August 9, 2024 • 57 mins
Finding "the one" has been romanticized pop culture for as long as we can remember. But let's be real, does "the one" really exist? Or are we setting ourselves up for disappointment in the end? We bring the ladies out this time for very first LADIES ONLY SPECIAL! The guys tackled this topic in the last episode. Now, what do the ladies think?! (pardon the partial audio issues)
Download "Unrehearsed": https://linktr.ee/theunrehearsedpodcast
Follow Unrehearsed on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@unrehearsedpodcast
Follow Morrianna on IG: https://www.instagram.com/voicetothisgeneration/
Follow DaeShawn on IG: https://www.instagram.com/daeshawnforrest/
Official Website: http://forevertransparent.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
🎵Music🎵
(00:24):
Oh, okay! Here you go.
Oh!
All the mics are on?
Yeah, for sure.
Where do we look primarily? Is it this way?
Yeah, just primarily look there.
Well, there's two different angles, so y'all don't have to look at a mic.
Y'all can look amongst each other.
We don't have to look at a mic.
That's what I want.
I mean, look at a camera.
Yeah, I have a mic.
Same, same.
Well, the Lord said!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(00:44):
Okay! Welcome, everyone, to Unrehearsed Podcast, per usual.
It's your girl Moe, and it's a ladies-only episode!
That's why you don't see DeShawn, but he is in the background.
Shout out to DeShawn, shout out to Ricky.
Thank y'all for tuning in, per usual.
Yeah, so I'm gonna let all our beautiful guests introduce themselves,
starting with this miss on this side.
Well, my name is Sarah, and I'm from...
(01:09):
Oh, man!
You're like, natural!
What do we include? What do you want?
Oh, just like, you can say, you know, your name where you're from, your favorite color,
just kidding, your name where you're from.
Um, yeah, and then, yeah, and then I guess your relationship status.
(01:31):
Oh, Robby, you're going straight to it!
Never starts.
Alright, I'm so sorry.
Well, my name is Sarah, and I am 20 years old, and I'm single.
Thank you, I love you.
My name is Carmen, I am...
Oh, I'm so sorry. If you ladies don't want to show your age, share your age, that's probably fine.
(01:54):
I am Carmen, I am 53 years old.
Let's go!
53 years old, come on.
And I am the mother of Daisha.
Woohoo!
Your relationship status?
I am married, and have been happily married for 32 years.
Come on, praise God!
(02:15):
Yes!
Oh, I'm Tiffany James, and how old am I? I'm 49 years young, I like that.
49 years young?
49 young, and I'm going on 23 years of marriage in July.
That's my sugarplum.
My sugarplum, I love it!
That's my boo!
Yes.
Okay, alright, so today we will be talking about does the one exist?
(02:39):
The guys already had their episode, I just, we felt, Daisha and I just felt like it was an important question,
and it's just a topic that I feel like a lot of young people, a lot of older people need to hear,
because sometimes we can do dating very wrong, and we can even do marriage very wrong.
Sorry, my age, after all that, but yeah, so I am, my status is single guys, don't want to mingle though, okay, just single.
(03:04):
And so, with that being, I was like, I don't want to mingle.
So, yeah, so I guess we'll just start off with just like the topic as a whole.
So, does the one exist? As for me, I can only testify to what God has taught me and to what I have lived out.
But I can honestly say that I used to really think that the one was a thing.
(03:26):
So I'm like, oh yeah, I just had this whole image in my head, they're going to look like this, they're going to sound like this,
they're going to be like this, and just have this really one of those lists that people are like, just make a list,
I'm praying about it, and I'm like, God's going to send you that, man.
I was like, I fully believe in that, I'm that person!
But yeah, but as time went by, I was like, you know what, I started to question that,
because I was like, actually, I don't think that's accurate.
(03:49):
Like, I don't think that there's actually one person that God was like, I'm setting this person aside just for you,
and I'm setting you just aside for them, because then it's like, where does our free will come in?
Where it's like, oh, but we also have free will, so then it's, yeah, so.
And it's like, tag in, whatever.
I like the list, but I think the list should be open and you give the list to God, right?
(04:12):
Because I think you should have some expectant view, based off what God has taught you.
I don't believe the one that's the key.
I just believe that there's no concrete universal definition of the one,
because we are so unique, and we're like all individuals,
and we've got different backgrounds, you know, different experiences,
(04:35):
different backgrounds, different experience, different ethnicities,
Yeah, ethnicities etc.
And even different beliefs, and even within that religious context,
you even have different beliefs within your own beliefs.
So I just believe that it doesn't exist.
The one doesn't exist, and so your is key, is crucial.
(04:57):
I think the one is the one you choose,
and you choose based off, hopefully, the principles that God has set forth for us.
I was laughing because I was speaking about this,
and I said, you know, God didn't say he who find a wife that I choose, that I ordain,
that I will show you, find it a good thing, and obtain a favor from the Lord.
(05:19):
He said he who find it a wife, find it a good thing, and obtain a favor from the Lord,
meaning you got free will to choose.
Well, I'm on the other side.
Oh, this is the one!
Wait a minute!
And this is the reason why I say the one does exist.
And the reason why I say the one does exist, because I did like you all.
(05:45):
I had the list, it had to be 6'5", it had to look a certain way,
and we had to do all this stuff.
The key is that list, I feel, God takes the key things off your list,
and he makes that one for you.
(06:06):
So he does exist.
It's never according to our list, because our plans are just a comic book.
We made a God's list.
But he has that one that's made for you, because he knows you.
(06:31):
He created you.
So he's going to make that person, that man, for you.
So if you are that kind of person that he is, unless you love,
he's going to find that man, he's going to create that man, I should say,
and he's going to add extra love that's just for you.
(06:55):
That love that he's dated other women before him.
He's never experienced that, or never given that with anyone else.
But with you, he gives that then some.
So I personally think the one does exist, because you're going through some things too wide.
As you get older, you'll go through some things,
(07:19):
and that person will come in at the right moment, at the right time,
your spouse will come in and you'll say the exact thing you need to hear.
Or you'll come out of a...
(07:41):
I'm sorry, Deshawn, I'm about to say something.
Remember hers, go ahead.
I came out of an abusive relationship, and I had that guy on that list.
He was six-something and everything, and it was a messy relationship.
But God came in with the right guy, and he said the right things,
(08:07):
and he made my heart feel full with love, and he treated me in a way that I needed.
You have men that are out there that will tell you what you want to hear, because they know.
But there's never a man that you will never find a man until God puts him in your life
(08:33):
to tell you exactly what your spirit needs to hear, what your soul needs to hear.
And that's only God's doing.
That's not man's doing, because man is not a man.
God knows you. He knows your heart.
So he's going to put that perfect...
I say in his mind, that perfect being there for you to make this perfect you.
(09:00):
I remember I was driving home from work one day, and I had to be careful how I was driving,
because I was in the middle of worship.
Real?
I was in there.
People were looking at me on Kerkle Pass. I'm going, hallelujah.
(09:22):
I thought, Jesus.
I got to stop the car. Thank you, Lord.
I was on Kerkle Pass doing this, going up the hill, and somebody's honking at me saying,
yeah, I get what you're doing. I know what you're doing.
But I had to, in the middle of my worship, I literally had to stop and call my husband and say,
and I had to tell him, thank you for saving my life.
(09:44):
God put him there to save my life.
And so I like the thing, because of how my marriage is.
There is the wife.
And God gave me, I look at it like that list that I made, God said, I'm going to let you have on that list
so you can experience what you're about to get.
(10:09):
And then you'll see that what you have is not what you have.
Wow.
What you're asking for is not what you need.
I got that.
So once you get that hill, you'll sit there and you'll go in tears.
God, I don't know what I was thinking.
Lord, I need your help.
(10:31):
Please get me out of this situation.
I need to be out and I need to, and God will answer.
Because you're going to Him and you're hurting, He knows the heart.
He's like, you'll sit there and He'll say, okay, you can have enough.
I'm going to move what you asked for, move Him out of it.
(10:55):
And you see that man that's behind you?
Yeah, he's five feet shorter.
He might be a hundred pounds lighter, but He's the one with the heart of both.
He's the one that's after my, that's what you need.
You'll have your friends, your friends will sit there and say, girl, you went, you leveled down.
(11:19):
But in your eyes, I leveled up.
Come on.
You're going up to boss level with this.
I'm good.
He may not be this, this, this, that in your world, but in my world, He's this, this, and that.
And then some.
(11:41):
I'm ready to have a break.
So that's why I say, you know, that one is there.
He's there.
We just have to be patient and let God do what He wants to do.
Because He's not going to put you in a relationship if you're not 100% to receive.
(12:07):
And He's not going to present His gift to you if that person is not 100%.
So He wants you two to be equally young and to be together.
And my husband and I came from different, different backgrounds and stuff.
But God said, no, I know you guys are only here because He's working on you.
(12:28):
You're still my, I'm still, and He's still working on us both.
He elevated us to a whole new level.
And so, yeah, that one is there.
Don't give up hope.
That one is there.
I won't.
I'm sorry, they shot at me to embarrass me.
Don't worry about me.
(12:49):
I'm not here.
I'm not here, right?
I'm not here.
Well, you know, I got to go.
I definitely love both perspectives that you shared.
I definitely have wrestled with the question as well of like, is there one free will, all these things?
And I even think of, really, I think of God's sovereignty.
(13:11):
We know that He is divine in ordering our sets.
The Word is clear and it says that He orders the sets of the righteous.
And so I don't think we just like accidentally bumped into somebody.
And it's not like, you know, there's certain, even with friendships, you can acknowledge that,
oh, my gosh, this is literally a sister that God has placed in my life to challenge me,
(13:33):
to push me closer to His heart, and even push me closer to purpose.
And so I feel like in experiencing that in friendships,
leave me to believe that there is going to be some type of divine ordering from the Lord to meeting a kingdom spouse.
Like, not just a little cute boyfriend, not just, you know, a husband, but a kingdom spouse.
And I think that the ladies switch on to similar things at the list, right?
(13:58):
I think that as humans, we could totally put like superficial things in there, you know, like the height, the different things, right?
But at the end of the day, we know that God looks at the heart and not the outer appearance, right?
I think, isn't it next to you? I don't know where it says that.
But we know, right, that like man looks at the outer appearance, but God looks at the heart.
(14:20):
And so with that, I think that in writing the list, right, from the single perspective,
you've got to be very mindful of like, okay, like what are actual qualities and attributes, you know,
that have to do with like one soul, one heart, you know, that are going to be great, you know, instead of,
oh, he has to be five foot or make this amount, whatever, you know, I feel like all those things are kind of just additional,
(14:43):
like superficial things that kind of fade away with time.
And so I think to answer the question, I would say I do see your perspective both like free will.
Absolutely. I think that somebody could definitely, a good one could definitely pass this by,
but because we're not in the right headspace, we could easily let the blessing walk on by.
(15:09):
And I think that we've really got to be prayerful from the single perspective of like,
Lord, like help me put my biases aside, help me put aside my own desires in whatever your heart is for me, God,
like let it be done. Don't let me get in the way, which oftentimes that's what happens when we get in the way.
(15:31):
Yeah, because it doesn't align with what our human imagination, you know, but we got to understand like the Lord is like
his thoughts are higher, you know, his thoughts are literally like beyond any human comprehension.
So I would say I think of the earliest example of, you know, husband and wife,
(15:52):
and it says that he was Adam's suitable helper, specifically the word suitable.
Like, I do think that there is like a divine compliment when two souls created by God like come together.
And I would say in terms of soulmate, I think that's definitely like a manmade word.
I think that's definitely a fake novel people at all. And I think that that could be very, very such an intense word
(16:16):
because really only God can satisfy at the end of the day, you know, really only God like can fulfill our deepest, deepest me, desire, whatever.
And so I do think that like God has given us every single thing we need.
Like we do not lack anything right now, but he's he's kind enough to bring additional blessings in our life and that being a husband one day, hopefully.
(16:40):
Right. But I feel like I don't have a concrete answer on it.
I think that it's just like, yeah, I'll know when I get there.
I think that makes me go all off where he's like, it all makes sense when I am older.
(17:02):
Yeah, I guess I hear it from the married perspective and I hear married couples who say like, yes, there is one.
But I also hear like, well, I made the decision. Yeah, I have the free will.
I definitely think so. I mean, even with friendships, you decide if you're going to like proceed a friendship, right?
Like asking them out on like a coffee or whatever, you know, like you have to make a mutual agreement to work out this friendship.
(17:29):
And so, I mean, I would say the same with a relationship.
You know, you got to put in the effort, you know, but I don't know.
I feel like I it's it's complicated. It's not like a black and white answer. Yeah.
I'm saying sometimes we can pass and we can overlook the blessing.
(17:51):
You know, because it didn't look like what we thought it would.
Yeah. So even with that, that's my point, because even with that, like I just think of and I'm speaking specifically like in the Christian realm,
because I feel like a lot of times like in church, like one, it's like marriage is like always push on.
It's like there's no way you could be single for the rest of your life. You have to get married.
Call me Paulette. Call me Paulette. I'm just like what? Call me Paulette because it's the group.
(18:19):
I was like who's Paulette? Okay.
So, but yeah, so it's just like with that, like specifically, I just feel like, you know, it's like, oh, you have to get married.
And not only that, it's like, oh, like, you know, God's going to tell you like who that person is.
And so I feel like a lot of times like that's something that can be like, like when it comes to that,
(18:43):
because, you know, there's people where they're like, oh, God told me that like you were my wife, you know, and me personally,
I'm like, well, the Lord didn't speak to me. Like, so how does this work?
So then it's like, I guess like what is some wisdom with that?
Because obviously, like, you know, people are like, oh, yeah, I had a dream that you were married, that I was married to you and things like that.
And I do feel like a lot of times people can use that like wrongly and then it can cost people to get married.
(19:06):
I would I don't know if you could say to the wrong person, but it would just cause people to get in marriages that like the Lord never intended for them to be.
So like how I guess like how do you navigate that with just having that discernment and just knowing like, OK, like this is good, because I think it's scary.
Like as a single person, like it's scary to be like, oh, my God, like I'm going to like one day like Lord willing to be committed to somebody.
(19:29):
And I'm like, you know, in my head, I'm like, oh, my God, like, you know, what if I make like the wrong decision in the sense?
So it's just like a lot of pressure because it's just like.
I would say one of the scriptures that I love and I think it's probably 1822 that says, delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
And so when you look at that word, delight, it's like joy, your fulfillment in the Lord, it's like the building of your intimacy with the Lord.
(19:57):
And as you find your fulfillment in life for me, my original list was to find fulfillment in man.
I find fulfillment and delight myself in being a people pleaser or to be an affirmed or superficial relationships.
That's what my my interest is in.
(20:18):
That's what my fulfillment came from, you know, affirming, looking for love in all the wrong places.
But I was the girl that looked for love in all the wrong places. And but I feel like when I started to walk with the Lord, when I started to put my delight in him and I started to be healed by him.
I love I think it's in Ephesians 1 to 17, this Paul says, I pray that God will impart in you the riches of the wisdom and revelation to know him in the intimacy you have with him.
(20:46):
And so when I began to get that relationship with him and I it's based on who you are as an individual, how God loves me, how I receive love.
Right. You know, that's why they got the five love language. Right.
Because you can buy me anything, but that's not my love language. Right.
So God begins to show me how he loves me, how he cares for me, how he protects me.
(21:10):
And so the more I delight myself in him, the more I feel like my my desires become these desires.
And then I get his heart. And therefore, I'm able to recognize his heart.
And I think what happens is we don't have a benchmark.
You know how to if you don't have a relationship with God for yourself, if you haven't, it's boring.
(21:32):
Like, I want to go down the street, the best topic because I hadn't been out.
And so once I was out, I was out and I met my friend, saw a guy.
I mean, he looked like Usher. He looked like Usher.
He looked like Usher. And mind you, we really tried to leave the club, like, because I want to go to another club.
(21:55):
And so this guy tapped me on my shoulder and he was like, this the man you need to be with.
So my husband couldn't even talk for himself.
And he was like, you want to dance with me? And I was like, you want to dance?
And he said, when I finished my drink, I said, you finish your drink. I'm going to be dancing with somebody else.
I'm out now. I'm feeling good now.
And so he started to dance with me and we had a conversation.
(22:19):
Now, mind you, I was in church, but I looked like a church girl that night.
I was hearing my little hazel green contacts in from my hotel.
I was like slaying all day. And so when he got on the dance floor, we were dancing.
Now, we were on the dance floor dancing, right? Music popping.
And we asked him how he was doing. And something he said about his grandmother in church just kicked in my heart.
(22:44):
Like, I don't know what it was. It was the way he said it. I believe I recognized God's heart in him.
And so we went outside and started talking. Now, my husband was not my type.
I love model looking men. You know, men that were so sweet, you know, slim, you know, Stacy Adams, you know, all of those things.
(23:05):
But there was something about his heart. So my husband had braids in his hair. No.
He had braces on. No. He had pants on that had like a pippy, lapu. I'm like, what are we doing? We're grown.
What are you doing with cartoons? Like, what are you doing? But he was so sweet.
And so my friend, when I'm leaving, she said, what are you doing? He's not even attractive. He's not even your type.
(23:30):
And she was like, dude. And so I started talking to the guy that she introduced me to.
And we walk in, I look at him, I said, look, I'm going to be honest, you can't do nothing but get in trouble.
And he was like, what kind of trouble? I said, you know, what kind of trouble? Bye. It's only a physical attraction.
And he said, and I started telling him a little bit about myself. And he said, you know something? He said, I told God I would never mess over another one of his girls.
(23:56):
And he said, and I'm not ready for a relationship either. And he was like, I mess with a young lady who was in church and I wasn't ready.
And I started smoking weed when I was drinking. And it was like when we broke up, you know, she went down a different path that changed the trajectory of her life.
And I said, I told God I would never mess with his girls. So we laughed. And I just remember that night.
(24:19):
And I came home and I called my husband and he was like, when can I see you again? I said, I'm going to church.
And he said, you won't see me? I said, yeah, I'm in club, but I'm covered. And so, look, I'm in progress.
Thank God for his grace.
But you know, I had really good mentors. My mentors said, you know, go to the club, go to the club, but stay covered.
You know, come to church. Like one day you're going to walk in that club and they're going to want to be there.
(24:43):
You know, so she never told me that just you don't need to be in the club. She was like, just one day.
You keep going closer to God, you're not even going to walk that. And she was right. One day I walked in the club, I was like, I'm good.
But anyway, I don't want to digress. So fast forward. I looked up and I was getting an award.
And the church, they surprised me to get an award for bringing the most young people to church.
And I looked down and I was like, oh, and I was like, is that the guy? Like, I don't please say that wasn't him.
(25:10):
Like, I said, was I drinking too much? I was like, and it was not that he was, he just wasn't my type.
It wasn't that he was ugly. He just wasn't my type. And I looked and then afterwards we went out to eat.
And that was 24 years. You know, and that he's been by my side.
I remember when we were flying to Chicago to get married, I remember someone said, Tiffany, I went to a new office and they said, somebody's in the front for you.
(25:37):
And I said, there's my big man. I'm like, man, it's a compliment. And I walked up and I'm walking towards him.
My husband had this hair, this bracelet. I'm not lying. This is a true story.
He had on a button up, a John John shirt, some jeans, and some blue leggings. And I said, dang.
And I like, she said, trust the process.
(25:59):
Trust the process. I was like, and as I was walking, God said, I gave you everything.
Because like she was saying, because what you really wanted this time, because I can trust his heart.
You know, like I could trust you with his heart. That's what he said. Trust you with his heart.
Because sometimes we think about how we want to be loved.
(26:22):
But love is not selfish. You know, and God said like, it's just his heart.
His heart can be trusted with you. And he said, and because you loved him for him.
Because all this is going to fade away. You know, and so they say how you try to get a man and how you try to get a woman is how you got to keep them.
But honey, if you try to get them with this outer, girl, three kids later, you got to get these love handles.
(26:49):
You know, come and you start getting this gray hair. You're not a size five anymore.
But the things that will never change is God's love. It's God's heart.
And so that's just my take. But God didn't say in the club, oh, go to the club. You're going to meet your husband that night.
And I definitely, he didn't say it was him. Because I've been like, are you sure, Papa?
(27:13):
Like I met two men and I made a decision. But because I had started to write myself.
Because I got his heart, I can recognize his heart. Because I know his characteristic, I can see his characteristics in other people.
And then God has given us a blueprint on what a value man and a value woman look like. It works.
(27:36):
And so you have a blueprint to help guide you. You have principles to help guide you, recognize if this person is a potential husband or potential wife.
And then you have a tribe. Lay at the foot of wisdom. Yeah. Thirty, how many years?
Thirty, thirty, thirty.
Thirty-four years. And then it's twenty-three, twenty-four years together.
(28:03):
So lay at the feet of wisdom and don't be afraid that we date in private.
And most times we date in private because we know we dated somebody you ain't supposed to date. They don't have that heart.
So even when I met my husband, I still had accountability on the money because this flesh is a mess, they say.
And so I just believe again, it's very complex. I believe the one is the one to choose. And the one is the one that also knows the truth.
(28:32):
Oh, amen. That's a part.
And so it is a journey and it is complex. But I'm glad you're having this conversation because I've mentored a lot of people who got married young in the church
because they allowed people in the church to choose their spouse for them instead of allowing God to choose their spouse for them and help them discern who can be a good husband and a good wife for them.
(28:59):
And I only see three times in the Bible that God has actually said, marry this husband.
And so, yeah, I'm shut out. That was powerful.
The one's got another one. Amen.
I totally agree. I agree with you. I totally agree with you.
(29:21):
I met my husband. My husband knew me. I didn't know him.
He knew me because I wore red flats in high school.
Oh, that's so funny.
Yeah, that's how he knew. So he could tell because I would walk past his locker to go to my son's room and I wore red flats.
(29:48):
And every time I wore the red flats, I had red jeans.
You know, back in the day, Levi's was matching, everything was all the same.
He would look up and it was always me walking past him.
So fast forward four years later, we graduated. I'm attending Sac State.
And my husband at the time was a huge NWA fan.
(30:11):
You wouldn't know it now. Back in the day, he met NWA in Oakland.
Got pictures of him and everything. My husband's hair was longer than mine.
I mean, it was long.
That was one on the list.
(30:32):
And so, my girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to San Francisco.
I was going to go get my hair done.
I met my husband at Burger King. He was the assistant manager.
Oh, wow.
And he said to me, I'm NWA. You know who I am.
Oh, all right now. All right.
I looked at him. I'm like, I don't know you.
(30:54):
I know you.
And he's like, we went to high school together. I'm like, okay.
And the line alone caught my attention.
He wasn't the one that I was, because he was shorter.
But you got to understand, I'm fine too. I need somebody to talk to.
(31:18):
Come on. Hallelujah. Come on, somebody.
I don't want to buy a set stool. I don't want a ladder.
I thought she was about to say somebody can look up into their eyes.
I'm going to shop shelves.
We're going to work down, then we'll look out of ass.
All right now.
I need you to get down for me.
(31:40):
But when we started talking, my parents were like, this is not going to last long.
They knew you were a real stick girl.
A guy has to be a certain way for you.
And my parents knew it.
And so my husband ended up talking to his father back and forth, talking to his grandmother back and forth.
(32:08):
And by this time we started dating.
My husband still had long hair. We took our engagement photo.
His hair was looking long and very nice and curly and stuff.
And then one day my husband said, your husband, I need for you to cut my hair.
(32:30):
And I cut his hair.
And that's when I knew he took me seriously.
Because at that time, guys who had curls, they worked four or five years to get their hair a certain length.
And they weren't going to cut it.
And he cut it.
(32:53):
And I looked at him and he became like, you looked at your husband.
My husband became 20 times better looking.
I was like, ooh, because now I'm not looking at the physical.
Now that heart is showing.
That heart is sexy.
Yeah, it is.
(33:14):
And we've gone through our ups and downs and we're going through our stuff right now.
My husband's having health issues.
And I'm having those moments where I'm sitting there and I'm frustrated because he's so sick and stuff.
And I'm seeing his health deteriorate.
And I'm looking at him.
(33:35):
But in the midst of all of that, I still see that heart.
And he still looks good.
And I still flirt with him.
So if somebody had brought whatever you did to get that man back in the day, you got to do that now?
Oh yeah, I still flirt.
(33:56):
I still go up there and say, what's your name?
How you doing?
Simmonie.
I still look at him like he was when we first did him.
Because I don't see him.
God had made him in such a way where I don't see the agent.
(34:20):
I still see that beautiful heart that shines.
And it doesn't change.
And sure, his face may have sunken in.
And there's the gray in the beard and all this other stuff.
He gets up and he's like, oh, a little bit.
But I look at him and say, oh, that's my man.
That's my man.
(34:41):
That's my boo.
And so as you get older, I've seen marriages where they've been together 10, 20 years.
And then one day they just wake up and go, what happened?
What makes you guys divorced?
I fell out of love. They weren't looking like this anymore.
(35:03):
Oh, they put on 20 pounds or this or that.
And you hear these stories in the recently.
God, please don't let this one be that kind of guy.
Because I didn't just, I had a kid.
And I'm still trying to lose the baby fat.
And I don't want him looking at anybody else like he used to look at me.
(35:26):
God put it to where he made his eyes just for me.
He made his heart just for me.
So, you know, I could stand in a crowded room full of gorgeous ladies and his eyes would be directed on me because I have his heart.
(35:48):
I have all the things that he needs to make himself complete.
These women have these superficial clothes.
And today's women, not all today's women, but you hardly see natural women.
Everybody has a lip injection. Everybody has a butt implant, breast implant, crying.
(36:11):
They just can't be real.
Yeah. And it's very shocking.
I had a friend tell me I was going on a date with this lady.
And he's ready to marry.
And he's with a friend, this is my friend, he said, you were on a date with this lady and she dropped their gorgeous.
And he said, come on.
(36:33):
And she was everything.
She went and took her wig off.
She took her eyelashes off.
She took all this stuff off.
And when I looked at her, she was not the same.
She goes, I want somebody that when I go to bed at night, they look the same in the morning.
Excuse me.
(36:56):
And then he said, so he literally stopped his lip.
He stopped and he said, I can't do this anymore.
He destroyed his lip.
He said, because my lip is funny.
It's not real.
He said, I'm looking at superficial.
He goes, I need something deeper.
And right in the mouth, the real men are looking at saying, you know what, I can't get past this.
(37:19):
I need somebody who's going to attack my heart and stop.
And I'm so thankful that my husband, after 30 years of marriage, he still finds me as that woman who attacks my heart.
He still finds me as that woman that I can't, I love waking up to her.
(37:42):
And I love going to sleep.
I look forward to coming home.
I love the fact that my husband sits there and he'll put in his eight, nine, 10 hours on the job.
And he's like, I'm ready to go home.
He's not ready to go to the bar.
He's not ready to go here or go there to his buddy's house.
(38:04):
He's ready to come home.
And as being Christ, my goal, my job that God gave me was to make his home his rest.
So he's got to deal with so much on the outside world that my heart needs to know what his heart needs.
(38:26):
And so I made sure that when he comes home, his heart comes home to rest.
His mind comes home to rest.
His spirit comes to keep his soul from the care.
And so like I stated before, God is going to create you to be that woman for him.
He's going to create you to be that woman for him.
(38:49):
Your heart will know exactly what he needs and he will have no doubt.
He'll have no doubt.
But that's the beauty of the marriage that you can start off in a certain way.
Like you had, is that the one?
And that's how, you know, when you cut his hair, I was like, yeah, you just cut his hair.
(39:16):
High five, girl.
And I also think just to clarify with the list, I just want to clarify because I do think it's important.
(39:38):
Again, words are matter.
So maybe changing it from the list to standards.
OK.
OK.
Because, you know, Godly standards.
Yeah, Godly standards.
Because like I said, it's in his word.
So you have the standards.
He didn't leave you to your own demise to figure it out.
But I think sometimes people don't even sit and it's just like I'm a big, big, big cheerleader on financial freedom.
(40:07):
Hallelujah.
And so it's just like you're saying like I want this and I want that, but you haven't even did the basics.
Like write it down.
Like what do you want?
Do you have a bank account?
And so it's the same thing.
Have standards.
You want to go into a relationship that you don't even really have standards for that relationship.
So maybe change the list to standards because I do want women to have standards.
(40:30):
I want men to have standards.
It's about us.
No.
But have standards.
What do you mean?
I've been lied to.
You know, have standards and have realistic expectations.
I know I didn't have realistic expectations when I got married and marriage is hard.
And so, you know, another episode, we need something about that.
(40:53):
Yeah.
You know, because it's not easy to see people coming together to come out.
That's not easy.
I don't care what you say.
You know, and so you have 20 something years of living a certain kind of way and 20 something years I'm living a certain kind of way.
Trying to bridge those together as one.
(41:15):
That's not easy.
And that's why God has to be with us.
That's why he has to be your glue.
So when things start to come in and try to pull you guys apart, it is God.
You know, and so I tell people it ain't because me and my husband have the perfect marriage or had the perfect marriage.
Matter of fact, third year, I was like, is it too late for an anonymy?
(41:38):
I was like, what?
And they were like, yes, girl, you got to get a divorce.
It's three years, you know, but I had, you know, I didn't have a realistic execution of what marriage looked like.
And that's why it's good that, like I said, sit at the feet of people who have been married to have healthy marriages because I didn't have a benchmark of what marriage looked like.
So when I came in, I was telling my spiritual mom, this ain't what I signed up for.
(42:01):
She said, it's exactly what you signed up for.
This is your commitment.
Going together as one.
Yes, this is what you signed up for.
And she said, it ain't even about you.
It's about you.
I said, what you saying about him?
What you mean it's about him?
And I was like, he ain't making me happy.
And she was like, he married to be a soup.
Was that what you married for?
And I was like, oh, you think that's a little big, you know, because marriage is for purpose.
(42:27):
And I'm like, oh, OK.
And so I started to sit with her and just as a wisdom, somebody could be married over 50 something.
And so I started to sit at her feet and understand that our husband is different than me.
And I remember praying for him in the war room came out.
And I remember being in my closet and war and writing everything down and doing all that.
(42:50):
That's a movie.
Yeah, Priscilla Shire.
Yeah, that's a great movie.
So it was a great movie.
So I was doing all that.
And I remember God telling me, you're praying a selfish prayer.
And I'm like, I'm praying for this man every day.
And he said, you're praying for him to be the man you want him to be.
Instead of praying for him to be the man I created him to be.
(43:12):
Totally different.
Totally different.
And I started sitting like, God, OK, tell me how to pray for him.
You know, what is it that he needs that?
You know, what happened to his childhood that makes him feel like his voice does not matter in this one?
And how can I make sure that he knows that his voice matters in this country?
(43:33):
And so I think that women need to have standards.
Women and men need to have some kind of standard of what it looks like.
And if you don't have a benchmark or a vision, if everybody didn't come from a home with two parents,
you don't have a beautiful, healthy marriage.
And so what does that look like?
(43:54):
And so start sitting at the people's window and saying, I like that.
I know it's not my marriage, it's not going to be like that marriage, right?
Because it's the way God has defined my marriage.
But at least I can have the standard and one thing a year that will never change is the love of God.
It's a safety day, it's a safety day.
And so I just want to clarify about the list.
(44:19):
So that's great.
Like we should have a standard, even if we don't have to rip the list up and then write you some standards.
We want to put that on the podcast.
So that's good. And I also feel like we should hold ourselves accountable to that standard.
Because I think, just speaking as a single person, I'm older now, so the Lord has given me wisdom.
But I definitely feel that before.
Before I was so much like, OK, I have this list forward, this is all that I want.
(44:43):
And I was like, OK, he's going to come with each one of these things and that's going to be that.
But then over time, I just like sitting under wisdom.
They were just like, oh, so what are you bringing to the table?
And I was like, myself, like, what do you mean by my brand?
You know, but then they were just showing me like, OK, like how many of these characteristics do you have yourself?
And like, you know, how are you in a sense like preparing yourself as well?
(45:06):
Because I think a lot of times, like as a single people, we're like, OK, we want the other person to like come like fully packaged, like all well put together.
But then like for ourselves, we're like, and I'm just coming as I am.
And so, yeah, and so I just would like to emphasize like just the importance of just like the preparation beforehand.
Just when it comes to like list and just when it comes to standards, like, you know, and just going back to like, you know, having godly standards for marriage, but like also like having those godly standards for ourselves.
(45:33):
At the end of the day, like, you know, we do need to be one with the Lord.
We do need to be attentive to his voice and just to his leading through the spirit.
And so, yeah, and I feel like a lot of times, like, you know, single people, we could just get lost in that.
I think just because we get so caught up in like the idea of marriage, because I feel like marriage can be such an idol for a lot of single people where it's like it's the end all.
Like, be all like, you know, getting married and yes, like I've accomplished all that I wanted to accomplish with my life.
(45:58):
But definitely over time, like the Lord has just shown me like, you know, marriage isn't like end all the marriage isn't even like for you in the sense like obviously we get things out of it.
But like it all just goes back to his glory.
Like, you know, thinking of the bigger picture and just like of eternity, excuse me, eternity.
So, yeah, yeah, I think that's that's good.
And everybody want to be married, but everybody don't know how to be a wife and a husband.
(46:23):
I tell my daughters now I have three girls, you know, and my oldest, I think she's at that age.
And so I tell her, like, don't just be ready for marriage.
Be ready to be a wife.
There's a difference.
People would invite God into the wedding and then leave him at the altar.
And so we do that all the time, you know, bring God on that journey until we get right there.
(46:52):
And then at the end, we leave him.
Now I got what I want.
And then we leave him at the altar.
So I said, prepare yourself.
Are you prepared to be a wife?
You just want to be wedded and invite everyone and it looks good.
And I got my boo and I got somebody that loved me and bling on the ring, you know.
And are you ready to be a husband?
(47:14):
And so I'm and this is something that I feel very passionate about.
I'm preparing my girls so they know how to be a wife.
Like, don't just be ready.
Yeah, that's the situation.
And God has to be not only the foundation, the center.
You got to make the personal choices that are in the marriage.
(47:39):
So if you're not going to have that mindset, save your ten dollars.
Save that twenty thousand dollars, all that lavish stuff that you're putting into the wedding.
And tell you get yourself correct.
Because like Tiffany said, it's a job.
(48:01):
And this is for another show.
But it takes a lot of work.
And you're going to come in.
There's going to be times where you're going to have disagreements.
There's going to be times where you're going to be up for four days straight.
Locked in your room, talking, coming out just enough to make sure the kids have chicken nuggets and fries for dinner.
And then you upset and you come back upstairs, you want some chicken nuggets and fries too for dinner?
(48:30):
And then you bake enough for everybody and then you go back up in your office too.
But the work that you put in, the pleasure comes out, the reward comes back to a hundred thousand dollars.
And that's how God works.
(48:51):
He sees that you're willing to put in the work.
He's the best mediator.
He's the best mediator.
He knows what you're feeling and he knows what you're feeling.
And he's going to make you guys say some things that would make some people feel good.
(49:12):
Really truly love and really truly care for one another.
Those things are going to perform real good.
But it's the truth.
So now he's saying to you, now you've got to reflect and look at yourself.
That man in the mirror, that woman in the mirror.
And now you've got to make that change and stuff.
And then as you make that change, you'll see that, what's that, I don't know, that little bump in the road.
(49:42):
Well that's your smooth part of the road.
You made it bumpy.
You really did.
Because you sat there and you chose to be a certain way.
And if you wanted it done your way, and like Tiffany said, you weren't going in this as a team.
You managed as a team, you were one.
Working together.
(50:03):
You went with yourself, which you wanted, not considering what people and stuff.
So now that you've been taking care of that bump, you look back and you're like, I didn't do this.
I didn't do this.
We did this.
We did this.
And stuff.
And you know, God will still continue being in there.
You don't get to be 33 years of marriage without hip-hop.
(50:24):
You don't.
And anyone that's in a relationship is trying to get into a relationship, I tell you this straight off the bat.
Turn off TV.
Turn off social media.
Talk about it, man.
You're about to have hit my soapbox.
And not what you see on Hollywood.
Calm down.
You know, what you see in Hollywood and what Hollywood portrays.
(50:46):
That's not me.
Right.
That is not real life.
That's not real life.
And I don't know if you see it on the news, but I don't know if you see it right now.
This is not real life.
That is not real life.
Those are real.
Are those real?
Those are real.
(51:07):
But at the end of the day, you sit there, you talk it out, hash it out, pray over it together as a couple.
Sometimes bring the children involved in it.
You know, and y'all are standing together.
Bless hands.
Pray.
And when you say go team, then y'all go your separate ways.
(51:29):
I love that.
Love so much.
We love each other so much.
You know you love your food.
What?
I love that.
You know you love, yeah.
You know my back all the time.
Come on, baby, give me some love.
You better get away from me.
You know, but she's quick to have his back.
(51:50):
Come on.
That's right.
She's quick to have his back.
At the end of the day, she got his back.
And at the end of the day, we have her as stuff.
And that's what real marriage is.
It's not, you know, the glamorous house.
It's not the glamorous this or the glamorous that.
You know, he's gonna catch you at your over his own.
(52:12):
But that's gonna make him more comfortable.
You're gonna catch him at this ugly moment.
And that's gonna make you love him even more.
And then there's gonna be a time where the devil's gonna attack.
And that's when you see that united front.
That united front is solid.
I mean, really.
(52:34):
The devil try to catch you on this left.
Nah, he ain't catch me.
Try to catch on it right now, bro.
It ain't happening like that.
We're not doing that.
We got a guy on our side.
We know exactly what to do.
You see the devil attack.
Lay down in front.
And when you see that, you know, your spouse is...
(52:56):
He might be struggling at that moment.
That's when you come in.
You're giving him strength.
You're giving him lift.
You're just lifting us, all of us.
But you're giving him strength because you're giving him more strength.
You give him power and stuff.
His eyes are fixed on you and stuff.
Because that's how you gonna get through.
(53:17):
You'll have your trials and tribulations.
And you'll get through them.
And you'll sit there and learn how to get through this.
Jesus, how did you get through this?
Yes.
You will literally sit at the kitchen table one morning.
Just you and the Lord.
(53:38):
Everybody's fine.
And then all of a sudden you just feel that one drop.
Yes.
Ball.
And then you feel your heart getting full.
And you feel your heart feeling different.
And then you just sit there and all you can do is just...
Jesus Christ.
That's all you can do.
Because he done got you through something bad.
(54:01):
You didn't know how it was gonna be.
Your family didn't know how you were gonna get through that.
But he knew.
And we just had to trust his process.
And we had to trust that...
That's how you know God put you with the right person.
Because when you're in the kitchen praying,
(54:23):
I guarantee you he's in the bedroom praying.
Come on.
If you go to bed before he does,
I promise you he's gone through the house.
And he's touched every child.
He's touched every room door.
Praying over that child.
And then he comes and he...
(54:44):
As you're sleeping he just touches you.
And he's praying over you.
That's how you know he is a God.
A man after God.
He's trying his best.
And he'll know the type of woman you are.
Because you're gonna go through the same thing.
You're gonna touch.
You're gonna touch the house.
(55:06):
Pray over the house.
You're going to pray over the children.
And whatever situation your spouse is going through,
you're gonna ask the Lord,
I don't know what all he's going through.
But I know he's going through something.
But you know the details.
So now I'm gonna ask you to enter in.
(55:28):
I'm gonna ask him to step in.
And ease his heart.
And whatever it needs.
And he'll be fine at this place.
And he'll be okay.
And then that situation that was going on in the house
over there when they were sleeping,
it's gonna be killer.
Amen.
Alright!
We're gonna have to get y'all back.
(55:49):
This is so good.
Thank you for everyone that came.
Wow, this was Does the One Exist.
Come on, any parting thoughts there?
We gotta wrap it up.
No? Okay.
It's okay you're not saying anything.
I mean...
No.
Sarah, thank you.
Thank you for me.
(56:10):
Any parting thoughts, Momotiff?
We gotta wrap it up.
It's okay if you don't have it.
So I just, you know,
just to let you know that
keep God first, keep him in your center.
And delight yourself in the Lord.
And he'll give you the desires of your heart.
Amen.
And it's a journey.
(56:31):
It is a journey.
And it's about the journey too.
It's about the destination.
Thank you.
And it's about the journey.
It's that God makes all things beautiful in this journey.
It's one of my favorites.
And so he does.
And so I just, you know, that's it.
Alright!
Thank you for tuning in, guys.
See you next time.
Bye!
(56:53):
Woo!
That was great.
Thank you so much, all of you, for being here.
I learned so much today.
I'm just gonna sit on this and meditate.
No, I almost told the story, you know, about that.
That's another one.
Yeah, I know which one.
🎵Music🎵
(00:24):
Oh, okay! Here you go.
Oh!
All the mics are on?
Yeah, for sure.
Where do we look primarily? Is it this way?
Yeah, just primarily look there.
Well, there's two different angles, so y'all don't have to look at a mic.
Y'all can look amongst each other.
We don't have to look at a mic.
That's what I want.
I mean, look at a camera.
Yeah, I have a mic.
Same, same.
Well, the Lord said!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(00:44):
Okay! Welcome, everyone, to Unrehearsed Podcast, per usual.
It's your girl Moe, and it's a ladies-only episode!
That's why you don't see DeShawn, but he is in the background.
Shout out to DeShawn, shout out to Ricky.
Thank y'all for tuning in, per usual.
Yeah, so I'm gonna let all our beautiful guests introduce themselves,
starting with this miss on this side.
Well, my name is Sarah, and I'm from...
(01:09):
Oh, man!
You're like, natural!
What do we include? What do you want?
Oh, just like, you can say, you know, your name where you're from, your favorite color,
just kidding, your name where you're from.
Um, yeah, and then, yeah, and then I guess your relationship status.
(01:31):
Oh, Robby, you're going straight to it!
Never starts.
Alright, I'm so sorry.
Well, my name is Sarah, and I am 20 years old, and I'm single.
Thank you, I love you.
My name is Carmen, I am...
Oh, I'm so sorry. If you ladies don't want to show your age, share your age, that's probably fine.
(01:54):
I am Carmen, I am 53 years old.
Let's go!
53 years old, come on.
And I am the mother of Daisha.
Woohoo!
Your relationship status?
I am married, and have been happily married for 32 years.
Come on, praise God!
(02:15):
Yes!
Oh, I'm Tiffany James, and how old am I? I'm 49 years young, I like that.
49 years young?
49 young, and I'm going on 23 years of marriage in July.
That's my sugarplum.
My sugarplum, I love it!
That's my boo!
Yes.
Okay, alright, so today we will be talking about does the one exist?
(02:39):
The guys already had their episode, I just, we felt, Daisha and I just felt like it was an important question,
and it's just a topic that I feel like a lot of young people, a lot of older people need to hear,
because sometimes we can do dating very wrong, and we can even do marriage very wrong.
Sorry, my age, after all that, but yeah, so I am, my status is single guys, don't want to mingle though, okay, just single.
(03:04):
And so, with that being, I was like, I don't want to mingle.
So, yeah, so I guess we'll just start off with just like the topic as a whole.
So, does the one exist? As for me, I can only testify to what God has taught me and to what I have lived out.
But I can honestly say that I used to really think that the one was a thing.
(03:26):
So I'm like, oh yeah, I just had this whole image in my head, they're going to look like this, they're going to sound like this,
they're going to be like this, and just have this really one of those lists that people are like, just make a list,
I'm praying about it, and I'm like, God's going to send you that, man.
I was like, I fully believe in that, I'm that person!
But yeah, but as time went by, I was like, you know what, I started to question that,
because I was like, actually, I don't think that's accurate.
(03:49):
Like, I don't think that there's actually one person that God was like, I'm setting this person aside just for you,
and I'm setting you just aside for them, because then it's like, where does our free will come in?
Where it's like, oh, but we also have free will, so then it's, yeah, so.
And it's like, tag in, whatever.
I like the list, but I think the list should be open and you give the list to God, right?
(04:12):
Because I think you should have some expectant view, based off what God has taught you.
I don't believe the one that's the key.
I just believe that there's no concrete universal definition of the one,
because we are so unique, and we're like all individuals,
and we've got different backgrounds, you know, different experiences,
(04:35):
different backgrounds, different experience, different ethnicities,
Yeah, ethnicities etc.
And even different beliefs, and even within that religious context,
you even have different beliefs within your own beliefs.
So I just believe that it doesn't exist.
The one doesn't exist, and so your is key, is crucial.
(04:57):
I think the one is the one you choose,
and you choose based off, hopefully, the principles that God has set forth for us.
I was laughing because I was speaking about this,
and I said, you know, God didn't say he who find a wife that I choose, that I ordain,
that I will show you, find it a good thing, and obtain a favor from the Lord.
(05:19):
He said he who find it a wife, find it a good thing, and obtain a favor from the Lord,
meaning you got free will to choose.
Well, I'm on the other side.
Oh, this is the one!
Wait a minute!
And this is the reason why I say the one does exist.
And the reason why I say the one does exist, because I did like you all.
(05:45):
I had the list, it had to be 6'5", it had to look a certain way,
and we had to do all this stuff.
The key is that list, I feel, God takes the key things off your list,
and he makes that one for you.
(06:06):
So he does exist.
It's never according to our list, because our plans are just a comic book.
We made a God's list.
But he has that one that's made for you, because he knows you.
(06:31):
He created you.
So he's going to make that person, that man, for you.
So if you are that kind of person that he is, unless you love,
he's going to find that man, he's going to create that man, I should say,
and he's going to add extra love that's just for you.
(06:55):
That love that he's dated other women before him.
He's never experienced that, or never given that with anyone else.
But with you, he gives that then some.
So I personally think the one does exist, because you're going through some things too wide.
As you get older, you'll go through some things,
(07:19):
and that person will come in at the right moment, at the right time,
your spouse will come in and you'll say the exact thing you need to hear.
Or you'll come out of a...
(07:41):
I'm sorry, Deshawn, I'm about to say something.
Remember hers, go ahead.
I came out of an abusive relationship, and I had that guy on that list.
He was six-something and everything, and it was a messy relationship.
But God came in with the right guy, and he said the right things,
(08:07):
and he made my heart feel full with love, and he treated me in a way that I needed.
You have men that are out there that will tell you what you want to hear, because they know.
But there's never a man that you will never find a man until God puts him in your life
(08:33):
to tell you exactly what your spirit needs to hear, what your soul needs to hear.
And that's only God's doing.
That's not man's doing, because man is not a man.
God knows you. He knows your heart.
So he's going to put that perfect...
I say in his mind, that perfect being there for you to make this perfect you.
(09:00):
I remember I was driving home from work one day, and I had to be careful how I was driving,
because I was in the middle of worship.
Real?
I was in there.
People were looking at me on Kerkle Pass. I'm going, hallelujah.
(09:22):
I thought, Jesus.
I got to stop the car. Thank you, Lord.
I was on Kerkle Pass doing this, going up the hill, and somebody's honking at me saying,
yeah, I get what you're doing. I know what you're doing.
But I had to, in the middle of my worship, I literally had to stop and call my husband and say,
and I had to tell him, thank you for saving my life.
(09:44):
God put him there to save my life.
And so I like the thing, because of how my marriage is.
There is the wife.
And God gave me, I look at it like that list that I made, God said, I'm going to let you have on that list
so you can experience what you're about to get.
(10:09):
And then you'll see that what you have is not what you have.
Wow.
What you're asking for is not what you need.
I got that.
So once you get that hill, you'll sit there and you'll go in tears.
God, I don't know what I was thinking.
Lord, I need your help.
(10:31):
Please get me out of this situation.
I need to be out and I need to, and God will answer.
Because you're going to Him and you're hurting, He knows the heart.
He's like, you'll sit there and He'll say, okay, you can have enough.
I'm going to move what you asked for, move Him out of it.
(10:55):
And you see that man that's behind you?
Yeah, he's five feet shorter.
He might be a hundred pounds lighter, but He's the one with the heart of both.
He's the one that's after my, that's what you need.
You'll have your friends, your friends will sit there and say, girl, you went, you leveled down.
(11:19):
But in your eyes, I leveled up.
Come on.
You're going up to boss level with this.
I'm good.
He may not be this, this, this, that in your world, but in my world, He's this, this, and that.
And then some.
(11:41):
I'm ready to have a break.
So that's why I say, you know, that one is there.
He's there.
We just have to be patient and let God do what He wants to do.
Because He's not going to put you in a relationship if you're not 100% to receive.
(12:07):
And He's not going to present His gift to you if that person is not 100%.
So He wants you two to be equally young and to be together.
And my husband and I came from different, different backgrounds and stuff.
But God said, no, I know you guys are only here because He's working on you.
(12:28):
You're still my, I'm still, and He's still working on us both.
He elevated us to a whole new level.
And so, yeah, that one is there.
Don't give up hope.
That one is there.
I won't.
I'm sorry, they shot at me to embarrass me.
Don't worry about me.
(12:49):
I'm not here.
I'm not here, right?
I'm not here.
Well, you know, I got to go.
I definitely love both perspectives that you shared.
I definitely have wrestled with the question as well of like, is there one free will, all these things?
And I even think of, really, I think of God's sovereignty.
(13:11):
We know that He is divine in ordering our sets.
The Word is clear and it says that He orders the sets of the righteous.
And so I don't think we just like accidentally bumped into somebody.
And it's not like, you know, there's certain, even with friendships, you can acknowledge that,
oh, my gosh, this is literally a sister that God has placed in my life to challenge me,
(13:33):
to push me closer to His heart, and even push me closer to purpose.
And so I feel like in experiencing that in friendships,
leave me to believe that there is going to be some type of divine ordering from the Lord to meeting a kingdom spouse.
Like, not just a little cute boyfriend, not just, you know, a husband, but a kingdom spouse.
And I think that the ladies switch on to similar things at the list, right?
(13:58):
I think that as humans, we could totally put like superficial things in there, you know, like the height, the different things, right?
But at the end of the day, we know that God looks at the heart and not the outer appearance, right?
I think, isn't it next to you? I don't know where it says that.
But we know, right, that like man looks at the outer appearance, but God looks at the heart.
(14:20):
And so with that, I think that in writing the list, right, from the single perspective,
you've got to be very mindful of like, okay, like what are actual qualities and attributes, you know,
that have to do with like one soul, one heart, you know, that are going to be great, you know, instead of,
oh, he has to be five foot or make this amount, whatever, you know, I feel like all those things are kind of just additional,
(14:43):
like superficial things that kind of fade away with time.
And so I think to answer the question, I would say I do see your perspective both like free will.
Absolutely. I think that somebody could definitely, a good one could definitely pass this by,
but because we're not in the right headspace, we could easily let the blessing walk on by.
(15:09):
And I think that we've really got to be prayerful from the single perspective of like,
Lord, like help me put my biases aside, help me put aside my own desires in whatever your heart is for me, God,
like let it be done. Don't let me get in the way, which oftentimes that's what happens when we get in the way.
(15:31):
Yeah, because it doesn't align with what our human imagination, you know, but we got to understand like the Lord is like
his thoughts are higher, you know, his thoughts are literally like beyond any human comprehension.
So I would say I think of the earliest example of, you know, husband and wife,
(15:52):
and it says that he was Adam's suitable helper, specifically the word suitable.
Like, I do think that there is like a divine compliment when two souls created by God like come together.
And I would say in terms of soulmate, I think that's definitely like a manmade word.
I think that's definitely a fake novel people at all. And I think that that could be very, very such an intense word
(16:16):
because really only God can satisfy at the end of the day, you know, really only God like can fulfill our deepest, deepest me, desire, whatever.
And so I do think that like God has given us every single thing we need.
Like we do not lack anything right now, but he's he's kind enough to bring additional blessings in our life and that being a husband one day, hopefully.
(16:40):
Right. But I feel like I don't have a concrete answer on it.
I think that it's just like, yeah, I'll know when I get there.
I think that makes me go all off where he's like, it all makes sense when I am older.
(17:02):
Yeah, I guess I hear it from the married perspective and I hear married couples who say like, yes, there is one.
But I also hear like, well, I made the decision. Yeah, I have the free will.
I definitely think so. I mean, even with friendships, you decide if you're going to like proceed a friendship, right?
Like asking them out on like a coffee or whatever, you know, like you have to make a mutual agreement to work out this friendship.
(17:29):
And so, I mean, I would say the same with a relationship.
You know, you got to put in the effort, you know, but I don't know.
I feel like I it's it's complicated. It's not like a black and white answer. Yeah.
I'm saying sometimes we can pass and we can overlook the blessing.
(17:51):
You know, because it didn't look like what we thought it would.
Yeah. So even with that, that's my point, because even with that, like I just think of and I'm speaking specifically like in the Christian realm,
because I feel like a lot of times like in church, like one, it's like marriage is like always push on.
It's like there's no way you could be single for the rest of your life. You have to get married.
Call me Paulette. Call me Paulette. I'm just like what? Call me Paulette because it's the group.
(18:19):
I was like who's Paulette? Okay.
So, but yeah, so it's just like with that, like specifically, I just feel like, you know, it's like, oh, you have to get married.
And not only that, it's like, oh, like, you know, God's going to tell you like who that person is.
And so I feel like a lot of times like that's something that can be like, like when it comes to that,
(18:43):
because, you know, there's people where they're like, oh, God told me that like you were my wife, you know, and me personally,
I'm like, well, the Lord didn't speak to me. Like, so how does this work?
So then it's like, I guess like what is some wisdom with that?
Because obviously, like, you know, people are like, oh, yeah, I had a dream that you were married, that I was married to you and things like that.
And I do feel like a lot of times people can use that like wrongly and then it can cost people to get married.
(19:06):
I would I don't know if you could say to the wrong person, but it would just cause people to get in marriages that like the Lord never intended for them to be.
So like how I guess like how do you navigate that with just having that discernment and just knowing like, OK, like this is good, because I think it's scary.
Like as a single person, like it's scary to be like, oh, my God, like I'm going to like one day like Lord willing to be committed to somebody.
(19:29):
And I'm like, you know, in my head, I'm like, oh, my God, like, you know, what if I make like the wrong decision in the sense?
So it's just like a lot of pressure because it's just like.
I would say one of the scriptures that I love and I think it's probably 1822 that says, delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
And so when you look at that word, delight, it's like joy, your fulfillment in the Lord, it's like the building of your intimacy with the Lord.
(19:57):
And as you find your fulfillment in life for me, my original list was to find fulfillment in man.
I find fulfillment and delight myself in being a people pleaser or to be an affirmed or superficial relationships.
That's what my my interest is in.
(20:18):
That's what my fulfillment came from, you know, affirming, looking for love in all the wrong places.
But I was the girl that looked for love in all the wrong places. And but I feel like when I started to walk with the Lord, when I started to put my delight in him and I started to be healed by him.
I love I think it's in Ephesians 1 to 17, this Paul says, I pray that God will impart in you the riches of the wisdom and revelation to know him in the intimacy you have with him.
(20:46):
And so when I began to get that relationship with him and I it's based on who you are as an individual, how God loves me, how I receive love.
Right. You know, that's why they got the five love language. Right.
Because you can buy me anything, but that's not my love language. Right.
So God begins to show me how he loves me, how he cares for me, how he protects me.
(21:10):
And so the more I delight myself in him, the more I feel like my my desires become these desires.
And then I get his heart. And therefore, I'm able to recognize his heart.
And I think what happens is we don't have a benchmark.
You know how to if you don't have a relationship with God for yourself, if you haven't, it's boring.
(21:32):
Like, I want to go down the street, the best topic because I hadn't been out.
And so once I was out, I was out and I met my friend, saw a guy.
I mean, he looked like Usher. He looked like Usher.
He looked like Usher. And mind you, we really tried to leave the club, like, because I want to go to another club.
(21:55):
And so this guy tapped me on my shoulder and he was like, this the man you need to be with.
So my husband couldn't even talk for himself.
And he was like, you want to dance with me? And I was like, you want to dance?
And he said, when I finished my drink, I said, you finish your drink. I'm going to be dancing with somebody else.
I'm out now. I'm feeling good now.
And so he started to dance with me and we had a conversation.
(22:19):
Now, mind you, I was in church, but I looked like a church girl that night.
I was hearing my little hazel green contacts in from my hotel.
I was like slaying all day. And so when he got on the dance floor, we were dancing.
Now, we were on the dance floor dancing, right? Music popping.
And we asked him how he was doing. And something he said about his grandmother in church just kicked in my heart.
(22:44):
Like, I don't know what it was. It was the way he said it. I believe I recognized God's heart in him.
And so we went outside and started talking. Now, my husband was not my type.
I love model looking men. You know, men that were so sweet, you know, slim, you know, Stacy Adams, you know, all of those things.
(23:05):
But there was something about his heart. So my husband had braids in his hair. No.
He had braces on. No. He had pants on that had like a pippy, lapu. I'm like, what are we doing? We're grown.
What are you doing with cartoons? Like, what are you doing? But he was so sweet.
And so my friend, when I'm leaving, she said, what are you doing? He's not even attractive. He's not even your type.
(23:30):
And she was like, dude. And so I started talking to the guy that she introduced me to.
And we walk in, I look at him, I said, look, I'm going to be honest, you can't do nothing but get in trouble.
And he was like, what kind of trouble? I said, you know, what kind of trouble? Bye. It's only a physical attraction.
And he said, and I started telling him a little bit about myself. And he said, you know something? He said, I told God I would never mess over another one of his girls.
(23:56):
And he said, and I'm not ready for a relationship either. And he was like, I mess with a young lady who was in church and I wasn't ready.
And I started smoking weed when I was drinking. And it was like when we broke up, you know, she went down a different path that changed the trajectory of her life.
And I said, I told God I would never mess with his girls. So we laughed. And I just remember that night.
(24:19):
And I came home and I called my husband and he was like, when can I see you again? I said, I'm going to church.
And he said, you won't see me? I said, yeah, I'm in club, but I'm covered. And so, look, I'm in progress.
Thank God for his grace.
But you know, I had really good mentors. My mentors said, you know, go to the club, go to the club, but stay covered.
You know, come to church. Like one day you're going to walk in that club and they're going to want to be there.
(24:43):
You know, so she never told me that just you don't need to be in the club. She was like, just one day.
You keep going closer to God, you're not even going to walk that. And she was right. One day I walked in the club, I was like, I'm good.
But anyway, I don't want to digress. So fast forward. I looked up and I was getting an award.
And the church, they surprised me to get an award for bringing the most young people to church.
And I looked down and I was like, oh, and I was like, is that the guy? Like, I don't please say that wasn't him.
(25:10):
Like, I said, was I drinking too much? I was like, and it was not that he was, he just wasn't my type.
It wasn't that he was ugly. He just wasn't my type. And I looked and then afterwards we went out to eat.
And that was 24 years. You know, and that he's been by my side.
I remember when we were flying to Chicago to get married, I remember someone said, Tiffany, I went to a new office and they said, somebody's in the front for you.
(25:37):
And I said, there's my big man. I'm like, man, it's a compliment. And I walked up and I'm walking towards him.
My husband had this hair, this bracelet. I'm not lying. This is a true story.
He had on a button up, a John John shirt, some jeans, and some blue leggings. And I said, dang.
And I like, she said, trust the process.
(25:59):
Trust the process. I was like, and as I was walking, God said, I gave you everything.
Because like she was saying, because what you really wanted this time, because I can trust his heart.
You know, like I could trust you with his heart. That's what he said. Trust you with his heart.
Because sometimes we think about how we want to be loved.
(26:22):
But love is not selfish. You know, and God said like, it's just his heart.
His heart can be trusted with you. And he said, and because you loved him for him.
Because all this is going to fade away. You know, and so they say how you try to get a man and how you try to get a woman is how you got to keep them.
But honey, if you try to get them with this outer, girl, three kids later, you got to get these love handles.
(26:49):
You know, come and you start getting this gray hair. You're not a size five anymore.
But the things that will never change is God's love. It's God's heart.
And so that's just my take. But God didn't say in the club, oh, go to the club. You're going to meet your husband that night.
And I definitely, he didn't say it was him. Because I've been like, are you sure, Papa?
(27:13):
Like I met two men and I made a decision. But because I had started to write myself.
Because I got his heart, I can recognize his heart. Because I know his characteristic, I can see his characteristics in other people.
And then God has given us a blueprint on what a value man and a value woman look like. It works.
(27:36):
And so you have a blueprint to help guide you. You have principles to help guide you, recognize if this person is a potential husband or potential wife.
And then you have a tribe. Lay at the foot of wisdom. Yeah. Thirty, how many years?
Thirty, thirty, thirty.
Thirty-four years. And then it's twenty-three, twenty-four years together.
(28:03):
So lay at the feet of wisdom and don't be afraid that we date in private.
And most times we date in private because we know we dated somebody you ain't supposed to date. They don't have that heart.
So even when I met my husband, I still had accountability on the money because this flesh is a mess, they say.
And so I just believe again, it's very complex. I believe the one is the one to choose. And the one is the one that also knows the truth.
(28:32):
Oh, amen. That's a part.
And so it is a journey and it is complex. But I'm glad you're having this conversation because I've mentored a lot of people who got married young in the church
because they allowed people in the church to choose their spouse for them instead of allowing God to choose their spouse for them and help them discern who can be a good husband and a good wife for them.
(28:59):
And I only see three times in the Bible that God has actually said, marry this husband.
And so, yeah, I'm shut out. That was powerful.
The one's got another one. Amen.
I totally agree. I agree with you. I totally agree with you.
(29:21):
I met my husband. My husband knew me. I didn't know him.
He knew me because I wore red flats in high school.
Oh, that's so funny.
Yeah, that's how he knew. So he could tell because I would walk past his locker to go to my son's room and I wore red flats.
(29:48):
And every time I wore the red flats, I had red jeans.
You know, back in the day, Levi's was matching, everything was all the same.
He would look up and it was always me walking past him.
So fast forward four years later, we graduated. I'm attending Sac State.
And my husband at the time was a huge NWA fan.
(30:11):
You wouldn't know it now. Back in the day, he met NWA in Oakland.
Got pictures of him and everything. My husband's hair was longer than mine.
I mean, it was long.
That was one on the list.
(30:32):
And so, my girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to San Francisco.
I was going to go get my hair done.
I met my husband at Burger King. He was the assistant manager.
Oh, wow.
And he said to me, I'm NWA. You know who I am.
Oh, all right now. All right.
I looked at him. I'm like, I don't know you.
(30:54):
I know you.
And he's like, we went to high school together. I'm like, okay.
And the line alone caught my attention.
He wasn't the one that I was, because he was shorter.
But you got to understand, I'm fine too. I need somebody to talk to.
(31:18):
Come on. Hallelujah. Come on, somebody.
I don't want to buy a set stool. I don't want a ladder.
I thought she was about to say somebody can look up into their eyes.
I'm going to shop shelves.
We're going to work down, then we'll look out of ass.
All right now.
I need you to get down for me.
(31:40):
But when we started talking, my parents were like, this is not going to last long.
They knew you were a real stick girl.
A guy has to be a certain way for you.
And my parents knew it.
And so my husband ended up talking to his father back and forth, talking to his grandmother back and forth.
(32:08):
And by this time we started dating.
My husband still had long hair. We took our engagement photo.
His hair was looking long and very nice and curly and stuff.
And then one day my husband said, your husband, I need for you to cut my hair.
(32:30):
And I cut his hair.
And that's when I knew he took me seriously.
Because at that time, guys who had curls, they worked four or five years to get their hair a certain length.
And they weren't going to cut it.
And he cut it.
(32:53):
And I looked at him and he became like, you looked at your husband.
My husband became 20 times better looking.
I was like, ooh, because now I'm not looking at the physical.
Now that heart is showing.
That heart is sexy.
Yeah, it is.
(33:14):
And we've gone through our ups and downs and we're going through our stuff right now.
My husband's having health issues.
And I'm having those moments where I'm sitting there and I'm frustrated because he's so sick and stuff.
And I'm seeing his health deteriorate.
And I'm looking at him.
(33:35):
But in the midst of all of that, I still see that heart.
And he still looks good.
And I still flirt with him.
So if somebody had brought whatever you did to get that man back in the day, you got to do that now?
Oh yeah, I still flirt.
(33:56):
I still go up there and say, what's your name?
How you doing?
Simmonie.
I still look at him like he was when we first did him.
Because I don't see him.
God had made him in such a way where I don't see the agent.
(34:20):
I still see that beautiful heart that shines.
And it doesn't change.
And sure, his face may have sunken in.
And there's the gray in the beard and all this other stuff.
He gets up and he's like, oh, a little bit.
But I look at him and say, oh, that's my man.
That's my man.
(34:41):
That's my boo.
And so as you get older, I've seen marriages where they've been together 10, 20 years.
And then one day they just wake up and go, what happened?
What makes you guys divorced?
I fell out of love. They weren't looking like this anymore.
(35:03):
Oh, they put on 20 pounds or this or that.
And you hear these stories in the recently.
God, please don't let this one be that kind of guy.
Because I didn't just, I had a kid.
And I'm still trying to lose the baby fat.
And I don't want him looking at anybody else like he used to look at me.
(35:26):
God put it to where he made his eyes just for me.
He made his heart just for me.
So, you know, I could stand in a crowded room full of gorgeous ladies and his eyes would be directed on me because I have his heart.
(35:48):
I have all the things that he needs to make himself complete.
These women have these superficial clothes.
And today's women, not all today's women, but you hardly see natural women.
Everybody has a lip injection. Everybody has a butt implant, breast implant, crying.
(36:11):
They just can't be real.
Yeah. And it's very shocking.
I had a friend tell me I was going on a date with this lady.
And he's ready to marry.
And he's with a friend, this is my friend, he said, you were on a date with this lady and she dropped their gorgeous.
And he said, come on.
(36:33):
And she was everything.
She went and took her wig off.
She took her eyelashes off.
She took all this stuff off.
And when I looked at her, she was not the same.
She goes, I want somebody that when I go to bed at night, they look the same in the morning.
Excuse me.
(36:56):
And then he said, so he literally stopped his lip.
He stopped and he said, I can't do this anymore.
He destroyed his lip.
He said, because my lip is funny.
It's not real.
He said, I'm looking at superficial.
He goes, I need something deeper.
And right in the mouth, the real men are looking at saying, you know what, I can't get past this.
(37:19):
I need somebody who's going to attack my heart and stop.
And I'm so thankful that my husband, after 30 years of marriage, he still finds me as that woman who attacks my heart.
He still finds me as that woman that I can't, I love waking up to her.
(37:42):
And I love going to sleep.
I look forward to coming home.
I love the fact that my husband sits there and he'll put in his eight, nine, 10 hours on the job.
And he's like, I'm ready to go home.
He's not ready to go to the bar.
He's not ready to go here or go there to his buddy's house.
(38:04):
He's ready to come home.
And as being Christ, my goal, my job that God gave me was to make his home his rest.
So he's got to deal with so much on the outside world that my heart needs to know what his heart needs.
(38:26):
And so I made sure that when he comes home, his heart comes home to rest.
His mind comes home to rest.
His spirit comes to keep his soul from the care.
And so like I stated before, God is going to create you to be that woman for him.
He's going to create you to be that woman for him.
(38:49):
Your heart will know exactly what he needs and he will have no doubt.
He'll have no doubt.
But that's the beauty of the marriage that you can start off in a certain way.
Like you had, is that the one?
And that's how, you know, when you cut his hair, I was like, yeah, you just cut his hair.
(39:16):
High five, girl.
And I also think just to clarify with the list, I just want to clarify because I do think it's important.
(39:38):
Again, words are matter.
So maybe changing it from the list to standards.
OK.
OK.
Because, you know, Godly standards.
Yeah, Godly standards.
Because like I said, it's in his word.
So you have the standards.
He didn't leave you to your own demise to figure it out.
But I think sometimes people don't even sit and it's just like I'm a big, big, big cheerleader on financial freedom.
(40:07):
Hallelujah.
And so it's just like you're saying like I want this and I want that, but you haven't even did the basics.
Like write it down.
Like what do you want?
Do you have a bank account?
And so it's the same thing.
Have standards.
You want to go into a relationship that you don't even really have standards for that relationship.
So maybe change the list to standards because I do want women to have standards.
(40:30):
I want men to have standards.
It's about us.
No.
But have standards.
What do you mean?
I've been lied to.
You know, have standards and have realistic expectations.
I know I didn't have realistic expectations when I got married and marriage is hard.
And so, you know, another episode, we need something about that.
(40:53):
Yeah.
You know, because it's not easy to see people coming together to come out.
That's not easy.
I don't care what you say.
You know, and so you have 20 something years of living a certain kind of way and 20 something years I'm living a certain kind of way.
Trying to bridge those together as one.
(41:15):
That's not easy.
And that's why God has to be with us.
That's why he has to be your glue.
So when things start to come in and try to pull you guys apart, it is God.
You know, and so I tell people it ain't because me and my husband have the perfect marriage or had the perfect marriage.
Matter of fact, third year, I was like, is it too late for an anonymy?
(41:38):
I was like, what?
And they were like, yes, girl, you got to get a divorce.
It's three years, you know, but I had, you know, I didn't have a realistic execution of what marriage looked like.
And that's why it's good that, like I said, sit at the feet of people who have been married to have healthy marriages because I didn't have a benchmark of what marriage looked like.
So when I came in, I was telling my spiritual mom, this ain't what I signed up for.
(42:01):
She said, it's exactly what you signed up for.
This is your commitment.
Going together as one.
Yes, this is what you signed up for.
And she said, it ain't even about you.
It's about you.
I said, what you saying about him?
What you mean it's about him?
And I was like, he ain't making me happy.
And she was like, he married to be a soup.
Was that what you married for?
And I was like, oh, you think that's a little big, you know, because marriage is for purpose.
(42:27):
And I'm like, oh, OK.
And so I started to sit with her and just as a wisdom, somebody could be married over 50 something.
And so I started to sit at her feet and understand that our husband is different than me.
And I remember praying for him in the war room came out.
And I remember being in my closet and war and writing everything down and doing all that.
(42:50):
That's a movie.
Yeah, Priscilla Shire.
Yeah, that's a great movie.
So it was a great movie.
So I was doing all that.
And I remember God telling me, you're praying a selfish prayer.
And I'm like, I'm praying for this man every day.
And he said, you're praying for him to be the man you want him to be.
Instead of praying for him to be the man I created him to be.
(43:12):
Totally different.
Totally different.
And I started sitting like, God, OK, tell me how to pray for him.
You know, what is it that he needs that?
You know, what happened to his childhood that makes him feel like his voice does not matter in this one?
And how can I make sure that he knows that his voice matters in this country?
(43:33):
And so I think that women need to have standards.
Women and men need to have some kind of standard of what it looks like.
And if you don't have a benchmark or a vision, if everybody didn't come from a home with two parents,
you don't have a beautiful, healthy marriage.
And so what does that look like?
(43:54):
And so start sitting at the people's window and saying, I like that.
I know it's not my marriage, it's not going to be like that marriage, right?
Because it's the way God has defined my marriage.
But at least I can have the standard and one thing a year that will never change is the love of God.
It's a safety day, it's a safety day.
And so I just want to clarify about the list.
(44:19):
So that's great.
Like we should have a standard, even if we don't have to rip the list up and then write you some standards.
We want to put that on the podcast.
So that's good. And I also feel like we should hold ourselves accountable to that standard.
Because I think, just speaking as a single person, I'm older now, so the Lord has given me wisdom.
But I definitely feel that before.
Before I was so much like, OK, I have this list forward, this is all that I want.
(44:43):
And I was like, OK, he's going to come with each one of these things and that's going to be that.
But then over time, I just like sitting under wisdom.
They were just like, oh, so what are you bringing to the table?
And I was like, myself, like, what do you mean by my brand?
You know, but then they were just showing me like, OK, like how many of these characteristics do you have yourself?
And like, you know, how are you in a sense like preparing yourself as well?
(45:06):
Because I think a lot of times, like as a single people, we're like, OK, we want the other person to like come like fully packaged, like all well put together.
But then like for ourselves, we're like, and I'm just coming as I am.
And so, yeah, and so I just would like to emphasize like just the importance of just like the preparation beforehand.
Just when it comes to like list and just when it comes to standards, like, you know, and just going back to like, you know, having godly standards for marriage, but like also like having those godly standards for ourselves.
(45:33):
At the end of the day, like, you know, we do need to be one with the Lord.
We do need to be attentive to his voice and just to his leading through the spirit.
And so, yeah, and I feel like a lot of times, like, you know, single people, we could just get lost in that.
I think just because we get so caught up in like the idea of marriage, because I feel like marriage can be such an idol for a lot of single people where it's like it's the end all.
Like, be all like, you know, getting married and yes, like I've accomplished all that I wanted to accomplish with my life.
(45:58):
But definitely over time, like the Lord has just shown me like, you know, marriage isn't like end all the marriage isn't even like for you in the sense like obviously we get things out of it.
But like it all just goes back to his glory.
Like, you know, thinking of the bigger picture and just like of eternity, excuse me, eternity.
So, yeah, yeah, I think that's that's good.
And everybody want to be married, but everybody don't know how to be a wife and a husband.
(46:23):
I tell my daughters now I have three girls, you know, and my oldest, I think she's at that age.
And so I tell her, like, don't just be ready for marriage.
Be ready to be a wife.
There's a difference.
People would invite God into the wedding and then leave him at the altar.
And so we do that all the time, you know, bring God on that journey until we get right there.
(46:52):
And then at the end, we leave him.
Now I got what I want.
And then we leave him at the altar.
So I said, prepare yourself.
Are you prepared to be a wife?
You just want to be wedded and invite everyone and it looks good.
And I got my boo and I got somebody that loved me and bling on the ring, you know.
And are you ready to be a husband?
(47:14):
And so I'm and this is something that I feel very passionate about.
I'm preparing my girls so they know how to be a wife.
Like, don't just be ready.
Yeah, that's the situation.
And God has to be not only the foundation, the center.
You got to make the personal choices that are in the marriage.
(47:39):
So if you're not going to have that mindset, save your ten dollars.
Save that twenty thousand dollars, all that lavish stuff that you're putting into the wedding.
And tell you get yourself correct.
Because like Tiffany said, it's a job.
(48:01):
And this is for another show.
But it takes a lot of work.
And you're going to come in.
There's going to be times where you're going to have disagreements.
There's going to be times where you're going to be up for four days straight.
Locked in your room, talking, coming out just enough to make sure the kids have chicken nuggets and fries for dinner.
And then you upset and you come back upstairs, you want some chicken nuggets and fries too for dinner?
(48:30):
And then you bake enough for everybody and then you go back up in your office too.
But the work that you put in, the pleasure comes out, the reward comes back to a hundred thousand dollars.
And that's how God works.
(48:51):
He sees that you're willing to put in the work.
He's the best mediator.
He's the best mediator.
He knows what you're feeling and he knows what you're feeling.
And he's going to make you guys say some things that would make some people feel good.
(49:12):
Really truly love and really truly care for one another.
Those things are going to perform real good.
But it's the truth.
So now he's saying to you, now you've got to reflect and look at yourself.
That man in the mirror, that woman in the mirror.
And now you've got to make that change and stuff.
And then as you make that change, you'll see that, what's that, I don't know, that little bump in the road.
(49:42):
Well that's your smooth part of the road.
You made it bumpy.
You really did.
Because you sat there and you chose to be a certain way.
And if you wanted it done your way, and like Tiffany said, you weren't going in this as a team.
You managed as a team, you were one.
Working together.
(50:03):
You went with yourself, which you wanted, not considering what people and stuff.
So now that you've been taking care of that bump, you look back and you're like, I didn't do this.
I didn't do this.
We did this.
We did this.
And stuff.
And you know, God will still continue being in there.
You don't get to be 33 years of marriage without hip-hop.
(50:24):
You don't.
And anyone that's in a relationship is trying to get into a relationship, I tell you this straight off the bat.
Turn off TV.
Turn off social media.
Talk about it, man.
You're about to have hit my soapbox.
And not what you see on Hollywood.
Calm down.
You know, what you see in Hollywood and what Hollywood portrays.
(50:46):
That's not me.
Right.
That is not real life.
That's not real life.
And I don't know if you see it on the news, but I don't know if you see it right now.
This is not real life.
That is not real life.
Those are real.
Are those real?
Those are real.
(51:07):
But at the end of the day, you sit there, you talk it out, hash it out, pray over it together as a couple.
Sometimes bring the children involved in it.
You know, and y'all are standing together.
Bless hands.
Pray.
And when you say go team, then y'all go your separate ways.
(51:29):
I love that.
Love so much.
We love each other so much.
You know you love your food.
What?
I love that.
You know you love, yeah.
You know my back all the time.
Come on, baby, give me some love.
You better get away from me.
You know, but she's quick to have his back.
(51:50):
Come on.
That's right.
She's quick to have his back.
At the end of the day, she got his back.
And at the end of the day, we have her as stuff.
And that's what real marriage is.
It's not, you know, the glamorous house.
It's not the glamorous this or the glamorous that.
You know, he's gonna catch you at your over his own.
(52:12):
But that's gonna make him more comfortable.
You're gonna catch him at this ugly moment.
And that's gonna make you love him even more.
And then there's gonna be a time where the devil's gonna attack.
And that's when you see that united front.
That united front is solid.
I mean, really.
(52:34):
The devil try to catch you on this left.
Nah, he ain't catch me.
Try to catch on it right now, bro.
It ain't happening like that.
We're not doing that.
We got a guy on our side.
We know exactly what to do.
You see the devil attack.
Lay down in front.
And when you see that, you know, your spouse is...
(52:56):
He might be struggling at that moment.
That's when you come in.
You're giving him strength.
You're giving him lift.
You're just lifting us, all of us.
But you're giving him strength because you're giving him more strength.
You give him power and stuff.
His eyes are fixed on you and stuff.
Because that's how you gonna get through.
(53:17):
You'll have your trials and tribulations.
And you'll get through them.
And you'll sit there and learn how to get through this.
Jesus, how did you get through this?
Yes.
You will literally sit at the kitchen table one morning.
Just you and the Lord.
(53:38):
Everybody's fine.
And then all of a sudden you just feel that one drop.
Yes.
Ball.
And then you feel your heart getting full.
And you feel your heart feeling different.
And then you just sit there and all you can do is just...
Jesus Christ.
That's all you can do.
Because he done got you through something bad.
(54:01):
You didn't know how it was gonna be.
Your family didn't know how you were gonna get through that.
But he knew.
And we just had to trust his process.
And we had to trust that...
That's how you know God put you with the right person.
Because when you're in the kitchen praying,
(54:23):
I guarantee you he's in the bedroom praying.
Come on.
If you go to bed before he does,
I promise you he's gone through the house.
And he's touched every child.
He's touched every room door.
Praying over that child.
And then he comes and he...
(54:44):
As you're sleeping he just touches you.
And he's praying over you.
That's how you know he is a God.
A man after God.
He's trying his best.
And he'll know the type of woman you are.
Because you're gonna go through the same thing.
You're gonna touch.
You're gonna touch the house.
(55:06):
Pray over the house.
You're going to pray over the children.
And whatever situation your spouse is going through,
you're gonna ask the Lord,
I don't know what all he's going through.
But I know he's going through something.
But you know the details.
So now I'm gonna ask you to enter in.
(55:28):
I'm gonna ask him to step in.
And ease his heart.
And whatever it needs.
And he'll be fine at this place.
And he'll be okay.
And then that situation that was going on in the house
over there when they were sleeping,
it's gonna be killer.
Amen.
Alright!
We're gonna have to get y'all back.
(55:49):
This is so good.
Thank you for everyone that came.
Wow, this was Does the One Exist.
Come on, any parting thoughts there?
We gotta wrap it up.
No? Okay.
It's okay you're not saying anything.
I mean...
No.
Sarah, thank you.
Thank you for me.
(56:10):
Any parting thoughts, Momotiff?
We gotta wrap it up.
It's okay if you don't have it.
So I just, you know,
just to let you know that
keep God first, keep him in your center.
And delight yourself in the Lord.
And he'll give you the desires of your heart.
Amen.
And it's a journey.
(56:31):
It is a journey.
And it's about the journey too.
It's about the destination.
Thank you.
And it's about the journey.
It's that God makes all things beautiful in this journey.
It's one of my favorites.
And so he does.
And so I just, you know, that's it.
Alright!
Thank you for tuning in, guys.
See you next time.
Bye!
(56:53):
Woo!
That was great.
Thank you so much, all of you, for being here.
I learned so much today.
I'm just gonna sit on this and meditate.
No, I almost told the story, you know, about that.
That's another one.
Yeah, I know which one.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
True Crime Tonight
If you eat, sleep, and breathe true crime, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT is serving up your nightly fix. Five nights a week, KT STUDIOS & iHEART RADIO invite listeners to pull up a seat for an unfiltered look at the biggest cases making headlines, celebrity scandals, and the trials everyone is watching. With a mix of expert analysis, hot takes, and listener call-ins, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT goes beyond the headlines to uncover the twists, turns, and unanswered questions that keep us all obsessed—because, at TRUE CRIME TONIGHT, there’s a seat for everyone. Whether breaking down crime scene forensics, scrutinizing serial killers, or debating the most binge-worthy true crime docs, True Crime Tonight is the fresh, fast-paced, and slightly addictive home for true crime lovers.