July 11, 2024 • 32 mins
Balancing the demands of parenthood with the challenges of entrepreneurship is no small feat. How do you build a successful business without sacrificing precious time with your children? In this episode, Kevin and Bekah Tinter dive deep into the art of integrating family life with entrepreneurial pursuits.
Drawing from over 13 years of experience as couplepreneurs and parents, the Tinters share practical strategies for creating a strong family culture while growing a thriving business. They discuss the importance of being intentional, active parents and how to avoid abdicating your role as your children's primary teachers and mentors.
Kevin and Bekah offer insights on:
- Creating a family culture based on your core values
- Investing quality time in your kids, especially in the early years
- Allowing children to experience consequences and develop their own identities
- Involving kids in the business in age-appropriate ways
- Managing guilt and setting healthy boundaries between work and family life
Whether you're a seasoned entrepreneur with a growing family or just starting out on your journey, this episode provides valuable tools for pursuing your own family's version of uncommon freedom. Join Kevin and Bekah to learn how to build a business and a family life that support and enrich each other!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey there, uncommon Freedom Fighters, kevin Tinter
here with my incredible wife andco-host, becca Tinter.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hello, in today's episode, we are diving into the
challenges and triumphs of beingboth a parent and an
entrepreneur, so we're going toexplore strategies for managing
limited time and energy, ways toinvolve kids in the business
while encouraging their ownpassions, how to create an
intentional family cultureamidst the demands of work, and
(00:33):
the importance of supportsystems and honest communication
.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
All right, so we're going to draw from our own
experiences We've been doingthis for over 13 years together
now, as entrepreneurial parentsand the insights we've gathered
from others on this journey.
We'll share practical tips andhonest reflections to help you
navigate this unique balancingact If you're ready to chase
uncommon freedom in bothbusiness and family.
Keep listening, friends.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Okay, so we are going to weave some important things
in from your book, and so wewant to talk about being
intentional, active parents andnot abdicating our role as
teacher.
We realized that part of beingan entrepreneur is delegating
and finding people to come intoour household or places for our
kids to go to be managed atdifferent seasons of our
(01:20):
business, to give us some timefreedom, but we've never wanted
to basically abdicate the roleof being parents or mentoring
them on their our core valuesand the things in life that we
think are the most important.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Yeah, no, we've had a childcare help actually for
quite a while.
Um, you know it started off withjust a little bit kind of more
like babysitting type stuff, uh,and then you know we have, you
know, nanny or a nanny, and youknow we've had, you know,
different nanny roles throughthe years.
But one thing we've been alwaysvery cautious about is we don't
(01:51):
want the nanny raising our kids.
I mean, we still want to seeour kids.
We still actually a lot oftimes we'll divide and conquer.
You know you'll do somethingand I'll be with the kids, or
I'll do something and you'll bewith the kids, with the kids, or
I'll do something and you'll bewith the kids.
We try to use the child carehelp for mundane tasks that
aren't super relationshipbuilding types of things,
(02:12):
because the reality is even alot of those mundane tasks
number one, there's bonding thathappens when you do them with
the children and even thingslike driving, like for us, the
pickup line.
I don't know we never had todeal with this in Oregon because
we walked our kids to and fromschool, but the whole pickup
line here in Arizona is actuallya big mess at the vast majority
(02:34):
of schools and you can spend 20, 30 minutes waiting to get
through it, and so that is notrelational time.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
No, it's not relation .
You're not talking to otherparents.
Exactly, you're not talking toyour kids.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, and you're not supposed to be on your phone
because you don't want to runover one of the little kids.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So that is something that we're kind of eager to
delegate for the most part to ananny, because, especially,
we've lived about five to 10minutes from school, so you're
not getting into greatconversations on the way home
anyways, and typically we savethat 30 minutes, we get stuff
(03:11):
done, they come home, comeinside and we get to see them
and connect with them thenAbsolutely, and so being
intentional active parents to us, I mean, I think you can be
active both in your physicalbody, so being active and doing
things with your kids playinggames, getting out into nature,
jumping on the trampoline,swimming and also active and
intentional in that we are themost responsible for how they
are turning out, not culture,not teachers, not the church,
(03:31):
and so it's taking those usuallyinconvenient opportunities to
course correct whenevernecessary.
So we do delegate the authorityto the babysitter or nanny if
they're taking care of ourchildren and we're not inside
the home, or if we are insidethe home and they're fully in
charge.
But even as we've trained somedifferent child care people some
of them do it really well, someof them still need us to step
(03:52):
in and what we want to make sureis our kids aren't, you know,
turning into spoiled bratsbecause we haven't had that
ability to follow up and kind ofhold to the values that are
important to us, even whilehaving having someone help us
out.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
And one of the best ways for us to maximize time
with kids is if we have a travel, a business travel event that
only requires one of us.
We have tried to take and it'sbeen me normally taking the boys
, but almost every chance I get,instead of going on a trip by
myself, which would be far morerelaxing, I try to bring the
(04:24):
kids with me, and as I talk toother parents who are
entrepreneurs and they've hadexperiences like this, there's
just so much quality time thathappens when you're traveling
with a child.
You're having conversations toand from the airport, if you're
flying, potentially on theflight, you know, at a hotel or
wherever you might be lodging,and just over meals, and it's
(04:45):
just that one-on-one time isalmost always very positive, and
so that is one thing that Iwould recommend that everyone
does.
Obviously, if you're travelingwith your spouse, then you're
probably not going to bring thekids, but if you are going solo,
pull your kids out of school,if you can, and spend that time
with them.
It's a really quality time andto the kids it's like a vacation
(05:08):
.
It might not be to you, but tothe kids it is definitely like a
vacation, and it really teachesthem what it takes to run a
business.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So how to relate to people, how to properly greet
people, how to handle customerservice issues, how to handle
stressful situations, how to begrateful for things, how to up
level your environment,basically, and associate with
people that are helping you tobecome better versions of
yourself, how to speak in public, how to manage finances there's
(05:32):
just so many things that can betied into having your kids come
alongside while you're workingyour business at home or away.
So the next thing is to createa strong family culture based on
your values, and for us, wereally decided early on in our
parenting journey what do wewant to be known for and what do
we want to accomplish?
Not be known for like famousbecause we have somehow shared
(05:55):
something with the world, butmore of what kind of kids do we
want to?
What?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
kind of adults do we want to launch into the world?
Yeah, the people who know us.
What are they going to sayabout us when we die?
How?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
do we want to launch into the world?
Yeah, the people who know us.
What are they going to sayabout us when we die?
How do we want our kids tolaunch into the world?
And there's a lot outside ofyour control as a parent.
I think most people know that,especially if you've gotten to
the teenage years.
But you can imprint for a longtime things that matter, that
will maybe agree with cultureand maybe not, and so it's
really important that you takethe time to do that as a parent
and an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, and I think a great little way to think about
this is do your kids have thiskind of understanding that
tenters do X and tenters don'tdo Y and it's not like a rule
thing, but it's like when youidentify with, when you have
that identity, you realize, okay, like we do, we do this and we
(06:50):
don't do that.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, and some families, I think, do it really
really well.
I would say we do it average.
In other words, we haven't likerepeated that mantra or phrase
with our kids a lot, but we havea lot of conversations about
integrity, honesty, patriotism,stewardship, things that
hopefully our kids are catchingright now because, again, most
things are caught versus justbeing directly taught.
And the other thing is to beauthentic, both at your house as
(07:13):
well as when you're away andwith people I know.
My kids have often said youknow, sometimes I have angry
voice and then answer the phoneand I have nice voice which
pretty much any adult can pulloff, but at the same time we
want to be the same kinds ofpeople in front of a crowd as we
would be in our home, and that,maybe, is something that we all
still need to work on.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, all right.
Invest quality time in yourkids, especially in the early
years.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yep, We've talked with other couples and families
and seen in our own life thatkids spell, you know, connection
with T I M E.
So I think we've workeddiligently through the years to
read to our kids, to play gameswith our kids and obviously
we've talked about dating thembefore.
So just having an intentionalone-on-one time with each child
at least once a month.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Yeah, and I wrapping up listening to a book called
Raising Spiritual Champions byGeorge Barna and I highly
recommend the book, but in it itjust really reinforces the
importance of character buildingand value impartation when kids
are young as far as likeworldview.
And it's just one of thosethings where sometimes I think
(08:21):
when you're building a business,it's like, well, we're going to
put in the hard time now sothat when they're teenagers we
can take vacations and life canbe good.
And I understand that you needto prepare for the future, but
there's a minimum amount of timeand effort that you need to put
into not saying do just theminimum.
(08:46):
But what I'm saying is don'tcheat your children when they're
young.
From that time, that characterbuilding, that value impartation
experiences, you know, and forus it's typically one of us is
almost always putting the kidsto bed and our routine is, you
know, reading the Bible withthem, reading a fun story with
them and actually finding a lotof different age-appropriate
(09:07):
children's Bibles that are fun.
And I found that it really hasactually developed my knowledge
of the Bible because I'm readingthrough it over and over.
I mean, gosh, I've read, youknow, obviously not the full
version of it, but we've readthrough the Bible more times
with our children than I everhave on my own and it's amazing
(09:28):
what that's done for my ownknowledge.
But just having those routinesyou know we try to typically put
our kids to bed and wake ourkids up, though we feel like
those are two important times.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Absolutely.
And then again, you know socommonly in households and it's
temptation for us as well it'slike to go towards TV or shows
in the evening and a lot oftimes it's saying hey, let's
play a game first.
You know, let's have qualitytime together before we just do
a side-by-side activity orbefore you veg out and I go in a
different room.
So just having thoseintentional connection times and
sewing into the relationshipand then letting kids experience
(10:01):
consequences, and be their ownpeople and then letting kids
experience consequences and betheir own people.
I would say this is somethingthat we have been pretty strong
about.
As a mom, I can tell you it'sreally difficult at times
because there's just a nurturingside of my heart unless I'm
super ticked off that thenurturing side of my heart would
love to rescue, would love tonurture, would love to fix.
(10:27):
And having a strong father ishelpful, especially raising boys
.
we'll see how it is when you getaround to evie, but um that's
why she has a mom, especially inthese teenage years, you know,
just to really allow nature totake its course.
You know we, we didn't say toour kids no, you can't climb
trees when you're little.
We were like, if it'sreasonably safe, you can do it,
and then just understand if youfall and get a broken arm it's
going to be a bummer and you'renot going to be able to play on
your basketball team yeah andthat was kind of how we handled
(10:48):
things when they were younger,and then the consequences have
gotten bigger and the uh.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
We've had to let them grow up on their own a little
bit yeah, we have, and I thinkone of the other common things I
see of couplepreneurs is theymany times have this desire
we're going to build thisbusiness and our kids are going
to take it over, and it's greatif they do.
But the reality is certainly intoday's world, very few people
(11:16):
follow in the career footstepsof their parents, and so just
because you built this business,it's really not reasonable to
assume that your kids willautomatically take it over
certainly not all of them, andfamily-run businesses,
especially the more familymembers you put into it, are
very difficult.
So I think that's another areawhere it's really important to
(11:38):
let your kids be their ownpeople we have.
I mean, we've talked about thebenefits of what we do with our
kids for over a decade now, butwe have never put any type of
pressure on them.
I think they would even agreewith that.
And it was actually pretty coolbecause a couple I don't know a
week ago or so, I was having aconversation with one of our
kids and he was actuallyexpressing some interest in what
(11:59):
we do and um, you know, he'snot there yet from an age
standpoint and some other things, but it was pretty cool and it
was just like yeah, I'll sharewith you whatever you want to
know and I'll teach you if youwant to do it, but just to still
not have any hope or identitytied into my child.
You know, continuing what we'redoing.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
The other thing I think we see with a lot of
couplepreneurs is, if theirbusiness allows them to create
wealth in a different way thanthey were raised, then the next
tendency is to spoil theirchildren, to basically give
their kids everything that theydidn't get shoes, clothes, new
cars, trips, things like that.
It's a difficult temptationbecause, just like our Heavenly
(12:40):
Father, you know, as an earthlyparent, I like to give good
gifts to my kids.
Just like our heavenly father,you know, as an earthly parent,
I like to give good gifts to mykids.
But we have been working onbeing really aware of this and
and basically teaching our kidslisten.
For a second generation,millionaires are very rare.
In other words, someone becomesa millionaire, makes that kind
of income, and then they pass itdown to their children, who've
(13:01):
been raised with a spoiledattitude, lack of work ethic,
and then they blow it and itends up ruining them and the and
the legacy does not live on,and so our goal has been to pass
along not generational wealth,but generational mindsets and
legacy mindsets aboutstewardship, about giving, about
tithing and teaching them thethings that, honestly, we
learned early on that havehelped us not just create wealth
(13:23):
but, uh, live it out in a waywhere it doesn't own us, you
know yeah, and actually is youkind of look at just the
societal decay that we're livingin right now?
Speaker 1 (13:34):
yeah it was interesting.
I was listening to dennisprager, who I have tremendous
amount of respect.
He's just a very wise personand he was talking about the
fact that the greatestgeneration, which is, I believe,
the world war ii generation,was.
You know, they were called thegreatest generation for a reason
, but one of the interestingpursuits of that entire
generation was I want I don'twant my kids to have to work as
(13:56):
hard as I did.
I want my kids to grow up withall the things that I didn't
have and as a parent, on the onehand, I understand that, but
what we're seeing is that weactually created a lot of
softness and, um, almost spoiledpeople.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And there's the saying right, uh, good times yes
if you have it hard times,create good men good men yes
anyway, we, we need.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
We should have figured the quote out hard times
create strong men yes strongmen create good times.
Good times create weak men, andweak men create hard times well
done and so I really believethat we are in the hard times
part of that cycle right nowpartly created by weak people
and and, yes, our kids have alot and they've experienced
(14:48):
things that so we tried.
The way that our kids arespoiled is through experiences,
some of the travel they've beenable to do, right um, but as a
general rule, if we fly you andI fly first class, our kids fly
coach and there might be thistemptation and you know what you
can do whatever you want.
We're not trying to bejudgmental here, right um, but
what we know is that when ourkids graduate, they're not going
(15:09):
to have the money and we're notgoing to be paying for first
class airfare for them, and whatwe don't want to do is create
this wet their appetite, for wewant to wet it so that they're
driven to want to salt the oatsyes, but we also don't want to
create this expectation that, oh, um, I should be flying first
class every time I fly and, umyou, um, you know, I should be
(15:30):
staying in the nicest hotelsversus the holiday inn, or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I know a lot of friends whose kids have nicer
clothes than I do and it's likeI.
It's interesting Again,everybody has their own way of
doing things and you know wedon't know everyone's individual
scenario, but you are settingthem up for a lifestyle that if
they can't, they can't afford itunless you're planning to fund
their life for a very long timeor they happen to just walk into
something or you give them yourwealth.
But it just is interesting.
(15:56):
So many of those kids havebarely had jobs.
They're getting handed nicecars, nice clothing and again,
are they learning to budgetreally?
Are they learning what it takesto run a household from some of
those decisions?
And so for us it's been like,hey, here's your clothing budget
, and if you blow it all on areally nice something, then
that's fine, but you may be outof underwear or you can start to
be discerning with your moneyand obviously the more you make,
(16:18):
the more freedom you could have.
But a lot of society right nowis just broke at a higher level,
unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Absolutely so what this all boils down to is to
pursue your own family's versionof uncommon freedom.
So for some people, uncommonfreedom may be, you know, more
heavily in travel, might be moreheavily in lifestyle things, it
might be more heavily in givingand, you know, doing family
mission trips and things likethat.
(16:45):
Hopefully you're finding abalance.
But you know our version ofuncommon freedom is going to be
different, and so the key isfigure out what are the values,
what are the priorities that youhave, and go build your life,
go build your business so thatyour family can achieve what
your version of uncommon freedomlooks like.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Absolutely so we have some questions from that our
potential listeners might have.
So number one is how can I makemy limited time with my kids
really count?
Because we know that inanything you're going to be
juggling and we don't talk aboutbalance so much as we talk
about counterbalancing andliving more of an integrated
life, because we just found thatthere's no way to, there's no
real way to balance.
You can't have everything getthe same amount out of the pie.
(17:27):
Not everything is going to get20% or two hours.
It's basically going to be, youknow, counterbalancing and
living more of an integratedlife.
But, babe, how can people maketheir limited time really count?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Well, I think one of the tips that I've heard for
years is to just spend time withyour kids.
With running errands, like, ifyou have young kids, it's very
tedious, but that is somethingwhere you can do it by yourself.
And if you do it by yourself,you're gonna be a little bit
faster, but there's really noother added benefit to it.
(18:00):
And so if it's gonna take you20 minutes to run an errand by
yourself or 30 minutes to run itwith your kid, spend the extra
10 minutes and bring your kidalong.
There's conversations thathappen, it's just.
I think that's one of the mostbasic ways for us to maximize
our limited time.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I would also say you know, there's an adage that was
passed along to us that we haveshared many, many times with
many, many people, and that ispresence is not the same as
proximity.
And so, you know, in a worldwhere we work from home, we can
be working a lot of the day.
We don't necessarily haveoffice hours, we're not clocking
in and clocking out.
It's really important, withyour family, to be able to
(18:41):
determine which situations arejust proximity and which ones
should be presence.
And proximity could be like yourkid, your daughter is coloring.
You know our, know, ourdaughter is coloring, doing a
puzzle.
I'm sitting next to her and I'mworking on my social media
posts or following up onmessages or sending emails.
But if she and I were agreeingto play a game and I'm answering
messages on my phone in themiddle of the game, then it
(19:03):
feels like a break in trust,because she was expecting me to
be present and now I'm reallyjust in proximity.
So that's I a way as well thatyou can just be aware of the
time.
It doesn't necessarily have tobe a huge amount of time, but
the quality of the time willmatter to them.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
All right, let's talk about some age appropriate ways
to involve your kids inbusiness, and I absolutely love
this one because actuallythere's potential to really take
advantage of some tax savingswith this one.
If you can, if you have theright business structure, talk
to your accountant, yourattorney, whoever is appropriate
for you, but you might actuallybe able to put your kids on
payroll at a very young age, andwe'll just share that.
(19:40):
You know, we have all four ofour kids on payroll.
They do a lot of differentthings for us in the business
Social media.
You know.
Basically they're models forsocial media branding and things
like that.
They help us set up events.
Something that can be done at avery young age is, if you send
out either a referral card orthank you card or anything like
that, or a Christmas card or aThanksgiving card, have your
(20:04):
kids help you stuff theenvelopes, put these stamps on
if they don't come pre-stamped,or anything like that.
Those are things that you canhave your kids do for you.
We talked about this.
If you're hosting any type ofevent in your home, they can
help you set up, tear down,clean up garbage and things like
that Something else that all mykids do, except for our
youngest, is I still reconcilepersonally all of our credit
(20:28):
card accounts.
Yes, I could delegate it.
It really helps me to havesituational awareness on where
we're at with our finances.
So it doesn't take me a lot oftime.
But I have each one of my kidstake turns helping me with those
different things and it'samazing because they see what
some things cost and they'relike, wow, it's creating this
(20:49):
appreciation for the value of adollar, or what little value a
dollar has these days when theythey, you know, when we're
checking off something that theywere a part of, and they're
like, wow, I didn't realize itcosts that much.
So that is something I reallyrecommend as well.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Okay, and how do we handle mom and dad guilt from
not being present enough?
Well, number one I think we'verecognized there's seasons in
our life and seasons in ourbusiness.
There was one season that werefer to in our business called
the crazy season, when we werespecifically planning to bring
Kevin home and we knew we had towork really pretty hard six
days a week, and we did notignore our kids.
(21:27):
They were around.
I would say they have nomemories, probably, of us not
being present during that time,but we use childcare.
We were very strategic.
We actually cut a lot of ourstuff out to make sure that we
could fit work in, but we alsojust said, hey, we're building
for the school and this is whatwe're doing.
We're bringing dad home, andbecause we were in that season,
we were willing to give up a lotless free time than we might
(21:49):
normally want to protect, and sothat was one thing is just
knowing the seasons we're in.
The other thing is working fromhome means we see our kids for a
lot of little things, and so Iwas expressing this on one of my
social media posts.
But a lot of the things for meare the hellos, the goodbyes,
the check-ins.
It doesn't really take a lot oftime.
Some kids don't want to spendevery minute with you Most kids
actually don't.
(22:09):
They just want to know thatyou're there if you need them
and that you care about whatthey care about and that you're
interested in being available tothem, and so you know when
someone's love tank is low, thenyou absolutely need to notice
that and stop what you're doingand kind of plan to pour into
that.
And especially when we travel,I would say we also
counterbalance quite a bit, likeif we've been gone for a week
(22:30):
we don't come right in and jumpback into work that next day or
that the day that we come homewe plan family activities and
and really we also tag team.
So I feel like our kids aregetting one of us most of the
time and I would say today'sworld, self-care.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
The pendulum on self-care has probably swung too
far towards the self-caredirection and there's a lot of
parents who probably spend alittle too much time in
self-care from the standpoint ofhobbies and interests and
things like that.
Or, you know, I'm justdecompressing watching tv or I'm
just decompressing, you know,scrolling through social media
(23:09):
and be cautious about that.
Like, the beautiful thing aboutparenting, is it it?
You can't be a selfish parent.
You cannot be a good parent andbe selfish.
And we see this.
You know cultural swing of oh,you know we're going to be
double income, no kids, you know, and you know, not no judgment,
but it changes you when youbecome a parent and it makes a
(23:32):
less selfish society as a whole.
And so being willing to say yes,you do need to take care of
yourself, you need your sleep,you need to have.
You know, if you're as a guy, Ineed some guy time.
But it doesn't mean I need toplay golf on Saturday and Sunday
.
Like, I'm very intentional, Ialmost never play golf.
I have twice in the last monthand it's probably the only two
(23:53):
rounds I'll play all year on aSunday and one was Father's Day.
As a general rule.
It's like I spend.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I do it when it's not taking time away from the kids,
so Absolutely, and we will tellyou that parenting is the
hardest thing we've ever done,but also the most rewarding.
I mean, I love those kidsfiercely and it really helps me
understand the heavenly father,because you can love someone
fiercely and also still beannoyed, disappointed and even
ticked off at times.
(24:20):
So it has given me a whole newperspective on what it means to
have unconditional love from myheavenly father.
Okay, what boundaries areimportant to set between work
and family?
So I mean, for one thing for usthat works really well is that
we each have work days that aredesignated.
So, you know, in general I workMondays and Wednesdays, kevin
works Tuesdays and Thursdays.
That doesn't mean we don'tactually get work done on those
(24:42):
days, but if the kids are inschool, we have a lot of time to
do things during the day and weare more responsible for dinner
, evening plans, coordinatingwith childcare, getting them off
to school in the morning, andso that allows us each to have,
you know, half of the week freedup to work hard and the other
half to be much more presentwith as parents.
So that's one way we drawboundaries.
We also just have a lot ofdiscussions about what we can
(25:03):
commit to and what we can'tcommit to in different seasons.
And if it can't be both of us,can it be one of us?
So the question a mentor toldme one time was how can I?
yep instead of just saying Ican't do that, it's like, well,
maybe I can't do that, but also,how can I do it?
Like, maybe I can do it at asmaller portion or less often,
or just one of us can be a partof it, but not necessarily both
(25:24):
of us yeah, probably anotherthing that I think is really
important is just the no phonezone at mealtimes.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
oh my, my gosh.
I think you know we're allguilty of this.
But don't bring yourelectronics to the table.
Turn the TV off.
Make mealtime a sacred time forthe family.
You know, even with our busy,you know, when we're in some
busier sports seasons, we stillend up having a meal together
(25:52):
several times per week, which iswonderful and it's chaotic, but
it is such I mean, the researchis out there that meal times
family meal times are incrediblyimportant.
So I would say that is onething that everyone can do and I
highly recommend that we all dothat.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And also just planning, like family
experiences or trips, whereyou're just unplugging for a day
or a week.
And you know, I would say wedon't fully unplug for a week
when we travel to do familyexperiences, but we don't need
to work as much as we normallywould, and so it allows us to
have some really intense familytime.
Again, it's like we'rerefilling the cup and then I
would say, in my opinion, itdrains out fairly slowly, just
(26:29):
based on our everyday life, andthen we refill it up again quite
a bit.
So it's not ignoring our kidswhen we're back home, away from
vacation, but we have some veryintentional time where we go
deep and I think we create a lotof roots during that season and
that allows us to do somewatering through the in-between
seasons.
That lasts a lot longer than ifwe took one vacation a year for
one week and that was it.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
If you use that cup analogy and you know the reality
is, when you see your kidsacting out uh Dr Kevin Lehman is
great talking about this Likewhen they're acting out, that
means their love tank is empty,um.
But when you do intense familyactivity, whether it's a day at
the lake, um, or you know a dayat a water park or whatever it
(27:09):
might be for you guys, yourfamily, or it's a trip, we're
like we're fire hose filling thecup and the drain goes
typically much slower, and so wefind that we get a lot of ROI
on, you know, those trips andthe.
You know some of the fun thingsthat we do together and it
(27:30):
really buys us a lot of marginwhere the rest of the time we
really do divide and conquerquite a bit.
I've taken the kids to the laketwice this year and it's just
been me with a couple of thekids and it's actually been
awesome.
We've had an amazing time andyou've been actually staying
back to do some work and someother things.
But we just did a short trip afew weeks ago, actually staying
(27:52):
back to do some work and someother things, but that, but
we're getting.
You know, we just did a shorttrip, you know, a few weeks ago
where it was amazing.
It was very simple, didn't costmuch and we just had great
family time.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Absolutely so.
Let's talk about some researchinsights that we want to
highlight.
So first is time management iscritical.
We've even said it's less aboutI mean, it is about time
management, but even more soit's about energy management,
which means we have toprioritize and allocate our time
carefully as couplepreneurs.
Easily we can allow this to getout of whack, but it can be
(28:23):
done.
What I like to say is you canlive in the both, and it doesn't
have to be an either or it.
Also, research says that youneed to involve your kids early
on in age-appropriate ways tobuild skills and relationships.
Our kids have been growing upin this business for 13 years,
and so it's been really fun tosee the things that have rubbed
off on them.
I mean, just the other day ourmiddle son said something that
(28:45):
he noticed about us.
Oh, it was about driving, butbasically he was saying he has
caught a lot of things becausewe are the type of parents that
teach skills along the way.
We don't just make comments ormake their life easy.
You know, we actually look forways to pass along skills to
them, and so he was saying he'scaught a lot of that and he does
a lot of personal developmentreading.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Actually, and actually I will brag on our
oldest son, who recentlypurchased a car, and he was like
you're going to negotiate, forthis is this is what I think you
can get it for.
You're going to do thenegotiation and I'm confident
that that a very smallpercentage of 17 year olds in
America would have the balls topick up a phone and negotiate
(29:26):
the way that he did and you know, he saved himself about $800.
and it was pretty darn cool.
But that's just because we'veinvolved them in so much of the
day-to-day operation of ourbusiness.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Absolutely, and even our 13-year-old, who has been
working just a basketball job,has just been showing up on time
budgeting his money, you know,understanding the commitment
that he makes, and so I thinkthere's just a lot of those
things that again are caught.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
We're sharing the wins.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
by the way, We've got plenty of failures but we also
want to respect our kids, and sowe're not going to list out all
of the failures that either weor us have them have had at this
immediate moment.
Okay, and then create supportnetworks and communicate openly
about challenges.
That's huge.
I think we've been discussingcommunication quite a bit in
these last few episodes.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Stay, adapt, adaptable, have contingency
plans for family and business.
Everything's going to changeand understand that balance ebbs
and flows.
Some seasons are harder.
Yeah, I think just realizingit's not going to be constant
right, that you're going to haveseasons and we talk about
counterbalance, is reallyimportant.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah we even gave.
I mean, our goal is, when wesee something coming, to look
ahead whenever possible, to getahead of something that's going
to be challenging, and even tohave conversations with each
other like, hey, this next sixweeks is going to be a lot on
our plate.
I remember last fall we had alot going on and we basically
sat our kids down and we said,hey, the next four weeks are
just nuts.
We didn't plan it on it beingthis way, but things have gotten
(30:47):
added in and piled on.
We're going to do all thesethings and then we're going to
have a break for the holidaysand so just get ready.
It was a pretty rare level ofbusy for us, but we just gave
the kids a heads up and,honestly, it went pretty
smoothly because they weren'tsurprised by it and also because
we try not to run at that levelday in and day out.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So All right.
So balancing parenthood andentrepreneurship is no easy feat
, but it is possible to thrivein both realms.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Absolutely so.
We want to just do a quickrecap.
Entrepreneurial parents must beintentional with time and
priorities.
They need to involve their kidsin the business while
encouraging their own growth.
So we've had examples of thatthat we've shared with you.
Create a strong family culturealigned with your values, build
support systems and keepcommunication channels open.
(31:36):
And, for heaven's sakes, giveyourself grace, because balance
is a constant work in progress.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
By staying intentional, involving your kids
and relying on your supportnetwork, you can navigate this
tightrope with grace.
For more insights and resources, visit our website at
beckandkevcom.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Until next time, keep chasing uncommon freedom in
business and family.
Hey there, uncommon Freedom Fighters, kevin Tinter
here with my incredible wife andco-host, becca Tinter.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hello, in today's episode, we are diving into the
challenges and triumphs of beingboth a parent and an
entrepreneur, so we're going toexplore strategies for managing
limited time and energy, ways toinvolve kids in the business
while encouraging their ownpassions, how to create an
intentional family cultureamidst the demands of work, and
(00:33):
the importance of supportsystems and honest communication
.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
All right, so we're going to draw from our own
experiences We've been doingthis for over 13 years together
now, as entrepreneurial parentsand the insights we've gathered
from others on this journey.
We'll share practical tips andhonest reflections to help you
navigate this unique balancingact If you're ready to chase
uncommon freedom in bothbusiness and family.
Keep listening, friends.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Okay, so we are going to weave some important things
in from your book, and so wewant to talk about being
intentional, active parents andnot abdicating our role as
teacher.
We realized that part of beingan entrepreneur is delegating
and finding people to come intoour household or places for our
kids to go to be managed atdifferent seasons of our
(01:20):
business, to give us some timefreedom, but we've never wanted
to basically abdicate the roleof being parents or mentoring
them on their our core valuesand the things in life that we
think are the most important.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Yeah, no, we've had a childcare help actually for
quite a while.
Um, you know it started off withjust a little bit kind of more
like babysitting type stuff, uh,and then you know we have, you
know, nanny or a nanny, and youknow we've had, you know,
different nanny roles throughthe years.
But one thing we've been alwaysvery cautious about is we don't
(01:51):
want the nanny raising our kids.
I mean, we still want to seeour kids.
We still actually a lot oftimes we'll divide and conquer.
You know you'll do somethingand I'll be with the kids, or
I'll do something and you'll bewith the kids, with the kids, or
I'll do something and you'll bewith the kids.
We try to use the child carehelp for mundane tasks that
aren't super relationshipbuilding types of things,
(02:12):
because the reality is even alot of those mundane tasks
number one, there's bonding thathappens when you do them with
the children and even thingslike driving, like for us, the
pickup line.
I don't know we never had todeal with this in Oregon because
we walked our kids to and fromschool, but the whole pickup
line here in Arizona is actuallya big mess at the vast majority
(02:34):
of schools and you can spend 20, 30 minutes waiting to get
through it, and so that is notrelational time.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
No, it's not relation .
You're not talking to otherparents.
Exactly, you're not talking toyour kids.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, and you're not supposed to be on your phone
because you don't want to runover one of the little kids.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So that is something that we're kind of eager to
delegate for the most part to ananny, because, especially,
we've lived about five to 10minutes from school, so you're
not getting into greatconversations on the way home
anyways, and typically we savethat 30 minutes, we get stuff
(03:11):
done, they come home, comeinside and we get to see them
and connect with them thenAbsolutely, and so being
intentional active parents to us, I mean, I think you can be
active both in your physicalbody, so being active and doing
things with your kids playinggames, getting out into nature,
jumping on the trampoline,swimming and also active and
intentional in that we are themost responsible for how they
are turning out, not culture,not teachers, not the church,
(03:31):
and so it's taking those usuallyinconvenient opportunities to
course correct whenevernecessary.
So we do delegate the authorityto the babysitter or nanny if
they're taking care of ourchildren and we're not inside
the home, or if we are insidethe home and they're fully in
charge.
But even as we've trained somedifferent child care people some
of them do it really well, someof them still need us to step
(03:52):
in and what we want to make sureis our kids aren't, you know,
turning into spoiled bratsbecause we haven't had that
ability to follow up and kind ofhold to the values that are
important to us, even whilehaving having someone help us
out.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
And one of the best ways for us to maximize time
with kids is if we have a travel, a business travel event that
only requires one of us.
We have tried to take and it'sbeen me normally taking the boys
, but almost every chance I get,instead of going on a trip by
myself, which would be far morerelaxing, I try to bring the
(04:24):
kids with me, and as I talk toother parents who are
entrepreneurs and they've hadexperiences like this, there's
just so much quality time thathappens when you're traveling
with a child.
You're having conversations toand from the airport, if you're
flying, potentially on theflight, you know, at a hotel or
wherever you might be lodging,and just over meals, and it's
(04:45):
just that one-on-one time isalmost always very positive, and
so that is one thing that Iwould recommend that everyone
does.
Obviously, if you're travelingwith your spouse, then you're
probably not going to bring thekids, but if you are going solo,
pull your kids out of school,if you can, and spend that time
with them.
It's a really quality time andto the kids it's like a vacation
(05:08):
.
It might not be to you, but tothe kids it is definitely like a
vacation, and it really teachesthem what it takes to run a
business.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So how to relate to people, how to properly greet
people, how to handle customerservice issues, how to handle
stressful situations, how to begrateful for things, how to up
level your environment,basically, and associate with
people that are helping you tobecome better versions of
yourself, how to speak in public, how to manage finances there's
(05:32):
just so many things that can betied into having your kids come
alongside while you're workingyour business at home or away.
So the next thing is to createa strong family culture based on
your values, and for us, wereally decided early on in our
parenting journey what do wewant to be known for and what do
we want to accomplish?
Not be known for like famousbecause we have somehow shared
(05:55):
something with the world, butmore of what kind of kids do we
want to?
What?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
kind of adults do we want to launch into the world?
Yeah, the people who know us.
What are they going to sayabout us when we die?
How?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
do we want to launch into the world?
Yeah, the people who know us.
What are they going to sayabout us when we die?
How do we want our kids tolaunch into the world?
And there's a lot outside ofyour control as a parent.
I think most people know that,especially if you've gotten to
the teenage years.
But you can imprint for a longtime things that matter, that
will maybe agree with cultureand maybe not, and so it's
really important that you takethe time to do that as a parent
and an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, and I think a great little way to think about
this is do your kids have thiskind of understanding that
tenters do X and tenters don'tdo Y and it's not like a rule
thing, but it's like when youidentify with, when you have
that identity, you realize, okay, like we do, we do this and we
(06:50):
don't do that.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, and some families, I think, do it really
really well.
I would say we do it average.
In other words, we haven't likerepeated that mantra or phrase
with our kids a lot, but we havea lot of conversations about
integrity, honesty, patriotism,stewardship, things that
hopefully our kids are catchingright now because, again, most
things are caught versus justbeing directly taught.
And the other thing is to beauthentic, both at your house as
(07:13):
well as when you're away andwith people I know.
My kids have often said youknow, sometimes I have angry
voice and then answer the phoneand I have nice voice which
pretty much any adult can pulloff, but at the same time we
want to be the same kinds ofpeople in front of a crowd as we
would be in our home, and that,maybe, is something that we all
still need to work on.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, all right.
Invest quality time in yourkids, especially in the early
years.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yep, We've talked with other couples and families
and seen in our own life thatkids spell, you know, connection
with T I M E.
So I think we've workeddiligently through the years to
read to our kids, to play gameswith our kids and obviously
we've talked about dating thembefore.
So just having an intentionalone-on-one time with each child
at least once a month.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Yeah, and I wrapping up listening to a book called
Raising Spiritual Champions byGeorge Barna and I highly
recommend the book, but in it itjust really reinforces the
importance of character buildingand value impartation when kids
are young as far as likeworldview.
And it's just one of thosethings where sometimes I think
(08:21):
when you're building a business,it's like, well, we're going to
put in the hard time now sothat when they're teenagers we
can take vacations and life canbe good.
And I understand that you needto prepare for the future, but
there's a minimum amount of timeand effort that you need to put
into not saying do just theminimum.
(08:46):
But what I'm saying is don'tcheat your children when they're
young.
From that time, that characterbuilding, that value impartation
experiences, you know, and forus it's typically one of us is
almost always putting the kidsto bed and our routine is, you
know, reading the Bible withthem, reading a fun story with
them and actually finding a lotof different age-appropriate
(09:07):
children's Bibles that are fun.
And I found that it really hasactually developed my knowledge
of the Bible because I'm readingthrough it over and over.
I mean, gosh, I've read, youknow, obviously not the full
version of it, but we've readthrough the Bible more times
with our children than I everhave on my own and it's amazing
(09:28):
what that's done for my ownknowledge.
But just having those routinesyou know we try to typically put
our kids to bed and wake ourkids up, though we feel like
those are two important times.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Absolutely.
And then again, you know socommonly in households and it's
temptation for us as well it'slike to go towards TV or shows
in the evening and a lot oftimes it's saying hey, let's
play a game first.
You know, let's have qualitytime together before we just do
a side-by-side activity orbefore you veg out and I go in a
different room.
So just having thoseintentional connection times and
sewing into the relationshipand then letting kids experience
(10:01):
consequences, and be their ownpeople and then letting kids
experience consequences and betheir own people.
I would say this is somethingthat we have been pretty strong
about.
As a mom, I can tell you it'sreally difficult at times
because there's just a nurturingside of my heart unless I'm
super ticked off that thenurturing side of my heart would
love to rescue, would love tonurture, would love to fix.
(10:27):
And having a strong father ishelpful, especially raising boys
.
we'll see how it is when you getaround to evie, but um that's
why she has a mom, especially inthese teenage years, you know,
just to really allow nature totake its course.
You know we, we didn't say toour kids no, you can't climb
trees when you're little.
We were like, if it'sreasonably safe, you can do it,
and then just understand if youfall and get a broken arm it's
going to be a bummer and you'renot going to be able to play on
your basketball team yeah andthat was kind of how we handled
(10:48):
things when they were younger,and then the consequences have
gotten bigger and the uh.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
We've had to let them grow up on their own a little
bit yeah, we have, and I thinkone of the other common things I
see of couplepreneurs is theymany times have this desire
we're going to build thisbusiness and our kids are going
to take it over, and it's greatif they do.
But the reality is certainly intoday's world, very few people
(11:16):
follow in the career footstepsof their parents, and so just
because you built this business,it's really not reasonable to
assume that your kids willautomatically take it over
certainly not all of them, andfamily-run businesses,
especially the more familymembers you put into it, are
very difficult.
So I think that's another areawhere it's really important to
(11:38):
let your kids be their ownpeople we have.
I mean, we've talked about thebenefits of what we do with our
kids for over a decade now, butwe have never put any type of
pressure on them.
I think they would even agreewith that.
And it was actually pretty coolbecause a couple I don't know a
week ago or so, I was having aconversation with one of our
kids and he was actuallyexpressing some interest in what
(11:59):
we do and um, you know, he'snot there yet from an age
standpoint and some other things, but it was pretty cool and it
was just like yeah, I'll sharewith you whatever you want to
know and I'll teach you if youwant to do it, but just to still
not have any hope or identitytied into my child.
You know, continuing what we'redoing.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
The other thing I think we see with a lot of
couplepreneurs is, if theirbusiness allows them to create
wealth in a different way thanthey were raised, then the next
tendency is to spoil theirchildren, to basically give
their kids everything that theydidn't get shoes, clothes, new
cars, trips, things like that.
It's a difficult temptationbecause, just like our Heavenly
(12:40):
Father, you know, as an earthlyparent, I like to give good
gifts to my kids.
Just like our heavenly father,you know, as an earthly parent,
I like to give good gifts to mykids.
But we have been working onbeing really aware of this and
and basically teaching our kidslisten.
For a second generation,millionaires are very rare.
In other words, someone becomesa millionaire, makes that kind
of income, and then they pass itdown to their children, who've
(13:01):
been raised with a spoiledattitude, lack of work ethic,
and then they blow it and itends up ruining them and the and
the legacy does not live on,and so our goal has been to pass
along not generational wealth,but generational mindsets and
legacy mindsets aboutstewardship, about giving, about
tithing and teaching them thethings that, honestly, we
learned early on that havehelped us not just create wealth
(13:23):
but, uh, live it out in a waywhere it doesn't own us, you
know yeah, and actually is youkind of look at just the
societal decay that we're livingin right now?
Speaker 1 (13:34):
yeah it was interesting.
I was listening to dennisprager, who I have tremendous
amount of respect.
He's just a very wise personand he was talking about the
fact that the greatestgeneration, which is, I believe,
the world war ii generation,was.
You know, they were called thegreatest generation for a reason
, but one of the interestingpursuits of that entire
generation was I want I don'twant my kids to have to work as
(13:56):
hard as I did.
I want my kids to grow up withall the things that I didn't
have and as a parent, on the onehand, I understand that, but
what we're seeing is that weactually created a lot of
softness and, um, almost spoiledpeople.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And there's the saying right, uh, good times yes
if you have it hard times,create good men good men yes
anyway, we, we need.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
We should have figured the quote out hard times
create strong men yes strongmen create good times.
Good times create weak men, andweak men create hard times well
done and so I really believethat we are in the hard times
part of that cycle right nowpartly created by weak people
and and, yes, our kids have alot and they've experienced
(14:48):
things that so we tried.
The way that our kids arespoiled is through experiences,
some of the travel they've beenable to do, right um, but as a
general rule, if we fly you andI fly first class, our kids fly
coach and there might be thistemptation and you know what you
can do whatever you want.
We're not trying to bejudgmental here, right um, but
what we know is that when ourkids graduate, they're not going
(15:09):
to have the money and we're notgoing to be paying for first
class airfare for them, and whatwe don't want to do is create
this wet their appetite, for wewant to wet it so that they're
driven to want to salt the oatsyes, but we also don't want to
create this expectation that, oh, um, I should be flying first
class every time I fly and, umyou, um, you know, I should be
(15:30):
staying in the nicest hotelsversus the holiday inn, or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I know a lot of friends whose kids have nicer
clothes than I do and it's likeI.
It's interesting Again,everybody has their own way of
doing things and you know wedon't know everyone's individual
scenario, but you are settingthem up for a lifestyle that if
they can't, they can't afford itunless you're planning to fund
their life for a very long timeor they happen to just walk into
something or you give them yourwealth.
But it just is interesting.
(15:56):
So many of those kids havebarely had jobs.
They're getting handed nicecars, nice clothing and again,
are they learning to budgetreally?
Are they learning what it takesto run a household from some of
those decisions?
And so for us it's been like,hey, here's your clothing budget
, and if you blow it all on areally nice something, then
that's fine, but you may be outof underwear or you can start to
be discerning with your moneyand obviously the more you make,
(16:18):
the more freedom you could have.
But a lot of society right nowis just broke at a higher level,
unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Absolutely so what this all boils down to is to
pursue your own family's versionof uncommon freedom.
So for some people, uncommonfreedom may be, you know, more
heavily in travel, might be moreheavily in lifestyle things, it
might be more heavily in givingand, you know, doing family
mission trips and things likethat.
(16:45):
Hopefully you're finding abalance.
But you know our version ofuncommon freedom is going to be
different, and so the key isfigure out what are the values,
what are the priorities that youhave, and go build your life,
go build your business so thatyour family can achieve what
your version of uncommon freedomlooks like.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Absolutely so we have some questions from that our
potential listeners might have.
So number one is how can I makemy limited time with my kids
really count?
Because we know that inanything you're going to be
juggling and we don't talk aboutbalance so much as we talk
about counterbalancing andliving more of an integrated
life, because we just found thatthere's no way to, there's no
real way to balance.
You can't have everything getthe same amount out of the pie.
(17:27):
Not everything is going to get20% or two hours.
It's basically going to be, youknow, counterbalancing and
living more of an integratedlife.
But, babe, how can people maketheir limited time really count?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Well, I think one of the tips that I've heard for
years is to just spend time withyour kids.
With running errands, like, ifyou have young kids, it's very
tedious, but that is somethingwhere you can do it by yourself.
And if you do it by yourself,you're gonna be a little bit
faster, but there's really noother added benefit to it.
(18:00):
And so if it's gonna take you20 minutes to run an errand by
yourself or 30 minutes to run itwith your kid, spend the extra
10 minutes and bring your kidalong.
There's conversations thathappen, it's just.
I think that's one of the mostbasic ways for us to maximize
our limited time.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I would also say you know, there's an adage that was
passed along to us that we haveshared many, many times with
many, many people, and that ispresence is not the same as
proximity.
And so, you know, in a worldwhere we work from home, we can
be working a lot of the day.
We don't necessarily haveoffice hours, we're not clocking
in and clocking out.
It's really important, withyour family, to be able to
(18:41):
determine which situations arejust proximity and which ones
should be presence.
And proximity could be like yourkid, your daughter is coloring.
You know our, know, ourdaughter is coloring, doing a
puzzle.
I'm sitting next to her and I'mworking on my social media
posts or following up onmessages or sending emails.
But if she and I were agreeingto play a game and I'm answering
messages on my phone in themiddle of the game, then it
(19:03):
feels like a break in trust,because she was expecting me to
be present and now I'm reallyjust in proximity.
So that's I a way as well thatyou can just be aware of the
time.
It doesn't necessarily have tobe a huge amount of time, but
the quality of the time willmatter to them.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
All right, let's talk about some age appropriate ways
to involve your kids inbusiness, and I absolutely love
this one because actuallythere's potential to really take
advantage of some tax savingswith this one.
If you can, if you have theright business structure, talk
to your accountant, yourattorney, whoever is appropriate
for you, but you might actuallybe able to put your kids on
payroll at a very young age, andwe'll just share that.
(19:40):
You know, we have all four ofour kids on payroll.
They do a lot of differentthings for us in the business
Social media.
You know.
Basically they're models forsocial media branding and things
like that.
They help us set up events.
Something that can be done at avery young age is, if you send
out either a referral card orthank you card or anything like
that, or a Christmas card or aThanksgiving card, have your
(20:04):
kids help you stuff theenvelopes, put these stamps on
if they don't come pre-stamped,or anything like that.
Those are things that you canhave your kids do for you.
We talked about this.
If you're hosting any type ofevent in your home, they can
help you set up, tear down,clean up garbage and things like
that Something else that all mykids do, except for our
youngest, is I still reconcilepersonally all of our credit
(20:28):
card accounts.
Yes, I could delegate it.
It really helps me to havesituational awareness on where
we're at with our finances.
So it doesn't take me a lot oftime.
But I have each one of my kidstake turns helping me with those
different things and it'samazing because they see what
some things cost and they'relike, wow, it's creating this
(20:49):
appreciation for the value of adollar, or what little value a
dollar has these days when theythey, you know, when we're
checking off something that theywere a part of, and they're
like, wow, I didn't realize itcosts that much.
So that is something I reallyrecommend as well.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Okay, and how do we handle mom and dad guilt from
not being present enough?
Well, number one I think we'verecognized there's seasons in
our life and seasons in ourbusiness.
There was one season that werefer to in our business called
the crazy season, when we werespecifically planning to bring
Kevin home and we knew we had towork really pretty hard six
days a week, and we did notignore our kids.
(21:27):
They were around.
I would say they have nomemories, probably, of us not
being present during that time,but we use childcare.
We were very strategic.
We actually cut a lot of ourstuff out to make sure that we
could fit work in, but we alsojust said, hey, we're building
for the school and this is whatwe're doing.
We're bringing dad home, andbecause we were in that season,
we were willing to give up a lotless free time than we might
(21:49):
normally want to protect, and sothat was one thing is just
knowing the seasons we're in.
The other thing is working fromhome means we see our kids for a
lot of little things, and so Iwas expressing this on one of my
social media posts.
But a lot of the things for meare the hellos, the goodbyes,
the check-ins.
It doesn't really take a lot oftime.
Some kids don't want to spendevery minute with you Most kids
actually don't.
(22:09):
They just want to know thatyou're there if you need them
and that you care about whatthey care about and that you're
interested in being available tothem, and so you know when
someone's love tank is low, thenyou absolutely need to notice
that and stop what you're doingand kind of plan to pour into
that.
And especially when we travel,I would say we also
counterbalance quite a bit, likeif we've been gone for a week
(22:30):
we don't come right in and jumpback into work that next day or
that the day that we come homewe plan family activities and
and really we also tag team.
So I feel like our kids aregetting one of us most of the
time and I would say today'sworld, self-care.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
The pendulum on self-care has probably swung too
far towards the self-caredirection and there's a lot of
parents who probably spend alittle too much time in
self-care from the standpoint ofhobbies and interests and
things like that.
Or, you know, I'm justdecompressing watching tv or I'm
just decompressing, you know,scrolling through social media
(23:09):
and be cautious about that.
Like, the beautiful thing aboutparenting, is it it?
You can't be a selfish parent.
You cannot be a good parent andbe selfish.
And we see this.
You know cultural swing of oh,you know we're going to be
double income, no kids, you know, and you know, not no judgment,
but it changes you when youbecome a parent and it makes a
(23:32):
less selfish society as a whole.
And so being willing to say yes,you do need to take care of
yourself, you need your sleep,you need to have.
You know, if you're as a guy, Ineed some guy time.
But it doesn't mean I need toplay golf on Saturday and Sunday
.
Like, I'm very intentional, Ialmost never play golf.
I have twice in the last monthand it's probably the only two
(23:53):
rounds I'll play all year on aSunday and one was Father's Day.
As a general rule.
It's like I spend.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I do it when it's not taking time away from the kids,
so Absolutely, and we will tellyou that parenting is the
hardest thing we've ever done,but also the most rewarding.
I mean, I love those kidsfiercely and it really helps me
understand the heavenly father,because you can love someone
fiercely and also still beannoyed, disappointed and even
ticked off at times.
(24:20):
So it has given me a whole newperspective on what it means to
have unconditional love from myheavenly father.
Okay, what boundaries areimportant to set between work
and family?
So I mean, for one thing for usthat works really well is that
we each have work days that aredesignated.
So, you know, in general I workMondays and Wednesdays, kevin
works Tuesdays and Thursdays.
That doesn't mean we don'tactually get work done on those
(24:42):
days, but if the kids are inschool, we have a lot of time to
do things during the day and weare more responsible for dinner
, evening plans, coordinatingwith childcare, getting them off
to school in the morning, andso that allows us each to have,
you know, half of the week freedup to work hard and the other
half to be much more presentwith as parents.
So that's one way we drawboundaries.
We also just have a lot ofdiscussions about what we can
(25:03):
commit to and what we can'tcommit to in different seasons.
And if it can't be both of us,can it be one of us?
So the question a mentor toldme one time was how can I?
yep instead of just saying Ican't do that, it's like, well,
maybe I can't do that, but also,how can I do it?
Like, maybe I can do it at asmaller portion or less often,
or just one of us can be a partof it, but not necessarily both
(25:24):
of us yeah, probably anotherthing that I think is really
important is just the no phonezone at mealtimes.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
oh my, my gosh.
I think you know we're allguilty of this.
But don't bring yourelectronics to the table.
Turn the TV off.
Make mealtime a sacred time forthe family.
You know, even with our busy,you know, when we're in some
busier sports seasons, we stillend up having a meal together
(25:52):
several times per week, which iswonderful and it's chaotic, but
it is such I mean, the researchis out there that meal times
family meal times are incrediblyimportant.
So I would say that is onething that everyone can do and I
highly recommend that we all dothat.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And also just planning, like family
experiences or trips, whereyou're just unplugging for a day
or a week.
And you know, I would say wedon't fully unplug for a week
when we travel to do familyexperiences, but we don't need
to work as much as we normallywould, and so it allows us to
have some really intense familytime.
Again, it's like we'rerefilling the cup and then I
would say, in my opinion, itdrains out fairly slowly, just
(26:29):
based on our everyday life, andthen we refill it up again quite
a bit.
So it's not ignoring our kidswhen we're back home, away from
vacation, but we have some veryintentional time where we go
deep and I think we create a lotof roots during that season and
that allows us to do somewatering through the in-between
seasons.
That lasts a lot longer than ifwe took one vacation a year for
one week and that was it.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
If you use that cup analogy and you know the reality
is, when you see your kidsacting out uh Dr Kevin Lehman is
great talking about this Likewhen they're acting out, that
means their love tank is empty,um.
But when you do intense familyactivity, whether it's a day at
the lake, um, or you know a dayat a water park or whatever it
(27:09):
might be for you guys, yourfamily, or it's a trip, we're
like we're fire hose filling thecup and the drain goes
typically much slower, and so wefind that we get a lot of ROI
on, you know, those trips andthe.
You know some of the fun thingsthat we do together and it
(27:30):
really buys us a lot of marginwhere the rest of the time we
really do divide and conquerquite a bit.
I've taken the kids to the laketwice this year and it's just
been me with a couple of thekids and it's actually been
awesome.
We've had an amazing time andyou've been actually staying
back to do some work and someother things.
But we just did a short trip afew weeks ago, actually staying
(27:52):
back to do some work and someother things, but that, but
we're getting.
You know, we just did a shorttrip, you know, a few weeks ago
where it was amazing.
It was very simple, didn't costmuch and we just had great
family time.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Absolutely so.
Let's talk about some researchinsights that we want to
highlight.
So first is time management iscritical.
We've even said it's less aboutI mean, it is about time
management, but even more soit's about energy management,
which means we have toprioritize and allocate our time
carefully as couplepreneurs.
Easily we can allow this to getout of whack, but it can be
(28:23):
done.
What I like to say is you canlive in the both, and it doesn't
have to be an either or it.
Also, research says that youneed to involve your kids early
on in age-appropriate ways tobuild skills and relationships.
Our kids have been growing upin this business for 13 years,
and so it's been really fun tosee the things that have rubbed
off on them.
I mean, just the other day ourmiddle son said something that
(28:45):
he noticed about us.
Oh, it was about driving, butbasically he was saying he has
caught a lot of things becausewe are the type of parents that
teach skills along the way.
We don't just make comments ormake their life easy.
You know, we actually look forways to pass along skills to
them, and so he was saying he'scaught a lot of that and he does
a lot of personal developmentreading.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Actually, and actually I will brag on our
oldest son, who recentlypurchased a car, and he was like
you're going to negotiate, forthis is this is what I think you
can get it for.
You're going to do thenegotiation and I'm confident
that that a very smallpercentage of 17 year olds in
America would have the balls topick up a phone and negotiate
(29:26):
the way that he did and you know, he saved himself about $800.
and it was pretty darn cool.
But that's just because we'veinvolved them in so much of the
day-to-day operation of ourbusiness.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Absolutely, and even our 13-year-old, who has been
working just a basketball job,has just been showing up on time
budgeting his money, you know,understanding the commitment
that he makes, and so I thinkthere's just a lot of those
things that again are caught.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
We're sharing the wins.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
by the way, We've got plenty of failures but we also
want to respect our kids, and sowe're not going to list out all
of the failures that either weor us have them have had at this
immediate moment.
Okay, and then create supportnetworks and communicate openly
about challenges.
That's huge.
I think we've been discussingcommunication quite a bit in
these last few episodes.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Stay, adapt, adaptable, have contingency
plans for family and business.
Everything's going to changeand understand that balance ebbs
and flows.
Some seasons are harder.
Yeah, I think just realizingit's not going to be constant
right, that you're going to haveseasons and we talk about
counterbalance, is reallyimportant.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah we even gave.
I mean, our goal is, when wesee something coming, to look
ahead whenever possible, to getahead of something that's going
to be challenging, and even tohave conversations with each
other like, hey, this next sixweeks is going to be a lot on
our plate.
I remember last fall we had alot going on and we basically
sat our kids down and we said,hey, the next four weeks are
just nuts.
We didn't plan it on it beingthis way, but things have gotten
(30:47):
added in and piled on.
We're going to do all thesethings and then we're going to
have a break for the holidaysand so just get ready.
It was a pretty rare level ofbusy for us, but we just gave
the kids a heads up and,honestly, it went pretty
smoothly because they weren'tsurprised by it and also because
we try not to run at that levelday in and day out.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So All right.
So balancing parenthood andentrepreneurship is no easy feat
, but it is possible to thrivein both realms.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Absolutely so.
We want to just do a quickrecap.
Entrepreneurial parents must beintentional with time and
priorities.
They need to involve their kidsin the business while
encouraging their own growth.
So we've had examples of thatthat we've shared with you.
Create a strong family culturealigned with your values, build
support systems and keepcommunication channels open.
(31:36):
And, for heaven's sakes, giveyourself grace, because balance
is a constant work in progress.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
By staying intentional, involving your kids
and relying on your supportnetwork, you can navigate this
tightrope with grace.
For more insights and resources, visit our website at
beckandkevcom.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Until next time, keep chasing uncommon freedom in
business and family.
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