June 27, 2024 • 17 mins
Failure is an inevitable part of any entrepreneurial journey, but it can be particularly challenging when you're building a business with your spouse. How do you navigate setbacks together without letting them damage your relationship or derail your dreams?
In this episode, we dive deep into the art of turning failures into fuel for growth. Drawing from our extensive experience as couplepreneurs, we share practical strategies for conducting failure post-mortems, building resilience, and maintaining a strong partnership in the face of adversity.
We also discuss the importance of celebrating small wins, practicing vulnerability, and surrounding yourself with supportive mentors and community. We offer insights on how to approach failure with curiosity rather than blame, and how to use setbacks as opportunities to grow closer as a couple.
Whether you're just starting out in business with your spouse or looking to navigate current challenges, this episode provides valuable tools for transforming failure into a stepping stone for success. Join us to learn how to build a business and a marriage that can not only withstand failure but thrive because of it!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey there, Freedom Fighters.
Ever feel like you'reconstantly hitting roadblocks
and setbacks, both in yourbusiness or your marriage?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Or and your marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And your marriage yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Trust us.
We have been there.
But here's the secret thosefailures can actually be your
greatest teachers and catalystsfor growth if you approach them
with the right mindset, rightKev.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Okay, so failure is an inevitable part of the
entrepreneurial journey, that'sfor sure, and it's really having
that mindset to embrace it asan opportunity to learn and grow
.
But facing failure together canbe particularly straining on a
marriage right.
It can be, yes, I thinksometimes we get into blame and
shame with certain things if wefeel like we weren't in total
agreement about differentdecisions we made.
(00:49):
So here's how we combatprocessing failure together, to
come out of it stronger, becausewe've mastered this right.
Yes, we never feel like we'venailed it On top of each other.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
We've had so much practice with failure.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Practice failing.
That's our recommendation.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yes.
Yes, we actually have a couplesuggestions, though All right
Number one Conduct a failurepost-mortem after each setback
to identify lessons learned.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Who wants to do a failure post-mortem?
That sounds terribly romantic.
Yeah, it's a, but it's actuallyreally important.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
It's very important, In fact.
We do these frequently inparenting.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Oh my goodness, yes, right yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Definitely very important to do in parenting,
but also Sometimes in marriage.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, absolutely, we talked about different
expectations with events orsomething like that.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yep Holidays, things like that, absolutely yeah.
So an action step is toschedule a monthly failure
review with your spouse todiscuss recent challenges and
takeaways.
Now, if you can get away withdoing just a monthly review for
your failures.
Way to go.
You're actually way better thanus.
Keep a list, keep a notesection on your phone.
(01:53):
Write down your failures, maybenext to your prayer requests.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Don't have your spouse write down your failures.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
That list could be very long, exactly, but do this
monthly if you can get away withit.
We actually need to debriefmore frequently than monthly,
just being honest about it.
Yeah, but it's important to,because what we've learned is
that failures are learningopportunities right, and if you
maximize them and if you canalso never make the same mistake
(02:22):
again, that's the key, right.
Smart people learn from theirmistakes.
Really smart people, orwhatever the saying is smart
people learn from their mistakes.
Really smart people learn fromother people's mistakes.
It's something like that.
But the bottom line is, at somepoint you're going to be
learning from your mistakes.
So the key is to not ever makethe same exact mistake twice.
(02:42):
Sometimes you make a littletweak modification and it might
not work out the way you want,but the key is to never do the
same exact mistake twice.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yes, and so we would say in business and
entrepreneurship it's really totest and iterate.
That's a lot of how thesegrowth curves happen and how we
make improvements.
Some people they're afraid offailure, so they actually don't
do anything and they're a littlebit frozen.
Some some people, they'reafraid of failure, so they
actually don't do anything andthey're a little bit frozen.
Some people maybe failfrequently, but they don't
necessarily make a pivot or takea look at it in a way that
allows them to move forward in aproductive manner.
(03:12):
So they may take longer to getto a productive point in their
business because they don't takeassessments of it and do the
post-mortem.
So I think, um, what our sayingis you, you know, fire musket
balls, not cannonballs.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah, Jim Collins is the one.
Well, not our saying yes, JimCollins.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Our good friend Jim Collins.
Yeah, and why do we dosomething like that?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Well, the concept behind firing musket balls
versus cannonballs is musketballs are a lot cheaper and when
they don't hit the target, orif they hit the wrong target,
the impact is not nearly assignificant as a cannonball.
Or if they hit the wrong target,the impact is not nearly as
significant as a cannonball.
And so the idea here is youwant to test things, small,
small iterations like instead ofrolling out on a program to
(03:52):
entire your business, maybe youroll it out if you have a sales
company, instead of having yourentire sales force, try it, try
it with one or two or maybe onedivision, and if it works, then
you roll it out to everybody,versus saying all right, I just
heard about this new thing,we're going to implement it
widespread and it might havesome unintended consequences,
because that's something elsewe've learned is, a lot of times
, things that appear to have agood short-term benefit can have
(04:17):
a long-term negativeconsequence, and so you want to
be careful.
We think there's a lot ofwisdom in being a late adopter
when it comes to implementingchange in a business.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Now you can change too slowly and then it's too
late to make the pivot.
I think John has a recent bookabout leadership that talks
about that Absolutely.
You have to be able to pivotmore quickly in the current
environment that we all live andwork in.
But there's also wisdom inagain learning from what someone
else might be doing, or if it'sa hot new idea that you just
came across watching and gettingsome metrics on ROI from
(04:52):
someone else, before you maybeput it all out there to your
entire organization or youimplement it across all parts of
your business.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, so resilience is like a muscle the more you
face adversity together, thestronger and more adaptable you
become, and resilience is soimportant.
We've talked about many timesthe S word, which is security.
It's the ball and chain thatkeeps so many people tethered to
a job or a career that theyhate.
It doesn't give them freedom,doesn't meet their needs
(05:20):
financially or maybe it does,but they're miserable in every
other area of their life.
And what I find is that manytimes the reason people don't
switch is because they're afraidto failure.
They lack that resilience.
This is something that we try todrive into our kids.
Thinking back to even just theone experience we had with one
of our children going to hisfirst middle school basketball
(05:44):
tryout, having it was his firstexperience having a very intense
coach, you know, in his shoesit felt like it was a mean coach
, but it was just a good coachand it was.
You know, after the firstpractice, nearly in tears,
picked him up.
It's like that's it.
I don't want to do it.
It was like, no, you're goingto finish the commitment and you
don't have.
(06:04):
You don't have to stay on the.
No, you're going to finish thecommitment and you don't have to
stay on the team, but you'regoing to finish out the
week-long commitment and heended up actually making the
team as an underage kid and itwas a great experience for him
that we would have cheated himout had we not forced him to
develop that resilience.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yep, absolutely so.
This is really we're talkingabout business, but this is
something that should apply tomarriage, parenting, everyday
life, workouts, health,resilience and grit are such
important pieces of our journey,and so often people are
choosing to be less resilient, Ithink, in our current culture,
and we need to make that change.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, and something important like in every business
, you're going to be askingpeople for things, or you're
going to be asking them ifthey're interested in learning
more.
You're going to be offeringservices or products to people,
and that is probably, if youwere to survey people in sales,
people that own businesses theirleast favorite thing it's all
that type of stuff.
(06:55):
The ones that are successfulare resilient.
They realize that some will,some won't, so what?
They don't take it personalwhen someone says no, and what
we found is that the vastmajority of times, when people
say no, it's not in a rude way,it's not personal, I would say
no, it's not personal, it's justlike okay.
The reality is, for most people,when they say no, it's actually
(07:18):
a not now, and it's importantto keep that in mind.
But when someone is rude aboutit, then it's honestly.
It's helpful because yourealize you don't want to do
business with those types ofpeople anyway.
So, keep going, be resilient,get back up, and you're right, I
get knocked down, but I get upagain.
(07:38):
There you go, there we go, it'sa song from I don't know,
definitely not my favoritemusical decade, but anyways it
had a principle.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Before we move on, though.
The other thing that falls intothis category that came to mind
is when I think about failure inregards to boundaries for
leaders, by Henry Cloud.
You know he talks about there'sthree Ps, and this really stood
out to me in this book that whenit comes to failure, you can
look at it as it's personal, youcan look at it as permanent and
pervasive, and that's how weoften get to the point where we
(08:07):
don't get back up again is wesay, okay, I have failed.
This one time it's because it'sabout me and we do need to look
inside ourselves, but manytimes it's not personal.
Then we also say, okay, well, Ifailed in this one area, I'm
feeling in every area of lifeand it's pervasive.
And then the other thing is,because I failed in this, right
now I'm going to continuefailing in it, and we've made it
permanent.
And so if you can separateyourself out as part of your
(08:29):
mindset boundaries, of not goinginto those spaces of those
three Ps, then it helps you,when you're reviewing your
failure, to get up and out of itmuch faster.
I think Good stuff, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
All right.
Celebrate small wins andmilestones along the way to
maintain momentum, man.
Celebrating those small wins isso important in business, in
parenting, in marriage,absolutely Exactly.
So start a weekly tradition ofsharing resilience victories
with each other.
Man.
This is such a good idea toimplement.
(09:00):
If you have a team, a salesteam or anything like that, talk
about hey, you know, share anexperience where you got turned
down and then you kept makingthe call and then you had a
victory.
What we've learned is you knowevery no is one no closer to the
next?
Yes, that's right.
And you know same thing withour kids.
(09:21):
I mean, we've got teens thathave been looking for jobs and
they've received a lot of no's.
But, once again, every no isone no closer to their next?
Yes, Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
And I think what we've learned too is sometimes
when things look too easy, thenpeople get disheartened to face
adversity, but the truth is mostof the time there's adversity
in business and in life.
Yeah, and it's good to sharethe messy middle.
And so, even though I'm excitedwhen someone has a quick and
easy win, the truth is I'mactually really excited when
someone shares something where,like, hey, I hit a wall or I had
(09:52):
a really personal challenge inmy life, but this is how I
handled it, this is how I movedon.
People are much more inspiredby those kinds of stories
Relatable, and it's the morecommon story, to be honest, in
most businesses.
So, where you are, justrecognize that for every failure
you have, actually, as leaders,what's important is that we
share our failures, and I thinkthat's an area because for me
personally, maybe it's justbeing someone who values
(10:15):
achievement, performance, how Ilook, it's harder for me to go
back in time and remember someof my struggles, but I actually
think that is what makes us morerelatable and helps us to train
the ones that are still in thetrenches, maybe doing the things
that we've accomplished a longtime ago.
So it makes you more relatableas a leader, with obviously
using discernment, because whatyou don't want to do is
(10:35):
overshare with people in yourorganization what might not be
appropriate, but definitelysharing the struggles that
you've had and mostly thestruggles and how you've
overcome them.
So there's a way out.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
So a strong foundation of trust and open
communication helps you weatherthe storms as a couple.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
All right.
Number three is to practicevulnerability by sharing your
fears, your doubts and struggleswith each other.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, I mean, how often do you think for people
that work together or are inparallel home businesses maybe
working in the same householddoing two different things how
often do you think they'rehaving these thoughts and not
sharing them with each other?
I?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
would say more often than not.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Right and imagine how that affects again your married
life, your family life and justthe dynamics in your
relationship when one of you iscarrying around some of those
things, or maybe both of you arecarrying them around, but
you're actually not havinghonest conversation about it and
oftentimes we make assumptionsabout people.
So, you know, I actually had toapologize for just how I was
acting yesterday and it wasactually for a number of reasons
(11:33):
that were unrelated to you, butI took it out on you because I
was frustrated in a coupledifferent situations that were
all coming together at the sametime and I was just in one of
those moods and, uh, you know, Iwas taking it out on you again
because I wasn't necessarilybeing open and honest about what
was going on and I was alsoblaming the wrong person and not
taking personal responsibilityfor it.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
So um, I chose not to beat you for it.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yes, thank you for doing that.
We're not doing that Exactly,just kidding people.
Okay, so your action step is toset aside 15 minutes each day
for a heart-to-heart check-in.
Now, we've talked about this inother aspects of life and
business, so if you are alreadyat a high place of trust, then
you might talk about it in themoment.
You might not have to set anappointment For us.
We have a high sense of trust,I think so.
(12:17):
We tend to process things asquickly as needed and we don't
leave a lot of unfinishedbusiness, so to speak, for very
long periods of time.
But if you are struggling withthis and you feel this
resentment or this tension inyour relationship, then it's
time to make a calendarappointment and commit to each
other that you're going tofollow up.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah.
So surround yourselves withmentors and a community who can
offer perspective and support.
So this ties in very closely totwo parts of my book Upgrade
your Circle and Run with Lions.
And as I have more and moreconversations with high
performers, people who havestruggled even our kids some of
their recent realizations onjust the power of influences.
(12:59):
It is so important, and so wereally want to encourage you
surround yourself with peoplethat are on a similar mission,
that have similar values, thatare abundant minded, that are
rowing upstream, as we say, andmake sure that you have that
community.
It is so, so important.
Isolation is absolutely akiller.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Absolutely so.
Number four is to join amastermind group or find a
couple who can mentor you.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
You can talk about this, huh.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah, absolutely.
Part of the reason that I'm inthe mastermind I'm in now is
because I wanted to be able torun with lionesses.
I really wanted to have a groupof people who understood
somewhat of where we're at inbusiness net worth, but also
valued faith, valued family, sothe things that were important
to me and I wanted to be able tohave some of these high level
conversations with a high trustenvironment outside of our
(13:49):
business mentorship, outside ofyou sometimes, and be able to
come back with fresh ideas andfresh perspectives.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, and I think the important thing to realize is
that sometimes you're going tohave to pay to get in that
bigger room.
We did it, I don't know, 12years ago, when Dave Ramsey's
Entree Leadership brand hostedtheir first Entree Leadership
Summit.
We heard about it and we'relike we had never we'd done
things specifically related toour business but had never.
(14:18):
And we'd read lots of books,listened to lots of podcasts,
but had never gone to a personaldevelopment seminar like that,
where we made a several thousanddollar investment, flew, child
care, that whole deal.
But we went and it wasphenomenal.
We learned so much and justbeing in the presence of the
speakers personally and as wellas other people who are
(14:41):
like-minded, it's so importantand we did that twice.
We've done many other differenttypes of things since then and
you know I've learned that, aswe have opportunities even at
that kind of some of the innercircles of some of the
ministries that we support,typically the people that are
supporting at a high level thatare in those inner circles,
(15:04):
they're like they'rebillionaires, um, and you know
they make us look like, uh,paupers.
And anytime I have anopportunity to spend time with
those people, I I, if I can.
I will take advantage of itbecause they're they're so much
wiser, they have so much moreexperience.
Uh, you know they're.
They have access to people, youknow.
(15:25):
You know, like john Maxwell hastalked about, one of the
questions he always asks peopleis who do you know?
That I should know, and it's apowerful question.
It's how he's made some of themost important connections in
his life.
And when we look at our lives,so much of the success that
we've experienced is because ofthe people that we know, the
relationships we had, peoplethat we've met that have
(15:46):
connected us to other people whoconnect us to other people.
So we really want to encourageyou that.
You know, start at whateveryour budget can afford, but if
you're not budgeting forpersonal development, for some
type of mastermind or create it,you know I was.
I was actually yeah it's myEagles group and I was.
I got the idea from Dave Ramseyand he actually answered this
(16:06):
question this week on his EntreeLeadership Podcast.
Someone called and said how didyou start it?
He's like I just reached out tosome people that, honestly, I
had no business.
They were above me.
I didn't even have arelationship with them.
I expected most of them to sayno and what he actually found
was that they all said yes,because when you're talking
about the top 1% or 2%, likethere's not, it's a smaller
(16:30):
circle.
It's only one or 2%, and sothose people.
It is a little bit lonely ifyou're not intentional to create
that community of people thatare abundant minded and very
intentional about growth.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Absolutely Okay.
So building a business and amarriage that can withstand
failure requires resilience,togetherness and a willingness
to learn.
It's not about avoidingsetbacks altogether, but about
facing them as a united front.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, so the next time you encounter a failure or
a roadblock, resist the urge toget discouraged or point fingers
.
Instead, get curious.
I love this.
One of our favorite things iswhat happened?
What's missing?
What's next?
Instead of trying to blame, getcurious.
Ask yourselves what can welearn from this?
How can this make us stronger?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Absolutely, and remember that every failure is
an opportunity to either growcloser together or drift further
apart.
So choose growth, chooseresilience.
Listen, guys.
Choose each other every singletime.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
As always, we believe in you and the uncommon freedom
you're fighting for.
Keep learning, keep loving andkeep moving forward, friends.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
See you next time, freedom fighters.
Hey there, Freedom Fighters.
Ever feel like you'reconstantly hitting roadblocks
and setbacks, both in yourbusiness or your marriage?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Or and your marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And your marriage yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Trust us.
We have been there.
But here's the secret thosefailures can actually be your
greatest teachers and catalystsfor growth if you approach them
with the right mindset, rightKev.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Okay, so failure is an inevitable part of the
entrepreneurial journey, that'sfor sure, and it's really having
that mindset to embrace it asan opportunity to learn and grow
.
But facing failure together canbe particularly straining on a
marriage right.
It can be, yes, I thinksometimes we get into blame and
shame with certain things if wefeel like we weren't in total
agreement about differentdecisions we made.
(00:49):
So here's how we combatprocessing failure together, to
come out of it stronger, becausewe've mastered this right.
Yes, we never feel like we'venailed it On top of each other.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
We've had so much practice with failure.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Practice failing.
That's our recommendation.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yes.
Yes, we actually have a couplesuggestions, though All right
Number one Conduct a failurepost-mortem after each setback
to identify lessons learned.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Who wants to do a failure post-mortem?
That sounds terribly romantic.
Yeah, it's a, but it's actuallyreally important.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
It's very important, In fact.
We do these frequently inparenting.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Oh my goodness, yes, right yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Definitely very important to do in parenting,
but also Sometimes in marriage.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, absolutely, we talked about different
expectations with events orsomething like that.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yep Holidays, things like that, absolutely yeah.
So an action step is toschedule a monthly failure
review with your spouse todiscuss recent challenges and
takeaways.
Now, if you can get away withdoing just a monthly review for
your failures.
Way to go.
You're actually way better thanus.
Keep a list, keep a notesection on your phone.
(01:53):
Write down your failures, maybenext to your prayer requests.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Don't have your spouse write down your failures.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
That list could be very long, exactly, but do this
monthly if you can get away withit.
We actually need to debriefmore frequently than monthly,
just being honest about it.
Yeah, but it's important to,because what we've learned is
that failures are learningopportunities right, and if you
maximize them and if you canalso never make the same mistake
(02:22):
again, that's the key, right.
Smart people learn from theirmistakes.
Really smart people, orwhatever the saying is smart
people learn from their mistakes.
Really smart people learn fromother people's mistakes.
It's something like that.
But the bottom line is, at somepoint you're going to be
learning from your mistakes.
So the key is to not ever makethe same exact mistake twice.
(02:42):
Sometimes you make a littletweak modification and it might
not work out the way you want,but the key is to never do the
same exact mistake twice.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yes, and so we would say in business and
entrepreneurship it's really totest and iterate.
That's a lot of how thesegrowth curves happen and how we
make improvements.
Some people they're afraid offailure, so they actually don't
do anything and they're a littlebit frozen.
Some some people, they'reafraid of failure, so they
actually don't do anything andthey're a little bit frozen.
Some people maybe failfrequently, but they don't
necessarily make a pivot or takea look at it in a way that
allows them to move forward in aproductive manner.
(03:12):
So they may take longer to getto a productive point in their
business because they don't takeassessments of it and do the
post-mortem.
So I think, um, what our sayingis you, you know, fire musket
balls, not cannonballs.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah, Jim Collins is the one.
Well, not our saying yes, JimCollins.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Our good friend Jim Collins.
Yeah, and why do we dosomething like that?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Well, the concept behind firing musket balls
versus cannonballs is musketballs are a lot cheaper and when
they don't hit the target, orif they hit the wrong target,
the impact is not nearly assignificant as a cannonball.
Or if they hit the wrong target,the impact is not nearly as
significant as a cannonball.
And so the idea here is youwant to test things, small,
small iterations like instead ofrolling out on a program to
(03:52):
entire your business, maybe youroll it out if you have a sales
company, instead of having yourentire sales force, try it, try
it with one or two or maybe onedivision, and if it works, then
you roll it out to everybody,versus saying all right, I just
heard about this new thing,we're going to implement it
widespread and it might havesome unintended consequences,
because that's something elsewe've learned is, a lot of times
, things that appear to have agood short-term benefit can have
(04:17):
a long-term negativeconsequence, and so you want to
be careful.
We think there's a lot ofwisdom in being a late adopter
when it comes to implementingchange in a business.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Now you can change too slowly and then it's too
late to make the pivot.
I think John has a recent bookabout leadership that talks
about that Absolutely.
You have to be able to pivotmore quickly in the current
environment that we all live andwork in.
But there's also wisdom inagain learning from what someone
else might be doing, or if it'sa hot new idea that you just
came across watching and gettingsome metrics on ROI from
(04:52):
someone else, before you maybeput it all out there to your
entire organization or youimplement it across all parts of
your business.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, so resilience is like a muscle the more you
face adversity together, thestronger and more adaptable you
become, and resilience is soimportant.
We've talked about many timesthe S word, which is security.
It's the ball and chain thatkeeps so many people tethered to
a job or a career that theyhate.
It doesn't give them freedom,doesn't meet their needs
(05:20):
financially or maybe it does,but they're miserable in every
other area of their life.
And what I find is that manytimes the reason people don't
switch is because they're afraidto failure.
They lack that resilience.
This is something that we try todrive into our kids.
Thinking back to even just theone experience we had with one
of our children going to hisfirst middle school basketball
(05:44):
tryout, having it was his firstexperience having a very intense
coach, you know, in his shoesit felt like it was a mean coach
, but it was just a good coachand it was.
You know, after the firstpractice, nearly in tears,
picked him up.
It's like that's it.
I don't want to do it.
It was like, no, you're goingto finish the commitment and you
don't have.
(06:04):
You don't have to stay on the.
No, you're going to finish thecommitment and you don't have to
stay on the team, but you'regoing to finish out the
week-long commitment and heended up actually making the
team as an underage kid and itwas a great experience for him
that we would have cheated himout had we not forced him to
develop that resilience.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yep, absolutely so.
This is really we're talkingabout business, but this is
something that should apply tomarriage, parenting, everyday
life, workouts, health,resilience and grit are such
important pieces of our journey,and so often people are
choosing to be less resilient, Ithink, in our current culture,
and we need to make that change.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, and something important like in every business
, you're going to be askingpeople for things, or you're
going to be asking them ifthey're interested in learning
more.
You're going to be offeringservices or products to people,
and that is probably, if youwere to survey people in sales,
people that own businesses theirleast favorite thing it's all
that type of stuff.
(06:55):
The ones that are successfulare resilient.
They realize that some will,some won't, so what?
They don't take it personalwhen someone says no, and what
we found is that the vastmajority of times, when people
say no, it's not in a rude way,it's not personal, I would say
no, it's not personal, it's justlike okay.
The reality is, for most people,when they say no, it's actually
(07:18):
a not now, and it's importantto keep that in mind.
But when someone is rude aboutit, then it's honestly.
It's helpful because yourealize you don't want to do
business with those types ofpeople anyway.
So, keep going, be resilient,get back up, and you're right, I
get knocked down, but I get upagain.
(07:38):
There you go, there we go, it'sa song from I don't know,
definitely not my favoritemusical decade, but anyways it
had a principle.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Before we move on, though.
The other thing that falls intothis category that came to mind
is when I think about failure inregards to boundaries for
leaders, by Henry Cloud.
You know he talks about there'sthree Ps, and this really stood
out to me in this book that whenit comes to failure, you can
look at it as it's personal, youcan look at it as permanent and
pervasive, and that's how weoften get to the point where we
(08:07):
don't get back up again is wesay, okay, I have failed.
This one time it's because it'sabout me and we do need to look
inside ourselves, but manytimes it's not personal.
Then we also say, okay, well, Ifailed in this one area, I'm
feeling in every area of lifeand it's pervasive.
And then the other thing is,because I failed in this, right
now I'm going to continuefailing in it, and we've made it
permanent.
And so if you can separateyourself out as part of your
(08:29):
mindset boundaries, of not goinginto those spaces of those
three Ps, then it helps you,when you're reviewing your
failure, to get up and out of itmuch faster.
I think Good stuff, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
All right.
Celebrate small wins andmilestones along the way to
maintain momentum, man.
Celebrating those small wins isso important in business, in
parenting, in marriage,absolutely Exactly.
So start a weekly tradition ofsharing resilience victories
with each other.
Man.
This is such a good idea toimplement.
(09:00):
If you have a team, a salesteam or anything like that, talk
about hey, you know, share anexperience where you got turned
down and then you kept makingthe call and then you had a
victory.
What we've learned is you knowevery no is one no closer to the
next?
Yes, that's right.
And you know same thing withour kids.
(09:21):
I mean, we've got teens thathave been looking for jobs and
they've received a lot of no's.
But, once again, every no isone no closer to their next?
Yes, Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
And I think what we've learned too is sometimes
when things look too easy, thenpeople get disheartened to face
adversity, but the truth is mostof the time there's adversity
in business and in life.
Yeah, and it's good to sharethe messy middle.
And so, even though I'm excitedwhen someone has a quick and
easy win, the truth is I'mactually really excited when
someone shares something where,like, hey, I hit a wall or I had
(09:52):
a really personal challenge inmy life, but this is how I
handled it, this is how I movedon.
People are much more inspiredby those kinds of stories
Relatable, and it's the morecommon story, to be honest, in
most businesses.
So, where you are, justrecognize that for every failure
you have, actually, as leaders,what's important is that we
share our failures, and I thinkthat's an area because for me
personally, maybe it's justbeing someone who values
(10:15):
achievement, performance, how Ilook, it's harder for me to go
back in time and remember someof my struggles, but I actually
think that is what makes us morerelatable and helps us to train
the ones that are still in thetrenches, maybe doing the things
that we've accomplished a longtime ago.
So it makes you more relatableas a leader, with obviously
using discernment, because whatyou don't want to do is
(10:35):
overshare with people in yourorganization what might not be
appropriate, but definitelysharing the struggles that
you've had and mostly thestruggles and how you've
overcome them.
So there's a way out.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
So a strong foundation of trust and open
communication helps you weatherthe storms as a couple.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
All right.
Number three is to practicevulnerability by sharing your
fears, your doubts and struggleswith each other.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, I mean, how often do you think for people
that work together or are inparallel home businesses maybe
working in the same householddoing two different things how
often do you think they'rehaving these thoughts and not
sharing them with each other?
I?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
would say more often than not.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Right and imagine how that affects again your married
life, your family life and justthe dynamics in your
relationship when one of you iscarrying around some of those
things, or maybe both of you arecarrying them around, but
you're actually not havinghonest conversation about it and
oftentimes we make assumptionsabout people.
So, you know, I actually had toapologize for just how I was
acting yesterday and it wasactually for a number of reasons
(11:33):
that were unrelated to you, butI took it out on you because I
was frustrated in a coupledifferent situations that were
all coming together at the sametime and I was just in one of
those moods and, uh, you know, Iwas taking it out on you again
because I wasn't necessarilybeing open and honest about what
was going on and I was alsoblaming the wrong person and not
taking personal responsibilityfor it.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
So um, I chose not to beat you for it.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yes, thank you for doing that.
We're not doing that Exactly,just kidding people.
Okay, so your action step is toset aside 15 minutes each day
for a heart-to-heart check-in.
Now, we've talked about this inother aspects of life and
business, so if you are alreadyat a high place of trust, then
you might talk about it in themoment.
You might not have to set anappointment For us.
We have a high sense of trust,I think so.
(12:17):
We tend to process things asquickly as needed and we don't
leave a lot of unfinishedbusiness, so to speak, for very
long periods of time.
But if you are struggling withthis and you feel this
resentment or this tension inyour relationship, then it's
time to make a calendarappointment and commit to each
other that you're going tofollow up.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah.
So surround yourselves withmentors and a community who can
offer perspective and support.
So this ties in very closely totwo parts of my book Upgrade
your Circle and Run with Lions.
And as I have more and moreconversations with high
performers, people who havestruggled even our kids some of
their recent realizations onjust the power of influences.
(12:59):
It is so important, and so wereally want to encourage you
surround yourself with peoplethat are on a similar mission,
that have similar values, thatare abundant minded, that are
rowing upstream, as we say, andmake sure that you have that
community.
It is so, so important.
Isolation is absolutely akiller.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Absolutely so.
Number four is to join amastermind group or find a
couple who can mentor you.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
You can talk about this, huh.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah, absolutely.
Part of the reason that I'm inthe mastermind I'm in now is
because I wanted to be able torun with lionesses.
I really wanted to have a groupof people who understood
somewhat of where we're at inbusiness net worth, but also
valued faith, valued family, sothe things that were important
to me and I wanted to be able tohave some of these high level
conversations with a high trustenvironment outside of our
(13:49):
business mentorship, outside ofyou sometimes, and be able to
come back with fresh ideas andfresh perspectives.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, and I think the important thing to realize is
that sometimes you're going tohave to pay to get in that
bigger room.
We did it, I don't know, 12years ago, when Dave Ramsey's
Entree Leadership brand hostedtheir first Entree Leadership
Summit.
We heard about it and we'relike we had never we'd done
things specifically related toour business but had never.
(14:18):
And we'd read lots of books,listened to lots of podcasts,
but had never gone to a personaldevelopment seminar like that,
where we made a several thousanddollar investment, flew, child
care, that whole deal.
But we went and it wasphenomenal.
We learned so much and justbeing in the presence of the
speakers personally and as wellas other people who are
(14:41):
like-minded, it's so importantand we did that twice.
We've done many other differenttypes of things since then and
you know I've learned that, aswe have opportunities even at
that kind of some of the innercircles of some of the
ministries that we support,typically the people that are
supporting at a high level thatare in those inner circles,
(15:04):
they're like they'rebillionaires, um, and you know
they make us look like, uh,paupers.
And anytime I have anopportunity to spend time with
those people, I I, if I can.
I will take advantage of itbecause they're they're so much
wiser, they have so much moreexperience.
Uh, you know they're.
They have access to people, youknow.
(15:25):
You know, like john Maxwell hastalked about, one of the
questions he always asks peopleis who do you know?
That I should know, and it's apowerful question.
It's how he's made some of themost important connections in
his life.
And when we look at our lives,so much of the success that
we've experienced is because ofthe people that we know, the
relationships we had, peoplethat we've met that have
(15:46):
connected us to other people whoconnect us to other people.
So we really want to encourageyou that.
You know, start at whateveryour budget can afford, but if
you're not budgeting forpersonal development, for some
type of mastermind or create it,you know I was.
I was actually yeah it's myEagles group and I was.
I got the idea from Dave Ramseyand he actually answered this
(16:06):
question this week on his EntreeLeadership Podcast.
Someone called and said how didyou start it?
He's like I just reached out tosome people that, honestly, I
had no business.
They were above me.
I didn't even have arelationship with them.
I expected most of them to sayno and what he actually found
was that they all said yes,because when you're talking
about the top 1% or 2%, likethere's not, it's a smaller
(16:30):
circle.
It's only one or 2%, and sothose people.
It is a little bit lonely ifyou're not intentional to create
that community of people thatare abundant minded and very
intentional about growth.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Absolutely Okay.
So building a business and amarriage that can withstand
failure requires resilience,togetherness and a willingness
to learn.
It's not about avoidingsetbacks altogether, but about
facing them as a united front.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, so the next time you encounter a failure or
a roadblock, resist the urge toget discouraged or point fingers
.
Instead, get curious.
I love this.
One of our favorite things iswhat happened?
What's missing?
What's next?
Instead of trying to blame, getcurious.
Ask yourselves what can welearn from this?
How can this make us stronger?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Absolutely, and remember that every failure is
an opportunity to either growcloser together or drift further
apart.
So choose growth, chooseresilience.
Listen, guys.
Choose each other every singletime.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
As always, we believe in you and the uncommon freedom
you're fighting for.
Keep learning, keep loving andkeep moving forward, friends.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
See you next time, freedom fighters.
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