September 29, 2025 • 40 mins
We unpack the hidden role of the confident child who becomes an emotional dumping ground for a vulnerable narcissist parent, and offer a path to healing through boundaries and self-compassion.
• Vulnerable narcissists often choose one child as their emotional confidant, creating a damaging pattern of parentification
• Unlike traditional parentification (cooking, cleaning), this role involves deeper emotional exploitation as the child becomes the parent's emotional regulator
• Children in this role develop identity fusion, believing their worth is tied to how well they can soothe others' emotions
• The "leaky boat" metaphor illustrates how the child is tasked with keeping the parent afloat while never learning to build their own boat
• Healing involves building inner safety, identifying inherited core beliefs, developing sovereign boundaries, and ending self-abandonment
• Six steps to navigate relationships with vulnerable narcissists include seeing the wound behind the behavior, releasing hope for accountability, and practicing guilt-free boundaries
• Reparenting your inner child is essential, speaking daily affirmations like "you are safe now" and "I will never abandon you again"
Listen to our three guided meditations: "Reclaiming Your Voice," "From Survival to Sovereignty," and "Guided Reflection: Putting Down the Bucket" to support your healing journey.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/angelamyerun/
Website: https://www.undetectednarcissist.com
Blog posts: https://undetectednarcissist.com/blog/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of
The Undetected Narcissist.
This one's a little bit longer,so I cut the introduction.
We're going to be talking aboutthe hidden role no one talks
about, the confident child of avulnerable narcissist.
And there's a lot more becausethis is actually two topics
(00:20):
woven into one episode.
So what happens when avulnerable narcissist chooses
one child to be their confidant,the keeper of secrets, the
listener, the emotional dumpingground.
This rarely discussed role, theconfident child, leaves deep and
lasting marks on identity,boundaries, and self-worth.
(00:43):
In this episode, I share my ownstory, unpack the hidden
dynamics, and offer a newmetaphor that helps us see how
to finally put down what wasnever ours to carry.
To begin this, I want everyoneto understand rather than judge,
and to help everyone navigatethese relationships without
(01:04):
abandoning themselves or fallinginto bitterness.
I might sound harsh and uncaringwhen I give examples to help one
understand how they aredifferent, but I want everyone
to grasp the concept throughvarious examples that most
people tend to avoid.
This is soul-level leadership.
(01:25):
So let's begin with the truthabout vulnerable narcissism and
shift into the path of healingfrom a toxic environment.
And yes, I'll clarify the genderdynamics too.
As for the victims, when oneexperiences narcissistic abuse,
a person can experience thefollowing symptoms: anxiety and
(01:47):
depression, obsessive compulsivedisorder, OCD, and borderline
personality disorder.
There's addictive escapebehaviors like food, shopping,
gambling, sex, porn, drugs,alcohol.
You can experience PTSD,post-traumatic stress.
You can be stuck in the loop ofself-loathing and shame, loss of
(02:07):
sense or sense of yourself.
There could be early neglect,can lead to attachment
disorders, making it difficultto form bonds and trust others.
You can have headaches, bodyaches, and trouble sleeping,
social isolation in adulthood,short-term memory loss, mood
swings and depersonalization,and long-term impacts can
(02:29):
include increased chronicdiseases, weakened immune
system, and other physicalhealth problems.
So suppose you recall the chartof 3D human consciousness.
In this case, a vulnerablenarcissist lives within the 3D
mindset because they arehypersensitive,
passive-aggressive, feelentitled, and exhibit the
(02:53):
pervasive sense of contempt, allwhile masking deep insecurity
and low self-esteem.
They are hypersensitive tocriticism and the feedback they
receive from others, reactingwith defensiveness and
withdrawal when they areslighted.
They can create an emotional,unstable environment where the
(03:14):
children learn to prioritize theparents' needs over their own,
always guarded, walking oneggshells, and zero stability.
Moving forward, I will use thequestion and answer approach.
Question, what is a vulnerablenarcissist?
Answer.
From a soul perspective, avulnerable narcissist is a
(03:36):
wounded mirror that reflectspain, not love.
Vulnerable narcissism isdifferent from the classic
grandiose narcissism most peoplepicture.
Rather than boasting ordominating, a vulnerable
narcissist tends to beemotionally fragile, feel
entitled but lacking empathy,constant self-pity and victim
(04:00):
mentality, need for continuousadmiration and approval when
they show kindness.
They use guilt, manipulation,passive aggressive behaviors, or
emotional withdrawal to controlothers.
Some seek attention not throughpraise, but through pity,
illness or crisis.
And lastly, they're harboringresentment, jealousy, and envy
(04:23):
towards others.
They may seem, appear, orpretend to be helpless,
life-handed them the short endof the stick, feeling shame when
rejected, feeling entitled butlacking empathy, easily hurt and
defensive, a loaded gun whenquestioned, or you set
boundaries, sulking when youdon't give in, childish tantrums
(04:46):
when they lose a game or it issport, backhanded compliments or
intense sarcasm, chronicallynegative and life appears bleak,
overly sensitive to criticism,or your idea is better than
theirs, deeply insecure,immature, and unable to admit
it.
(05:06):
This creates immense emotionalconfusion for their children and
partners because it feels likeyou're being asked to parent
their pain, walk on eggshells,or sacrifice your truth to
protect their feelings.
From a soul perspective, if yougrew up in a home with a
vulnerable narcissist, then theybecame your teacher and mirror
(05:30):
until the moment you began toawaken spiritually.
And what does awakening feellike?
It often begins as a quietknowing deep inside, a whisper
of wisdom that says, This isn'tright.
I should not be parenting myparent.
I am still a child.
(05:51):
Your childhood may have feltshort-lived.
As soon as you were old enoughto cook, clean, and care for
yourself, you are expected tocare for them.
Life became more about theiremotional needs because their
world was a constant pity party.
And so the child within youtried to compensate for what was
(06:12):
lacking, even though your soulalready knew this was a
distortion of love.
Then comes the wake-up call.
Perhaps you step into a friend'shouse and find yourself in a
world that feels like sunlightbreaking through clouds.
Their home is relaxed, playful,peaceful, even ordinary.
(06:34):
Words are not weaponized,laughter comes easily.
There is no interrogation, nohidden test to pass, no demand
of what you can do for me.
You are welcomed simply forbeing.
Your heart aches for that kindof family, a place where
kindness flows, respect isnatural, and love does not have
(06:56):
strings attached.
It may look perfect from theoutside, though no family is
perfect.
Still, the contrast awakenssomething in you.
Confusion gives way to clarity,and your soul begins seeking,
pushing you beyond the familiarstorm of dysfunction towards the
(07:16):
calm waters of truth.
This is the moment you begin toembrace your role as the black
sheep.
Not because you were wrong, butbecause you are brave enough to
break the chain.
You recognize that you willnever make your vulnerable
parent truly happy.
And so you shift the story frominherited trauma to
(07:38):
self-empowerment, from survivalto sovereignty.
As you grow up, your soul longs,still longs for a home of peace
and safety.
Your nervous system has carriedenough storms, and so you keep
going forward, you step into anew role, no longer just the
(07:59):
student, but the teacher.
Not by lecturing your family,but by embodying a new way of
being.
You choose calm over chaos,truth over illusion, peace over
pain.
Because your soul was never hereto master dysfunction, it came
(08:20):
to master love.
And when you answer that call,you step fully into freedom.
Question Are most vulnerablenarcissists women?
Answer Here's the honest,compassionate answer for my
audience.
Both men and women can bevulnerable narcissists, but
(08:40):
women are more often socializedto express narcissistic traits
in covert or emotionallymanipulative ways rather than
aggressive or overt ones.
Due to gender norms, femalenarcissists may use emotional
enmeshment, like you're all Ihave, employ guilt, like after
(09:02):
everything I did for you.
They depend on being seen as amartyr or victim, and they
weaponize their frailty orillnesses to avoid
responsibility.
While not always the case,vulnerable narcissism often
shows up in women, mothers,grandmothers, or emotionally
(09:22):
dependent partners.
But in my childhood, it was myfather who embodied vulnerable
narcissism.
He was extremely passiveaggressive, especially if you
didn't show him with exaggeratedgratitude for even the smallest
acts.
For example, if he bought a boxof cereal with a coupon, a
(09:44):
cereal none of us liked or ate,and we didn't gush with
appreciation, life quicklyturned to hell.
He would force us to eat it, andif we complained, we became the
problem.
He spent his hard-earned moneyon that cereal, and therefore we
should be grateful.
Guilt was weaponized.
(10:05):
It was.
Guilt was his weapon of choice,handed out like candy on
Halloween.
He was always the victim ofsomeone or something, and if we
didn't sit and listen to hisendless trauma-dumping stories
of his failed marriage, feudwith coworkers, or how his
father hated him, thenpunishment followed.
Mental, emotional, or physicalabuse became the consequences.
(10:28):
All that repressed anger andrage always had to land
somewhere.
There were clear patterns to hisbehavior.
Pattern one, escalation.
Having a rational,heart-centered conversation with
him was nearly impossible.
He had been raised to buryemotions, never to talk about
(10:49):
them.
As a vulnerable narcissist, heavoided shame at all cost.
That meant he never tookresponsibility for his actions.
Instead, he escalated thesmallest disagreement into a
major argument, twisting thestory with gaslighting and blame
shifting until suddenly you hadstarted it.
He would end it with force,emotional, mental, or physical.
(11:13):
Pattern two, baiting andreactive abuse.
He would intentionally provoke,pushing buttons until someone
snapped.
Then when we finally reacted, hehad his quote proof.
Everyone's nervous systemflipped into flight or fight,
which gave him the validation hecraved, a reason to unleash his
(11:35):
repressed rage.
Pattern three, violence anddysfunctional satisfaction.
It always ended the same way,with violence, sometimes with
words, sometimes with fist,always with wounds that cut
deep.
For us, regret, humiliation andheartbreak.
(11:56):
For him, twisted sense ofsatisfaction, as if he was
justified, as if we had askedfor it.
One painful example stands out.
He would bait my youngerbrothers into fighting, saying,
quote, if you want to fight me,then fight me like a man.
(12:17):
But they were still justchildren, teenagers at most, not
adults.
That's the heart of thedysfunction, confusing abuse
with love, projecting unhealedpain onto our own children.
This wasn't love.
It was trauma recycled.
(12:39):
It was wounds handed down,disfigured and disguised as
fatherhood.
Question What it feels like tobe raised by a vulnerable
narcissist?
Answer.
The list of what you feel islong.
You feel responsible for theirhappiness and you feel guilty
(13:00):
setting boundaries or saying no.
In some ways you feel unseen andat times you are glad.
You are invisible to avoid beingabused.
But you can't express it withoutthem becoming deeply hurt or
reactive.
There is no stability, and yournervous system learns to become
hyper-vigilant in order tosurvive.
(13:23):
You often worry about yourparents, and like most kiddos,
you want them to be happy.
But no matter what you do, theycan't find joy or happiness in
their lives.
Gifts, holidays, money, loans,acts of kindness, general
support, vacations, andbasically anything can become
weaponized.
(13:43):
Nothing is for free.
And you owe me mindset.
They are scorekeepers, and theyuse whatever acts of kindness or
gifts to their advantage, so bewarned.
Everything has conditions, andthere is always, always a hidden
agenda.
So it might appear that it wouldor could benefit you when you
(14:07):
act on their generosity, butthey want something from you in
return.
If you refuse, then you, thenthey lay out the guilt, threats
to cut you out of the family,and make you doubt or hate
yourself for rejecting them.
Then there's the flip side.
When the vulnerable parentcreates emotional embeshement,
(14:28):
it can often leave you wounded,wondering, am I the bad one for
wanting space?
When you try to pull away, theywill start to use bribes, trying
to win or buy your time andaffection.
Sometimes you give in, but lateryou regret it.
You are their whole world.
And it can feel suffocating attimes.
(14:50):
In fact, you never have any timealone or personal space because
they are trying to stayemotionally enmeshed to your
personal and professional life.
For example, parents who wanttheir little girls to be in a
beauty pageant or talentcontest, they can be what some
people call a helicopter parent.
If you're not familiar with thatterm, a helicopter parent is an
(15:13):
overly involved parent whohovers over their child.
The parent is controlling andmicromanaging their life to
protect them from failure anddisappointment.
But this can lead to adverseoutcomes such as increased
anxiety, difficulty coping withfailure, and lack of
self-efficiency as they growolder.
(15:35):
Your truth threatens theirself-image, so you're taught to
hide or soften it.
Some might see your light and bethreatened by it, as well as
your courage, beauty, skills,talent, resilience, and
determination in life.
Some will try to break you.
You know, they'll try to breakyou even harder because they
(15:56):
know deep down inside that oneday you will cut off all ties
from them when you start to wakeup.
As if they know you aredifferent, better than them,
wiser, stronger in spirit.
They know you are the chainbreaker of generational trauma,
and that that can seem as athreat.
So it is a test to see if youcan break free and find
(16:19):
yourself, or will you sell yoursoul, allowing their guilt,
threats, and money to controlyou?
Here's a perfect example.
A friend of mine struggling withhis vulnerable mother.
She calls him like six times aday, sometimes more.
She relies on him for everythingbecause he is a people pleaser
(16:41):
and she is aware of it.
So she played the helplessvictim, despite having a husband
to take care of her.
Everything is about her.
If you become sick, your illnessis used to gain sympathy and
support from others because sheis struggling with your disease.
So the focus is off you, but allon her.
Even when she's feeling lazy anddoesn't want to get in the car
(17:05):
to pick up some fast food,she'll still call him.
I need you to go to McDonald's.
I'm hungry, she says.
If he refuses, she will employvarious forms of guilt, playing
the poor little me card.
She knew he was trying to avoidfast food, was morbidly obese
and diabetic.
He should not be eating fastfood, but she does not care.
(17:28):
But most of the time, he givesin to shut her up after she
feeds him a handful of guilt.
Of course, she pays for thefood, but he fears speaking his
truth to request a healthieralternative.
One day, he bought himself ahamburger and then decided to
give it to her.
He was going home and he wantedto eat something healthy.
(17:50):
So as he said goodbye and gaveher a kiss, when he turned and
walked away, she exploded.
She felt abandoned and rejectedby him.
She must have thought, quote,how dare he make me eat dinner
alone?
So she threw the hamburger andhit him in the head in a fit of
anger, yelling that he wasungrateful, saying, You always
(18:13):
leave me as soon as I buy yousomething.
What is wrong with you?
After everything I do for you,you better eat it.
Sit down.
I paid for it, you ungratefulasshole.
Yeah, she called him that.
Talk about crazy.
Therefore, I have been workingwith him to establish fourteen
skills because he feels hecannot end the relationship with
(18:36):
his mother.
Here we go.
Set clear, healthy boundaries.
To anticipate grief because shewill push back.
Distance himself from the chaos.
Screen your phone calls.
When she acts out, stop andreflect on what you learned.
Begin to push her outside of hisinner circle and create a
(19:00):
superficial relationship.
Stop oversharing because italways is a trap.
Offer a nugget of truth and thenredirect.
Set a time limit on how long youwill be in her presence.
Learn to redirect her insultsand questions.
When she offers you anything,stop and ask yourself, is it
(19:24):
worth it?
What price will you paymentally, emotionally,
physically, or spiritually?
Avoid real retaliation and learnto be unresponsive.
And most importantly, do notallow her to trauma dump or
complain about everyone andeverything.
And lastly, redirect, change thesubject quickly and leave.
(19:48):
Sometimes it works, and othertimes he gives in.
It is a work in progress.
So take each day as a newopportunity to save your sanity.
Question, what is a somaticnarcissist?
Answer.
A somatic narcissist is asubclassification of narcissism
(20:09):
characterized by an obsessivepreoccupation of their physical
appearance, body, andattractiveness as a primary
source of self-worth ornarcissistic supply.
I share this because my fatherhad this trait.
He gained a sense of superiorityand entitlement when his
(20:31):
exceptional physique, using itto seek constant validation and
attention, often through sexualvalidation, and was sensitive to
any criticism of his body.
Can anyone relate to beingraised by someone like this?
This was my father, and healways had negative comments to
(20:52):
make about my body or comparedmy body to other women's
imperfections.
Question.
Does every vulnerable narcissistparent turn a child into their
therapist?
Answer Yes! Let's unpack thishidden truth because it is not
widely written about.
I tried Googling it.
(21:12):
It was so hard to find this, sohere we go.
This information validates whyyou may feel old, tired, or
responsible, even as children.
It also reframes what looks likeintimacy as actually the
exploitation of empathy.
(21:34):
Here we go.
The parentified confident role.
This isn't just purification, itis the traditional sense.
Like it's not the traditionalsense like cooking, cleaning,
caretaking.
It's a deeper emotionalexploitation because the child
becomes the narcissist'semotional regulator.
(21:56):
Vulnerable narcissists oftenescalate between needing
admiration and collapsing intovictimhood.
When they collapse, theydesperately seek a container for
their pain.
In families with multiplechildren, they may unconsciously
assign one child the role oftherapist, the one who will sit,
(22:21):
listen, and absorb the traumanarrative.
That was me.
Why they choose one child.
Two, projection of self.
(22:43):
Sometimes the child reminds thenarcissist of themselves or is
seen as capable of carrying theweight.
And number three, familydynamics.
If one sibling is scapegoatedand another is idealized, the
therapist's child may bepositioned as the good listener
(23:05):
who rescues the parent fromtheir pain.
Right there, that was my familyin a nutshell.
Impact on the child.
Burden of secrets.
The child is entrusted withadult-level trauma, which
fractures their sense of safetyand innocence.
(23:25):
There's identity fusion.
They grow up believing theirworth is tied to how well they
can soothe, analyze, or carrysomeone else's emotional world.
There's future patterns.
As adults, they may gravitatetowards relationships where they
become the emotional caretaker.
(23:46):
Partners, friends, or evencareers in therapy, social work,
or spiritual healing.
I'm laughing because this is allme.
And then there's invisibletrauma.
Unlike overt abuse, it lookslike this closeness.
So outside, and even the childat first may mistake it for love
(24:08):
and trust when it's actually ameshment.
How it differs from onenarcissistic role.
Scapegoat.
Scapegoat absorbs blame.
The golden child absorbs theprojection of perfection.
The therapist child absorbstrauma.
(24:30):
So when I look at those three,my older brother was the
scapegoat.
My younger brother was thegolden child.
And me, I was the therapist.
These roles are unique becausethey give the illusion of
intimacy and loyalty, but theyrob the child of boundaries and
childhood.
Healing and awareness.
(24:52):
Boundaries.
Gotta love boundaries.
Learning that listening is notthe same as loving.
Reparenting.
Permitting yourself to haveneeds instead of only holding
others in shadow work.
Unpacking guilt for settingboundaries.
(25:13):
Since their vulnerablenarcissists condition them to
feel responsible for theirparents' pain.
The leaky boat metaphor.
Imagine a parent sailing on alake in a small, fragile boat.
The boat has holes in it, cracksform from their own childhood
wounds, unhealed trauma andhidden pain.
(25:35):
Every time water leaks in, theypanic.
Instead of patching the holes,learning to swim, or steering
back to shore, they call out totheir child for help.
Now picture this (25:46):
one child is chosen.
The parent hands them a bucketand says, You're the only one
who can keep me afloat.
If you love me, you'll sit hereand scoop out the water.
Day after day, year after year,the child bails out water.
Even as their own little armsgrow tired.
(26:08):
They learn to listen to everystory about storms the parents
survived, every complaint aboutthe weather, every fear of
sinking.
The child becomes an expert inthe boat's leaks, memorizing
each crack, each wave, eachpatch that never holds.
(26:29):
Meanwhile, the other siblingsmay play on shore, swim freely,
or even be told to stay awayfrom the leaky boat.
But the therapist child can'tleave.
They've been convinced that ifthey stop scooping, their parent
will drown.
Here's the tragedy.
The child never learns to buildtheir own boat.
(26:52):
They mistake exhaustion forloyalty and self-sacrifice for
love.
But here's the awakening.
One day the child realizes thelake is wide, beautiful, and
full of possibility.
They don't have to live theirwhole life in someone else's
sinking boat.
They can set down the bucket,step onto shore, and craft a
(27:17):
vessel of their own.
It doesn't mean they don't lovetheir parent.
It means they finally lovethemselves enough to sail free.
This metaphor shows the illusionof intimacy, being the chosen
helper, the burden ofresponsibility, keeping the
(27:38):
parent afloat, the loss of self,never building their own life
slash boat, and the path ofhealing, choosing freedom over
guilt.
Here are some reflectionprompts.
One, when you first realized youwere the family emotional
(28:00):
listener, what did that feellike in your body?
two How did being the therapistchild shape your sense of worth
and your adult relationships?
Three, were there moments youtried to stop scooping?
What happened?
Internally and externally?
(28:22):
Four, what helped you learn toset boundaries with the parent
who leaned on you?
Practical steps, please?
Five.
What compassion practices helpedyou release the guilt of
stepping away?
And then six.
For listeners still in the boat,some small, safe experiment they
(28:46):
can try this week to reclaimtheir space.
What can you do?
What can you do?
Remember, you are not thebucket.
You are the shore.
So name it.
Feel it.
Reclaim it.
Now, how to navigate thisrelationship with compassion and
(29:08):
boundaries.
One, see the wound behind thebehavior.
A vulnerable narcissist oftencarries immense unprocessed
shame.
They were likely raised inemotional neglect or controlled
themselves.
Their narcissism is a defensemechanism, not a choice.
(29:29):
They armor themselves withvictimhood because true
vulnerability feels too unsafe.
This is why I teach compassion.
It softens our internal selfloathing.
Compassion means seeing theirwounds without carrying it for
them.
2.
Release the hope foraccountability.
(29:50):
Many vulnerable narcissists areunable to take responsibility
for their behaviors withoutcollapsing into shame or rage.
Waiting for them to To own itmay keep you stuck in a loop.
Instead, validate your ownexperience internally, even if
they never understand, know whatit felt like, that is enough.
(30:15):
Three, practice guilt-freeboundaries.
They may react to boundarieswith tears, silence, threats, or
passive aggression.
That's okay.
You're not responsible for theiremotional reactions, only for
communicating with kindness.
You can practice saying thesestatements.
(30:37):
I love you, and I need spaceright now.
This topic is off limits for me.
Let's talk about something else.
You're not pushing them, you'reprotecting them.
Four, stop over explaining.
A vulnerable narcissist oftenpulls you into justification
(30:58):
traps.
Here is the cycle.
You explain your boundary andthey get hurt.
Next you try to soothe them andsuddenly you're apologizing for
your own truth.
Instead, speak clearly once.
Then pause.
Let it stand.
I know this is not easy topractice and learn, but it is a
(31:22):
trap.
Period.
Be brief, firm and let it stand.
Five, reparent your inner child.
Children of vulnerablenarcissists often become hyper
empathetic, people pleasingadults.
We learn.
If I express my needs, I'll hurtsomeone I love.
(31:46):
My truth is dangerous.
I must always be the caretaker.
Can you see the confusion?
Now is the time to say to yourinner child, you were never too
much or not good enough.
The truth is you were asking tobe loved in a place that
couldn't hold it or give it.
(32:06):
I will never ignore or silenceyou again.
Say that to your inner child andmean it.
And lastly, number six, how toforgive without denying the
truth.
And you heard me do it and howto forgive the unforgivable
about my dad.
Forgiveness is not saying whatthey did was okay.
(32:28):
It says I no longer allow whatthey did to define who I am.
You can forgive their painwithout forgetting your own.
You can show compassion withoutcollapsing your boundaries, and
you can honor your humanitywithout denying their harm.
(32:50):
That is sovereign forgiveness.
Final message.
Your mother's or father's woundsare not your burden.
Your truth is not betrayal.
You are allowed to protect yourpeace, speak your truth, and
love from a distance.
Genuine compassion includesyourself.
(33:14):
Now, the path to healing from atoxic environment.
Humans are shaped by theirenvironment, especially the
early ones.
A toxic home marked by emotionalneglect, control, chaos,
criticism, or absence of safetyteaches the nervous system that
love is painful, inconsistent,or conditional.
(33:35):
But here's the miracle.
What was wired in can beunwired.
What was learned can beunlearned.
Healing is not about forgettingthe past.
It's about becoming conscious ofwhat was once unconscious and
choosing differently, again andagain with love.
Let me walk with you through acompassionate, grounded path
(33:58):
forward from survival tosovereignty.
One, build inner safety firstbefore external shifts.
You cannot attract safe peoplein your inner world, still runs
on flight, flight, or freeze.
So how do you start?
Daily grounding.
(34:19):
You can stand barefoot in theearth, feel the earth, get
grounded, put your hands on yourheart, and even do deep belly
breathing.
Next one, you can speak to yourinner child often.
I do.
I tell them, I've got you now.
You're not alone.
Next, normalized rest.
(34:42):
Watch some YouTube videos aboutsomatic exercises to untie the
12 knots of trauma.
And there's a link in the blogpost to that.
Practice slowness and nervoussystem regulations.
You are retraining your body tofeel safe in safety.
Reminder, a regulated state mayfeel boring at first if you were
(35:06):
raised in chaos.
That's healing, not emptiness.
Two, identify the core beliefsyou inherited, not chose.
Toxic environments impactdistorted beliefs like I have to
earn love.
If I have needs, I'll bepunished or ignored.
(35:28):
I'm only safe if I'm pleasing,perfect or invisible.
Now ask, do I want to keepbelieving this?
If you don't, then gently beginto rewrite it.
Here's a reframe.
Love doesn't requireself-abandonment.
I am allowed to take up space.
(35:50):
I can be seen and be safe.
3.
Developing sovereign boundarieswithout shame.
You, my friend, are allowed tosay no without explanations.
Limit or cut contact with thetoxic family.
Decline dysfunction even when itwears a mask called love.
(36:12):
Practice this.
Start with small boundaries.
Turn off your phone for a day.
Skipping a call.
Speak truth kindly but firmly.
That does like saying this, thatdoesn't work for me.
Remember, a boundary is not abetrayal.
It is a door back to your peace.
(36:35):
Number four, stop attractingtoxicity by ending
self-abandonment.
We attract what we toleratewithin ourselves.
If you gaslight your ownfeelings, apologize for existing
and ignore your intuition, hereis the hard truth.
When we do this, we send asignal out to the world.
(36:59):
Treat me how I treat me.
So I invite you to shift thesignal.
Start validating your ownemotions.
Like saying, I feel this andthat's okay.
Make tiny self-honoring choicesevery day.
Choose partners, friends, andspaces where your truth isn't
(37:22):
too much.
It's welcomed.
Five, surround yourself withsoul-nourishing energy.
Nourish your soul.
You don't need perfect people.
You need safe people.
Surround yourself with peoplewho listen without trying to
fix, who celebrate your growth,and who don't guilt you for
(37:45):
having boundaries.
These people do exist, but youfind them when you stop dancing
for crumbs.
When you're full, you stopchasing scraps.
And lastly, number six, reparentyourself into wholeness.
You become the parent, partner,and protector you always needed.
(38:12):
Speak to your inner child everyday.
I tell my child this inner childthis every day that you are safe
now.
I will never abandon you again.
You get to rest.
It is time you get to play andyou get to be loved.
Final thoughts.
(38:32):
Healing from a toxic homeenvironment isn't about becoming
perfect.
So you stop attractingdysfunction.
It's about becoming authentic.
So anything that misalignedfalls away naturally.
You don't have to fight to beloved anymore.
In fact, you only need toremember you are already worthy
(38:57):
of the love you seek.
So since I incorporated twodifferent topics from the season
four introduction, I havedecided to create three, yes,
three separate guidedmeditations to cater to
everyone's unique circumstances.
The first title is ReclaimingYour Voice, a meditation for
(39:18):
healing from narcissisticparents.
It's about honoring your truth,releasing inherited guilt, and
returning to your own sacredpower.
The second guided meditation istitled From Survival to
Sovereignty (39:32):
A Guided Meditation for Healing from a Toxic Home.
This meditation will createinner safety, release inherited
pain, and remind you of yourworth.
And then lastly, the thirdguided meditation is a
five-minute mini process titledGuided Reflection: Putting Down
(39:53):
the Bucket.
I need to give a trick orwarning for listeners who may be
currently overwhelmed.
If you are in an acute crisiswith a family member, please
pause and only do this when youfeel safe.
You can listen to this miniprocess before engaging with a
family member or after,maintaining your sanity and
(40:18):
reflect on your recovery.
So until next time and love andlight, Angela Meyer, Carrie
Logan.
Bye.
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of
The Undetected Narcissist.
This one's a little bit longer,so I cut the introduction.
We're going to be talking aboutthe hidden role no one talks
about, the confident child of avulnerable narcissist.
And there's a lot more becausethis is actually two topics
(00:20):
woven into one episode.
So what happens when avulnerable narcissist chooses
one child to be their confidant,the keeper of secrets, the
listener, the emotional dumpingground.
This rarely discussed role, theconfident child, leaves deep and
lasting marks on identity,boundaries, and self-worth.
(00:43):
In this episode, I share my ownstory, unpack the hidden
dynamics, and offer a newmetaphor that helps us see how
to finally put down what wasnever ours to carry.
To begin this, I want everyoneto understand rather than judge,
and to help everyone navigatethese relationships without
(01:04):
abandoning themselves or fallinginto bitterness.
I might sound harsh and uncaringwhen I give examples to help one
understand how they aredifferent, but I want everyone
to grasp the concept throughvarious examples that most
people tend to avoid.
This is soul-level leadership.
(01:25):
So let's begin with the truthabout vulnerable narcissism and
shift into the path of healingfrom a toxic environment.
And yes, I'll clarify the genderdynamics too.
As for the victims, when oneexperiences narcissistic abuse,
a person can experience thefollowing symptoms: anxiety and
(01:47):
depression, obsessive compulsivedisorder, OCD, and borderline
personality disorder.
There's addictive escapebehaviors like food, shopping,
gambling, sex, porn, drugs,alcohol.
You can experience PTSD,post-traumatic stress.
You can be stuck in the loop ofself-loathing and shame, loss of
(02:07):
sense or sense of yourself.
There could be early neglect,can lead to attachment
disorders, making it difficultto form bonds and trust others.
You can have headaches, bodyaches, and trouble sleeping,
social isolation in adulthood,short-term memory loss, mood
swings and depersonalization,and long-term impacts can
(02:29):
include increased chronicdiseases, weakened immune
system, and other physicalhealth problems.
So suppose you recall the chartof 3D human consciousness.
In this case, a vulnerablenarcissist lives within the 3D
mindset because they arehypersensitive,
passive-aggressive, feelentitled, and exhibit the
(02:53):
pervasive sense of contempt, allwhile masking deep insecurity
and low self-esteem.
They are hypersensitive tocriticism and the feedback they
receive from others, reactingwith defensiveness and
withdrawal when they areslighted.
They can create an emotional,unstable environment where the
(03:14):
children learn to prioritize theparents' needs over their own,
always guarded, walking oneggshells, and zero stability.
Moving forward, I will use thequestion and answer approach.
Question, what is a vulnerablenarcissist?
Answer.
From a soul perspective, avulnerable narcissist is a
(03:36):
wounded mirror that reflectspain, not love.
Vulnerable narcissism isdifferent from the classic
grandiose narcissism most peoplepicture.
Rather than boasting ordominating, a vulnerable
narcissist tends to beemotionally fragile, feel
entitled but lacking empathy,constant self-pity and victim
(04:00):
mentality, need for continuousadmiration and approval when
they show kindness.
They use guilt, manipulation,passive aggressive behaviors, or
emotional withdrawal to controlothers.
Some seek attention not throughpraise, but through pity,
illness or crisis.
And lastly, they're harboringresentment, jealousy, and envy
(04:23):
towards others.
They may seem, appear, orpretend to be helpless,
life-handed them the short endof the stick, feeling shame when
rejected, feeling entitled butlacking empathy, easily hurt and
defensive, a loaded gun whenquestioned, or you set
boundaries, sulking when youdon't give in, childish tantrums
(04:46):
when they lose a game or it issport, backhanded compliments or
intense sarcasm, chronicallynegative and life appears bleak,
overly sensitive to criticism,or your idea is better than
theirs, deeply insecure,immature, and unable to admit
it.
(05:06):
This creates immense emotionalconfusion for their children and
partners because it feels likeyou're being asked to parent
their pain, walk on eggshells,or sacrifice your truth to
protect their feelings.
From a soul perspective, if yougrew up in a home with a
vulnerable narcissist, then theybecame your teacher and mirror
(05:30):
until the moment you began toawaken spiritually.
And what does awakening feellike?
It often begins as a quietknowing deep inside, a whisper
of wisdom that says, This isn'tright.
I should not be parenting myparent.
I am still a child.
(05:51):
Your childhood may have feltshort-lived.
As soon as you were old enoughto cook, clean, and care for
yourself, you are expected tocare for them.
Life became more about theiremotional needs because their
world was a constant pity party.
And so the child within youtried to compensate for what was
(06:12):
lacking, even though your soulalready knew this was a
distortion of love.
Then comes the wake-up call.
Perhaps you step into a friend'shouse and find yourself in a
world that feels like sunlightbreaking through clouds.
Their home is relaxed, playful,peaceful, even ordinary.
(06:34):
Words are not weaponized,laughter comes easily.
There is no interrogation, nohidden test to pass, no demand
of what you can do for me.
You are welcomed simply forbeing.
Your heart aches for that kindof family, a place where
kindness flows, respect isnatural, and love does not have
(06:56):
strings attached.
It may look perfect from theoutside, though no family is
perfect.
Still, the contrast awakenssomething in you.
Confusion gives way to clarity,and your soul begins seeking,
pushing you beyond the familiarstorm of dysfunction towards the
(07:16):
calm waters of truth.
This is the moment you begin toembrace your role as the black
sheep.
Not because you were wrong, butbecause you are brave enough to
break the chain.
You recognize that you willnever make your vulnerable
parent truly happy.
And so you shift the story frominherited trauma to
(07:38):
self-empowerment, from survivalto sovereignty.
As you grow up, your soul longs,still longs for a home of peace
and safety.
Your nervous system has carriedenough storms, and so you keep
going forward, you step into anew role, no longer just the
(07:59):
student, but the teacher.
Not by lecturing your family,but by embodying a new way of
being.
You choose calm over chaos,truth over illusion, peace over
pain.
Because your soul was never hereto master dysfunction, it came
(08:20):
to master love.
And when you answer that call,you step fully into freedom.
Question Are most vulnerablenarcissists women?
Answer Here's the honest,compassionate answer for my
audience.
Both men and women can bevulnerable narcissists, but
(08:40):
women are more often socializedto express narcissistic traits
in covert or emotionallymanipulative ways rather than
aggressive or overt ones.
Due to gender norms, femalenarcissists may use emotional
enmeshment, like you're all Ihave, employ guilt, like after
(09:02):
everything I did for you.
They depend on being seen as amartyr or victim, and they
weaponize their frailty orillnesses to avoid
responsibility.
While not always the case,vulnerable narcissism often
shows up in women, mothers,grandmothers, or emotionally
(09:22):
dependent partners.
But in my childhood, it was myfather who embodied vulnerable
narcissism.
He was extremely passiveaggressive, especially if you
didn't show him with exaggeratedgratitude for even the smallest
acts.
For example, if he bought a boxof cereal with a coupon, a
(09:44):
cereal none of us liked or ate,and we didn't gush with
appreciation, life quicklyturned to hell.
He would force us to eat it, andif we complained, we became the
problem.
He spent his hard-earned moneyon that cereal, and therefore we
should be grateful.
Guilt was weaponized.
(10:05):
It was.
Guilt was his weapon of choice,handed out like candy on
Halloween.
He was always the victim ofsomeone or something, and if we
didn't sit and listen to hisendless trauma-dumping stories
of his failed marriage, feudwith coworkers, or how his
father hated him, thenpunishment followed.
Mental, emotional, or physicalabuse became the consequences.
(10:28):
All that repressed anger andrage always had to land
somewhere.
There were clear patterns to hisbehavior.
Pattern one, escalation.
Having a rational,heart-centered conversation with
him was nearly impossible.
He had been raised to buryemotions, never to talk about
(10:49):
them.
As a vulnerable narcissist, heavoided shame at all cost.
That meant he never tookresponsibility for his actions.
Instead, he escalated thesmallest disagreement into a
major argument, twisting thestory with gaslighting and blame
shifting until suddenly you hadstarted it.
He would end it with force,emotional, mental, or physical.
(11:13):
Pattern two, baiting andreactive abuse.
He would intentionally provoke,pushing buttons until someone
snapped.
Then when we finally reacted, hehad his quote proof.
Everyone's nervous systemflipped into flight or fight,
which gave him the validation hecraved, a reason to unleash his
(11:35):
repressed rage.
Pattern three, violence anddysfunctional satisfaction.
It always ended the same way,with violence, sometimes with
words, sometimes with fist,always with wounds that cut
deep.
For us, regret, humiliation andheartbreak.
(11:56):
For him, twisted sense ofsatisfaction, as if he was
justified, as if we had askedfor it.
One painful example stands out.
He would bait my youngerbrothers into fighting, saying,
quote, if you want to fight me,then fight me like a man.
(12:17):
But they were still justchildren, teenagers at most, not
adults.
That's the heart of thedysfunction, confusing abuse
with love, projecting unhealedpain onto our own children.
This wasn't love.
It was trauma recycled.
(12:39):
It was wounds handed down,disfigured and disguised as
fatherhood.
Question What it feels like tobe raised by a vulnerable
narcissist?
Answer.
The list of what you feel islong.
You feel responsible for theirhappiness and you feel guilty
(13:00):
setting boundaries or saying no.
In some ways you feel unseen andat times you are glad.
You are invisible to avoid beingabused.
But you can't express it withoutthem becoming deeply hurt or
reactive.
There is no stability, and yournervous system learns to become
hyper-vigilant in order tosurvive.
(13:23):
You often worry about yourparents, and like most kiddos,
you want them to be happy.
But no matter what you do, theycan't find joy or happiness in
their lives.
Gifts, holidays, money, loans,acts of kindness, general
support, vacations, andbasically anything can become
weaponized.
(13:43):
Nothing is for free.
And you owe me mindset.
They are scorekeepers, and theyuse whatever acts of kindness or
gifts to their advantage, so bewarned.
Everything has conditions, andthere is always, always a hidden
agenda.
So it might appear that it wouldor could benefit you when you
(14:07):
act on their generosity, butthey want something from you in
return.
If you refuse, then you, thenthey lay out the guilt, threats
to cut you out of the family,and make you doubt or hate
yourself for rejecting them.
Then there's the flip side.
When the vulnerable parentcreates emotional embeshement,
(14:28):
it can often leave you wounded,wondering, am I the bad one for
wanting space?
When you try to pull away, theywill start to use bribes, trying
to win or buy your time andaffection.
Sometimes you give in, but lateryou regret it.
You are their whole world.
And it can feel suffocating attimes.
(14:50):
In fact, you never have any timealone or personal space because
they are trying to stayemotionally enmeshed to your
personal and professional life.
For example, parents who wanttheir little girls to be in a
beauty pageant or talentcontest, they can be what some
people call a helicopter parent.
If you're not familiar with thatterm, a helicopter parent is an
(15:13):
overly involved parent whohovers over their child.
The parent is controlling andmicromanaging their life to
protect them from failure anddisappointment.
But this can lead to adverseoutcomes such as increased
anxiety, difficulty coping withfailure, and lack of
self-efficiency as they growolder.
(15:35):
Your truth threatens theirself-image, so you're taught to
hide or soften it.
Some might see your light and bethreatened by it, as well as
your courage, beauty, skills,talent, resilience, and
determination in life.
Some will try to break you.
You know, they'll try to breakyou even harder because they
(15:56):
know deep down inside that oneday you will cut off all ties
from them when you start to wakeup.
As if they know you aredifferent, better than them,
wiser, stronger in spirit.
They know you are the chainbreaker of generational trauma,
and that that can seem as athreat.
So it is a test to see if youcan break free and find
(16:19):
yourself, or will you sell yoursoul, allowing their guilt,
threats, and money to controlyou?
Here's a perfect example.
A friend of mine struggling withhis vulnerable mother.
She calls him like six times aday, sometimes more.
She relies on him for everythingbecause he is a people pleaser
(16:41):
and she is aware of it.
So she played the helplessvictim, despite having a husband
to take care of her.
Everything is about her.
If you become sick, your illnessis used to gain sympathy and
support from others because sheis struggling with your disease.
So the focus is off you, but allon her.
Even when she's feeling lazy anddoesn't want to get in the car
(17:05):
to pick up some fast food,she'll still call him.
I need you to go to McDonald's.
I'm hungry, she says.
If he refuses, she will employvarious forms of guilt, playing
the poor little me card.
She knew he was trying to avoidfast food, was morbidly obese
and diabetic.
He should not be eating fastfood, but she does not care.
(17:28):
But most of the time, he givesin to shut her up after she
feeds him a handful of guilt.
Of course, she pays for thefood, but he fears speaking his
truth to request a healthieralternative.
One day, he bought himself ahamburger and then decided to
give it to her.
He was going home and he wantedto eat something healthy.
(17:50):
So as he said goodbye and gaveher a kiss, when he turned and
walked away, she exploded.
She felt abandoned and rejectedby him.
She must have thought, quote,how dare he make me eat dinner
alone?
So she threw the hamburger andhit him in the head in a fit of
anger, yelling that he wasungrateful, saying, You always
(18:13):
leave me as soon as I buy yousomething.
What is wrong with you?
After everything I do for you,you better eat it.
Sit down.
I paid for it, you ungratefulasshole.
Yeah, she called him that.
Talk about crazy.
Therefore, I have been workingwith him to establish fourteen
skills because he feels hecannot end the relationship with
(18:36):
his mother.
Here we go.
Set clear, healthy boundaries.
To anticipate grief because shewill push back.
Distance himself from the chaos.
Screen your phone calls.
When she acts out, stop andreflect on what you learned.
Begin to push her outside of hisinner circle and create a
(19:00):
superficial relationship.
Stop oversharing because italways is a trap.
Offer a nugget of truth and thenredirect.
Set a time limit on how long youwill be in her presence.
Learn to redirect her insultsand questions.
When she offers you anything,stop and ask yourself, is it
(19:24):
worth it?
What price will you paymentally, emotionally,
physically, or spiritually?
Avoid real retaliation and learnto be unresponsive.
And most importantly, do notallow her to trauma dump or
complain about everyone andeverything.
And lastly, redirect, change thesubject quickly and leave.
(19:48):
Sometimes it works, and othertimes he gives in.
It is a work in progress.
So take each day as a newopportunity to save your sanity.
Question, what is a somaticnarcissist?
Answer.
A somatic narcissist is asubclassification of narcissism
(20:09):
characterized by an obsessivepreoccupation of their physical
appearance, body, andattractiveness as a primary
source of self-worth ornarcissistic supply.
I share this because my fatherhad this trait.
He gained a sense of superiorityand entitlement when his
(20:31):
exceptional physique, using itto seek constant validation and
attention, often through sexualvalidation, and was sensitive to
any criticism of his body.
Can anyone relate to beingraised by someone like this?
This was my father, and healways had negative comments to
(20:52):
make about my body or comparedmy body to other women's
imperfections.
Question.
Does every vulnerable narcissistparent turn a child into their
therapist?
Answer Yes! Let's unpack thishidden truth because it is not
widely written about.
I tried Googling it.
(21:12):
It was so hard to find this, sohere we go.
This information validates whyyou may feel old, tired, or
responsible, even as children.
It also reframes what looks likeintimacy as actually the
exploitation of empathy.
(21:34):
Here we go.
The parentified confident role.
This isn't just purification, itis the traditional sense.
Like it's not the traditionalsense like cooking, cleaning,
caretaking.
It's a deeper emotionalexploitation because the child
becomes the narcissist'semotional regulator.
(21:56):
Vulnerable narcissists oftenescalate between needing
admiration and collapsing intovictimhood.
When they collapse, theydesperately seek a container for
their pain.
In families with multiplechildren, they may unconsciously
assign one child the role oftherapist, the one who will sit,
(22:21):
listen, and absorb the traumanarrative.
That was me.
Why they choose one child.
Two, projection of self.
(22:43):
Sometimes the child reminds thenarcissist of themselves or is
seen as capable of carrying theweight.
And number three, familydynamics.
If one sibling is scapegoatedand another is idealized, the
therapist's child may bepositioned as the good listener
(23:05):
who rescues the parent fromtheir pain.
Right there, that was my familyin a nutshell.
Impact on the child.
Burden of secrets.
The child is entrusted withadult-level trauma, which
fractures their sense of safetyand innocence.
(23:25):
There's identity fusion.
They grow up believing theirworth is tied to how well they
can soothe, analyze, or carrysomeone else's emotional world.
There's future patterns.
As adults, they may gravitatetowards relationships where they
become the emotional caretaker.
(23:46):
Partners, friends, or evencareers in therapy, social work,
or spiritual healing.
I'm laughing because this is allme.
And then there's invisibletrauma.
Unlike overt abuse, it lookslike this closeness.
So outside, and even the childat first may mistake it for love
(24:08):
and trust when it's actually ameshment.
How it differs from onenarcissistic role.
Scapegoat.
Scapegoat absorbs blame.
The golden child absorbs theprojection of perfection.
The therapist child absorbstrauma.
(24:30):
So when I look at those three,my older brother was the
scapegoat.
My younger brother was thegolden child.
And me, I was the therapist.
These roles are unique becausethey give the illusion of
intimacy and loyalty, but theyrob the child of boundaries and
childhood.
Healing and awareness.
(24:52):
Boundaries.
Gotta love boundaries.
Learning that listening is notthe same as loving.
Reparenting.
Permitting yourself to haveneeds instead of only holding
others in shadow work.
Unpacking guilt for settingboundaries.
(25:13):
Since their vulnerablenarcissists condition them to
feel responsible for theirparents' pain.
The leaky boat metaphor.
Imagine a parent sailing on alake in a small, fragile boat.
The boat has holes in it, cracksform from their own childhood
wounds, unhealed trauma andhidden pain.
(25:35):
Every time water leaks in, theypanic.
Instead of patching the holes,learning to swim, or steering
back to shore, they call out totheir child for help.
Now picture this (25:46):
one child is chosen.
The parent hands them a bucketand says, You're the only one
who can keep me afloat.
If you love me, you'll sit hereand scoop out the water.
Day after day, year after year,the child bails out water.
Even as their own little armsgrow tired.
(26:08):
They learn to listen to everystory about storms the parents
survived, every complaint aboutthe weather, every fear of
sinking.
The child becomes an expert inthe boat's leaks, memorizing
each crack, each wave, eachpatch that never holds.
(26:29):
Meanwhile, the other siblingsmay play on shore, swim freely,
or even be told to stay awayfrom the leaky boat.
But the therapist child can'tleave.
They've been convinced that ifthey stop scooping, their parent
will drown.
Here's the tragedy.
The child never learns to buildtheir own boat.
(26:52):
They mistake exhaustion forloyalty and self-sacrifice for
love.
But here's the awakening.
One day the child realizes thelake is wide, beautiful, and
full of possibility.
They don't have to live theirwhole life in someone else's
sinking boat.
They can set down the bucket,step onto shore, and craft a
(27:17):
vessel of their own.
It doesn't mean they don't lovetheir parent.
It means they finally lovethemselves enough to sail free.
This metaphor shows the illusionof intimacy, being the chosen
helper, the burden ofresponsibility, keeping the
(27:38):
parent afloat, the loss of self,never building their own life
slash boat, and the path ofhealing, choosing freedom over
guilt.
Here are some reflectionprompts.
One, when you first realized youwere the family emotional
(28:00):
listener, what did that feellike in your body?
two How did being the therapistchild shape your sense of worth
and your adult relationships?
Three, were there moments youtried to stop scooping?
What happened?
Internally and externally?
(28:22):
Four, what helped you learn toset boundaries with the parent
who leaned on you?
Practical steps, please?
Five.
What compassion practices helpedyou release the guilt of
stepping away?
And then six.
For listeners still in the boat,some small, safe experiment they
(28:46):
can try this week to reclaimtheir space.
What can you do?
What can you do?
Remember, you are not thebucket.
You are the shore.
So name it.
Feel it.
Reclaim it.
Now, how to navigate thisrelationship with compassion and
(29:08):
boundaries.
One, see the wound behind thebehavior.
A vulnerable narcissist oftencarries immense unprocessed
shame.
They were likely raised inemotional neglect or controlled
themselves.
Their narcissism is a defensemechanism, not a choice.
(29:29):
They armor themselves withvictimhood because true
vulnerability feels too unsafe.
This is why I teach compassion.
It softens our internal selfloathing.
Compassion means seeing theirwounds without carrying it for
them.
2.
Release the hope foraccountability.
(29:50):
Many vulnerable narcissists areunable to take responsibility
for their behaviors withoutcollapsing into shame or rage.
Waiting for them to To own itmay keep you stuck in a loop.
Instead, validate your ownexperience internally, even if
they never understand, know whatit felt like, that is enough.
(30:15):
Three, practice guilt-freeboundaries.
They may react to boundarieswith tears, silence, threats, or
passive aggression.
That's okay.
You're not responsible for theiremotional reactions, only for
communicating with kindness.
You can practice saying thesestatements.
(30:37):
I love you, and I need spaceright now.
This topic is off limits for me.
Let's talk about something else.
You're not pushing them, you'reprotecting them.
Four, stop over explaining.
A vulnerable narcissist oftenpulls you into justification
(30:58):
traps.
Here is the cycle.
You explain your boundary andthey get hurt.
Next you try to soothe them andsuddenly you're apologizing for
your own truth.
Instead, speak clearly once.
Then pause.
Let it stand.
I know this is not easy topractice and learn, but it is a
(31:22):
trap.
Period.
Be brief, firm and let it stand.
Five, reparent your inner child.
Children of vulnerablenarcissists often become hyper
empathetic, people pleasingadults.
We learn.
If I express my needs, I'll hurtsomeone I love.
(31:46):
My truth is dangerous.
I must always be the caretaker.
Can you see the confusion?
Now is the time to say to yourinner child, you were never too
much or not good enough.
The truth is you were asking tobe loved in a place that
couldn't hold it or give it.
(32:06):
I will never ignore or silenceyou again.
Say that to your inner child andmean it.
And lastly, number six, how toforgive without denying the
truth.
And you heard me do it and howto forgive the unforgivable
about my dad.
Forgiveness is not saying whatthey did was okay.
(32:28):
It says I no longer allow whatthey did to define who I am.
You can forgive their painwithout forgetting your own.
You can show compassion withoutcollapsing your boundaries, and
you can honor your humanitywithout denying their harm.
(32:50):
That is sovereign forgiveness.
Final message.
Your mother's or father's woundsare not your burden.
Your truth is not betrayal.
You are allowed to protect yourpeace, speak your truth, and
love from a distance.
Genuine compassion includesyourself.
(33:14):
Now, the path to healing from atoxic environment.
Humans are shaped by theirenvironment, especially the
early ones.
A toxic home marked by emotionalneglect, control, chaos,
criticism, or absence of safetyteaches the nervous system that
love is painful, inconsistent,or conditional.
(33:35):
But here's the miracle.
What was wired in can beunwired.
What was learned can beunlearned.
Healing is not about forgettingthe past.
It's about becoming conscious ofwhat was once unconscious and
choosing differently, again andagain with love.
Let me walk with you through acompassionate, grounded path
(33:58):
forward from survival tosovereignty.
One, build inner safety firstbefore external shifts.
You cannot attract safe peoplein your inner world, still runs
on flight, flight, or freeze.
So how do you start?
Daily grounding.
(34:19):
You can stand barefoot in theearth, feel the earth, get
grounded, put your hands on yourheart, and even do deep belly
breathing.
Next one, you can speak to yourinner child often.
I do.
I tell them, I've got you now.
You're not alone.
Next, normalized rest.
(34:42):
Watch some YouTube videos aboutsomatic exercises to untie the
12 knots of trauma.
And there's a link in the blogpost to that.
Practice slowness and nervoussystem regulations.
You are retraining your body tofeel safe in safety.
Reminder, a regulated state mayfeel boring at first if you were
(35:06):
raised in chaos.
That's healing, not emptiness.
Two, identify the core beliefsyou inherited, not chose.
Toxic environments impactdistorted beliefs like I have to
earn love.
If I have needs, I'll bepunished or ignored.
(35:28):
I'm only safe if I'm pleasing,perfect or invisible.
Now ask, do I want to keepbelieving this?
If you don't, then gently beginto rewrite it.
Here's a reframe.
Love doesn't requireself-abandonment.
I am allowed to take up space.
(35:50):
I can be seen and be safe.
3.
Developing sovereign boundarieswithout shame.
You, my friend, are allowed tosay no without explanations.
Limit or cut contact with thetoxic family.
Decline dysfunction even when itwears a mask called love.
(36:12):
Practice this.
Start with small boundaries.
Turn off your phone for a day.
Skipping a call.
Speak truth kindly but firmly.
That does like saying this, thatdoesn't work for me.
Remember, a boundary is not abetrayal.
It is a door back to your peace.
(36:35):
Number four, stop attractingtoxicity by ending
self-abandonment.
We attract what we toleratewithin ourselves.
If you gaslight your ownfeelings, apologize for existing
and ignore your intuition, hereis the hard truth.
When we do this, we send asignal out to the world.
(36:59):
Treat me how I treat me.
So I invite you to shift thesignal.
Start validating your ownemotions.
Like saying, I feel this andthat's okay.
Make tiny self-honoring choicesevery day.
Choose partners, friends, andspaces where your truth isn't
(37:22):
too much.
It's welcomed.
Five, surround yourself withsoul-nourishing energy.
Nourish your soul.
You don't need perfect people.
You need safe people.
Surround yourself with peoplewho listen without trying to
fix, who celebrate your growth,and who don't guilt you for
(37:45):
having boundaries.
These people do exist, but youfind them when you stop dancing
for crumbs.
When you're full, you stopchasing scraps.
And lastly, number six, reparentyourself into wholeness.
You become the parent, partner,and protector you always needed.
(38:12):
Speak to your inner child everyday.
I tell my child this inner childthis every day that you are safe
now.
I will never abandon you again.
You get to rest.
It is time you get to play andyou get to be loved.
Final thoughts.
(38:32):
Healing from a toxic homeenvironment isn't about becoming
perfect.
So you stop attractingdysfunction.
It's about becoming authentic.
So anything that misalignedfalls away naturally.
You don't have to fight to beloved anymore.
In fact, you only need toremember you are already worthy
(38:57):
of the love you seek.
So since I incorporated twodifferent topics from the season
four introduction, I havedecided to create three, yes,
three separate guidedmeditations to cater to
everyone's unique circumstances.
The first title is ReclaimingYour Voice, a meditation for
(39:18):
healing from narcissisticparents.
It's about honoring your truth,releasing inherited guilt, and
returning to your own sacredpower.
The second guided meditation istitled From Survival to
Sovereignty (39:32):
A Guided Meditation for Healing from a Toxic Home.
This meditation will createinner safety, release inherited
pain, and remind you of yourworth.
And then lastly, the thirdguided meditation is a
five-minute mini process titledGuided Reflection: Putting Down
(39:53):
the Bucket.
I need to give a trick orwarning for listeners who may be
currently overwhelmed.
If you are in an acute crisiswith a family member, please
pause and only do this when youfeel safe.
You can listen to this miniprocess before engaging with a
family member or after,maintaining your sanity and
(40:18):
reflect on your recovery.
So until next time and love andlight, Angela Meyer, Carrie
Logan.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.