May 31, 2024 • 29 mins
There's no debate that selfishness is bad. But what about when it's time to start prioritizing yourself and your wellbeing?! Would selfishness be okay then? We dive into it on a brand new episode of Unrehearsed!! Watch/Listen to Unrehearsed on all platforms and follow DaeShawn and Mo on IG!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Back at it again with season 2 episode 3
(00:28):
We rolling we live. You know what I realized this season we haven't even
introduced our names for those of you who don't know us. We just expecting y'all.
Y'all been around here we've been around to ask about us in those streets and I'm
just kidding. It's your boy DeShawn Forest. It's your girl Mo, Jack, Moriana.
Yes links to the description links in the description to follow us on our
(00:52):
Instagram handles follow us on unrehearsed as a tick-tock follow us on tick-tock
subscribe if you're watching on our YouTube channel if you're listening on
Spotify subscribe and follow on Spotify Apple podcast what else is there like
Deezer there's like a Google podcast wherever you get your podcast make sure
(01:13):
you subscribe and follow and keep up with the show keep up with the content
you did today first off how you doing you good we good I'm fine yeah I'm really
good how are you doing I'm good we had to take a little break to eat so I feel
like well I guess what is it energized I feel he feels rejuvenated refresh yeah if
(01:39):
I wasn't doing this I'd be dealing with like the food coma right now right where
it's like what are we talking about but today this one is an interesting one I'm
not gonna lie I wrote this the topic for the day I wrote it down didn't really
give it much didn't really give it a lot of thought mm-hmm but it felt like it
(02:03):
kind of for me at least on a personal level kind of felt like it represents a
little bit of the season I'm in okay necessary selfishness oh yeah yeah same
star really oh my god did we just become best friends yeah we finished each
other's sandwiches yeah this one I don't know this maybe sometimes I wonder okay
(02:36):
maybe this is me speaking you know I'll admit it most likely is me speaking out
of my my youth I guess okay you know I'm young 23 at the time of a student is a
little baby this might drop after my 24th birthday but you know I guess
something like this is it's normal so pretty much let me break it down I'm in
(02:59):
a season where it's like I'm not selfish in the sense of I don't care about no
body like you know the the bad selfishness but it's like the
selfishness where after experiencing a lot of what I ultimately learned is what
I didn't want and didn't want to experience and just kind of like you know
(03:23):
just going through life going through certain things it's like I have a better
understanding a better knowledge of myself and what it what it is that I
want out of life what it is I want to accomplish and I'm of this mindset now
where it's like I want to see myself get to a certain point where it's like okay
(03:44):
I've accomplished certain things I'm happy before I can start into
reintroducing stuff like a relationship if you will you know back into back into
my life what just hit me was that a branch that was a whole branch gosh
that's kind of where it's kind of inspired by I believe this would probably
(04:10):
be I believe by the time this episode comes out better myself the song yeah
we'll be out yeah Ricky I'll play it for you oh when we get back to the crib it's
never one of the singles shout out the Brandon behind the camera shout out
Ricky shout out Chris you know we got a shout out everyone every single episode
(04:32):
Dejon for us shout out bow shout out to all of y'all tuning in and watching and
supporting but yeah I have this song and it's on the dream tape and it's called
better myself and it's literally I guess that's the song that represents like the
necessary selfishness stage where it's like doing away with the things that
(04:54):
would normally distract me normally would take my attention and just being
so keyed in on focusing on getting myself to the point that I want to get
myself at before I can start reintroducing you know re-ushering other
things back in like a relationship I say a relationship because the song was kind
of coming from that place you listen to the lyrics and a story of it but yeah I
(05:17):
feel like I don't know I just feel like I had to talk about like I feel like
it's so necessary like you gotta at least for me I feel like I have to have
like this time is necessary because out of it I'm learning myself learning about
myself more learning about and that's good and bad learning about like good
habits bad habits good traits bad traits and like it just feels like that time
(05:40):
alone yeah it's just kind of necessary in a sense so that's kind of what's like
the inspiration for this joint I don't know where this conversation will go I definitely would have liked to
use a different word okay I don't have the word though but just the fact that
it's called selfish I was like oh yeah it kind of comes with like a negative
(06:01):
connotation oh selfish here we go but yeah but then everyone's like oh there's
a healthy way of being selfish but I'm like I feel like maybe I don't know
there should be a different word I don't know if it's like it's hard to phrase
love thyself like self-love or no but it's not that exactly either though
yeah I hope y'all listen and understand I know y'all know I'm just complicated
(06:23):
yeah like I'm not trying to say just go around and just start being a jerk to
everyone and just be like seven different words came to mind but it's
not that's not what I mean it's just like taking that time to like
prioritize yourself and building yourself up that's essentially what's
(06:46):
happening for me personally and when just kind of thinking John ideas down
for a second season that's just kind of how for lack of a better term that's how
I phrased it necessary selfishness okay you know yeah well I mean with that we
may come up with a better name in this episode yeah maybe but it's unrehearsed
this is what it is right now right well with this episode I'm like I'm we're
(07:09):
gonna have a whole therapy session right now so thank you in advance station
because I feel like with this episode like I could I can relate to it a lot
just because growing up like I'm just thinking about how I am in a season
where I am having a selfish stage but I'm also thinking about how I got to
this point you know cuz I was very I've always been that person where I will
(07:33):
drop everything that I'm doing to like help people and yeah and I say all of
this humbly like I don't say this cuz I'm just like oh I'm just this amazing
human being I am amazing like I just have to put it out there but you know
like I can humbly say like I would genuinely love people and so when people
are like oh there's emergencies or they need something you know or they just
need a friend like I'm usually the person that they're like oh hey Mo and
(07:53):
I'm like hey like yeah come over my house like let's go out to eat like what
do you need and things like that and still check up on you after like
everything that occurred and whatnot so I do feel that I would even dare say
that like I had the I felt like I had this obligation to be selfless all the
time like to the point where it's like I'm not even on my calendar though like
(08:15):
I have like literally everyone else like all these like coffee dates like you
know lunch dates like you know spending time with family but it's like I never
had enough time for myself and the way that I the way that I'm wired this is
like you know when people are like oh this is a blessing and a curse like I'm
really working on this because I'm like I don't just want it to be what it is
like I want to work like work myself out of it but everyone's like can you get to
(08:39):
it yes but what I'm talking about is just like emotionally like I how do I
explain it so I have a Mexican mama her name is Norma shout out to Norma her
last name isn't Rodriguez anymore what's Alex's name shout out to Norma Castro
whoa what am I so yeah so I have a Mexican mama and one thing that she
(09:01):
taught me at a very young age is she taught me how to like turn off my
emotions when like very traumatic things are happening yeah and so yeah and so
she taught me like cuz I would cuz I cuz I was always super sensitive like I
cried like I cried all the time y'all like if you knew me like I feel like if
(09:23):
you still know me like if I have to give a speech and it's like I would genuinely
love this person like I'm always like I'm gonna cry and everyone just starts
laughing cuz they're like oh that's Momo and I'm like yeah and so anyways so she
taught me at a young age how to shut down my emotions so like you know when
people die in the family and I have to go to family gatherings like she just
like she talked spoke to me in such a way where she's like don't let them see
(09:44):
you cry like you need to be strong and so you know and it sounds like such a
good thing you know like yeah like I need to be strong like don't let me don't
like let them see me cry and things like that another sense of sound like it kind
of hardens you up too it does it does in a sense hardened me up but it like like
bites me in the foot like come back and bites me in the butt every time though
because then it's like I end up being so like logical and just like getting
(10:07):
things done that it's not to like months later that like I just end up crying out
of nowhere and I'm just like wow like I just feel so overwhelmed and then I
later realized like oh I didn't deal with the emotional side of that like I
was just very much like we're just doing what we have to do I say all that
because I do feel like like that just goes back to like selfishness like it
just came to a point where like I was just like being everything to everybody
(10:30):
but it was like who what about myself like what about me what about my needs
what about my emotions like what about how I'm feeling about things and so yeah
but for some reason in my mind like it just seems like it was okay but it
wasn't until hecka like yesterday just kidding it wasn't until like maybe last
year that I really know yeah it was last year cuz like I would just went through
(10:54):
a lot of family stuff but it wasn't until last year like cuz I went like I
just went into like a very deep dark place like especially emotionally like
I was just so numb because there was like so much stuff happening like one
thing after the other and like it just like I didn't realize but it was like I
was slowly dying and I was like oh like but I just didn't take the time to like
(11:14):
check in with myself like I didn't like you know feel like I really need to
share with people cuz you know I feel like naturally people we don't like a
lot of us don't share our emotions though people are like how are you with
the natural response good like I literally say when they say cuz I'm like
already know what you're gonna say you're gonna say good like are you
really good probably not but like that's just our answer and maybe we just need
to get better at asking better questions at the same time but anyways that's like
(11:35):
a side note yes so what got you like so what what was that moment I don't know
if it's like a last straw moment but just that moment where you was like okay I got
it like do better and like prioritize what did that look like for you so heck
(11:55):
of like starts to get emotional I'm not gonna I'm gonna do my best not to cry
right now but like she's already get out of here you don't even have them like
stop lying to the people and me and so um yeah so I would say that moment came
when my mom had gotten sick she just like she was having some heart issues so she
(12:16):
was in the hospital and this was like right after my sister was just going
through a lot of things mentally and I just like kept going to my mom to my
mom's house and like helping out so then it was like that happened and yeah and I
was just sitting at the table with my sisters and they were like oh like they
were just talking and like I just really I just started crying because I just
felt like I just was like this is a lot it's a lot happening right now and I
(12:40):
just went through heck of stuff with my sister and it's been months like it
hasn't just been a one-day thing it's been like every week like constantly
like checking in on everyone constantly and going like driving all the way to
Oakley you know and it's just it was already so much for me and like it
finally got to a calm and I'm like okay thank God but I still again never dealt
with it emotionally and so then like with them when things started happening
(13:03):
with my mom I'm like bro like it's just like I don't have a break like too much
yeah it just became too much so I'm like talking to my sisters and we're talking
about something completely different and I just start crying and I'm just like I
am so sorry like I just realized that emotionally I haven't dealt with
anything and like it's just all coming up right now to the surface that I just
have a lot going on and so yeah and I was just like I've just been having a
(13:24):
hard time like and I've honestly just felt so alone in all of this like I'm
just checking on everyone else but like no one is checking up on me and being
like how are you doing and things like that thanks DeShawn so no I'm just
kidding I'm totally kidding I'm just kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding no you
did check in I appreciate it but like yeah you know but it's just like
(13:46):
different you know it's different when it's like family checks in on you you
know and so yeah but nobody was because I think maybe but again that could be to
my fault because maybe I just make it seem like everything's okay on the
outside so they just assume that I'm okay but yeah but it was just it was a
lot so I feel like that was like my breaking point to where I was like wow
like I probably should like journal or see a therapist or something because I
(14:06):
just I need to deal with things emotionally so yeah so I guess that's
when I decided like you know I'm gonna be a lot more selfish and I'm just gonna
make sure that I'm worried about myself and not that I don't like love my family
or worry about other people or friends and things like that but just it's more
of like you know I need to put myself first you know it's like in the airplane
(14:27):
when they tell you like oh put on your mask before you put on the other
person's mask like it's just like I was like okay I need to start putting on my
own mask first like I need to start focusing on myself before I'm over here
trying to like save everybody else so they said that on the plane yes I'm not
gonna lie when you brought up playing I brought up the uno match I mean I thought
I thought I threw no man yeah we're not gonna talk about that on the podcast
we're moving on to bigger and better things we're moving on to other things
(14:52):
plane I wish maybe we'll bring up that story if we do the you know idea we're
gonna have to but not as that's that's good for me well one I'm glad you like
had that realization at some point I feel like I hope is I hope it's like
(15:13):
this kind of like you know universally but I know with myself it just felt
like I don't know and at once since it and once this it kind of feels like
feels like we have to get to that realization that you know we have to
prioritize our well-being yeah you know because always say to my always kind of
(15:37):
think to myself like man I deal with myself more than anyone ever does cuz
you know yeah they made you know maybe if I live with them yeah they deal with
me or if I work with them yeah they deal with me but they don't do what happens
up here yeah that's all me they don't deal with what's going on in here that's
all me and so I feel like I guess I was kind of one of the inspiration for this
it feels like I had to it feels like everyone has to get to that moment or at
(16:01):
least understand it at some point yeah you know you hopefully you ain't got to
get pushed to the edge and then you understand it hopefully you can really
understand it prior to even get getting to that point but it kind of feels like
you know at one point at least for me at one point it's like okay I kind of have
to disconnect for a little bit put the phone down and just like for me I love
(16:23):
like exercising running in particular in nature so it's like man let me just go
and run the hills and just kind of be to myself and just kind of filter out my
thoughts and all those kind of things me um what got me there well you're like
let me count the ways it was a dark and stormy night but um bless you by the way
(16:46):
yeah I know I know you're good you're good but um I don't know I guess it kind
of started I guess I really entered this phase like I was born like maybe I'll
say about a year or so ago maybe about six months to a year ago when I actually
(17:06):
realized that y'all I'm kind of in this stage but it kind of it first it kind of
started with like the whole breakup thing okay and then everything that took
place after that and that just kind of threw my life in a you know in a spiral
and that became kind of a mess but then you know I got over it got past it and
then I think that's kind of when I think it kind of started when hindsight kind
(17:28):
of getting kind of started to get clear okay you know just things started to
make sense more for me and while that was happening I had launched
transparency and so it's like going through that while just filing the
papers to make the business legit and then eventually graduating school a lot
(17:49):
of stuff was happening like mentally and emotionally and all that kind of stuff
and then eventually I just kind of got to this point where it's like okay let
me in my journal just like let me figure out what I truly want with my life yeah
what point are trying to reach am I trying to reach and it took a little while
but once I figured it out and it's like okay that's like the most important to
me that getting there you know everything else that I thought mattered
(18:14):
don't really matter as much as I thought it did not really as important as much
as I thought what mattered was me getting to the point that where I see
myself there goes me being vague again which are where I see myself and I don't
know if I can not really like my peak but just the point where I could say okay
(18:34):
like something like that something like that or like working like feel proud or
like where hard work is paying off and stuff like that that point for me and it
takes I've learned it takes like a real like focused mindset like it took for me
is it took a lot of looking in the mirror seeing the good about me but
(18:57):
really like the bad what are the things that easily distract me okay I gotta
really do a good job of like guarding myself from that not entertaining that
whatever that may be and you know one of those things kind of ended going back to
better myself one of those things kind of it ended up being like okay let me
just kind of like not prioritize a relationship because you know young
(19:22):
people in relationships is a hot topic all the time no matter how it's a thing
it's like folks they'll be together they'll break up and then weeks later
they with someone else type of thing toxic I've seen it like I've seen it all
the time so me it was like okay I'll revisit that another day what matters
(19:43):
is like bettering myself and that's pretty much the heart of the song was
bettering myself get into the point where I feel proud of myself yeah I mean
because I recognize at least me personally I recognize like I've made a
lot of strides I've definitely improved yeah but not quite at the point where
it's like I can pat myself on the back yeah I'm saying so I don't be doing but
(20:10):
yeah that's and that's really where my mindset has been for a while and the
farther I go the more it makes sense to me and the more it just feels right
because you know it's crazy how distractions work that's another thing
the self sabotaging thing we had talked about on the previous episode like
(20:34):
overthinking you know I'll overthink or whatever I feed my mind I can be easily
distracted you know what I mean like it doesn't unfortunately it doesn't
necessarily take a whole lot and so I know that about myself so I reached a
point like let me figure out what are the things that easily distract me
externally what are the things that just take my mind off of the the vision the
(20:59):
vision the goal at hand yeah and once I identified those things it's like okay
what can I do to kind of like separate myself from that okay you know yeah
necessary selfishness got it you got it you know yeah it has to be done I feel
like it like nobody's gonna take care of you the way that you take care of you
(21:22):
like nobody's gonna like be able to help you the way that you can help yourself
not saying that not saying no one can't help yeah like that's not what I'm
saying at all but I'm just saying like you know you do have to put yourself as
a priority because every because nobody else is going to like at the end of the
day even if they're your friend like even if they're your wife or anything
like you know they have their own stuff going on as well so it's like yeah yeah
(21:44):
and in the hook of the song I say like I say I got a better myself for me yeah
you know making it a point like I'm not doing this for no one else I love
everybody love everyone that's close to me all my friends a fan but this I gotta
do for myself yeah going back to I'm dealing with myself more than anybody
else like I gotta do this for me yeah but I also want to shout out to the
(22:06):
parents because I know sometimes you do it for your kids and it's not for you
but even with that like we just say thank you and we appreciate you yeah and
yeah and we know it's gonna benefit their lives and all that stuff you know
what this is like I'm gonna I was gonna get into epigenetics but I don't know if
we could really tap into what epigenetics epigenetics so like obviously
we are big word vocab so so with epigenetics pretty much what it is the
(22:32):
sum up or just paraphrasing is that we all have genes you guys okay it's gonna
be a little quick science class so we have genes and so there's messages on
our genes so you know how we have like the RN way it's like AG TC I think it's
AG TC see AG something like that anyways but yeah but what happens is that like
there's like a thing that looks kind of like this and then it has like that's
(22:56):
our DNA and then it's like the message is on the outside and so what happens is
that there's these little things and they're called epigenetics so what it is
is like messages to our genes so for example if your dad let's say that your
grandpa was an alcoholic so because or just even consumed alcohol because he
regularly consumed alcohol there's like a message on your genes that says like
oh like alcoholism in a sense and so then that's why that's why when you have
(23:20):
statistical words like oh you're more likely it's because epigenetics like the
things that we do right now in our lives like it carries messages in our genes so
then it like affects our children our grandchildren and things like that so
we're like morphing our own DNA yeah it's so cool I love epigenetics I'm such a
like a hardcore nerd for that I need to go get bit by a radioactive spider
(23:40):
like really change my radioactive spider or get exposed to gamma radiation
super yeah give me something where's Thor's hammer okay so yeah yeah so just
(24:02):
talking about epigenetics but that's what that's just what it made me think
of so even in that like you know just in our selfishness you know like I just
yeah cuz I feel like sometimes it's like we love family you know I just think of
like when family are like you know drug addicts alcoholics things like that it's
like you want to be there for them and stuff but at the same time it's like
alright like you also can only do so much you know so yeah I'm not sure why
(24:23):
all that came up but it's beautiful epigenetics is delicious y'all gotta get
into it yeah so that's that's pretty much that's where my heart was behind
this is like I'm that's where I'm at and it feels right it feels necessary you
know you know I feel like touching on parents again I just keep thinking about
(24:44):
them because I just feel that we about to get into that we are I know but I
just want to acknowledge all because I know as a parent like it's just so
different when it comes to a selfish stage like obviously we ain't got no
kids no like boyfriends girlfriends husbands wives like we ain't got none of
that so it's so I could see how it would be more easier for us to be able to have
(25:05):
that stage and so but when it comes to like you know you being husband you being
a wife or like you having children like it can be a lot more harder like even if
you're like well I'm gonna take one night for myself like that could even be
hard cuz like finding babysitters like they want money like people don't just be
wanting to watch your children for free you know so it's like I'm just thinking
about all that and so yeah so I don't I can't really tell you how you know I'm
(25:29):
like I offer babysitting services like now put in the plug but no but I know
that I just want to acknowledge them because I know that as a parent like it
can be a lot more harder for you to be able to have that time to be selfish and
things like that but yeah but I would even say like it's not impossible though
some of y'all like I got eight kids like I don't know what's like I'm talking to
(25:50):
the five children under people but no seriously but on a serious no sorry
anyways so yeah so I say all that to say that I understand how it could be more
challenging but honestly it's just something that you have to make happen
(26:11):
because again like I just you feel like you're doing yourself a disservice you're
doing a world of disservice because you're not able to show up as your best
self because you're not taking care of you and you're taking care of everyone
else you know and I just want to say too like y'all are amazing human beings like
y'all are great people and so like everyone else gets to experience you
like your family your cousins like wives husbands children all that goodness and
(26:34):
it's like you need to experience yourself like you need to enjoy you too
so yeah so I have no idea exactly like the right like way you know because it's
not the way it's a way but in saying that it's just like we have to we have
to make that time to spend with ourselves like we have to make time to
(26:56):
take care of ourselves and even if it's not like an everyday thing it could even
be like a once a week where you're like okay like it doesn't have to be the same
day either you're like you know what Tuesday it's looking a little you know a
little less like if you got kids it's like a so-and-so is gonna take a nap
like I'm gonna have so-and-so go with their cousin I'm gonna like have an hour
to myself like even with that it just makes all the difference you know and
(27:16):
you do you do you show up as a better version of yourself you show up as the
best your best self and that's what we want that's what we want for y'all to
show up as your best selves to be selfish you know in a healthy way and to take
care of you because nobody's gonna take care of you the way you take care of
yourself so yeah yeah I forgot to say that at the beginning of the episode I
prefer my stance with the fact that I am single with no kids. He mentioned it again ladies he
(27:40):
mentioned it again just putting it he mentioned in season one he's mentioned
in season two we're just putting it out there again guys I just like to hype him
up so I'm like y'all I totally know you like his Instagram's down there so it's
dope that you brought up the parents because I didn't even think about that
because I'm thinking from like you know yeah it's also interesting to bring that
up because at the time of us shooting this Father's Day is tomorrow
(28:03):
Father's Day is tomorrow while that is crazy time of us shooting this
Papa yeah Papa's and that's I guess that's a good way to kind of segue us
eventually into our next episode should we cut it right yeah I feel like we
should okay time 28 that's cool yeah necessary self-assess maybe and in God
willing Lord willing if I end up getting married and have kids we can revisit
(28:28):
this like okay necessary selfishness as a parent oh my god that'd be amazing I
love that idea appreciate y'all for tuning in don't be
scared to click them links down in the bio support the show follow us and all
our handles yeah and we'll catch y'all next time on another episode of
fun rehearsal
Back at it again with season 2 episode 3
(00:28):
We rolling we live. You know what I realized this season we haven't even
introduced our names for those of you who don't know us. We just expecting y'all.
Y'all been around here we've been around to ask about us in those streets and I'm
just kidding. It's your boy DeShawn Forest. It's your girl Mo, Jack, Moriana.
Yes links to the description links in the description to follow us on our
(00:52):
Instagram handles follow us on unrehearsed as a tick-tock follow us on tick-tock
subscribe if you're watching on our YouTube channel if you're listening on
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Deezer there's like a Google podcast wherever you get your podcast make sure
(01:13):
you subscribe and follow and keep up with the show keep up with the content
you did today first off how you doing you good we good I'm fine yeah I'm really
good how are you doing I'm good we had to take a little break to eat so I feel
like well I guess what is it energized I feel he feels rejuvenated refresh yeah if
(01:39):
I wasn't doing this I'd be dealing with like the food coma right now right where
it's like what are we talking about but today this one is an interesting one I'm
not gonna lie I wrote this the topic for the day I wrote it down didn't really
give it much didn't really give it a lot of thought mm-hmm but it felt like it
(02:03):
kind of for me at least on a personal level kind of felt like it represents a
little bit of the season I'm in okay necessary selfishness oh yeah yeah same
star really oh my god did we just become best friends yeah we finished each
other's sandwiches yeah this one I don't know this maybe sometimes I wonder okay
(02:36):
maybe this is me speaking you know I'll admit it most likely is me speaking out
of my my youth I guess okay you know I'm young 23 at the time of a student is a
little baby this might drop after my 24th birthday but you know I guess
something like this is it's normal so pretty much let me break it down I'm in
(02:59):
a season where it's like I'm not selfish in the sense of I don't care about no
body like you know the the bad selfishness but it's like the
selfishness where after experiencing a lot of what I ultimately learned is what
I didn't want and didn't want to experience and just kind of like you know
(03:23):
just going through life going through certain things it's like I have a better
understanding a better knowledge of myself and what it what it is that I
want out of life what it is I want to accomplish and I'm of this mindset now
where it's like I want to see myself get to a certain point where it's like okay
(03:44):
I've accomplished certain things I'm happy before I can start into
reintroducing stuff like a relationship if you will you know back into back into
my life what just hit me was that a branch that was a whole branch gosh
that's kind of where it's kind of inspired by I believe this would probably
(04:10):
be I believe by the time this episode comes out better myself the song yeah
we'll be out yeah Ricky I'll play it for you oh when we get back to the crib it's
never one of the singles shout out the Brandon behind the camera shout out
Ricky shout out Chris you know we got a shout out everyone every single episode
(04:32):
Dejon for us shout out bow shout out to all of y'all tuning in and watching and
supporting but yeah I have this song and it's on the dream tape and it's called
better myself and it's literally I guess that's the song that represents like the
necessary selfishness stage where it's like doing away with the things that
(04:54):
would normally distract me normally would take my attention and just being
so keyed in on focusing on getting myself to the point that I want to get
myself at before I can start reintroducing you know re-ushering other
things back in like a relationship I say a relationship because the song was kind
of coming from that place you listen to the lyrics and a story of it but yeah I
(05:17):
feel like I don't know I just feel like I had to talk about like I feel like
it's so necessary like you gotta at least for me I feel like I have to have
like this time is necessary because out of it I'm learning myself learning about
myself more learning about and that's good and bad learning about like good
habits bad habits good traits bad traits and like it just feels like that time
(05:40):
alone yeah it's just kind of necessary in a sense so that's kind of what's like
the inspiration for this joint I don't know where this conversation will go I definitely would have liked to
use a different word okay I don't have the word though but just the fact that
it's called selfish I was like oh yeah it kind of comes with like a negative
(06:01):
connotation oh selfish here we go but yeah but then everyone's like oh there's
a healthy way of being selfish but I'm like I feel like maybe I don't know
there should be a different word I don't know if it's like it's hard to phrase
love thyself like self-love or no but it's not that exactly either though
yeah I hope y'all listen and understand I know y'all know I'm just complicated
(06:23):
yeah like I'm not trying to say just go around and just start being a jerk to
everyone and just be like seven different words came to mind but it's
not that's not what I mean it's just like taking that time to like
prioritize yourself and building yourself up that's essentially what's
(06:46):
happening for me personally and when just kind of thinking John ideas down
for a second season that's just kind of how for lack of a better term that's how
I phrased it necessary selfishness okay you know yeah well I mean with that we
may come up with a better name in this episode yeah maybe but it's unrehearsed
this is what it is right now right well with this episode I'm like I'm we're
(07:09):
gonna have a whole therapy session right now so thank you in advance station
because I feel like with this episode like I could I can relate to it a lot
just because growing up like I'm just thinking about how I am in a season
where I am having a selfish stage but I'm also thinking about how I got to
this point you know cuz I was very I've always been that person where I will
(07:33):
drop everything that I'm doing to like help people and yeah and I say all of
this humbly like I don't say this cuz I'm just like oh I'm just this amazing
human being I am amazing like I just have to put it out there but you know
like I can humbly say like I would genuinely love people and so when people
are like oh there's emergencies or they need something you know or they just
need a friend like I'm usually the person that they're like oh hey Mo and
(07:53):
I'm like hey like yeah come over my house like let's go out to eat like what
do you need and things like that and still check up on you after like
everything that occurred and whatnot so I do feel that I would even dare say
that like I had the I felt like I had this obligation to be selfless all the
time like to the point where it's like I'm not even on my calendar though like
(08:15):
I have like literally everyone else like all these like coffee dates like you
know lunch dates like you know spending time with family but it's like I never
had enough time for myself and the way that I the way that I'm wired this is
like you know when people are like oh this is a blessing and a curse like I'm
really working on this because I'm like I don't just want it to be what it is
like I want to work like work myself out of it but everyone's like can you get to
(08:39):
it yes but what I'm talking about is just like emotionally like I how do I
explain it so I have a Mexican mama her name is Norma shout out to Norma her
last name isn't Rodriguez anymore what's Alex's name shout out to Norma Castro
whoa what am I so yeah so I have a Mexican mama and one thing that she
(09:01):
taught me at a very young age is she taught me how to like turn off my
emotions when like very traumatic things are happening yeah and so yeah and so
she taught me like cuz I would cuz I cuz I was always super sensitive like I
cried like I cried all the time y'all like if you knew me like I feel like if
(09:23):
you still know me like if I have to give a speech and it's like I would genuinely
love this person like I'm always like I'm gonna cry and everyone just starts
laughing cuz they're like oh that's Momo and I'm like yeah and so anyways so she
taught me at a young age how to shut down my emotions so like you know when
people die in the family and I have to go to family gatherings like she just
like she talked spoke to me in such a way where she's like don't let them see
(09:44):
you cry like you need to be strong and so you know and it sounds like such a
good thing you know like yeah like I need to be strong like don't let me don't
like let them see me cry and things like that another sense of sound like it kind
of hardens you up too it does it does in a sense hardened me up but it like like
bites me in the foot like come back and bites me in the butt every time though
because then it's like I end up being so like logical and just like getting
(10:07):
things done that it's not to like months later that like I just end up crying out
of nowhere and I'm just like wow like I just feel so overwhelmed and then I
later realized like oh I didn't deal with the emotional side of that like I
was just very much like we're just doing what we have to do I say all that
because I do feel like like that just goes back to like selfishness like it
just came to a point where like I was just like being everything to everybody
(10:30):
but it was like who what about myself like what about me what about my needs
what about my emotions like what about how I'm feeling about things and so yeah
but for some reason in my mind like it just seems like it was okay but it
wasn't until hecka like yesterday just kidding it wasn't until like maybe last
year that I really know yeah it was last year cuz like I would just went through
(10:54):
a lot of family stuff but it wasn't until last year like cuz I went like I
just went into like a very deep dark place like especially emotionally like
I was just so numb because there was like so much stuff happening like one
thing after the other and like it just like I didn't realize but it was like I
was slowly dying and I was like oh like but I just didn't take the time to like
(11:14):
check in with myself like I didn't like you know feel like I really need to
share with people cuz you know I feel like naturally people we don't like a
lot of us don't share our emotions though people are like how are you with
the natural response good like I literally say when they say cuz I'm like
already know what you're gonna say you're gonna say good like are you
really good probably not but like that's just our answer and maybe we just need
to get better at asking better questions at the same time but anyways that's like
(11:35):
a side note yes so what got you like so what what was that moment I don't know
if it's like a last straw moment but just that moment where you was like okay I got
it like do better and like prioritize what did that look like for you so heck
(11:55):
of like starts to get emotional I'm not gonna I'm gonna do my best not to cry
right now but like she's already get out of here you don't even have them like
stop lying to the people and me and so um yeah so I would say that moment came
when my mom had gotten sick she just like she was having some heart issues so she
(12:16):
was in the hospital and this was like right after my sister was just going
through a lot of things mentally and I just like kept going to my mom to my
mom's house and like helping out so then it was like that happened and yeah and I
was just sitting at the table with my sisters and they were like oh like they
were just talking and like I just really I just started crying because I just
felt like I just was like this is a lot it's a lot happening right now and I
(12:40):
just went through heck of stuff with my sister and it's been months like it
hasn't just been a one-day thing it's been like every week like constantly
like checking in on everyone constantly and going like driving all the way to
Oakley you know and it's just it was already so much for me and like it
finally got to a calm and I'm like okay thank God but I still again never dealt
with it emotionally and so then like with them when things started happening
(13:03):
with my mom I'm like bro like it's just like I don't have a break like too much
yeah it just became too much so I'm like talking to my sisters and we're talking
about something completely different and I just start crying and I'm just like I
am so sorry like I just realized that emotionally I haven't dealt with
anything and like it's just all coming up right now to the surface that I just
have a lot going on and so yeah and I was just like I've just been having a
(13:24):
hard time like and I've honestly just felt so alone in all of this like I'm
just checking on everyone else but like no one is checking up on me and being
like how are you doing and things like that thanks DeShawn so no I'm just
kidding I'm totally kidding I'm just kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding no you
did check in I appreciate it but like yeah you know but it's just like
(13:46):
different you know it's different when it's like family checks in on you you
know and so yeah but nobody was because I think maybe but again that could be to
my fault because maybe I just make it seem like everything's okay on the
outside so they just assume that I'm okay but yeah but it was just it was a
lot so I feel like that was like my breaking point to where I was like wow
like I probably should like journal or see a therapist or something because I
(14:06):
just I need to deal with things emotionally so yeah so I guess that's
when I decided like you know I'm gonna be a lot more selfish and I'm just gonna
make sure that I'm worried about myself and not that I don't like love my family
or worry about other people or friends and things like that but just it's more
of like you know I need to put myself first you know it's like in the airplane
(14:27):
when they tell you like oh put on your mask before you put on the other
person's mask like it's just like I was like okay I need to start putting on my
own mask first like I need to start focusing on myself before I'm over here
trying to like save everybody else so they said that on the plane yes I'm not
gonna lie when you brought up playing I brought up the uno match I mean I thought
I thought I threw no man yeah we're not gonna talk about that on the podcast
we're moving on to bigger and better things we're moving on to other things
(14:52):
plane I wish maybe we'll bring up that story if we do the you know idea we're
gonna have to but not as that's that's good for me well one I'm glad you like
had that realization at some point I feel like I hope is I hope it's like
(15:13):
this kind of like you know universally but I know with myself it just felt
like I don't know and at once since it and once this it kind of feels like
feels like we have to get to that realization that you know we have to
prioritize our well-being yeah you know because always say to my always kind of
(15:37):
think to myself like man I deal with myself more than anyone ever does cuz
you know yeah they made you know maybe if I live with them yeah they deal with
me or if I work with them yeah they deal with me but they don't do what happens
up here yeah that's all me they don't deal with what's going on in here that's
all me and so I feel like I guess I was kind of one of the inspiration for this
it feels like I had to it feels like everyone has to get to that moment or at
(16:01):
least understand it at some point yeah you know you hopefully you ain't got to
get pushed to the edge and then you understand it hopefully you can really
understand it prior to even get getting to that point but it kind of feels like
you know at one point at least for me at one point it's like okay I kind of have
to disconnect for a little bit put the phone down and just like for me I love
(16:23):
like exercising running in particular in nature so it's like man let me just go
and run the hills and just kind of be to myself and just kind of filter out my
thoughts and all those kind of things me um what got me there well you're like
let me count the ways it was a dark and stormy night but um bless you by the way
(16:46):
yeah I know I know you're good you're good but um I don't know I guess it kind
of started I guess I really entered this phase like I was born like maybe I'll
say about a year or so ago maybe about six months to a year ago when I actually
(17:06):
realized that y'all I'm kind of in this stage but it kind of it first it kind of
started with like the whole breakup thing okay and then everything that took
place after that and that just kind of threw my life in a you know in a spiral
and that became kind of a mess but then you know I got over it got past it and
then I think that's kind of when I think it kind of started when hindsight kind
(17:28):
of getting kind of started to get clear okay you know just things started to
make sense more for me and while that was happening I had launched
transparency and so it's like going through that while just filing the
papers to make the business legit and then eventually graduating school a lot
(17:49):
of stuff was happening like mentally and emotionally and all that kind of stuff
and then eventually I just kind of got to this point where it's like okay let
me in my journal just like let me figure out what I truly want with my life yeah
what point are trying to reach am I trying to reach and it took a little while
but once I figured it out and it's like okay that's like the most important to
me that getting there you know everything else that I thought mattered
(18:14):
don't really matter as much as I thought it did not really as important as much
as I thought what mattered was me getting to the point that where I see
myself there goes me being vague again which are where I see myself and I don't
know if I can not really like my peak but just the point where I could say okay
(18:34):
like something like that something like that or like working like feel proud or
like where hard work is paying off and stuff like that that point for me and it
takes I've learned it takes like a real like focused mindset like it took for me
is it took a lot of looking in the mirror seeing the good about me but
(18:57):
really like the bad what are the things that easily distract me okay I gotta
really do a good job of like guarding myself from that not entertaining that
whatever that may be and you know one of those things kind of ended going back to
better myself one of those things kind of it ended up being like okay let me
just kind of like not prioritize a relationship because you know young
(19:22):
people in relationships is a hot topic all the time no matter how it's a thing
it's like folks they'll be together they'll break up and then weeks later
they with someone else type of thing toxic I've seen it like I've seen it all
the time so me it was like okay I'll revisit that another day what matters
(19:43):
is like bettering myself and that's pretty much the heart of the song was
bettering myself get into the point where I feel proud of myself yeah I mean
because I recognize at least me personally I recognize like I've made a
lot of strides I've definitely improved yeah but not quite at the point where
it's like I can pat myself on the back yeah I'm saying so I don't be doing but
(20:10):
yeah that's and that's really where my mindset has been for a while and the
farther I go the more it makes sense to me and the more it just feels right
because you know it's crazy how distractions work that's another thing
the self sabotaging thing we had talked about on the previous episode like
(20:34):
overthinking you know I'll overthink or whatever I feed my mind I can be easily
distracted you know what I mean like it doesn't unfortunately it doesn't
necessarily take a whole lot and so I know that about myself so I reached a
point like let me figure out what are the things that easily distract me
externally what are the things that just take my mind off of the the vision the
(20:59):
vision the goal at hand yeah and once I identified those things it's like okay
what can I do to kind of like separate myself from that okay you know yeah
necessary selfishness got it you got it you know yeah it has to be done I feel
like it like nobody's gonna take care of you the way that you take care of you
(21:22):
like nobody's gonna like be able to help you the way that you can help yourself
not saying that not saying no one can't help yeah like that's not what I'm
saying at all but I'm just saying like you know you do have to put yourself as
a priority because every because nobody else is going to like at the end of the
day even if they're your friend like even if they're your wife or anything
like you know they have their own stuff going on as well so it's like yeah yeah
(21:44):
and in the hook of the song I say like I say I got a better myself for me yeah
you know making it a point like I'm not doing this for no one else I love
everybody love everyone that's close to me all my friends a fan but this I gotta
do for myself yeah going back to I'm dealing with myself more than anybody
else like I gotta do this for me yeah but I also want to shout out to the
(22:06):
parents because I know sometimes you do it for your kids and it's not for you
but even with that like we just say thank you and we appreciate you yeah and
yeah and we know it's gonna benefit their lives and all that stuff you know
what this is like I'm gonna I was gonna get into epigenetics but I don't know if
we could really tap into what epigenetics epigenetics so like obviously
we are big word vocab so so with epigenetics pretty much what it is the
(22:32):
sum up or just paraphrasing is that we all have genes you guys okay it's gonna
be a little quick science class so we have genes and so there's messages on
our genes so you know how we have like the RN way it's like AG TC I think it's
AG TC see AG something like that anyways but yeah but what happens is that like
there's like a thing that looks kind of like this and then it has like that's
(22:56):
our DNA and then it's like the message is on the outside and so what happens is
that there's these little things and they're called epigenetics so what it is
is like messages to our genes so for example if your dad let's say that your
grandpa was an alcoholic so because or just even consumed alcohol because he
regularly consumed alcohol there's like a message on your genes that says like
oh like alcoholism in a sense and so then that's why that's why when you have
(23:20):
statistical words like oh you're more likely it's because epigenetics like the
things that we do right now in our lives like it carries messages in our genes so
then it like affects our children our grandchildren and things like that so
we're like morphing our own DNA yeah it's so cool I love epigenetics I'm such a
like a hardcore nerd for that I need to go get bit by a radioactive spider
(23:40):
like really change my radioactive spider or get exposed to gamma radiation
super yeah give me something where's Thor's hammer okay so yeah yeah so just
(24:02):
talking about epigenetics but that's what that's just what it made me think
of so even in that like you know just in our selfishness you know like I just
yeah cuz I feel like sometimes it's like we love family you know I just think of
like when family are like you know drug addicts alcoholics things like that it's
like you want to be there for them and stuff but at the same time it's like
alright like you also can only do so much you know so yeah I'm not sure why
(24:23):
all that came up but it's beautiful epigenetics is delicious y'all gotta get
into it yeah so that's that's pretty much that's where my heart was behind
this is like I'm that's where I'm at and it feels right it feels necessary you
know you know I feel like touching on parents again I just keep thinking about
(24:44):
them because I just feel that we about to get into that we are I know but I
just want to acknowledge all because I know as a parent like it's just so
different when it comes to a selfish stage like obviously we ain't got no
kids no like boyfriends girlfriends husbands wives like we ain't got none of
that so it's so I could see how it would be more easier for us to be able to have
(25:05):
that stage and so but when it comes to like you know you being husband you being
a wife or like you having children like it can be a lot more harder like even if
you're like well I'm gonna take one night for myself like that could even be
hard cuz like finding babysitters like they want money like people don't just be
wanting to watch your children for free you know so it's like I'm just thinking
about all that and so yeah so I don't I can't really tell you how you know I'm
(25:29):
like I offer babysitting services like now put in the plug but no but I know
that I just want to acknowledge them because I know that as a parent like it
can be a lot more harder for you to be able to have that time to be selfish and
things like that but yeah but I would even say like it's not impossible though
some of y'all like I got eight kids like I don't know what's like I'm talking to
(25:50):
the five children under people but no seriously but on a serious no sorry
anyways so yeah so I say all that to say that I understand how it could be more
challenging but honestly it's just something that you have to make happen
(26:11):
because again like I just you feel like you're doing yourself a disservice you're
doing a world of disservice because you're not able to show up as your best
self because you're not taking care of you and you're taking care of everyone
else you know and I just want to say too like y'all are amazing human beings like
y'all are great people and so like everyone else gets to experience you
like your family your cousins like wives husbands children all that goodness and
(26:34):
it's like you need to experience yourself like you need to enjoy you too
so yeah so I have no idea exactly like the right like way you know because it's
not the way it's a way but in saying that it's just like we have to we have
to make that time to spend with ourselves like we have to make time to
(26:56):
take care of ourselves and even if it's not like an everyday thing it could even
be like a once a week where you're like okay like it doesn't have to be the same
day either you're like you know what Tuesday it's looking a little you know a
little less like if you got kids it's like a so-and-so is gonna take a nap
like I'm gonna have so-and-so go with their cousin I'm gonna like have an hour
to myself like even with that it just makes all the difference you know and
(27:16):
you do you do you show up as a better version of yourself you show up as the
best your best self and that's what we want that's what we want for y'all to
show up as your best selves to be selfish you know in a healthy way and to take
care of you because nobody's gonna take care of you the way you take care of
yourself so yeah yeah I forgot to say that at the beginning of the episode I
prefer my stance with the fact that I am single with no kids. He mentioned it again ladies he
(27:40):
mentioned it again just putting it he mentioned in season one he's mentioned
in season two we're just putting it out there again guys I just like to hype him
up so I'm like y'all I totally know you like his Instagram's down there so it's
dope that you brought up the parents because I didn't even think about that
because I'm thinking from like you know yeah it's also interesting to bring that
up because at the time of us shooting this Father's Day is tomorrow
(28:03):
Father's Day is tomorrow while that is crazy time of us shooting this
Papa yeah Papa's and that's I guess that's a good way to kind of segue us
eventually into our next episode should we cut it right yeah I feel like we
should okay time 28 that's cool yeah necessary self-assess maybe and in God
willing Lord willing if I end up getting married and have kids we can revisit
(28:28):
this like okay necessary selfishness as a parent oh my god that'd be amazing I
love that idea appreciate y'all for tuning in don't be
scared to click them links down in the bio support the show follow us and all
our handles yeah and we'll catch y'all next time on another episode of
fun rehearsal
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