[EP10] "Self Control is More Important than Self-Esteem & Your Life Business Plan"

In Episode 10, I sit down with a former co-worker and trusted friend, Trevor Ross. Trevor is a great example of a quietly successful person. Someone who has his "house" truly in order from top to bottom. In his modest nature, he would alter that statement but it is true none the less. In this episode we dive into some basic hacks or tactics one can use to fast track their life. Simple strategies both of us have had success with applying to our lives. We talk about Jesus and his impact on both of us. We discuss the concept of having high self control vs. high self-esteem (doing what's right vs. what feels good), this can be a metaphor for really anything in your life. We chat about having the courage to humble yourself to take charge in your life. And one of my favorite topics, we chat about applying a "business plan" template to your life, with money, roles, goals & resources.
This jam session type episode and a bit different than past episodes. Passion and friendship drove this podcast episode rather than structure and niche.
I hope you enjoy this one. Thanks for tuning in!

Website:
https://unmodernpodcast.com
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/unmodern.podcast/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/unmodernpodcast

Resources Mentioned in this Podcast Episode

Admiral McRaven Speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBuIGBCF9jc

George Janko Podcast - Charlie Kirk Episode
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OJe5sNHMsQ

Chris Williamson Quote
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/E0SkEQ1e3P0

Guest Contact Information

Trevor Ross
https://www.linkedin.com/in/trevor-ross1975/

Tags: Fitness, Self Improvement, Christianity, God, Faith, Wife, Daughter, Humble, Quotes

Episode Transcript

Alfred (00:03):
Hey, everyone, and welcome to the unmodern podcast,
the podcast where we haveunscripted, unapologetic and
uncomfortable conversations thataffects everyday people.
If you've ever had an outlook,thought or an opinion that
modern day society told you tobe silent on.
That you would get in troublefor, or if you've ever heard the
words, probably shouldn't saythat, then this is the podcast

(00:24):
for you.
My name is Alfred, a husband,father, and an adventure seeking
kind of guy, who over the yearshas learned to have a positive
outlook on life, regardless ofwhat society throws at me.
So if you're ready to listen,let's go.

(01:03):
Podcast, dude.
This has been one that is longoverdue and I'm so stoked to
have you and your family heretoday and you sitting in the hot
seat.
It's going to be a good one.

Trevor (01:12):
Well, I'm excited to be here, Alfred.
It's something we've beenplanning for quite some time.
We're both working parents.
We got busy families.
So unless you set a hard datefor things, They don't come.
So I'm glad we set this harddate and we're going to make it
work.
Yeah.
Decided to answer anything andjust be free to talk.

Alfred (01:34):
Yeah, this is going to be good.
This is gonna be more of afireside chat episode for me.
And for you, obviously there'sreally no structure to this.
We just finished basically apodcast episode worthy
conversation in my kitchen afterdinner, which was incredible.
By the way.
Thank you so much.

Trevor (01:46):
Yeah.

Alfred (01:46):
Thank you for bringing the family over, which was
awesome.
But yeah, we started talkingabout everything, but just right
off the bat, I just want to,just show my admiration for you
because like, we started workingtogether.
We worked for the same companyfor a long time, but we worked
together in the same departmentfor a bit.
No longer the case.
But you came in as this, youknow, physically fit, rooted
guy, quiet, hard worker reallythe masculine, manly traits
that, people look for in mentorsand, and friends and even

(02:10):
coworkers truthfully.
And yeah, you exude that.
So I just want to commend youdo, cause I appreciate that.
And I've been looking, in smalliterations when we commuted back
and forth to work about wakingup at three in the morning and
working out and strict with yourdiet and saying no.
And, it's, it would be so easyto say yes to things.
That takes a lot of gumption andit needs to be acknowledged and
publicly and openly, cause ittruthfully, it's not easy.

Trevor (02:32):
that's something I do for myself.
It's something I don't do foracknowledgment to be recognized.
It's something that keeps.
It keeps me grounded.
And we all need that.
We're so busy with our work lifebalance, with paying bills,
keeping our kids active, youknow, pleasing your wife.

(02:52):
You need some alone time.
And that's my alone time is my 3a.
m.
get up and get my day in.
It's kind of like me having 10cups of coffee before I start my
day.
Some people will need theircoffee.
That is my energy fix.
It keeps me motivated.
Yeah, it's something you youneed, definitely need support
from your family, from yourwife.
And to me, family is number 1.

(03:14):
Like, it's, if you have an opencommunication with your wife
there's no, there's noboundaries to a happy marriage.
And my wife and I have beenmarried for, just celebrated our
13th wedding anniversary.
And I can truly say we havenever been In a heated argument.
We've never gone to bed mad atone another.

(03:36):
Alfred, you know, Christine,you've met her.
She's a powerful woman.
She's a quiet woman, but she hastaught me so much.
Just a conversation like Alfred,like you were saying before we
came up here to do this.
I wish more people were involvedin that just to sit back and
listen.
And just sometimes you don'thave to say much, but just to
kind of hear that conversation,how open it is, and you're not

(03:58):
being judged.
Everyone's giving their opinionon things.
We laugh and we're talking aboutserious issues.
And it's just something that Iwished everybody had that and
that's something that we havestarted something in our home
where, you know, We're invitingthat culture.
Our kids are seeing it.
We're having more people overjust to have these
conversations.

(04:19):
And we're a Christian family,Christianity sometimes has a bad
name.
We don't like to say we go to achurch.
We are the church.
You bring the church.
The truth and what you reallyfeel, like your purpose in life,
you need to share that not justwith a group of people in a
isolated building.
You need to bring that whereveryou go.

(04:40):
So, it's just something thatkeeps me going, like, you
motivate me talking, like,you're going on these hikes,
these adventures that you'rechallenging yourself.
And that's, you know, somethingI get props to you, man, because
I don't know.
I don't know if I could do that.
Right.
So it's.
I've always admired you.
I told Christine, I said, Alfredis somebody who you can't
persuade him.
that's one of the key, you know,everybody should have that value

(05:04):
that you stand your ground.
You're not going to be persuadedby anything unless you kind of
analyze it yourself and say,well, is that the truth?
You know what I mean?
There's so much deception rightnow.
I feel in it's COVID is aperfect example.
We can talk about it.
COVID is gone.
Is it gone?
Is it going to come back 100%?

(05:24):
They're going to try.
Right now.
We're, it feels like we're abunch of puppets, but the
culture needs to change.
And you said it perfectly.
You took the words out of mymouth.
It's going to change.
You got to clean your house up1st.
You got to start within yourselfand when you change yourself, it
shows, but you, you really gotto be rooted in what you believe
in and stick, stick to it.

(05:45):
Listened to people's opinions,have open conversations, open
conversations are what are goingto, I believe, change kind of
the mess we've created some ofthe stuff that I don't agree
with right now.
I, take responsibility for itbecause it's happened within the
last 10 years.
It's been such a culture changefrom.
From 10 years ago to now, like,what is it going to be 20 years

(06:07):
from now?
What are your thoughts on that?
From what you see today to 10years ago in the workplace, we
were talking about work ethicsinto schools, into families,
marriages.
It's a different world we livein right now.

Alfred (06:20):
Yeah, I agree, man.
First, I want to say thank youfor the kind words.
That was awesome.
And yes, I have met your wife.
She's incredible.
You actually, you guys, she justprayed over me for a hike and
wishing me safe travels.
And not only that, but wishingthat I find what I'm looking for
doing something like this.
Because I think conventionalwisdom would ask the question,
why would somebody feel the needto do this?
Hike to the top of a cabin.

(06:41):
It's the most isolated cabin, Ibelieve, in the United States.
I don't have an answer for it tobe honest.
I like that.
She was asking me that or shewas praying for me saying, you
know, I hope Alfred finds whathe's looking for.
I don't know what I'm lookingfor to be truthfully honest.
I want to thank you for yourauthenticity as well.
Both you and your wife.
I know.
I think we've probably haddinner together about 5 or 6
times now.
And I can't think of a time whenthe conversation wasn't

(07:03):
something that sits with meuntil our next 1.
I actually reflect on it and Iremember the conversation
Vividly, I remember what yourwife said.
I remember your response.
I remember how it was thoughtprovoking for me and my wife.
It's incredible.
And I agree with you.
I don't think that happensenough in society and not only
in society.
I don't think it happens enoughwithin friendship circles and

(07:25):
even family circles.
And I'll go back to you askedme, what are my thoughts?
I would say for me, I think we,in the last longer than a
decade, but we can isolate it tothe last decade eliminating
COVID because that was a uniquecircumstance.
I think we've prioritizedfeeling good.
Over doing what's right orsaying what's right is we've

(07:46):
skated around telling a man or awoman that they made a mistake
and holding them accountable andyou use that word
accountability.
we soften the blow, but theproblem is, is we do that.
It probably started off with usjust.
You know, making sure that theemotions don't get out of
control.
We made sure that somebodydidn't run away or somebody
didn't do something they weregoing to regret, but that

(08:06):
softening, the blow stagelengthened more and more and
more, and now it's actuallybecome more of the rule than the
exception to the rule to almost.
Intentionally lie to a personand they know you're lying to
them.
If I come to you and I made agrave mistake and I say I
murdered somebody, or I cheatedon my wife, or I went to work on
drugs.

(08:26):
You would look at me and say,oh, man, I hope you're doing
good.
Don't worry about it's not a bigdeal.
It's a massive deal.
It's a huge fucking deal, and itneeds to be called out and
nipped in the butt because themoment my strongest confidants.
Condone what I do.
And if it's a person that I lookup to and admire in certain
situations, I'm going to keepdoing it to either win their

(08:47):
attention or, well, he told methat he liked it, you know, flip
that onto the female spectrum.
Honey, do I look fat in thisdress?
That's a great conversation.
And actually Tom bill of billyou, I think that's how you
pronounce his last name.
He had a great argument on hispodcast where people said if
your wife looks ugly in a dress,do you tell her?
And he said, you absolutely tellher.
Why do you tell her?

(09:08):
Because when you're 80.
And she's old, and wrinkly, andyou have grandkids and great
grandkids, and you look at herand you tell her you are the
most beautiful woman I've everbeen attracted to in my life,
she will believe you.
Yeah.
Because if you, if you skatearound the truth, For 20, 30,
40, 50 years of marriage,nothing that is said in the end,

(09:28):
if they're actually genuinelylooking for your actual response
will mean anything.

Trevor (09:31):
And it's funny, you're talking about this because Women
are so they're unique.
They're lovely.
They're made different than aman.
There's times us as men, we needto humble ourselves and we need
to say, you look good today.
And but I always tell my wife,she says, you never compliment
me.
You don't compliment me,compliment me enough.

(09:54):
And I said, well, if it looksbad on you, I'll tell you what
looks bad.
Bye.
It's the way men, men ingeneral, I believe we've become
soft and I'm going to say we'vebecome soft.
Women are strong.
Children are strong.
So Alfred was talking about, youwere talking about going on your
hike and why you're doing it.
And kids will ask the mostobvious, to the point, no small

(10:16):
talk questions.
My daughter, Tia, said, so whyare you doing it, Alfred?
That's like, well, how do yourespond?

Alfred (10:22):
Yeah.

Trevor (10:22):
Right.
So it's

Alfred (10:23):
just.
But I didn't lie to her.
I told her, I truthfully, Idon't know.
Yeah.
And then when she's asked, youknow, what made you want to go
on this hike?
Well, how I first discovered it,what has attracted me to it
since then?
And then finally pulling thetrigger there.
There's no lying.
There's no scapegoating.
I'm not trying to impress ortrying to look good for you or
your wife or in front of mywife.
There's no ego involved and youknow, we can, we can unpack that

(10:46):
too.
Because I think ego has been thedownfall of a lot of issues in
society.
It's really taken hold of truthreplaced, common truth and
objectivity which is a hugeissue because again, it goes
back to that.
We prioritize people feelinggood and not wanting to get
offended.
Or not wanting to acknowledgethey made a mistake or, maybe
even from a personalaccountability perspective, it's
hard for me to acknowledge.

(11:06):
Maybe I've made a stepbackwards.
Maybe I decided to make a jobchange and it's less money.
I hate it.
I'm more miserable.
There's less progression.
I made that decision.
It's on me, right?
I have to take thataccountability.
Whereas it would be like, well,my wife forced me into it, or
it's a better work life balancewhen it truthfully isn't.
And when you're out of integritywith yourself, when you lie

(11:27):
about those things, you can't bean integrity with anybody else.
There's no way you, and thatgoes back to that statement
where I had mentioned.
With COVID and politics is yougot to clean up your own house
first.
That starts with theindividuality and
accountability.
If you're not rooted in your ownintegrity, I can't tell you how,
who you should vote for.
I can't tell you my opinion on aglobal pandemic and you take it

(11:47):
serious.
That's the difference is, is Ican say to you and you might be
easily influenced.
But I can't be stoic in myapproach because I'm not rooted
in myself.

Trevor (11:56):
Right.
And you need to exactly clean upyour house and cleaning up your
house involves with cleaningyourself up first.
And we're human beings.
We need people to fall back on.
we need advice.
We're going to stumble.
We're going to fall.
We need to get back up again.
Can you do it by yourself?
100 percent you can, but you'dneed people you can rely on to

(12:18):
be there for honest advice, notsugar coated.
But when you clean up yourselftruly want to talk about or
express your feelings to others.
It's time.
We have like, neighbors becomeneighbors again, and they have
open conversations.
Like, I'll go back to the kidexample, kids will fight.

(12:39):
They will not talk to each otherfor a few minutes.
The end of the day, theirfriends again, they resolve it
and they resolve it because it'ssimple.
They don't make it complicated.
They say what they feel at theend.
At the end of it, they accept 1another because they truly, if
you, if you're, we're not allgoing to like each other.
We're not going to agree withothers with your opinions, but

(13:01):
there's something we can gainfrom 1 another and.
am very defensive about certainthings, but there is a soft side
to me that my wife brings out inme that wants me to kind of.
You know, maybe that persondoesn't know, maybe this person
has gone through some, some kindof trauma in their life and
they've never expressed it.
So, you can give your opinion toanyone you want, don't expect

(13:25):
they're always going to receiveit.
But when you give a testimony,when you give something you
personally experienced, and youshow the outcome of that
experience you went through, not1 person can argue with what you
experienced.
And if you're, if you're sincereto it, that that's no one can
take that away from me.
No one can take no one can takeaway your beliefs, which I think

(13:48):
people are trying to do now.
They're trying to persuade ourminds, but.
We need to be firm in what webelieve in.
We need to get back to familyvalues.
We need to clean up our house.
I've been hearing that term somuch now.
And it's not just coming fromwithin a group.
It's coming from all differentplaces.
It's coming from people.
I wouldn't expect it at work.

(14:09):
Like you're talking aboutcleaning up their house because
deep down inside people, peopleknow it's.
We're in a messy situation rightnow.
Debt is out of control.
People are living above theirmeans.
We're trying to impress oneanother.
Why?
I just always throw the questionout.
Why do you need to feel that youneed to be at a di at a certain

(14:29):
level, when at the end of theday you're happy, where you're
at, the progression you're,you're making, no one can tell
you how fast or where you needto be in life.
That's for each person needs todig deep inside your soul.
And that's something like you'regoing on.
I think, I really think I'mexcited for you.
When Christine was praying overAlfred, it was powerful.

(14:51):
there

Alfred (14:51):
was a palpable.
Aura in the room, truthfully,

Trevor (14:55):
it's not just a physical adventure going on.
It's also mental.
I believe mentally it's going tobe the mental part of it's going
to be the greater reward thanthe physical part of it.
So it's no kudos to you.
Like, I'm excited.
I'm excited to see.
Your experiences and just kindof where, where your head space
is when you come back from that.
So, maybe that's something usmen need to do.

(15:17):
We need to get out into thewilderness again.
We need to, this may sound oldfashioned, but we need to become
mountain men again.
Let's, let's go to themountains.
Let's go to where there's nosocial media, no cell phones.
And let's just go and just, ifwe come back, if nothing's
changed, so be it.
If if things have changed, andif you're open to just

(15:37):
experience it, you know, withother individuals, I'm all for
that.
I'm 100 percent all for that.
And that's something I need todo too.
Like, it's a lot of the times.
It's easy for me to go to work.
I'm around people.
I want to go home.
Like today.
I want it to come.
It's not like I promised Alfred,I'm going to come over.
I want it to come because, youknow, That's what actually fills
my heart and our minds.

(15:59):
So what's deep?
What's what's rooted in ourhearts?
It's diluted when it gets to ourminds.
So, our minds get a hold of whatour hearts are thinking and it
twists.
It takes it away.
You're you start doubtingyourself.
You start questioning yourself.
But when you truly speak, what'son your heart, what's At the end
of the day, it's like you wonthe lottery.

(16:20):
It's like you won a sportscompetition.
It's going to feel somethingit's going to take your heart
and it's just going to just makeit stronger.
And it's going to, it's going tomake you a different person.
I'm not saying to you or toanyone else, you need to change
who you are.
I just want truthful, honestpeople.
And I want some of the rationalepeople are agreeing with right

(16:41):
now.
I just want that openness again.
It's been taken away from us.
We're not allowed to talk aboutit.
Because we've allowed it.
So I'm hoping for more of thesepodcasts to come.
I'm hoping I told Alfred.
I said, no problem with what Isay.
You can post it.
People can come question me andthat's what that's what I want.
I'm not going to have anyconflict.

(17:01):
I just want to have that openconversation about.
some of the things that aregoing on and just, what makes
you happy at the end of the day?
I think we can all learn fromthat.

Alfred (17:09):
I love how this is going in all different directions.
I want to try to bring a littlestructure to it and start posing
some questions.
And I also like to leave alittle tidbits to people because
we, we talk about this stuffbecause we're experienced men.
We've, we've lived lives.
We've made mistakes.
We've learned from them.
We've burnt bridges.
We've rebuilt them.
We both agree, you know, workethic has really carried us a
lot in our lives.
And I think that's really the1st thing is if you can just be

(17:31):
a hard worker and don't look at,you know, I'm working harder
than somebody else is makingmore than me.
Or you look at the 17 year oldkids who are drop shipping on
Instagram, driving Bentley's.
If you ignore the noise and youjust put your head down and you
do a good job even if it'ssomething that you don't like to
do, you just, rise above it.
And understand that everythingyou touch, you leave a mark and

(17:52):
your reputation as a man iseverything.
And I think your ability tofoster community is really what
it is for women.
The first thing I want to diveinto here is cleaning up your
house.
Because this is something thatthere was a a Navy SEAL speech
by Admiral McRaven.
You may have seen it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So when he says the first stepin changing the world is making
your bed.

(18:12):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And pretty sure I watched thatabout seven, eight years ago,
and it fucking changed my life.
Yeah.
No joke, It changed my lifebecause truthfully what he said,
he said, when you make your bed,it's the first task of the day.
It's like you, when you go tothe gym at three in the morning,
it's like, when you do yourhardest thing of the day, the
first part of the day, you canhave a shitty day at work.
You're like, man, it doesn'tmatter.

(18:32):
I ran 15 K this morning.
This is nothing like, like, andit's like with my cold plunges,
when I, when I can get into a,into zero degree water for three
minutes in the morning and I goto work and everyone's like, Oh,
you're under a bad day.
I'm like, no, I'm not.
I was like, it doesn't affectme.
It builds this resilience Inyour mind and in your body.
And we were, and I use this terma lot during our conversation
over dinner today, stoicism.

(18:53):
It's a concept I'm addicted toright now, truthfully, because
it wasn't that long ago.
I was an emotional person overeverything.
I was emotional disagreementswith my wife.
I was emotional when my daughterwouldn't listen.
I was emotional when work gotout of hand.
I was emotional with trying tostart up a podcast and I finally
started realizing that, and it'snot just this poof realization.
It's through exposure ofinformation.
It's through people teaching.

(19:14):
It's through.
Reaching out to people that arebetter than me in facets of my
life I want to become better in.
I'm not going to go to somebodywho works at McDonald's and ask
them for fitness and nutritioninformation.
And that's not going to knock onpeople who work there.
I'm just saying there's certainpeople that you, they have their
niche.
I'm going to talk about businessto business people.
I'm going to talk, you know,about fitness to fitness people.
The best man at my wedding,Kevin, I have massive admiration

(19:36):
for him.
While he had three kids under, Ithink, five years old, he was
building his dream home and hewon twice, I think in one
weekend fitness competition.

Trevor (19:44):
Yeah.
We've talked about

Alfred (19:45):
The guy, the monster, he's insane.
I've, and he's the quietest guyever.
I think he posts on Instagramlike once a year and it goes
back to what you were saying iswhen you do it for yourself.
And you don't have to take thatgym selfie.
You don't have to tell peopleyou're going, you don't have to
enter every, every draw ononline.
You just do it for yourself.
Your actions speak louder thanwords.
And it goes to a Charlie Kirkquote that he was on the George

(20:08):
Janko podcast.
And he said something that hitme almost as hard as that
Admiral McRaven statement aboutmaking your bed, as he said,
self control.
Is more important than selfesteem.
That's an exact quote.
And, and at first when he saidit, I couldn't unravel the
messaging, but then he unpackedit and he said, what you do.

(20:30):
Speaks so much more and it's somuch more important than how you
feel and when you unpack thatstatement and apply it to your
life and apply it to any timethat you've made a mistake or
any time that something maybegot out of control that you
weren't really, maybe youquestioned in the beginning, but
then when you look backhindsight, you're like, Oh yeah,
that kind of makes sense.

(20:52):
If somebody tells me they go tothe gym and they say it feels
good, that's fantastic.
If in six months I see them andthey're absolutely jacked, they
don't need to talk to me.
Yeah.
Your actions speak louder thanwords.
And that's a, a modern way ofsaying that is, is self-control
is more important thanself-esteem.

Trevor (21:11):
You're giving me goosebumps right now because
like, like your actions willshow naturally make your own
bed, you lay on it.
Listen to quotes like you werementioning, quotes.
Do some research.
If you're, if you're feelinglost right now, start look in
some podcasts, look at some,pick up some books, get a
personal quote for your life forthat year, for that day, and

(21:33):
stick to it.
Like a simple few words etchedin your memory will go a long
way.
I love quotes.
I live by quotes.
I I'll, I'll refer back toquotes.
I read in the Bible.
I'll go back to something mywife said.
She quoted me.
I'll go back to.
You know, something my dad said,a quote, but pick things that
apply to you how it affects youin your day to day life.

(21:56):
And it's going to go a long way.
You don't have to brag.
You don't have to try to one upone.
And it's going to, your actionswill show through the work you
do.
And at the end of the day,that's all we of course, it's
nice to be acknowledged.
You got to acknowledge yourselffirst.

Alfred (22:10):
I think that's the unique thing about men We are
better at acknowledging eachother than women, but I think
the problem is men's circles andfriendship circles and true
forms of masculineaccountability that are
separated from the house andseparated from femininity and
separated from state.
It's, it's fucking abolished.
It doesn't exist.

(22:30):
It's demonized.
All you hear today ispatriarchy, toxic masculinity,
the system.
Excuse me, that's created todestroy men in divorce.
And you have women saying, well,I'm just playing by the rules.
And it's like, you can't tell methat.
If, you know, so and so cheatson somebody else, or you have an
amicable breakup, or even ifit's not an amicable breakup,
you're telling me that oneperson has to suffer more than

(22:52):
the other, and 85 percent of thetime it's men?
That's crazy in my eyes.
And the problem is, is that's amicrocosm of a system that takes
pure masculinity at its truestform, and destroys it.
Because now, you're eliminatingincentive, To reach a new level.
And I think the only way to dothat as men is like, for

(23:14):
instance, this hike, I'm goingon it with, you know, three
other dudes.
If I was going on it with awoman, I don't think it would
mean the same.
And I, and this is not a knockon women.
I know somebody who's in afucking clip this or whatever.
I don't care, but it'sdifferent.
It's an experience.
There's something to be said,because the thing is, is by
getting to the top of themountain, we all had to exert
similar physicality.

(23:35):
We all had to experience similardanger.
It's an equalizer.
It doesn't matter who's rich,who's poor, what vehicle you
drove.
It doesn't matter your history,your experience.
It doesn't matter, you know,your trauma.
Are you married, divorced, kids?
Not.
It's irrelevant.
It's an equalizer.
You go through something sodifficult, and mentally, you
even question the validity ofwhy you do it.
But then when you accomplish it,it's a euphoric feeling.

(23:58):
And it's a bonding experienceand, and that I think is likely
what's going to occur afterthis, but, and I'm using that as
an example because it'ssomething happening here soon.
But I think those sorts ofthings are now gone.
Like, like, for instance, likemen, like, Oh, I'm going to the
gym with my gym bros or I'mhaving, or I'm having a boys
weekend.
Yeah.
It's like, now it gets made funof it's, it's trending on it on

(24:18):
Twitter.
I'm like, why don't girls getgirls weekends?
And we're phrasing it in a waythat makes sense for us and to
try to not acknowledge thedichotomy of men and women and
how that has to exist forsociety to function truthfully I
don't understand it and it'ssomething that we have to
combat, but we have to combat itas men, not as a man.
What I mean by that is in agroup, not individually.

Trevor (24:39):
So they're trying to, so right now, a hundred percent
agree.
Society is trying to tell us,men, when I say us, I'm going to
refer to to a man right now,it's not okay to be masculine.
You know, are you reallymasculine?
They start questioning, theystart playing with your head.
And it's good for men to spendtime with men.
There was a one quote, I can'twe're talking about society and

(25:01):
debt and how people try to dobetter than one another.
There was a podcast I waswatching about two brothers.
So if you look at differentcountries, say India, for an
example, you'll get multiplefamilies, brothers living
together in one house.
They're living together.
The men are accumulating allthis.

(25:22):
all these assets and they'redebt free.
They may have minimum payingjobs, but they're living in nice
homes or driving nice vehicles.
It's because they're workingtogether as men to provide for
their family.
I'm not saying we should alllive together.
We need to lean on one another.
Men need to lean on men.
Women need to lean on womenbecause they understand each

(25:44):
other.
I'm a man.
I got two girls at home and mywife.
Am I gonna, do I understandwomen a hundred percent?
No.
I don't.
My girls are 12 and 10 yearsold.
They're going to be goingthrough puberty.
Do you think I'm going to betalking to them about their
monthly periods?
No, I'm going to leave that tomy wife because she understands

(26:04):
what they're going through.
When you're going throughsomething it's okay to be a man.
I'm going to say being amasculine man is also humbling
yourself to the point where youcan reach out and say, Hey man,
what's your honest advice?
Some of the most powerful prayerwarriors I've heard are men who
I see men in front of churches.

(26:24):
They cry, but after they're donecrying, the fire comes out in
them and I'm telling you, it'ssomething that I wish people
would experience.
And just be open to it I'm goingto go talk a little bit about my
mom growing up.
And so I grew up in a Catholicfamily where everything was
forced on me.
I was forced to do this.
I was forced to do that.

(26:45):
I never had a personalrelationship.
I wasn't, I wasn't able to kindof explore, read the Bible.
Just kind of question, is therea God?
That's what the number onequestion nowadays, it's what
causes war.
It's resources, religion, andeveryone has a right to their
opinion.
And it just, if you look atcertain evidence, if you do the

(27:06):
research for yourself, and ifyou're open just to find out who
you are and what, you know, whatyour purpose is, everyone has a
purpose, every individual fromthe homeless, To the most rich,
they have a purpose in theirlife, and that's for them to
find out what it is.
And at the end of the day, it'sall about what fills your cup
and what keeps you in check andwhat keeps you motivated.

(27:28):
raising a family to me right nowis that's something that we're
really trying to, trying toimplement in our home is just
open, honest communication andjust letting our daughters
without, of course, we'reguiding them, we're protecting
them, but we're letting themfind out who they really are by
asking questions.
So, you know, if I had 1 thing Icould tell people, I would just

(27:50):
say, if there's a question,don't hold it back.
Ask it because that's goingthat's going to burn inside of
you until it's released.

Alfred (27:59):
I'm glad you brought up brought up Christianity because
I've had a really.
tumultuous relationship withfaith, religion, Jesus, all the
above non denomination, third,twice removed, whatever you want
to call it, all these differentsex.
And a good buddy of mine, RayCowell, he was on my podcast and
he, had a a statement on thereand this is a butchered quote,
but he basically, he said, Ican, he's like, I'd make the

(28:21):
argument that Jesus wasn'treligious and he was murdered
for it.
And that sat with me because wedid that at a time when I first
started this podcast and I waskind of wishy washy, faith,
religion, the difference or, I'mspiritual.
I'm not, I'm not faith driven,which if you look it up
spiritual literally means tohave faith, but we can talk

(28:42):
semantics later, whatever, or,or read a different dictionary.
I don't care.
But.
I love that idea going back towhen we first started this, when
you talk about purpose and youtalk about doing it for yourself
first, I think everything can beboiled down to an individual
level, but you as an individualhave to have something that
you're aiming for, and I haveyet to find something better

(29:04):
than an entity like Jesus, I'llexpand on that a little bit
where true individual andcommunity followers of his word,
not the words written by what hesaid, but his word.
And that has to go to theoriginal gospels, right?
And that's it.
Not the, you know, not theGutenberg Bible, not the West

(29:24):
Baptist church Bible, not allthese other ones.
You go to the original gospelsand unpack yourself.
They're written in Greek.
They've been translated intoEnglish many times, and I have
yet to read them in length.

Trevor (29:34):
It took me until my adult years to actually read the
full of go through the wholeBible in depth.
Growing up Catholic, there werecertain portions that were
segmented to me, you got to readthis portion, you got to read
this portion.
for me, I truly believeChristine was guided to me for a
certain purpose because thatwoman, Alfred, you got to have

(29:56):
her on your show one day onyour, on your podcast and for
her to go through her testimonyand the faith this woman's have,
she's had, I'm telling you, it'ssomething else.
She's gone through cancer,surviving back surgery.
You name it, this woman's beenin pain, but at the end of it
all, she's been so faithful andshe's never wavered.

(30:18):
I've never met a, peopleprobably say this about their
wives, which they should, butI've never met a stronger woman
than her.
So love your wife's men, likecherish them.
Then if you're not happy in yourmarriage, don't go cheat.
Don't, don't hurt them, just endit.
If it wasn't meant to be, itwasn't meant to be.
Young men, especially I'mtelling wait for that special
someone to come along and it's,it's truly life changing.

(30:41):
It's for me, a pivotal moment inmy life is when we met 100
percent 100%.
If somebody would have asked me15 years ago, you can ask people
in my prior days, marriage days.
Can you see Trevor being marriedto 2 daughters?
No way, but I am and I wouldn'tchange it for the world.
I wouldn't damage thatrelationship.

(31:02):
Anything, anything like I wouldlay my people talk about dying
for one another.
I would truly lay my life on theline for my wife and my
daughters.
So just find out what yourpurpose is and do some research.
Don't live day by day.
People are going to wearthemselves.
So you're going to wear yourselfthin.
We're only on this earth for asmall period of time.

(31:26):
So make it, make it worthwhile.
Like you and I talk, do wereally want to live in minus 40
weather?
No, I don't.
So am I going to, what am Igoing to do about it?
So that's something you're stillcontemplating as a family,
Christine and I, but

Alfred (31:41):
Yeah.
I'm going to, I'm going to hityou with one here.
This is a really good one.
This, this, this kind of.
Wrecked my brain a little bit.
Cause I probably listened to iton repeat about 12 times.
To be honest, I follow thispage.
It's called the, it's verysimilar to my pocket.
I think it's called the unmodernmotivator.
It's a really odd Instagram tag.
There was this young girl onthere and I was reading, it was

(32:03):
a very lengthy post, but it wasa quick, like eight second
video.
The video went it was a mishmashof people saying YOLO.
I'll live once life short, doit.
You know what is it you onlylive to be a hundred and it was
all about this, you know, the,this reality that life is very
short and then it kind of wentblurry and it went to her and
she said, yeah, but eternity islonger, you better prepare for

(32:27):
it.
And, and she, and she said thatand she was holding it and I'm
just like, holy, I'm like, Whata mental shift that is,
truthfully, when you think ofit, truthfully,

Trevor (32:38):
if you believe in the afterlife

Alfred (32:40):
and so, so you have to preface that statement 100%, but
it got me thinking where it'slike when you phrase things,
it's almost like when you areable to change your mindset from
days to months, months to years,years to decades, it's one of
those things where when you canstart Outlooking and you do this

(33:00):
in anything, your relationship.
If you look further into thefuture about your relationship,
you're going to work on itstronger.
If I ask you, what's it going tobe next week being married
versus, you know, how strong doyou think your marriage is going
to be in 10 years?
And you start thinking of thosethings, but you keep asking
yourself that you're, you'reforced to take action to make
that reality true.

Trevor (33:17):
Yeah.

Alfred (33:17):
So the same thing, like.
Oh, you've been going to the gymfor a month.
You know, what, what, whatprogress have you learned?
Like, oh, it's like, no, no,there's a fitness competition at
five years and I'm going to winit.
Yeah.
It, when you, when you rephraseit and you look further out and
you start future casting yourlife, I think that's how people
are going to find their purpose.
Don't look for the small fish inthe shallow pond, right?
You really have to, swing bighip big, right?

(33:39):
It's don't be afraid to havebig, hairy, audacious goals.
So that we call them bad goals.
Yeah.
And, and don't be afraid toswing for it.
And that's how you find yourpurpose because when I actually
think that's a lie.
I need to rephrase that.
I think that's a way that youcultivate your purpose.
And the reason I say that is Idon't think people know what
their purpose is.
I think you're meant to fall.
You're meant to fall short.

(34:00):
You're meant to open wrongdoors.
You're meant to go down wrongpaths.
Like you, when you were younger,people said, will you be married
with two kids?
That's not your purpose.
Your purpose in your head atthat time is different than what
you think today.
Okay.

Trevor (34:09):
And that was my, and that, and that's so you say
paths, there's two paths, right?
There's, there's the right pathand the wrong path.
Yeah, you're going to, you'regoing to go on the wrong path.
You want to come back to theright path.
And it's so important.
You're talking about long termgoals.
What makes you happy?
When I look, when I think of thefuture now, I, I'm happy because

(34:30):
I'm in a good place.
And you should have, you, everyperson should want that.
You should motivate yourself.
If you're looking.
Next week next year, you shouldalways have something that it's
going to fill your cup andthat'll go that will shine
through you.
And through that action, it'sgoing to help others.

(34:53):
If we're just all robots goingto work from 9 to 5, coming
home, hide inside the house.
What kind of life is that?
It's, what kind of life is that?
It's, when I think of thefuture, I think of walking my
girls down the aisle.
I think about plans forChristine and I when we retire.
What are we going to do?
What's our next path in life?

(35:14):
And that's, I, I really wishthat everyone can experience
that, even people I don't like,because let's be honest, there's
people we are not going to like,there's people we're not going
to agree with.
The past is the, and that's onething too, I'm going to mention
is.
Let the past be the past.
There's, there is not one thingyou can do to change it.
You can learn from it.

(35:36):
Don't hold grudges.
I've seen people hold grudgesand it, is going to bring you to
an end quick.
That is going to, that's goingto be, first of all, it's going
to it's going to hold youhostage until you break those
handcuffs and just, just let it,just set that free and just move
forward with whatever, Makes youhappy and whatever your purpose
is and don't let people say youcannot do that.

(35:57):
We need to get back to thatmindset where if we can put our
minds to it, there is nothing wecannot there's nothing we can't
overcome if you put your heartinto it, people that you love,
if you let them inside yourspace, which everyone needs
their space, but you need to letpeople inside that space so they
can help you along the way.

(36:17):
So it's.
With even the relationship we'redeveloping, like, you say, we'll
get together as families.
We're letting our wives talk orgirls play.
We're talking more as men, andthat's something that I'm
learning from you.
You're learning from me andthat's.
That's motivating.
It's beautiful.
Let's call it what it is.

(36:39):
It's a beautiful thing.
I love it.
And it's like, it's somethingthat's lost.
It's lost within.
You said at the start of it,which, which hit me so hard,
that's not the core of thefamily anymore.
I've seen, I got it in my ownpersonal family where there's
relationships that are brokenover silly things.
And there's, you know, Andpeople are holding on to things

(37:00):
that they can't they can'tchange.
It's already done.
But what can change is, youknow, restoring relationships
with family members.
And I truly believe that thatwill come that's going to come
from people.
I know within my personalfamily.
So, that's why I'm just sayingthat.
Right now that that's somethingthat Christine and I are working

(37:22):
on together to try to restorebroken relationships and just
trying to make family wholeagain, man, is that's that's
what it's about.
It's about your family.
At the end of the pastor at thechurch said it.
1st of all, she said, if you'respending more time at the church
with your than you are with yourfamily, something's wrong.

(37:43):
And for a pastor to say that,what is that telling you that
that's.
That's a truthful pastor.
And I, I hold that stuff dear tome.

Alfred (37:53):
And I

Trevor (37:53):
know you do

Alfred (37:54):
as well.
Yeah, that's it's interesting.
There's a, there's a lot ofstatements that we're both
making here that.
Sound grandiose and sound likewe know what the hell we're
talking about.
And I just need to make it veryclear.
I'm still figuring it out day today.
So am I, and there's statementshere that I struggle with and I
want to pose the question to youand I'm going to kind of go in a
little bit of a rant here, butthen I'm going to ask you a
direct question.

(38:15):
There's a lot of stuff hereabout in society that has worked
for me in modern society, aboutsetting boundaries.
About being truthful aboutcalling bullshit, bullshit,
hurting people's feelingsintentionally in hopes that you
kind of open up a a reality forthem and be like, listen, this,
this is what it is.
This is me looking at theoutside in, like, I'm giving you

(38:35):
the real deal, but then there'sthe other ones or the other kind
of messaging that don't holdgrudges, you know, so, so.
There's there's somewhatconflicting information, right?
There's almost like these theseroads that are there side by
side and you're kind of in themiddle of it and you cross One
sometimes you cross anotherBecause again, how do you
maintain a healthy boundary withsomebody but you've set a firm

(38:58):
one of like with a family memberI I don't like how you talk
politics to me.
I don't like how you talk downon my faith I don't like how you
treat your wife and you'refucking cheating on her and
fucking around on her all thetime.
But at the same time, how do youcultivate family by not holding
grudges?
And so my question to you is ifposed with that information and

(39:20):
kind of maybe thinking of like aworst case scenario in your head
of, you know, a hodgepodge orreally dysfunctional family, if
somebody is listening in theirfriendship circles, fuck their
marriages, fuck their families,fuck, you know, they have step
kids and kids and all, likewhat, what would be one or two
things in your head?
And I'm pretty sure I know whatyou're going to, what you're
going to say, what would be twothings, one or two things in
your head that you'd be like,what would be a starting point

(39:41):
or a suggestion you would giveyourself if you were put in that
situation?

Trevor (39:46):
So, first of all, and it's hard, you have to humble
yourself.
You have to get the courage tosay what you need to say to them
face to face.
Then after that is released fromyou, it is on them.
It is, it is done.
It is off your shoulders.
And you need to be bold people.

(40:07):
I tell my kids, I give youtrouble because not, not to be
mean.
It's because I love you, man.
I love you.
So when, when you humbleyourself, when you get to the
point where you just need tokind of release what's holding,
what you, what to say, what's inyour heart, man, like say what's
in your heart.
I don't know what's in yourheart.
People don't know what's in myheart, but you know, what's in

(40:27):
your heart.
Just say what's in your heartand just say it as nicely as you
can.
If that makes any sense andjust.
The weight that'll be releasedfrom you.
I'm just saying this out ofpersonal experience.
I'm not telling people, givingthem advice.
I'm telling you,'cause you, youasked the question.
You gotta just, you just gottasay what's on your heart and

(40:48):
it's not gonna be easy.
I'm not saying it's gonna, onceyou say it, it's gone.
You gotta do that daily.
We gotta do things daily.
You gotta say, okay, I'm gonnaforgive this person daily.
It is gone over time, it, it'llbe gone.
It's not an easy road.
Being the good person is noteasy.
It's easy to follow pursuit,follow the pack, be in this new

(41:09):
fad.
I'm just gonna, what's the,what's the terminology people
say?
Lay low because you won't gonoticed.
Just be honest, man.
And just say what's on yourheart.
What's on your heart.
That's what's on your heart.
It's not my opinion.
It's not me giving you advice.
It's telling you what's on myheart.
Like, when you were when youwere just given examples about
talking about a friend cheatingon your wife, this and this and

(41:32):
that.
Right now, I would take that.
I would want somebody to saythat to me when I'm doing
something stupid.
Just say it to me and the peopleI know that are close to me and
truly know me.
We'll say it to me.
So that's that's my advice.
Your heart, your heart is yourmind.
Let your heart do the talkingyour mind.
Only it only dilutes what yourheart is thinking.

(41:54):
Don't let it sit in your mind.
Don't let it.
People say strategize,strategize.
It's okay to strategize to thinkit out, but how long do you need
to strategize something whenit's on your heart?
End of the day, it's on yourheart.
You can't change that.
Don't don't change what's onyour heart.
That's my advice.

Alfred (42:11):
When I think of reactions to, and I think of not
only a person humblingthemselves and be being willing
to either be torn down or lose arelationship or you know, get
more metaphorically burnt to theground, you know, by, by really
saying what needs to be said.
And then also on the flip side,somebody receiving that, you
know, being basically told.

(42:31):
You know, trying to be heldaccountable by people you may
look up to the most.
When I think of reactions onboth sides of those, I think of
two scenarios when we talkedabout originally, if your house
is in order, Meaning you're inintegrity with yourself, your
house is good.
And what I mean by that issimple things like take care of
the shit that you have, when Isee people in their cars are a
mess and they're in, you know,their, their garage, you can't

(42:53):
even see the garage floor.
And, and I was that I was at a22 years old.
I was, I was in a newrelationship.
I was in a brand new home.
I was trying to keep up with theJoneses and it had two brand new
vehicles in the, in the drivewaywith car payments.
I did not have my house inorder.
And maybe people argue youshouldn't have it in order in
order at 22.
I kind of disagree with that.
Think the sooner you can getyour life in order, the better

(43:14):
you'll be like, like you onlybuild on good and my favorite
athlete in the world, Tom Bradyhas this famous quote where he
says, once you learn the rightway, you can't unlearn the right
way.
Once you learn how to be afucking adult and take care of
yourself, you can't unlearn it.
You might slip, and you mightnot do it for a month, or you
might get off of a nutritionplan, or a fitness plan, or, or

(43:36):
you may lose a bit ofcommunication, but you still
know what you should be fuckingdoing.

Trevor (43:40):
And it's, it is so okay to have nice things.
It's okay to keep your housetidy.
I, I'm the biggest person.
People come to my house.
With their shoes on I'm thebiggest ask my wife how mad I
get when people take your shoesoff when you come in the house
I'm so respectful.
I'll take my shoes off.
Keep your shoes on Trevor makenote I'll take them off if you

(44:01):
have nice things Respect thethings it doesn't matter what
other people think and quitpeople need to quit worrying
about that.
Trevor goes to the gym justbecause why?
Why?
You're married.
My brother in law bugs me allthe time.
Why are you working out so much?
You're married.
You got kids.
Why do you want to live long?
Because it makes me feel good.
That's that's the only reasonright?
And that's it makes me feel goodand no, like you said, it's just

(44:25):
don't try to keep up with theJoneses, but it's okay to have
nice things.
It's okay to want to take careof them.
You're not doing anything wrongby that.
So, where would we be goingwhere we're talking?
We were talking aboutforgiveness about family members
and yes,

Alfred (44:38):
I'm talking about reactions where you know, CP
people having their house inorder I see their reaction of
being exactly that you're ableto humble yourself When you have
your shit together, you're notable to humble yourself When
everything is in disarray andit's almost like you're skipping
the line.
And there's actually a businesstraining course I took where

(44:59):
they talk about something calledsequencing, where you, you can't
approach the million dollarinvestor before you build a
business plan, you can't come upwith a concept for a business
and then think that you're goingto open up a store the next
week, it's, there's somethingcalled sequencing.
And if anybody can take anythingfrom this, when I'm talking
about reactions, I think ofpeople who think emotionally.
I look at that as that person'snot rooted in themselves in

(45:21):
whatever way, shape, or formthat may be.
I may not know the nuance of thediscussion, but whatever that
discussion is, if I see peoplehave an outburst, let's use
politics as a great example.
When I see somebody say, makeAmerica great again, and
somebody starts screaming in acrowd, I look at that person.
I say, they don't really knowwho they want to vote for.
No, they don't.
They don't know who's running.
They don't know what theirmessaging is.

(45:43):
They don't know nothing.
They don't even know where theirown political ideologies align
with their own values.
There's a sequence to this whenI quoted Admiral McRaven making
your bed first, truly, I thinkthat is the first sequence.
If you are in a about In a lostspot, spiraling out of control,
recently divorced, lost yourjob, not knowing what to do,
gained a hundred pounds.
Whatever negative connotationthat you want to associate with

(46:05):
your life right now, or victimmentality you may have, start
small.
Stick with it.
You may sit there and say, whyam I doing this?
There's no purpose.
Nobody sees this.
I'm not getting acknowledged.
What is the meaning of this?
It's a positive move in theright direction.
And it starts there.
Truthfully, it does.
The next step is veryindividual, but you have to get

(46:27):
yourself, your home, yourcommunity, whatever in order.
And it has to follow thatsequence.
You can't go from zero to ahundred and expect success
because then you're going to goback even further and be
demotivated to even want to tryanything else.

Trevor (46:42):
I love how you said it right at the, right at the
start, you said a business plan.
If you're going to approach itan investor, you need to
approach them with.
this is what, you know,potentially what I want, but you
got, you got to have thesolution.
I go to so many meetings wherepeople are given ideas just to
be heard.
So what's your solution?
If you have a problem in yourlife, sit down, look at the

(47:05):
problem, take a piece of paper,write out a solution.
It's simple as that.
Come up with your life businessplan.
I love it.
Like there is sequenceconsequences to everything you
do.
There's consequences, the plansthat you implement or don't
implement consequences is, it'snot going to happen.
You can sit there and talk aboutit.

(47:26):
It's not going to happen.
You can sit there and come upwith the business plan, have a
solution, you know, show thebeginning to the end.
It's going to happen.
I've never seen a person thatI've known that's motivated.
they haven't succeeded in whatthey wanted to implement or what
their ideas were.
Sure.
Sometimes they.

(47:46):
They don't always work out asaccordingly, but then you make
adjustments, you adjust yourbusiness plan a bit, but it's I,
I love how everything, it kindof intertwines with one another.
Like, you're saying businessplans, life, cleaning up your
house, you know, it all comes,it all starts with something and
it ends with something and it'sall on you to come up with that

(48:07):
solution.
the end of the day you make yourbed, but you got to lie in it
too.

Alfred (48:11):
Yeah.

Trevor (48:12):
You're lying at the end of the night.

Alfred (48:14):
It's really good and most people know me, I'm a big
fan of quotes.
I'm going to drop another one onyou.
So Chris Williamson has this oneand he was talking about fitness
but really it applies toeverything.
And he says, the magic you'relooking for is in the work
you're avoiding.
Yeah.
And it's one of those thingswhere.
And I, I found myself doing thistoo when I think of fitness and
a great one for me and that I'vestruggled with and I'm actually
starting a new fitness challengehere right away with a

(48:35):
phenomenal dude.
He's, he's the epitome ofmasculinity and I admire him so
much.
His name's Cam McDougal.
He's incredible.
And I always blamed my inabilityto develop a routine because of
my shift work.
Yeah.
And then me and you startedcommuting back and forth to
work.
And I'm like, well, thismotherfucker is doing it.
He's got a busier life than me,more kids than me.

(48:55):
So in my head, all those falsestories that I told myself that
I'm like, well, I can't do this.
Can't do that.
You broke those barriers for me.
So I'm like, damn it.
I can, Trevor's going to hold meaccountable now.
It sucks.
But it's one, it was one ofthose things where when you
fully embrace and takeaccountability and you're like,
yeah, my work schedule isinconsistent.
So do you know what my fitnessroutine is going to look like?
It's going to be inconsistent.
Yeah.
But.
Anything is better than nothing,right?

(49:16):
And it's one of those thingsthat when you embrace the
reality, and I have options.
Yeah.
I can quit my job and work anine to five.
Yeah.
And then wake up every morningat three, four, like you, work
out, have the standard job, makeless money, make more money,
whatever it may be.
I can reinvent that aspect.
Yeah.
Or if I don't want to implode mystatus quo, I have to adapt.
I have to, I have to adjust.
Maybe there, you know, this weekI get called in last minute

(49:38):
overtime and I miss a gymworkout or I, you know, okay,
well, I come home and do it atnine o'clock at night.
Is it smart?
No.
Would people advise it?
No.
Does it follow Tony Robbinssuccessful plan of how to get a
six pack?
No, but it's better to Thennothing.

Trevor (49:50):
It's better than nothing.

Alfred (49:52):
And that's the mantra I've had to change in my mind
that, you know, cam has reallyhelped me because the same
thing, the fitness challengestarts.
And then 2 days later, it startson Tuesday and I leave for the
hike on Wednesday and Iliterally messaged him and I'm
like, well, how am I supposed toparticipate in this?
He's like.
Why wouldn't you participate inthis?
And I'm like, well, I, I can'tcomplete the challenges.
Like, why can't you?
And, and you look at the two,they're not complex.

(50:13):
One of them is like journal forfive minutes about some
struggles you had the daybefore.
Just get it on paper, on paper,a little paragraph.
What were some things?
Fight with your wife.
You took a work call that wasn'tpleasant.
You had a typical conversationwith family.
You stubbed your toe, whateverit may be, right?
Something simple, easy.
Another one is 20 pushups.
Okay.
Simple, easy.
Do it at a gas station.

(50:34):
I've done it at gas stations.
You can actually see it on myInstagram channel.
I've done it at a gas stationand a guy on a motorbike pulled
up and started revving.
He's like, that's the coolestthing I've seen in forever.
I wasn't intending to impacthim, but you just do.
And this goes back again to thebeginning of this podcast is
your actions speak so much morethan your words.
If I told you, Hey, let's do 20pushups.

(50:55):
It's more powerful you do towatch me do them, than for me to
tell you to do them.

Trevor (50:59):
We made it fun.
We're in a remote BC, no gymaround.
So my daughters and I, we said,okay, let's do 200 push ups a
day and 100 V snaps.
You can Google what V snaps are.
My daughters beat me at the Vsnaps, but I would also get up
and I would run 10K on thebeach.
I, I adapted to the, to theenvironment I was in, right?

(51:22):
Because it made me, it made mefeel good.
It made me feel good.
And people need to adapt, adaptto the shift work, adapt to
certain situations in your life,adapt to them, but have a
solution.
Is it, having a personal talkwith them, you know, venting
your feelings, Having a familymeeting, an intervention,

(51:45):
whatever you want to call it,have a solution and there will
be no problem that cannot besolved if you have a solution.
Is the solution, maybe thisperson is not my friend.
Maybe we're not meant to befriends.
We're just, you kind of told,you've kind of laid out the
solution for the person.
They don't want to be receptive.

(52:06):
You've done your part, so thatgoes back to, we're talking
about family, difficultsituations, families being
reunited solutions, man, we needto be clean up your house, have
a plan of action.
I love it.
I'm going to, I'm going to usethis one, your business, your
life business plan.
What is your life business plan?
You

Alfred (52:25):
know,

Trevor (52:26):
it's.
It's going to change, but itchanges

Alfred (52:30):
as you go.
Yeah, those, yeah, those areliving documents.
Anybody who's ever owned asuccessful business that has
written out a business plan.
A hundred percent.
They're living documents.
And I love the idea of abusiness plan because when I
wrote my very first one out, itwas very copy and paste off of
Google.
Yeah.
I basically paid, I think it waslike 40 bucks for like a generic
one.
And I filled in the blanks of mycompany and then, you know,
there was a spreadsheet ofincome and all that stuff.

(52:52):
And then it really.
There's not much in a businessplan that you can't apply to
your life.
And my favorite one is when youevaluate your competition, when
you do what's a what are calledmarket gaps, right?
So, so when you look at yourmarket gaps, if you're trying to
open up a gym and you'recompeting with LA fitness, good
life, and all that stuff, themarket gap's pretty small.
And what I mean by that is, isthe gap you're trying to fill is

(53:12):
not very big.
You're not solving a problemthat has high potential.
Are you going to succeed?
Potentially?
Maybe, maybe you get unique withyour branding or unique with
your approach or you know, maybeyou're a gym that allows
steroids and that's a friend.
Like you're going to get thoseguys, right?
I mean, whatever, right.
I'm using that, you know, I saythat, you know, tongue in cheek.

(53:32):
But then there's big marketgaps, right?
You look at Amazon.
Started off as a book sale instore.
It was never supposed to be whatit's supposed to be.
Or what, or sorry, it's neversupposed to be what it currently
is.
Online book, yeah, online book.
That's how they started.
They sold and they sold usedbooks.
And there was a plenty.
They seen a gap in a market forliteracy and all these books,
you know, piling up in differentplaces.
And, but then they adapt andthey're like, well, if this

(53:52):
works for books, why wouldn't itwork for anything else?
Yeah.
And then, and then you, youadapt.
So again, applying a businessplan strategy to your life or to
your marriage or to anythingreally, or to your current
business, maybe you don't have abusiness plan, like what the
hell is that and Google it.
And maybe you do drop shippingout of your basement or you do,
you sell, you know, plaques onEtsy.
A business plan is very, verysimple.

(54:13):
You have to start with branding,right?
What, like, what are you?
What is your business?
Right?
So let's apply that to ourlives.
Honey, what, what is ourmarriage?
Like, what, what do you see inour marriage?
What is this?
And then you just work your waydown, right?
So you have, you know, yourincome, same thing.
And income, whatever.
Problem you're going to applythis strategy to if there's no
money involved, income couldjust mean what you're taking in

(54:35):
versus what you're putting out,right?
So your, your revenue and thenyour expenditures, right?
So what am I expended, expendingto receive?
A lot of times in a successfulbusiness, you want to expend
less and receive more, but Iwould argue that in most cases,
a bare minimum should be, youwant to receive what you expend.
You get in what you put out.
That's, you know, that's whatyou want at a bare minimum.

(54:57):
Now it's never gonna besymbiotic.
There are going to be times thatyou make a mistake, you make a
bad investment, a bad businesschoice, a bad marriage decision.
You know, maybe you go on thatone bachelor party and you fuck
up and there's a picture andwhatever.
And you know what?
Whatever it may be.
It it, there's going to be theseebbs and flows in anything.
Yeah.
And that's why it, it has to bea living document.
You can't just, you might takethis and be like, Christine,

(55:17):
we're writing a marriagebusiness plan.
It's gonna be amazing.
Alfred had this grandiose idea.
In three months you're gonnashow it to me and be like,
perfect.
In three years that what youwrote is not applicable.
Not even close.
Not even close.
It has to adapt and change withyou.
It's a living document.
And I think that is a recipe forsuccess for anything, is when
you constantly critique anychange you make in your life, so

(55:38):
going back again when we talkabout starting small while you
make your bed, how can you makeyour bed better?
And you know, our mutualcoworker, Craig, really good, a
good example in the military,you can never make it good
enough.
You're always going to gethounded on.
You could press your corners.
You can iron your sheets.
You can have it absolutelypristine.
You're going to get reamed on.
That's not meant to tell you,you don't know what you're
doing.
It's meant to make you better.

(55:59):
It's meant to make you revisit.
An almost perfect task you'veaccomplished and identify how
can I get a little bit better,right?
Super important.

Trevor (56:08):
So I'm going to, we're going to do this next time our
families get together.
We did this with another couplefriend of ours and he's a
psychologist.
So he's got some amazing ideas,little games.
But we all sat down He had atemplate of what is your to do
list?
Your bucket list say one thingin your life.
If you could reverse time, whatwould it be?

(56:28):
Then it gets into more depthquestions.
Tell L for something you admireabout him.
Tell or tell the person sittingdirectly across from you while
you look them in the eye, howyou appreciate them.
Tell them their flaws.
And it's.
We went through this and the,our, our girls were involved
too.
And the women, men, there wastears at the end of it, but

(56:50):
tears of joy because of howclose that everybody felt.
They felt bonded at, at, like,at it.
And it's, we talk about businessplans.
We talk about documentations.
We talk about getting togetheras friends, as couples,
families.
Simple little challenges likethat.
they're not difficult.
They're not over mindstimulating.

(57:12):
They're simple to the point.
And that's something we're goingto do.
We're going to do that next timewe get together.
I'm going to get the template heused.
And maybe we should record itbecause I bet you, you'll see
Alfred crying for the first timeon, on tape.
You get really personal to somepersonal, there's some stuff
that you, you know, you probablyhave deep embedded in your heart
that you haven't said out loud.

(57:34):
And it's just out of the blue.
We're sitting around firetalking secure.
We're going to, we're going todo this challenge, this game,
and that's something that maybewe can talk about next time.

Alfred (57:43):
I love all of this stuff and like these types of
conversations, this sort ofquality.
Rooted, embedded, positiveconversation.
For me, it's, it's relativelynew for me.
It truly is because it was notthat long ago that I was not an
enjoyable person to be aroundtruthfully.
And, and again, I'll go back tothat word stoic because I was
not, I was a short fuse that wasalways lit I was always ready to

(58:07):
snap.
I was always ready, ready to gooff.
Right.
And honestly, there was timesthat.
I would go durations where Ididn't, where, like, life kind
of seemed to be turning thecorner, and I would almost
create conflict.
I remember a few vivid momentsin my head where I disagreed
with things that I actuallyagreed with, just to kind of
create a little bit of, a littlebit of back and forth, and a
little bit of, friction, Ineeded it.

(58:28):
I, I craved it because it wasthe only dopamine kick I had in
my life because everything elsein my life, because again, I
didn't have everything in orderwas kind of like dull.
It wasn't, it wasn'tinvigorating.
It didn't make me excited.
When you talk about family'simportant to me now, I agree
with you.
When I come home, I'm excited.
I want to talk to Sophie abouther day.
I want to talk to Courtney abouther new job back then.
It was.

(58:48):
I was kind of, I was going home,like, what am I going home to?
Yeah.
It's monotonous.
Or am I going home to a biggerbattle?
Some people, some men and somewomen go to work to get a
fucking break.

Trevor (58:58):
I love, I love how honest you're being with that.
You said, what am I going hometo?
Those are questions every, notjust men, women ask that too.
100%.
That's, those are honest.
Those are honest from yourheart.
Your opinions, like the, thatgoes through people's head and
let's all be honest.
We all we all think that we, butthe grass isn't greener on the

(59:21):
other side.
So, the more conversations wehave, like you said, people need
to quit making excuses and makethe time because everyone has
busy lives.
But at the end of the day, whenyou do things like this, It
fills your cup unless you'rereally introverted and you don't
want to do nothing.

Alfred (59:38):
But even if you don't want to do nothing, you can
still be productive and positivein your own.
It's much more difficult.
And I can't envision it in myhead because I'm certainly not
an introvert.
I'm pretty extroverted to bequite honest.
But where I wanted to go withthat real quick is again, giving
people little tidbits.
And I actually said this on, onanother episode.
Is like everything the firsttime you want to start a fitness
plan from start to finish eatbetter workout better start a

(01:00:00):
regimen if you want to build abusiness plan for your business
your marriage if you want to getmarried everything when you
started for the first time ittakes a lot of work there's this
there's this hump you have toget over that when I talk about
that you get you get what youput in.
It's going to be very opposite.
You have to put in an insaneamount of work.
You have to put in an insaneamount of intention.

(01:00:22):
You really have to be honestwith yourself.
Is this what I want to do?
And you're going to get fuck allback.
Yeah.
The first three weeks you go tothe gym, you're going to have
sore muscles and a tired body.
That's all you're going to have.
You're not going to haveanything else.
And you know, that's it.
And smelly clothes, if you don'tfucking watch, like you're not
going to have that return oninvestment and it's the same
thing.
So with almost anything.
So what I would suggest topeople is if you find yourself a

(01:00:44):
doom scroll, and if you findyourself social media and
technology is brutal right now,I'll tell you, go on all the
liked pages you've ever liked.
And anything that you don't evenhave a remote interest in,
unfollow, unlike, clean up thecontent that you consume on
daily.
I'm not gonna sit here and tellyou, don't go on your phone for
seven days.
I'm not a fucking idiot.

(01:01:05):
We're in 2024, you're gonna goon your phone every single day.
If you wanna start looking at,The Chris Williamson's of the
world or positive podcasts, oryou want to start following
Jesus and learning about theBible, or you want to learn
about fitness, you know what youneed to do?
You need to unfollow that pagethat shows cats and dresses,
unfollow that fucking page andblock it.

(01:01:25):
And it's not hard, but it takesintention to go through your
phone and subtract.
It's such a weird psychologicalfuck around in your head.
Cause you feel like you'retaking steps backwards or what
are you doing?
Or you're not really doinganything productive.
Yeah.
Trust me, when you startdoomscrolling and you started
off looking how to fix yourrailing on your deck, and by the
end of it you're watching Catsin Dresses, yeah, you're
probably not doing muchproductive fucking shit anyway.

(01:01:47):
So, if there's pages that youliked, people that you're no
longer friends with an exgirlfriend, just eliminate.
Just move away, and move on, andI'm gonna butcher it, and again,
another quote, It was a girlasking a gentleman, what was the
best advice you've everreceived?
And he said, it's much better toavoid the devil than resist him.

(01:02:07):
Even if you think you have themental fortitude to resist him.
I'll give you an example.
If you're trying to eat cleanerand your partner or your buddy
gets a box of donuts and you'relike, I won't eat a donut,
whatever, do whatever you want.
Walk the fuck away.
Just avoid it.
Just, just don't even giveyourself that opportunity to

(01:02:28):
have a lapse in judgment.
Just avoid it completely.
Don't resist and don't thinkthat you're gonna rely always on
your ability to say no when youknow that, for instance, if
you're married, well, I knowthat I'm not gonna cheat on my
wife, so I'm just gonna go to aclub anyway.
I have a wedding ring, I'm notgonna cheat.
Don't go to the fucking club.
Just don't fucking go.
It's that simple.
And it's like human beings.

Trevor (01:02:49):
We're human beings.
We're tempted.

Alfred (01:02:50):
So, so again, easy, simple, go on whatever your
computer, your content, yourphone, your iPad, your work,
your bookmarks in your shit,whatever is not currently
serving you.
Clean it efficient.
I think you said it earlier.
You want to strategize.
Well, just, just make it cleanand streamline and start from a,

(01:03:11):
from a foundation of, of astrong base.
And then go,

Trevor (01:03:14):
you said the magic word.
I don't even know if you realizeyou said it.
You intentionally, you use theword intentionally.
I, I love it.
When, as soon as you said itintentionally do it
intentionally follow, likeunfollow those pages
intentionally tell yourneighbor.
You appreciate what he did foryou for when he shoveled to your
sidewalk, intentionally makethat phone call, send that text

(01:03:37):
message to your friend.
Hey, give me a call later.
Just wanted to chit chatintentionally.
Do what your heart's telling youto do.
Just, I love it.
I want to, I want to end withthat, Alfred.
I want to use that wordintentionally.
As soon as you get him out,boom, that stuck in my head.
I was like, you finished.
I'm like, that's intentionallydo something.
It's because you want to do it.

(01:03:58):
Hmm.
Like what you want to go do, youwant to clean up your deck, you
want to do this and that, youknow, but you got these
distractions, social media thatare there, like, just, you know,
Yeah.
Intentionally to what you'resupposed to do for that in that
moment, that time intentionallyspend time with your wife, your
kids, us new magic work.

(01:04:19):
Today's is intention.
I love it.
I love it.
I got to

Alfred (01:04:21):
give a shout out to my boy, Mike Prince.
He's a, he's a guy that speakswith that about intention and
doing everything.
So I got to give a shout out tohim cause yeah, he's an absolute
beauty and he's the one thatreally taught me how to embrace
that as if you're going to dosomething, do it with intention,

Trevor (01:04:34):
take small words like that.
And like you said, quotes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Key words like that.
Keep'em closely.
Don't make it complicated.
Mm-Hmm.
we complicate things too much.

Alfred (01:04:43):
Yeah.
No.
We're gonna, we're gonna wrapthis one up.
I can promise this won't be thelast one.
These are such positiveconversations and, yeah.
If, if only we had a mic onevery time we had conversations
at the dinner table.

Trevor (01:04:52):
Oh, we'll get our wifes involved sometimes because Yeah.
Telling you guys before werecorded this, we had, there was
really good conversation.
Mm-Hmm.
With ended up with my wifepraying for Alfred safety and
peace while he was gone and sheand she truly means that from
her heart.
I know my wife.
When she prays like that, she,that's from her heart.

(01:05:14):
Yeah.
That's from her.
She doesn't care.
She doesn't care if you're aChristian or not.
And she's going to pray for you.

Alfred (01:05:19):
Yeah.
And I love it.
Right.
Cause cause how can that notimpact you?
And we talk about intention andwe talk about genuine and she's
doing it because she's genuine,lost words, truthfully, I think
they've lost their meaning,right?
They've lost their impact causethey've been diluted.
And, and I love it.
Bring back that, that oldvocabulary, right?
Cause it's impactful whensomebody comes from a position
of their like truthfulness andintention and gratitude and all

(01:05:42):
these impactful words that itneeds to be authentic and it
truly is, which is awesome.
I think I want to have your wifeon here strictly to give her
must read list because she'sprobably got the best must read
book list.
If you want to change your lifeand you want to go down a path
of growth and learning, man.
Oh man.
Every single time I meet her,I'm like, Oh, remember that book
you mentioned three dinners ago?

(01:06:03):
She's like, Oh yeah, I got sevenmore for you.

Trevor (01:06:06):
She's a book.
She's a book of knowledge.
I love it.
She reads and she loves it andit soaks into her mind, right?
Yeah.
So I'm just trying to keep upwith her.
So I just try to keep up withher, but.
It's a beautiful thing.
I love it.
It's a beautiful thing.
We can all learn from our lives.
Wifes.
We can learn from one another.
We can learn from our children.
So be an open book.

Alfred (01:06:26):
I love it, dude.
Yeah, I know.
I I want to give you the openfloor if you want to leave
anybody with anything or if youwant to give a thanks to anybody
whatever you

Trevor (01:06:33):
want.
I just want to give thanks toyou, man.
I just want to give thanks toyou for having these, for you
got, you got the setup here, yougot the equipment, your own
investment.
It's because something thatyou'd love to do it and I love
it too.
And the more, the more peopleknow about things like this, I,
I encourage all for keeprecording, start posting this

(01:06:53):
stuff, man.
I know people that have beenwriting books and I'm like,
well, just get it done, man.
Like, you know what, you knowwhat you want to write about,
write it, get it out there, getsome feedback, good feedback,
negative feedback.
It's all good.
So I encourage you, I want youto post everything, get some
feedback.
But I just want to thank you.
I want to thank my wife.

(01:07:14):
Want to thank so many people,but I just, yeah.
Thanks for having me outtonight, man.
Yeah, it

Alfred (01:07:19):
was awesome, man.
Yeah.
So if you guys got any furthercomments or feedback, please let
us know on all the socials.
Appreciate you listening to thenon modern podcast.
We'll catch you in the next one.
Peace.
Well, that's it for thisepisode.
Thank you so much for listeningto the unmodern podcast.
If you like what you heard andwant to hear more, don't forget
to hit that subscribe buttonalso like, and follow me on

(01:07:40):
Instagram and Facebook atunmodern podcast.
Do you have suggestions forfuture guests, or if you're
interested in being a guestyourself, please visit unmodern
podcast.
com.
Thank you again, and we'll seeyou in the next episode.