Mini Pod: Time Management & Self-Care for the Sandwich Generation

Portia talks about the challenges faced by the sandwich generation - those simultaneously raising children and caring for aging parents. She shares her approach to time management and self-care, emphasizing the importance of nurturing yourself first in order to better support those who depend on you.

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Portia Mount on LinkedIn

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey squad, it's your host, portia Mount.
Thanks to so many of you whohave downloaded and subscribed
to our latest season ofUngovernable Women, I want to
try something a little different.
In addition to our longerpodcast episodes, I am going to
be recording mini pods.
Now, if you follow me over onInstagram, I'm often sharing

(00:23):
personal stories from my life asa mom, sports mom, athlete, as
well as insights from my work asa fractional chief marketing
officer and executive coach.
These mini pod episodes aremeant to give you a little
glimpse into my life and sharewisdom from the trenches of my
business.
So thanks for listening andlet's get after it.
Hey y'all, welcome to my firstmini pod.

(00:47):
I'm doing something a little bitdifferent.
I am not dressed up, I am, it'slate in the evening and I have
been thinking a lot about doingthese episodes for a while,
these shorter episodes, becauseI have so many things that
happen during the week where I'mlike, oh, I'd love to just
share that, share my thoughts,share my ideas, share my

(01:08):
experiences with you.
So that's what I'm doing, andso sometimes you're going to see
me with full Zoom, face on,glammed up, and sometimes you're
going to see me like this,really dressed down and winding
my day down.
It's a Sunday, and Sundays arereally important for me because
I use them to prep for the week,get the kids ready and get my
mind around the week, and I wasin a meeting this afternoon with

(01:31):
a service club that I belong toand there was a really powerful
discussion that I want to sharewith you, because I think so
many of us are going through itright now.
Life is lifing really hard forso many of us.
If you're a working mom orworking parent, you know what I
mean, especially if you're anentrepreneur.
There is a lot to manage, andone of the things that I know

(01:56):
I've noticed is many of myfriends who are raising kids are
also helping out aging parents,and in several of those cases,
those friends have lost a parentand we're in that weird season
it's not a weird season, I guess.
We're in that season of lifewhere we are starting to lose

(02:20):
our parents and while, at thesame time, we are trying to
raise our children, and that isso stressful and really just can
knock the wind out of you.
So I want to talk to you alittle bit about time and how I
think about my time and alsobeing part of the sandwich

(02:40):
generation.
And a quick story I live in thesoutheast, my sister lives on
the west coast and a couple ofyears ago my dad became deathly
ill.
Deathly ill and my sister, wholives closer to my parents who
are in Las Vegas, went out tohelp my mom out.

(03:00):
And when she got out there mysister called me and said hey,
listen, dad's really sick, youneed to get out there.
And so, uh, of course I droppedeverything and um got on a
plane to spend a stretch of timewith my parents and, um, I was
still in my corporate job, so Ihad to sort of pick up and leave

(03:21):
that and my husband took overthe kids, and that time I
realized how much help my momneeded, everything from doctor's
appointments to filinginsurance for the dogs, vet's
appointments.
There was just so much to do,and I know so many of you have
parents nearby who are doingthis work, and one of the things

(03:44):
that I tried to do while I wasout there unsuccessfully, I
might add was convince myparents to move closer to one of
us, either myself or my sister.
I was lobbying for theSoutheast here in North Carolina
because the cost of living is alot cheaper, the weather's good
and there's really good medicalcare out here.
Well, I will just share that.

(04:04):
My dad eventually did rebound,but it was just really
frightening and it was sostressful for the entire family,
and so many of us are dealingwith that really having to be
caregivers, especially when yourparents are very close to your
parents and raising kids andthat puts a lot of pressure on

(04:26):
your schedule, on your dailywork.
And the thing that I've thoughtabout over the last few years,
especially as I've watched myfriends experience losses I have
also had losses in 2012.
My brother died very tragically.
That's for another story, 2012.

(04:48):
My brother died very tragicallythat's for another story and it
just the whole thing made merethink how I'm using my time
and where I'm spending my time,and you know, it is the one
thing that we never get back andit's so precious, and so I
wanted to just share a fewthoughts for you in terms of how
I think about it.
First of all, when I lost mybrother and um, when I started,
when I became an entrepreneurand had to really lean into the

(05:15):
work of leading a business andstill parent my kids and still
support my family.
All of a sudden, those requestsfor my time, whether they were
an hour or volunteering forsomething, really became very
important, and I have a motto,and it's this if it's not a hell

(05:35):
yes, it's a no, and I have hadto get really good at saying no,
because I don't have the kindof free time that I used to.
And, ironically, even as acorporate executive, I traveled
all the time and I had almost notime.
But I have found, even as acorporate executive, I traveled
all the time and I had almost notime, but I have found that
even as an entrepreneur, I justmy time is used differently, and

(05:58):
so that has been reallyimportant for me to really think
about where my priorities lie.
What kinds of choices andtrade-offs do I need to make in
order to have the kind ofquality of life that I want?
And if you're taking care ofparents and you're taking care
of kids, all of a sudden youhave to make very different
choices about where you spendyour time.

(06:18):
Maybe you can't volunteer asmuch, maybe even your actual job
needs to change because you'reneeded.
I think this is why this hybridand remote schedule has been so
great, especially for women,because we often are the ones
who take care of our families.
So the other thing that I thinkabout then, in terms of choices

(06:39):
and trade-offs, is I just thinkabout how do I leverage my
support network.
I'm an oldest child, I amaggressively independent, trying
to get over that, and I reallyhad a hard time asking for help.
People would say things to melike let me know if you need
anything, and of course I wouldsay, oh yeah, of course I will.

(07:00):
And what I realized is I neverdid ask for help because, to be
candid, I didn't know what toask for help on.
But now I know that one and sobut now I know that one my
support network is everything,and I've had friends come over
and help me with the kids.
I've had friends run errandsfor me.
I have had friends just bring adinner and I would say to you,

(07:30):
especially as you're juggling,taking care of your parents and
raising kids, don't be afraid toask for help.
We will all need it at somepoint, and the village is there
for that reason and it's such agift, and so that's a reminder
for you.
The other thing I think about isjust in terms of taking care of
myself.
I am a recovering workaholicand it's hard.

(07:50):
I'm one of those people whocould work all the time, but I
have worked very hard to createboundaries in my life, where
this is especially needed whenyou're an entrepreneur, because
you could literally work 24hours a day on your own business
.
But I have really learned tothink about how I prioritize
downtime.
If you follow me on Instagram,I see a trainer.

(08:12):
I work with a trainer, which Ilove just because it gets my
butt in gear, and those days Ifeel lazy.
I can't do that when I'm withmy trainer, but Tuesdays and
Thursdays I work out with mytrainer and that is a set date
on my calendar and I really,really try not to move it unless
I have to travel.
So that's something that'sreally, really important.

(08:34):
The other thing that has beenincredibly important for me is
just staying organized.
I have shared online that Ihave ADHD, and so I'm very
easily distracted.
I can struggle with gettingtasks either started or starting
too many projects and notfinishing them, and so I work
really hard to stay organized.

(08:56):
I live by my planner.
I actually have a paper planner.
I use my Google calendar, ofcourse, like everybody, and I
always joke that if I ever gomissing.
Just look at my Google calendarbecause you will know exactly
where I've been.
But I also keep a papercalendar because I like to
visually see all my majorappointments and events written

(09:17):
out and it's just a way for meto mentally organize the work
that I'm doing.
So that's a hack for me.
I work really hard to keep myworkspace very clean.
If you see me online, you'llsee this is my home office here,
but I have a standing desk, Ihave a walking treadmill and I

(09:40):
have very organized drawers, andI made the investment a year
ago to hire an organizer toorganize the major places where
the family spent time my office,our kitchen, bathrooms just
because that visual clutter forme and I think for so many of us
, is distracting and also wesuck time away because we can't

(10:03):
find things, and so reallymaking sure all our spaces are
neat and tidy has been alifesaver for me.
I find cleanliness andorganized spaces very calming.
Maybe you might too.
The other thing that I think isreally important in thinking
about just the time managementand being a sandwich generation,

(10:27):
raising kids, taking care ofparents is just preparing for
the inevitable financial,unexpected financial hit that
might be a medical bill.
You didn't expect that might bea repair that needs to happen.
Just a couple of weeks ago, wehad to replace the HVAC on our

(10:49):
top floor in our house and,believe me, it is not cheap to
replace an HVAC.
It wasn't anything that was inthe budget, and so we had to go
into savings and to pay for it,and so, luckily, we had it, but
it was really.
It was an expense that we coulddo without, but I'm glad that
we had a rainy day fund that wecould pay for it.

(11:11):
So thinking about how you canprepare for unexpected expenses
like medical bills, home repairs, car repairs, is really
important.
And finally, again, I just wantto say the importance of
prioritizing and really thinkingabout where you spend your time
.
We all, I think, especially aswomen, we have a hard time

(11:34):
saying no, and we love tovolunteer.
We get asked to be the room momor the team mom, and I have
learned to say no and not feelguilty about it.
In the past, I would say yesand I would feel resentful and
angry, which is also not healthy, and so I encourage you to just

(11:56):
really think about where is mytime best spent.
How do I make sure that when Iam saying yes, it's a hell yes
and how do I make sure that ittruly is a hell yes and, if it's
not, release myself from beingguilty, feeling guilty if it's a

(12:17):
no, because your time isvaluable.
Speaking of time, one lastlittle story I want to share
with you and I think it justspeaks to the importance of your
friends and your network, and Iread so many articles about how
hard it is to make new friends,to maintain friendships later

(12:41):
in life.
I'm a Gen Xer.
I had kids late in life, so mykids are quite young.
I have a 15 and a nine-year-oldand a lot of our friends.
Their kids are in college andso we just are on very different
tracks.
And I joke that we're in thehigh contact parenting stage

(13:02):
still, where we are going toschool presentations and
practices and games.
One of our kids does travelsports, and so we're just really
busy with kid stuff.
And I found that between thebusiness and trying to be a good

(13:24):
daughter and a good daughter,good sister and raising my kids
there just didn't feel like alot of time for friendships, and
so this year I have really puta premium and priority on
connecting with my friends,whether that's going out for
drinks, meeting up for lunch,going out for dinner, just

(13:48):
catching up.
And I used to say no far moreoften than I said yes, because I
had kid stuff, family stuff,and what I realized is that
those friendships, myfriendships, really fill me up.
They energize me, my friendspour into me and I pour into
them, and so I have made it apriority to stay connected to

(14:14):
them.
Just the other day I reconnectedwith a friend I hadn't spoken
to in a couple of years.
We were very good friends whenwe worked together in New York
and I just adore her and she'sso lovely.
We knew each other beforeeither one of us had kids and
before all of life happened.

(14:34):
She's got four kids.
I've got two, she now lives inanother, she's left New York and
now she's living in theSouthwest.
And she called me up out of theblue.
I happened to be sitting in mycar literally doing nothing

(14:55):
because the kids were at events.
I had my eyes closed in the carand then my phone rings and I
see her name and we ended uptalking for 90 minutes.
It was like no time had gone byand we just talked about
everything.
We talked about work and whatit was like.
You know, all the stuff that'sgoing on in the world right now.

(15:17):
We talked about just our kidsand some of the challenges we
were experiencing, and by theend of that call, I just felt
revived and I had this hugesmile on my face.
She had totally made my day andso, as I think about that, it's
more of that, and we also, bythe way, said that we would

(15:39):
never let that much time go by.
I frequently, by the way, textmy friends quite a bit and then
we will jump on a call, or someof us use Marco Polo, but I just
, you know, in closing, want youto think about that.
We're in this time that'sreally challenging, especially
if you're caring for parents,caring for kids, you're working
full-time, either in your ownbusiness or in a company, and

(16:02):
our time is so precious.
And think about where you wantto really spend it, what truly
matters to you, and, along theway, think about how you can
take care of yourself.
As women, we burn the candle atboth ends so often, and we

(16:23):
deserve to be able to have easeand rest in our lives, even when
life is demanding so much fromus.
So thanks for hanging out withme.
Let me know what your thoughtsare.
Reach out to me, dm me onInstagram and at Portia Mount

(16:43):
and let me know what you thinkand what your experience might
be with this.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I'll see you next time.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
Thanks for listening to Ungovernable Women.
Our producer and editor isMegan King.
Our social media manager isDestiny Eicher.
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(17:14):
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See you next time.