July 20, 2024 • 51 mins
Finding "the one" has been romanticized pop culture for as long as we can remember. But let's be real, does "the one" really exist? Or are we setting ourselves up for disappointment in the end? We dive into this and more in our very first Guy's Only special edition of Unrehearsed!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Audio is running through sounding good.
(00:27):
Oh yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, we getting it popping.
Or should I just say gentlemen, it's unrehearsed.
Well I got my people with me.
I got my guys with me.
Woo woo boo boo boo boo.
Appreciate y'all for tuning in.
And y'all probably wondering as y'all are watching like why is it only guys?
Where is Mo?
First off shout out to Mo.
Second off shout out to Brandon.
(00:48):
Shout out Ricky.
Shout out Josiah.
Shout out Chris.
Everyone that helps us put this together behind the scenes.
And welcome to the very first guys only special edition of unrehearsed.
Yeah, give it up for the fellas.
We ruling unrehearsed today.
Now ladies who are watching, if y'all are watching, probably wondering what about the
(01:09):
girls?
Y'all know we looking out for y'all.
We currently working on the ladies only edition of this very same thing.
But today is about the fellas.
You feel me?
You all know what I'm saying?
So before we get into today's topic, you know me as your boy DeShawn Forest, artist, producer,
co-creator and co-host of unrehearsed, founder of Transparency.
(01:30):
All of that is a lot of hats we wear over here trying to build up this multimedia company.
And I'm finna just, we just gonna swing the mics around and introduce y'all to the panels
who we have on today.
Yeah, got my boy JM3.
What up John?
Introduce yourself.
JM3, artist, rapper, preach the gospel.
Yes.
Yes.
And I love people.
(01:50):
Yes.
There we go.
My name is Humberto.
You know, close friend of X.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I love my wife.
Yes, sir.
Oh, y'all got drama.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, my name is Rodrigo.
I work with X.
Yeah.
And I'm also married.
I've been married for five years.
So we'll bring some fire.
We'll bring some fire.
Hey, my name is Antonio Reyes.
I am a communicator, a pastor, a creator too.
So all kinds of stuff.
Yeah.
I'm a co-creator.
(02:11):
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator too, so all kinds of stuff.
We try all kinds of stuff here.
Do a little bit of everything.
What's the church?
Shout out to church.
It's Discovery in the City of Davis.
Okay.
Yeah.
Discovery in the City of Davis.
Real quick, he was a little clippin' right there.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(02:32):
All righty.
And for those that may not know, like, X, who's X?
I mean, anyone who knows me personally knows me for real.
I'll just say that.
I'll just say that.
How old that is?
Anyone who knows me personally knows me for real.
But it's Day Shine for all of y'all.
Day Shine Forest.
Day Shine Forest, capital S, and that's Forest with two R's.
You gotta be real specific.
(02:54):
You'd be surprised how many people messed that up, dawg.
That's an episode for another day.
But why are we doing a guys-only edition?
Well, today we're talking about, we're asking a question.
And you know, on unrehearsed, we don't plan much of anything.
We just pose a question or pose a topic, and then we just keep it going.
(03:15):
So today's topic is, does the one exist?
And when me and Mo was kind of thinking about this, we wanted to do a guys-only and a girls-only
because we wanted to have a dedicated episode for each perspective, because a lot of our
episodes, since it's me and Mo, we kind of blend the two.
But does the one really exist for us guys?
(03:37):
You know, I don't know about y'all and how y'all childhood was, but if we all had the
same childhood, y'all probably came up watching Disney Channel like me.
That's all right.
That's all right, even High School Musical, all of that kind of stuff.
Lizzie McGuire, we can go all Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and how romance is handled in
settings like that and just movies in general.
(03:58):
You know, it's industry.
They want to, it has to sell.
So it has to be a good product.
So a lot of things are kind of dramatized, exaggerated.
But we don't necessarily think about that when we're going to go see a movie or watching
it on TV.
So we subconsciously are buying into that kind of stuff.
So it kind of results in our expectations not being realistic.
(04:18):
So on our panels, we got a mix of guys who are single, I'm included, and we got a mix
of newly married gentlemen.
So we're going to dive into this, fellas.
What do y'all think?
We all got some relationship experience.
Does the one really exist?
Like for real, is there really somebody out there for everyone?
What are we talking about?
Well, I want to say something.
Well, if I say that the real one doesn't exist and then I go home to my wife.
(04:41):
I think I'm going to be sleeping outside, right?
I would say the real one, it does exist, but it's a process.
To get to marriage, it's not just like, oh, you go watch movies and the things that you
see at the movies is what a relationship has.
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But in reality, it's a process to get there.
So what is that process like?
And is everyone, because we're speaking from the perspective of guys, so we're just going
to try to keep it as regards to the fellas.
Are we all fit for that process?
What was the process like for you, I guess is probably the better question.
(05:25):
I think for myself, I had to figure out that I needed to grow myself.
You could go and say, oh, I found the one.
But if you're not ready for the one, you kind of either tell her the truth.
Right now is not the time for me, but give me some time.
And if she is the one, she'll wait for you.
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She'll wait for you to get that confidence that, what would I say?
The way to be able to show your emotions with it, the way you can trust somebody.
So I think that's one of the biggest things is growing yourself that way.
Once you meet the one, you're ready.
Yeah, for me, I respect everybody's opinion.
(06:09):
We had this conversation with my wife, actually, and we both believe that there's not such
thing as the one.
Okay, I like that.
Different perspective.
I like that.
Nonetheless, there's a lot of qualities that we can find in another person, right?
Qualities that we are attracted to, qualities that we want in a person, and qualities that
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we would like to connect for the rest of our lives.
We believe that.
I think the part of you mentioning that is that we have been educated by Hollywood in
some other ways, right?
And if you come like myself, we come from a broken family that I don't have a good point
of reference that a healthy marriage, a healthy family, I really don't know what to grab from.
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So I come maybe into sometimes into that process that I really know what I want, what I desire.
And we bottom line, we are led by feeling only rather than by any structure and idea
and desire of like, this is the things that I'm looking in a person.
And so anyways, my process was finding healthy voices, finding healthy marriages that I want
(07:17):
to be like, and allow those voices to speak into my life and help me rewire detox from
a lot of things and open my mind to questions that probably I didn't ask or before.
You know?
So anyways, yeah, I know it's quite a bit a lot, but no, that's that's good.
That's good.
Because like, I'm thinking, oh, my fault.
Did you want to chime in?
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That's you.
Oh, yeah.
That's actually good.
Because, you know, I've had my relationship experience of anyone's kept up with the music,
kept up with the channel.
You've you know, you've probably heard some past music, you know, or some music videos
and stuff where I kind of heard some venting.
So you heard some venting for sure.
You've gone through it.
I look, man.
I mean, it is.
(07:59):
But it was in hindsight, you know, that that stuff half of some years ago.
But in hindsight, it was like, oh, wow, it's like a really good experience because I'm
talking about after the fact, like a lot of character building came from that.
You know, God kind of he had his hand in it.
And you know, God has a way of taking bad and flipping it, you know, for your goodness.
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So I became a completely I believe I became a completely new person.
You know, so mentally where I'm at as far as relationships, I'm focused on something
completely different.
Like I'm you know, we're doing this where I'm working on building this company up, you
know, building myself up in this other boxes that I want to check.
So I'm not like as like connected to that as not at the moment.
(08:45):
Yeah.
How that mean a little while?
Maybe things have changed after some things take off.
But I still have to ask myself, like, well, this the one like really, I feel like a lot
of people, a lot of people just kind of like wait and just kind of in a way assume that
the one is just going to just drop into their lap, per se.
(09:08):
Like me.
What's what's your mindset?
What's your like?
Hopping on what's what's your mindset of it?
Do you you said like you are you you think the one's just going like I do?
Well, not like that.
I was just I was just kind of being funny.
But as a person with Christian beliefs and believe in God, I pray to God and just ask
(09:28):
him like to reveal who he has for me.
And I think it's that simple.
Hmm.
That's yeah, that's definitely that's definitely a good start.
But I think so, I think I'm in the same boat, you know, my desire will be as man as that
we can be ready for that moment.
That if that person comes into the into the picture, right, that we can be ready to engage
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in a healthy way and that we can actually work the necessary things to become, you know,
the next step or whatever that looks like, because the right person can come and we can
be in a very unhealthy place and it can be messed up.
Right.
And I think that I do feel like to me, I met my my current obviously my wife right now,
(10:13):
but I met her when we were in high school.
You know, I was in a very dark place in that place in that season of my life and her as
well.
So I think it has it was a process for us to get into a healthy place so that we can
work things out.
Yes.
So it's better for for us to be like, man, hopefully when that person shows up, you know,
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that has the qualities that I desire and it has a character that I desire and even I'm
attracted to that person.
Hopefully I can be ready to engage with that person.
So then one could ask the question, how?
What does getting ready look like?
Because I put it to perspective.
I think I might be the youngest one.
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I'm 24.
I just turned 24.
And so obviously I got a lot to learn and I'm for surely in no rush to do anything.
But what does you know, if I had it my way, I have a wife and children at some point.
But what does getting ready look like?
Like how does one prepare yourself?
(11:15):
How do you because I really what I'm asking is how do you prepare yourself for something
you've never had before?
Like how do you do that?
Yeah, I think like Tony and I, we've been friends for like many years and having people
in place that are able to speak to you when when you're doing things wrong or when you
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cut up a conversation and like being accountable to each other.
Right.
If I see Tony's doing X, Y and Z and then I don't call him out.
I'm like, hey, bro, like that's not I understand.
I understand where you want to go one day.
Yeah.
But that's not it.
Yeah.
Like now you got to go to these spots.
You got to like work together and having that brotherhood like nowadays is very rare.
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Like because we we as men, we we are supposed to be like strong.
We're supposed to like we're not we're not supposed to share feelings with others.
Right.
So the process part of the process for me and I can speak for myself has been being
able to speak to my brothers, Tony, my friends, my close friends, people that I can go to
and say, hey, I'm going through this right now.
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I'm struggling with this.
And, you know, I broke up with a girl.
Can you help me out?
You know, instead of me getting more isolated in a hole, you can go to friends and be like,
hey, help me out.
Like, let's talk about it.
Let's be real.
You say they help you prepare.
I'll say like they keep me accountable.
Having people accountable in your life is very important to get to to get to get to
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a place where you are you feel like you're ready to take to the next step.
Yeah, I would I would agree on that, too.
Like being around the right people, asking the right questions is a good way to get yourself
there.
And with your experience, you know, like you said, OK, it was something bad that happened
to you, but you grew from it, right?
Yeah.
You kept moving forward.
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You know, you didn't let yourself sink deeper and deeper and say, oh, there's no such thing
as love.
Not too long.
We have to fight to get about it.
Everybody was always in there.
I ain't gonna lie.
It makes you strong.
You know, it gives you that tolerance of, OK, I can keep going.
Yeah.
I'm here to fall in love again when I find the one and I know I learned from the last
one and I could push forward.
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But yeah, because the way I did it, the same thing didn't have a good perspective of what
a marriage should be.
So, you know, you kind of learn these things.
You make your mistakes.
But as long as you're able to have those good friends around you that you could vent to
let out what you need to.
And they're good influences as well.
You know, they're not just, oh, your girl ain't around.
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Oh, bro, let's go party.
Let's just go out.
Let's go out to say, yeah.
And yeah, for me, has been a character development.
The character development was important in my journey to learn how to be committing,
consistent, as well as have a vision for my life, you know, because at the end of the
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day, you don't you don't marry personality.
You marry character.
You know, you can't you can't think that you are, you know, somebody makes you laugh.
Somebody makes you, you know, it wins you over, you know, but at the end of the day,
that is not sustainable for the next 20, 30 years.
You marry character.
Look at their choices.
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How do they spend their time?
How do they spend their money?
All of those things play into the picture of what you're doing.
So to me, the character development is important in a man, because if we want to get into a
relationship, all of those things are not going to go away.
They're just going to actually going to exponentially.
Yeah, they're going to amplify.
Yeah, they're going to amplify.
And so I think that if you get ready in a personal level to have a structure, to have
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discipline and bottom line, to be willing to sacrifice, which is I think that I think
that's to me the most important thing.
Sacrificial love about that is important for someone.
Let's talk about that.
That's actually really I'm glad you said that word, because like sacrificing, obviously,
isn't easy, especially in, I guess, maybe our modern society is like you got to have
(15:19):
your stuff together, focus on yourself.
It's a lot of individualistic things.
So then when you get into like a relationship and now you have to sacrifice, it's literally
like going against everything you've been on up to that point.
So how, how like, like, how do you know what you should sacrifice?
What are you're like, OK, now this is like, I guess.
(15:41):
Like, where do you draw the line?
Yeah, like, like this.
OK, sacrificing this, this is not a ghost.
How do you like, how do you do that?
Honestly, I just noticed side note, this was unintentional.
I just noticed I put all the merry guys.
I just noticed that I did not intentionally do that, but it actually just kind of worked
(16:03):
out that way.
But yeah, like, how does that help?
Yeah.
I think there's like, like a misconception that marriage is always 50 50.
I hear that a lot.
And I have seen a lot of people, I have seen like experts talk about this, that marriage
or any relationship is sometimes you're doing 30 percent and she's doing 70 percent.
(16:27):
Sometimes 60 40 is never 50 50.
At times though, huh?
Or you saw it kind of changes then.
OK, because for example, I just recently like I was supporting my wife to do her drink.
Right.
So she was going to school for four years.
You know, I have to sacrifice a lot.
(16:48):
Yeah.
In the sense of like spending time with her, right?
Because she would come home and she would, you know, do school all day, then get home
and do more work.
So I maybe spend like 30 minutes with her.
Right.
If I was selfish, I would be like, hey, you know, I don't like this.
This is not like.
Don't it go to a certain point where it's like, I'm not sacrificing no more.
(17:10):
This is my time for myself.
Right.
Right.
Right now you're like, you know, real quick, I'm just interrupt you.
We're going to switch real quick.
He has to make some adjustments on that.
So I'm going to take that one from you.
That one is still operational.
OK, cool.
Here's this one.
Like, how do you avoid those fights?
(17:34):
It's like you're saying I don't want to sacrifice.
There's no such a thing that you're going to avoid fights.
And like, there's no like marriage without that.
You don't.
If a person tells you I never fight with my wife, they're not talking about the real stuff.
They're not talking about each other's goals.
They're not saying like, hey, why are you sacrificing right now?
Like when I was sacrificing that time is because I knew that she was going to get to a place
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where, OK, now is going to be my time.
So like right now, she's going to grow.
She's going to do her doctor's degree, get that stuff.
It's going to help us as a family.
And then after that, it's OK.
Now is my time.
Now it's like, maybe I want to open a business.
Maybe I want to do it's my time to do something.
So that's what I'm saying.
So it's a lot of marriage or any relationship.
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The problem is like young kids nowadays, they're just like, oh, 50 50.
If she runs one mile, I will run one mile.
She doesn't run more than one mile.
I'm done.
And that's not how life is in reality.
Yeah, most of the time you just that's good.
That's the important thing about communication.
And like I said, patience, because if you don't have any of that, right, let's say even
(18:36):
with your family, if you can't communicate or have the patience to, you know, take whatever
they're saying to you, there's a small chance that you'll be able to take somebody else
telling you the same things that your mom would say to your face.
Right.
Like Xavier, clean up your room.
And if you can't handle that from your mom and you want to say you want to find
the one.
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Yeah, you have to make sure like you were saying, the character matters a lot.
Okay.
Like the same way you treat your friends.
She's not your friend, but you have to give her that respect.
Right.
And then the same thing with you was saying with these young kids, especially me, the
same thing that I was going through.
We don't want to do confrontation that much.
We don't want to argue.
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We don't want to make our relationship look bad.
But by doing that, you're not talking about the topics that really matter in the relationship.
So you kind of have to have those.
You have to.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because it's not just your life anymore.
It's both of your land.
Yeah.
You become, you know, in Spanish, it's casados.
You know, that casa becomes one.
(19:40):
Yeah.
Casa de dos.
It's because you're in a spot with that person that you love.
And if you can't understand them or you know, you're too scared of confrontation, it's not
going to work out.
And a lot of people have those relationships and they say, oh, it never worked out because
she was always arguing.
No, she was reaching out to you and you weren't giving her the time.
(20:00):
You weren't ready to receive that.
Yeah.
I love what they're saying.
In talking about the little bit of the sacrifice, you know, I remember having a conversation
with this girl that we were mentoring, my wife and I.
And I remember asking her about her relationship.
And I drew in a page.
I was like, I'm going to put your half and I'm going to put his half, right?
(20:24):
I wonder how many sacrifices he has made for your half for the thing that matters to you.
And she says, none.
I don't know.
How about yourself?
How many seconds have you made for him?
And he's she said all of them.
So when it's only about able to list them all.
Yes.
Yes.
Wow.
So so to me, when we were having the conversation, I told her, see, the problem here is that
(20:46):
you making all the sacrifice.
And when it's a collective sacrifice, you will see a beautiful dance between both of
you.
Right.
And honestly, there's things in my life and with my wife that now I'm willing to sacrifice
that maybe 10 years ago, I would say, no, I would never sacrifice that.
But why?
Because I think that we have developed such trustworthiness with each other because we
(21:10):
see each other and we're willing to to to navigate these things with each other that
I think that I'm willing to sacrifice beyond beyond what I thought before.
You know, so I think that it's about really looking at the whole picture and seeing, OK,
if I'm going to sacrifice all of those things and you're vice versa, right, it's going to
(21:30):
be a mutual sacrifice, a mutual dance together.
I think the important thing is that, yes, I have non-negotiables.
Yes.
But honestly, at one point in my life, if we develop this relationship, I'm willing
to sacrifice this for you.
If this is worth me sacrificing.
But I think at the end of the day, it's a conversation, communication type of thing.
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And we're scared to have that conversation at the beginning of the relationship.
Let me tell you later on, it's not going to happen.
Later on, it's not going to happen.
Wow.
That's good.
So how long did it did it take you guys to figure that out?
Like I mean, for me, like I told her and we had the same type of mindset where, all right,
(22:14):
we're starting today.
What are your boundaries?
That is the biggest thing that you could start off with.
It's not like communications, mad important.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Everybody watching communication, like they say, they don't just say it's a key for anything.
Like it opens a doorway for you to move your relationship forward and on to the next level.
Yeah.
So it was instant.
(22:34):
We talked, we said, you know what, these are my boundaries.
I don't want you to cross these.
And she gave me her boundaries the same.
And I said, you know what?
It adds up, everything is good.
Let's move forward.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For me, I had to go through a bad breakup when I was in my twenties.
(22:55):
And then I took like three to four years and Tony's not going to let me lie here.
Where I didn't, I was dating people, but then I was looking more inside because I was like,
okay, so I did this, this, this to hurt this person.
So now what do I need to do to change that?
But then I started looking inwards rather than like, I'm looking on the beauty of, I
(23:18):
mean, have you guys seen, we haven't talked about how good a girl looks here.
We're only talking about like real stuff here.
You know, we're not talking about Disney things here, you know.
That's important for me.
So well, it is, it is important.
You want a girl that looks, this is what the assumption that she looked good.
Yeah.
(23:39):
Yeah, but, but at that time it took me like, for me, it took me like four years to really
understand first of all, where I want to, what I wanted to do.
How am I going to, how am I going to support my family?
Right?
I think that's another topic that we need to talk about is money.
That topic, if you, if you see all the statistics, 50% of the marriages fail because of money.
(24:02):
I don't know if it's real or not, but the, the arguments that I have with my wife, like
the heavy ones is because of money.
Because we don't agree how we're going to save or how we're going to spend money or
why am I buying a cup of coffee every day at Starbucks?
Because little things like that, you know, she might be like, yo, like I bought you like
(24:22):
a coffee machine at home and you're spending coffee every day.
You know, it's our money now.
Like, what are you doing?
So little things like that.
I think we need to talk about that too.
Money.
Money.
Like we can get into it.
We can, this one rehearse.
We, we can get into it.
We can talk about this money.
All right.
But I do want to talk about the, the appearance of like from John.
So being single, you know, you're looking for the one, but you know, eventually you'll
(24:47):
find a girl, oh, she's fine.
Let me go holly.
Let me say something to her real fast.
And you know, your homies will hype you up, but do you feel you're going to that attractive
woman because you want to her because there's people hyping you up to go to her?
Oh, or Instagram.
Instagram.
You see all them hearts on Instagram.
Yeah.
I mean, the reality.
(25:08):
Yeah.
I think as men, we're, we are visual species.
We, we, we are attracted and, and the reality, I'm not going to hear, see it.
I'm as a pastor.
I'm not going to tell men, don't be, don't be attracted to that person.
Don't look at their physical appearance.
Of course, that's not, that's not realistic.
You know, I love my wife and I, and I look at her physical appearance as well as she
(25:31):
looks at me.
Right.
And there's nothing, let's not demonize that.
But nonetheless, that is not the biggest priority in the conversation when you want to engage
in a relationship.
Right.
Because I think that when it becomes only about that, let me tell you 50 is going to
hit 55 is going to hit 60 is going to hit.
(25:53):
And it's not going to look the same.
We're not going to look the same.
Beauty is vain or fleet is done like that.
We're not going to look the same.
I mean, hopefully I can work out and be decent, you know?
But anyway, I don't think it's like that is, that is something that is part of who we are.
It's in the wiring.
But the problem is that when that becomes the only thing that we look in a person, that
(26:13):
that's just not going to get the inlet.
And just, just for, just for transparency sake, I've it's a good thing you say that
because I think it's easy to get caught up in that.
I fought victim, bro.
I ain't going to catch up in that.
I fought.
I get you.
I fought victim dog.
Is that like the first one of the first things we look for?
Yeah, because that's, that's what hooks you in and stuff like that.
(26:34):
And then next, you know, I, I be overthinking, so I'll be asking myself what I like about
this girl.
And after, after, after just looks, I'm like, I mean, she's nice.
It's like, oh man, it's like, and I'm, that's something that after my cause, you know, like
(26:56):
Rodrigo, I went through a really bad breakup, you know, it was like, you know, I was, I
was engaged.
I was almost there.
I was right.
I was just before where you guys are.
If nothing happened, I'll be sitting on that couch right now.
You'll be with us.
I'll be with y'all.
And then with about seven or eight months until before what would have been the month
(27:17):
of the wedding, things got called off.
I had to call up my best man.
Alan was going to be my best man.
Y'all know Alan, he's been on the show.
I had to call him up back when he was still doing his thing.
And I believe he was in the military at the time.
And she pretty much said, yo, I was off.
So I had to deal with that embarrassment.
And then I had just showed my pops and my brothers the ring.
I had to send that joint back off.
(27:39):
Imagine printing out the shipping slip and then it was just, it was bad.
And then I went through a couple of years, which just felt like rebuilding is this weird
what a bad breaker will do to you.
Not only will it mess you up emotionally, but if there was a bad breakup and a bad relationship,
it's like, man, you'd be surprised how much bad stuff kind of spring from that.
(28:02):
So it was like, I'm fighting.
I got a question for you.
Yeah.
You know how people say, what don't kill you make you stronger?
Yeah.
Like bad experience like that.
Would you say that made you stronger or was it just like a bad experience?
Can I be honest with you?
Yeah, because I don't always believe that.
Yeah, me either.
Well, for me, I believe, I'll put it to you like this.
If that didn't happen, we wouldn't be sitting here right now because here's why.
(28:27):
Because literally transparency was started off of that.
It was founded off of that emotional, the brand, the company transparency unrehearsed
as a transparency show.
So all of that was literally started days before things went like, and so like the previous
(28:50):
two projects, transparent one, transparent two, it was all from there.
And so, and that's, that's business side thing.
But for me, it brought me extremely close to God.
And I thought I was already close.
Like I've grown up in church.
My dad is my pastor.
You know what I'm saying?
Our church is right over the way over there.
(29:11):
And so my dad and my mom's pastor, first lady, before they were passing in terms, my grandfather,
my grandmother was pastor in the church, so I like, I already knew I was already fast
and reading the word, been on the altar, praying, all that kind of stuff.
But God was doing something that I didn't see.
And then didn't take me, it's like a couple of years before I really noticed what was
really happening.
(29:32):
But he was using that to kind of draw me in closer because like I said, a lot of bad things
to kind of spring forward from that.
So there was like depression there.
And I talked about it in music.
There was like suicidal thoughts.
I was fighting, I told you I was fighting not to go in it, but there was days like,
yo, I think I'm losing, but I'm not winning this joint.
And then there's other days I was like, okay, I think I'm okay.
(29:52):
It was just that spiritual battle that I've talked about a lot in my music.
And it has made me like stronger.
Like I'm way more closer.
And it's like, I thought I was like this with God and I was like, that close.
And you know, I know myself a lot more as a person.
I understand God a lot more.
I understand Jesus a lot more just as our creator and how he influences my life.
(30:17):
And on another side, I just know what I want more out of life.
And it's spring from this and it had me thinking about that parable Jesus was talking about
was like, and I'm gonna paraphrase it.
But if it's like a fruit that's been planted by the father, if it's producing fruit, he's
gonna purge it, that it produces more fruit.
(30:39):
And so out of that bad experiences, it came the music like how it's being created.
Now it came this show and then there's other things that we want to do that we were going
to do when time and money permits.
But you know, it's like a whole new person was kind of created out of that.
So now it's like producing more fruit.
This kind of show would never have happened before then because I was a hard rock.
(31:05):
You know, I was like, you know, the transparent project was me kind of like coming out of
that slowly.
That's why I took two projects that had to happen.
But I was a hard rock.
You know how society tells us, you know, guys can't show their emotions.
We can't cry.
I never forget my earliest memory, one of my earliest memories.
I was like probably three or four years old.
(31:26):
You know, you're getting your shots and stuff like that for preschool.
I used to always cry getting my shots, but my dad was like, don't cry this time.
Don't cry this time.
And I was nervous.
And I got, I was getting a shot and I felt it coming like, my dad was like, no, don't
do it.
I just had to suck it up, suck it up kind of thing.
And my dad was like, yeah.
And we would call my grandma on the way home.
Like he didn't cry.
Stuff like that is what's taught to us guys to hold in those emotions, to not reveal what
(31:51):
you're really thinking.
So literally transparency in the show on rehearsals, the complete opposite of my nature.
That's nobody but God because original me, high school me, me and Humberto go way back
to high school would never do this ever.
But now I see like this is necessary, not just for me, but for us here and for the people
watching because maybe people watching don't have that kind of space, that kind of people
(32:17):
that they can go to.
Yeah.
And that's, that's true.
Just because the same thing with being young, especially growing up in the United States,
you know, you do get fed all these types of products and you never get fed like, oh,
here's the word.
And then you got with a biblical family, let's say a really religious one.
You kind of have to learn these things a hard way.
(32:37):
Like you're saying, let's say, you know, you were a rock.
You thought you knew what you wanted.
You thought you had everything.
But in reality, God knew exactly what you needed.
And he gave you what it was.
And there's people who they don't get that.
They're just going along with life and they never get hit with the, oh, here's the stone
to break that stone.
Yeah.
Like these messages that we're giving out is real experiences.
(33:01):
These are things that we learn going through life and then finding the person that we could
spend the rest of our life together with.
Yeah.
It's a beautiful thing, but you have to understand that even roses have thorns.
You know, you're going to have ups and downs, but as long as you're always with that person
and you know, no matter how bad things get, that's the person that you want to go to at
(33:25):
the end of the day.
Right.
It's a beautiful thing to have.
Same page.
He that finds a wife finds a good thing.
Type of joint.
So what if, having said that, what if you're in your single phase and you know, like for
example, I'm single working on building this up.
My mind isn't so much there, but maybe some other guy may be single, but is desiring that,
(33:52):
another guy is like, not right now, or maybe not ever.
You know, I'm thinking, I asked this because Jesus, I'm going to paraphrase it again, but
he dropped this little nugget, this little bomb that I never understood as a kid, but
I didn't really, it hit me different a couple of weeks ago.
(34:15):
It was like a summer eunuchs of men, summer made eunuchs from birth and summer eunuchs
for the sake of the kingdom, the kingdom of God.
So what if, not saying, not saying, oh yeah, it is what you are, I mean, only God knows,
only you and God knows, but what if you're currently in your single phase and maybe that's
(34:36):
not it for you at the moment at least.
But you still desire that.
That's the conflict right there, right?
You still desire that.
How do you, how do you?
I say first, you have to see what you actually want.
Do you picture yourself being in a marriage?
Do you picture yourself having kids?
And I say next is to get understanding from God because he knows what you actually want
(34:59):
as well and he knows what's best for you.
So I'll say, don't be afraid to also be at peace with just being single, even if it is
for a long time, because that'll give you time to work on yourself, deal with your own
issues and then also it'll give you more of a clear mind to see who you really want.
It'll give you more of like a pure vision to look at the right woman, basically.
(35:21):
Yeah, I think that's good.
But that's hard though, to be at peace with like, man, I want to be-
It's harder for some than it is for others.
I'll admit that and I have reached a point now where I am happy.
I am at peace.
I made peace with both possibilities.
It's a possibility I can have my wife and children.
It's a possibility that maybe that woman will have-
(35:43):
Are you saying you're at peace with not being in a relationship ever?
You will be at peace with that?
If God don't have it for me, I mean, I have to be okay with that.
If God has it for me, it's going to come at a right time.
So the reason why I say that is because having made peace with the possibility that this
could happen and possibility, whatever God has, has allowed me, just me personally, it's
(36:04):
allowed me to be happy where I am.
I think that's one of the things that we mess up as young men, as young people.
I know I've made this.
I raised my hand in guilt.
In previous experiences, subconsciously, it was never intentional, but I had a weird way
of basing my happiness on the success of a relationship.
(36:27):
So if that joint didn't work out, I was crushed.
So imagine being engaged, you're like, yo, this is the furthest I've gone.
We almost there.
We planning, we flipping, we planning decorations.
And then that's why I was that down under.
There was a year, John knows, but there was about a year span where I was hard to find.
(36:50):
I was still in my usual city.
I was still going to work, going to church, whatever, but as far as socializing, actually
reaching me, I was off the face of the earth.
And then after a year, I just started coming back.
But yeah, I know where my happiness is.
It's in God.
It's in knowing what he has for me.
(37:10):
It's just being happy where I am and who I am, being comfortable in my own skin and not
doing that young, youthful little thing that I think many kind of fall into the trap of
doing unknowingly.
But yeah.
I think it's an important topic that you bring up is being comfortable with yourself.
Let's say you're doing, like you were saying, you were basing off your success of the relationship
(37:32):
and with happiness.
No, you're good.
All right, throw me off.
All right, I'm back.
So you have to be able to be comfortable with yourself before you add somebody into your
life.
Because there's going to be moments where that person, OK, I have a business trip or
I have to go do this for a week, a month.
(37:55):
You have to be comfortable in yourself and trusting to say, OK, they'll be fine.
They'll be safe.
I can enjoy my peace.
And then there's people out there who, oh, I just need to find the right one and then
I'm set.
That's it.
As soon as I find her, I don't have to worry about anything.
And then when the one wants to leave because that person, you know, too controlling, not
(38:17):
letting them be themselves because for one, you're showing your insecurity of I'm too
scared to be by myself.
So I don't want you to be on your own.
And you know, it happens.
And the same thing, you have to bring up these topics so somebody can realize it like, oh,
you know what?
I'm sitting back and I didn't realize that I'm not comfortable by myself.
Some people just have to be in a relationship.
(38:39):
Yes.
They just keep going and going and next and next.
Next one.
The next one.
Yeah, that was me, actually.
I never learned.
Unfortunately, I never learned.
I'm sorry.
Did you get married fast?
No, but I think that the problem was that I always I always had like a candidate per
say, you know, in the pocket, in the roster.
Yeah.
(38:59):
But you know what?
Later on, I had to when I got married, I had to learn unlearn and unwire such a mess because
of that feeling, because I never learned on my own, because when I got married, you know,
there was always this insecurity and so many other feelings that I never dealt with.
(39:20):
And I got married, but I had to deal with that later on.
You know, so so I'm 100 percent of you learn how to do it by yourself.
Man, props to you.
But I think going back to the idea of like, what do you do?
I do think that just why I think right now is a very hard time to date and to find a
person.
(39:40):
You know, I will at least the conversations that I've been having with some of my young
adults and men in particular, it's complicated.
Apps, social media, you know, all of those things play into the picture nowadays that
makes it very complicated to find a person and as well as for a man, you know, as a man,
they deal with all kinds of stuff.
(40:01):
So my desire is that, hey, look, if you find peace, you know, if you work in, if you have
a vision for your life, man, if you don't feel the necessity to get married, good.
Let's not put marriage in a pedestal.
Yeah, I feel like we do that.
I feel like I don't know if it's just American, you know, Hollywood social media culture,
but I feel like it's like we know marriage is a gift from God.
(40:23):
Praise, praise God.
If you eat, that finds a wife, finds a good thing.
I love it.
It's almost like God, I get married, like with some people.
It's like, if I don't give it my life is so wrecked.
Even as a Latino, as a Latino, that's kind of my mindset right now to like, that's, that's
a major goal of mine.
Yeah.
And it's a good thing.
(40:43):
I tell them, Hey, if you desire to get married, that is not a negative thing.
That is not a bad thing.
This is not against God.
No, that is a good thing.
But nonetheless, you know, like you need to find the balance in this whole conversation
so that you, you can actually work on yourself.
Perfect.
Yeah.
And then you're ready also as a man to be ready.
(41:04):
She's going to throw something out.
Yeah.
I found so many men not ready for a relationship.
We are, we are steps behind as men right now.
We were not prepared to engage in a relationship.
We're not ready.
We don't have a vision for our lives.
Sometimes it is, we don't have the character traits to actually bring something to the
(41:25):
table.
My desire is to see all this men to be ready.
You know, I'm not saying to be unhealthy manhood.
You know, I'm saying be have something to bring to the table, you know, because that
is important, you know, so that is part of the conversation.
There's some things I navigate with them do not put marriage on a pedestal.
But nonetheless, if you desire that is not a negative thing.
(41:47):
Yeah, one, it is good.
Be ready for it.
Yeah, you know,
that's that's really good.
Yes, finding that balance that that mental balance is better that you take your time
when you're single.
Yeah, because you're not once you get in a relationship, now you're not just dealing
with your heart.
If you break, if you break someone's now you're going to break someone's heart.
(42:08):
If you have kids, think about why so many families are broken and how so many people
never had the experience like, you know, my experience like my parents got divorced when
I was like little.
So I was my mom told me you're now the man of the house and I'm like 10 years old.
So it's like, how do I know how a healthy relationship looks like?
(42:32):
You know, so it's like it's better that you take your time because once you get like,
you know, what Tim was saying, like, hey, I went to my marriage and I was not ready.
You know, once you get to the marriage, now you're not just playing with yourself.
You're playing with your lady's heart.
If you have kids, your kids are they're gonna have daddy issues.
They're gonna be like, hey, daddy, like, you know, I'm gonna now I need to go look at a
(42:57):
boy to fill that void.
Exactly.
Because I never had my dad at home.
So now you're playing with fire, man.
So it's like it's better that you take time when you're single to figure out everything
that you want.
And like Tony said, like, I don't think it's easy right now.
I don't think you're gonna find a wife.
But has it ever really been easy?
(43:17):
That's a good question.
You know, I want to say I don't think you will find a wife in Tinder.
I don't think you will find a wife in Hinch.
All these apps.
Because you know, I can post a picture and I'm in vacation and this is the best picture
that I have.
But what about when or like a girl can post like the best picture with makeup?
(43:38):
But what about when you go to sleep and she takes out the makeup?
And the real comes out.
I think you will find a wife on the Internet.
I'm more old school.
I like to get out.
Yeah, I like to get out and actually.
Christian Winkle.com?
I like to.
Even there is time to get some.
I've never done like dating apps.
(43:59):
You're not an app dude?
Nah, I'm trying to put my phone down.
Like I can't wait to get to a point where it's like, pray God bless my career and I
can have like a team running social media.
I want to put my phone down, man.
But that's just me though.
The way you're doing it is perfect.
You know, you're doing your business and who knows if God's going to say, oh, he's doing
all this business stuff.
(44:20):
Let me see if he'll run into, you know, somebody who could help you with promotions or you
know, and then that's the person you connect with the most.
Yeah.
Not only do you find the one, but you're also building up to a common goal.
Yeah.
And I think accountability is one thing that I would say the young people today just don't
have anymore.
I would say to be an actual man is to take accountability of your actions of if you messed
(44:45):
up it's on you and you know, and what are you going to do to fix it?
Nowadays it's like, oh, I messed up.
That's it.
They don't do anything about it.
They just acknowledge it.
Now it's a praise.
Oh, I messed up.
Oh, it was one night stand.
Oh, well that's fine.
That's what the word is telling me that that's okay to be.
It's okay to have one night stand.
It's okay to just, you know, hop from like one girl to another girl.
(45:09):
That's why the culture that teaches you, but you're going to end up broken no matter what.
And I'm telling you right now, if you decide to live that life at the end of the day, you
can, you're going to find yourself empty and you're going to be like, man, I don't know
what I want to do with my life anymore.
Especially when you rely so much on like relationships, which a lot of men's do.
(45:31):
Yeah.
It's become more of a status symbol now instead of, you know, you finding the person to grow
with.
It's just, Oh yeah.
This is my wife, bad as hell.
Instagram likes comments, everything.
And that's just one thing that we've lost of keeping your relationship, your relationship.
(45:51):
Yeah.
I'm not, I'm not a public, I'm technically a public figure or like a small content creator,
but it's like, I'm more, I'm private, bro.
It's like, especially when it comes to stuff like that.
I'm not the kind of person with like, man, everybody got to know what I'm doing today.
Look at me over in Walmart shopping for like, man, that's just not me.
(46:14):
But any, any closing thoughts?
First off, I appreciate all of you guys, all of you guys' perspective.
Like this is amazing and we can easily do a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth part
because there's so much to unpack.
So I appreciate you guys taking time out of your busy days, busy schedules.
I know you guys have a lot going on after this.
So we appreciate y'all coming on through.
(46:36):
Any closing thoughts, last little advice, comments?
Thank you for having me.
Oh yeah.
Shout out to your socials, bro.
John, an artist, man.
Y'all tapping, bro, music.
JM3 from the P on Instagram, just dropping a lot of music and dropping content.
Yeah.
Stay on the lookout for it.
(46:57):
I think my closing thoughts would be, man, if enough, the one's not coming by and like
you were saying, you know, you don't find the one if God doesn't have it in plan.
Don't take it as an L. Take it as an opportunity for you to do more for other people.
Exactly.
Now that you don't have to focus your life in one, dude, go out there and plant flowers,
you know, sprout roots that are only going to help the community, but help you as well.
(47:22):
Exactly.
And everything that you, as my dad always say, only what you truly do for Christ will
last.
And it's, you know, if it is just singleness, then just think about what, you know, if it
is just singleness and you have a vision and you put in your dreams and your visions all
in the hands of God, just imagine what, because there's a part in the Bible that says, I'm
(47:43):
paraphrasing again, but you know, like if you're married, then you're focused on certain
worldly things trying to please your spouse.
But if you're single, you're focused a little bit more on heavenly things, trying to please
God a little bit more kind of thing.
That's Paul wrote it.
I forgot what it's but.
Huh?
Corinthians.
Yeah.
I wanted to say Corinthians, but yeah.
(48:04):
Any other?
Do you, a personal question, do you know where you at when it comes to that?
Like, do you know if God has someone for you or are you just kind of going with it?
Like, I'm just enjoying it.
I know God has someone for me.
I don't know, but it's like I said earlier, I made peace with both.
Like if God has someone for me and I end up having a wife and kids, praise God, I'm going
(48:27):
to do my, I've always been one to let things happen naturally.
You know, I've never been one to force a situation.
So I'm working on myself, trying to improve myself to where if that was to happen, I'm
as ready as one can possibly be.
But if God does not allow that, I'm blessed and okay because I have this thing that we're
(48:48):
current that I'm currently building up, which I've got has already spoken over, you know,
through the laying on of hands and prayer lines, prophecy and stuff like that.
So it's like I have that full faith and trusting God to where it's like I put, I literally
put everything in and it's the desires, all of the desires of my heart and all of my vision.
And I know God knows what I truly need and what he wants for me to do.
(49:12):
And so, you know, it's a sort of, it's a sort of peace that comes with that.
You know what I mean?
Now, five years ago, I'd be like, man, I want a wife, I want children.
I pray God let me get that.
It meant a lot more to me, not saying it doesn't mean Jack, but it's not as like, it's not
like obsessive or like it's more so what I'm more focused on what does God truly want?
(49:37):
Because we want things, but sometimes what we want ain't in line with what God will have
for us.
And so I'm, and it's good to learn that early on.
So it's like, okay, that relationship wasn't it?
Maybe this is, maybe this is just a not now, not a not ever kind of thing.
You know what I mean?
Maybe in five, six years, we having a whole totally different conversation and we all
(49:58):
married sitting on one couch talking about one couch.
But yeah, I'm, I'm happy and at peace with God and with my life and with, with both situations.
That's that's where I am.
It's like if praise God, if it do praise God, if it don't, I know either way I'm good.
And that's a good place to be in.
(50:18):
I find.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and as long as you're still following through with God's plan and cause that's,
you know, being single that, that, that, that's really where my heart is at.
Just getting as close to God as I can and just being the best that I could possibly
be for him.
(50:38):
Should he send a wife my way, we going to be the best I possibly can for God and for
my wife and family.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, appreciate y'all for tapping on into another episode of unrehearsed.
The very first episode of the guys only edition.
We plan on doing this again, covering other different topics with other different panels
(50:59):
of gentlemen.
Shout out to my lovely guests.
Thank y'all so much for coming on through.
This was amazing.
This was amazing.
And you guys are more, more than welcome to come back.
Like if y'all ever wanted to just come back, even just to say, what's up?
We ain't even gotta be on camera, we can hang it's all love here on the unrehearsed show.
Shout out to the whole crew making this happen behind the scenes and we'll catch y'all on
(51:21):
the next episode.
You
Audio is running through sounding good.
(00:27):
Oh yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, we getting it popping.
Or should I just say gentlemen, it's unrehearsed.
Well I got my people with me.
I got my guys with me.
Woo woo boo boo boo boo.
Appreciate y'all for tuning in.
And y'all probably wondering as y'all are watching like why is it only guys?
Where is Mo?
First off shout out to Mo.
Second off shout out to Brandon.
(00:48):
Shout out Ricky.
Shout out Josiah.
Shout out Chris.
Everyone that helps us put this together behind the scenes.
And welcome to the very first guys only special edition of unrehearsed.
Yeah, give it up for the fellas.
We ruling unrehearsed today.
Now ladies who are watching, if y'all are watching, probably wondering what about the
(01:09):
girls?
Y'all know we looking out for y'all.
We currently working on the ladies only edition of this very same thing.
But today is about the fellas.
You feel me?
You all know what I'm saying?
So before we get into today's topic, you know me as your boy DeShawn Forest, artist, producer,
co-creator and co-host of unrehearsed, founder of Transparency.
(01:30):
All of that is a lot of hats we wear over here trying to build up this multimedia company.
And I'm finna just, we just gonna swing the mics around and introduce y'all to the panels
who we have on today.
Yeah, got my boy JM3.
What up John?
Introduce yourself.
JM3, artist, rapper, preach the gospel.
Yes.
Yes.
And I love people.
(01:50):
Yes.
There we go.
My name is Humberto.
You know, close friend of X.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I love my wife.
Yes, sir.
Oh, y'all got drama.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, my name is Rodrigo.
I work with X.
Yeah.
And I'm also married.
I've been married for five years.
So we'll bring some fire.
We'll bring some fire.
Hey, my name is Antonio Reyes.
I am a communicator, a pastor, a creator too.
So all kinds of stuff.
Yeah.
I'm a co-creator.
(02:11):
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator.
I'm a co-creator too, so all kinds of stuff.
We try all kinds of stuff here.
Do a little bit of everything.
What's the church?
Shout out to church.
It's Discovery in the City of Davis.
Okay.
Yeah.
Discovery in the City of Davis.
Real quick, he was a little clippin' right there.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(02:32):
All righty.
And for those that may not know, like, X, who's X?
I mean, anyone who knows me personally knows me for real.
I'll just say that.
I'll just say that.
How old that is?
Anyone who knows me personally knows me for real.
But it's Day Shine for all of y'all.
Day Shine Forest.
Day Shine Forest, capital S, and that's Forest with two R's.
You gotta be real specific.
(02:54):
You'd be surprised how many people messed that up, dawg.
That's an episode for another day.
But why are we doing a guys-only edition?
Well, today we're talking about, we're asking a question.
And you know, on unrehearsed, we don't plan much of anything.
We just pose a question or pose a topic, and then we just keep it going.
(03:15):
So today's topic is, does the one exist?
And when me and Mo was kind of thinking about this, we wanted to do a guys-only and a girls-only
because we wanted to have a dedicated episode for each perspective, because a lot of our
episodes, since it's me and Mo, we kind of blend the two.
But does the one really exist for us guys?
(03:37):
You know, I don't know about y'all and how y'all childhood was, but if we all had the
same childhood, y'all probably came up watching Disney Channel like me.
That's all right.
That's all right, even High School Musical, all of that kind of stuff.
Lizzie McGuire, we can go all Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and how romance is handled in
settings like that and just movies in general.
(03:58):
You know, it's industry.
They want to, it has to sell.
So it has to be a good product.
So a lot of things are kind of dramatized, exaggerated.
But we don't necessarily think about that when we're going to go see a movie or watching
it on TV.
So we subconsciously are buying into that kind of stuff.
So it kind of results in our expectations not being realistic.
(04:18):
So on our panels, we got a mix of guys who are single, I'm included, and we got a mix
of newly married gentlemen.
So we're going to dive into this, fellas.
What do y'all think?
We all got some relationship experience.
Does the one really exist?
Like for real, is there really somebody out there for everyone?
What are we talking about?
Well, I want to say something.
Well, if I say that the real one doesn't exist and then I go home to my wife.
(04:41):
I think I'm going to be sleeping outside, right?
I would say the real one, it does exist, but it's a process.
To get to marriage, it's not just like, oh, you go watch movies and the things that you
see at the movies is what a relationship has.
(05:02):
But in reality, it's a process to get there.
So what is that process like?
And is everyone, because we're speaking from the perspective of guys, so we're just going
to try to keep it as regards to the fellas.
Are we all fit for that process?
What was the process like for you, I guess is probably the better question.
(05:25):
I think for myself, I had to figure out that I needed to grow myself.
You could go and say, oh, I found the one.
But if you're not ready for the one, you kind of either tell her the truth.
Right now is not the time for me, but give me some time.
And if she is the one, she'll wait for you.
(05:45):
She'll wait for you to get that confidence that, what would I say?
The way to be able to show your emotions with it, the way you can trust somebody.
So I think that's one of the biggest things is growing yourself that way.
Once you meet the one, you're ready.
Yeah, for me, I respect everybody's opinion.
(06:09):
We had this conversation with my wife, actually, and we both believe that there's not such
thing as the one.
Okay, I like that.
Different perspective.
I like that.
Nonetheless, there's a lot of qualities that we can find in another person, right?
Qualities that we are attracted to, qualities that we want in a person, and qualities that
(06:30):
we would like to connect for the rest of our lives.
We believe that.
I think the part of you mentioning that is that we have been educated by Hollywood in
some other ways, right?
And if you come like myself, we come from a broken family that I don't have a good point
of reference that a healthy marriage, a healthy family, I really don't know what to grab from.
(06:52):
So I come maybe into sometimes into that process that I really know what I want, what I desire.
And we bottom line, we are led by feeling only rather than by any structure and idea
and desire of like, this is the things that I'm looking in a person.
And so anyways, my process was finding healthy voices, finding healthy marriages that I want
(07:17):
to be like, and allow those voices to speak into my life and help me rewire detox from
a lot of things and open my mind to questions that probably I didn't ask or before.
You know?
So anyways, yeah, I know it's quite a bit a lot, but no, that's that's good.
That's good.
Because like, I'm thinking, oh, my fault.
Did you want to chime in?
(07:38):
That's you.
Oh, yeah.
That's actually good.
Because, you know, I've had my relationship experience of anyone's kept up with the music,
kept up with the channel.
You've you know, you've probably heard some past music, you know, or some music videos
and stuff where I kind of heard some venting.
So you heard some venting for sure.
You've gone through it.
I look, man.
I mean, it is.
(07:59):
But it was in hindsight, you know, that that stuff half of some years ago.
But in hindsight, it was like, oh, wow, it's like a really good experience because I'm
talking about after the fact, like a lot of character building came from that.
You know, God kind of he had his hand in it.
And you know, God has a way of taking bad and flipping it, you know, for your goodness.
(08:21):
So I became a completely I believe I became a completely new person.
You know, so mentally where I'm at as far as relationships, I'm focused on something
completely different.
Like I'm you know, we're doing this where I'm working on building this company up, you
know, building myself up in this other boxes that I want to check.
So I'm not like as like connected to that as not at the moment.
(08:45):
Yeah.
How that mean a little while?
Maybe things have changed after some things take off.
But I still have to ask myself, like, well, this the one like really, I feel like a lot
of people, a lot of people just kind of like wait and just kind of in a way assume that
the one is just going to just drop into their lap, per se.
(09:08):
Like me.
What's what's your mindset?
What's your like?
Hopping on what's what's your mindset of it?
Do you you said like you are you you think the one's just going like I do?
Well, not like that.
I was just I was just kind of being funny.
But as a person with Christian beliefs and believe in God, I pray to God and just ask
(09:28):
him like to reveal who he has for me.
And I think it's that simple.
Hmm.
That's yeah, that's definitely that's definitely a good start.
But I think so, I think I'm in the same boat, you know, my desire will be as man as that
we can be ready for that moment.
That if that person comes into the into the picture, right, that we can be ready to engage
(09:52):
in a healthy way and that we can actually work the necessary things to become, you know,
the next step or whatever that looks like, because the right person can come and we can
be in a very unhealthy place and it can be messed up.
Right.
And I think that I do feel like to me, I met my my current obviously my wife right now,
(10:13):
but I met her when we were in high school.
You know, I was in a very dark place in that place in that season of my life and her as
well.
So I think it has it was a process for us to get into a healthy place so that we can
work things out.
Yes.
So it's better for for us to be like, man, hopefully when that person shows up, you know,
(10:34):
that has the qualities that I desire and it has a character that I desire and even I'm
attracted to that person.
Hopefully I can be ready to engage with that person.
So then one could ask the question, how?
What does getting ready look like?
Because I put it to perspective.
I think I might be the youngest one.
(10:55):
I'm 24.
I just turned 24.
And so obviously I got a lot to learn and I'm for surely in no rush to do anything.
But what does you know, if I had it my way, I have a wife and children at some point.
But what does getting ready look like?
Like how does one prepare yourself?
(11:15):
How do you because I really what I'm asking is how do you prepare yourself for something
you've never had before?
Like how do you do that?
Yeah, I think like Tony and I, we've been friends for like many years and having people
in place that are able to speak to you when when you're doing things wrong or when you
(11:35):
cut up a conversation and like being accountable to each other.
Right.
If I see Tony's doing X, Y and Z and then I don't call him out.
I'm like, hey, bro, like that's not I understand.
I understand where you want to go one day.
Yeah.
But that's not it.
Yeah.
Like now you got to go to these spots.
You got to like work together and having that brotherhood like nowadays is very rare.
(11:59):
Like because we we as men, we we are supposed to be like strong.
We're supposed to like we're not we're not supposed to share feelings with others.
Right.
So the process part of the process for me and I can speak for myself has been being
able to speak to my brothers, Tony, my friends, my close friends, people that I can go to
and say, hey, I'm going through this right now.
(12:22):
I'm struggling with this.
And, you know, I broke up with a girl.
Can you help me out?
You know, instead of me getting more isolated in a hole, you can go to friends and be like,
hey, help me out.
Like, let's talk about it.
Let's be real.
You say they help you prepare.
I'll say like they keep me accountable.
Having people accountable in your life is very important to get to to get to get to
(12:46):
a place where you are you feel like you're ready to take to the next step.
Yeah, I would I would agree on that, too.
Like being around the right people, asking the right questions is a good way to get yourself
there.
And with your experience, you know, like you said, OK, it was something bad that happened
to you, but you grew from it, right?
Yeah.
You kept moving forward.
(13:06):
You know, you didn't let yourself sink deeper and deeper and say, oh, there's no such thing
as love.
Not too long.
We have to fight to get about it.
Everybody was always in there.
I ain't gonna lie.
It makes you strong.
You know, it gives you that tolerance of, OK, I can keep going.
Yeah.
I'm here to fall in love again when I find the one and I know I learned from the last
one and I could push forward.
(13:26):
But yeah, because the way I did it, the same thing didn't have a good perspective of what
a marriage should be.
So, you know, you kind of learn these things.
You make your mistakes.
But as long as you're able to have those good friends around you that you could vent to
let out what you need to.
And they're good influences as well.
You know, they're not just, oh, your girl ain't around.
(13:47):
Oh, bro, let's go party.
Let's just go out.
Let's go out to say, yeah.
And yeah, for me, has been a character development.
The character development was important in my journey to learn how to be committing,
consistent, as well as have a vision for my life, you know, because at the end of the
(14:08):
day, you don't you don't marry personality.
You marry character.
You know, you can't you can't think that you are, you know, somebody makes you laugh.
Somebody makes you, you know, it wins you over, you know, but at the end of the day,
that is not sustainable for the next 20, 30 years.
You marry character.
Look at their choices.
(14:30):
How do they spend their time?
How do they spend their money?
All of those things play into the picture of what you're doing.
So to me, the character development is important in a man, because if we want to get into a
relationship, all of those things are not going to go away.
They're just going to actually going to exponentially.
Yeah, they're going to amplify.
Yeah, they're going to amplify.
And so I think that if you get ready in a personal level to have a structure, to have
(14:55):
discipline and bottom line, to be willing to sacrifice, which is I think that I think
that's to me the most important thing.
Sacrificial love about that is important for someone.
Let's talk about that.
That's actually really I'm glad you said that word, because like sacrificing, obviously,
isn't easy, especially in, I guess, maybe our modern society is like you got to have
(15:19):
your stuff together, focus on yourself.
It's a lot of individualistic things.
So then when you get into like a relationship and now you have to sacrifice, it's literally
like going against everything you've been on up to that point.
So how, how like, like, how do you know what you should sacrifice?
What are you're like, OK, now this is like, I guess.
(15:41):
Like, where do you draw the line?
Yeah, like, like this.
OK, sacrificing this, this is not a ghost.
How do you like, how do you do that?
Honestly, I just noticed side note, this was unintentional.
I just noticed I put all the merry guys.
I just noticed that I did not intentionally do that, but it actually just kind of worked
(16:03):
out that way.
But yeah, like, how does that help?
Yeah.
I think there's like, like a misconception that marriage is always 50 50.
I hear that a lot.
And I have seen a lot of people, I have seen like experts talk about this, that marriage
or any relationship is sometimes you're doing 30 percent and she's doing 70 percent.
(16:27):
Sometimes 60 40 is never 50 50.
At times though, huh?
Or you saw it kind of changes then.
OK, because for example, I just recently like I was supporting my wife to do her drink.
Right.
So she was going to school for four years.
You know, I have to sacrifice a lot.
(16:48):
Yeah.
In the sense of like spending time with her, right?
Because she would come home and she would, you know, do school all day, then get home
and do more work.
So I maybe spend like 30 minutes with her.
Right.
If I was selfish, I would be like, hey, you know, I don't like this.
This is not like.
Don't it go to a certain point where it's like, I'm not sacrificing no more.
(17:10):
This is my time for myself.
Right.
Right.
Right now you're like, you know, real quick, I'm just interrupt you.
We're going to switch real quick.
He has to make some adjustments on that.
So I'm going to take that one from you.
That one is still operational.
OK, cool.
Here's this one.
Like, how do you avoid those fights?
(17:34):
It's like you're saying I don't want to sacrifice.
There's no such a thing that you're going to avoid fights.
And like, there's no like marriage without that.
You don't.
If a person tells you I never fight with my wife, they're not talking about the real stuff.
They're not talking about each other's goals.
They're not saying like, hey, why are you sacrificing right now?
Like when I was sacrificing that time is because I knew that she was going to get to a place
(17:56):
where, OK, now is going to be my time.
So like right now, she's going to grow.
She's going to do her doctor's degree, get that stuff.
It's going to help us as a family.
And then after that, it's OK.
Now is my time.
Now it's like, maybe I want to open a business.
Maybe I want to do it's my time to do something.
So that's what I'm saying.
So it's a lot of marriage or any relationship.
(18:16):
The problem is like young kids nowadays, they're just like, oh, 50 50.
If she runs one mile, I will run one mile.
She doesn't run more than one mile.
I'm done.
And that's not how life is in reality.
Yeah, most of the time you just that's good.
That's the important thing about communication.
And like I said, patience, because if you don't have any of that, right, let's say even
(18:36):
with your family, if you can't communicate or have the patience to, you know, take whatever
they're saying to you, there's a small chance that you'll be able to take somebody else
telling you the same things that your mom would say to your face.
Right.
Like Xavier, clean up your room.
And if you can't handle that from your mom and you want to say you want to find
the one.
(18:57):
Yeah, you have to make sure like you were saying, the character matters a lot.
Okay.
Like the same way you treat your friends.
She's not your friend, but you have to give her that respect.
Right.
And then the same thing with you was saying with these young kids, especially me, the
same thing that I was going through.
We don't want to do confrontation that much.
We don't want to argue.
(19:19):
We don't want to make our relationship look bad.
But by doing that, you're not talking about the topics that really matter in the relationship.
So you kind of have to have those.
You have to.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because it's not just your life anymore.
It's both of your land.
Yeah.
You become, you know, in Spanish, it's casados.
You know, that casa becomes one.
(19:40):
Yeah.
Casa de dos.
It's because you're in a spot with that person that you love.
And if you can't understand them or you know, you're too scared of confrontation, it's not
going to work out.
And a lot of people have those relationships and they say, oh, it never worked out because
she was always arguing.
No, she was reaching out to you and you weren't giving her the time.
(20:00):
You weren't ready to receive that.
Yeah.
I love what they're saying.
In talking about the little bit of the sacrifice, you know, I remember having a conversation
with this girl that we were mentoring, my wife and I.
And I remember asking her about her relationship.
And I drew in a page.
I was like, I'm going to put your half and I'm going to put his half, right?
(20:24):
I wonder how many sacrifices he has made for your half for the thing that matters to you.
And she says, none.
I don't know.
How about yourself?
How many seconds have you made for him?
And he's she said all of them.
So when it's only about able to list them all.
Yes.
Yes.
Wow.
So so to me, when we were having the conversation, I told her, see, the problem here is that
(20:46):
you making all the sacrifice.
And when it's a collective sacrifice, you will see a beautiful dance between both of
you.
Right.
And honestly, there's things in my life and with my wife that now I'm willing to sacrifice
that maybe 10 years ago, I would say, no, I would never sacrifice that.
But why?
Because I think that we have developed such trustworthiness with each other because we
(21:10):
see each other and we're willing to to to navigate these things with each other that
I think that I'm willing to sacrifice beyond beyond what I thought before.
You know, so I think that it's about really looking at the whole picture and seeing, OK,
if I'm going to sacrifice all of those things and you're vice versa, right, it's going to
(21:30):
be a mutual sacrifice, a mutual dance together.
I think the important thing is that, yes, I have non-negotiables.
Yes.
But honestly, at one point in my life, if we develop this relationship, I'm willing
to sacrifice this for you.
If this is worth me sacrificing.
But I think at the end of the day, it's a conversation, communication type of thing.
(21:51):
And we're scared to have that conversation at the beginning of the relationship.
Let me tell you later on, it's not going to happen.
Later on, it's not going to happen.
Wow.
That's good.
So how long did it did it take you guys to figure that out?
Like I mean, for me, like I told her and we had the same type of mindset where, all right,
(22:14):
we're starting today.
What are your boundaries?
That is the biggest thing that you could start off with.
It's not like communications, mad important.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Everybody watching communication, like they say, they don't just say it's a key for anything.
Like it opens a doorway for you to move your relationship forward and on to the next level.
Yeah.
So it was instant.
(22:34):
We talked, we said, you know what, these are my boundaries.
I don't want you to cross these.
And she gave me her boundaries the same.
And I said, you know what?
It adds up, everything is good.
Let's move forward.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For me, I had to go through a bad breakup when I was in my twenties.
(22:55):
And then I took like three to four years and Tony's not going to let me lie here.
Where I didn't, I was dating people, but then I was looking more inside because I was like,
okay, so I did this, this, this to hurt this person.
So now what do I need to do to change that?
But then I started looking inwards rather than like, I'm looking on the beauty of, I
(23:18):
mean, have you guys seen, we haven't talked about how good a girl looks here.
We're only talking about like real stuff here.
You know, we're not talking about Disney things here, you know.
That's important for me.
So well, it is, it is important.
You want a girl that looks, this is what the assumption that she looked good.
Yeah.
(23:39):
Yeah, but, but at that time it took me like, for me, it took me like four years to really
understand first of all, where I want to, what I wanted to do.
How am I going to, how am I going to support my family?
Right?
I think that's another topic that we need to talk about is money.
That topic, if you, if you see all the statistics, 50% of the marriages fail because of money.
(24:02):
I don't know if it's real or not, but the, the arguments that I have with my wife, like
the heavy ones is because of money.
Because we don't agree how we're going to save or how we're going to spend money or
why am I buying a cup of coffee every day at Starbucks?
Because little things like that, you know, she might be like, yo, like I bought you like
(24:22):
a coffee machine at home and you're spending coffee every day.
You know, it's our money now.
Like, what are you doing?
So little things like that.
I think we need to talk about that too.
Money.
Money.
Like we can get into it.
We can, this one rehearse.
We, we can get into it.
We can talk about this money.
All right.
But I do want to talk about the, the appearance of like from John.
So being single, you know, you're looking for the one, but you know, eventually you'll
(24:47):
find a girl, oh, she's fine.
Let me go holly.
Let me say something to her real fast.
And you know, your homies will hype you up, but do you feel you're going to that attractive
woman because you want to her because there's people hyping you up to go to her?
Oh, or Instagram.
Instagram.
You see all them hearts on Instagram.
Yeah.
I mean, the reality.
(25:08):
Yeah.
I think as men, we're, we are visual species.
We, we, we are attracted and, and the reality, I'm not going to hear, see it.
I'm as a pastor.
I'm not going to tell men, don't be, don't be attracted to that person.
Don't look at their physical appearance.
Of course, that's not, that's not realistic.
You know, I love my wife and I, and I look at her physical appearance as well as she
(25:31):
looks at me.
Right.
And there's nothing, let's not demonize that.
But nonetheless, that is not the biggest priority in the conversation when you want to engage
in a relationship.
Right.
Because I think that when it becomes only about that, let me tell you 50 is going to
hit 55 is going to hit 60 is going to hit.
(25:53):
And it's not going to look the same.
We're not going to look the same.
Beauty is vain or fleet is done like that.
We're not going to look the same.
I mean, hopefully I can work out and be decent, you know?
But anyway, I don't think it's like that is, that is something that is part of who we are.
It's in the wiring.
But the problem is that when that becomes the only thing that we look in a person, that
(26:13):
that's just not going to get the inlet.
And just, just for, just for transparency sake, I've it's a good thing you say that
because I think it's easy to get caught up in that.
I fought victim, bro.
I ain't going to catch up in that.
I fought.
I get you.
I fought victim dog.
Is that like the first one of the first things we look for?
Yeah, because that's, that's what hooks you in and stuff like that.
(26:34):
And then next, you know, I, I be overthinking, so I'll be asking myself what I like about
this girl.
And after, after, after just looks, I'm like, I mean, she's nice.
It's like, oh man, it's like, and I'm, that's something that after my cause, you know, like
(26:56):
Rodrigo, I went through a really bad breakup, you know, it was like, you know, I was, I
was engaged.
I was almost there.
I was right.
I was just before where you guys are.
If nothing happened, I'll be sitting on that couch right now.
You'll be with us.
I'll be with y'all.
And then with about seven or eight months until before what would have been the month
(27:17):
of the wedding, things got called off.
I had to call up my best man.
Alan was going to be my best man.
Y'all know Alan, he's been on the show.
I had to call him up back when he was still doing his thing.
And I believe he was in the military at the time.
And she pretty much said, yo, I was off.
So I had to deal with that embarrassment.
And then I had just showed my pops and my brothers the ring.
I had to send that joint back off.
(27:39):
Imagine printing out the shipping slip and then it was just, it was bad.
And then I went through a couple of years, which just felt like rebuilding is this weird
what a bad breaker will do to you.
Not only will it mess you up emotionally, but if there was a bad breakup and a bad relationship,
it's like, man, you'd be surprised how much bad stuff kind of spring from that.
(28:02):
So it was like, I'm fighting.
I got a question for you.
Yeah.
You know how people say, what don't kill you make you stronger?
Yeah.
Like bad experience like that.
Would you say that made you stronger or was it just like a bad experience?
Can I be honest with you?
Yeah, because I don't always believe that.
Yeah, me either.
Well, for me, I believe, I'll put it to you like this.
If that didn't happen, we wouldn't be sitting here right now because here's why.
(28:27):
Because literally transparency was started off of that.
It was founded off of that emotional, the brand, the company transparency unrehearsed
as a transparency show.
So all of that was literally started days before things went like, and so like the previous
(28:50):
two projects, transparent one, transparent two, it was all from there.
And so, and that's, that's business side thing.
But for me, it brought me extremely close to God.
And I thought I was already close.
Like I've grown up in church.
My dad is my pastor.
You know what I'm saying?
Our church is right over the way over there.
(29:11):
And so my dad and my mom's pastor, first lady, before they were passing in terms, my grandfather,
my grandmother was pastor in the church, so I like, I already knew I was already fast
and reading the word, been on the altar, praying, all that kind of stuff.
But God was doing something that I didn't see.
And then didn't take me, it's like a couple of years before I really noticed what was
really happening.
(29:32):
But he was using that to kind of draw me in closer because like I said, a lot of bad things
to kind of spring forward from that.
So there was like depression there.
And I talked about it in music.
There was like suicidal thoughts.
I was fighting, I told you I was fighting not to go in it, but there was days like,
yo, I think I'm losing, but I'm not winning this joint.
And then there's other days I was like, okay, I think I'm okay.
(29:52):
It was just that spiritual battle that I've talked about a lot in my music.
And it has made me like stronger.
Like I'm way more closer.
And it's like, I thought I was like this with God and I was like, that close.
And you know, I know myself a lot more as a person.
I understand God a lot more.
I understand Jesus a lot more just as our creator and how he influences my life.
(30:17):
And on another side, I just know what I want more out of life.
And it's spring from this and it had me thinking about that parable Jesus was talking about
was like, and I'm gonna paraphrase it.
But if it's like a fruit that's been planted by the father, if it's producing fruit, he's
gonna purge it, that it produces more fruit.
(30:39):
And so out of that bad experiences, it came the music like how it's being created.
Now it came this show and then there's other things that we want to do that we were going
to do when time and money permits.
But you know, it's like a whole new person was kind of created out of that.
So now it's like producing more fruit.
This kind of show would never have happened before then because I was a hard rock.
(31:05):
You know, I was like, you know, the transparent project was me kind of like coming out of
that slowly.
That's why I took two projects that had to happen.
But I was a hard rock.
You know how society tells us, you know, guys can't show their emotions.
We can't cry.
I never forget my earliest memory, one of my earliest memories.
I was like probably three or four years old.
(31:26):
You know, you're getting your shots and stuff like that for preschool.
I used to always cry getting my shots, but my dad was like, don't cry this time.
Don't cry this time.
And I was nervous.
And I got, I was getting a shot and I felt it coming like, my dad was like, no, don't
do it.
I just had to suck it up, suck it up kind of thing.
And my dad was like, yeah.
And we would call my grandma on the way home.
Like he didn't cry.
Stuff like that is what's taught to us guys to hold in those emotions, to not reveal what
(31:51):
you're really thinking.
So literally transparency in the show on rehearsals, the complete opposite of my nature.
That's nobody but God because original me, high school me, me and Humberto go way back
to high school would never do this ever.
But now I see like this is necessary, not just for me, but for us here and for the people
watching because maybe people watching don't have that kind of space, that kind of people
(32:17):
that they can go to.
Yeah.
And that's, that's true.
Just because the same thing with being young, especially growing up in the United States,
you know, you do get fed all these types of products and you never get fed like, oh,
here's the word.
And then you got with a biblical family, let's say a really religious one.
You kind of have to learn these things a hard way.
(32:37):
Like you're saying, let's say, you know, you were a rock.
You thought you knew what you wanted.
You thought you had everything.
But in reality, God knew exactly what you needed.
And he gave you what it was.
And there's people who they don't get that.
They're just going along with life and they never get hit with the, oh, here's the stone
to break that stone.
Yeah.
Like these messages that we're giving out is real experiences.
(33:01):
These are things that we learn going through life and then finding the person that we could
spend the rest of our life together with.
Yeah.
It's a beautiful thing, but you have to understand that even roses have thorns.
You know, you're going to have ups and downs, but as long as you're always with that person
and you know, no matter how bad things get, that's the person that you want to go to at
(33:25):
the end of the day.
Right.
It's a beautiful thing to have.
Same page.
He that finds a wife finds a good thing.
Type of joint.
So what if, having said that, what if you're in your single phase and you know, like for
example, I'm single working on building this up.
My mind isn't so much there, but maybe some other guy may be single, but is desiring that,
(33:52):
another guy is like, not right now, or maybe not ever.
You know, I'm thinking, I asked this because Jesus, I'm going to paraphrase it again, but
he dropped this little nugget, this little bomb that I never understood as a kid, but
I didn't really, it hit me different a couple of weeks ago.
(34:15):
It was like a summer eunuchs of men, summer made eunuchs from birth and summer eunuchs
for the sake of the kingdom, the kingdom of God.
So what if, not saying, not saying, oh yeah, it is what you are, I mean, only God knows,
only you and God knows, but what if you're currently in your single phase and maybe that's
(34:36):
not it for you at the moment at least.
But you still desire that.
That's the conflict right there, right?
You still desire that.
How do you, how do you?
I say first, you have to see what you actually want.
Do you picture yourself being in a marriage?
Do you picture yourself having kids?
And I say next is to get understanding from God because he knows what you actually want
(34:59):
as well and he knows what's best for you.
So I'll say, don't be afraid to also be at peace with just being single, even if it is
for a long time, because that'll give you time to work on yourself, deal with your own
issues and then also it'll give you more of a clear mind to see who you really want.
It'll give you more of like a pure vision to look at the right woman, basically.
(35:21):
Yeah, I think that's good.
But that's hard though, to be at peace with like, man, I want to be-
It's harder for some than it is for others.
I'll admit that and I have reached a point now where I am happy.
I am at peace.
I made peace with both possibilities.
It's a possibility I can have my wife and children.
It's a possibility that maybe that woman will have-
(35:43):
Are you saying you're at peace with not being in a relationship ever?
You will be at peace with that?
If God don't have it for me, I mean, I have to be okay with that.
If God has it for me, it's going to come at a right time.
So the reason why I say that is because having made peace with the possibility that this
could happen and possibility, whatever God has, has allowed me, just me personally, it's
(36:04):
allowed me to be happy where I am.
I think that's one of the things that we mess up as young men, as young people.
I know I've made this.
I raised my hand in guilt.
In previous experiences, subconsciously, it was never intentional, but I had a weird way
of basing my happiness on the success of a relationship.
(36:27):
So if that joint didn't work out, I was crushed.
So imagine being engaged, you're like, yo, this is the furthest I've gone.
We almost there.
We planning, we flipping, we planning decorations.
And then that's why I was that down under.
There was a year, John knows, but there was about a year span where I was hard to find.
(36:50):
I was still in my usual city.
I was still going to work, going to church, whatever, but as far as socializing, actually
reaching me, I was off the face of the earth.
And then after a year, I just started coming back.
But yeah, I know where my happiness is.
It's in God.
It's in knowing what he has for me.
(37:10):
It's just being happy where I am and who I am, being comfortable in my own skin and not
doing that young, youthful little thing that I think many kind of fall into the trap of
doing unknowingly.
But yeah.
I think it's an important topic that you bring up is being comfortable with yourself.
Let's say you're doing, like you were saying, you were basing off your success of the relationship
(37:32):
and with happiness.
No, you're good.
All right, throw me off.
All right, I'm back.
So you have to be able to be comfortable with yourself before you add somebody into your
life.
Because there's going to be moments where that person, OK, I have a business trip or
I have to go do this for a week, a month.
(37:55):
You have to be comfortable in yourself and trusting to say, OK, they'll be fine.
They'll be safe.
I can enjoy my peace.
And then there's people out there who, oh, I just need to find the right one and then
I'm set.
That's it.
As soon as I find her, I don't have to worry about anything.
And then when the one wants to leave because that person, you know, too controlling, not
(38:17):
letting them be themselves because for one, you're showing your insecurity of I'm too
scared to be by myself.
So I don't want you to be on your own.
And you know, it happens.
And the same thing, you have to bring up these topics so somebody can realize it like, oh,
you know what?
I'm sitting back and I didn't realize that I'm not comfortable by myself.
Some people just have to be in a relationship.
(38:39):
Yes.
They just keep going and going and next and next.
Next one.
The next one.
Yeah, that was me, actually.
I never learned.
Unfortunately, I never learned.
I'm sorry.
Did you get married fast?
No, but I think that the problem was that I always I always had like a candidate per
say, you know, in the pocket, in the roster.
Yeah.
(38:59):
But you know what?
Later on, I had to when I got married, I had to learn unlearn and unwire such a mess because
of that feeling, because I never learned on my own, because when I got married, you know,
there was always this insecurity and so many other feelings that I never dealt with.
(39:20):
And I got married, but I had to deal with that later on.
You know, so so I'm 100 percent of you learn how to do it by yourself.
Man, props to you.
But I think going back to the idea of like, what do you do?
I do think that just why I think right now is a very hard time to date and to find a
person.
(39:40):
You know, I will at least the conversations that I've been having with some of my young
adults and men in particular, it's complicated.
Apps, social media, you know, all of those things play into the picture nowadays that
makes it very complicated to find a person and as well as for a man, you know, as a man,
they deal with all kinds of stuff.
(40:01):
So my desire is that, hey, look, if you find peace, you know, if you work in, if you have
a vision for your life, man, if you don't feel the necessity to get married, good.
Let's not put marriage in a pedestal.
Yeah, I feel like we do that.
I feel like I don't know if it's just American, you know, Hollywood social media culture,
but I feel like it's like we know marriage is a gift from God.
(40:23):
Praise, praise God.
If you eat, that finds a wife, finds a good thing.
I love it.
It's almost like God, I get married, like with some people.
It's like, if I don't give it my life is so wrecked.
Even as a Latino, as a Latino, that's kind of my mindset right now to like, that's, that's
a major goal of mine.
Yeah.
And it's a good thing.
(40:43):
I tell them, Hey, if you desire to get married, that is not a negative thing.
That is not a bad thing.
This is not against God.
No, that is a good thing.
But nonetheless, you know, like you need to find the balance in this whole conversation
so that you, you can actually work on yourself.
Perfect.
Yeah.
And then you're ready also as a man to be ready.
(41:04):
She's going to throw something out.
Yeah.
I found so many men not ready for a relationship.
We are, we are steps behind as men right now.
We were not prepared to engage in a relationship.
We're not ready.
We don't have a vision for our lives.
Sometimes it is, we don't have the character traits to actually bring something to the
(41:25):
table.
My desire is to see all this men to be ready.
You know, I'm not saying to be unhealthy manhood.
You know, I'm saying be have something to bring to the table, you know, because that
is important, you know, so that is part of the conversation.
There's some things I navigate with them do not put marriage on a pedestal.
But nonetheless, if you desire that is not a negative thing.
(41:47):
Yeah, one, it is good.
Be ready for it.
Yeah, you know,
that's that's really good.
Yes, finding that balance that that mental balance is better that you take your time
when you're single.
Yeah, because you're not once you get in a relationship, now you're not just dealing
with your heart.
If you break, if you break someone's now you're going to break someone's heart.
(42:08):
If you have kids, think about why so many families are broken and how so many people
never had the experience like, you know, my experience like my parents got divorced when
I was like little.
So I was my mom told me you're now the man of the house and I'm like 10 years old.
So it's like, how do I know how a healthy relationship looks like?
(42:32):
You know, so it's like it's better that you take your time because once you get like,
you know, what Tim was saying, like, hey, I went to my marriage and I was not ready.
You know, once you get to the marriage, now you're not just playing with yourself.
You're playing with your lady's heart.
If you have kids, your kids are they're gonna have daddy issues.
They're gonna be like, hey, daddy, like, you know, I'm gonna now I need to go look at a
(42:57):
boy to fill that void.
Exactly.
Because I never had my dad at home.
So now you're playing with fire, man.
So it's like it's better that you take time when you're single to figure out everything
that you want.
And like Tony said, like, I don't think it's easy right now.
I don't think you're gonna find a wife.
But has it ever really been easy?
(43:17):
That's a good question.
You know, I want to say I don't think you will find a wife in Tinder.
I don't think you will find a wife in Hinch.
All these apps.
Because you know, I can post a picture and I'm in vacation and this is the best picture
that I have.
But what about when or like a girl can post like the best picture with makeup?
(43:38):
But what about when you go to sleep and she takes out the makeup?
And the real comes out.
I think you will find a wife on the Internet.
I'm more old school.
I like to get out.
Yeah, I like to get out and actually.
Christian Winkle.com?
I like to.
Even there is time to get some.
I've never done like dating apps.
(43:59):
You're not an app dude?
Nah, I'm trying to put my phone down.
Like I can't wait to get to a point where it's like, pray God bless my career and I
can have like a team running social media.
I want to put my phone down, man.
But that's just me though.
The way you're doing it is perfect.
You know, you're doing your business and who knows if God's going to say, oh, he's doing
all this business stuff.
(44:20):
Let me see if he'll run into, you know, somebody who could help you with promotions or you
know, and then that's the person you connect with the most.
Yeah.
Not only do you find the one, but you're also building up to a common goal.
Yeah.
And I think accountability is one thing that I would say the young people today just don't
have anymore.
I would say to be an actual man is to take accountability of your actions of if you messed
(44:45):
up it's on you and you know, and what are you going to do to fix it?
Nowadays it's like, oh, I messed up.
That's it.
They don't do anything about it.
They just acknowledge it.
Now it's a praise.
Oh, I messed up.
Oh, it was one night stand.
Oh, well that's fine.
That's what the word is telling me that that's okay to be.
It's okay to have one night stand.
It's okay to just, you know, hop from like one girl to another girl.
(45:09):
That's why the culture that teaches you, but you're going to end up broken no matter what.
And I'm telling you right now, if you decide to live that life at the end of the day, you
can, you're going to find yourself empty and you're going to be like, man, I don't know
what I want to do with my life anymore.
Especially when you rely so much on like relationships, which a lot of men's do.
(45:31):
Yeah.
It's become more of a status symbol now instead of, you know, you finding the person to grow
with.
It's just, Oh yeah.
This is my wife, bad as hell.
Instagram likes comments, everything.
And that's just one thing that we've lost of keeping your relationship, your relationship.
(45:51):
Yeah.
I'm not, I'm not a public, I'm technically a public figure or like a small content creator,
but it's like, I'm more, I'm private, bro.
It's like, especially when it comes to stuff like that.
I'm not the kind of person with like, man, everybody got to know what I'm doing today.
Look at me over in Walmart shopping for like, man, that's just not me.
(46:14):
But any, any closing thoughts?
First off, I appreciate all of you guys, all of you guys' perspective.
Like this is amazing and we can easily do a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth part
because there's so much to unpack.
So I appreciate you guys taking time out of your busy days, busy schedules.
I know you guys have a lot going on after this.
So we appreciate y'all coming on through.
(46:36):
Any closing thoughts, last little advice, comments?
Thank you for having me.
Oh yeah.
Shout out to your socials, bro.
John, an artist, man.
Y'all tapping, bro, music.
JM3 from the P on Instagram, just dropping a lot of music and dropping content.
Yeah.
Stay on the lookout for it.
(46:57):
I think my closing thoughts would be, man, if enough, the one's not coming by and like
you were saying, you know, you don't find the one if God doesn't have it in plan.
Don't take it as an L. Take it as an opportunity for you to do more for other people.
Exactly.
Now that you don't have to focus your life in one, dude, go out there and plant flowers,
you know, sprout roots that are only going to help the community, but help you as well.
(47:22):
Exactly.
And everything that you, as my dad always say, only what you truly do for Christ will
last.
And it's, you know, if it is just singleness, then just think about what, you know, if it
is just singleness and you have a vision and you put in your dreams and your visions all
in the hands of God, just imagine what, because there's a part in the Bible that says, I'm
(47:43):
paraphrasing again, but you know, like if you're married, then you're focused on certain
worldly things trying to please your spouse.
But if you're single, you're focused a little bit more on heavenly things, trying to please
God a little bit more kind of thing.
That's Paul wrote it.
I forgot what it's but.
Huh?
Corinthians.
Yeah.
I wanted to say Corinthians, but yeah.
(48:04):
Any other?
Do you, a personal question, do you know where you at when it comes to that?
Like, do you know if God has someone for you or are you just kind of going with it?
Like, I'm just enjoying it.
I know God has someone for me.
I don't know, but it's like I said earlier, I made peace with both.
Like if God has someone for me and I end up having a wife and kids, praise God, I'm going
(48:27):
to do my, I've always been one to let things happen naturally.
You know, I've never been one to force a situation.
So I'm working on myself, trying to improve myself to where if that was to happen, I'm
as ready as one can possibly be.
But if God does not allow that, I'm blessed and okay because I have this thing that we're
(48:48):
current that I'm currently building up, which I've got has already spoken over, you know,
through the laying on of hands and prayer lines, prophecy and stuff like that.
So it's like I have that full faith and trusting God to where it's like I put, I literally
put everything in and it's the desires, all of the desires of my heart and all of my vision.
And I know God knows what I truly need and what he wants for me to do.
(49:12):
And so, you know, it's a sort of, it's a sort of peace that comes with that.
You know what I mean?
Now, five years ago, I'd be like, man, I want a wife, I want children.
I pray God let me get that.
It meant a lot more to me, not saying it doesn't mean Jack, but it's not as like, it's not
like obsessive or like it's more so what I'm more focused on what does God truly want?
(49:37):
Because we want things, but sometimes what we want ain't in line with what God will have
for us.
And so I'm, and it's good to learn that early on.
So it's like, okay, that relationship wasn't it?
Maybe this is, maybe this is just a not now, not a not ever kind of thing.
You know what I mean?
Maybe in five, six years, we having a whole totally different conversation and we all
(49:58):
married sitting on one couch talking about one couch.
But yeah, I'm, I'm happy and at peace with God and with my life and with, with both situations.
That's that's where I am.
It's like if praise God, if it do praise God, if it don't, I know either way I'm good.
And that's a good place to be in.
(50:18):
I find.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and as long as you're still following through with God's plan and cause that's,
you know, being single that, that, that, that's really where my heart is at.
Just getting as close to God as I can and just being the best that I could possibly
be for him.
(50:38):
Should he send a wife my way, we going to be the best I possibly can for God and for
my wife and family.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, appreciate y'all for tapping on into another episode of unrehearsed.
The very first episode of the guys only edition.
We plan on doing this again, covering other different topics with other different panels
(50:59):
of gentlemen.
Shout out to my lovely guests.
Thank y'all so much for coming on through.
This was amazing.
This was amazing.
And you guys are more, more than welcome to come back.
Like if y'all ever wanted to just come back, even just to say, what's up?
We ain't even gotta be on camera, we can hang it's all love here on the unrehearsed show.
Shout out to the whole crew making this happen behind the scenes and we'll catch y'all on
(51:21):
the next episode.
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