September 26, 2024 • 24 mins
Is the back-to-school rush leaving you stressed and overwhelmed? In this practical episode, Kevin and Bekah Tinter share their strategies for maintaining balance as entrepreneurial parents during the busy school season.
Drawing from their experiences with four children, they discuss:
- Creating a family culture that supports balance
- The concept of uncommon freedom and intentional decision-making
- Practical strategies for adapting work schedules to school routines
- Leveraging support systems and delegating tasks
- The importance of incorporating rest and a Sabbath into your routine
Kevin and Bekah offer actionable advice on juggling work, family, and school commitments while keeping faith and family at the center. They share personal anecdotes about family dinners, quality time with kids, and the challenges of parenting teenagers.
Whether you're a working parent, entrepreneur, or simply feeling overwhelmed by life's demands, this episode provides valuable insights to help you thrive, not just survive, during the back-to-school season. Join us for a conversation that will inspire you to approach this busy time with intention and balance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey friends, welcome to the uncommon freedom show.
I'm Kevin Tinter, and joiningme, as almost always, is my
amazing wife back.
Hey, babe, welcome back.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Hey, thank you.
It's great to be back fromItaly, and thank you for holding
down the fort while I was gone.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I really appreciate that what was the highlight of
your trip?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
it's really difficult to pick one thing, because
italy and switzerland werephenomenal, but either the
cooking class with a bunch ofthe queens, which was a lot of
fun, or biking up a specificmountain I don't know the name
of in the swiss alps area, whereit was just really beautiful
and I heard that you actuallymaybe got lost a little bit.
Yes, a couple of us took awrong turn and then navigated
(00:43):
our way back like pros.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Was it a guided trip or no?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Yes, but there was one guide and, like eight women,
oh say no more.
He was holding back for a fewpeople that were behind us.
We were ahead and we took awrong turn, and there was
multiple people who took a wrongturn, so luckily I was with
women who navigated things welland I was the only one in the
group that had my phone.
Uh, so we could, you in mygroup of three.
(01:07):
So we made it back no problemat all.
A couple people had to wait fora pickup ride, and that wasn't
us.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
We found our way back and for those of you wondering
like I got locked out ofinstagram, uh, a day after you
left I have no idea whathappened because I got banned or
suspended from Instagram.
They automatically suspended mefrom Facebook and now when I
tried to recover it, I put in myphone number email address.
It says account not found, so Idon't know if.
(01:35):
I got hacked and deleted or whatthe deal was, but it was kind
of interesting because intoday's world you kind of follow
your spouse when they're out ofthe country on social media and
I had no access.
So I was seeing some of yourfriends at church and in school
and things like that and you'relike, oh, I saw this picture.
I'm like, oh, I wouldn't know,I have no idea what's going on
with her, because I'm not socialmedia.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
So well, you could have logged into my account, but
now I'm gonna have to show youbecause you actually haven't
seen anything about my trip,which is really weird because
I've been home for almost a week.
But anyway, I am Becca Tinterand we are so excited to dive
into today's topic, which issuper relevant for us this fall,
and I know a lot of you guyswho are listening will relate.
Now in Arizona we've been backto school for six weeks already,
(02:19):
so you know we're halfwaythrough September and for some
people they just went back afterLabor Day, and so we're kind of
speaking broadly here when wetalk about back to school, but
it's still an important seasonin the fall.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, and even if this is a couple of weeks late
or a month or so late for someof you.
Actually, some Arizona schoolshave been back for two months at
this point.
But what we've learned is a lotof times you have a plan and
then you have to adjust and soif things are going well, maybe
they can go a little bit better.
If they're not going smoothly,hopefully we can give you some
ideas to adjust, because we'vefound that every year we have to
(02:55):
change things up because all ofour kids are at a new phase in
life, and so we just really wantto help all of you balance as
we mutually juggle work, familyand the back to school rush.
We've talked a lot aboutbalance over the summer, but
when school is back, yourschedule is full.
It really is a whole differentballgame.
In many ways it actuallysimplifies life, but parents
(03:20):
wink, if you can agree.
It also complicates life whenyou've got four kids, and it
definitely Running a lot oftrips.
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
But we are recording this in the middle of the day
Instead of late at night, whichis one of the advantages of the
school week, so we're gratefulfor that.
And whether you're a workingparent, an entrepreneur or just
feeling overwhelmed by life'sdemands, this episode is for you
.
So we're going to explore somepractical strategies to help you
thrive and not just surviveduring this fall, all while
keeping your faith and yourfamily at the center.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah.
So folks, grab your Googlecalendar.
We highly recommend anelectronic calendar that you can
sync with the family.
Grab a cup of coffee or two andjust settle in.
We're going to talk about somethings we found to be helpful,
but I will mention, like, theelectronic calendar, we're using
it with our older two boys nowas they schedule work as we
(04:17):
schedule.
Like, we have our older twoboys go to the chiropractor with
us when they can.
So when we enter thoseappointments it's in.
You know, we just put on all,all four of our calendars so
that they have visibility.
So that is actually a if youknow, if there's the one thing
you can do right out of the gateif you're not implementing some
type of shared calendar yet,highly recommend it.
(04:38):
You can color code it, havedifferent colors for every kid
if necessary.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It's really helpful for us have different colors for
every kid if necessary, isreally helpful for us,
absolutely.
And then we have our assistantssee our family calendar.
So they have visibility on ourfamily calendar so they can add
things, and it also gives them aheads up of what the routine
will be Monday through Friday.
Any special events, kids,sports practices, things like
that are auto loaded onto thereand then they have access as
well, which gives them a littleglimpse.
(05:04):
Our goal is an online,shareable calendar.
Is that we talk to each otherabout important things.
We don't have to talk about theless important things because
our calendars talk to each other.
So, yeah, so let's talk aboutthe importance of intentional
parenting, and again, we knowthat back to school requires,
you know, a new level of that,because you're going to have to
work around a bunch of schedulesand it's a lot busier, and so
(05:27):
let's talk about like a win anda failure maybe that we've had
in parenting, especiallyregarding, like, the school year
.
So does anything come to mindfor?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
you?
You talking like this currentschool year so far, or what?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Well, we've had six weeks, so does anything come to
mind.
I mean, mean, I know, when Isee you, one of the things I
think you do really well is inthe afternoons.
You know, going swimming in theevenings, like you did last
night with Evie, or throwing afootball with the guys maybe not
so much this year, becauseeveryone's yeah, it's, it's
interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I'm definitely noticing that with the boys
where they're at.
Carson is working many daysafter school.
Austin is also busy.
He was working, he's notworking as much now.
He's just not as available.
And then Dylan kind of.
Yes, I'm finding that I'mgetting to do a lot of stuff I
(06:20):
used to do with the boys whenthey were younger, with Evie,
you know.
So swim with her on a regularbasis.
I think probably you know thefailure comes from just working
from home and I think anyoneelse who works from home,
whether you're self-employed oryou have a remote job, is just
the discipline of shutting downwork at a certain time.
(06:40):
It's easy that computer'salways calling, your phone's
always, you know, calling orwhispering to you come check me,
essentially, and it's easy toget distracted by those things.
So I'm trying right now, sincewe have our assistant told
typically about 520, to say hito the kids and then, once 520
(07:02):
happens, pretty much disconnect,unless it's a specific
appointment for the rest of theevening.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, that's great and I feel like as well for
myself that blocking in mycalendar, especially on my
busier days, like around threeo'clock, just 15 minutes to say
hi to the kids, is a big dealbecause I don't really want to
have to wait till five o'clockto greet my children who've been
gone all day at school.
So as much as possible it'shaving that time to connect with
them after school, check in ontheir day, just kind of get a
(07:31):
pulse check on their moods whichchanges a lot right now with
three teenagers and and just saya hello and a quick hug and
then, you know, maybe move on tofinishing my work until around
five o'clock if needed oncertain days.
The other thing is, you know,when I think about maybe a
failure that I've learned fromand I'm still very much in
process, it's really thedifference between presence and
(07:51):
proximity.
I think it affects your kids atany age, but especially when
they're younger.
You know there are things thatyou can do around your kids.
So you know, if Evie's doing herhomework or coloring and I'm
sitting at the table checkingemails and we're not, we're just
doing side-by-side work, Ithink the expectation is, hey,
we're near each other right nowand we're in proximity.
But if I said, hey, do you wantto play a game?
(08:12):
Or she asks to play a game, andthen I'm looking at my phone in
the middle of the game, shenotices now especially, but she
has even through the last fewyears.
You know that I'm not reallypresent with her and I am
supposed to be because Icommitted to that.
So really discipliningourselves as entrepreneurs and
parents to put your phones ordevices away, just like you
would want your teenagers to dowith you when you're having that
(08:35):
intentional connection time.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That's good.
And so we're going to spend acouple months to talk about the
concept of uncommon freedom andreally not letting circumstances
or weariness push you to makeall of your decisions.
It's really talking about beingintentional.
We talk about lifestyle design.
The simplest definition ofuncommon freedom is really
thriving in every area of yourlife.
So specifically, it'sphysically, it's um, in your
(08:59):
marriage, it's in your parenting, your relationship with your
kids.
I mean, we've already hadchurch.
You know, this school yearwe've already had some parenting
challenges.
We've had some.
You, you know, this school yearwe've already had some
parenting challenges.
We've had some, you know,relationship challenges between
you and I, also thrivingfinancially and it's just really
getting to a spot where you'reintentional, you're rowing
upstream in every area of yourlife so that you're not just
(09:23):
letting exhaustion cause you tomake, you know, meal decisions
that are the simplest but notthe healthiest for you and
probably also the most costly.
It's just that intentionality ofyou know really spending some
time to plan out the week, whatare the kids' sports activities,
what's their work schedule, andjust being intentional with
(09:46):
life and not just takingeverything that happens as it
happens.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
And when we think about uncommon freedom, it
doesn't mean you're withoutproblems.
You can solve a lot moreproblems with more resources,
more training, more emotionalmanagement, but you're still
going to have the problems.
I think it's making a consciousdecision to not let the
problems dictate the quality ofyour relationships or the
quality of your decisions withfood or finances, but just to
(10:13):
say like, okay, you know, we hada conflict even earlier today
and it was interrupting ourrelationship, um, equity with
each other, you know, and wetook a little time separate from
each other, but then we cameback together again because we
are committed to a bulletproofmarriage where we're not just
going to let those kinds ofthings build up into animosity,
(10:34):
where we no longer have aconnected relationship.
So it does take contending andit does take growing upstream,
which are values that you knowyou talk about in the book quite
a bit.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
So okay, Uncommon freedom is a game changer, not
only for the focused leader, butalso for the rudderless
sojourner seeking direction.
When Kevin talks, I listen, Ilean in and always leave a
better man.
As the wisdom of Proverbs 3.13states, happy is the man who
finds wisdom and the man whogains understanding.
(11:04):
I want to warn you in advanceto prepare your spirit for a
heart and mind shift as you readthis book.
I have learned that convictioncomes when the heart is open to
change.
As I read this book, I wasmoved on several occasions to
evaluate my personal life andmake course corrections.
This isn't just a book.
It's a manual for creatinggodly leaders who we desperately
(11:28):
need today and especially asour children walk the earth in,
whatever it looks like 10, 20,30 years from now.
Who knows that?
We need leaders who embodythese things?
Because not only do we needpeople who are healthy and
wealthy and have the right heart, but we need people who know
(11:50):
where the spirit of the Lord is,there is freedom.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
All right, let's talk about creating a family culture
of balance.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yeah, this is about the importance of really setting
family time or values thatsupport balance in a busy season
.
And you know, as we'venavigated the younger years,
they're busy and, like all thekids are crying and talking and
needing diaper changes.
Around, you know similartimeframes and you've got
meltdowns and bedtimes andbathtimes and it's very busy but
you also dictate like, okay,this is dinner time and
everyone's sitting down togetherand as your kids get older and
(12:28):
more independent and morecommitted to their own
priorities, then it becomes moredifficult to spend time in
those ways, intentionally.
In fact.
You know, we know that researchhas shown for years having
family dinners creates a realsense of purpose and value, and
but the interest of the end offamily dinners is like you can
leverage the benefit with only.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I think it's like two family dinners per week.
Yes, exactly which is where weare right now.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, and when we have it, trust me, I'm like a
little bit crazy about it.
I'm like we are all eatingtogether.
I have prepared it.
Sit your butts down.
No, you're not going to becoming in five minutes late.
Yes, we're all eating the samething.
Um, because at this stage, Ithing about our family meals is
(13:12):
that we've established it'sdefinitely not our idea, but you
know the highs and lows routinethat many other families will
do, and you know it started whenEvie was really little, so she
would initiate it and it wasvery cute, and now it's just
become part of our familyroutine.
It's a great way to just to getto know how your kid's day went
, without saying how was yourday, and then they say good, or
you know, and so when you askthat question, it allows each
(13:34):
person a chance to share acouple of things that are going
well, a couple of things maybethey were disappointed about,
and, and so that's a practicethat we do whenever we are
together as a family.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
And actually one of the things I've learned,
especially about communicatingwith teenage boys, is not to ask
them too many questions.
Ouch, you can essentially askquestions by making statements
Difficult for a mom.
So a way to with a teenage boyit would be hey, tell me about
your high.
So it's actually, it's aquestion, but it's kind of posed
(14:04):
as a statement, not what wasyour high for the day?
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Okay, Tell me about your low.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
That's really good, and so if you can essentially
pose a question as a statement,boys will tend to be more
receptive to it.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
I think just teenagers in general.
Like I was talking to one ofour teenagers yesterday and I
could hear myself and no offenseif my mom listens to this,
because it's just a mom thing,not my mom thing but I could
hear myself saying something ina way that was super irritating
to my teenager, in the way thatI used to receive it as very
irritating from my mom, and Ithought to myself oh no, I just
(14:37):
did it and it was more just achecking in, but I'm sure it
felt like micromanaging to thatparticular teenager.
So that's that's a good way toask questions, because as moms
especially, we really want toknow all the things and we only
have like one of our threeteenage boys that really want to
share all the things most ofthe time.
So yes it's difficult for me.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
So a couple other things on just setting up that
family time as a priority.
Obviously we talked aboutfamily meals.
For us, church is mandatory andwe've even had to navigate one
of our kids.
Like we said, you're notworking on Sundays, which is
very common.
They started scheduling forSundays and then it was like,
(15:19):
hey, what's going on with this?
Is this a fluke?
We'll let it slide once, butwe're not going to let this
become a new habit.
And then it started to become ahabit.
So we had to have a heart toheart.
But you know, we're in a goodspot where all the kids
cooperate with going to churchand it's just.
It's not always enjoyable timedriving to church together or
home.
You know, everyone knows whatit's like being in a car with a
(15:40):
family.
You know the entire family.
Some days it's just but it'sjust the discipline, I'm doing
it yes um, and then the otherthing that I try to do is I try
to have quality time with atleast one kid every single day.
It ends up being evie for themost part, or our youngest son.
Um, you know, kind of as thebackup, but we also try to do a
family activity.
Uh, we, we, a couple years ago.
(16:02):
We're really good doing theboat with this.
Um, it's honestly, as our kidsare working, like just trying to
find time when we're alltogether is very difficult.
But the way around this for usis we also commit to doing three
trips per year and the tripsare almost like unfortunately,
they're things that our kidslook forward to, so it's like
get the time off of work, and Ithink it's a way to get a lot of
(16:25):
intensity and would highlyrecommend that people.
It doesn't have to be fancy,but scheduling trips is a great
way to get that quality familytime.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Just getting out of your normal family routine.
I think that's what makes thetrip so special.
I mean, we've done some coolexperiences, but it's really,
you know, packing the bag,leaving the home, not having the
same commitments, puts you in acompletely different frame of
mind as far as quality timetogether and being a lot more
unplugged all right, let's talkabout practical strategies for
back to school season balanceokay.
(16:55):
So, uh, obviously a lot of timesour kids schedules might
interfere with our workschedules.
Some of you might work a nineto five and so you work exactly
the times your kids are atschool and then a little bit
after school.
Because we're entrepreneurialand work from home, we do get a
lot of choice on when we work,but that also means there might
be time on the weekends thatwe're working or the evenings.
One of the ways that we do itis that we trade off with each
(17:18):
other, which is a huge benefitby both of us working in the
same career from our home.
So we've shared this before.
But, like, mondays andWednesdays are my work days.
So Kevin handles pretty mucheverything from drop-off to
afterschool, which I could saydinners, but not necessarily
dinnertime, but basicallyanything involving kids Kevin
will handle.
So we don't have to, I don'thave to fight for that work time
(17:39):
.
I can get a lot of things doneduring those two days and Kevin
does the same thing withTuesdays and Thursdays.
The other thing is justengaging with our child care to
say like, hey, we need fromschool pickup until again around
530 in the afternoons so thatafter school routines driving to
football can happen.
And then we get the eveningswith our kids, which is a high
priority for us, where we try toschedule very little.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah, and then leveraging support systems.
You know, one of the thingsthat is important for families
to look at is, you know, ifyou're paying for child care,
whether it's preschool ordaycare for a child or after
school child care.
It can be expensive.
It can also be a worthwhileinvestment, but a lot of times
it ends up actually costingfamilies money to essentially to
(18:22):
not spend time with your kids,to essentially to not spend time
with your kids.
So if you're spending money onchildcare, highly recommend that
you look at it and see what isthe return on investment.
You know, even if it's just afew dollars per hour, is it
really worth it?
You know, we understand thedesire for a break.
We can certainly sympathizewith that, but just be cautious
(18:43):
of that.
And then you know, we know thatnot everyone can afford it.
So some ideas for kind ofworking around, you know,
outside the box, is can youbarter?
You know, do you have a serviceor a product that you can swap
with someone else and they'llprovide you some child care?
Could you swap child care?
So maybe it's a Monday,wednesday, you're doing extra
work and Tuesday, thursday, yourfriend's doing extra work.
(19:05):
Um, or, you know, just swappingplay dates.
Uh, what we found is thatthere's, you know, these simple
after-school activities that arereally enriching to especially
evie's life sports and arts andthings like that that are very
reasonably priced and they keepher busy for an extra hour, hour
and a half after school,provide her some you know
additional interaction withfriends.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
So those are some simple things.
The other thing is, when wehave child care at the house,
it's sometimes it's not justgetting work done, it's spending
time with a different child ina higher quality situation,
where you know I'll take one ofthe boys out for something, have
one-on-one time with them, or,you know, if one of the boys is
getting delivered to a sportingevent, I'll stay home and play a
game with Evie.
So it's also using the abilityof someone else to come
alongside and either drive orsupervise to spend quality time
(19:52):
with maybe some of your otherkids, Because we know that if
you have more than one child,all of that time gets divided up
.
And you know, sometimes you'rejust looking for those pockets,
those small areas where you canhave quality one-on-one time
with someone and make sure thatthey feel seen and known.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, All right.
This next one.
This is probably one that wereally struggle with.
I would love to be better aboutimplementing this, but this is
the concept of taking a Sabbath.
There's even a lot of secularpeople that talk about the
benefits of a Sabbath, but theconcept is really a 24-hour
period of just not working.
(20:26):
You know, you don't have to bereligious and dogmatic about it,
but really just this concept ofokay, we're going to unplug and
just really relax, rest andrecover, and it's difficult to
do, we, we definitely.
I think I would like to see usimprove in this area.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I would like to stop cooking on sundays.
Okay, yes, we've talked aboutthat, but we still end up doing
it.
So more freezer meals then, ohmy gosh or take out, yes, or you
could just take me out to eat.
I need to just ask for what Iwant instead of making
assumptions.
Um, yeah, so it's choosing aspecific day each week.
I think for a lot of families,sundays is kind of I need to
just ask for what I want insteadof making assumptions.
Yeah, so it's choosing aspecific day each week.
(21:08):
I think for a lot of families,sundays is kind of that natural
day.
It's also planning ahead andsetting boundaries and then
really engaging in whateverthose restful activities are for
you, whether it's prayer,scripture, reading, family time,
sleep.
We often take naps on Sundayafternoons and those are both
restful and rewarding and justallowing ourselves to unplug
from the everyday busyness.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, and the bottom line is it is actually a
commandment from God and it'sdifficult to implement.
And I think the challenge is,if we take a Sabbath, we can't
afford to take a Sabbath becausewe're not going to get
everything done.
And the reality is, even if youdon't take a Sabbath, because
we're not going to geteverything done, and the reality
is, even if you don't take aSabbath, you're not going to get
everything done.
And so it's kind of a faithwalk and it does literally, it
(21:51):
recharges your batteries in away that really nothing else can
, and it just says you know whatI actually recognize
acknowledge that I can't geteverything done and I'm going to
trust God to work miracles inmy life.
Fill in the gaps.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Okay, so let's do a quick recap.
So, really, we talked todayabout the importance of
intentional parenting anddecision making, so we want to
think about you know, why are wemaking specific decisions?
Why are we intentionallycreating time with our kids,
time with our family, or leaningin on a discipline issue versus
just letting it go?
And that's because we'redesigning a life versus just
accepting what's been given tous.
(22:25):
Number two is creating a familyculture that supports balance.
So really working within yourfamily structure to communicate
well, to pivot when needed, tolook for extra resources.
Number three is practicalstrategies for adapting
schedules and leveraging support.
Delegate, delegate, delegate iswhat we say.
And then, number four,incorporating the Sabbath into
this busy season.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
All right, folks, that is a wrap for this episode.
Really want to remind everyonelistening today that finding
balance is not about perfection.
It's about making intentionalchoices aligned with your values
and your faith, and it's reallyabout counterbalance, and it's
also about just making constantadjustments.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Absolutely Kev, and I know this season can be
exhausting, but let's all make apromise to ourselves that we're
going to ditch being passive,Even if that means extra work on
our part.
We want to be purposeful in howwe approach both our work and
our family life.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
If you found this helpful, please share it with a
friend who might be strugglingwith balance.
They might be a single parent,or maybe a thriving family with
a you know a handful of kids.
And don't forget to subscribeto the podcast for more insights
on living with uncommon freedom.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Thanks for joining us on the path to uncommon freedom
and we will catch you next time.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
All right, friends.
Please subscribe to the podcastfor more insights on blending
entrepreneurship and theentrepreneurial mindset with
intentional living.
You can follow us on socialmedia.
We are on Instagram, primarily,and Facebook, and you're going
to find daily tips andinspiration from us there.
You'll also find us on YouTubelots of shorts as well as our
(24:02):
video podcast.
And then please, if you enjoythis podcast, please leave us a
five-star review and share us,and remember to subscribe on
YouTube as well as whateverpodcast platform you're
listening to us on.
Hey friends, welcome to the uncommon freedom show.
I'm Kevin Tinter, and joiningme, as almost always, is my
amazing wife back.
Hey, babe, welcome back.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Hey, thank you.
It's great to be back fromItaly, and thank you for holding
down the fort while I was gone.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I really appreciate that what was the highlight of
your trip?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
it's really difficult to pick one thing, because
italy and switzerland werephenomenal, but either the
cooking class with a bunch ofthe queens, which was a lot of
fun, or biking up a specificmountain I don't know the name
of in the swiss alps area, whereit was just really beautiful
and I heard that you actuallymaybe got lost a little bit.
Yes, a couple of us took awrong turn and then navigated
(00:43):
our way back like pros.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Was it a guided trip or no?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Yes, but there was one guide and, like eight women,
oh say no more.
He was holding back for a fewpeople that were behind us.
We were ahead and we took awrong turn, and there was
multiple people who took a wrongturn, so luckily I was with
women who navigated things welland I was the only one in the
group that had my phone.
Uh, so we could, you in mygroup of three.
(01:07):
So we made it back no problemat all.
A couple people had to wait fora pickup ride, and that wasn't
us.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
We found our way back and for those of you wondering
like I got locked out ofinstagram, uh, a day after you
left I have no idea whathappened because I got banned or
suspended from Instagram.
They automatically suspended mefrom Facebook and now when I
tried to recover it, I put in myphone number email address.
It says account not found, so Idon't know if.
(01:35):
I got hacked and deleted or whatthe deal was, but it was kind
of interesting because intoday's world you kind of follow
your spouse when they're out ofthe country on social media and
I had no access.
So I was seeing some of yourfriends at church and in school
and things like that and you'relike, oh, I saw this picture.
I'm like, oh, I wouldn't know,I have no idea what's going on
with her, because I'm not socialmedia.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
So well, you could have logged into my account, but
now I'm gonna have to show youbecause you actually haven't
seen anything about my trip,which is really weird because
I've been home for almost a week.
But anyway, I am Becca Tinterand we are so excited to dive
into today's topic, which issuper relevant for us this fall,
and I know a lot of you guyswho are listening will relate.
Now in Arizona we've been backto school for six weeks already,
(02:19):
so you know we're halfwaythrough September and for some
people they just went back afterLabor Day, and so we're kind of
speaking broadly here when wetalk about back to school, but
it's still an important seasonin the fall.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, and even if this is a couple of weeks late
or a month or so late for someof you.
Actually, some Arizona schoolshave been back for two months at
this point.
But what we've learned is a lotof times you have a plan and
then you have to adjust and soif things are going well, maybe
they can go a little bit better.
If they're not going smoothly,hopefully we can give you some
ideas to adjust, because we'vefound that every year we have to
(02:55):
change things up because all ofour kids are at a new phase in
life, and so we just really wantto help all of you balance as
we mutually juggle work, familyand the back to school rush.
We've talked a lot aboutbalance over the summer, but
when school is back, yourschedule is full.
It really is a whole differentballgame.
In many ways it actuallysimplifies life, but parents
(03:20):
wink, if you can agree.
It also complicates life whenyou've got four kids, and it
definitely Running a lot oftrips.
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
But we are recording this in the middle of the day
Instead of late at night, whichis one of the advantages of the
school week, so we're gratefulfor that.
And whether you're a workingparent, an entrepreneur or just
feeling overwhelmed by life'sdemands, this episode is for you
.
So we're going to explore somepractical strategies to help you
thrive and not just surviveduring this fall, all while
keeping your faith and yourfamily at the center.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah.
So folks, grab your Googlecalendar.
We highly recommend anelectronic calendar that you can
sync with the family.
Grab a cup of coffee or two andjust settle in.
We're going to talk about somethings we found to be helpful,
but I will mention, like, theelectronic calendar, we're using
it with our older two boys nowas they schedule work as we
(04:17):
schedule.
Like, we have our older twoboys go to the chiropractor with
us when they can.
So when we enter thoseappointments it's in.
You know, we just put on all,all four of our calendars so
that they have visibility.
So that is actually a if youknow, if there's the one thing
you can do right out of the gateif you're not implementing some
type of shared calendar yet,highly recommend it.
(04:38):
You can color code it, havedifferent colors for every kid
if necessary.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It's really helpful for us have different colors for
every kid if necessary, isreally helpful for us,
absolutely.
And then we have our assistantssee our family calendar.
So they have visibility on ourfamily calendar so they can add
things, and it also gives them aheads up of what the routine
will be Monday through Friday.
Any special events, kids,sports practices, things like
that are auto loaded onto thereand then they have access as
well, which gives them a littleglimpse.
(05:04):
Our goal is an online,shareable calendar.
Is that we talk to each otherabout important things.
We don't have to talk about theless important things because
our calendars talk to each other.
So, yeah, so let's talk aboutthe importance of intentional
parenting, and again, we knowthat back to school requires,
you know, a new level of that,because you're going to have to
work around a bunch of schedulesand it's a lot busier, and so
(05:27):
let's talk about like a win anda failure maybe that we've had
in parenting, especiallyregarding, like, the school year
.
So does anything come to mindfor?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
you?
You talking like this currentschool year so far, or what?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Well, we've had six weeks, so does anything come to
mind.
I mean, mean, I know, when Isee you, one of the things I
think you do really well is inthe afternoons.
You know, going swimming in theevenings, like you did last
night with Evie, or throwing afootball with the guys maybe not
so much this year, becauseeveryone's yeah, it's, it's
interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I'm definitely noticing that with the boys
where they're at.
Carson is working many daysafter school.
Austin is also busy.
He was working, he's notworking as much now.
He's just not as available.
And then Dylan kind of.
Yes, I'm finding that I'mgetting to do a lot of stuff I
(06:20):
used to do with the boys whenthey were younger, with Evie,
you know.
So swim with her on a regularbasis.
I think probably you know thefailure comes from just working
from home and I think anyoneelse who works from home,
whether you're self-employed oryou have a remote job, is just
the discipline of shutting downwork at a certain time.
(06:40):
It's easy that computer'salways calling, your phone's
always, you know, calling orwhispering to you come check me,
essentially, and it's easy toget distracted by those things.
So I'm trying right now, sincewe have our assistant told
typically about 520, to say hito the kids and then, once 520
(07:02):
happens, pretty much disconnect,unless it's a specific
appointment for the rest of theevening.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, that's great and I feel like as well for
myself that blocking in mycalendar, especially on my
busier days, like around threeo'clock, just 15 minutes to say
hi to the kids, is a big dealbecause I don't really want to
have to wait till five o'clockto greet my children who've been
gone all day at school.
So as much as possible it'shaving that time to connect with
them after school, check in ontheir day, just kind of get a
(07:31):
pulse check on their moods whichchanges a lot right now with
three teenagers and and just saya hello and a quick hug and
then, you know, maybe move on tofinishing my work until around
five o'clock if needed oncertain days.
The other thing is, you know,when I think about maybe a
failure that I've learned fromand I'm still very much in
process, it's really thedifference between presence and
(07:51):
proximity.
I think it affects your kids atany age, but especially when
they're younger.
You know there are things thatyou can do around your kids.
So you know, if Evie's doing herhomework or coloring and I'm
sitting at the table checkingemails and we're not, we're just
doing side-by-side work, Ithink the expectation is, hey,
we're near each other right nowand we're in proximity.
But if I said, hey, do you wantto play a game?
(08:12):
Or she asks to play a game, andthen I'm looking at my phone in
the middle of the game, shenotices now especially, but she
has even through the last fewyears.
You know that I'm not reallypresent with her and I am
supposed to be because Icommitted to that.
So really discipliningourselves as entrepreneurs and
parents to put your phones ordevices away, just like you
would want your teenagers to dowith you when you're having that
(08:35):
intentional connection time.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That's good.
And so we're going to spend acouple months to talk about the
concept of uncommon freedom andreally not letting circumstances
or weariness push you to makeall of your decisions.
It's really talking about beingintentional.
We talk about lifestyle design.
The simplest definition ofuncommon freedom is really
thriving in every area of yourlife.
So specifically, it'sphysically, it's um, in your
(08:59):
marriage, it's in your parenting, your relationship with your
kids.
I mean, we've already hadchurch.
You know, this school yearwe've already had some parenting
challenges.
We've had some.
You, you know, this school yearwe've already had some
parenting challenges.
We've had some, you know,relationship challenges between
you and I, also thrivingfinancially and it's just really
getting to a spot where you'reintentional, you're rowing
upstream in every area of yourlife so that you're not just
(09:23):
letting exhaustion cause you tomake, you know, meal decisions
that are the simplest but notthe healthiest for you and
probably also the most costly.
It's just that intentionality ofyou know really spending some
time to plan out the week, whatare the kids' sports activities,
what's their work schedule, andjust being intentional with
(09:46):
life and not just takingeverything that happens as it
happens.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
And when we think about uncommon freedom, it
doesn't mean you're withoutproblems.
You can solve a lot moreproblems with more resources,
more training, more emotionalmanagement, but you're still
going to have the problems.
I think it's making a consciousdecision to not let the
problems dictate the quality ofyour relationships or the
quality of your decisions withfood or finances, but just to
(10:13):
say like, okay, you know, we hada conflict even earlier today
and it was interrupting ourrelationship, um, equity with
each other, you know, and wetook a little time separate from
each other, but then we cameback together again because we
are committed to a bulletproofmarriage where we're not just
going to let those kinds ofthings build up into animosity,
(10:34):
where we no longer have aconnected relationship.
So it does take contending andit does take growing upstream,
which are values that you knowyou talk about in the book quite
a bit.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
So okay, Uncommon freedom is a game changer, not
only for the focused leader, butalso for the rudderless
sojourner seeking direction.
When Kevin talks, I listen, Ilean in and always leave a
better man.
As the wisdom of Proverbs 3.13states, happy is the man who
finds wisdom and the man whogains understanding.
(11:04):
I want to warn you in advanceto prepare your spirit for a
heart and mind shift as you readthis book.
I have learned that convictioncomes when the heart is open to
change.
As I read this book, I wasmoved on several occasions to
evaluate my personal life andmake course corrections.
This isn't just a book.
It's a manual for creatinggodly leaders who we desperately
(11:28):
need today and especially asour children walk the earth in,
whatever it looks like 10, 20,30 years from now.
Who knows that?
We need leaders who embodythese things?
Because not only do we needpeople who are healthy and
wealthy and have the right heart, but we need people who know
(11:50):
where the spirit of the Lord is,there is freedom.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
All right, let's talk about creating a family culture
of balance.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yeah, this is about the importance of really setting
family time or values thatsupport balance in a busy season
.
And you know, as we'venavigated the younger years,
they're busy and, like all thekids are crying and talking and
needing diaper changes.
Around, you know similartimeframes and you've got
meltdowns and bedtimes andbathtimes and it's very busy but
you also dictate like, okay,this is dinner time and
everyone's sitting down togetherand as your kids get older and
(12:28):
more independent and morecommitted to their own
priorities, then it becomes moredifficult to spend time in
those ways, intentionally.
In fact.
You know, we know that researchhas shown for years having
family dinners creates a realsense of purpose and value, and
but the interest of the end offamily dinners is like you can
leverage the benefit with only.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I think it's like two family dinners per week.
Yes, exactly which is where weare right now.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, and when we have it, trust me, I'm like a
little bit crazy about it.
I'm like we are all eatingtogether.
I have prepared it.
Sit your butts down.
No, you're not going to becoming in five minutes late.
Yes, we're all eating the samething.
Um, because at this stage, Ithing about our family meals is
(13:12):
that we've established it'sdefinitely not our idea, but you
know the highs and lows routinethat many other families will
do, and you know it started whenEvie was really little, so she
would initiate it and it wasvery cute, and now it's just
become part of our familyroutine.
It's a great way to just to getto know how your kid's day went
, without saying how was yourday, and then they say good, or
you know, and so when you askthat question, it allows each
(13:34):
person a chance to share acouple of things that are going
well, a couple of things maybethey were disappointed about,
and, and so that's a practicethat we do whenever we are
together as a family.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
And actually one of the things I've learned,
especially about communicatingwith teenage boys, is not to ask
them too many questions.
Ouch, you can essentially askquestions by making statements
Difficult for a mom.
So a way to with a teenage boyit would be hey, tell me about
your high.
So it's actually, it's aquestion, but it's kind of posed
(14:04):
as a statement, not what wasyour high for the day?
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Okay, Tell me about your low.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
That's really good, and so if you can essentially
pose a question as a statement,boys will tend to be more
receptive to it.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
I think just teenagers in general.
Like I was talking to one ofour teenagers yesterday and I
could hear myself and no offenseif my mom listens to this,
because it's just a mom thing,not my mom thing but I could
hear myself saying something ina way that was super irritating
to my teenager, in the way thatI used to receive it as very
irritating from my mom, and Ithought to myself oh no, I just
(14:37):
did it and it was more just achecking in, but I'm sure it
felt like micromanaging to thatparticular teenager.
So that's that's a good way toask questions, because as moms
especially, we really want toknow all the things and we only
have like one of our threeteenage boys that really want to
share all the things most ofthe time.
So yes it's difficult for me.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
So a couple other things on just setting up that
family time as a priority.
Obviously we talked aboutfamily meals.
For us, church is mandatory andwe've even had to navigate one
of our kids.
Like we said, you're notworking on Sundays, which is
very common.
They started scheduling forSundays and then it was like,
(15:19):
hey, what's going on with this?
Is this a fluke?
We'll let it slide once, butwe're not going to let this
become a new habit.
And then it started to become ahabit.
So we had to have a heart toheart.
But you know, we're in a goodspot where all the kids
cooperate with going to churchand it's just.
It's not always enjoyable timedriving to church together or
home.
You know, everyone knows whatit's like being in a car with a
(15:40):
family.
You know the entire family.
Some days it's just but it'sjust the discipline, I'm doing
it yes um, and then the otherthing that I try to do is I try
to have quality time with atleast one kid every single day.
It ends up being evie for themost part, or our youngest son.
Um, you know, kind of as thebackup, but we also try to do a
family activity.
Uh, we, we, a couple years ago.
(16:02):
We're really good doing theboat with this.
Um, it's honestly, as our kidsare working, like just trying to
find time when we're alltogether is very difficult.
But the way around this for usis we also commit to doing three
trips per year and the tripsare almost like unfortunately,
they're things that our kidslook forward to, so it's like
get the time off of work, and Ithink it's a way to get a lot of
(16:25):
intensity and would highlyrecommend that people.
It doesn't have to be fancy,but scheduling trips is a great
way to get that quality familytime.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Just getting out of your normal family routine.
I think that's what makes thetrip so special.
I mean, we've done some coolexperiences, but it's really,
you know, packing the bag,leaving the home, not having the
same commitments, puts you in acompletely different frame of
mind as far as quality timetogether and being a lot more
unplugged all right, let's talkabout practical strategies for
back to school season balanceokay.
(16:55):
So, uh, obviously a lot of timesour kids schedules might
interfere with our workschedules.
Some of you might work a nineto five and so you work exactly
the times your kids are atschool and then a little bit
after school.
Because we're entrepreneurialand work from home, we do get a
lot of choice on when we work,but that also means there might
be time on the weekends thatwe're working or the evenings.
One of the ways that we do itis that we trade off with each
(17:18):
other, which is a huge benefitby both of us working in the
same career from our home.
So we've shared this before.
But, like, mondays andWednesdays are my work days.
So Kevin handles pretty mucheverything from drop-off to
afterschool, which I could saydinners, but not necessarily
dinnertime, but basicallyanything involving kids Kevin
will handle.
So we don't have to, I don'thave to fight for that work time
(17:39):
.
I can get a lot of things doneduring those two days and Kevin
does the same thing withTuesdays and Thursdays.
The other thing is justengaging with our child care to
say like, hey, we need fromschool pickup until again around
530 in the afternoons so thatafter school routines driving to
football can happen.
And then we get the eveningswith our kids, which is a high
priority for us, where we try toschedule very little.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah, and then leveraging support systems.
You know, one of the thingsthat is important for families
to look at is, you know, ifyou're paying for child care,
whether it's preschool ordaycare for a child or after
school child care.
It can be expensive.
It can also be a worthwhileinvestment, but a lot of times
it ends up actually costingfamilies money to essentially to
(18:22):
not spend time with your kids,to essentially to not spend time
with your kids.
So if you're spending money onchildcare, highly recommend that
you look at it and see what isthe return on investment.
You know, even if it's just afew dollars per hour, is it
really worth it?
You know, we understand thedesire for a break.
We can certainly sympathizewith that, but just be cautious
(18:43):
of that.
And then you know, we know thatnot everyone can afford it.
So some ideas for kind ofworking around, you know,
outside the box, is can youbarter?
You know, do you have a serviceor a product that you can swap
with someone else and they'llprovide you some child care?
Could you swap child care?
So maybe it's a Monday,wednesday, you're doing extra
work and Tuesday, thursday, yourfriend's doing extra work.
(19:05):
Um, or, you know, just swappingplay dates.
Uh, what we found is thatthere's, you know, these simple
after-school activities that arereally enriching to especially
evie's life sports and arts andthings like that that are very
reasonably priced and they keepher busy for an extra hour, hour
and a half after school,provide her some you know
additional interaction withfriends.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
So those are some simple things.
The other thing is, when wehave child care at the house,
it's sometimes it's not justgetting work done, it's spending
time with a different child ina higher quality situation,
where you know I'll take one ofthe boys out for something, have
one-on-one time with them, or,you know, if one of the boys is
getting delivered to a sportingevent, I'll stay home and play a
game with Evie.
So it's also using the abilityof someone else to come
alongside and either drive orsupervise to spend quality time
(19:52):
with maybe some of your otherkids, Because we know that if
you have more than one child,all of that time gets divided up
.
And you know, sometimes you'rejust looking for those pockets,
those small areas where you canhave quality one-on-one time
with someone and make sure thatthey feel seen and known.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, All right.
This next one.
This is probably one that wereally struggle with.
I would love to be better aboutimplementing this, but this is
the concept of taking a Sabbath.
There's even a lot of secularpeople that talk about the
benefits of a Sabbath, but theconcept is really a 24-hour
period of just not working.
(20:26):
You know, you don't have to bereligious and dogmatic about it,
but really just this concept ofokay, we're going to unplug and
just really relax, rest andrecover, and it's difficult to
do, we, we definitely.
I think I would like to see usimprove in this area.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I would like to stop cooking on sundays.
Okay, yes, we've talked aboutthat, but we still end up doing
it.
So more freezer meals then, ohmy gosh or take out, yes, or you
could just take me out to eat.
I need to just ask for what Iwant instead of making
assumptions.
Um, yeah, so it's choosing aspecific day each week.
I think for a lot of families,sundays is kind of I need to
just ask for what I want insteadof making assumptions.
Yeah, so it's choosing aspecific day each week.
(21:08):
I think for a lot of families,sundays is kind of that natural
day.
It's also planning ahead andsetting boundaries and then
really engaging in whateverthose restful activities are for
you, whether it's prayer,scripture, reading, family time,
sleep.
We often take naps on Sundayafternoons and those are both
restful and rewarding and justallowing ourselves to unplug
from the everyday busyness.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, and the bottom line is it is actually a
commandment from God and it'sdifficult to implement.
And I think the challenge is,if we take a Sabbath, we can't
afford to take a Sabbath becausewe're not going to get
everything done.
And the reality is, even if youdon't take a Sabbath, because
we're not going to geteverything done, and the reality
is, even if you don't take aSabbath, you're not going to get
everything done.
And so it's kind of a faithwalk and it does literally, it
(21:51):
recharges your batteries in away that really nothing else can
, and it just says you know whatI actually recognize
acknowledge that I can't geteverything done and I'm going to
trust God to work miracles inmy life.
Fill in the gaps.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Okay, so let's do a quick recap.
So, really, we talked todayabout the importance of
intentional parenting anddecision making, so we want to
think about you know, why are wemaking specific decisions?
Why are we intentionallycreating time with our kids,
time with our family, or leaningin on a discipline issue versus
just letting it go?
And that's because we'redesigning a life versus just
accepting what's been given tous.
(22:25):
Number two is creating a familyculture that supports balance.
So really working within yourfamily structure to communicate
well, to pivot when needed, tolook for extra resources.
Number three is practicalstrategies for adapting
schedules and leveraging support.
Delegate, delegate, delegate iswhat we say.
And then, number four,incorporating the Sabbath into
this busy season.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
All right, folks, that is a wrap for this episode.
Really want to remind everyonelistening today that finding
balance is not about perfection.
It's about making intentionalchoices aligned with your values
and your faith, and it's reallyabout counterbalance, and it's
also about just making constantadjustments.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Absolutely Kev, and I know this season can be
exhausting, but let's all make apromise to ourselves that we're
going to ditch being passive,Even if that means extra work on
our part.
We want to be purposeful in howwe approach both our work and
our family life.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
If you found this helpful, please share it with a
friend who might be strugglingwith balance.
They might be a single parent,or maybe a thriving family with
a you know a handful of kids.
And don't forget to subscribeto the podcast for more insights
on living with uncommon freedom.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Thanks for joining us on the path to uncommon freedom
and we will catch you next time.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
All right, friends.
Please subscribe to the podcastfor more insights on blending
entrepreneurship and theentrepreneurial mindset with
intentional living.
You can follow us on socialmedia.
We are on Instagram, primarily,and Facebook, and you're going
to find daily tips andinspiration from us there.
You'll also find us on YouTubelots of shorts as well as our
(24:02):
video podcast.
And then please, if you enjoythis podcast, please leave us a
five-star review and share us,and remember to subscribe on
YouTube as well as whateverpodcast platform you're
listening to us on.
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