July 6, 2024 • 39 mins
Growth looks different on all of us. And we all move at completely different paces. So, how do we grow? How do we go through our hardships and come out better on the other side? In this new episode of Unrehearsed DaeShawn and Mo break down their experiences (some even near-death) and how they've learned how to grow so far in their adulthood!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Are we recording?
(00:28):
Oh, okay.
Is that in the recording too?
Okay.
That'd be cool.
I was like, well, I mean, but it's also copyrighted.
It may get real silent for like the first two minutes if it was.
But yo, my fault.
I was and was not ready.
But now I know to look out for that.
We back.
Another episode of unrehearsed.
(00:49):
Appreciate y'all for tuning in.
It's your boy DeShawn.
And Mo's currently munching on a drumstick ice cream.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We had an ice cream break for a little bit and now we back cranking this out.
Appreciate all of you guys who are steadily tuning in, commenting, liking, subscribing,
(01:13):
sharing with other people who you believe can be greatly impacted by these conversations.
The goal of what we do is to try to create a safe space to talk about our life experiences
as they're currently happening.
Well, you get it.
I'm so sorry.
I'm technical about stuff like, you know, yeah, I'm sorry.
(01:36):
I'm not sorry.
My goodness.
Hold on.
I'm trying to pull up my nose on the phone.
We talking about growing up from bad experiences.
Yeah.
I mean, growing up, growing, growing from bad experience.
I'm so sorry.
Specifically learning to disconnect from your emotions.
So you can learn the lessons that you need that are meant for you to learn in that given
(02:01):
situation.
That was like interesting when I was thinking about it because like in the lot two episodes
ago I was talking about how I disconnect but it's unhealthy emotionally.
To the one I read I was like, I was like, oh no, but obviously you mean it in such a
different way now.
So I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(02:22):
I'm trying to figure out what we shot two episodes ago.
Yeah, I should have seen it.
Like before we press record, they literally have to like, I guess what's the word debrief
me on everything that we had just done.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
As Ricky would say, he got that grandpa brain kicking in.
Oh my gosh.
No, too young.
Too young.
(02:44):
Oh, okay.
Well, maybe this is just nature taking its course.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
The world may never know.
Is that my bowl?
No, it's not.
Okay.
Okay.
It was a bowl of ice cream or it was a bowl ice cream.
But yeah, I had a bowl exactly like that.
(03:05):
I can't remember when I.
I'm talking about growing.
Oh, yeah, this is supposed to be somewhat of a deep episode, right?
Definitely not.
That's not too deep but I'm like, we're really going on about the ice cream.
Man.
I had what did I have?
You had Neapolitan.
Neapolitan.
Neapolitan.
Napoleon Dynamite.
(03:26):
It's what you ordered.
That's what I think of from white chicks every time.
Yeah, so this episode, the heart behind this episode was,
it's a bit of an interesting one.
I think I was watching like, some sort of-
Breaking Bad.
I'm assuming, I can do imagine.
No.
Actually, that wouldn't be a bad one to watch.
Anyways, I've never seen it, sorry.
(03:48):
You never seen Breaking Bad?
No, never.
I've seen a couple of episodes, I know.
I feel like Brandon behind the camera
is very disappointed in me.
I've hardly seen Breaking Bad.
Okay, cool, it's the same space.
You've never seen Breaking Bad either?
Okay, cool, all of us here at the table.
Some of the Breaking Bands, they're gonna be like,
you don't know what you're missing.
Nah, for real.
Like, they probably wanna drill us
in the comments section or in the DMs.
(04:09):
But I saw a clip somewhere, if I'm not mistaken,
and it was pretty much getting at this.
Pretty much like, certain bad or traumatic situations
could happen, and naturally,
we're gonna feel away emotionally.
So this isn't an episode where I'm trying to say,
or where we're trying to say, don't feel what you feel.
(04:31):
We're not trying to tell you how to feel.
But at least with my experiences, I've, what?
But with my experiences, I noticed,
after acknowledging my emotions
and pretty much feeling what I was feeling,
I had to get to a point where it's like, okay,
(04:52):
not forget what I feel, but forget in a way what I feel.
Just for a second, let's just set that aside for a second
and just try to learn everything I'm supposed to learn
from whatever my situation is.
Because we can perceive things multiple ways.
We can perceive things from a standpoint
(05:12):
of, okay, let me just take it for what it obviously is.
And then we can also look at things
from the eyes of our emotions.
And if we look through things
through the eyes of our emotions,
depending on what it is at times,
it may not entirely be the most, I guess, accurate.
(05:32):
I get what you mean.
Yeah, because it's like sometimes our emotions,
if we look through the lens of our emotions,
it could be cloudy.
It can.
It can cloud the vision a little bit.
So that's pretty much what I'm getting at for this episode
is not trying to tell anyone what or how to feel,
but at some point, I think it's necessary
(05:55):
to after you felt what you felt
and you process how you felt,
as hindsight kind of starts to get clearer,
let's kind of set our emotions aside for a sec
and just take it in for what it is
and not look through the eyes of those heavy emotions
that we may feel.
(06:16):
Yeah, that's good.
A lot easier said than done, I understand.
A lot of people just logged off just now.
No!
Click.
Right.
Next video.
I love that, stop just kidding.
But yeah, that's where my mind's at.
I was like, which one are you gonna talk about?
Because I have one in mind,
but I don't know if you're gonna talk about that experience.
Your car accident, were you gonna talk about that one
(06:37):
or no?
Yo, okay, so that one, okay, so fun fact.
This is for-
Is it a fun fact?
Well, I,
it's a fact, I don't know if it's fun,
but this is for the absolute, absolute, absolute
day one of day ones and from a musical standpoint,
if you ever heard the very first stuff I ever put out,
which is still out floating around
(07:00):
and every now and then I contemplate taking it down.
Don't take it down.
Don't take it down.
I fight against it.
Give the people what they want.
We don't want you to take it down.
We want it to stay up because we wanna see your progress.
That's why it's still up.
Look at the beginnings.
That's why it's still up.
That's the only reason why I still got it up there.
But anyways, the very first song I released
was pretty much me detailing that story.
(07:20):
And long story short, it was my senior year of high school.
I was out hanging with,
hey, paperweight,
I was out hanging with some friends.
It was one of our friends birthday
and it was just a group of us
and we went to Olive Garden.
We didn't even, it was just a cool, chill night.
(07:42):
Olive Garden still be popping till the day.
Mmm.
We have some arguments,
but I feel like majority of people are like,
oh yeah, let's go to Olive Garden still.
I went to the Pittsburgh one.
But it's better than Red Lobster.
Let's be real.
I haven't had Red Lobster.
I can't even tell you what it tastes like.
(08:02):
Nevermind, keep going.
I signed up to Cheddar Babies or something like that.
Keep going.
I'm not gonna lie.
Anyway, so we were, we just went out to dinner,
celebrated a friend's birthday.
And then it was night, so some people,
from after that dinner was over, some people went home.
Others went to go catch a movie.
I was one of those ones that was gonna go home.
(08:24):
So it was February, so it was cold at night.
So I had to let my windshield defrost a little bit.
But I did that, backed out of the parking lot a little bit.
And then I got to the part where it's like a stop sign
to get back into the intersection.
And then boom, I wake up the next day, just like that.
(08:46):
Wow.
Yeah, wow, time skip.
But that's from my perspective.
But long story short, it was a car accident.
I was T-boned on the driver's side.
And that's why you see the scar on the side of my head
if I have my hair cut low.
(09:07):
That's why I partially can't entirely sleep
all the way on my left side anymore
because my collarbone is broken inward permanently.
So it's like, it doesn't like handle,
it doesn't balance out the pressure very well.
Because I guess the normal collarbone,
it kind of like sticks out a little bit
like a normal collarbone does.
(09:27):
This one is like, you know, the seatbelt clamped that thing in.
Wow.
But yeah, it's indirectly the reason
for like the nerve damage in my fingers
on my right hand and yada, yada, yada.
Wait, but can you feel your fingers?
I can, it's a slight loss to feel.
Slight loss, like some,
(09:47):
it's interesting trying to play the guitar.
I'll say that the strings are a little thin.
It was honestly an interesting experience
getting back on instruments in general,
especially like playing the organ.
Like, you know, for all my musicians out there,
like the one that's lost the most feel
is my ring finger on my right hand.
(10:08):
And like sometimes I'd land on E and F
and you know, for all my musicians out there,
it's frustrating as heck when you're playing chords
and then you land on E and F at the same time
and you can't even feel it.
So it's like, why does it sound horrible?
You look down, it's like, oh.
Yeah, I kind of have to get used to playing
(10:29):
without with loss of a feeling.
But more so that, I don't know if I want to go into.
You don't have to.
Yeah.
No, I brought it up because I thought
you were going to bring it up, but you don't.
Stop, stop, what were you going to bring up?
That one is more of like a deeper, like,
I look at that, well, you know, why not?
I'll say what I feel comfortable with saying.
(10:49):
I look at that situation as God getting a hold of me
in a way.
There was a lot of crazy things.
I probably hinted at it a little bit on the first season
where I may have said something like eight or nine years
without clarity.
(11:10):
Yeah.
I was still in the middle of that.
So there was a lot of things that were happening
or a lot of things that had happened
that had affected me.
And I didn't know, you know, this is years before
transparency where I have more of an idea
of how to handle my emotions and process things.
Now, back then I just held everything in.
(11:30):
And so it had a way of me, I didn't know this was happening
at the time, but it had a way of kind of separating me
from God.
You know what I mean?
It was like, there was some traumatic things that happened
and then, you know, me seeing through the eyes
of my emotions, I unintentionally kind of drew a line
in the sand with just foolishness to God.
(11:51):
But I kind of drew a line.
It's like, okay, I'm gonna go up to this point
and then I'm gonna just kind of just go do whatever.
Not gonna go and cut up, you know, I was never like that,
but I'm just kind of go figure some stuff out on my own.
And then, you know, God has a way of reaching out,
you know, shaking you up in a proper way.
You know, He tried.
(12:11):
You were like, are accidents proper?
Just kidding.
A way that gets your attention.
That's kind of what I meant.
But, you know, at one point, that's the extreme,
but beforehand, He tried a more calmer way,
just simple dialogue conversation through the mouth
of someone else, which was-
(12:32):
He wasn't having it.
No, they were just like, it was for me,
it was like totally unexpected.
And they weren't even like, you know,
you know, beating me down, so to speak.
It was just real simple, very calm,
kind of like how I'm speaking now.
You know, when God touches another person
that speak to you, most cases,
usually they don't know what you know.
(12:54):
Right.
So it's just like, okay, this is on my heart,
I'm just gonna pass this off to you,
think about it, pray about it, that kind of thing.
And so I thought about it, prayed about it,
but then, you know, I was just looking
through the eyes of my emotions, you know,
instead of like disconnecting from what I was feeling
and disconnecting from what I was feeling
(13:16):
and just looking at it for what it really is
and just the lessons I can learn from it.
So when I kind of passed up on that first opportunity,
then the car accident happened.
He's like, oh, I'm gonna have to be extreme, okay, hold on.
It worked.
It worked, here you are.
It worked, here I am.
But yeah, had I took that moment
to disconnect what I was feeling,
(13:38):
disconnect from my emotions and just kind of take that step,
I would have not only had a more accurate perspective
on things, but it also would have saved me from trouble.
Honestly, you know, just plenty of examples of that
in the Bible, think Jonah and the whale.
You know, he didn't wanna go, he didn't feel like going.
(14:01):
Where are you about to forget these people?
Why are you wasting my time?
Right, he didn't feel like going.
And so after God tried to get him
and tried to get his attention in the calm matter,
then he went to the extremes.
Yeah, because Jonah was running, running, running.
Running, running.
But yeah, like it's, that's one of my experiences.
(14:23):
That's an experience of me not knowing how to do that.
Yeah, the experience after that is like, okay,
I kind of know how to do, or I know to do this now.
But yeah, it's very important to do it.
To do what?
To be able, when the timing is right,
disconnect from your emotions and like,
learn what you're supposed to learn from your situation,
(14:45):
whatever that may be, you know, good or bad,
whatever it is, and that way you can like grow from it
and get all that you're supposed to out of it
and have more of an accurate perspective
and viewpoint on it.
And with that, would you say that this is more of an
after the experience kind of thing?
That's what I'm thinking.
Okay, I just wanted to think, right?
Because obviously that's like really hard
(15:06):
during the experience to be like,
what am I learning out of this?
Yeah, it's easier to do after it's happened.
You know, that's kind of, at least from what I've been able
to note from my own life, that's like the time
where you're kind of most able to do that.
Yeah, that's true.
Because it happened, it's over, it's a thing of the past.
We're gonna naturally reflect on things.
(15:28):
And when we reflect, are we still emotional towards it?
Or like, okay, I already know how I felt.
Let me just put all of that aside and just look at it
from, I guess you could say an unbiased perspective
and just absorb what I need to absorb
and make me better in that regard.
It's not easy.
(15:49):
But it's important, so we talking about it.
We chopping it up.
Right.
But yeah, have you ever had to do something like that?
I'm like, I never have that experience.
What are you talking about?
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, yeah.
I would definitely say, so I had gotten into a car accident
but mine was like, last October?
(16:11):
Literally last October, that's crazy.
Yeah, I literally called you the night of
and you were like, and I was like, bro,
and you're like, no, and I was like, yeah.
I almost forgot.
Yeah.
You handled that very well.
Thank you.
I was having a hard time.
So I had gotten into a car accident.
I'm not even gonna get into detail
(16:33):
because it's low key embarrassing.
But I was at work and so I have a work van
because I worked at.
Oh snap.
Yeah, because I worked.
You saw the picture too.
Yes.
Oh my God.
And so honestly, I'm only alive because of the Lord.
But yeah, the whole car was totaled.
It was super bad.
And I kid you not, I literally walked out of the van.
(16:53):
I walked out without a scratch, anything.
My ankle was hurting a little bit,
but I was fine for the most part.
And I was like, yo, this is crazy.
But then I ended up driving myself to the hospital, y'all,
because I was impatient.
I'm like, everybody take a hang along.
I just wanna go home.
I'm gonna just drive myself because I feel fine.
And so yeah, so I went to the doctors.
They were like, oh, you seem okay.
But then they're like,
we think you have a mild concussion.
(17:14):
Y'all, literally I didn't feel better
till January of this year.
It just took so long.
And I was driving in December.
I probably shouldn't have been driving, to be honest,
in December.
Like the first time I got behind the wheel,
I was like, dang, I feel a heck of dizzy.
And it was so hard for me to focus.
I was like, dang, it just felt so weird.
Anyways, but yeah, but I would say
(17:35):
that was a bad experience that I had to grow from.
And yeah, because during that time,
it's like, we don't realize, y'all,
we don't realize how amazing our body is.
Just the way that the Lord created the body
is just phenomenal.
The fact that we can breathe,
we're not even breathing on our own.
But the fact that he put something in us,
that helps us to breathe.
(17:56):
Or the fact that our brain literally
is telling our hands to move.
Right now, we don't think about things like that
until you start having brain issues and stuff like that.
So having a concussion,
it was a very humbling experience.
Because I feel like during that time,
I was just getting so caught up in busyness.
Oh, there's a hummingbird.
(18:16):
I'm so sorry, I heck of got distracted.
But we got, it's right there, do you see it?
I'm so sorry.
I'm blind.
It's literally right here,
oh, it's beautiful, sorry, hummingbirds are amazing.
So yes, but yeah, I was just very-
Concussion and humble.
Yeah, concussion, it was very humbling.
And it just made me grateful,
because I was like, wow,
I don't realize how on the go I am all the time.
(18:39):
So I just feel like that was God's,
you need to stop, stop and be still.
And I was like, it's easy to stop and be still,
but it's like, once you have no choice,
it's like, dang it.
And so it's like, man, so anyways.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was just rough.
It was very rough.
I feel like for the most part,
it was so rough, y'all,
because when I'm hurt, y'all, I cry.
(19:00):
I just let it out.
I couldn't even cry,
because I was like, bruh, if I cry,
my head's gonna start hurting worse.
And I'm not even like, it's gonna start,
it's gonna hurt worse than it already does.
So I couldn't even cry about it.
So I actually had to already be without emotion
during that time and just not deal with it emotionally,
because I was like, I'm just gonna hurt myself
at this point, because I shouldn't be crying.
(19:20):
But anyways, so that was a very bad experience,
but I did grow from that.
I would say it really taught me to slow down.
I was like, when I'm driving too,
but just to slow down, slow down in life.
It's a double entendre.
Yeah, it is.
Because we can constantly get into a place
where we're constantly on the go all the time.
(19:43):
It just goes back to what I said,
just doing everything for everyone
or just being busy, but to the point
where it's an unhealthy busy,
where it's like, where are you running from?
And so yeah, so I would say that I was running,
I was running for myself.
I would say that I was also, at that time,
in a way running from the Lord as well,
because he would call me and I would just like,
y'all are like, he'd actually call you on the phone.
But no, I would just kind of feel his beckoning invitation
(20:06):
of like, hey, come sit in time with me.
And I'm like, oh, I'm busy, busy, busy.
And now he's like, you're not busy.
And I'm like, you're correct.
You're right, I'm not busy anymore.
I gotta lay in this bed.
And so, yeah, yeah, but I definitely learned to slow down.
I learned to just be obedient the first time
and quit playing around with the Lord, you know?
And so, yeah, so it was a very bad experience.
(20:28):
But I just learned a lot.
And I also learned, I just felt like during that time too,
I was really having a debate with myself
when it came to work, because I was working six days a week
with some people, like, oh, that's a lot,
but it was literally only five hours
and I was getting paid very well.
So I was just like, oh, it's not the end of the world,
but I just kinda kept feeling like,
oh, I'm not supposed to be here anymore.
And one thing, if y'all don't know me,
(20:48):
one thing that I can say about myself is,
I am loyal to the end.
I will live, loyalty is a big thing for me.
But I'm not loyal, I'm not one of those friends
that are loyal to where it's like, oh yeah,
do whatever you want, because I was like, no,
I'll love you, I'm gonna correct you,
I'm gonna let you know when you're being dumb or not,
and all that goodness.
But loyal to the point where I'm like,
I literally will not leave a place.
I will stay there for as long as I need to stay there,
even if I feel kinda like, oh, my time is up here,
(21:10):
I won't go searching for something new, I'm here.
So I also feel like that tied in with that as well,
because it was my second year,
I was going on, starting my third year there,
and it was just like, do I leave, do I not leave,
do I stay? Should I stay or should I go?
Yeah, should I stay or should I go?
And so I just wasn't sure about that,
(21:32):
but after the car accident, it gave me that freedom.
And also, again, I just felt like that was the Lord,
this is your time, you can go, you have a way out.
And I'm like, yeah.
Cause like, dang, I really do be loyal.
I just be feeling bad.
I'm like, who else is gonna do the job?
Like, can't nobody do the job like me?
You know, and so, yeah.
That's how I really be feeling.
I just be feeling a lot of pressure on myself.
(21:53):
I'm better than all these people here.
No, that's not at all.
But yeah, but anyways.
Well, as far as work go, you better than me.
What do you mean?
Like as far as the nine to five kinda joint,
when I'm ready to go.
Like Outski, like Mike Wazowski.
Y'all gonna figure it out.
Y'all gonna be like, I got this.
(22:15):
This was here before I got here.
Right, stop.
Y'all gonna be like, I love that, that's good.
But nah, that's good.
There's some about concussions,
when you was talking about concussions,
there's some about how humbling they are.
Cause part of my injuries,
aside from the broken bones, was a concussion.
And I remember like your incident,
you were still like talking at a normal pace.
(22:36):
Brandon can tell you, cause him when the gang,
senior year when my accident happened,
they cut and went to see me in the middle of school.
Aw, y'all are the cutest.
True story.
That's like real friends right there.
True story, you know what I'm saying.
So you were speaking normally, I wasn't.
It was like a dang near cut in half.
(22:58):
Like I was, and I knew it.
Can you give us an example?
I don't know if I can act it out.
Can you relive your trauma for us please?
But it was like, I couldn't get the words out.
I couldn't entirely process all the way.
I couldn't think of, best way to put it,
I couldn't think on my own.
(23:19):
You know, like they, my mom would have to choose
what I would eat that day.
Or like she, I'll never forget,
she ran through a whole list,
or like the menu for the like office cafe or whatever.
She ran through the entire list,
and she got all the way down to the bottom.
And by the time I actually was able to get it out,
it was like one of the things that was at the top.
(23:40):
Dang.
Like I could not think, I could not process.
Like I'll never forget, like the physical therapist came,
and they were just trying to see if I was good,
because they was about ready to let me go.
And he took me down the hall.
And I'm not taking like normal strides,
I'm like, like little mini steps,
like a little baby learning how to walk type joint.
(24:03):
And we got to this point where I had to,
it was like a little test,
I had to walk up a couple of steps,
like four or five steps.
And they had several like, I guess,
staircases to choose from,
like just little steps that you can move around or whatever.
And I remember, there was like two of them in particular,
(24:23):
and I remember like pausing and being stuck,
because I had to sit there
and think about what I was about to do.
I looked at each one, and he's sitting there like,
it's okay, it doesn't matter.
And I'm sitting there like,
and then I just picked one, and I walked up real,
like I was not there.
(24:44):
Like for context, people,
I was hit at 80 miles an hour, roughly.
So that's a hard slap to the brain.
Not only was it a concussion, but it was a skull fracture.
So I got rocked pretty bad.
Yeah, I just slipped three times.
Gosh, that's crazy.
But in the fact you were able to walk from that,
(25:06):
it's insane.
It was the Lord, I'm telling you.
I remember when you called me,
and I was like, bro, what?
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't flip,
but I was knocked out until the next morning.
No, no, seriously.
But yeah, I couldn't, they wouldn't let me read.
I couldn't read.
I don't think I was able to watch TV either.
Yeah, no, definitely not watch TV.
(25:27):
The light couldn't be too bright and no loud sounds.
And I was literally, on top of that,
I had like broken collarbone, hand injury,
and a broken back.
Literally a broken lower,
two lower left vertebrae were broken in a couple places.
So it's like, I couldn't even get in and out
of the bed on my own.
Like they had to, getting in the bed was so rough, dog.
(25:50):
Cause I had to like basically prepare myself every time
I'd have to sit on the side of the bed
and then come to nurse to come and lift my legs up
and I had to kind of scooch myself back.
It was one of the most painful things ever.
Just getting in the bed and stuff like that.
But it was, it's humbling.
Cause like, you know, I'm 17 at the time.
I had just played football and track the year before
(26:11):
in my junior year.
So it's like, you know, 17, feeling good, stuff like that.
Now I'm like bedridden.
I can't move.
I can't think properly.
I can't get my words out.
Yeah, God has a way of humbling you if you're like
kind of veering off a little bit too far.
Yeah.
Hi.
(26:32):
Hi.
Did you want to share another experience?
What, I mean, what's the other one?
Oh, I don't know.
I'm asking.
I don't have one in mind.
Cause you knew this first one.
I thought you were gonna say the second.
I know you were like dang, okay, just why don't you
talk for me?
Like I was like.
The other one, this one, I guess, I mean, if you,
if those watching you, have y'all been keeping up
with the channel, keeping up with the music,
(26:52):
y'all know about this one.
It's the relationship.
I talk about it in the music at some point,
or at least in like interviews when I was releasing
Transparent 2 at some point, you know,
I got to a point where it's like, I want to see,
you know, where I may have went wrong or where,
you know, what can I learn from this?
I talked about it quite a bit in the interviews.
Cause you know, from a romantic standpoint, you know,
(27:14):
young puppy love, we were just singing Miss Jackson
earlier by Hot Cash.
But it's easy, you know, to be in a relationship
and then something happens that don't work,
and then you point the finger at your ex.
You know what I mean?
And that's a lot of pop music.
Yeah, that's true.
When you think about it, it's a lot of pop music,
a whole lot of Taylor Swift songs.
It made me think of like Kill Bill by SZA, kind of.
(27:39):
That's one of.
She said she might kill her ex, I was like.
That's one of a billion examples.
So you know, that's the common perspective when,
you know, something doesn't work out in the relationship.
Yeah, you could always be like, oh, it's so and so.
Cause so and so did this, da da da da da.
But like you said it actually, like in the very first,
(27:59):
like couple of episodes that we had.
Yeah, first episode.
Yeah, it's so easy to look at the good, like, you know,
but it's like not looking at the bad, like,
when you have to see everything.
Self-reflect, yeah.
Yeah, you gotta see everything.
And that's like me learning at the time,
learning how to disconnect from the emotions.
Cause the emotions I was dealing with is heavy.
What were heavy is, you know, if you listen to,
if you listen to transparent tuning, you know,
(28:20):
I dealt with anger, I dealt with depression,
I dealt with a whole lot of self doubt,
lack of confidence, suicidal thoughts.
I mean, all of that at the same time,
while like losing, you know,
some loved ones and stuff like that.
And that's one of those moments like, man,
trying to disconnect and learn it,
like I'm getting hit with everything left and right.
But as time passed and then, you know,
(28:41):
things got a little bit easier.
Then it's like, okay, it felt a little bit more appropriate,
more like it was the proper time to be able to like
disconnect and reflect, but with like a clear head
and just see, you know, see everything, you know,
and not just from one particular angle.
This is what they did and they did me this way
and play the victim kind of role.
(29:03):
And you, you may rightfully so be like,
you know what, that person did me dirty.
I've been done wrong, you know.
And I know I've been done wrong in the past before
in different situations.
Cause when I would tell the story,
I'm the type of person when I tell a story,
it's like, I always say beforehand,
like I'm gonna tell this story.
I'm gonna be unbiased.
(29:23):
I'm gonna tell you everything they did.
I'm gonna tell you every single thing I did.
Oh, you're rare.
Tell me if I'm trash.
Tell me if I'm wrong.
You're nondescript.
And you know, you ain't got to sugar coat it.
I can, I can take it.
I rather would be told that I'm in the wrong
that way I can fix my behavior, fix my pattern
(29:45):
because it makes me a better person and stuff like that.
So, you know, I've been, I've been on both sides.
I've been done wrong.
I've been like, ah, man, I shouldn't have done that.
That was wrong with me.
I was, you know, stuff like that.
So you gotta be able to disconnect from how you feel
and even how you view yourself.
Cause when we tell our story,
(30:05):
we always tell our story most of the time
in a way where we don't, no one's gonna wanna,
yeah, no one's gonna wanna paint themselves as the bad guy.
Yeah, interesting.
You know, especially when they're telling the story.
Yeah.
No one wants to, not me.
Couldn't have been me.
Like I'm an angel, unlike them.
You know, and we, like I'm not perfect,
(30:27):
but that couldn't have been me.
But that could be you.
Dang.
You gotta be able to like disconnect
from how you feel, you know, to actually see like, okay.
Maybe, yeah, I shouldn't have did that.
That was wrong.
Okay.
And that's how you grow.
That is- We trying to grow out here.
That is how you grow.
(30:47):
How you grow from bad experiences.
That's how you grow, you know.
It's very important.
And it's like, it's life changed.
It's easier said than done, I'll admit.
It is definitely easier said than done.
It's a lot easier said than done.
But it's not impossible.
It's definitely be, definitely doable.
Definitely important.
And if like you're a person that's serious
about like being a better person for yourself,
(31:11):
not just being a better person to people that you know,
it's like, I feel like that's something.
It takes a certain, I guess, you know,
maturity or maybe self-awareness are one of them,
one of them words that accurately describes
what I'm getting at.
To have that kind of mentality, be like, you know,
I can easily be the bad guy, you know, in a particular story.
(31:36):
You know, let me just see everything,
see where I could have went wrong and stuff like that.
It helps to build up your character.
That's true.
What about when my character built?
Just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
But yeah, this is just, you know,
this some of the things that I'm learning along the way.
That's good.
(31:57):
Grow from bad experiences.
That's what I mean by sharing our experiences.
As they're happening.
Yeah, I know that was like really good.
That's good.
Now I'm trying to think of an experience that I've had
where I could be like, I was a villain in that.
Well, you're not necessarily a villain.
Like, but just wasn't like, you know, half angelic.
Were you, not even just that, but were you-
Like where I wasn't on TV.
Were you able to like disconnect and,
(32:20):
because when I say I want to see everything,
I literally mean everything.
I want to see all of the good.
I want to see the neutral, if you will.
And then I want to see the bad.
And I want to be able to process all of that stuff
to where I can pinpoint it's like, yeah, in that moment,
I wasn't at my best right there.
I was, I was wrong.
I probably shouldn't have did that.
I shouldn't have said that.
Or at that moment, I did a good job.
(32:40):
Yeah.
Or at that moment, it is what it is kind of thing.
Yeah.
What can you say?
Yeah.
So it doesn't have to necessarily be a,
pick a moment where you were the bad guy, you know.
It would just be nice though.
I think that'd be a good self reflection.
I'll probably do that later.
Find something.
Nice little something to journal about.
Yeah.
I was thinking that was like little challenge friends.
Little challenge.
Little journaling.
(33:01):
Yeah.
Little mini therapy.
Yeah.
So as far as like disconnect from emotions,
you brought up your car accident.
How were you able, at least in what way,
like what did you learn from it?
Was it just, it was just like slowing down,
like paying attention to God,
God getting your attention.
Like how and what ways did that impact you?
(33:23):
It's okay. Take your time.
Okay.
Okay. I was like, um.
And if it ain't that date, it's all good.
It's all good, no worries.
I say that cause mine was crazy.
Yeah. I feel that one of the main things
that I learned was to ask for help.
Yeah.
(33:44):
Yeah.
Cause I'm very, I am very like, I will do it by myself.
You know, but it's like being, I mean,
I could blame it on multiple things,
but I think one of the things is being a middle child.
Like I was just like, I had to get things done by myself.
Like I didn't have the luxury of asking
like my older siblings because they were busy
like doing older sibling things, you know,
and my younger siblings, I'm like,
how am I gonna ask God to help me?
(34:05):
Like I'm older than y'all.
And so I've always had that kind of like drive
and that kind of like just weigh about myself.
Where I'm like, I get things done.
I'm like, I don't like to wait less than a minute.
I don't like to depend on other people.
Like it frustrates my soul cause I'm like,
I need to get things done.
So I'm not gonna wait on you.
So like to have to ask for help was really hard.
(34:26):
And I feel that also to have to express my emotions.
Cause again, like I was saying in the last episode,
like I can disconnect really easily,
or if like, if somebody hurts my feelings,
like I would literally say nothing.
Like, and you would never know that you hurt my feelings
cause I was treat you the same way that I would treat you
if you didn't hurt my feelings.
And so, yeah, so that was like another thing
cause like I was like,
(34:47):
like I don't wanna be hecka emotional about this.
And yeah, but I had no choice but to like talk about
my feelings and to be like, I'm having a hard time.
Like that was so hard for me to say like, I'm not okay.
I was just like, ah, cause it's like, I,
like I had gotten really great at faking it over the years.
And if I am going through stuff, then I'm just like,
I'll just, I'm just gonna talk to Jesus.
I'm like, I'm just gonna pray about it.
(35:08):
Like I'll be fine.
Like it's, it's okay.
Like what good is it to share with somebody what,
like how I'm feeling and stuff like that.
So.
See, I had, I had it ready.
Oh.
I was like, what is he doing?
He said, it was just a little, not to get emotional.
I said, I'm ready.
Yeah.
No, thank you.
I got the napkin ready.
He has tissues this time.
Yeah.
So yeah.
But I would say, yeah,
I would say those are the greatest lessons,
(35:29):
like learning that it's okay to ask for help.
It's okay not to be okay, you know?
And yeah, and just allowing myself to really rest.
Like it's like, you don't have to do everything.
Like you, you don't have to be everything for everybody.
Like just, just be so, just be here.
Be here with the Lord.
Be here.
So get in, so get in.
(35:49):
Yeah.
Being present, that's hard too.
So it just called me to like, okay,
like we're taking everything one day at a time.
Right.
Yeah.
Cause I could be like, wow,
I'm thinking about like months and years already.
And I'm just like, ah!
Heck yeah.
That's one thing I struggle with.
I'm just like, wow, I'm like stressed out
about like a year and a half, like in the future.
And I'm like, girl, calm down.
I'm like, right.
You know me, I live in,
(36:10):
I mentally have lived in the future for her.
I feel like you're mentally, you're already 50.
Not that far in the future, Mike.
Me, I was like.
Like maybe the next one to three or four years
down the road, but 50, nah, I can't.
Like you'd be foreseeing some things.
I'm like, dang, look at that.
(36:32):
Nah, not that far out.
I'm not raving.
And that's so right.
I'm just out of here.
But yeah.
Wait.
But yeah.
I mean, I guess in closing, yeah.
That's how I've processed it.
You know, how I've learned it.
You know, it's important for like,
(36:56):
it's important for me from like a mental standpoint
and emotional standpoint.
And I know that's all of those things affect
like my spiritual status, like with God and stuff like that.
And you just got to be able to,
I mean, take as long as you need to take your time.
It's no rush, but at some point I feel like
you've got to be able to look at whatever it is.
(37:16):
It's like stop throwing your pity party.
Cause I feel like that does happen.
Like pity party and it's like, oh, my trauma, oh, my trauma.
And it's like, when is your trauma
gonna stop ruling over your life
and stop dictating like how you're gonna live?
Not careful.
You can give a lot of power to that.
Yeah.
And next, you know, you blame everything on my trauma.
Everything except taking responsibility
and then except like, yeah, learning from it.
(37:38):
And knowing how to disconnect
helps you to take that responsibility.
Yeah.
Helps you to take that responsibility.
It helps you to not, you know.
Be so emotional about it.
Yeah.
And then blame everything on the trauma.
Your trauma, ain't nobody questioning your trauma.
You know what I'm saying?
Your traumas are legit.
Whenever you went through is legit,
(38:00):
but like in some way, shape or form,
we got to grow and get past it.
It's easier said than done, but nonetheless is doable.
That's good.
But yeah, ladies and gentlemen,
that's been another episode of Unrehearsed, you dig?
Ha ha!
You dig?
Shout out to all of you guys for tuning in.
Yes.
For joining us in this journey through season two.
(38:23):
You know what I'm saying?
Appreciate y'all for liking, commenting, sharing, DMing,
subscribing, all of those things.
Make sure to follow us.
All links to everyone who is a part of this squad
in the description.
Follow me and Mo on our Instagrams.
Follow Unrehearsed on TikTok.
Follow Brandon, the man behind the camera on the gram.
(38:44):
Follow Ricky, the man behind the boards.
Follow Chris, the man in the post-production
putting all of this together for us.
And we'll see y'all another episode.
Love y'all fam.
Unrehearsed, appreciate y'all.
["Unrehearsed," theme music playing.]
Are we recording?
(00:28):
Oh, okay.
Is that in the recording too?
Okay.
That'd be cool.
I was like, well, I mean, but it's also copyrighted.
It may get real silent for like the first two minutes if it was.
But yo, my fault.
I was and was not ready.
But now I know to look out for that.
We back.
Another episode of unrehearsed.
(00:49):
Appreciate y'all for tuning in.
It's your boy DeShawn.
And Mo's currently munching on a drumstick ice cream.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We had an ice cream break for a little bit and now we back cranking this out.
Appreciate all of you guys who are steadily tuning in, commenting, liking, subscribing,
(01:13):
sharing with other people who you believe can be greatly impacted by these conversations.
The goal of what we do is to try to create a safe space to talk about our life experiences
as they're currently happening.
Well, you get it.
I'm so sorry.
I'm technical about stuff like, you know, yeah, I'm sorry.
(01:36):
I'm not sorry.
My goodness.
Hold on.
I'm trying to pull up my nose on the phone.
We talking about growing up from bad experiences.
Yeah.
I mean, growing up, growing, growing from bad experience.
I'm so sorry.
Specifically learning to disconnect from your emotions.
So you can learn the lessons that you need that are meant for you to learn in that given
(02:01):
situation.
That was like interesting when I was thinking about it because like in the lot two episodes
ago I was talking about how I disconnect but it's unhealthy emotionally.
To the one I read I was like, I was like, oh no, but obviously you mean it in such a
different way now.
So I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(02:22):
I'm trying to figure out what we shot two episodes ago.
Yeah, I should have seen it.
Like before we press record, they literally have to like, I guess what's the word debrief
me on everything that we had just done.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
As Ricky would say, he got that grandpa brain kicking in.
Oh my gosh.
No, too young.
Too young.
(02:44):
Oh, okay.
Well, maybe this is just nature taking its course.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
The world may never know.
Is that my bowl?
No, it's not.
Okay.
Okay.
It was a bowl of ice cream or it was a bowl ice cream.
But yeah, I had a bowl exactly like that.
(03:05):
I can't remember when I.
I'm talking about growing.
Oh, yeah, this is supposed to be somewhat of a deep episode, right?
Definitely not.
That's not too deep but I'm like, we're really going on about the ice cream.
Man.
I had what did I have?
You had Neapolitan.
Neapolitan.
Neapolitan.
Napoleon Dynamite.
(03:26):
It's what you ordered.
That's what I think of from white chicks every time.
Yeah, so this episode, the heart behind this episode was,
it's a bit of an interesting one.
I think I was watching like, some sort of-
Breaking Bad.
I'm assuming, I can do imagine.
No.
Actually, that wouldn't be a bad one to watch.
Anyways, I've never seen it, sorry.
(03:48):
You never seen Breaking Bad?
No, never.
I've seen a couple of episodes, I know.
I feel like Brandon behind the camera
is very disappointed in me.
I've hardly seen Breaking Bad.
Okay, cool, it's the same space.
You've never seen Breaking Bad either?
Okay, cool, all of us here at the table.
Some of the Breaking Bands, they're gonna be like,
you don't know what you're missing.
Nah, for real.
Like, they probably wanna drill us
in the comments section or in the DMs.
(04:09):
But I saw a clip somewhere, if I'm not mistaken,
and it was pretty much getting at this.
Pretty much like, certain bad or traumatic situations
could happen, and naturally,
we're gonna feel away emotionally.
So this isn't an episode where I'm trying to say,
or where we're trying to say, don't feel what you feel.
(04:31):
We're not trying to tell you how to feel.
But at least with my experiences, I've, what?
But with my experiences, I noticed,
after acknowledging my emotions
and pretty much feeling what I was feeling,
I had to get to a point where it's like, okay,
(04:52):
not forget what I feel, but forget in a way what I feel.
Just for a second, let's just set that aside for a second
and just try to learn everything I'm supposed to learn
from whatever my situation is.
Because we can perceive things multiple ways.
We can perceive things from a standpoint
(05:12):
of, okay, let me just take it for what it obviously is.
And then we can also look at things
from the eyes of our emotions.
And if we look through things
through the eyes of our emotions,
depending on what it is at times,
it may not entirely be the most, I guess, accurate.
(05:32):
I get what you mean.
Yeah, because it's like sometimes our emotions,
if we look through the lens of our emotions,
it could be cloudy.
It can.
It can cloud the vision a little bit.
So that's pretty much what I'm getting at for this episode
is not trying to tell anyone what or how to feel,
but at some point, I think it's necessary
(05:55):
to after you felt what you felt
and you process how you felt,
as hindsight kind of starts to get clearer,
let's kind of set our emotions aside for a sec
and just take it in for what it is
and not look through the eyes of those heavy emotions
that we may feel.
(06:16):
Yeah, that's good.
A lot easier said than done, I understand.
A lot of people just logged off just now.
No!
Click.
Right.
Next video.
I love that, stop just kidding.
But yeah, that's where my mind's at.
I was like, which one are you gonna talk about?
Because I have one in mind,
but I don't know if you're gonna talk about that experience.
Your car accident, were you gonna talk about that one
(06:37):
or no?
Yo, okay, so that one, okay, so fun fact.
This is for-
Is it a fun fact?
Well, I,
it's a fact, I don't know if it's fun,
but this is for the absolute, absolute, absolute
day one of day ones and from a musical standpoint,
if you ever heard the very first stuff I ever put out,
which is still out floating around
(07:00):
and every now and then I contemplate taking it down.
Don't take it down.
Don't take it down.
I fight against it.
Give the people what they want.
We don't want you to take it down.
We want it to stay up because we wanna see your progress.
That's why it's still up.
Look at the beginnings.
That's why it's still up.
That's the only reason why I still got it up there.
But anyways, the very first song I released
was pretty much me detailing that story.
(07:20):
And long story short, it was my senior year of high school.
I was out hanging with,
hey, paperweight,
I was out hanging with some friends.
It was one of our friends birthday
and it was just a group of us
and we went to Olive Garden.
We didn't even, it was just a cool, chill night.
(07:42):
Olive Garden still be popping till the day.
Mmm.
We have some arguments,
but I feel like majority of people are like,
oh yeah, let's go to Olive Garden still.
I went to the Pittsburgh one.
But it's better than Red Lobster.
Let's be real.
I haven't had Red Lobster.
I can't even tell you what it tastes like.
(08:02):
Nevermind, keep going.
I signed up to Cheddar Babies or something like that.
Keep going.
I'm not gonna lie.
Anyway, so we were, we just went out to dinner,
celebrated a friend's birthday.
And then it was night, so some people,
from after that dinner was over, some people went home.
Others went to go catch a movie.
I was one of those ones that was gonna go home.
(08:24):
So it was February, so it was cold at night.
So I had to let my windshield defrost a little bit.
But I did that, backed out of the parking lot a little bit.
And then I got to the part where it's like a stop sign
to get back into the intersection.
And then boom, I wake up the next day, just like that.
(08:46):
Wow.
Yeah, wow, time skip.
But that's from my perspective.
But long story short, it was a car accident.
I was T-boned on the driver's side.
And that's why you see the scar on the side of my head
if I have my hair cut low.
(09:07):
That's why I partially can't entirely sleep
all the way on my left side anymore
because my collarbone is broken inward permanently.
So it's like, it doesn't like handle,
it doesn't balance out the pressure very well.
Because I guess the normal collarbone,
it kind of like sticks out a little bit
like a normal collarbone does.
(09:27):
This one is like, you know, the seatbelt clamped that thing in.
Wow.
But yeah, it's indirectly the reason
for like the nerve damage in my fingers
on my right hand and yada, yada, yada.
Wait, but can you feel your fingers?
I can, it's a slight loss to feel.
Slight loss, like some,
(09:47):
it's interesting trying to play the guitar.
I'll say that the strings are a little thin.
It was honestly an interesting experience
getting back on instruments in general,
especially like playing the organ.
Like, you know, for all my musicians out there,
like the one that's lost the most feel
is my ring finger on my right hand.
(10:08):
And like sometimes I'd land on E and F
and you know, for all my musicians out there,
it's frustrating as heck when you're playing chords
and then you land on E and F at the same time
and you can't even feel it.
So it's like, why does it sound horrible?
You look down, it's like, oh.
Yeah, I kind of have to get used to playing
(10:29):
without with loss of a feeling.
But more so that, I don't know if I want to go into.
You don't have to.
Yeah.
No, I brought it up because I thought
you were going to bring it up, but you don't.
Stop, stop, what were you going to bring up?
That one is more of like a deeper, like,
I look at that, well, you know, why not?
I'll say what I feel comfortable with saying.
(10:49):
I look at that situation as God getting a hold of me
in a way.
There was a lot of crazy things.
I probably hinted at it a little bit on the first season
where I may have said something like eight or nine years
without clarity.
(11:10):
Yeah.
I was still in the middle of that.
So there was a lot of things that were happening
or a lot of things that had happened
that had affected me.
And I didn't know, you know, this is years before
transparency where I have more of an idea
of how to handle my emotions and process things.
Now, back then I just held everything in.
(11:30):
And so it had a way of me, I didn't know this was happening
at the time, but it had a way of kind of separating me
from God.
You know what I mean?
It was like, there was some traumatic things that happened
and then, you know, me seeing through the eyes
of my emotions, I unintentionally kind of drew a line
in the sand with just foolishness to God.
(11:51):
But I kind of drew a line.
It's like, okay, I'm gonna go up to this point
and then I'm gonna just kind of just go do whatever.
Not gonna go and cut up, you know, I was never like that,
but I'm just kind of go figure some stuff out on my own.
And then, you know, God has a way of reaching out,
you know, shaking you up in a proper way.
You know, He tried.
(12:11):
You were like, are accidents proper?
Just kidding.
A way that gets your attention.
That's kind of what I meant.
But, you know, at one point, that's the extreme,
but beforehand, He tried a more calmer way,
just simple dialogue conversation through the mouth
of someone else, which was-
(12:32):
He wasn't having it.
No, they were just like, it was for me,
it was like totally unexpected.
And they weren't even like, you know,
you know, beating me down, so to speak.
It was just real simple, very calm,
kind of like how I'm speaking now.
You know, when God touches another person
that speak to you, most cases,
usually they don't know what you know.
(12:54):
Right.
So it's just like, okay, this is on my heart,
I'm just gonna pass this off to you,
think about it, pray about it, that kind of thing.
And so I thought about it, prayed about it,
but then, you know, I was just looking
through the eyes of my emotions, you know,
instead of like disconnecting from what I was feeling
and disconnecting from what I was feeling
(13:16):
and just looking at it for what it really is
and just the lessons I can learn from it.
So when I kind of passed up on that first opportunity,
then the car accident happened.
He's like, oh, I'm gonna have to be extreme, okay, hold on.
It worked.
It worked, here you are.
It worked, here I am.
But yeah, had I took that moment
to disconnect what I was feeling,
(13:38):
disconnect from my emotions and just kind of take that step,
I would have not only had a more accurate perspective
on things, but it also would have saved me from trouble.
Honestly, you know, just plenty of examples of that
in the Bible, think Jonah and the whale.
You know, he didn't wanna go, he didn't feel like going.
(14:01):
Where are you about to forget these people?
Why are you wasting my time?
Right, he didn't feel like going.
And so after God tried to get him
and tried to get his attention in the calm matter,
then he went to the extremes.
Yeah, because Jonah was running, running, running.
Running, running.
But yeah, like it's, that's one of my experiences.
(14:23):
That's an experience of me not knowing how to do that.
Yeah, the experience after that is like, okay,
I kind of know how to do, or I know to do this now.
But yeah, it's very important to do it.
To do what?
To be able, when the timing is right,
disconnect from your emotions and like,
learn what you're supposed to learn from your situation,
(14:45):
whatever that may be, you know, good or bad,
whatever it is, and that way you can like grow from it
and get all that you're supposed to out of it
and have more of an accurate perspective
and viewpoint on it.
And with that, would you say that this is more of an
after the experience kind of thing?
That's what I'm thinking.
Okay, I just wanted to think, right?
Because obviously that's like really hard
(15:06):
during the experience to be like,
what am I learning out of this?
Yeah, it's easier to do after it's happened.
You know, that's kind of, at least from what I've been able
to note from my own life, that's like the time
where you're kind of most able to do that.
Yeah, that's true.
Because it happened, it's over, it's a thing of the past.
We're gonna naturally reflect on things.
(15:28):
And when we reflect, are we still emotional towards it?
Or like, okay, I already know how I felt.
Let me just put all of that aside and just look at it
from, I guess you could say an unbiased perspective
and just absorb what I need to absorb
and make me better in that regard.
It's not easy.
(15:49):
But it's important, so we talking about it.
We chopping it up.
Right.
But yeah, have you ever had to do something like that?
I'm like, I never have that experience.
What are you talking about?
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, yeah.
I would definitely say, so I had gotten into a car accident
but mine was like, last October?
(16:11):
Literally last October, that's crazy.
Yeah, I literally called you the night of
and you were like, and I was like, bro,
and you're like, no, and I was like, yeah.
I almost forgot.
Yeah.
You handled that very well.
Thank you.
I was having a hard time.
So I had gotten into a car accident.
I'm not even gonna get into detail
(16:33):
because it's low key embarrassing.
But I was at work and so I have a work van
because I worked at.
Oh snap.
Yeah, because I worked.
You saw the picture too.
Yes.
Oh my God.
And so honestly, I'm only alive because of the Lord.
But yeah, the whole car was totaled.
It was super bad.
And I kid you not, I literally walked out of the van.
(16:53):
I walked out without a scratch, anything.
My ankle was hurting a little bit,
but I was fine for the most part.
And I was like, yo, this is crazy.
But then I ended up driving myself to the hospital, y'all,
because I was impatient.
I'm like, everybody take a hang along.
I just wanna go home.
I'm gonna just drive myself because I feel fine.
And so yeah, so I went to the doctors.
They were like, oh, you seem okay.
But then they're like,
we think you have a mild concussion.
(17:14):
Y'all, literally I didn't feel better
till January of this year.
It just took so long.
And I was driving in December.
I probably shouldn't have been driving, to be honest,
in December.
Like the first time I got behind the wheel,
I was like, dang, I feel a heck of dizzy.
And it was so hard for me to focus.
I was like, dang, it just felt so weird.
Anyways, but yeah, but I would say
(17:35):
that was a bad experience that I had to grow from.
And yeah, because during that time,
it's like, we don't realize, y'all,
we don't realize how amazing our body is.
Just the way that the Lord created the body
is just phenomenal.
The fact that we can breathe,
we're not even breathing on our own.
But the fact that he put something in us,
that helps us to breathe.
(17:56):
Or the fact that our brain literally
is telling our hands to move.
Right now, we don't think about things like that
until you start having brain issues and stuff like that.
So having a concussion,
it was a very humbling experience.
Because I feel like during that time,
I was just getting so caught up in busyness.
Oh, there's a hummingbird.
(18:16):
I'm so sorry, I heck of got distracted.
But we got, it's right there, do you see it?
I'm so sorry.
I'm blind.
It's literally right here,
oh, it's beautiful, sorry, hummingbirds are amazing.
So yes, but yeah, I was just very-
Concussion and humble.
Yeah, concussion, it was very humbling.
And it just made me grateful,
because I was like, wow,
I don't realize how on the go I am all the time.
(18:39):
So I just feel like that was God's,
you need to stop, stop and be still.
And I was like, it's easy to stop and be still,
but it's like, once you have no choice,
it's like, dang it.
And so it's like, man, so anyways.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was just rough.
It was very rough.
I feel like for the most part,
it was so rough, y'all,
because when I'm hurt, y'all, I cry.
(19:00):
I just let it out.
I couldn't even cry,
because I was like, bruh, if I cry,
my head's gonna start hurting worse.
And I'm not even like, it's gonna start,
it's gonna hurt worse than it already does.
So I couldn't even cry about it.
So I actually had to already be without emotion
during that time and just not deal with it emotionally,
because I was like, I'm just gonna hurt myself
at this point, because I shouldn't be crying.
(19:20):
But anyways, so that was a very bad experience,
but I did grow from that.
I would say it really taught me to slow down.
I was like, when I'm driving too,
but just to slow down, slow down in life.
It's a double entendre.
Yeah, it is.
Because we can constantly get into a place
where we're constantly on the go all the time.
(19:43):
It just goes back to what I said,
just doing everything for everyone
or just being busy, but to the point
where it's an unhealthy busy,
where it's like, where are you running from?
And so yeah, so I would say that I was running,
I was running for myself.
I would say that I was also, at that time,
in a way running from the Lord as well,
because he would call me and I would just like,
y'all are like, he'd actually call you on the phone.
But no, I would just kind of feel his beckoning invitation
(20:06):
of like, hey, come sit in time with me.
And I'm like, oh, I'm busy, busy, busy.
And now he's like, you're not busy.
And I'm like, you're correct.
You're right, I'm not busy anymore.
I gotta lay in this bed.
And so, yeah, yeah, but I definitely learned to slow down.
I learned to just be obedient the first time
and quit playing around with the Lord, you know?
And so, yeah, so it was a very bad experience.
(20:28):
But I just learned a lot.
And I also learned, I just felt like during that time too,
I was really having a debate with myself
when it came to work, because I was working six days a week
with some people, like, oh, that's a lot,
but it was literally only five hours
and I was getting paid very well.
So I was just like, oh, it's not the end of the world,
but I just kinda kept feeling like,
oh, I'm not supposed to be here anymore.
And one thing, if y'all don't know me,
(20:48):
one thing that I can say about myself is,
I am loyal to the end.
I will live, loyalty is a big thing for me.
But I'm not loyal, I'm not one of those friends
that are loyal to where it's like, oh yeah,
do whatever you want, because I was like, no,
I'll love you, I'm gonna correct you,
I'm gonna let you know when you're being dumb or not,
and all that goodness.
But loyal to the point where I'm like,
I literally will not leave a place.
I will stay there for as long as I need to stay there,
even if I feel kinda like, oh, my time is up here,
(21:10):
I won't go searching for something new, I'm here.
So I also feel like that tied in with that as well,
because it was my second year,
I was going on, starting my third year there,
and it was just like, do I leave, do I not leave,
do I stay? Should I stay or should I go?
Yeah, should I stay or should I go?
And so I just wasn't sure about that,
(21:32):
but after the car accident, it gave me that freedom.
And also, again, I just felt like that was the Lord,
this is your time, you can go, you have a way out.
And I'm like, yeah.
Cause like, dang, I really do be loyal.
I just be feeling bad.
I'm like, who else is gonna do the job?
Like, can't nobody do the job like me?
You know, and so, yeah.
That's how I really be feeling.
I just be feeling a lot of pressure on myself.
(21:53):
I'm better than all these people here.
No, that's not at all.
But yeah, but anyways.
Well, as far as work go, you better than me.
What do you mean?
Like as far as the nine to five kinda joint,
when I'm ready to go.
Like Outski, like Mike Wazowski.
Y'all gonna figure it out.
Y'all gonna be like, I got this.
(22:15):
This was here before I got here.
Right, stop.
Y'all gonna be like, I love that, that's good.
But nah, that's good.
There's some about concussions,
when you was talking about concussions,
there's some about how humbling they are.
Cause part of my injuries,
aside from the broken bones, was a concussion.
And I remember like your incident,
you were still like talking at a normal pace.
(22:36):
Brandon can tell you, cause him when the gang,
senior year when my accident happened,
they cut and went to see me in the middle of school.
Aw, y'all are the cutest.
True story.
That's like real friends right there.
True story, you know what I'm saying.
So you were speaking normally, I wasn't.
It was like a dang near cut in half.
(22:58):
Like I was, and I knew it.
Can you give us an example?
I don't know if I can act it out.
Can you relive your trauma for us please?
But it was like, I couldn't get the words out.
I couldn't entirely process all the way.
I couldn't think of, best way to put it,
I couldn't think on my own.
(23:19):
You know, like they, my mom would have to choose
what I would eat that day.
Or like she, I'll never forget,
she ran through a whole list,
or like the menu for the like office cafe or whatever.
She ran through the entire list,
and she got all the way down to the bottom.
And by the time I actually was able to get it out,
it was like one of the things that was at the top.
(23:40):
Dang.
Like I could not think, I could not process.
Like I'll never forget, like the physical therapist came,
and they were just trying to see if I was good,
because they was about ready to let me go.
And he took me down the hall.
And I'm not taking like normal strides,
I'm like, like little mini steps,
like a little baby learning how to walk type joint.
(24:03):
And we got to this point where I had to,
it was like a little test,
I had to walk up a couple of steps,
like four or five steps.
And they had several like, I guess,
staircases to choose from,
like just little steps that you can move around or whatever.
And I remember, there was like two of them in particular,
(24:23):
and I remember like pausing and being stuck,
because I had to sit there
and think about what I was about to do.
I looked at each one, and he's sitting there like,
it's okay, it doesn't matter.
And I'm sitting there like,
and then I just picked one, and I walked up real,
like I was not there.
(24:44):
Like for context, people,
I was hit at 80 miles an hour, roughly.
So that's a hard slap to the brain.
Not only was it a concussion, but it was a skull fracture.
So I got rocked pretty bad.
Yeah, I just slipped three times.
Gosh, that's crazy.
But in the fact you were able to walk from that,
(25:06):
it's insane.
It was the Lord, I'm telling you.
I remember when you called me,
and I was like, bro, what?
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't flip,
but I was knocked out until the next morning.
No, no, seriously.
But yeah, I couldn't, they wouldn't let me read.
I couldn't read.
I don't think I was able to watch TV either.
Yeah, no, definitely not watch TV.
(25:27):
The light couldn't be too bright and no loud sounds.
And I was literally, on top of that,
I had like broken collarbone, hand injury,
and a broken back.
Literally a broken lower,
two lower left vertebrae were broken in a couple places.
So it's like, I couldn't even get in and out
of the bed on my own.
Like they had to, getting in the bed was so rough, dog.
(25:50):
Cause I had to like basically prepare myself every time
I'd have to sit on the side of the bed
and then come to nurse to come and lift my legs up
and I had to kind of scooch myself back.
It was one of the most painful things ever.
Just getting in the bed and stuff like that.
But it was, it's humbling.
Cause like, you know, I'm 17 at the time.
I had just played football and track the year before
(26:11):
in my junior year.
So it's like, you know, 17, feeling good, stuff like that.
Now I'm like bedridden.
I can't move.
I can't think properly.
I can't get my words out.
Yeah, God has a way of humbling you if you're like
kind of veering off a little bit too far.
Yeah.
Hi.
(26:32):
Hi.
Did you want to share another experience?
What, I mean, what's the other one?
Oh, I don't know.
I'm asking.
I don't have one in mind.
Cause you knew this first one.
I thought you were gonna say the second.
I know you were like dang, okay, just why don't you
talk for me?
Like I was like.
The other one, this one, I guess, I mean, if you,
if those watching you, have y'all been keeping up
with the channel, keeping up with the music,
(26:52):
y'all know about this one.
It's the relationship.
I talk about it in the music at some point,
or at least in like interviews when I was releasing
Transparent 2 at some point, you know,
I got to a point where it's like, I want to see,
you know, where I may have went wrong or where,
you know, what can I learn from this?
I talked about it quite a bit in the interviews.
Cause you know, from a romantic standpoint, you know,
(27:14):
young puppy love, we were just singing Miss Jackson
earlier by Hot Cash.
But it's easy, you know, to be in a relationship
and then something happens that don't work,
and then you point the finger at your ex.
You know what I mean?
And that's a lot of pop music.
Yeah, that's true.
When you think about it, it's a lot of pop music,
a whole lot of Taylor Swift songs.
It made me think of like Kill Bill by SZA, kind of.
(27:39):
That's one of.
She said she might kill her ex, I was like.
That's one of a billion examples.
So you know, that's the common perspective when,
you know, something doesn't work out in the relationship.
Yeah, you could always be like, oh, it's so and so.
Cause so and so did this, da da da da da.
But like you said it actually, like in the very first,
(27:59):
like couple of episodes that we had.
Yeah, first episode.
Yeah, it's so easy to look at the good, like, you know,
but it's like not looking at the bad, like,
when you have to see everything.
Self-reflect, yeah.
Yeah, you gotta see everything.
And that's like me learning at the time,
learning how to disconnect from the emotions.
Cause the emotions I was dealing with is heavy.
What were heavy is, you know, if you listen to,
if you listen to transparent tuning, you know,
(28:20):
I dealt with anger, I dealt with depression,
I dealt with a whole lot of self doubt,
lack of confidence, suicidal thoughts.
I mean, all of that at the same time,
while like losing, you know,
some loved ones and stuff like that.
And that's one of those moments like, man,
trying to disconnect and learn it,
like I'm getting hit with everything left and right.
But as time passed and then, you know,
(28:41):
things got a little bit easier.
Then it's like, okay, it felt a little bit more appropriate,
more like it was the proper time to be able to like
disconnect and reflect, but with like a clear head
and just see, you know, see everything, you know,
and not just from one particular angle.
This is what they did and they did me this way
and play the victim kind of role.
(29:03):
And you, you may rightfully so be like,
you know what, that person did me dirty.
I've been done wrong, you know.
And I know I've been done wrong in the past before
in different situations.
Cause when I would tell the story,
I'm the type of person when I tell a story,
it's like, I always say beforehand,
like I'm gonna tell this story.
I'm gonna be unbiased.
(29:23):
I'm gonna tell you everything they did.
I'm gonna tell you every single thing I did.
Oh, you're rare.
Tell me if I'm trash.
Tell me if I'm wrong.
You're nondescript.
And you know, you ain't got to sugar coat it.
I can, I can take it.
I rather would be told that I'm in the wrong
that way I can fix my behavior, fix my pattern
(29:45):
because it makes me a better person and stuff like that.
So, you know, I've been, I've been on both sides.
I've been done wrong.
I've been like, ah, man, I shouldn't have done that.
That was wrong with me.
I was, you know, stuff like that.
So you gotta be able to disconnect from how you feel
and even how you view yourself.
Cause when we tell our story,
(30:05):
we always tell our story most of the time
in a way where we don't, no one's gonna wanna,
yeah, no one's gonna wanna paint themselves as the bad guy.
Yeah, interesting.
You know, especially when they're telling the story.
Yeah.
No one wants to, not me.
Couldn't have been me.
Like I'm an angel, unlike them.
You know, and we, like I'm not perfect,
(30:27):
but that couldn't have been me.
But that could be you.
Dang.
You gotta be able to like disconnect
from how you feel, you know, to actually see like, okay.
Maybe, yeah, I shouldn't have did that.
That was wrong.
Okay.
And that's how you grow.
That is- We trying to grow out here.
That is how you grow.
(30:47):
How you grow from bad experiences.
That's how you grow, you know.
It's very important.
And it's like, it's life changed.
It's easier said than done, I'll admit.
It is definitely easier said than done.
It's a lot easier said than done.
But it's not impossible.
It's definitely be, definitely doable.
Definitely important.
And if like you're a person that's serious
about like being a better person for yourself,
(31:11):
not just being a better person to people that you know,
it's like, I feel like that's something.
It takes a certain, I guess, you know,
maturity or maybe self-awareness are one of them,
one of them words that accurately describes
what I'm getting at.
To have that kind of mentality, be like, you know,
I can easily be the bad guy, you know, in a particular story.
(31:36):
You know, let me just see everything,
see where I could have went wrong and stuff like that.
It helps to build up your character.
That's true.
What about when my character built?
Just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
But yeah, this is just, you know,
this some of the things that I'm learning along the way.
That's good.
(31:57):
Grow from bad experiences.
That's what I mean by sharing our experiences.
As they're happening.
Yeah, I know that was like really good.
That's good.
Now I'm trying to think of an experience that I've had
where I could be like, I was a villain in that.
Well, you're not necessarily a villain.
Like, but just wasn't like, you know, half angelic.
Were you, not even just that, but were you-
Like where I wasn't on TV.
Were you able to like disconnect and,
(32:20):
because when I say I want to see everything,
I literally mean everything.
I want to see all of the good.
I want to see the neutral, if you will.
And then I want to see the bad.
And I want to be able to process all of that stuff
to where I can pinpoint it's like, yeah, in that moment,
I wasn't at my best right there.
I was, I was wrong.
I probably shouldn't have did that.
I shouldn't have said that.
Or at that moment, I did a good job.
(32:40):
Yeah.
Or at that moment, it is what it is kind of thing.
Yeah.
What can you say?
Yeah.
So it doesn't have to necessarily be a,
pick a moment where you were the bad guy, you know.
It would just be nice though.
I think that'd be a good self reflection.
I'll probably do that later.
Find something.
Nice little something to journal about.
Yeah.
I was thinking that was like little challenge friends.
Little challenge.
Little journaling.
(33:01):
Yeah.
Little mini therapy.
Yeah.
So as far as like disconnect from emotions,
you brought up your car accident.
How were you able, at least in what way,
like what did you learn from it?
Was it just, it was just like slowing down,
like paying attention to God,
God getting your attention.
Like how and what ways did that impact you?
(33:23):
It's okay. Take your time.
Okay.
Okay. I was like, um.
And if it ain't that date, it's all good.
It's all good, no worries.
I say that cause mine was crazy.
Yeah. I feel that one of the main things
that I learned was to ask for help.
Yeah.
(33:44):
Yeah.
Cause I'm very, I am very like, I will do it by myself.
You know, but it's like being, I mean,
I could blame it on multiple things,
but I think one of the things is being a middle child.
Like I was just like, I had to get things done by myself.
Like I didn't have the luxury of asking
like my older siblings because they were busy
like doing older sibling things, you know,
and my younger siblings, I'm like,
how am I gonna ask God to help me?
(34:05):
Like I'm older than y'all.
And so I've always had that kind of like drive
and that kind of like just weigh about myself.
Where I'm like, I get things done.
I'm like, I don't like to wait less than a minute.
I don't like to depend on other people.
Like it frustrates my soul cause I'm like,
I need to get things done.
So I'm not gonna wait on you.
So like to have to ask for help was really hard.
(34:26):
And I feel that also to have to express my emotions.
Cause again, like I was saying in the last episode,
like I can disconnect really easily,
or if like, if somebody hurts my feelings,
like I would literally say nothing.
Like, and you would never know that you hurt my feelings
cause I was treat you the same way that I would treat you
if you didn't hurt my feelings.
And so, yeah, so that was like another thing
cause like I was like,
(34:47):
like I don't wanna be hecka emotional about this.
And yeah, but I had no choice but to like talk about
my feelings and to be like, I'm having a hard time.
Like that was so hard for me to say like, I'm not okay.
I was just like, ah, cause it's like, I,
like I had gotten really great at faking it over the years.
And if I am going through stuff, then I'm just like,
I'll just, I'm just gonna talk to Jesus.
I'm like, I'm just gonna pray about it.
(35:08):
Like I'll be fine.
Like it's, it's okay.
Like what good is it to share with somebody what,
like how I'm feeling and stuff like that.
So.
See, I had, I had it ready.
Oh.
I was like, what is he doing?
He said, it was just a little, not to get emotional.
I said, I'm ready.
Yeah.
No, thank you.
I got the napkin ready.
He has tissues this time.
Yeah.
So yeah.
But I would say, yeah,
I would say those are the greatest lessons,
(35:29):
like learning that it's okay to ask for help.
It's okay not to be okay, you know?
And yeah, and just allowing myself to really rest.
Like it's like, you don't have to do everything.
Like you, you don't have to be everything for everybody.
Like just, just be so, just be here.
Be here with the Lord.
Be here.
So get in, so get in.
(35:49):
Yeah.
Being present, that's hard too.
So it just called me to like, okay,
like we're taking everything one day at a time.
Right.
Yeah.
Cause I could be like, wow,
I'm thinking about like months and years already.
And I'm just like, ah!
Heck yeah.
That's one thing I struggle with.
I'm just like, wow, I'm like stressed out
about like a year and a half, like in the future.
And I'm like, girl, calm down.
I'm like, right.
You know me, I live in,
(36:10):
I mentally have lived in the future for her.
I feel like you're mentally, you're already 50.
Not that far in the future, Mike.
Me, I was like.
Like maybe the next one to three or four years
down the road, but 50, nah, I can't.
Like you'd be foreseeing some things.
I'm like, dang, look at that.
(36:32):
Nah, not that far out.
I'm not raving.
And that's so right.
I'm just out of here.
But yeah.
Wait.
But yeah.
I mean, I guess in closing, yeah.
That's how I've processed it.
You know, how I've learned it.
You know, it's important for like,
(36:56):
it's important for me from like a mental standpoint
and emotional standpoint.
And I know that's all of those things affect
like my spiritual status, like with God and stuff like that.
And you just got to be able to,
I mean, take as long as you need to take your time.
It's no rush, but at some point I feel like
you've got to be able to look at whatever it is.
(37:16):
It's like stop throwing your pity party.
Cause I feel like that does happen.
Like pity party and it's like, oh, my trauma, oh, my trauma.
And it's like, when is your trauma
gonna stop ruling over your life
and stop dictating like how you're gonna live?
Not careful.
You can give a lot of power to that.
Yeah.
And next, you know, you blame everything on my trauma.
Everything except taking responsibility
and then except like, yeah, learning from it.
(37:38):
And knowing how to disconnect
helps you to take that responsibility.
Yeah.
Helps you to take that responsibility.
It helps you to not, you know.
Be so emotional about it.
Yeah.
And then blame everything on the trauma.
Your trauma, ain't nobody questioning your trauma.
You know what I'm saying?
Your traumas are legit.
Whenever you went through is legit,
(38:00):
but like in some way, shape or form,
we got to grow and get past it.
It's easier said than done, but nonetheless is doable.
That's good.
But yeah, ladies and gentlemen,
that's been another episode of Unrehearsed, you dig?
Ha ha!
You dig?
Shout out to all of you guys for tuning in.
Yes.
For joining us in this journey through season two.
(38:23):
You know what I'm saying?
Appreciate y'all for liking, commenting, sharing, DMing,
subscribing, all of those things.
Make sure to follow us.
All links to everyone who is a part of this squad
in the description.
Follow me and Mo on our Instagrams.
Follow Unrehearsed on TikTok.
Follow Brandon, the man behind the camera on the gram.
(38:44):
Follow Ricky, the man behind the boards.
Follow Chris, the man in the post-production
putting all of this together for us.
And we'll see y'all another episode.
Love y'all fam.
Unrehearsed, appreciate y'all.
["Unrehearsed," theme music playing.]
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