April 9, 2025 • 15 mins
Have a question for the show? Text us here!
In this episode of Unlock Your Teaching Potential, we dive into a powerful and often overlooked topic in education: how to extend compassion to adult colleagues while maintaining healthy boundaries and protecting your own emotional energy.
Educators are natural nurturers, but many of us find ourselves overextending—especially when dealing with emotionally dysregulated adults. This episode unpacks how you can stay grounded, uphold your values, and practice true compassion without slipping into self-abandonment.
What You’ll Learn:
- How adult dysregulation impacts school culture, student outcomes, and educator morale
- Why we offer more grace to students than to fellow adults—and how to shift that perspective
- The connection between emotional regulation, unprocessed trauma, and adult behavior in schools
- Why grace without boundaries isn’t compassion—it’s self-sacrifice
- How to set boundaries over expectations and release the need to control others
- Tips for practicing neutral observation and reducing emotional reactivity
- The balance between compassion and accountability—how to hold space without enabling
- Tools to protect your energy and focus on what’s within your control
- Why educator self-care is one of the most generous things you can do for your students
If you’re an educator looking to create a healthier, more emotionally sustainable professional life, this episode will leave you feeling seen, empowered, and reconnected to your purpose.
✨ Remember: You are a gift to this world. Treat yourself accordingly. ✨
Stay empowered,
Jen
Let’s keep the conversation going! Find me at:
empowerededucator.com/resources
Instagram: @jenrafferty_
Facebook: Empowered Educator Faculty Room
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you feeling exhausted by the constant
demands of teaching?
Do you find yourself wonderingif there's a way to balance both
your career and your well-beingwithout burning out?
Welcome to Unlock your TeachingPotential, your permission slip
to hit the brakes, recharge andreignite your joy for teaching
and living.
(00:20):
I'm Dr Jen Rafferty, formermusic teacher, author, tedx
speaker and founder of EmpoweredEducator, and I've been where
you are exhausted, overwhelmedand just trying to get through
the day, making it all work.
So each week, I'll bring youshort, powerful episodes with
actionable tools to help youreclaim your energy, set
(00:41):
boundaries and step into yourfull potential, both in and out
of your role as an educator.
So take a breath and let's divein.
It's time to unlock yourteaching potential, because the
world needs you at your best.
Today's episode is aboutsomething that I know so many of
(01:04):
us feel but don't always talkabout why is it so much harder
to have compassion for adultsthan it is for our students?
Now, this question came uprecently and I knew it was one
that we needed to sit with herein the podcast, so here's how it
was framed Self-regulationHelpful, noticing.
Helpful.
(01:24):
Self-regulation Helpful,noticing.
Helpful.
Responding with kindness andcuriosity Also helpful.
But I don't work in a vacuumwhen other adults are
dysregulated, whether it's outof anger or shutting down or
avoiding accountability, itaffects my students, it affects
me and it affects the work thatwe're trying to do together and
that is frustrating.
We've talked about compassionfor adults before in your
(01:45):
Empowered Educator classes, butI still struggle with that.
At the same time, I have almostunwavering compassion and
belief in my students.
Why is it so much harder tohave that for adults?
Ooh, okay, so if you're noddingalong already, I see you and
this is real, so let's talkabout it.
So why do we give more grace tostudents than adults?
(02:08):
A lot of the time?
I think the first step is justacknowledging this simple truth.
We naturally extend morepatience, belief and grace to
children and our teenagers orstudents than we do to our adult
colleagues and supervisors,because they are still growing,
right.
I mean that makes sense.
Our students are stilldeveloping and we understand
(02:29):
that their brains are still awork in progress.
Their brains don't actuallydevelop fully until they're
about 24 years old, and theirability to regulate their
emotions and behavior is also awork in progress.
When a student lashes out orgets frustrated or avoids
responsibility, we caninstinctively shift into a
teaching mindset.
How can I help the student growthrough this?
(02:51):
What skills do they need?
What support can I give them?
But when adults act in thatsimilar way, our instincts are
very different.
It's not what do they need tolearn here, what are they
struggling with?
Instead, it's you should knowbetter and, honestly, that
expectation isn't necessarilywrong, but it assumes a lot and
(03:12):
there's judgment there.
When we make judgments, itsounds something like you should
have a more developedself-regulation skill.
You should be able to takeaccountability and communicate
effectively and workcollaboratively.
And when you're in thatjudgmental mindset, when they
don't behave or act in a waythat you feel that they should,
(03:33):
it can feel deeply frustratingbecause their struggles don't
just affect them, they affectyou and, more importantly, they
affect your students.
But notice, when you arethinking that word should, you
are immediately in judgment andthat is a time for you to notice
hey, that's so interesting, Ijust should on this person or on
(03:53):
this situation.
I need to take a step back hereand really see what's going on.
So the first thing I want tovalidate here is your
frustration is completely normal.
It's not out of a lack ofkindness or an unwillingness to
be compassionate.
It's your response or reaction,if you will, to a very real
impact that another person'sdysregulation has on your
(04:15):
ability to do your job well and,potentially, your student's
ability to do their part wellalso.
So here's where things get alittle tricky.
Just because in your mind inthat moment you have a
judgmental moment of you shouldknow better, it doesn't mean
that they do.
You know, we grow up and all ofa sudden, one day we're just
(04:38):
expected to know how to regulateour emotions and to adult in
this world.
But until we have trainingabout this, we never were
actually taught or told or evenmodeled a lot of these skills,
which, frankly, is why EmpoweredEducator exists in the first
place.
Because so many adults,including me too I'm not immune
(04:59):
to this we're walking aroundwith unprocessed trauma,
unprocessed pain, around withunprocessed trauma, unprocessed
pain, unprocessed wounds, deeplyingrained subconscious patterns
and a lack of emotional tools,because sometimes we've never
had the opportunity to developthem.
Most of the time, especiallynow, so many of us are in
survival mode.
(05:19):
Some of you listening might feelas if you're barely holding it
together, and you're.
People's behavior reflects howthey're feeling, and so I know
what some of you might bethinking at this point like,
okay, fine, but I still have toshow up and do my job every day.
I don't just get to check outbecause I'm struggling and
you're.
You're totally right.
And the fact that someone isstruggling does not mean that
(05:42):
their actions don't get to haveconsequences.
Compassion does not mean makingexcuses, but what it does mean
is that we can start to seethese behaviors as a pattern for
understanding and get curiousinstead of having some sort of
personal attack.
And you know, personally I alsoused to think that giving grace
(06:05):
meant being endlessly patient.
I used to think it meant Ineeded to absorb other people's
stress.
I would make up for theirshortcomings, or even make
excuses for their shortcomings,because I would understand they
were going through a hard timeand I would end up bearing the
weight of their emotionalbaggage.
And that's truly what I thoughtbeing a compassionate person
(06:27):
meant.
But I remember when a lot ofthat changed for me.
There was a time when I wasworking really closely with a
colleague who was justconstantly overwhelmed.
They were always behind on thethings they needed to do at some
deadlines that were coming up,missed meetings often and
frequently projected theirstress onto everyone around them
(06:48):
, including me, and at first Iwould keep telling myself well,
they're struggling, they justneed support.
I understand where they'recoming from, I can be patient,
and so I would pick up the slackand I adjusted my expectations
and I told myself that I wasbeing kind.
But then I started to noticesomething that the more that I
accommodated, the lessaccountability they took and the
(07:10):
more resentful I started tofeel.
So, instead of helping themgrow, or allow them to make
mistakes and have naturalconsequences, or helping what I
thought would be making thingseasier for the both of us my
quote unquote grace was enablingthe very behavior that was
(07:31):
draining me, and it was trulydraining.
And the turning point came whensomething we were both working
on together fell through, notbecause of anything that I did,
but because I had allowed theirlack of follow through to become
the norm.
I had been so focused on beingunderstanding that I had
(07:52):
neglected to set clearexpectations for me, and that
moment taught me somethingreally important that grace
without boundaries is notcompassion at all, it's self
abandonment.
And so I did something I hadnever done before.
I sat down with this person andthey said look, I see that
you're going through it rightnow and I want to.
(08:12):
I had never done before.
I sat down with this person andthey said look, I see that
you're going through it rightnow and I want to be able to
support you, but here's what Ineed in order for this working
relationship to work.
I named my boundaries veryclearly and very calmly as a way
to ensure that we could both besuccessful and that ultimately,
I could feel good and I didn'twant to show up feeling
resentful anymore.
And so the thing is at firstthere was a little bit of
(08:36):
pushback, but they actuallyresponded really well.
Once I made things clear that Iwasn't judging them, I was just
setting healthy limits for me,our dynamic completely changed
and I learned that compassionand accountability are not
opposites, they're actuallypartners.
And so from then on, I reallystarted approaching these
(08:57):
situations differently.
I still offer grace Grace is soimportant but I no longer
confuse grace with taking onsomeone else's emotional labor,
and that shift has beencompletely freeing.
So when an adult in yourprofessional space is
dysregulated whether that'sthrough anger or avoidance or
shutting down or maybe refusingthat accountability it's really
(09:20):
easy again to get stuck in thatloop of frustration.
And it is valid, but it is alsoexhausting.
So I need you to think abouthow much mental energy it takes
to replay that interaction inyour head, to analyze what you
think someone should have donedifferently and hold on to that
anger and irritation.
That emotional load for you nowis heavy and, more often than
(09:47):
not, the person who was thecause of it they're not carrying
it anymore.
You are.
So the real question becomeshow do we then shift from being
drained by these moments intonavigating them with more ease?
So I told you that story, but Ireally want to walk through
some practical strategies foryou to incorporate into your
(10:07):
daily practices.
So, instead of expecting anotheradult to be different, shift
the focus to what you are andare not available for.
These are boundaries.
We're going to set boundariesover expectation.
So, for example, if a colleagueconstantly shuts down and
refuses to communicate, you canchoose to communicate clearly
(10:29):
yourself, but you don't have tokeep overextending to fill in
their gaps.
Or if an administrator respondsto concerns with defensiveness,
you can document your efforts,set clear expectations and
disengage from unproductiveconversations.
Boundaries are not just aboutsaying no to something.
They're about deciding what'syours, that you want to carry
(10:52):
and what's not.
The second piece of this,besides boundaries and over
expectations, is the power ofobservation.
We can't change something wedon't notice, and so, instead of
immediately reacting to anotherperson's dysregulation, notice
how you are feeling in thatmoment, and that self-compassion
(11:17):
allows the space for you toextend compassion to somebody
else.
So, instead of like, oh,rolling your eyes, like, why are
they being like this?
Again, start to notice I'mfeeling activated right now.
That's so interesting.
Take a breath, huh, I'mnoticing that this person shuts
down when they're confronted.
Huh, that's, that's also sointeresting.
(11:40):
And then you can get curious.
Instead of, oh, my gosh,rolling your eyes again they are
so difficult, they're always sodifficult Notice what your body
is doing, regulate yourself andstep into a place of
questioning and curiosity.
This person really seems tostruggle with accountability,
with this curiosity, this personreally seems to struggle with
(12:01):
accountability.
With this, this very small shiftcan move you out of that
emotional reactivity space andinto a place of neutral
awareness.
That neutral awareness place isvery, very powerful.
And again, it's not aboutexcusing their behavior, it's
about freeing yourself from thatemotional spiral that can come
with it.
And remember, compassion andaccountability can co exist.
It doesn't mean you have toaccept their behavior, but you
(12:25):
can hold both truths at the sametime.
I understand this person isstruggling and I need them to
follow through on theirresponsibilities.
You can care about someone'sstruggles, but you don't have to
be their solution.
And, at the end of the day, whenan adult's dysregulation is
consistently affecting you, themost powerful thing that you can
do is protect your ability toshow up.
(12:46):
We say this all the time hereand in all empowered educator
spaces the most generous thingyou can do for the people in
your life is take care ofyourself.
So make sure that you'reconsistently checking in with
yourself.
Take a deep breath when youneed it, take a short walk, even
if it's just those breathingbreaks throughout the day, to
have a check-in, to recenteryourself.
This will make a hugedifference, recognizing where am
(13:10):
I placing my energy right now,where your attention goes, your
energy flows.
So asking is this worth myemotional investment right here?
That's a really importantquestion, and if the answer is
no, well then make a differentdecision and then, at the end of
the day, you can only focus onwhat you can control.
You cannot change other people.
The only person you have anyagency in changing is yourself.
(13:34):
So, coming back to that originalquestion, why is it so much
harder to have compassion foradults?
Because we naturally expectmore from them, and when they
don't meet those expectationssometimes even unspoken
expectations it can feelfrustrating, especially when
their behavior impacts students.
But here's what I want you toleave with.
This is the big takeawayCompassion for adults does not
(13:56):
mean to have endless patience,self-sacrifice or excusing
harmful behavior.
What it means is recognizingthat, while their struggles
exist, you get to decide whatyou are and are not available
for.
You can choose to protect yourenergy so that you can keep
showing up for what trulymatters, which is your students,
your work and your ownwell-being.
(14:17):
So now, just like at the end ofevery episode, I'm going to
pull a card from the empowerededucator card deck and, oh, this
is a good one.
Nothing changes if nothingchanges.
Yes, and as I said earlier, youare the only one that has any
agency in changing anything foryourself.
(14:39):
That is the only thing that isin your control.
That's your empowerment, thatis your complete personal
responsibility.
You are 100% responsible forhow you show up.
And it's nice to have somewishful thinking, and I just I
wish things could be different,or I want to be able to show up
better, or I want to be able toshow up more aligned, and that's
truly up to you.
(14:59):
But until you start makingdifferent choices, until you
start taking that responsibilityfor how you show up, nothing's
ever going to change for you.
So nothing changes if nothingchanges and I think with that
too, remembering you can'tchange what you don't notice.
So make sure you're placingyour attention on yourself, the
(15:19):
messages that your body issending you, and that's going to
inform the new choices and thenchanges that you make.
Remember the most generous thingthat you can do for your
students is take care ofyourself.
So if you found today's episodehelpful, be sure to subscribe
so you never miss a moment ofinspiration.
And if you're loving the show,I'd love for you to leave a
(15:46):
review.
This helps more educators likeyou find the space to unlock
their teaching potential too.
Until next time, pleaseremember that you are a gift to
this world, so act accordingly.
See you soon.
Are you feeling exhausted by the constant
demands of teaching?
Do you find yourself wonderingif there's a way to balance both
your career and your well-beingwithout burning out?
Welcome to Unlock your TeachingPotential, your permission slip
to hit the brakes, recharge andreignite your joy for teaching
and living.
(00:20):
I'm Dr Jen Rafferty, formermusic teacher, author, tedx
speaker and founder of EmpoweredEducator, and I've been where
you are exhausted, overwhelmedand just trying to get through
the day, making it all work.
So each week, I'll bring youshort, powerful episodes with
actionable tools to help youreclaim your energy, set
(00:41):
boundaries and step into yourfull potential, both in and out
of your role as an educator.
So take a breath and let's divein.
It's time to unlock yourteaching potential, because the
world needs you at your best.
Today's episode is aboutsomething that I know so many of
(01:04):
us feel but don't always talkabout why is it so much harder
to have compassion for adultsthan it is for our students?
Now, this question came uprecently and I knew it was one
that we needed to sit with herein the podcast, so here's how it
was framed Self-regulationHelpful, noticing.
Helpful.
(01:24):
Self-regulation Helpful,noticing.
Helpful.
Responding with kindness andcuriosity Also helpful.
But I don't work in a vacuumwhen other adults are
dysregulated, whether it's outof anger or shutting down or
avoiding accountability, itaffects my students, it affects
me and it affects the work thatwe're trying to do together and
that is frustrating.
We've talked about compassionfor adults before in your
(01:45):
Empowered Educator classes, butI still struggle with that.
At the same time, I have almostunwavering compassion and
belief in my students.
Why is it so much harder tohave that for adults?
Ooh, okay, so if you're noddingalong already, I see you and
this is real, so let's talkabout it.
So why do we give more grace tostudents than adults?
(02:08):
A lot of the time?
I think the first step is justacknowledging this simple truth.
We naturally extend morepatience, belief and grace to
children and our teenagers orstudents than we do to our adult
colleagues and supervisors,because they are still growing,
right.
I mean that makes sense.
Our students are stilldeveloping and we understand
(02:29):
that their brains are still awork in progress.
Their brains don't actuallydevelop fully until they're
about 24 years old, and theirability to regulate their
emotions and behavior is also awork in progress.
When a student lashes out orgets frustrated or avoids
responsibility, we caninstinctively shift into a
teaching mindset.
How can I help the student growthrough this?
(02:51):
What skills do they need?
What support can I give them?
But when adults act in thatsimilar way, our instincts are
very different.
It's not what do they need tolearn here, what are they
struggling with?
Instead, it's you should knowbetter and, honestly, that
expectation isn't necessarilywrong, but it assumes a lot and
(03:12):
there's judgment there.
When we make judgments, itsounds something like you should
have a more developedself-regulation skill.
You should be able to takeaccountability and communicate
effectively and workcollaboratively.
And when you're in thatjudgmental mindset, when they
don't behave or act in a waythat you feel that they should,
(03:33):
it can feel deeply frustratingbecause their struggles don't
just affect them, they affectyou and, more importantly, they
affect your students.
But notice, when you arethinking that word should, you
are immediately in judgment andthat is a time for you to notice
hey, that's so interesting, Ijust should on this person or on
(03:53):
this situation.
I need to take a step back hereand really see what's going on.
So the first thing I want tovalidate here is your
frustration is completely normal.
It's not out of a lack ofkindness or an unwillingness to
be compassionate.
It's your response or reaction,if you will, to a very real
impact that another person'sdysregulation has on your
(04:15):
ability to do your job well and,potentially, your student's
ability to do their part wellalso.
So here's where things get alittle tricky.
Just because in your mind inthat moment you have a
judgmental moment of you shouldknow better, it doesn't mean
that they do.
You know, we grow up and all ofa sudden, one day we're just
(04:38):
expected to know how to regulateour emotions and to adult in
this world.
But until we have trainingabout this, we never were
actually taught or told or evenmodeled a lot of these skills,
which, frankly, is why EmpoweredEducator exists in the first
place.
Because so many adults,including me too I'm not immune
(04:59):
to this we're walking aroundwith unprocessed trauma,
unprocessed pain, around withunprocessed trauma, unprocessed
pain, unprocessed wounds, deeplyingrained subconscious patterns
and a lack of emotional tools,because sometimes we've never
had the opportunity to developthem.
Most of the time, especiallynow, so many of us are in
survival mode.
(05:19):
Some of you listening might feelas if you're barely holding it
together, and you're.
People's behavior reflects howthey're feeling, and so I know
what some of you might bethinking at this point like,
okay, fine, but I still have toshow up and do my job every day.
I don't just get to check outbecause I'm struggling and
you're.
You're totally right.
And the fact that someone isstruggling does not mean that
(05:42):
their actions don't get to haveconsequences.
Compassion does not mean makingexcuses, but what it does mean
is that we can start to seethese behaviors as a pattern for
understanding and get curiousinstead of having some sort of
personal attack.
And you know, personally I alsoused to think that giving grace
(06:05):
meant being endlessly patient.
I used to think it meant Ineeded to absorb other people's
stress.
I would make up for theirshortcomings, or even make
excuses for their shortcomings,because I would understand they
were going through a hard timeand I would end up bearing the
weight of their emotionalbaggage.
And that's truly what I thoughtbeing a compassionate person
(06:27):
meant.
But I remember when a lot ofthat changed for me.
There was a time when I wasworking really closely with a
colleague who was justconstantly overwhelmed.
They were always behind on thethings they needed to do at some
deadlines that were coming up,missed meetings often and
frequently projected theirstress onto everyone around them
(06:48):
, including me, and at first Iwould keep telling myself well,
they're struggling, they justneed support.
I understand where they'recoming from, I can be patient,
and so I would pick up the slackand I adjusted my expectations
and I told myself that I wasbeing kind.
But then I started to noticesomething that the more that I
accommodated, the lessaccountability they took and the
(07:10):
more resentful I started tofeel.
So, instead of helping themgrow, or allow them to make
mistakes and have naturalconsequences, or helping what I
thought would be making thingseasier for the both of us my
quote unquote grace was enablingthe very behavior that was
(07:31):
draining me, and it was trulydraining.
And the turning point came whensomething we were both working
on together fell through, notbecause of anything that I did,
but because I had allowed theirlack of follow through to become
the norm.
I had been so focused on beingunderstanding that I had
(07:52):
neglected to set clearexpectations for me, and that
moment taught me somethingreally important that grace
without boundaries is notcompassion at all, it's self
abandonment.
And so I did something I hadnever done before.
I sat down with this person andthey said look, I see that
you're going through it rightnow and I want to.
(08:12):
I had never done before.
I sat down with this person andthey said look, I see that
you're going through it rightnow and I want to be able to
support you, but here's what Ineed in order for this working
relationship to work.
I named my boundaries veryclearly and very calmly as a way
to ensure that we could both besuccessful and that ultimately,
I could feel good and I didn'twant to show up feeling
resentful anymore.
And so the thing is at firstthere was a little bit of
(08:36):
pushback, but they actuallyresponded really well.
Once I made things clear that Iwasn't judging them, I was just
setting healthy limits for me,our dynamic completely changed
and I learned that compassionand accountability are not
opposites, they're actuallypartners.
And so from then on, I reallystarted approaching these
(08:57):
situations differently.
I still offer grace Grace is soimportant but I no longer
confuse grace with taking onsomeone else's emotional labor,
and that shift has beencompletely freeing.
So when an adult in yourprofessional space is
dysregulated whether that'sthrough anger or avoidance or
shutting down or maybe refusingthat accountability it's really
(09:20):
easy again to get stuck in thatloop of frustration.
And it is valid, but it is alsoexhausting.
So I need you to think abouthow much mental energy it takes
to replay that interaction inyour head, to analyze what you
think someone should have donedifferently and hold on to that
anger and irritation.
That emotional load for you nowis heavy and, more often than
(09:47):
not, the person who was thecause of it they're not carrying
it anymore.
You are.
So the real question becomeshow do we then shift from being
drained by these moments intonavigating them with more ease?
So I told you that story, but Ireally want to walk through
some practical strategies foryou to incorporate into your
(10:07):
daily practices.
So, instead of expecting anotheradult to be different, shift
the focus to what you are andare not available for.
These are boundaries.
We're going to set boundariesover expectation.
So, for example, if a colleagueconstantly shuts down and
refuses to communicate, you canchoose to communicate clearly
(10:29):
yourself, but you don't have tokeep overextending to fill in
their gaps.
Or if an administrator respondsto concerns with defensiveness,
you can document your efforts,set clear expectations and
disengage from unproductiveconversations.
Boundaries are not just aboutsaying no to something.
They're about deciding what'syours, that you want to carry
(10:52):
and what's not.
The second piece of this,besides boundaries and over
expectations, is the power ofobservation.
We can't change something wedon't notice, and so, instead of
immediately reacting to anotherperson's dysregulation, notice
how you are feeling in thatmoment, and that self-compassion
(11:17):
allows the space for you toextend compassion to somebody
else.
So, instead of like, oh,rolling your eyes, like, why are
they being like this?
Again, start to notice I'mfeeling activated right now.
That's so interesting.
Take a breath, huh, I'mnoticing that this person shuts
down when they're confronted.
Huh, that's, that's also sointeresting.
(11:40):
And then you can get curious.
Instead of, oh, my gosh,rolling your eyes again they are
so difficult, they're always sodifficult Notice what your body
is doing, regulate yourself andstep into a place of
questioning and curiosity.
This person really seems tostruggle with accountability,
with this curiosity, this personreally seems to struggle with
(12:01):
accountability.
With this, this very small shiftcan move you out of that
emotional reactivity space andinto a place of neutral
awareness.
That neutral awareness place isvery, very powerful.
And again, it's not aboutexcusing their behavior, it's
about freeing yourself from thatemotional spiral that can come
with it.
And remember, compassion andaccountability can co exist.
It doesn't mean you have toaccept their behavior, but you
(12:25):
can hold both truths at the sametime.
I understand this person isstruggling and I need them to
follow through on theirresponsibilities.
You can care about someone'sstruggles, but you don't have to
be their solution.
And, at the end of the day, whenan adult's dysregulation is
consistently affecting you, themost powerful thing that you can
do is protect your ability toshow up.
(12:46):
We say this all the time hereand in all empowered educator
spaces the most generous thingyou can do for the people in
your life is take care ofyourself.
So make sure that you'reconsistently checking in with
yourself.
Take a deep breath when youneed it, take a short walk, even
if it's just those breathingbreaks throughout the day, to
have a check-in, to recenteryourself.
This will make a hugedifference, recognizing where am
(13:10):
I placing my energy right now,where your attention goes, your
energy flows.
So asking is this worth myemotional investment right here?
That's a really importantquestion, and if the answer is
no, well then make a differentdecision and then, at the end of
the day, you can only focus onwhat you can control.
You cannot change other people.
The only person you have anyagency in changing is yourself.
(13:34):
So, coming back to that originalquestion, why is it so much
harder to have compassion foradults?
Because we naturally expectmore from them, and when they
don't meet those expectationssometimes even unspoken
expectations it can feelfrustrating, especially when
their behavior impacts students.
But here's what I want you toleave with.
This is the big takeawayCompassion for adults does not
(13:56):
mean to have endless patience,self-sacrifice or excusing
harmful behavior.
What it means is recognizingthat, while their struggles
exist, you get to decide whatyou are and are not available
for.
You can choose to protect yourenergy so that you can keep
showing up for what trulymatters, which is your students,
your work and your ownwell-being.
(14:17):
So now, just like at the end ofevery episode, I'm going to
pull a card from the empowerededucator card deck and, oh, this
is a good one.
Nothing changes if nothingchanges.
Yes, and as I said earlier, youare the only one that has any
agency in changing anything foryourself.
(14:39):
That is the only thing that isin your control.
That's your empowerment, thatis your complete personal
responsibility.
You are 100% responsible forhow you show up.
And it's nice to have somewishful thinking, and I just I
wish things could be different,or I want to be able to show up
better, or I want to be able toshow up more aligned, and that's
truly up to you.
(14:59):
But until you start makingdifferent choices, until you
start taking that responsibilityfor how you show up, nothing's
ever going to change for you.
So nothing changes if nothingchanges and I think with that
too, remembering you can'tchange what you don't notice.
So make sure you're placingyour attention on yourself, the
(15:19):
messages that your body issending you, and that's going to
inform the new choices and thenchanges that you make.
Remember the most generous thingthat you can do for your
students is take care ofyourself.
So if you found today's episodehelpful, be sure to subscribe
so you never miss a moment ofinspiration.
And if you're loving the show,I'd love for you to leave a
(15:46):
review.
This helps more educators likeyou find the space to unlock
their teaching potential too.
Until next time, pleaseremember that you are a gift to
this world, so act accordingly.
See you soon.
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