April 20, 2025 • 21 mins
The invisible war raging through our society isn't about politics or technology—it's about the fundamental duality of human nature. In this thought-provoking exploration, Jay Floyd breaks down how we're collectively torn between two powerful forces: the cold, calculating, results-driven side that dominated much of the 20th century, and the warm, empathetic, relationship-centered approach that has gained prominence in recent decades.
Drawing from personal experience as both a leader and coach in the tech world, Jay shares a profound insight: this isn't a battle where one side should or even can win. The pendulum of human behavior swings naturally between these poles, with each representing vital aspects of our shared humanity. When one dominates too heavily, the other becomes invisible, creating backlash and division. "That's not hypocrisy," Jay explains, "that's humanity."
What makes this episode particularly powerful is its call to wholeness. Rather than choosing sides in this cultural war, Jay challenges listeners to recognize the complex interplay of these forces within themselves. The executive who appears cold but cries in secret. The empathetic coach who negotiates fiercely when protecting their rates. These aren't contradictions—they're complementary facets of being fully human. In a world obsessed with picking sides, embracing your complete self might be the rarest and most revolutionary act possible. Consider where you might be suppressing part of yourself, and what genuine wholeness could look like in your life and leadership.
https://iamjayfloyd.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
what's up everybody.
This is j floyd.
Welcome back.
Another episode, man uncut gems.
I appreciate all y'all rockingwith me.
This has been, honestly, thisis the most uh viewers.
My stats are the highestthey've ever been.
Um.
Shout out to everybody whofollows me on LinkedIn.
(00:25):
Shout out to everybody who'sbeen part of my listening tribe,
everybody who digs what I'msaying, what I bring to the
table.
I appreciate all of y'all.
Shout out to Zapier, myemployer, who really helps
empower me and give me thefreedom to kind of represent
(00:45):
them and be me at the same time.
I appreciate it.
I'm recording this right now andagain I'm fired up.
I love that.
I mean, I think it means thatI'm doing the right thing on
this podcast, because every timeI step into my desk and I hit
record, I'm feeling it.
(01:07):
I'm like yo, this is the one Ineed to get this out.
I know right now if you'relistening to this in order.
I just finished up a seriescalled Reach and I may even
preempt some of that.
I may.
I know I've released at thispoint in time, I've already
(01:27):
released episode one.
I may put this episode in frontof episodes two and three for
that Only, because I think thisis just so important, right?
You know it's so important.
So I want to touch on this thing, that I feel like there's a war
happening right now.
I know a lot of people you knowin your mind that might
(01:50):
resonate with you, because Iknow each and every person feels
like, yeah, it is, and I'mfeeling it and I'm ready to go.
But I don't think you quiteunderstand what I mean.
There is a war.
It's not a political war, it'snot really a tech war, it's not
an industrial war, it's not.
There is a class war going on.
(02:13):
But this is beyond the classwar.
It's not just cultural, it'snot just any of those things,
it's kind of all of those things.
I think they all are thefrontiers that the war is fought
on.
Right, it's really a war ofsides and it's kind of like the
(02:33):
upper level of man versus thelower level of man.
I don't even know if I wouldput it that way, because I don't
know if either one of them areupper or lower, and we're going
to talk about that, right.
But let me describe these sides.
One side is cold.
It's calculating.
It's goal-driven,profit-seeking, emotionally
(02:55):
distant.
It's putting emotions to theside, it's not thinking about
that kind of stuff.
It's harsh, it's going for whatit wants.
Maybe it's narcissistic, asmight be another way that we put
it today, whereas on the otherside it's feeling, it's
empathetic, it's affirming, it'sempowering, it's giving flowers
(03:21):
, it's giving a hug, it'scompassion right, it's all of
it's giving a hug, it'scompassion, right, it's all of
those things Right.
I think I know the way that Idescribed those.
You're probably thinking toyourself we already picked a
winner, like you already knowwhich one should win, right?
Yeah, obviously on paper soundsgood, but I think a lot of that
(03:43):
is bias.
Obviously, on paper sounds good, but I think a lot of that is
bias Because, to be honest, Idon't think one should win, I
don't think one can win, I don'tthink it's possible, and let's
get into why.
So let's dig a little bitdeeper into these two sides.
One is cold as profit overpeople, results over
(04:06):
relationship, relentless pursuitof success.
Emotion is weakness.
I know that a lot of thisprobably sounds like Mad Men or
something right, or straight outof the 1950s playbook, right?
Whether you're white, black,brown, whatever, it's probably
(04:29):
something that resonates withyou from your parents, your
grandparents.
I think that is kind of thehallmark of where that was the
presiding vibe in the country.
Right, that was what was neededin society overall.
Right, that coldness.
You know, if you look atMaslow's hierarchy, right, we
were concerned.
We were coming out of our worldwars, we were coming out of
(04:51):
depression.
We're trying to lock ourselvesin as a in the US, we're trying
to lock ourselves in as a worldpower.
There's a cold war happening.
Right, there's a constantthreat, whether it is real,
perceived or manufactured.
There's a constant threat thatthey're feeling that we may be
overtaken at any time.
(05:11):
We may lose everything that wehave.
Even though we may not becompletely happy with what we
have, we may lose it.
So there's this drive, thisharshness.
Right, go to go to school.
You go to a Catholic school andget your knuckles hit with a
ruler, that type of thing, right.
And then you look on the otherside, which is kind of I think
(05:36):
it's a vibe that's been startingto prevail over the last 20 to
30 years, which is empathy first, relationships over revenue,
affirmation, inclusion, softness, emotion as guidance, not
profit and performance asguidance, but emotion as
(05:57):
guidance.
Right, that one feels real good.
You know, after I don't knowhow many years, maybe it was 80
years dominated by the other one.
That one probably was, you know, a welcome relief Not to have
your knuckles hit anymore, notto.
You know, kids don't go toschool and the teacher doesn't
(06:19):
pull out a paddle anymore, right, anymore, right, whereas, you
know, when I grew up, in theearly eighties, when I went to,
when I started in school, thatwas the, the, the nightmare
stories that were told.
Right, I was fortunate to comein the eighties when, right,
when it was going away, right,they, like just like a year
before I was there, kids werestill getting paddled and beat
(06:41):
with with wooden paddles, right,and I remember my mom.
My mom was kind of like the oneof those early adopters of that
second school of thought.
Right, she's like, nobody'stouching my kid.
I don't care who you are,teacher principal, you, let me
handle that, nobody's touchingmy kid, right, so this warm side
(07:06):
was welcome.
Right, you go all of thesedecades with, you got to bottle
your feelings up.
You know, if you haveneurodiversity, if you have
sexual or gender orientation,confusion and identity issues,
you have to bottle all of thatup.
You don't?
There's, no, there's no freedomto talk about that.
(07:27):
You cannot deal with that,right, you got to bottle it up.
We're still at the top, we'redealing with the top of Maslow's
hierarchy and there's no timefor that.
But I think when the 80s hitright, right, when you get
Reagan really pushing thebuttons right, going all in full
throttle into that previousregime, it kind of ends it right
(07:49):
.
So it kind of starts thisuprising of other feelings,
undercurrent of no, my feelingsdo matter and I'm going to fight
for it, damn it.
You know what I mean.
I am confused about my genderor my identity or my whatever.
It is right, I want to talkabout it.
(08:09):
I want psychological safety.
Right, I'm black, I'm brown,I'm not of the mainstream.
I want to talk about thatexperience.
I want somebody to know what Ifeel.
I want somebody to know what Ifeel and I want my feelings to
(08:30):
matter and you have those youhave right now.
You know I feel like in the 80sthis undercurrent started and
by the time you get to 2010s,you know you got Barack Obama's
in office and I think you havekind of like a crest of that
undercurrent has become a largewave and it is rolling Right and
(08:54):
.
But I feel like human behaviorhas to move in a pendulum.
It's pendular momentum, and thereason why is because of this
right, like when I describethese, I described these two
sides to you earlier.
I know one of them, man.
It sounded pretty jacked up.
It was probably like yo, I'mnot in that one, I don't want
(09:17):
that one to win.
I want the lovey-dovey one towin.
I want that warm, loving one towin.
I want the lovey-dovey one towin.
I want that warm, loving one towin.
But guess what?
Gotta be real with yourself,man.
We are not all.
None of us are that lovey-doveyperson or spirit.
We are complex and we have alittle bit of both.
(09:41):
That's why I don't think oneside should win, nor can one
side win.
I don't think it's possible.
But I do think it's what'sdriving kind of this
undercurrent of a war right now.
It feels like we're all beingripped in half and I think it's
because of this Right.
So you have, you know, you seeit.
(10:02):
It's not.
This is not philosophy.
We feel it Right.
You can see it in politics.
You got boomers who still are incontrol, buddy, new day, new
era, you know.
(10:23):
You got relationships.
You got attachment anddetachment.
You got people are dealing withnarcissism and freedom from
being mistreated in their ownpersonal relationships and
marriages.
You got in parenting people aretrying out gentle parenting.
People are having backlash overthat.
There's this huge surge ofdiagnoses of autism, adhd,
(10:49):
neurodiversity.
You have people who claim thatthose are either not real or
they're being caused by.
You know, whether it's diet,nutrition or things that we're
doing to our bodies.
There's just a backlash ofeverything against everything
else.
It's like these sides warring,warring.
(11:10):
Right, you see it in ourworkplace this hustle culture or
dominance, performance cultureversus safe spaces.
Right, I went into this myselfin me being a leader in the tech
world, me managing folks andhaving to.
You know, I'm a coach.
I'm a coach first and foremost.
That's where my strength set isand I am not very directorial
(11:35):
or dictatorial, right, so I'mnot just jumping and telling
everybody what to do at alltimes, but there comes a time as
a manager where you have to dothat Right.
And as you grow and learn, youknow I've had people tell me oh,
(11:57):
you know, you really are intothat.
You know people side of things.
Right, like you care aboutpeople.
You're into that kumbaya stuff.
Right, that coaching.
But you can't coach everything,right, and I think they're right
and I think they're wrong.
For one, it's not kumbaya stuff, it's real, it has merit.
But they are right in that youcannot do that on everything
right, and this is what I wantto submit to you.
I mean, we even see it again inreligion and faith.
(12:20):
You got fire and brimstonefolks versus grace and love
folks and there's this constantswing of the pendulum right.
And the thing is, when one sidedominates, the other one becomes
invisible, and humans don'tlike becoming invisible.
So, yeah, if you feel like youknow what, the moment you feel
(12:42):
like your side is dominating,your side is winning.
You know, for some reasonhumans start to feel like this
means we're headed in the rightdirection.
All right, I'm sure, for a lotof people who may feel more
inclined to the empathy side,they've probably felt like 10
years ago man, we're headed inthe right direction, this is it.
(13:05):
But life doesn't work linearly,right.
There's a lot of people on thatother side who probably felt
back in like 1960, whatever.
Headed in the right direction,this is it.
Right, we're rocking.
But life does not work in alinear fashion, because we are
both of those sides and when oneside dominates, the other side
(13:28):
becomes invisible, and that'swhen people feel misrepresented,
they feel underrepresented andthat's when people start to get
loud, loud.
First, not honest, but loud,loud.
But it can't work.
How can?
It's like having a war in yourown head, or a war in your own
(13:51):
heart or a war in your ownspirit.
We are all these people yeah, Iknow we always especially
politically man, and actually inall of these man like we'll
look and we'll say, oh, thisperson is on the right, I'm on
the left, this person isnarcissistic and I'm an empath.
This person is blah, blah, blah.
(14:13):
No, we are all, all of it.
And that person that you'relooking at, they're just like
you too.
Just like you too, think aboutthis.
A leader who seems cold but theycry in secret.
There's a lot of those outthere.
Or a coach who seems kind butthey negotiate like a shark when
(14:34):
they're protecting their rates.
Feels like me, man.
I'm like.
I'm out here protecting myrates.
Man, I got it.
Hey, my time is valuable and Iknow what I bring to the table
is valuable.
See how that balance works.
That's not hypocrisy, that'shumanity, and humans are complex
.
I'm not saying we're alwaysright.
I'm not saying any side isright.
(14:57):
I'm saying both sides are validand it's swinging like a
pendulum.
So the only thing that is wrongto me you're going to reach
disappointment when you startfeeling like, well, my side is
about to start winning thisthing, it's over for the other
side.
This is the direction we willgo in for the rest of human
progress.
(15:17):
No, I don't think that's evergoing to happen.
Yeah, it swung, I get it, itswung.
We got past the age of survival.
I get it, it swung.
(15:41):
We got past the age of survival.
Most of us had roofs, jobs,food, some semblance of equal
opportunity in some areas, right.
Some bits and tastes of equalopportunities for races, colors,
genders, all of that.
But guess what?
Now it's swinging.
Swinging again, right.
And Maslow said once your basicneeds are met, you seek
self-actualization.
Right, once that's met, youseek self-actualization.
So that's what happened.
(16:03):
And swinging that pendulum getsa little messy.
People get hurt.
That pendulum hurts.
Got to dodge that bad boy.
When it's swinging back, man,right.
But it reveals the dualities inus ambition and insecurity,
(16:25):
love and fear, softness andsteel.
I want you to think about thisman.
So here's my call to wholenessbecause, honestly, I don't
really think most people aretaking the right angle on this.
It's not about somebody elselosing so you can win.
We have to get out of heretogether, right?
When you look at somebody else,I want you to start to think is
(16:49):
there an analogous piece of methat's doing the same thing?
But I have a bias or a blindspot and I can't see it like a
serious political stance that Ifeel like is the opposite of me.
I always ask myself what wouldbe the inverse, where somebody
(17:13):
would look at me and be likewhat is that dude on?
What am I doing?
Because you know what there'salways going to be one.
We just don't look at it as badbecause we're standing on our
side, right?
So here's my call to wholeness.
Don't amputate half yourself tobe liked.
(17:34):
No, don't hide your strengthjust to be accepted.
Don't drown your emotion justto be respected.
But the rarest thing you can doright now is to be whole.
See both of it.
Yes, I'm kind.
(17:55):
Yes, I'm gentle, I'm empathetic.
That's who I am.
Y'all know me.
That's who I am Day after day.
That's where I am.
But guess what, when it's timeto negotiate, when it's time, me
and my wife are buying a houseright now.
When it's time to get the house.
I'm a shark, I'm not playing nogames.
(18:18):
The sales rep I may haveempathy for the closing attorney
, but I don't have more empathythan I have for setting my
family up, cause guess what theyought to set their families up
too.
So I I need some steel in me.
I got to have some steel, eventhough I always have some warmth
(18:43):
.
So I know there's probably alot of people out there that
come from that steel.
But guess what?
You got to have some warmth.
So I know there's probably alot of people out there that
come from that steel.
But guess what?
You got to have some warmth.
You got to understand thatyou're going to be that
executive crying in the dark ifyou don't open up and have some
warmth.
I feel like both of thesependulum swings make us lie to
(19:07):
ourselves that we're not on bothsides Right.
This reminds me of Andy Ware'sshort story called the Egg.
I highly highly recommendpeople go out there and read it.
Really good short story.
Go check that out.
Really good short story.
Go check that out.
(19:32):
So listen, that's my call towholeness.
Be rare, don't be like every.
You know what the popular thing.
You know what everybody's doingright now.
They're on one side or theother.
Be rare by understanding thatyou are not on one side or the
other.
Nobody really is.
We all got all of it, you know.
It reminds me of that.
(19:53):
What's the old Chris Rock jokewhere it's like how are you a
conservative or liberal?
Well, it depends on how closeto my house you get.
If it's pretty far away from me, I'm pretty liberal.
You get next door, I might geta little conservative about
things.
I think that's how human natureis.
(20:14):
That's not hypocrisy, that'shumanity.
So this week I want you to askyourself where am I suppressing
my other side?
And what would it look like forme to tap into both, for me to
be aware that I am both, and ifthis spoke to you, share this
(20:35):
with somebody who's trying tolead, somebody who's trying to
heal or trying to be real inthis world, this world that's
constantly saying pick a side,come over here, join this gang,
join that gang, be gang, gangover here.
Join this gang, join that gang,be gang, gang over here.
No, be whole, be yourself.
(20:56):
I love y'all.
Peace, thank you.
what's up everybody.
This is j floyd.
Welcome back.
Another episode, man uncut gems.
I appreciate all y'all rockingwith me.
This has been, honestly, thisis the most uh viewers.
My stats are the highestthey've ever been.
Um.
Shout out to everybody whofollows me on LinkedIn.
(00:25):
Shout out to everybody who'sbeen part of my listening tribe,
everybody who digs what I'msaying, what I bring to the
table.
I appreciate all of y'all.
Shout out to Zapier, myemployer, who really helps
empower me and give me thefreedom to kind of represent
(00:45):
them and be me at the same time.
I appreciate it.
I'm recording this right now andagain I'm fired up.
I love that.
I mean, I think it means thatI'm doing the right thing on
this podcast, because every timeI step into my desk and I hit
record, I'm feeling it.
(01:07):
I'm like yo, this is the one Ineed to get this out.
I know right now if you'relistening to this in order.
I just finished up a seriescalled Reach and I may even
preempt some of that.
I may.
I know I've released at thispoint in time, I've already
(01:27):
released episode one.
I may put this episode in frontof episodes two and three for
that Only, because I think thisis just so important, right?
You know it's so important.
So I want to touch on this thing, that I feel like there's a war
happening right now.
I know a lot of people you knowin your mind that might
(01:50):
resonate with you, because Iknow each and every person feels
like, yeah, it is, and I'mfeeling it and I'm ready to go.
But I don't think you quiteunderstand what I mean.
There is a war.
It's not a political war, it'snot really a tech war, it's not
an industrial war, it's not.
There is a class war going on.
(02:13):
But this is beyond the classwar.
It's not just cultural, it'snot just any of those things,
it's kind of all of those things.
I think they all are thefrontiers that the war is fought
on.
Right, it's really a war ofsides and it's kind of like the
(02:33):
upper level of man versus thelower level of man.
I don't even know if I wouldput it that way, because I don't
know if either one of them areupper or lower, and we're going
to talk about that, right.
But let me describe these sides.
One side is cold.
It's calculating.
It's goal-driven,profit-seeking, emotionally
(02:55):
distant.
It's putting emotions to theside, it's not thinking about
that kind of stuff.
It's harsh, it's going for whatit wants.
Maybe it's narcissistic, asmight be another way that we put
it today, whereas on the otherside it's feeling, it's
empathetic, it's affirming, it'sempowering, it's giving flowers
(03:21):
, it's giving a hug, it'scompassion right, it's all of
it's giving a hug, it'scompassion, right, it's all of
those things Right.
I think I know the way that Idescribed those.
You're probably thinking toyourself we already picked a
winner, like you already knowwhich one should win, right?
Yeah, obviously on paper soundsgood, but I think a lot of that
(03:43):
is bias.
Obviously, on paper sounds good, but I think a lot of that is
bias Because, to be honest, Idon't think one should win, I
don't think one can win, I don'tthink it's possible, and let's
get into why.
So let's dig a little bitdeeper into these two sides.
One is cold as profit overpeople, results over
(04:06):
relationship, relentless pursuitof success.
Emotion is weakness.
I know that a lot of thisprobably sounds like Mad Men or
something right, or straight outof the 1950s playbook, right?
Whether you're white, black,brown, whatever, it's probably
(04:29):
something that resonates withyou from your parents, your
grandparents.
I think that is kind of thehallmark of where that was the
presiding vibe in the country.
Right, that was what was neededin society overall.
Right, that coldness.
You know, if you look atMaslow's hierarchy, right, we
were concerned.
We were coming out of our worldwars, we were coming out of
(04:51):
depression.
We're trying to lock ourselvesin as a in the US, we're trying
to lock ourselves in as a worldpower.
There's a cold war happening.
Right, there's a constantthreat, whether it is real,
perceived or manufactured.
There's a constant threat thatthey're feeling that we may be
overtaken at any time.
(05:11):
We may lose everything that wehave.
Even though we may not becompletely happy with what we
have, we may lose it.
So there's this drive, thisharshness.
Right, go to go to school.
You go to a Catholic school andget your knuckles hit with a
ruler, that type of thing, right.
And then you look on the otherside, which is kind of I think
(05:36):
it's a vibe that's been startingto prevail over the last 20 to
30 years, which is empathy first, relationships over revenue,
affirmation, inclusion, softness, emotion as guidance, not
profit and performance asguidance, but emotion as
(05:57):
guidance.
Right, that one feels real good.
You know, after I don't knowhow many years, maybe it was 80
years dominated by the other one.
That one probably was, you know, a welcome relief Not to have
your knuckles hit anymore, notto.
You know, kids don't go toschool and the teacher doesn't
(06:19):
pull out a paddle anymore, right, anymore, right, whereas, you
know, when I grew up, in theearly eighties, when I went to,
when I started in school, thatwas the, the, the nightmare
stories that were told.
Right, I was fortunate to comein the eighties when, right,
when it was going away, right,they, like just like a year
before I was there, kids werestill getting paddled and beat
(06:41):
with with wooden paddles, right,and I remember my mom.
My mom was kind of like the oneof those early adopters of that
second school of thought.
Right, she's like, nobody'stouching my kid.
I don't care who you are,teacher principal, you, let me
handle that, nobody's touchingmy kid, right, so this warm side
(07:06):
was welcome.
Right, you go all of thesedecades with, you got to bottle
your feelings up.
You know, if you haveneurodiversity, if you have
sexual or gender orientation,confusion and identity issues,
you have to bottle all of thatup.
You don't?
There's, no, there's no freedomto talk about that.
(07:27):
You cannot deal with that,right, you got to bottle it up.
We're still at the top, we'redealing with the top of Maslow's
hierarchy and there's no timefor that.
But I think when the 80s hitright, right, when you get
Reagan really pushing thebuttons right, going all in full
throttle into that previousregime, it kind of ends it right
(07:49):
.
So it kind of starts thisuprising of other feelings,
undercurrent of no, my feelingsdo matter and I'm going to fight
for it, damn it.
You know what I mean.
I am confused about my genderor my identity or my whatever.
It is right, I want to talkabout it.
(08:09):
I want psychological safety.
Right, I'm black, I'm brown,I'm not of the mainstream.
I want to talk about thatexperience.
I want somebody to know what Ifeel.
I want somebody to know what Ifeel and I want my feelings to
(08:30):
matter and you have those youhave right now.
You know I feel like in the 80sthis undercurrent started and
by the time you get to 2010s,you know you got Barack Obama's
in office and I think you havekind of like a crest of that
undercurrent has become a largewave and it is rolling Right and
(08:54):
.
But I feel like human behaviorhas to move in a pendulum.
It's pendular momentum, and thereason why is because of this
right, like when I describethese, I described these two
sides to you earlier.
I know one of them, man.
It sounded pretty jacked up.
It was probably like yo, I'mnot in that one, I don't want
(09:17):
that one to win.
I want the lovey-dovey one towin.
I want that warm, loving one towin.
I want the lovey-dovey one towin.
I want that warm, loving one towin.
But guess what?
Gotta be real with yourself,man.
We are not all.
None of us are that lovey-doveyperson or spirit.
We are complex and we have alittle bit of both.
(09:41):
That's why I don't think oneside should win, nor can one
side win.
I don't think it's possible.
But I do think it's what'sdriving kind of this
undercurrent of a war right now.
It feels like we're all beingripped in half and I think it's
because of this Right.
So you have, you know, you seeit.
(10:02):
It's not.
This is not philosophy.
We feel it Right.
You can see it in politics.
You got boomers who still are incontrol, buddy, new day, new
era, you know.
(10:23):
You got relationships.
You got attachment anddetachment.
You got people are dealing withnarcissism and freedom from
being mistreated in their ownpersonal relationships and
marriages.
You got in parenting people aretrying out gentle parenting.
People are having backlash overthat.
There's this huge surge ofdiagnoses of autism, adhd,
(10:49):
neurodiversity.
You have people who claim thatthose are either not real or
they're being caused by.
You know, whether it's diet,nutrition or things that we're
doing to our bodies.
There's just a backlash ofeverything against everything
else.
It's like these sides warring,warring.
(11:10):
Right, you see it in ourworkplace this hustle culture or
dominance, performance cultureversus safe spaces.
Right, I went into this myselfin me being a leader in the tech
world, me managing folks andhaving to.
You know, I'm a coach.
I'm a coach first and foremost.
That's where my strength set isand I am not very directorial
(11:35):
or dictatorial, right, so I'mnot just jumping and telling
everybody what to do at alltimes, but there comes a time as
a manager where you have to dothat Right.
And as you grow and learn, youknow I've had people tell me oh,
(11:57):
you know, you really are intothat.
You know people side of things.
Right, like you care aboutpeople.
You're into that kumbaya stuff.
Right, that coaching.
But you can't coach everything,right, and I think they're right
and I think they're wrong.
For one, it's not kumbaya stuff, it's real, it has merit.
But they are right in that youcannot do that on everything
right, and this is what I wantto submit to you.
I mean, we even see it again inreligion and faith.
(12:20):
You got fire and brimstonefolks versus grace and love
folks and there's this constantswing of the pendulum right.
And the thing is, when one sidedominates, the other one becomes
invisible, and humans don'tlike becoming invisible.
So, yeah, if you feel like youknow what, the moment you feel
(12:42):
like your side is dominating,your side is winning.
You know, for some reasonhumans start to feel like this
means we're headed in the rightdirection.
All right, I'm sure, for a lotof people who may feel more
inclined to the empathy side,they've probably felt like 10
years ago man, we're headed inthe right direction, this is it.
(13:05):
But life doesn't work linearly,right.
There's a lot of people on thatother side who probably felt
back in like 1960, whatever.
Headed in the right direction,this is it.
Right, we're rocking.
But life does not work in alinear fashion, because we are
both of those sides and when oneside dominates, the other side
(13:28):
becomes invisible, and that'swhen people feel misrepresented,
they feel underrepresented andthat's when people start to get
loud, loud.
First, not honest, but loud,loud.
But it can't work.
How can?
It's like having a war in yourown head, or a war in your own
(13:51):
heart or a war in your ownspirit.
We are all these people yeah, Iknow we always especially
politically man, and actually inall of these man like we'll
look and we'll say, oh, thisperson is on the right, I'm on
the left, this person isnarcissistic and I'm an empath.
This person is blah, blah, blah.
(14:13):
No, we are all, all of it.
And that person that you'relooking at, they're just like
you too.
Just like you too, think aboutthis.
A leader who seems cold but theycry in secret.
There's a lot of those outthere.
Or a coach who seems kind butthey negotiate like a shark when
(14:34):
they're protecting their rates.
Feels like me, man.
I'm like.
I'm out here protecting myrates.
Man, I got it.
Hey, my time is valuable and Iknow what I bring to the table
is valuable.
See how that balance works.
That's not hypocrisy, that'shumanity, and humans are complex
.
I'm not saying we're alwaysright.
I'm not saying any side isright.
(14:57):
I'm saying both sides are validand it's swinging like a
pendulum.
So the only thing that is wrongto me you're going to reach
disappointment when you startfeeling like, well, my side is
about to start winning thisthing, it's over for the other
side.
This is the direction we willgo in for the rest of human
progress.
(15:17):
No, I don't think that's evergoing to happen.
Yeah, it swung, I get it, itswung.
We got past the age of survival.
I get it, it swung.
(15:41):
We got past the age of survival.
Most of us had roofs, jobs,food, some semblance of equal
opportunity in some areas, right.
Some bits and tastes of equalopportunities for races, colors,
genders, all of that.
But guess what?
Now it's swinging.
Swinging again, right.
And Maslow said once your basicneeds are met, you seek
self-actualization.
Right, once that's met, youseek self-actualization.
So that's what happened.
(16:03):
And swinging that pendulum getsa little messy.
People get hurt.
That pendulum hurts.
Got to dodge that bad boy.
When it's swinging back, man,right.
But it reveals the dualities inus ambition and insecurity,
(16:25):
love and fear, softness andsteel.
I want you to think about thisman.
So here's my call to wholenessbecause, honestly, I don't
really think most people aretaking the right angle on this.
It's not about somebody elselosing so you can win.
We have to get out of heretogether, right?
When you look at somebody else,I want you to start to think is
(16:49):
there an analogous piece of methat's doing the same thing?
But I have a bias or a blindspot and I can't see it like a
serious political stance that Ifeel like is the opposite of me.
I always ask myself what wouldbe the inverse, where somebody
(17:13):
would look at me and be likewhat is that dude on?
What am I doing?
Because you know what there'salways going to be one.
We just don't look at it as badbecause we're standing on our
side, right?
So here's my call to wholeness.
Don't amputate half yourself tobe liked.
(17:34):
No, don't hide your strengthjust to be accepted.
Don't drown your emotion justto be respected.
But the rarest thing you can doright now is to be whole.
See both of it.
Yes, I'm kind.
(17:55):
Yes, I'm gentle, I'm empathetic.
That's who I am.
Y'all know me.
That's who I am Day after day.
That's where I am.
But guess what, when it's timeto negotiate, when it's time, me
and my wife are buying a houseright now.
When it's time to get the house.
I'm a shark, I'm not playing nogames.
(18:18):
The sales rep I may haveempathy for the closing attorney
, but I don't have more empathythan I have for setting my
family up, cause guess what theyought to set their families up
too.
So I I need some steel in me.
I got to have some steel, eventhough I always have some warmth
(18:43):
.
So I know there's probably alot of people out there that
come from that steel.
But guess what?
You got to have some warmth.
So I know there's probably alot of people out there that
come from that steel.
But guess what?
You got to have some warmth.
You got to understand thatyou're going to be that
executive crying in the dark ifyou don't open up and have some
warmth.
I feel like both of thesependulum swings make us lie to
(19:07):
ourselves that we're not on bothsides Right.
This reminds me of Andy Ware'sshort story called the Egg.
I highly highly recommendpeople go out there and read it.
Really good short story.
Go check that out.
Really good short story.
Go check that out.
(19:32):
So listen, that's my call towholeness.
Be rare, don't be like every.
You know what the popular thing.
You know what everybody's doingright now.
They're on one side or theother.
Be rare by understanding thatyou are not on one side or the
other.
Nobody really is.
We all got all of it, you know.
It reminds me of that.
(19:53):
What's the old Chris Rock jokewhere it's like how are you a
conservative or liberal?
Well, it depends on how closeto my house you get.
If it's pretty far away from me, I'm pretty liberal.
You get next door, I might geta little conservative about
things.
I think that's how human natureis.
(20:14):
That's not hypocrisy, that'shumanity.
So this week I want you to askyourself where am I suppressing
my other side?
And what would it look like forme to tap into both, for me to
be aware that I am both, and ifthis spoke to you, share this
(20:35):
with somebody who's trying tolead, somebody who's trying to
heal or trying to be real inthis world, this world that's
constantly saying pick a side,come over here, join this gang,
join that gang, be gang, gangover here.
Join this gang, join that gang,be gang, gang over here.
No, be whole, be yourself.
(20:56):
I love y'all.
Peace, thank you.
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