January 17, 2025 • 60 mins
Prepare to be inspired by the incredible resilience and wisdom of Judge Lynn Toler, a trailblazer known for her impactful work on "Divorce Court" and "Marriage Boot Camp." We explore the remarkable story of her father, who, despite the odds stacked against him as a black man in a predominantly white industry, supported his family from the age of 13 with sheer determination. This episode is a tribute to underdogs and the power of turning life's challenges into triumphs, reminding us that success often blooms from the most unexpected places.
The conversation shifts to the critical role of supportive relationships in shaping resilient individuals, particularly young women navigating difficult circumstances. Through personal anecdotes and mentoring experiences, we underscore the importance of stepping in as a support system when traditional ones fail. We also tackle the evolving dynamics of modern relationships, emphasizing the need for genuine connections over superficial markers like status and wealth. Judge Lynn shares personal insights, highlighting how empathy and understanding can transform conflicts and enrich our lives.
Wrapping up, we celebrate the wisdom passed down through generations and the unexpected paths to finding purpose and success. Judge Lynn recounts the journey from television to writing, capturing the profound influence of her mother in her book "My Mother's Rules." We encourage listeners to cherish everyday moments of happiness and recognize that true success lies not in material achievements but in stories of resilience and the richness of shared experiences.
Join us as we amplify the voices of those who defy the odds, offering lessons on moving past victim mentality and embracing the empowering narratives of everyday heroes.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello and welcome to underdogs, bootstrappers and
game changers.
This is for those of you thatare starting with nothing and
using business to change theirstars, motivating people who
disrupted industry standards.
This is the real side ofbusiness.
This isn't Shark Tank.
My aim with this podcast is totake away some of the imaginary
(00:22):
roadblocks that are out there.
I want to help more underdogs,because underdogs are truly who
change the world.
This is part of our Content forGood initiative.
All the proceeds from themonetization of this podcast
will go to charitable causes.
It's for the person that wantsit.
Hello and welcome back toanother episode of Underdogs,
(00:45):
bootstrappers and Game Changers.
I get really excited when Ihave a friend here with me and
my friend, judge Lynn Toler.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
How are you, Tyler?
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So good to have you here.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It's great to be here .
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I like.
And if you don't recognizeJudge Lynn, then you haven't
ever turned on morning or,excuse me, afternoon television.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Morning and afternoon for about 13 years I was on
television on divorce court andanother 10 years on marriage
boot camp.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah, and you pretty much like.
Anytime I'm like at a hotel orsomething and I happen to turn
on the TV and it's like daytimetelevision.
I usually see you.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, and it's funny.
You know, I met Samuel LJackson.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And he looked at me and he said I don't like your
new set, I don't like your newbailiff, but I still like you.
And I said how do you know whoI am?
And he said actors spend 12hours a day in their trailers
waiting to do two hours of work.
We flip a lot of channels.
(01:45):
I've seen you.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah, I know I mean.
So if you're bored and flippingchannels, I'm there for you.
Well, and I wanted to have youon because, as you know, I have
an underdog audience and folks.
Just so you know, if you're newto the show, like this is all
for you.
This is not for me,unfortunately, and not for my
dear friend, the judge here.
This is for you, we do this foryou, you know, and so I try to
(02:08):
bring in a story that I think isgoing to help you today.
And Judge Lynn has so many, andluckily she's around here and
she wants to start driving overhere more.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yes, I do because yes .
Speaker 1 (02:20):
And so we're going to get to some today and I'm
actually going to make her comeback a couple of different times
because, judge, I listen toyour content, I hear your
content, I see the impact it has, and I think you know one of my
things in the world is moregood messaging right.
Evil has no problem using thecamera.
You know, I love helping peoplewith good voices use it too,
and yours is one of them, and Isee how helpful it is for people
(02:42):
, and especially like underdogs,and yours is one of them, and I
see how helpful it is forpeople, and especially like
underdogs.
And so, like today, um, I wantto go into cause.
I know quite a bit about you,um, and so I want to go a little
bit about.
We're going to go likehistorical family stuff for a
little while, because I justthink some of those stories are
so interesting, and then we'regoing to uh, go from there into
some of the things that I wantto talk to you about and ask you
(03:03):
about today, but this is goingto end up being multiple
episodes, I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I'll come back whenever you instruct me to.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Your father, for instance.
We've talked a little bit abouthim, really interesting guy,
and I could go into a little bit, but I know you'll tell it so
much better.
Please tell me a little bitabout your dad, so can.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
it's, it's funny too, and I'm glad you asked me about
my dad, cause I wrote a bookabout my mother in 2007,
bragging about what a tremendousemotional, uh, how she was an
emotional genius, emotionalintelligence genius.
She's born in 1919.
(03:44):
Okay, he was the son of hisfather and my grandmother.
My grandmother was born in 1886.
She had gone to college by thetime she had him, wow, and she
had four sons.
My father had an IQ of 150, andhe was the dumbest one.
(04:08):
The rest of them were.
So, I mean, I always believedthat what God gives you in
abundance on one side, he shortsyou on the other.
And so he got an abundance ofIQ, but emotionally, that man
was threadbare, as was all hisbrothers.
But emotionally that man wasthreadbare, as was all his
(04:28):
brothers.
But he was just crazy enoughnot to allow the fact that he
was a 5'2 black man born in thehills of West Virginia to stop
him from taking over the world,which he certainly believed was
his job to do.
He used to work for the.
(04:50):
He lived in coal mining countryand he worked for the guy that
owned the coal mines.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
And the guy that when he was 13, when he was young,
because he was too old.
So what he would?
He would just run errands forthe family, he would cook and he
would buy.
And he found out that the guywas an alcoholic and so he would
pay my dad to slip him drinks,liquor, you know, and they were
(05:17):
doing it for years.
So he was getting money, he wasgoing to the store buying their
food and with the money thatthe guy, he was buying food for
his family and he made himpromise.
He said, if I ever get caught,and he got caught.
When he was around 17, he saidyou got to give me a job in the
coal mines.
And he did because my fatherwas their sole support.
My father, my grandfather, hadhad a multitude of strokes and
(05:37):
he was bedridden and you knowshe just all you could do was
turn him.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So he was the breadwinner at like 17?
Oh at 13.
13?
Oh yeah, my dad my grandfather.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
He was much older.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And he had had a multitude of strokes by the time
.
Dad was 13 years old and hisother brothers were too not
together to work, so he was theone that had to do it and then
when he started college he woulddo.
I found this out.
He never told me anything.
I have to beg his friends, okay, and one lady told me he said
he would do two weeks in thecoal mine, two weeks in college,
(06:14):
two weeks in the coal mine, twoweeks in college.
And then he got drafted andwent to war and went to WW2.
Okay, he ran an all-black unitwhose job was mop-up, so he was
(06:36):
in the Solomon Islands and theJapanese would dig tunnels and
be down there.
And so after the main fightingwas going, my father, they had
flamethrowers on the back andthey sent them in the holes
after the Japanese withflamethrowers.
That was his job and he receivedthe bronze star.
He was very, very good and thenone day he was an officer.
(07:01):
He went in as a lieutenantbecause he scored so high on the
exams.
That's amazing.
He wanted to go into theofficer's club and they wouldn't
let him.
So Daddy beat the crap out ofthe next guy who came to the
door and they were going to sendhim to Leavenworth.
But they had a psychiatristexamine him and he came out
(07:21):
saying he was manic depressive 2, which is bipolar now.
Yeah okay, and he got out ongood charges.
And then he took the GI Billand went to college.
No, he had already been tocollege and he took the GI Bill
and went to law school in OhioState.
Huh, and he became a lawyer.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Okay, is that what you want to go into law?
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Absolutely not.
I was supposed to be a doctor.
My sister was supposed to be adoctor.
I got to Harvard and decided itwas a party school, which was
clearly not the function.
But I did it anyway and Ipartied for four years and
senior year came around and,like you, got to have a certain
amount of of science and biologyand grades to get in there.
(08:06):
And I said, oh crap, I don'thave it.
And I called Daddy up and hesays I don't know what you're
going to do, baby, but I'm goingto stop sending you money the
minute you stop learning things.
So figure it out.
So I ran and took the LSAT andI've always been really good at
standardized testing.
So I got into Penn Law and Iwent just so my father wouldn't
(08:28):
cut me off.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
What'd your sister end up doing?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
She's a board certified neurologist.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
She did the right thing, oh, the right thing.
So you wish you would have wentinto medicine.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
She did the thing we were supposed to do.
Okay, I did the thing that Isupposed to do.
Okay, I did the thing that.
I had to do at the time.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
But I always complain .
I always contend that I am anaccidental overachiever who has
failed up ass backward all herlife.
I couldn't.
I didn't have the.
I had the.
I didn't have the wherewithalto get the grades to get into
medical school.
I went to law school.
I hated law school.
I hated being a lawyer.
I was so upset about being alawyer.
Somebody said, oh, why don'tyou run for judge?
(09:13):
Which was just a crazy idea.
It wasn't going to work.
I was 33 years old.
I had four stepchildren in thehouse.
Who does that kind of thing?
I was the only person of myparty in the community, five to
one.
Nobody knew who I was and I wonby six votes because my husband
would not let me lose.
(09:34):
What did he do to support you?
He practically shut down hisbusiness.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
He was an accountant.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Okay, and he's from Cleveland, which is where I was.
Every friend he ever had forthe 40 years that he known them,
he called out every favor hecould.
My dad funded my campaignbecause Pops had it like that.
Yeah, and he we almost got adivorce.
(10:05):
He was like door to door, doorto door, door to door, door to
door every night and I had likea 10-month-old son.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
He wanted you knocking door to door.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Every night and I had a 10-month-old son, so I had to
get a basket and put him inthere, and then I would go door
to door, knocking on doors, andby the time the campaign came to
a close, every time my son sawthat thing he'd just start
screaming because he hated it,because we were out all day long
and I wasn't paying attentionto you.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
It was just a prop, you know, going around.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
But I won by six votes.
So every time he yelled at meabout not doing my job, every
time he told me I was toolackadaisical, I owe him Because
he set me up there.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
And when the of course, therecount was very contentious
because on election night I wonby one vote.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And then recount said three and so they had everybody
come in on the third recount.
And the other guy that wasthere, you know he had his guys
with him and the other guy'selection, and I know he had his
guys with him and the otherguy's election.
And I looked at Eric and he'sand he says you don't want to go
, do you?
I said absolutely not.
I am not interested in anyaggressive male, dominated who
(11:16):
you guys are going to fight over.
What chat?
You know they still had Chad,the hanging chads back then I'm
not going.
He said I wouldn't let you.
If you wanted to.
He took his buddies, went downthere and apparently got a
little aggressive, you know, butat the end of the day I won by
six votes.
He did that.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
How much did that change your life?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
A hundred percent.
I mean a thousand percent.
First of all, I loved being ajudge, absolutely positively,
adored it, had fun, had a goodtime.
I couldn't get in early enough.
I started programs.
You know I can't help you ifyou're an 18-year-old girl with
three kids and no high schooldiploma and you stealing,
(11:57):
nothing I can do is going tohelp you Nothing.
So what I decided to do was goout to a breakout school where
there were a bunch of younggirls that are in trouble 12, 13
, 14.
And it took me years to figureout just what size group I could
handle.
I could handle about seven ofthem, because they were wild and
(12:20):
out and I would come every week.
Well, you're gray, you went outwith him again.
You don't need that guy.
Well, what did he say to you?
And one day I walked around andI just hugged one young lady
and then I went oh, I'm sorry, Ididn't even ask permission
because I'm a hugger, yeah.
And she said nobody else does.
(12:44):
That's sad and so I kept it, Ikept it and I would have a girl.
She put somebody through alocker and they called me and I
left the bench and I came overthere and I was talking to her
like yo, what's up, what's up,what's up, what's up.
(13:09):
And she said, um, I got rapedby another one of my, my, my
mother's, boyfriends.
This is the second time.
So I called my dad to see if Icould go live with him and he
said since it happened to youtwice, you were the problem, you
cannot come with me.
Her, her mother, was theproblem.
Those guys were the problem.
She was 15.
She lived there.
(13:30):
They weren't taking care of her, but he didn't want to be
bothered, so he blamed her andit just, it went through her
like a knife and you know, wesat a long time and we talked.
When we we got close, I went toher house.
I would, we would go do stuffif she got good, great actually
(13:51):
for all of them.
I would either buy them flowersor take them out to lunch, give
them lives, like I'm justinterested in what you're doing.
Yeah, uh, and they didn't havethat and um, I was just there
like Mama Junior.
How'd she land?
Interestingly enough, a coupleof years later, she calls me at
(14:13):
11 o'clock at night and said mycousin just killed somebody and
he's here.
He wants me to let him in and Ilove him and he's all I really
have.
And I just don't know.
And I said well, first of all,it's 11 o'clock at night, you
called the judge and sheanswered.
So he isn't all you have.
(14:34):
That's number one.
And number two is do not lethim in.
It's not tell him to turnhimself in.
You can't save him.
All you can do is get in jailwith, go to prison with him,
don't let him in.
Tell him you love him.
But I just talked to a judge.
There's the only thing you cando is let him in.
(14:54):
And I have one other girl, canI tell you?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
one more story?
Oh yeah, please.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
You give me here, stop me talking.
You're going to have to drag meout of here, but another young
lady, and I didn't remember herat all.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
And, like maybe six, seven years ago, I'm at the
house and I get a knock on thedoor at the house here in
Phoenix and I open the door andit's this young lady and she
said oh my God, it is you.
And I said, who are you?
And she said I used to be oneof your girls in Cleveland
Heights.
Wow, woman talk.
I called it woman talk.
And she goes, can I talk to you?
(15:31):
So I said yeah, I didn't knowher so I didn't let her in the
house.
I sat outside with her and shesaid she told me the story about
her husband who was abusive.
She's got three kids with him.
Not only does she have arestraining order on him, his
side chick had a restrainingorder on him.
(15:53):
He was that abusive so she'sgetting ready to go.
She done, called her mama,she's getting ready to go.
And the guy says well, I'll letyou have that job because she
had had wanted a job and hedidn't want her to work.
And I said you know what thatis.
He's just trying to give you alittle bit so you won't go, and
(16:14):
then he's going to give you hellabout having that job and
you're going to be right backwhere you were.
What does your mother want youto do?
And she said she said come home.
And I said why did you come andask me?
And she goes I don't know.
I said, yeah, you do, cause youknow I'm going to tell you the
same thing.
Your mama told you and youneeded enough to get up and get
(16:35):
on that plane.
And I'm telling you go, yeah,I'm just telling you to go.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
You know that's two types of support systems we've
just talked about, right?
Let me tell you what I mean.
It's like in the beginning ofour discussion you talked about
your dad, you know being asupport system and a driving
force and believing in you.
And then you talked about yourhusband being a support system
and a driving force andbelieving in you, and now you're
(17:05):
that for other women which hasbeen helpful for them.
Yes, how do we?
But then they had, they stillhad people in their life that
were bringing them down Rightand that's based on a lot of
things really like in in youryouth not having the right
support systems.
You know it's like how do youtell somebody out there right
(17:28):
now?
It's like especially and maybeit's not fair to say this, you
know it's like it seems to bethe demise of women quite often
is the man.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
The number one cause of death amongst pregnant women
is the dude that did it to them.
They kill them because it's aloss of control and you know,
they gave us lethality chartsfor domestic violence on our
bench.
And if he says any of thefollowing things, he's going to
kill himself.
He knows she's going to leave,she's pregnant.
(17:59):
You can put anything that makeshim seem like he's going to
lose control.
We know how lethal, we canguess how lethal he's going to
be.
And then I used to havedomestic violence agencies in
the courtroom on my DV days toget, because what happens is the
woman will fall through thecracks Because she does this.
(18:20):
I put him out of the house.
It's two weeks, it gets betterand then she kind of eases his
way back in and I get thedomestic violence groups on them
right away so they have asource they may go back.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Even if it gets funky again.
They've got source, process andprocedure.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And that's what's just so crazy to me.
It's like you can have thepartner that pushes you to get
that one extra vote and knock onthe door and change your life,
or you can choose the partnerthat's going to ruin your life,
possibly do something horribleto you.
You know, it's like what.
What's your advice for youngwomen on how to make that choice
?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
You know I, I my thing was, you gotta, you gotta
know them, at least for a fewyears.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Because you gotta see them when they're down, when
they're out, when they're sick,when they're tired.
You gotta date them long enough, so they can't, you know, send
their representative in, in, in,anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Like I can be.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I can look like this cute every once in a while, but
mostly I'd look.
I look pretty jacked up but.
But.
But if you live with me longenough, jacked up is what you'll
see.
And you have to see them sick.
You have to see them angry.
You got to watch the way theytalk to the women in their
family.
You got to watch the way theytalk about the other women in
their lives.
(19:37):
Do they blame people otherpeople for?
Do they blame others for theirown errors?
That is a huge central red flagfor potential viewers.
And then you have to askyourself what are the five
things I really don't like abouthim?
And if you don't know fivethings you don't like about him,
you don't know him well enough,because there's five things not
(19:58):
to like about everybody.
And then you have to decide.
And then you have to decide A,is it something that can
accelerate?
And B, if it stays the way itis, can I live with it long term
?
So if it's a temper, thosethings can accelerate.
Yeah, and you got to see who hegets mad at and how mad he gets
(20:20):
and what makes him angry.
And if he cannot blame himselffor his own mistakes, he's a guy
to run from.
Also, too much, too soon.
He meets you Monday, you date onTuesday.
He can't live without you onWednesday.
You got a problem on ThursdayBecause that rapid I got to be
(20:43):
with you and I got to have youand I got to see where you are.
It sounds romantic in thebeginning, but it's really like
uber controlling.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I think actually that's such amazing advice and
insight.
And you know it's likepredominantly what I do here is
I try to teach business, youknow, to people that don't have
the rich uncle to teach that tothem.
And so people are like well,tyler, we're talking about
relationships today, but no,we're not.
We're talking about supportsystems, and you know there's
nobody out there that right now.
You know you can talk about aboard of directors.
If you have a huge company, thepeople on the board are
(21:14):
supposed to be the best at theirarena in guiding the company
and helping the CEO makedecisions.
Or we talk about, like the fivepeople in your life who are the
top five people in your lifeand I'll show you who you are,
you know, sort of thing.
Why don't we analyze yourpartner enough?
You know?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, because we're analyzing it based on all the
wrong things you know at first.
We analyzed based just if youlook good.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Which was back in the day.
I mean, I'm 65 now, but back inthe day I didn't look too bad.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
You still got to judge.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
And you guys would overlook a lot of crazy, because
they're just looking at you.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
You would overlook a lot of crazy, but you know I
like tall dudes.
I vowed never to marry a guyunder six feet.
Now that is superficial, exceptif your daddy's 5'2", you're
5'1", your sister's 4'10" andyour grandmother is 4'8".
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
If I had sons.
I had to give them a shot atsomething.
But we're looking, andespecially these days, and I
don't know it's a lot in blackdating world and I don't know if
it's like this in the whitedating world.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
I don't know much about dating in general, but
let's go there Me either.
I was married for 30, so Ihaven't dated since 1986.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
So you know, I don't know anything.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I don't generally give dating advice on this show.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I'm just like you know, but it's all about.
Are you high value?
Are you an alpha male?
Are you a beta male?
Are you what kind of?
Uh, you know it's really just acontract.
What kind of what do you bringto the table?
What do you bring to the table?
It's gotten very superficial.
Uh, they had this guy namedsamuel sam, samuel kevin samuels
(23:01):
, and he used to give this youjust tell women you're too,
you'll never get anybody.
It's become very adversarial,at least in the black, in some
areas of the black community.
But I even talked to my sonsand other people and it's
they're not looking for what wewere looking for.
Yeah, they want value and Iwanted companionship.
(23:25):
I think I'm not sure.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
So now we're logical enough to think value.
But are we also like, justbecause we have somebody that's
valued high, does it meanthey're the greatest support
system?
I love that.
Your analogy came out today islike getting the extra vote
because your husband helped youright, pushed you, supported you
.
You know it's like we'reundervaluing that like the good
(23:52):
support system.
That doesn't mean he, she, hasto be the CEO of a major company
to have value.
You know it's like there's nota major company to have value.
You know it's like there's not.
And that's why I really wantedto hit this home a little bit is
because you know it's like thatsupport system can drive you to
unparalleled new things, candrive you to be a judge.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
There is an almost 100-year-long longitudinal study
that bears that out.
It's the I think it's the Glickstudy from Harvard.
It started in 1938.
And in 1938, you know, madison,grant and Hitler and everybody
all out there trying to we wantto separate everything by race,
(24:37):
and not only white good, blackbad by race, and not only white
good, black bad.
It was like the Teutonicblue-eyed blonde-haired, then
the middle Alpines and then theMediterranean whites.
So, you're going to do those.
And they had all of these ideasand so they were doing a study
in 1938, and they wanted theythought that who you were
(24:59):
genetically or your racedetermined how well you did.
So they took a bunch of Harvardcats and, they talk, a bunch of
poor guys from Boston and theystarted following them
throughout their lives, I mean.
And they were doing, they weretesting their head size.
As years went on, they gave himMRI, ct, studied him every week
(25:19):
, just doom to doom to doom.
Then they started adding womenand blah blah, blah, blah blah.
And there were five otherstudies that started based on
that, and the one thing theyfound more than anything else
that predicted was long healthylife and happiness and even
(25:39):
better health and wellness, wasthe number and the depth of
meaningful relationships you hadin your life above everything,
above your parents' money, aboveyour schooling, above your
intellect.
And it was not like it wasn'tclose, it wasn't.
(25:59):
You know it's a little bitbeyond anything.
It was that.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
There's a great documentary called Happy that
basically backs that up entirelytoo, and it has everything to
do with family unity, feelinglike belonged, feeling supported
.
That's why, if you get onething out of this show today,
it's make sure you like yes,have close connections, but that
those close connections, youknow and make sure they're
(26:25):
meaningful.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, and you know we do so much time on the internet
.
Now you know we are aggregatingeverybody else's angst yeah by
watching their sad stories andthen we're trying to prove a
point.
You know well, I'm high valueand I can get this guy and that
guy.
And they call this the anxiousgeneration and that's part of
(26:48):
the reason why they're so upsetand anxious.
They're comparing what kind Igot, how much, how good I got,
how much money I got, how prettyI am.
And you know, is my guy analpha guy and I don't date guys
with under $100,000.
My husband had four kids fromhis first wife.
He had no money but he loved me, yeah.
(27:09):
And look, I made more money nowbecause I made a guy who made
less than I did and was nevergoing to make as much as I did,
but he and I ended up doingquite well because he was the
brother I needed.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
He couldn't have done it without me and I couldn't
have done it without him.
That's when you've hit thejackpot.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
I know two guys in particular and their wives are
about the most supportive peopleI've ever seen, you know, and
it's like they have their ownstuff going on.
That's not to diminish the roleyou know it's like, but they
are like.
Their husbands are almost theirhero.
You know they're the ones outthere Like any second they get.
You can't they're braggingabout that.
You can't brag for yourselfthat way.
You know it's like system.
It's unbelievable what it'sdone for them.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Unbelievable, and it's everything, it's everything
.
I wasn't going to go TV, butthey call me.
Do you want to do a TV show?
Heck?
No, I just say no, you knowwhat I mean?
Nobody, you know, nobodybelieve.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
You know that's when you need that you know it's like
that that voice and you knowthat is your board of directors
in one person that you careabout more than anybody on the
planet, and if that person is abad advisor or trying to bring
you down, or you can't do it youknow you are in trouble, but if
this cat he says you're theonly person who doesn't know how
smart you are he used to saythat to me I would agree with
(28:37):
that statement.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
And I said yeah, but you know cause?
I've been around people who canreally think.
I mean, you know, there wassome people at.
Harvard that were, like, youknow, just blow your mind, but
but uh anyway.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
You know, it's always the people with the most to
offer the world that are thegreatest people that always have
imposter syndrome.
That's what I find over andover again, ain't that the truth
.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
You know it's like the opposite of the
Dunning-Kruger effect.
You know it's because peopleknow so little they think the
little that they know is allthat there is to know, because
they don't know the entire scopeof it.
I know a lot of differentthings, but I also know a lot of
different people who know somuch more than I do.
And I know a lot of differentthings, but I also know a lot of
different people who know somuch more than I do, and I know
all the books that I haven'tread and I just, yeah, I feel
(29:26):
like I'm faking it all the time.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
It's a problem I've had because I've always been
this little business guy openthese little business companies
and you know, in these days I'llget asked to go into some
pretty big companies and atfirst, until I like, actually
get in the mindset where I'm,like I'm just now, job focused,
at first it's overwhelming.
You know it's like here I amthis little guy, this little
fish, you know and like what amI doing?
Yeah, what am I doing here?
(29:52):
Why me?
I'm not, I'm not a CEO of aFortune 500 company, you know
that sort.
And then I'll find somethingthat no big accounting firm in
the entire country had found.
You know and like, and thenlike it's like so why were you
being so hard on yourself?
You know, it's like we all havetalents and I find that some of
the most talented people I knowdon't know the amount of
talents they have.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I think that's very, very true.
I think that is very, very trueand I think that what the
culture celebrates as talent isnot necessarily celebrates, is
not necessarily the talents thatwe should value.
I know some people that are sochill and glacial and kind and
loving.
(30:28):
I think that has great,tremendous value.
You can't upset them.
You can't get them excited,that has value.
Could you imagine if that wasable to trickle out in the world
that we're living in now, wherepeople are getting shot?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You've been watching my videos judge.
This is exactly how I feel.
Can you imagine if we rewardedthe world based on kindness, the
kindness human, the planet wasthe most popular person?
You know, it's like anger is astrong, powerful tool in my
opinion, but the expression ofanger in any way is a weakness.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
My mother used to say when you get mad, you lose.
Yeah, and anger is often anable imposter.
It's more like fear andfrustration, all dressed up in
military garb, impersonatingpower.
Sure, it's not really power,it's you've lost control, yeah,
but as the Bible said, anger islike a city broken into and left
(31:27):
without walls.
Anger is a.
I have this huge thing about.
You know you can be angry, yeah, but to what extent and to whom
?
And when and how can you stop?
And is it?
Is it?
Sometimes you have to get angry.
When it's dog came up, I getmad, yeah.
(31:49):
Chase it, yeah, because that'show you do.
You can't be, I get mad, butyou can't control it.
Often, when people get angry,they have simply lost control,
as opposed to being regimentedabout it.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Look at how explosive gasoline is.
Right.
It's a powerful tool, right.
It can drive an ambulance andsave somebody's life.
It can light somebody's houseon fire, right.
It's like that to me is whatanger can do too If you're a
little angry.
This is just my opinion, I'mnot a psychologist.
It's like I use anger all thetime.
But I use it in the gym, right,you know, I'd use it to get
(32:25):
some frustrations out.
I use it to drive myself.
I use it to my wake myself upat three o'clock in the morning
and get some more work done.
You know like I use angerproductively.
Anger out on somebody else Notat all.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
And it never helps.
No, no one says oh, you'rereally yelling at me, you must
be right.
No one does that.
It often is off-putting.
I figured this out.
My mother told me One time Iwas on a bench oh, I think I
told you, told in anotherpodcast.
I shouldn't say it again.
Huh, you can say it, okay.
(33:03):
So my mother was here, yeah,was watching me sentence people
and I yelled at this domesticviolence guy and send him right
and send him home.
And she came back in the backafterwards.
She says let me tell you whatyou, what you did wrong.
And I said what'd I do wrong?
He said now that dude isthinking about that bitch he hit
and that other bitch that senthim to jail.
You just pissed him off moreand you didn't do anything about
it.
He said what you should havedone is talk to him about what
(33:26):
happened from his point of view,and then you should have walked
him into what he should havedone and then told him why he
would, why he was going to jailbecause, and how he can avoid it
next time.
I started using that.
I said what'd she do?
She said it annoyed you and shekept talking, didn't she?
It kept talking, didn't she?
And I said now let me tell youwhat went wrong, where you went
(33:50):
wrong.
And by the time you're done,they're smiling.
And I said so you're going tojail, right?
Yeah, I get it Now.
I didn't change him, I didn'tmake him an abuser, but I didn't
make him matter.
And I planted a seed and one ofthose seeds actually grew
(34:11):
actually a few, because wheneveryou're a judge and you get a
letter in a pencil, you knowit's from prison, because they
don't give them pens, and youopen them.
And he said you know, I heardwhat you said and I just don't
want you to believe I didn'thear you.
And he wrote me a long letterabout how he got the way he was.
(34:35):
But he says I just don't wantyou to think badly of me and I
want you to know that I thoughtabout what you said.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Look at the difference and actually I do
remember.
Actually, I think I saw that ona podcast and, like you know,
we have a podcast for bulliedkids.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Oh OK.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
And it's amazing.
You know, like one thing, Ialways worked in really low
level jobs when I was a kid andyou know, I never have been able
to tolerate the abuse of, likethe low level worker, right, the
person.
And sorry, it's low level is abad term, but I had these jobs
too.
You know, it's like, uh,ringing up your groceries and
then you see the personscreaming at the person ringing
up the groceries and, honestly,it's that person, you know, it's
(35:14):
not the grocery ringer, youknow.
And so I don't have a bigtolerance for this and so I will
, like I'm pretty even demeanor,but I will step in and say
that's not right.
You know, in these scenarios,but through my bully podcast,
like it was interesting, youknow, I've always kind of been
like that, and I happened to beat a protein store you know, and
I'm watching this guy as I walkinto the protein store.
they're making these drinks andhe's screaming at the kid behind
(35:36):
the counter.
And you know, I had learned alot about like trying to deal
with these situations fromdealing with the pulley podcast,
and usually I would have justsaid something like hey, dude,
not right, you know, or whatever.
And so, like what I learnedabout was this like third party
of reason, so to speak.
And you know, like the sheepdog is actually one of the one
of the ways we term it.
That's the person that's kindof the, even in the middle
(35:57):
watching out for people.
You know, like protecting kindof thing.
And uh, so I decided I'm notjust going to confront the guy.
What I'm going to do is he'smad because, like, apparently
the made this shake wrong youknow, and so uh.
So I'm like I'll tell you what.
How much did the shake cost?
And he's like six bucks.
Here's the six bucks.
So now he leaves and you cantell he feels super sheepish you
(36:19):
know and like, and he's not madat me cause I didn't yell at
him.
He's not mad at the kid behindthe counter anymore because he's
realized he's being a jerk.
The guy comes up to me that wasin line.
He goes.
Thank you so much Cause I wasgoing to have to punch that guy
in the face.
The kid from the behind thecounter goes.
Thank you so much because Icouldn't say anything.
You know and that came from.
If I had confronted the guy andsaid something, he would have
(36:41):
left angry.
Instead he left.
And that's what your storyreminded me of so much, and
that's why I'm trying to back itup is because you went at it in
a way that changed him to thepoint he would write a letter to
you.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Right and just made him think.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Yeah, I think that guy probably left thinking hey,
I probably shouldn't have beenthat much of a jerk.
Right, yeah, thinking, hey, youknow, I probably shouldn't have
been that much of a jerk.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Right.
Yeah, it puts it in perspective.
But if you meet them where theylive, they think that they're
right and they're going to fightyou and all that kind of stuff,
and if you meet them someplaceelse, you start where they are
and you slowly walk them home.
Oh, I know you upset, I said,but you know, you know you upset
(37:21):
about it, I it.
It ain't that serious people,it just isn't.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
You know, something interesting to me that's dawned
on me through this conversationis like you're like I made the
mistake around medicine.
You know it's like, but I don'tthink you've realized the
amount of people you've beenable to impact from the role you
didn't think you wanted.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, and that's why I call myself an accidental
overachiever.
I mean, I never was, you know,I did strong about the law and
being it, but I was, I was, Iloved being a judge and I
thought I was a good judge.
I won by 80% of the vote andwhen I when I ran for reelection
because I worked, no moreknocking on doors that time no
(38:01):
more knocking on doors.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
that time, huh no more knocking on doors.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
It was like you know.
I called every principal ofevery school and I said look, I
know what's on the civics testthat each level has to pass, and
I've made a course for each oneOne for elementary, one for
junior and one for high school.
And none of the junior highschools didn't do it, but the
(38:25):
other ones didn't.
I sewed up a little robe forthem to wear and I had them come
in and do a trial.
They'll never forget what aprosecutor is, or this or that
or the other, because they'veacted it out and it was just a
way to become a part of thecommunity.
Because I believe you know, asa judge, you just, you just
doing, mop up, it's too little,too late, you ain't fixing, you
(38:47):
ain't helping nobody.
Well, you are getting, you know, domestic violence, people put
away, putting away dangerouspeople and stuff, but it's the
damage has already been done andI would like to be able to, you
know, to stop the damage beforeit happens.
And you can't do it from upthere.
Can people change?
They can.
It's very, very difficult.
(39:09):
They have to have a very, verygood reason to do so.
I've seen it.
I've seen it.
I had a young lady.
I must've had a bad day, causeI was at the grocery store
buying chocolate cake.
That's what I do too.
(39:31):
It was at the bakery withchocolate cake and this lady
came up to me and she had alittle girl in her hand and she
says hi, judge.
I said hi and she says I knowyou don't know me, but three
years ago, when she was a babyin my arms, you, I, had a
domestic violence case and youcalled us both up and you talked
(39:52):
to us for a really, really longtime and you talked to him for
a long time.
Then you made him do a programand he said she, things aren't
perfect, but they are 80% better.
And I want to say thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
No kidding, still about to cook a cupcake, but
that made my day that you know,I tell people all the time
because then, like, they getinto podcasting and things like
that and you know, um, andthey'll ask me, you know,
because it's like, well, you'reusually not going to have a
overnight success show, you gotto put time in, and it's like we
(40:27):
don't realize.
It's like when you see thoselittle click counts on Instagram
and things like that, those arepeople right.
It's like so somebody will belike oh, I only got a hundred
views or something like that.
That's a hundred people.
That's a hundred people.
And I know you had to havegotten this too.
I've gotten messages beforethat said you said something
last week and that's the reasonI'm still on this planet today.
It's like I think we highlyundervalue the impact of having
(40:50):
one person.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
One person and my one person is Ruthie, and she did,
you know, and I remember she wasfollowing me and we and she
said something really mean to meat one point.
I remember she was following meand she said something really
mean to me at one point and wekind of got into it and then I
kind of we worked through it,and then she bought my book, my
Mother's Rules, Okay, and thenwe've been buddies ever since.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
You know what I mean.
She was like I was.
I guess the bus ticket was thethe bus ticket, I guess that was
a suicide concept or group.
You know you get let's, buy herbus tickets and go let's.
And she says I was getting thebus ticket and and and your book
made me not do that, gosh.
And now when she's upset aboutsomething, she always emails me
(41:36):
and I just help her out and Ilove her.
She's so sweet, you know.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
So See, even if you wrote the book for no other
reason than that, how worth itis, how worth it was it right?
There's so many people outthere sitting there right now
and it's like, well, I didn'tmake that video because it's
only going to get 10 hits, or Ididn't write that book because
you know it's not going to sella million copies, or I'm afraid
to start the business Cause Idon't know what I'm doing or
whatever.
And it's like people need tolike work in the micro first.
(42:06):
If you work in the micro, thatlike one person, that one
thought, that one instinct, thatone thing that you're going to
do, the bigger approach comes,in my opinion.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
The funny thing about that book is, uh, the bench to
do TV.
My first show was called Powerof Attorney.
It only lasted four months,okay, and you know I had a
six-year term.
And my husband said, well, whatyou should ask for in
negotiations is you want them topay out your six-year term if
the show goes away?
And I said I cannot do that.
(42:38):
And you know my husband, yeah,you can Do it.
And they said I cannot do that.
And you know my husband, yeah,you can do it.
And they did, yeah.
So I spent five years at home.
The show lasted four months andI spent five years at home
collecting my, collecting fromFox what I would have been paid.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
My judicial salary.
So that's when I wrote thatbook.
And the only reason I wrote itis because I wanted my mother to
know how much she influenced meand how what she told me
authored my best moments on thebench.
That's beautiful, and so I tookit, you know, and the rules and
(43:17):
the thing it was called mymother's Rules, and I did it for
her and I did it because I want.
I was going, I just wanted itpublished.
I didn't want anybody to, Ididn't care if anybody bought it
because I was.
I was just a check it on andsomebody did me a favor, got me.
I got rejected 57 times from 57publishers and a buddy of buddy
(43:39):
of mine.
He had a publisher friend, asmall independent thing, he got
it to take it.
He took it.
He blah, blah, blah, blah, blahand he said once I went on TV
that book saved his business.
Wow, because I sold so manyfrom that, doing something I had
never intended to do.
You know what I mean.
So it just happened to be there.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Did your mom ever get to read the book?
Speaker 2 (44:04):
She never read the book.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
She knew existed.
She knew it, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
She knew existed.
I've read her bits and piecesof it.
Okay, but she can't, becausewhy?
It's too?
Speaker 1 (44:17):
she has in podster syndrome too.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
No, she just she lived it.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
You know, we had it.
My father, though brilliant andand and and loving and caring
was bipolar, yeah, so that was alot of work, sure, and there
was a lot of stress behind itand a lot of difficulty, and I
talked about all that in thebook, yeah, and how she used to
(44:44):
have to manage him.
I remember if he got mad and wehad to run out of the house.
We used to go to the drive-inmovies because that was back in
the day.
We always had blankets andpillows in the car, and then we
would come back home and we'dwalk around the side of my house
.
Mom would put me on hershoulders and I would look in,
and if he was in bed, we couldgo in.
If he wasn't there, we had tofind someplace else to go.
That's how our lives were foryears.
(45:06):
Wow, and he was a good man.
Yeah, god made him crazy.
He didn't choose that, yeah,and he didn't feel good about it
and he didn't have anymedication.
I just want to make that clear.
Yeah any medication.
I just want to make that clear.
Yeah, Cause people say thingsabout him.
When I say that about him andit and it makes me angry.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Well, and this is before, we were probably
learning to diagnose him.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, you know but you just just saying.
You know I said something abouthim on the breakfast club and
people say she doesn't know shewas in an abusive relationship.
I know who I was and I knowwhere I was.
I was there and I'm not stupid.
So and I forgot what I was.
I was there and I'm not stupidand I forgot what I was talking
about.
I got so mad about peopletalking about my daddy.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
We were talking about mom's book.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she just really reallycouldn't read it.
And like a couple ofChristmases before she died I
did a seven volume picture bookof her life and it took her two
months before she could read itbecause it was just she'd lived
a lot.
No kidding and it was.
It's very.
She's one of the most loving,genuinely kind people that I've
(46:12):
ever met and she did what shedid.
She loved him throughout.
He had a couple of strokestowards the end that made him
that was her God stroke, becausefor the last five years of life
he was just pleasant because ofthe stroke hit him somewhere in
his brain and he was just cool.
He's laughing.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
No kidding.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yeah, five years he couldn't work, but they would go
out and get dairy clean and youknow, this is she got.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
she got her reward you know, that's one of the
bigger things that I worry aboutthese days is this like the
older generation doesn't reallyknow how to use the camera, you
know, and that's where all thewisdom is right.
It's like you put took all thatwisdom and you put it into a
book.
Otherwise your mom's wisdomwould have been gone.
Yeah and so, and that's whyit's like, you know, when, when
(47:05):
you think about your podcast andstuff like that, I hope you
think a little bit more about.
Like this is wisdom that needto be, needs to be in the world.
You know it's.
There's a 20 year old kid that'smaking a bunch of content out
there right now.
There's a 20 year old kidthat's making a bunch of content
out there right now.
There's a 20 year old kid rightnow that's teaching, teaching
people a lot about life, and allthe wisdom is being lost
because the older generationdoesn't know how to use the
(47:27):
camera.
You know, wow, and when youthink about it that way, it's
like I implore more people toshare, I implore more people to
write, or implore more wisdom tobe put out there in the world.
Because it's like, you know,let's face it, when I was 20
years old, when you were 20years old, we were probably not
handing out the best advice.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Not at all.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Oh listen, if I met my 20-year-old self today, I
probably wouldn't even like her.
I mean, you know that chick wascrazy.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Oh, I think about it too.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
You know, she did some stuff that.
I could not appreciate and theother reason that that is so
important is that there is somuch disinformation out now.
I mean with AI and all these,and if you watch TikTok they'll
have somebody explainingsomething and you realize they
don't know what they're talkingabout Totally, or there's a
(48:14):
voiceover.
I mean you can't trust anythinganymore.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
This is one of the reasons I started this podcast
and started doing social mediabecause, like, fitness is a
passion of mine.
I have a degree in biochemistry.
You know like I've backed thatup with that.
You know, like, business is apassion of mine.
I have an MBA and years andyears in business.
You know it's like and when Iwould get online I know a lot
(48:39):
about these topics I would seethings that were in fitness that
were dangerous and unfair andnot true in business Unf.
See things that were in fitnessthat were dangerous and unfair
and not true in business unfair,untrue.
We'll get you sued, get youaudited.
You know all these differentthings and it's like more people
need to be just out there likeactually giving good knowledge,
good information, not theiradvising.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
But the problem is all that ratchetness is more fun
.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
You ain't kidding.
And then here's the biggestproblem there's more of it out
there than there ever has, andso in some ways, that's such a
good thing.
You know, it's like you're notstarting from zero, but you
could be starting from negative,because if you hear the wrong
advice, that's going to startyou backwards.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
And not only that there are.
You know, stupid is no longerlocally contained.
Remember when you used to getin trouble with the people
around your house because thoseare the only people you were
dealing with and people who hadyour phone number.
Now you can act a fool withsomebody in Austria, australia,
you know everywhere and there'senough people with bad ideas.
(49:37):
You know, when you have a badidea in a community and nobody
else agrees with you, you'relimited in how much damage you
can do.
But now we can group up.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Yeah, we can find somebody else with the same bad
idea.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
Same bad ideas and we aggregate them and then you
create a little.
You know, you create that echochamber and it gets louder and
louder, and louder and louderand you believe more and more
and more about what's in thereand less and less about anything
that's out there.
And it's.
You know.
I used to wonder how the darkages happened.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:12):
How did we lose all that knowledge?
I mean no kidding.
You know, the Arabs had theskies all mapped out, yeah.
And next thing, you know, youknow we're burning witches and
this, that and the other thing.
And I read a couple of books onit and I was like, okay, I get
it, I get it, I get it, but whew, I'm afraid of the deep stupid
(50:38):
that is happening based on allthe I mean flat earth.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
Yeah, I mean the moon landing didn't happen and I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
And they're finding those crowds that believe the
same thing, that are nowbolstering that in their mind.
And that's if they haveevidence and they have.
You know, the fact that whenthere's a solar eclipse, it
doesn't look like this means theworld ain't flat, but okay you
know, and that's that's what Ithink it's hard for the younger
generation now.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
It's like how do you vet it right if there seems to
be a convincing video out there,and it's usually the salacious
one too, the one that's, it's afun one right.
Because nobody wants to hearthat business is hard, life is
hard.
Choose a partner not based onthe beautiful blonde, flowing
hair You're going to have togrind for 10 years before you
get what you want.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
You're not going to get it today.
Nobody wants to hear thatNobody wants to hear that.
And then I mean Walter Cronkite.
You could trust that dude.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:41):
Because only one dude could have that job.
There were three guys that hadthose jobs in the three networks
, yeah, and you had to be vetted, you had to be good, you had to
report.
Now anybody with a platform andan opinion could claim they're
an expert, and it's frighteningto me.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
It's absolutely frightening.
You know, when I first startedhelping businesses do a lot of
pro bono consulting, it was morelike they just didn't know
right, just like me when I firststarted Didn't know, you know,
like weren't totally aware ofaccounting, marketing, that sort
of stuff.
It was just they didn't knowthey needed some help in that
direction.
Now it's actually the biggestproblem, I see, is they're aware
enough to know they need help.
The problem is they don't knowwho to get help from.
(52:22):
And most of the time whenthey're getting help from
somebody, it's a nefarious beingthat doesn't know what they're
doing and charging them a bunchof money and it's ruining, it's
taking them actually backwards,Right.
That is the biggest problem Ithink in society today is like
if you don't know anything aboutthe subject, it's very easy to
get taken advantage of.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
And the thing that is trippy to me is if I hear
something really interesting, Igo find a book on it.
Yeah, and I find a couple.
I have to read a minimum ofthree on any subject, especially
if it's a controversial subject.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Smart.
Speaker 2 (52:56):
One from the left, one from the right and one from
someone who claims theirobjective.
Yeah, one from the left, onefor the right and one from
someone who claims theirobjective yeah, you know, and
then I tied together the threadsthat make it all the way
through all the books and try tofigure it out.
But people don't want to read abook.
Speaker 1 (53:08):
No, more folks, and that's the way you should do it.
Speaker 2 (53:11):
You know, it's like you find one side, you find the
other side, you find supposedlythe middle guy and then you just
, you know, you just keep, yeah,you know so, and you don't know
when you've collected, you'veseen it all You're.
So everybody has the ability tosee what's in front of them and
what they're immersed in.
So a community think all womenare A, b and C.
(53:33):
No, it's the women on yourblock that are A.
B and C.
Sure, All of the women on yourblock happen to be A, B and C,
but all women aren't A, B and C.
Sure, All of the women on yourblock happen to be A, B and C,
yeah, but all women aren't A, Band C.
Speaker 1 (53:43):
I read a stat recently that only 10% of the
men on dating apps are actuallythe ones getting dates I heard
that too.
And so the other 90% aren'teven able to get a date.
So all the women are saying, oh, we only deal with these jerk
guys that are womanizing andstuff like that, but they're
only dating the 10%, they're alldating the same guy, basically.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
Right, and he can do anything he wants to, because
he's getting another date everynight.
Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:09):
Every night.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
You know, and that's I know, we focused a little bit
today on relationships because Ithink it's so important, it's
something I think a lot aboutthese days.
You know it's like that partnerin somebody's life man, woman,
whatever, it doesn't matter youknow husband, wife, you know
it's like that partner I'venoticed is like the key to so
much success.
Speaker 2 (54:29):
Yeah, it is, and the key to being happy.
Speaker 1 (54:32):
That too.
Speaker 2 (54:33):
I think part of the thing is we have so many images
of success that we are bombardedwith on a daily basis because
of this and everybody's takingpictures and putting filters on
and blah, blah, blah, blah andgorgeous, and you're chasing
that thing, which doesn't makeyou happy, but that studies that
show.
The thing that makes you happyis when the screen is off and
(54:58):
when you're sitting down withsomebody you care about.
Y'all just shooting a breeze.
That will make you happy whenyou have that.
Or I know my husband are goingto go out and I am going to have
a cup of coffee in the frontyard every morning.
That is success.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
We never know how a good a moment is in that moment
and that's the saddest partabout it Sad, sad, sad.
It's only in reflection and Ibring this up sometimes, but I
want to bolster your point alittle bit.
You know it's like did you eversee that movie, happy Gilmore?
Speaker 2 (55:33):
I know it with the guy with the yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
Yeah, I haven't seen it, but there's this part in the
and so, to be good at puttingthe guys, his coach is always
telling him think of your happyplace.
What's your happy place looklike?
Imagine that, and if you watchthe show, you've heard me say
this before.
But uh, so think of your happyplace, right.
And then he thinks of, like,beautiful woman bringing him
beer and he loved his grandma,so his grandma's they're happy,
(55:56):
right, that's his happy place.
And I tell people now, do that,but think of your success.
Close your eyes right now, whatdoes success look like for you?
And if you're picturing theFerrari, the big house, if you
didn't picture once the familymember, the cup of coffee, it's
like you've actually been soldthe marketing image of success
(56:17):
and life and success, in myopinion, is all about alignment.
You have to direct all thesemultiple things to alignment
towards a goal, right?
So now, let's say, your versionof success is that All life is
now driven towards that and youmissed all the stuff.
That was the happiness, thereal success, the real change,
going out playing pickleball.
Speaker 2 (56:35):
I remember I had a horrible part in life where
difficulties in my family weregoing on and I started playing
tennis six to ten hours a weekand it was just wonderful.
I could hit the ball and mytennis teacher she was a mother
too, so we would talk and thenwe would hit the ball some more
(56:56):
and hit the ball some more.
That was wonderful.
Just to be able to, that wasthe joy of my life.
I've never I'm not going toplay tennis professionally but
I'm hitting that ball and I'mrunning and it's sunny outside
and she and I laugh a lot, youknow.
So that's what life is.
Life is not.
It's not, you know.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
That's where I think we get lost sometimes.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
Being a boss, bitch or anything.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
I mean that's where we see the social media posts.
That has the guy in the Ferrariand we figure he has it all and
, yes, have the Ferrari, haveyour success.
If your success has given youthe Ferrari and you got there
and that's what you wanted,great, enjoy it.
But don't just drive towardsthose things.
Realize there's more in life,Like, like the judge is saying,
a cup of coffee with yourpartner and somebody you care
(57:47):
about and somebody that's wentthrough thick and thin and
pushed you to get the extra vote.
Speaker 2 (57:51):
Oh, you know, or I would say something.
I would say something to him.
I come in and say you know whathappened today, baby what?
And I said, and I said he goes.
Did you get excited about it?
I said no, and he goes, youhave evolved.
I said haven't I?
You have evolved.
Speaker 1 (58:07):
Oh, I super enjoyed the conversation, as I always do
.
We're going to have to comeback again at some point on
another topic because I justthink you're so good for the
underdogs.
I really do.
I think what you do is amazing.
I think who you do is amazing.
Speaker 2 (58:20):
I think who you are is amazing, and I think both my
parents were big time underdogsand turned that into big time
success.
I mean, she was born in 1930,spent time in an orphanage
because her mother couldn't feedher.
Wow, father was, you know,didn't have an inside toilet
until he went to.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
And they and they have a daughter.
One is a board certifiedneurologist and another one.
Well, she's retired now.
She ain't working, but she wasa judge at one point.
She did okay.
Speaker 1 (58:52):
She did great.
Both of you guys did amazing.
So now you guys, you're a truesuccess story, judge, and I know
your, your heart, and I lovegiving people with a good heart.
Like part of my platform, youknow, like I think part of my
mission these days is to helpgood, amazing people promote
their voice even more.
Speaker 2 (59:12):
And you're good at it too, because, truth be told,
I've been dragging my feet on my, my podcast and my man is not
letting it happen, and Iappreciate it.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Your voice is too good for the world.
You're helping too many peopleLike I've.
I'm here to uh push you into it, and so we're going to come
back next time.
I guess I'm going to have youback again, folks.
And um, we're going to talkabout next time victim mentality
.
Okay, cool, because I thinkit's so important.
It's like look at what your dadwas able to do, Look at what
(59:45):
your mom was able to do.
Speaker 2 (59:47):
And I will tell you a great story about when I tried
to be a victim once and theywouldn't let me.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
You're going to have to stay tuned to that, folks,
and once again, thank you forjoining me for another episode
of Underdogs, bootstrappers,game Changers, judge Lynn, she's
got Feeling on Purpose, anamazing podcast which she's
going to continue to do everyother week, and we'll be back
(01:00:12):
soon.
Thanks for waiting.
Bye, hello and welcome toUnderdogs, bootstrappers and
Game Changers.
This is for those of you thatare starting with nothing.
Hello and welcome to underdogs,bootstrappers and game changers
.
This is for those of you thatare starting with nothing and
using business to change theirstars, motivating people who
disrupted industry standards.
This is the real side ofbusiness.
(01:00:33):
This isn't Shark Tank.
My aim with this podcast is totake away some of the imaginary
roadblocks that are out there.
I want to help more underdogs,because underdogs are truly who
change the world.
This is part of our Content forGood initiative.
All the proceeds from themonetization of this podcast
will go to charitable causes.
It's for the person that wantsit.
Hello and welcome to underdogs, bootstrappers and
game changers.
This is for those of you thatare starting with nothing and
using business to change theirstars, motivating people who
disrupted industry standards.
This is the real side ofbusiness.
This isn't Shark Tank.
My aim with this podcast is totake away some of the imaginary
(00:22):
roadblocks that are out there.
I want to help more underdogs,because underdogs are truly who
change the world.
This is part of our Content forGood initiative.
All the proceeds from themonetization of this podcast
will go to charitable causes.
It's for the person that wantsit.
Hello and welcome back toanother episode of Underdogs,
(00:45):
bootstrappers and Game Changers.
I get really excited when Ihave a friend here with me and
my friend, judge Lynn Toler.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
How are you, Tyler?
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So good to have you here.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It's great to be here .
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I like.
And if you don't recognizeJudge Lynn, then you haven't
ever turned on morning or,excuse me, afternoon television.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Morning and afternoon for about 13 years I was on
television on divorce court andanother 10 years on marriage
boot camp.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah, and you pretty much like.
Anytime I'm like at a hotel orsomething and I happen to turn
on the TV and it's like daytimetelevision.
I usually see you.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, and it's funny.
You know, I met Samuel LJackson.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And he looked at me and he said I don't like your
new set, I don't like your newbailiff, but I still like you.
And I said how do you know whoI am?
And he said actors spend 12hours a day in their trailers
waiting to do two hours of work.
We flip a lot of channels.
(01:45):
I've seen you.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah, I know I mean.
So if you're bored and flippingchannels, I'm there for you.
Well, and I wanted to have youon because, as you know, I have
an underdog audience and folks.
Just so you know, if you're newto the show, like this is all
for you.
This is not for me,unfortunately, and not for my
dear friend, the judge here.
This is for you, we do this foryou, you know, and so I try to
(02:08):
bring in a story that I think isgoing to help you today.
And Judge Lynn has so many, andluckily she's around here and
she wants to start driving overhere more.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yes, I do because yes .
Speaker 1 (02:20):
And so we're going to get to some today and I'm
actually going to make her comeback a couple of different times
because, judge, I listen toyour content, I hear your
content, I see the impact it has, and I think you know one of my
things in the world is moregood messaging right.
Evil has no problem using thecamera.
You know, I love helping peoplewith good voices use it too,
and yours is one of them, and Isee how helpful it is for people
(02:42):
, and especially like underdogs,and yours is one of them, and I
see how helpful it is forpeople, and especially like
underdogs.
And so, like today, um, I wantto go into cause.
I know quite a bit about you,um, and so I want to go a little
bit about.
We're going to go likehistorical family stuff for a
little while, because I justthink some of those stories are
so interesting, and then we'regoing to uh, go from there into
some of the things that I wantto talk to you about and ask you
(03:03):
about today, but this is goingto end up being multiple
episodes, I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I'll come back whenever you instruct me to.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Your father, for instance.
We've talked a little bit abouthim, really interesting guy,
and I could go into a little bit, but I know you'll tell it so
much better.
Please tell me a little bitabout your dad, so can.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
it's, it's funny too, and I'm glad you asked me about
my dad, cause I wrote a bookabout my mother in 2007,
bragging about what a tremendousemotional, uh, how she was an
emotional genius, emotionalintelligence genius.
She's born in 1919.
(03:44):
Okay, he was the son of hisfather and my grandmother.
My grandmother was born in 1886.
She had gone to college by thetime she had him, wow, and she
had four sons.
My father had an IQ of 150, andhe was the dumbest one.
(04:08):
The rest of them were.
So, I mean, I always believedthat what God gives you in
abundance on one side, he shortsyou on the other.
And so he got an abundance ofIQ, but emotionally, that man
was threadbare, as was all hisbrothers.
But emotionally that man wasthreadbare, as was all his
(04:28):
brothers.
But he was just crazy enoughnot to allow the fact that he
was a 5'2 black man born in thehills of West Virginia to stop
him from taking over the world,which he certainly believed was
his job to do.
He used to work for the.
(04:50):
He lived in coal mining countryand he worked for the guy that
owned the coal mines.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
And the guy that when he was 13, when he was young,
because he was too old.
So what he would?
He would just run errands forthe family, he would cook and he
would buy.
And he found out that the guywas an alcoholic and so he would
pay my dad to slip him drinks,liquor, you know, and they were
(05:17):
doing it for years.
So he was getting money, he wasgoing to the store buying their
food and with the money thatthe guy, he was buying food for
his family and he made himpromise.
He said, if I ever get caught,and he got caught.
When he was around 17, he saidyou got to give me a job in the
coal mines.
And he did because my fatherwas their sole support.
My father, my grandfather, hadhad a multitude of strokes and
(05:37):
he was bedridden and you knowshe just all you could do was
turn him.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So he was the breadwinner at like 17?
Oh at 13.
13?
Oh yeah, my dad my grandfather.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
He was much older.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And he had had a multitude of strokes by the time
.
Dad was 13 years old and hisother brothers were too not
together to work, so he was theone that had to do it and then
when he started college he woulddo.
I found this out.
He never told me anything.
I have to beg his friends, okay, and one lady told me he said
he would do two weeks in thecoal mine, two weeks in college,
(06:14):
two weeks in the coal mine, twoweeks in college.
And then he got drafted andwent to war and went to WW2.
Okay, he ran an all-black unitwhose job was mop-up, so he was
(06:36):
in the Solomon Islands and theJapanese would dig tunnels and
be down there.
And so after the main fightingwas going, my father, they had
flamethrowers on the back andthey sent them in the holes
after the Japanese withflamethrowers.
That was his job and he receivedthe bronze star.
He was very, very good and thenone day he was an officer.
(07:01):
He went in as a lieutenantbecause he scored so high on the
exams.
That's amazing.
He wanted to go into theofficer's club and they wouldn't
let him.
So Daddy beat the crap out ofthe next guy who came to the
door and they were going to sendhim to Leavenworth.
But they had a psychiatristexamine him and he came out
(07:21):
saying he was manic depressive 2, which is bipolar now.
Yeah okay, and he got out ongood charges.
And then he took the GI Billand went to college.
No, he had already been tocollege and he took the GI Bill
and went to law school in OhioState.
Huh, and he became a lawyer.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Okay, is that what you want to go into law?
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Absolutely not.
I was supposed to be a doctor.
My sister was supposed to be adoctor.
I got to Harvard and decided itwas a party school, which was
clearly not the function.
But I did it anyway and Ipartied for four years and
senior year came around and,like you, got to have a certain
amount of of science and biologyand grades to get in there.
(08:06):
And I said, oh crap, I don'thave it.
And I called Daddy up and hesays I don't know what you're
going to do, baby, but I'm goingto stop sending you money the
minute you stop learning things.
So figure it out.
So I ran and took the LSAT andI've always been really good at
standardized testing.
So I got into Penn Law and Iwent just so my father wouldn't
(08:28):
cut me off.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
What'd your sister end up doing?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
She's a board certified neurologist.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
She did the right thing, oh, the right thing.
So you wish you would have wentinto medicine.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
She did the thing we were supposed to do.
Okay, I did the thing that Isupposed to do.
Okay, I did the thing that.
I had to do at the time.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
But I always complain .
I always contend that I am anaccidental overachiever who has
failed up ass backward all herlife.
I couldn't.
I didn't have the.
I had the.
I didn't have the wherewithalto get the grades to get into
medical school.
I went to law school.
I hated law school.
I hated being a lawyer.
I was so upset about being alawyer.
Somebody said, oh, why don'tyou run for judge?
(09:13):
Which was just a crazy idea.
It wasn't going to work.
I was 33 years old.
I had four stepchildren in thehouse.
Who does that kind of thing?
I was the only person of myparty in the community, five to
one.
Nobody knew who I was and I wonby six votes because my husband
would not let me lose.
(09:34):
What did he do to support you?
He practically shut down hisbusiness.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
He was an accountant.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Okay, and he's from Cleveland, which is where I was.
Every friend he ever had forthe 40 years that he known them,
he called out every favor hecould.
My dad funded my campaignbecause Pops had it like that.
Yeah, and he we almost got adivorce.
(10:05):
He was like door to door, doorto door, door to door, door to
door every night and I had likea 10-month-old son.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
He wanted you knocking door to door.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Every night and I had a 10-month-old son, so I had to
get a basket and put him inthere, and then I would go door
to door, knocking on doors, andby the time the campaign came to
a close, every time my son sawthat thing he'd just start
screaming because he hated it,because we were out all day long
and I wasn't paying attentionto you.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
It was just a prop, you know, going around.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
But I won by six votes.
So every time he yelled at meabout not doing my job, every
time he told me I was toolackadaisical, I owe him Because
he set me up there.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
And when the of course, therecount was very contentious
because on election night I wonby one vote.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And then recount said three and so they had everybody
come in on the third recount.
And the other guy that wasthere, you know he had his guys
with him and the other guy'selection, and I know he had his
guys with him and the otherguy's election.
And I looked at Eric and he'sand he says you don't want to go
, do you?
I said absolutely not.
I am not interested in anyaggressive male, dominated who
(11:16):
you guys are going to fight over.
What chat?
You know they still had Chad,the hanging chads back then I'm
not going.
He said I wouldn't let you.
If you wanted to.
He took his buddies, went downthere and apparently got a
little aggressive, you know, butat the end of the day I won by
six votes.
He did that.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
How much did that change your life?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
A hundred percent.
I mean a thousand percent.
First of all, I loved being ajudge, absolutely positively,
adored it, had fun, had a goodtime.
I couldn't get in early enough.
I started programs.
You know I can't help you ifyou're an 18-year-old girl with
three kids and no high schooldiploma and you stealing,
(11:57):
nothing I can do is going tohelp you Nothing.
So what I decided to do was goout to a breakout school where
there were a bunch of younggirls that are in trouble 12, 13
, 14.
And it took me years to figureout just what size group I could
handle.
I could handle about seven ofthem, because they were wild and
(12:20):
out and I would come every week.
Well, you're gray, you went outwith him again.
You don't need that guy.
Well, what did he say to you?
And one day I walked around andI just hugged one young lady
and then I went oh, I'm sorry, Ididn't even ask permission
because I'm a hugger, yeah.
And she said nobody else does.
(12:44):
That's sad and so I kept it, Ikept it and I would have a girl.
She put somebody through alocker and they called me and I
left the bench and I came overthere and I was talking to her
like yo, what's up, what's up,what's up, what's up.
(13:09):
And she said, um, I got rapedby another one of my, my, my
mother's, boyfriends.
This is the second time.
So I called my dad to see if Icould go live with him and he
said since it happened to youtwice, you were the problem, you
cannot come with me.
Her, her mother, was theproblem.
Those guys were the problem.
She was 15.
She lived there.
(13:30):
They weren't taking care of her, but he didn't want to be
bothered, so he blamed her andit just, it went through her
like a knife and you know, wesat a long time and we talked.
When we we got close, I went toher house.
I would, we would go do stuffif she got good, great actually
(13:51):
for all of them.
I would either buy them flowersor take them out to lunch, give
them lives, like I'm justinterested in what you're doing.
Yeah, uh, and they didn't havethat and um, I was just there
like Mama Junior.
How'd she land?
Interestingly enough, a coupleof years later, she calls me at
(14:13):
11 o'clock at night and said mycousin just killed somebody and
he's here.
He wants me to let him in and Ilove him and he's all I really
have.
And I just don't know.
And I said well, first of all,it's 11 o'clock at night, you
called the judge and sheanswered.
So he isn't all you have.
(14:34):
That's number one.
And number two is do not lethim in.
It's not tell him to turnhimself in.
You can't save him.
All you can do is get in jailwith, go to prison with him,
don't let him in.
Tell him you love him.
But I just talked to a judge.
There's the only thing you cando is let him in.
(14:54):
And I have one other girl, canI tell you?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
one more story?
Oh yeah, please.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
You give me here, stop me talking.
You're going to have to drag meout of here, but another young
lady, and I didn't remember herat all.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
And, like maybe six, seven years ago, I'm at the
house and I get a knock on thedoor at the house here in
Phoenix and I open the door andit's this young lady and she
said oh my God, it is you.
And I said, who are you?
And she said I used to be oneof your girls in Cleveland
Heights.
Wow, woman talk.
I called it woman talk.
And she goes, can I talk to you?
(15:31):
So I said yeah, I didn't knowher so I didn't let her in the
house.
I sat outside with her and shesaid she told me the story about
her husband who was abusive.
She's got three kids with him.
Not only does she have arestraining order on him, his
side chick had a restrainingorder on him.
(15:53):
He was that abusive so she'sgetting ready to go.
She done, called her mama,she's getting ready to go.
And the guy says well, I'll letyou have that job because she
had had wanted a job and hedidn't want her to work.
And I said you know what thatis.
He's just trying to give you alittle bit so you won't go, and
(16:14):
then he's going to give you hellabout having that job and
you're going to be right backwhere you were.
What does your mother want youto do?
And she said she said come home.
And I said why did you come andask me?
And she goes I don't know.
I said, yeah, you do, cause youknow I'm going to tell you the
same thing.
Your mama told you and youneeded enough to get up and get
(16:35):
on that plane.
And I'm telling you go, yeah,I'm just telling you to go.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
You know that's two types of support systems we've
just talked about, right?
Let me tell you what I mean.
It's like in the beginning ofour discussion you talked about
your dad, you know being asupport system and a driving
force and believing in you.
And then you talked about yourhusband being a support system
and a driving force andbelieving in you, and now you're
(17:05):
that for other women which hasbeen helpful for them.
Yes, how do we?
But then they had, they stillhad people in their life that
were bringing them down Rightand that's based on a lot of
things really like in in youryouth not having the right
support systems.
You know it's like how do youtell somebody out there right
(17:28):
now?
It's like especially and maybeit's not fair to say this, you
know it's like it seems to bethe demise of women quite often
is the man.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
The number one cause of death amongst pregnant women
is the dude that did it to them.
They kill them because it's aloss of control and you know,
they gave us lethality chartsfor domestic violence on our
bench.
And if he says any of thefollowing things, he's going to
kill himself.
He knows she's going to leave,she's pregnant.
(17:59):
You can put anything that makeshim seem like he's going to
lose control.
We know how lethal, we canguess how lethal he's going to
be.
And then I used to havedomestic violence agencies in
the courtroom on my DV days toget, because what happens is the
woman will fall through thecracks Because she does this.
(18:20):
I put him out of the house.
It's two weeks, it gets betterand then she kind of eases his
way back in and I get thedomestic violence groups on them
right away so they have asource they may go back.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Even if it gets funky again.
They've got source, process andprocedure.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And that's what's just so crazy to me.
It's like you can have thepartner that pushes you to get
that one extra vote and knock onthe door and change your life,
or you can choose the partnerthat's going to ruin your life,
possibly do something horribleto you.
You know, it's like what.
What's your advice for youngwomen on how to make that choice
?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
You know I, I my thing was, you gotta, you gotta
know them, at least for a fewyears.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Because you gotta see them when they're down, when
they're out, when they're sick,when they're tired.
You gotta date them long enough, so they can't, you know, send
their representative in, in, in,anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Like I can be.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I can look like this cute every once in a while, but
mostly I'd look.
I look pretty jacked up but.
But.
But if you live with me longenough, jacked up is what you'll
see.
And you have to see them sick.
You have to see them angry.
You got to watch the way theytalk to the women in their
family.
You got to watch the way theytalk about the other women in
their lives.
(19:37):
Do they blame people otherpeople for?
Do they blame others for theirown errors?
That is a huge central red flagfor potential viewers.
And then you have to askyourself what are the five
things I really don't like abouthim?
And if you don't know fivethings you don't like about him,
you don't know him well enough,because there's five things not
(19:58):
to like about everybody.
And then you have to decide.
And then you have to decide A,is it something that can
accelerate?
And B, if it stays the way itis, can I live with it long term
?
So if it's a temper, thosethings can accelerate.
Yeah, and you got to see who hegets mad at and how mad he gets
(20:20):
and what makes him angry.
And if he cannot blame himselffor his own mistakes, he's a guy
to run from.
Also, too much, too soon.
He meets you Monday, you date onTuesday.
He can't live without you onWednesday.
You got a problem on ThursdayBecause that rapid I got to be
(20:43):
with you and I got to have youand I got to see where you are.
It sounds romantic in thebeginning, but it's really like
uber controlling.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I think actually that's such amazing advice and
insight.
And you know it's likepredominantly what I do here is
I try to teach business, youknow, to people that don't have
the rich uncle to teach that tothem.
And so people are like well,tyler, we're talking about
relationships today, but no,we're not.
We're talking about supportsystems, and you know there's
nobody out there that right now.
You know you can talk about aboard of directors.
If you have a huge company, thepeople on the board are
(21:14):
supposed to be the best at theirarena in guiding the company
and helping the CEO makedecisions.
Or we talk about, like the fivepeople in your life who are the
top five people in your lifeand I'll show you who you are,
you know, sort of thing.
Why don't we analyze yourpartner enough?
You know?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, because we're analyzing it based on all the
wrong things you know at first.
We analyzed based just if youlook good.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Which was back in the day.
I mean, I'm 65 now, but back inthe day I didn't look too bad.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
You still got to judge.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
And you guys would overlook a lot of crazy, because
they're just looking at you.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
You would overlook a lot of crazy, but you know I
like tall dudes.
I vowed never to marry a guyunder six feet.
Now that is superficial, exceptif your daddy's 5'2", you're
5'1", your sister's 4'10" andyour grandmother is 4'8".
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
If I had sons.
I had to give them a shot atsomething.
But we're looking, andespecially these days, and I
don't know it's a lot in blackdating world and I don't know if
it's like this in the whitedating world.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
I don't know much about dating in general, but
let's go there Me either.
I was married for 30, so Ihaven't dated since 1986.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
So you know, I don't know anything.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I don't generally give dating advice on this show.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I'm just like you know, but it's all about.
Are you high value?
Are you an alpha male?
Are you a beta male?
Are you what kind of?
Uh, you know it's really just acontract.
What kind of what do you bringto the table?
What do you bring to the table?
It's gotten very superficial.
Uh, they had this guy namedsamuel sam, samuel kevin samuels
(23:01):
, and he used to give this youjust tell women you're too,
you'll never get anybody.
It's become very adversarial,at least in the black, in some
areas of the black community.
But I even talked to my sonsand other people and it's
they're not looking for what wewere looking for.
Yeah, they want value and Iwanted companionship.
(23:25):
I think I'm not sure.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
So now we're logical enough to think value.
But are we also like, justbecause we have somebody that's
valued high, does it meanthey're the greatest support
system?
I love that.
Your analogy came out today islike getting the extra vote
because your husband helped youright, pushed you, supported you
.
You know it's like we'reundervaluing that like the good
(23:52):
support system.
That doesn't mean he, she, hasto be the CEO of a major company
to have value.
You know it's like there's nota major company to have value.
You know it's like there's not.
And that's why I really wantedto hit this home a little bit is
because you know it's like thatsupport system can drive you to
unparalleled new things, candrive you to be a judge.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
There is an almost 100-year-long longitudinal study
that bears that out.
It's the I think it's the Glickstudy from Harvard.
It started in 1938.
And in 1938, you know, madison,grant and Hitler and everybody
all out there trying to we wantto separate everything by race,
(24:37):
and not only white good, blackbad by race, and not only white
good, black bad.
It was like the Teutonicblue-eyed blonde-haired, then
the middle Alpines and then theMediterranean whites.
So, you're going to do those.
And they had all of these ideasand so they were doing a study
in 1938, and they wanted theythought that who you were
(24:59):
genetically or your racedetermined how well you did.
So they took a bunch of Harvardcats and, they talk, a bunch of
poor guys from Boston and theystarted following them
throughout their lives, I mean.
And they were doing, they weretesting their head size.
As years went on, they gave himMRI, ct, studied him every week
(25:19):
, just doom to doom to doom.
Then they started adding womenand blah blah, blah, blah blah.
And there were five otherstudies that started based on
that, and the one thing theyfound more than anything else
that predicted was long healthylife and happiness and even
(25:39):
better health and wellness, wasthe number and the depth of
meaningful relationships you hadin your life above everything,
above your parents' money, aboveyour schooling, above your
intellect.
And it was not like it wasn'tclose, it wasn't.
(25:59):
You know it's a little bitbeyond anything.
It was that.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
There's a great documentary called Happy that
basically backs that up entirelytoo, and it has everything to
do with family unity, feelinglike belonged, feeling supported
.
That's why, if you get onething out of this show today,
it's make sure you like yes,have close connections, but that
those close connections, youknow and make sure they're
(26:25):
meaningful.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, and you know we do so much time on the internet
.
Now you know we are aggregatingeverybody else's angst yeah by
watching their sad stories andthen we're trying to prove a
point.
You know well, I'm high valueand I can get this guy and that
guy.
And they call this the anxiousgeneration and that's part of
(26:48):
the reason why they're so upsetand anxious.
They're comparing what kind Igot, how much, how good I got,
how much money I got, how prettyI am.
And you know, is my guy analpha guy and I don't date guys
with under $100,000.
My husband had four kids fromhis first wife.
He had no money but he loved me, yeah.
(27:09):
And look, I made more money nowbecause I made a guy who made
less than I did and was nevergoing to make as much as I did,
but he and I ended up doingquite well because he was the
brother I needed.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
He couldn't have done it without me and I couldn't
have done it without him.
That's when you've hit thejackpot.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
I know two guys in particular and their wives are
about the most supportive peopleI've ever seen, you know, and
it's like they have their ownstuff going on.
That's not to diminish the roleyou know it's like, but they
are like.
Their husbands are almost theirhero.
You know they're the ones outthere Like any second they get.
You can't they're braggingabout that.
You can't brag for yourselfthat way.
You know it's like system.
It's unbelievable what it'sdone for them.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Unbelievable, and it's everything, it's everything
.
I wasn't going to go TV, butthey call me.
Do you want to do a TV show?
Heck?
No, I just say no, you knowwhat I mean?
Nobody, you know, nobodybelieve.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
You know that's when you need that you know it's like
that that voice and you knowthat is your board of directors
in one person that you careabout more than anybody on the
planet, and if that person is abad advisor or trying to bring
you down, or you can't do it youknow you are in trouble, but if
this cat he says you're theonly person who doesn't know how
smart you are he used to saythat to me I would agree with
(28:37):
that statement.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
And I said yeah, but you know cause?
I've been around people who canreally think.
I mean, you know, there wassome people at.
Harvard that were, like, youknow, just blow your mind, but
but uh anyway.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
You know, it's always the people with the most to
offer the world that are thegreatest people that always have
imposter syndrome.
That's what I find over andover again, ain't that the truth
.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
You know it's like the opposite of the
Dunning-Kruger effect.
You know it's because peopleknow so little they think the
little that they know is allthat there is to know, because
they don't know the entire scopeof it.
I know a lot of differentthings, but I also know a lot of
different people who know somuch more than I do.
And I know a lot of differentthings, but I also know a lot of
different people who know somuch more than I do, and I know
all the books that I haven'tread and I just, yeah, I feel
(29:26):
like I'm faking it all the time.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
It's a problem I've had because I've always been
this little business guy openthese little business companies
and you know, in these days I'llget asked to go into some
pretty big companies and atfirst, until I like, actually
get in the mindset where I'm,like I'm just now, job focused,
at first it's overwhelming.
You know it's like here I amthis little guy, this little
fish, you know and like what amI doing?
Yeah, what am I doing here?
(29:52):
Why me?
I'm not, I'm not a CEO of aFortune 500 company, you know
that sort.
And then I'll find somethingthat no big accounting firm in
the entire country had found.
You know and like, and thenlike it's like so why were you
being so hard on yourself?
You know, it's like we all havetalents and I find that some of
the most talented people I knowdon't know the amount of
talents they have.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I think that's very, very true.
I think that is very, very trueand I think that what the
culture celebrates as talent isnot necessarily celebrates, is
not necessarily the talents thatwe should value.
I know some people that are sochill and glacial and kind and
loving.
(30:28):
I think that has great,tremendous value.
You can't upset them.
You can't get them excited,that has value.
Could you imagine if that wasable to trickle out in the world
that we're living in now, wherepeople are getting shot?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You've been watching my videos judge.
This is exactly how I feel.
Can you imagine if we rewardedthe world based on kindness, the
kindness human, the planet wasthe most popular person?
You know, it's like anger is astrong, powerful tool in my
opinion, but the expression ofanger in any way is a weakness.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
My mother used to say when you get mad, you lose.
Yeah, and anger is often anable imposter.
It's more like fear andfrustration, all dressed up in
military garb, impersonatingpower.
Sure, it's not really power,it's you've lost control, yeah,
but as the Bible said, anger islike a city broken into and left
(31:27):
without walls.
Anger is a.
I have this huge thing about.
You know you can be angry, yeah, but to what extent and to whom
?
And when and how can you stop?
And is it?
Is it?
Sometimes you have to get angry.
When it's dog came up, I getmad, yeah.
(31:49):
Chase it, yeah, because that'show you do.
You can't be, I get mad, butyou can't control it.
Often, when people get angry,they have simply lost control,
as opposed to being regimentedabout it.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Look at how explosive gasoline is.
Right.
It's a powerful tool, right.
It can drive an ambulance andsave somebody's life.
It can light somebody's houseon fire, right.
It's like that to me is whatanger can do too If you're a
little angry.
This is just my opinion, I'mnot a psychologist.
It's like I use anger all thetime.
But I use it in the gym, right,you know, I'd use it to get
(32:25):
some frustrations out.
I use it to drive myself.
I use it to my wake myself upat three o'clock in the morning
and get some more work done.
You know like I use angerproductively.
Anger out on somebody else Notat all.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
And it never helps.
No, no one says oh, you'rereally yelling at me, you must
be right.
No one does that.
It often is off-putting.
I figured this out.
My mother told me One time Iwas on a bench oh, I think I
told you, told in anotherpodcast.
I shouldn't say it again.
Huh, you can say it, okay.
(33:03):
So my mother was here, yeah,was watching me sentence people
and I yelled at this domesticviolence guy and send him right
and send him home.
And she came back in the backafterwards.
She says let me tell you whatyou, what you did wrong.
And I said what'd I do wrong?
He said now that dude isthinking about that bitch he hit
and that other bitch that senthim to jail.
You just pissed him off moreand you didn't do anything about
it.
He said what you should havedone is talk to him about what
(33:26):
happened from his point of view,and then you should have walked
him into what he should havedone and then told him why he
would, why he was going to jailbecause, and how he can avoid it
next time.
I started using that.
I said what'd she do?
She said it annoyed you and shekept talking, didn't she?
It kept talking, didn't she?
And I said now let me tell youwhat went wrong, where you went
(33:50):
wrong.
And by the time you're done,they're smiling.
And I said so you're going tojail, right?
Yeah, I get it Now.
I didn't change him, I didn'tmake him an abuser, but I didn't
make him matter.
And I planted a seed and one ofthose seeds actually grew
(34:11):
actually a few, because wheneveryou're a judge and you get a
letter in a pencil, you knowit's from prison, because they
don't give them pens, and youopen them.
And he said you know, I heardwhat you said and I just don't
want you to believe I didn'thear you.
And he wrote me a long letterabout how he got the way he was.
(34:35):
But he says I just don't wantyou to think badly of me and I
want you to know that I thoughtabout what you said.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Look at the difference and actually I do
remember.
Actually, I think I saw that ona podcast and, like you know,
we have a podcast for bulliedkids.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Oh OK.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
And it's amazing.
You know, like one thing, Ialways worked in really low
level jobs when I was a kid andyou know, I never have been able
to tolerate the abuse of, likethe low level worker, right, the
person.
And sorry, it's low level is abad term, but I had these jobs
too.
You know, it's like, uh,ringing up your groceries and
then you see the personscreaming at the person ringing
up the groceries and, honestly,it's that person, you know, it's
(35:14):
not the grocery ringer, youknow.
And so I don't have a bigtolerance for this and so I will
, like I'm pretty even demeanor,but I will step in and say
that's not right.
You know, in these scenarios,but through my bully podcast,
like it was interesting, youknow, I've always kind of been
like that, and I happened to beat a protein store you know, and
I'm watching this guy as I walkinto the protein store.
they're making these drinks andhe's screaming at the kid behind
(35:36):
the counter.
And you know, I had learned alot about like trying to deal
with these situations fromdealing with the pulley podcast,
and usually I would have justsaid something like hey, dude,
not right, you know, or whatever.
And so, like what I learnedabout was this like third party
of reason, so to speak.
And you know, like the sheepdog is actually one of the one
of the ways we term it.
That's the person that's kindof the, even in the middle
(35:57):
watching out for people.
You know, like protecting kindof thing.
And uh, so I decided I'm notjust going to confront the guy.
What I'm going to do is he'smad because, like, apparently
the made this shake wrong youknow, and so uh.
So I'm like I'll tell you what.
How much did the shake cost?
And he's like six bucks.
Here's the six bucks.
So now he leaves and you cantell he feels super sheepish you
(36:19):
know and like, and he's not madat me cause I didn't yell at
him.
He's not mad at the kid behindthe counter anymore because he's
realized he's being a jerk.
The guy comes up to me that wasin line.
He goes.
Thank you so much Cause I wasgoing to have to punch that guy
in the face.
The kid from the behind thecounter goes.
Thank you so much because Icouldn't say anything.
You know and that came from.
If I had confronted the guy andsaid something, he would have
(36:41):
left angry.
Instead he left.
And that's what your storyreminded me of so much, and
that's why I'm trying to back itup is because you went at it in
a way that changed him to thepoint he would write a letter to
you.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Right and just made him think.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Yeah, I think that guy probably left thinking hey,
I probably shouldn't have beenthat much of a jerk.
Right, yeah, thinking, hey, youknow, I probably shouldn't have
been that much of a jerk.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Right.
Yeah, it puts it in perspective.
But if you meet them where theylive, they think that they're
right and they're going to fightyou and all that kind of stuff,
and if you meet them someplaceelse, you start where they are
and you slowly walk them home.
Oh, I know you upset, I said,but you know, you know you upset
(37:21):
about it, I it.
It ain't that serious people,it just isn't.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
You know, something interesting to me that's dawned
on me through this conversationis like you're like I made the
mistake around medicine.
You know it's like, but I don'tthink you've realized the
amount of people you've beenable to impact from the role you
didn't think you wanted.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, and that's why I call myself an accidental
overachiever.
I mean, I never was, you know,I did strong about the law and
being it, but I was, I was, Iloved being a judge and I
thought I was a good judge.
I won by 80% of the vote andwhen I when I ran for reelection
because I worked, no moreknocking on doors that time no
(38:01):
more knocking on doors.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
that time, huh no more knocking on doors.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
It was like you know.
I called every principal ofevery school and I said look, I
know what's on the civics testthat each level has to pass, and
I've made a course for each oneOne for elementary, one for
junior and one for high school.
And none of the junior highschools didn't do it, but the
(38:25):
other ones didn't.
I sewed up a little robe forthem to wear and I had them come
in and do a trial.
They'll never forget what aprosecutor is, or this or that
or the other, because they'veacted it out and it was just a
way to become a part of thecommunity.
Because I believe you know, asa judge, you just, you just
doing, mop up, it's too little,too late, you ain't fixing, you
(38:47):
ain't helping nobody.
Well, you are getting, you know, domestic violence, people put
away, putting away dangerouspeople and stuff, but it's the
damage has already been done andI would like to be able to, you
know, to stop the damage beforeit happens.
And you can't do it from upthere.
Can people change?
They can.
It's very, very difficult.
(39:09):
They have to have a very, verygood reason to do so.
I've seen it.
I've seen it.
I had a young lady.
I must've had a bad day, causeI was at the grocery store
buying chocolate cake.
That's what I do too.
(39:31):
It was at the bakery withchocolate cake and this lady
came up to me and she had alittle girl in her hand and she
says hi, judge.
I said hi and she says I knowyou don't know me, but three
years ago, when she was a babyin my arms, you, I, had a
domestic violence case and youcalled us both up and you talked
(39:52):
to us for a really, really longtime and you talked to him for
a long time.
Then you made him do a programand he said she, things aren't
perfect, but they are 80% better.
And I want to say thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
No kidding, still about to cook a cupcake, but
that made my day that you know,I tell people all the time
because then, like, they getinto podcasting and things like
that and you know, um, andthey'll ask me, you know,
because it's like, well, you'reusually not going to have a
overnight success show, you gotto put time in, and it's like we
(40:27):
don't realize.
It's like when you see thoselittle click counts on Instagram
and things like that, those arepeople right.
It's like so somebody will belike oh, I only got a hundred
views or something like that.
That's a hundred people.
That's a hundred people.
And I know you had to havegotten this too.
I've gotten messages beforethat said you said something
last week and that's the reasonI'm still on this planet today.
It's like I think we highlyundervalue the impact of having
(40:50):
one person.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
One person and my one person is Ruthie, and she did,
you know, and I remember she wasfollowing me and we and she
said something really mean to meat one point.
I remember she was following meand she said something really
mean to me at one point and wekind of got into it and then I
kind of we worked through it,and then she bought my book, my
Mother's Rules, Okay, and thenwe've been buddies ever since.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
You know what I mean.
She was like I was.
I guess the bus ticket was thethe bus ticket, I guess that was
a suicide concept or group.
You know you get let's, buy herbus tickets and go let's.
And she says I was getting thebus ticket and and and your book
made me not do that, gosh.
And now when she's upset aboutsomething, she always emails me
(41:36):
and I just help her out and Ilove her.
She's so sweet, you know.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
So See, even if you wrote the book for no other
reason than that, how worth itis, how worth it was it right?
There's so many people outthere sitting there right now
and it's like, well, I didn'tmake that video because it's
only going to get 10 hits, or Ididn't write that book because
you know it's not going to sella million copies, or I'm afraid
to start the business Cause Idon't know what I'm doing or
whatever.
And it's like people need tolike work in the micro first.
(42:06):
If you work in the micro, thatlike one person, that one
thought, that one instinct, thatone thing that you're going to
do, the bigger approach comes,in my opinion.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
The funny thing about that book is, uh, the bench to
do TV.
My first show was called Powerof Attorney.
It only lasted four months,okay, and you know I had a
six-year term.
And my husband said, well, whatyou should ask for in
negotiations is you want them topay out your six-year term if
the show goes away?
And I said I cannot do that.
(42:38):
And you know my husband, yeah,you can Do it.
And they said I cannot do that.
And you know my husband, yeah,you can do it.
And they did, yeah.
So I spent five years at home.
The show lasted four months andI spent five years at home
collecting my, collecting fromFox what I would have been paid.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
My judicial salary.
So that's when I wrote thatbook.
And the only reason I wrote itis because I wanted my mother to
know how much she influenced meand how what she told me
authored my best moments on thebench.
That's beautiful, and so I tookit, you know, and the rules and
(43:17):
the thing it was called mymother's Rules, and I did it for
her and I did it because I want.
I was going, I just wanted itpublished.
I didn't want anybody to, Ididn't care if anybody bought it
because I was.
I was just a check it on andsomebody did me a favor, got me.
I got rejected 57 times from 57publishers and a buddy of buddy
(43:39):
of mine.
He had a publisher friend, asmall independent thing, he got
it to take it.
He took it.
He blah, blah, blah, blah, blahand he said once I went on TV
that book saved his business.
Wow, because I sold so manyfrom that, doing something I had
never intended to do.
You know what I mean.
So it just happened to be there.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Did your mom ever get to read the book?
Speaker 2 (44:04):
She never read the book.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
She knew existed.
She knew it, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
She knew existed.
I've read her bits and piecesof it.
Okay, but she can't, becausewhy?
It's too?
Speaker 1 (44:17):
she has in podster syndrome too.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
No, she just she lived it.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
You know, we had it.
My father, though brilliant andand and and loving and caring
was bipolar, yeah, so that was alot of work, sure, and there
was a lot of stress behind itand a lot of difficulty, and I
talked about all that in thebook, yeah, and how she used to
(44:44):
have to manage him.
I remember if he got mad and wehad to run out of the house.
We used to go to the drive-inmovies because that was back in
the day.
We always had blankets andpillows in the car, and then we
would come back home and we'dwalk around the side of my house
.
Mom would put me on hershoulders and I would look in,
and if he was in bed, we couldgo in.
If he wasn't there, we had tofind someplace else to go.
That's how our lives were foryears.
(45:06):
Wow, and he was a good man.
Yeah, god made him crazy.
He didn't choose that, yeah,and he didn't feel good about it
and he didn't have anymedication.
I just want to make that clear.
Yeah any medication.
I just want to make that clear.
Yeah, Cause people say thingsabout him.
When I say that about him andit and it makes me angry.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Well, and this is before, we were probably
learning to diagnose him.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, you know but you just just saying.
You know I said something abouthim on the breakfast club and
people say she doesn't know shewas in an abusive relationship.
I know who I was and I knowwhere I was.
I was there and I'm not stupid.
So and I forgot what I was.
I was there and I'm not stupidand I forgot what I was talking
about.
I got so mad about peopletalking about my daddy.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
We were talking about mom's book.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she just really reallycouldn't read it.
And like a couple ofChristmases before she died I
did a seven volume picture bookof her life and it took her two
months before she could read itbecause it was just she'd lived
a lot.
No kidding and it was.
It's very.
She's one of the most loving,genuinely kind people that I've
(46:12):
ever met and she did what shedid.
She loved him throughout.
He had a couple of strokestowards the end that made him
that was her God stroke, becausefor the last five years of life
he was just pleasant because ofthe stroke hit him somewhere in
his brain and he was just cool.
He's laughing.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
No kidding.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yeah, five years he couldn't work, but they would go
out and get dairy clean and youknow, this is she got.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
she got her reward you know, that's one of the
bigger things that I worry aboutthese days is this like the
older generation doesn't reallyknow how to use the camera, you
know, and that's where all thewisdom is right.
It's like you put took all thatwisdom and you put it into a
book.
Otherwise your mom's wisdomwould have been gone.
Yeah and so, and that's whyit's like, you know, when, when
(47:05):
you think about your podcast andstuff like that, I hope you
think a little bit more about.
Like this is wisdom that needto be, needs to be in the world.
You know it's.
There's a 20 year old kid that'smaking a bunch of content out
there right now.
There's a 20 year old kidthat's making a bunch of content
out there right now.
There's a 20 year old kid rightnow that's teaching, teaching
people a lot about life, and allthe wisdom is being lost
because the older generationdoesn't know how to use the
(47:27):
camera.
You know, wow, and when youthink about it that way, it's
like I implore more people toshare, I implore more people to
write, or implore more wisdom tobe put out there in the world.
Because it's like, you know,let's face it, when I was 20
years old, when you were 20years old, we were probably not
handing out the best advice.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Not at all.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Oh listen, if I met my 20-year-old self today, I
probably wouldn't even like her.
I mean, you know that chick wascrazy.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Oh, I think about it too.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
You know, she did some stuff that.
I could not appreciate and theother reason that that is so
important is that there is somuch disinformation out now.
I mean with AI and all these,and if you watch TikTok they'll
have somebody explainingsomething and you realize they
don't know what they're talkingabout Totally, or there's a
(48:14):
voiceover.
I mean you can't trust anythinganymore.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
This is one of the reasons I started this podcast
and started doing social mediabecause, like, fitness is a
passion of mine.
I have a degree in biochemistry.
You know like I've backed thatup with that.
You know, like, business is apassion of mine.
I have an MBA and years andyears in business.
You know it's like and when Iwould get online I know a lot
(48:39):
about these topics I would seethings that were in fitness that
were dangerous and unfair andnot true in business Unf.
See things that were in fitnessthat were dangerous and unfair
and not true in business unfair,untrue.
We'll get you sued, get youaudited.
You know all these differentthings and it's like more people
need to be just out there likeactually giving good knowledge,
good information, not theiradvising.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
But the problem is all that ratchetness is more fun
.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
You ain't kidding.
And then here's the biggestproblem there's more of it out
there than there ever has, andso in some ways, that's such a
good thing.
You know, it's like you're notstarting from zero, but you
could be starting from negative,because if you hear the wrong
advice, that's going to startyou backwards.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
And not only that there are.
You know, stupid is no longerlocally contained.
Remember when you used to getin trouble with the people
around your house because thoseare the only people you were
dealing with and people who hadyour phone number.
Now you can act a fool withsomebody in Austria, australia,
you know everywhere and there'senough people with bad ideas.
(49:37):
You know, when you have a badidea in a community and nobody
else agrees with you, you'relimited in how much damage you
can do.
But now we can group up.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Yeah, we can find somebody else with the same bad
idea.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
Same bad ideas and we aggregate them and then you
create a little.
You know, you create that echochamber and it gets louder and
louder, and louder and louderand you believe more and more
and more about what's in thereand less and less about anything
that's out there.
And it's.
You know.
I used to wonder how the darkages happened.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:12):
How did we lose all that knowledge?
I mean no kidding.
You know, the Arabs had theskies all mapped out, yeah.
And next thing, you know, youknow we're burning witches and
this, that and the other thing.
And I read a couple of books onit and I was like, okay, I get
it, I get it, I get it, but whew, I'm afraid of the deep stupid
(50:38):
that is happening based on allthe I mean flat earth.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
Yeah, I mean the moon landing didn't happen and I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
And they're finding those crowds that believe the
same thing, that are nowbolstering that in their mind.
And that's if they haveevidence and they have.
You know, the fact that whenthere's a solar eclipse, it
doesn't look like this means theworld ain't flat, but okay you
know, and that's that's what Ithink it's hard for the younger
generation now.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
It's like how do you vet it right if there seems to
be a convincing video out there,and it's usually the salacious
one too, the one that's, it's afun one right.
Because nobody wants to hearthat business is hard, life is
hard.
Choose a partner not based onthe beautiful blonde, flowing
hair You're going to have togrind for 10 years before you
get what you want.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
You're not going to get it today.
Nobody wants to hear thatNobody wants to hear that.
And then I mean Walter Cronkite.
You could trust that dude.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:41):
Because only one dude could have that job.
There were three guys that hadthose jobs in the three networks
, yeah, and you had to be vetted, you had to be good, you had to
report.
Now anybody with a platform andan opinion could claim they're
an expert, and it's frighteningto me.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
It's absolutely frightening.
You know, when I first startedhelping businesses do a lot of
pro bono consulting, it was morelike they just didn't know
right, just like me when I firststarted Didn't know, you know,
like weren't totally aware ofaccounting, marketing, that sort
of stuff.
It was just they didn't knowthey needed some help in that
direction.
Now it's actually the biggestproblem, I see, is they're aware
enough to know they need help.
The problem is they don't knowwho to get help from.
(52:22):
And most of the time whenthey're getting help from
somebody, it's a nefarious beingthat doesn't know what they're
doing and charging them a bunchof money and it's ruining, it's
taking them actually backwards,Right.
That is the biggest problem Ithink in society today is like
if you don't know anything aboutthe subject, it's very easy to
get taken advantage of.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
And the thing that is trippy to me is if I hear
something really interesting, Igo find a book on it.
Yeah, and I find a couple.
I have to read a minimum ofthree on any subject, especially
if it's a controversial subject.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Smart.
Speaker 2 (52:56):
One from the left, one from the right and one from
someone who claims theirobjective.
Yeah, one from the left, onefor the right and one from
someone who claims theirobjective yeah, you know, and
then I tied together the threadsthat make it all the way
through all the books and try tofigure it out.
But people don't want to read abook.
Speaker 1 (53:08):
No, more folks, and that's the way you should do it.
Speaker 2 (53:11):
You know, it's like you find one side, you find the
other side, you find supposedlythe middle guy and then you just
, you know, you just keep, yeah,you know so, and you don't know
when you've collected, you'veseen it all You're.
So everybody has the ability tosee what's in front of them and
what they're immersed in.
So a community think all womenare A, b and C.
(53:33):
No, it's the women on yourblock that are A.
B and C.
Sure, All of the women on yourblock happen to be A, B and C,
but all women aren't A, B and C.
Sure, All of the women on yourblock happen to be A, B and C,
yeah, but all women aren't A, Band C.
Speaker 1 (53:43):
I read a stat recently that only 10% of the
men on dating apps are actuallythe ones getting dates I heard
that too.
And so the other 90% aren'teven able to get a date.
So all the women are saying, oh, we only deal with these jerk
guys that are womanizing andstuff like that, but they're
only dating the 10%, they're alldating the same guy, basically.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
Right, and he can do anything he wants to, because
he's getting another date everynight.
Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:09):
Every night.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
You know, and that's I know, we focused a little bit
today on relationships because Ithink it's so important, it's
something I think a lot aboutthese days.
You know it's like that partnerin somebody's life man, woman,
whatever, it doesn't matter youknow husband, wife, you know
it's like that partner I'venoticed is like the key to so
much success.
Speaker 2 (54:29):
Yeah, it is, and the key to being happy.
Speaker 1 (54:32):
That too.
Speaker 2 (54:33):
I think part of the thing is we have so many images
of success that we are bombardedwith on a daily basis because
of this and everybody's takingpictures and putting filters on
and blah, blah, blah, blah andgorgeous, and you're chasing
that thing, which doesn't makeyou happy, but that studies that
show.
The thing that makes you happyis when the screen is off and
(54:58):
when you're sitting down withsomebody you care about.
Y'all just shooting a breeze.
That will make you happy whenyou have that.
Or I know my husband are goingto go out and I am going to have
a cup of coffee in the frontyard every morning.
That is success.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
We never know how a good a moment is in that moment
and that's the saddest partabout it Sad, sad, sad.
It's only in reflection and Ibring this up sometimes, but I
want to bolster your point alittle bit.
You know it's like did you eversee that movie, happy Gilmore?
Speaker 2 (55:33):
I know it with the guy with the yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
Yeah, I haven't seen it, but there's this part in the
and so, to be good at puttingthe guys, his coach is always
telling him think of your happyplace.
What's your happy place looklike?
Imagine that, and if you watchthe show, you've heard me say
this before.
But uh, so think of your happyplace, right.
And then he thinks of, like,beautiful woman bringing him
beer and he loved his grandma,so his grandma's they're happy,
(55:56):
right, that's his happy place.
And I tell people now, do that,but think of your success.
Close your eyes right now, whatdoes success look like for you?
And if you're picturing theFerrari, the big house, if you
didn't picture once the familymember, the cup of coffee, it's
like you've actually been soldthe marketing image of success
(56:17):
and life and success, in myopinion, is all about alignment.
You have to direct all thesemultiple things to alignment
towards a goal, right?
So now, let's say, your versionof success is that All life is
now driven towards that and youmissed all the stuff.
That was the happiness, thereal success, the real change,
going out playing pickleball.
Speaker 2 (56:35):
I remember I had a horrible part in life where
difficulties in my family weregoing on and I started playing
tennis six to ten hours a weekand it was just wonderful.
I could hit the ball and mytennis teacher she was a mother
too, so we would talk and thenwe would hit the ball some more
(56:56):
and hit the ball some more.
That was wonderful.
Just to be able to, that wasthe joy of my life.
I've never I'm not going toplay tennis professionally but
I'm hitting that ball and I'mrunning and it's sunny outside
and she and I laugh a lot, youknow.
So that's what life is.
Life is not.
It's not, you know.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
That's where I think we get lost sometimes.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
Being a boss, bitch or anything.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
I mean that's where we see the social media posts.
That has the guy in the Ferrariand we figure he has it all and
, yes, have the Ferrari, haveyour success.
If your success has given youthe Ferrari and you got there
and that's what you wanted,great, enjoy it.
But don't just drive towardsthose things.
Realize there's more in life,Like, like the judge is saying,
a cup of coffee with yourpartner and somebody you care
(57:47):
about and somebody that's wentthrough thick and thin and
pushed you to get the extra vote.
Speaker 2 (57:51):
Oh, you know, or I would say something.
I would say something to him.
I come in and say you know whathappened today, baby what?
And I said, and I said he goes.
Did you get excited about it?
I said no, and he goes, youhave evolved.
I said haven't I?
You have evolved.
Speaker 1 (58:07):
Oh, I super enjoyed the conversation, as I always do
.
We're going to have to comeback again at some point on
another topic because I justthink you're so good for the
underdogs.
I really do.
I think what you do is amazing.
I think who you do is amazing.
Speaker 2 (58:20):
I think who you are is amazing, and I think both my
parents were big time underdogsand turned that into big time
success.
I mean, she was born in 1930,spent time in an orphanage
because her mother couldn't feedher.
Wow, father was, you know,didn't have an inside toilet
until he went to.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
And they and they have a daughter.
One is a board certifiedneurologist and another one.
Well, she's retired now.
She ain't working, but she wasa judge at one point.
She did okay.
Speaker 1 (58:52):
She did great.
Both of you guys did amazing.
So now you guys, you're a truesuccess story, judge, and I know
your, your heart, and I lovegiving people with a good heart.
Like part of my platform, youknow, like I think part of my
mission these days is to helpgood, amazing people promote
their voice even more.
Speaker 2 (59:12):
And you're good at it too, because, truth be told,
I've been dragging my feet on my, my podcast and my man is not
letting it happen, and Iappreciate it.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Your voice is too good for the world.
You're helping too many peopleLike I've.
I'm here to uh push you into it, and so we're going to come
back next time.
I guess I'm going to have youback again, folks.
And um, we're going to talkabout next time victim mentality
.
Okay, cool, because I thinkit's so important.
It's like look at what your dadwas able to do, Look at what
(59:45):
your mom was able to do.
Speaker 2 (59:47):
And I will tell you a great story about when I tried
to be a victim once and theywouldn't let me.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
You're going to have to stay tuned to that, folks,
and once again, thank you forjoining me for another episode
of Underdogs, bootstrappers,game Changers, judge Lynn, she's
got Feeling on Purpose, anamazing podcast which she's
going to continue to do everyother week, and we'll be back
(01:00:12):
soon.
Thanks for waiting.
Bye, hello and welcome toUnderdogs, bootstrappers and
Game Changers.
This is for those of you thatare starting with nothing.
Hello and welcome to underdogs,bootstrappers and game changers
.
This is for those of you thatare starting with nothing and
using business to change theirstars, motivating people who
disrupted industry standards.
This is the real side ofbusiness.
(01:00:33):
This isn't Shark Tank.
My aim with this podcast is totake away some of the imaginary
roadblocks that are out there.
I want to help more underdogs,because underdogs are truly who
change the world.
This is part of our Content forGood initiative.
All the proceeds from themonetization of this podcast
will go to charitable causes.
It's for the person that wantsit.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.