September 23, 2025 • 33 mins
Have you ever felt like you're constantly walking on eggshells? Questioned your own reality after conversations? Found yourself apologizing for things you didn't do? These aren't signs of weakness – they're potential indicators of narcissistic abuse.
This deeply personal episode breaks down the complex world of narcissistic relationships and the profound impact they have on your sense of self. We distinguish between occasional narcissistic tendencies that many people display under stress versus true Narcissistic Personality Disorder, highlighting how both can damage your wellbeing. The key difference? Tendencies are situational while NPD represents a rigid, pervasive pattern across all relationships.
We explore the devastating cycle that keeps so many trapped: love bombing that makes you feel special, followed by devaluation that crushes your spirit, then discard and hovering that pulls you back in just when you thought you were free. This pattern creates a trauma bond that's incredibly difficult to break, especially when combined with isolation tactics that cut you off from support systems. The most important message? You don't need a clinical diagnosis to validate your experience – if someone's behavior consistently makes you feel unsafe, devalued, or drained, that's enough reason to create boundaries or leave.
For those considering leaving or healing from narcissistic relationships, practical guidance is offered on building support systems, securing resources, setting boundaries, and the essential emotional work of recovery. Through journaling prompts and forgiveness practices, you can begin releasing the pain while understanding that forgiveness doesn't mean excusing the abuse – it means freeing yourself from its continued power over your heart. Remember, the woman you're becoming isn't someone new – she's the authentic you who's been waiting beneath the pain, ready to reclaim her radiance, peace, and joy.
Journaling Prompts
- Naming the Experience
Where in my life do I feel like I’m walking on eggshells? How does this impact the way I show up each day? - Reclaiming Your Voice
What parts of myself have I silenced, hidden, or given away to keep the peace? What would it feel like to reclaim them? - Letting Go of the Hook
What do I keep hoping will change in this person that hasn’t? What would it look like to accept what is and begin releasing my attachment? - Vision of Freedom
If I imagine a life free from control, criticism, and fear—what does that life look like? What does my day feel like when I am safe, respected, and at peace?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Unleash your Inner Radiance.
I'm Lisa, your guide throughtransformation, forgiveness and
the journey back to your mostauthentic self.
Today's episode is one that Ihave had several women
personally ask me to create,because I do a lot of stuff on
(00:20):
forgiveness and on mindset andfinding your authentic self.
This has become an issue,especially over the last you
know, especially over the lastfive years, because I know
there's a lot of abuse thathappened coming into and out of
(00:43):
COVID.
But that is a whole notherissue and not an episode we are
going to do today.
But if you've ever questionedyour reality, felt drained from
constant criticism, felt likeyou're always walking on
(01:04):
eggshells or lost yourself in arelationship that really never,
ever gave back to you what youpoured in, I want you to know
that you're not alone.
And today I want to shed somelight on what narcissistic abuse
(01:24):
looks like and how it impactsyour well-being, because a lot
of narcissistic abuse causeswomen not to do self-care and
I'm not talking about losingweight or any of that kind of
(01:44):
stuff, it's just doing thelittle things for yourself.
Because a lot of women have atendency if they're moms, they
get lost in their kids.
If they're you know dog moms,they just you know you.
Just you find something tofocus on to kind of shut out the
(02:07):
narcissistic abuse that'shappening.
And when you're in the throesof it, I don't even think that
you realize that you're actuallyin the throes of it, right?
So I just want you to know thatyou're not alone.
So I just want you to know thatyou're not alone and I just
(02:43):
want to shed some impact, makesome impact today on if I even
speak to one person today thatneeded to hear this.
I want to do that.
So you know there is leaving.
That's the good news.
You can leave, you can rebuild,there is freedom and there is a
you waiting to rise again.
(03:03):
So let's talk aboutunderstanding narcissism,
because it rears its ugly headin different ways.
It's gaslighting, it's lack ofempathy, it's control.
It can be financial control,emotional control you know all
(03:24):
that kind of stuff.
It can be sexual control.
It can be blame shifting.
They do something wrong andguess what?
It is your fault.
You start an argument.
It's your fault.
Even if it's something thatthey did, it's always your fault
.
It's never their fault.
It's I did this because you didthis, or you've got the love
(03:49):
bombing.
Sorry, I needed your quarter,followed by devaluation.
So they love up on you and loveup on you and then tell you
you're fat and ugly.
We don't need to hear that.
No one needs to hear that.
So now I want to talk a littlebit about the difference between
(04:09):
narcissistic tendencies andsomeone who actually has
narcissistic personalitydisorder, npd.
There is so many differentthings out there.
But narcissistic tendencies arejust behaviors or traits that
(04:31):
someone may show occasionally orin different situations, like
they seek attention or theystruggle to take feedback, even
if it's constructive criticismright, or they're being overly
focused on appearance or success.
(04:54):
They could be overly focused onyour success or what job you
have, your success or what jobyou have.
These traits in this, in thetendency part, can be.
You know, they can just comeand go and they don't always
define the person's entire wayof relating to others.
(05:16):
And many people may shownarcissistic traits under stress
, because it is a stress thing,under stress because it is a
stress thing, or in competitiveenvironments or during certain
seasons of life.
But you know, you might bewondering how do I know if the
(05:41):
person in my life is really anarcissist or just someone
showing narcissistic tendenciesand narcissistic behavior.
That's such an importantquestion because the difference
between narcissistic tendenciesand narcissistic personality
disorder say that five timesreally fast.
(06:03):
Here's how I'm going to break itdown.
Someone with narcissistictendencies might show traits
like craving attention,struggling to take feedback or
constructive criticism, or beingoverly focused on their success
or your success, theirappearance or your appearance,
(06:25):
your success, their appearanceor your appearance.
But these traits may only showup in certain situations.
Like I said before, stresscauses it, competitions cause it
, different seasons cause it.
They may still be capable ofempathy and healthy
relationships, even if thosetraits come out sometimes.
(06:49):
Now let's talk a little bit moreabout narcissistic personality
disorder, because it's totallydifferent.
This is a diagnosable conditionrecognized by the DSM-5.
These traits are not occasional, they are consistent, they are
(07:12):
persuasive, they are pervasiveand you often see a deep lack of
empathy for others or theconstant need for admiration and
control, kind of like a senseof entitlement, and they also
(07:35):
have a pattern of exploiting ormanipulating others to get what
they want.
To get what they want.
So the key difference istendencies are situationable or
(07:55):
situational and flexible.
Npd is rigid.
It's a pattern that shows upacross nearly every area of
their life and in theirrelationships.
But here's what I really wantyou to hear you don't need to
diagnose someone to know theirbehavior is harmful.
(08:16):
If you feel unsafe, constantlydevalued or drained in a
relationship, that's enough.
Whether they have NPD or just astrong narcissistic tendency,
the impact on you is whatmatters most.
(08:37):
Your experience is valid andyour well-being is a reason
enough to set boundaries, tocreate distance or to leave.
And if they have true NPDtendencies, they're not going to
(08:58):
like your boundaries.
They're not going to.
They're not going to.
You can create distance, but ifyou put up boundaries and you
should be able to sit down withsomebody and say you know, these
are my boundaries right nowWith them, it's not going to
(09:20):
happen.
So, like I said, you don't needto diagnose someone to know if
their behavior is harmful.
Whether someone shows you NPDor just shows you narcissistic
tendencies, what matters most ishow their behavior impacts you.
How is it impacting yourbehavior?
(09:42):
Whole body, how is it?
You know your mind, your body,everything.
How is it impacting you If youfeel unsafe, devalued or
constantly drained?
That's enough to walk away, andin a little bit I'm going to
give you some journaling prompts.
Now I want to go talk a littlebit about the cycle of
(10:21):
narcissistic abuse Love bombing,devaluation, discard, hovering.
Love bombing, devaluation,discard, hovering it's like that
.
It is repeated.
They love bomb you, theydevalue you, they discard you.
They come back and hover andthey love bomb you again.
(10:44):
It can happen month after month.
It can happen year after year.
Some people see a year we go ona trip, then this happens, this
happens, this happens, thishappens.
We go on a trip and it's justto say, oh, I love you and this
is what I'm doing for you.
Narcissistic abuse takes a deeptoll on you.
(11:16):
It takes a toll on your anxiety, depression, physical
exhaustion, trauma, responses.
All those things are not goodfor your body, not good for your
mind.
So you may find yourselfapologizing constantly, even
(11:37):
when you did nothing wrong.
You may even keep giving moreand more and more and more,
while feeling emptier andemptier.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If so, know that there'snothing wrong with you.
(11:58):
The cycle is designed to keepyou hooked, not to help you heal
.
Hooked, not to help you heal.
That's why I said it can happenevery year.
It could just, you know, everythree months something happens.
(12:20):
And then you go on a trip andeverything's perfect and then it
just makes it.
It makes this thing.
It can be just a whole bunch ofdifferent things.
I'm just saying that one personI talked to that's what
happened to her and it just it'sa cycle, literally, that you
(12:41):
get stuck in and unless you havesomeone from the outside saying
, hey, that's not how it shouldbe, you just get stuck.
Maybe you're focused on kids,maybe you're focused on your job
.
You just don't realize it.
You just don't realize it.
(13:06):
They do everything they can tokeep you hooked.
Now signs that you're livingwith a narcissist.
I'm going to give you guys somered flags that you can look for
.
Walking on eggshells If you arewalking around your house
walking on eggshells justwaiting for him or her to blow,
(13:28):
that's not living.
If you've got constantcriticism or even subtle
put-downs like, oh, you'relooking fat today, or oh, you
shouldn't wear your hair likethat, or you know just anything,
right, just gaslighting yourentire reality.
(13:48):
Right, just gaslighting yourentire reality.
Control over finances or yourdecisions Financial control is
huge.
It is huge, and you know, somepeople just turn their checks
over and they get an allowance.
(14:10):
It just happens.
Narcissists also isolate youfrom your friends and family,
and they do it slow enough thatyou don't realize it happened.
So I want you to work on namingthe behavior, because that is
(14:33):
the first step to reclaimingyour power.
So if you are walking oneggshells, give it a name.
Give it power in the name,because then you understand it,
you can list it and then you canjust put it back right, put it
(14:53):
up on the shelf for later.
I'm just going to gather allthese things.
I'm going to give it a name,I'm just going to set it up here
on the shelf for a little bit.
I'm just going to collect allthe things that are done to you,
because naming the behavior isthe first step to reclaiming
(15:14):
your power.
I want you guys to journal onsomething.
This is the first one that I'mgoing to give you guys today
thing.
This is the first one that I'mgoing to give you guys today.
Where in your life are yougiving away your voice to
someone who isn't listening?
(15:35):
Where in your life are yougiving away your voice to
someone who isn't listening?
Isn't listening?
Talk a little bit about leavinga narcissist.
(15:56):
I had a really goodconversation with somebody who
left one.
It's going to be difficult,it's going to be emotional, it's
going to cost you a lot ofmoney and sometimes it's going
to get physical, because theydon't want you to leave.
They want you to stay in thiscycle that they created to keep
(16:17):
you happy to start the abuse, tomake you angry, to just hover
and then do the thing that'smagical just hover and then do
the thing that's magical.
So it's.
It's when you're leaving anabusive person.
(16:37):
It is our narcissistic personbecause they are abusive it.
What it is is abuse becauseit's when you're with somebody
who's narcissistic.
You're usually got financialabuse, maybe sexual abuse,
you've got mental, psychological.
You've got a lot of healingthat you have to do and what I
want you to do first is build asupport system that you can
(17:00):
trust Friends, family, a supportgroup, a coach, something like
that.
Next, I want you to set firmboundaries and expect that they
are going to push back, becausethey are going to push harder
than you've ever seen them push.
(17:21):
Then I want you to gather theimportant documents and
financial resources very quietly, because you want to get those
before they do.
And then I want you to cutcontact or go low contact with
(17:41):
the narcissist.
Leaving isn't just aboutwalking out the door, it is
literally untangling your mind,your patterns and your heart.
And you deserve more than justsurviving.
(18:02):
You deserve peace, respect,love and a whole lot of
self-love.
Five this is segment five.
That's why I said five Healingafter narcissistic abuse.
(18:25):
It is really hard to let go.
It's when you're, when youleave and you're working on
healing, you're wondering.
A lot of anger comes up, a lotof anger at yourself.
It can be directed at yourself,because you're angry because
you stayed for so long.
(18:47):
You're angry because you stayedfor so long.
You're angry because you let ithappen.
You're angry because no onetold you.
You're angry at yourself forputting yourself in that and
staying.
That's why it's hard to go,because trauma is bonding If
(19:14):
they keep you trauma I'm goingto say traumatized because they
keep you in that circle.
You're just literally going ina circle.
The abuse happens.
You get happy, you get mad, youget angry.
It just it happens.
It's a vicious cycle that youget stuck in.
(19:43):
So there's different healingtools.
You know when you leave you'regoing to struggle with grief and
mixed emotions.
And when I say grief sadnessbecause it ended, sadness
because you didn't leave earlier, sadness because it was such a
fight to get out I mean it'll befinancially, mentally,
(20:09):
psychologically draining.
It will be.
But there's different therapyyou can do.
You can do journaling, you cando forgiveness work.
That was huge, huge, huge forme.
I went on a huge forgivenessjourney and I put together a
workbook because it helps you.
It really makes you think and alot of us have.
(20:35):
We don't even we don'tnecessarily need to forgive
somebody else, although almostalways you can find somebody to
forgive, right.
But a lot of us need to forgiveourselves and think about what
you would tell your younger self, right, because that's what the
workbook puts you through.
And then I want you to rememberthat forgiveness doesn't mean
(21:04):
excusing what they've done,because it doesn't matter if
you're angry at them or youforgive them, they still don't
think they did anything wrong.
They still don't think they didanything wrong.
So there's no reason to stayangry for the next 20 years
because to them they did nothingwrong, nothing wrong.
(21:24):
And then I want you to rememberthat forgiveness means
releasing the hold their actions, their actions, have on your
heart.
Here's an affirmation for you Irelease the pain of my past.
I am worthy of love, respectand freedom.
(21:46):
Now let's talk about reclaimingyour radiance.
Paint a vision of what lifelooks like on the other side.
I don't care if you have tohave a vision board.
Take yourself to the mostpeaceful place in your heart and
create a vision of what itlooks like on the other side.
(22:11):
On the other side, peacefulmornings without chaos,
rediscovering hobbies, joys,friendship.
How about finding your calling?
How about feeling confident inyour own decisions, because you
(22:31):
get to make the decisions now.
It's going to be hard at first,but you get to make them.
And how about learning to trustyourself again?
That is going to be hard atfirst, but you get to make them.
And how about learning to trustyourself again?
That is going to be really hard.
I once, oh, one of my friendstold me when she was leaving
that she went out with this guyand they sat talking and about
(22:54):
an hour into their conversationand they were just talking about
different things, he looked ather and he goes see any red
flags?
Yet and she was just like whosaid I was looking for red flags
?
It was just like, and she'slike, oh my god, it was that
obvious that I was looking forred flags that he called me out
and said like, oh my God, it wasthat obvious that I was looking
(23:16):
for red flags that he called meout and said how many red flags
do you see?
And so you know it happensright.
But I want you to know that thewoman you're becoming isn't
someone new.
She's a you who's been waitingunderneath all the pain and
she's ready to rise.
(23:36):
She is ready to rise Now.
I'm going to give you somejournaling prompts.
I'm going to give you fourdifferent journaling prompts.
Number one is going to relateto naming the experience.
(24:00):
Where in my life do I feel likeI'm walking on eggshells?
How does this impact the way Ishow up each day?
Two, and I will drop them inthe show notes too.
Two reclaiming your voice.
We're going to talk about that.
What parts of myself have Isilenced, hidden or given away
(24:26):
to keep the peace?
What would it feel like toreclaim them?
Three letting go of the hook.
What do I keep hoping willchange in this person that
(24:47):
hasn't?
What would it look like toaccept what is and begin
releasing my attachment?
The last one vision of freedom.
Remember, I told you to puttogether a vision board, or find
(25:07):
your happy place.
If I imagine a life free fromcontrol, criticism and fear,
what does that look like?
What does my day feel like whenI'm safe, respected and at
peace?
Those are four powerful,powerful journaling prompts, and
(25:37):
they will definitely get youthinking.
But I want what I want to leaveyou guys with is living with
and leaving a narcissist is oneof the hardest journeys you may
ever walk, and you're going tohave to walk through it, but
(25:58):
what I want to tell you is thatit is also one of the most
freeing.
You are not broken, you are nottoo much and you are not alone
at all.
There are many, many more womenin this kind of trap.
(26:20):
You're not alone.
If today's episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend
who may need to have thisreminder also.
And if you're working on thispath yourself, I want to invite
you to take the next step towardhealing.
(26:42):
Inside my forgiveness course, Iguide women through the process
of releasing all the pain ofthe past so that they can step
into the life that they deserve.
Of the past, so that they canstep into the life that they
deserve.
So message me or check the shownotes for more details, because
(27:07):
you don't have to do this alone.
Thank you so much for spendingthe time with me today.
Please share this episode outwith anyone who you think maybe
needs to get this message.
Until next time, remember thisthat you are strong, you are
worthy and your radiance is justwaiting to shine.
(27:29):
See you next week.
Welcome back to Unleash your Inner Radiance.
I'm Lisa, your guide throughtransformation, forgiveness and
the journey back to your mostauthentic self.
Today's episode is one that Ihave had several women
personally ask me to create,because I do a lot of stuff on
(00:20):
forgiveness and on mindset andfinding your authentic self.
This has become an issue,especially over the last you
know, especially over the lastfive years, because I know
there's a lot of abuse thathappened coming into and out of
(00:43):
COVID.
But that is a whole notherissue and not an episode we are
going to do today.
But if you've ever questionedyour reality, felt drained from
constant criticism, felt likeyou're always walking on
(01:04):
eggshells or lost yourself in arelationship that really never,
ever gave back to you what youpoured in, I want you to know
that you're not alone.
And today I want to shed somelight on what narcissistic abuse
(01:24):
looks like and how it impactsyour well-being, because a lot
of narcissistic abuse causeswomen not to do self-care and
I'm not talking about losingweight or any of that kind of
(01:44):
stuff, it's just doing thelittle things for yourself.
Because a lot of women have atendency if they're moms, they
get lost in their kids.
If they're you know dog moms,they just you know you.
Just you find something tofocus on to kind of shut out the
(02:07):
narcissistic abuse that'shappening.
And when you're in the throesof it, I don't even think that
you realize that you're actuallyin the throes of it, right?
So I just want you to know thatyou're not alone.
So I just want you to know thatyou're not alone and I just
(02:43):
want to shed some impact, makesome impact today on if I even
speak to one person today thatneeded to hear this.
I want to do that.
So you know there is leaving.
That's the good news.
You can leave, you can rebuild,there is freedom and there is a
you waiting to rise again.
(03:03):
So let's talk aboutunderstanding narcissism,
because it rears its ugly headin different ways.
It's gaslighting, it's lack ofempathy, it's control.
It can be financial control,emotional control you know all
(03:24):
that kind of stuff.
It can be sexual control.
It can be blame shifting.
They do something wrong andguess what?
It is your fault.
You start an argument.
It's your fault.
Even if it's something thatthey did, it's always your fault
.
It's never their fault.
It's I did this because you didthis, or you've got the love
(03:49):
bombing.
Sorry, I needed your quarter,followed by devaluation.
So they love up on you and loveup on you and then tell you
you're fat and ugly.
We don't need to hear that.
No one needs to hear that.
So now I want to talk a littlebit about the difference between
(04:09):
narcissistic tendencies andsomeone who actually has
narcissistic personalitydisorder, npd.
There is so many differentthings out there.
But narcissistic tendencies arejust behaviors or traits that
(04:31):
someone may show occasionally orin different situations, like
they seek attention or theystruggle to take feedback, even
if it's constructive criticismright, or they're being overly
focused on appearance or success.
(04:54):
They could be overly focused onyour success or what job you
have, your success or what jobyou have.
These traits in this, in thetendency part, can be.
You know, they can just comeand go and they don't always
define the person's entire wayof relating to others.
(05:16):
And many people may shownarcissistic traits under stress
, because it is a stress thing,under stress because it is a
stress thing, or in competitiveenvironments or during certain
seasons of life.
But you know, you might bewondering how do I know if the
(05:41):
person in my life is really anarcissist or just someone
showing narcissistic tendenciesand narcissistic behavior.
That's such an importantquestion because the difference
between narcissistic tendenciesand narcissistic personality
disorder say that five timesreally fast.
(06:03):
Here's how I'm going to break itdown.
Someone with narcissistictendencies might show traits
like craving attention,struggling to take feedback or
constructive criticism, or beingoverly focused on their success
or your success, theirappearance or your appearance,
(06:25):
your success, their appearanceor your appearance.
But these traits may only showup in certain situations.
Like I said before, stresscauses it, competitions cause it
, different seasons cause it.
They may still be capable ofempathy and healthy
relationships, even if thosetraits come out sometimes.
(06:49):
Now let's talk a little bit moreabout narcissistic personality
disorder, because it's totallydifferent.
This is a diagnosable conditionrecognized by the DSM-5.
These traits are not occasional, they are consistent, they are
(07:12):
persuasive, they are pervasiveand you often see a deep lack of
empathy for others or theconstant need for admiration and
control, kind of like a senseof entitlement, and they also
(07:35):
have a pattern of exploiting ormanipulating others to get what
they want.
To get what they want.
So the key difference istendencies are situationable or
(07:55):
situational and flexible.
Npd is rigid.
It's a pattern that shows upacross nearly every area of
their life and in theirrelationships.
But here's what I really wantyou to hear you don't need to
diagnose someone to know theirbehavior is harmful.
(08:16):
If you feel unsafe, constantlydevalued or drained in a
relationship, that's enough.
Whether they have NPD or just astrong narcissistic tendency,
the impact on you is whatmatters most.
(08:37):
Your experience is valid andyour well-being is a reason
enough to set boundaries, tocreate distance or to leave.
And if they have true NPDtendencies, they're not going to
(08:58):
like your boundaries.
They're not going to.
They're not going to.
You can create distance, but ifyou put up boundaries and you
should be able to sit down withsomebody and say you know, these
are my boundaries right nowWith them, it's not going to
(09:20):
happen.
So, like I said, you don't needto diagnose someone to know if
their behavior is harmful.
Whether someone shows you NPDor just shows you narcissistic
tendencies, what matters most ishow their behavior impacts you.
How is it impacting yourbehavior?
(09:42):
Whole body, how is it?
You know your mind, your body,everything.
How is it impacting you If youfeel unsafe, devalued or
constantly drained?
That's enough to walk away, andin a little bit I'm going to
give you some journaling prompts.
Now I want to go talk a littlebit about the cycle of
(10:21):
narcissistic abuse Love bombing,devaluation, discard, hovering.
Love bombing, devaluation,discard, hovering it's like that
.
It is repeated.
They love bomb you, theydevalue you, they discard you.
They come back and hover andthey love bomb you again.
(10:44):
It can happen month after month.
It can happen year after year.
Some people see a year we go ona trip, then this happens, this
happens, this happens, thishappens.
We go on a trip and it's justto say, oh, I love you and this
is what I'm doing for you.
Narcissistic abuse takes a deeptoll on you.
(11:16):
It takes a toll on your anxiety, depression, physical
exhaustion, trauma, responses.
All those things are not goodfor your body, not good for your
mind.
So you may find yourselfapologizing constantly, even
(11:37):
when you did nothing wrong.
You may even keep giving moreand more and more and more,
while feeling emptier andemptier.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If so, know that there'snothing wrong with you.
(11:58):
The cycle is designed to keepyou hooked, not to help you heal
.
Hooked, not to help you heal.
That's why I said it can happenevery year.
It could just, you know, everythree months something happens.
(12:20):
And then you go on a trip andeverything's perfect and then it
just makes it.
It makes this thing.
It can be just a whole bunch ofdifferent things.
I'm just saying that one personI talked to that's what
happened to her and it just it'sa cycle, literally, that you
(12:41):
get stuck in and unless you havesomeone from the outside saying
, hey, that's not how it shouldbe, you just get stuck.
Maybe you're focused on kids,maybe you're focused on your job
.
You just don't realize it.
You just don't realize it.
(13:06):
They do everything they can tokeep you hooked.
Now signs that you're livingwith a narcissist.
I'm going to give you guys somered flags that you can look for
.
Walking on eggshells If you arewalking around your house
walking on eggshells justwaiting for him or her to blow,
(13:28):
that's not living.
If you've got constantcriticism or even subtle
put-downs like, oh, you'relooking fat today, or oh, you
shouldn't wear your hair likethat, or you know just anything,
right, just gaslighting yourentire reality.
(13:48):
Right, just gaslighting yourentire reality.
Control over finances or yourdecisions Financial control is
huge.
It is huge, and you know, somepeople just turn their checks
over and they get an allowance.
(14:10):
It just happens.
Narcissists also isolate youfrom your friends and family,
and they do it slow enough thatyou don't realize it happened.
So I want you to work on namingthe behavior, because that is
(14:33):
the first step to reclaimingyour power.
So if you are walking oneggshells, give it a name.
Give it power in the name,because then you understand it,
you can list it and then you canjust put it back right, put it
(14:53):
up on the shelf for later.
I'm just going to gather allthese things.
I'm going to give it a name,I'm just going to set it up here
on the shelf for a little bit.
I'm just going to collect allthe things that are done to you,
because naming the behavior isthe first step to reclaiming
(15:14):
your power.
I want you guys to journal onsomething.
This is the first one that I'mgoing to give you guys today
thing.
This is the first one that I'mgoing to give you guys today.
Where in your life are yougiving away your voice to
someone who isn't listening?
(15:35):
Where in your life are yougiving away your voice to
someone who isn't listening?
Isn't listening?
Talk a little bit about leavinga narcissist.
(15:56):
I had a really goodconversation with somebody who
left one.
It's going to be difficult,it's going to be emotional, it's
going to cost you a lot ofmoney and sometimes it's going
to get physical, because theydon't want you to leave.
They want you to stay in thiscycle that they created to keep
(16:17):
you happy to start the abuse, tomake you angry, to just hover
and then do the thing that'smagical just hover and then do
the thing that's magical.
So it's.
It's when you're leaving anabusive person.
(16:37):
It is our narcissistic personbecause they are abusive it.
What it is is abuse becauseit's when you're with somebody
who's narcissistic.
You're usually got financialabuse, maybe sexual abuse,
you've got mental, psychological.
You've got a lot of healingthat you have to do and what I
want you to do first is build asupport system that you can
(17:00):
trust Friends, family, a supportgroup, a coach, something like
that.
Next, I want you to set firmboundaries and expect that they
are going to push back, becausethey are going to push harder
than you've ever seen them push.
(17:21):
Then I want you to gather theimportant documents and
financial resources very quietly, because you want to get those
before they do.
And then I want you to cutcontact or go low contact with
(17:41):
the narcissist.
Leaving isn't just aboutwalking out the door, it is
literally untangling your mind,your patterns and your heart.
And you deserve more than justsurviving.
(18:02):
You deserve peace, respect,love and a whole lot of
self-love.
Five this is segment five.
That's why I said five Healingafter narcissistic abuse.
(18:25):
It is really hard to let go.
It's when you're, when youleave and you're working on
healing, you're wondering.
A lot of anger comes up, a lotof anger at yourself.
It can be directed at yourself,because you're angry because
you stayed for so long.
(18:47):
You're angry because you stayedfor so long.
You're angry because you let ithappen.
You're angry because no onetold you.
You're angry at yourself forputting yourself in that and
staying.
That's why it's hard to go,because trauma is bonding If
(19:14):
they keep you trauma I'm goingto say traumatized because they
keep you in that circle.
You're just literally going ina circle.
The abuse happens.
You get happy, you get mad, youget angry.
It just it happens.
It's a vicious cycle that youget stuck in.
(19:43):
So there's different healingtools.
You know when you leave you'regoing to struggle with grief and
mixed emotions.
And when I say grief sadnessbecause it ended, sadness
because you didn't leave earlier, sadness because it was such a
fight to get out I mean it'll befinancially, mentally,
(20:09):
psychologically draining.
It will be.
But there's different therapyyou can do.
You can do journaling, you cando forgiveness work.
That was huge, huge, huge forme.
I went on a huge forgivenessjourney and I put together a
workbook because it helps you.
It really makes you think and alot of us have.
(20:35):
We don't even we don'tnecessarily need to forgive
somebody else, although almostalways you can find somebody to
forgive, right.
But a lot of us need to forgiveourselves and think about what
you would tell your younger self, right, because that's what the
workbook puts you through.
And then I want you to rememberthat forgiveness doesn't mean
(21:04):
excusing what they've done,because it doesn't matter if
you're angry at them or youforgive them, they still don't
think they did anything wrong.
They still don't think they didanything wrong.
So there's no reason to stayangry for the next 20 years
because to them they did nothingwrong, nothing wrong.
(21:24):
And then I want you to rememberthat forgiveness means
releasing the hold their actions, their actions, have on your
heart.
Here's an affirmation for you Irelease the pain of my past.
I am worthy of love, respectand freedom.
(21:46):
Now let's talk about reclaimingyour radiance.
Paint a vision of what lifelooks like on the other side.
I don't care if you have tohave a vision board.
Take yourself to the mostpeaceful place in your heart and
create a vision of what itlooks like on the other side.
(22:11):
On the other side, peacefulmornings without chaos,
rediscovering hobbies, joys,friendship.
How about finding your calling?
How about feeling confident inyour own decisions, because you
(22:31):
get to make the decisions now.
It's going to be hard at first,but you get to make them.
And how about learning to trustyourself again?
That is going to be hard atfirst, but you get to make them.
And how about learning to trustyourself again?
That is going to be really hard.
I once, oh, one of my friendstold me when she was leaving
that she went out with this guyand they sat talking and about
(22:54):
an hour into their conversationand they were just talking about
different things, he looked ather and he goes see any red
flags?
Yet and she was just like whosaid I was looking for red flags
?
It was just like, and she'slike, oh my god, it was that
obvious that I was looking forred flags that he called me out
and said like, oh my God, it wasthat obvious that I was looking
(23:16):
for red flags that he called meout and said how many red flags
do you see?
And so you know it happensright.
But I want you to know that thewoman you're becoming isn't
someone new.
She's a you who's been waitingunderneath all the pain and
she's ready to rise.
(23:36):
She is ready to rise Now.
I'm going to give you somejournaling prompts.
I'm going to give you fourdifferent journaling prompts.
Number one is going to relateto naming the experience.
(24:00):
Where in my life do I feel likeI'm walking on eggshells?
How does this impact the way Ishow up each day?
Two, and I will drop them inthe show notes too.
Two reclaiming your voice.
We're going to talk about that.
What parts of myself have Isilenced, hidden or given away
(24:26):
to keep the peace?
What would it feel like toreclaim them?
Three letting go of the hook.
What do I keep hoping willchange in this person that
(24:47):
hasn't?
What would it look like toaccept what is and begin
releasing my attachment?
The last one vision of freedom.
Remember, I told you to puttogether a vision board, or find
(25:07):
your happy place.
If I imagine a life free fromcontrol, criticism and fear,
what does that look like?
What does my day feel like whenI'm safe, respected and at
peace?
Those are four powerful,powerful journaling prompts, and
(25:37):
they will definitely get youthinking.
But I want what I want to leaveyou guys with is living with
and leaving a narcissist is oneof the hardest journeys you may
ever walk, and you're going tohave to walk through it, but
(25:58):
what I want to tell you is thatit is also one of the most
freeing.
You are not broken, you are nottoo much and you are not alone
at all.
There are many, many more womenin this kind of trap.
(26:20):
You're not alone.
If today's episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend
who may need to have thisreminder also.
And if you're working on thispath yourself, I want to invite
you to take the next step towardhealing.
(26:42):
Inside my forgiveness course, Iguide women through the process
of releasing all the pain ofthe past so that they can step
into the life that they deserve.
Of the past, so that they canstep into the life that they
deserve.
So message me or check the shownotes for more details, because
(27:07):
you don't have to do this alone.
Thank you so much for spendingthe time with me today.
Please share this episode outwith anyone who you think maybe
needs to get this message.
Until next time, remember thisthat you are strong, you are
worthy and your radiance is justwaiting to shine.
(27:29):
See you next week.
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