August 25, 2025 • 34 mins
The weight of unexpressed emotion is crushing an entire generation of men. Growing up, they were handed an unwritten rulebook - don't cry, don't show weakness, handle everything alone. This emotional suppression wasn't a choice but a survival strategy taught from father to son, generation after generation.
In this transformative episode, Angela Meyer delivers a powerful message to men who've been taught that strength means feeling nothing. Through the metaphor of a stone wall versus a flowing river, she illustrates how true resilience comes not from shutting emotions out, but from allowing life to move through you without losing yourself.
The conditioning starts early - those whispered "be a man" commands that plant seeds of emotional disconnection. Angela compassionately unpacks this generational messaging while making a crucial distinction between healthy stoicism (emotional resilience, perspective in adversity) and its unhealthy counterpart (complete emotional suppression). Men aren't failing when they feel deeply - they're reclaiming what was always rightfully theirs.
For those ready to break free, Angela offers a practical seven-step process to identify and process emotions, particularly fear. She guides listeners through naming feelings, sitting with them without judgment, separating emotions from behaviors, and finding the lessons each feeling offers. This isn't just theory - it's a roadmap for transformation.
The episode culminates with an emotional freedom checklist: daily awareness practices, safe expression opportunities, inner child healing, body connection exercises, finding brotherhood, and nurturing soul connection. These aren't quick fixes but doorways to a more authentic masculinity.
Whether you're a man struggling to understand why connection feels so difficult, someone who loves a man trapped behind emotional walls, or anyone interested in healing generational patterns, this episode offers both compassion and concrete steps forward. Because as Angela reminds us - the wall may keep you safe, but the river keeps you alive.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/angelamyerun/
Website: https://www.undetectednarcissist.com
Blog posts: https://undetectednarcissist.com/blog/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist
Podcast.
Your host, angela Meyer, ishere to bring you clarity if you
are stuck in confusion,self-doubt or feel lost, without
a sense of direction.
This podcast is extremelydifferent because Angela comes
from a place of wisdom,compassion and has been able to
forgive the unforgivable.
(00:22):
She's a mental healthprofessional, trauma-informed
human consciousness guide andempowerment strategist.
She knows one can't truly healand recover when one is stuck in
hate, anger and fear.
One must rise above it, findmeaning, understanding,
compassion for oneself and thetoxic people within our lives.
(00:45):
This season is aboutself-empowerment,
self-realizations andtransformation.
There is always a blog postsupporting this information, so
please visitundetectednarcissistcom so get
ready to learn about yourself,others and find a way to truly
live and thrive.
(01:06):
Once again, enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode.
Today we are going to betalking about men who are taught
not to feel.
Have you ever been told bestrong, don't cry, toughen up.
Maybe you were six years old,maybe 16, and perhaps you
listened.
(01:29):
Maybe you built that wallinside you, brick by brick,
until nothing could get in.
It's what you were taught wasmanhood, and maybe it worked for
a while.
But here's the thing Wallsdon't just keep storms out, they
keep life out too.
(01:50):
Which leads me to tell you astory, okay, the story of the
stone wall and the river.
There once was a man who livedin a valley where fierce storms
often rolled through.
From a young age he was told ifyou want to survive here, you
must be like the stone wallunshakable, unmoved.
(02:13):
So he built himself high wallswith heavy granite, sealed out
the wind, the rain and even thesight of the sky.
At first it worked.
The storms couldn't touch him.
He stood firm, admired for hisstoicism.
People said now there's astrong man.
But over the years somethingunexpected happened Inside those
(02:37):
walls the air grew stale,flowers would not grow, birds no
longer visit, and while thestorms outside still raged, he
realized he had also walledhimself off from the sun, the
warm breezes and the sound oflaughter.
(02:57):
One day, while repairing a crackin his wall, he noticed a river
running through the valley.
It was gentle in places, fiercein others, yet always moving,
always alive.
It carved canyons through rockwithout shattering, and when the
storms came it swelled, roaredand spilled over, only to return
(03:19):
to its calm flow again.
The man watched and thought theriver feels everything, yet it
endures.
It changes, yet it remains.
Slowly, he began to take downpieces of his wall, not all at
once, just enough to let thewind in the flowers, in the
(03:41):
sound of the river, in.
At first he feared the stormswould destroy him, but he
discovered something astonishing.
The storms passed and so didthe pain.
The river taught him thatstrength wasn't about never
feeling.
It was about letting life movethrough you without losing
(04:03):
yourself.
In time he became both wall andriver, steady when needed,
flowing when possible, and forthe first time in his life he
felt truly alive.
So to the men that are listeningnow, brother, your strength
isn't in how well you can shutthe world out.
(04:25):
It is in how deeply you can letlife in and still stand in your
truth.
The wall will keep you safe,but the river will keep you
alive.
You were meant to be both, andthis is where we need to talk
about stoicism, not the memeversion and not the hollywood
(04:48):
version.
The real, the real version, thepart that built you, the part
that can quietly destroy you ifmisunderstood, because for too
long, men have been taught totake only half of stoicism the
wall and to forget the riverentirely.
(05:10):
Today, I want to talk to the menwho are taught not to feel so
they can better understandthemselves, as well as the
people within their lives whocare about them.
I aim to create a bridge formen who've been taught to armor
up emotionally their whole lives, showing them not only why this
(05:30):
happens, but also how to laydown their armor and meet their
true selves.
Therefore, I intend to approachthis podcast episode with
structure, compassion andclarity, so that I can speak
directly to their hearts andtheir logic, which is key for
breaking through theconditioning.
(05:50):
First, I want to read a letterto the man who was taught not to
feel, to set the foundation.
Hello, I see you.
Not the version of you thatlearned to smile while bleeding,
nor the mask you wear so well,not the toughness, the silence
(06:10):
or the jokes that keep the painat bay.
I see you, the boy who nevergot to cry, the teen who was
told to man up, the man whocarries it all in silence
Because that's what you weretaught Strength looks like.
Don't cry, don't ask for help,don't be weak, don't feel too
(06:33):
much.
But you do feel.
You always did.
And those feelings didn't die.
They just got buried underresponsibility, shame and
survival.
But buried doesn't mean gone,it just means unseen.
And now you're exhausted,you're angry and you don't know
(06:55):
why.
A part of you loves, but youdon't know how to express it or
put it into words.
You can be hurting so deeply,but you don't know how to show
it or put your pain into words.
To survive another day, younumb out because feeling it all
feels like too much.
(07:16):
But listen closely.
You are not weak for feeling.
You are wounded for being toldnot to.
You were never supposed to carryit all alone.
This was a false belief passeddown from generation to
generation.
The sense of oneness, communityand teamwork got lost in
(07:37):
translation.
You were never meant to fightyour battles in silence.
In fact, you were never made tobe a machine or robot, not to
sound sappy, but you were borntender, curious, open, and none
(07:57):
of that made you less of a man.
If you are a parent, you knowyou were born this way.
When you gaze into the eyes ofyour beloved son, somewhere
along the line, the world canfuse masculinity with
disconnection, but this is truth.
(08:18):
A man who feels is a man who'salive.
A man who cries is a man whocares.
A man who seeks healing is aman who leads.
You don't have to carry the oldstories anymore.
As a collective whole, humanityseeks connection to survive,
(08:39):
and the disconnected ways ofthinking, acting and behaving
are no longer serving humanity.
Disconnected ways of thinking,acting and behaving are no
longer serving humanity, butcausing only more harm,
separation and destruction.
You don't have to performstrength when your heart is
aching, so put your sword down.
Now is the time to honor yoursoul without any human
(09:03):
obligations or requirements.
Therefore, you don't have torepeat the unhealthy
generational patterns of men whowere never shown how to honor
their authentic selves and heal.
You are allowed to feel withoutfixing.
Break without failing, speakwithout fear.
(09:24):
Break without failing Speakwithout fear.
Heal without shame.
The world needs your heart morethan your armor, your partner,
your children, your friends.
They don't want a shell of you.
They want you, not theinvisible man, the authentic one
(09:45):
.
So take the risk, let someonein, allow the decades of tear to
come, let the truth rise,because the real you, the
feeling open, evolving you, isnot too much.
He is just right From someonewho believes the healed
(10:12):
masculine is the key to thehealed world.
Now let's be open and honesthere.
Being a man is not easy, andbeing a woman is not easy either
.
We have different rules,expectations, hormones, ways of
thinking, processing andoutlooks on life.
As a child, a boy isconditioned and groomed at an
(10:35):
early age to become a man,aiming to achieve something that
the family can be proud, boastabout to family members and
colleagues.
I'm not here to blame yourparents and grandparents.
They were also groomed andconditioned at such an early age
.
Think of it as a seed beingplanted within your mind that
(10:59):
grows roots and soon becomes abelief, setting the foundation
for your future as a man.
Some of you were sent tomilitary school, while others
were beaten into submission astheir cries and tears were
ignored.
Others were required to followthe footsteps of their father
and grandfather as a rite ofpassage into more greed, lust,
(11:21):
power and backward ways ofthinking.
Therefore, I must acknowledgethis silent epidemic Generations
of men conditioned to suppresstheir emotions to survive.
You no longer live in the WildWest and this new earth is
calling us home to remember thatwe can live in a world with
(11:43):
more harmony, peace, cooperationand equality for all.
The only battle we must facenow is the battle within.
This is about freeing you bygiving you the tools to explore
the box you were handed at birthand told never to open it,
because inside the box is yourjoy, tears, creativity and
(12:09):
tenderness.
So this is for the men who havebeen carrying the weight of
that unopened box.
It's a metaphor story.
When you were born, someonehanded you a box.
They didn't tell you what wasinside, they just told you don't
open it.
As you grew, the box gotheavier.
(12:29):
At first you asked questionswhy can't I open it?
But the answer came sharp andshort and they all started with
because.
Because real men don't needwhat's in there.
Because real men's feelingsmake you weak, because the world
will eat you alive if I showyou what's inside.
(12:53):
The list of because became therecycle and repeat phrase to
shut up and comply.
This is what my father did andmy grandfather did, and now you
do the same.
This is how we survive.
So you carried the box.
You brought it into school,into your first love, into your
(13:18):
job, into your marriage.
You carried it throughvictories and losses, through
nights alone when no one saw you, and you learned to pretend it
wasn't there.
But here's the truth.
They never told you.
Inside the box are your tearsand laughter, your joy and your
(13:40):
fears, your tenderness, yourcreativity, your soul's true
voice, creativity, your soul'strue voice.
Inside that box is you.
And here's another truth it wasnever locked.
You can open it any time youchoose.
So let's explore and unpack howthe conditioning happened, the
(14:04):
cost of emotional disconnection,breaking the cycle and
discovering your authentic self.
Part one how the conditioninghappened a gentle unraveling of
the roots.
All men receive the samegenerational message and I'm so
happy to report that this trendis slowly dying.
(14:25):
Men are saying no more why.
It is only causing more painand suffering.
Someone must break the cycle ofabuse.
Yes, abuse, because being sentto military school, a strict,
religious, private school, oreven being verbally, emotionally
, physically or mentally brokeninto submission can cause a
(14:49):
young toddler, child or teenagerto experience trauma, trauma,
abuse and bullying do createnarcissistic people.
So let's explore thegenerational message, parental
and cultural modeling and theunspoken fear.
Generational messaging we haveall heard the saying be a man.
(15:12):
Sorry, that was a little funny,but what does that mean?
From man to man?
It means being strong, notcrying, not showing weakness.
This was the historicalsurvival mindset and we are
seeing it in action today withwars, labor and societal roles
(15:32):
that reward emotional numbness.
Number two parental andcultural modeling.
Fathers, uncles, religiousfigures and coaches are modeling
emotional shutdown.
The media portrays Stoicism asthe only manly trait.
Number three unspoken fear,vulnerability, seen as unsafe,
(15:57):
fear of ridicule, rejection,losing status.
Before we move on to part two,let's explore while Stoicism is
no longer supporting humanity aswe transition from the 3D
framework to the 4D and 5Dmindset.
Stoicism has a fascinating dualnature that makes it both a tool
(16:22):
for resilience and, whenmisapplied, a seed for emotional
shutdown.
Let's unpack it the healthyside of stoicism.
When understood and applied asintended, stoicism can deeply be
empowering, especially for aman navigating a culture that
(16:46):
often equates vulnerability withweakness.
So, number one emotionalresilience.
It teaches that while we can'tcontrol what happens to us, we
can control our response.
This helps men avoid beingtossed around by life's storm.
Number two perspective inadversity, it encourages zooming
(17:10):
out to see the bigger picture.
Pain, hardship and loss arereframed as opportunities for
growth.
The key word is reframe, toshift your perspective out of
fear and into a deeperunderstanding of the big picture
.
Three values-driven living itfocuses on virtue, integrity and
(17:36):
wisdom over chasing, fleetingpleasures or public approval.
And lastly, number four, calmunder pressure.
It promotes a steady, measuredpresence in crises, useful in
leadership, parenting anddangerous situations.
So here's an example in healthypractice, a man feels the grief
(17:59):
of losing a loved one but usesthe stoic principles to process
it, slowly, allowing space fortears while choosing not to let
despair define him.
Now the unhealthy side ofStoicism.
Modern cultural interpretations, especially in male-dominant
(18:23):
spaces, often twist Stoicisminto an unhealthy emotional
armor.
Here's the why and how.
One emotional suppression, notregulation.
Men are conditioned to bestrong and don't feel, leading
to bottled up emotions.
Over time, this can createemotional numbness, depression
(18:45):
and explosive anger.
2.
Toxic Masculinity Reinforcement.
The media often equatesmasculineness with cold
detachment, like the silent,broody hero archetype.
Vulnerability is cast asweakness, pushing men further
from healthy intimacy.
(19:06):
3.
Cutting off empathy In the nameof self-protection.
Some men stop emphasizing withothers' emotions, which harms
and destroys healthy friendshipsand intimate relationships.
4.
Self-isolation it creates a Ican handle this alone mindset
(19:30):
which prevents seeking help orbuilding deeper connections with
a friend, family member orintimate partner.
Here's an example, an unhealthypractice.
A man is devastated afterlosing his job, but tells
himself real men don't cry.
He shuts down, refuses to talkto loved ones and quietly
(19:52):
spirals into hopelessness.
Some men might start daydrinking to drown their emotions
, get addicted to porn or socialmedia as a form of distraction
or have unexplained bursts ofanger or hostility distraction
or have unexplained bursts ofanger or hostility.
Others could even pretend thathe's going to work because he's
too afraid or full of shame totell his family or partner that
(20:16):
he lost his job.
Why this matters for men todayis the core problem isn't
stoicism itself, it's themisinterpretation and the
cultural hijacking of thephilosophy.
Healthy stoicism encouragesemotional depth and control.
(20:39):
Unhealthy stoicism createsemotional shutdown and
relational disconnection andrelational disconnection.
The cost of emotionaldisconnection will impact and
create relationship strain withyour partners, friends, feeling
unseen, unheard and unvalidated.
It has physical health tolls.
(21:00):
Suppressed emotions increaseinflammation and heart disease
risk.
Then there's mental healthdepression, anxiety and
addictive behaviors as a copingmechanism.
And then, lastly, spiritualdisconnection, losing the inner
compass, feeling hollow evenwhen successful.
(21:22):
So how to reclaim the healthyside?
So how to reclaim the healthyside.
So here is an invitation tofeel fully and respond wisely.
Here is a practical step thatboth men and women can apply,
and I will use fear as anexample.
Step one name the emotion first.
(21:43):
What are you feeling?
If you cannot name the feeling,use the chart I created for 3D
human consciousness, for example.
If you are truly feeling fear,it would align with the
behaviors and patterns offeeling restless, irritability,
withdrawal, nervousness, guarded, hypervigilant, suspicious
(22:04):
anxiety, worry, wart,wishy-washy, fear of failure,
second-guessing yourself often,mind stewing over the past
usually, and inability to trustanyone.
All these negative emotions,thought patterns and behaviors
align with a fear-based mindset.
But don't worry, you are ingood hands and we can fix this.
(22:28):
Step two regulate.
Sit with that emotion and feelit.
Please don't run from it,ignore it, sugarcoat it or stuff
it down.
Sit with it as if you weresitting down to chill or relax
with a friend.
This fear emotion has surfacedfor a reason and should not be
(22:48):
ignored.
So think of it as anopportunity to go within and
discover something new.
Step three separate feelingsfrom behaviors.
Acknowledging the feeling offear doesn't mean acting
cowardly.
It is being genuine and honestwith yourself.
We now know the truth, and thisfear has been trying forever to
(23:11):
get your attention.
See that you have the strengthto face your fears.
Step four self-exploration.
What is the fear trying toteach you?
Why is the fear currentlypresent within your life?
How could you look at the fearfrom a higher perspective?
Why is the fear currentlypresent within your life?
How could you look at the fearfrom a higher perspective?
What is the lesson within thefear?
(23:33):
Is the fear being created byexternal situations?
If not, then the fear can stemfrom internal self-doubt or lack
of self-worth, doubt or lack ofself-worth.
Step five find the tools withinthe 4D framework.
When you can pinpoint the fear,dive a little deeper.
Fear is an illusion of the mindand is here to teach us
(23:57):
something.
Think of the negative emotionas a teacher.
It could be trying to teach youhow to set healthy boundaries.
Speak your truth from an openheart instead of a wounded ego.
Perhaps its aim is to help youdevelop a healthy sense of self
and self-esteem.
The fear might be here to pushyou outside your comfort zone
(24:18):
and try something new whichcould dramatically improve the
quality of your life.
So here are a few examplesaround the subject of fear.
Perhaps you worry that you'renot good enough for your partner
because they're complainingthat you are not giving them
enough attention in the bedroom.
You're at a new phase in yourlife and you're tired of
(24:42):
performing and wearing a mask inthe bedroom.
Your soul and heart long forintimacy and a deeper connection
instead of a superficial one.
So having deep conversations,holding hands, snuggling and
bonding hold more meaning andpurpose for you.
Can and will this person listenwithout projecting their
(25:04):
insecurities upon you, becausethis is not about you but them.
Perhaps you fear losing someoneyou care deeply about or are in
love with, but they don'treciprocate your feelings.
The fear could be present toencourage you to love yourself
more and let this person go,because it is only causing pain
(25:25):
and heartache.
Perhaps you could becomefriends instead of trying to
force the person to change theirmind and love you back.
Step out of the humanexperience and into the soul.
Lesson Next one Maybe you gotcrushed and destroyed by someone
narcissistic or a toxic personand to open up your heart again
(25:46):
is scary.
The fear can prevent you fromforming a healthy connection
with another person.
Therefore, this fear may betrying to teach you to learn to
listen to your intuition and gut, rather than the part of you
that fears being alone.
Perhaps this fear is trying toencourage you to take the
relationship slow, becomingfriends first before diving into
(26:10):
a committed relationship, andif this person refuses to honor
that request, they may not bethe right person for you at this
time.
Next one Perhaps you fear thatyou won't get the job you desire
and that fear is trying toteach you to believe in yourself
, to be courageous and give it ashot, to stop listening to the
(26:31):
negative chatter in your headand connect with your heart.
What steps could you take tonail this job?
Learning more about the company, their mission statement,
products, work, ethics orachievements.
Think outside the box and makeyourself stand out from the
crowd.
Next one what if you made anerror in judgment and fear that
(26:55):
you effed everything up?
Maybe that fear is telling youto step back and learn from your
mistakes.
And how could you correct them?
This takes courage If you can'tfix it.
What action steps could youtake to smooth the waters and
reduce the pressure of the fearof failure, and remember nobody
(27:17):
is perfect.
So stop beating yourself up andshow yourself some grace and
compassion.
And then the last one the fearmight want you to have more
self-belief, but the self-doubtis holding you back.
And if you are a people pleaser, maybe the fear is teaching you
that you matter just as much aseveryone else and you are not a
(27:39):
doormat.
Your time, energy, opinion,money and feelings matter just
as much as the person you wantto.
Please Try to find the diamondwithin the rubble of fear.
Step six allow trusted space.
If this is too much for you tohandle on your own, please talk
(28:00):
to someone you trust.
You can explore working with atherapist or speak to a close
friend who will listen to youwithout fear of shame or
judgment.
And step seven challengingmedia role models.
Ooh, the garbage and you heardme, the trash we see on TV.
(28:22):
Social media, in magazines andin advertisements promote only
one dimensional, strong man.
All the garbage we are soldmight make you more appealing on
the outside, but the work weare doing here is about inner
beauty, substance and strength.
Commit to stop feeding yourselfgarbage that only leads you to
(28:47):
compare yourself to anAI-generated model, or by
products that falsely advertiseto boost your self-esteem.
Remember less is more.
You are enough.
Here are some more ideas tobreak the cycle.
It's a step-by-step, practicaland safe entry point.
(29:07):
1.
Awareness first.
Journal one sentence a dayabout how you actually feel.
Recognize when you'redefaulting to I'm fine, pause.
Go deeper.
2.
Challenge the comfort zone box.
Try one act of emotionalexpression each week.
(29:31):
Tell someone you appreciatethem.
Cry during a movie withoutholding it in saying I'm scared,
without shame.
Three healing the inner boy,inner child work.
Speak to yourself as you wouldto a young son or nephew.
When you get mad, don't beatyourself up or tell yourself to
(29:54):
suck it up and be a man.
Show yourself the samecompassion and support to a
young man who is struggling tofind his place in this chaotic
world of being a man.
4.
Body-based emotional release.
Mindful practices such asbreath work, somatic techniques
(30:14):
and martial arts can helpreconnect your feelings and body
.
Plus, it's a healthy way torelease excess stress and
built-up anger.
And number five community andsupport.
You can explore men's groups,therapy, a safe friendship where
emotions are welcomed.
Now tips and tools fordiscovering authentic self slash
(30:37):
soul connection.
Now these go a little deeper,noticing the patterns that block
your authentic self and whichmoments allow you freedom.
In a journal or with a trustedfriend, describe and become
self-aware of the shift fromwearing a mask and performing
(30:59):
manhood to living in truth.
When did this shift happen?
How did it happen?
Why did you finally make thatcourageous choice?
Can you do this with everyoneor just a few people?
And if so, why?
Spiritual practices Spiritualpractices are the key to
(31:22):
everyone's mental health andwell-being.
You can meditate, spend time innature, appreciating the gifts
earth offers everyone, practicebeing grateful for the things
you discover and reflect insolitude.
Next one, recognizing yourintuition and your heart as your
(31:42):
guidance system.
Learn to trust your gut andlisten to its advice.
Learn to discern between thevoice of the wounded ego that is
stuck in the 3D framework andthe heart slash soul that exists
within the 4D and 5D framework.
Which one is running your life,which one opens the door for
(32:07):
more joy and which one slams thedoor shut?
Discernment is key.
And lastly, the liberation inrealizing strength is not the
absence of feeling.
It is the courage to feel.
Therefore, I have a call ofaction for you, bros, or, as my
(32:28):
son would say, bruh.
I invite you, dudes, to takeone small step this week and
open the box a little.
You are worth the change andyour place of power is now not
in the past or in the future.
Now, if you need more support,write this affirmation down you
(32:50):
are not broken.
Support, write this affirmationdown.
You are not broken.
You were taught to hide.
Now you choose to be seen.
So here are the first steps toemotional freedom checklist.
And yes, I want to provide youwith more tools and tips because
I want you to thrive, not justexist.
Emotional freedom checklistthrive, not just exist.
(33:16):
Emotional freedom checklistAwareness Once a day, write one
honest sentence about how youfeel.
Notice when you say I'm fine,pause, go deeper.
Next, one safe expression Tellsomeone you appreciate them.
Allow yourself to cry when youfeel emotional.
If the tears want to bereleased, don't hide them.
Inner boy healing Speak toyourself as you would to a
(33:41):
beloved child.
Body connection Try breath work, mindful martial arts or
walking in nature without yourphone.
Brotherhood and support.
Join or form a men's group.
Work with a therapist or acoach who understands male
conditioning.
And last one soul connectionAsk your heart one question
(34:05):
every day what do you need fromme today?
Spend five minutes a day insilence.
Now are you wondering if I madea free guided meditation for
you dudes?
The answer is yes, and in a way, I made it for everyone,
because this process will giveeveryone the strength they need
(34:25):
to weather the storms of lifeand still be flexible and
mindful.
What you men are doing is noeasy task.
You are reprogramming yourselfof years of generational trauma,
and this takes courage.
I believe in you, so thank youfor listening and being open to
try something new that can andwill transform your life and
(34:48):
love and light.
Angela Meyer, carrie Logan Bye.
Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist
Podcast.
Your host, angela Meyer, ishere to bring you clarity if you
are stuck in confusion,self-doubt or feel lost, without
a sense of direction.
This podcast is extremelydifferent because Angela comes
from a place of wisdom,compassion and has been able to
forgive the unforgivable.
(00:22):
She's a mental healthprofessional, trauma-informed
human consciousness guide andempowerment strategist.
She knows one can't truly healand recover when one is stuck in
hate, anger and fear.
One must rise above it, findmeaning, understanding,
compassion for oneself and thetoxic people within our lives.
(00:45):
This season is aboutself-empowerment,
self-realizations andtransformation.
There is always a blog postsupporting this information, so
please visitundetectednarcissistcom so get
ready to learn about yourself,others and find a way to truly
live and thrive.
(01:06):
Once again, enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode.
Today we are going to betalking about men who are taught
not to feel.
Have you ever been told bestrong, don't cry, toughen up.
Maybe you were six years old,maybe 16, and perhaps you
listened.
(01:29):
Maybe you built that wallinside you, brick by brick,
until nothing could get in.
It's what you were taught wasmanhood, and maybe it worked for
a while.
But here's the thing Wallsdon't just keep storms out, they
keep life out too.
(01:50):
Which leads me to tell you astory, okay, the story of the
stone wall and the river.
There once was a man who livedin a valley where fierce storms
often rolled through.
From a young age he was told ifyou want to survive here, you
must be like the stone wallunshakable, unmoved.
(02:13):
So he built himself high wallswith heavy granite, sealed out
the wind, the rain and even thesight of the sky.
At first it worked.
The storms couldn't touch him.
He stood firm, admired for hisstoicism.
People said now there's astrong man.
But over the years somethingunexpected happened Inside those
(02:37):
walls the air grew stale,flowers would not grow, birds no
longer visit, and while thestorms outside still raged, he
realized he had also walledhimself off from the sun, the
warm breezes and the sound oflaughter.
(02:57):
One day, while repairing a crackin his wall, he noticed a river
running through the valley.
It was gentle in places, fiercein others, yet always moving,
always alive.
It carved canyons through rockwithout shattering, and when the
storms came it swelled, roaredand spilled over, only to return
(03:19):
to its calm flow again.
The man watched and thought theriver feels everything, yet it
endures.
It changes, yet it remains.
Slowly, he began to take downpieces of his wall, not all at
once, just enough to let thewind in the flowers, in the
(03:41):
sound of the river, in.
At first he feared the stormswould destroy him, but he
discovered something astonishing.
The storms passed and so didthe pain.
The river taught him thatstrength wasn't about never
feeling.
It was about letting life movethrough you without losing
(04:03):
yourself.
In time he became both wall andriver, steady when needed,
flowing when possible, and forthe first time in his life he
felt truly alive.
So to the men that are listeningnow, brother, your strength
isn't in how well you can shutthe world out.
(04:25):
It is in how deeply you can letlife in and still stand in your
truth.
The wall will keep you safe,but the river will keep you
alive.
You were meant to be both, andthis is where we need to talk
about stoicism, not the memeversion and not the hollywood
(04:48):
version.
The real, the real version, thepart that built you, the part
that can quietly destroy you ifmisunderstood, because for too
long, men have been taught totake only half of stoicism the
wall and to forget the riverentirely.
(05:10):
Today, I want to talk to the menwho are taught not to feel so
they can better understandthemselves, as well as the
people within their lives whocare about them.
I aim to create a bridge formen who've been taught to armor
up emotionally their whole lives, showing them not only why this
(05:30):
happens, but also how to laydown their armor and meet their
true selves.
Therefore, I intend to approachthis podcast episode with
structure, compassion andclarity, so that I can speak
directly to their hearts andtheir logic, which is key for
breaking through theconditioning.
(05:50):
First, I want to read a letterto the man who was taught not to
feel, to set the foundation.
Hello, I see you.
Not the version of you thatlearned to smile while bleeding,
nor the mask you wear so well,not the toughness, the silence
(06:10):
or the jokes that keep the painat bay.
I see you, the boy who nevergot to cry, the teen who was
told to man up, the man whocarries it all in silence
Because that's what you weretaught Strength looks like.
Don't cry, don't ask for help,don't be weak, don't feel too
(06:33):
much.
But you do feel.
You always did.
And those feelings didn't die.
They just got buried underresponsibility, shame and
survival.
But buried doesn't mean gone,it just means unseen.
And now you're exhausted,you're angry and you don't know
(06:55):
why.
A part of you loves, but youdon't know how to express it or
put it into words.
You can be hurting so deeply,but you don't know how to show
it or put your pain into words.
To survive another day, younumb out because feeling it all
feels like too much.
(07:16):
But listen closely.
You are not weak for feeling.
You are wounded for being toldnot to.
You were never supposed to carryit all alone.
This was a false belief passeddown from generation to
generation.
The sense of oneness, communityand teamwork got lost in
(07:37):
translation.
You were never meant to fightyour battles in silence.
In fact, you were never made tobe a machine or robot, not to
sound sappy, but you were borntender, curious, open, and none
(07:57):
of that made you less of a man.
If you are a parent, you knowyou were born this way.
When you gaze into the eyes ofyour beloved son, somewhere
along the line, the world canfuse masculinity with
disconnection, but this is truth.
(08:18):
A man who feels is a man who'salive.
A man who cries is a man whocares.
A man who seeks healing is aman who leads.
You don't have to carry the oldstories anymore.
As a collective whole, humanityseeks connection to survive,
(08:39):
and the disconnected ways ofthinking, acting and behaving
are no longer serving humanity.
Disconnected ways of thinking,acting and behaving are no
longer serving humanity, butcausing only more harm,
separation and destruction.
You don't have to performstrength when your heart is
aching, so put your sword down.
Now is the time to honor yoursoul without any human
(09:03):
obligations or requirements.
Therefore, you don't have torepeat the unhealthy
generational patterns of men whowere never shown how to honor
their authentic selves and heal.
You are allowed to feel withoutfixing.
Break without failing, speakwithout fear.
(09:24):
Break without failing Speakwithout fear.
Heal without shame.
The world needs your heart morethan your armor, your partner,
your children, your friends.
They don't want a shell of you.
They want you, not theinvisible man, the authentic one
(09:45):
.
So take the risk, let someonein, allow the decades of tear to
come, let the truth rise,because the real you, the
feeling open, evolving you, isnot too much.
He is just right From someonewho believes the healed
(10:12):
masculine is the key to thehealed world.
Now let's be open and honesthere.
Being a man is not easy, andbeing a woman is not easy either
.
We have different rules,expectations, hormones, ways of
thinking, processing andoutlooks on life.
As a child, a boy isconditioned and groomed at an
(10:35):
early age to become a man,aiming to achieve something that
the family can be proud, boastabout to family members and
colleagues.
I'm not here to blame yourparents and grandparents.
They were also groomed andconditioned at such an early age
.
Think of it as a seed beingplanted within your mind that
(10:59):
grows roots and soon becomes abelief, setting the foundation
for your future as a man.
Some of you were sent tomilitary school, while others
were beaten into submission astheir cries and tears were
ignored.
Others were required to followthe footsteps of their father
and grandfather as a rite ofpassage into more greed, lust,
(11:21):
power and backward ways ofthinking.
Therefore, I must acknowledgethis silent epidemic Generations
of men conditioned to suppresstheir emotions to survive.
You no longer live in the WildWest and this new earth is
calling us home to remember thatwe can live in a world with
(11:43):
more harmony, peace, cooperationand equality for all.
The only battle we must facenow is the battle within.
This is about freeing you bygiving you the tools to explore
the box you were handed at birthand told never to open it,
because inside the box is yourjoy, tears, creativity and
(12:09):
tenderness.
So this is for the men who havebeen carrying the weight of
that unopened box.
It's a metaphor story.
When you were born, someonehanded you a box.
They didn't tell you what wasinside, they just told you don't
open it.
As you grew, the box gotheavier.
(12:29):
At first you asked questionswhy can't I open it?
But the answer came sharp andshort and they all started with
because.
Because real men don't needwhat's in there.
Because real men's feelingsmake you weak, because the world
will eat you alive if I showyou what's inside.
(12:53):
The list of because became therecycle and repeat phrase to
shut up and comply.
This is what my father did andmy grandfather did, and now you
do the same.
This is how we survive.
So you carried the box.
You brought it into school,into your first love, into your
(13:18):
job, into your marriage.
You carried it throughvictories and losses, through
nights alone when no one saw you, and you learned to pretend it
wasn't there.
But here's the truth.
They never told you.
Inside the box are your tearsand laughter, your joy and your
(13:40):
fears, your tenderness, yourcreativity, your soul's true
voice, creativity, your soul'strue voice.
Inside that box is you.
And here's another truth it wasnever locked.
You can open it any time youchoose.
So let's explore and unpack howthe conditioning happened, the
(14:04):
cost of emotional disconnection,breaking the cycle and
discovering your authentic self.
Part one how the conditioninghappened a gentle unraveling of
the roots.
All men receive the samegenerational message and I'm so
happy to report that this trendis slowly dying.
(14:25):
Men are saying no more why.
It is only causing more painand suffering.
Someone must break the cycle ofabuse.
Yes, abuse, because being sentto military school, a strict,
religious, private school, oreven being verbally, emotionally
, physically or mentally brokeninto submission can cause a
(14:49):
young toddler, child or teenagerto experience trauma, trauma,
abuse and bullying do createnarcissistic people.
So let's explore thegenerational message, parental
and cultural modeling and theunspoken fear.
Generational messaging we haveall heard the saying be a man.
(15:12):
Sorry, that was a little funny,but what does that mean?
From man to man?
It means being strong, notcrying, not showing weakness.
This was the historicalsurvival mindset and we are
seeing it in action today withwars, labor and societal roles
(15:32):
that reward emotional numbness.
Number two parental andcultural modeling.
Fathers, uncles, religiousfigures and coaches are modeling
emotional shutdown.
The media portrays Stoicism asthe only manly trait.
Number three unspoken fear,vulnerability, seen as unsafe,
(15:57):
fear of ridicule, rejection,losing status.
Before we move on to part two,let's explore while Stoicism is
no longer supporting humanity aswe transition from the 3D
framework to the 4D and 5Dmindset.
Stoicism has a fascinating dualnature that makes it both a tool
(16:22):
for resilience and, whenmisapplied, a seed for emotional
shutdown.
Let's unpack it the healthyside of stoicism.
When understood and applied asintended, stoicism can deeply be
empowering, especially for aman navigating a culture that
(16:46):
often equates vulnerability withweakness.
So, number one emotionalresilience.
It teaches that while we can'tcontrol what happens to us, we
can control our response.
This helps men avoid beingtossed around by life's storm.
Number two perspective inadversity, it encourages zooming
(17:10):
out to see the bigger picture.
Pain, hardship and loss arereframed as opportunities for
growth.
The key word is reframe, toshift your perspective out of
fear and into a deeperunderstanding of the big picture
.
Three values-driven living itfocuses on virtue, integrity and
(17:36):
wisdom over chasing, fleetingpleasures or public approval.
And lastly, number four, calmunder pressure.
It promotes a steady, measuredpresence in crises, useful in
leadership, parenting anddangerous situations.
So here's an example in healthypractice, a man feels the grief
(17:59):
of losing a loved one but usesthe stoic principles to process
it, slowly, allowing space fortears while choosing not to let
despair define him.
Now the unhealthy side ofStoicism.
Modern cultural interpretations, especially in male-dominant
(18:23):
spaces, often twist Stoicisminto an unhealthy emotional
armor.
Here's the why and how.
One emotional suppression, notregulation.
Men are conditioned to bestrong and don't feel, leading
to bottled up emotions.
Over time, this can createemotional numbness, depression
(18:45):
and explosive anger.
2.
Toxic Masculinity Reinforcement.
The media often equatesmasculineness with cold
detachment, like the silent,broody hero archetype.
Vulnerability is cast asweakness, pushing men further
from healthy intimacy.
(19:06):
3.
Cutting off empathy In the nameof self-protection.
Some men stop emphasizing withothers' emotions, which harms
and destroys healthy friendshipsand intimate relationships.
4.
Self-isolation it creates a Ican handle this alone mindset
(19:30):
which prevents seeking help orbuilding deeper connections with
a friend, family member orintimate partner.
Here's an example, an unhealthypractice.
A man is devastated afterlosing his job, but tells
himself real men don't cry.
He shuts down, refuses to talkto loved ones and quietly
(19:52):
spirals into hopelessness.
Some men might start daydrinking to drown their emotions
, get addicted to porn or socialmedia as a form of distraction
or have unexplained bursts ofanger or hostility distraction
or have unexplained bursts ofanger or hostility.
Others could even pretend thathe's going to work because he's
too afraid or full of shame totell his family or partner that
(20:16):
he lost his job.
Why this matters for men todayis the core problem isn't
stoicism itself, it's themisinterpretation and the
cultural hijacking of thephilosophy.
Healthy stoicism encouragesemotional depth and control.
(20:39):
Unhealthy stoicism createsemotional shutdown and
relational disconnection andrelational disconnection.
The cost of emotionaldisconnection will impact and
create relationship strain withyour partners, friends, feeling
unseen, unheard and unvalidated.
It has physical health tolls.
(21:00):
Suppressed emotions increaseinflammation and heart disease
risk.
Then there's mental healthdepression, anxiety and
addictive behaviors as a copingmechanism.
And then, lastly, spiritualdisconnection, losing the inner
compass, feeling hollow evenwhen successful.
(21:22):
So how to reclaim the healthyside?
So how to reclaim the healthyside.
So here is an invitation tofeel fully and respond wisely.
Here is a practical step thatboth men and women can apply,
and I will use fear as anexample.
Step one name the emotion first.
(21:43):
What are you feeling?
If you cannot name the feeling,use the chart I created for 3D
human consciousness, for example.
If you are truly feeling fear,it would align with the
behaviors and patterns offeeling restless, irritability,
withdrawal, nervousness, guarded, hypervigilant, suspicious
(22:04):
anxiety, worry, wart,wishy-washy, fear of failure,
second-guessing yourself often,mind stewing over the past
usually, and inability to trustanyone.
All these negative emotions,thought patterns and behaviors
align with a fear-based mindset.
But don't worry, you are ingood hands and we can fix this.
(22:28):
Step two regulate.
Sit with that emotion and feelit.
Please don't run from it,ignore it, sugarcoat it or stuff
it down.
Sit with it as if you weresitting down to chill or relax
with a friend.
This fear emotion has surfacedfor a reason and should not be
(22:48):
ignored.
So think of it as anopportunity to go within and
discover something new.
Step three separate feelingsfrom behaviors.
Acknowledging the feeling offear doesn't mean acting
cowardly.
It is being genuine and honestwith yourself.
We now know the truth, and thisfear has been trying forever to
(23:11):
get your attention.
See that you have the strengthto face your fears.
Step four self-exploration.
What is the fear trying toteach you?
Why is the fear currentlypresent within your life?
How could you look at the fearfrom a higher perspective?
Why is the fear currentlypresent within your life?
How could you look at the fearfrom a higher perspective?
What is the lesson within thefear?
(23:33):
Is the fear being created byexternal situations?
If not, then the fear can stemfrom internal self-doubt or lack
of self-worth, doubt or lack ofself-worth.
Step five find the tools withinthe 4D framework.
When you can pinpoint the fear,dive a little deeper.
Fear is an illusion of the mindand is here to teach us
(23:57):
something.
Think of the negative emotionas a teacher.
It could be trying to teach youhow to set healthy boundaries.
Speak your truth from an openheart instead of a wounded ego.
Perhaps its aim is to help youdevelop a healthy sense of self
and self-esteem.
The fear might be here to pushyou outside your comfort zone
(24:18):
and try something new whichcould dramatically improve the
quality of your life.
So here are a few examplesaround the subject of fear.
Perhaps you worry that you'renot good enough for your partner
because they're complainingthat you are not giving them
enough attention in the bedroom.
You're at a new phase in yourlife and you're tired of
(24:42):
performing and wearing a mask inthe bedroom.
Your soul and heart long forintimacy and a deeper connection
instead of a superficial one.
So having deep conversations,holding hands, snuggling and
bonding hold more meaning andpurpose for you.
Can and will this person listenwithout projecting their
(25:04):
insecurities upon you, becausethis is not about you but them.
Perhaps you fear losing someoneyou care deeply about or are in
love with, but they don'treciprocate your feelings.
The fear could be present toencourage you to love yourself
more and let this person go,because it is only causing pain
(25:25):
and heartache.
Perhaps you could becomefriends instead of trying to
force the person to change theirmind and love you back.
Step out of the humanexperience and into the soul.
Lesson Next one Maybe you gotcrushed and destroyed by someone
narcissistic or a toxic personand to open up your heart again
(25:46):
is scary.
The fear can prevent you fromforming a healthy connection
with another person.
Therefore, this fear may betrying to teach you to learn to
listen to your intuition and gut, rather than the part of you
that fears being alone.
Perhaps this fear is trying toencourage you to take the
relationship slow, becomingfriends first before diving into
(26:10):
a committed relationship, andif this person refuses to honor
that request, they may not bethe right person for you at this
time.
Next one Perhaps you fear thatyou won't get the job you desire
and that fear is trying toteach you to believe in yourself
, to be courageous and give it ashot, to stop listening to the
(26:31):
negative chatter in your headand connect with your heart.
What steps could you take tonail this job?
Learning more about the company, their mission statement,
products, work, ethics orachievements.
Think outside the box and makeyourself stand out from the
crowd.
Next one what if you made anerror in judgment and fear that
(26:55):
you effed everything up?
Maybe that fear is telling youto step back and learn from your
mistakes.
And how could you correct them?
This takes courage If you can'tfix it.
What action steps could youtake to smooth the waters and
reduce the pressure of the fearof failure, and remember nobody
(27:17):
is perfect.
So stop beating yourself up andshow yourself some grace and
compassion.
And then the last one the fearmight want you to have more
self-belief, but the self-doubtis holding you back.
And if you are a people pleaser, maybe the fear is teaching you
that you matter just as much aseveryone else and you are not a
(27:39):
doormat.
Your time, energy, opinion,money and feelings matter just
as much as the person you wantto.
Please Try to find the diamondwithin the rubble of fear.
Step six allow trusted space.
If this is too much for you tohandle on your own, please talk
(28:00):
to someone you trust.
You can explore working with atherapist or speak to a close
friend who will listen to youwithout fear of shame or
judgment.
And step seven challengingmedia role models.
Ooh, the garbage and you heardme, the trash we see on TV.
(28:22):
Social media, in magazines andin advertisements promote only
one dimensional, strong man.
All the garbage we are soldmight make you more appealing on
the outside, but the work weare doing here is about inner
beauty, substance and strength.
Commit to stop feeding yourselfgarbage that only leads you to
(28:47):
compare yourself to anAI-generated model, or by
products that falsely advertiseto boost your self-esteem.
Remember less is more.
You are enough.
Here are some more ideas tobreak the cycle.
It's a step-by-step, practicaland safe entry point.
(29:07):
1.
Awareness first.
Journal one sentence a dayabout how you actually feel.
Recognize when you'redefaulting to I'm fine, pause.
Go deeper.
2.
Challenge the comfort zone box.
Try one act of emotionalexpression each week.
(29:31):
Tell someone you appreciatethem.
Cry during a movie withoutholding it in saying I'm scared,
without shame.
Three healing the inner boy,inner child work.
Speak to yourself as you wouldto a young son or nephew.
When you get mad, don't beatyourself up or tell yourself to
(29:54):
suck it up and be a man.
Show yourself the samecompassion and support to a
young man who is struggling tofind his place in this chaotic
world of being a man.
4.
Body-based emotional release.
Mindful practices such asbreath work, somatic techniques
(30:14):
and martial arts can helpreconnect your feelings and body
.
Plus, it's a healthy way torelease excess stress and
built-up anger.
And number five community andsupport.
You can explore men's groups,therapy, a safe friendship where
emotions are welcomed.
Now tips and tools fordiscovering authentic self slash
(30:37):
soul connection.
Now these go a little deeper,noticing the patterns that block
your authentic self and whichmoments allow you freedom.
In a journal or with a trustedfriend, describe and become
self-aware of the shift fromwearing a mask and performing
(30:59):
manhood to living in truth.
When did this shift happen?
How did it happen?
Why did you finally make thatcourageous choice?
Can you do this with everyoneor just a few people?
And if so, why?
Spiritual practices Spiritualpractices are the key to
(31:22):
everyone's mental health andwell-being.
You can meditate, spend time innature, appreciating the gifts
earth offers everyone, practicebeing grateful for the things
you discover and reflect insolitude.
Next one, recognizing yourintuition and your heart as your
(31:42):
guidance system.
Learn to trust your gut andlisten to its advice.
Learn to discern between thevoice of the wounded ego that is
stuck in the 3D framework andthe heart slash soul that exists
within the 4D and 5D framework.
Which one is running your life,which one opens the door for
(32:07):
more joy and which one slams thedoor shut?
Discernment is key.
And lastly, the liberation inrealizing strength is not the
absence of feeling.
It is the courage to feel.
Therefore, I have a call ofaction for you, bros, or, as my
(32:28):
son would say, bruh.
I invite you, dudes, to takeone small step this week and
open the box a little.
You are worth the change andyour place of power is now not
in the past or in the future.
Now, if you need more support,write this affirmation down you
(32:50):
are not broken.
Support, write this affirmationdown.
You are not broken.
You were taught to hide.
Now you choose to be seen.
So here are the first steps toemotional freedom checklist.
And yes, I want to provide youwith more tools and tips because
I want you to thrive, not justexist.
Emotional freedom checklistthrive, not just exist.
(33:16):
Emotional freedom checklistAwareness Once a day, write one
honest sentence about how youfeel.
Notice when you say I'm fine,pause, go deeper.
Next, one safe expression Tellsomeone you appreciate them.
Allow yourself to cry when youfeel emotional.
If the tears want to bereleased, don't hide them.
Inner boy healing Speak toyourself as you would to a
(33:41):
beloved child.
Body connection Try breath work, mindful martial arts or
walking in nature without yourphone.
Brotherhood and support.
Join or form a men's group.
Work with a therapist or acoach who understands male
conditioning.
And last one soul connectionAsk your heart one question
(34:05):
every day what do you need fromme today?
Spend five minutes a day insilence.
Now are you wondering if I madea free guided meditation for
you dudes?
The answer is yes, and in a way, I made it for everyone,
because this process will giveeveryone the strength they need
(34:25):
to weather the storms of lifeand still be flexible and
mindful.
What you men are doing is noeasy task.
You are reprogramming yourselfof years of generational trauma,
and this takes courage.
I believe in you, so thank youfor listening and being open to
try something new that can andwill transform your life and
(34:48):
love and light.
Angela Meyer, carrie Logan Bye.
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