[EP11] "The Lonely Chapter, Divorce (not ours) & Grief"

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Alfred (00:03):
Hey, everyone, and welcome to the unmodern podcast,
the podcast where we haveunscripted, unapologetic and
uncomfortable conversations thataffects everyday people.
If you've ever had an outlook,thought or an opinion that
modern day society told you tobe silent on, That you would get
in trouble for, or if you'veever heard the words, probably
shouldn't say that, then this isthe podcast for you.

(00:26):
My name is Alfred, a husband,father, and an adventure seeking
kind of guy, who over the yearshas learned to have a positive
outlook on life, regardless ofwhat society throws at me.
So if you're ready to listen,let's go.

(01:02):
Welcome back to the podcast,babe.

Courtney (01:03):
Hi, it's good to be back.

Alfred (01:06):
First repeat guest ever.

Courtney (01:08):
Feels good.

Alfred (01:08):
Yeah.

Courtney (01:09):
I should be the first repeat guest though.

Alfred (01:10):
That's fair.
I am your wife.
It's not like I had a choice.

Courtney (01:14):
You did.
You could have said no to me.

Alfred (01:16):
You're funny.

Courtney (01:19):
You ever said no to me?

Alfred (01:21):
Yeah.
So it's been about 15 monthssince our last podcast.
And a lot has changed.
What's new in your world?

Courtney (01:29):
We're having another baby.

Alfred (01:30):
That is true.

Courtney (01:31):
Number two is on the way.
She, she will be here in March.
And yes.
It is a sheet.
So that's exciting.
I'm back to work full time,which is also exciting.
I have a love hate relationshipwith it because I do love to be
home.
But getting out and seeing theworld is also kind of nice.

(01:53):
So, pretty much it.

Alfred (01:55):
I think there's a bit more than that, but that's a
good highlight reel.

Courtney (01:57):
Yeah.

Alfred (01:58):
Nice.
So, when last episode was kindof a fireside chat, I And we
talked about a lot of stuff.
We talked about COVID.
We talked about our marriage.
We talked about Sophie.
And I feel like we're going totouch on similar stuff today.
Likely not COVID, but yeah,what's something that's been on
your mind that you'd love to getonto the second episode of a
podcast with us?

Courtney (02:17):
So many things.
I had a lot of feedback from ourlast podcast, which I loved.
A lot of women came to me andsaid how it was nice to hear
from someone who was goingthrough hard times or who had
went through hard times and gotthrough it.
Different things about theirlife was said and that I wasn't
that I was okay to not hold backthat I basically just kind of

(02:40):
laid it out on the line.
And what I kind of want to dowith this one is a little bit
different where I was like, Iwant to interview you.
I want it to be more of a,

Alfred (02:49):
yeah, I

Courtney (02:50):
know.
See, see, I want it to be moreof a, I want to ask you
questions.
I want to know how you feelabout different things.
And I also want to tell everyonewhat we've been doing and, where
our life has kind of led in thislast year, which it's been very
different than what we thoughtit was going to be.
That's for sure.

(03:10):
So, yeah.
So I think the first questionthat I have is we had a, we had
a long conversation.
A couple of nights ago and weoften do this is where we kind
of sit down in bed and go overthings in our life or we kind of
reminisce about certain thingsand you had a lot on your mind.
And, you know, we've been sayingsaying it this month that This

(03:32):
month is a season and cause theshit has hit the fan big time.
There has been a lot of ups anddowns and, and trials and
tribulations.
And we're trying to get throughit as best as we can.
But we definitely had aconversation about some things
and I want to touch on them.
One of them was fitness andhealth.

(03:53):
I want to know, what do you seeit as?
What do you see fitness andhealth as?
What would be your perfectpicture of like Alfred and
Courtney's journey throughfitness and health?
Because I think as women, we seeit as so much different.
And I think it's a misconceptionwhen you have men versus women
on something that you think thatI should do something, or I

(04:17):
think that you should dosomething.
I would love to hear your takeon it.

Alfred (04:20):
So I think men and women's Fitness and health has
to be different.
It has to, right?
I think men's health has to bearound strength and endurance,
and women's has to be aroundstamina and longevity.

Courtney (04:34):
Fair.

Alfred (04:35):
I believe that is our function in society.
It's hard for a man to be aprovider and a protector if you
can't protect.
I say that tongue in cheekbecause it's 2024.
The reality of modernity isright at the forefront.
Meaning there's no active likewe're not involved in active
conflict.
I know that's not the caseoverseas, but I'm not every day

(04:59):
presented with a threat you cancreate a threat or you can
create an enemy, butbiologically and going back to a
Very traditional role.
I think that is the function ofa man and I also think that is
the Desire of a woman.
I think that's what a womanlooks for in a man is to provide
and protect,

Courtney (05:19):
I think that you can do fitness and health other than
just going to a gym.

Alfred (05:24):
What I'm getting at is when you said that when men and
women look at a different andthen we try to soften that
statement because you It seemsso controversial nowadays, which
is stupid.
I don't think it'scontroversial.
I think recognizing like, let'suse an example.
This summer, I joined a fitnesschallenge and I had to run six

(05:46):
miles and you and Sophie camewith me, but you guys were on
bikes.
And that's fine.
And that's totally fine.
And that's just one way where wewere doing the exact same thing.
We traveled the exact samedistance, but I was doing it in
a different manner.
And I think that's the same.
I think it's a situation whereat the dinner table, if a man is
eating a big thick 12 ouncefucking tomahawk steak and a

(06:08):
woman is eating a salad, that'sokay.

Courtney (06:11):
Yes,

Alfred (06:11):
that's totally fine.
There's different functions.
There's different purposesbehind how we do it when the
word health is not an it's anumbrella term and there's many
things underneath it.
So I just wanted to address thatto go back to your question.
What is my idea of fitness?
My idea of fitness.
now individually would be acomponent around strength and

(06:35):
endurance.
So for instance, I did a freetrial at BJJ.
I've never done Brazilianjujitsu before.
I loved it.
I love the idea of it.

Courtney (06:42):
I can't even say the name,

Alfred (06:44):
but it was really, it was really interesting to be on
the mat with a 14 year old kidthat could turn me into a
pretzel.
Like very fucking quickly, itwas actually like in extreme
humbling whole humbling.
And yeah, I had humble pie forbreakfast, lunch and dinner that
day.
It was ridiculous.
But that is a cool functionbecause there was men and women
there mostly men, but there wasmen and women there.
And it was really interesting tosee what I would consider like,

(07:07):
just from a visual, very strongmen.
Like these, these guys werefucking ripped anywhere from 45
to 14 years old.
But I talked about this with mylast podcast.
Is I'm obsessed with the conceptof stoicism.
So what stoicism is, isbasically being in full control
of yourself, mind, body, andsoul.

(07:27):
Meaning, you don't allowexternal emotions, you don't
take emotional reactions.
I'm butchering the statement,but basically the idea of people
that can look at life when it'sbasically on fire.
And not have an emotionalreaction.
And this was really interestingbecause when I went to BJJ,
these guys were manhandling eachother.
Like in the corner, there wastwo black belts going at it,

(07:48):
like sparring at the last 10minutes of the day.
And at the end of it, they shookit out and hugged it.
But it was really interestingthat these guys went from a
moment of like, they could haveeasily hurt each other very
easily, but they didn't, theyhad it fully under control.
And it was very, veryinteresting to me.
And that's kind of where my 2024heading into 2025 concept is, is

(08:08):
I want to become better at that.
I don't know what that lookslike, I don't know if that's
kickboxing, I don't know what itis.
I've never been a person that'sbeen able to lift a weight, like
up and down for reps.
I think I need to get better atthat because there is a degree
of discipline that is involvedwith that.
I often talk about the best manat my wedding, Kevin.
I very much look up to himbecause what he was able to do

(08:28):
was fucking incredible.
To have the discipline to dothat is very admirable.
It's just not in me.
Is I've always been a functionalhealth person, I like
activities, I like sports, Ilike doing something difficult
for a purpose.
Climbing to the top of amountain to go to a cabin,
there's a goal, there's apurpose.
It's not just

Courtney (08:49):
A monotonous activity where you do the same exact
thing over and over.

Alfred (08:52):
So that's what, so that's what health looks like to
me.
Now there's nutrition involvedin that, and I'm exploring that
right now.
My self discipline is very shit.
Because I'm a product of myenvironment, and when my
daughter asks me to have cerealwith her in the morning, I can't
say no.
And that's a huge fuckingproblem.
Yeah.
But I need to get better atthat.

(09:13):
I'm also learning a lot abouthealth.
I'm learning a lot about thedemonization of things like
artificial sweeteners.
And how there's a multi billiondollar campaign around those
when it's not true, right?
I had my financial advisor,Jerick Chin, on and he talked
about the lie of the calorie.
Right?
He thinks it's the biggest crockof shit ever.
And to a degree I agree withhim.

(09:35):
I think focusing on your macros,so your, proteins, your carbs,
your fats, so I'm learning aboutthat as well, you know,
ketogenic is something that'scome out recently for me maybe
the last two, three years I haveno interest keto, but just
nutrition is involved in that aswell.
Eating more at home, knowingwhat's in my food, right?
Not eating packaged foods out ofconvenience, but knowing that if

(09:56):
I'm cooking chicken and rice, Iknow what's in it is chicken and
rice things like that.
It doesn't need to be boring.
I don't want to become a chickenrice and broccoli person when it
comes to nutrition, but tosummarize my health and my
vision for health for mepersonally is to expand on what
I think my basic function is,which is to provide and protect,

(10:16):
and however that looks like.
Nutrition wise, I want mynutrition to focus on that.
So if I want to build moremuscle, I need to intake a lot
more protein and way less carbs.
If I want to have more energy, Ineed to up my carb intake a
little bit.
Things like that.
For us, I would love, Us to havelike a 70 30, like whatever

(10:39):
fitness and health.
And I'm going to ask you thisquestion here.
What yours looks like.
But whatever yours looks like,and then the 30 percent involve
us.
I truly believe in all facets ofmarriage, but especially with
health, you have to have yourcomponent.
I have to have my component andthen we have to have our
component.
Does that make sense?
I don't think it needs to be 50,50.

(10:59):
I think there needs to be moreindividual to it.
Cause I think that's how youmake success.
I think that's when you have adown day, but you see me still
doing what I'm doing.
It, it brings you up andconversely, same thing.
If I'm working a lot of shiftsor if second baby is kicking our
ass at sleep and one of us hasthe stamina to do it it lifts
everybody.
That's kind of where my.

(11:19):
My head is,

Courtney (11:20):
and like for me, I have always, and I mean, you
know this, but I've alwaysstruggled with fitness.
I have always been a biggergirl, so to speak.
And it's definitely hindered mein a lot of things that I've
ever wanted to do.
But again, like that goes backto just me, not taking care of
myself.
I'm okay with sitting down onthe couch and having a bag of

(11:41):
chips and watching a movie wherelike, I really shouldn't be
doing that.
But I think health has so muchmore to do than just the food we
consume and the activities thatwe do.
I think health is so much morelike we have found ourselves and
this is kind of why I wanted toask this question is, we found
ourselves in this period of ourlives where the best friends

(12:03):
that we used to have or thefriends that we used to have are
no longer in our lives anymore.
And like, not because that wedon't love them or talk to them,
but because we're all so damnbusy.
That like, It has just gotten tothe point that it started to
affect our health and ourwellness and it's finding that,
finding that niche or findingthat next group of friends or

(12:26):
that next thing that allows youto bring back joy in your life.
And I'm going to read a quoteactually you sent me a video on
this when I heard it, I waslike, holy shit, that is 100
percent us right now.
It was.
By Chris, what is his

Alfred (12:41):
name?
It's my boy, Chris Williamson.
Yeah, let's go So it says

Courtney (12:46):
there is a period in everybody's journey Where they
are so different because theystarted to do new things that
they no longer fit in with theold set of friends But they are
not their sufficiently developedthat they have gained a new set
of friends yet.
And that lonely chapter in themiddle is something that almost
nobody I have met who has gonefrom a place of where they were

(13:09):
to a place of where they want tobe hasn't gone through.
And I find ourselves goingthrough that right now, where
it's like, We have this old setof friends, but like, how do I
get to this new set of friends?
And I think that's where that, bJ J.
That's where that comes in foryou.
And so it's finding my spot.

(13:30):
And I think like, and we'vechatted again about this
numerous times, but for me itwas finding something that I
love to do, which of course hasalways been to be with kids.
But it was finding the people todo it with.
And I have been lucky enough tofind this incredible job with

(13:51):
the most incredible people I'veever met, that constantly bring
me up instead of ever bringingme down.
Where, you know, I can tell themsomething that's going on in my
life and they're there for you.
It's not a, If you needanything, give me a call.
It's a, you are in trouble.
Give me your kid.
I see you hitting the fan rightnow.
Like this is what I'm going todo for you.

(14:13):
So they're full of actioninstead of talk almost.
But I think that's so importantis to find that group of people.
And I think everyone goesthrough this like phase of life
where, you know, when your kidsare teenagers up until your mid
twenties, you have thisincredible group of friends and
you think, well.
Everything will be okay becausethey're going to be my friends
for life.

(14:33):
And then all of a sudden,they're not, or they're living
their own life and you're notpart of it, which is totally
fine because like, we all havekids, we all have jobs, we all
have lives that we're living,but it's how do I get from point
A to point B without feelinglonely?
And I think that's where myhealth comes in, is finding

(14:54):
those people and filling myselfwith things that make me happy.
And I've, Lost myself along theway and just now trying to find
my way back.
And so I think that isdefinitely something that people
struggle with.
And to know, like, you're notalone.
Like when I heard that quote toknow, like what I was feeling, I

(15:15):
like, it's not just me who'sfeeling it because this whole
time, you know, you go through,or at least I went through life
thinking like, shit, what did Ido?
Like, they're not talking to meanymore.
Why?
When it was never reallysomething that I did.
It was just that we're all busyand life gets in the way and it
sucks, but.

(15:36):
You have to find your newpurpose, your new set of
friends, your new beginningalmost.
But that's where health for mekind of kicks up.
I find that, I mean, right nowI'm having a hard time and I
think that's because I'mpregnant.
But fitness But fitness is hardright now.
Like, if you've never donesomething, it's not like, At 20

(15:58):
weeks pregnant, I can just hopon up to that weight bench and
lift some weights like I likethere's just certain things that
you can't do and so while in myhead, I'm sitting here and being
like, I want to get fit.
I want to do this.
I want like there's so manythings that go through my head
and just like calm down.
You will get there.
It will happen.
Just be patient.
That's how I feel about it all.

Alfred (16:19):
So I have two things.
Can I rebuttal to that?
Absolutely.
So the first thing is I don'tthink it's okay to give people a
pass.
That.
Life is busy, that's why Iallowed a multi generational
friendship to dwindle.
I think that's a bullshit copout.
I mean, you've seen what we'vebeen doing recently where we

(16:42):
actually track how many hours ofa day we use our phone and use
our apps.
Yeah, it's actually iPhone andAndroid has that ability.
It's terrifying.
It's bullshit.
It's fucking horseshit.
I think the once a year Facebookreminder that it's somebody's
birthday that triggers aconversation is the biggest
fucking cop out to callfriendship and relationships.
It's bullshit.

(17:02):
I've been guilty of it.
But me and you in this quoteunquote season of our life where
we've really taken on more thanwe were anticipating under other
circumstances.
normal circumstances and thenour washer decided to have a
leak.
I have zero days off.
Our daughter broke her arm andhad to have surgery.
All these things that are, thatare happening when life is
throwing it at us.
We haven't lost ourselves.

(17:22):
We still reach out to friends.
You still go to dinner with yourgirlfriends when the opportunity
arises.
We still make time to havemassages and go to yoga and do
all that shit.
I think that statement is a bigpart of the problem.
I think it's this COPPA whereit's like, Oh, I have kids.
Everybody has things in theirlife.
People have cancer.
People have financial struggles.
People lose jobs.
People have multiple children.

(17:43):
People lose children.
And I think that idea thatbecause of that, you don't
reinforce a social circleoutside of your immediate
family.
And this is going to be aninteresting take, but I truly
believe when people say familyfirst, I think they don't
include friendships in that.
And that's a mistake.
Because I'm a firm believer, andyou and I are both aligned on

(18:05):
this very, very well, is thereare friends that are family.
There are friends that I

Courtney (18:11):
They're the family that we get to choose.

Alfred (18:13):
They're the, they're the people that when they call me, I
get that feeling in my stomachthat I'm excited for this phone
call.

Courtney (18:19):
Yeah.

Alfred (18:20):
And I'm excited for it for a few reasons.
One, it's likely going to bepositive.
But two, if it's somethingnegative and they're going to
rely on me, I know for a factthat I will drop everything.
And I will be there for them.
It creates a feeling in my gutbecause you've had experiences
with people.
So I need to push back againstthat and I don't think it's
okay.
And anybody who's listening tothis, that hasn't reached out to

(18:42):
friends or family, or maybe youhave the idea of, Oh, well, if
it was important to them, they'dreach out to me, that's
ridiculous.
And I don't agree with that.
I think it's a joke.
And I think people need to startprioritizing this more than
Instagram reels, and more thanSnapchat, and more than TikTok,
and more than all this othergarbage.
Because here's the thing, how doyou go from 10, 15, 20 years of

(19:04):
not talking with somebody afterhaving your young adult life
with them, how do you rekindlethat?

Courtney (19:11):
It's hard.

Alfred (19:11):
You don't.

Courtney (19:12):
You don't.
It's

Alfred (19:13):
never the same.
You've

Courtney (19:15):
lost out on a lot of life with them.
Correct.
I do agree.
I do.
I've been there.
I've been on the other end ofthe like what did I do?
Why can't they reach out?
And I mean we have, I want tosay 15, 20 friends that We feel
this way about and some of them,to be very honest with you, some
of them are better than othersand, but again I know how I feel

(19:36):
as a mom and it is extremelyoverwhelming sometimes and like,
I can't even, we have one, Ican't imagine having two, three,
four, five, six kids.
it is literally daunting to me,but time is something that you
can never get back.
And I think that not allowingyourself to say no to your
children and say yes to yourfriends or yes to your spouse is

(20:00):
a mistake because your kidswon't remember if you weren't at
one of their hockey games.
Or one of their basketball gamesor one of the, you know what I
mean?
But maybe that friend that nightneeded you and you weren't there
for them.
And so it's, it's one of thosethings where you have to find
that balancing act.

(20:21):
And I feel like we're all guiltyof it.
Everyone is guilty of it.
You can't tell me that you'venever been in that position
before I've hit that point in mylife where I'm like, I need
people in my life, I need myvillage, But then again, there's
also just been so much that hashappened in the last 10 years,
divorces.
So many divorces,

Alfred (20:39):
but before we get on that, cause I know you want to,
and I know you want to talkabout that cause it's, it's
juicy as shit.
Another thing I want to talkabout that Chris Williamson
quote.
I love it.
I think it's fantastic.
I think the caveat there is thatyou have to be on a trajectory
of growth, whatever that meansfor you.
I know that's kind of a buzzwordnowadays.
I think for us in the last fewyears.
Yes.

(20:59):
We've kind of been on thistrajectory of growing our
family, becoming very matureunderstanding, what we need and
what we want, both individuallyand as in a relationship.
I think one that sits betterwith me, and I was sitting on
this for you.
Is I first heard about thisabout four years ago.
I think there's a book writtenabout it.

(21:19):
But Dion D fully shout out toDion.
My brother from Costa Rica, whenI went on that men's retreat in
Costa Rica, he had a really coolconcept.
I seen a quote about it theother day where it's called be,
do have, where since I've beenan adult, I've been a have to be
person, meaning I thought I hadto have the thing in order to do

(21:40):
the thing.
Then I would become the thing.
I'll give you some specificexamples.
I built a home gym in my house.
I thought if I have the gym, I'dbe able to do the gym and then
I'd become this fit person.
Other none of

Courtney (21:55):
that happened.

Alfred (21:56):
Correct.
And he spun it because from theoutside he looks like a person
that you're like, why are youeven happy about life?
Your life's been burnt downmultiple times.
He's had personal issues, both,professionally and personally.
And he said, you flip it.
B, do have.
Meaning, you be the person youwant to be by doing the things

(22:17):
that person would do, and youwill have everything that person
would have.
So if you want to be a healthyperson, you don't buy the thing
to have the thing.
It's almost, it's almost amaterialistic approach.
Right?
You get rid of that.
If I want to be a healthyperson, you have to do what a
healthy person would do.
And it doesn't matter if you'relifting, if you're benching logs

(22:39):
in the woods.
Doesn't matter.
Whatever your means are now, ifit's a priority, you'll do it.
Period.
If you want to be a friendlyperson and when you're a
friendly person, you have a bigfriendship circle.
I want to be a friendly person.
By doing that, I will do whatfriendly people do, and that is
be a friendly person.
Whether it's at the grocerystore, whether it's randomly to
a person at the gas station, andwhen you do the first two,

(23:02):
you'll have all the friends youwant.
So that's a really cool conceptthat probably in the last six
months has changed my thoughtprocess because everything that
I associate with myself hasalmost like a one, it's, it's
very directional, it's verylinear.
It's like you've got to begrowth.
You got to be driven.
You got to be balanced.
This is what highly successfulpeople.
And it's, I just want to applythat to small things.

(23:23):
Let's use our daughter.
For example, I don't have tohave anything to be a good dad,
but people might say, I have tobe able to give my daughter all
the things.
So my daughter has to have allthe lessons.
She's got to be in thegymnastics and the swimming and
the basketball and all thisstuff.
And then by doing that, then Iwill be a good dad.
Well, no, if you want to be agood dad, be a good dad.

(23:43):
And the way you're a good dad isby doing what good dads do.
Within your means, it doesn'tmean you need to go fucking
cash, pour, or work all thisover time or do all these
things.
And that stuff happens.
I get it, but that's just areally cool concept.
Instead of the have do B B dohave,

Courtney (24:01):
I like it.

Alfred (24:01):
So that's just a really cool concept.
And I love that idea.

Courtney (24:04):
Love it.
A

Alfred (24:05):
little bit of a mind mindset switch there, but I cut
you off on divorces.
I'm going to let you go the fuckoff on that.

Courtney (24:11):
So.
Friends of ours are havingdivorces.
Acquaintances of ours are goingthrough divorces.
I can, I honestly, I have twohands.
I there's more people who aregoing through a divorce for now
than I have a fingers.
Like it's, it's insane, insane.
And so.
My thing for me is like, we'reconstantly around it and hearing

(24:34):
about it and, sometimes goingthrough it with friends that I
find myself constantly lookingand being like, are we okay?
We got this, right?
Like, we're cool.
And I found this like meme oneday that it was like, if you're
unhappy or you feel like youwill need a divorce, it's like,

(24:55):
go to bed and wake up becauselike we're in this forever.
Like, it's not like when Isigned that piece of paper, I
didn't.
Like, I meant my words.
I meant, like, through sicknessand health, like, through the
good, through the bad, like,through the frickin ugly.
And, like, it's gotten prettydamn ugly for us at points.

(25:15):
But, I'm just, I'm having such ahard time focusing on like happy
marriage sometimes becauseeveryone around me, I feel like
they're crumbling.

Alfred (25:27):
And like, you think they're crumbling because their
social circle is dwindled andthey're only reliant on their
spouse.
And the problem is when you haveall your eggs in one basket, if
anything goes awry, right?
Because, because think about it,the strongest relationships we
know are the strongest socialcircles we know.

Courtney (25:44):
Yes and no.
Like, there's some that I lookat it and I was like, wow, I
thought you had it all togetherfrom the outside.
And then there's others that I'mlike, I seen that coming.
But again, like I look at it allthe time and you constantly hear
it from me where I'm always likeshit Are we okay and you're

(26:04):
constantly like yeah, babe, likewe're fine Like we got this but
I can't like I find I'm doing itso much that I snapped at you
Oh, yeah, like you've you'vedefinitely been like dude fuck
off.
What do you mean?
Have I given you reasons tothink not and I'm always like

Alfred (26:22):
no it's like Are we okay?
And I'm like, are you about todrop a bomb on you?
Yeah.
Like, guess what to happen?
Like, yeah.
You went to, you went to dinnerwith three divorcees, you're
only one married.
What's about to happen?
Like, what kind of conversationdo you have?
And, and, and I think that'strue to, to a degree.

Courtney (26:36):
So one of the things that had happened with.
Someone that we know was, andthis is something that I, I want
to have a conversation with.
Can or should you have friendsof the opposite sex that your
spouse does not know or hasnever met?

Alfred (26:53):
No.

Courtney (26:55):
It's not possible.

Alfred (26:56):
But what, but define a friend.

Courtney (26:58):
Any person that you talk to.

Alfred (27:00):
Okay, that's not a friend.

Courtney (27:01):
So like, like,

Alfred (27:03):
You have a therapist.
And if your therapist was a man,I wouldn't give a fuck

Courtney (27:07):
a hundred percent.
So hold on, let me someone inyour life that you have
conversations with that youconsider an acquaintance.

Alfred (27:18):
Like, again, I don't think that's a friend.

Courtney (27:20):
But I have never met them.

Alfred (27:22):
If, if they're, if I'm talking to somebody about things
that I don't feel as comfortabletalking to you about, that's a
friend.
Somebody who I can open upabout, or open up with, that's a
friend.

Courtney (27:33):
But should you have an acquaintance?

Alfred (27:36):
Well, honey, you work with men, so it's like, I'm not,
you go to, you go to Christmasparties that I work and you have
conversations about everything,

Courtney (27:44):
but I don't have them in my phone.
I don't talk to them.

Alfred (27:47):
You don't have the VP of your school in your phone right
now.

Courtney (27:51):
Yeah, but you do.

Alfred (27:54):
Stop

Courtney (27:54):
because there it goes.

Alfred (27:55):
How long was he in your phone before he was in mine?
That's because he was my boss.
Sounds like a friend to me.
Yeah, but You're gonna So no.
Stop.
You have to understand, everysingle opposite sex nowadays
could be It doesn't matter ifthey're married and you're
married.
Not in 2024.
That's fucking irrelevant.

Courtney (28:16):
But I also feel as though like That's not like off

Alfred (28:19):
limits anymore.

Courtney (28:19):
You come, I don't know.
Like, God, there's no one in mylife.

Alfred (28:24):
I'm agreeing with you.
Okay, but like, there's no onein my life.
I'm challenging your status quothough.
We're saying like, don't goafter work for drinks with that
person and then tell your wifeabout it after the fact.
That's kind of shady.
100%.
But I also think if you'reinvited to a Christmas party and
your spouse can't make it, andyou meet that person like, Oh,
hey, Rebecca, or, Oh, hey,Tiffany.

(28:47):
And that's the end of it.
There's a trust component thathas to be 100%.

Courtney (28:51):
That's not what I'm saying.

Alfred (28:52):
Okay.

Courtney (28:52):
I'm saying, is it okay to make friends with so like the
person, let's say that theperson from work.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or the person that you met atStarbucks one day becomes your
friend.
She's the opposite sex of you.
Is it okay to put them in yourphone and be like, I'm going to

(29:12):
talk to you all the time?
But my wife has no idea.

Alfred (29:15):
Nah, no.

Courtney (29:16):
That's not okay.
And friends of ours did that andnow they're having a divorce.
And so it's like, it's one ofthose things where, why put the
temptation out there?

Alfred (29:25):
Oh, I agree.
Why do that?
I agree.
Yeah.
Like.
A hundred percent.
A hundred

Courtney (29:29):
percent.
You obviously have never.

Alfred (29:31):
You're obviously searching for something that's
missing.

Courtney (29:34):
But are you or you've had no respect for your husband
or wife?

Alfred (29:38):
So this is a super dynamic conversation.
I love this conversation becauseeveryone has a different way to
get to the same conclusion.
Yeah, like people will rebuttalwhat you just said with, well,
what if my husband doesn't havesex with me or what if my wife
doesn't have sex with me?
That's still not a but butthey've had the conversation
with them.
Your first you're because weknow we know couples in the

(30:00):
situation that are married, butthey're basically not married is
they've had conversations like.
You need to be a wife or youneed to be a husband.

Courtney (30:09):
Yeah.

Alfred (30:09):
Like the husband's working 31 days of the month.
And the woman's like the twodays that you're home, don't
fucking touch me.
Eventually that, that camel'sback is going to break.

Courtney (30:19):
But I honestly believe

Alfred (30:21):
so.
So who's at fault?
So, so we have to look at, wehave to look at.
Responsibility here andaccountability.
Who is at fault in thatsituation?
Let's use that specific examplewhere if a husband is working
too much and the wife hasexplained, you're not home with
me and the kids and she used itand she uses sex as a weapon and
they've both had conversationswith each other and no progress

(30:43):
has been made on either side.

Courtney (30:46):
And you need therapists is what you need.

Alfred (30:49):
But that's what's happening in today's society is
a truly, I think people have anentitlement.
People think they have a rightto do these things, and I think
that's a farce.
I don't, I don't think that'strue.

Courtney (31:04):
I think that if you are willing to do that, if you
are willing to go behind yourspouse's back, you have no
respect for your spouse.

Alfred (31:15):
So, so, again, if the conversation has been had,

Courtney (31:19):
I still think that you have no respect because I think
what should happen at thatpoint, then it should be said
like, This is just is notworking.
We're done because I feel aslike it's cheating at the end of
the day.
It's

Alfred (31:32):
cheating.
100%.

Courtney (31:33):
So like, I just feel like you should have the respect
for that person.
You

Alfred (31:36):
have to

Courtney (31:37):
add

Alfred (31:37):
the asterisks though, because you're going to, so
this, this goes back to, to ouroriginal topic at the beginning
of this conversation of thedifference between men and women
and we used health.
So, When you think of a marriedcouple, married for five years,
couple kids, a house.

Courtney (31:57):
Hypothetically.

Alfred (31:57):
Hypothetically, right?
You know what?
This just isn't working.
I love you.
We love each other.
It's just not working.
That man is fucked for the restof his life, financially, based
on law.

Courtney (32:15):
Yeah.

Alfred (32:16):
So you have, so, and I'm not asking you to look at it
from a male perspective, but I'mgiving you the male perspective.
Is the reason why women have theidea that men cheat, even though
statistically, incentivized todo so.
Meaning, a woman can getdivorced and from a financial
perspective, her life does notchange.

(32:37):
Yeah.
Not an inch.
Child support, alimony, kidsactivities, likely the house,
likely the car, nothing changes.
So it's easy to say like, oh,well, you have to have the
respect, you got to walk away.
The reason why it's harder formen is because the moment that
happens, the man is fucked forthe rest of his life.

(32:59):
Financially.
Half his pension, half hissavings, half the house, half
everything.
It's gone.

Courtney (33:05):
Unless the woman was the one who made it the more
funny.

Alfred (33:09):
That's

Courtney (33:09):
then it's the

Alfred (33:10):
woman that 100 percent 100 percent and you're just
sitting pretty 100%.
I don't know many people in thatsituation.
I am definitely not in thatsituation, but that's where that
component comes from.
Sometimes is

Courtney (33:21):
I guess.
So here's the thing.
Stop it.
Stop.
I get it.
I do.
But I also come from such a, Ilook at it, our grandparents,
that's what I look at love.
That's what I look at.
You know what I mean?
Like they, they stuck it outthrough everything they've been
through.
And they went through so much intheir.
They're all of their years thatthey were together.

(33:42):
And I look at them and it'slike, respect is what it boiled
down to.
I respect my wife or my husbandtoo much to do that.
And, you know, I had aconversation with my grandmother
once and she had said, she'slike, if it ever got to that
point.
You have a conversation, and ifthe conversation ends in a, we

(34:04):
have to, you know, go ourseparate ways, then that's what
you do.
I just find that cheating iswhat's hard for me to
understand, is if you have therespect, if you love that person
deep down, how can you do that?
And then if you don't love theperson, then Leave like it's I

(34:27):
know that I'm looking at it aslike, oh, that's so simple.
Like, ha ha ha Could I ever doit?
Fuck probably not.
I would be an absolute disasterI just think if there's no love
if there's no like why why dothat to them?
You've been with them for 5 1015 in our case 20 years 20 years

(34:49):
Like there's no if you ever feltthe need to do that.
I deserve the respect You Youknow what I mean?
And that's, that's the way thatI look at divorce is like, or I
look at the situations thatwe've seen with our friends.
And I'm just like, how, how,like you sat up there in front

(35:11):
of all of your friends, all ofyour family said these vows.
And then all of a sudden thatgoes away.
Like what faltered?

Alfred (35:18):
I think it's, I think it's a symptom of short term
thinking.
I think people have stoppedthinking strategically.
It's the same mindset that tellsyou to eat a doughnut when
you've committed to yourself.
That you're gonna eat better.
Well, the donut tastes good.
It's just

Courtney (35:37):
I love donuts.

Alfred (35:39):
Like, you know what I mean?
And people don't realize.
Like, let's do some math.
You're not an adult till you're18.
Let's round it up to 20 for funmath.
Easy math.
Two years of getting drunk andfucking lots in college and
whatever else.
Who cares?
So 20 years old is really whenyou start life.
In terms of like an adult life.

(35:59):
You work till you're 65.
Let's hope you're either marriedin a relationship till you're
65.
You're likely gonna live till85.

Courtney (36:09):
Mm hmm.

Alfred (36:10):
So, from 20 years old to 40 years old is the same time
frame.
As 65 to 85, we're not eventhere yet.
And that's how much time we haveafter our career is done.
Likely after our kids are out ofthe house and possibly grandkids
in the situation, imagine doingthat alone.

(36:32):
Terrifying.
And that's what people don'tunderstand.
They look at an instance or ashort time frame of behaviors
that they don't like and womenare guilty of this, of using
body language, of like, well youshould have been able to you
know, you should have been ableto see that I'm pissed.
Or, or men, it's like, well, I'mworking more, so you should be

(36:55):
able to see that I'm not happy.
It's this indirect communicationthat we're somehow supposed to
decipher.

Courtney (36:59):
Which, let's be very clear.
You're

Alfred (37:01):
super fucking guilty.

Courtney (37:02):
We were guilty of that so much.
Whereas, like, we, there was apoint in, and I'm gonna get
super real for a minute.
But there was a point where youhad walked up to me and I will
never in my life forget it.
Where you looked at me and youwere like, I'm not fucking happy
anymore.
And I went out, I'm done.
This was before we had movedinto our house.
But this was before marriage.
This was before Sophie.

(37:24):
And, you know, it was, it was,It would have been easier back
then, for sure.
But it was one of those thingswhere we just never talked.

Alfred (37:34):
No,

Courtney (37:35):
we allowed everything to build and build and build.
And finally you were just like,fuck this.
And you just exploded.
And instead of a conversation,it was, no, I'm done.
Whereas I'm definitely more ofa, a no, no.
Let's chat about this for aminute, which is why we're still
together today.
Yes.

(37:55):
But yeah, I think one thing thatI had found.
Online was this guy that wastalking about 80 20 how for so
long you have 80 percent of thisperson is amazing person and you
love 80 percent of it.
They do everything that youlove.
They, they make your food, theydo your things, your laundry, et

(38:16):
cetera, et cetera.
Pleasure you in the sack, allthe things, but this 20 percent
you hate and sometimes you weighon that 20 percent too much.
The 20% gets in the way of the80%, and he had said, he's like,
you try and find someone withthat 20%, the 20% that you're

(38:39):
missing, and then you leave theperson that has your 80%, but
now you're stuck with 20%.
And it's like, why for the 20%of the time that you're unhappy?
Buddy, go take a nap.

Alfred (38:54):
This is, this is interesting because there's
videos online and I know it'sclick baity and chaos drives
likes and interest.
And you know, you got shows likelove Island and all that stuff.
Like there's, there's women Iwork with that talk about this
show.
For those of you that don't knowthis show, it's basically a
skanky, slutty, cheating, stupidfucking diva show women.

Courtney (39:15):
Aren't you so happy?
I don't watch the

Alfred (39:17):
show, but I think you would.
I think, I think the 21 year oldversion of Kourtney would watch
this.
Would have watched it, yeah.
100%.
And then women will be like,where are all the good men?
It's like, what's your exampleof that?

Courtney (39:30):
Yeah.
Other than like,

Alfred (39:31):
Elon Musk.
Like what the fuck are youtalking about?
So, I think people are productsof their environment.
100%.
Not 80, not 90, not 10, 100%.
If you have junk food in yourhouse, you're gonna eat like
shit.
If you have shitty friends,you're gonna have a shitty

(39:52):
friendship.
All these things cumulate.
But, in order to get good at it,it takes time.
But you need to, you need tofucking be diligent and take
accountability.
It's not my wife's job for me toreach my health goals.
She can help.
And I'm a very appreciative ofthat.
And conversely, I'm notresponsible for your health, but

(40:12):
I can help you get there.
And that's the goal.
That's what I want friends for.
I want friends to help me to getwhere I want to go.
I want to help friends get towhere they want to go.
Same with you.
Same with my daughter, same withmy coworkers, same with my
brothers, same with people inbusiness.
Everything is, I want to helppeople.
And the best way to help peopleis to be there for people.

Courtney (40:32):
So this kind of goes into my next, my next question
or my next.
So hang on, I got a, I got aquestion for you first.
Okay.

Alfred (40:38):
How are we doing?
How are you doing?
We're just, we're okay.
Yeah,

Courtney (40:43):
we're fine.
It's cool.
You upset?
Go take a nap.
Like that's how I feel.

Alfred (40:49):
I just have one.
We're good.

Courtney (40:50):
We're good.
So one of the things that youhad said to me, so I was, I
remember I was You were on nightshift and I was at home and I
was watching a video and ifyou've never been pregnant I
mean you can't sympathize withthis But if you have been
pregnant, then you understand Iam so emotional I will cry at a

(41:14):
sunset like it is terrifying howmuch I cry and I Don't know why
but I love sad sappy things.
And so I was You watching apodcast and it was of this man

(41:34):
that had lost his wife to cancerand she was pretty young and
they had a little boy and it washorrible to listen to, but his
message was so much more thanwhat he had went through.
And I think that's why I waswatching it.
And I was trying to relay thatmessage to you.

(41:54):
And I was trying to get to thatpoint.
And you snapped and you werelike, you need to fuck off.
And I was like, Whoa, what did Ido?
And you just were like, youwatch so many negative videos
and it puts you in a such a sadmood and no wonder, like you
surround yourself with thisshit.
You've got to stop surroundingyourself with this shit.

(42:15):
And I don't think I wanted totalk to you for 24 hours because
man, I was pissed because it'slike, while I get it, I
understand it.
But that's what I love to watchor listen to is like other than
murder shows and murderpodcasts, which is also what I
love to listen to and watch.
I love like the sad, sappy, liketrue story moments of like, this

(42:42):
is my hard time that I had to gothrough, but look where I'm at
now because of it.
And I wasn't able to explain toyou what he said because you got
so mad, but what I want to sayis there's also such thing as
too much positive or toxicpositive messages.

(43:03):
And I think,

Alfred (43:04):
can you give me an

Courtney (43:05):
example?
Everything that you listen to?
I just think that.
While you look at it as shewatches so many videos of
sadness and she's just sad allthe time.
I'm not actually sad all thetime.
Love my life.
I think we have a beautifullife.
Super blessed.

(43:25):
I just feel for these people andI have a very big heart.
And when I'm listening tosomething like this or watching
something like this, myperspective on something like
that gets heightened.
And it's, whereas you look at itas like, Now she's gonna think
she has cancer, and shit's aboutto hit the fan, and I'm about to

(43:47):
have a wife that's gonna cry allthe time, so I get it, cause I
also have that too, but, withyou, I always find that you
watch these videos or see thesemen and while it's admirable to
keep saying, like, I want to belike them because I want to be

(44:07):
fit and I want to look good andblah, blah, blah.
It's also, it can be toxicbecause it's like, if this is
all you stop, if this is all yousurround yourself with, then.
That's all you're going tobelieve or that's all you're
going to want to believe whileon one hand that's nice, but on
the other hand, I feel like youneed more sadness in your life,

(44:28):
bro.
I'll let you talk now.

Alfred (44:34):
Like what's toxic to you?
I like, so I've never had anopportunity to ask a woman
explain that to me.
You hear like so much in societynowadays is too.
I triggered him.
No, but no, but it's, it's, Iget it.
That's another one.
Is it what's triggering?
If you invoke an emotionalresponse of me, is that the
definition of triggering?

(44:55):
Or, but like, the idea of toxic.
You hear the term toxicmasculinity, I love, like, I
love that buzzword.
Because it is the mostfictitious statement in modern
society.
There's no such thing as toxicmasculinity.
Because masculinity in and ofitself is not toxic.
That masculine fireman, runninginto a burning building, saving

(45:17):
a woman or a child or a familyor a dog.
His masculinity is not toxic inany way, shape, or form.
Period.
Even that gym bro, at the gym,busting out, you know, five
plates on each side and doingthat, that's not toxic.

Courtney (45:33):
So this is exactly how I feel.
So I'm gonna, hold on, I'm gonnaread it.
My phone's about to die so Ihave to read this.
You need to describe to me whatyour idea of toxic is.
This is exactly it.
So toxic positivity is thebelief that people should
maintain a positive mindset nomatter how dire or difficult a
situation is.
While there are benefits tobeing optimistic and engaging in
positive thinking, toxicpositivity rejects all difficult

(45:56):
emotions in favor of a cheerfuland often falsely positive
facade.
Is that on feminist.
com?
Shut the fuck up.
Why you gotta go there?
No it's not, but that's what I'mtrying to say.
Is sometimes I feel like Dammit,you could cry, okay?
That's all I'm saying.
Mm hmm.
Is maybe sometimes I need tolook at your positive things and

(46:18):
you need to look at my sad sappythings.

Alfred (46:20):
You're gonna disagree.
I'm just saying yes to make youhappy.
Yes.
Truthfully, truthfully, that'swhat I'm gonna do.
Here's why.
I'm gonna explain that.
Here's why.
When you look at all thosenegative things, it doesn't
always set you off.
I'm a firm believer that lifewill give you enough positive

(46:42):
and enough negative.
We are firm believers that Jesuswill not give us more than we
can handle.
But my issue is when you jampack all that stuff, when things
are good, we're great work,steady, but okay.
Daughter's excelling in schoolworks going good.
The weather's changing outside.

(47:04):
We're in a really good place.
And then life throws a curveball and you break, you don't
falter.
You fucking break.
I think it's because you'reyou're literally teetering on
the edge of emotionalinstability over nothing in our
life.
And then when something happensand you're called to be a mom or

(47:24):
a wife or a friend, it'sdifficult for you.
Because you're already taking onso much emotional load.
That's where my head goes andI've seen it.
I've seen it.
I come home and some small thinghappens.
You're like, the stove isbroken.
And I can't like, but, buthonestly, like, like you need
something negative to releasethat emotion because it's built

(47:47):
up, built up, built up, builtup.
And you're like, why would Ibreak over a podcast?
I heard that doesn't make anysense.
So that's where my head goes.
That's what I just think.
But that's why I snap is, is Isee you building and building
and building through thisnegativity or through this, you
know, drama or, you know, these,these drama shows.
And then when our life or I cometo you with something like,

(48:10):
babe, I have to have aconversation.
You're like, I can't handle ittoday.
It's like, but you're, you'redeflecting because you're right
at the brink.
You know that you probably can'thandle that conversation.
And I think that does adisservice both to me and to
you.

Courtney (48:23):
I agree.
Sometimes.

Alfred (48:25):
So my toxic positivity as you described it is a way for
me to build my positive,positive reserves.
I always have a smile on myface.
Anytime somebody asks me how I'mdoing, it's I'm doing so good.
And I love how you

Courtney (48:39):
literally say that every single time.
And even today, the girl we wereat ribeye butchery and the girl
looked at you and you said it asif to be like, what?

Alfred (48:49):
No, no, she smiled because she was she was
surprised the amount of times Ihave said that and people see me
exuding positivity, it bringsout the best in people.
It,

Courtney (49:02):
it, I do have to say it's, it's helped more than it's
hindered.
So,

Alfred (49:05):
so that, that would be my defense with my toxic
positivity is I think it helpsmore than it hurt.
Thank you for your feedback.

Courtney (49:16):
You will do nothing with it.
Cool.
Oh God.
So to jump on somethingdifferent and completely off
topic, because this wholepodcast off topic, it just goes
back and forth to differentthings.
I told you, this is going to bemore of a interview to you.
I want to ask you the questionsand I want the people to know

(49:37):
that the answers.
We started trying to have ababy.
Two years?
Three years?
Three years?
Honestly, I don't even rememberanymore.
Two and a half, let's call it.

Alfred (49:48):
It's one big sexual blur.

Courtney (49:49):
I don't remember.
Yeah.
Two and a half years ago.
And we at first did not want tohave a second child.
And I think we were such in thethick of things with Sophie that
it was a lot to mentally dealwith to bring another child into
the world.
But when she was diagnosed withHSP, I feel like, seemed like

(50:10):
the light.
At the end of the tunnel, wherewe're like, okay, we got this.
We know what it is.
Now we can deal with it.
And then.
A lot of the talk was, you know,do you want to have another one?
And I want to know from you,because I mean, like, we've had
this conversation many times, soI really do know his answer, but

(50:32):
how has this whole journey beenfor you?
Be honest.
I see you thinking.

Alfred (50:40):
I love the concept when people say live life with no
regrets.
It's a brain fuck for me.
If I could do it over again, Iwould, and I would do it a
hundred percent different.
But I say that from a place ofknowing, you know what I mean?
Like our relationship would havebeen different in our twenties

(51:01):
would have been a lot.

Courtney (51:02):
There's so many things that you could look back on
right now and say, like, thatwould have been different.

Alfred (51:06):
So my concept around kids is regardless of how old
you are or how you're listening.
I truly wish I would have hadkids younger.

Courtney (51:14):
Me too.

Alfred (51:16):
I wish I would have committed to that.

Courtney (51:18):
35 and pregnant, not

Alfred (51:19):
fun.
No, but it's, regardless ofthat, I'll say this from a
position that many people maynot have thought of.
Stamina.
Yep,

Courtney (51:29):
that's why I say 35 and pregnant is not fun.

Alfred (51:31):
We have a very, Easy to deal with daughter emotionally.
She's very easy to please.
She's very polite.
These parents with three boysthat are running around the
house.
I truly believe doing that inyour thirties is it feels
daunting because it is dauntingbecause I look at what I was

(51:53):
able to do in my twenties.
When we had that summer watersports business, I would work a
12 hour night shift, go to thelake, open up the business, work
all day in the sun, go to thelake, party, get drunk, have at
it, do it again the next day,sleep 12 hours Sunday night, do
it all over again the weekafter.
We did that for four summers.

Courtney (52:13):
I know

Alfred (52:14):
I was there.
And the reason we had to stopwas because we had our daughter.
I just look at if you canchannel that energy into
children, it doesn't seem asdaunting.

Courtney (52:25):
But.
We went through a lot withSophie.
Yes, for sure.
And so I think that mentally, wejust weren't there.
And while I would have loved tohave had back to back kids, both
you and I have grown up witholder siblings.
And my sister is 10 years olderthan me.
And your brother is 7?

(52:46):
9

Alfred (52:46):
and 7 years.

Courtney (52:48):
So I mean like, there's definitely an age gap
between us and our siblings.
And I loved having an oldersister.
She took care of me.
So I see it now as a blessingbecause Sophie is 10 years Much
older, she'll be eight when thisone is born, and she wants to

(53:09):
help.
She now looks at everything andshe asks so many questions and
is so inquisitive and, you know,she does have a delay in some
aspects.
So like her questions wouldn'tbe that of a typical eight year
old, but a lot of it is like,you have a baby in your belly,
mommy, I'm going to help you.

(53:31):
I'm going to go get theirdiaper.
It's like, yeah, buddy, you are,you can do all of those things
and like allowing her to helpand, her being that big sister,
I think will be great for her.
Do I wish I would've had kidssooner?
A hundred percent.
But again, emotionally we wouldjust weren't there.
And that's a big thing is likewhen we were 20 to 25, that was

(53:57):
when we had went through theshit in our lives.
That's when you looked at me andyou were like, I won't fucking
do this anymore.
So, bringing kids up in that isnot healthy.
So I think you have to waituntil you are in a very healthy
relationship because that couldbe the, your breaking point.
What we went through withSophie, the numerous seizures.

(54:20):
the plethora of medical needsthat she had.
Think of if we would have been20 years old, 21.
Cause that's when it happenedwas when I was 21.
When you had said that youwanted to end things.
I was 21 years old, maybe 23.
I don't remember anymore, butanyway, imagine if at that time
I had said, honey, I'm pregnant.

(54:42):
I don't think we would have madeit truly.
I don't.
So I think it just all dependson where you are at in life.
And I think that From what wehad went through, I think that
we were in the right, we were inthe right phase.
I just wish that number twowould have came a lot sooner.
I'm blessed to be where I amtoday, but I wish things would

(55:02):
have went differently.

Alfred (55:04):
That's fair.

Courtney (55:06):
my question really is, how, like, the whole journey to
get pregnant, and finding outthat I was pregnant, and up
until now, how are you feelingabout the whole thing?
I

Alfred (55:19):
think you summarized it pretty accurately.
Yeah, I, I wasn't ready for whenwe were informed about Sophie's
Autism and her epilepsy and theneverything that came with that
and I feel

Courtney (55:33):
like there was just so much

Alfred (55:34):
It was a lot It was a lot because we were never
surrounded by that like likenone of that was ever in our
like My parents never preparedme for something like that.
My mom's been a bedrock for myentire family, but Without her,
it would have fallen apart.
I truly believe so.

Courtney (55:53):
A hundred percent.
I think that we're still marriedbecause of your mom.

Alfred (55:58):
She likes you more than me.
She definitely

Courtney (55:59):
does.

Alfred (56:02):
I'm her

Courtney (56:02):
favorite.
She tells me all the time.

Alfred (56:04):
Yeah, it's one of those things that again, I'll go back
to one of the, one of theearlier conversations we had is
It was hard because we had nofamily and no friends that were
going through that and theycouldn't relate.
And we felt distant, distantbecause of it.
And I think, and I don't, nofault to them.

(56:26):
I think they were scared too.

Courtney (56:28):
They didn't know how to approach.

Alfred (56:29):
Yeah.
They didn't know how to, how toprovide support because they
were just as confused as we are.
Right.
That's the easy way out.
And again, I don't blame thembecause there was times that I
wanted to be easy way where I'mjust like, Courtney deal with
this shit.
I have to provide for the house,like whatever.
And I, and I went back to mybasic function and I kind of hid
in a corner and worked andprovided money.
Which is a cop out in and ofitself, but I think that goes

(56:50):
back to why I, I am a firmbeliever of that whole notion
that life's too busy for me toreach out and continue to stoke
the fire of friendships andrelationships outside of my
immediate marriage and kids.
I put that on the sameimportance level as kids in
family.

Courtney (57:11):
Mm-Hmm.

Alfred (57:12):
it's like one A, one B, and, and it's not just for me
self, it's not just, you know,'cause I wanna reach out to
them, but I, I, selfishly it'sfor me, I

Courtney (57:22):
remember going through the thick of things with Sophie
and I remember reaching out tofriends and, sitting in a
hospital and.
You know, God forbid thishappens to anyone else ever, but
if you have had a child that hasbeen in the ICU or the PICU or

(57:43):
the NICU, anything, it's lonely,and when no one comes to visit,
when no one reaches out, whenyou have to be the one to be
like Hey, this is how she'sdoing.
It fucking hurts.

Alfred (57:57):
It's lonely.
But I remember the families wemet in there, how you do, how
instantly we connected

Courtney (58:03):
a hundred percent because you're going through the
same thing.
So I don't, I don't, we'regetting so far off topic from
what I actually asked you, butgo for it.
But.
I found that when I was, when Iwas in that place, the people
who reached out, I'm still bestfriends with.
Like, I still remember and I'mgoing to say them by name
because, incredible people.

(58:24):
Uncle Brody and Auntie Nikita,and I'm about to cry, but I
remember looking back atpictures not that long ago and
reminiscing about how, you know,they were the only ones that
came to visit.
And That meant something to me.

(58:44):
that showed that they trulycared for her and they cared
about me and my mental healthand my well being.
And I get that everyone is sobusy, but in those moments I was
so lonely.
And if there's anything that Ican tell anyone, anything that

(59:07):
you take away from this issometimes reaching out and
saying like, if you needanything, let me know.
There will never be a day whereI will let you know.
There will never be a time whereI'm going to reach out to you
like, hey, I need help becauseit's just not in me.
It's not.
I want that friend.

(59:27):
And like so many I have rightnow, we'll just do it.
Who will, who will message meand say, hey, I'm on my way.
That's what I want.
Thanks.

Alfred (59:38):
The issue with that response that people have is it
requires a degree ofvulnerability.
And the problem is, is you can'tbe vulnerable when the people
that matter the most to you aresick or unwell or in a bad place
because it requires you to bestrong.
You can't wear both those facesat the same time.
So Sophie's in the hospital,we're having to be strong for
her.
And then you have people saying,if you need something, reach

(59:59):
out.
I'm not gonna reach out.
Because all my, all my sensesare heightened right now.
I'm in a state of fight orflight.
I'm not gonna drop my guard tosay, hey, can you pick me up
some Tim Hortons coffee?
And I've

Courtney (01:00:10):
been, I've, honestly, I've been, I've said it numerous
times and I have looked back atthe text message and been like,
Courtney, come on.

Alfred (01:00:17):
Yeah.
But this is like the TSN turningpoint of us when it's like, if
we see people.
You know something as simple andand it can be so many different
things It can be something wheremaybe you go to their house like
what what's the code to yourdoor you go to their house?
And you do their dishes orsomething and that's just a
blanket statement.
It's just saying acts of serviceand The presence is so much more

(01:00:39):
important than you saying you'reavailable to be it now I get it
other people going through lifetoo, and there's no judgment
Well, we're like no this doesn'tcome from a place of you know
We're going to reflect back onour phone or if somebody
listening to this, that we'vesaid that too.
That's not what this is.
It's just saying we've nowlearned what is, what has had
the most impact on us.

(01:01:00):
And I mean, my God, that wasseven years ago.
And I remember it like it wasyesterday when Sophie was
intubated.
Like I remember it like it wasyesterday.
I remember, I remember havingthe conversation with the nurse.
I remember what the

smell of the room

Alfred (01:01:14):
smelled like.
Yeah, for sure.
We'll get back on topic here ina sec, but I thought I wanted to
touch on this because there's alot of negativity around this
podcast and I want, we've givenpeople a little bit of nuggets,
but the most impactful turningpoint in my life was when I was
at work, which is basically thestory of my life with important
moments in my life, I could workall the time when you went to

(01:01:36):
the doctor and you officiallygot the diagnosis.
It is.
Of autism and you didn't knowwhat to do because there was
early signs and a few people hadmentioned in passing and we kind
of got defensive and we're like,no, that's not the case.
And I don't want to say itbecause I want you to say it
because of how impactful it waswhat the doctor told you, you

(01:01:57):
have to do.

She told me that I have to, I have to grieve the
life that I thought that I wouldhave and focus on the one that I
know that I can give her.

Alfred (01:02:05):
Yes.

And it's a quote that I will never in my life forget.
And since she told me that.

Alfred (01:02:12):
So I need you to say that again, a little bit slower.

You need to grieve the life that you thought that you
would have and focus on the oneyou know you can give

Alfred (01:02:20):
her.
So how applicable is that?
To any major life changingevent, you get married and have
kids and you start futurecasting your life, 50, like all
the way to the end of life,right?
You imagine yourself on yourdeathbed and your entire family
surrounding you and being in thehospital and, and all, and then
you get divorced and that, andthat, you know, is gone.

(01:02:42):
Or, you know, your kidemancipates you and it's like,
you have a bad relationship withyour kid and you're like, fuck,
that's gone out the way.
Like that concept to me.
Is so fucking important to, togive time to grieve the life you
thought you were going to live.
You've worked all your life,people have, you know, worked
their whole life, saved,contributed to children's

(01:03:04):
universities.

And I feel like, I feel like you have this notion
or this preconceived notion inyour mind of what your kids will
be.
You know, you're going to have ababy, they're going to grow up
and, you Walk, talk, walk andtalk and, and, you know, go to
all these activities and, and,you know, play hockey, play
cheerleading, sports, anything,and eventually have a boyfriend,

(01:03:30):
get married, have kids.
There was so much in the, inthat sentence that I just said
that I will never have.
And I'm okay with it now.
Like now I'm like, yeah, okay,that's fine.
But in the moment.
It all hit me like a huge ton ofbricks where it was like, shit,
I'm never going to be agrandmother That's a hard pill

(01:03:52):
to swallow.
And please don't get me wrong.
There are plenty of amazing menand women out there that have
autism, that are thriving inlife and you know, have kids and
are married and it's wonderful.
It just based on my daughter'sdiagnosis and based on what I
know that she has and I just, Iknow deep in my heart, that's

(01:04:14):
just not going to happen.
And again, it's okay.
I don't want anyone to feelsorry for me.
That's not why I'm telling,that's not why I'm saying this.
I'm saying it because I had togrieve that.
I had to let go of everythingthat I thought I was going to
have for her.
And I had to focus on everythingthat I knew that I could do for
her.
So

Alfred (01:04:33):
how did you do that?
How did you grieve that?
When you were given informationthat changed the trajectory of
your life 180 degrees for therest of your life, whether you
liked it or not, no returnpolicy, no going back, no
nothing.
You know, how do you do that?
How do you get over that hump?
Or sorry, how did you do that?
It wasn't easy.

What she said to me was definitely the first part of
it, but allowing people in andYou know, therapy was a huge one
for me.
Having an open and honestconversations with my husband
was another one.
Relying on the people that Iknew that were in my life, but

(01:05:14):
also just allowing her to be thelittle girl that she was.
She was fantastic and incrediblein so many other ways and taught
me more about life and has beenteaching me more about life than
anything that I've ever done.
And my empathy comes from her.
My ability to be strong comesfrom her.

(01:05:36):
And I'm about to cry again, damnit.
She's given me so much more inlife than I ever would have
thought.
And I feel like it's because ofher, I know that I can get
through 99.
9 percent of the shit that goeson in my life.
She is a force to be reckonedwith.

(01:05:58):
She is brave.
She is strong.
She's beautiful.
And she knows it all.
She knows those things becausewe taught that to her.
We told her every single day ofher life that she was beautiful,
that she was so smart, that shecould do whatever she wanted to
do.
And that was a big thing, is wenever allowed the word autism to

(01:06:18):
define her.
It was never a definition of, mychild has autism, so please
cater to them.
Never.
It was, you have autism, let'sfigure out how to do life.
Because the world is not goingto always bend over backwards
for you, and I need to show youhow to do all of the things so
that you can thrive.

(01:06:40):
And damn it, she's excelled.
I still remember sitting downwith her teachers when she was
in kindergarten and, and thentelling me like, she had, so she
had gone through two years ofkindergarten, for those that
don't know.
And when she came back from thesummer, she could talk, whereas
before she couldn't.
And I truly believe that it hada huge part to do with the

(01:07:03):
teachers that were in her life,incredible people but she was
able to talk, I didn't thinkthat she'd ever be able to do
that.
So, again, it was one of thoseturning points where I was like,
she's got this, I've got this,we can do this.
End.
You know, I never allowed hernot being able to talk to

(01:07:26):
interfere with anything that sheever did.
Sophie skis, Sophie goes toswimming lessons, Sophie's in a
dance class.
Did I think that all thosethings would be hard for her?
Yeah.
I remember going to her dancethe first time that she ever
went to her dance class.
I remember looking at herteacher and saying like, I don't
think that she can do this.

(01:07:47):
Or holding her back from,holding her back from going to
festival because I didn't thinkthat people would be kind to
her.
I thought that autism at thatpoint would have defined her and
would have allowed people to seesomeone that I didn't see.
And I remember her dance teacherlooking at me and saying, No, I

(01:08:13):
want her there.
She deserves to be there.
She And even if she, you know,doesn't do the dance properly,
it's not what I'm looking for.
She's having fun.
Sophie is being Sophie.
And that mattered.
So it's surrounding yourselfwith the people that are going

(01:08:34):
to bring her up rather thanbring her down.
So that's how I dealt with it.

Alfred (01:08:41):
Yeah, for me, it was a bit different.
I always come at it because Ithink, I think a father's love
is different than a mother'slove, especially with little
girls.
And with boys, but with littlegirls, especially is I had to
grieve the milestone conceptI'll give you an example a very
popular figure that I listenedto Patrick bet.

(01:09:02):
David or PBD.
I love concepts.
He has around raising childrenand when he talks about now,
mind you, he's a multigazillionaire, so he can do
this, but he talks about how inhis house books are currency.
Where he has a 10 year old sonor daughter.
No.
Yeah.
His son is 12.
His daughter's 10.

(01:09:22):
And if they want something, heassociates a book number to it.
So if his son's like, I want anew bike, how much is the bike?
5, 000.
You read me 20 books.
And you can show me that youread 20 books, which will take
you about six months, we'll getyou the bike.

(01:09:42):
No problem.
And that's really cool.
And I love that concept.
I think it's really neat.

But how do you put that to someone?

Alfred (01:09:49):
So it's one of those things that when you're dealt a
hand, that is the exception, notthe rule.
It's very difficult to getexternal sources.
To give you the road map, youknow what I mean?

You have to come up with

Alfred (01:10:05):
that road map all on your own?
You kind of have to create yourown path.
You have to kind of bushwhack touse a metaphor.
I mean like you're walking onthat nice paved sidewalk, you
know, this is what life'ssupposed to be.
You dropped a bomb or anotherbomb or maybe multiple.
Maybe you lose a spouse and nowyou're single parenting and
you're like, holy shit.
Like now you're survival for along time.
Maybe finances are a problem.

(01:10:25):
Maybe, you know, That person'sfamily was your outlet and now
they're no longer like, whateverit may be, there's many, many
different, many, many differentthings.
The whole purpose of thisconversation is grieve the life
you thought you were going tohave.
And begin accepting the life younow own.
And that's, it's difficult.

(01:10:47):
It's difficult at the beginning,but it's doable.
It's very doable, and there'stons of success stories.
So, personally, for me, whenyou, when you look at those sad
things, and you listen to thosesad podcasts and all that stuff,
it's, it's the frequency of it.
Is, I love, just like you, Ilove a hero story.

(01:11:08):
I love it more than anything.
It's some of the greatestmovies.
I think about, I think of amovie like John Q, probably one
of my favorite movies of alltime.
I love a hero story.
I think it's fantastic.
I think, and especially with us,it's relatable.
So it's really easy to dive in,and I get it.
I like, I've never, I've nevergotten mad at the fact that you
are drawn to it.

(01:11:29):
It just, I get mad at the factthat you're, you get consumed by
it.
I think you look for littleanecdotes in these stories that
relate to you, you'll listen to15 different episodes of a
podcast and you're like, Oh,there's 30 seconds in this
episode.
They're like, honey, do youremember seven years ago?
It was like, it's like, calmdown.
But yeah, so, so for me, it was,it was really hard for me to get

(01:11:52):
external influences on how to dowhat I wanted to do with my kids
to be able to kind of learn fromother people's successes and
build upon them because it wasreally difficult.

But I also think that that's.
Why it was so difficult forfriends to communicate.
But we are way far off topic,way far off topic there.
The original question was, howare you doing with me being
pregnant?

Alfred (01:12:15):
I'm very excited.
I'm very excited at seeing whattwo does.
There's always the funny jokethat my brother had where the
going from one to two doesn'tjust double the workload, right?
There's no, right?
You can't just pawn off a childand take a breath, right?
There's always one attached toone of your hips kind of thing.
But I

also think because they're of different ages, like,
I think it'll be a littleeasier.

Alfred (01:12:38):
Yeah, I think so.
Not a lot.
So it's going to be a littlehelper for sure.
I think she's also going tostruggle with the attention
divide which I think I'mmentally prepared for to kind of
teach her that and just be like,well, there's time and a place
where you're going to get yourlimelight and then there's time
and a place where a new babygets the attention, right?
Mm

hmm.

Alfred (01:12:53):
And I to be some life lessons there.
I've finally accepted being agirl dad.

It was so hard for you at first.

Alfred (01:13:02):
Well, it's because I'm so outnumbered.
We have a fucking female dog.
Like, I joke around where Ilike, I need to get a male
gerbil or something to balanceout the testosterone in the
house.
I'll get you a male goldfish.
My goodness.
But yeah, no, it's, it's, yeah,I'm excited for it.
And yeah, I'm excited for theopportunity that I have to take
some time off and enjoy thesummer.
And, yeah, I also think we're ina better position life wise too,

(01:13:26):
just, and that's probably thecounter argument that people
would have to my earlierstatement about having kids
young is I just feel like we'remore set up for it.
We can, that's

what I said.

Alfred (01:13:34):
Yeah, we can deal the blow, we deal with the blows and
stuff.
Right.
But, but we, we can also agreeyou're never a hundred percent
ready.

No,

Alfred (01:13:40):
you're never a hundred percent ready.
If you wait till you'refinancially stable.
You're, you're, be too old, orif you wait till you, or if you
wait till you're young andfertile in your perfect peak,
you're gonna be broke as fuck.

Yeah.

Alfred (01:13:49):
Or if you want to travel the world and experience life,
you're going to come back andhave no money in the account,
but tons of stories.
Like, so it's really just havekids when you want to have kids,
like, period.
True.
Like, that's it.
Amen.
So.
But yes, I'm dealing fine.
I'm excited to be a dad for thenumber two.
And I'm excited to see youblossom into your femininity
with motherhood.
I think that's a beautifulthing.

You are not excited though at how many projects I
have piled onto your plate.

Alfred (01:14:15):
It keeps me out of trouble, so I'm fine with it.
It's just, I'm glad that youhave more.
I feel

like you have like a honey to do list.
That's 16, 000 pages.
And every day you're like, Oh, Ifinished this.
And then I'm like, except I putone more on

Alfred (01:14:30):
there.
I don't mind a to do list.
What, what differs is yourunrealistic timelines.
You're like, babe.
I'm having a baby in

March.
It needs to be done by March.

Alfred (01:14:38):
I get it.
But like, you also want like thebasement done, the deck redone,
like all the, like.
I

feel like it's just not too much to ask.

Alfred (01:14:46):
Maybe a little too much.
As long as you have realisticexpectations.
We're good.

That's fair.
That's fair.
Okay.
So we're almost, I'm almost doneasking you questions.
I have like two left, so it'snot so bad.
Where do you see us in the nextfive years?
I know you have a really hardcase.
So first of all, I'm going topreface this with, I know you
have a really hard time withlooking into the future.

(01:15:11):
Very hard time.
You struggle.
You even struggle with, if wehave a vacation booked in, in
October and I talk about itAugust, you're like, I can't.
I'm not excited.
It's like, what do you mean?
You're so close.
You're like, no, I'm notexcited.
I won't be excited until I'm onthe plane.
So I get that you have a reallyhard time, like looking into the

(01:15:32):
future and being like, this iswhat I see.
And I know that you've explainedit to me a thousand times on
why, but I'd love to know thatif you looked into a glass and
you were like, this is what Ienvisioned my next five years to
be like, what would that looklike?
And if you say divorce, I'mtelling you to go take a nap,

Alfred (01:15:53):
So there's multiple answers to that because where do
I see ourselves?
That's a pretty overarchingquestion.
Health and fitness wise better.
I don't know where, but I trulybelieve will be better.
Financially, I think we'll bemuch better.
I think we'll be in a reallygood position just with even

(01:16:15):
with baby.
I think the financial decisionsthat we made in our 20s will not
be happening.
So that's obviously very nice.
I think we'll be in the samehouse, same place, same school,
same jobs.
I think more mature.
I think we'll be more structuredlike this podcast, like our
conversations, I think we'll domore regular vacations and when
I say regular, I just, I don'tmean like frequent.
I mean, it'll, it'll be apriority that we take a trip a

(01:16:37):
year or maybe multiple smalltrips in the mountains, things
like that.
Yeah, I just, I see us in agroove.
I see us with new friends, newactivities.
But I don't see any drasticchange.
We're better or worse in fiveyears.
That'll be, I'll be 40 and

40.

Alfred (01:16:53):
Yeah.
And you know what I want to dofor my 40th.
So I'm very excited for that.

Well, what do you want to do with, you can't leave them
hanging like that.
You can't just say it and thennot say it.
Or you can just say, I want togo to.

Alfred (01:17:09):
Egypt is my number one.
There you go.
So, whether we do that as afamily or not, but we came up
with a solution that we'll beable to do that together as a
family and also check off someboxes.

Yeah.

Alfred (01:17:18):
So, there's something everybody, I think, who listens
to this likely knows my disdainfor Western healthcare.

Yeah.

Alfred (01:17:25):
And Charlie Kirk had a really good.
Can I talk about this for alittle bit?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Alfred (01:17:28):
Cool.
Podcast.
So Charlie Kirk talked aboutthis on a podcast, the Georgia
Jango show.
And he was referencing, youknow, RFK and Donald Trump and.
You know, Robert F.
Kennedy for the, Bob Kennedy forthose that don't know him, he's
kind of an advocate around antivax and, and, you know, food
companies that are poisoning ourfood and all that shit.
And he summarized it reallywell, where in Canada and the U.

(01:17:51):
S., and we've seen this directlywe have the, some of the best,
if not the best acutehealthcare, meaning quick, fast,
You know, needs to be doneimmediately.
You know, cancer treatments,surgery, like, our daughter just
broke and dislocated her elbow.
It was 4 o'clock on a Saturday,she was in surgery at 11 on a
Sunday.
It was very fast, done veryquickly.

(01:18:12):
A surgery like that in theStates would likely be, like,
25, 000.
Crazy.
But one thing that we suck at,and I understand, because you
can't be good at both.
Is chronic, meaning long term,systemic, consistent, over time,
you know, foot specialists,throat specialists, ear
specialists, nose specialists,in Alberta is like a two year

(01:18:35):
wait on the referral list.

So I actually think that it's more of a, we really
suck at stopping it before ithappens.
Like, for instance, there is alot of breast cancer in my
family.
The fact that I am unable to goto my doctor and say, I would
like a mammogram is ridiculous.

(01:18:57):
I should be able to at any pointin time, but that's what I'm
taking control over my health.

Alfred (01:19:01):
Yeah, that's what I'm getting at.
The chronic proactive, that typeof healthcare.
Yeah, we, we, we don't, we don'thave that, right?
So Eastern European and MiddleEastern countries have created
basically a branch of theireconomy.
And it's something called healthtourism.
For those of you who don't know,look it up.
You can just look up the hashtagon Instagram.
And there's lots of places, likeI think Lithuania is the best in

(01:19:24):
the world for hips.
I think they have some of thebest hip surgeons.
I was reading about that whereyou can go there and if you have
really bad problems, whetheryou're old or young, or if you
have hip flexor problems, theyare the best and the cost is
incredibly affordable.
The country that we were lookingat was Turkey.
So in Istanbul, which is thecapital of Turkey, they actually
have program, they actually havecompanies and, and, you know,

(01:19:45):
people that work for them thatget paid commission where you go
there, you're out with atranslator, they pick you up in
a shuttle, they take you to thispalace that is the hospital.
And it's, I think it's like 800us dollars a day.
And you're there for like 10hours and they do everything.
They test your blood, they testyour skin, they test your
cardiovascular system.
They do x rays, MRIs, anythingand everything.

(01:20:07):
And you can be there for as manydays as you want.
And they basically build youlike a book on your health and
they code it to what needs to beaddressed immediately.
And then surgeries over thereare very quick.
Now, I'm not, y'all

I'm getting a boob job.

Alfred (01:20:21):
I'm not advocating for you to immediately go over there
and get surgeries.
Like you have to do yourresearch.
There's places that are sketchy,you know, sanitation, all that
has to be considered.
I get that.
But it's to the point now whereI'm so disheartened by the
healthcare over here.
And it matters to me so muchwith the women in my life.
My mom, you, our girls.

(01:20:41):
It, I just think it needs to beprioritized.
I'm not putting myself on theback burner.
It's just me being the man Iwant to be like, you guys get
first dibs at that shit likethat.
So that's something that we haveplanned where I can go to Egypt
and get my bucket list.
Number one, done.
See pictures, ask the questionswithout 24 hours a day, not

(01:21:03):
understanding what the fuck isgoing on and also get something
like that done.
And I think that'd be prettyincredible.
That would be a trip of alifetime.
And so that is the goal.
If you were to put a five yearclock on me today, something
like that, and then in betweenthat would just be what I
mentioned earlier.
Pretty, pretty similar, but thewords I would use would be like
more efficient, moreintentional, more content with

(01:21:28):
what we have and that whole bedo have, right?
Yeah, that's in the next fiveyears.
How about you?
Where do you see it?

Pretty much the same.
I think that I'm not gettingyounger and if I don't take
control of my health and myfitness and all that jazz, I
won't be able to run around witha toddler.
Like it's, that scares me.
So I, I definitely think we willbe better in that aspect.

(01:21:57):
And just, yeah.
Living our best lives and makingsure that we show our girls the
best lives that they can have.
We are headed to Hawaii soon,which is exciting.
And hopefully, cross my fingershead down to Nova Scotia in the
summer to see family.
Again, those of you who don'tknow, my daughter is named after

(01:22:20):
her, is it great great?
Yeah, second great great, greatgreat grandmother on my
husband's side.
And my great great grandmother.
Is her middle name and baby tobe well, we love her first name.
It's not named after anything.
Her name will be Violet and buther middle names are.

(01:22:42):
My grandmother and hisgrandmother's name.
So her middle names will beDiana and May and his grandma's
name is Diana and my grandma'sname was Bertha.
But her extra name was BerthaMay.
And we definitely we want tomake it down to Nova Scotia too.
to have her meet the person whoshe's named after.

(01:23:04):
I think that that's so importantbecause Sophie never got to meet
the women who she's named after.
And I think that, you know,nanny meeting Violet is
important.
So I think I see us taking lotsof vacations, whether it's
within Alberta or BC or justshowing the girls the world.

(01:23:24):
And I think that was, it'salways been my dream to be able
to give my kids the life thatboth of us dream of.
never really got to have untilwe were older.
But anyway, this is getting solong, but I do want to leave
with a quote and it was a quotethat was said by Taylor.

(01:23:47):
I can't pronounce his last name,but he was on the unplanned
podcast and he had said, I wantyou to value your life.
I want you to be present whereyour feet are, be present where
you are.
And I think that that is anincredible statement.
I think that being present intoday is hard.
Technology, and with everythingelse going on in the world,

(01:24:10):
that's what your kids need.
That's what your wife needs,your husband needs.
Just be there for them.
That's it.

Alfred (01:24:18):
Well, thanks very much, babe.
Appreciate the interview.

Anytime.

Alfred (01:24:22):
Wasn't expecting me to get interviewed today, but
that's how these things go.

Absolutely.

Alfred (01:24:26):
Well, that's all I got.
I appreciate you so much, babe.

Thank you for having me on your podcast again.
It was great.

Alfred (01:24:31):
Okay.
Well, thank you guys so much forlistening.
Appreciate you guys tuning intothe Unmodern Podcast.
Thank you, babe.
Take care, everybody.
Peace.
Well, that's it for thisepisode.
Thank you so much for listeningto the unmodern podcast.
If you like what you heard andwant to hear more, don't forget
to hit that subscribe buttonalso like, and follow me on
Instagram and Facebook atunmodern podcast.

(01:24:53):
Do you have suggestions forfuture guests, or if you're
interested in being a guestyourself, please visit unmodern
podcast.
com.
Thank you again, and we'll seeyou in the next episode.

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