June 22, 2024 • 39 mins
In a brand new episode of Unrehearsed Mo and DaeShawn break down the importance of fathers in the home and the impact that is felt when they are present versus when they are not! Grab your tissues; you just might need them!!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Test check, okay cool.
(00:25):
Hello, hello, can you hear me?
Yeah I can hear you.
Can you hear me hearing you?
Oh my, I can.
Wow, that was crazy.
Nice.
Are we rolling?
We're rolling.
Wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
Yeah, season two.
What's up with it, what's up with it.
Unrehearsed fam.
It's your girl Mo, your girl Moriana, your girl aka, no I'm just kidding.
(00:52):
Mo Dala.
Hi, Mo Dala.
Mo Dala sign.
What's up with it, it's your boy Dej Shalala.
I appreciate y'all tuning back in to another episode of Unrehearsed.
We keeping it going, staying consistent as always, consistent with the product upgrade,
the technical upgrade.
Shout out to Brandon behind all of the cameras.
(01:13):
Shout out to Ricky behind the boards, the mixing boards, making sure we sound dope.
Shout out to Chris who's editing this joint.
We appreciate you dog.
We appreciate you in all three camera angles.
This one is an interesting one.
(01:33):
Interesting, well this is pretty coincidental at the day that we're shooting this.
It's going to come out way later, but the day that we're shooting this, Father's Day
is tomorrow.
And dog.
Interesting that we were in this.
Who's actually celebrating their father's, raise your hand.
(01:54):
Okay.
Two out of four.
Not trying to make anyone fell out of place.
50% of the room right now.
I remember when I wrote this idea down, I remember on the first season somewhere, some
episode, I believe we hinted at it a few times about just the difference between, or just
(02:18):
the impact coming from a happy home or a broken home, how that can have on a person.
I can't remember in which context that we talked about it.
I feel like I probably brought it up.
Did you?
Yeah, I think I brought it up as a joke because I feel like you're always like, oh yeah.
Because we were talking and I was like, you know what, I always forget that you have two
(02:39):
parents because I feel like statistically usually like, you know.
You said that on episode?
No, not on episode.
This is just like outside of episode conversations, like just us talking.
Oh, you're saying we brought it up on an episode?
I think so, or at least kind of hinted at it.
I know you and I have talked about it personally.
Yeah, I don't know about an episode.
Really?
Yeah, nothing comes to my head.
Like remembering like, oh yeah, we talked about this.
(03:01):
No, yeah, because we did, not us forgetting what we did, but like what do we, we did a
relationship episode.
Yes.
And then it probably was hinted on that episode.
Yes.
Like somebody.
Yes, no, that is true.
I think it was probably me because I was like, you know, girls like B Wilden, you know, Fatherless
(03:21):
Holmes.
Oh, we did, we did.
Yeah.
Yes, I remember now.
He's right.
Now it's all coming back.
There's probably somebody in the comments that has it more memorized than we do.
Yeah, right.
Probably somebody, which is hilarious.
Like you said this, it's like my brother-in-law Jimmy maybe.
But yeah, I definitely wanted to dive in on this one completely coincidental that we end
(03:47):
up doing it on the day before Father's Day.
Just look at that.
How about that?
But it's definitely, there's a thing happening, it's been happening for a long time where
it's like, you know, someone can come from a broken home and then it just kind of, they
pass it on down in a sense that's all that they know.
Like if you.
Yeah, I was like, can you give us an example of a broken home?
(04:08):
Cause I feel like a lot of people say that, but I'm always like, what does that actually,
what does that mean?
So this is how the homes, the family structure has changed over time in American society.
I don't know about abroad, but I just know about an American society.
At one point there was, you know, husband, wife, you know, children as you'd expect,
(04:32):
but now it's husband, husband, wife, wife, the whole baby father type thing.
There's, there's some, how can I put this in a way that there's no more nuclear families
or what are you talking about?
Um, well, when you thought, when you said nuclear, I went straight to bomb.
So yeah, well, nuclear family is the husband, wife and the kids.
Yeah.
(04:53):
I'm not saying there's no more of that, but I feel like there's been an attack on that
because one, the first thing that God instituted was the family structure, you know, fine.
I'm at risk of that just about every episode.
(05:14):
But as one thing that the, that guy first created, you know, when, when he made Eve,
he brought Eve to Adam and said, this is your wife.
That's the start of it right there.
And then over time there has been things that would happen that not necessarily promote
(05:34):
broken homes, but kind of desensitize us to it.
And we kind of lose the value or at least lose the significance and the importance of
keeping that family structured together.
So it's like, for example, the, some men would be, would, would easily run out on the kids,
you know, or right now I'm going to go get some milk real quick.
(05:56):
Something like that.
Or in, in that case, for example, even with like government assistance, you know, if there's
like certain government assistance, you have to fit within a certain, for lack of a better
word category in order to get that government assistance.
The first thing they're going to check is whether or not there's a man in a home.
If there's a man in a home, you probably won't get that government assistance.
(06:18):
Can we stop right now?
Shout out to you single mothers who are raising your children by yourselves.
Like shout out to y'all.
Come on.
Y'all deserve so much more than what y'all are given.
So I just want to take a moment to acknowledge y'all and just to say thank you.
Thank you.
We appreciate y'all.
So bringing it back, I'd say all of that to say, bringing it back to the topic at hand.
(06:39):
Oh, and single fathers.
I'm so sorry.
Father's Day tomorrow.
I grew up, right.
Happy, happy Father's Day to the father single fathers.
Like we appreciate y'all as well raising your children and doing what you got to do.
All the parents doing what they need to be holding it down.
But the effect of it, of having a broken home as a child coming up with, you know, not having
(07:00):
a father or, you know, having a father, but maybe he's not.
Like he's absent.
Like he's physically there, but he's absent.
He's either absent or he maybe is not a stand up guy.
Maybe he's getting into a lot of trouble.
Maybe he's like a deadbeat, as they would say.
The deadbeat, same, you know, same or vice versa rather with, you know, with the mom.
The impact that it has on the children is something that I believe is not brought up
(07:23):
enough because it's like we've become desensitized to it when originally that's not how things
were supposed to go.
Right.
And not according to, you know, what God would have for us.
And you know, we come, we become desensitized to anything, you know, next, you know, we
create art about it.
So now it's, we talk about it and glorify a little bit more in the music or in the,
(07:43):
in, you know, film, you know, maybe on BET or whatever or just whatever.
And it, it creates this feeling of, oh, that's the norm.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
I'm glad you brought it up.
When it's not supposed to be that way, ideally.
Yeah.
Because arguably, I don't think we're so much desensitized, but I just think it has become
such a norm that it's like, oh, your dad beat your mom too?
(08:07):
Like, all right, I'm not alone.
And then it's just kind of like, well, it is what it is.
Yeah.
And I think we also even brought up like, I think we also.
I'm just going to extremes now.
My brain is just like, it happens out there.
But we've also brought it up on the last season and talk about like the divorce rates.
Yeah.
How most marriages fail.
Yeah.
(08:27):
So if most marriages fail, if we're continuing with that assumption, then you're more likely
to find broken homes.
Yeah.
Homes.
That was good.
I mean, broken homes, I mean, homes where a non-broken home would be mother's there,
father's there, they're happy and love, kids, however many are there, you know.
(08:48):
They're happy.
Traditional type joint.
They're getting what they need.
Not where, oh, I'm at my mom's for this weekend and the next week.
I'm at my pops or, you know, or split between so and so.
It's like there's that kind of stability.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
That's what I mean by broken.
Yeah, safe, protective, healthy environment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(09:09):
And so that's interesting as a father's day.
But I thought about that because I've met people who, you know, my age who have not
come up like how I've came up.
My mom and my dad have been together over 30 years, still going strong.
Pop's a hard worker.
(09:31):
Mom's a hard worker.
She raised me and my brothers and to the point where we've been able to come a little bit
more independent and then, you know, now they've kind of, I guess you could say taken their
foot off the parenting gas, if you will, a little bit because now we're older and stuff
like that.
I've come from that, what we're calling in this episode, a happy home.
(09:53):
And I see the impact that it's had on me and my brothers and how we carry ourselves and
how we treat other people and just the confidence that we may have.
And then I've also seen obviously how, you know, we would carry that into like romantic
relationships with other girls and stuff like that.
But then I've also, you know, dated some or just knew some just as friends who did not
(10:16):
come from that.
And there's like a major difference.
And I feel like that's kind of not highlighted enough.
Like that should be addressed.
Yeah.
That's kind of my thing.
Yeah.
Well, I grew up in a broken home.
Forget you.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
But that's actually interesting that we're doing this episode.
Yeah.
Like when you said it, I was like, so I'm definitely the broken homer because I'm like,
(10:39):
you're the happy homer.
Like you grew up with two parents.
Yeah.
So I guess I'll just start off with like my personal, my personal bull stuff.
Whatever you're comfortable with sharing.
So yeah.
What did you say?
Whatever you're comfortable with sharing.
Yeah.
It shares everything.
So I was born guys, November 26, 1996.
Actually no serious on a serious note, my dad was not there like at the hospital.
(11:01):
So my aunt actually named me.
My real name is Moriana.
So my auntie was the one who gave me the name because my dad's name is Morris.
So she still gave me his name, which was like very kind of her.
And so yeah.
But my but as for me, y'all, I'm one of 10 siblings.
Like for those of you who don't know.
So and we're all have siblings.
But you know, I'm black.
I'm willing to be out here like with that nonsense.
(11:22):
Like y'all better than your sister.
And so but we're all have siblings.
But I grew up with my mom.
And so it was my mom and five kids like so me and like all my other four siblings, we
all grew up in a home together.
There was no man.
And I had a younger brother and he was the only like boy in the house.
So it was just like always chaotic.
(11:42):
So for me, it's like the household was constantly like I was constantly in a state of fight
or flight.
And it was just like, OK, like what's going to happen next?
Like who's going to start arguing first and things like that.
You know, and I I was the middle child.
I was the golden child, I guess you could say, because I never really I actually got
bit.
I was like, what the heck?
Anyways, but I was the golden child.
(12:04):
So I purposely like I was just very observant.
So I would see everything that was going on.
And I was like, you know, I kind of want to add more stress on my mom because it's already
like a lot with my siblings.
So let me just let me just be, you know, a good child, like fly under the radar, like
do what I got to do and like not stress her out even more and things like that.
So yeah, so growing up in a broken home, it sucked like it sucks a lot.
(12:26):
Like it really does.
I feel like as you get older, you kind of start.
I need to stop scratching it.
I feel like as you get older, you start.
I wouldn't say having this resentment, but you just start to understand like you don't
need like whatever parent is absent.
You just start to feel like I actually don't need you.
Like I turned out pretty great.
Like thanks for nothing.
Go ahead.
OK.
(12:47):
So I've heard a few who've come from that background have that same mentality.
I have a question as someone who's on the other side of the spectrum.
Is that because you actually I mean, you know, I guess you can't in reality, you can't miss
what you never had.
So but is that that kind of thing?
(13:12):
Like you just kind of learn to live without it or is it that plus a mixture of I guess
you could say resentment or whatever, like hurt or pain.
Like what is the root of that?
I would definitely say that it's both because as for myself, like I'm not going to say that
like I never saw my dad like I like my dad was like there, but he was very like in and
out, you know.
And so so yeah.
(13:33):
So there was like as a child, there was always that desire in me of like, oh, you know, I
see movies and I'm like, yeah, like, you know, the dad like he protects her like he loves
her, like all the things that takes her out to ice cream, all that good stuff.
You know, he tells her who she is.
And so having to grow up without that, like, fine.
Like it took me a long time.
But I think when I was like 15, like I finally got to the place like I had come like giving
(13:54):
my life to Jesus at that point.
So I'm like, I don't need an earthly father because I got a heavenly father.
And so that was like kind of my heart's posture because it really was like there was just
such a desperation that I finally got to the point where I'm like, you know what, like
I'm actually a pretty good kid.
Like for a long time, like I really thought that I needed that.
But I'm like, I'm fine without it.
Like I've gotten this far without him.
(14:15):
So why like why why do I need him now?
Like, you know, I just feel like at first when you're a kid, like, you know, if they
start showing up more and like kind of like taking that spot, like it doesn't feel the
same.
But it's like once you become a teenager, like you just it's like you're a growing
adult.
So it just comes to the point where you're like, I don't like it's not a necessity.
Like it is what it is.
Yeah.
(14:36):
I mean, I don't need it so much now because like I'm a lot more independent.
Right.
And so yeah.
So so you do you don't ever find yourself like, I guess, kind of occasionally since
you know, you're older now, like longing for like, you know, yeah.
Like do you feel a certain way?
For example, tomorrow's Father's Day, would you feel a certain way?
(14:58):
Yeah, I do.
I was curious.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah.
I feel like starts to cry.
No, but like it's been a very therapeutic season so far.
Um, yeah, I do feel a certain way, though.
I just feel that a lot of times like, oh, I'm really gonna cry.
I hate you.
Okay.
(15:19):
Okay.
You can take it off the gas.
It's fine.
But um, yeah, like it does suck.
You know, because you just start to realize that like over time, I know literally gives
me tissue.
You just start to realize I'm fine.
I'm fine.
You just start to realize though that like over time, like it's just a lot of it just
affects you in a lot of ways that I guess you just kind of don't realize until you get
(15:40):
older.
And so I just feel like, and maybe like this isn't for I feel like this is for a lot of
people.
I do feel that when it comes to like, not having a dad growing up like as a woman, it's
just like you start to realize that you like have all these issues.
And it's like, oh my god, like, you know, what, like, what is the where is this coming
from?
Like, what's going on?
Thank you, Ricky.
Love you.
(16:01):
And so, yeah, but it's like, what's going on?
Like, what's happening?
You know, and like, just being in counseling myself in my journaling, like I said, like,
dang, a lot of just the things about myself that I'm like, why do I do this?
Like, I realized, like, oh, it comes from you not having a dad.
Like, that's why you think that way.
That's why you feel that way.
(16:22):
And so, yeah.
Yeah, which just shows the importance of having a father.
Yeah, it is important.
But I just think a lot of us kind of have that attitude of like, no, like, I'm good
now because it's like, I turned out good.
I think it'd be different if it was like, you know, I was like in prison or something
like I'd be like, oh, I'd be livid.
I'd be like, if I ever get out, like, you know, and so, yeah, so it definitely is.
(16:47):
It is.
It does affect us.
Like whether we want to admit it or not, it does affect us.
But that doesn't mean that we grow up to be horrible people.
Right.
There's like a stigma of like, you know, like females, it's like, oh, they're down out there
like they over here in those streets, you know, like they 7-Elevens out here.
You know what I'm saying?
Like it's just like really bad.
But it's like that's not necessarily the outcome.
Yeah.
And I didn't think that was the outcome.
(17:09):
Yeah, I know you don't.
But I do feel like there is that stigma with that where it's like, oh, like, you know,
she didn't grow up with a dad.
So like, anyways.
Oh, yeah.
So talk about, talk about what was it like growing up with the dad?
Oh, well, the importance of a father.
You know, as a stand up father, my dad is my pastor.
Mama's my first lady.
(17:31):
Like his actual pastor.
Yeah, I'd be at church.
I'd be on that organ playing and my dad be preaching and backing up my dad for years.
And before my dad was my pastor, his dad, my grandfather was the pastor of the church
who actually founded the church.
So big shoes right there.
Big, big fatherhood shoes right there at the field.
(17:51):
If I ever end up becoming a dad myself.
But I mean, man, I'm beyond grateful.
Father's Day tomorrow, his gift just came in.
It's an hilarious gift because I like to throw in a little joke in there on his gift.
But no, it's not.
But it's something that'll make him laugh.
But yeah, I wanted to know the reason why I do this episode because I feel like, you
(18:16):
know, at certain times, you're just with the way society has gone with, you know, the baby,
dad, baby, mama, the broken homes, typically when there are broken homes, the father is
not there.
So it's like it's a less of an importance on the dad.
But at the same time, the men are traditionally looked at as like the providers and like,
(18:40):
you know, the heads of the household.
And so me, my experience growing up was literally that is like head of the household.
He's the provider, the hardest worker.
And on top of that, he's a man of God.
So we came up different.
You know what I mean?
Like Friday nights, we was at church, you know, we weren't out hanging with friends.
(19:01):
Sundays, we was at church, three day revivals, week long revivals at the church and stuff
like that.
And there's things that just, you know, he kept us.
He did what he could.
He did his best, him and my mom.
But it's Father's Day tomorrow.
We're going to shout out the fathers.
He did what he did, all that he could to keep us as straight, you know, on that straight
(19:24):
and narrow as possible.
And he is one that likes to do a lot of reading and research.
And so I'll never forget.
I think he had turned, I think it was his birthday a few years ago.
And he's a real chill guy, you know, give him like football and a nice little, you know,
(19:45):
reclining chair, a bowl of popcorn.
He chilling for the whole day.
He's going to knock out.
But I'll never forget on his birthday some years ago, I had asked him because I've learned
he always preaches to me and my brothers, like, get wisdom, get understanding, learn
stuff, apply stuff.
Don't be like what you see out there in the world.
And so I asked him, I said, OK, Pops, it's your birthday.
(20:10):
What is what is the lesson you can tell me right now?
What is something that you've learned in your X amount of years of being on here?
And the thing that the number one thing he said that always stick with me is learn from
other people's mistakes so that you ain't got to make them yourselves.
And I was like, it wasn't my first time hearing him say that.
But something about that moment really just made it stick like learn from other people's
(20:33):
mistakes so that you ain't got to go out there and make them.
And when I tell you as as kids, we came up at least speak for myself, I came up with
that mentality.
My friends would go off and do certain things and get in trouble.
And that mind that that thought would come to mind like you see how I played out for
them.
Don't you go down that path.
My friends would, you know, maybe some would cut school or cut class or, you know, would
(20:58):
drink or do drugs or smoke or even speed or just hang out in the wrong parts of the city
and certain things would happen to them.
And then I'm thinking about my pops learn from other people's mistakes so that you ain't
got to go out there and make them.
So when friends would be like, hey, yo, Sean, you trying to go whoop dee whoop, you trying
to go here, you know, you trying to stay out to X amount of time at night, midnight past
(21:19):
that.
I'm like, I'm good.
I'll hang with y'all for a little bit.
But y'all try and go there.
I'm gonna go ahead and cut out.
I'll catch up with y'all next time and stuff like that.
And the amount of trouble it saved us from experiencing.
Like I know people who, you know, who've been shot and killed childhood friends.
(21:42):
I've known people who were drug addicts admitted lately.
Yeah, Sean, I've been on drugs for years.
I've known people who dealt.
I've known people who went to jail.
I've known people who you name it.
I've known people who turn prostitution or like, you name it.
(22:04):
And because of the teachings of my dad and also being smart enough to be like, let me
listen.
Because, you know, as a kid, most times you're not really gonna understand.
You know what I'm saying?
You just trying to hang with your friends and this whatever.
But being smart enough to listen, it's like, it's a huge difference.
And me and some of the peers that I've known throughout the years because my dad raised
(22:31):
me and my brothers in a way that he has where it's like, yeah, you may be around all of
this stuff.
He knew one thing I really love about my pops.
I guess it's just a dedicated Father's Day episode.
One thing I really love about my pops is like, he and it's because he is a man.
He knew and has known the right or the most perfect and effective way to reach me and
(22:58):
my brothers as a man.
You know, my mom was more of the disciplinary.
She would yell and I most of my weapons came from my mom.
But when my dad would talk to most of my weapons came from my mom, came from my mom.
But when when dad would approach us, he would hit something to he would say something where
he just got to say it one time.
(23:19):
And he was a chill dude.
Like I said, he was hard.
He hardly ever raised his voice.
He probably only yelled at me like maybe once or twice ever in like 23 years living.
But like the things that he was saying such a chill manner with like stick for a lifetime.
So that's like and I think about, you know, some of the some of the fellows that I'm close
to now, like, you know, you know, Brandon Allen, who's been on the show, some of our
(23:43):
boys, Allen, Paulo Antonio.
And I'll just think about it the other day.
Like, man, we all good dudes.
We all have great hands on our shoulders.
Was was one of the many things we have in common.
We all got fathers in the home.
We all got pops.
We all close to our dads, you know, and we all like I was playing pull out Allen crib
(24:04):
against Allen's pops.
We was just at the Giants game with you and your family, Brandon.
You already you and I already know my people is the stuff like that.
It's like it makes a difference.
And I feel like you don't really you may not catch the difference until you see some of
it go away when you like see people who grow up and don't have the fathers, you know, it
(24:25):
makes a huge difference.
Like I've known people who got into a lot of trouble.
And if you trace it back, they father ain't there.
Yeah, that's true.
He either ran off or he in jail or it's just overall just not a good example.
And that's I think that's one of the main things.
(24:47):
The main like blessings of a godly father is like he teaches you in the way of God.
And then obviously it's up to you to follow it and keep your head on straight.
But like, you know, he's your father, you know, from a man's perspective, he hits you
and he hits you at as a man that your mama can't necessarily connect with you.
(25:10):
It could connect to you in a way.
You know what I mean?
So that's that was my experience.
It's like you have commented about various, I guess, traits about me that you may like
or may appreciate.
And much of it I got from just watching my dad.
(25:30):
You know, I remember I was it was an ex I was dating at the time.
And once you know, she started like meeting some of the family back then she got around
my dad for the first few times.
And then she was like, you talk just like your dad.
I would have never known.
I would have never known.
I always kind of thought I was kind of my own person.
I am.
(25:51):
But you know, but she's like, you sound just like your pops.
Like you talk like your dad, you carry yourself like your dad.
But yeah, father.
So that's why I want to do an episode like this, right?
It's important to understand like the importance of fathers, the importance of a stand up godly
man in the house who cares for the family, who cares for the children and is there to
(26:14):
like, you know, be a great example of how you should carry yourself and stuff like that.
And this makes a big difference if the father's not there.
And I really feel like a lot of people have identity crisis because the father isn't in
the home.
Yeah.
So like in the sense of because like for myself, like I just you know, we all like all children
go through like finding themselves.
(26:35):
You know, I feel like when I think about a dad, I feel like he's kind of like when you
go bowling and it's like the barricades, it's like you're going to get to where you're going.
Like you're just not going to have to like go into the pit and like in the trenches to
keep you straight.
Yeah.
It helps to keep you straight.
And so it's just helps to keep you straight.
So then it's like when the dad isn't there, like you just I feel like you just go through
a lot more like you just deal with a lot more things.
(26:57):
And it's really it's just you like figuring it all out because you know, mom, for example,
like specifically my mom, I'm like she worked like she didn't have the luxury of like being
on like welfare for years and stuff.
She's like, no, she has to work to like feed six mouths, like including her own.
And so that being said, like there wasn't like she didn't have time for me.
She didn't have time for myself.
(27:18):
Like we would all hang out.
But you know, it's like I do feel like there's an importance of having that one on one time
with your parent and like them pouring it to you.
And like we just didn't have that.
And so a lot like so growing up, like I just like felt very alone growing up, you know.
And so yeah, like I just felt very alone growing up.
And I felt like that that made it harder because then I'm just like, dang, like, you know, I
cried a lot like and I was like, I'm not sure why I cried a lot.
(27:41):
You know, like I mean, like it was to the point where you can even like raise your voice
just a little bit like once we were like, no, like I would literally just like, why are
you yelling at me?
Like I just start crying because I'm just like, you know, like literally I was like,
I will do whatever you say.
Like, please just don't raise your voice at me.
Like be kind to me.
Be nice to me.
And so anyways, but yeah, but I just feel that it took me a long time.
(28:03):
Honestly, if I didn't find Jesus, like I have to really give glory to God because finding
the ultimate father.
Yeah, the ultimate father, really the father of fathers, like the father to the fatherless.
And so because like if I really didn't come to the Lord, like already know, like I'm not
even going to cap y'all like I'd be wild and like I'd be wild and like I would have just
not cared and just like went crazy like in all the ways like I kid you not.
(28:27):
But because like the Lord had, you know, took me out, like just really kept me from that
lifestyle like I myself like didn't experience a lot of the things that everyone else experienced.
And so, yeah, so like honestly, like I'm just I'm blessed, like I'm blessed, like I'm not
like other statistics are not in a rude way.
But you know, like I'm not one of the statistics because like Jesus found me.
(28:48):
I say I found Jesus, but really Jesus found me and he was just I was never lost, you know,
like he saw me.
But yeah, but because like I came to the Lord, like it just allowed me to have that structure
in it, you know, just to be around men who like are fathers and like in a way like I
was still being fathered, but it just wasn't by my own dad, you know, but that doesn't
mean that it hurt any less, you know.
And so, yeah, that man.
(29:09):
Yeah.
What does it's like the importance of a father, a father, a savior from becoming a statistic.
Look, man, I saw something and this was very touching because in a way it was a bit of
a it was a personal it was absolutely a personal story to them.
But you know, it was someone that I know.
This person had a child when they were young, like I think they said that they got the call
(29:35):
that their girlfriend was maybe pregnant, ended up being pregnant when they were like
15, 16.
Oh, my Lord.
This is a child having a child pretty much.
And you know, you're a kid, 15, 16.
The first thing that came to their mind was I'm just a child.
So they were like at first, you know, they was having those thoughts of like, nah, pretty
(29:55):
much running away in a sense.
And what and they said this is a man speaking and they said the thing that kept them alive
in their mind was their father.
The thought that came to their mind was my father never left me.
Why would I do that to my child?
And their father got them to do that thing.
(30:18):
That could have been a broken home.
Now, you know, they raised up a happy home and stuff like that, because with the inspiration
and guidance of, you know, of their father and their time of need and who, in a sense,
was kind of able to relate to that in a sense.
But stuff like that, you don't think about stuff like that when you around peers who
(30:43):
got a whole bunch of baby mama, baby, daddy drama, you know, you're not thinking about
those kind of things was like, dang, maybe if their situation beforehand was straight,
the route that they would take in life would be completely different and the results of
their choices would be completely different.
Even if that person's father wasn't there.
(31:04):
That would have been another broken home, another deadbeat dad situation, another single
mom, single parent at 15, 16.
That had just been like another one of those statistics.
They probably would have been on government assistance.
But his father helped him as a man and as a father, showed him the way to go and encouraged
(31:27):
him to stick with it.
This is what you did.
These are the results of your choices.
We are men.
We don't run from this.
That's one of the many examples of having a stand up father.
To where, because you know, fathers can protect you from a lot, but they can't protect you
from everything.
Yeah, that's true.
No one can protect you from everything.
(31:48):
But having them there to be that rock to lean on.
Like, for example, like when I was, you know, I've brought up my past relationship a lot
when I was engaged.
When I was engaged and we were having issues, I went to my father as a man, talked to my
mom a little bit, but I will go home and my mom will be home and I'll be like, where's
that?
(32:09):
Is he in the backyard?
Pop, can you come in real quick?
I need to talk with you.
And it'd be me, my dad and my older brother.
And we would talk for hours about just marriage, relationship stuff, because that was all new
to me.
So I engaged young age, had just turned 20.
Yeah, had just turned 20, which means I had eyes on the girl when I was like 19.
(32:34):
So young age and stuff like that.
And my parents got married when they were young, like 2021, something like that.
So I knew we could relate.
So when it felt like it was my turn, where's my dad?
Stuff like that.
And if you don't have that, there's no telling how bad it could impact you.
(32:55):
And stuff that happens in your childhood, it carries on into your adulthood.
And if you don't sort that out, next you know your kids are impacted.
If you have kids, your children are impacted by it.
And then it's just a cycle that keeps going and going while a lot of parts of society
(33:19):
are glorifying the single parenthood the baby mama.
I can't tell you how many times fathers, in moments of the year when Father's Day will
come up and the single, no hate on the single mothers, but Father's Day will come up and
(33:40):
then the single mothers will chime in and pretty much be like, in a sense, shout out
to themselves for playing the role of father and mother for their child.
And it's like mothers are mothers.
They can try, but can't nobody be a father better than a man.
(34:03):
My mom was the disciplinary.
She yelled at us the most, but ain't nobody reach me like my father who would only have
to say a couple of words and would never have to raise his voice.
Anytime he would come up to me and be like, I need to talk to you for a minute.
I knew I messed up.
I knew I was like, ah man.
(34:26):
He wasn't the kind that'll go on forever and ever.
I mean he kind of would, but oftentimes he could just say a little bit.
I wouldn't even have to be in trouble.
I'll never forget, I went on my very first date.
It was in high school.
It was my sophomore year.
It was my first date and took the girl to the movies, right?
Took the girl to the AMC movies at Antioch before they closed it down.
(34:50):
And I went and my pops was like, all right, do the gentlemen thing now.
That's all he had to say.
And I was on my A game.
I knew exactly what that meant as a man.
Just like that, I can't tell you how many partners I've known who don't have that kind
of father figure, who have treated women any kind of way.
(35:13):
My dad would never, would never.
We love y'all fathers out there.
Wasn't intended on this being like a father's day kind of special.
Yeah, especially coming out probably way after father's day.
But this is something I've noticed throughout the years.
(35:35):
Like, yo, there's a difference in between how me and my brothers carry ourselves who
have that happy home, that father in a home, that strong father, man of God, teaching us
God's way and just how to be men in today's world.
(35:55):
I've noticed the difference over the years between us and then some of those who don't
have that.
And it's not just in the guy specifically who don't have that.
I've noticed that difference in the girls who don't have that.
I've noticed that.
I've noticed that difference in the girls and it's, it runs deep, dog.
It runs deep.
Man, this was nice.
Did you have anything else?
(36:15):
Me?
I'm like, no.
What's our run time, Rick?
36.
Oh really?
That's good.
I feel like we should talk about this again though.
We absolutely should.
I feel like there's a lot to unpack with that.
There's a lot more to this.
Maybe next time we can have guests too.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I can probably bring my, maybe I can bring my dad on.
Oh, that'd be so cool.
You should do that.
(36:36):
Yeah, cause he'll...
You should bring your mom too.
Maybe you can bring them both.
Yeah, they both come.
They both, yeah.
Like I know my dad.
I can interview them and talk.
That'd be really nice.
Yeah, he'll, I know for a fact my dad would say a lot about my grandfather.
Like he, my grandfather was, I mean I talk, I mentioned the degrees that he had, same,
talking about the same guy, same grandfather, degrees, the Black Panther, community activist,
(36:59):
the pastor.
Cause that makes me curious of like how your, how did your grandfather raise your dad?
And like was it similar or were there certain things that your dad did differently than
your grandpa?
I'll leave that for my dad to say.
Yeah, I know that's what I'm saying though, but that's why I was like, oh I have a lot
of questions.
Yeah.
So that's good.
But yeah, we appreciate y'all tuning in for this episode.
Yeah, thank you.
If you guys are, for us men out there who end up becoming fathers, do the right thing.
(37:25):
Yeah.
You know, don't run from that.
You know.
Be a father, be a man.
Yeah.
Raise these kids.
Cause it's too much of this, this horrible cycle of, you know, kids coming up without
that or just coming up in broken homes in general.
And then it's just, it's not good.
And if you don't want kids, don't be a fool.
Wrap your tool.
Like that's all.
(37:46):
I mean, honestly.
I'm being honest.
Because like there's this, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to promote their podcast
and stuff, but like there was just this point where there was this conversation being had
on a podcast and they were like, yeah, anyways, I'm not even going to say what they said actually.
It was really bad.
But seriously, don't be a fool.
Wrap your tool.
Ladies, like use birth control, all the good things.
(38:06):
Like, okay, if you don't want to bring kids into this world, you know, like I would say
do the natural, do the natural stuff.
Like let's not, you know.
I was going to start saying more, but like, I'm just going to shut up.
Appreciate y'all for tuning in.
Love y'all fam.
Hit them links in the description.
Drop comments about your experiences.
I mean, this is coming out way after Father's Day, but I mean, if you got a dope memory,
(38:31):
you want to share about your pops or a dope.
Or not so dope memories.
I'm just being honest.
Share what you're comfortable with sharing, you know, or a dope or just something you
want to share.
If maybe you are a dad and you want to share something from a father's perspective.
Yeah.
Maybe you grew up without a dad and you're just like, you know what?
It was actually different.
Maybe like an uncle took over or something.
So you still have that father figure in your life and vice versa.
(38:53):
So yeah, share.
Maybe you grew up without a dad and became a dad.
Yeah.
How was that?
I was actually my grandfather.
Oh really?
I was going to stop.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Grew up without a dad and then had my dad.
But yeah, tune in to the next episode.
Bye.
Test check, okay cool.
(00:25):
Hello, hello, can you hear me?
Yeah I can hear you.
Can you hear me hearing you?
Oh my, I can.
Wow, that was crazy.
Nice.
Are we rolling?
We're rolling.
Wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
Yeah, season two.
What's up with it, what's up with it.
Unrehearsed fam.
It's your girl Mo, your girl Moriana, your girl aka, no I'm just kidding.
(00:52):
Mo Dala.
Hi, Mo Dala.
Mo Dala sign.
What's up with it, it's your boy Dej Shalala.
I appreciate y'all tuning back in to another episode of Unrehearsed.
We keeping it going, staying consistent as always, consistent with the product upgrade,
the technical upgrade.
Shout out to Brandon behind all of the cameras.
(01:13):
Shout out to Ricky behind the boards, the mixing boards, making sure we sound dope.
Shout out to Chris who's editing this joint.
We appreciate you dog.
We appreciate you in all three camera angles.
This one is an interesting one.
(01:33):
Interesting, well this is pretty coincidental at the day that we're shooting this.
It's going to come out way later, but the day that we're shooting this, Father's Day
is tomorrow.
And dog.
Interesting that we were in this.
Who's actually celebrating their father's, raise your hand.
(01:54):
Okay.
Two out of four.
Not trying to make anyone fell out of place.
50% of the room right now.
I remember when I wrote this idea down, I remember on the first season somewhere, some
episode, I believe we hinted at it a few times about just the difference between, or just
(02:18):
the impact coming from a happy home or a broken home, how that can have on a person.
I can't remember in which context that we talked about it.
I feel like I probably brought it up.
Did you?
Yeah, I think I brought it up as a joke because I feel like you're always like, oh yeah.
Because we were talking and I was like, you know what, I always forget that you have two
(02:39):
parents because I feel like statistically usually like, you know.
You said that on episode?
No, not on episode.
This is just like outside of episode conversations, like just us talking.
Oh, you're saying we brought it up on an episode?
I think so, or at least kind of hinted at it.
I know you and I have talked about it personally.
Yeah, I don't know about an episode.
Really?
Yeah, nothing comes to my head.
Like remembering like, oh yeah, we talked about this.
(03:01):
No, yeah, because we did, not us forgetting what we did, but like what do we, we did a
relationship episode.
Yes.
And then it probably was hinted on that episode.
Yes.
Like somebody.
Yes, no, that is true.
I think it was probably me because I was like, you know, girls like B Wilden, you know, Fatherless
(03:21):
Holmes.
Oh, we did, we did.
Yeah.
Yes, I remember now.
He's right.
Now it's all coming back.
There's probably somebody in the comments that has it more memorized than we do.
Yeah, right.
Probably somebody, which is hilarious.
Like you said this, it's like my brother-in-law Jimmy maybe.
But yeah, I definitely wanted to dive in on this one completely coincidental that we end
(03:47):
up doing it on the day before Father's Day.
Just look at that.
How about that?
But it's definitely, there's a thing happening, it's been happening for a long time where
it's like, you know, someone can come from a broken home and then it just kind of, they
pass it on down in a sense that's all that they know.
Like if you.
Yeah, I was like, can you give us an example of a broken home?
(04:08):
Cause I feel like a lot of people say that, but I'm always like, what does that actually,
what does that mean?
So this is how the homes, the family structure has changed over time in American society.
I don't know about abroad, but I just know about an American society.
At one point there was, you know, husband, wife, you know, children as you'd expect,
(04:32):
but now it's husband, husband, wife, wife, the whole baby father type thing.
There's, there's some, how can I put this in a way that there's no more nuclear families
or what are you talking about?
Um, well, when you thought, when you said nuclear, I went straight to bomb.
So yeah, well, nuclear family is the husband, wife and the kids.
Yeah.
(04:53):
I'm not saying there's no more of that, but I feel like there's been an attack on that
because one, the first thing that God instituted was the family structure, you know, fine.
I'm at risk of that just about every episode.
(05:14):
But as one thing that the, that guy first created, you know, when, when he made Eve,
he brought Eve to Adam and said, this is your wife.
That's the start of it right there.
And then over time there has been things that would happen that not necessarily promote
(05:34):
broken homes, but kind of desensitize us to it.
And we kind of lose the value or at least lose the significance and the importance of
keeping that family structured together.
So it's like, for example, the, some men would be, would, would easily run out on the kids,
you know, or right now I'm going to go get some milk real quick.
(05:56):
Something like that.
Or in, in that case, for example, even with like government assistance, you know, if there's
like certain government assistance, you have to fit within a certain, for lack of a better
word category in order to get that government assistance.
The first thing they're going to check is whether or not there's a man in a home.
If there's a man in a home, you probably won't get that government assistance.
(06:18):
Can we stop right now?
Shout out to you single mothers who are raising your children by yourselves.
Like shout out to y'all.
Come on.
Y'all deserve so much more than what y'all are given.
So I just want to take a moment to acknowledge y'all and just to say thank you.
Thank you.
We appreciate y'all.
So bringing it back, I'd say all of that to say, bringing it back to the topic at hand.
(06:39):
Oh, and single fathers.
I'm so sorry.
Father's Day tomorrow.
I grew up, right.
Happy, happy Father's Day to the father single fathers.
Like we appreciate y'all as well raising your children and doing what you got to do.
All the parents doing what they need to be holding it down.
But the effect of it, of having a broken home as a child coming up with, you know, not having
(07:00):
a father or, you know, having a father, but maybe he's not.
Like he's absent.
Like he's physically there, but he's absent.
He's either absent or he maybe is not a stand up guy.
Maybe he's getting into a lot of trouble.
Maybe he's like a deadbeat, as they would say.
The deadbeat, same, you know, same or vice versa rather with, you know, with the mom.
The impact that it has on the children is something that I believe is not brought up
(07:23):
enough because it's like we've become desensitized to it when originally that's not how things
were supposed to go.
Right.
And not according to, you know, what God would have for us.
And you know, we come, we become desensitized to anything, you know, next, you know, we
create art about it.
So now it's, we talk about it and glorify a little bit more in the music or in the,
(07:43):
in, you know, film, you know, maybe on BET or whatever or just whatever.
And it, it creates this feeling of, oh, that's the norm.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
I'm glad you brought it up.
When it's not supposed to be that way, ideally.
Yeah.
Because arguably, I don't think we're so much desensitized, but I just think it has become
such a norm that it's like, oh, your dad beat your mom too?
(08:07):
Like, all right, I'm not alone.
And then it's just kind of like, well, it is what it is.
Yeah.
And I think we also even brought up like, I think we also.
I'm just going to extremes now.
My brain is just like, it happens out there.
But we've also brought it up on the last season and talk about like the divorce rates.
Yeah.
How most marriages fail.
Yeah.
(08:27):
So if most marriages fail, if we're continuing with that assumption, then you're more likely
to find broken homes.
Yeah.
Homes.
That was good.
I mean, broken homes, I mean, homes where a non-broken home would be mother's there,
father's there, they're happy and love, kids, however many are there, you know.
(08:48):
They're happy.
Traditional type joint.
They're getting what they need.
Not where, oh, I'm at my mom's for this weekend and the next week.
I'm at my pops or, you know, or split between so and so.
It's like there's that kind of stability.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
That's what I mean by broken.
Yeah, safe, protective, healthy environment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(09:09):
And so that's interesting as a father's day.
But I thought about that because I've met people who, you know, my age who have not
come up like how I've came up.
My mom and my dad have been together over 30 years, still going strong.
Pop's a hard worker.
(09:31):
Mom's a hard worker.
She raised me and my brothers and to the point where we've been able to come a little bit
more independent and then, you know, now they've kind of, I guess you could say taken their
foot off the parenting gas, if you will, a little bit because now we're older and stuff
like that.
I've come from that, what we're calling in this episode, a happy home.
(09:53):
And I see the impact that it's had on me and my brothers and how we carry ourselves and
how we treat other people and just the confidence that we may have.
And then I've also seen obviously how, you know, we would carry that into like romantic
relationships with other girls and stuff like that.
But then I've also, you know, dated some or just knew some just as friends who did not
(10:16):
come from that.
And there's like a major difference.
And I feel like that's kind of not highlighted enough.
Like that should be addressed.
Yeah.
That's kind of my thing.
Yeah.
Well, I grew up in a broken home.
Forget you.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
But that's actually interesting that we're doing this episode.
Yeah.
Like when you said it, I was like, so I'm definitely the broken homer because I'm like,
(10:39):
you're the happy homer.
Like you grew up with two parents.
Yeah.
So I guess I'll just start off with like my personal, my personal bull stuff.
Whatever you're comfortable with sharing.
So yeah.
What did you say?
Whatever you're comfortable with sharing.
Yeah.
It shares everything.
So I was born guys, November 26, 1996.
Actually no serious on a serious note, my dad was not there like at the hospital.
(11:01):
So my aunt actually named me.
My real name is Moriana.
So my auntie was the one who gave me the name because my dad's name is Morris.
So she still gave me his name, which was like very kind of her.
And so yeah.
But my but as for me, y'all, I'm one of 10 siblings.
Like for those of you who don't know.
So and we're all have siblings.
But you know, I'm black.
I'm willing to be out here like with that nonsense.
(11:22):
Like y'all better than your sister.
And so but we're all have siblings.
But I grew up with my mom.
And so it was my mom and five kids like so me and like all my other four siblings, we
all grew up in a home together.
There was no man.
And I had a younger brother and he was the only like boy in the house.
So it was just like always chaotic.
(11:42):
So for me, it's like the household was constantly like I was constantly in a state of fight
or flight.
And it was just like, OK, like what's going to happen next?
Like who's going to start arguing first and things like that.
You know, and I I was the middle child.
I was the golden child, I guess you could say, because I never really I actually got
bit.
I was like, what the heck?
Anyways, but I was the golden child.
(12:04):
So I purposely like I was just very observant.
So I would see everything that was going on.
And I was like, you know, I kind of want to add more stress on my mom because it's already
like a lot with my siblings.
So let me just let me just be, you know, a good child, like fly under the radar, like
do what I got to do and like not stress her out even more and things like that.
So yeah, so growing up in a broken home, it sucked like it sucks a lot.
(12:26):
Like it really does.
I feel like as you get older, you kind of start.
I need to stop scratching it.
I feel like as you get older, you start.
I wouldn't say having this resentment, but you just start to understand like you don't
need like whatever parent is absent.
You just start to feel like I actually don't need you.
Like I turned out pretty great.
Like thanks for nothing.
Go ahead.
OK.
(12:47):
So I've heard a few who've come from that background have that same mentality.
I have a question as someone who's on the other side of the spectrum.
Is that because you actually I mean, you know, I guess you can't in reality, you can't miss
what you never had.
So but is that that kind of thing?
(13:12):
Like you just kind of learn to live without it or is it that plus a mixture of I guess
you could say resentment or whatever, like hurt or pain.
Like what is the root of that?
I would definitely say that it's both because as for myself, like I'm not going to say that
like I never saw my dad like I like my dad was like there, but he was very like in and
out, you know.
And so so yeah.
(13:33):
So there was like as a child, there was always that desire in me of like, oh, you know, I
see movies and I'm like, yeah, like, you know, the dad like he protects her like he loves
her, like all the things that takes her out to ice cream, all that good stuff.
You know, he tells her who she is.
And so having to grow up without that, like, fine.
Like it took me a long time.
But I think when I was like 15, like I finally got to the place like I had come like giving
(13:54):
my life to Jesus at that point.
So I'm like, I don't need an earthly father because I got a heavenly father.
And so that was like kind of my heart's posture because it really was like there was just
such a desperation that I finally got to the point where I'm like, you know what, like
I'm actually a pretty good kid.
Like for a long time, like I really thought that I needed that.
But I'm like, I'm fine without it.
Like I've gotten this far without him.
(14:15):
So why like why why do I need him now?
Like, you know, I just feel like at first when you're a kid, like, you know, if they
start showing up more and like kind of like taking that spot, like it doesn't feel the
same.
But it's like once you become a teenager, like you just it's like you're a growing
adult.
So it just comes to the point where you're like, I don't like it's not a necessity.
Like it is what it is.
Yeah.
(14:36):
I mean, I don't need it so much now because like I'm a lot more independent.
Right.
And so yeah.
So so you do you don't ever find yourself like, I guess, kind of occasionally since
you know, you're older now, like longing for like, you know, yeah.
Like do you feel a certain way?
For example, tomorrow's Father's Day, would you feel a certain way?
(14:58):
Yeah, I do.
I was curious.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah.
I feel like starts to cry.
No, but like it's been a very therapeutic season so far.
Um, yeah, I do feel a certain way, though.
I just feel that a lot of times like, oh, I'm really gonna cry.
I hate you.
Okay.
(15:19):
Okay.
You can take it off the gas.
It's fine.
But um, yeah, like it does suck.
You know, because you just start to realize that like over time, I know literally gives
me tissue.
You just start to realize I'm fine.
I'm fine.
You just start to realize though that like over time, like it's just a lot of it just
affects you in a lot of ways that I guess you just kind of don't realize until you get
(15:40):
older.
And so I just feel like, and maybe like this isn't for I feel like this is for a lot of
people.
I do feel that when it comes to like, not having a dad growing up like as a woman, it's
just like you start to realize that you like have all these issues.
And it's like, oh my god, like, you know, what, like, what is the where is this coming
from?
Like, what's going on?
Thank you, Ricky.
Love you.
(16:01):
And so, yeah, but it's like, what's going on?
Like, what's happening?
You know, and like, just being in counseling myself in my journaling, like I said, like,
dang, a lot of just the things about myself that I'm like, why do I do this?
Like, I realized, like, oh, it comes from you not having a dad.
Like, that's why you think that way.
That's why you feel that way.
(16:22):
And so, yeah.
Yeah, which just shows the importance of having a father.
Yeah, it is important.
But I just think a lot of us kind of have that attitude of like, no, like, I'm good
now because it's like, I turned out good.
I think it'd be different if it was like, you know, I was like in prison or something
like I'd be like, oh, I'd be livid.
I'd be like, if I ever get out, like, you know, and so, yeah, so it definitely is.
(16:47):
It is.
It does affect us.
Like whether we want to admit it or not, it does affect us.
But that doesn't mean that we grow up to be horrible people.
Right.
There's like a stigma of like, you know, like females, it's like, oh, they're down out there
like they over here in those streets, you know, like they 7-Elevens out here.
You know what I'm saying?
Like it's just like really bad.
But it's like that's not necessarily the outcome.
Yeah.
And I didn't think that was the outcome.
(17:09):
Yeah, I know you don't.
But I do feel like there is that stigma with that where it's like, oh, like, you know,
she didn't grow up with a dad.
So like, anyways.
Oh, yeah.
So talk about, talk about what was it like growing up with the dad?
Oh, well, the importance of a father.
You know, as a stand up father, my dad is my pastor.
Mama's my first lady.
(17:31):
Like his actual pastor.
Yeah, I'd be at church.
I'd be on that organ playing and my dad be preaching and backing up my dad for years.
And before my dad was my pastor, his dad, my grandfather was the pastor of the church
who actually founded the church.
So big shoes right there.
Big, big fatherhood shoes right there at the field.
(17:51):
If I ever end up becoming a dad myself.
But I mean, man, I'm beyond grateful.
Father's Day tomorrow, his gift just came in.
It's an hilarious gift because I like to throw in a little joke in there on his gift.
But no, it's not.
But it's something that'll make him laugh.
But yeah, I wanted to know the reason why I do this episode because I feel like, you
(18:16):
know, at certain times, you're just with the way society has gone with, you know, the baby,
dad, baby, mama, the broken homes, typically when there are broken homes, the father is
not there.
So it's like it's a less of an importance on the dad.
But at the same time, the men are traditionally looked at as like the providers and like,
(18:40):
you know, the heads of the household.
And so me, my experience growing up was literally that is like head of the household.
He's the provider, the hardest worker.
And on top of that, he's a man of God.
So we came up different.
You know what I mean?
Like Friday nights, we was at church, you know, we weren't out hanging with friends.
(19:01):
Sundays, we was at church, three day revivals, week long revivals at the church and stuff
like that.
And there's things that just, you know, he kept us.
He did what he could.
He did his best, him and my mom.
But it's Father's Day tomorrow.
We're going to shout out the fathers.
He did what he did, all that he could to keep us as straight, you know, on that straight
(19:24):
and narrow as possible.
And he is one that likes to do a lot of reading and research.
And so I'll never forget.
I think he had turned, I think it was his birthday a few years ago.
And he's a real chill guy, you know, give him like football and a nice little, you know,
(19:45):
reclining chair, a bowl of popcorn.
He chilling for the whole day.
He's going to knock out.
But I'll never forget on his birthday some years ago, I had asked him because I've learned
he always preaches to me and my brothers, like, get wisdom, get understanding, learn
stuff, apply stuff.
Don't be like what you see out there in the world.
And so I asked him, I said, OK, Pops, it's your birthday.
(20:10):
What is what is the lesson you can tell me right now?
What is something that you've learned in your X amount of years of being on here?
And the thing that the number one thing he said that always stick with me is learn from
other people's mistakes so that you ain't got to make them yourselves.
And I was like, it wasn't my first time hearing him say that.
But something about that moment really just made it stick like learn from other people's
(20:33):
mistakes so that you ain't got to go out there and make them.
And when I tell you as as kids, we came up at least speak for myself, I came up with
that mentality.
My friends would go off and do certain things and get in trouble.
And that mind that that thought would come to mind like you see how I played out for
them.
Don't you go down that path.
My friends would, you know, maybe some would cut school or cut class or, you know, would
(20:58):
drink or do drugs or smoke or even speed or just hang out in the wrong parts of the city
and certain things would happen to them.
And then I'm thinking about my pops learn from other people's mistakes so that you ain't
got to go out there and make them.
So when friends would be like, hey, yo, Sean, you trying to go whoop dee whoop, you trying
to go here, you know, you trying to stay out to X amount of time at night, midnight past
(21:19):
that.
I'm like, I'm good.
I'll hang with y'all for a little bit.
But y'all try and go there.
I'm gonna go ahead and cut out.
I'll catch up with y'all next time and stuff like that.
And the amount of trouble it saved us from experiencing.
Like I know people who, you know, who've been shot and killed childhood friends.
(21:42):
I've known people who were drug addicts admitted lately.
Yeah, Sean, I've been on drugs for years.
I've known people who dealt.
I've known people who went to jail.
I've known people who you name it.
I've known people who turn prostitution or like, you name it.
(22:04):
And because of the teachings of my dad and also being smart enough to be like, let me
listen.
Because, you know, as a kid, most times you're not really gonna understand.
You know what I'm saying?
You just trying to hang with your friends and this whatever.
But being smart enough to listen, it's like, it's a huge difference.
And me and some of the peers that I've known throughout the years because my dad raised
(22:31):
me and my brothers in a way that he has where it's like, yeah, you may be around all of
this stuff.
He knew one thing I really love about my pops.
I guess it's just a dedicated Father's Day episode.
One thing I really love about my pops is like, he and it's because he is a man.
He knew and has known the right or the most perfect and effective way to reach me and
(22:58):
my brothers as a man.
You know, my mom was more of the disciplinary.
She would yell and I most of my weapons came from my mom.
But when my dad would talk to most of my weapons came from my mom, came from my mom.
But when when dad would approach us, he would hit something to he would say something where
he just got to say it one time.
(23:19):
And he was a chill dude.
Like I said, he was hard.
He hardly ever raised his voice.
He probably only yelled at me like maybe once or twice ever in like 23 years living.
But like the things that he was saying such a chill manner with like stick for a lifetime.
So that's like and I think about, you know, some of the some of the fellows that I'm close
to now, like, you know, you know, Brandon Allen, who's been on the show, some of our
(23:43):
boys, Allen, Paulo Antonio.
And I'll just think about it the other day.
Like, man, we all good dudes.
We all have great hands on our shoulders.
Was was one of the many things we have in common.
We all got fathers in the home.
We all got pops.
We all close to our dads, you know, and we all like I was playing pull out Allen crib
(24:04):
against Allen's pops.
We was just at the Giants game with you and your family, Brandon.
You already you and I already know my people is the stuff like that.
It's like it makes a difference.
And I feel like you don't really you may not catch the difference until you see some of
it go away when you like see people who grow up and don't have the fathers, you know, it
(24:25):
makes a huge difference.
Like I've known people who got into a lot of trouble.
And if you trace it back, they father ain't there.
Yeah, that's true.
He either ran off or he in jail or it's just overall just not a good example.
And that's I think that's one of the main things.
(24:47):
The main like blessings of a godly father is like he teaches you in the way of God.
And then obviously it's up to you to follow it and keep your head on straight.
But like, you know, he's your father, you know, from a man's perspective, he hits you
and he hits you at as a man that your mama can't necessarily connect with you.
(25:10):
It could connect to you in a way.
You know what I mean?
So that's that was my experience.
It's like you have commented about various, I guess, traits about me that you may like
or may appreciate.
And much of it I got from just watching my dad.
(25:30):
You know, I remember I was it was an ex I was dating at the time.
And once you know, she started like meeting some of the family back then she got around
my dad for the first few times.
And then she was like, you talk just like your dad.
I would have never known.
I would have never known.
I always kind of thought I was kind of my own person.
I am.
(25:51):
But you know, but she's like, you sound just like your pops.
Like you talk like your dad, you carry yourself like your dad.
But yeah, father.
So that's why I want to do an episode like this, right?
It's important to understand like the importance of fathers, the importance of a stand up godly
man in the house who cares for the family, who cares for the children and is there to
(26:14):
like, you know, be a great example of how you should carry yourself and stuff like that.
And this makes a big difference if the father's not there.
And I really feel like a lot of people have identity crisis because the father isn't in
the home.
Yeah.
So like in the sense of because like for myself, like I just you know, we all like all children
go through like finding themselves.
(26:35):
You know, I feel like when I think about a dad, I feel like he's kind of like when you
go bowling and it's like the barricades, it's like you're going to get to where you're going.
Like you're just not going to have to like go into the pit and like in the trenches to
keep you straight.
Yeah.
It helps to keep you straight.
And so it's just helps to keep you straight.
So then it's like when the dad isn't there, like you just I feel like you just go through
a lot more like you just deal with a lot more things.
(26:57):
And it's really it's just you like figuring it all out because you know, mom, for example,
like specifically my mom, I'm like she worked like she didn't have the luxury of like being
on like welfare for years and stuff.
She's like, no, she has to work to like feed six mouths, like including her own.
And so that being said, like there wasn't like she didn't have time for me.
She didn't have time for myself.
(27:18):
Like we would all hang out.
But you know, it's like I do feel like there's an importance of having that one on one time
with your parent and like them pouring it to you.
And like we just didn't have that.
And so a lot like so growing up, like I just like felt very alone growing up, you know.
And so yeah, like I just felt very alone growing up.
And I felt like that that made it harder because then I'm just like, dang, like, you know, I
cried a lot like and I was like, I'm not sure why I cried a lot.
(27:41):
You know, like I mean, like it was to the point where you can even like raise your voice
just a little bit like once we were like, no, like I would literally just like, why are
you yelling at me?
Like I just start crying because I'm just like, you know, like literally I was like,
I will do whatever you say.
Like, please just don't raise your voice at me.
Like be kind to me.
Be nice to me.
And so anyways, but yeah, but I just feel that it took me a long time.
(28:03):
Honestly, if I didn't find Jesus, like I have to really give glory to God because finding
the ultimate father.
Yeah, the ultimate father, really the father of fathers, like the father to the fatherless.
And so because like if I really didn't come to the Lord, like already know, like I'm not
even going to cap y'all like I'd be wild and like I'd be wild and like I would have just
not cared and just like went crazy like in all the ways like I kid you not.
(28:27):
But because like the Lord had, you know, took me out, like just really kept me from that
lifestyle like I myself like didn't experience a lot of the things that everyone else experienced.
And so, yeah, so like honestly, like I'm just I'm blessed, like I'm blessed, like I'm not
like other statistics are not in a rude way.
But you know, like I'm not one of the statistics because like Jesus found me.
(28:48):
I say I found Jesus, but really Jesus found me and he was just I was never lost, you know,
like he saw me.
But yeah, but because like I came to the Lord, like it just allowed me to have that structure
in it, you know, just to be around men who like are fathers and like in a way like I
was still being fathered, but it just wasn't by my own dad, you know, but that doesn't
mean that it hurt any less, you know.
And so, yeah, that man.
(29:09):
Yeah.
What does it's like the importance of a father, a father, a savior from becoming a statistic.
Look, man, I saw something and this was very touching because in a way it was a bit of
a it was a personal it was absolutely a personal story to them.
But you know, it was someone that I know.
This person had a child when they were young, like I think they said that they got the call
(29:35):
that their girlfriend was maybe pregnant, ended up being pregnant when they were like
15, 16.
Oh, my Lord.
This is a child having a child pretty much.
And you know, you're a kid, 15, 16.
The first thing that came to their mind was I'm just a child.
So they were like at first, you know, they was having those thoughts of like, nah, pretty
(29:55):
much running away in a sense.
And what and they said this is a man speaking and they said the thing that kept them alive
in their mind was their father.
The thought that came to their mind was my father never left me.
Why would I do that to my child?
And their father got them to do that thing.
(30:18):
That could have been a broken home.
Now, you know, they raised up a happy home and stuff like that, because with the inspiration
and guidance of, you know, of their father and their time of need and who, in a sense,
was kind of able to relate to that in a sense.
But stuff like that, you don't think about stuff like that when you around peers who
(30:43):
got a whole bunch of baby mama, baby, daddy drama, you know, you're not thinking about
those kind of things was like, dang, maybe if their situation beforehand was straight,
the route that they would take in life would be completely different and the results of
their choices would be completely different.
Even if that person's father wasn't there.
(31:04):
That would have been another broken home, another deadbeat dad situation, another single
mom, single parent at 15, 16.
That had just been like another one of those statistics.
They probably would have been on government assistance.
But his father helped him as a man and as a father, showed him the way to go and encouraged
(31:27):
him to stick with it.
This is what you did.
These are the results of your choices.
We are men.
We don't run from this.
That's one of the many examples of having a stand up father.
To where, because you know, fathers can protect you from a lot, but they can't protect you
from everything.
Yeah, that's true.
No one can protect you from everything.
(31:48):
But having them there to be that rock to lean on.
Like, for example, like when I was, you know, I've brought up my past relationship a lot
when I was engaged.
When I was engaged and we were having issues, I went to my father as a man, talked to my
mom a little bit, but I will go home and my mom will be home and I'll be like, where's
that?
(32:09):
Is he in the backyard?
Pop, can you come in real quick?
I need to talk with you.
And it'd be me, my dad and my older brother.
And we would talk for hours about just marriage, relationship stuff, because that was all new
to me.
So I engaged young age, had just turned 20.
Yeah, had just turned 20, which means I had eyes on the girl when I was like 19.
(32:34):
So young age and stuff like that.
And my parents got married when they were young, like 2021, something like that.
So I knew we could relate.
So when it felt like it was my turn, where's my dad?
Stuff like that.
And if you don't have that, there's no telling how bad it could impact you.
(32:55):
And stuff that happens in your childhood, it carries on into your adulthood.
And if you don't sort that out, next you know your kids are impacted.
If you have kids, your children are impacted by it.
And then it's just a cycle that keeps going and going while a lot of parts of society
(33:19):
are glorifying the single parenthood the baby mama.
I can't tell you how many times fathers, in moments of the year when Father's Day will
come up and the single, no hate on the single mothers, but Father's Day will come up and
(33:40):
then the single mothers will chime in and pretty much be like, in a sense, shout out
to themselves for playing the role of father and mother for their child.
And it's like mothers are mothers.
They can try, but can't nobody be a father better than a man.
(34:03):
My mom was the disciplinary.
She yelled at us the most, but ain't nobody reach me like my father who would only have
to say a couple of words and would never have to raise his voice.
Anytime he would come up to me and be like, I need to talk to you for a minute.
I knew I messed up.
I knew I was like, ah man.
(34:26):
He wasn't the kind that'll go on forever and ever.
I mean he kind of would, but oftentimes he could just say a little bit.
I wouldn't even have to be in trouble.
I'll never forget, I went on my very first date.
It was in high school.
It was my sophomore year.
It was my first date and took the girl to the movies, right?
Took the girl to the AMC movies at Antioch before they closed it down.
(34:50):
And I went and my pops was like, all right, do the gentlemen thing now.
That's all he had to say.
And I was on my A game.
I knew exactly what that meant as a man.
Just like that, I can't tell you how many partners I've known who don't have that kind
of father figure, who have treated women any kind of way.
(35:13):
My dad would never, would never.
We love y'all fathers out there.
Wasn't intended on this being like a father's day kind of special.
Yeah, especially coming out probably way after father's day.
But this is something I've noticed throughout the years.
(35:35):
Like, yo, there's a difference in between how me and my brothers carry ourselves who
have that happy home, that father in a home, that strong father, man of God, teaching us
God's way and just how to be men in today's world.
(35:55):
I've noticed the difference over the years between us and then some of those who don't
have that.
And it's not just in the guy specifically who don't have that.
I've noticed that difference in the girls who don't have that.
I've noticed that.
I've noticed that difference in the girls and it's, it runs deep, dog.
It runs deep.
Man, this was nice.
Did you have anything else?
(36:15):
Me?
I'm like, no.
What's our run time, Rick?
36.
Oh really?
That's good.
I feel like we should talk about this again though.
We absolutely should.
I feel like there's a lot to unpack with that.
There's a lot more to this.
Maybe next time we can have guests too.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I can probably bring my, maybe I can bring my dad on.
Oh, that'd be so cool.
You should do that.
(36:36):
Yeah, cause he'll...
You should bring your mom too.
Maybe you can bring them both.
Yeah, they both come.
They both, yeah.
Like I know my dad.
I can interview them and talk.
That'd be really nice.
Yeah, he'll, I know for a fact my dad would say a lot about my grandfather.
Like he, my grandfather was, I mean I talk, I mentioned the degrees that he had, same,
talking about the same guy, same grandfather, degrees, the Black Panther, community activist,
(36:59):
the pastor.
Cause that makes me curious of like how your, how did your grandfather raise your dad?
And like was it similar or were there certain things that your dad did differently than
your grandpa?
I'll leave that for my dad to say.
Yeah, I know that's what I'm saying though, but that's why I was like, oh I have a lot
of questions.
Yeah.
So that's good.
But yeah, we appreciate y'all tuning in for this episode.
Yeah, thank you.
If you guys are, for us men out there who end up becoming fathers, do the right thing.
(37:25):
Yeah.
You know, don't run from that.
You know.
Be a father, be a man.
Yeah.
Raise these kids.
Cause it's too much of this, this horrible cycle of, you know, kids coming up without
that or just coming up in broken homes in general.
And then it's just, it's not good.
And if you don't want kids, don't be a fool.
Wrap your tool.
Like that's all.
(37:46):
I mean, honestly.
I'm being honest.
Because like there's this, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to promote their podcast
and stuff, but like there was just this point where there was this conversation being had
on a podcast and they were like, yeah, anyways, I'm not even going to say what they said actually.
It was really bad.
But seriously, don't be a fool.
Wrap your tool.
Ladies, like use birth control, all the good things.
(38:06):
Like, okay, if you don't want to bring kids into this world, you know, like I would say
do the natural, do the natural stuff.
Like let's not, you know.
I was going to start saying more, but like, I'm just going to shut up.
Appreciate y'all for tuning in.
Love y'all fam.
Hit them links in the description.
Drop comments about your experiences.
I mean, this is coming out way after Father's Day, but I mean, if you got a dope memory,
(38:31):
you want to share about your pops or a dope.
Or not so dope memories.
I'm just being honest.
Share what you're comfortable with sharing, you know, or a dope or just something you
want to share.
If maybe you are a dad and you want to share something from a father's perspective.
Yeah.
Maybe you grew up without a dad and you're just like, you know what?
It was actually different.
Maybe like an uncle took over or something.
So you still have that father figure in your life and vice versa.
(38:53):
So yeah, share.
Maybe you grew up without a dad and became a dad.
Yeah.
How was that?
I was actually my grandfather.
Oh really?
I was going to stop.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Grew up without a dad and then had my dad.
But yeah, tune in to the next episode.
Bye.
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