What We Really Want in Relationships ft. Jensen - Ep.101

Special thanks to Jensen for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

Dating misconceptions color our relationships, especially the belief that we can fundamentally change people we're attracted to despite evidence to the contrary.

• We tend to think we can change others, but people only truly change when they want to, not when someone else wants them to
• Using a HelloFresh analogy, we often try to "make a meal" from raw relationship ingredients instead of finding someone who's already prepared
• What women dislike isn't "niceness" but rather lack of confidence and fear-based behavior that often accompanies it
• Friendship between men and women is possible and can be valuable beyond romantic connections
• Club culture creates artificial gender ratios that influence dating dynamics
• Modern society sends mixed messages about gender roles, creating confusion in relationships
• Finding compatibility isn't about identical personalities but complementary traits that balance each other
• Pushing people beyond comfort zones promotes growth, while participation trophy culture potentially stunts emotional development

Go ahead and follow us on social media and subscribe to the podcast for more honest conversations about dating and relationships in today's complex world.



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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You can change some things about people, but overall
, you know people are who theyare and how they grew up, you
know, defines who they are andit's something that is with them
.
Girls like to think that theycan, you know, change someone
for the better.
Men get married when they'reready to settle down.
It's not really the woman, it'slike their timing.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
I just got friend-zoned and friend-zoned.
It's not that you like ordislike niceness, yeah, it's
that you don't like when guyslook scared.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Can guys and girls be like friends?
Can you just have that?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Even if you're like 6'5 and good looking with
tattoos, you maybe would getmaybe one girl who's not even
that attractive to come up andlike start chatting you up.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
I really like being told what to do.
I definitely don't want or needsomeone who is like always
trying to put me in my place ortell me what to think.
In that type of sense Peopleneed to be taught.
Now, I cannot stand if someonelike buys something for me and
then expects me to do somethingbecause they bought something
for me Buying a drink.
I know I wouldn't be likethat's a sugar daddy move.

(01:05):
I think that that's chivalrous.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Welcome to Unattainable.
Glad to have you with us.
I'm your host, zach Evans, andfirst of all, thank you to all
of our listeners.
We've been getting a ton ofengagement over the last couple
of weeks and we got to thank youguys for that.
Today we got a special guest onthe show.
This is Jensen Jensen.
Why don't you go ahead?

Speaker 1 (01:31):
introduce yourself to the audience your name, what
you do and your star sign.
Hi everyone, my name is Jensen,I am in law school and I also
work at an employment firm andI'm a Capricorn.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
I know all about Capricorns.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Please tell me, because I don't know anything
about Capricorn, you guys arevery fun, but bad for my mental
health.
Oh, I mean, I know I have a lotof fun.
So as, a Capricorn.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
I think toxic is the word that comes to mind.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Oh really, what makes us so toxic?

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I've only had a drink thrown in my face twice in my
life.
Both times were from yourpeople.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
I could see that.
I apologize on behalf of mypeople, but I feel like we're
aggressive, isn't?

Speaker 2 (02:13):
the right word, but maybe you know, we don't like,
we don't put up with shit youknow, passionate, yeah, I would
say passionate it's a good wordto yeah spin it a little bit
yeah, not toxic, though, uh bythe way, I don't judge.
I used to be very toxic back inmy villain era oh, you had a
villain era.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
When was it?

Speaker 2 (02:27):
probably a year and a half ago, but it lasted about
eight years up until that point.
Yeah, so it was a long villainera, okay, but I was a
professional fuck boy, not likethese amateur gen z fuck boys
you see nowadays okay, so thatI've kind of seen that in LA the
whole fuck bird scooters and ohgod, yes, and and the texting

(02:48):
and communicating is so horriblehere, I mean it's not good.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Anywhere, like when I was in college, it wasn't any
better, but here it's especiallynot good do you have you found
yourself in toxic relationshipsin the past?
yes, definitely, um, but I I'mno saint either, like I,
definitely, you know, we allhave our bad moments.
Uh, I think it was just weweren't right for each other and

(03:12):
we thought we could do itbecause, I don't know, he really
liked me and I was like sure,let's do it.
And then, you know, there wasstuff that he didn't like before
we even went in therelationship that he, I guess he
thought he could get over.
But you, know you can't um, justlike who I've dated in the past
, and he thought he could getover that but he couldn't, I

(03:34):
guess, and so he kind of like it.
Was it just like rang um in ourrelationship?
And I mean, I'm no saint either.
Like I, I did some bad thingsbut in the end know, it's good
that we ended, but it was a goodrelationship and it had really
good highs but we had really badlows.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
So yeah, and so when you, when you started the
relationship?
This is what I'm always curiousabout.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Cause back when I was a fuck boy.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
I was a very honest fuck boy.
I would tell girls.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
I don't want a relationship.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Okay, boy, I was a very honest fuck boy.
I would tell girls I don't wanta relationship.
Okay, I don't want to beexclusive.
That's nice.
At least you like let them know.
And then if they try, you know,to get more out of you, at
least you put them on notice.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
You know, but they didn't believe me I mean they
would think they're gonna changeme or something's gonna happen
like no, I told you this fromthe beginning, so so like when
you date a fuck boy, right, yeah?
Is it like you kind of know offthe bat in the back of your
mind, like, yeah, this guy's afuckboy, but he's fun and edgy
and dangerous and I like that oryou like no, this guy's so

(04:34):
absolutely amazing.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
And then you find out that it was all a facade I
think you think you can changepeople, not just boys, but like
anyone you know, and you canchange some things about people,
but overall, you know, peopleare who they are and how they
grew up, you know, defines whothey are and it's, it's

(04:56):
something that is with them andit won't be different even if
you try.
But girls like to think thatthey can, you know, change
someone for the better.
And, like I thought, myrelationship in college, uh, he,
we were just very different,like he didn't really care about
, he didn't want to worry aboutschool or money or like family,
and I was like I can change him,like I can, you know, do

(05:17):
homework with him, or if I callmy family, maybe he'll call his,
and it just it didn't work LikeI thought it would.
I really did, but you know, youjust can't change people.
He, I think he's good now, butI think that's because he wanted
to, and I don't think he wantedto, and so the only time people
can change is when they want to, not when you want them to, and
that was something I had torealize.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
It's bizarre to me and obviously I have a lot of
experience in the dating gameI'm 32.
Okay, but have you ever heardof this company called
HelloFresh?

Speaker 1 (05:47):
I love HelloFresh.
My mom and I used to.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
I'm not surprised.
You like HelloFresh.
I hate.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
HelloFresh, why their food is good.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
So I wanted a meal plan, because I don't cook, okay
, I don't know how to do allthat shit and I was like let me
just have something.
They send it to my house whereI don't have to do any work.
Okay, so I got the 20 package,because it's like you buy the
bundle it's cheap or whatever,and the first package comes and
I open it up and it's just theingredients, yeah you have to

(06:15):
make the food and I'm like I'mpaying for meal prep and they
send me the ingredients and, andit was so bizarre to me I'm
like I want you to make the mealfor me, and so when girls, and
so when?
girls say they want to change aguy.
I'm like there are guys who arealready done Medium rare steak
potatoes.
You know what you're getting.
Why are you trying to date theingredients and just hope that

(06:36):
they turn out well?

Speaker 1 (06:37):
That's a great analogy.
Oh my gosh, I never thought ofit that way.
No, yeah, yeah.
I mean props to your mom.
No, that's, that's really good.
Sometimes, you know, like Isaid, women think maybe they're
like okay, I can get theingredients.
But you know, maybe one timethe package will come, you know

(06:57):
ready, even though not likely,you can't like it's possible,
but it's.
People always say that men getmarried when they're ready to
settle down.
It's not really the woman, it'slike their timing, I would
agree with that right, and sosometimes I don't know if I
agree with that.
Uh, but I'm 24 and I haven't metthe one.
So like we'll see, I'll see.

(07:18):
Um, but I think they think,like their friends probably met
the one when he was ready tosettle down.
But the girl is like, oh, Ichanged him and maybe he changed
because he was ready to settledown and he was like I like this
woman or I love her, I'm readyto settle down, I'm going to
change, but that's.
And so she then like maybe theperson with the one puts into

(07:42):
her friend's minds you know itcan happen Like maybe you can
change him and I'm not sayingthat happens all the time and
like you know, my friends willtell me, don't be delusional,
you can't change him, but likethat could happen.
So I think that's possibly areason why women think that we
can change men and it's kind offun, like to have a project Not
going to lie.
You know, I Like to have aproject not going to lie you
know.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
I think it's more of that.
I think there's something thatgirls are attracted to, Because
before I was a fuckboy I waslike a big, simp, nice guy.
I grew up very religiousparents.
I was taught be very polite.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
And I just got friend zoned and friend zoned and I
don't like you, I like yourfriend, actually, can you
introduce me?
And eventually I just got sosick of it and you know, every
girl says I like nice guys, blah, blah, blah.
I was like fuck this became afuck boy and then magically so
many more girls have aconnection with me now and I
think there's something in thepsychology that girls want a guy

(08:36):
, that's they don't know whatthey're getting.
It's mysterious, it's excitingit's a roller coaster.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
I would say that it's a mix of both, because you want
a nice guy, but you don't wantthe guy that is, you know, doing
everything that you ask, like Ineed this, this and this, and
he's like, oh, here's everything, I did this for you.
Like no, because I don't know.
Like for me, I I think ofmyself very independent and I

(09:03):
don't want someone who iswilling to do absolutely
everything for me because, like,I can do it myself.
Like in my last relationship, Ialways stress, like I'm not a
delicate flower and not that helike totally treated me like
when, like we were equals.
But I just like that's kind ofhow I think of it Like I don't
want to be treated so, like, oh,she can't do anything, and
maybe that's kind of what thenice guy you know kind of

(09:26):
portrays.
Like oh, she needs help, evenif that's not what he means, but
also like we don't want someonewho's like really rude now
don't get me wrong and like,especially in college, that's
really all you get and likethat's all I got.
Um, so that was fun in themoment, but I think the the
women don't like nice guys is alittle overplayed.
I think it's maybe toosimplified.

(09:46):
There's no, like it's just,it's not black or white, it's a
sliding scale.
Like you can be nice and have alittle bit of like banter or
attitude or, you know, kind ofput her in her place sometimes,
because, like me, I have anattitude, and so if you're
really nice to me, likeunfortunately I might, might,
you know, use that to myadvantage, and so you need
someone to kind of like, put youin your place and not let you

(10:07):
walk all over them, because thenit creates, you know, equality
in the relationship andfriendships too, though not just
like romantic relationships.
You're on the right path.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
You're wrong, but you're on the right path oh how
am I wrong?
Because it's not that you likeor dislike niceness.
It's what you don't like isguys who are scared and most
nice guys it's really.
It's a fear of saying somethingthat they think might upset you.
Or it's a fear of settingappropriate boundaries because

(10:38):
they think, oh, maybe she won'tlike me if I kind of set this
boundary here.
Or it's a fear of shootingtheir shot, and then they just
sit in the friend zone and justwait for their opportunity, that
maybe one day you get drunkenough and, like a Taylor Swift
song, you finally realizethey're the one of your life and
they're just waiting for thatmoment.
But it's more.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's it's the lack of confidence that is unattractive
, more so than the niceness well, I think shooting your shot and
like being in the friend zoneis okay.
But then it's kind of like well, that's not the one for you,
like move on.
But some guys I guess you wouldsay, like hang out in the
friend zone and just wait,because they I don't know if
it's just a one-time thing thatthey want or that's the love of

(11:18):
their life or something.
But that's that's where theissue lies.
It's like okay, if she clearlydoesn't want something with you,
maybe she will later, but likenot in this moment, like I was
talking about before.
When it's like guys time tosettle down, then they're ready.
Like maybe it's not her time tobe with you, maybe she wants to
get to know you on a friendlevel and then later she'll
realize oh, I actually, you know, have more than just friend

(11:40):
feelings for you.
So friend feelings for you.
So it's about choosing youropportunity, like, okay, shoot
your shot.
If it doesn't work out, andshe's cool, be friends with her.
But then that brings me toanother point.
Can guys and girls be likefriends?
Can you just have that?
I personally think they can,but I know a lot of people,
especially in la, don't agreewith that I 100, think they can

(12:01):
thank you.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Thank you most of my views on relationships fall on
the side of the people.
That would disagree with thatstatement.
This is one thing I very muchdisagree with this whole space
over here about in terms ofrelationships.
Because, okay, imagine any kindof investment, right, it's like
if you pay for, uh, you'retrying to start a restaurant,

(12:23):
you invest in a big fuckingstorefront and all these things,
right, and it doesn't work out,are you just gonna be like,
okay, I'm just gonna walk awayand not get something out of
this investment?
Of course not.
So if you spend all this timewith a girl, maybe you spend
like two.
You hang out with her two,three times, spend like eight,
ten hours with her.
Okay, you built some kind of arelationship up, right.
And if she says, oh, I'm notreally into you, okay, well, you

(12:46):
still have this relationshipyou built and the reality is now
you guys can be friends, right?
Maybe she introduces you to herbest friend and you guys hit it
off right.
Maybe you need to get into theclub one night and you need more
girls and you're like, hey,what's up?
Like you want to come throughand now you have someone.
Maybe you're at the club andyour friend is talking to you

(13:07):
and the girls around arethinking, oh, are they together?
Are they not together?
and they're built some kind ofintrigue, right.
So it's like there's stillmaybe you do business together
right.
There's still so many ways thatyou can help each other out
that it makes no sense to mewhen guys are like, yeah, I fuck
you and just to get their ego,because their ego is so hurt
that they don't know what to dowell, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think some guys don't don't really believe in
friendships because with girls,because they're like what can
this girl bring me that my guyfriends can't?
Which I mean, I think youbrought up some great points the
club for one, I think, meetingother girls, another, maybe just
having like a differentperspective no that no you,
you're.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
I was with you up till the perspective point.
Girls have the worstrelationship advice I ever hear
in my life okay, but what about,like?

Speaker 1 (13:52):
last night I was at barless and I was with a few of
my guy friends and I was like,if you need a wing woman, like I
got you.
I I love talking to new girlsand making new friends, actually
went to the club and with theguys I was with were with girls
that I never met, and now we'refriends and we're going to hang
out soon.
So, like, girls are good atmaking friends with other girls,

(14:12):
so why not, like use that, asyou know, different perspective
or connection.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
I'm going to tell you my wing woman story.
Oh, okay, this is why I do nottrust girls, even though I use
it to my advantage because I'mvery smart.
Okay, this is why I do not trustgirls, even though I use it to
my advantage because I'm verysmart.
Okay, so we're going to a partyin Malibu.
I'm driving my friend'sgirlfriend because like he was
coming separately, whatever, andI'm telling her all my stories
about my villain era.
She's like cracking up.
I have like all these funnystories.
She's like, zach, tonight I'mgoing to be your wing woman,

(14:46):
like I'm going stuff, and I'mlike, no, please do not meddle
in my fuckboy affairs.
You're gonna fuck everything up, right, so you get to the party
.
Talking to this girl, I'm likeleaned up against the thing,
looking cool, right obviouslyand then my, my wing woman comes
up dragging along this othergirl who's first of all not even
attractive, and she comes upand she goes hey, this is the
guy I was telling you about.

Speaker 3 (15:03):
Uh, he's the most nicest, sweetest guy.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
You have to get to know him and I just watched both
of the girls faces.
Any attraction they had for mejust shrivel up like a raisin.
And the the ugly girl was likeoh, that's so sweet and I'm like
you just made me get friendzoned by a girl that I wasn't
even talking to.
Because the reality is, whenyou come in with that approach

(15:29):
and that's what most girls do itmakes the guy look like he's a
loser who can't get girls and heneeds this girl to help him.
Right, but then what I did?
Because I take the universewhatever it gives me and I spin
it to my advantage.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yes, obviously.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
So, I'm sitting down with this girl at the couch a
different girl, completelydifferent girl.
Three hours later, okay, andthis guy sits next to us, young,
hot guy, tiktok hair,everything right, okay.
And so we're talking.
I can kind of tell okay, you'reobviously trying to like snake
this girl from me.
You're being polite to me, butyou know what's going on.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
That's very snaky and I'm like, okay, fair game, you
know like it is what it is.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
all is fair in love and and war.
So then he gets up he's like,oh, I'm going to grab a drink.
He asked the girl can I get yousomething?
Doesn't ask me, you know.
Do you want anything, zachRight?
I'm like, okay, fair game.
So he walks away and then Ilook at the girl.
I'm like, oh yeah, that's Mike,most caring guy.

(16:25):
You have to get to know thisguy.
And I just watch her attraction, just shrivel up like a raisin.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
It's like reverse psychology.
Yeah, I mean good job for youlike, you really can't stop me
you can't stop me well, I'msorry about that wing woman
experience.
I have to say she didn't do itright.
Like if you're already talkingto a girl, why would she bring
another girl like you alreadygot it.
If failed, maybe then she couldhelp, but like bringing someone
when you're already busy,that's like counterintuitive.

(16:50):
I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
You know the best strategy for a wing woman and
you're not going to like this.
You're going to hate me forthis Okay, okay.
If I could like train like awing woman, to be like a
professional wing woman.
If I'm talking to a girl, comeup to me be like oh my god, zach
, where were you?
I was looking for you.
Touch me like touch my chest,touch my arm, something like

(17:11):
that.
Then look at the girl, kind oflook her up or down like this,
and just ignore the girl so likeflirt with you to make her
jealous yes, that will 100% work, better than any other tactic.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
I've seen it play out so many times.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
I worked in nightlife for a while.
I was kind of like apromoter-ish.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
And there's so many times where I'd meet a girl at
the beginning of the night,right, and I'm chatting with her
literally just to try to befriends because I need her to
come to the club the next night.
It's literally like a businessthing, okay yeah, and just to
try to be friends because I needher to come to the club the
next night.
It's literally like a businessthing.
Okay, yeah, and she's doing thetypical hot girl shit kind of
ignoring me going on her phoneand then 30 minutes later I'm
talking to some other girl andshe's flirting with me, giving

(17:54):
me vibes, and then, all of asudden, the first girl comes up
and she's all interested now andI'm like, 30 minutes ago you
wanted nothing to do with me andnow you see me with another
girl, and it's just human nature.
Well, it's a thrill of thechase.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
I mean I don't know if guys really feel that, but
women it's weird, but we do, andI don't really know why, but
it's kind of like, oh, like youwant them, like what's so good
about them?
Like maybe I should go like see, like I don't know a good
restaurant, like oh, why is itgood?
Let me go check it out.
You know, it's kind of likethat or a good movie.
So I feel like that's why womenlike the Thrill of the Chase,

(18:30):
because we have to kind of seewhat's so good about this person
.
Unfortunately, we can't justlike.
We have such a hard time, youknow, trying to see from the
start.
Or some people do, like thatgirl on her phone, but I mean
that girl on her phone, but Imean I guess it works out in the
end.
You just have to have that goodwing woman to help you out.

(18:51):
That's where the wingman comesin.

Speaker 4 (18:52):
I don't think I would if I was your wing woman or
anyone's wingman.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Bring a girl to you if anything, like we'd all be in
a circle and maybe I'd see agirl next to me and like
compliment her outfit, you know,like slowly get her in the
circle, but bringing someone toyou, especially if you're
already talking to someone, thatis a very interesting approach
and unique I will say it is veryuseful to have one like hype
girl that when, like a new girlkind of comes into your group

(19:14):
she makes, makes the girls feelwelcome hey, do you want to
drink?

Speaker 2 (19:18):
hey, blah, blah, blah and makes them feel comfortable
and then they kind of open upand get used to the group.
That is extremely valuable.
Yes, I love being the hypewoman, but I have to say I don't
think that guys are the sameway because I feel like they're,
and then they kind of open upand get used to the group.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
That is extremely valuable.
Yes, I love being the hypewoman, but I have to say I don't
think that guys are the sameway, because I feel like they're
more territorial, maybe even offriends, or maybe I don't know.
I've just had differentexperiences where it's harder to
bring, like another guy thatyou're talking to, that you just
met, like at the club, into thecircle, because even your guy
friends might not, like you know, want to get to know them as

(19:45):
much as like I would want to getto know a girl that one of my
guy friends brought in.
But I don't really understandthat.
Is that where, like the girlsand guys can't be friends, kind
of come in?

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Or what's going on there?
I mean that can complicatethings.
The reason is, the reality ofthe situation is you could go
out tonight by yourself, nottalk to a single person, and you
would have probably like three,four or five guys come up to
you at some point of the nighttry to hit on you so you have a
choice of like whoever.
Okay, the reality for guys is,even if you're like six, five

(20:19):
and good looking, with tattoos,you maybe would get maybe one
girl who's not even thatattractive to come up and like
start chatting you up.
So, as a guy like we have toput in a lot of work and because
of that that's the reason la isthe way it is and you have to
set yourself up in situationswhere there's more girls than
guys and every new guy you'readding to that situation.

(20:41):
It's just the numbers are justdon't work out as well for you,
because the reality is one guywould sleep with like four
different girls if he, if he,given the opportunity.
But one girl's not going tosleep with four different dudes.
She's going to be very picky onwho she sleeps with.
So it's just kind of like asupply and demand thing yeah,
but what if you go with yourfriends?

Speaker 1 (20:58):
like, like I went with my friends outside and this
didn't happen, but like say itdid.
Like say I did bring someoneover to like hang out with us or
dance with us and they weren'tvery nice, like I'm their friend
, I don't want them.
I've made it very clear, youknow, like why would they then
possibly still be, you know,adverse to me bringing someone
else in the group, or just noteven like after, hey, not really

(21:20):
talk to them, so not reallylike mean to them, just not
really address them.
Versus if they did that, I feellike I would want to be like,
hey, you know, hype girl energyyeah, I mean it's just a matter
of because, like, let's say, youbring a guy into the group and
you're friends on him right okaythen the guy is going to go off
to the next girl yeah shefriends with him.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
He's going to go off to the next girl and he's just
going to, one by one, make hisway down the line of girls until
maybe one likes them.
Right, okay, and that's onething.
That okay, it's interesting.
So when, obviously when I wasdoing like the club thing, yeah
if a girl is like, hey, can Ibring my guy friend, I'm like,
well, if he wants to buy abottle, because it's literally
just the rules.
Like I don't even make therules, I can't.

(21:58):
It is what it is.
But even when we have partieslike at the house, right, if a,
if a girl wants to bring her guyfriend, I'm like okay, but like
anything he does, you'reresponsible for.
That's what I always tell girls, because the reality is a lot
of guys, when they come in to anew place, they have no skin in

(22:20):
the game.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
So they'll go around.
Oh, let me hit on every singlegirl.
Let me creep some girls out whocares?
I'm just going to like beaggressive.
Okay.
And then it makes me look badbecause it's my party and
everybody's here, right?
So then when I tell girls thatsometimes they're like, oh, I
don't want to bring this guyanymore.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Because you then wouldn't invite them to things.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
The girl you're saying yeah.
No, I'm saying I don't like ifa girl wants to bring a guy,
it's not.
Oh, I don't want a guy herebecause like, oh, he's going to
like try to talk to my girl, orsomething like that.
It's more so he could ruin theentire vibe.
Yeah, by being creepy andhitting on a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
I get that.
Do you let them like vouch forhim.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yeah, I'm like bring your guy friend, but he better
be cool.
And then usually the girls willtell the guy like hey, you just
you know, because now it's liketheir reputation is on it
versus if a girl's just likeyeah, come on in.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Oh sure, this guy.
I met him at the club lastnight.
He's totally cool.
I'm like is he cool?

Speaker 2 (23:18):
yeah, and I like, I'm very like picky with how I keep
my circle nowadays just becausein la there's so many like fake
people and blah, blah, blah.
It's like no, I have enoughfriends, I don't need more
friends.
If you're going to come into myfriend group, I need somebody
that's like going to be likecool or providing something or
in some way, not someone tocreep out your guests.
Exactly that would not be good.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
I did have a question though.
So when I was at the club lastnight, we waited in line for an
hour and a half, which isridiculous.
But we had three girls andthree guys and as soon as the
guys walked thanks, we were atbar list.
They went to go check out thewarwick line.
We had three different likepromoters, security people come
up to us just the girls in lineand they're like do you want to
come in?
We were like, no, we have threeguys.

(24:01):
But when got there, there waslike barely any guys in the club
and they're mostly girls and Idon't really understand why they
do that.
I get there needs to be like agood ratio, but overall, like as
girls, like I don't want to buymy own drink, you know, and if
all the guys are taken like,then you know, some of us aren't

(24:22):
going to drink.
I want to know what is thepolicy on it.
Why is it super strict?
It was kind of like afive-to-one type of ratio, or
maybe not last night, but at adifferent club a different night
.
I've seen clubs where it's likefive-to-one ratio, which is a
lot right.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
So the business model of clubs 10 years ago was just
like any normal bar Leteverybody in.
Everybody buys drinks.
You make money at the bar,right?

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Then, because of this one club in New York that
started this trend, they figuredout hey, instead of selling
like these, like $15 drinks atthe bar, all we need is one rich
dude to spend $20,000 on atable and we make more money
than the entire night at the barjust from that one person.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
Right so.
So clubs became in thiscompetition to say, hey, if we
can get, find these whales thatare willing to spend 20 grand,
then, like we're the best club,we're going to make hand over
fist money and these big whaleswant to go to the places that
have the most attractive girlsand the best ratio.
So the club's concern isn'tmaking money at the bar and

(25:28):
letting people in, it's how dowe get these like five people to
buy tables at the club?
How do you do that?
You need a lot of pretty girls.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Okay, so it's the way to find a needle in a haystack,
but you can drink for freeanyway.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
Just go with a promoter.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
If you go with a promoter, yeah, I know, but it
was like it was our last minutething, like I went to this DJ
thing at Catch One, which I justfound out was the first club in
LA.
Coolest place.
There's like five or sevenstages for DJs and I don't
really like that type of music.
I like R&B or rap more or likeold 2000s.

(26:00):
But it was fun, it was cooloverall.
So we went there and then, um,we met people at our list.
We waited in line and then wewent there and it was super fun.
The dj I don't know who it was,but he was amazing.
It was so cool and he had a mixof, like spanish music and old
music and house music and Iliked that, like having a, you
know, diverse playlist.

(26:21):
That is where I think you drawthe most people, because house
is like very specific, like ravevibe, and it's not really my
vibe.
I'll go, but it's hard to danceto like throwing your fist in
the air.
It's not really how I like todance.
I'm more like, you know, shimmy.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
So it was good, you want to know another uh
interesting thing about theclubs I would love to so the the
house nights that they have,that's most models, super hot
girls like house well, I'm not amodel, so it makes sense so so
they have those nights and theyactually don't make much money
off those nights okay and thenwhat they do is they position

(26:58):
their club as like the big clubor like the best club to be at,
and then they have another nightduring the week that they play
more of like the hip-hop musicand stuff like.
then they have another nightduring the week that they play
more of like the hip hop musicand stuff like that, and that's
their moneymaker night.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
That's my night, okay .

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Because that's the night that the big spenders come
, because the people that listento hip hop music are typically
the people that want to show off, buy the best table, look how
cool I am.
Whereas, like the EDM, peopleare just more like good energy,
good vibes.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
I'm not trying to spend all that money.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
So that's kind of like how the marketplace works
for that.
But that's why they do like onenight that's like a certain
music and another night that'sdifferent.
But I do like Barley's.
I like Melrose Place a lot too.
For more of the like there'stables, but you don't need a
table.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
You can also kind of roam around and it's fun.
Is there a dance floor?
Yeah, I mean it kind of.
I like a dance floor.
I, when I first moved here, uh,a year and a half ago, I loved
1212 and I still do love 1212.
I just haven't been in a while,but there's a big dance floor
and I think there are tables, um, but people don't usually buy
them, but the dance floor issuper cool and so if it is the
dance floor, I'm way more likelyto go.
It's super fun, um, but when Imoved to la, one thing I thought
was really interesting,especially like meeting
promoters.
Um, people go out every night ofthe week and well, I realize

(28:12):
it's some people's jobs, buteven people that like have nine
to fives, like, they still goout.
You know, monday, tuesday,wednesday, and don't get me
wrong, I love it.
I was just kind of surprised,but I mean, I think it's a fun
culture and I like to go outwhen I can.
So it's interesting, but like,I like it and everyone's vibe is
different and every night isdifferent, like I heard some

(28:33):
places have like Latin night or,you know, hip hop, you know, or
house, like you were talkingabout, and so I think that's
really cool to do like differentnights too, so you can have
something to look forward toevery night of the week yeah,
yeah, it's a fun actually the Ilike weeknights better really
because it's all people in theindustry.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
It's the more musicians, models, actors like
that's, when usually that crowdgoes out okay.
And then the nine to fivepeople with office jobs, usually
weekends because they'reworking okay, what's the best
night and where on a weekday?
It really depends.
It goes in and out all the time.
To be honest, I'm more of houseparties nowadays.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Oh, okay, I actually haven't been to a house party
since I moved to la seriouslyyeah, because I'll tell you next
time we have.
Yeah okay, thanks, because everytime, um, like I want to do
something, everyone wants to goto the club and people that I
hang out with either live likeat home or um, in an apartment.
But I was, like, you know, whenI have an actual like, when I'm
actually an attorney, thenmaybe there'll be more house

(29:30):
parties because we'll havehouses, but for now I just go to
clubs.
But it's still so much fun andI like, like when I first moved,
I went to the victorian a lotand they have three djs and each
dj like basement, main floorand upper floor has different
music and so I think that'sreally cool and a good move,
because then you don't have towait, like on fridays there's

(29:51):
this, it's like you know, youcan just go to a different floor
.
It gets really packed and it'shard to get there, but once you
get there you can, you know,choose the music that you want.
So I liked that like businessmindset interesting, interesting
.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
What's your uh Interesting?
Let's switch topics.
What's your type?
Oh God, let's go physical first, looks first.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
Do you know who Nick Bosa is?
He's on the defensive line forthe Niners, so him probably.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
So tall athletic.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Yeah tall.
Athletic big Gotcha, how talldoes athletic?

Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah tall athletic big Gotcha.
How tall does a guy have to?

Speaker 1 (30:28):
be.
He doesn't have to be like.
Just because it's my typedoesn't mean like I wouldn't go
for someone Like I'm more intopersonality now, Like my
ex-boyfriend's 6'8" or one of myexes, so it really doesn't
matter to me.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
The first fashion model I dated.
She was like 5'11" right, sothree inches shorter than me,
but with heels it's like prettyclose.
That's like right there, I meanthree inches is.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
I feel like the normal size heel, you know yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
And before me she was like Zach.
I always used to date you know,basketball players, NBA players
, stuff like that and she's likelike I got fucked over so many
times.
She was like the next guy Idated was this 5'8 guy, like
this short king, and she's likezach.
I was so like I don't careabout height anymore, none of
that.
And she's like then on the thirdday apparently he came, he

(31:18):
comes over okay she had had likethree glasses of wine or
something okay and so she opensthe door, she gives him the hug,
she picks him up and she's likeand then I spun him around and
watched his little legs flailout and she was like.
In that moment I lost allrespect for him as a human being
and I couldn't do it anymorewow and I was like I get it.

(31:40):
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
I would feel weird kissing up you know well, I like
kissing up, yes, but wow, no.
Yeah, height doesn't reallymatter to me.
I mean, obviously, like atfirst glance, everyone you know
you only have the physical tosee um, but I think if there's,
if it's a this might be cliche,but like if it's a really good

(32:03):
personality and we have like alot in common, like with my ex
we had a lot in common and welike we had really similar um,
like we had really similar humorand so that worked really well
and so it doesn't really matterto me, like after like first
glance, like as long as you know, I have a good personality, I
think it it works, but I meaneverything.

(32:26):
You, as you know, have a goodpersonality.
I think it it works, but you, Imean everything.
You know everyone has theirpreferences, so I get it,
especially being 5, 11, that Idon't have that issue.
Most people aren't shorter thanme.
I'm 5 4 but I think I mean itdefinitely probably would be
different if I was super tall.
I do have a few tall friendsthat do date people shorter than
them and they have no issues.
Or they usually they say theshorter people like people
shorter than them and they haveno issues.
Usually they say the shorterpeople like people shorter than
them are nicer.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Oh yeah, they kind of have to be.
Although sometimes they havelike short man syndrome and
they're almost likeovercompensating too.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
I don't know, I've never had that issue so far, and
I hope to not, but I could seeit like maybe because they're
you know, they're short and sothey feel like they have to make
themselves known as a man in adifferent way, which then is a
totally separate issue in likemental health stuff.
But I get it like I geteveryone has their preference.
But no, for me I don't reallymind.
If I had everything my way, Iwould be dating nick bosa.

(33:17):
That's not how it is right now.
But no, he has a girlfriend too.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Go her whoever she is Not till Jensen slides into the
DMs.
Watch out no, no.
What is so what's your typepersonality then?
Because you said you go more sofor personality.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Well, I am really funny, so I need someone.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
You're above mid, I would say On the funny spectrum.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
Oh, thank you.
I need someone who is uh funny,and I I'm not um shy at all, I'm
very, very outgoing um and anextreme extrovert, and so I
don't need someone to be asextroverted as I am, but I
definitely need someone who isnot introverted.
Like I like doing things,meeting new people, you know,
having conversations with randompeople Like I.
I like doing that.
Um, I also personality wise.

(34:09):
I really like sports.
Like, if I had it my way, uh,my dream job is to work for the
NFL or the Rams.
So I would love someone wholikes sports as much as I do, or
more, cause I know a goodamount.
But I would love someone more.
That's really important to me.
Someone who listens, because Italk a lot and you know it's the

(34:30):
typical guy like only answeringone question if you ask them,
like four.
I like someone who can answerlike all the questions, because
then, you know, it makes me feellike special.
And so someone who just listensand like not only listens, and
it's not passive listening, it'sactive listening, so they're
paying attention to what I'msaying.
Yeah, someone who's funny andlikes likes movies and likes to

(34:52):
dance.
I love to dance and I love togo to karaoke.
So you don't have to go tokaraoke and like sing, but you
just gotta go and, like you know, be there with me.
That's.
That's a weird like thing thatI add to a personality that I
like in someone.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
I what about?
Do you typically go for guyswho are very like masculine, or
do you go for more of the prettyboy type of guys?

Speaker 1 (35:11):
Oh, I would say masculine, so in my type.
So Nick Bosa is like very, veryfit.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Yeah, like super, super strong.
I'm saying like someone who'smore dominant personality or
more kind of.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
I would say more dominant, but not like overly
dominant, because I don't, likeI said before, like I do, have a
bit of an attitude and so Idon't really like being told
what to do.

Speaker 2 (35:33):
So if someone's like too dominant, I'm gonna be like
no but you also kind of said youkind of respect somebody who
puts in your place when you needto in in certain moments.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, because I know I can like overthink stuff and
overanalyze or like bring updumb arguments.
So obviously I'd want someoneto you know, point that out or
be like you're being irrational,but I definitely don't want or
need someone who is like alwaystrying to put me in my place or
tell me what to think, in thattype of sense.
So I, I would say more dominant, just so I don't like walk all

(36:03):
over them, but I definitelydon't want someone who's only
dominant.
You know, I like that goodbalance, do you?

Speaker 2 (36:12):
you're a little hard to read in terms of do you
typically fit more into thetraditional um gender roles in
your relationships or do you doyou take more of the dominant
masculine role?

Speaker 1 (36:25):
well, I would say neither, um.
So I obviously think like Ithink a guy should pay on the
first date, um, but I don'treally okay.
So who doesn't like materialthings?
Right?
Obviously I'm not going to belike I don't like gifts.
Obviously I like gifts, but Ireally like when I like growing

(36:48):
up, I've learned quickly.
I had to learn like hard workand what it takes and the value
of a dollar, right, and for meit's really important that like
the people that I hang out withor that I'm in a relationship
with understand that.
So if you're just like throwinggifts at me and you know paying
for everything it, it kind oflike irks me because I I don't

(37:09):
think you understand like whatit takes to get where you are,
unless you have like all thatmoney.
But right now I feel like I'mso young that most people just
have it from their parents andthat's great.
I am not hating on anyone whowas born into a wealthy family.
It's more how you learn tounderstand like how your parents
or grandparents got that wealth, because I didn't.
Really I grew up like um, inmiddle class um, and then when I

(37:33):
was 18, I became fullyfinancially independent, so, and
in college.
I worked two jobs the wholetime and I put myself through
college and I'm putting myselfthrough law school.
So it's really important to methat who I'm with understands
like kind of what I go throughand that it's not easy to just,
you know, pay for a $200 dinnerjust because, or, you know, go
on a really expensive vacationjust because you want to, if you

(37:56):
don't really understand, like,where that money came from.
If you work really hard.
Yeah, spend your money howeveryou want, and obviously you
don't have to listen to me Likepeople can spend their money
however they want.
I just really like to make surethat people that I hang out
with and who I'm with understandthe value of a dollar in that
sense, and to to go on to buyingthings for me, I cannot stand

(38:18):
if someone like buys somethingfor me and then expects me to do
something because they boughtsomething for me like.
Like you do that because you'renice.
You're not doing that becauseyou think I'm going to do
something for you.
Like I'll do something for youbecause I want to do something
for you, I'm not going to dosomething for you because I feel
obligated to.
And so that's also somethingthat's really important to me,

(38:39):
which ties back to money, and soI don't know if that's it's not
typical gender rules, I think,but I think it's more typical
gender roles than the masculineside.
Like I don't really want to payfor every dinner, I will, and
I'm more than happy to pay andspell.
Like I have a job, I can handlestuff on my own, but I think
overall I like more equalitythan totally being taken care of

(39:01):
so I agree and disagree withyou, okay.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I agree with you on the point that if a guy buys you
something, you have noobligation to do anything for
him, okay because it's like yeahlike if you're gonna like put
yourself out there, cool, butlike that this is not a contract
.
Like you can't be like okay,now you, now you owe me this.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
No, exactly.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
But, at the same time , something that does bother me
is I know a lot of girls whowill accept a gift from a guy
completely knowing his intentionand knowing what he, what's
going on and playing into itbecause they want the free thing
Right.
Like one of my friends like, oh, this guy's flying me out to

(39:43):
blah blah, blah, like I don'teven find him attractive, but
like I want the free thing right.
Like one of my friends like, oh, this guy's flying me out to
blah, blah, blah, like I don'teven find him attractive, but
like I want this free trip.
And it's kind of like, yeah, Imean technically, you're on the
right.
Like I always say, all is fairin love and war yeah, you know,
like if he gets fucked over it'shis own fault but, also, it's
kind of a dick move to like takethat free vacation knowing full
well from the start he wantsmore and you don't want anymore.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Well, I'm not saying I agree with that at all.
I don't like that mentality andlike the materiality of it,
like I don't really fit withsuper materialistic people,
because I don't agree with that.
That's not what I would likewant to do or want to happen to
have done to someone.
But I do think that in arelationship it should be equals

(40:29):
.
Now that doesn't sound like arelationship that's just a girl,
you know, getting her bag,doing her thing.
But in a relationship that'sdifferent, you know.
So if this guy wants to spendrandom money on this girl who he
doesn't even know if likes him,I do kind of think that's on
him.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
I don't think that it's right of the girl, I think.
At the end of the day it's,it's like yeah, yo you fucked up
.
That's what happens, but it'sstill kind of a dick move on no,
I don't think it's good on thegirl at all.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
I think that's rude.
And you know, leading people onlike I you shouldn't want to
lead people on.
Maybe if you're like it's yoursecond date and you're like I
don't know how I feel about thisperson, but like I want to give
it a chance, okay that's fine.
But like if someone's flyingyou out like that's way
different and you know theintentions, like you know that's

(41:16):
.
That's not really a maturemindset I agree and I don't
really like that type of mindsetyou know?

Speaker 2 (41:23):
yeah, it's interesting, I so I grew up with
a very old school father.
Okay.
And so he's very much chivalry.
You know, if you're going on adate like I'm paying for the
date.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Okay, and opening the door and everything, yeah,
opening the door, okay.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
I like that.
If I'm walking on the sidewalk,you know I'm walking on the car
side and take my girl.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
Obviously with your manly strength.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Unless it's a G-Wagon , Then it's like you know use
the girl human shield, protectmyself, Obviously, Then
administer CPR.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
You know, not all heroes work and save her, though
Then you're the hero still,then I'm still the hero as long
as.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
I end up the hero, like I'm good.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Good, I like that point.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Okay, travel a lot right so if I'm like, in a
relationship and I'm going toeurope or australia or asia or
something, I'm paying for thetrip.
I'm not telling my girl splitseas.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Here's the venmo request for the airbnb.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
It just it feels like weird to me oh yeah, I get that
but I'm talking to one of myfriends and she's like a very
powerful, like sugar baby, likeshe has like 10 sugar daddies.
She has like it's like anentire business, basically.
And she's like zap.
She's like has like 10 sugardaddies.
She has like it's like anentire business, basically and
she's like zap.
She's like all guys are sugardaddies.
There's just, you know, someguys buy drinks, some guys pay

(42:33):
for dinner, sometimes it's tripsbags rent.
She's just like, wow, there'sjust high class and low class
sugar daddies, but you're asugar daddy just like the rest
of them and I was like that's aninteresting perspective to have
I've literally never thoughtabout that.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
I can see her point, um, but I don't think I would
say it's a sugar daddy move.
I would say it's kind of howlife works, like to be I'm I'm
really non-traditional, but Ithink that is a little bit of
the tradition that I like, atleast in the beginning.
Like I said, I'm all forequality, but in the beginning,
like buying a drink, I don't, Iwouldn't be like that's a sugar

(43:09):
daddy move.
I think that that's chivalrousand and nice and respectful.
But I think once you take it to, they're paying for your rent
but you're not dating themofficially and you're not living
with them and you don't reallylike them.
That's like different than likebuying you a meal or maybe
occasionally a bag.
I don't know if you're wealthyenough.
You know three thousand dollarsfor a bag is nothing to you.

(43:32):
So it also depends, I guess, onthe status of the guy.
Like if he doesn't have anymoney and he's buying you all
the stuff, that's a weird sugardaddy relationship and also
that's a really bad move on thegirl.
But if the guy is like likeyour friend, he wants to fly her
out, it's probably nothing tohim.
Okay, then let him like I don'tsee the issue, you know.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Yeah, yeah, it is interesting.
So I very much so agree, enjoythe traditional relationships.
I have a very dominantpersonality and so I don't mind
taking the masculine role, butthen I like girls who are very
feminine.
That's just like what I'mattracted to very sweet, caring,
supportive, that kind of thing.
What what bothers me is beyonceand andrew tate are ruining all

(44:21):
relationships in westernsociety as we know it so
opposite really those two yeswhy would you say beyonce?

Speaker 1 (44:29):
because maybe I'm not in the know okay, here's the
problem.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
Girls grow up nowadays right and beyonce tells
you be independent, strong,independent woman, make your own
bag.
Tiktok videos, femaleempowerment every movie you
watch, same thing right okay,yeah so girls grow up with this.
I want to be a boss.
Bitch attitude yeah which Ithink is great if that's the
route you want to go down.
More power to you.
But the problem is most girlstake that and they want the boss

(44:55):
bitch attitude, but they don'twant the boss bitch
responsibility that goes alongwith that okay, so they don't
want to get a job, go to lawschool.
They don't want to be the onewhen it's three in the morning
and there's a problem.
Somebody's got to fix it yeah,okay so then they want to have
this like masculine attitude.
I run shit, blah, blah, blah.
But then they don't want theresponsibility.
And then on the flip side, guyswatch three andrew tate videos

(45:18):
and they're like I am the alphaand I'm just like what, are you
the alpha of your fucking videogame clan?
Like you're, like I am thealpha and I'm just like what,
are you the alpha of yourfucking video game clan?
Like you're not the elf.
Like you can't just proclaimyourself the boss and just be
the boss okay, and so now wehave relationships in this gen z
culture where nobody's doingshit, everybody's pretending
like they're the boss and theywant to run shit but nobody's
doing anything and nobody fixesthe problems and like somebody

(45:40):
has to fit this role I get whatyou.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
I maybe it's an LA thing and I haven't seen that.
I mean, I am in law school andmost of my friends are from law
school, so those girls, you know, get the bag in there.
They're the type that Beyonceis talking about, so it must be
like an LA thing, maybe aninfluence thing, I'm not quite
sure.
To be fair, I'm also in thescene with actress, actresses,

(46:09):
models, it's like the hollywoodpeople getting it.
But I, I can see what you'retalking about, where I don't
think that beyonce's message isbad in any way.
I think, fully, I am full.
Women, empowerment, feminism,love that.
But I can see how, like I'm sureI can remember some girls that
I've met, just randomly, like ata club, not that I know, but
just the attitude of, like I am,you know, miss, independent, my
own person, but the same timethey're only trying to get to
like the table where the richguy is, which I mean that's fun,
and who doesn't like to do that, you know, for a night at the

(46:31):
club.
But if that's their wholepersonality, it's kind of like,
okay, what are you doing?
Like you want someone to, Iguess, pay for everything, but
you don't like them and youdon't want a relationship.
If you like them and you want arelationship, then do it, but
if that's not your intention, Iit, I don't see the point like
it's I.

(46:51):
That's where I see what you'retalking about, with the whole
beyonce like movement.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
I guess we'll call it the other thing is people get
stuck in the middle a lot okaywhereas, like I think,
genetically and justbiologically, women skew toward
the more feminine roles,naturally, and men skew toward
the more Well, societally forsure.
But I think society it'sactually the opposite.
Now and that's the problem Insociety, there's a lot of girls

(47:17):
who would be very happy beinglike, more in the supportive
role Okay, but they're beingpushed.
No, you got to be dominant, andBeyonce, and all this stuff.
And then there's guys.
It's the opposite.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
All guys are taught like yeah, like be emotional and
sensitive and like, oh, you gotlast place in the basketball
game Little boo-boo, gen Z, areyou okay?

Speaker 1 (47:38):
Let's talk about your feelings.
That's like a newer thing,because when I grew up, well I
mean, I like I felt like kind ofI was like a tomboy but also
like a diva, like I played abunch of sports but I also like
I'm a huge like pink girl andlove like girly stuff.
So I was both.
But that's definitely newer tohave like the younger generation
pushed on, like you know, beyourself and be your own person,

(47:59):
which I love.
But I get what you're sayingLike society has become a little
, I guess you would say, likesoft.
I think that everyone should beable to do what they want and
obviously, but it's a littlehard.
It's a little hard because Iget what you're saying also with
, like the kid that comes inlast, like that's great, you
participated, but coming in last, like in everything, and if you

(48:22):
fully just say it's okay to belast, rather than bring the
positive like thank you for youreffort, let's work on that, you
know, to make it better ratherthan just participation, I think
it should be.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
You suck.
Work harder, get your fuckingshit together.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
When I was young it was like you got last place.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
Everybody laughed at you.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
Everybody was like ah , like, ah like, look, zach's
the loser, whatever and then itmakes you fucking want to work
harder and you're like I don'twant to be the loser, okay, let
me fucking work for it, but butnobody gets taught that, and now
they're like 21 years old andlike their girlfriend broke
their heart and they're justlike laying in bed all day and
they can't get out of bed andI'm like there's people with no

(49:05):
running water that are lessemotionally like unstable than
you are.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Like it's crazy to me .

Speaker 1 (49:11):
I think people need to be taught.
Now I don't really know aboutthat whole thing, but I think
they need to be taught or kindof pushed out away from their
comfort zone.
And I think society now is okaywith people staying in their
comfort zone for really as longas they want, which like that's
great.

(49:31):
Be in your comfort zone, ifthat's for you, but at least for
me, like that's not, becausehow?
How are you going to grow?
And growth is obviously reallyimportant because almost
everyone else is growing.
So how are you going to getbetter or experience more from
just staying in your littlebubble?
You know, like, branch out, andmaybe that's something that's

(49:51):
not taught.
Enough is branching out.
It's like do what you want todo and if that's be a boss woman
, be a boss woman.
But what if you know what?
If you are so trying to be aboss woman that what if you
don't even, like you know, dosomething that you want to do
that you didn't know you wouldwant to do like I don't know
hair, or you want to be acosmetologist, but you're so
like, no, that's not a bosswoman role I'm not going to do

(50:12):
that or what if you just want tobe a stay-at-home mom?
I know plenty of people that arestay-at-home moms and that are
my age, that don't have kids,that are like, yeah, I would
love to do that, do that, butsociety is kind of like oh you
know, do what we say, be in yourcomfort zone or go be a boss
bitch, but you can't really likethe it's kind of anti societal

(50:34):
roles.
Does that make sense?
yeah, yeah and so I think thatthat's like wrong.
I know I'm going off on atangent.
I just I don't reallyunderstand society.
Like we want people to be theirown person and be, you know,
boss, bitches and whatever menwant to do, but we also want
them, we're okay with them beingin their comfort zone, and so I
think it's like super opposite,like okay, what do you want?

(50:56):
If you want to push them, thenpush them, and if you want them
to be in their comfort zone,then you're, you're giving two
like different messages and Ithink that's confusing yeah,
just like we need a little bitmore bullying in schools.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
You know, just like some like soft core bullying,
like make fun of people.
We don't have to like push kidsinto lockers like or anything
like that, but like a little bitmore well, I'm not saying
bullying, but I'm just sayingmaybe a little more push.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
My sister is a sixth grade teacher and one thing I
really like about her teachingstyle that I got from her and
how I like when I, if I babysit,this is how I like to treat
kids too is she treats them likethey're her equal, not her
friend, but not kids like ifthey do something wrong, I know,

(51:42):
like when I was in school, it'skind of like okay, like, and
why was that wrong?
My sister is very like, directand kind of mature about it.
She's like you know what youdid was wrong.
Like don't tell me that youdidn't know that you weren't
supposed to do that, you knewthat.
And I like that approach becauseI think it's, in a way, making
them grow and be out of theircomfort zone.
Like their parents are probablytreating them like children,

(52:03):
like you got to treat them.
You know you want them to beresponsible, even as sixth
graders put them in their place,obviously not mean, but like
don't treat them like littlebabies, because then you know
they're not really going tochange.
You kind of got to make themuncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
I hear a lot of girls complain about.
They say like there's no realmen anymore, blah, blah, blah,
blah blah.
I'm like I get it because, likeall these guys are being taught
to be like overly sensitive andnot learn how to deal with
their emotions and fucking manup and like fix the problem when
it's like not that big of adeal and it's.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
I think it's because of all this participation,
trophy culture really, yeah, Isee that, I see that I think
there are still a lot of guyswho have the traditional ways.
And you know, me becoming anattorney, sometimes I worry,
like because that's a very highlevel job and so sometimes I'm
like it.
Maybe it's an irrational fear,but I'm like what if, like, it's

(52:58):
too much of a you know, a bigjob that a guy's like
intimidated like?
I love sex in the city and Iremember when miranda did you
watch sex in the city?
No, oh, you should, but it's agreat girl show.
Everyone should watch it.
Um, but I remember miranda is um, she's an attorney, one of the
four main characters and shestarted dating this uh bartender

(53:20):
, and they had a greatrelationship and she loved him
and he loved her.
And she had to go to this bigevent and he needed to wear a
suit.
And she was like, okay, youdon't have a suit, I will buy it
for you.
Like, I want to, you need towear this to my event.
And he was so like he let herbuy it.
But then he later returned itand broke up with her because he
was like I can't do thisbecause he felt so emasculated.

(53:40):
And so I'm sometimes like whatif I unintentionally do that to
someone like I don't know, Ihaven't experienced that yet,
thank goodness, but it's justlike a fear or maybe not just my
job, but like any you knowwoman that is doing that women
empowerment and doing like themost that they can like being at
that top level.
And it's kind of like is I'mnot like can a guy be with

(54:04):
someone that's in that top leveland not feel super emasculated,
or is that just really reallyemasculating?
But then it's also like well,if that's super emasculated,
isn't that less of a man becausehe can't be okay with his woman
, like being at that high level,like whether it's, you know
something political, or like areally high-paying actress or
something that just makes a lotlike a doctor, stuff like that.

(54:26):
What do you think?

Speaker 2 (54:28):
I think it just matters on what's your type like
okay I always thought, becauseI'm an entrepreneur, okay, I
want an entrepreneur girlfriend,because then you know, we're
both entrepreneurs, we talkabout business and I've dated a
couple girls that are more likethat personality type and I very
much respect what they do, butI'm not attracted to that
personality like.

(54:48):
I'm attracted like I thinkmaybe it's because opposites
attract or something.
I'm attracted to the girl who'sjust sweet and caring and just
feminine and just what is herjob in this in this fantasy.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
What is her like career?
But that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
It doesn't matter what her job is okay, but girls
who typically have high payingcareers are typically not this
personality type if I metsomeone who's sweet and caring
and everything, and she's a ceoof a company great yeah, but
it's gonna be hard to be a ceoof a company.
If that's your natural demeanor,because, ceos you're, you're
required to be a little morelike on the ball with shit, you

(55:24):
know, and like a little moredominant of a personality type.
I get what you're saying.
It's not about the job, it'sabout the personality that
typically comes along with thejob yeah, I get that, I see, but
some guys like the likehard-charging women that you
know, like tie them up orwhatever and like whatever
they're into.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Well, you know about that.
But, yeah, I, I uh, my um, afew of my exes in college.
We were very different and so Iwas like, oh, like opposites
attract, right, um, and then Irealized, not polar opposites,
like it has to be like someopposite.

(56:02):
Like I am, very I don't reallygo with the flow.
I am not a very like easygoingperson.
I hate to say I want to be, butI'm super particular about a
lot of things and I loveorganization and planning and so
being with someone who I can'tbe with someone who's completely
not planning at all, becausethat would just kill me, it

(56:22):
would stress me out so much andI would get really irritated.
But I definitely cannot be withsomeone who is like me where
they like to plan stuff, becauseit's like, no, that's my thing,
just just be good at plans.
But like you can be opposite inthe sense where, like you don't
usually plan I find that mostgirls who are more dominant go
one or two directions.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
Most girls I know either want to find a guy who's
super masculine, because then itmakes them feel feminine.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
They like feeling yeah, more feminine in
comparison.
I could see that, yeah, or?

Speaker 2 (56:53):
they go the opposite direction.
They date a like, more likepretty boy guy who's kind of
like yes, babe.

Speaker 3 (56:58):
What are we doing tonight, babe?

Speaker 2 (56:59):
and they like being in control and they like that
role, and then that works toookay, would you say, I am more
dominant.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Then yes, okay, yeah, I don't know.
I I think I would like, I wouldlike both.
Can I choose that?
Is that an option?
It's gonna be hard to find Iknow it's like a diamond in the
rough well la has so many peoplelike antonio brown what's the
guy's name?

Speaker 2 (57:20):
I don't even know, the football player.
It's your crush oh, nick bosanick bosa?

Speaker 1 (57:25):
maybe nick bosa oh he's definitely not like that.
He seems.
He seems very like very chill.
His voice is very like calm andjust kind of like, but maybe
it's like because his look is sodominant he's tall, he's fit,
like all these things.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
Maybe it's like, okay , you could get like the
masculine energy from his looks,but then he still has like the
more feminine energy from hispersonality.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Maybe, yeah, feminine , I could see that.
But also like, does femininemean like shy and like, not like
outgoing Cause, like I reallylike outgoing, like I don't want
.
I don't want to just talk toyou the whole time and have you,
even if you're a really goodlistener, I want you to talk to
me too.
I want to know everything.
I like to always talk aboutdetails.
I hate when I say how was yourday and someone says good, I

(58:13):
don't want to hear good, I wantto hear every detail.
Start, finish.
What time did you wake up?

Speaker 2 (58:29):
What did you do?

Speaker 1 (58:30):
when you first got up .
That's how I would do andthat's what I did in my last
relationship and he really likedit too, so like that worked, oh
my god no I love it then, thenwe would not, our personalities
would not work.
No, like I said, I'm verydetailed, like particular person
.
But you know I obviously youdon't need to do that because,
like I said, I don't wantsomeone exactly like me that
would be a nightmare.
But I'd want someone who is likeinterested at least in it, like
oh yeah.
Like at least tell me one goodthing, like my day was good
because I had a reallysuccessful meeting, that's great

(58:52):
.
Like you don't need to giveevery detail.
I would love every detail.
We don't need to give itbecause and guys are, you know
but some detail, for me at least, is better than none.
Other people like yourselfdon't like that and that's
totally fine.
You just need someone who'smore you know like basic, and
maybe doesn't talk as much asbasic not evolved like.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
You need a basic, not to hide myself.
All right, we're about out oftime.
We got a few rapid firequestions for you questions okay
favorite food oh um pad thaithere's a lot of good place in
la too I have not found one.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Please give me suggestions I'll tell you after
thank you um favorites, uh, nexttravel destination.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
You haven't been to that you want to go to uh,
there's a heart-shaped island infiji.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
I would absolutely love to go there I'm very
particular.
Yes, super, uh favorite firstdate spot or activity oh god um
golfing uh, bowling, playingpool, karaoke, any activity you
like activity activity yes, adinner's great, but I love
activities.
I'm outdoorsy, I see.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
I see interesting, all right, well, this has been
fun.
We'll have to have round twosometime.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Please.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
What's your Instagram for?
Where can people find you?

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
My name at J-E-N-S-E-N underscore
H-E-D-L-E-Y.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
Awesome.
Well, Jensen, this has been fun.
Thanks for listening.