Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
We in it.
(00:25):
We in it.
I'm rehearsed.
I'm rehearsed.
We back.
What's up, what everybody?
It's your boy, Dashaun Force.
It's your boy, Mariana Jackson.
Yeah, yeah.
AKA, AKA, AKA.
AKA Moskie.
AKA Mo Menção.
AKA Mo Town.
AKA Mo Money Mo Promise.
AKA Mo Magic.
The list goes on, guys.
(00:47):
If you have, actually in the comments, like, if you have anything new that you wanna add,
just go ahead and put it down here.
Why not?
Yeah, man.
Why not?
The puns for Mo's name are hipsters.
I know they are.
sensitive
Man, how you doing?
Um
I know
Honestly
(01:08):
Yeah, you might
Glad he was joking
I'll just use my sweater, it's fine
Anyways
We talking about heartbreaks
You feel me?
Harsh realities of such
Pardon me, I'm trying to get my list on my phone
I had it
Yeah, he has a list of parts that he's broken
(01:30):
No, oh my gosh
You crazy
Crazy
I'm kidding guys, I'm sorry
How'd that DMX verse go?
It was Brenda
Latisha
Oh man, I better
have an ice cream parlor
Oh nah
I have my stuff ready
(01:52):
Harsh realities of a breakup
I'm like
Where do we begin?
Breakups suck, let's start there
Why do they suck?
For me?
Let's see
Honestly, I would say let's use our
vocabulary because we are college students
Let's not say that they suck
(02:12):
Can we just like elevate our knowledge right now?
Our intelligence, let's show it
So, I would say that
breakups are
one of the most shaping
things in our lives
I would say
Definitely putting that up there with like a life
changing thing
There's a lot of just science that goes behind
when people fall in love
(02:34):
There's like eight different types of love
It gets really deep
And so, yeah, to start off
breakups are just, they're hard
They can be hard
but then also some people are literally
just so hurt that
breakups are nothing to them
They break up with people left and right
That sounds stone cold
That is stone cold, but you have to think like
(02:56):
when people have gotten hurt
it's so easy to
just not care about hurting other people because you're like
well so and so did it to me
So it's just easy sometimes
It's easy to hurt other people
And it's not like their intent is like
their intent is to be heartless
but their intent isn't to hurt another person
I don't think people actually go in like
oh I'm just about to hurt you and get whatever out
(03:18):
of you so I can't speak for everybody
It just depends on the person
Different bodies, different hearts
Same blood
My thing is, what harsh reality is a breakup
I don't know if this is more like a social media
thing, internet
social media kind of thing
I know every now and then we kind of like
limit the ways of social media
but I don't like
(03:40):
every now and then on this show
but one thing
I call cap
on is like I guess some people on
social media or some people in general
where it's like they go through this breakup
or like the breakup happens and then they just kind of
make it seem automatically
like there's, it's just
ah freedom
and ah and you know there may be
(04:02):
some aspect to it but you're going to
if you actually cared about the person
and y'all actually had good intentions for each other
you're going to feel some sort of hurt
and you're going to feel some sort of
like, you're going to go through them stages
of grief because you're literally like losing a person
so like when
when people make it seem as if okay a
breakup happened now it's just
it's light work, it's easy, it's like
(04:24):
if it's like that for you, okay well maybe
maybe you never really like cared
about the person like that but if you
was actually really in deep for someone
it's not going, whether you
do the breaking up or they break up with you
you're not going to be like
alright bruh, it's good, it's whatever now
I'm chilling, it's free and then you know
go back to doing whatever like you
you're going to go through some ups and downs
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you're going to go through some peaks and valleys
that's just what it is because you're literally separating
you're separating your emotions, your attachments
and this night
it's like taking a bandaid off
that's not even boy, taking a bandaid off, that ain't nothing
that ain't nothing
even if you like peel it slow it's going to hurt
if you rip it off it's going to hurt, it's really
what I was getting at but it's like
there's really no way around that
(05:08):
it's just a matter of how you respond
how you deal with it and stuff
that's my kind of thing
and then you actually kind of hit it
hit the nail on the head, it is kind of life changing
depending on like
the strength of the relationship or
how deep you guys ran on each other
because like
pain has, pain in general
not necessarily just heartbreaking pain
(05:30):
but pain in general just has a way of
shaping someone
because then it's like
it's all about how you respond to it
I mean if you respond a good way
then you know it's going to
it's going to shape you into a much better version
of you, you know what I'm saying?
but if you respond in a bad way, then you're going to end up worse off
than what you were before
but yeah, that's, it is a life changing
(05:52):
thing I noticed, at least I had a life changing
experience with it, but y'all already know this by now
I'm like, we don't know
we don't know
y'all know this by now, y'all know this, has it changed you?
stop, why are we talking about you?
I would say yes
one thing that I was thinking while you were talking
is how a lot of times
when it comes to breakups, I do feel like we lose
parts of ourselves
(06:14):
you know
reality of it is that like
when somebody, when you're that close with somebody
like in that intimate with somebody
it is so easy to let that person's words
I wouldn't say become
of the end all be all, but you know you allow that person
to like have this space in your life where
their words do matter to you
things that they say to you, like yeah
it's a lot of influence and so I feel that
(06:36):
it
it is kind of scary
y'all like
it's kind of terrifying when you think about it
I mean it is terrifying, it's a risk right?
it's always a risk, and that's
you know what, like I know we're talking about
romantically, like specifically
but it's even a risk with like friendships
it's a risk like business partners, like all those things
it's like, it's always gonna be a risk
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whether we want it to be or not
you know you just kinda gotta like step out in faith
and pray for the best
and then if it doesn't work out then you know
you're gonna be okay!
or feel like the world's ending
but it won't be ending forever
I was about to get so dark right now, but I'm not gonna
sing for the rest of that sentence
nah, that's something I peeped in like hindsight bros
like you know when you really sit back
(07:20):
and think about it, just the concept of a relationship
I know we kinda talk about romance
but just the relationship in general
the amount of like influence that you
are allowing other people to have
and it's a good thing I'm not saying like be closed off
I'll never be, I would say
like you know, actually, cause you know we're people
people need people and stuff
but like it becomes a scary
thing or a terrifying thing for me
(07:42):
when it's like okay
it's the wrong person, because like we're
you know we ain't imperfect
we don't, you know especially if you're like younger
and stuff like that, you're still learning yourself
you don't know all of yourself and stuff like that
so some things you're gonna learn from just listening to other people's
stories, some things you're just gonna have to learn by trial and error
and that trial and error might come at someone's expense
and that joint is terrifying
(08:04):
when you think of, nah bro
I'm not gonna cry, you're gonna cry
but like it's terrifying
when you think of it cause it's like
you know people's words do
have that kind of power
influence over you cause you let them have it
and like you know
and then eventually someone's
it's just
I don't know if it's like alright
(08:26):
but something's gonna happen if you haven't
before, something might happen to you
like dang you might have to learn a hard lesson
you might have to deal with that first rap
and it's like dang that's crazy
so it's like man
you know in relationship in general
you really wouldn't know if
I find, it just
in my early years so far I find that you
(08:46):
wouldn't know if a person in general
and I'm not necessarily talking about like romance
just friendship, just relationship in general
you wouldn't really know unless someone's like
the right person to have in your circle
without kind of going through
kind of an experience
I'll never forget my aunt told me when I was going through my bad experience
What was your bad experience?
That bad breakup
where she was like
(09:08):
she told me cause I was kind of bitter to her one time
and she was like
sometimes you gotta experience
what you don't want in order to get a better
understanding of what you do want
and so sometimes you kind of need that child there
and it's kind of beneficial for you
It is beneficial, I feel like it's beneficial
either way but specifically like
yeah, I mean
I just want to talk about you know how
(09:30):
you know, it's not easy breaking up
with somebody
it's not easy breaking up with somebody
especially like when you really enjoy that person
like you have a genuine love for them
and I only say this cause like I'm
I'm not the heartbreaker
but I do feel that
you know people think like oh
when you're on the other side
and someone's breaking up with you
(09:52):
like I think a lot of times we can think that's really easy
for the person who does the breaking up
you know but I
I beg to differ
I beg to differ
because for me like when I broke up with my ex
it was just
it was really hard cause like I genuinely
me getting like
it was really hard to stop because I genuinely
did love him
(10:14):
and like we just had to stop
I'm sorry
and we really did have like a really
great relationship just a great friendship in general
like we just had like such a great friendship
and it sucks cause I was like dang
I feel like if we just were friends
like we would be so good today still
but you know it's just like you know that didn't happen
there was romance there and then there wasn't
huh?
(10:36):
no it's not that we weren't clicking you know
I feel like one thing and again
like I do think this is through trial and error
when it comes to relationships like a lot of
times like we don't share the same
values as people or the same
morals and sometimes you don't know that in
the beginning you know cause like just in general
when you first meet people like they only best behavior
like they not about to be like fully themselves
involved and it's not until like a good 3 months that
(10:58):
they're like alright like I feel comfortable like
let me fully come like as myself
and then you start seeing things and then you
start getting to know things and it's like oh
okay like I didn't know this about you
you know and so yeah cause I do feel
like we can hide parts of ourselves like when we
first meet people in order
to like one obviously keep ourselves safe and like
protected but then also to see like oh like
you know are you a safe space like can I be
(11:20):
myself around you?
so I'm not sure
where I was going with all that
okay so
I'm not sure where I was
going with that but yeah just to
say that specifically with my
ex like we just didn't share the same values at the end
of the day and for me specifically
like as you know like Deshawn and I were Christians so
for me like for me I can't
(11:42):
speak for him just kidding but like you know
faith is like so important like at
the end of the day I
do take my relationship with Jesus very
seriously and so I just
feel like that was where we weren't clicking cause I'm very
much like I need a man I was like I need a man who's going
fast I need a man who's going to pray I need a man who's going to be
in the word daily like I don't just want him to be a cute
little like okay we're Christian that's it like I'm
like no like I really want him to be able to lead me
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cause I'm like if you're my husband like
if I'm leading they're the problem
the roles are you know switched and I don't
like that we don't need let's have
the order the way God created it to be
so yeah so I would say that that was like
the biggest thing like I felt like for myself
just being transparent I was the one to be like
let's do Bible study you know like
and I mean he was a faithful church goer
church goer though but I feel like that's where the issue
(12:26):
comes in cause like people can faithfully go to church all the time
but I'm like do you have a genuine relationship with Jesus
Christ? Yay or nay?
I digress
hahahaha
I'm being
dead serious. Nah I feel you though
cause um
that's one thing I noticed too like you had a
point when you said like uh
I just had one point. You had many
(12:48):
points but one point in particular that stuck out
with me is when you said some about how you don't
necessarily you know no one really
shows all of you
I'm sorry I'm just saying
oh my fault
no one really knows all of the
no one really shows all of themself after like a few months
and stuff like that it's funny cause you said
like a few months after thing I said dang
they did change after that third month. Come on
(13:10):
that's crazy it's true though
that's funny cause the moment
it hit month 3
the moment we actually officially got past
the third month I was like oh wow
that's actually funny. Yeah it's true
it's facts. Nah yeah like it really
does take a minute to know someone
to like really really know someone it also takes
on the flip side of that it takes a minute
for you to like just open yourself up for someone
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it's not like someone is just gonna like
give you every part of them after like
three months for example. Right
it takes a minute for a
person to get comfortable so you really
kinda have to like some of it really
is kinda trial and error bruh it's like
I be trying to avoid some stuff I guess some stuff is just on the border
Yeah no seriously
and then the other thing too since you're talking about
it was like obviously after the
(13:54):
breakup like cause let's talk about
how it changes us like breaking up with people
and just like now coming you know
going through healing you know still
going through healing you know just
a lot of things being uncovered as time goes by
and all those things and just ways that we've changed
ways that that person or that relationship
has changed us you know for the better
and like not only for the better but I think
ways that it's changed us the way that we open up
(14:16):
and interact with other people so like I would
say now like how are you
specifically like post breakup like
who is DeShawn like how does he
like how do you feel like when it comes to
connecting with people and just like new relationships
obviously cause like if people know you like they know
you know just like with new relationships like
how do you I guess
I don't know I guess like if somebody was trying to like
get at DeShawn Forest and it was like hey what's good
(14:38):
little shawty what's good
I'll be like bro what's good what you about
I'm just kidding for context the
relationship the breakup that I'm referring to
took place a few years ago
it's not a real story
but as far as how that's changed me
I've learned in like healing it's like
an ongoing process
like I used to think
cause you know if you like if I get like for example
(15:00):
I don't know if the camera sees it well
but it's just going to the side of my head from this
go ahead turn to the side so people can see
maybe I'll see it a little bit better cause I scarred my hair
a little bit but if I had like a
like a two a two for the haircut
you'll be able to really see it going
real bad but um
like if you pretty much what I was saying like if you
if you get some sort of wound some sort of cut
it's going to heal you know
(15:22):
and then once it heals
and once the skin seals back up
you're good there's no more healing for that
but as a person
I've noticed like it's
it's kind of ongoing it's like
you heal you do your best and then you just
kind of keep living and then maybe something
pops up and then it you know
it'll trigger you in a way like yo
snap where did that come from I thought
(15:44):
we was cool here or I didn't see that coming at all
so then you gotta go you gotta dive
in and address that issue
make sure that's straight keep going at this
it's just constantly
like looking in the mirror and checking your boxes
but as far as I mean I still
connect with people I would say the
same way I'm not like
hard for a cut off or what none to do
with you type of thing I'm still
(16:06):
like I'm still me
as far as relations it goes I'm
chilling right now I'm just not
something I'm looking for right now but
I mean it's just
as far as like my interactions social interactions
with people it didn't like mess me
up long term in a sense where
it's like I never want to cut that
some people just shut off completely
and just stay that way I fought to not be that
(16:28):
way like I don't want to end up turning
I felt like I was kind of going that route and I
was like nah I gotta like fight not to do
that it took some time but
for me what I noticed like it
relationships and I think we
I kinda also said it on season one
it's kinda I
compare it to like steroids in the sense
like
like pretty much meaning that whatever's in you
(16:50):
it's just gonna get amplified
it's just gonna get amplified it's just gonna really showcase itself
and so and that's good and bad
and so I noticed like okay
these are the things that I just
naturally do really well I'm naturally good at
you know some good trades so there's like oh
here's some other stuff like I should probably work on that
I'm chilling right now not looking
for a relationship but should I decide
to mentally want to go for that again
(17:12):
I should have had that in check
before someone else come around
cause you don't want to put your baggage on someone
you had nothing to do with
whatever you dealt with
but ask me though how about you though
me honestly
right now I'm just healing
yeah I'm just
healing and healing has been
hard like I don't think a lot of people
(17:34):
talk about even just like
what happens to our bodies like
studies show studies
show I should look on my research
but studies do show that
you know when people are in a relationship
like a breakup it's literally
it's like a drug addict
like it's literally like a drug addict having withdrawals
cause like they're not getting that drug
so the same way that our bodies will respond
(17:56):
if we were drug addicts and we weren't getting the drug
is the same like thing that happens
to our brain like to our bodies
when we break up with someone cause it's like you're so
used to being around that person you know like you're constantly
like whatever relationship or whatever way
that you'll have about yourself and now
it's like you know
that it's not like that anymore and it's just like
like crisp like
you know like oh it's done
(18:18):
yeah literally thank you turkey cold
you're stopping
so yeah so all that to be said
like I do want to acknowledge
like just you know the heart after
that it's just like it's hard like it's not easy
like I remember like crying like
literally I would like call my sisters and I just like
ehhhh and they're just like
they're just like what's wrong
and I'm like I just miss him
(18:40):
and they're like it's okay and I'm like
it's not okay like cause I'm just so like
anti crying nowadays I'm just like
I don't want to cry in front of people like I'm tired of
crying you guys and so um
cries now so anyways
so yeah but uh um
I would just say that I'm just going through that healing
process and it's just acknowledging
like just acknowledging like the reasons why
you left acknowledging you know that
(19:02):
you are gonna
be okay cause I think in the
moment and maybe you could even
touch on this like from a guys perspective but like
no literally as a woman
I mean for me it wasn't like the worlds ending
but it did just hurt and I was like uh
and then like I'm not even gonna go into it
but like that hurt was like attached to like
something else as well um
that I'm not gonna unpack on the show
(19:24):
but yeah but it was just like
I was like hurt I was angry
I was just like ugh like why am I
going through all this you know
um and it was just it was a very
hard time but I'm grateful you know for
my support system and then I had
you know people who were safe that I could
just cry to you know that would just remind
me like you know you're gonna be okay cause
another thing that we don't talk about is
(19:46):
just like the going back part cause it's
like such a struggle to like
not go back cause it's just so easy
again it's like a drug so it's like
I mean I could just like get another
we could just go at it again like it's fine like you know
I could just we could just we could fix
this like it's not it's not impossible like this can
be fixed and then just like settling
into the reality of like no like
you can't go back like even
(20:08):
if this person took you back one it's not even gonna be
the same and then two you're just hurting yourself
more so it's just like so it's just such
a hard fight to like not
pick up the phone and call that person every day not
text them you know not even
you know it's just it's a
hard fight like it's not easy to
just be like okay like I'm really gonna sit
like stand ten tones
down on this like I'm not gonna go back
(20:30):
like cause it like it has been like a hard
fight to like not go back because
like also at some point like you do find
comfort in that person so it's like
dang like sometimes we'd rather just
be comfortable and stay in like
an unhealthy relationship or just
comfortable or just be comfortable and stay
in comfort be comfortable exactly be comfortable
and stay in comfort you know
rather than leave the person
(20:52):
so yeah so it is it is
a challenge it is hard you know and I like
and I feel for like whoever is listening that maybe
didn't have a support system when it came
to like heartbreak or not
only that but like you know somebody that
they decided cause even being honest with
myself y'all like y'all I'm gonna just keep it real
like as for me and my house
we will serve the Lord
even being honest with myself
(21:14):
even being honest about
where I was like I'm not even gonna lie y'all like
after the breakup I was like I'm just ready to be
reckless and by reckless I was like I'm ready to
start breaking hearts like I'm not even kidding
and not even that my intent would be like oh like
I'm trying to break hearts but at this point I was like
you know what like I feel like and this is just
me again being completely transparent
like and something that I've been working
through and that I don't feel the same about but at the time
(21:36):
but at the time when it all happened
like I was just
like so heartbroken I was like I'm just ready
to like just
wild out I was like I just don't care like if
a guy comes up to me he's like oh you're cute
I'm like we can talk we can like you know have a
good time like you can take me out to eat y'all know
cause I love food let's go but like I'm like you know
you can take me out to eat and pretty much like I'm okay
with using you at this point cause like my heart
(21:58):
is hurting and like I'm not emotionally
available for anything anyway so like
everything else outside of emotion like
it's all up for grabs like it all can be done
um but I didn't do that
I didn't do that you know cause one
of course like the Lord thank you Jesus
like it was like a lot of prayer a lot of
fasting you know a lot of like
reading the word a lot of just like okay
like reminding myself like you know that's
(22:20):
not who we wanna be and reminding myself
also of like the after effect
of that and like what's that what that
is doing to other people cause I do feel like
at that point a lot of times we can like internalize
everything and then we just become really selfish
and we're not being mindful of like
oh wow like I'm hurting this person the way
that I was hurt you know like go to counseling
go to therapy
like get some help and I'm
(22:42):
serious cause it's so easy to turn into
that it's so easy to like
internalize that and that's not what you want
y'all like you don't want to
and maybe you think that you do even as I'm
like no you don't maybe you're like yeah like I actually
do like I wanna internalize like I've been good
I've been good but it's like no like ask yourself
yeah it's like ask yourself why
are you doing that like why are you like
you know running through like heck of women
(23:04):
why are you running through heck of men
and you're like oh like you know even with women
it's like oh feminism I'm like that's all like
that's bull like that's all bull
like you know we don't take any power
by giving our bodies to men just because
like that is not power y'all it's not power
like and I'm tired of the narrative like throw it
in the trash burn it let it
let it let the ashes flow in the wind
like we're done with that
(23:26):
cause it's not like it's not at all
and so yeah
like I just so I do
feel for people like when I do like
have friends and like they are players and things like that
like I understand like there's something deeper
happening here and it breaks my heart
like I be feeling for y'all cause I'm just like
dang like who hurt you
like and it's funny but I'm like literally
it's like we joke about it all the time
(23:48):
but it's literally like who did hurt you like
who broke your heart to make you
feel like you have to like
I the way that I think
about it is like a volcano we all
cause that's just like my mind like I just think of it
a volcano right like you get heartbroken
and what happens like the
it explodes
you get heartbroken and it explodes
right the volcano explodes and it erupts
(24:10):
and then all this lava comes down
and the lava gets hard and it becomes
magma magma I was thinking
of like Austin Powers
like in school
and so yeah but then it comes down and then it becomes magma
and it gets hard like it gets hard
you know and but the beautiful thing
about that is that things can still grow
underneath there you know but if
you're not like willing to
(24:32):
you know let I guess let the
break up settle in acknowledge that
you're hurt first like if you're not willing to
acknowledge one that you're hurt if you're not willing
to acknowledge that you miss that person cause I think a lot
of times too like even myself like I was struggling
with forcing myself to be like you don't miss him you know
or or not only you don't miss
him but like also trying to like villainize
them to make myself feel better cause
then it's like okay like they're a villain like I don't
(24:54):
like I don't want to go back cause A B C
and D but not even that helps cause I'm like
they have good traits like they're actually
not horrible people like they really
do have good things I'm like but
not so much I wouldn't say that the
bad outweigh the good but it's just like you know it
just wasn't working like we just weren't
we just weren't we weren't
going through your breakup emotions I'll never forget
it's uh I'm hearing this um
(25:18):
and we gonna we gonna dive into it on another
episode later but it was just talking about
some of your behavioral patterns um
the guy described it as
a symptom
and not a root cause
so it's like you can have
for example you was talking about wilding out
that's a symptom
of something deeper it's not
(25:40):
the root cause it's a problem that
if you were say you were wilding out it's a problem
that you're wilding out but it's a root
there's something deeper than that that's causing you to do
something because when I was going
through my whole situation those thoughts came to my mind
too like I'm gonna act out bro
I'm gonna take a big ghost
stupid out here bro but
I was like nah I can't do it
and then you was also talking about like remembering
(26:02):
not to go back you know trying not to go back
another thing is for me and now I'm
just I'm gonna say this for the fellas out there but
turn that Instagram off bro
turn that Instagram off dog
if you going through emotions like that
and you trying not to go back
shut off that Instagram bro or limit your
time or something on there bro
it'll save you a lot of troubles
it'll save you a lot of sliding back
(26:24):
and stuff like that
it might be wrong bro
folks gonna get on IG
folks gonna get on IG they gonna make
they post you gonna go back and see
they gonna have some captions you gonna misinterpret
you gonna whatever bro
you gonna it's just not good for you
I block
get away turn the IG off
put the phone down go outside
(26:46):
do something go to the gym do
just journal do something
place a bit of it just do something
to get you
occupied so you don't end up
like going backwards in any
kind of way that's one thing I really
learned and stuff like that and I learned to do some
trials and errors some moments I was good
some moments I was not as human as human
nature you gonna have moments I'm doing pretty good
(27:08):
this month you might have a couple of bad
days right after you just was doing pretty good
for a month you know what I mean it happens
so that was that's the big
reality is like if it's just a rap
you know it's a rap and you go with your
emotions
just get away from the social
media bro it's gonna save you
it's gonna save you a lot of stuff bro
but yeah man you was hitting
(27:30):
on it it's just talking about
just like keeping yourself it took a lot of faster
prayer for me to not like
wild out and just to
just to make sure I'm good and I'm
straight and man
this is a honestly I believe
it's something that we could probably just
unpack for days unpack
for days unpacking another episode
but I'm getting the signal that we running
(27:52):
out of time for this giant you dick
you feel me so if
you want to hear more about this topic let us know in the
comments just kidding
shoot us comments DMs let us
know what you want to hear more
I got y'all don't worry
plan some lives like we'll just cry
together it's
real life and we all got to deal with it and so
yeah and you're gonna be okay I just
(28:14):
want to say that like it's hard but you
are gonna be okay like there is
light at the end of the tunnel even though we feel like
it's just full of darkness like healing
happens and like he said
it's ongoing okay so be
patient with yourself be patient with your
support system and you know
just keep your head up
keep your head up I'm your boy Naysha
catch you on another
(28:36):
episode hit the links in the description
we out