in it?

Speaker 2 (12:37):
um, I mean, I think I believe in it to an extent.
I think manifestation is one ofthose things where it's like
you still have to put in thework, where it's like you still
have to put in the work, whereit's like you're not just going
to be like I want a hot body,it's going to be like you every
single day, convincing yourselflike I'm doing this for a good
reason, I'm doing it for a goodreason.
But I think if it's like one ofthose things again like all the

(13:00):
other synonyms for things right, it's like you're just putting
your mind to something, whereyou're like I'm gonna do this
and yeah, if you're somebody whoputs your mind to something and
you're gonna work hard, like ofcourse, something's gonna
happen for you, see that I canget behind the the.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
The reason manifestation is such a red flag
to me is all the time there'llbe like a beautiful girl and
she's like zach.
I manifested a private jet.
I manifested a trip to Europe.
And I'm like while you werepraying to the universe, please,
universe, give me a trip toEurope.
You were actually praying tosome old, rich fucking guy who

(13:35):
slid into your DMs and thoughtyou were hot and wants to fuck
you.
It's not the universe.
You're praying to some old,rich man who wants to fuck you,
and now you tell me oh my God, Imanifested it.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Okay, well, that's like two very different versions
.
Right, like they're the peoplethat are, like I manifested it
because it's like a popular wordyou know, I mean half of the
words that people say wherethey're like.
Literally it's like no, thatwasn't the way.
That wasn't what literal means.
It's just like a popular wordthat people say and people don't
really get it yeah, so it'slike what does this mean?

Speaker 1 (14:05):
by the way, I don't judge anybody who wants to do
the whole like sugar daddy thing.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
That's all like to each their own, and if you're
gonna do that, totally go for it.
Not for me.
I would beat the shit out ofsomebody, but you know beat the
shit out of your sugar daddyexactly.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
I just wouldn't be able to.
I'm like you can send me thefive thousand dollars000 from
over there.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I think if you goenough places right where you
like, you go to Miami, you go toNew York, obviously LA like
these big cities and you see itin person and you're just like
man.
This is my worst fuckingnightmare.
Somebody call A24.
We have their next horror filmfor them.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
I've never done the sugar to anything, but I have
been accused of it.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
I'm still mad about it, okay, so what does that mean
?

Speaker 1 (14:47):
So I'm from Wisconsin , right, sugar daddies don't
exist.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
And in Wisconsin I'm sure you probably were a sugar
daddy because it was Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
I was broke when I was in Wisconsin, though, so not
really.
And that's the reason it doesn'twork is the guys are too broke,
the girls are too ugly's, likeno, there's no way the sugar
daddy thing could happen andthey moved to la and it's very
normalized.
It was like culture shock forme, right, okay, but when I grew
up my dad is very old school,right he told me zach chivalry,
you know, if I'm taking a girlon a date, like I'm paying for

(15:17):
it, none of this like splitsies,like no, I'm a man, I fucking
pay on the date.
If I'm on the sidewalk, I'mwalking on the car side.
So you know, if a car comes,stop the car with one hand, you
know.
Protect my girl with the otherhand, you know as it should be,
as it should be.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
That's the Midwest thing now, because that's again,
honestly, that would be a typeis Midwest right?
You're just like that Southernguys do it too.
But it's like again that likelet me pull the door open for
you, like let me or yeah, let meopen the door for you, like let
me pull your here, let me pullthe whole door off the frame for
you, but you know like justthings like that.

(15:53):
Where it's like let me pay, Iam somebody who I'm like okay, I
do believe like let's taketurns.
You know where it's like.
I do think it getsuncomfortable when you have
somebody who's too much, justlike you can't pay for anything.
Where you're just like allright, this kind of feels a
little weird now, really, yeah,why is that?
I think you love people the waythat you want to be loved,

(16:13):
right, where it's like for meone of my I'm like an active
service girl.
You know where I'm like buy mesomething, or like let me buy
you something, rather.
That's good something rather,and I'm like sorry.
What am I saying right now yes,okay, should.
I go down the line of what Ithink right now when I'm like I
want to take you out to dinner,just because it's something

(16:36):
where it's like you know, that'slike sweet.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Okay, I would say that that's a gift and an act of
service.
Maybe right Dinner, I guess,kind of yeah Dinner, kind of in
the middle.
But you know, I think it's oneof those things like if you find
someplace cool and you're like,hey, I found this really cool
spot, Like let me take you out,I think that's like attractive
for guys and girls.
You know what I mean when it'slike let me show you something
new.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
Dot, dot dot.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
I just like.
I guess I have a very dominantpersonality, so I like taking
the lead in relationships and Ilike the feeling Not that I'm
paying for it, it just it feelsright to me if I'm paying for it
.
It feels weird if she's like oh, like.
If it's once in a while, okay,like no, but you don't think

(17:23):
some girls feel that way too.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Where you're like I want to do something nice, I
want to show off and like, bringyou here and like you know what
I mean, I guess most of thegirls I date can't afford it
well, there's red flag, numberone then, isn't it?

Speaker 1 (17:36):
what if they're broke ?

Speaker 2 (17:37):
that's a red flag you're like flying people and
you're like okay every placethat's not la, come in.
Let me show you a good time.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
I've never flown a girl in, actually.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
And my friend asked me one time.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
He's like dude, why don't you fly girls out Like you
have money, whatever, and I'mlike I would be worried that she
would come and then like wewould just not really vibe like
that and I'm like stuck withthem for like three, four days

(18:12):
and then you kind of feel likethis guilty obligation to hang
out with them the whole time andyou're like this is a nightmare
.
And, to be fair, back in my 20sall I cared about was like
looks.
And now I'm much, much morepicky in terms of intelligence
and a girl I can have like like.
Not intelligence like they wentto college and they read a
bunch of books, but intelligence, like they're.
They're emotionally intelligent, they like to have
conversations about psychologyand why people are the way they
are, like very otherwise.
Literally I'm just bored.
I'm like what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (18:32):
I don't remember what I talked about in my 20s to
girls for like four hours on afucking date I think growing up
so exciting, yes that's exactlywhat I'm saying about you know
what I mean, where it's like youmight have somebody and you're
like okay, you're hot, but likewhat else are you besides hot?

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
You know, it's kind of like that thing when
somebody's just like gives youjust like a very surface level
compliment, right, where they'relike you're pretty, and it's
like, okay, you're pretty, butwhat else are you?
You know, you look back ateverybody from high school and
you're like man.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Oh, it's rough, Especially in Wisconsin.
People just let themselves go.
They don't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
They really don't.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
Isn't it crazy?
It's just like so cliche, whereyou see movies and you're like
they're like football player nowand you're like ooh man, it is
nuts it is nuts, not the vibeanymore.
Yeah, you have to have somebodythat you can talk to and I mean,
I think that's the thing.
One going back to what you weresaying about flying people out

(19:31):
the weird part about everybodylike meeting people on Instagram
now is it's like you meetsomebody on Instagram where it's
like you know, Instagram showsyou what Like a fourth of your
personality, if that, Like yousaid, I seemed very moody and
mysterious, and I'm completelythe opposite in person.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
You weren't a catfish , but you were a personality
catfish.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
You know you got to.
Just how does it work out?
But again it's like what do youwant to share with people?
Right, like you figure it out.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
I thought you were going to be very serious and
just like moody.
Just like moody.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
You know you got to give them the look.
That's what all those pictureswould tell you the personality
completely different.
Train wreck, Train wreck.
But you know, I mean that isyour 30s, is finding yourself,
finding out what you like, whatyou don't like like, what works
for you, and I mean that's thebest thing about not marrying

(20:19):
somebody that you like, dated inhigh school or you started
dating when you were 20, Is likeyou have the experience to be
like.
That's not.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
That's not the vibe.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
That's not all, it is .

Speaker 1 (20:30):
So so Okay.
So we got your.
Looks Doesn't really matterthat much.
Personality you said you likehumor.
What else is important to you?
Personality wise?

Speaker 2 (20:39):
I mean personality wise.
Okay, so you have humor.
That's number one.
You also have like, justespecially being in LA I think
you can definitely attest tothis right like how many people
that do you meet, where it'slike I got this and like I went
to this place and like we satdown here and it's like, okay,
you went there, but you didn'thave any fun.

(20:59):
Like there's something so greatabout meeting people that are
just like authentic andauthentic in a way, not just
like how you present yourself.
Right, it's like, are you okaybeing like dorky?
Like do you say things that arejust like so ridiculous?
Can you just freely be yourself, opposed to just like the
facade of just being too cool?

(21:22):
Like that's the number onething, just to completely turn
me off is like, how cool do youthink you are?
Or also, can you just shut thefuck up and let somebody else
talk?
Because I feel like that's thething, you know.
It's like again in the timeswhen I was single and I was like
, let's just go on dates, youknow and I was, because I had
never done that before I'm likelet's just go on dates.
The amount of dates that youwould go on where it was just

(21:42):
like.
So my dad did this and like nowI'm getting into stocks and
like I buy all of thesedifferent, like bitcoins, and
you're just like sitting therethe whole time like he didn't
ask a single question, you know.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Yes, the biggest I tell girls this the biggest red
flags is if a guy tells you hehas a crypto app, a cannabis
company or any kind of thingthat sounds like it might be a
pyramid scheme.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
It's always fake.
It's never we're gettinginvestors.
They're not getting investors.
He's just making something upbecause he thinks it sounds cool
.
That's literally what it islike 99% of the time.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah, I mean, that's not even a red flag, that's like
past red, that's someplace else, like way past there.
You know that's a maroon flag.
I mean because I feel like it'sone of those things right where
it's like if you meet somebodyand again you know you said you
dated a bunch of girls that arebroke, whatever it's like seeing
potential not broken a bad way.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
By the way, like everybody, I don't think being
broke is a bad thing.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
I think you know I'm like, you know it enough to be.
Like money comes and goes andhonestly, if you're somebody
who's like talented and likegood at what you do, you will
figure it out.
But it's just also like, do youhave time to wait in that
potential or is the potentialtoo long?

Speaker 1 (22:53):
you know all right.
So here's where I'm confused,okay let's hear it so let's hear
it hit me with it you like guyswho are funny, humorous, you
like guys who are not too cool,all these things.
But then earlier I remember yousaying you like guys who are
the opposite of you.
So does that mean you are notfunny and think you're too cool?

Speaker 2 (23:16):
One of these things Like what is this?
I?

Speaker 1 (23:20):
don't understand.

Speaker 2 (23:21):
No, no, no, okay, let's go back to that, right.
I mean opposite in terms of andhonestly, it's not even just
like a sign thing, right?
Like sometimes it's just a man,it's a male, female thing.
Like, how many conversationshave you been in where it's just
like you say one thing, theother person says one thing.
You're talking about the samething, but it's two different
conversations, you're?

Speaker 1 (23:40):
not connecting.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, a thousand percent, where it's like I think
we're at such a weird spot now.
Damn, I wish I could rememberthe statistics to like actually
say this correctly.
But I read something recentlythat says, like right now, in
the generation that we're livingin, women are like way more
liberal than like we're gettingthis like uprising right, where
a lot of women are very liberalwhereas a lot of guys are going

(24:02):
back towards like conservatism.
That wasn't right anyways.
You get where I'm going with it.
Um, but I think it's one ofthose things where it's like you
know, up until recently, youknow like the 70s, you couldn't
have a credit card, you couldn'tdo any of this shit without a
guy.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
But now we're having women that are women can have
credit cards.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah, it wasn't up in the 70s it wasn't up until the
70s when it finally was like,you can get a credit card I
didn't realize it was that yeah,that it's very recent, like all
of this stuff is very, veryrecent fact check.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
That fact check, do it right now hit it.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah, but it was.
It was pretty recently where alot of this stuff starts
happening, right.
So it's like you have a lot ofguys I feel like that are
threatened again.
You gotta let girls pay fordinner.
Sometimes might be in that samerange, but it's like you want
like conservative values.
Still.
Everybody's like, okay, let'sdo the change, but at the end of
the day, like a lot of thoseconversations, okay, here's an

(24:58):
example okay, go for it.
I'm talking to my boyfriend andwe're having this conversation
and I'm like, wow, you know,like you should really create
some boundaries between thesepeople, and he's like upset with
me saying creating boundariesand how I don't understand it.
He tells his guy friend, hisguy friend says you should
create some space.
He comes back to me and he'slike, wow, you know, like he

(25:19):
said I should create some space.
He comes back to me and he'slike wow, you know, like he said
I should create some space andthat like really made sense.
And I think he's right, like Ineed to create some space, and
I'm like synonyms you knowwhat's the difference between
creating a boundary and creatingspace.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
It's like it's the same shit beyonce and andrew
tate are destroyingrelationships in western
civilization.
Because the problem is girlsare taught nowadays you have to
be like beyonce, tiktok, femaleempowerment, all this stuff,
every movie you see, it's likethe female is like beating some
guy up or whatever and like coolfemale empowerment.

(26:02):
You want to.
You want to go fucking get ajob and like be like boss bitch,
more power to you.
But the problem is and I'mgonna shit on guys in a second
the problem is what most girlsdo is they want to have this
boss bitch attitude, but theydon't want the boss bitch
responsibility that comes withthe attitude.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Which is what?

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Which is, hey, you're going to have to work, you're
going to have to build abusiness, you're going to have
to.
When it's 3 am and somethinggoes wrong, you have to fix the
problem.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
I feel the opposite.
Go ahead, Sorry.
Finish finish.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
So what happens is a lot of girls end up where they
have this attitude.
That kind of turns guys offbecause they feel emasculated.
And then, on the flip side,guys watch three Andrew Tate
videos and they're like I am thealpha and I'm like what are you
the alpha of the Wendy's thatyou're a cashier at?
Are you the alpha of theFortnite clan that you're a part

(26:54):
of?
Like you can't just proclaimyourself the boss and like
nobody's taking theresponsibility of actually being
the boss.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
but everybody wants to have this attitude of being
the boss yeah, well, I mean, Ithink that ties into the same
thing, right, like it's likethis unequal distribution of
like where everybody feels likethey're safe, or again, you know
, for example, for you, you know, like you said, you're a white,
straight male yeahstatistically all throughout
history, that would be the bestthe worst of those things, right

(27:24):
, but it's like, statistically,that would be something that
would be like so good for you,but now that it's like we're
forcing the world is likeforcing other people's, like no
hold on.
Let me think of how I'm to saythis so that I don't get killed
right now.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
So you don't get canceled.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
So I don't get canceled.
It's like when everybody elsegot opportunities or a more
equal playing ground.
Then it's like you know certainpeople, I think feel like it's
like the taking from me aspect,which I mean I think if you look
throughout history likeanything that was challenging,
it's a fear-mongering, right.
It's like they're taking thisfrom you instead of being like,

(28:04):
hey, you know, this is openingup stuff where it can just
expand if other people were letinto.
I mean, I think it's just oneof those things where it's hard
to like give up power a thousandpercent.
And I think women who get intothe aspect where you're too much

(28:26):
on the bad bitch side right,you're kind of leaning more into
the masculine side of yourself.
You kind of were forced to dothat, maybe by like I don't know
, maybe somebody who didn't stepup in your life, where it's
like men, I feel like that areso against women.
Maybe you also didn't have awoman that was like caring and
comforted you in a way that madesense, where I think that's

(28:48):
what it comes down to.
It's like right now I feel likethere are more women that are
just like able to be in space.
I feel like that's part of it.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
I think it's a combination of okay, I think
genetically more guys are wiredto be more in the kind of like
dominant masculine role.
That being said, I thinkthere's a percentage of girls
maybe 20, maybe 30%, whateverthat are naturally in that role
and that's great.
And then those 20% of girls canfind the little simps and then

(29:20):
the 20% of are just littlepushovers and they can get
together.
It's.
It's a balance, right.
But then the problem is like,because society is pushing every
girl to try to be dominant,when a lot of girls aren't
naturally dominant people andbecause of that they're kind of
in this middle ground.
And on the flip side, the guysaren't stepping up and becoming
men because we're taught inevery movie, in every teenage

(29:43):
movie, the very masculinefootball player guy is always
like this big asshole who likepushes the wheelchair kid down
the stairs and like thisridiculous asshole.
So everybody's taught oh, don'tbe like that, you have to be
like, so, like just polite allthe time, blah, blah, blah.
And so all these men are likenot taking that role.
So then the flip side a lot ofgirls just are taking the role

(30:05):
because there's this void thereand somebody has to be the
leader, otherwise you guys justfucking watch netflix all day
and nobody actually like plansthings and like leads things,
and it's like you have to havesomebody in that role.
But it's like what I just thinksociety needs to put people in
court.
Let people choose the rolethat's naturally in their
biology yeah, no, definitely.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
But I think it's one of those things where it's like,
if you are like perfectly safeand everything's comfortable, I
think it's the duality of beinglike we both, as you know, even
you and I we have masculine andfeminine parts of our
personalities and I think it'slike if you were around people
that didn't make you safe, likein your feminine aspect as a

(30:49):
male right, where it's like, Iguess technically like talking
about feelings, you know, Iguess that's more feminine,
every guy's worst fuckingnightmare.
But it's like, if you'recomfortable talking about your
feelings, you you're not goingto get to the version of
yourself that's like so angrycan't talk about anything, that
you're like smashing a holethrough a wall or breaking
something which you know.
Going back to your footballplayer trope, like that's kind

(31:10):
of what that is right, like it'sthat asshole that just is not
really an asshole.
I mean, definitely there arepeople that are just assholes,
but I I mean definitely thereare people that are just
assholes.
But I think a lot of times it'slike people get misunderstood
because you didn't learn theright way to like handle things.
Where it's the same thing.
You know, when you meet thelike super hyper masculine
female that's just like fuckthis, fuck guys, I don't need

(31:32):
anything.
Like you had somebody whodidn't step up for you, who
didn't show you it was safe.
You had to be that person.
So now you feel that way, right, where it's like if you had a
guy that was just like hey, youknow you're safe, like you can
trust me, you can xyz, I'm gonnabe here for you.
If you know, it's both of thesepeople that don't have safe,
like people to look up to, orpeople in their life where it's

(31:53):
like you act out in just thiscrazy way.
And I mean I think now morethan ever, especially with like
social media, we're just at sucha crazy, crazy clash.
Because I mean I think now morethan ever, especially with like
social media, we're just atsuch a crazy, crazy clash
because I mean I don't know howyour parents are.
Like my dad has the crazieststories of like you know his dad
that was like a world war iiveteran and a carpenter his
whole life and like the wholelike don't be a pussy.

(32:15):
This and that, where he'll tellme stories and I'm like he's
laughing about it, you know, andhe's like, oh, he did this and
I'm like that is definitely verytraumatic and not something you
should be laughing about likethat should be something talked
about.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
You know, I agree and disagree, because I also so.
My dad is super old school,right.
I remember when I was fiveyears old, I was on my bike.
One day I'm biking around, falloff, bruise my knee and I come
in crying daddy, my knee hurts,blah, blah, blah.
And I still remember he lookedat me and he goes good thing,
you're tough, just walks away,right yeah and anytime we would

(32:49):
complain or whine or anything.
Oh, they're being mean to me atschool.
Same thing.
Good thing, you're tough, butbut it it taught me like, hey,
life's gonna be hard.
You're a man.
You have to learn to step upand deal with your problems, and
not only your problems, butdeal with the emotions that come
with problems, because at somepoint you're the one responsible

(33:10):
for fixing the problem.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Yeah, well, see, that's what I'm saying.
See, look, we're doing thatthing where we're arguing the
same point.
I think it's exactly that.
But it's the difference of right, like that's a male approach,
where it's like you know, youfall off, you skin your knee,
whatever where it's like as agirl and you know, I was a nanny
a while back and I think one ofthe coolest things where it's

(33:32):
like this is something that'sdifferent.
Right, I was nannying a littleboy and the mom I did kind of
that same thing where I'm likeoh, you're okay, you're so
strong, and she was like no, no,no, she was like just do a
double check.
Where it's like obviously youknow it's fine, but it's like,
uh, you're fine, right, liketell me you're fine or how do
you feel about it.
Where you're able to be likeokay, yeah, and then again

(33:52):
knowing what is something that'slike a catastrophe and then
what's something that's likeminuscule, and being able to be
like I'm hurt, a little hurt.
Where it's like you figure outthat difference, opposed to just
like you're fine.
Where it's like you figure outthe tough way, like yeah, you're
fine, but then you know, saywhat, 10 years in the future,
when something happens where youwant to talk to somebody,
you're like I'm fine.

(34:12):
You know like I can't tell youthe amount of guys that you
would have conversations withwhere something is very
seriously going wrong andthey're like I'm fine and it's
like you're very clearly notfine, but you can't figure out
how to tell me that, which again?
Then you know male to femaledynamic.
You have the female.
That's like what's going on?
I know something's going on.
Let me just get my shovel andstart digging.
You know where it's.
Just you have to be able tolike articulate a little bit at

(34:36):
least of your feelings.
You don't have to fully shareeverything, definitely you
should keep some shit toyourself, but like being able to
be like hey, I need help here,this hurts, or like this is
really fucking frustrating Idon't see.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
I mean, obviously I don't date guys, so I don't know
what it's like.
But I don't, I don't see thisin society, like I see the
opposite.
I see guys who are very happyto share their feelings and I
I'm like some of y'all need totake your feelings and stuff
them deep down in your psyche,where they belong, and fix the
problem Like man up and fuckingfind the solution.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Well, I think with anything there's going to be a
little bit of that right.
It's like too too much ofanything.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
It's not good.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
It's like.
You know too too liberal,you're crazy too conservative,
you're crazy Like.
Either way, you get too much ofanything it's.
You know it's the Goldilocks.
You got to find a way whereit's like as a human, you know,
sometimes you might be more thisway, you might be more that way
, but not one of these.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
Which way do you prefer to lean in relationships
in the like masculine-feminineroles area?

Speaker 2 (35:43):
feminine roles area.
See, I think it goes into.
I think I have a more dominantpersonality just because I I'm
somebody who, like I, moved outimmediately and then I was just
like doing my own thing you know, independent from the start.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yeah, was your mom very much like that?

Speaker 2 (35:52):
yes, okay, and I mean honestly, both of my parents
were, though.
So it's one of those thingswhere it's like both of them the
same thing, they were 18, theymoved out.
Where it's like both of themthe same thing, they were 18.
They moved out.
Where it's like that's what Idid, I completely.
I went to San Francisco.
I'm from San Jose.
I moved to San Francisco andthen I moved to Texas, where I
didn't know anyone besides mybest friend, you know, and like
I think again, that's where I'msaying right, if you've always

(36:14):
been the person who's like well,if anything happens, I've
always got myself, which youshould have a little bit of that
.
But I think it also goes intothe negative part sometimes too,
where it's like, if you'vealways been the one looking out
for yourself, I think you getthose like how do I protect
myself?
Things, which, again, I think,is what you're talking about.
It's like the hyper masculinityaspect of like I'm dominant,
I'm in charge, fuck this, fuckthat, like you do get that when

(36:37):
you're doing that, but it'sreminding yourself like I'm safe
on this and that you know, andthat's your 30s, not your 20,
not your early 20s.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
You're like not 30 yet.
So do you like do you feel morecomfortable though boys who are
a little bit more in theirfeelings, or do you like the guy
who's like hyper masculine butthen he makes you feel more like
a woman you know what I mean.
Or do you kind of dateeverybody?

Speaker 2 (37:09):
I think it's kind of again like you're, you know,
sometimes you're here, sometimesyou're here, like you know, my
current boyfriend he, him and Iare getting into feelings and he
does not like it, just like you.
He's from Iowa, so he's aMidwest guy.
His is not, you know, he's likewell, my dad said I'm like okay
, that's not gonna work, yougotta talk to me.
My boyfriend before that wasvery much so a let's talk about

(37:31):
it to an extent person and Imean I think, honestly, one is
not better than the other.
I don't think.
I do think you're always gonnawant somebody.
I guess, going back to this,okay, slightly more masculine,
but still not where you're like,so masculine you can't talk
about things.

(37:51):
Because I think that's thatsometimes it's like you go to
dinner with somebody who's likeno, no, I'll order for you, and
you're like no, you know whereyou're like I got it, I this, I
that, or people that order forgirls oh man no way it's more of
uh.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
So what I usually do is like, hey, I'm gonna get it
like, because usually I take herto a restaurant that I know
what's good.
So I'm like, hey, I'm gonna getlike three, four or five things
.
We can share it.
If there's something specificyou want, let me know well,
that's cute.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
okay, most Most girls like that.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
Most girls are like yeah, like I don't want to deal
with this, like you just do it.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yeah, well, but I mean, you probably had some type
of conversation about it, right?
Not just like.
This is what I'm getting you.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Well, it's more like we share everything, see, and
then that's different.
It which, honestly, I feel likenowadays the sharing style
totally the way to go.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
Oh no, I love it.
Yeah, interesting, so okay.
So, um, this new relationship,how long has that been going on?
It's pretty new, or is it?
I don't know, like two ishyears in that range Like a
little bit, yeah so.
So how did you guys meet?

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Is.
Is it Tinder?
Don't tell me it's Tinder.
No way, he's my boss.
No way he's my boss.
He wasn't my boss at the time.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
He was a little bit older than that.
What happened to feminism?

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Oh I know right, like you're just like.
It just sounds so ridiculoussaying that we're like we should
make up something.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
I don't think it's ridiculous at all, by the way.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
I think people should meet people yeah, I'm like, the
dating app thing is just notfor me, it's horrible I feel
like it's one of those thingswhere, again, like I said in my
times of being single, so my theex that I had before this, we
were dating for like a long time, like seven years, and then
after that it was like a I'vebeen with this person my whole
20s, pretty much like let me tryand date because I would.
Just I was never a dater likeI'm very much like a monogamous,

(39:37):
like I'm'm like I like you,you're mine, that's all I need.
And going on, like dating apps.
I'm like it's just one of thosethings where it's like, if
you're high and you're onDoorDash and you're just like
what do I want?
You know what I mean?
You're just scrolling andscrolling and scrolling and you
just sit there and you're like,man, I'm still hungry, didn't
pick anything out.
And then you're just like, allright, going to go to the fridge
, like that's what a dating appis.

(39:57):
It's exhausting.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
When I was on the app I mean this was years ago but I
was on like four or fivedifferent apps I was just
constantly like texting likewait, who's this girl again?
And like as a guy you have tolike double book dates because
girls flake a lot.
So then I'd have like two datesand I'm like wait, which one is
this girl?

Speaker 2 (40:12):
and like trying to like remember who's who, and
like it was exhausting, honestlyyeah, I was like no, I'm just
gonna do real life yeah, well, Imean, I think I feel like
that's the thing right.
And then it's like you get atleast a little bit of like a is
this somebody who I could, or isthis somebody I mean you know
statistically?
What is it?
It's like you don't knowsomebody's true personality
until you've known them for likethree or four months, something
in that range.

(40:33):
Where it's like you know ifyou're on an app like how many
things do you go through, whereit's like I love hiking and I
love this, and it's like, okay,everyone, fuck like 90 of people
love fucking this, yeah, whereit's just I don't know, it's
just too much.
You got to meet people in personand you know I feel like those
are the relationships that lastnot saying that dating app stuff

(40:53):
doesn't work like get it.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Stuff doesn't work, that shit sucks actually, you
know what?

Speaker 2 (40:58):
I was at this event the other day and I'm like they
have man, I don't know how it'spronounced, it's either from or
from.
It's like f?
R o m e and the people thatwere there were telling me about
this dating app and I'm likethat actually sounds kind of
cool.
Where it's like you have aspecific amount of time.
Where it's like you can onlymatch with like one, maybe two
people a day and in that timewhen you match, then you have to

(41:19):
immediately set up a date andthen you have 12 hours before
the date to start talking.
Where I'm like that's kind ofcool.
It's like if you know that youonly have like let me pick this
person, let me start aconversation, opposed to just
like I'll like this and then Iprobably won't respond, and you
know what I mean.
Like it gives you a little bitmore of intention, which I think
that's the thing I'm like youhave too many options and you

(41:40):
have no options because you'rejust not gonna settle.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
The big problem is because there's every dating
apps like okay, bumble is likeoh well, the girl messages first
, and then like hinge is like ohwell, you can like say funny
stuff to their like littleprompts and stuff.
The problem is guys will turnany dating app into how can I
get laid by as many girls aspossible?
Regardless, you can put theseconstraints on it, guys will

(42:03):
turn fucking uh uber into adating app.
Like guys will find out a wayto like try to get as much pussy
as possible.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
That's just it is what it is always, a thousand
percent, I mean.
Okay, so in the time that I wasin on the dating app, right, I
go to this bar, I'm with fivegirlfriends, and as I'm with
these girls, these go to thisbar, I'm with five girlfriends,
and as I'm with these girls,these guys starts walking over
and I'm like, oh man, this guylike sent me a thing on this
dating app.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
I'm so not into it.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Literally, the girl goes, the girls that are with me
, me too, me too.
Every single girl in the groupthat I was with had been
messaged by this guy.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
But you have to, you have to.
I'm going to tell you from aguy's perspective like you just
sit there and just wait.
You have to Like if I wouldjust like, oh, this is the one,
and like message her and justwait and just pray to fucking
God that I'm going to get amessage.
It just doesn't happen.
Like you have to message a tonof girls.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
It's a numbers game, what it is?
I don't make the rules, youknow, I don't know, I'm like.
That to me is the same thing aslike when you see, when you go
on instagram and you see somerandom or like a guy that you
know that's liked, every likeinstagram girl, every
celebrity's like bikini pictures, where you're just like, oh man
, immediately no.
Or you start dating somebody,you look at their following and
it's all just like hot girls.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
Total, total, total, total turn off but uh, here's
what you don't understand,Because I get it from a girl's
perspective.
It looks like that I'm tellingyou.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
If I was just she's a really good photographer.
She really knows how to get thebeautiful background going on.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah, it's all for the angles and the artistic
perspective, obviously.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
All right, let's hear it.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
I'm telling you, if guys went for one girl at a time
girls are so flaky in WisconsinI can say on a Monday hey,
let's go on a date this Friday.
Okay, I could not text the restof the week and just show up
and she'll be there.
And LA it's like hey, let's goon a date Friday, Okay, I'm down
.
Then it's like Thursday it'slike hey, you still good for

(43:58):
tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm down.
Then it's like Friday morninghey, reservation's at 7.
Here's the address, Whatever,I'll pick you up.
Okay, I'm down.
And then you're like an hourbefore hey coming to pick you up
.
And then just ghost.
And then you see on theirInstagram story oh, G-Eazy had a
party that night.
It's just, it is what it is.
I'm not even mad about itbecause I get it as a girl.

(44:20):
You have so many options.
I'm just like you have to playthe game.
It's just how reality works.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
The ghosting thing is such weird, weird energy, I
think.
I never ghost people.
I do haunt them, but I don'tghost, of course.
Classic, that's every guy ever.
It's like hey, uh, why is thisthe first person looking at my
story every single time but Imean, I don't know, I think the
ghosting thing is bullshit.
I feel like, obviously, again,that's something where it's like

(44:46):
, right, like weeding outemotional intelligence, where
it's like if you can't just atleast just be like, okay, it
sucks to break up with anybody,it sucks to like, cut thing off,
cut things off.
But if you can't sit there andjust like, hey, like you're cool
, more as a friend, which,honestly, anytime you say that
that automatically gets rid ofhalf of the people, you know,
they're like only a friend, see,ya, but it's like, how easy is

(45:07):
it to do that, opposed to justlike man?

Speaker 1 (45:09):
it's just like I just don't want to do it because
it's inconvenient or whateveryou know well, that's what I'm
getting to before, though that'swhy I'm saying I disagree with
you, with the whole.
Like like people are becomingtoo sheltered and talk about
your feelings, that they'rescared.
It's like they can't deal withtheir emotions because
everybody's just been coddlingthem their whole life.

(45:30):
So now, and they're so scaredof confrontation, they can't
even say hey, sorry, like Idon't really see you
romantically, like let's just befriends, like I think people
are scared of it because they'rescared of confrontation well,
yeah, I mean, I think.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
No, I agree with you.
I agree with you.
I think that's the thing,though, right, like when you
look at like sharing feelings inthat way, where it's like, okay
, I mean, it's kind of like theparticipation trophy, like not
everyone's gonna be the best,you need to be okay with that.
Honestly, I really do feel likethat's part of like the whole
mass shooting stuff that we haveis it's like people are not

(46:03):
like they don't understand that,like you're not always gonna be
number one which I think thatdoes build a little character is
you know, if you're the best atsomething, at something, you're
the fucking best at something.
Okay, great, like you can stillbe good at other things.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
And I agree.
Even more so.
It's when you're inkindergarten you get last place
and they tell you great job,participation of your winner too
.
The problem is in real life youget last place and your life
sucks.
And that's when you neverdevelop that thick skin and like
, hey, I'm gonna outwork myproblems.
And then, like you were saying,now you become the school
shooter because instead ofsaying, oh, my life sucks, let

(46:38):
me fucking develop a plan andstart working and start like
figuring this shit out.
And then you just like I don'tknow.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
I feel like it's one of those things I'm like it's.
It is in part that right, likeyou.
It shouldn't always be likeyou're still whatever.
I think that aspect is likeshowing people you can still get
last place right and likeyou're still, you're fine.
Yeah, you know, opposed to likeyou have somebody.
Where it's like I mean, fuck,I'm not, I can't think of the,

(47:07):
the insult thing.
Where it's like you're likeevery woman should fuck me, like
that's my job, like I am theman.
And it's like okay, maybefucking learn to talk to
somebody instead of just that.
Where it's like this idea thatall of a sudden you're just
entitled to like a woman fuckingyou because you're like a guy,
like no, like you still got towork for it you know what I mean

(47:29):
.
Like you got to get up and yougot to do these things, like
there has to be something that'sin between.
Of like you didn't get firstplace, it's fine, like you'll be
able to figure it out.
I mean I think that's the wholelike journey of life, right Is?
It's like you know not to bringthings down, but I'm like you
see how high school or somethingthat like committed suicide and
it's like you think thatthere's nothing better than

(47:51):
what's happening and life isliterally learning.
You think that that was bad.
We have something worse for you, but we also have better things
for you too, and it's like thatcombination of like again,
you're not going to be the best,you probably won't be the worst
, like you'll be someplace inthe middle, but it's not it.
It's figuring out a way to likeunderstand it's okay, even
honestly like it's okay.

(48:12):
How many people do you knowwhere it was like you were in
last place and you were able tojust like get yourself going,
because that was like you heardthat and you moved on from it.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Yeah, I think we need a little bit more bullying in
schools.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
I mean take it to social media now.
I'm like fuck.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Like not like bullying, like put your head in
a toilet or some shit like that,but like a little bit of like
yo make fun of this kid so helike gets angry and like don't
get sad, get angry and fix yourproblems.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
I don't know, we need like, more like we need like
more, like bring it back to allthe movies that you'd watch from
like the 80s, 90s, 2000s, whereit was like nice bullying, not
like kill yourself do all thisthat you see now where I'm like.
I will say honestly sometimesyou see something ridiculous.
Then you go to the comments andyou're just like oh my god.
But you also see just thecraziest shit in there, where

(49:04):
it's like it's so easy to justtalk shit behind a keyboard,
where it's like you don't haveto take any, like you know
responsibility yeah, a thousandpercent.
But oh, I mean healthy bullyingis fine and that's the thing I
mean.
Like, right, when you're in arelationship with somebody, I
love teasing back and forth,where it's like, again, you know

(49:25):
like everyone is gonna dosomething stupid.
That's life.
I, 90 times a day, I dosomething stupid where I'm not
looking at something and I'mcompletely running into
something, or you know, and it'slike I think when you live in,
I mean so like the super bowl,right, you have alicia keys, her
voice cracked.
Everyone knows alicia keys is aphenomenal singer.

(49:46):
How weird is it to just go backand completely like let's edit
that out and then put this in?
It's like people need to seethat people make mistakes and
that's fucking fine and youlearn from mistakes.
I think that's one of thethings that we don't see and you
know.
It's like the editing picturesand editing videos, where it's
like you know you should be ableto look recognizable if you see

(50:09):
somebody you know what I meanwhere it's like I don't know,
I'm sure you've had the sameexperience, but I'm like you
meet so many people where it'slike who are you?
And then you're talking backand forth and you're like I've
definitely seen this person andthat's nothing like them.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
I'm like the sherlock holmes of facetune.
I can spot that shit on my.
I know exactly what it lookslike it looks it's like so many
people have like the airbrushkim kardashian face.
I'm like, oh, photoshop.
Okay, let me go to her taggedpictures.
Let me go to her friend's storywhere she didn't edit it.
Okay, now I can see what youreally look like.
I'm very good at it.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Yeah, I mean like I would say my instagram is all
just like professional picturespretty much, just because I mean
, that's what you put out,that's what you're proud of.
But it's like, if you go andyou watch my stories, it's me.
You know how I am right now.
It's me doing anything.
Where it's like again, I thinkthe way that things are working
out now it's like everybody isso weirdly I mean not weirdly,
because it's what people showyou, but everyone's very

(51:04):
insecure right now where it'slike how can I fix this?
How can I change this?
Where it's like if it's notsomething, that's not the way
that you look normally, like youshouldn't remove it.
Like if you have a pimple, okay, whatever, take the pimple out.
That's not normally how youlook.
But if you're somebody whereit's like I'm changing my cheeks
and my hips and my waist and mythis and my that, and it's just

(51:24):
like how damaging but also evenfurther to yourself, to go down
that.
Where it's like people lovethis picture, but they love this
picture because it's not you.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
Yeah, I mean, I see your point.
I also think there's just somereality to the world where it's
like if you're a football playerand everybody in the NFL you
find out is taking steroids, andyou get into the locker room
and they're like, hey, takethese steroids.
And you're like I don't want to, and they're like take these
steroids, you're like I don'twant to and they're like well,
if you don't want to, you'rejust gonna get like smacked
around and like be in last placeevery year.

(51:56):
It's like, to some extent, likeI get why girls do it, because
it's like if every other girl isdoing guys do it now too guys
do it now too, I believe it it'sthe same thing, I'm like it's,
and then again I saw one.
It was like a six-pack one, butit looks so fake.
It was like he was kind of likea little bit chubby and it
looked like they put like theabs on top of his belly and I'm

(52:16):
like, bro, nobody believes thisshit.
You're not getting away withthis.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
That's again, though.
I'm like what does it go backinto?
Right, like somebody who's likeable to be authentic, like
again, it's like if you're justconsistently trying to be like
I'm this perfect person, likehonestly, your life sucks and
you're not having fun and you'rethe people that are at Delilah

(52:42):
at jazz night just sitting likethis the whole time instead of
dancing and doing all the thingsthat like music and art and all
these things should make you dolike get excited I had a one of
my exes would.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Always I felt kind of bad for her.
So she had her birthday onetime and she's like, oh, can I
use the house?
Everybody wants to use thehouse for like events and stuff.
I'm like, yeah, sure, shedecorates the entire place, she
buys all this food, alcohol,everything right.
And she's like zach, I got 80people on the party full.
I'm so excited, right, 10people showed up and it was

(53:15):
mostly dudes who wanted to fuckher, to be honest with you.
But the reality was, I've seenher time and time again be at a
party with her real friendshaving real fun, and then she
gets a text from a promotersoldier, soulja Boy is going to
be at this party.
I'm like, first of all, souljaBoy hasn't been relevant since
2010.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
Tale as old as time.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Second of all, half the time the promoter is lying
and he's just trying to get youto come, and Soulja Boy is not
even there.
Third of all, you're leavingyour actual friends to go see
some celebrity and get thislevel of clout or status that
you think you have Because thislike level of clout or status
that you think you have becausepeople think you're cool for
being at this party when inreality, like, if you continue
to do this over and over andprioritize status over genuine

(53:58):
friendships yeah you're gonnamake your bed.
You're gonna sleep in it at somepoint.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
I mean definitely, but then right, like that ties
into exactly me going into.
Like if you are a guy who's on adating app and you are
consistently just like how manyhot girls attention can I get
You're never going to befulfilled.
If you're always the girl who'srunning to get to a party to
like see, have all your friendssee that you're there, that's

(54:23):
not fulfilling.
Like these things aren'tfulfilling.
Like it's a little tiny bit ofinstant gratification and what
nobody cares because, especiallyif you live in LA, how many
times do those things happen?
You know where it's just like,honestly, it just it's sad.
It's like if you can't enjoyyour own life just because

(54:43):
you're so concerned about whateverybody else is thinking about
it and how many people are justsitting there like, oh, that's
so cool to be at that party, butif you're at that party and
you're just having a miserabletime, like would it not be more
fun to be like down the streetat some whatever piece of shit
bar, laughing with your friendsover something that just you
know actually interests you?

Speaker 1 (55:03):
And it's just like at some point I remember one of
the things that kind of got meout of my fuckboy phase is we're
with with a bunch of ourfriends in vegas and talking to
this girl whatever normal shit.
And vegas, you know, the clubsclose at like four or five or
whatever oh, I know so it's like4 am or something and I'm like

(55:24):
dead tired.
I'm like a morning person, likeI'm actually happy when the
fucking clubs close at two here,um, and so we leave the club,
we're like access, and she'slike, oh, I'm hungry, let's get
food.
And honestly, at this point Iwas like I don't even really
care about fucking this girl,I'm so tired.
But it's like I needed thevalidation to say, yeah, I
hooked up with this girl thenext day going to my friends.

(55:45):
Yeah, I hooked up with thisgirl so we get food.
And of course it's.
It's like in wind, so there'sno fast food.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
So it's like we're waiting for the thing.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
I'm like getting more and more time.
We're waiting for the check.
They bring the check, thenthey're like waiting for the
credit card.
Then we finally get back to myplace.
It's like 5 am.
I'm literally thinking I wouldliterally rather just go to
sleep than felt this need tohave sex just for it.
I remember the next morning Iwoke up and I'm like this is the
most stupid shit ever.

(56:13):
Like why am I continue to likeput my body through this fucking
?
Like four or five am likedrinking the whole time and just
being unhealthy.
So I can what tell my friends Islept with a hot girl.
Like at some point it just getsold definitely.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
I mean again, that's like you once again growing out
of the fuckboy phase, where it'slike you know, and honestly I
would say, probably especiallycoming from Wisconsin, where
you're like Wisconsin isbeautiful, not saying anything
against the people there, but Imean LA has some of the most
attractive people in the world,right Vegas some of the most
attractive people like it's likeeverybody come.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
I don't know about Vegas anymore.
It's going downhill.
From that standpoint, I mean Iwould say yeah, I mean you know,
it's all these places whereit's like everybody come.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
I don't know about vegas anymore.
It's going downhill.
From that standpoint, I mean Iwould say yeah, I mean you know,
it's all these places whereit's like miami all of this
where you're like, okay, hotpeople are flocking there, but
it's like once, once you I meanonce you try one thing, you have
tried everything.
Like it's not different, youknow.
And it's like if you justconsistently are like let me get
that little hit of like, oh, myego.

(57:14):
But it's like it's the samething, right.
Like if you like from earlier,you know you take molly, molly's
great in the moment, the nextday you're like, oh man, I am
fucking dying.
But it's that same thing.
It's like anything that's kindof drug like, where it's like it
can get addictive to peoplethat have no control of their
personality.
Or just like I'm going to getwith every hot girl.
I mean it's Leonardo DiCaprio,like okay, one of the most

(57:39):
talented actors ever, but likevery weird that you just
consistently are with like20-year-olds.
Like the Peter Pan syndrome,red flag, I don't think that's
weird.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
I think it's weird the whole headphones thing a
little bit, but I alsounderstand that.
Probably at that point I don'tthink I'm not a big.
I know you said you've onlydated people five years older
than you or less.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
I don't think there's anything you gotta, you gotta
get around guys around guys,guys, before 25, or just not
anything.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
No, I understand why you wouldn't want to date
younger guys, but I I know a lotof people in very successful
relationships where the guy'slike even like 40s and the
girl's like 22 or something.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
I just feel like when you get too far out of an age
range, you're not having thesame experiences, and that's
what's the issue.
I think it depends on theperson.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
I think some people are very mature at age 22 and
they're over the club scene andthey're over partying and they
want more of a focus on businessand focus on other things, and
I definitely know some 40 yearold dudes who fucking party
harder than any 21 year old, Iknow so yeah, I mean to an
extent, yeah, it is the person.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
But I mean I can tell you from like most of my
friends I've known that have,like you know, dated somebody 10
, 16, whatever years older thanthem.
They were like, I mean it's funin the beginning and the times
when you're just like let's goto do this and let's go do that.
But it's like there's also thatlike weird.
Can you just calm down on thedays when you know you're 25,
dating a 40 year old, andthey're like you should be at

(59:08):
home.
It's a Monday and you're likewell, all my friends are going
out.
I'm 25, like I'm gonna go hangout and hang out for a little
bit, and you have to kind oflike change your reality, to
like meet your you knowsignificant others reality,
which I mean I think five yearsis a range where you're still
kind of in the same boat.
You know it's like you want tostill go to festivals, you want

(59:31):
to do this, you know, or I meanagain, depending on where you
are, because 30 in the midwestand 30 in the south is way
different than 30 in LA, athousand percent my, my kind of
like wheelhouse is kind of like24 to 26, which I'm 32.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
I find if somebody's still in college it's tough
because they've never had tolike have real life experience.
They're still oh, my parentskind of pay for my shit, like
I'm in a sorority, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
It's like you don't have reallife experience.
But I feel like once you'repast that stage and you're in
the real world for a couple ofyears, you understand what a job
is and like having to work.

(01:00:08):
Then I feel like I can connectwith people.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Yeah, job is and like having to work, then I feel
like I can connect with people.
Yeah, I mean definitely.
But I think it's one of thosethings I mean think of yourself,
right, like yeah, yeah, 22 yearold me was not 31 year old me
you know, girls mature fasteralso well, definitely, but
that's what I'm saying is likegirls mature, mature faster.
So, honestly, for a lot of girlsI'm like date somebody older
than you because you know you're25're 35, you're mentally the

(01:00:34):
same age.
But it's like, if you aresomebody where it's like you're
dating somebody younger, rightLike I'm 31.
If I were to date somebody,even you know, 25, that to me is
a child.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
It seems like it's like a kid, because you're just
not yeah, but you're a girlgoing the other way.
It's different.
It's different a girl dating ayounger guy.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
True, and that's what I'm saying.
That's why I always date guysthat are like in the range of
like five, six in that range oflike older than you, because
you're kind of in the same placenow.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Maybe, I think, a guy 10 years older could be in the
same place.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
I don't know.
That's the thing, though.
It's like guys when they getinto the 10 years older.
So I mean, like, okay, when Iwas 20, I dated somebody who was
31.
Oh, okay, and in that time I'mlike I was 20.
It's just like.
You know, I turned 21 when wewere dating.
He's like, yeah, let's do this,like, let's have fun.
But he was also like all right,when are we gonna get married?

(01:01:37):
I want to buy a house, you wantto go here and you want to do
this.
I'll follow you here, I'll buya house here.
You know that's like, so set upin the plan of like.
And then again, I was in Texasat the time, so there's a little
bit of the southern idea there.
But it's just way different whenyou're not in the phase of like
I'm not getting married yet,I'm not doing this, and somebody
is very much so like settingyou up to be like all right.
So what do you think?
Like two years, one year, andyou're like, I'm 20, like I'm

(01:01:59):
not thinking about gettingmarried, I'm thinking about
traveling the world, I'mthinking about this, I'm
thinking about that.
And then now this person islike, matching you and like oh
yeah, I mean I'd love to travel,I'd love to do this, I'd love
to do this, I'd love to do this.
But when are we getting married?
You know where it's likethere's just so much pressure
when you're dating somebody thatmuch older than you, where it's
like, I think, if you're in thelike five, six year range and
obviously as you get older thatchanges a little bit but it's

(01:02:26):
like, well, you know, like you,I'm way pulled back from this
whole situation because thepressure is just too much.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
I mean, I see what you're saying.
I think it depends on theperson.
But yeah, I see what you'resaying.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
Yeah.
And then I mean again, thereare the people who are 21, but
mentally they're 40 and theywant to like completely be in
the house.
But I mean, I do think that'salso where you see people later
and they're like, you know,midlife challenge, whatever
challenge whatever where it'slike man, I never got that
experience because you lovedthis person so much or this idea
of life was so exciting for youthat you just completely put

(01:02:56):
your needs aside to like matchsomebody else.
Yeah, yeah, you know.
I mean I would love to see thestatistics on like what's the,
what's the?
best way to marriage some ormarry somebody.
You know where it's like, whereis it going to work out?

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
but all right, amber, we are about out of time.
I got some rapid fire questionsfor you all right, don't get me
canceled favorite food favoritefood.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
Honestly, it used to be italian, but now I want to
say it's definitely likedifferent asian food.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
I love szechuan stuff I don't even know what that is.
Szechuan yeah, what is that?

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
spicy, spicy asian food it's, it's good,
interesting.
You got to do it, you got to doit like korean barbecue no um
szechuan is like more of achinese situation or like
taiwanese food is really goodtoo in la.
We're so blessed because wehave so many good things.

Speaker 1 (01:03:43):
We do have amazing food, yeah spicy asian food.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
That's where I'm gonna go favorite uh candy oh
man, as a california girl Igotta say See's Candy Pecan Buds
.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
You're the second person who said that I've never
had See's Candy, actually.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
All right.
Well, next time we got to bringsome See's Candy when I come in
.
Pecan Buds, chocolate likeactual caramel pecans the best
thing you can get.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
Favorite first date spot or activity.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
Favorite first date spot man?
I guess it depends on.
Okay, my thing is always go fordrinks first, because if you do
not like the person.
You are not stuck for dinnerbecause sometimes, like where
somebody's like let's do thisnice dinner and then the whole
time you're like man, I justwant to fucking leave.
If you're even on the fencedrinks, give that person another
chance to like you know, let'sthink about it.

(01:04:31):
But let's say someplace by thebeach.
Honestly, you know where I loveis Blue Plate Taco in Santa
Monica.
It's right on the water.
Really good food, really greatmargaritas.
They have a passion fruit smash.
Get that one Interesting.

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
That's a good one.
I'll check it out.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Tequila also.
Next destination or travel thatyou want to go to, that you
haven't been before.
Um, I'm gonna go africa.
Africa is always on the list.
It's like one of the continents, like south africa.
I want to do the whole likesafari thing, but I also cape
town seems amazing.
So I I think I'm gonna go capetown, but you want to see

(01:05:08):
everything, because again youwant to see the bad, you want to
see the good, you want to seeall, because again you want to
see the bad.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
You want to see the good.
You want to see all of itInteresting, all right.
Well, we are out of time.
Where can people find you?
Any Instagram, tiktok you wantto shout out?

Speaker 2 (01:05:18):
You can find me on Instagram at Ambaluna.
It's A-M-B-A and then Luna,like moon in Spanish, got to
show my moon.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
Yeah, all right, we'll have to do this round two
sometime.
You've been very entertainingwe got it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
We got to hear everything.
Everybody's like no, don't talkabout feelings.

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
We'll have our more toxic podcast next time.
Thanks for listening.

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What Really Matters When Looking for Love ft. Amber - Ep.098

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}What Really Matters When Looking for Love ft. Amber - Ep.098