May 10, 2024 • 35 mins
Imposter Syndrome is no joke, especially if you're an overthinker. In this brand new episode of Unrehearsed we dive into our experiences with it and we fight to press through it!! Watch/Listen to Unrehearsed on all platforms and follow DaeShawn and Mo on IG!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
["R.I.P." by The Bunch plays.]
(00:19):
["R.I.P." by The Bunch plays.]
["R.I.P." by The Bunch plays.]
What's happening? We back. Another episode of Um Rehearsed Season 2.
Woo woo!
I'm proud of us, by the way.
I'm proud of us, too.
(00:40):
For actually getting to Season 2. This is amazing. I'm proud of us. I hope you guys are, too.
Thank y'all for tuning in for another episode of Um Rehearsed.
I'm loving this. I really am loving this setup, dawg.
I know! It's so nice!
To a point where you're gonna have a little studio.
Yeah! Period. Say less.
A little radio station joint.
And brad, that's gonna be a whole building.
(01:01):
I feel like not just a studio. Yeah.
We gotta do it big.
It's gonna be like a studio for podcasting, and then it's gonna be like,
and this one's for recording music. Let's go.
And then this is the office. Anyways.
We're dreaming big.
Heck yeah, man.
You know I already wrote about it before. It's in the 50s, bro.
How you doing? We good?
We're good! Today, fam, we are talking about imposter syndrome.
(01:23):
Imposter syndrome.
Not impasta. Imposter.
Imposter syndrome. I'm trying. I'm hyped.
But what gets me is how well I can relate.
Yeah. That's why I'm like, yeah, imposter syndrome.
Would you say everyone could relate at some point?
Maybe. I don't really know. Honestly.
Okay.
I can only really speak for myself.
I don't really know.
Like, where do you think it roots from?
(01:45):
Actually, let's talk about that. I just get deep real fast.
So imposter syndrome. I'm on psychology today.
Okay.
I believe that's dot com. I can't quite see.
Okay.
Probably should turn my brightness up.
But it says, the first sentence says,
people who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are
undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are,
(02:08):
in fact, generally held.
They feel that they aren't as competent or intelligent as others might think
and that soon enough people will discover the truth about them,
that they're frauds pretty much.
Those with imposter syndrome are often well accomplished.
They may hold high office or have numerous academic degrees.
(02:30):
Wow. Does that describe you or what?
Just kidding. You're like, numerous academic degrees.
That's crazy.
Kind of, sort of. Yeah.
So where does it root from for you?
I don't know.
If you had to guess.
Well, everyone's story is unique, but for me, I think,
it may have rooted at first in like,
(02:53):
well, if you read between the lines, you can probably read it in like,
people are like self doubt in there, you know,
feeling that you're not really, you know, you know what I mean?
Feeling that you're not really,
you're not really that guy, like you're not really that chick. Yeah.
Or not really good enough.
So I think that's what that's rooted, been rooted in.
(03:16):
I've spent a greater part of like,
first number that come to mind is two years. I'll say two years.
So I spent the greater part of two years of just building up faith and
confidence in myself. Okay. Okay.
Because I think I said it on season one, at least getting into music.
At first I didn't really think that I could do it. Yeah.
(03:38):
I didn't think I was like, you know, I knew I could write.
I've always been a writer, always been pretty solid at writing,
always really liked it and enjoyed it.
But the whole stepping out part where it's like, okay,
I'm going to record myself off in a rap. You know what I mean? And then,
you know, put music out there and stuff like that.
I was always really book smart in school, you know,
(04:00):
it's had good grades and you know, school for the most part was a breeze for me.
So just the idea during that time, I already knew what others was going to think,
or at least what I thought others was going to think.
Like, you know, they shine these smarties in school.
He can do this, he can do that, get this job here, do that.
He's trying to rap.
(04:23):
Boy, sit down.
You know, I don't know. I feel like it's a certain thing.
Maybe it's just within this young people or somebody.
It's a certain, what's the word?
Stigma or like perception of like rap.
Like if you try to tell people you're going to rap, it's almost like they laugh.
It's almost like people automatically think it ain't going to work.
Right. So it's because they think of gangsta rap.
(04:45):
Usually the people who rap, it's like, you know, they usually live in, you know,
not so great neighborhoods.
So they're like, oh, I might get out of here by rapping.
And everyone's like, boy, everybody trying to get out of here by rapping.
Goodbye.
Yeah. And so I noticed that as a kid and you wouldn't expect someone that's
book smart to, you know, that could get a high degree and honestly was kind of
(05:12):
was pretty much expected to.
You know, when I told people I was stopping after I got my bachelor's,
they was like, you want to get your master's, right?
And now you get your bachelor's, you got to get your doctorate.
I'm like, I got to live at some point.
I got to put this education to use and get experience education, real world
education, stuff like that.
But you just wouldn't necessarily expect for, you know, someone like me to go
(05:37):
and I never I wasn't the one that was freestyling at lunch.
You know, I bang on a desk and make beats like everyone else.
I wasn't spitting wraps.
I wasn't freestyling.
I wasn't it's just the science work obvious.
So I myself was like, no, probably it's probably isn't me.
And then, you know, along the way I'm doing it.
(06:01):
It's like, you know, you those negative thoughts might come where it's like, man,
they're going to figure out you ain't really like you're not it.
You're not really you trying to rap.
Oh, you doing your little rap thing.
You're doing your little music thing.
But you ain't really, you know, you ain't really good enough.
(06:23):
They definitely belittle it stuff.
All of that kind of stuff is dream killers.
But that's where I think that's kind of where I personally have been able to
like relate to imposter syndrome.
That's like so good.
As we were talking, I just kept thinking how it a lot of imposter syndrome.
I feel like it just goes back living in a world where it's almost like we don't
(06:44):
get people freedom to change because, I mean, everyone expected you to get your
doctorate.
So, you know, already thinking about that thing, you just kind of be like,
I'm about to do this rap thing.
And they can be like, what the heck are you doing?
Just to give a little bit more context, my one of my childhood family nicknames
was Professor Professor Professor X.
(07:08):
And it was given to me by like the most educated person in my family, my
grandfather, who had a doctorate degree.
Wow.
And several other degrees like his office at the church would be just the wall
would just be plastered in degrees.
Really?
Just framed up.
(07:30):
So what didn't he do as a real question?
I honestly don't know.
Dude was, he had a doctorate degree.
God rest his soul.
He was a pastor.
He was a Black Panther at one point.
So a civil rights, you know, community activist and stuff like that.
I have old newspaper articles in the garage that he's featured in.
(07:52):
Wow.
I'm so serious.
So, you know, that was one of my family nicknames was Professor.
That was the nickname he gave me, actually.
So, you know, everyone was like, oh, at one point I was a straight A student in
school and stuff like that.
So, oh, you know, he's going to get his master's, he's going to get his doctorate,
and he's probably going to get this in a bit, do whatever, corporate America,
(08:14):
yada yada.
This was all before I even learned how to play an instrument and became a
musician in my church.
No one really saw music.
I didn't entirely believe in myself.
So when the tug from God came, it was like, I'm considering all those things.
Like, oh, no, wait, you know, I don't do this, I don't do that.
But yeah.
(08:35):
Dang.
So it also has to do with self-perception.
Good stuff.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dang.
I was like, it's my turn.
So, so, imposter syndrome.
I can't even, hecka like, I've had it my whole life.
It just starts crying.
I would say that.
(08:56):
We have tissues ready.
I have.
No.
I would say that for me, imposter syndrome, I've experienced it for a long time.
I do feel like now I don't experience it at all.
I know at all maybe seems extreme, but like as much.
As much.
Yeah.
Like I do feel that, you know, there's always that voice that's kind of like, this isn't
(09:18):
you.
And I'm like, bye, like this is me.
Like, who are you, you know, to tell me that this isn't me and stuff like that.
But I would say that.
But my experience with imposter syndrome is I end up self-sabotaging because that's like
my thing.
Because it's like, you can't do it anyway.
So if you like make a mistake or mess up, then it's like you're already then it's like,
oh, like, OK, like everyone knew I was going to mess up anyway.
Like I knew that I wasn't going to do it anyway.
(09:40):
So like I might as well like self-sabotage so I don't have to like go through the embarrassment
of like getting there and then failing.
So I just wouldn't allow myself to get there.
That's wow.
Free therapy session.
Thanks.
Like so.
Welcome to Unrehearsed.
Like it's falling.
Free therapy.
So yeah.
So that's my experience with imposter syndrome.
(10:01):
Yeah.
Self-sabotaging.
Yeah.
Self-sabotage.
I feel like that's a female thing.
If I'm being honest.
Yeah.
I talk like literally.
I mean, I don't know if it's like I talk about we got a lot of women in my family, but I
just feel like in general, like even when I talk to young young ladies like young women,
teens like we always always get deep with people because like I just genuinely love
(10:22):
people's stories.
So I'm always like, pour out your whole soul to me in five minutes.
Like what do you want to share?
So it's like free therapy, too.
I'm like, I got you.
Go.
And so yeah, so I do feel that a lot of women deal with self-sabotage and it's just a hard
thing to get over.
But again, it just goes back to self-perception.
It just goes back to, you know, not feeling that freedom to change and like kind of everyone
(10:45):
already making up their mind about you.
So just feeling that fear of like, dang, like what if they're right?
I feel like that's really like the weightiness of like, what if they're right about me?
And it's just like it's too risky to prove them wrong.
So it's just like, I'll just stay where I am.
Like I'm OK.
In that case, they ain't never get proved like right.
(11:06):
Right.
Wow.
Stands up.
Yeah.
Nah, like, I mean, I got to I got to hop on that little self-sabotage thing you brought
up because I golly, this is therapy.
Yeah, it is.
We need to get on the couch.
I don't I mean, I feel like one, I know for a fact that I have had patterns like consistent
(11:33):
patterns of self-sabotaging, just like certain.
Can you name one of them just just for other people so they can relate?
Because you say self-sabotage and I feel like some people are like, well, what does that
mean?
It's a broad term.
Yeah.
So for me specifically, and you hear it on previous music where I would talk about like
the doubts, I would kind of just like at that time, I would the doubts would be there and
(11:56):
then I would kind of like let them be there.
Like it was almost like they seem like too powerful to cast out.
Wow.
That's powerful because because negative thoughts.
I mean, you know, I overthink.
So in my mind, it's kind of like it's a 24 7 like machine that it is.
And so it's like I overthink regardless of what it is.
(12:17):
If it's a really fire idea, I overthink on that.
If some bad stuff slips in, I'm overthinking on that.
So for me, it was like the I kind of would let it latch on.
Okay.
And it would it wouldn't stop there.
It will lead to other things.
Man, maybe I can't really do this.
Maybe that idea is too big.
(12:39):
Maybe not that or dang.
Maybe this this music really ain't going to maybe this I don't know type of stuff.
And then it would kind of like overthink myself into a into a pit, really.
Oh, wow.
Like a dark corner, if you will.
And it's like now the fight to get out of that is like it's like an uphill battle kind
of thing because it's like this, you know, it's weird how this how I work.
(13:01):
I don't know if this is just human nature or whatever, but I heard for all of my MCU
nerds out there, if you remember in Civil War, where the antagonist was pretty much
like paraphrasing an empire that falls from an outside enemy can rise up again.
But one that crumbles from the inside is done for.
Oh, wow.
(13:23):
If someone was to tell me, yo, you ain't never gonna make it.
I'm like, boy, I'm a use that as fuel.
Okay.
And I'm about to like go a thousand times hard on period.
But if I'm telling myself that I'm like, I don't know if I'm a do it.
(13:46):
Yeah, I don't know if I do.
I don't know if I make.
And that's where the self is.
It's mental for me.
Wow.
All of I've noticed 99 percent of my battles have been mental.
Yeah, it's rare that it's like an external foe or like somebody or an I was going to
ask you to.
I'm like, so have people like told you this?
(14:07):
And then it just kind of told me what?
Like you ain't never going to be all those things like, you know, the people aren't bold
enough to do something like that.
He said, you're scary.
Just if you think about it in the social media world, they'll drop some snarky comments,
maybe or some wild DMS.
But no one's really most cases, no one's going to walk up to you to your face and be like
(14:32):
you not going to make it.
I think we're going to point out me, but most people aren't going to.
They may think that, you know, or maybe spread some of that to other people.
You got to be a certain certain character to walk up to someone in a face and be like
you not going to make it.
And you're like, you know, but yeah, that's my experience.
(14:56):
OK, so it's all mental.
I am I that's why I like it, like if you see something like revenge on the soul, like the
music video, you know, it's kind of like me.
If you haven't seen it, just battling different versions of myself.
Yeah, you know, because that's that's how my my battle has been.
(15:18):
And at times it has led me to be like, dang, maybe I ain't it and stuff like that.
And then but you got to you got to be careful.
Like you got to like really try to fight those off and like be positive and like stay close
to God because then you'll start counting yourself out.
Yeah.
And then now you're limiting yourself.
Right.
(15:38):
And honestly, you're doing a disservice to yourself and to the world.
Like we need whatever gifts you have, like whatever dreams you have, like we need you
to do those things.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So keep going.
And just like I'm a lot better than what I used to be.
I'll say that a lot of stuff.
A lot of stuff that I was saying was from like like a year ago, even a year ago at this
time, you know, a year, a year and a half, two years ago, I'm a lot better now.
(16:02):
Not perfect.
I have my days, but I'm a lot more confident and I know myself a lot better than when I
did that than how I did back then.
Good.
Come on.
So then I guess we can get into just like how to overcome imposter syndrome.
When I figured out, I'll let you know.
I was like, no, y'all just going to be struggling.
(16:24):
Just kidding.
So drop the comments.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, just some ways that you've like come against it.
You said like think positive, but yeah, I mean, I have a journal at home.
It's 150 page talking about that journal.
She knows about the journal.
It's a hundred and fifty page college, you know, like three subject notebook.
(16:47):
I'm actually like towards the end.
So I bought like, I bought like two other journals.
So I use that one.
I guess you can say not only just to like, I filter out a lot of thoughts with that one.
I just write freely whenever I feel something, but also write down things that I know for
(17:09):
a fact, God has told me.
And then you know, is God, when it's like, he tells it to you, it lines up.
It doesn't contradict God in any way or like go against what we know, who we know got to
be.
And then it's been confirmed several times over through like prophecy, through prayer,
you know, getting into prayer line folks don't know your situation, but they speak right
(17:32):
on it type of joint.
So I have a specific page dedicated to that.
Like just this page is just going to be for this.
And then I'll leave another blank page just in case stuff spills over.
And then as needed, I go back and just read it.
Okay.
And then like the stuff that God says that has happened, I go back, I read it and then
(17:55):
I check it off.
Oh, come on.
We love that.
He's like fulfilled.
Let's go.
Literally.
That's, that's how I do.
That's been the main thing to like keep me straight.
Okay.
Dang.
That's good.
Well, for myself, I would say just doing the thing that I thought I couldn't do definitely
like just, I mean, cause yeah, just what you were saying about the whole foe outside.
(18:18):
I do feel that a lot of times like we can let people like get into our heads.
If them get that does make sense.
We can let people get into our heads.
So when it just comes to feeding into the imposter syndrome, like obviously I feel like
we talk about this all the time, but y'all I'm a be a broken record and just keep saying
it.
Like you really got to watch the people that you hang out with.
(18:39):
Like you have to really be wise about the friendships that you have, even like the partnerships.
And I don't mean like romance.
I mean, I don't mean romantic, but I also mean like non-romantic like business partners
and things like that.
Like you just have to be very wise and very mindful about who you have in your circle,
like who you're keeping close to you.
Cause those things could literally either make you or break you.
(19:01):
They could either build you or destroy you.
And so you just have to decide like, are, do you want to be built or do you want to
be destroyed?
So that's why I say go.
I had a question, but I don't want to cut you off.
So I was, what I was going to ask was how does one know if their circle, you know, the
(19:21):
people that they keep around them is how do they know that's the people that they need
to keep around them?
Cause for me, you know, I'll be praying.
I'll be praying.
I'll write out prayers in my journal.
I'll pray to God.
And like, I believe for me because of that, there's been a lot of things I have avoided,
you know, because you know, a lot of things that we're doing here at Transparency in terms
(19:44):
of the relationships have been natural connections.
Like if you follow the show, you know, I've me and Brandon been boys since sophomore year
of high school, you know, you and I had known each other for years.
Me and Ricky known each other for years.
Chris got brought on through natural connections with Brandon and so on and so forth.
So I feel like this is for me is God putting people, the right people there.
(20:06):
But for somebody else whose experience is different from mine, whose environment is
different, how would they know?
Well, I'm like, obviously we're going to tell y'all to pray because that's just who we are.
Like, that's just what works for us, you know, but so I want to give you the spiritual and
then I want to give you natural.
So spiritually, yes, I would say pray, like just pray one for discernment because God,
(20:27):
you need discernment, like just to know, just to be able to see, like ask God to open your
eyes or just even just that dangerous prayer where you're like, God, like the people who
are for me, like just cut them off and then stuff just be happening.
You're just like, dang, so and so doesn't talk to me anymore, you know?
And so, yeah, so it's just natural stuff.
So that's the spiritual side.
But then for the natural, I would just say, like, just pay attention to what they say,
(20:51):
you know, because like out of the heart, like comes what we feel.
That's like the truth.
That was all spiritual.
But yeah, it would be for a fruit type.
Yeah, right.
And so it's just like, you know, people, they could be like, oh, yeah, you know, encouraging
your dreams and stuff or just like, yeah, girl, you could do that.
Or you know, just like if you need anything, like, let me know when they're actually there
and support you.
But then like the other side is people are like, oh, yeah, but then you hear that, you
(21:13):
know, they're talking about you behind their back.
You hear that they're like hot, like they make certain faces at you when you're like,
oh, yeah, like this is what I want to do.
You know, I just I feel like again, like you do know people by their fruit, like people
will show you themselves.
Like my like Miss Maya Angelou says, like, you know, when someone shows you who they
are, believe them.
Like don't try to convince yourself like, oh, they're not really like that.
(21:33):
Like, oh, they're for me.
Like, oh, maybe this is a one time thing.
It's like, no, like when people show their true colors, like be like that's their true
colors.
Like now I know.
But yeah, but I'm just going to like go really hard and just say pray all pray.
I kid you not.
Just like Lord, the people that you have for me that are for me, like bring those people
into my life and the people who are not for me, remove them because I mean, and it could
(21:56):
be like instantly or it could be like a matter of time where you're just like, dang, I see
it now.
But that God will really open your eyes because yeah, because imposter syndrome, like it could
really feed on the people who are around you.
And so you don't want to give it that power, you know, because it's like there's a synology.
Yes, this is beautiful.
Thank you, Lord, for my mind.
So there's a synology.
(22:18):
And so there's a black dog and there's a white dog.
Right.
And so there's this man he has he owns a black and a white dog.
And so a person comes up to him and then he's like, so which dog do you want to win?
And then the person's like, I want the white dog to win.
So he's like, OK.
And so the white dog and the black dog may fight each other and the white dog wins.
Right.
And so then like a cup.
So then the man acts again like which dog do you want to win?
(22:40):
And then he's like, oh, I want the black dog to win.
Right.
So then the black dog won.
You know, and it's not like the owner is doing anything like the dogs are naturally fighting
in the.
And so the man is asking the owner.
He's like, well, how do you like how how are you deciding which one to win?
And he's like, oh, when you said that you wanted the white one to win, I just didn't
feed the black dog and I only fed the white dog and the white dog one and vice versa.
(23:01):
Like when you said you wanted the black dog to win, I only fed the black dog and I didn't
feed the white dog and the black dog one.
And so I say all that to say whatever you feed is like what's going to be stronger.
So just not feeding into that.
So yeah, back to the original point, which was good.
Yeah.
So back to the original point, which was just when it comes to imposter syndrome, like just
(23:22):
prove prove that voice wrong.
Like I don't think a lot of times that that voice is ourselves.
I just feel you know, because there's a spiritual side, because spiritually, like obviously
for those of us who are believers, we would say it's the enemy.
We'd be like, oh, like that's the devil.
Like I don't because we don't naturally think bad about ourselves.
And so but then there's also the natural side.
(23:43):
There's this Netflix documentary called Dr. Suits and it's with Jonah Hill and it's the
psychiatrist that he was seeing.
And so Dr. Suits, he calls out voice X and he's like X has all these negative things
to say about you.
X doesn't say anything good about you.
And the base best way that you combat X is sorry, that was like a mouth is by proving
(24:04):
X wrong.
So just do it.
And you know, this just goes back again, I just feel like season one is kind of flowing
into season two, but it does just go back to taking that first step, taking that leap
of faith, taking that jump of faith, you know, and even if you're like, I don't fully believe
in myself, you're like, OK, let's at least start like we're going to start somewhere
and then we're going to see what we can do and then we're going to build up, you know,
(24:26):
get the skills and things that we need so that we can do that.
So yeah, because imposter syndrome, it really is a mental battle more than it is a physical
because we can do anything that we put our minds to it.
But it's just the battlefield of the mind is a it's a rough place.
It's a rough warfare up there, but I got this.
We believe in y'all.
Y'all gonna be OK.
We're OK.
You know, everyone's OK.
I'm fine.
(24:47):
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
You hit it on the nail.
He was talking about like the people like praying and stuff like that.
Just to piggyback on that, like prayer definitely works.
It does.
But careful you're praying to.
As far as like, you know, the moving people in and out of your life type of thing.
(25:11):
Reason why I say that's very important is because like we from our perspective don't
always know.
Matter of fact, most of the time we don't.
Most of the time it's not that obvious.
You know what I mean?
Like sometimes, you know, I mean, because I say that because God knows things about others
that we don't know about.
(25:32):
Yeah.
So, you know, we can think that person X is like, OK, now they down.
Maybe you and person X have been close for some years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But as far as like to whatever mission that you're on, God is like, I know this person,
they're not the one that you need to be venting your dreams to stuff like that.
(25:55):
So it it prayer is important because then, you know, through through that and just, you
know, having a mind to like seek out the answer and seek out the right people, then, you know,
things, you know, it'll make sense.
Yeah.
I mean, you'll find people that that are that fit that are right and that help you and can
(26:17):
buy into it and just like, you know, it makes it makes everything stronger.
If you have a unit, everything is strong as opposed to just trying to do it all yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does help.
And I just and again, another way that I was just thinking about is just maybe just taking
note of their character, just taking note of who they are, taking note of how you've
(26:39):
been over the years, you know, because because I feel like it could also be a hindrance.
Like it's not just like, oh, they're fitting into the imposter syndrome, but they could
also be keeping you back from your destiny, keeping you back from what the Lord has for
you for what you were designed to be.
So yeah, dang friendships.
I'm just I'm never going to sleep on that.
I was like, I'm going to let y'all let y'all know because I love y'all because I really
(27:00):
do love y'all.
And I just want y'all to get to where y'all supposed to be.
Yeah, it's tough.
Me.
I'm learning that as far as imposter syndrome goes, I get better as the more that I know
the farther I go, the better I get.
Like I may have spoke about it in season one about like the trails through like the hills
(27:21):
or like the mountains that I run or something like that.
But my first time doing that, couldn't do it.
It was it was overwhelming.
The inclines are gradual.
They're like dang near like 90 degree angle.
And I'm running and it's like a little over five miles and I'm running this like nonstop.
I'm not stopping.
So at first it was like super hard and I couldn't do it.
(27:44):
And I'd be like, dang, I don't think I could ever do this.
I ain't got it like that.
I have a history of injuries, broken bones, broken back, nerve damage.
So sometimes it hurts a little bit more to work out.
And I would feel it going up those steep inclines like, man, maybe I just I can't do it like
before.
(28:04):
But then like the more I did it, the more I kept going, the more I kept pushing myself.
The farther I kept going on the journey.
Now I do it easily, you know, and it doesn't it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
So that's what I've learned.
I can't I don't say I don't think I have like the formula.
I just know what has worked for me.
And it's like it sounds cliche, but it's literally like just keep pushing.
Yeah, like keep keep doing it.
(28:26):
And you know, sometimes at least for me, in a in a weird way, I almost kind of and I don't
know if it's like or enjoy get satisfaction.
I can't figure out the right word.
But I see me having I guess you can say me me as a foe is kind of like because I'm competitive.
(28:51):
So it's like yourself.
If I have to clarify for the people, I was like, if I if I have a thought come to mind
that says, man, I can't do it or I can't reach that level like we're running the hills, like
not going to do it.
And when I do it, I'm going to be like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
I did it.
I proved myself wrong.
I think like that's probably because like, I don't know, maybe it's just me or how I'm
(29:14):
wired or maybe just my current experience so far.
I can I can prove people on the outside wrong.
And then it's you know, it's it's cool.
It's great.
It's whatever I'm going to feel good as a confidence boost.
But for me, it's something about proving myself wrong because I feel like at times I could
be my biggest fan, you know, my definitely my biggest motivator.
And I'm 1000 percent my biggest critic.
Wow.
(29:35):
And if I'm not careful, I could be like my biggest hater.
So if I can prove myself wrong, then it's like I have conquered life.
Wow.
That's such an interesting concept.
So how do you gain that mindset?
Because I do feel like a lot of times just in general, we I can't.
Well, I can't say just in general.
It's in general for myself.
(29:56):
But I do feel that I struggled a lot with what other people thought about me.
So I would just so I just kind of like, I guess, take it all in like I wouldn't really
do anything with it, but it was just all just there.
And so, yeah.
And so you're just now that you're like, oh, like I became my like you became like competitive
within yourself.
Like, how do you I guess how do you get there?
(30:16):
How do I get there?
Well, because it's like we could be so like outward focus.
A lot of it is for me.
A lot of it is, I guess, a bit natural in the sense that I'm the middle child.
I have an older brother and I got brothers.
I don't have sisters.
I have an older brother, him and I are two years apart.
We met competitive.
We had a basketball hoop in the backyard.
We would play for hours.
(30:36):
We would go to the neighborhood park.
We would play for hours when it's time to come in and hop on a video game.
We will play for hours.
We were trash talk Call of Duty.
We will play fighting games.
M.O.B. Slugfest 2004 2003.
We will be swinging for defenses on that baseball game.
And we were just real competitive and we would we will argue.
(30:58):
Part of it is because I got brothers.
It's kind of instilled in me as a little kid.
And then having like at one point I was kind of like the youngest in the family.
So a bunch of older cousins got to be like the big kids.
And then I love sports.
You know sports is obviously that's a competition.
And then it's just for me it's a little bit OK.
This is kind of how I am.
And then on the other end it's like also what I feed into my mind.
(31:21):
It's like I love sports.
Basketball is my favorite sport.
Last dance documentary about the Chicago Bulls.
I would watch that and I would just soak up not just the story but Jordan's mindset.
I would watch interviews of Kobe here and talk about the game here and just or like
interviews of Kanye Cole Kendrick Eminem just and just hear how their mindset is and just
(31:48):
try to absorb that and just kind of have me mold my mindset and just they're all at a
point in their respective fields whether it's sports or music that I'm trying to get to
for myself.
So no I'm trying to get to I try to find the people that best represent that.
Oh that's good.
And then like pick their brain and you know OK.
(32:09):
And I just try to take it everywhere in life like when I go to the gym and work out it's
like I have that same mindset but it's towards myself because it really is a battle out here.
We know from the spiritual side is you know the spirit versus the flesh.
And then on the other side of things I feel like it's like you versus yourself.
Yeah.
Like I don't want to I don't feel like working out but I'm making myself do it.
(32:32):
So I'm already working against something.
I may not be in the mood to write out this film right after the video make this beat
but I'm trying to get somewhere.
So I got to do it.
So I'm automatically working against myself.
For me it's just always some sort of something that I'm competing against.
Yeah.
That's good.
Thank God I'm competitive.
Yeah.
(32:53):
No seriously.
And with that too like I just feel like it's just the constant like I feel like if you
feel resistance like I'm just being very specific about stuff because you know what came to
my mind was like drugs and alcohol but I'm not trying to like promote that.
Like if you feel a resistance not to don't do it.
Like I just I just had to clarify for the people because I'm like I just want you to
know what I'm talking about.
But like if you feel resistance when it comes like taking an action or when it comes to
(33:14):
like doing that hard thing like I would just say like that's all the more reason to do
it because that's what's been motivating me.
Like when I'm like oh like I don't feel like doing I'm like now I'm really about to do
it because like I don't know where that feeling coming from.
Like we're not we're not settling on that.
Like we're not feeding into that.
So I'm just like all right let's do it.
Let's get it done.
And then after I'm like I feel like a good like let's go.
So yeah.
All that out of confidence boosters.
(33:35):
Yeah.
But that's really good.
Listening to just people who are already in that field and just like at a you know way
higher level than you are and just adopting that mindset and like really applying that
and listening to that.
I like that.
Or even if you get a chance because like then I was thinking about Vegas how you got a chance
to me.
I'm so sorry that I'm forgetting his name.
(33:55):
You're going to start smiling heckle hard because you know who I'm talking about.
Not Bobby Bobby.
You forgot Bobby Bobby.
Is that his name or Kelby.
You said his Sir Bobby Kelby.
Yes speaker.
Oh I didn't meet him because he cut right after.
But yeah I've seen a lot of Stephen A. Smith.
Stephen A. Smith.
Yeah.
I was like what.
Yeah.
(34:16):
So we went to we went to a podcast convention for a weekend.
Stephen A. Smith was with a keynote speaker for one of the days there and I sat front row.
Yeah literally front row.
Front row took a picture of him.
After he spoke he had to leave.
But yeah.
But yeah that's that's how I've been getting through mines.
You know I like a challenge.
And I like overcoming.
(34:37):
OK.
Like that feeling of doing something and overcoming something you've never you know something
that seemed like a tall task.
That's me.
That's that's how I that's how I push for it.
OK come on.
Yeah because imposter syndrome it can't keep you unless you let it.
So literally I got to fight against it.
Keep fighting.
Keep pushing.
What's our run time.
Thirty seven minutes.
(34:58):
OK.
OK cool.
But yeah I mean honestly we might have another we might explore this even further.
Yeah I would say so.
It definitely is some of that style but I do think that we evolve as people and then
yeah we just start finding more and more like wow like I'm not an imposter.
It's a daily thing.
Yeah it's a daily thing.
It is.
(35:18):
Don't be surprised if you hear more of this subject matter in later episodes.
Yeah.
We appreciate y'all once again for tuning in to season two.
Come on love y'all fam.
Season two episode two.
Catch y'all on the next one.
["R.I.P." by The Bunch plays.]
(00:19):
["R.I.P." by The Bunch plays.]
["R.I.P." by The Bunch plays.]
What's happening? We back. Another episode of Um Rehearsed Season 2.
Woo woo!
I'm proud of us, by the way.
I'm proud of us, too.
(00:40):
For actually getting to Season 2. This is amazing. I'm proud of us. I hope you guys are, too.
Thank y'all for tuning in for another episode of Um Rehearsed.
I'm loving this. I really am loving this setup, dawg.
I know! It's so nice!
To a point where you're gonna have a little studio.
Yeah! Period. Say less.
A little radio station joint.
And brad, that's gonna be a whole building.
(01:01):
I feel like not just a studio. Yeah.
We gotta do it big.
It's gonna be like a studio for podcasting, and then it's gonna be like,
and this one's for recording music. Let's go.
And then this is the office. Anyways.
We're dreaming big.
Heck yeah, man.
You know I already wrote about it before. It's in the 50s, bro.
How you doing? We good?
We're good! Today, fam, we are talking about imposter syndrome.
(01:23):
Imposter syndrome.
Not impasta. Imposter.
Imposter syndrome. I'm trying. I'm hyped.
But what gets me is how well I can relate.
Yeah. That's why I'm like, yeah, imposter syndrome.
Would you say everyone could relate at some point?
Maybe. I don't really know. Honestly.
Okay.
I can only really speak for myself.
I don't really know.
Like, where do you think it roots from?
(01:45):
Actually, let's talk about that. I just get deep real fast.
So imposter syndrome. I'm on psychology today.
Okay.
I believe that's dot com. I can't quite see.
Okay.
Probably should turn my brightness up.
But it says, the first sentence says,
people who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are
undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are,
(02:08):
in fact, generally held.
They feel that they aren't as competent or intelligent as others might think
and that soon enough people will discover the truth about them,
that they're frauds pretty much.
Those with imposter syndrome are often well accomplished.
They may hold high office or have numerous academic degrees.
(02:30):
Wow. Does that describe you or what?
Just kidding. You're like, numerous academic degrees.
That's crazy.
Kind of, sort of. Yeah.
So where does it root from for you?
I don't know.
If you had to guess.
Well, everyone's story is unique, but for me, I think,
it may have rooted at first in like,
(02:53):
well, if you read between the lines, you can probably read it in like,
people are like self doubt in there, you know,
feeling that you're not really, you know, you know what I mean?
Feeling that you're not really,
you're not really that guy, like you're not really that chick. Yeah.
Or not really good enough.
So I think that's what that's rooted, been rooted in.
(03:16):
I've spent a greater part of like,
first number that come to mind is two years. I'll say two years.
So I spent the greater part of two years of just building up faith and
confidence in myself. Okay. Okay.
Because I think I said it on season one, at least getting into music.
At first I didn't really think that I could do it. Yeah.
(03:38):
I didn't think I was like, you know, I knew I could write.
I've always been a writer, always been pretty solid at writing,
always really liked it and enjoyed it.
But the whole stepping out part where it's like, okay,
I'm going to record myself off in a rap. You know what I mean? And then,
you know, put music out there and stuff like that.
I was always really book smart in school, you know,
(04:00):
it's had good grades and you know, school for the most part was a breeze for me.
So just the idea during that time, I already knew what others was going to think,
or at least what I thought others was going to think.
Like, you know, they shine these smarties in school.
He can do this, he can do that, get this job here, do that.
He's trying to rap.
(04:23):
Boy, sit down.
You know, I don't know. I feel like it's a certain thing.
Maybe it's just within this young people or somebody.
It's a certain, what's the word?
Stigma or like perception of like rap.
Like if you try to tell people you're going to rap, it's almost like they laugh.
It's almost like people automatically think it ain't going to work.
Right. So it's because they think of gangsta rap.
(04:45):
Usually the people who rap, it's like, you know, they usually live in, you know,
not so great neighborhoods.
So they're like, oh, I might get out of here by rapping.
And everyone's like, boy, everybody trying to get out of here by rapping.
Goodbye.
Yeah. And so I noticed that as a kid and you wouldn't expect someone that's
book smart to, you know, that could get a high degree and honestly was kind of
(05:12):
was pretty much expected to.
You know, when I told people I was stopping after I got my bachelor's,
they was like, you want to get your master's, right?
And now you get your bachelor's, you got to get your doctorate.
I'm like, I got to live at some point.
I got to put this education to use and get experience education, real world
education, stuff like that.
But you just wouldn't necessarily expect for, you know, someone like me to go
(05:37):
and I never I wasn't the one that was freestyling at lunch.
You know, I bang on a desk and make beats like everyone else.
I wasn't spitting wraps.
I wasn't freestyling.
I wasn't it's just the science work obvious.
So I myself was like, no, probably it's probably isn't me.
And then, you know, along the way I'm doing it.
(06:01):
It's like, you know, you those negative thoughts might come where it's like, man,
they're going to figure out you ain't really like you're not it.
You're not really you trying to rap.
Oh, you doing your little rap thing.
You're doing your little music thing.
But you ain't really, you know, you ain't really good enough.
(06:23):
They definitely belittle it stuff.
All of that kind of stuff is dream killers.
But that's where I think that's kind of where I personally have been able to
like relate to imposter syndrome.
That's like so good.
As we were talking, I just kept thinking how it a lot of imposter syndrome.
I feel like it just goes back living in a world where it's almost like we don't
(06:44):
get people freedom to change because, I mean, everyone expected you to get your
doctorate.
So, you know, already thinking about that thing, you just kind of be like,
I'm about to do this rap thing.
And they can be like, what the heck are you doing?
Just to give a little bit more context, my one of my childhood family nicknames
was Professor Professor Professor X.
(07:08):
And it was given to me by like the most educated person in my family, my
grandfather, who had a doctorate degree.
Wow.
And several other degrees like his office at the church would be just the wall
would just be plastered in degrees.
Really?
Just framed up.
(07:30):
So what didn't he do as a real question?
I honestly don't know.
Dude was, he had a doctorate degree.
God rest his soul.
He was a pastor.
He was a Black Panther at one point.
So a civil rights, you know, community activist and stuff like that.
I have old newspaper articles in the garage that he's featured in.
(07:52):
Wow.
I'm so serious.
So, you know, that was one of my family nicknames was Professor.
That was the nickname he gave me, actually.
So, you know, everyone was like, oh, at one point I was a straight A student in
school and stuff like that.
So, oh, you know, he's going to get his master's, he's going to get his doctorate,
and he's probably going to get this in a bit, do whatever, corporate America,
(08:14):
yada yada.
This was all before I even learned how to play an instrument and became a
musician in my church.
No one really saw music.
I didn't entirely believe in myself.
So when the tug from God came, it was like, I'm considering all those things.
Like, oh, no, wait, you know, I don't do this, I don't do that.
But yeah.
(08:35):
Dang.
So it also has to do with self-perception.
Good stuff.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dang.
I was like, it's my turn.
So, so, imposter syndrome.
I can't even, hecka like, I've had it my whole life.
It just starts crying.
I would say that.
(08:56):
We have tissues ready.
I have.
No.
I would say that for me, imposter syndrome, I've experienced it for a long time.
I do feel like now I don't experience it at all.
I know at all maybe seems extreme, but like as much.
As much.
Yeah.
Like I do feel that, you know, there's always that voice that's kind of like, this isn't
(09:18):
you.
And I'm like, bye, like this is me.
Like, who are you, you know, to tell me that this isn't me and stuff like that.
But I would say that.
But my experience with imposter syndrome is I end up self-sabotaging because that's like
my thing.
Because it's like, you can't do it anyway.
So if you like make a mistake or mess up, then it's like you're already then it's like,
oh, like, OK, like everyone knew I was going to mess up anyway.
Like I knew that I wasn't going to do it anyway.
(09:40):
So like I might as well like self-sabotage so I don't have to like go through the embarrassment
of like getting there and then failing.
So I just wouldn't allow myself to get there.
That's wow.
Free therapy session.
Thanks.
Like so.
Welcome to Unrehearsed.
Like it's falling.
Free therapy.
So yeah.
So that's my experience with imposter syndrome.
(10:01):
Yeah.
Self-sabotaging.
Yeah.
Self-sabotage.
I feel like that's a female thing.
If I'm being honest.
Yeah.
I talk like literally.
I mean, I don't know if it's like I talk about we got a lot of women in my family, but I
just feel like in general, like even when I talk to young young ladies like young women,
teens like we always always get deep with people because like I just genuinely love
(10:22):
people's stories.
So I'm always like, pour out your whole soul to me in five minutes.
Like what do you want to share?
So it's like free therapy, too.
I'm like, I got you.
Go.
And so yeah, so I do feel that a lot of women deal with self-sabotage and it's just a hard
thing to get over.
But again, it just goes back to self-perception.
It just goes back to, you know, not feeling that freedom to change and like kind of everyone
(10:45):
already making up their mind about you.
So just feeling that fear of like, dang, like what if they're right?
I feel like that's really like the weightiness of like, what if they're right about me?
And it's just like it's too risky to prove them wrong.
So it's just like, I'll just stay where I am.
Like I'm OK.
In that case, they ain't never get proved like right.
(11:06):
Right.
Wow.
Stands up.
Yeah.
Nah, like, I mean, I got to I got to hop on that little self-sabotage thing you brought
up because I golly, this is therapy.
Yeah, it is.
We need to get on the couch.
I don't I mean, I feel like one, I know for a fact that I have had patterns like consistent
(11:33):
patterns of self-sabotaging, just like certain.
Can you name one of them just just for other people so they can relate?
Because you say self-sabotage and I feel like some people are like, well, what does that
mean?
It's a broad term.
Yeah.
So for me specifically, and you hear it on previous music where I would talk about like
the doubts, I would kind of just like at that time, I would the doubts would be there and
(11:56):
then I would kind of like let them be there.
Like it was almost like they seem like too powerful to cast out.
Wow.
That's powerful because because negative thoughts.
I mean, you know, I overthink.
So in my mind, it's kind of like it's a 24 7 like machine that it is.
And so it's like I overthink regardless of what it is.
(12:17):
If it's a really fire idea, I overthink on that.
If some bad stuff slips in, I'm overthinking on that.
So for me, it was like the I kind of would let it latch on.
Okay.
And it would it wouldn't stop there.
It will lead to other things.
Man, maybe I can't really do this.
Maybe that idea is too big.
(12:39):
Maybe not that or dang.
Maybe this this music really ain't going to maybe this I don't know type of stuff.
And then it would kind of like overthink myself into a into a pit, really.
Oh, wow.
Like a dark corner, if you will.
And it's like now the fight to get out of that is like it's like an uphill battle kind
of thing because it's like this, you know, it's weird how this how I work.
(13:01):
I don't know if this is just human nature or whatever, but I heard for all of my MCU
nerds out there, if you remember in Civil War, where the antagonist was pretty much
like paraphrasing an empire that falls from an outside enemy can rise up again.
But one that crumbles from the inside is done for.
Oh, wow.
(13:23):
If someone was to tell me, yo, you ain't never gonna make it.
I'm like, boy, I'm a use that as fuel.
Okay.
And I'm about to like go a thousand times hard on period.
But if I'm telling myself that I'm like, I don't know if I'm a do it.
(13:46):
Yeah, I don't know if I do.
I don't know if I make.
And that's where the self is.
It's mental for me.
Wow.
All of I've noticed 99 percent of my battles have been mental.
Yeah, it's rare that it's like an external foe or like somebody or an I was going to
ask you to.
I'm like, so have people like told you this?
(14:07):
And then it just kind of told me what?
Like you ain't never going to be all those things like, you know, the people aren't bold
enough to do something like that.
He said, you're scary.
Just if you think about it in the social media world, they'll drop some snarky comments,
maybe or some wild DMS.
But no one's really most cases, no one's going to walk up to you to your face and be like
(14:32):
you not going to make it.
I think we're going to point out me, but most people aren't going to.
They may think that, you know, or maybe spread some of that to other people.
You got to be a certain certain character to walk up to someone in a face and be like
you not going to make it.
And you're like, you know, but yeah, that's my experience.
(14:56):
OK, so it's all mental.
I am I that's why I like it, like if you see something like revenge on the soul, like the
music video, you know, it's kind of like me.
If you haven't seen it, just battling different versions of myself.
Yeah, you know, because that's that's how my my battle has been.
(15:18):
And at times it has led me to be like, dang, maybe I ain't it and stuff like that.
And then but you got to you got to be careful.
Like you got to like really try to fight those off and like be positive and like stay close
to God because then you'll start counting yourself out.
Yeah.
And then now you're limiting yourself.
Right.
(15:38):
And honestly, you're doing a disservice to yourself and to the world.
Like we need whatever gifts you have, like whatever dreams you have, like we need you
to do those things.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So keep going.
And just like I'm a lot better than what I used to be.
I'll say that a lot of stuff.
A lot of stuff that I was saying was from like like a year ago, even a year ago at this
time, you know, a year, a year and a half, two years ago, I'm a lot better now.
(16:02):
Not perfect.
I have my days, but I'm a lot more confident and I know myself a lot better than when I
did that than how I did back then.
Good.
Come on.
So then I guess we can get into just like how to overcome imposter syndrome.
When I figured out, I'll let you know.
I was like, no, y'all just going to be struggling.
(16:24):
Just kidding.
So drop the comments.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, just some ways that you've like come against it.
You said like think positive, but yeah, I mean, I have a journal at home.
It's 150 page talking about that journal.
She knows about the journal.
It's a hundred and fifty page college, you know, like three subject notebook.
(16:47):
I'm actually like towards the end.
So I bought like, I bought like two other journals.
So I use that one.
I guess you can say not only just to like, I filter out a lot of thoughts with that one.
I just write freely whenever I feel something, but also write down things that I know for
(17:09):
a fact, God has told me.
And then you know, is God, when it's like, he tells it to you, it lines up.
It doesn't contradict God in any way or like go against what we know, who we know got to
be.
And then it's been confirmed several times over through like prophecy, through prayer,
you know, getting into prayer line folks don't know your situation, but they speak right
(17:32):
on it type of joint.
So I have a specific page dedicated to that.
Like just this page is just going to be for this.
And then I'll leave another blank page just in case stuff spills over.
And then as needed, I go back and just read it.
Okay.
And then like the stuff that God says that has happened, I go back, I read it and then
(17:55):
I check it off.
Oh, come on.
We love that.
He's like fulfilled.
Let's go.
Literally.
That's, that's how I do.
That's been the main thing to like keep me straight.
Okay.
Dang.
That's good.
Well, for myself, I would say just doing the thing that I thought I couldn't do definitely
like just, I mean, cause yeah, just what you were saying about the whole foe outside.
(18:18):
I do feel that a lot of times like we can let people like get into our heads.
If them get that does make sense.
We can let people get into our heads.
So when it just comes to feeding into the imposter syndrome, like obviously I feel like
we talk about this all the time, but y'all I'm a be a broken record and just keep saying
it.
Like you really got to watch the people that you hang out with.
(18:39):
Like you have to really be wise about the friendships that you have, even like the partnerships.
And I don't mean like romance.
I mean, I don't mean romantic, but I also mean like non-romantic like business partners
and things like that.
Like you just have to be very wise and very mindful about who you have in your circle,
like who you're keeping close to you.
Cause those things could literally either make you or break you.
(19:01):
They could either build you or destroy you.
And so you just have to decide like, are, do you want to be built or do you want to
be destroyed?
So that's why I say go.
I had a question, but I don't want to cut you off.
So I was, what I was going to ask was how does one know if their circle, you know, the
(19:21):
people that they keep around them is how do they know that's the people that they need
to keep around them?
Cause for me, you know, I'll be praying.
I'll be praying.
I'll write out prayers in my journal.
I'll pray to God.
And like, I believe for me because of that, there's been a lot of things I have avoided,
you know, because you know, a lot of things that we're doing here at Transparency in terms
(19:44):
of the relationships have been natural connections.
Like if you follow the show, you know, I've me and Brandon been boys since sophomore year
of high school, you know, you and I had known each other for years.
Me and Ricky known each other for years.
Chris got brought on through natural connections with Brandon and so on and so forth.
So I feel like this is for me is God putting people, the right people there.
(20:06):
But for somebody else whose experience is different from mine, whose environment is
different, how would they know?
Well, I'm like, obviously we're going to tell y'all to pray because that's just who we are.
Like, that's just what works for us, you know, but so I want to give you the spiritual and
then I want to give you natural.
So spiritually, yes, I would say pray, like just pray one for discernment because God,
(20:27):
you need discernment, like just to know, just to be able to see, like ask God to open your
eyes or just even just that dangerous prayer where you're like, God, like the people who
are for me, like just cut them off and then stuff just be happening.
You're just like, dang, so and so doesn't talk to me anymore, you know?
And so, yeah, so it's just natural stuff.
So that's the spiritual side.
But then for the natural, I would just say, like, just pay attention to what they say,
(20:51):
you know, because like out of the heart, like comes what we feel.
That's like the truth.
That was all spiritual.
But yeah, it would be for a fruit type.
Yeah, right.
And so it's just like, you know, people, they could be like, oh, yeah, you know, encouraging
your dreams and stuff or just like, yeah, girl, you could do that.
Or you know, just like if you need anything, like, let me know when they're actually there
and support you.
But then like the other side is people are like, oh, yeah, but then you hear that, you
(21:13):
know, they're talking about you behind their back.
You hear that they're like hot, like they make certain faces at you when you're like,
oh, yeah, like this is what I want to do.
You know, I just I feel like again, like you do know people by their fruit, like people
will show you themselves.
Like my like Miss Maya Angelou says, like, you know, when someone shows you who they
are, believe them.
Like don't try to convince yourself like, oh, they're not really like that.
(21:33):
Like, oh, they're for me.
Like, oh, maybe this is a one time thing.
It's like, no, like when people show their true colors, like be like that's their true
colors.
Like now I know.
But yeah, but I'm just going to like go really hard and just say pray all pray.
I kid you not.
Just like Lord, the people that you have for me that are for me, like bring those people
into my life and the people who are not for me, remove them because I mean, and it could
(21:56):
be like instantly or it could be like a matter of time where you're just like, dang, I see
it now.
But that God will really open your eyes because yeah, because imposter syndrome, like it could
really feed on the people who are around you.
And so you don't want to give it that power, you know, because it's like there's a synology.
Yes, this is beautiful.
Thank you, Lord, for my mind.
So there's a synology.
(22:18):
And so there's a black dog and there's a white dog.
Right.
And so there's this man he has he owns a black and a white dog.
And so a person comes up to him and then he's like, so which dog do you want to win?
And then the person's like, I want the white dog to win.
So he's like, OK.
And so the white dog and the black dog may fight each other and the white dog wins.
Right.
And so then like a cup.
So then the man acts again like which dog do you want to win?
(22:40):
And then he's like, oh, I want the black dog to win.
Right.
So then the black dog won.
You know, and it's not like the owner is doing anything like the dogs are naturally fighting
in the.
And so the man is asking the owner.
He's like, well, how do you like how how are you deciding which one to win?
And he's like, oh, when you said that you wanted the white one to win, I just didn't
feed the black dog and I only fed the white dog and the white dog one and vice versa.
(23:01):
Like when you said you wanted the black dog to win, I only fed the black dog and I didn't
feed the white dog and the black dog one.
And so I say all that to say whatever you feed is like what's going to be stronger.
So just not feeding into that.
So yeah, back to the original point, which was good.
Yeah.
So back to the original point, which was just when it comes to imposter syndrome, like just
(23:22):
prove prove that voice wrong.
Like I don't think a lot of times that that voice is ourselves.
I just feel you know, because there's a spiritual side, because spiritually, like obviously
for those of us who are believers, we would say it's the enemy.
We'd be like, oh, like that's the devil.
Like I don't because we don't naturally think bad about ourselves.
And so but then there's also the natural side.
(23:43):
There's this Netflix documentary called Dr. Suits and it's with Jonah Hill and it's the
psychiatrist that he was seeing.
And so Dr. Suits, he calls out voice X and he's like X has all these negative things
to say about you.
X doesn't say anything good about you.
And the base best way that you combat X is sorry, that was like a mouth is by proving
(24:04):
X wrong.
So just do it.
And you know, this just goes back again, I just feel like season one is kind of flowing
into season two, but it does just go back to taking that first step, taking that leap
of faith, taking that jump of faith, you know, and even if you're like, I don't fully believe
in myself, you're like, OK, let's at least start like we're going to start somewhere
and then we're going to see what we can do and then we're going to build up, you know,
(24:26):
get the skills and things that we need so that we can do that.
So yeah, because imposter syndrome, it really is a mental battle more than it is a physical
because we can do anything that we put our minds to it.
But it's just the battlefield of the mind is a it's a rough place.
It's a rough warfare up there, but I got this.
We believe in y'all.
Y'all gonna be OK.
We're OK.
You know, everyone's OK.
I'm fine.
(24:47):
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
You hit it on the nail.
He was talking about like the people like praying and stuff like that.
Just to piggyback on that, like prayer definitely works.
It does.
But careful you're praying to.
As far as like, you know, the moving people in and out of your life type of thing.
(25:11):
Reason why I say that's very important is because like we from our perspective don't
always know.
Matter of fact, most of the time we don't.
Most of the time it's not that obvious.
You know what I mean?
Like sometimes, you know, I mean, because I say that because God knows things about others
that we don't know about.
(25:32):
Yeah.
So, you know, we can think that person X is like, OK, now they down.
Maybe you and person X have been close for some years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But as far as like to whatever mission that you're on, God is like, I know this person,
they're not the one that you need to be venting your dreams to stuff like that.
(25:55):
So it it prayer is important because then, you know, through through that and just, you
know, having a mind to like seek out the answer and seek out the right people, then, you know,
things, you know, it'll make sense.
Yeah.
I mean, you'll find people that that are that fit that are right and that help you and can
(26:17):
buy into it and just like, you know, it makes it makes everything stronger.
If you have a unit, everything is strong as opposed to just trying to do it all yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does help.
And I just and again, another way that I was just thinking about is just maybe just taking
note of their character, just taking note of who they are, taking note of how you've
(26:39):
been over the years, you know, because because I feel like it could also be a hindrance.
Like it's not just like, oh, they're fitting into the imposter syndrome, but they could
also be keeping you back from your destiny, keeping you back from what the Lord has for
you for what you were designed to be.
So yeah, dang friendships.
I'm just I'm never going to sleep on that.
I was like, I'm going to let y'all let y'all know because I love y'all because I really
(27:00):
do love y'all.
And I just want y'all to get to where y'all supposed to be.
Yeah, it's tough.
Me.
I'm learning that as far as imposter syndrome goes, I get better as the more that I know
the farther I go, the better I get.
Like I may have spoke about it in season one about like the trails through like the hills
(27:21):
or like the mountains that I run or something like that.
But my first time doing that, couldn't do it.
It was it was overwhelming.
The inclines are gradual.
They're like dang near like 90 degree angle.
And I'm running and it's like a little over five miles and I'm running this like nonstop.
I'm not stopping.
So at first it was like super hard and I couldn't do it.
(27:44):
And I'd be like, dang, I don't think I could ever do this.
I ain't got it like that.
I have a history of injuries, broken bones, broken back, nerve damage.
So sometimes it hurts a little bit more to work out.
And I would feel it going up those steep inclines like, man, maybe I just I can't do it like
before.
(28:04):
But then like the more I did it, the more I kept going, the more I kept pushing myself.
The farther I kept going on the journey.
Now I do it easily, you know, and it doesn't it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
So that's what I've learned.
I can't I don't say I don't think I have like the formula.
I just know what has worked for me.
And it's like it sounds cliche, but it's literally like just keep pushing.
Yeah, like keep keep doing it.
(28:26):
And you know, sometimes at least for me, in a in a weird way, I almost kind of and I don't
know if it's like or enjoy get satisfaction.
I can't figure out the right word.
But I see me having I guess you can say me me as a foe is kind of like because I'm competitive.
(28:51):
So it's like yourself.
If I have to clarify for the people, I was like, if I if I have a thought come to mind
that says, man, I can't do it or I can't reach that level like we're running the hills, like
not going to do it.
And when I do it, I'm going to be like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
I did it.
I proved myself wrong.
I think like that's probably because like, I don't know, maybe it's just me or how I'm
(29:14):
wired or maybe just my current experience so far.
I can I can prove people on the outside wrong.
And then it's you know, it's it's cool.
It's great.
It's whatever I'm going to feel good as a confidence boost.
But for me, it's something about proving myself wrong because I feel like at times I could
be my biggest fan, you know, my definitely my biggest motivator.
And I'm 1000 percent my biggest critic.
Wow.
(29:35):
And if I'm not careful, I could be like my biggest hater.
So if I can prove myself wrong, then it's like I have conquered life.
Wow.
That's such an interesting concept.
So how do you gain that mindset?
Because I do feel like a lot of times just in general, we I can't.
Well, I can't say just in general.
It's in general for myself.
(29:56):
But I do feel that I struggled a lot with what other people thought about me.
So I would just so I just kind of like, I guess, take it all in like I wouldn't really
do anything with it, but it was just all just there.
And so, yeah.
And so you're just now that you're like, oh, like I became my like you became like competitive
within yourself.
Like, how do you I guess how do you get there?
(30:16):
How do I get there?
Well, because it's like we could be so like outward focus.
A lot of it is for me.
A lot of it is, I guess, a bit natural in the sense that I'm the middle child.
I have an older brother and I got brothers.
I don't have sisters.
I have an older brother, him and I are two years apart.
We met competitive.
We had a basketball hoop in the backyard.
We would play for hours.
(30:36):
We would go to the neighborhood park.
We would play for hours when it's time to come in and hop on a video game.
We will play for hours.
We were trash talk Call of Duty.
We will play fighting games.
M.O.B. Slugfest 2004 2003.
We will be swinging for defenses on that baseball game.
And we were just real competitive and we would we will argue.
(30:58):
Part of it is because I got brothers.
It's kind of instilled in me as a little kid.
And then having like at one point I was kind of like the youngest in the family.
So a bunch of older cousins got to be like the big kids.
And then I love sports.
You know sports is obviously that's a competition.
And then it's just for me it's a little bit OK.
This is kind of how I am.
And then on the other end it's like also what I feed into my mind.
(31:21):
It's like I love sports.
Basketball is my favorite sport.
Last dance documentary about the Chicago Bulls.
I would watch that and I would just soak up not just the story but Jordan's mindset.
I would watch interviews of Kobe here and talk about the game here and just or like
interviews of Kanye Cole Kendrick Eminem just and just hear how their mindset is and just
(31:48):
try to absorb that and just kind of have me mold my mindset and just they're all at a
point in their respective fields whether it's sports or music that I'm trying to get to
for myself.
So no I'm trying to get to I try to find the people that best represent that.
Oh that's good.
And then like pick their brain and you know OK.
(32:09):
And I just try to take it everywhere in life like when I go to the gym and work out it's
like I have that same mindset but it's towards myself because it really is a battle out here.
We know from the spiritual side is you know the spirit versus the flesh.
And then on the other side of things I feel like it's like you versus yourself.
Yeah.
Like I don't want to I don't feel like working out but I'm making myself do it.
(32:32):
So I'm already working against something.
I may not be in the mood to write out this film right after the video make this beat
but I'm trying to get somewhere.
So I got to do it.
So I'm automatically working against myself.
For me it's just always some sort of something that I'm competing against.
Yeah.
That's good.
Thank God I'm competitive.
Yeah.
(32:53):
No seriously.
And with that too like I just feel like it's just the constant like I feel like if you
feel resistance like I'm just being very specific about stuff because you know what came to
my mind was like drugs and alcohol but I'm not trying to like promote that.
Like if you feel a resistance not to don't do it.
Like I just I just had to clarify for the people because I'm like I just want you to
know what I'm talking about.
But like if you feel resistance when it comes like taking an action or when it comes to
(33:14):
like doing that hard thing like I would just say like that's all the more reason to do
it because that's what's been motivating me.
Like when I'm like oh like I don't feel like doing I'm like now I'm really about to do
it because like I don't know where that feeling coming from.
Like we're not we're not settling on that.
Like we're not feeding into that.
So I'm just like all right let's do it.
Let's get it done.
And then after I'm like I feel like a good like let's go.
So yeah.
All that out of confidence boosters.
(33:35):
Yeah.
But that's really good.
Listening to just people who are already in that field and just like at a you know way
higher level than you are and just adopting that mindset and like really applying that
and listening to that.
I like that.
Or even if you get a chance because like then I was thinking about Vegas how you got a chance
to me.
I'm so sorry that I'm forgetting his name.
(33:55):
You're going to start smiling heckle hard because you know who I'm talking about.
Not Bobby Bobby.
You forgot Bobby Bobby.
Is that his name or Kelby.
You said his Sir Bobby Kelby.
Yes speaker.
Oh I didn't meet him because he cut right after.
But yeah I've seen a lot of Stephen A. Smith.
Stephen A. Smith.
Yeah.
I was like what.
Yeah.
(34:16):
So we went to we went to a podcast convention for a weekend.
Stephen A. Smith was with a keynote speaker for one of the days there and I sat front row.
Yeah literally front row.
Front row took a picture of him.
After he spoke he had to leave.
But yeah.
But yeah that's that's how I've been getting through mines.
You know I like a challenge.
And I like overcoming.
(34:37):
OK.
Like that feeling of doing something and overcoming something you've never you know something
that seemed like a tall task.
That's me.
That's that's how I that's how I push for it.
OK come on.
Yeah because imposter syndrome it can't keep you unless you let it.
So literally I got to fight against it.
Keep fighting.
Keep pushing.
What's our run time.
Thirty seven minutes.
(34:58):
OK.
OK cool.
But yeah I mean honestly we might have another we might explore this even further.
Yeah I would say so.
It definitely is some of that style but I do think that we evolve as people and then
yeah we just start finding more and more like wow like I'm not an imposter.
It's a daily thing.
Yeah it's a daily thing.
It is.
(35:18):
Don't be surprised if you hear more of this subject matter in later episodes.
Yeah.
We appreciate y'all once again for tuning in to season two.
Come on love y'all fam.
Season two episode two.
Catch y'all on the next one.
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