November 6, 2024 • 37 mins
Navigating tough conversations with emotional awareness is a critical skill as we are all likely to need to engage difficult dialogues, especially during this time of heightened political and social tensions. These types of conversations can be emotionally taxing, and it's important we approach them with both strong self-awareness and self-care. Our ability to show up authentically, compassionately, and aligned with the change we want to see in the world as we interact with others is directly tied to our own inner work.
In this episode of Unlimited, I offer insights and tools for navigating tough conversations with emotional awareness.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Practical tools for tough conversations
- Engaging your stress response
- Tools to check in, support yourself, and make clear decisions
- How to interrupt bigotry to shift norms
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Read This to Get Smarter: About Race, Class, Gender, Disability & More By Blair Imani
Blair Imani Instagram on tough conversations
Shenikka Moore-Clarke, MSW, LICSW The Healing Vibe Therapist
How to avoid sharing election misinformation - NPR
Understanding Your Stress Language
Stress Release Strategy Guide
BOOK A PAY WHAT YOU CAN COACHING SESSION
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You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Hello my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of unlimited today I amtalking about navigating tough
conversations with emotionalawareness. I honestly wasn't
going to do a podcast episodebecause this is scheduled to
come out the day after the USelection, and it's a lot, it's a
(00:24):
lot right now. And I was kind ofthinking, You know what, maybe
we're just gonna skip this andtake the time off, because who
is going to be listening to apodcast like this the day after
the election? But you know what,while I had several friends
suggest that that would be fine.
I have been sitting with somethoughts, and really wanted to
(00:45):
provide some level of supportfor anybody out there who might
want this, whether it is the dayit is released or later, there
have been people that I followwho have shared some valuable
insights that I wanted to kindof compile and pull into some of
the insights that I was sharingin the workshop that I was
(01:10):
offering about emotions andnavigating our emotions in a way
That is honoring withoutallowing it just kind of spray
everywhere. So I am doing apodcast, and we're going to talk
about tips for toughconversations that I am pulling
(01:30):
from a post by Blair Imani, andI will have links in the show
notes, of course, engaging yourstress response. So I'm pulling
from other podcasts that I'vedone, particularly one about
your stress language that I didvery, very early in the
beginning of this podcast, andtools to check in. I have some
(01:53):
support tools that are free onmy website that relate to these
things that I will alsoreference you to and then the
importance of interruption. Youdon't have to be one of those
people who can throw out factsleft and right. And actually,
that isn't always helpful tojust interrupt things. So I'll
(02:15):
talk more about that in theepisode. I also want you to know
that through December, I haveopened up pay what you want
coaching sessions. I will have alink to that in the show notes
as well. This is important tome, because I know this is a
(02:35):
period of high stress. We arenot going to have answers
anytime soon, in a variety ofways, we might have some
answers, but not other answers,just a lot going on. It's very
stressful, and I know that evenholiday season and New Year's,
there's a lot to process, anddiscernment support is key.
Whether we're talking aboutdiscernment support, about what
(02:57):
our plans are, about how we wantto interact with family and
friends and the people in ourlife and our society and all of
those things. There's just alot. So if you are looking for
some support to processsomething, make a decision, gain
clarity, and you're like, youknow what a whole transformative
(03:22):
coaching package is not for meright now, but I just need a
little bit of help, and maybedon't have the funds to invest
in a lot of coaching. This isavailable for you. It is set up
as a community pricing model,which means that if you have
more, I invite you to pay more,and if you have less, then you
(03:44):
pay less. So I hope that youwill go check that out and sign
up for a session, if that wouldfeel supportive for you. And
now, without further ado, let'sget started. Hey there. I'm
Valerie Friedlander, CertifiedLife business alignment Coach.
And this is unlimited. Thispodcast bridges the individual
(04:07):
and the societal, scientific andspiritual, positive and
negative, nerdy and no, there'sjust a lot of nerdy. Come on
board. And let's unlock a lifethat's as bad ass as you are,
(04:29):
my thought with this episode isto pull together a few resources
that I think may be helpful asWe navigate this period in our
country in our lives that has alot of impact. And I'm going to
start with four tips that BlairImani, founder of smarter in
(04:52):
seconds on Instagram shares Ihave linked to the Instagram in
the show notes, as well as toher book, read this together.
Smarter about race, class,gender, disability, and more,
really, really awesomeresources. So definitely check
those out. I'm going to sharethese tips and a little bit
about my thoughts around them,and then we'll dig into some
(05:15):
layers that go into how we showup to these things, as she
mentions, these tips can behelpful when you're in
circumstances where you're ableto start from a place of mutual
respect and account for yourpersonal safety, which is really
key if you are unsafe orengaging with someone who does
(05:39):
not have respect for you andyour lived experiences. You may
want to take a differentapproach, and we'll speak to
that in the next section. So forhere, the first mistake that
people make when they try andengage difficult conversations
is making assumptions. Ourbrains love patterns, and so we
(06:01):
tend to connect dots, and wedon't even always realize that
we're making assumptions whenwe're making assumptions. So the
counter to that is engagingcuriosity. So what she says is,
don't assume you know more thanthe other person. Don't assume
you know what they believe orwhy they believe it instead ask
(06:24):
which will help you learnsomething new about them and
even find better ways to getthrough to them or successfully
communicate your perspective. Sothat is her recommendation. And
really it is about engagingconversation. It is seeing them
as a full human being with livedexperience that inclines them to
(06:45):
believe whatever it is that theyare believing, and it may not be
related to the specific thing,but there's always something
underlying it. There's reasonthere's there's something
underlying, and it's true forthem as much as is for us. So
getting curious and actuallylooking to connect, versus
(07:06):
jumping in and assuming whichties to the next mistake that
she mentions, which is trying tochange minds. She says, If your
goal is to change someone'smind, it's pretty much
impossible to know whether youreached that goal. Even if you
do change someone's mind, theyprobably won't admit it anyway.
Instead, simply speak to share,offer perspectives and break
(07:27):
through the echo chamber. Thisis something I'm going to talk a
little bit more about later,when we talk about interrupting
things, but when we engage withsomeone, to respond versus to
understand. This is where wejump in and we stop listening,
(07:49):
we make assumptions and we judgeso we block our ability to get
curious. We block our ability toconnect. So coming in with that
assumption. And this is hard notto do when you know someone is
engaging in a way that suggestscertain beliefs and reasons for
believing. We tend to jump in.
And I have absolutely done this.
(08:12):
I have very strong feelingsabout various things, and it's
difficult when you know someoneis approaching something in a
different way, not to take onthat kind of fight mode and
think that I'm coming in toeither get you to, you know, get
you to change, really, to makeyou different than you are. And
(08:36):
a lot of these things, ourbeliefs get very much tied to
our identities, and that's partof that fixed mindset of like, I
am what I think if I made amistake, then I am a mistake.
You can know differently, and itdoesn't necessarily change the
(08:58):
impact that that has on you whenit happens, and so we shut down
when we feel attacked. And so wecan know, oh, I made a mistake.
I'm not a mistake, but if thathas been part of our
conditioning, we're still goingto feel attacked when it's
(09:19):
brought in front of us, and I'venoticed this myself when I have
gotten corrected, and I had thishappen the other day on a call
where someone invited me toapproach something differently,
and I could feel my nervoussystem get kind of worked up
like, Oh, I've just beenchastised. And that was totally
not the approach that was taken.
It was really just aninvitation, but I felt my
(09:42):
nervous system shift. I feltadrenaline shoot through my
system, and this kind of shutdown mode happening, and because
I've done so much work aroundit, I could watch it happen, or
kind of sit with it happening,breathe into it. It and allow it
to dissipate, knowing thatfeelings aren't facts. It's
(10:02):
information about my experienceand not necessarily what is true
in this situation. And for me inthat instance, it was an
invitation to notice the energythat I was coming in with, where
I was approaching things, andwhat I was bringing so that I
could take a breath and pauseand check in and recalibrate for
(10:23):
myself. And that's hard thatit's taken years of work on my
part. This is like what I do. Sojust knowing that while we might
have that kind of activation,other people have that too, and
when we judge that as well,you're wrong. So you shouldn't
feel that way. Or somehow you'rejustified, or it's justified in
(10:48):
in having that feeling, whilethere's a reason for having that
feeling, making it into like asoftware like you, it's
justified for you to hurt thatis going to cause a wedge. It's
not going to create connection.
So being able to hold space forsomeone's emotional self, their
(11:13):
stress reaction, giving a littlebit more space will also allow
them some room, or theopportunity to show up to the
conversation. Now that doesn'tmean that they will. You may
notice the shutdown happen, andthen the digging in happen, and
that can be more information togo, Okay, this, this
(11:36):
conversation needs to take apause. We need to step back.
This isn't the time to keepgoing, rather than, Oh, I got
them. Let me dig in furtherright, like so we do need to be
mindful of that and alsorecognizing that all of this
takes a lot of emotional labor.
So knowing what your capacity isto showing up to this can also
help inform what you want to do,how far you want to engage,
(12:00):
maybe inviting us. Hey, let'stake a break. Let's come back to
this. If they are showing up tothat conversation, you can
express appreciation for themshowing up to the conversation.
And I'm gonna go back to thethird thing, because I can keep
going on this, and I have morecoming up about the emotional
processing, but Okay, the thirdone that she mentions is the
(12:24):
mistake of forgetting to addyour personal story. So like I
just did, where I said, Hey, Ihave a personal story. Providing
a personal story can bepowerful, because then you're
also connecting again on a humanlevel. Now
with that, you know, this is away she says, Remember that a
(12:45):
relatable or compelling storycan build empathy. She also
reminds and this is reallyimportant to invite that
conversation. So what I usuallythink of it is like getting buy
in. Basically, it's something Ido in coaching, where I ask
first, so that might look likeMay I share a different view?
(13:07):
May I share an experience thatI've had that is different than
yours? Would you be willing tohear a different story? So
inviting them to say yes, canmake a difference in their
ability. They're opening thatdoor, it's kind of like, Can I
come in? And if you just bargein, they're gonna be like, No,
(13:28):
get out. If they open the doorand say, Yes, you can come in,
then there's more willingness toconnect. There's that invitation
to connect on another way. Sothis is where we can build
empathy. Now it's important, ofcourse, to be aware of if
someone is disregarding yourlived experience, denying your
(13:50):
lived experience, telling youyour lived experience is wrong.
That is an issue. The flip sideof that is the same thing on
your end. This is again, wherewe get curious instead of making
assumptions, oh, youmisunderstood that. Oh, you're
wrong. Like shutting thosethings down. A lot of what I do
(14:11):
is acknowledging what someone issaying, acknowledging the
feelings that they have. And youcan validate feelings without
validating facts, right? So wetalk about feelings aren't
facts. Feelings are informationabout someone's experience of
life, usually relates to ourvalues. So you can validate that
(14:32):
someone had a feeling, or ishaving a feeling without saying
you are right, or that feelingis coming from a place of truth
in the world, you canacknowledge the feeling without
agreeing with the perceptionthat they're having that is
(14:53):
creating that feeling, thisfeeds really well into the
fourth mistake, which isdisagreeing on everything. She
says, try to find at least somecommon ground, as long as you're
not compromising your values. Itcan literally be anything from,
hey, we're both people, aren'twe? Or we're having a
(15:13):
conversation right agreement canhelp tone things down and make
it more comfortable andrespectful experience. If you
can't find at least one thing toagree on in the conversation,
it's unlikely to be productive,even if the goal isn't to agree.
So that's what she says there.
And one of the things that canbe a space of agreement is that
(15:36):
somebody is having a feeling. Itsounds like you are feeling this
way. It makes sense that you'dbe feeling this way if you are
perceiving this, or if you areexperiencing this. That's not
saying that this is true, but itis saying that, hey, I see you.
(15:57):
I recognize this. This is afeeling. Now again, that doesn't
mean that they are going to showup with that kind of energy. And
it may be that the emotionallabor needed to stay present in
a conversation like that, or therespect that isn't present in a
(16:20):
conversation like that may needa different approach, and it may
mean that this is not aconversation to have again, as
she mentions, it is important toengage when you're able to start
from a place of mutual respectand account for your personal
(16:40):
safety. Your personal safety ina conversation is key. I will
say it is important todifferentiate between your
personal safety and how you'reexperiencing the situation. So
sometimes we can feel the stressof a situation, we can feel the
(17:00):
emotions that are uncomfortable,and we may have a story that
when something is uncomfortableit means that we are unsafe, and
that's not necessarily true.
Sometimes things areuncomfortable because we're
conditioned to behave in acertain way, or to shut down, or
(17:21):
for our freeze response toactivate such that we don't
engage or interrupt things likefor example, if you are a white
woman, we are conditioned to gosilent for Our freeze response
to activate so that we don'tdisrupt racism as an example. So
(17:50):
that usually comes from thatsense of being unsafe, so we
shut down. But what is reallyunsafe is what's being said and
the fact that it is beingallowed to be normalized by our
silence. To that end,interrupting can make a huge
(18:11):
difference, because itdenormalizes I'm trying to think
is that, is that a worddenormalizes it. It basically
interrupts whatever was said asbeing okay, being normal, and it
doesn't have to come from aplace of I'm going to give you
all this information, and I'mgoing to tell you why you're
wrong and all of that. Not allof us are good at accessing that
(18:35):
kind of information right away.
Sometimes it's difficult,especially if our brains shut
down on us when we feel stress.
So that's part of the freezeresponse. But where we can
interrupt the freeze response isjust to say something to
interrupt it. We don't have tobe like, that's wrong, and
here's why, we can actually seekto build the relationship by
(19:01):
acknowledging that what was saidis uncomfortable, and we can
talk more about that later.
Right now, I just need to take amoment because that what you
just said was really upsetting,and it is still an invitation.
It creates discomfort aroundwhat was said, instead of
allowing it to stay comfortable,I did a really amazing workshop
(19:23):
with Amina Chaudhary, who was aguest on this podcast a while
back, called The Art ofinterrupting racism. And that
was one of the big things that Itook away from that workshop
with her, was really just that,like, I don't have to have all
the answers. Sometimes I wouldshut down. I wouldn't say
anything, because I thought,Well, I'm not going to be able
to argue effectively. And what Itook away from that is I don't
(19:46):
have to argue effectively. I canactually build a relationship.
And part of that isacknowledging my experience
that's part of a relationship.
So. Do have a resource on myresources page about things to
say. Not all of these areappropriate for all situations,
(20:08):
but I put it together fromsomething that I received years
ago in a 12 step meeting, and Ibroke it down differently and
kind of changed things up fromit, but I loved having this
little pocket reminder of likethings that I could say to give
myself space to make a decision,or to even just interrupt
(20:33):
something that I couldn't handleright then, so you can interrupt
something and kind of call itout without continuing that
conversation, you could takesome space. So for example, some
of the responses are that'sinteresting. I never thought of
it that way. I will think aboutwhat you said. So that's when we
(20:55):
don't necessarily need tointerrupt something. When a
decision is being asked, you cansay it's a possibility. Let me
get back to you, or I need tolook into a few things first.
When do you need to know by sobasically allowing some room
now, this is where theinterruption can come in, of
like, when you just can't rightnow, this is really painful for
me, or what you just said isreally painful for me. I need to
(21:18):
stop you. This is about all Ican handle right now. Let's talk
more later. My brain is onoverload. I need time to think
about this. Let me get back toyou later. So varying levels of
engagement or interruption, andof course, if it's more personal
and it's not something thatmaybe is a systemic I need to
(21:39):
interrupt this. I need to callthis forward. It can be like
just, I'm dealing with family,and the dynamics are stressful,
so I need to go use thebathroom. We'll talk more later.
So it just gives you an out tokind of process and decompress.
So that's already a lot ofinformation. I recognize that I
(22:01):
want to give you a reminderabout a few tools, but I'm also
going to have links to somepodcast episodes and to some
resources that I have in theshow notes. If you want to go
deeper than just thesereminders, when I talk about
giving space to decompress, whatare we doing there? So like,
(22:23):
what does it look like toprocess stress? So these are
just some quick reminders ofapproaches it can help when you
know what typically works foryou, because when our brains are
in overload, when we're in ourstress response, we don't always
have access to what we reallyneed to support us. So when we
(22:45):
have it set up ahead of time, wecan just go to that we don't
have to make another decision.
Because again, when we'reprocessing a lot, we're talking
about processing a lot ofemotional energy, doing a lot of
emotional labor, we have lessenergy for the mental labor of
decision making. So creatingpreset decisions can help. For
(23:05):
example, when you're going to godeal with family that you may
have some tension with orstressful interactions with,
presetting up with a friend.
Hey, I may need to give you acall. When are you going to be
around someone that you can talkto? If processing out loud is
(23:27):
helpful for you, if not having ajournal, maybe having something
on hand that you can read, maybegoing out for a walk, I have a
stress language quiz that youmay find helpful to identify
what is a good go to, and itwalks you through some things
(23:50):
that you might do to helpyourself and support yourself,
processing through the stressand that activation that's
happening so that you can thencome back into a conversation or
make a decision related to thatthat is going to be supportive
for you. I like to note herethat emotions are input from
(24:13):
experience, but they also tendto be feedback loops that affirm
an experience, especially whenthey're not initially
acknowledged, processed andaddressed, and of course, when
they are suppressed, they canwreak havoc in our systems. So
as an example, when you'refeeling anxiety, when you're
(24:33):
feeling a lot of stress, it'snormal for you to have digestive
issues, something going on withyour gut, because our brains and
our bodies talk to each other, Iknow that when I feel
particularly stimulated, whetherit is with excitement or
nervousness, I can feel thatvibration in my body, and that
vibration needs to move throughme and go to ground, as it were,
(24:56):
if we're thinking about like anelectrical charge in your
system. But. Bring it to ground.
So to interrupt the feedbackloop that we tend to get into
with our emotions, knowing thatour hormones go about two
minutes to 18 hours and we inour ability to regulate and
engage the situation will alsodetermine how quickly we
(25:16):
navigate through versus gettingstuck, kind of ruminating and
repeating. So the process forengaging in emotion is naming
it, locating its resonance inyour body, observing it, finding
a way to dissipate it, and thenquestioning it, engaging it,
(25:36):
what was the story, what washappening there? What are the
dynamics of that? What activatedthat? Because that's where we
can really kind of get into,what are the loops that are
happening? And this is not tosay that that emotion, again,
isn't valid, because sometimesthere is actual danger when we
get activated. So knowing thator recognizing when that danger
(26:00):
is rooted in past experiences.
So maybe it's a trauma response,being able to engage that and
knowing what supports you mightwant to reach out to, whether it
is a therapist to navigate thetrauma response, or a coach to
navigate some of the patternsand how that's playing out in
your life, having that awarenesscan be really helpful. So some
(26:25):
of the support tools that youcan tap into for that
dissipation, looking at aspiritual processing that might
look like meditating, beingoutside, or even just watching
silly cat videos, somethingthat's completely separate and
outside of what you wereprocessing. So just to kind of
(26:47):
even step away first, it mightbe physically resting,
exercising, dancing, somethingreally embodied, where you're
tapping into moving your body.
Could be emotionally so again,like having that friend you can
call to vent, to crying,writing, journaling and just
getting it all out onto paper.
(27:10):
Mentally, you might beresearching, brainstorming,
generating ideas for collectiveaction, for what you'll do,
regardless of what happens, howyou might engage the world and
your work and your friends andfamily. Just that thinking
(27:33):
piece, the analysis piece, thedump it all out cognitively.
Piece. So I'll link in the shownotes to that episode where I
dig into each one, as well as tothe freebie on my resources page
that has a link to the quiz andall of that. If that would be
(27:56):
something that you would feelhelpful. The other tool that I'm
going to give you is basicallyfive steps to center in call it
a pinky process, pause. Allowyourself space if breathing
helps you, and not everybodyresonates with breathing
(28:18):
practices, but if breathingpractices are helpful to you.
Take a deep breath into yourbelly, let it out slowly, roll
your shoulders back, bringattention to your body, to
anything that feels tense andtight and constricted, and
breathe into that part of yourbody, allowing it to open eyes
(28:44):
for insight, checking in withyourself, that insight into you.
What are you feeling? So, goingback to that feeling practice,
name it, where are you feelingit, what's happening in your
body, what unrelated factorsmight be influencing your
perception. Like to look at thathungry, angry, lonely, tired, in
(29:09):
pain, any of those things thatmight be influencing your
ability to see possibilities andoptions for yourself. N is for
noticing your narrative,checking in with the
interpretation that you haveabout the situation. So
remembering feelings aren'tfacts. They are information
(29:32):
about your experience of asituation, of a dynamic, of a
circumstance, of yourself. Solooking at what is the story
that you're telling about thefeeling that you're having,
because sometimes our brainpicks up something, it goes, Oh,
this is like this, all right.
Fire off the hormones, and thenwe have a feeling, and then it's
(29:56):
the feeling that we noticefirst. That we then tell the
story about, oh, my body justconstricted. My shoulders
hunched up. There must be dangersomewhere. I'm talking to this
person. It must be them, right?
Like it could be some story thatyou're telling about, the
experience that you're having,the feeling that's happening,
(30:18):
noticing that can then allow youto notice what's really
happening underneath it. As anexample, I had a client who
would start questioning herself,start feeling like an imposter,
when she would be in aconversation and we'd look at,
okay, well, what happens in thatconversation that that story
activates and she realized it'swhen that person that she's
(30:41):
talking to starts lookingaround, seems distracted, and it
could be that that person hasADHD, it could be that that
person has other things on theirmind. It could be there's so
many ways of understanding thather brain would notice it, and
she would feel the tension orthe disconnect that was
(31:01):
happening between her and thatother person, and that
interpretation would be that shewasn't being seen as valid or
valuable.
So we interrupted that with aquestion of, Hey, is everything
okay? How are you understandingwhat I'm saying? So engaging
(31:23):
that person reconnecting, versustelling the story and shutting
down, so noticing the narrative.
The next is k, for knowledge.
Know what is important to youand what you need. So this can
go back to understanding yourstress language, and what I
didn't mention was the stresslanguage. Knowing your stress
(31:44):
language and understanding thedynamics of stress language, you
may also be able to notice thestress language of the person
that you're interacting with,and when that goes off and what
they're seeking, kind of likelove languages. I dig further
into it in that episode. Socheck that out, if that would be
helpful for you. And so knowingwhat you need, what matters to
(32:09):
you, in the situation, in therelationship, where are you
making assumptions? Where couldyou get curious? What else could
be true, at least two otherpossibilities, if you can
generate those, even justlooking for other possibilities
helps expand your perception.
And then, of course, what wouldhelp you get more clarity? And
then finally, why you choosewith your more open perspective
(32:33):
and choices, what action feelsmost aligned with the
relationship that you want tocreate. So consciously choose
the action that you're going totake in that moment and learn
from it. Finally, I want you toknow that it is normal to lose
your cool. You're human. Giveyourself some grace with this,
(32:55):
especially in the heightenedstress of this time, give
yourself more space, more rest,and know that it's normal to
need that and to check in more.
Finally, especially as itrelates to this election season,
if you find you are reactingstrongly to new information,
(33:19):
pause. That is, again, thoseemotions are indication of
pausing. A lot of misleadinginformation is crafted to spark
confusion or strong emotions.
There's a whole article on NPRtalking about that. I will link
it in the show notes. Andsimilarly, when information
aligns too closely with your prebeliefs, the things you already
(33:43):
agree with and believe. It'simportant to take a moment to
verify it, rather than justsharing it out. We have a desire
to see our beliefs reflectedback to us. It gives us that
recognition and that sense ofbelonging, and so it's really
easy to agree with somethingthat reinforces our world view,
even if it's not true. Nowthat's not to say it's not true,
(34:06):
but it is a cue. It is areminder to slow down. Check
your sources. Check multiplesources. Be careful with images
and videos and audios, becausethey can be manipulated. And
remember it may take a while forus to know a full picture, so
(34:27):
take a pause. Do whateverpractices feel supportive for
you. Reach out. It is soimportant that we are doing our
own work, to be able to engageand connect in a healthy way, to
be able to create the world thatwe want to see, to be able to
(34:50):
feed into our communities, intoour relationships, in a way that
is generative and that buildswhat we are trying to create.
Not just thinking big, big, bigpicture, but internally. How are
we creating? What are wecreating within our families,
within our family systems,within our community, as Shanika
(35:10):
Moore Clark, MSW, Li CSW, of thehealing vibe, posted a few days
ago, activism work withoutshadow work means we will likely
unknowingly project ourunresolved issues onto others or
the causes we are fighting forand perpetuate the very dynamics
(35:33):
we seek to change. So make surethat you are doing your work to
stay centered so that you canshow up into the spaces that you
can, that you are called to,that are available to you and
feed into the world the changethat you want to see in it, how
(35:56):
We engage, the energy that weshow up with makes a difference.
And finally, if you wantsupport, if you are looking for
someone who can help you, siftthrough all of the learned
limitations, all of the stuffthat keeps us from showing up in
(36:17):
that way, addressing thepatterns in our life so that we
can engage in a more alignedway. That's what I'm here for.
And I do have some Pay What YouCan community price sessions
that are available. So Iencourage you to sign up if it's
something that would feelsupportive for you, and I will
talk to you all next time,thanks for listening. I so
(36:41):
appreciate you being here. Ifyou got something out of today's
episode, please share it, leaveme a review, take a screenshot
and post it on social with ashout out to me. Send it to a
friend or you know, all of theabove. Want to hang out more,
join me on Instagram, or, betteryet, get on my mailing list to
make sure you don't miss out onanything, and remember your
possibilities are as unlimitedas you are. Allow yourself to
(37:06):
shine, my friend, the worldneeds your light. See you next
time you.
Hello my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of unlimited today I amtalking about navigating tough
conversations with emotionalawareness. I honestly wasn't
going to do a podcast episodebecause this is scheduled to
come out the day after the USelection, and it's a lot, it's a
(00:24):
lot right now. And I was kind ofthinking, You know what, maybe
we're just gonna skip this andtake the time off, because who
is going to be listening to apodcast like this the day after
the election? But you know what,while I had several friends
suggest that that would be fine.
I have been sitting with somethoughts, and really wanted to
(00:45):
provide some level of supportfor anybody out there who might
want this, whether it is the dayit is released or later, there
have been people that I followwho have shared some valuable
insights that I wanted to kindof compile and pull into some of
the insights that I was sharingin the workshop that I was
(01:10):
offering about emotions andnavigating our emotions in a way
That is honoring withoutallowing it just kind of spray
everywhere. So I am doing apodcast, and we're going to talk
about tips for toughconversations that I am pulling
(01:30):
from a post by Blair Imani, andI will have links in the show
notes, of course, engaging yourstress response. So I'm pulling
from other podcasts that I'vedone, particularly one about
your stress language that I didvery, very early in the
beginning of this podcast, andtools to check in. I have some
(01:53):
support tools that are free onmy website that relate to these
things that I will alsoreference you to and then the
importance of interruption. Youdon't have to be one of those
people who can throw out factsleft and right. And actually,
that isn't always helpful tojust interrupt things. So I'll
(02:15):
talk more about that in theepisode. I also want you to know
that through December, I haveopened up pay what you want
coaching sessions. I will have alink to that in the show notes
as well. This is important tome, because I know this is a
(02:35):
period of high stress. We arenot going to have answers
anytime soon, in a variety ofways, we might have some
answers, but not other answers,just a lot going on. It's very
stressful, and I know that evenholiday season and New Year's,
there's a lot to process, anddiscernment support is key.
Whether we're talking aboutdiscernment support, about what
(02:57):
our plans are, about how we wantto interact with family and
friends and the people in ourlife and our society and all of
those things. There's just alot. So if you are looking for
some support to processsomething, make a decision, gain
clarity, and you're like, youknow what a whole transformative
(03:22):
coaching package is not for meright now, but I just need a
little bit of help, and maybedon't have the funds to invest
in a lot of coaching. This isavailable for you. It is set up
as a community pricing model,which means that if you have
more, I invite you to pay more,and if you have less, then you
(03:44):
pay less. So I hope that youwill go check that out and sign
up for a session, if that wouldfeel supportive for you. And
now, without further ado, let'sget started. Hey there. I'm
Valerie Friedlander, CertifiedLife business alignment Coach.
And this is unlimited. Thispodcast bridges the individual
(04:07):
and the societal, scientific andspiritual, positive and
negative, nerdy and no, there'sjust a lot of nerdy. Come on
board. And let's unlock a lifethat's as bad ass as you are,
(04:29):
my thought with this episode isto pull together a few resources
that I think may be helpful asWe navigate this period in our
country in our lives that has alot of impact. And I'm going to
start with four tips that BlairImani, founder of smarter in
(04:52):
seconds on Instagram shares Ihave linked to the Instagram in
the show notes, as well as toher book, read this together.
Smarter about race, class,gender, disability, and more,
really, really awesomeresources. So definitely check
those out. I'm going to sharethese tips and a little bit
about my thoughts around them,and then we'll dig into some
(05:15):
layers that go into how we showup to these things, as she
mentions, these tips can behelpful when you're in
circumstances where you're ableto start from a place of mutual
respect and account for yourpersonal safety, which is really
key if you are unsafe orengaging with someone who does
(05:39):
not have respect for you andyour lived experiences. You may
want to take a differentapproach, and we'll speak to
that in the next section. So forhere, the first mistake that
people make when they try andengage difficult conversations
is making assumptions. Ourbrains love patterns, and so we
(06:01):
tend to connect dots, and wedon't even always realize that
we're making assumptions whenwe're making assumptions. So the
counter to that is engagingcuriosity. So what she says is,
don't assume you know more thanthe other person. Don't assume
you know what they believe orwhy they believe it instead ask
(06:24):
which will help you learnsomething new about them and
even find better ways to getthrough to them or successfully
communicate your perspective. Sothat is her recommendation. And
really it is about engagingconversation. It is seeing them
as a full human being with livedexperience that inclines them to
(06:45):
believe whatever it is that theyare believing, and it may not be
related to the specific thing,but there's always something
underlying it. There's reasonthere's there's something
underlying, and it's true forthem as much as is for us. So
getting curious and actuallylooking to connect, versus
(07:06):
jumping in and assuming whichties to the next mistake that
she mentions, which is trying tochange minds. She says, If your
goal is to change someone'smind, it's pretty much
impossible to know whether youreached that goal. Even if you
do change someone's mind, theyprobably won't admit it anyway.
Instead, simply speak to share,offer perspectives and break
(07:27):
through the echo chamber. Thisis something I'm going to talk a
little bit more about later,when we talk about interrupting
things, but when we engage withsomeone, to respond versus to
understand. This is where wejump in and we stop listening,
(07:49):
we make assumptions and we judgeso we block our ability to get
curious. We block our ability toconnect. So coming in with that
assumption. And this is hard notto do when you know someone is
engaging in a way that suggestscertain beliefs and reasons for
believing. We tend to jump in.
And I have absolutely done this.
(08:12):
I have very strong feelingsabout various things, and it's
difficult when you know someoneis approaching something in a
different way, not to take onthat kind of fight mode and
think that I'm coming in toeither get you to, you know, get
you to change, really, to makeyou different than you are. And
(08:36):
a lot of these things, ourbeliefs get very much tied to
our identities, and that's partof that fixed mindset of like, I
am what I think if I made amistake, then I am a mistake.
You can know differently, and itdoesn't necessarily change the
(08:58):
impact that that has on you whenit happens, and so we shut down
when we feel attacked. And so wecan know, oh, I made a mistake.
I'm not a mistake, but if thathas been part of our
conditioning, we're still goingto feel attacked when it's
(09:19):
brought in front of us, and I'venoticed this myself when I have
gotten corrected, and I had thishappen the other day on a call
where someone invited me toapproach something differently,
and I could feel my nervoussystem get kind of worked up
like, Oh, I've just beenchastised. And that was totally
not the approach that was taken.
It was really just aninvitation, but I felt my
(09:42):
nervous system shift. I feltadrenaline shoot through my
system, and this kind of shutdown mode happening, and because
I've done so much work aroundit, I could watch it happen, or
kind of sit with it happening,breathe into it. It and allow it
to dissipate, knowing thatfeelings aren't facts. It's
(10:02):
information about my experienceand not necessarily what is true
in this situation. And for me inthat instance, it was an
invitation to notice the energythat I was coming in with, where
I was approaching things, andwhat I was bringing so that I
could take a breath and pauseand check in and recalibrate for
(10:23):
myself. And that's hard thatit's taken years of work on my
part. This is like what I do. Sojust knowing that while we might
have that kind of activation,other people have that too, and
when we judge that as well,you're wrong. So you shouldn't
feel that way. Or somehow you'rejustified, or it's justified in
(10:48):
in having that feeling, whilethere's a reason for having that
feeling, making it into like asoftware like you, it's
justified for you to hurt thatis going to cause a wedge. It's
not going to create connection.
So being able to hold space forsomeone's emotional self, their
(11:13):
stress reaction, giving a littlebit more space will also allow
them some room, or theopportunity to show up to the
conversation. Now that doesn'tmean that they will. You may
notice the shutdown happen, andthen the digging in happen, and
that can be more information togo, Okay, this, this
(11:36):
conversation needs to take apause. We need to step back.
This isn't the time to keepgoing, rather than, Oh, I got
them. Let me dig in furtherright, like so we do need to be
mindful of that and alsorecognizing that all of this
takes a lot of emotional labor.
So knowing what your capacity isto showing up to this can also
help inform what you want to do,how far you want to engage,
(12:00):
maybe inviting us. Hey, let'stake a break. Let's come back to
this. If they are showing up tothat conversation, you can
express appreciation for themshowing up to the conversation.
And I'm gonna go back to thethird thing, because I can keep
going on this, and I have morecoming up about the emotional
processing, but Okay, the thirdone that she mentions is the
(12:24):
mistake of forgetting to addyour personal story. So like I
just did, where I said, Hey, Ihave a personal story. Providing
a personal story can bepowerful, because then you're
also connecting again on a humanlevel. Now
with that, you know, this is away she says, Remember that a
(12:45):
relatable or compelling storycan build empathy. She also
reminds and this is reallyimportant to invite that
conversation. So what I usuallythink of it is like getting buy
in. Basically, it's something Ido in coaching, where I ask
first, so that might look likeMay I share a different view?
(13:07):
May I share an experience thatI've had that is different than
yours? Would you be willing tohear a different story? So
inviting them to say yes, canmake a difference in their
ability. They're opening thatdoor, it's kind of like, Can I
come in? And if you just bargein, they're gonna be like, No,
(13:28):
get out. If they open the doorand say, Yes, you can come in,
then there's more willingness toconnect. There's that invitation
to connect on another way. Sothis is where we can build
empathy. Now it's important, ofcourse, to be aware of if
someone is disregarding yourlived experience, denying your
(13:50):
lived experience, telling youyour lived experience is wrong.
That is an issue. The flip sideof that is the same thing on
your end. This is again, wherewe get curious instead of making
assumptions, oh, youmisunderstood that. Oh, you're
wrong. Like shutting thosethings down. A lot of what I do
(14:11):
is acknowledging what someone issaying, acknowledging the
feelings that they have. And youcan validate feelings without
validating facts, right? So wetalk about feelings aren't
facts. Feelings are informationabout someone's experience of
life, usually relates to ourvalues. So you can validate that
(14:32):
someone had a feeling, or ishaving a feeling without saying
you are right, or that feelingis coming from a place of truth
in the world, you canacknowledge the feeling without
agreeing with the perceptionthat they're having that is
(14:53):
creating that feeling, thisfeeds really well into the
fourth mistake, which isdisagreeing on everything. She
says, try to find at least somecommon ground, as long as you're
not compromising your values. Itcan literally be anything from,
hey, we're both people, aren'twe? Or we're having a
(15:13):
conversation right agreement canhelp tone things down and make
it more comfortable andrespectful experience. If you
can't find at least one thing toagree on in the conversation,
it's unlikely to be productive,even if the goal isn't to agree.
So that's what she says there.
And one of the things that canbe a space of agreement is that
(15:36):
somebody is having a feeling. Itsounds like you are feeling this
way. It makes sense that you'dbe feeling this way if you are
perceiving this, or if you areexperiencing this. That's not
saying that this is true, but itis saying that, hey, I see you.
(15:57):
I recognize this. This is afeeling. Now again, that doesn't
mean that they are going to showup with that kind of energy. And
it may be that the emotionallabor needed to stay present in
a conversation like that, or therespect that isn't present in a
(16:20):
conversation like that may needa different approach, and it may
mean that this is not aconversation to have again, as
she mentions, it is important toengage when you're able to start
from a place of mutual respectand account for your personal
(16:40):
safety. Your personal safety ina conversation is key. I will
say it is important todifferentiate between your
personal safety and how you'reexperiencing the situation. So
sometimes we can feel the stressof a situation, we can feel the
(17:00):
emotions that are uncomfortable,and we may have a story that
when something is uncomfortableit means that we are unsafe, and
that's not necessarily true.
Sometimes things areuncomfortable because we're
conditioned to behave in acertain way, or to shut down, or
(17:21):
for our freeze response toactivate such that we don't
engage or interrupt things likefor example, if you are a white
woman, we are conditioned to gosilent for Our freeze response
to activate so that we don'tdisrupt racism as an example. So
(17:50):
that usually comes from thatsense of being unsafe, so we
shut down. But what is reallyunsafe is what's being said and
the fact that it is beingallowed to be normalized by our
silence. To that end,interrupting can make a huge
(18:11):
difference, because itdenormalizes I'm trying to think
is that, is that a worddenormalizes it. It basically
interrupts whatever was said asbeing okay, being normal, and it
doesn't have to come from aplace of I'm going to give you
all this information, and I'mgoing to tell you why you're
wrong and all of that. Not allof us are good at accessing that
(18:35):
kind of information right away.
Sometimes it's difficult,especially if our brains shut
down on us when we feel stress.
So that's part of the freezeresponse. But where we can
interrupt the freeze response isjust to say something to
interrupt it. We don't have tobe like, that's wrong, and
here's why, we can actually seekto build the relationship by
(19:01):
acknowledging that what was saidis uncomfortable, and we can
talk more about that later.
Right now, I just need to take amoment because that what you
just said was really upsetting,and it is still an invitation.
It creates discomfort aroundwhat was said, instead of
allowing it to stay comfortable,I did a really amazing workshop
(19:23):
with Amina Chaudhary, who was aguest on this podcast a while
back, called The Art ofinterrupting racism. And that
was one of the big things that Itook away from that workshop
with her, was really just that,like, I don't have to have all
the answers. Sometimes I wouldshut down. I wouldn't say
anything, because I thought,Well, I'm not going to be able
to argue effectively. And what Itook away from that is I don't
(19:46):
have to argue effectively. I canactually build a relationship.
And part of that isacknowledging my experience
that's part of a relationship.
So. Do have a resource on myresources page about things to
say. Not all of these areappropriate for all situations,
(20:08):
but I put it together fromsomething that I received years
ago in a 12 step meeting, and Ibroke it down differently and
kind of changed things up fromit, but I loved having this
little pocket reminder of likethings that I could say to give
myself space to make a decision,or to even just interrupt
(20:33):
something that I couldn't handleright then, so you can interrupt
something and kind of call itout without continuing that
conversation, you could takesome space. So for example, some
of the responses are that'sinteresting. I never thought of
it that way. I will think aboutwhat you said. So that's when we
(20:55):
don't necessarily need tointerrupt something. When a
decision is being asked, you cansay it's a possibility. Let me
get back to you, or I need tolook into a few things first.
When do you need to know by sobasically allowing some room
now, this is where theinterruption can come in, of
like, when you just can't rightnow, this is really painful for
me, or what you just said isreally painful for me. I need to
(21:18):
stop you. This is about all Ican handle right now. Let's talk
more later. My brain is onoverload. I need time to think
about this. Let me get back toyou later. So varying levels of
engagement or interruption, andof course, if it's more personal
and it's not something thatmaybe is a systemic I need to
(21:39):
interrupt this. I need to callthis forward. It can be like
just, I'm dealing with family,and the dynamics are stressful,
so I need to go use thebathroom. We'll talk more later.
So it just gives you an out tokind of process and decompress.
So that's already a lot ofinformation. I recognize that I
(22:01):
want to give you a reminderabout a few tools, but I'm also
going to have links to somepodcast episodes and to some
resources that I have in theshow notes. If you want to go
deeper than just thesereminders, when I talk about
giving space to decompress, whatare we doing there? So like,
(22:23):
what does it look like toprocess stress? So these are
just some quick reminders ofapproaches it can help when you
know what typically works foryou, because when our brains are
in overload, when we're in ourstress response, we don't always
have access to what we reallyneed to support us. So when we
(22:45):
have it set up ahead of time, wecan just go to that we don't
have to make another decision.
Because again, when we'reprocessing a lot, we're talking
about processing a lot ofemotional energy, doing a lot of
emotional labor, we have lessenergy for the mental labor of
decision making. So creatingpreset decisions can help. For
(23:05):
example, when you're going to godeal with family that you may
have some tension with orstressful interactions with,
presetting up with a friend.
Hey, I may need to give you acall. When are you going to be
around someone that you can talkto? If processing out loud is
(23:27):
helpful for you, if not having ajournal, maybe having something
on hand that you can read, maybegoing out for a walk, I have a
stress language quiz that youmay find helpful to identify
what is a good go to, and itwalks you through some things
(23:50):
that you might do to helpyourself and support yourself,
processing through the stressand that activation that's
happening so that you can thencome back into a conversation or
make a decision related to thatthat is going to be supportive
for you. I like to note herethat emotions are input from
(24:13):
experience, but they also tendto be feedback loops that affirm
an experience, especially whenthey're not initially
acknowledged, processed andaddressed, and of course, when
they are suppressed, they canwreak havoc in our systems. So
as an example, when you'refeeling anxiety, when you're
(24:33):
feeling a lot of stress, it'snormal for you to have digestive
issues, something going on withyour gut, because our brains and
our bodies talk to each other, Iknow that when I feel
particularly stimulated, whetherit is with excitement or
nervousness, I can feel thatvibration in my body, and that
vibration needs to move throughme and go to ground, as it were,
(24:56):
if we're thinking about like anelectrical charge in your
system. But. Bring it to ground.
So to interrupt the feedbackloop that we tend to get into
with our emotions, knowing thatour hormones go about two
minutes to 18 hours and we inour ability to regulate and
engage the situation will alsodetermine how quickly we
(25:16):
navigate through versus gettingstuck, kind of ruminating and
repeating. So the process forengaging in emotion is naming
it, locating its resonance inyour body, observing it, finding
a way to dissipate it, and thenquestioning it, engaging it,
(25:36):
what was the story, what washappening there? What are the
dynamics of that? What activatedthat? Because that's where we
can really kind of get into,what are the loops that are
happening? And this is not tosay that that emotion, again,
isn't valid, because sometimesthere is actual danger when we
get activated. So knowing thator recognizing when that danger
(26:00):
is rooted in past experiences.
So maybe it's a trauma response,being able to engage that and
knowing what supports you mightwant to reach out to, whether it
is a therapist to navigate thetrauma response, or a coach to
navigate some of the patternsand how that's playing out in
your life, having that awarenesscan be really helpful. So some
(26:25):
of the support tools that youcan tap into for that
dissipation, looking at aspiritual processing that might
look like meditating, beingoutside, or even just watching
silly cat videos, somethingthat's completely separate and
outside of what you wereprocessing. So just to kind of
(26:47):
even step away first, it mightbe physically resting,
exercising, dancing, somethingreally embodied, where you're
tapping into moving your body.
Could be emotionally so again,like having that friend you can
call to vent, to crying,writing, journaling and just
getting it all out onto paper.
(27:10):
Mentally, you might beresearching, brainstorming,
generating ideas for collectiveaction, for what you'll do,
regardless of what happens, howyou might engage the world and
your work and your friends andfamily. Just that thinking
(27:33):
piece, the analysis piece, thedump it all out cognitively.
Piece. So I'll link in the shownotes to that episode where I
dig into each one, as well as tothe freebie on my resources page
that has a link to the quiz andall of that. If that would be
(27:56):
something that you would feelhelpful. The other tool that I'm
going to give you is basicallyfive steps to center in call it
a pinky process, pause. Allowyourself space if breathing
helps you, and not everybodyresonates with breathing
(28:18):
practices, but if breathingpractices are helpful to you.
Take a deep breath into yourbelly, let it out slowly, roll
your shoulders back, bringattention to your body, to
anything that feels tense andtight and constricted, and
breathe into that part of yourbody, allowing it to open eyes
(28:44):
for insight, checking in withyourself, that insight into you.
What are you feeling? So, goingback to that feeling practice,
name it, where are you feelingit, what's happening in your
body, what unrelated factorsmight be influencing your
perception. Like to look at thathungry, angry, lonely, tired, in
(29:09):
pain, any of those things thatmight be influencing your
ability to see possibilities andoptions for yourself. N is for
noticing your narrative,checking in with the
interpretation that you haveabout the situation. So
remembering feelings aren'tfacts. They are information
(29:32):
about your experience of asituation, of a dynamic, of a
circumstance, of yourself. Solooking at what is the story
that you're telling about thefeeling that you're having,
because sometimes our brainpicks up something, it goes, Oh,
this is like this, all right.
Fire off the hormones, and thenwe have a feeling, and then it's
(29:56):
the feeling that we noticefirst. That we then tell the
story about, oh, my body justconstricted. My shoulders
hunched up. There must be dangersomewhere. I'm talking to this
person. It must be them, right?
Like it could be some story thatyou're telling about, the
experience that you're having,the feeling that's happening,
(30:18):
noticing that can then allow youto notice what's really
happening underneath it. As anexample, I had a client who
would start questioning herself,start feeling like an imposter,
when she would be in aconversation and we'd look at,
okay, well, what happens in thatconversation that that story
activates and she realized it'swhen that person that she's
(30:41):
talking to starts lookingaround, seems distracted, and it
could be that that person hasADHD, it could be that that
person has other things on theirmind. It could be there's so
many ways of understanding thather brain would notice it, and
she would feel the tension orthe disconnect that was
(31:01):
happening between her and thatother person, and that
interpretation would be that shewasn't being seen as valid or
valuable.
So we interrupted that with aquestion of, Hey, is everything
okay? How are you understandingwhat I'm saying? So engaging
(31:23):
that person reconnecting, versustelling the story and shutting
down, so noticing the narrative.
The next is k, for knowledge.
Know what is important to youand what you need. So this can
go back to understanding yourstress language, and what I
didn't mention was the stresslanguage. Knowing your stress
(31:44):
language and understanding thedynamics of stress language, you
may also be able to notice thestress language of the person
that you're interacting with,and when that goes off and what
they're seeking, kind of likelove languages. I dig further
into it in that episode. Socheck that out, if that would be
helpful for you. And so knowingwhat you need, what matters to
(32:09):
you, in the situation, in therelationship, where are you
making assumptions? Where couldyou get curious? What else could
be true, at least two otherpossibilities, if you can
generate those, even justlooking for other possibilities
helps expand your perception.
And then, of course, what wouldhelp you get more clarity? And
then finally, why you choosewith your more open perspective
(32:33):
and choices, what action feelsmost aligned with the
relationship that you want tocreate. So consciously choose
the action that you're going totake in that moment and learn
from it. Finally, I want you toknow that it is normal to lose
your cool. You're human. Giveyourself some grace with this,
(32:55):
especially in the heightenedstress of this time, give
yourself more space, more rest,and know that it's normal to
need that and to check in more.
Finally, especially as itrelates to this election season,
if you find you are reactingstrongly to new information,
(33:19):
pause. That is, again, thoseemotions are indication of
pausing. A lot of misleadinginformation is crafted to spark
confusion or strong emotions.
There's a whole article on NPRtalking about that. I will link
it in the show notes. Andsimilarly, when information
aligns too closely with your prebeliefs, the things you already
(33:43):
agree with and believe. It'simportant to take a moment to
verify it, rather than justsharing it out. We have a desire
to see our beliefs reflectedback to us. It gives us that
recognition and that sense ofbelonging, and so it's really
easy to agree with somethingthat reinforces our world view,
even if it's not true. Nowthat's not to say it's not true,
(34:06):
but it is a cue. It is areminder to slow down. Check
your sources. Check multiplesources. Be careful with images
and videos and audios, becausethey can be manipulated. And
remember it may take a while forus to know a full picture, so
(34:27):
take a pause. Do whateverpractices feel supportive for
you. Reach out. It is soimportant that we are doing our
own work, to be able to engageand connect in a healthy way, to
be able to create the world thatwe want to see, to be able to
(34:50):
feed into our communities, intoour relationships, in a way that
is generative and that buildswhat we are trying to create.
Not just thinking big, big, bigpicture, but internally. How are
we creating? What are wecreating within our families,
within our family systems,within our community, as Shanika
(35:10):
Moore Clark, MSW, Li CSW, of thehealing vibe, posted a few days
ago, activism work withoutshadow work means we will likely
unknowingly project ourunresolved issues onto others or
the causes we are fighting forand perpetuate the very dynamics
(35:33):
we seek to change. So make surethat you are doing your work to
stay centered so that you canshow up into the spaces that you
can, that you are called to,that are available to you and
feed into the world the changethat you want to see in it, how
(35:56):
We engage, the energy that weshow up with makes a difference.
And finally, if you wantsupport, if you are looking for
someone who can help you, siftthrough all of the learned
limitations, all of the stuffthat keeps us from showing up in
(36:17):
that way, addressing thepatterns in our life so that we
can engage in a more alignedway. That's what I'm here for.
And I do have some Pay What YouCan community price sessions
that are available. So Iencourage you to sign up if it's
something that would feelsupportive for you, and I will
talk to you all next time,thanks for listening. I so
(36:41):
appreciate you being here. Ifyou got something out of today's
episode, please share it, leaveme a review, take a screenshot
and post it on social with ashout out to me. Send it to a
friend or you know, all of theabove. Want to hang out more,
join me on Instagram, or, betteryet, get on my mailing list to
make sure you don't miss out onanything, and remember your
possibilities are as unlimitedas you are. Allow yourself to
(37:06):
shine, my friend, the worldneeds your light. See you next
time you.
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