August 1, 2024 • 42 mins
Parenting teenagers can be an emotional rollercoaster. How do you stay the course when faced with unexpected challenges? In this deeply personal episode, Kevin and Bekah courageously share their recent struggles and victories in parenting their teens.
Drawing from their experiences, they discuss:
- The power of fully surrendering your children to God
- How community support can be a lifeline in difficult times
- Making tough parenting decisions and following through
- Finding unexpected blessings in the midst of trials
Kevin and Bekah offer an honest look at the realities of raising teens in today's world, including the impact of technology and outside influences. They share how their faith was tested and ultimately strengthened through recent family challenges.
Whether you're in the thick of the teen years or preparing for them, this episode offers hope, practical wisdom, and a reminder that you're not alone in the parenting journey. Join us for a conversation that will inspire you to parent with purpose, even when it's difficult.
Subscribe and tell a friend!
Get my book "The Seven Disciplines of Uncommon Freedom" on Amazon!
Visit bekandkev.com today to sign up for our email newsletter.
Access our Free health assessment HERE
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey Freedom Fighters, kevin Tinter here, welcome back
to the Uncommon Freedom Show.
Today I am once again joined bymy beautiful and amazing
co-host and wife of almost 26years.
In fact, by the time this airs,we might have celebrated our
26th anniversary.
So, beck, happy anniversary.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Thanks, babe, and what a joyful journey it has
been overall.
So, hey, everyone, it's greatto be with you today.
Yes, babe, I am so excited thatwe are celebrating 26 years of
marriage and it really has beenan incredible journey.
So we feel passionate abouthelping people thrive physically
, financially and inrelationships, and so today we
wanted to spend some timetalking about the relational
side of things, especially whenit comes to your kids and
(00:50):
helping them move forward inlife by helping them get into
rooms and spaces with peoplethat will open their
perspectives, that will broadentheir horizons and also help
them have deep roots.
So let's talk about your recenttrip.
You just got back from anincredible trip with our oldest
son, carson, who is 17, going on18.
And you guys went to Greece forlike 10 days.
(01:12):
So tell our listeners aboutthat experience.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, it was an amazing, amazing experience.
Basically, we got theinvitation I don't know months
ago and it was incrediblytempting when we got the
invitation.
But also, you know, as wetalked about lifestyle design,
you know when we received it,you have the opportunity, but
you also have look at the cost,and not just financially, but
(01:37):
just from a time standpoint, andit was a little bit challenging
to figure out how we're goingto make this work.
Obviously, you and I goingtogether would have been, in
many ways, the ideal scenario,but you're doing your Brooke
Thomas Mastermind this year,which is coming with at least
three weeks of travel foryourself, away from us, away
(01:58):
from the family.
You're like I don't want tospend another week.
It was actually.
I was gone for about 12, 13days actually.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
It's a lot of childcare for us to get it is
yeah, so we have to use thatvery judiciously.
In fact, the saying that comesto mind, babe, is you know,
capability is not the same ascapacity.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And we have used that a lot when talking about
lifestyle design and how to, youknow, combine business with
family and how to create aquality lifestyle.
And I think we're pretty goodat weighing out what those
things are and deciding yeah,I'm capable and we would have
loved the time away together.
It would have been a phenomenaltrip for us.
But I was saying, you know,I've been to Greece, I am going
to Italy in September, and thoseare times we're going to be
away from the kids, and what isthe best decision for me it
(02:47):
those are times we're going tobe away from the kids and what
is the best decision for me it'sthat you go with someone else.
And then it was really neat tokind of say okay, carson is
going into a senior year.
You know, he's the next one upfor a really special and
one-on-one time with you, Ithink in this type of capacity
and the oldest, so he's probablygoing to experience it the best
and really just wanting him tohave that one-on-one time with
you.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, and actually you know, around the time that
we made the decision for Carsonto join me, we were really in a
very different spot relationallywith our two oldest kids and we
want to be very cautious aboutyou know how many details we
reveal, but we will share thatthe last year plus has been the
hardest of our lives.
Yeah, it was, and really thelast probably six months have
been well, the last couplemonths have been probably the
best, so we've shared the stageof parenting.
(03:34):
Yes, we've seen a majortransformation, really a
spiritual revival.
Yeah, and just the almost a 180in our kids and just almost a
180 in our kids and last nightwe enjoyed our double debt with.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Carson, which stands for Deep Emotional Bonding Time.
If you have not heard us talkabout that before, we've been
dating our kids for close to adecade, I think.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, we started it, Carson.
I remember he was only aboutfive years old when we kind of
fell into this.
I would take him out for adonut back when we lived in
Oregon and I think donuts were25 cents, maybe 50 cents back
then.
Inflation has kicked in, but itwas.
It was kind of like, oh, I'lltake him out for a donut and I
was like, oh, this is a reallygood thing, and we kind of
formalized it from there.
(04:19):
Correct.
We formalized the dates andthen started having you take,
you know, the kids out.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
We rotated.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Um, so yeah, so the date thing has been going on for
probably 12 plus years and, uh,it was.
You know, last night was justit was awesome, our best
experience.
It was it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
We were reflecting on the fact that, with him,
together, probably six times inthe last two years or something,
because we take them out well,yeah, they each get a double
debt with us.
Uh, at least four times a yearand renamed debt from date,
because teenagers at some pointwere like that's weird, I don't
want to date my parents andwe're like, okay, we understand
so.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But the truth is they do not want to miss.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
No, they ask us hey when am I getting my date this
month or my debt this month?
So we did rename it debt deepemotional bonding time, kind of
as a joke.
But the truth is that is ourgoal.
It is our goal to haveone-on-one conversation, eyeball
to eyeball, tell us how life isgoing, what are your highlights
, what's hard you know.
What are you willing to sharewith us?
We're here to listen.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
But last night was, it was so much fun I mean we
just laughed and just to see theum, the, the healthy, you know,
god-intended personality of ourson come back was so rewarding.
You know, as father, seeing myalmost adult son, you know,
reach over and just initiate ahug with you and just really
(05:40):
enjoy your time together.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Oh, and he sat in the booth with me, yeah, he didn't
want to sit in the chair on theopposite side of the table.
He was like move over, I'mcoming in.
And when you've had a season ofjust a dry spell in
relationships, this could be inyour marriage, this could be
with your kids.
Um, you, you miss therelational equity and you wonder
if it will come back and ifthat is just lost for you and
for us.
We experienced like the return,I think, in this last season
(06:03):
and it's been such a sweet I donot take one minute of it for
granted when that that young manthat almost grown up, basically
, uh, you know, definitelytaller than me, bigger than me,
leaned over and squeezed me andgave me a hug, um, and just to
see his, his adult banter, hissarcasm, and really it was like
hanging with a good friend.
Yeah, it really was we reallyenjoyed our dinner together and
(06:25):
we laughed and we teased andit's what parents told us was
coming when your kids get toyoung adulthood.
But we just had been in areally rough season and we just
kept leaning in and saying we'renot quitting on you, we're not
going to stand by while thingsare not great, we're going to do
what we need to do, as parentsdo the hard decisions, but we
love you unconditionally.
We're not going anywhere andwe're your biggest fans.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, you know, it was really cool when we are on
this trip.
Uh, one of my friends who I meton another John Maxwell trip
last September, who is a friendbut also a mentor his kids are a
little bit younger than us, um,so we have this friendship, but
also he has a ton of wisdom topass on to me and we were
(07:06):
talking on this trip and it wasreally fun having Carson around
for many of these conversations.
He's like you know, the bestthing in the world is when your
kids become your best friends.
You know he was.
Chris was telling me he's likeI've got amazing friends but
there's no one I would ratherother than his wife.
That you know.
There's no one he'd rather playgolf with than his boys, and
(07:26):
his kids are older.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
You, I think you said younger, but you meant older
they're younger than you and Ithey're older than our kids.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
So, yeah, they're there, so they're younger than
us.
So they're in their twenties andthirties basically Exactly,
yeah, and maybe even a littlebit older than I'm not sure, but
, um, you know much furtherahead in establishing their
careers and with you knowthey're married and have kids.
Um, but just really saying, youknow, if you do things right
(07:53):
and you invest in thatrelationship, uh, you know you
have the potential.
And I think one of the mistakesthat a lot of parents make is
they're trying to be their kid'sbest friend when they're not
adults yet.
And we have not made thatmistake.
We've made more than our fairshare of parenting mistakes, but
we've been very clear that youknow, our goal is not to have
happy kids, it's to raisesuccessful, contributing adults,
(08:16):
and if that's done, then wewill hopefully become, you know,
good friends.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
And even in some of our most painful parenting
experiences, I think when we'vebeen the most frustrated, the
most angry I mean we've probablysaid things we regret.
I remember thinking to myself Iwant to make sure my kids know
that they are cherished becauseand that they are, they are so
deeply loved and fiercely lovedthat that's where a lot of the
(08:42):
angst comes from.
And in fact, if you haven'tparented the teenagers yet, you
know get ready.
But for me, I think thegreatest lesson of parenting at
this age because when they'relittle, there's a lot of needs
but there's a lot of innocence.
So the decisions that are madeand the mistakes that are made
are foolishness and childishness, where, when they're older, yes
, it's still foolishness, butit's a lot more conscious
(09:03):
decisions that are made.
And so it makes you feel morepersonally tied to their
decisions.
And I think what has been reallypowerful is to say gosh, if the
God of heaven can love meunconditionally, with all of my
sin and imperfections andrepeated mistakes and failures,
you know how much.
It's just very easy for me tosee my father in heaven as a
(09:25):
loving father, because I knowthat we love our kids so
fiercely, even when they've beenthe biggest pain in the butt,
even when they've disappointedus beyond what we could have
imagined, um that we love themso fiercely, and I think it just
connects me back to how howmuch the heavenly father loves
me so but this is a sweet spot,yeah, and one of the other
things that we were talkingabout is, you know, we we had
(09:46):
several double debts or you know, single debts with our older
kids last year.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
We're like, okay, we're just doing this because
we're hanging in there.
We're, we're, we're doing itpartly out of you know, it was
the commitment and sometimes,like you, do things yeah yeah,
you do things because you makethe investment and, honestly,
some of the debts they were likethey weren't fun no, we're
dealing with grouchy kids yeah,like what's the point?
(10:13):
why are we spending two hundreddollars on, you know, a nice
meal with our, our child, whenthey're, you know, giving us?
You know gorilla grunts, youknow guerrilla grunts, you know,
for communication, yeah, butyou're sowing seeds into the
relationship, right?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
And we have seen the fruit this last season.
And for those of you stillgoing through the really hard
times, I would say you know, befaithful, Don't lose heart.
We had a lot of people comealongside us and say you're
going to make it, it's going tobe okay and sorry you know, just
keep going.
And there were some really hardtimes where you feel like you're
(10:51):
losing your kids and thatyou're not ever going to see the
best in them.
And we just walked in faithbecause you know God promises
that if we're faithful, um, thatthe story's not unwritten.
And the other thing that Ireally learned, gosh, we didn't
think we're going to that thestory's not unwritten.
And the other thing that Ireally learned, gosh, we didn't
think we're going to go thisdirection.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, these are the most enjoyable.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, I don't know if I read it in a book or someone
said it to me, but it was don'tinterrupt the story that God is
writing for them.
And that is very difficult as aparent, because as a mom I can
just tell you my deepest desireis to protect and nurture.
So I don't want to see, I don'twant to see a skinned knee, I
don't want to see any injuries.
You know I I've never been oneto baby, our boys especially,
(11:31):
but I still, like, my gut getspunched when they're injured or
hurt and it feels hard to letthem walk through the painful
seasons.
But it was really importantbecause we just can't control it
all, and so it was almosttaking away my sanity at times.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah, and I, you know we talk about helping people
thrive physically, financially,in the relationships.
One of the things we want toencourage you is when, when the
seas are calm, work your buttoff to build the business.
That will give you uncommonfreedom to steward your finances
, finances wisely, to give youthe margin because the storms
(12:08):
will come and when the stormscome you're going to have to
pull back because we could havemade the decision, say, you know
what, whatever kids, whateverhappens, happens.
We got to grow this businessand instead we were able to
actually prioritize what neededto be prioritized at that moment
by investing financially andfrom a time standpoint into our
(12:29):
kids.
And you know this, we're goinga total different direction than
we had intended with this.
But you know what?
I think that there's otherpeople out there that need to
hear this and you know what.
We we have shared this withpeople personally, but not on a
broad scale.
But we came to a point where wehad warned at least one of our
(12:50):
kids that if certain behaviorscontinued, that we would have to
take some drastic measures,including aborting school.
And we got to the point where,basically, they forced our hand
in it and we had to look at eachother and say, really, we
already made the decision.
The question is are we going tofollow through with our
(13:12):
commitment?
As far as what's going tohappen?
And it was the most difficultdecision we ever had to make we
did it on our fourth quarterretreat of 2023.
Uh, it was the most miserableretreat we've ever had.
We cried, we cried, we cried,but we came to a point where,
(13:34):
like Abraham, we said, god, thisis the right thing to do.
And this is when Abraham youknow God told him hey, I want
you to sacrifice your son Isaacto me.
And Abraham marched him up themountain put him on the altar.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Very clearly, we both got the same vision, and
separately, without discussingit.
This is us walking Isaac up themountain, knowing it was in
obedience to what was needed.
It was not what we wanted to do.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
It was horrible.
It was so far from us this isall going down right before
Christmas folks.
Yeah, and we made the decision,and I mean we could write a
whole book about this.
But you know, part of the hugereason that we have
transformation in our kids isbecause of influences.
And our friends, will and Amanda, and their entire amazing
(14:22):
community of the Garden andBakersfield, the Garden Church
and Bakersfield and the peoplethat they associate with.
But, folks, this is whycommunity is so important, right
?
This is why community is soimportant, right?
Is that God used these peoplewho you know the kid?
We connected with Amandathrough business, but that's not
the primary like.
(14:43):
That's not what ourrelationship is about.
Our relationship is reallyabout friendship, and God used
business as a vehicle to makethe connection, especially for
our kids, to will um and toreally open their door to a
whole new community.
But we, it's just.
This is why getting in otherrooms is so important Running
(15:05):
with lions, not just in business, but running with lions in
every area of life.
Will is a spiritual lion and heconnects with our kids in a
very special way, and it'simportant for all of our kids to
have those spiritual lions thatthey will connect with and not
be just you.
So anyways.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Well, actually I want to.
I want to go back in timeactually, since we did, since we
ended up this direction.
I really want to go back intime and talk about what
happened to me in November oflast year, which was you know
you talk about getting indifferent rooms I had joined
this mastermind for bothspiritual and business
development.
I really dedicated myself toshowing up to it this year.
I had enjoyed it last year butkind of got a little bit out of
(15:50):
it, only put a little bit oftime into it.
My faith did grow, which wasamazing, and in it I learned to
walk and talk with Jesus muchmore carefully.
And then I went to this Novemberretreat, or an in-person event
actually, and I knew that Iwanted to get baptized in the
Pacific ocean.
You know, um Brooke Thomas talksabout, you know, the Pacific
ocean.
The waters touch all the othercontinents and all the other
(16:11):
waters, so it's just got thisspiritual significance and I
thought that's amazing.
I want to do that for ourbusiness, I want to do that for
my life and I really felt calledto do it.
So I was going into it alreadyprepared, when I had gone to a
previous event a lot of myfriends had gotten baptized and
I was like and I'm sayingre-baptized I've been baptized
before and I didn't feel like Ihad to.
It was more of just, peoplewere doing it the time before
(16:32):
and I was like that's wonderfulfor them.
I do not feel called to do it,but this time I thought I really
do.
I want to rededicate just thisseason of life with Jesus and
the way my relationship has beenwith him.
But we were worshiping beforewe went down and during worship
I felt so distinctly told.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Had we made our decision at this point.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
No, this was before.
I mean, we had been talkingabout it and really you had been
saying we're going to have todo something and I was saying I
can't.
I really I think I was saying Ican't do this.
I know it's the right thing,but I can't yield.
And so I basically, you know, Iwent to the retreat and I went
to worship and it wasinteresting that God so very
(17:11):
clearly said to me surrender.
And I don't know if any of youhave needed to surrender, or
maybe you do need to surrender,but it was one of those I was
like well, of course, god, I'llsurrender, like I love you, I
believe in you.
But no, clearly he said to mein the middle of worship that
day I want you to surrender yourchildren to me completely.
And it was kind of the one areaI was unwilling.
It was like I was holding onI'll give you 80%, god, but not
(17:33):
the 20%, because the 20% means Idon't know how it's going to
end.
I have no control over it, I'mscared.
And just so clearly duringworship he said give me all of
it, give me all of them.
And it was like he loves themmore than I do.
So I on my face, just full outsurrender, not understanding
what was coming.
I laid them down, I gotbaptized.
(17:55):
It was a very joyful time forme.
I was actually like this isamazing, I love Jesus.
I submitted, you know,surrendered my kids, and I came
home and you know, we wentthrough the rest of our season
in November it wasn't great,december wasn't great, and we
got to this point of decisionand as painful and as hard as it
was, now in hindsight I canlook back and be and tell, tell
(18:15):
myself and and let God remind methat, um, you know,
breakthrough for breakthrough tohappen, you guys, sometimes we
have to go first.
Sometimes, as a leader, youhave to go first.
As a parent, you have to gofirst.
As a spouse, you have to gofirst.
And it wasn't like Kevin wasn'tleading our home, but for me, I
was holding us up because I, mychildren, are of my top three.
I mean it's God, kevin and mykids, like in that order.
(18:37):
But I fiercely love these kidsand I just was like I can't do
it, you know.
But once I did, the decisionwas extremely painful, but I
knew God was with us.
Who?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
captured that photo, cause the photo that you shared
um in one of our uh, I think ourArizona freedom crew thread
think jeff and ashlyn actuallywere there taking okay, because
that they photographed mybaptism.
Yeah, um, it wasn't it wasn't aposed photo, but the look of
surrender on your face is veryevident yeah, I was full out in
(19:09):
worship.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
I was, you know, there's probably another picture
out there, but definitely on myknees with jesus after that
picture and then just thejoyousness of, you know, coming
up out of the water and feelinglike I just had given God
another piece that I hadn'tgiven him yet.
So I think there's a lot of usthat you know we've surrendered
to God certain things, but wehaven't really given him all the
parts.
You know it might be maybeyou're holding back your
business, maybe you're holdingback your marriage, maybe you're
(19:32):
holding back a relationship,and I can tell you there is a
sweet, sweet part of obedience,and we don't always feel it
immediately, but it is just thatcomplete trust in the Lord.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, so December of 2023,.
Basically, we had made thedecision that our two of our
boys were actually going to goto a boarding school very
difficult decision yeah, and itwas for 12 months, I think.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
If it was like, hey, somebody needs a wake-up call
for six weeks, it would havebeen like, okay, this is
necessary, it's important.
But as a parent because thisreally affected both of us very
similarly and you're far lessemotional than I am yeah, um, it
was gut, gut wrenching.
Yeah so 50% of our family beinggone for a year.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
We.
This was, you know, for us,this was like Abraham putting
Isaac on the altar saying God.
This doesn't make any sense tome, but I know it's what you're
calling us to do.
I've got my monthly poker game.
Our dear Will, who is anamazing, special mentor and
friend to our boys, who lives inBakersfield, an eight-hour
(20:41):
drive away, loves poker.
Had played with me one othertime when he happened to be in
town and is always like I wantto be there, I want to be there,
I want to be there.
Folks, this is how God worksmiracles.
This is a real-life miracle forus, because when I share the
sequence of events that I'mabout to share folks, there is
no explanation like this ismiraculous.
(21:03):
Is trump turning his head atthe right moment?
So poker is scheduled less thana week before we're supposed to
fly our kids to the boardingschool.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
They they don't even know they're going.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
They don't even know they're going, because the
advice from the boarding schoolis don't tell your kids, quite
possibly until you show up,which we weren't going to do, we
didn't know, but we didn't knowhow to tell her really
struggling with when and how.
Yeah, it was my greatest, itwas horrible.
My greatest prayer was that theynot feel sent away but then
(21:40):
understand that the pain of thisdecision was because of how
much we loved them.
Yeah, so we're dealing withthis, it's, we're staring down
the barrel of this gun.
You know our our scheduleddelivery date is a couple of
days before Christmas, becausewe're either going to miss
Christmas with them this year or, you know, or in 23, or in 24,
possibly both, and there wasjust no way for us to enjoy
Christmas knowing that.
You know we're what was comingdown.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
The pipe and I know parents have walked through even
more difficult things, oh,absolutely.
Losing children, havingchildren with cancer.
So we want to put this inperspective.
But you know, outside of thosereally severe cases, I want just
any mom especially to picturewhat I was imagining was packing
my kids' stockings and sendingthem away.
It was horrible and you buy yourkids' stockings when they're
babies in your tummy and youthink, like this is their first
(22:16):
stocking and you know, in ourfamily they have those pretty
much the rest of their lives.
I'm still using one that myaunt knit me years ago and, um,
it was symbolic of, like I, Ididn't have these dreams for my
kids that I would be sendingthem away with these stockings.
When I bought these stockings,and what does this really
represent and what is you knowwhat is next for our kids?
It just felt so painful.
(22:37):
And then we were at our houseand you know we'd made the
decision but we hadn't told themyet.
And it's like you know, if youhave any traditions in your home
, we do, and Christmas is areally fun time for the kids and
I.
We always make a list of thingsto do and we try to hit
everything on the list and it'salways about baking and
experiences.
And they were coming home andsaying 10 more days of school
and when we're going to do thisand then we're going to do that,
and I mean every time theywould say something.
I would just have to turnaround and just sob and then dry
(22:59):
my eyes and try to pretend likenothing was going on and it was
.
It was horrible.
I remember going in our bathroomand just the way I describe it
is.
At that point and again, I knowit would be much worse if there
was something wrong with theirhealth or we had lost them
permanently but it was liketaking a breath.
I needed God to help me breathein and breathe out.
Breathe in and breathe out,because every moment I was
(23:20):
thinking about it and it just it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
It was breaking my heart and once again, you know,
this gives us a perspective whatit was like for Abraham right,
you think it was a fun hike upthe mountain with Isaac.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
I never put my myself in his shoes before this yeah,
but no, it had to be agonizing.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
And then every step you get closer, like the fear
and the pain and the anguish hasto increase.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It's really difficult because we always knew the end
of the story, you know, and hedidn't at the time.
He knew god was faithful.
We take for granted we knew theend of the story.
So we're like, yeah, he hikedup the mountain and he got his
ram if he knew the end of thestory.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
So we're like, yeah, he hiked up the mountain and he
got his ram If he knew the endof the story.
It takes no faith, it's easy toobey when you know the end of
the story.
And this is where we were.
We're not trying to say we'respiritual giants, we just want
to share this with you.
And once again, I want to sharethis modern miracle with you,
because a lot of times we lookfor the miraculous healing and
things like that.
And miraculous healing andthings like that, and what I'm
(24:17):
about to share with you, likethis sequence of events, is an
absolute miracle.
So we've got our kids deliverydate scheduled.
Will decides to finally show upfor poker, and this is less than
a week before delivery date,and so that's miracle number one
.
Miracle number two is Decemberwas a packed house.
I had, I think, 30 guys and weplayed tournament style.
(24:41):
So to be at the final tableyou're going to, you know you're
top 10 out of 30, which ispretty good.
To win is really good, and youknow poker it's a combination of
skill.
I'm not sure Will ever gave Godthe glory for this one, but it
might have been a God miracle.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Exactly Not that he's not a good poker player.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
But so Will ends up winning the game, which
perfectly set it up.
As the host, I'm always thereuntil the end, even if I'm not
the winner or at the final table, and this was a.
I mean, it was a.
We just had a great time.
It was a lot of guys, you know,kind of the Christmas spirit,
other than what we knew we weredealing.
(25:15):
No, I didn't.
It was the following month.
Will came back, um, but uh, hada blast and it's about two
o'clock in the morning.
Will won.
We're finalizing cleanup and Isaid hey, will, I got to tell
you something and I only sharedit with him because I know he's
close to the kids and it was theopportunity.
(25:37):
Probably and had he not beenthere, I wouldn't have given him
that.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
We would have never given him that.
It it was like they cared aboutour kids.
This yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
So this is God's absolute providence, this is the
miracle that he drove eighthours from Bakersfield to come
to the game happened to win,because had well not won, he
would have been in bed and wewouldn't have had the
conversation.
So I was like hey, gotta tellyou something.
I told him what we werethinking like the boys are going
to a boarding school next weekand he immediately just had this
(26:07):
almost visceral reaction.
He's like you gotta let me dosomething, you gotta let me have
a chance at them.
First I was like well, I don'tknow what that looks like.
I was like you're welcome topresent something to us, but
Beck and I have made thedecision.
It was the hardest decisionwe've ever had to make.
It's been agonizing and what wedon't want to do is to postpone
(26:31):
it yeah uh, to have to do itagain, like we just got to get
like a band-aid, we just got torip it right off, um, and so it
was.
I think by the time he and Ifinished our discussion was
about four o'clock in themorning.
I go to bed, um, and I'm up at9 o'clock.
See Will, and he's been up foran additional couple of hours
calling his wife, talking topeople back in Bakersfield which
(26:55):
is why we love Bakersfield.
It's a special place and it hasplayed a transformative role in
the lives of our older two boys.
But by the morning he had aplan in place to basically
create a three-month internship.
Yeah, basically, and it wasintentional about hard work,
(27:17):
mentorship with other Christianmen, just involving them in the
amazing youth group.
And you know what our kidsshared with us.
It's special about the gardenthe gardens youth group is that
it's not about fun, it's aboutJesus.
And they've had other youthgroup experiences and we love
(27:40):
the youth group that our kids goto, currently at Compassion.
But my challenge to everyonewho's out there in ministry is
what is the focus, especially ifit's youth ministry?
Is your focus fun?
Is it video games and music anddancing and blah, blah, blah
food, or is it actually Jesus?
Because what our kids sharedwith us is that the youth group
(28:03):
at the garden was about Jesus.
It wasn't about games.
They had fun, but it was aboutJesus.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So, anyways, and they and they would have put off
youth group if they weren'tforced.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
So just to be clear.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
You could have an amazing experience and our kids
would not have it, would nothave seen Jesus in it, but they
were ready.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah, so bottom line there's's.
There's lots of other decisionsand, you know, some hiccups
along the way, um, but the threemonths that our kids spent in
bakersfield, um, and and shoutout to amanda, yeah I mean will,
and amanda invited our threeboys, or our two boys, into
their house to live with them.
well, well, amanda already havefour boys at the time, age 10
(28:44):
and under, so an unbelievablesacrifice, just absolutely.
You know saints, you knowspiritual heroes in our book.
You know our boys will be apart of their legacy.
You know they have absolutely,and not just them, but the
entire community, and this is itwas one of the things our kids
(29:06):
learned is that influences arereally important and that having
solid you know, if you're a boy, having solid men around you is
so important because a lot ofthe people that they interacted
with have come out of recovery.
They've had some unbelievableexperiences that would make just
amazing, exciting movies thatyou might not even let your kids
(29:29):
watch.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
And we knew part of our decision was to remove our
kids from their current sphereof influence Comfort zone we had
tried conversation, mentorship,consequences.
You know incentivizing we hadjust tried all the things we
could think of relationally.
So it wasn't like you know,incentivizing, we had just tried
all the things we could thinkof relationally.
So it wasn't like you know, oneor two issues and see you later
.
But we had gotten to the placewhere we were like this is a big
(29:51):
enough deal to us that we aregoing to pivot your lifestyle
because we have a choice rightnow.
When you're an adult, we won'tbe able to do that for you
anymore, but we're going to makea giant pivot for you and shift
your world, to let you know howmuch we love you and how
serious we are about thedirection you're headed.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
And one other word of caution to parents.
I mean we're huge fans ofChristian education, we're
grateful for the private schoolthat our kids are able to go to.
We really caution every parent,especially if you're a person
of faith, if you're sending yourkids to a public school, be
very cautious, be very diligentand be very involved, because
(30:30):
the curriculum is subversive andit's intentionally designed to
destroy your child's faith, todestroy their identity as a
naturally born boy or girl.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
And to separate parents and kids Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Absolutely.
There's incredible teachers outthere right.
But the system really is is nothealthy.
But the flip side is a lot ofparents think, oh, I'm sending
my kids to a Christian school,they're good, and most of the
really bad things that our kidsgot into they got into from
(31:07):
Christian school influences.
And so we want to encourage allof you don't be naive, don't
assume that just because yourkids are going to a Christian
school, that the kids thatthey're hanging out with are
great, that the parents of thekids that your kids are hanging
out with are good.
You've got to be involved, youhave to be diligent.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And one of the most profound things that a friend
who has kids the same age as usand she teaches in the private
school that our kids go to is.
She said you know, withChristian school, kids can be
drowning or they can be thirsty.
And we have just I've beenaware of that for the last few
years that you know you go toChristian school, you have
chapel, you have Bible teachers,you have, you know, christian
(31:51):
influences.
Then you also go to church,you're raised in a Christian
home and a lot of these kids,they can feel like they're just
drowning, like, okay, I get it,jesus is everywhere, jesus is
the, you know, the answer to allthe things and he is.
But the difference is thirsty isa desire, a desire to know
Jesus more, to see him as a realperson, not just a class that
you go to.
(32:11):
And so our kids are in Christianschool, most of them, because
we do believe in it.
But it's just a really goodawareness as a parent that you
want to create the thirstyenvironments and you want to
talk about that with your kids.
Because even as adults we canfeel that way.
We can feel just drowning, likeit's apathetic, or we can feel
thirsty, which I think is thetransition that happened for me
(32:34):
last year was like I've been aChristian most of my life, I
love Jesus, but it's just beenokay.
And then last year it was likeno, I want to learn to walk and
talk with him.
I want him to help me breatheevery day and celebrate the good
things and talk about thelittle things, and I want to
hunger and thirst for him in away that I haven't before.
It's still very much a journey,but I also feel like I've
(32:55):
up-leveled my faith journey bystarting to have that
perspective and it's been reallylife-changing.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Yeah, so we individually realized like we
had this perspective or visionof God, provided Bakersfield,
Will and Amanda as the lamb thatcame out of the thicket.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
The ram.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
The ram, Like God provided for Abraham.
Yeah, and it wasn't until hehad Isaac on the altar he'd made
the hike up the mountain.
Yeah, and it was really thesame thing for Abraham.
And it wasn't until he hadIsaac on the altar he'd made the
hike up the mountain.
And it was really the samething for us.
It wasn't until we made thedecision.
We followed through inobedience, knowing like we'd
made the decision, like we hadtold our kids this is what will
happen if certain behaviorscontinue.
And we made that commitment toeach other, knowing that it was
(33:40):
gonna be a very difficultdecision to make and it required
us to follow through.
And so, parents, you know, ifyou're going through things,
follow through, don't be soft.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Our kids did tell us they didn't really think we
would do it which is fair,because it's like the hardest
thing we've ever done, yeah, butI think most parents won't do
stuff like that or somethingequivalent and therefore they
potentially could be reaping therepercussions of that.
And you know, we didn't know.
There was no guarantee we gothis route and our kids have a
life change, but we knew thatthe direction they were on
(34:12):
wasn't great and, um, I thinkit's just a beautiful picture.
What was even more fun than youand I each having an individual
vision of Bakersfield being theRam and the thicket, and, as I
shared it with you and you'relike, I had the same vision and
it's like so cool that Godconnects the dots.
But to be able to say to ourkids do you understand how
deeply loved you are by God,that God chased you down?
(34:33):
I mean, he's not gonna forcehimself on you, but he will
chase you down.
He chased you down through thisexperience and this experience
going way back to 2020.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
He knocks on the door .
Speaker 2 (34:41):
We met Will and Amanda in 2020, in the middle of
the pandemic, when we hosted acool coaching event, and it was
just a casual interaction ofthrowing the football, and we
had no idea that what started in2020 was going to be
desperately necessary andlife-saving to our family in 24.
And so to just to say to theseyoung men do you understand that
how God orchestratedconnections?
(35:03):
Because he loves you so muchand he loves us, you guys,
because for us we didn't want tomake that decision, and he
actually gave us the opportunityto still create change for you
in a way that was healthier,more loving, more kind, more
merciful.
I don't know what the words are, but you know, like that's how
much my God loves me, but as amom, I didn't have to walk that
(35:24):
out are.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
But you know, like that's how much my god loves me,
that as a mom, I didn't have towalk that out.
And for our kids, who wereaffected by this and influenced
by it, for them to say realizeto have this, discuss this
discussion with them, and forthem to realize, wow, this was a
huge sacrifice for will andamanda, like, yeah, they, like
our kids, understand that itwasn't easy for Will and Amanda
(35:45):
to say yes to this.
They also understood, as we'veunpacked all of the little
details that went into this,that this was a miracle.
So I don't remember how old Iwas when I first experienced,
when I realized I hadexperienced a real miracle.
But our kids were what?
(36:06):
16 and 15.
And they realize that all ofthe events that led up to where
they're at right now was aseries of miracles.
We're incredibly grateful forit and the testimony has been
shared.
So it's cool, I mean again wewant to.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
We want to be considerate because, listen, we
all have stuff, every family hasstuff, every person has stuff
and we keep sharing that withthem too, like we've had
failures and missteps and bigmistakes that have cost us, you
know, significantly at differentseasons.
But so we definitely have adifferent position on parenting
than we probably did when ourkids were little.
(36:42):
I think the saying is like Iwas an amazing parent until I
became one, or until I parenteda teenager, which is definitely
where we fall.
But so we have great grace andunderstanding for other families
that are walking throughdifficult seasons.
But just to really allow otherpeople to see God's faithfulness
in this, because it has givenus incredible hope, and I
believe that it will giveincredible hope to anyone who
(37:03):
understands the power of prayer,surrender and just making the
big pivot with God.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, and we've shared.
You know, 13 years ago, ourcoaches, our mentors in our
business, Doug and Tia they madea simple offer, you know you
wanted to go to convention, Ididn't.
Doug said hey, they made asimple offer.
You wanted to go to convention,I didn't.
Doug said hey, if Kevin will go, we'll cover his registration,
and I think it was $99, maybe$200.
(37:33):
I think it was only $99.
Pretty minimal investment, morethan you were willing to spend,
more than I was willing to spend.
And it was the decision maker,it was the deciding factor for
me to finally say okay, we'll go.
And ever since then we've saidDoug and Tia were like you don't
(37:53):
pay us back, you pay it forward.
That's what Dave Ramsey sayswhen people call into his show
and he gifts them FinancialPeace University.
He's like don't pay me back,pay it forward.
And we encourage all of you,when you receive a gift like
this and we've we've had thisdiscussion like the the thought
of taking in two kids andincorporating them into our life
(38:16):
down the road, if God calls usto do it, is at the very bottom
of our list.
In all honesty, we don't liketo be inconvenienced that way.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
It is not our gift.
It is going to put, put, it isgoing to stretch us way outside
of our comfort zone in a way,that's we're more equipped
exactly but just plugging you.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Plugging that for you , lord the bottom line is when
you've received a gift like this, please have your eyes wide
open on how you can pay itforward.
So that's so good um, will andAmanda.
We didn't intend to go down thisroad, but we're so grateful to
you guys for the eternal impactyou've had in the lives of our
(38:56):
kids and the stone that you castinto the lake of life that will
ripple and impact who knows howmany people.
And for all of you out therelistening, please leave us a
comment, send us a message.
Let us know how we can pray foryou.
(39:16):
Let's encourage each other.
Stop putting on the mask thatyou're a perfect parent.
We're not.
We love our kids, but God willprovide a way.
And if you don't have community?
This is why community is soimportant.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
It's so important.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
In closing, you know, there's a few times just a few,
in the last season of parentingwhere I've thought to myself I
really wish I wasn't parentingin this season, because it's
really difficult.
I mean, it's different than wewere raised.
There's technology which opensup the door to a massive amount
of information and dangers forour kids, and I've thought to
myself I wish I wasn't parentingkids in this age, basically.
(40:02):
But then I've been so clearlyreminded that God just doesn't
make mistakes.
So I was born in 77 to be 47years old.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
You're that old, so am.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
I Okay To parent kids at this age, during this age.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
For such a time as this.
For such a time as this.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
And I am just so clearly called for this next
generation and our kids, thestuff they've walked through,
the stuff they're thriving fromnow, the things they're going to
walk through in the future.
They are distinctly designed tobe this next generation, to, I
believe, lead and empower.
And there are so many kids outthere like this that just need
to be led well, they need to beempowered, they need to be
(40:44):
prayed into, they need to bespoken life into and they need
to be held accountable, becausewe're going to need these kids
in the next generation, and I'mso incredibly proud of the boys
and daughter that we have.
But we don't take it lightly.
I no longer look at it like, oh, why do we have to parent
during the age of technology?
It's like, yeah, it, it sucks,but we were designed for this.
(41:04):
God gave those kids to us atthis age because he trusted us.
It didn't surprise him, he knewthey were going to need us as
parents completely.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
We're going to need them as kids.
I mean completely flawed.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Uh, but for whatever he has next and this, the
assignment has not been easy, um, but I do believe it will be
worthwhile, yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
So hey, friends, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, a little bit longer podcast than normal.
This was absolutely like aspirit-led type of podcast.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
I believe that there's at least one family out
there that needs this message.
You need the encouragement.
You're probably facing acrossroads, a fork in the road
of what do we need to do, and Iwant to challenge you search
your heart, pray, and if God iscalling you to do something
difficult, do it.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Do something uncommon yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
I don't know what's going to happen, and we were
prepared to send our kids awayfor a whole year and I don't
want people to think, if youmake the difficult decision,
that you know a will and yourversion of will and a man are
going to show up.
I don't know, but I know godwill show up somehow and and so
(42:17):
just let us know how we can prayfor you.
Like we don't say that lightly,we really want to to be in
prayer for you, and you knowthat Satan is after our kids and
we need to stand together.
So be uncommon in yourparenting and in your
relationships.
We'll see you next time.
Take care.
Hey Freedom Fighters, kevin Tinter here, welcome back
to the Uncommon Freedom Show.
Today I am once again joined bymy beautiful and amazing
co-host and wife of almost 26years.
In fact, by the time this airs,we might have celebrated our
26th anniversary.
So, beck, happy anniversary.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Thanks, babe, and what a joyful journey it has
been overall.
So, hey, everyone, it's greatto be with you today.
Yes, babe, I am so excited thatwe are celebrating 26 years of
marriage and it really has beenan incredible journey.
So we feel passionate abouthelping people thrive physically
, financially and inrelationships, and so today we
wanted to spend some timetalking about the relational
side of things, especially whenit comes to your kids and
(00:50):
helping them move forward inlife by helping them get into
rooms and spaces with peoplethat will open their
perspectives, that will broadentheir horizons and also help
them have deep roots.
So let's talk about your recenttrip.
You just got back from anincredible trip with our oldest
son, carson, who is 17, going on18.
And you guys went to Greece forlike 10 days.
(01:12):
So tell our listeners aboutthat experience.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, it was an amazing, amazing experience.
Basically, we got theinvitation I don't know months
ago and it was incrediblytempting when we got the
invitation.
But also, you know, as wetalked about lifestyle design,
you know when we received it,you have the opportunity, but
you also have look at the cost,and not just financially, but
(01:37):
just from a time standpoint, andit was a little bit challenging
to figure out how we're goingto make this work.
Obviously, you and I goingtogether would have been, in
many ways, the ideal scenario,but you're doing your Brooke
Thomas Mastermind this year,which is coming with at least
three weeks of travel foryourself, away from us, away
(01:58):
from the family.
You're like I don't want tospend another week.
It was actually.
I was gone for about 12, 13days actually.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
It's a lot of childcare for us to get it is
yeah, so we have to use thatvery judiciously.
In fact, the saying that comesto mind, babe, is you know,
capability is not the same ascapacity.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And we have used that a lot when talking about
lifestyle design and how to, youknow, combine business with
family and how to create aquality lifestyle.
And I think we're pretty goodat weighing out what those
things are and deciding yeah,I'm capable and we would have
loved the time away together.
It would have been a phenomenaltrip for us.
But I was saying, you know,I've been to Greece, I am going
to Italy in September, and thoseare times we're going to be
away from the kids, and what isthe best decision for me it
(02:47):
those are times we're going tobe away from the kids and what
is the best decision for me it'sthat you go with someone else.
And then it was really neat tokind of say okay, carson is
going into a senior year.
You know, he's the next one upfor a really special and
one-on-one time with you, Ithink in this type of capacity
and the oldest, so he's probablygoing to experience it the best
and really just wanting him tohave that one-on-one time with
you.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, and actually you know, around the time that
we made the decision for Carsonto join me, we were really in a
very different spot relationallywith our two oldest kids and we
want to be very cautious aboutyou know how many details we
reveal, but we will share thatthe last year plus has been the
hardest of our lives.
Yeah, it was, and really thelast probably six months have
been well, the last couplemonths have been probably the
best, so we've shared the stageof parenting.
(03:34):
Yes, we've seen a majortransformation, really a
spiritual revival.
Yeah, and just the almost a 180in our kids and just almost a
180 in our kids and last nightwe enjoyed our double debt with.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Carson, which stands for Deep Emotional Bonding Time.
If you have not heard us talkabout that before, we've been
dating our kids for close to adecade, I think.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, we started it, Carson.
I remember he was only aboutfive years old when we kind of
fell into this.
I would take him out for adonut back when we lived in
Oregon and I think donuts were25 cents, maybe 50 cents back
then.
Inflation has kicked in, but itwas.
It was kind of like, oh, I'lltake him out for a donut and I
was like, oh, this is a reallygood thing, and we kind of
formalized it from there.
(04:19):
Correct.
We formalized the dates andthen started having you take,
you know, the kids out.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
We rotated.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Um, so yeah, so the date thing has been going on for
probably 12 plus years and, uh,it was.
You know, last night was justit was awesome, our best
experience.
It was it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
We were reflecting on the fact that, with him,
together, probably six times inthe last two years or something,
because we take them out well,yeah, they each get a double
debt with us.
Uh, at least four times a yearand renamed debt from date,
because teenagers at some pointwere like that's weird, I don't
want to date my parents andwe're like, okay, we understand
so.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But the truth is they do not want to miss.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
No, they ask us hey when am I getting my date this
month or my debt this month?
So we did rename it debt deepemotional bonding time, kind of
as a joke.
But the truth is that is ourgoal.
It is our goal to haveone-on-one conversation, eyeball
to eyeball, tell us how life isgoing, what are your highlights
, what's hard you know.
What are you willing to sharewith us?
We're here to listen.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
But last night was, it was so much fun I mean we
just laughed and just to see theum, the, the healthy, you know,
god-intended personality of ourson come back was so rewarding.
You know, as father, seeing myalmost adult son, you know,
reach over and just initiate ahug with you and just really
(05:40):
enjoy your time together.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Oh, and he sat in the booth with me, yeah, he didn't
want to sit in the chair on theopposite side of the table.
He was like move over, I'mcoming in.
And when you've had a season ofjust a dry spell in
relationships, this could be inyour marriage, this could be
with your kids.
Um, you, you miss therelational equity and you wonder
if it will come back and ifthat is just lost for you and
for us.
We experienced like the return,I think, in this last season
(06:03):
and it's been such a sweet I donot take one minute of it for
granted when that that young manthat almost grown up, basically
, uh, you know, definitelytaller than me, bigger than me,
leaned over and squeezed me andgave me a hug, um, and just to
see his, his adult banter, hissarcasm, and really it was like
hanging with a good friend.
Yeah, it really was we reallyenjoyed our dinner together and
(06:25):
we laughed and we teased andit's what parents told us was
coming when your kids get toyoung adulthood.
But we just had been in areally rough season and we just
kept leaning in and saying we'renot quitting on you, we're not
going to stand by while thingsare not great, we're going to do
what we need to do, as parentsdo the hard decisions, but we
love you unconditionally.
We're not going anywhere andwe're your biggest fans.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, you know, it was really cool when we are on
this trip.
Uh, one of my friends who I meton another John Maxwell trip
last September, who is a friendbut also a mentor his kids are a
little bit younger than us, um,so we have this friendship, but
also he has a ton of wisdom topass on to me and we were
(07:06):
talking on this trip and it wasreally fun having Carson around
for many of these conversations.
He's like you know, the bestthing in the world is when your
kids become your best friends.
You know he was.
Chris was telling me he's likeI've got amazing friends but
there's no one I would ratherother than his wife.
That you know.
There's no one he'd rather playgolf with than his boys, and
(07:26):
his kids are older.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
You, I think you said younger, but you meant older
they're younger than you and Ithey're older than our kids.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
So, yeah, they're there, so they're younger than
us.
So they're in their twenties andthirties basically Exactly,
yeah, and maybe even a littlebit older than I'm not sure, but
, um, you know much furtherahead in establishing their
careers and with you knowthey're married and have kids.
Um, but just really saying, youknow, if you do things right
(07:53):
and you invest in thatrelationship, uh, you know you
have the potential.
And I think one of the mistakesthat a lot of parents make is
they're trying to be their kid'sbest friend when they're not
adults yet.
And we have not made thatmistake.
We've made more than our fairshare of parenting mistakes, but
we've been very clear that youknow, our goal is not to have
happy kids, it's to raisesuccessful, contributing adults,
(08:16):
and if that's done, then wewill hopefully become, you know,
good friends.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
And even in some of our most painful parenting
experiences, I think when we'vebeen the most frustrated, the
most angry I mean we've probablysaid things we regret.
I remember thinking to myself Iwant to make sure my kids know
that they are cherished becauseand that they are, they are so
deeply loved and fiercely lovedthat that's where a lot of the
(08:42):
angst comes from.
And in fact, if you haven'tparented the teenagers yet, you
know get ready.
But for me, I think thegreatest lesson of parenting at
this age because when they'relittle, there's a lot of needs
but there's a lot of innocence.
So the decisions that are madeand the mistakes that are made
are foolishness and childishness, where, when they're older, yes
, it's still foolishness, butit's a lot more conscious
(09:03):
decisions that are made.
And so it makes you feel morepersonally tied to their
decisions.
And I think what has been reallypowerful is to say gosh, if the
God of heaven can love meunconditionally, with all of my
sin and imperfections andrepeated mistakes and failures,
you know how much.
It's just very easy for me tosee my father in heaven as a
(09:25):
loving father, because I knowthat we love our kids so
fiercely, even when they've beenthe biggest pain in the butt,
even when they've disappointedus beyond what we could have
imagined, um that we love themso fiercely, and I think it just
connects me back to how howmuch the heavenly father loves
me so but this is a sweet spot,yeah, and one of the other
things that we were talkingabout is, you know, we we had
(09:46):
several double debts or you know, single debts with our older
kids last year.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
We're like, okay, we're just doing this because
we're hanging in there.
We're, we're, we're doing itpartly out of you know, it was
the commitment and sometimes,like you, do things yeah yeah,
you do things because you makethe investment and, honestly,
some of the debts they were likethey weren't fun no, we're
dealing with grouchy kids yeah,like what's the point?
(10:13):
why are we spending two hundreddollars on, you know, a nice
meal with our, our child, whenthey're, you know, giving us?
You know gorilla grunts, youknow guerrilla grunts, you know,
for communication, yeah, butyou're sowing seeds into the
relationship, right?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
And we have seen the fruit this last season.
And for those of you stillgoing through the really hard
times, I would say you know, befaithful, Don't lose heart.
We had a lot of people comealongside us and say you're
going to make it, it's going tobe okay and sorry you know, just
keep going.
And there were some really hardtimes where you feel like you're
(10:51):
losing your kids and thatyou're not ever going to see the
best in them.
And we just walked in faithbecause you know God promises
that if we're faithful, um, thatthe story's not unwritten.
And the other thing that Ireally learned, gosh, we didn't
think we're going to that thestory's not unwritten.
And the other thing that Ireally learned, gosh, we didn't
think we're going to go thisdirection.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, these are the most enjoyable.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, I don't know if I read it in a book or someone
said it to me, but it was don'tinterrupt the story that God is
writing for them.
And that is very difficult as aparent, because as a mom I can
just tell you my deepest desireis to protect and nurture.
So I don't want to see, I don'twant to see a skinned knee, I
don't want to see any injuries.
You know I I've never been oneto baby, our boys especially,
(11:31):
but I still, like, my gut getspunched when they're injured or
hurt and it feels hard to letthem walk through the painful
seasons.
But it was really importantbecause we just can't control it
all, and so it was almosttaking away my sanity at times.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah, and I, you know we talk about helping people
thrive physically, financially,in the relationships.
One of the things we want toencourage you is when, when the
seas are calm, work your buttoff to build the business.
That will give you uncommonfreedom to steward your finances
, finances wisely, to give youthe margin because the storms
(12:08):
will come and when the stormscome you're going to have to
pull back because we could havemade the decision, say, you know
what, whatever kids, whateverhappens, happens.
We got to grow this businessand instead we were able to
actually prioritize what neededto be prioritized at that moment
by investing financially andfrom a time standpoint into our
(12:29):
kids.
And you know this, we're goinga total different direction than
we had intended with this.
But you know what?
I think that there's otherpeople out there that need to
hear this and you know what.
We we have shared this withpeople personally, but not on a
broad scale.
But we came to a point where wehad warned at least one of our
(12:50):
kids that if certain behaviorscontinued, that we would have to
take some drastic measures,including aborting school.
And we got to the point where,basically, they forced our hand
in it and we had to look at eachother and say, really, we
already made the decision.
The question is are we going tofollow through with our
(13:12):
commitment?
As far as what's going tohappen?
And it was the most difficultdecision we ever had to make we
did it on our fourth quarterretreat of 2023.
Uh, it was the most miserableretreat we've ever had.
We cried, we cried, we cried,but we came to a point where,
(13:34):
like Abraham, we said, god, thisis the right thing to do.
And this is when Abraham youknow God told him hey, I want
you to sacrifice your son Isaacto me.
And Abraham marched him up themountain put him on the altar.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Very clearly, we both got the same vision, and
separately, without discussingit.
This is us walking Isaac up themountain, knowing it was in
obedience to what was needed.
It was not what we wanted to do.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
It was horrible.
It was so far from us this isall going down right before
Christmas folks.
Yeah, and we made the decision,and I mean we could write a
whole book about this.
But you know, part of the hugereason that we have
transformation in our kids isbecause of influences.
And our friends, will and Amanda, and their entire amazing
(14:22):
community of the Garden andBakersfield, the Garden Church
and Bakersfield and the peoplethat they associate with.
But, folks, this is whycommunity is so important, right
?
This is why community is soimportant, right?
Is that God used these peoplewho you know the kid?
We connected with Amandathrough business, but that's not
the primary like.
(14:43):
That's not what ourrelationship is about.
Our relationship is reallyabout friendship, and God used
business as a vehicle to makethe connection, especially for
our kids, to will um and toreally open their door to a
whole new community.
But we, it's just.
This is why getting in otherrooms is so important Running
(15:05):
with lions, not just in business, but running with lions in
every area of life.
Will is a spiritual lion and heconnects with our kids in a
very special way, and it'simportant for all of our kids to
have those spiritual lions thatthey will connect with and not
be just you.
So anyways.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Well, actually I want to.
I want to go back in timeactually, since we did, since we
ended up this direction.
I really want to go back intime and talk about what
happened to me in November oflast year, which was you know
you talk about getting indifferent rooms I had joined
this mastermind for bothspiritual and business
development.
I really dedicated myself toshowing up to it this year.
I had enjoyed it last year butkind of got a little bit out of
(15:50):
it, only put a little bit oftime into it.
My faith did grow, which wasamazing, and in it I learned to
walk and talk with Jesus muchmore carefully.
And then I went to this Novemberretreat, or an in-person event
actually, and I knew that Iwanted to get baptized in the
Pacific ocean.
You know, um Brooke Thomas talksabout, you know, the Pacific
ocean.
The waters touch all the othercontinents and all the other
(16:11):
waters, so it's just got thisspiritual significance and I
thought that's amazing.
I want to do that for ourbusiness, I want to do that for
my life and I really felt calledto do it.
So I was going into it alreadyprepared, when I had gone to a
previous event a lot of myfriends had gotten baptized and
I was like and I'm sayingre-baptized I've been baptized
before and I didn't feel like Ihad to.
It was more of just, peoplewere doing it the time before
(16:32):
and I was like that's wonderfulfor them.
I do not feel called to do it,but this time I thought I really
do.
I want to rededicate just thisseason of life with Jesus and
the way my relationship has beenwith him.
But we were worshiping beforewe went down and during worship
I felt so distinctly told.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Had we made our decision at this point.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
No, this was before.
I mean, we had been talkingabout it and really you had been
saying we're going to have todo something and I was saying I
can't.
I really I think I was saying Ican't do this.
I know it's the right thing,but I can't yield.
And so I basically, you know, Iwent to the retreat and I went
to worship and it wasinteresting that God so very
(17:11):
clearly said to me surrender.
And I don't know if any of youhave needed to surrender, or
maybe you do need to surrender,but it was one of those I was
like well, of course, god, I'llsurrender, like I love you, I
believe in you.
But no, clearly he said to mein the middle of worship that
day I want you to surrender yourchildren to me completely.
And it was kind of the one areaI was unwilling.
It was like I was holding onI'll give you 80%, god, but not
(17:33):
the 20%, because the 20% means Idon't know how it's going to
end.
I have no control over it, I'mscared.
And just so clearly duringworship he said give me all of
it, give me all of them.
And it was like he loves themmore than I do.
So I on my face, just full outsurrender, not understanding
what was coming.
I laid them down, I gotbaptized.
(17:55):
It was a very joyful time forme.
I was actually like this isamazing, I love Jesus.
I submitted, you know,surrendered my kids, and I came
home and you know, we wentthrough the rest of our season
in November it wasn't great,december wasn't great, and we
got to this point of decisionand as painful and as hard as it
was, now in hindsight I canlook back and be and tell, tell
(18:15):
myself and and let God remind methat, um, you know,
breakthrough for breakthrough tohappen, you guys, sometimes we
have to go first.
Sometimes, as a leader, youhave to go first.
As a parent, you have to gofirst.
As a spouse, you have to gofirst.
And it wasn't like Kevin wasn'tleading our home, but for me, I
was holding us up because I, mychildren, are of my top three.
I mean it's God, kevin and mykids, like in that order.
(18:37):
But I fiercely love these kidsand I just was like I can't do
it, you know.
But once I did, the decisionwas extremely painful, but I
knew God was with us.
Who?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
captured that photo, cause the photo that you shared
um in one of our uh, I think ourArizona freedom crew thread
think jeff and ashlyn actuallywere there taking okay, because
that they photographed mybaptism.
Yeah, um, it wasn't it wasn't aposed photo, but the look of
surrender on your face is veryevident yeah, I was full out in
(19:09):
worship.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
I was, you know, there's probably another picture
out there, but definitely on myknees with jesus after that
picture and then just thejoyousness of, you know, coming
up out of the water and feelinglike I just had given God
another piece that I hadn'tgiven him yet.
So I think there's a lot of usthat you know we've surrendered
to God certain things, but wehaven't really given him all the
parts.
You know it might be maybeyou're holding back your
business, maybe you're holdingback your marriage, maybe you're
(19:32):
holding back a relationship,and I can tell you there is a
sweet, sweet part of obedience,and we don't always feel it
immediately, but it is just thatcomplete trust in the Lord.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, so December of 2023,.
Basically, we had made thedecision that our two of our
boys were actually going to goto a boarding school very
difficult decision yeah, and itwas for 12 months, I think.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
If it was like, hey, somebody needs a wake-up call
for six weeks, it would havebeen like, okay, this is
necessary, it's important.
But as a parent because thisreally affected both of us very
similarly and you're far lessemotional than I am yeah, um, it
was gut, gut wrenching.
Yeah so 50% of our family beinggone for a year.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
We.
This was, you know, for us,this was like Abraham putting
Isaac on the altar saying God.
This doesn't make any sense tome, but I know it's what you're
calling us to do.
I've got my monthly poker game.
Our dear Will, who is anamazing, special mentor and
friend to our boys, who lives inBakersfield, an eight-hour
(20:41):
drive away, loves poker.
Had played with me one othertime when he happened to be in
town and is always like I wantto be there, I want to be there,
I want to be there.
Folks, this is how God worksmiracles.
This is a real-life miracle forus, because when I share the
sequence of events that I'mabout to share folks, there is
no explanation like this ismiraculous.
(21:03):
Is trump turning his head atthe right moment?
So poker is scheduled less thana week before we're supposed to
fly our kids to the boardingschool.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
They they don't even know they're going.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
They don't even know they're going, because the
advice from the boarding schoolis don't tell your kids, quite
possibly until you show up,which we weren't going to do, we
didn't know, but we didn't knowhow to tell her really
struggling with when and how.
Yeah, it was my greatest, itwas horrible.
My greatest prayer was that theynot feel sent away but then
(21:40):
understand that the pain of thisdecision was because of how
much we loved them.
Yeah, so we're dealing withthis, it's, we're staring down
the barrel of this gun.
You know our our scheduleddelivery date is a couple of
days before Christmas, becausewe're either going to miss
Christmas with them this year or, you know, or in 23, or in 24,
possibly both, and there wasjust no way for us to enjoy
Christmas knowing that.
You know we're what was comingdown.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
The pipe and I know parents have walked through even
more difficult things, oh,absolutely.
Losing children, havingchildren with cancer.
So we want to put this inperspective.
But you know, outside of thosereally severe cases, I want just
any mom especially to picturewhat I was imagining was packing
my kids' stockings and sendingthem away.
It was horrible and you buy yourkids' stockings when they're
babies in your tummy and youthink, like this is their first
(22:16):
stocking and you know, in ourfamily they have those pretty
much the rest of their lives.
I'm still using one that myaunt knit me years ago and, um,
it was symbolic of, like I, Ididn't have these dreams for my
kids that I would be sendingthem away with these stockings.
When I bought these stockings,and what does this really
represent and what is you knowwhat is next for our kids?
It just felt so painful.
(22:37):
And then we were at our houseand you know we'd made the
decision but we hadn't told themyet.
And it's like you know, if youhave any traditions in your home
, we do, and Christmas is areally fun time for the kids and
I.
We always make a list of thingsto do and we try to hit
everything on the list and it'salways about baking and
experiences.
And they were coming home andsaying 10 more days of school
and when we're going to do thisand then we're going to do that,
and I mean every time theywould say something.
I would just have to turnaround and just sob and then dry
(22:59):
my eyes and try to pretend likenothing was going on and it was
.
It was horrible.
I remember going in our bathroomand just the way I describe it
is.
At that point and again, I knowit would be much worse if there
was something wrong with theirhealth or we had lost them
permanently but it was liketaking a breath.
I needed God to help me breathein and breathe out.
Breathe in and breathe out,because every moment I was
(23:20):
thinking about it and it just it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
It was breaking my heart and once again, you know,
this gives us a perspective whatit was like for Abraham right,
you think it was a fun hike upthe mountain with Isaac.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
I never put my myself in his shoes before this yeah,
but no, it had to be agonizing.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
And then every step you get closer, like the fear
and the pain and the anguish hasto increase.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It's really difficult because we always knew the end
of the story, you know, and hedidn't at the time.
He knew god was faithful.
We take for granted we knew theend of the story.
So we're like, yeah, he hikedup the mountain and he got his
ram if he knew the end of thestory.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
So we're like, yeah, he hiked up the mountain and he
got his ram If he knew the endof the story.
It takes no faith, it's easy toobey when you know the end of
the story.
And this is where we were.
We're not trying to say we'respiritual giants, we just want
to share this with you.
And once again, I want to sharethis modern miracle with you,
because a lot of times we lookfor the miraculous healing and
things like that.
And miraculous healing andthings like that, and what I'm
(24:17):
about to share with you, likethis sequence of events, is an
absolute miracle.
So we've got our kids deliverydate scheduled.
Will decides to finally show upfor poker, and this is less than
a week before delivery date,and so that's miracle number one
.
Miracle number two is Decemberwas a packed house.
I had, I think, 30 guys and weplayed tournament style.
(24:41):
So to be at the final tableyou're going to, you know you're
top 10 out of 30, which ispretty good.
To win is really good, and youknow poker it's a combination of
skill.
I'm not sure Will ever gave Godthe glory for this one, but it
might have been a God miracle.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Exactly Not that he's not a good poker player.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
But so Will ends up winning the game, which
perfectly set it up.
As the host, I'm always thereuntil the end, even if I'm not
the winner or at the final table, and this was a.
I mean, it was a.
We just had a great time.
It was a lot of guys, you know,kind of the Christmas spirit,
other than what we knew we weredealing.
(25:15):
No, I didn't.
It was the following month.
Will came back, um, but uh, hada blast and it's about two
o'clock in the morning.
Will won.
We're finalizing cleanup and Isaid hey, will, I got to tell
you something and I only sharedit with him because I know he's
close to the kids and it was theopportunity.
(25:37):
Probably and had he not beenthere, I wouldn't have given him
that.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
We would have never given him that.
It it was like they cared aboutour kids.
This yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
So this is God's absolute providence, this is the
miracle that he drove eighthours from Bakersfield to come
to the game happened to win,because had well not won, he
would have been in bed and wewouldn't have had the
conversation.
So I was like hey, gotta tellyou something.
I told him what we werethinking like the boys are going
to a boarding school next weekand he immediately just had this
(26:07):
almost visceral reaction.
He's like you gotta let me dosomething, you gotta let me have
a chance at them.
First I was like well, I don'tknow what that looks like.
I was like you're welcome topresent something to us, but
Beck and I have made thedecision.
It was the hardest decisionwe've ever had to make.
It's been agonizing and what wedon't want to do is to postpone
(26:31):
it yeah uh, to have to do itagain, like we just got to get
like a band-aid, we just got torip it right off, um, and so it
was.
I think by the time he and Ifinished our discussion was
about four o'clock in themorning.
I go to bed, um, and I'm up at9 o'clock.
See Will, and he's been up foran additional couple of hours
calling his wife, talking topeople back in Bakersfield which
(26:55):
is why we love Bakersfield.
It's a special place and it hasplayed a transformative role in
the lives of our older two boys.
But by the morning he had aplan in place to basically
create a three-month internship.
Yeah, basically, and it wasintentional about hard work,
(27:17):
mentorship with other Christianmen, just involving them in the
amazing youth group.
And you know what our kidsshared with us.
It's special about the gardenthe gardens youth group is that
it's not about fun, it's aboutJesus.
And they've had other youthgroup experiences and we love
(27:40):
the youth group that our kids goto, currently at Compassion.
But my challenge to everyonewho's out there in ministry is
what is the focus, especially ifit's youth ministry?
Is your focus fun?
Is it video games and music anddancing and blah, blah, blah
food, or is it actually Jesus?
Because what our kids sharedwith us is that the youth group
(28:03):
at the garden was about Jesus.
It wasn't about games.
They had fun, but it was aboutJesus.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So, anyways, and they and they would have put off
youth group if they weren'tforced.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
So just to be clear.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
You could have an amazing experience and our kids
would not have it, would nothave seen Jesus in it, but they
were ready.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah, so bottom line there's's.
There's lots of other decisionsand, you know, some hiccups
along the way, um, but the threemonths that our kids spent in
bakersfield, um, and and shoutout to amanda, yeah I mean will,
and amanda invited our threeboys, or our two boys, into
their house to live with them.
well, well, amanda already havefour boys at the time, age 10
(28:44):
and under, so an unbelievablesacrifice, just absolutely.
You know saints, you knowspiritual heroes in our book.
You know our boys will be apart of their legacy.
You know they have absolutely,and not just them, but the
entire community, and this is itwas one of the things our kids
(29:06):
learned is that influences arereally important and that having
solid you know, if you're a boy, having solid men around you is
so important because a lot ofthe people that they interacted
with have come out of recovery.
They've had some unbelievableexperiences that would make just
amazing, exciting movies thatyou might not even let your kids
(29:29):
watch.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
And we knew part of our decision was to remove our
kids from their current sphereof influence Comfort zone we had
tried conversation, mentorship,consequences.
You know incentivizing we hadjust tried all the things we
could think of relationally.
So it wasn't like you know,incentivizing, we had just tried
all the things we could thinkof relationally.
So it wasn't like you know, oneor two issues and see you later
.
But we had gotten to the placewhere we were like this is a big
(29:51):
enough deal to us that we aregoing to pivot your lifestyle
because we have a choice rightnow.
When you're an adult, we won'tbe able to do that for you
anymore, but we're going to makea giant pivot for you and shift
your world, to let you know howmuch we love you and how
serious we are about thedirection you're headed.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
And one other word of caution to parents.
I mean we're huge fans ofChristian education, we're
grateful for the private schoolthat our kids are able to go to.
We really caution every parent,especially if you're a person
of faith, if you're sending yourkids to a public school, be
very cautious, be very diligentand be very involved, because
(30:30):
the curriculum is subversive andit's intentionally designed to
destroy your child's faith, todestroy their identity as a
naturally born boy or girl.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
And to separate parents and kids Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Absolutely.
There's incredible teachers outthere right.
But the system really is is nothealthy.
But the flip side is a lot ofparents think, oh, I'm sending
my kids to a Christian school,they're good, and most of the
really bad things that our kidsgot into they got into from
(31:07):
Christian school influences.
And so we want to encourage allof you don't be naive, don't
assume that just because yourkids are going to a Christian
school, that the kids thatthey're hanging out with are
great, that the parents of thekids that your kids are hanging
out with are good.
You've got to be involved, youhave to be diligent.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And one of the most profound things that a friend
who has kids the same age as usand she teaches in the private
school that our kids go to is.
She said you know, withChristian school, kids can be
drowning or they can be thirsty.
And we have just I've beenaware of that for the last few
years that you know you go toChristian school, you have
chapel, you have Bible teachers,you have, you know, christian
(31:51):
influences.
Then you also go to church,you're raised in a Christian
home and a lot of these kids,they can feel like they're just
drowning, like, okay, I get it,jesus is everywhere, jesus is
the, you know, the answer to allthe things and he is.
But the difference is thirsty isa desire, a desire to know
Jesus more, to see him as a realperson, not just a class that
you go to.
(32:11):
And so our kids are in Christianschool, most of them, because
we do believe in it.
But it's just a really goodawareness as a parent that you
want to create the thirstyenvironments and you want to
talk about that with your kids.
Because even as adults we canfeel that way.
We can feel just drowning, likeit's apathetic, or we can feel
thirsty, which I think is thetransition that happened for me
(32:34):
last year was like I've been aChristian most of my life, I
love Jesus, but it's just beenokay.
And then last year it was likeno, I want to learn to walk and
talk with him.
I want him to help me breatheevery day and celebrate the good
things and talk about thelittle things, and I want to
hunger and thirst for him in away that I haven't before.
It's still very much a journey,but I also feel like I've
(32:55):
up-leveled my faith journey bystarting to have that
perspective and it's been reallylife-changing.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Yeah, so we individually realized like we
had this perspective or visionof God, provided Bakersfield,
Will and Amanda as the lamb thatcame out of the thicket.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
The ram.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
The ram, Like God provided for Abraham.
Yeah, and it wasn't until hehad Isaac on the altar he'd made
the hike up the mountain.
Yeah, and it was really thesame thing for Abraham.
And it wasn't until he hadIsaac on the altar he'd made the
hike up the mountain.
And it was really the samething for us.
It wasn't until we made thedecision.
We followed through inobedience, knowing like we'd
made the decision, like we hadtold our kids this is what will
happen if certain behaviorscontinue.
And we made that commitment toeach other, knowing that it was
(33:40):
gonna be a very difficultdecision to make and it required
us to follow through.
And so, parents, you know, ifyou're going through things,
follow through, don't be soft.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Our kids did tell us they didn't really think we
would do it which is fair,because it's like the hardest
thing we've ever done, yeah, butI think most parents won't do
stuff like that or somethingequivalent and therefore they
potentially could be reaping therepercussions of that.
And you know, we didn't know.
There was no guarantee we gothis route and our kids have a
life change, but we knew thatthe direction they were on
(34:12):
wasn't great and, um, I thinkit's just a beautiful picture.
What was even more fun than youand I each having an individual
vision of Bakersfield being theRam and the thicket, and, as I
shared it with you and you'relike, I had the same vision and
it's like so cool that Godconnects the dots.
But to be able to say to ourkids do you understand how
deeply loved you are by God,that God chased you down?
(34:33):
I mean, he's not gonna forcehimself on you, but he will
chase you down.
He chased you down through thisexperience and this experience
going way back to 2020.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
He knocks on the door .
Speaker 2 (34:41):
We met Will and Amanda in 2020, in the middle of
the pandemic, when we hosted acool coaching event, and it was
just a casual interaction ofthrowing the football, and we
had no idea that what started in2020 was going to be
desperately necessary andlife-saving to our family in 24.
And so to just to say to theseyoung men do you understand that
how God orchestratedconnections?
(35:03):
Because he loves you so muchand he loves us, you guys,
because for us we didn't want tomake that decision, and he
actually gave us the opportunityto still create change for you
in a way that was healthier,more loving, more kind, more
merciful.
I don't know what the words are, but you know, like that's how
much my God loves me, but as amom, I didn't have to walk that
(35:24):
out are.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
But you know, like that's how much my god loves me,
that as a mom, I didn't have towalk that out.
And for our kids, who wereaffected by this and influenced
by it, for them to say realizeto have this, discuss this
discussion with them, and forthem to realize, wow, this was a
huge sacrifice for will andamanda, like, yeah, they, like
our kids, understand that itwasn't easy for Will and Amanda
(35:45):
to say yes to this.
They also understood, as we'veunpacked all of the little
details that went into this,that this was a miracle.
So I don't remember how old Iwas when I first experienced,
when I realized I hadexperienced a real miracle.
But our kids were what?
(36:06):
16 and 15.
And they realize that all ofthe events that led up to where
they're at right now was aseries of miracles.
We're incredibly grateful forit and the testimony has been
shared.
So it's cool, I mean again wewant to.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
We want to be considerate because, listen, we
all have stuff, every family hasstuff, every person has stuff
and we keep sharing that withthem too, like we've had
failures and missteps and bigmistakes that have cost us, you
know, significantly at differentseasons.
But so we definitely have adifferent position on parenting
than we probably did when ourkids were little.
(36:42):
I think the saying is like Iwas an amazing parent until I
became one, or until I parenteda teenager, which is definitely
where we fall.
But so we have great grace andunderstanding for other families
that are walking throughdifficult seasons.
But just to really allow otherpeople to see God's faithfulness
in this, because it has givenus incredible hope, and I
believe that it will giveincredible hope to anyone who
(37:03):
understands the power of prayer,surrender and just making the
big pivot with God.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, and we've shared.
You know, 13 years ago, ourcoaches, our mentors in our
business, Doug and Tia they madea simple offer, you know you
wanted to go to convention, Ididn't.
Doug said hey, they made asimple offer.
You wanted to go to convention,I didn't.
Doug said hey, if Kevin will go, we'll cover his registration,
and I think it was $99, maybe$200.
(37:33):
I think it was only $99.
Pretty minimal investment, morethan you were willing to spend,
more than I was willing to spend.
And it was the decision maker,it was the deciding factor for
me to finally say okay, we'll go.
And ever since then we've saidDoug and Tia were like you don't
(37:53):
pay us back, you pay it forward.
That's what Dave Ramsey sayswhen people call into his show
and he gifts them FinancialPeace University.
He's like don't pay me back,pay it forward.
And we encourage all of you,when you receive a gift like
this and we've we've had thisdiscussion like the the thought
of taking in two kids andincorporating them into our life
(38:16):
down the road, if God calls usto do it, is at the very bottom
of our list.
In all honesty, we don't liketo be inconvenienced that way.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
It is not our gift.
It is going to put, put, it isgoing to stretch us way outside
of our comfort zone in a way,that's we're more equipped
exactly but just plugging you.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Plugging that for you , lord the bottom line is when
you've received a gift like this, please have your eyes wide
open on how you can pay itforward.
So that's so good um, will andAmanda.
We didn't intend to go down thisroad, but we're so grateful to
you guys for the eternal impactyou've had in the lives of our
(38:56):
kids and the stone that you castinto the lake of life that will
ripple and impact who knows howmany people.
And for all of you out therelistening, please leave us a
comment, send us a message.
Let us know how we can pray foryou.
(39:16):
Let's encourage each other.
Stop putting on the mask thatyou're a perfect parent.
We're not.
We love our kids, but God willprovide a way.
And if you don't have community?
This is why community is soimportant.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
It's so important.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
In closing, you know, there's a few times just a few,
in the last season of parentingwhere I've thought to myself I
really wish I wasn't parentingin this season, because it's
really difficult.
I mean, it's different than wewere raised.
There's technology which opensup the door to a massive amount
of information and dangers forour kids, and I've thought to
myself I wish I wasn't parentingkids in this age, basically.
(40:02):
But then I've been so clearlyreminded that God just doesn't
make mistakes.
So I was born in 77 to be 47years old.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
You're that old, so am.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
I Okay To parent kids at this age, during this age.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
For such a time as this.
For such a time as this.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
And I am just so clearly called for this next
generation and our kids, thestuff they've walked through,
the stuff they're thriving fromnow, the things they're going to
walk through in the future.
They are distinctly designed tobe this next generation, to, I
believe, lead and empower.
And there are so many kids outthere like this that just need
to be led well, they need to beempowered, they need to be
(40:44):
prayed into, they need to bespoken life into and they need
to be held accountable, becausewe're going to need these kids
in the next generation, and I'mso incredibly proud of the boys
and daughter that we have.
But we don't take it lightly.
I no longer look at it like, oh, why do we have to parent
during the age of technology?
It's like, yeah, it, it sucks,but we were designed for this.
(41:04):
God gave those kids to us atthis age because he trusted us.
It didn't surprise him, he knewthey were going to need us as
parents completely.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
We're going to need them as kids.
I mean completely flawed.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Uh, but for whatever he has next and this, the
assignment has not been easy, um, but I do believe it will be
worthwhile, yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
So hey, friends, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, a little bit longer podcast than normal.
This was absolutely like aspirit-led type of podcast.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
I believe that there's at least one family out
there that needs this message.
You need the encouragement.
You're probably facing acrossroads, a fork in the road
of what do we need to do, and Iwant to challenge you search
your heart, pray, and if God iscalling you to do something
difficult, do it.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Do something uncommon yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
I don't know what's going to happen, and we were
prepared to send our kids awayfor a whole year and I don't
want people to think, if youmake the difficult decision,
that you know a will and yourversion of will and a man are
going to show up.
I don't know, but I know godwill show up somehow and and so
(42:17):
just let us know how we can prayfor you.
Like we don't say that lightly,we really want to to be in
prayer for you, and you knowthat Satan is after our kids and
we need to stand together.
So be uncommon in yourparenting and in your
relationships.
We'll see you next time.
Take care.
Popular Podcasts
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.