[EP07] "A Life with ADHD & One Helluva Story"

In Episode 07, I get the opportunity to chat with someone I admire quite a bit. Taylor Coulthard. This episode is about Taylor telling his story and what a story it is! Taylor is a chef based out of Kelowna, B.C. and we dive deep into his past. His struggles with addiction & trauma. Taylor pours his heart into the microphone and gives you an incredible looking into his life and his life story.
Unlike previous episodes, this one is all about Taylor. I felt it important to let his story flow and truly be told in almost and audiobook style.
If you've ever struggled, with anything really, but especially substance abuse. Or perhaps emotional struggles like depression, or have been a high energy person and cannot explain your actions or reactions, this podcast may help you bridge that gap and understanding life's high points and low points. Knowing that someone could experience higher highs and lower low and come out being one of the most amazing people you've met or even heard can give hope that its not the end of the world. That you do have a shot and that there are people willing to talk about it.
I truly believe anyone will gain value from this episode and enjoy this story. Its one for the books no doubt.
Thanks for listening!

Unmodern Podcast Information

Website:
https://unmodernpodcast.com
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/unmodern.podcast/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/unmodernpodcast

Resources Mentioned in this Podcast Episode

Chris Koch
https://www.instagram.com/ifican.chriskoch/

Gabor Mate
https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/

Le Crocodile - Vancouver
https://www.lecrocodilerestaurant.com/

Guest Contact Information

Taylor Coulthard:
Chef Instagram Page:
https://www.instagram.com/cheftaylorrobert/

Tags: Divorce, Addiction, Intervention, Drugs, Chef, Seattle, Vancouver, ADHD, Gabor Mate, Chris Koch, Kelowna

Episode Transcript

Alfred (00:03):
Hey everyone, and welcome to the Unmodern Podcast,
the podcast where we haveunscripted, unapologetic, and
uncomfortable conversations thataffects everyday people.
If you've ever had an outlook,thought, or an opinion that
modern day society told you tobe silent on That you would get
in trouble for, or if you'veever heard the words, probably
shouldn't say that, then this isthe podcast for you.

(00:26):
My name is Alfred, a husband,father, and an adventure seeking
kind of guy, who over the yearshas learned to have a positive
outlook on life, regardless ofwhat society throws at me.
So if you're ready to listen,let's go.

Taylor (01:02):
chef Taylor, welcome to Beyond Modern Podcast, brother.
It's so good to see you, man.
How you doing?
Amazing, Alfred.
It's so nice to see your bigsmile and you know, your energy
is infectious.
So I can feel it all the wayhere in Kelowna, even though
you're, you know, we areseparated by a provincial
boundary and a bunch of pretty Ithink snowy and blustery weather
right now.

(01:23):
So, yeah, it's great.
Great to be here.
Thanks for having me here.
Oh, dude, it's so good to hearyour voice, man.
I absolutely love it.
We first connected through amutual friend, Mike Prince, and
we finally met in person inbeautiful Costa Rica.
But your energy right off theget, man, because the first time
I actually seen you was on thevideo for e foiling where there
was a gentleman I can't rememberif he had no legs or something

(01:44):
and you guys threw him on the efoil or something, I'll let you
explain that, but I was justlike, man, who is this guy?
This is insane.
This guy with a six pack and bigsmile and curly hair.
BC boy dream.
I'm like, that guy is definitelyfrom BC.
Yeah.
Well, you nailed me there.
I was born in Sechelt.
So just on the Sunshine Coast ofBritish Columbia there you need

(02:07):
to take a ferry to get toSechelt.
However, it is part of themainland.
It's a peninsula.
So there are Forestry roads thatcan get you there.
And Sechelt actually was one ofthe first self governing
indigenous nations in Canada,which is really, really neat.
Yeah, so self governingindigenous body In Sechelt, it's
right near Powell River, justright near Gibson's actually

(02:29):
too, which is where theBeachcombers was filmed a long,
long time ago.
So that's where I was actuallyborn.
And you know, that's the vibe orthe frequency that was put into
my body at the time I was bornback in 1980.
And my roots are actually inKelowna though.
And that's where I am now.
My family are all from Kelowna.

(02:50):
One set of my grandparents wereactually born here.
In West Kelowna and my other setof grandparents actually met at
UBC, the University of BritishColumbia in Vancouver, and fell
in love and then moved toKelowna.
But beyond that, my wholefamily's here.
So there's a lot of pioneer kindof history to my family, which
is great here.

(03:10):
But yeah, myself moving toKelowna when I was basically
time to start school,kindergarten, and I had one
older brother.
Clayton and father, mother, formyself my parents did divorce
when I was four or five.
And that was right when wedecided to move to Kelowna.
Yeah, it's from my experience.

(03:31):
It seems to be apparent that Icame out of the womb with PTSD
or like a mild level of PTSD,right off the bat.
So, born as a very sensitiveboy, a highly sensitive person
is actually what they classifyit and there's books written
about that.
If you're not sure if you are,there's some interesting quizzes
you can take and Just, it's niceto know the devil that you're

(03:54):
dealing with.
So myself knowing that I amcareful in different situations.
It's changed how I act in lifein certain situations.
But yeah, a little bit of PTSDoff the hop and then a chaotic
early first few years led toADHD the ADHD.
Was thought to be a geneticthing and perhaps it is, you

(04:16):
know, there's no one body that'ssaid that this is how it is, or
this is how it isn't, but GaborMate, who is pretty well known
now, but lives in Vancouver, heactually does have ADHD he took
medication for it years ago, andis off the medication now, he
thinks ADHD is 100 percentenvironmental, It's learned

(04:39):
behavior from one of yourparents, and if you're
unfamiliar with ADHD, I thinkthe easiest way to explain if
you were to see somebody thatwas working through it, maybe
having issues with it, theywould just come across you as
being very, very panicked orrushed, rushed or panicked, or a
bit of both.

(05:00):
I've also been told that peoplewith ADHD are some of the best
people in the world.
They're just a lot of fun and alot of excitement, and I can't
disagree with that statement.
So, yeah, by the time I washeading into kindergarten, I was
dealing with that.
I did really well in schoolgrowing up, so I was always
honorable.
or above.
And in elementary school, I gotall Gs, except for I had Ns in

(05:22):
handwriting and neatness, which,you know, going back now, it
makes total sense with the ADHDsymptoms that I was experiencing
back then.
But yeah, grew up in Kelowna.
We used to walk to elementaryschool together, a bunch of kids
when we're like five, six, sevenyears old, like it very nice
place to grow up back in the80s.
I was blessed to grow up here,but moved into school very

(05:48):
social butterfly.
I love people.
I really do.
Sometimes humanity isdisappointing, but on the whole,
I do love people.
I really do.
I did really well in school andthat I hid my ADHD.
A lot of kids are diagnosed withit much earlier in life.
I feel like if that hadhappened, it would have changed
a lot of things for me.
However All it would havecreated is some resentment.

(06:10):
So I, I just try and moveforward and look forward and all
that type of stuff.
So and then I, I ended upgraduating high school.
Actually, I want to talk alittle bit more about my
childhood because I, you know,being such a sensitive boy, it
changed a lot for me.
I am very sensitive to energy.
Very, very sensitive energy.
I first learned this in 1991.

(06:31):
The British Columbia governmenthad a really, really cool thing
going on that summer.
It was called Music Fest 91 andit was a provincially funded or
supplemented program to bringreally good artists and concerts
here.
So in 1991, at 11 years old, Iwas in Penticton with my older
brother who was 12, and my mom'sfriends took us there and we

(06:52):
were watching Mc Hammer inPenticton.
And in 1991 he was on top of theworld.
You can't touch this, and so.
At that concert, I remember, andI was reminded this by my
brother and others, that nearthe end of the concert, I just
started to get very uneasy, veryagitated, very uncomfortable,

(07:13):
and I kept saying, I need to, weneed to go, guys, we need to go,
we need to go, we need to go, weneed to go, and it was just, it
was weird, you know, I think mybrother and the people that
brought us to the concert wereprobably like, this is kind of
weird, and so, you we left theconcert just near the end with
everybody else, but as that washappening, the riot was
starting.
So there was a big riot downtownPenticton was smashed and looted

(07:38):
and burned, and they actuallycancelled a bunch of, like,
Peach Fest was cancelled becauseof this for a few years.
And in hindsight Years later, Ifigured that out.
That was that sensitivity, theenergy.
I'm sitting there and I can feelthe energy of a riot about to
start.
And so I really wanted to getout of there.
And one other incident thatsticks out for me.

(08:00):
In my mind with regards to thatenergy sensitivity was working
as a manager and I'm skipping abit ahead here just to tell
this.
But when I was working as amanager in restaurants, when I
was younger, I had to sit downwith this lovely young lady and
discuss her performance.
She was having some issues andneed to get to the bottom of it
and hopefully help coach andleader out of the situation.

(08:22):
And so we were sitting therediscussing her issues and And so
we were she wasn't verytalkative, and I was talking,
doing most of the talking as themanager, and I'm sitting there,
and I'm looking at her, andshe's not talking, and I start
to well up, both of my eyesstart to well up, I start to
cry, and I'm like crying,crying, but physically I'm
crying, the tears are wellingup, and they're coming down, and

(08:44):
I feel this tightness in mychest, and midsection, And I'm
like, what's going on?
And then a second or two later,she bursts out in tears and
tells me her whole life storyand what's going on and what's
been affecting her with herperformance and her boyfriend at
home and this and that.
And that was the clincher for meto realize like, wow, Taylor,

(09:05):
you really are sensitive toother people's energy and you
need to be careful of that, youknow, getting around violence
growing up in Kelowna, going tothe nightclubs.
Back in the late 90s, the HellsAngels were in the clubs with
their patches on and it waslike, there was fights every,
every night somebody's gettingbeat up outside of the bars
every single night.
And so I learned that type ofenergy was really bad for me

(09:28):
too.
Recently, 43 years old, I'velearned that even watching
violent movies affects me now.
I was watching Django a coupleof weeks ago and there's a scene
where two of the slaves arefighting and they're supposed to
fight.
I don't know if it's supposed tobe to the death, but it's for
sure until one of them basicallycan't fight physically and the

(09:50):
scene gets pretty gnarly.
And it showed me that, yeah, Ihave to be careful watching that
stuff or just not watch thatstuff anymore.
Because, it's not necessary tolive in our society.
Thank God here in Canada, wedon't need to rely on violence.
We don't.
And you know, as a kid growingup as a young man, violence is

(10:12):
part of our culture for somereason.
And, and it's kind of bafflingto me, you know, on that note, I
feel like.
Humanity is pretty barbaric.
If you were to look at us froman outsider's view, still
fighting over borders andresources.
And when we have more thanenough land and resources for
everybody.
bUt yeah, so I know that was abit of a tangent, but getting

(10:32):
back to just my upbringing, youknow, I had an older brother
that was very protective of me.
I think when my parentsdivorced, he really took on that
responsibility.
And it just, my, my mother andmy brother and I, we moved back
to Kelowna.
My father still stayed inSechelt for the time being and

(10:52):
eventually went to North Bend.
But yeah, I remember from a veryearly age how overprotective my
brother is.
The thing that stands out themost was in kindergarten, or the
first one that stands out themost was when I was in
kindergarten.
You only go for half days whenyou're in kindergarten, or at
least you did back in 1984.
mY brother was in the firstgrade, so he would go for a full

(11:13):
day and morning recess came, youknow, 30 in the morning and I'm
out of the and I needed to use awashroom.
I went to use a little boy'sroom literally and I'm sitting
on the toilet like any 4 yearold would do trying to go number
2 and out of nowhere.
This the door of the stallflings open like violently on

(11:36):
me.
And I was, you know, Iexplained, I'm a very sensitive
person.
And so I was very sensitive tothat.
I was taking it back.
And this kid was just standingthere laughing and he was
basically just like a bully or,you know, back then they, they
labeled that a juveniledelinquent.
But what I've come to learn nowis that somebody that just was
lacking love in their life andwas taking that out.

(11:57):
So anyways, I was rattled.
And I walk out to the schoolyardand my brother seems to find me
right away.
His spidey, spidey sense wasprobably tingling.
And he said, Taylor, what'swrong?
And I'm like, nothing, nothing'swrong.
And I'm half crying or whatever.
It took him, it probably didn'ttake him much more than 10

(12:19):
seconds to get it out of me, andso sure enough, I told him what
happened, and his eyes are litup like, like Bruce Banner
changing into the Hulk, and hesaid, who?
Where?
And so I'm like, no, too scaredto even tell him, and so I
pointed at the kid, and nextthing you know, my brother walks
up to him, five years old, rightacross to the nose, big

(12:39):
explosion of blood, kid goesdown, and it was a pretty heavy
thing.
For a six year old to be doingand or whatever first grader in
a kindergarten, so that was thefirst of it But that was first
of many and I was lucky thoughYou know I never lived in fear
as a boy or as a young manbecause I always knew if you

(13:00):
touch me You're going to be inserious trouble.
And so this continued on until Iwas probably 16.
I had a really, really traumaticexperience as a 15 year old.
My first sexual partner, so towhere I lost my virginity.
I was accused of sexuallyassaulting her.
And it was really, really weird.

(13:21):
She was quite experiencedsexually relative to me.
And I think it had sex withmultiple different men at that
point in her life at 15 yearsold.
Serious boyfriends and stuff.
But anyways, I hadn't had sex, Iwas still a virgin.
And you know, her and I had sexa couple times.
Maybe two or three times.
Just like normal, right?

(13:43):
So yeah, it was traumatic tohave had sex with her a few
times, and then the third or thefourth time for her, you know,
we finished having.
Sexual intercourse and we'resitting there and she's like all
just super quiet and sad and I,I just, I really didn't know
what was going on.
I said, what's, what's happened?
It took her about two or threetimes of me asking.

(14:04):
She goes, you just raped me.
And I was like, what justhappened?
And this was me at my, at thetime it was my best girlfriend's
house that we were at.
And so I left and I was reallyperturbed by this.
And it was like the first nightof spring break.
So I had a whole week of springbreak for this thing to have

(14:25):
happened and for rumours to flyand things to happen.
And at that point I'm in the10th grade and thank God there
was no Facebook or Instagramback then.
Like, I really look back at thatone incident and I think if
there was social media duringthat time, I don't know if I
would have came out of it thesame.
It could have been very, verybad.
It still was bad.
It was very traumatic for me.

(14:46):
I went back to school Mondaymorning with, you know, feeling
like all, like Tupac, all eyeson me and it was probably the
case.
It was probably very true.
Rumors were flying.
The thing I had on my side isthis girl had unfortunately,
allegedly, as she said, beensexually assaulted by a
different guy, a six months or ayear earlier.

(15:08):
And it was actually herboyfriend at the time they were
dating.
And so she had that as ahistory.
That, whether that's true ornot, I have no idea.
But what, what I will say isthat it gave me a little bit
more credibility.
At least there's, people arelike, well, that's kind of
strange that that's happened toher anyways, so my close friends
stuck beside me.

(15:28):
My brother stuck beside me.
You know, guys were coming fromother high schools wanting to
beat me up, and, and that wasscary.
Like I was living in a bit offear then.
Her ex boyfriend was this, youknow, tough guy that had been
in, in and out of juvie and washaving issues and so he, he made
it clear that he wanted tophysically hurt me too.
And, I've been lucky, I'm noslouch physically, but it's

(15:51):
still, you know, it doesn'tmatter about that.
It's the fear, living in fear,having to look over your
shoulder, it just wasn't fun.
And yeah, when these guys, youknow, it was a couple, once or
twice where guys came from otherschools, big posses, and my
friends showed up and were like,You know, and nothing ever
happened, thank God, physicallyto me.
But yeah, that wore on me forsure.

(16:13):
And it was something hard towork through socially as well,
like, you know, you have, I'mtrying to imagine it, you have
every girl in your gradewondering if that's true or not,
and if that's the person thatyou are, and there was nothing
physical that happened duringour intercourse that would even
indicate that, so there's no,like, quote unquote, evidence
that way.
There was, like, You know, I doremember being like, Oh, I don't

(16:34):
know if we should be doing thishere that, you know, there was
that type of thing.
And in hindsight, and what Iknow now, I would have probably
explored that more.
Oh, hey, what do you mean bythat?
Like, I thought, you know,everything's good.
We had sex, you know, so thatwas the only learning I got from
it was, Oh, I just don't know ifwe should do this here.
And yeah, it was, I think thelesson there is just, you know,

(16:55):
whether you're a guy or a girl,or it doesn't matter when you're
getting intimate with somebody,it's just, you want to make sure
that all the lights are green.
I think that's the lesson.
For me, 1994, 95, first timeever having intercourse, it was
a pretty big Eye opening lessonand unfortunately an abrupt one
moving on into school, you know,11th grade 12th grade.

(17:17):
I started working out.
I started hitting the gym hard.
I went from 145 pounds, 6 feettall, 145 pounds at the start of
the 11th grade to 6 feet tall,190 pounds at the end of the
11th grade.
So it was right in time with mygrowth spurt and me crushing the
gym crushing creatine.
And we were, we were just, youknow, we would.

(17:38):
Not go out to parties for likeweekends sometimes and not drink
at all, because drinking was abig part of our culture in high
school.
We would not do that to workout.
We skip school and we had theone phys ed teacher loved us.
So we had keys to the weightroom in high school and we'd
skip class and we go liftweights.
So we got, we were jacked and,people were scared of us.

(18:00):
It was, people all thought wewere on steroids when we were in
high school and we weren't, wewere just good genetics, working
our asses off good growth spurt.
So, you know, for me in highschool, I enjoyed like a, a very
good social life.
Everybody knew me, everybodyliked me.
And for me, that was important.
That was part of my story backthen.
I needed to be liked.
I needed that approval, which inhindsight now is very far from

(18:24):
how I look at things,fortunately.
In the most healthy way, I justdon't give a fuck what most
people think.
I would never want to doanything to hurt anybody or
offend them or disrespect them,but if you don't like what I'm
doing and it makes me happy andit's not hurting anybody, I'm
sorry, I'm not going to give afuck.
Back to the ADHD thing.
So getting on a roll principalson a roll in high school, not

(18:47):
studying, not doing homework,leaving everything until the
night before.
Those are typical ADHD things.
Once again I was lucky where Istill got good grades, but most
people would not have.
And in that scenario, it wouldhave been dealt with.
I remember in the 11th gradedating this girl in the 12th
grade and she's like one of thehottest girls in the school and

(19:08):
it was just such a big thing forme back then and I think about
it.
It was just such an ego thing.
It was just all the only reasonthat that made me happy.
Well, I love, I loved her.
I love it.
She's great.
But, you know, sitting back andbe like, yeah, I got a great 12.
Check out a hot like all ego,all ego and you.
Back then, I didn't even knowabout ego.
I had no idea.

(19:28):
I'd heard about it in Psychology11 and Freud and that, and the
superego and stuff like that,but I had no idea about it, how
it was affecting me, or how myego, Interacted with others and
and so on and so forth.
So, yeah, I wish I'd gone topost secondary.
I never did.

(19:49):
I Have the type of brain thatwould have really enjoyed being
engaged at a high level ofeducation, but I never did.
I Like a lot of teenagers.
My social life was way moreimportant than anything else.
And I just didn't really havethe male leadership in my life
to really help steer me to makebetter long term decisions.
I just didn't.
And so I ended up getting out ofhigh school and, you know, being

(20:13):
part of that party feed anddrinking and having fun and, you
know, working out and just doingthat.
And eventually got a job washingdishes.
My best friend got me a job,Jesse.
At the time he was a cook andgot me a job washing dishes.
And eventually I was cooking andnext thing you know, I'm.
The assistant manager.
And the next thing you know, I'mthe sous chef in the kitchen at

(20:34):
like, you know, 19 years old,moving to Calgary from Kelowna.
I moved out to Calgary to workas the sous chef at the Crowfoot
Joey's up there in thenorthwest.
And I was still a little bit wetbehind the ears.
I didn't know that.
Just like every 19 year old man,I thought I knew everything
already.
So I was good.
And that experience didn't lastlong, about six months.

(20:56):
And I came home to Kelowna withmy tail between my legs.
I quit.
I thought my chef wasn'tSupporting me, which may still
be true to this day, butwhatever, it was another lesson
there.
Came back to Kelowna, startedworking as a waiter at Joey's
where I started making reallygood money, going to BCIT during
the day and waiting at night.

(21:18):
There was a satellite campushere for BCIT back then, and I
took an electronics techniciancourse, so Electronics Common
Core.
And I didn't pursue that.
You could either go intoindustrial, wireless, telecom.
Those are a few differentbranches where the job would
take you, and it would be a verygood job.
However, for myself, and goingback to the ADHD sitting in one

(21:43):
place, working on circuit boardswith soldering irons and digital
multimeters to, to measurevoltages and, and so on and so
forth.
It was just not the job forsomebody that could barely sit
still.
So I at least figured that outafter year one of the school and
I didn't pursue it and I said,okay, so what am I going to do?
I'm working as a waiter atJoey's.

(22:04):
So then they got me managing inthe front of the house manager,
and that's where I had thatconversation with that girl
that, you know, I started to crybefore she did.
And that was, that was fun.
And eventually they talked to meto get back into the kitchen,
which is where my True strengthsat that time were, and yeah, the
rest was history.
I, I went down to Joey's inSeattle in 2004 to help open the

(22:28):
first Joey's in the U S.
And the, the chef Casey, he'sfrom Calgary, and he was the
bar, he was out at Barlow TrailCal, Barlow Trail, Calgary,
Joey's back in the 90s, madethat place the amazing
restaurant that it was forever.
If it's still not, he recruitedme.
He said, Hey, come, you know,pack up your bags in Kelowna.

(22:49):
Joey's at that time had justpurchased a chain of restaurants
called Cucina Cucina.
They're an Italian chain and,and so their job was to get
these restaurants, you know,from bleeding to profitable and
then renovate them into Joey'sor sell them, which wasn't ever
told to us.
It was renovate them to Joey's,of course.
So I moved down to Portland,Oregon, 24 years old, left

(23:12):
Kelowna.
That was the TSN turning pointof my adult life.
I left Kelowna behind.
I left all my friends that wereeither working in hospitality or
they were working in Alberta inthe oil industry in some way,
shape, or form, or they weregrowing pot.
Those were what the three thingsthat were happening in Kelowna
and most of the people that weregrowing pot, they were

(23:33):
affiliated with the HellsAngels, maybe growing for them.
And that, yeah, that was a verybig part of Kelowna in the late
90s.
Very, very big.
So Portland, Oregon.
I arrived down to the, thegeneral manager of that one
store that they had and they hadseven in Seattle area and then
the one down in Portland, the GMwas a Joey's guy that had been

(23:54):
brought down from Edmonton thatI had never met through Joey's
and he was kind enough to offerme to stay with him until I
figured out my bearings.
He had a beautiful.
Condo downtown Portland in thePearl District, which the name
does match where your head'sprobably going to go as a sick
joke.
It is that's like Davie Streetof Vancouver, but really nice

(24:16):
area.
So we get to talking and it'sreally funny is you can't make
this up.
The general manager fromEdmonton had went to KSS,
Kelowna Secondary School, forthe eighth grade back in 1994,
and then moved away.
And so we pulled out ouryearbook and realized that we
were in high school together fora year, at the same time, the

(24:38):
same grade, in the same city,and now here we are living down
in Portland, Oregon together,years later.
So, it was pretty
cool,
that was just one of those moments that makes the
hair kind of stand up on yourneck.
I met a beautiful girl inPortland, met her at the gym, at
the water fountain, and we endedup dating, had a great
relationship, but she wasworking in Chicago, so she's

(24:59):
flying to Chicago every week,and that made our relationship
challenging.
We were both career focused.
And she was also 13 years olderthan me, but just a lovely
woman, dietician, personaltrainer, all this great stuff.
So we dated, I stayed inPortland until the general
manager quit.

(25:20):
So I was left behind as thechef.
And it was a very low volumestore at that point.
It was bleeding money.
I think they lost about 300, 000the year before I arrived down
there.
And so I just told them, I'mlike, don't, I had worked in the
front of the house for a year ortwo.
So I said, don't send down ageneral manager.
I'm like, I got this.
I'll promote my sous chef.

(25:40):
And so for the last six monthsthere, I was the general manager
of this.
Restaurant and two weeks beforethe restaurant sold, I was told
probably about three monthsbefore it sold.
I was told as the GM that therestaurant was for up for sale
and you stop and think aboutwhat that's like as a manager
where you're leading the chargeand you're the passionate one

(26:03):
and you're making it exciting.
for lack of a better term, it'sa mind fuck.
Going to work every day, knowingthat this place is up for sale
and I'm still supposed topretend like everything's honky
Dory and try and lead this teamto, you know, to a higher level,
you know, we'd gotten the sales.
We were had sales trend, likeincreasing sales.

(26:23):
So that was something to bevery, very proud of in a place
that smelled like death becauseit did.
And the year, the last yearthere, I think we broke even
instead of losing 300, 000.
So those are bigaccomplishments, but.
With the only the one restaurantin Oregon and the seven in
Washington, two weeks before therestaurant sold, I was told to

(26:45):
have a staff meeting and telleverybody that they're all going
to be out of a job in two weekswith no opportunity for
employment unless you're to moveup to Seattle.
So that was really tough,especially for 20.
I think I was 25 by then, but itwas tough on me.
And I had friends at therestaurant.
It was a couple of them arestill my friends to this day.
My buddy Boomer down in Oregon.

(27:07):
But yeah, that was really,really hard.
The only fun part.
In that close was you.
You can't legally cross a stateline with alcohol.
And it's the same in Canada.
Legally you can't, you're notsupposed to cross provincial
lines with alcohol.
So, you know, we had about$5,000in liquor inventory, back
liquor, wine, beer, inventoryback in 2005, and there was

(27:30):
probably about$10,000 worth offood in the building.
And so.
You know, that was the only funpart about it.
I, you know, I was allowed, Ithrew a party for everybody.
I said, Hey guys, we're closing.
Bring your cars, open yourtrunks and get down here and
let's go.
And so there was some fun stuffin there.
And yeah, I remember gettingletters from the Homeland

(27:52):
security actually, about some ofmy chefs in the kitchen.
Hispanic asking me to checktheir IDs and stuff like that.
And I remember checking one, oneday, and I looked in his
employee file and there wasthree different IDs that were
photocopied on this one sheet.
They all had the same name.
They all had different picturesand none of them were him.

(28:14):
And he was a different world,but you know, in that scenario,
same thing.
Also, I'm proud to say this.
You know, what am I going to do?
Open that letter and ruin thisguy's life.
He's been working there 10 yearsalready.
He's got a family and kids.
And I don't even, he might be anillegal immigrant in the U.
S.
What am I going to do?
Go ruin his life?
So I opened that envelope fromthe Department of Homeland
Security, closed it, and filedit.

(28:37):
And that was it.
And I moved on.
But anyways, so next they shipme out of Portland.
Up to Seattle.
My girlfriend is working inChicago, living in Portland.
I'm living in Seattle, workingin Seattle.
That was basically,unfortunately, the beginning of
the end for us.
Our careers were our number onepriorities, both of us.

(28:57):
That was how we met, and that'show we ended.
She's still a lovely lady, livesdown in Redondo Beach now, and
we're still in contact, so.
Seattle was great.
I was linked up with One of myfavorite people I ever worked
with all time.
He's now back in Edmontoncrushing it.
He's got the restaurant, thenext act pub, meet Pip, a couple

(29:18):
others in Edmonton that areabsolutely killing it.
We met in Redmond, Washington atthe Kuchina Kuchina there.
Operated that successfully untilit was sold.
And that was anotherheartbreaking.
And then at that point wethought we were going back to
Canada.
The work had been done downthere with mopping up this
Kuchina mess and we wereactually told, no, no, we have

(29:42):
one more for you guys to do.
We're like, no, no.
So my partner, thank God,negotiated us big signing
bonuses.
And then we also were contractedthat we would only have to go
there for one year maximum, butit was down in Tacoma,
Washington.
And I was living in Redmond,which is about 45 minute drive
with no traffic.

(30:03):
But.
That I never did the drive oncewithout traffic, so I started
commuting for the first time inmy life coming from a smaller
town.
I hated that Tacoma, Washingtonhas revived a lot.
But back in 2005, it was prettyrough.
Like, in the first week of myjob, there was a mall shooting.
We were on the outskirts of themall, the restaurant, and there
was a mall shooting, multiplepeople killed, people running

(30:26):
into our restaurant, screamingfor their life.
That was rough.
a Neighboring restaurant theirclosing waitress got jumped one
night and curb stomped and theytook her car, like, like really
really bad.
So Tacoma was a whole notherexperience.
That was like the low point ofmy.
Life with Joey's for sure.

(30:46):
And then, yeah, finally did ourdues and we were awarded the GM
chef positions of the firstJoey's that they were going to
open in downtown Vancouver.
So we moved back to, we movedback to Canada, finally, to
Vancouver and opened the firstJoey's at Burrard and Robson
right beside Lululemon.
And finally I had one more stopwith Joey's head chef at Joey's

(31:08):
Broadway, which was, it doesn'texist anymore.
It was just a poor location withway too high of a lease.
But anyways, it existed beyondwhen I left, but it doesn't
exist anymore.
Finally moved to the front ofthe house.
I started working at this placecalled Le Crocodile as a general
manager there, and Le Crocodilehas been there since.

(31:28):
1983 in Vancouver with the samechef and owner, Michel Jacob,
who is still there as the chefand owner.
And out of those 40 years, hehas been awarded best French
fine dining in Vancouver, 37 outof those 40 years.
So that restaurant isessentially an institution.
I've got so many stories fromthere, like Jimmy Fallon coming

(31:51):
in there and singing an acapellaversion of.
R.
Kelly's ignition to our chef inthe dining room was pretty wild.
Lots of, lots of stuff.
Steven Seagal sucks.
You know, I can tell you thatfirsthand.
Lots of, so I could tell you astory too, but really, really
neat experiences there.
I was there for eight years as ageneral manager and I was lucky
to taste some wines that werepriceless and enough wine that

(32:14):
I'm over it.
And even if I had the money todo it, I, I would care less
about some of these really,really high end wines now.
But at that time, it was veryexciting to me.
And at that point I met a girlduring that time and we got
married in Vancouver.
At this point I was, I startedusing drugs.
That was kind of what I, I kindof skipped that, but it's not a

(32:36):
big deal, but I started usingdrugs.
I met a girl when I was inSeattle who ended up moving back
up to Vancouver with me andintroduced me to cocaine back in
2009.
And that was my first realexperience with it.
Alcohol was the big one, justdrinking, drinking, drinking.
And yeah, so I met my ex wifeDana.

(32:57):
I met her while I was at LeCrocodile drinking, but I was
also using cocaine.
And but using it without peopleknowing.
So it was like that the hiddenelephant.
And for a lot of people that usethat drug functionally, nobody
knows they're doing it, and theyhide it from everybody.
And It's pretty scary.
It's actually really, reallyscary.
So got married got into acodependent marriage love her to

(33:21):
death.
We're still friends, very goodfriends.
And she's an amazing, amazingperson.
Doesn't have a mean bone in herbody, but she grew up around a
lot of alcohol and a bit oftrauma too.
And so similar stories there.
And I think she was trying tofix me always.
And I was just trying to be me.
It's a little bit of.
Incoherence there, but yeah, thereason I'm mentioning that and

(33:44):
actually while I was at LaCrocodile, I started to
experience colitis symptoms.
So colitis is a gastrointestinaldisorder, and it's essentially a
inflammation of your colon.
So the last stop before air,last stop before air in your
whole system back there in thebowel is your colon.
So colitis is very similar toCrohn's disease, and it's an

(34:07):
inflammation of the colon.
I have ulcerative colitis, whichis.
Can be kind of nasty.
So as I met La Crocodile I'mworking there with this chef who
he's old school and he's toughand he sometimes says things
that are, you know, cross theline and I stayed there for
eight years because that wasfamiliar to me, that was

(34:27):
familiar to my dad and how heused to talk to me and that's.
You know, it's fucked up, butit's the truth.
And so I was at La Crocodiledrinking a lot using cocaine,
probably three to five nightsnow, probably more like five to
seven nights a week.
afTer work with alcohol, notlike it makes a difference, but
it's, I wasn't functionallydoing it at work.

(34:50):
And I was very angry, very, veryangry.
I had a lot of anger that Ihaven't hadn't dealt with.
And so eventually my marriagewent to crap, you know, the
colitis the colitis wasundiagnosed for two years.
So I left La Crocodile, whichwas very, very stressful place
to work, even though it was fun.
I left there, I started managingat Cardero's, which is a really

(35:11):
cool restaurant right on theocean in Vancouver.
It's actually on stilts, so it'snot even on land.
It's on stilts in the harbor.
It's a really, really neat spot.
I was there for one year.
And actually, what I'll mentionabout that story, that was the
first time I ever got caught,you know, caught.
I had been drinking at work,like, for years, even as a chef.

(35:35):
Actually started as a chef.
I remember in the KelownaJoey's, we'd just be getting
pummeled on the line, I'd berunning the printer, running the
kitchen, and the bartender wouldcome out from the middle of the
rush with a big, big metal cup,the, the martini shakers, and
they're big cups, they reallyare filled with beer.
Here you go, buddy.
You know, cause you'd see that Iwas just in the shit, and it was
nice at the time, but inhindsight, it was like, you

(35:58):
know, it just helped.
You know, inflame my alcoholism.
And so, yeah, drinking,drinking, drinking.
Carderos.
I was only there for a year.
I signed a one year contract,but I got fired.
Probably only I've never beenfired in my life.
It was first time.
Only time I've ever been firedabout a month or.
The contract was up, the chefthat was in the kitchen could

(36:20):
see me from the kitchen behindthe bar with a waiter crushing a
drink.
Like I was just like, Hey man,come do this with me as a
celebration, blah, blah, blah.
And he's like, are you sure?
I'm like, dude, don't worry.
Fuck it.
Like I'll take the fall orwhatever.
Yeah, I sure.
I ended up taking the fall, butit was bad.
I was doing some stuff therethat was, was really bad.
I think from the first day Istarted working there, maybe it

(36:41):
took me two or three shifts.
Anyways, two or three shiftsuntil I found the hole where I
could just drink with impunityat work.
And, and with my ADHD and myenergy, and I just had a very
high tolerance for it.
You'd never know I was drunk atwork ever like, and that's why I
was at La Crocodile for so long.

(37:02):
Like you would have never known,you'd be like, wow, this guy's a
good manager.
Like customers fucking like thisguy, but I was drunk the whole
time or not the whole time.
Most of the time.
And yeah, so anyways.
I got fired from Carderos fordrinking.
That was, that should have beenan eye opener, right?
That should have been like arock bottom for a lot of people.
But no, it wasn't.
I still had to burn a marriagedown.

(37:22):
I still had lots of shit to burndown.
so Yeah, I left Carderos and Itook a job as a general manager
of one of the top Restaurant inVancouver at the time and it was
on the Canada's top 100restaurant list.
It was called the Bauhaus.
The problem with the Bauhaus isthe owner was a German film
director and not a restaurateur.

(37:44):
And he was actually voted byVanity Fair.
There's an article about him.
How he is literally voted theworst film director in the
world.
But he has a cult following tohis movies.
Anyways, the guy was crazy.
He invited all of his Critics,movie critics, he invited them
to Vancouver to GM Place onenight and they had a boxing ring
and he fought them all one byone, one after the other.

(38:06):
He boxed these little moviecritics that said his movie
sucked.
It's one of the funniest, mostchildish stories ever, but I'd
still think it's awesome.
You don't like my movie?
I will fight you.
It was pretty, pretty neat.
So he was tough to work for, sothat didn't last for long.
I was out three, I was on a tripto Tofino with some friends.

(38:27):
Tofino is one of the mostbeautiful places on this planet
if you've never been.
I was in Tofino for a weekend,and I, granted I'd only been
there three months, I wasalready halfway checked out.
But they were like, youshouldn't have gone away.
We really need you at therestaurant.
I'm like, okay, well, if youguys, this is how it's going to
be like, I'm not going to becoming back.
So that was the end of that.
And I started at this point, I'mtrying to quit drinking.

(38:51):
You know, my, my drinking hascaused this colitis symptoms to
come on.
I've gone to the hospital twicefor colitis week long stay.
You end up on corticosteroids,which are.
Like for me, they turned me intothe Hulk, which is, it's good
for like getting stuff done, butit's not good to be around.
So my poor wife was starting tosuffer even more there.

(39:13):
And yeah, I, I tried to quitdrinking.
I was trying so hard.
My, my wife didn't know thatthere was cocaine as well, but
you know, it's, I don't want tosay it's a moot point.
But at the end of the day, itwas addiction issues that come
from trauma, could have beencoke, sex, gambling, whatever.
Control, control is a hugeaddiction that people never talk

(39:35):
about, or power.
Another one, like all thesebillionaires in the world that
are supposed to be so cool, likethey're all addicts.
They're all addicted to controland power.
And it's sad because Humanitycould be a lot better off if
those people weren't so addictedto control and power.
Anyways, sorry about the tangentthere.
Yeah, I'm getting to the end ofthe career story finally.

(39:56):
So yeah, I left left restaurantsbasically.
Trying to quit drinking, can't,marriage is over.
My wife literally drove me backto Kelowna and dropped me off to
my mom's.
I joked about it on socialmedia.
I like to joke to mask you know,to get by really tough times.
I like to use humor a lot.
So I just put a post.
I go, my wife says my bestbefore date has come up.

(40:19):
So, and yeah, so she literallydropped me off at my mom's and.
I was really struggling at thispoint.
Like I'm really struggling.
I want to quit drinking.
I fucking want to quit drinkingso bad.
I can't I'm, I'm really sad,obviously, about everything
that's going on, but I can't fixit.
And it's really hard on you.
Like, it, it createsincoherence.
It creates anxiety anddepression when you're trying to

(40:42):
do something and you can't, soluckily, I, I'm very lucky.
I have a huge support networkand they're solid people.
So my best friend had beentalking to me for years.
Hey man, I, or while he's like,I got something in the works.
I just can't tell you what it isyet.
Can't tell you what it is yet.
So finally, he tells me what itis.
But this point, I've beendropped off in Kelowna by my ex

(41:02):
wife or my wife and My bestfriend at the time is living in
Kelowna with this great idea andhe shows me it and it's
incredible and the website'salready built.
So it's like, you know, he'soffering me 50 50 partnership
and he's already started thebusiness, which is was like such
a huge gesture.
And I still look back on one ofthe nicest things anybody's ever

(41:24):
done for me.
But yeah, I really wasstruggling at that point.
I am.
I was struggling so bad that myfriends and family pulled an
intervention on me, and they,you know, my, that best friend
at the time, he tricked me, andit's really, really hard to
trick me and to surprise me.
I'm still to this day blown awaythat he got me, but in

(41:46):
hindsight, I was so fucked upwith drugs and, and everything
that, yeah, it would have beeneasy to get me there.
So he told me that there's thisone distributor for this product
that wants to meet us and talkand follow a lot.
So I believed him.
So we drive to the hotel and.
And my family's there, coupleclose friends and family are
there and they're there tointervene on me and I needed an

(42:08):
intervention.
I did.
I'll be honest that thankfucking God that those people
were all there and cared enoughto make a difference in my life.
So I went back to treat.
I went to drug and alcoholtreatment in Burnaby.
I literally.
I went to that.
This is this is fucked up.
But you know, people need tohear this kind of stuff.
I went to that intervention witha crack a spoon in my pocket

(42:30):
because I was cooking crack inthe bathroom when my business
partner was coming to pick me upto go to this meeting.
Really fucked up.
It's really fucked up.
So going to that intervention.
I had a spoon in my pocket, andit was pretty clear to me that I
needed an intervention.
And so I said yes most, a lot ofpeople do say yes to their

(42:52):
interventions, but some peoplesay no.
And then their family's forcedto set a really, a boundary with
them.
My half brother, we had had anintervention on him probably two
years before this, so this wasreally hitting close to home.
And he said no to theintervention, unfortunately, and
went and lived on the streetsfor a while, and he's doing
better now, thank God.
But yeah, I needed anintervention.

(43:13):
I went away to Burnaby for 60days, and at this point I'm
still hopeful that I can save mymarriage.
I've got two cats with my exwife that still live in
Kitsilano, and I hope, you know,I'm missing them.
And yeah, but it was way toolate.
Way too late.
So much damage had been donewith her and trust.
And those are things that peoplecan do all the work they want.

(43:36):
They will never get over that.
They will always remember thattrust break.
I promise you.
I'm sorry.
They'll get over it, but they'llalways remember.
But truly getting over it?
I don't know.
It's your subconscious at thatpoint.
So yeah the, I went away totreatment and my best friend was
nice enough to say, Hey man,when you get back, we got all

(43:57):
this stuff to do, this company.
What the company was, was acompany that makes electric
hydrofoil surfboards, e foil.
And they are on the water.
They're probably one of thehottest items these days.
And, and I have to be honest interms of sports and activities,
they are one of the most fun, ifnot most fun things I've ever
done.
And they're my first pick.

(44:18):
E foiling is my number one firstpick.
That's what they call, you know,the electric hydrofoil
surfboard.
They call it an E foil.
My number one pick only to, if Ihad a blue bird powder day up at
big white, so clear skies andsun.
The nice champagne powder we gethere in the interior and 15 to

(44:38):
20 centimeters of it, that wouldliterally be the only thing that
I've tried to this point in mylife that I would pick before
going e foiling.
So we had a company thatmanufactures and sells e foils.
And we did that for three years.
It was amazing.
And how it ended up though,isn't so amazing.
And.

(44:59):
You know, during that threeyears, like we, when we first
started the company, we werehired by the Kardashian show to
go on the Kardashian show.
And we went to Malibu, went tothe mansion and got our COVID
tests done.
Came back the next day.
They never told us who'd betaking out, but they said male,
180 pounds.
So.
We just, you know, we're like,Oh, is it Kanye?

(45:20):
No, no.
He's too happy.
Oh, is it Rob?
Anyways, we, we went through thelist and we, it turned out it
was this guy named Scott Disickand he's one of the exes of one
of the girls.
I don't know any of this stuff.
I had to figure it all outafter, but he, he chickened out.
So he bailed the Friday thatwe're there to shoot.
We got the EFL set up andeverything.
We get all did all this work.

(45:40):
The unit manager comes out 10minutes before we're supposed to
shoot.
Guys, he's chickening out.
He's chickening out.
We're not doing this.
We're like, oh.
We're like, well, we'll comeback tomorrow.
This is Friday after we'll comeback tomorrow and shoot it.
She's like, no, she's like, thisis actually the last episode of
the last season of the show andwe're like, Oh, so that was a
bit of a that was a bitupsetting.
We still got paid.

(46:01):
We had to go home with a checkwith the Kardashian show on it.
Well, cool.
But we were there for themarketing.
In hindsight, this was all ablessing in disguise because we
were a start, we were threemonths in, we were a startup.
If we had gone on the Kardashianshows with this product, we
would have had so much demand.
And any young entrepreneur canrelate to this, especially when

(46:23):
they're in the infancy of theircompany and they're excited.
You can, we start getting phonecalls for orders over and over
and over.
We're going to keep saying, yes,we're going to, and this was in
the pandemic where the supplychain issues were a nightmare.
So anyways, in hindsight, it wasa blessing in disguise because
we would have Over promise andunder delivered and ruined our

(46:43):
company right off the bat if wehad gone on the Kardashian show
We also had some really neatexperiences.
We took out one of the castmembers from Jackass.
His name is poopies So we tookout poopies in San Diego.
That was cool I had anexperience in Laguna Beach where
I was Surrounded by dolphinslike I'm telling like 40 or 50
dolphins were around me at onepoint and then when I Went back

(47:07):
into the shore, I had threedolphins match me, like
literally a foot away from myboard and the wing that's
underwater for like two minutesfrom way out there into the
shores at Laguna Beach, so thatwas epic, but my favorite
experience is what you alludedto into the introduction there
Alfred, and it's with agentleman named Chris Cook, and

(47:28):
his handle on Instagram is if Ican Chris, He's a motivational
speaker.
He's from Nanton, Alberta,originally, actually, so he's
got the AB roots.
And Chris was born deformed forlack of a better term.
There's a drug, I get this wrongevery time I tell this story.
It's called ilamide or thilamideor something like that.

(47:50):
But this is a drug that a lot ofwomen were taking in the 70s.
And it was to deal withpregnancy some of the symptoms
they were getting frompregnancy.
So The babies essentially comeout born.
They look like a star becausetheir limbs aren't much further.
They don't stick out muchfurther than their head does.
Right?
So you basically have these armsthat started to grow that

(48:11):
usually end before the elbow oneach side.
And then the same thing on thelegs.
So just before the knee it ends.
So Chris, I don't know if he'sfortunate or not.
I'm not sure the details ofthis, but he has, you know, the
start of a digit.
He has a digit or the start of adigit or two on this side.
And I think the start of a digiton this side and then on his one

(48:33):
lower leg, he has, it's not aperfectly formed foot.
It's like, I wouldn't even callit almost a foot because I want
to give him the justice hedeserves because he gets around
on his own.
Like, it's barely a foot.
It's like just something kind ofgrown out of this limb.
Anyways, Chris gets around 100percent independently.

(48:53):
So when he was in high school,he actually wore prosthetics.
And upon graduation, he just hadan epiphany moment where he's
like, you know what, I don'tneed this stuff.
This is how I was born.
And he was brought up that way.
Like his parents were very goodthat way.
So anyways, he doesn't wearanything like that and he's
fully independent.
So he travels the world.

(49:14):
He's done multiple TEDx talks.
He's a motivational speaker.
If you were to ever be in hispresence.
For more than 30 seconds, you'rejust going to end up sitting
there and looking in the mirrorbeing like, man, I can do a lot
more.
I can do better.
I can, I can contribute more.
He, he makes you feel that way,not on purpose, but he makes you

(49:36):
feel that way.
And so it was a really neatexperience.
We weren't even sure the, the efoils are operated with a remote
control.
It's a wireless remote controltrigger.
So we weren't sure how Chris wasgoing to operate this based on
his physical limitations.
So at first we're like, okay,are we going to sit in the boat
and hold the trigger for him?

(49:57):
And he'll just be on the board.
But that'd be so hard to do as,as the rider, it'd be so hard to
not be in control of it.
And then eventually Mike Princehad the idea and they had the
idea.
That we were going to tape theremote control to his one limb
here.
And then with the start of hisdigit, he has two like almost
started digits here.
He was going to try and work thetrigger like this.

(50:19):
Okay.
Which as you can see me tryingto explain, it's already like,
it'd be super, superchallenging.
Anyways, Chris did it.
Chris nailed it.
He nailed it.
He learned how to eFoil quickerthan anybody else that I've
ever, ever taught.
The master of his own kineticmovement, it, like, watching it,
it was, it was inspiring.
So, yeah, that was by far thecoolest thing I've ever done

(50:42):
with eFoiling.
And yeah, and then, so That justbrings us up basically the
present moment.
I unfortunately had to exit thatcompany out of circumstance and
not choice.
My best friend and old businesspartner, my old best friend and
business partner, we had knowneach other since we were 14 up
until that point.
He was a huge part in myintervention and he was a huge

(51:05):
part in getting me to treatment.
And I'm so thankful for that.
Like he literally was an angelin my life at that time.
But unfortunately thingschanged.
You know, as life does, and aspeople do, and I want people to
change, like, I, you know, I,it's growth, right, but he
eventually just got to a pointwhere he, his fear, his fear of

(51:28):
me and my actions started totake control of how he was
Interacting with me and, andwith regards to our business.
And I've always been a person ofmeritocracy.
Meritocracy has always been thevalue that I stay with.
So, you know, that's beingrewarded based on your merits.
So you come to work today andyou work.

(51:50):
And we're going to judge youbased on that, not on last year,
not on next year.
How did you do today?
That's meritocracy.
And so we, I used to say, you'reonly as good as your last shift,
which isn't totally true becausehonestly, I'm going to have, you
have to have some loyalty forpeople over time.
And especially as you developbetter relationships with them,

(52:11):
but essentially.
He wanted to put stipulations onmy life outside of work.
And from a meritocralstandpoint, I was crushing it.
Our company was crushing it.
We were on fire.
And not once did I ever have anissue with my performance in the
company.
So for me, it was a really hardpill to swallow.
It was hard for me to acceptsomebody trying to control my

(52:34):
life outside of work because oftheir fears.
On how I would show up at work.
And then this is coming from aperson that's had serious issues
with alcohol in their life.
Okay.
Like serious issues, multipleDUIs.
You know multiple violencethings, you know, being banned
from places.
And so, you know, subconsciouslyI was just as worried about him

(52:56):
doing something, right?
But I just never said anything.
I did my job and we just madesure we were good.
But anyways, that's ultimatelywhere our company ended up.
I had to.
Threatened to sue him personallyto get my money out, which is
just horrible after knowingsomebody for since we were 14.
The lesson in that though iswhen you do business with

(53:16):
friends or family, which you'renever supposed to, but if you
end up going down that road, youwant to document things even
more.
You want to standardize thingseven more than if you didn't
know the person because that'll,that will hopefully circumvent
you ever coming to a point whereyou can't agree on something or
are resentful towards eachother.

(53:37):
And so, yeah, I, I exited thatcompany, had some money dealt
with a lot of a lot of stressand hurt feelings from that bill
that I didn't, didn't deal withright away.
That ultimately came back to eatme.
And I thought that when I get mymoney from the company, that
everything would be okay, but itwasn't, it wasn't.

(53:59):
And I did that twice.
I did that twice myself.
Cause I got two differentpayouts and each time I was
sitting there waiting for themoney to come and be like, Oh,
everything's going to be finewhen it comes.
And then when it did, I wasalready in such a bad place
mentally that it just made itworse.
It really, really did.
So, yeah, it's, there's a lot oflessons that I've learned
through that, you know, from thestory I've told you from that

(54:20):
little boy to where I am nowthe, the thing that's happened
to me recently, that's been agame changer, though, is with
the ADHD.
So I've learned a lot aboutADHD.
You know, in terms of addiction,you're, you're four and a half
times more likely to suffer fromaddiction from somebody that has
a DHD versus does not like 450%.

(54:43):
Like that's a lot, that is a lotno matter what you're talking
about.
And then someone that suffersfrom the symptoms of A DHD
that's medicated, they, thatgoes down to two x, so 200%,
which is still a lot, way lessthan 450%.
And so, you know, emotionalregulation.

(55:03):
Impulse control, executivefunction.
So really being able to managethoughts and put them in the
right order.
Those are all heavily, heavilyaffected by ADHD losing things,
breaking things, people relyingon you.
Those are all things that I hadno idea were things coming from

(55:23):
ADHD that I really struggledwith.
And in hindsight, I used toquestion my own character.
It started to make me questionmy own character.
Is this a character defect ofmine that I can't do this or
that I'm doing this.
And I, And that wears on youtoo, you know, I didn't get this
diagnosis until I was 43 yearsold, even though I thought I

(55:44):
might have been ADHD tendencies,the diagnosis didn't happen
until I was 43.
And still at that point, I justthought it meant I was hyper.
Like I had tons of energy and Icouldn't really focus on things.
And to me, it didn't really hurtme up until that point in my
life, other than in myrelationships and then the
relationship to myself, thoseare the places where it really,

(56:06):
really hurt me.
So about a month ago, I startedtaking Concerta, which is a
methyl derivative, which isessentially like Ritalin or like
all these other ones.
It's time released.
I take one a day and.
I mean, I'm still very hyper.
I got lots of energy relative tomost people, but compared to
what I'm used to, this has beena game changer for me.

(56:28):
It's been the first time in mylife where I've been really.
confident in the fact that I canget traction with something and
continue it the next day and thenext day and the next day.
You know, most people with ADHDcan relate to this.
You get these little flashes ofbrilliance.
You're like, Oh, here we go.
And you can, you can startflying, but it only lasts, it

(56:49):
lasts for a certain time andit's like a window.
And so yeah, I got used toseeing that window and I just
attack as soon as it wouldhappen.
But Then the next day you tryand continue with it and it
doesn't happen.
And that was the part thatreally started to wear on me
after being 43 years old ofhaving this incoherence between
my thoughts and my actions or mygoals and my actions.

(57:12):
A result, I should say, hugeincoherence every day.
It's like waking up every dayand being a woodpecker that
doesn't have a beak, right?
Or as Einstein used to say, it'slike waking up, doing the same
thing over and over andexpecting a different result.
Like, that wears on you.
So I developed anxiety becauseof that.

(57:33):
And then that eventually led todepression.
So God, I'm sitting here at 43with a diagnosis of PTSD, ADHD,
depression, anxiety.
I'm not wearing that like abadge.
I refuse that to be my identity.
However, it's a good lesson forme to see how something going
untreated can actually get somuch work.

(57:55):
Had my, had my ADHD been treatedat a much younger age, I don't
think I would have ever sufferedadult anxiety or adult
depression.

Alfred (58:04):
So.
Dude, that's an incrediblestory, dude.
I haven't had anybody on thepodcast tell a story like that,
but I was so immersed.
There was at least two or threetimes there when you were
explaining.
I kind of went into a trance oflike Envisioning when you
describe the restaurant by theocean, I started visioning a
building on the ocean and thenyou talked about it in stilts.

(58:24):
So I just have to commend youfor being a storyteller and
sharing some of that vulnerablestuff.
Cause I mean, I can think ofbooks that I read that aren't as
juicy as what you just shared onhere, man.
So that was pretty incredible.
That was awesome.
So I just want to acknowledgeyou for that, man, sharing some
of that vulnerable stuff andjust your ability to articulate
and just open up about that,man, that that's pretty powerful
stuff.
You didn't sugarcoat anything,so that's pretty incredible.

(58:46):
So thank you so much for sharingthat man.
That was awesome.

Taylor (58:49):
Thank you, Alfred.
It means a lot to hear that.
And, and it does take a littlebit of courage to be vulnerable,
but going back to what I saidnear the start there, I don't
give a fuck anymore in thehealthiest way.
I just don't give a fuck.
And I know by being vulnerableand sharing, it just makes it
easier for others.
And that's part of my motivationfor doing it.

(59:10):
But I also am committed to justbeing as real as I can.
In my life, I don't have a lotto finish with because I have
said a lot but I just reallylike to say just be yourself.
Be yourself.
Do what makes you feel good.
And be a good human for the restof the planet.
That's all I ask.

Alfred (59:29):
I love it, dude.
I love it, dude.
And if anybody has foodquestions, where can they find
you if they want to ask youabout food and start to start
barking up that tree?

Taylor (59:37):
You know it's something that I do is, I mean, I do this
as a business, but it is more ofa hobby and a passion as I've
kind of said.
But I do have an Instagram pagewhere you can find me.
It's pretty simple.
It's chef.
Taylor Roberts.
And yeah, Chef Taylor Robertsgot me on there and some of my
food.
And I don't post a lot on there.
But there's enough stuff where Iguarantee if you go on there and

(59:58):
you check out the food, you'llprobably want to go get
something to eat.

Alfred (01:00:03):
Yeah.
Don't follow it on an emptystomach.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Well, Taylor, thank you so muchfor sharing, dude.
So good to reconnect with you.
I love seeing your smile.
I love hearing your story.
I love learning something aboutyou.
There was a lot you said todaythat we didn't talk about in
Costa Rica or at any time.
So thank you.
And yeah, appreciate your timetoday, dude.

Taylor (01:00:22):
Much love Alfred.
I look forward to talking to youagain soon

Alfred (01:00:24):
yeah, you as well, man.
And until the next one, well,that's it for this episode.
Thank you so much for listeningto the unmodern podcast.
If you like what you heard andwant to hear more, don't forget
to hit that subscribe buttonalso like, and follow me on
Instagram and Facebook atunmodern podcast.
Do you have suggestions forfuture guests, or if you're

(01:00:45):
interested in being a guestyourself, please visit unmodern
podcast.
com.
Thank you again, and we'll seeyou in the next episode.