December 13, 2024 • 43 mins
DISCLAIMER THIS EPISODE IS BEST SUITED FOR MATURE, ADULT AUDIENCES. THE TOPIC DISCUSSED IS NOT MEANT TO ENCOURAGE VIEWERSHIP OF PORNOGRAPHIC CONTENT, BUT TO HAVE A HEALTHY CONVERSATION ON THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF VIEWING SUCH CONTENT IN HOPES TO OVERCOME ADDICTION! VIEWER/LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
Most of us have dealt with this. And if you have, then you know the shame that comes with it. But, overcoming this is entirely possible beginning with giving it to God first! There's a lot to unpack here and we couldn't do it all in one episode. But, we hope this blesses and encourages you to keep fighting! We dive into it all on this brand new episode of "Unrehearsed"! We appreciate you all for continuing to tune in to the show!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm making this happen.
(00:25):
Shout out to Mr. Jermaine.
Jermaine?
Shout out to the legend.
Oh yeah, we didn't do this on the last episode.
You didn't shout out anybody last episode.
Y'all just went straight in.
Crazy.
So, from our herds tradition, we shout out everyone that helps make this possible.
Shout out Mo.
Shout out Ricky on the audio.
He got the mic in this episode.
(00:46):
Shout out Mr. Jermaine.
Doin' behind the scenes stuff.
Shout out DeShon Forrest.
The man, the myth, the legend.
The one, the only.
Shout out, shout out Chris.
Shout out other Chris.
Other Chris.
Shout out JM3 from the P.
Shout out.
Shout out everyone.
(01:08):
Shout out Josiah.
Exactly, Josiah.
Shout out everyone that just helps make this possible.
Shout out to the CrySide crew.
Shout out to Joe Papa.
Shout out Aunt Leah.
Oh, I missed that woman.
You know, there's a lot of people that help make this happen.
Shout out to MoMagic.
I'm not forgetting names, am I?
(01:30):
MoMagic.
Okay, cool.
But yeah, man, we back for another episode.
Okay, actually, it's a good thing we got that out the way.
Because this is a first for unrehearsed.
Two seasons in.
It's the first time I think this is called for.
I'm going to put out a disclaimer.
Oh!
Viewer discretion.
Viewer discretion.
(01:52):
Listener discretion.
Audience discretion.
Is advised.
We not talking PG-13 people.
Y'all see it in the title.
We talking about 18 plus.
We talking about parental supervision.
Y'all know what it is.
This is something we actually kind of hinted on.
I remember we hinted on it a little bit.
First season.
(02:14):
Matter of fact, you dropped a comment on one video.
I did comment it because, you know what?
I'm going to be
I know, I saw it.
Be honest, have your moment.
I'm going to be a 5,000% real right now.
Okay, I'm scared.
I've been struggling with this.
We going to get into it.
Thank you for your time.
Transparency.
(02:36):
We going to get real transparent.
I didn't get one of those for real.
But yeah, today.
And we've hinted on it in season one.
Yeah.
We tried to, I know behind the scenes
strategically, we tried a couple of different ways on how we
want to make this possible.
Y'all know if y'all up to this point in the season, y'all know we
did a guys only edition.
We did a girls only edition.
(02:58):
We thought, okay, maybe we can do it like that.
But we settled on this.
We felt like, okay, keeping it
intimate, not too many.
Just see where it goes. Maybe there's
other, maybe there's a continuation episode.
And in the next season.
But we going to talk about
it.
We going to talk about
it.
(03:20):
We going to talk about the negative effects
and just the grip, the stronghold
of pornography.
Now that I said the word.
It was hard for me to say it.
Because you kind of have to, it's like, dang.
You got to admit that you've struggled with this.
Yeah, that part.
A lot of us struggle with it.
But not a lot of us say
anything about it. Yeah.
(03:42):
So, you know, anyone who watches
unrehearsed knows that we want to create a safe
space for these type of conversations.
And we're going to create a safe space
for this one. I don't struggle.
And if you don't struggle
with it, shout out to you.
Because you likely know someone
who does. Right, right.
And they probably just never told you.
The struggle is real. I was totally
(04:04):
kidding when I said that, y'all. No, the struggle
really is real.
So let's get into it.
So let's just start off with basics
of, so when was the first time that y'all saw porn?
Like, very first time. How, who
introduced you to it? Because sometimes it's
not like we just, you know, it's not like we just
pick up our phone and we're like, oh, porn. Like, you know, there's always
somebody that kind of gives that introduction
(04:24):
to like, oh, like, hey, have you seen this?
It's funny you say that. I guess I'm going to break
that little myth of yours or little
thought. Because
I found that doing it on my own.
Yeah, so did I. Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
I was. That's interesting.
Because I feel like growing up, or at least
for like cousins
and like people that I won't like obviously
(04:46):
say their names. So, no, just kidding.
But like growing up, I feel like they always
like when we talked about it, they would always
tell me that somebody else showed them. Like they didn't
just find it on their own. Really? Well, everyone's
introduction to it is different. It's different.
Yeah, it's different. But for me, it all
for, I think across the board
it all kind of comes down to a curiosity
thing. Yeah, that was, that was
me. I was 10 and you know,
(05:08):
I was curious.
About what?
Be honest.
Let's talk about it. I was curious about
you know, about
about them girls. You say about the
grown women.
About them gals. You know, I
was a little curious and I just
I, to me,
when I'm curious,
(05:30):
even now, when I really want to know something,
I'm going to find out. Do your
research. I'm going to do it.
I like to be educated.
I went to college.
I like to find out.
So I guess that was in me ever since I was a little
kid and I just kind of searched
I just searched up a
description.
I ain't going to say it.
(05:52):
I ain't going to say it. No. You know,
we on YouTube. We got to remember that.
They got guidelines. Community guidelines.
But use y'all imagination.
Don't even say that.
Don't even say that.
That scared me.
That scared me a little
bit. That's how I found it.
And it was kind of like
a habitual thing for
(06:14):
a little bit, but it didn't really have like
a strong hold on me.
And it didn't really get
then it was a period of years where
I wasn't touching it. I was
chill. I wasn't watching. I had no thoughts, no
sensations or nothing. I went years.
The thought never came to
mind. So I watched it from a little bit
when I was a kid and then I was like,
this ain't cool. Even as a child I knew that wasn't it.
(06:36):
Guiltiness, right?
No one told me, hey, that's not it.
I just knew something inside me. This ain't it.
And so I just stopped on my own as
a kid and then I went several
years. Nothing. I'm
chilling. Then you were like curious again. Boom!
And then we talking about
Wild N Out on the last episode or
no, more specifically we were talking about
(06:58):
literally thought you were talking about Wild N Out.
I thought so for a second too. I was like, wait
I think he's talking about last episode.
No, we was talking about, not that, but
more specifically
I had said something about
there's the symptom and
then there's the root cause. Yes. So then
after I was going
through some stuff and just going through these wild
emotional things and stuff like that, heartbreak
(07:20):
and all that kind of stuff, it kind of made its way back.
Then that's when the grip, the strong hold
kind of happened. So that's
that was my intro. Wow.
In a nutshell to it. It was there
then it wasn't and then
through like some pain and some emotional
hardships then it just kind of came back.
And it came back in a different form because now
now I'm older.
Right. Right. Little bit more experience.
(07:42):
I know a little something, something. So there's
a little, you know,
it's different now.
But that's me.
Got all shy towards the end.
I know I feel it. Yeah.
It's a bit weird talking about this, but
like how were you introduced to
it again?
They shine. It was out of curiosity.
I was just
(08:04):
two years older.
So I started at 12.
I was like, ah!
You found something that existed at that point.
My god.
No, yeah, I
was curious. So I just searched it up.
I don't know what I searched up, but
that's how I. It's your imagination.
You're going to go down to Rabbit Hall and find
something. Yeah, exactly.
(08:26):
Yeah, because that's when like, what was
that? I'm going to say like
2013.
Wow.
Yeah. Back in the day.
That's when the dark web started like growing
a lot. Yeah.
So that's where
it went down. OK. Yeah.
So what like, I guess, was
it the same for you where you had seasons where you wouldn't
(08:48):
touch it in the seasons when you would?
The first couple of times, I would just
watch. OK. Right.
Then I stopped for a while.
I remember very vividly.
Like I just stopped.
Then later, I was like
towards eighth
grade.
I remember
somebody made a joke about it. And then
(09:10):
that thought sparked up.
Oh, let me. Yeah, it's like a trigger.
And I was like, so I got curious
again and went back in.
And then
yeah, it would be
like points where like I wouldn't touch it for a while
and then go back on it. But then I
realized towards
my end of the high school years.
Well, recently, I noticed that
(09:32):
during those times,
it got worse. It was way
more consistent. Yes.
And
yeah, a little older now.
Especially the Rona.
You're in a household day.
I'm saying
look
boredom. Exactly.
No, it is.
(09:54):
It is like if you have nothing
else to do, right?
It's like, well,
you get you bored. You got the whole day left.
It's not like the end of the day. You can probably go to sleep.
It's like you boredness.
One o'clock exactly.
Exactly. Yeah.
I understand. Interesting.
That makes me want to ask like
about conversations about sex in your
(10:16):
household because that's the first thing that comes to my head.
Dang, we can get into it. Because you were curious.
Obviously, y'all are both curious, but I'm
like, I feel like
obviously you were curious.
And it seems, at least in
my mind, if you're like, oh, I was curious. I'm like, oh, your
parents obviously weren't having conversations with you about
sex at that age. Or they didn't
bring it up or create a space where you
felt like you could really ask them like questions.
(10:38):
Well, here for me,
it's because for those I don't
know, maybe new to the show, you know, born
and raised in a Christian household, born and raised in
church. It's a pretty straightforward
thing, at least how it's normally taught.
It's like, okay, sex
is for marriage. Okay, wow.
It's not like when a mommy cat and a daddy cat
love each other very much. It's just
from what I remember, from
(11:00):
what I remember, it's a straightforward,
you know, sex is for marriage.
You know, don't do it.
It's bad. Yada, yada, yada.
It doesn't, no one really,
from what I remember, no one really dove into
like the emotions of
just, you know, becoming a teenager
and you're feeling stuff that you didn't feel at.
Seven, eight years old and stuff like
that. And so that's where
(11:22):
that also kind of feeds into the curiosity
a little bit. It does. Because
you know, on one angle
you're taught, okay, sex is for marriage,
straightforward, yada, yada. But you're still dealing with
all this other stuff that ain't nobody
brought up. That ain't nobody
said nothing about. Maybe they're a little
nervous to talk about it, don't really know how to
talk. Maybe they're not prepared.
You know what I mean? And so,
(11:44):
and me, the scholar that I am,
if I'm curious enough, I'm
going to find out. And so
that's kind of how it was. It was
a little, because I knew
the Christian way of doing things,
I kind of, if I feel like I know what
you're finna tell me, my
chances of going to you kind of
shrink. Because
(12:06):
like I know you're saying,
I know the intended
way sex is for marriage,
anything before that is not good,
it's considered a sin. Okay, cool, that's straightforward.
But like,
there's still, what about all this other
stuff that I don't really quite understand.
Yeah, it's like, it's not a holistic teaching
about sex, it's just like one
parter. Yeah.
(12:28):
So, it kind of left the door open
for all that other stuff for me to like
go on my own path and like find
out and stuff. But those,
the teaching still kind of was in
the back of my mind. I wasn't out here wiling,
but like, you know, you're curious,
you're going to want to find out something.
And I can only live
so long without my questions answered.
No, I feel that though.
(12:50):
I feel that. Yeah.
For me, at least, it was,
I mean, I wasn't,
I wasn't always in church.
I think I've told you guys this.
It wasn't until
like just when I started high school,
I started going to church.
My mom was pretty open about it,
(13:12):
but it wasn't where like we had
the talk, right?
She knew that I knew
how sex works, right?
But there was no,
because you know how like,
we all know that sex also
is part of an emotional
standpoint as well, right? Because you're with a partner,
right? There wasn't
really that much of that talk.
(13:34):
I guess it was just like assumed
that I kind of knew
a bit. And then everything else just
kind of, I had to figure out on my own
in a sense, or be taught
by school because they, you know, how they
teach sex ed in middle school.
Yeah, I remember that.
This is what a boy has. This is what a girl has.
I don't know about fifth grade, but
It was fifth grade for me.
(13:56):
It was like round five to six.
For me, it was seventh grade.
Yeah.
And then we took it again in eighth grade.
And then you turn around and just take it again in high school.
Yeah, freshman year.
With all the freshies.
That's all.
Just one or a little more.
Just a wee bit.
A wee bit.
(14:18):
But yeah, that's, but what I didn't
know, this is where,
I mean, obviously, you know, High Size
2020, what I didn't realize at the time
was just like what that was setting
myself up for, even at the age of ten.
It's like I said earlier,
yes, at the age of ten, ain't got
no stronghold, no grip on me now.
We just watching a clip here and there
or whatever. But then older,
(14:40):
we spare some stuff.
Certain things, you know, you
little older now. Yeah.
Now, if it was to make its way
back in, it's more of a
stranglehold. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Cause you can kind of
connect a little with some of what's
there.
We have an eyelash.
But not just
(15:02):
not only what you experience, but also
what you've seen in the world with other people.
That also adds to that layer.
Yeah. It adds to it.
It adds to it. Did you
say your introduction?
Only what you're comfortable with.
She's just curious about us.
I can be honest.
So for me,
Oh, are we taking questions?
(15:24):
Go ahead. Yeah.
Mr. Jermaine got a question. Go ahead, Mike.
Oh, hey, you gotta take the mic.
So I have a question for y'all.
I need you to be honest.
If it wasn't for porn,
what would
teach you what you know now about
sex?
Cause your parents aren't going to teach you.
Your parents aren't going to teach you the doggie style.
(15:46):
Parents not going to teach you different positions.
And how to please
your mate.
Because a lot of that goes into
marriage of making sure your partner
is satisfied.
So once you get to that marriage stage where
sex is a huge part and it's
legal from a moral standpoint
in God's eyes.
The
(16:08):
last time I checked, and by the way,
I was raised, I'm a PK.
My mom was a pastor, so I was raised in a church
just like you. And we didn't even talk about it.
It was, you have sex,
you're going to hell. Everything back then
was going to hell. With Christianity.
Be honest with you. You didn't do it, you're supposed
to wait. And again, that
causes the curiosity. But
just speaking
(16:30):
from a grown standpoint, and
now we're married.
How else,
like who's going to teach
me or my
wife the things
I may need to know and the things she
may need to know to keep me physically
satisfied? So that's good. So I feel
like one thing, because you did kind of touch on this
off camera, but
(16:52):
specifically with pornography, like
I hear what you're saying.
And so let's say, obviously,
people get married, they have sex. I feel
like that's where communication comes in.
Because I don't think, because pornography,
one of the negative effects is that it causes
a sex expectation for people.
And so then when they get into marriage,
then when they get into marriage
(17:12):
and they're like, oh, I'm trying to be intimate with you,
then it's like if their partner's not doing what they saw
on the clip, then they're like, you're not
satisfying me, because I'm seeing this woman on
this film do this and you're not doing
that. But how is she supposed to know how you like
to get pleased if you don't tell her?
And how is she supposed to know if you don't show
her? How else would you
show her? I mean, you just
like, this is part of like building
(17:34):
a sex site. Where did I
learn it from?
What do you mean, where did you learn it from?
Basically what I'm saying is
there is nothing, there is no
other than porn,
there is no other
resource like your parents
as far as a demonstration. Right,
as far as demonstrations, as
far as other things.
(17:56):
I'm trying to keep it PG.
I feel what you're saying, so you're pretty much
saying like, if I never saw
it, because men are, we're
visuals. We're visual. How do I
learn? Who do I learn it from?
Do I pray to God and say, God,
give me the ability to swing
from the ceiling fan?
I was like, what?
You know what I mean? I'm just saying,
(18:18):
where do you get it from? You learn
those things through watching
videos.
Like you said, we're visual, even in school.
They show you videos
because a lot
of kids learn through those
videos. So it's the same thing
with pornography to me. I think
once it becomes an addiction
or something that you can't control.
(18:40):
But I
was taught anything that you put
before God and you treat
like that is a sin, not
just pornography.
So it's like, I'm just caught
in between. Yeah,
caught in the middle of it. I hear what you're saying.
How do I learn to please my wife?
How does my wife learn to please me?
If I can't sit her
(19:02):
down and say, see, honey, you see that?
Let's try that tonight. Well,
I think that's healthy.
And you're having a healthy conversation
between you and your wife.
Yeah, you bring your point
into it. But to me,
if you can sit down together and say,
hey, this is what I like. You think
we can try that? You know what I mean?
I don't see it being such
(19:24):
a negative thing in that
regard. Well, if I could just jump in,
I'll keep it a buck with you. That's a
grown folk question.
And I'm not married, never been married.
So I couldn't really give it got to
speak from a marriage standpoint.
But I would definitely say, like
having that open communication
about that kind of stuff.
And that's another thing. That's another
(19:46):
thing, too, because, you know,
you were you was talking about actually, first off,
great questions, by the way. That's very, very
thoughtful questions. I actually glad you asked it.
But one thing I know for
a fact, though, is that
yeah, is visual
and us guys, we are visual morning
as visual visual.
So I understand that
standpoint. And, you know,
(20:08):
OK, that's what they did. OK, I'm a track
thing. Right. But porn, let's also
talk about a porn be lying, bro.
No facts. All the
all of it is a lie.
And like even
when I was caught up
and just kind of the most I'm trying to break
away, but I'm slipping up and watching.
There was moments where I was like,
this is fake as heck,
(20:30):
bro. Like this same
real. That's funny. This is this
is theater. This is performance.
Yeah, no, it is.
It's acting. It's acting.
It's acting. It's a place. It's a freaking
yeah.
So I was like, so that's another thing.
And I think because one
speaking to us guys were visual,
if that's our only
(20:52):
or our first experience, we go expecting
that. And then when we have the real thing
and we see because, you know, this expectations
and reality and we contrast those things
and be like, dang, like
what's going on? I'm seeing it here is one
way. But in the actual real
act of it is completely
different. You know, it's
just like over here. It's just like, oh, they
just know blah, blah, blah. But here
(21:14):
it's like that something's
missing. Yeah. So is
I would say if I was to best answer
your question, disclaimer, I'm not married, never
been married and I'm 24.
He said so. I still got time.
So I still DMM.
I was
going to say I still got a lot of life left to live
about that. But
I would say open
(21:36):
communication. I'm all about having
a big boy, big girl conversations
like no matter what the topic
is like a win. If we in a relationship
together, right, we got to be able
to talk about anything, everything, you know,
and especially if you do on that, how come we can't talk about
that? Right. You know what I'm saying? And you know,
especially that because that's those
things that you're going to be able to talk about.
And I think that's the thing that I would say
(21:58):
that even if even in your abstinence,
you're still going to feel those emotions.
Oh, yeah. Even in like, yeah, I'm trying to
save it for God. I'm still like,
dang, she wearing a mess out of that dress
today. Like, she
or dang, y'all, it's Valentine's
Day. She's
bro or, you know, it's anniversary
day or just whatever.
You still want to feel those things. So I would
(22:20):
say open communication as far as like just
open communication. But
going back on the other side,
porn be lying, bro. And
and it's
a drug in a way, too,
bro, because earlier I was
talking, you know, symptom
and root cause when it
kind of came back and started to have a
stranglehold on me that I had to fight myself out of.
(22:42):
It was right after
a heartbreak. And
you just trying to, you know, it's a void left. If you
in deep and y'all
split, there's a void left. And then you
separate a part of you goes from them that you're not going
to get back. And you
going to try to fill that void as fast as you can. You
going to try to get that relief. And that's
where that thing kept right back in. And
it was a familiar
(23:04):
thing because we was in
deep. There was some experience there. There was
some stuff that I could connect with. But it
always left me feeling empty at
the end. It never
did the trick.
It was always like, man, I feel worse now than
I did before five minutes ago.
Five, ten, twenty minutes ago. I feel worse
now than I did before I clicked.
So it just
(23:26):
tears you down and stuff.
But it hooks you in, bruh.
It hooks you in so badly.
I'm not advocating for
I was playing
devil's advocate for somebody that
may have that question.
I'm not advocating.
Just in case y'all didn't hear
cause he didn't say it in the mic. He said
I'm not advocating for
(23:48):
it was playing devil's advocate
because there are certain questions that people
want to ask and won't ask.
And I'm that person that
asked that question. But those are great
questions.
That's legit.
They're genuine questions.
Yeah.
But yeah, man, that's
dangerous, bruh.
(24:10):
Go ahead, man.
I was like
what?
That was a lot to say.
Go ahead.
Go ahead. You have a lot to say.
I have a lot to say.
Did you ever say she didn't say
I know what I'm saying.
I think she's just so curious
about how we
(24:32):
But at the same time
you don't have to share.
I don't mind at all.
It's just cause I am curious about what y'all
have to say because I do feel that
I mean, just in general, in the mind
like my mind as a woman, like I do feel
like guys are more open with talking about sex
rather than girls because like as
a woman, I mean, first of all, I'm in like
I got a lot of friends who know Jesus.
(24:54):
So we only talk about that stuff. But like
even when I'm around people
who are just themselves and
that's not conversations that we get into.
It's like one of those taboo topics where it's just
weird if you're like, oh yeah, like
unless it's just a quick like, oh, I had sex in stone
so it's like, oh, OK, great. And that's
just like, not great. Sorry.
Wow.
Good for you. That's why you're so joyful today.
(25:16):
Just kidding. So that's why you have a glow
today. Anyways,
you're glowing. Makes sense. So
you got a spark on your eye.
So stop it.
Your brain died
in the back right now. You don't see him.
Yeah. So
sorry, I lost my train of thought.
Yeah, you say it. So you're saying the
conversations between the two are different.
(25:38):
Yeah, and it's not something that we just
openly talk about, I feel. And also just like
with porn, I feel like
for women, again, like, or at least
it's always put out there
like, oh, men struggle with porn.
But you never really hear about women talking about
their struggle with porn and stuff. But I feel like
maybe it's because there's expectation for us to
not be struggling with it. And it's just like,
oh, only men have hormones. We don't really talk
(26:00):
about it from a woman's perspective.
But as for myself, I was actually
introduced to pornography. I think I was probably like
10. And it was actually it was unintentional.
So y'all, do y'all remember bunk beds?
My God, I haven't seen a bunk bed
in so long. But like we had a bunk bed
and my sister thought that I was
asleep because like I would always I don't know why I was
at the top bunk. That's actually like pretty dangerous
if I fall, it would just be like a wrap. It would hurt.
(26:22):
Anyway, so that's not beside the point.
So one day she was like flipping through the channels
and you know, it's like after like 11 o'clock,
like when you're just like flipping through that
direct TV, you know, you
just like, oh, she found a chair. Yeah,
she found a channel.
And I was looking at it. I'm like, what the heck is
happening? You know, and it was just like
it was obviously like people being naked
and things. And but it just like but I
(26:44):
think that was for me. That's when my curiosity
started and I was like, what was
that? Like that was so weird.
But then on top of that, the other thing that we
don't talk about a lot is like,
you know, another thing is like,
you know, I was molested, like I was molested
as a child. And so because I
was molested, I also think that
that gave another curiosity for me
to like be into porn because I was like,
(27:06):
oh wow, these men are these men and women
like are doing things that, you know, like this
person is like doing to
me. So I would say that that was like
another thing why like I slowly started
to get into porn as well.
And then on top of that, my
situation is just complex. I can't speak for everyone.
But then on top of that, like my dad was very absent.
So that's why for me,
like I don't promote porn nor am I
(27:28):
like, oh, this is good because I feel like
for a lot of people and I feel like
majority of people is such an emotional thing. Like
like Deshawn was saying, you
know, it's just to fill that void.
Like, so for me, like I just went to that, like
I literally went to porn for like everything. Like
when somebody heard my feelings, I would go to porn.
Like I felt misunderstood. I would go to porn.
Like, you know, if I was having a horrible day
or like I was just like, I just want to
(27:50):
die. Like the world is ending. Like I would just
go to porn. So it really just became this
like refuge for me. Like porn became
a refuge. Porn became a comfort. Like
and that's all that like, you know, that's the only thing
that would like make me feel good. And also like because
I, one, didn't communicate with people when
they like hurt my feelings and things like that.
So it was just easy to be like, okay, like, you know, I'm just going to
watch porn. Like I'm just going to do what I do, you know,
because it's like, it's not just porn. We didn't really talk
(28:12):
about it, but it's also like, you know, masturbating. That's like a
whole different topic. But that was like two things
that I like really, really struggled
with. And I noticed that
I noticed
that it was such an emotional like up and
down roller coaster. And even like
you said, like it does make you feel empty.
Like it doesn't actually make you feel good.
And it's like, I don't know when the
shift happens, you know, and like that's
(28:34):
just something that like you really got to like pray
about and like really seek the Lord on. But like there
does come this shift at some point, or I would
hope so, where it's just like, you know
what? Like this is such a substitute where
it's like, what's really going on with me? And that's
something that we talked about in the other episode too, because I
was like, it's not just like,
oh, like this feel good. This looks good. You know,
like there was this podcasters,
there was these podcasters and the husband
(28:56):
was like confessing how he was watching
porn and his wife was like super hurt by it.
And he was like, you know what? I was watching porn
because I realized that the men on
that, like the men on that video
wasn't getting rejected.
And so it was like a deeper issue. And so
he's like, I can go to porn. And you
know, that's a woman, that's a woman just like
giving me whatever I want and like not
rejecting me, not denying me.
(29:18):
And so just hearing stuff like that,
like that's why I'm just, that's why for
me, like porn, like I just don't see
like benefits because even just
science, like science will show you like how porn
really messes up our mind because like obviously we have
like endorphin and things like that.
And so, right. And it's just going back to what he
said. Like I think it's called like,
I don't know if it's called, it's probably not
called the butterfly effect, but
(29:40):
it's like, it just goes back to what I was saying about
expectations. Like, you know, porn gets
you like really up here with like this is what
I expect, this is what I want. But the reality
of it is that most people are probably like down
here, like most people are probably down
here and they're never probably never going to get up
there. And so the fact that you like come
in with this idea or just this like,
you know, knowledge of like, oh, I know
what this is going to look like. I know like
(30:02):
how this is supposed to be. Then you're always
going to be left disappointed. You know,
it's not fair. It's not fair to the
person because you're like, oh, like, can you do this,
this and this? And it's just like
I am not an acrobat, my guy, like
I'm not in the service. Like, I don't
don't think I can do that, you know.
So, yeah, so that was just like
pornography for me. Like, it was just a very
like a very emotional thing.
(30:24):
And I would just go to it a lot. And
it took a while to like
break that. And I'm not going to say that I don't struggle with this
though, because I think because you know what I hate?
Let me talk, y'all. Let me get on my
soapbox because all the irritation just came up.
Like, I just hate when people
talk about like when people,
you know, and maybe this is true for
some people where they're like, oh, like, you know,
I don't deal with that anymore. And I'm like,
(30:46):
like, honestly, like, so
happy for you. Like, that's great.
But as for myself, like, this is an area that
I still struggle with because, like I
said, like, you know, it's
used to be a comfort for me. It used to be a
refuge for me. So, like, of course, like, that
thought's going to come like when I'm having a bad day of like,
oh, you know what? Like, you could just go ahead
and handle this. Like, you don't have to keep feeling this way.
You know, and so it takes me to be
(31:08):
like, nah, I'm not going to do
it really. It just be creeping up. It just
literally be creeping up, you know, or like,
oh, so and so like misunderstood you
or like, oh, you're heck are hurt by this. Like,
you know how to make yourself feel good. Like, you know how to make
yourself feel better. And so it's not
easy to just be like, oh,
I'm not going to watch it. And I feel like it really
does take like practicing
saying no to yourself, denying your flesh
(31:30):
as we would say. Like, it does take you
like changing your mindset. But like,
how are you going to change your mindset if you keep doing the same
thing? Like, at some point, you need to decide in
your heart, like, you know what? This isn't good for me.
Because for me, like, I finally came to
the realization like this is a substitute.
Because the reality, let me be honest, let me, can I
just keep it 100? I'm going to keep it 100. Because the
reality of it is like, you know, even
now when I struggle with porn sometimes, I just
(31:52):
want to have sex. And that's really what's happening. I'm
like, I don't really like, I'm like, I don't want to masturbate.
I don't want to watch porn. I just want to have sex.
I just want another body being on my body, in my body,
all that good stuff. And so like, we are
human. Bodies on top of bodies.
On the body.
And that's just me being
honest. And so I feel like a lot of times
like, and specifically, like, I'm
just talking, like, and specifically, like, I want
(32:14):
to talk to the person that's like growing up in
church and like growing up in the church. Because I feel
like a lot of times like sex can be
so demonized or it can be so on the hush-hush.
And it's so not helpful.
Like, it's not helpful for us. Because I'm like,
for me growing up, my mom was very
open, but I was like,
like, I'm being honest. Like, she
was very much like, oh, if you want to have sex, like,
have sex with somebody that you love. You know,
(32:36):
we can go get condoms. Like, we can go
get the birth control. And I'm like, oh, like, please
don't talk to me. I'm like, ma'am, I'm not even thinking
about that. I was still watching porn at the time.
But, you know, in my head, I'm like, I'm not actually thinking about
doing that with a man. Like, that's disgusting.
And so, yeah, but like,
I digress. I digress.
That was like a whole lot.
But I digress. But I feel like
porn, pornography is such a
(32:58):
complex thing. And when you're addicted,
it's like so hard. And it's just,
honestly, if you think about it, it's so perverted.
Like, it's literally so perverted. Let's talk
about the captions. Let's talk about the titles.
Literally, like, oh,
stepmom. I don't.
Sleeping with her, like, stepson.
You know, like, you know, stepdaughter.
You know, let stepdad or do whatever.
You know, dad do. It's just like,
(33:20):
it's nasty. Like, it's not cute.
The moment she said, just think about the times
when the shame kicked in.
Bro, I'm sorry. But don't you.
It's all hitting when she said that.
It all hit me. I'm like, damn, bro.
Like, we don't think about that, though. We're just like, oh, we're just
watching people. But I'm like, you literally saw that title
and that's attached. The title is
attached to that video. So like, it
does say a lot. And then a whole nother topic
(33:42):
that we can't really dive into too deep.
But a whole nother topic is like human
slave trafficking is a real thing.
And like, a lot of times we're like, oh, like, but
some of these people are getting paid. And I'm like, OK,
but still, like, you're like, literally
you are the topic around it to be
a sex slave worker one. But like
pornography is like a billion
dollar, like more than billions of dollars
of no commercials on TV,
(34:04):
commercials on TV, like
commercials on the radio. Right.
No, as on the web.
None of that. And every time you click like you're
it's like, what are we agreeing to? Like every
time we go to that page, every time we type in
that website, every time we go on there and
we see like, you know, an 18 year old
girl who like probably got like
was missing and we just don't even know what she looks
like now. And she's over here doing whatever
(34:26):
these people tell her. And she's all doped up on
drugs and stuff like because
like somebody sold her like innocence
because somebody took her life. And she's not even
getting paid. She's not even getting paid.
Like she's literally being treated like trash.
But here she is. Like, and now we're
getting pleasure off of her being
objectified. Now we're getting pleasure
off of her being
now we're getting pleasure off
(34:48):
of her, you know,
off of somebody having sex with her.
Like, and I'm going to talk about it because I just
I'm not OK with that. Like if it comes down
to it and people, I just I just
don't think that we talk about that enough. But human
slave trafficking is a real thing.
Sacramento is like one of the top places
where kids go missing
and they end up like, you know, doing
porn and all these things. Not by choice, but because
(35:10):
obviously like, you know, they're now somebody
slave. Like they're now somebody else's
like property, you know. And so
yeah, this is a side note, but that makes me think of
this movie. If you haven't seen it, Sound of Freedom.
Like it's just such a great production
because it just talks about how God's children
are not for sale and they are not like they're not
for sale. So yeah, so I think that's like my
biggest like no, thank you with pornography,
because I'm like, dang, like
(35:32):
and it convinced me because I'm like, dang, like I was
getting pleasure off of watching this stuff
convicted everyone here. Yeah, because it's
like it's it's not OK. It's not.
And like we have to stop like
being part of that problem.
You know what I'm saying? Like we really like we got
we have to do better, y'all, because like
there are kids who are suffering because of us
because we're clicking on videos, because every time we
decide to watch that like little 10
(35:54):
minute video and get our pleasure out
of it, like there are literally kids who are never going
to see the light of day, like there are kids who are going to die
as slave workers, like there are slave
workers who are dying as slave workers and they're not even
getting paid like and they're just like dying
off of overdoses, drugs, all those
things trying to like cope with just the
emotion and the feelings of just like being
a piece of meat to somebody like
I digress. Hey, piece of meat
(36:16):
is crazy.
That was heavy. Piece of meat is
crazy.
That was
that was
yeah
yeah
neither of I
yeah
yeah
yeah
(36:38):
yeah
My barber's daughter
is still missing.
She got caught up
in that. So
I never thought about that.
I was looking at it from
a writer, producer, from a
(37:00):
final product, from a production standpoint.
You know like cause you have your
quote unquote porn stars, like
you have your movie stars. So I was looking
at it from a production standpoint
and from like a intimate
within
the marriage, within that couple's
standpoint. I never
thought about that. And when you
think about it, not even
(37:22):
the titles, just some of the clips
when you see
they obviously in pain. So you
say, you said, do she really like that? Like that
look really, it look like she really crying.
You know what I mean? Like so
thank you for putting
that never crossed my mind.
For that reason alone
that reason alone, I couldn't
there's nothing you
(37:44):
can say. I can't advocate.
There's nothing really to advocate since
you put it that way. So that was
a great point. I'm glad you touched on that because
I'm very
hard to change my mind. I'm very stubborn
and like you literally any questions
that I may have had
or any devil advocacy work I
wanted to do, it just went out the
window as soon as you said that.
(38:06):
So that was heavy.
W Mo bro.
W's all around.
W's all around. Well dang.
Sheesh.
I look angry right now.
I'm not angry. I was just very passionate about that topic.
No, yeah, no. We heard it. We felt it.
We heard it.
It's happened. It's unfortunate.
We appreciate you saying that.
(38:28):
This can for sure be about
two or three or four continuation episodes
on this. It's kind of hard. Like dang, she
kind of had to drop the mic moment right there.
She really did.
I'll just say this one little quick thing and I guess we
can wrap it up because you
made it all out there. There really ain't much else
to add to it. But I do appreciate
because you have said it's something that you
you know you still kind of struggle with so you
(38:50):
are constantly working through it.
I relate to it. That's me.
And I'm noticing just with certain things in life
it's literally like an ongoing process.
Like you got to learn to say no every single day.
You know what I mean? Maybe cool
for a week, maybe cool for a month.
But after that good month, maybe that next day it's like
ooh man, it's kind of tough. And I've been there bro.
Like that one month
(39:12):
that one month that you don't even
touch it right? It feels so good right?
Not touching it. And then one day comes
like yo this day is a little bit harder to
say no than the day before.
Or the week last.
I feel like you get so much clarity though.
Just in general, you know it's
the same thing when someone's an alcoholic
and they finally stop drinking alcohol and it's like
the withdrawals are over. It's like
(39:34):
you have new eyes.
You literally have a different mind.
And it's helpful.
Because then it's like you can finally focus.
Like you can finally like go
do what it is the Lord created you to do upon this earth.
And so I feel like it's the same thing
with pornography.
If you are a person
who struggles with pornography
sometimes you may say yes.
(39:56):
And it's just like dang we're human. You're probably not as
strong. You're probably just not there yet.
But I just want to encourage you
to always remind yourself to
communicate. Because for me
communication was key. When I finally
started journaling. When I finally started to sit down
with myself and be like alright what's really
going on. Because sometimes
it is hormones. Don't get me wrong.
But then sometimes it really is like an
(40:18):
emotional thing. Maybe it's like
the little, sometimes it's like
little mo being like hey you know
this actually really hurt my feelings.
And I'm like okay
we got to work on those core
thoughts that we have in our heads.
And even the way that we perceive ourselves.
And I'm being honest. There were times where I'm like
this is just what I do.
To myself I wouldn't say that out loud.
(40:40):
But when those thoughts would come
and it would be like a week where I'm like no no no no no.
In my heart I'm like dang I already know
I'm going to eventually give in because I do every time.
This is just how it goes.
So it's just like learning to really see
ourselves like we don't need that.
We can be free from pornography.
We can be free from masturbating.
We can be free and just
fill in the blank with any addiction.
(41:02):
There is freedom. But it's just
like a very hard fight to get out.
And when you get out it's like
literally everything is like trying to call
you back in. So it's just like
standing ten toes down. It's just like
again your support system, your community.
If you don't have people
who hold you accountable
you're just going to keep falling in
and out of that at the end of the day. And you may
(41:24):
feel shame too. I'm not going to lie. I've had plenty
not plenty, like 20 just kidding.
I've had a couple of accountability
partners and I promise you I go to them
every time. I've gone to them so many times in
shame and it just got to a point where I was like
dang, I don't even want to call them anymore
because I keep doing it.
At some point they're going to just
be like, you know, there's no hope
for you. Because that's how I felt. That's how I
(41:46):
felt for myself. I literally feel like there's no hope
for me. I feel like I'm going to forever be addicted to porn.
I feel like I'm going to forever
be somebody who's my mistress base.
That's how I feel right now. Yeah. And it
does feel like that. But it's not a for everything.
It's just like, you know, finding somebody
that you feel safe with and just like
letting that person know what's up. And not only
that, but I just feel like whoever, like
if you are someone's accountability partner,
(42:08):
you always need to lead in love. You just
need to let them know, like, hey, I love you.
I don't ever want you to feel ashamed every time
you come to me. This is growth. Because the fact that
you're confessing it, that's a good step. That's a good
step by itself. That doesn't mean that you're not
going to do it over and over and over again.
But I'm here. No matter what,
I'm here. And I'm here to remind you that
you are going to be OK. I'm here to remind
you that you are, like, you're not going to
(42:30):
always be like this. You're not going to always
have that addiction. You're not going to always
go to that. But right now, it's just what
you're used to. So just like finding a
different route a different way. So it's like
we do, like, you know, we need,
we do need each other. Like if we're going to be
free from this, we need each other.
We need to hold each other accountable. We need to
love each other. We need to
really encourage each other.
(42:52):
So, yeah. Yeah.
We're going to end it on that note.
Yeah. There's like three more parts to this.
There's like for sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
For sure. We appreciate
you. Yeah. Another shout out
to Mr. Jermaine
on the set. We thank you very much.
No, thank you guys.
I had a lot of fun, man. You guys
(43:14):
are awesome. Your contribution
just, you know, just
on the set today, but in particular, this
episode, you asked really, really amazing questions.
Yeah, and also some great, genuine, valid
questions. Yeah. Yeah. I was like,
dang. Yeah, man. If y'all like this,
if y'all want us to continue these conversations
because as y'all can see, it's a lot to dive into.
Let us know in the comments. Click
the links in the descriptions. Follow us
(43:36):
everywhere. We'll be back with a new
episode. Love y'all.
Yer.
I'm making this happen.
(00:25):
Shout out to Mr. Jermaine.
Jermaine?
Shout out to the legend.
Oh yeah, we didn't do this on the last episode.
You didn't shout out anybody last episode.
Y'all just went straight in.
Crazy.
So, from our herds tradition, we shout out everyone that helps make this possible.
Shout out Mo.
Shout out Ricky on the audio.
He got the mic in this episode.
(00:46):
Shout out Mr. Jermaine.
Doin' behind the scenes stuff.
Shout out DeShon Forrest.
The man, the myth, the legend.
The one, the only.
Shout out, shout out Chris.
Shout out other Chris.
Other Chris.
Shout out JM3 from the P.
Shout out.
Shout out everyone.
(01:08):
Shout out Josiah.
Exactly, Josiah.
Shout out everyone that just helps make this possible.
Shout out to the CrySide crew.
Shout out to Joe Papa.
Shout out Aunt Leah.
Oh, I missed that woman.
You know, there's a lot of people that help make this happen.
Shout out to MoMagic.
I'm not forgetting names, am I?
(01:30):
MoMagic.
Okay, cool.
But yeah, man, we back for another episode.
Okay, actually, it's a good thing we got that out the way.
Because this is a first for unrehearsed.
Two seasons in.
It's the first time I think this is called for.
I'm going to put out a disclaimer.
Oh!
Viewer discretion.
Viewer discretion.
(01:52):
Listener discretion.
Audience discretion.
Is advised.
We not talking PG-13 people.
Y'all see it in the title.
We talking about 18 plus.
We talking about parental supervision.
Y'all know what it is.
This is something we actually kind of hinted on.
I remember we hinted on it a little bit.
First season.
(02:14):
Matter of fact, you dropped a comment on one video.
I did comment it because, you know what?
I'm going to be
I know, I saw it.
Be honest, have your moment.
I'm going to be a 5,000% real right now.
Okay, I'm scared.
I've been struggling with this.
We going to get into it.
Thank you for your time.
Transparency.
(02:36):
We going to get real transparent.
I didn't get one of those for real.
But yeah, today.
And we've hinted on it in season one.
Yeah.
We tried to, I know behind the scenes
strategically, we tried a couple of different ways on how we
want to make this possible.
Y'all know if y'all up to this point in the season, y'all know we
did a guys only edition.
We did a girls only edition.
(02:58):
We thought, okay, maybe we can do it like that.
But we settled on this.
We felt like, okay, keeping it
intimate, not too many.
Just see where it goes. Maybe there's
other, maybe there's a continuation episode.
And in the next season.
But we going to talk about
it.
We going to talk about
it.
(03:20):
We going to talk about the negative effects
and just the grip, the stronghold
of pornography.
Now that I said the word.
It was hard for me to say it.
Because you kind of have to, it's like, dang.
You got to admit that you've struggled with this.
Yeah, that part.
A lot of us struggle with it.
But not a lot of us say
anything about it. Yeah.
(03:42):
So, you know, anyone who watches
unrehearsed knows that we want to create a safe
space for these type of conversations.
And we're going to create a safe space
for this one. I don't struggle.
And if you don't struggle
with it, shout out to you.
Because you likely know someone
who does. Right, right.
And they probably just never told you.
The struggle is real. I was totally
(04:04):
kidding when I said that, y'all. No, the struggle
really is real.
So let's get into it.
So let's just start off with basics
of, so when was the first time that y'all saw porn?
Like, very first time. How, who
introduced you to it? Because sometimes it's
not like we just, you know, it's not like we just
pick up our phone and we're like, oh, porn. Like, you know, there's always
somebody that kind of gives that introduction
(04:24):
to like, oh, like, hey, have you seen this?
It's funny you say that. I guess I'm going to break
that little myth of yours or little
thought. Because
I found that doing it on my own.
Yeah, so did I. Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
I was. That's interesting.
Because I feel like growing up, or at least
for like cousins
and like people that I won't like obviously
(04:46):
say their names. So, no, just kidding.
But like growing up, I feel like they always
like when we talked about it, they would always
tell me that somebody else showed them. Like they didn't
just find it on their own. Really? Well, everyone's
introduction to it is different. It's different.
Yeah, it's different. But for me, it all
for, I think across the board
it all kind of comes down to a curiosity
thing. Yeah, that was, that was
me. I was 10 and you know,
(05:08):
I was curious.
About what?
Be honest.
Let's talk about it. I was curious about
you know, about
about them girls. You say about the
grown women.
About them gals. You know, I
was a little curious and I just
I, to me,
when I'm curious,
(05:30):
even now, when I really want to know something,
I'm going to find out. Do your
research. I'm going to do it.
I like to be educated.
I went to college.
I like to find out.
So I guess that was in me ever since I was a little
kid and I just kind of searched
I just searched up a
description.
I ain't going to say it.
(05:52):
I ain't going to say it. No. You know,
we on YouTube. We got to remember that.
They got guidelines. Community guidelines.
But use y'all imagination.
Don't even say that.
Don't even say that.
That scared me.
That scared me a little
bit. That's how I found it.
And it was kind of like
a habitual thing for
(06:14):
a little bit, but it didn't really have like
a strong hold on me.
And it didn't really get
then it was a period of years where
I wasn't touching it. I was
chill. I wasn't watching. I had no thoughts, no
sensations or nothing. I went years.
The thought never came to
mind. So I watched it from a little bit
when I was a kid and then I was like,
this ain't cool. Even as a child I knew that wasn't it.
(06:36):
Guiltiness, right?
No one told me, hey, that's not it.
I just knew something inside me. This ain't it.
And so I just stopped on my own as
a kid and then I went several
years. Nothing. I'm
chilling. Then you were like curious again. Boom!
And then we talking about
Wild N Out on the last episode or
no, more specifically we were talking about
(06:58):
literally thought you were talking about Wild N Out.
I thought so for a second too. I was like, wait
I think he's talking about last episode.
No, we was talking about, not that, but
more specifically
I had said something about
there's the symptom and
then there's the root cause. Yes. So then
after I was going
through some stuff and just going through these wild
emotional things and stuff like that, heartbreak
(07:20):
and all that kind of stuff, it kind of made its way back.
Then that's when the grip, the strong hold
kind of happened. So that's
that was my intro. Wow.
In a nutshell to it. It was there
then it wasn't and then
through like some pain and some emotional
hardships then it just kind of came back.
And it came back in a different form because now
now I'm older.
Right. Right. Little bit more experience.
(07:42):
I know a little something, something. So there's
a little, you know,
it's different now.
But that's me.
Got all shy towards the end.
I know I feel it. Yeah.
It's a bit weird talking about this, but
like how were you introduced to
it again?
They shine. It was out of curiosity.
I was just
(08:04):
two years older.
So I started at 12.
I was like, ah!
You found something that existed at that point.
My god.
No, yeah, I
was curious. So I just searched it up.
I don't know what I searched up, but
that's how I. It's your imagination.
You're going to go down to Rabbit Hall and find
something. Yeah, exactly.
(08:26):
Yeah, because that's when like, what was
that? I'm going to say like
2013.
Wow.
Yeah. Back in the day.
That's when the dark web started like growing
a lot. Yeah.
So that's where
it went down. OK. Yeah.
So what like, I guess, was
it the same for you where you had seasons where you wouldn't
(08:48):
touch it in the seasons when you would?
The first couple of times, I would just
watch. OK. Right.
Then I stopped for a while.
I remember very vividly.
Like I just stopped.
Then later, I was like
towards eighth
grade.
I remember
somebody made a joke about it. And then
(09:10):
that thought sparked up.
Oh, let me. Yeah, it's like a trigger.
And I was like, so I got curious
again and went back in.
And then
yeah, it would be
like points where like I wouldn't touch it for a while
and then go back on it. But then I
realized towards
my end of the high school years.
Well, recently, I noticed that
(09:32):
during those times,
it got worse. It was way
more consistent. Yes.
And
yeah, a little older now.
Especially the Rona.
You're in a household day.
I'm saying
look
boredom. Exactly.
No, it is.
(09:54):
It is like if you have nothing
else to do, right?
It's like, well,
you get you bored. You got the whole day left.
It's not like the end of the day. You can probably go to sleep.
It's like you boredness.
One o'clock exactly.
Exactly. Yeah.
I understand. Interesting.
That makes me want to ask like
about conversations about sex in your
(10:16):
household because that's the first thing that comes to my head.
Dang, we can get into it. Because you were curious.
Obviously, y'all are both curious, but I'm
like, I feel like
obviously you were curious.
And it seems, at least in
my mind, if you're like, oh, I was curious. I'm like, oh, your
parents obviously weren't having conversations with you about
sex at that age. Or they didn't
bring it up or create a space where you
felt like you could really ask them like questions.
(10:38):
Well, here for me,
it's because for those I don't
know, maybe new to the show, you know, born
and raised in a Christian household, born and raised in
church. It's a pretty straightforward
thing, at least how it's normally taught.
It's like, okay, sex
is for marriage. Okay, wow.
It's not like when a mommy cat and a daddy cat
love each other very much. It's just
from what I remember, from
(11:00):
what I remember, it's a straightforward,
you know, sex is for marriage.
You know, don't do it.
It's bad. Yada, yada, yada.
It doesn't, no one really,
from what I remember, no one really dove into
like the emotions of
just, you know, becoming a teenager
and you're feeling stuff that you didn't feel at.
Seven, eight years old and stuff like
that. And so that's where
(11:22):
that also kind of feeds into the curiosity
a little bit. It does. Because
you know, on one angle
you're taught, okay, sex is for marriage,
straightforward, yada, yada. But you're still dealing with
all this other stuff that ain't nobody
brought up. That ain't nobody
said nothing about. Maybe they're a little
nervous to talk about it, don't really know how to
talk. Maybe they're not prepared.
You know what I mean? And so,
(11:44):
and me, the scholar that I am,
if I'm curious enough, I'm
going to find out. And so
that's kind of how it was. It was
a little, because I knew
the Christian way of doing things,
I kind of, if I feel like I know what
you're finna tell me, my
chances of going to you kind of
shrink. Because
(12:06):
like I know you're saying,
I know the intended
way sex is for marriage,
anything before that is not good,
it's considered a sin. Okay, cool, that's straightforward.
But like,
there's still, what about all this other
stuff that I don't really quite understand.
Yeah, it's like, it's not a holistic teaching
about sex, it's just like one
parter. Yeah.
(12:28):
So, it kind of left the door open
for all that other stuff for me to like
go on my own path and like find
out and stuff. But those,
the teaching still kind of was in
the back of my mind. I wasn't out here wiling,
but like, you know, you're curious,
you're going to want to find out something.
And I can only live
so long without my questions answered.
No, I feel that though.
(12:50):
I feel that. Yeah.
For me, at least, it was,
I mean, I wasn't,
I wasn't always in church.
I think I've told you guys this.
It wasn't until
like just when I started high school,
I started going to church.
My mom was pretty open about it,
(13:12):
but it wasn't where like we had
the talk, right?
She knew that I knew
how sex works, right?
But there was no,
because you know how like,
we all know that sex also
is part of an emotional
standpoint as well, right? Because you're with a partner,
right? There wasn't
really that much of that talk.
(13:34):
I guess it was just like assumed
that I kind of knew
a bit. And then everything else just
kind of, I had to figure out on my own
in a sense, or be taught
by school because they, you know, how they
teach sex ed in middle school.
Yeah, I remember that.
This is what a boy has. This is what a girl has.
I don't know about fifth grade, but
It was fifth grade for me.
(13:56):
It was like round five to six.
For me, it was seventh grade.
Yeah.
And then we took it again in eighth grade.
And then you turn around and just take it again in high school.
Yeah, freshman year.
With all the freshies.
That's all.
Just one or a little more.
Just a wee bit.
A wee bit.
(14:18):
But yeah, that's, but what I didn't
know, this is where,
I mean, obviously, you know, High Size
2020, what I didn't realize at the time
was just like what that was setting
myself up for, even at the age of ten.
It's like I said earlier,
yes, at the age of ten, ain't got
no stronghold, no grip on me now.
We just watching a clip here and there
or whatever. But then older,
(14:40):
we spare some stuff.
Certain things, you know, you
little older now. Yeah.
Now, if it was to make its way
back in, it's more of a
stranglehold. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Cause you can kind of
connect a little with some of what's
there.
We have an eyelash.
But not just
(15:02):
not only what you experience, but also
what you've seen in the world with other people.
That also adds to that layer.
Yeah. It adds to it.
It adds to it. Did you
say your introduction?
Only what you're comfortable with.
She's just curious about us.
I can be honest.
So for me,
Oh, are we taking questions?
(15:24):
Go ahead. Yeah.
Mr. Jermaine got a question. Go ahead, Mike.
Oh, hey, you gotta take the mic.
So I have a question for y'all.
I need you to be honest.
If it wasn't for porn,
what would
teach you what you know now about
sex?
Cause your parents aren't going to teach you.
Your parents aren't going to teach you the doggie style.
(15:46):
Parents not going to teach you different positions.
And how to please
your mate.
Because a lot of that goes into
marriage of making sure your partner
is satisfied.
So once you get to that marriage stage where
sex is a huge part and it's
legal from a moral standpoint
in God's eyes.
The
(16:08):
last time I checked, and by the way,
I was raised, I'm a PK.
My mom was a pastor, so I was raised in a church
just like you. And we didn't even talk about it.
It was, you have sex,
you're going to hell. Everything back then
was going to hell. With Christianity.
Be honest with you. You didn't do it, you're supposed
to wait. And again, that
causes the curiosity. But
just speaking
(16:30):
from a grown standpoint, and
now we're married.
How else,
like who's going to teach
me or my
wife the things
I may need to know and the things she
may need to know to keep me physically
satisfied? So that's good. So I feel
like one thing, because you did kind of touch on this
off camera, but
(16:52):
specifically with pornography, like
I hear what you're saying.
And so let's say, obviously,
people get married, they have sex. I feel
like that's where communication comes in.
Because I don't think, because pornography,
one of the negative effects is that it causes
a sex expectation for people.
And so then when they get into marriage,
then when they get into marriage
(17:12):
and they're like, oh, I'm trying to be intimate with you,
then it's like if their partner's not doing what they saw
on the clip, then they're like, you're not
satisfying me, because I'm seeing this woman on
this film do this and you're not doing
that. But how is she supposed to know how you like
to get pleased if you don't tell her?
And how is she supposed to know if you don't show
her? How else would you
show her? I mean, you just
like, this is part of like building
(17:34):
a sex site. Where did I
learn it from?
What do you mean, where did you learn it from?
Basically what I'm saying is
there is nothing, there is no
other than porn,
there is no other
resource like your parents
as far as a demonstration. Right,
as far as demonstrations, as
far as other things.
(17:56):
I'm trying to keep it PG.
I feel what you're saying, so you're pretty much
saying like, if I never saw
it, because men are, we're
visuals. We're visual. How do I
learn? Who do I learn it from?
Do I pray to God and say, God,
give me the ability to swing
from the ceiling fan?
I was like, what?
You know what I mean? I'm just saying,
(18:18):
where do you get it from? You learn
those things through watching
videos.
Like you said, we're visual, even in school.
They show you videos
because a lot
of kids learn through those
videos. So it's the same thing
with pornography to me. I think
once it becomes an addiction
or something that you can't control.
(18:40):
But I
was taught anything that you put
before God and you treat
like that is a sin, not
just pornography.
So it's like, I'm just caught
in between. Yeah,
caught in the middle of it. I hear what you're saying.
How do I learn to please my wife?
How does my wife learn to please me?
If I can't sit her
(19:02):
down and say, see, honey, you see that?
Let's try that tonight. Well,
I think that's healthy.
And you're having a healthy conversation
between you and your wife.
Yeah, you bring your point
into it. But to me,
if you can sit down together and say,
hey, this is what I like. You think
we can try that? You know what I mean?
I don't see it being such
(19:24):
a negative thing in that
regard. Well, if I could just jump in,
I'll keep it a buck with you. That's a
grown folk question.
And I'm not married, never been married.
So I couldn't really give it got to
speak from a marriage standpoint.
But I would definitely say, like
having that open communication
about that kind of stuff.
And that's another thing. That's another
(19:46):
thing, too, because, you know,
you were you was talking about actually, first off,
great questions, by the way. That's very, very
thoughtful questions. I actually glad you asked it.
But one thing I know for
a fact, though, is that
yeah, is visual
and us guys, we are visual morning
as visual visual.
So I understand that
standpoint. And, you know,
(20:08):
OK, that's what they did. OK, I'm a track
thing. Right. But porn, let's also
talk about a porn be lying, bro.
No facts. All the
all of it is a lie.
And like even
when I was caught up
and just kind of the most I'm trying to break
away, but I'm slipping up and watching.
There was moments where I was like,
this is fake as heck,
(20:30):
bro. Like this same
real. That's funny. This is this
is theater. This is performance.
Yeah, no, it is.
It's acting. It's acting.
It's acting. It's a place. It's a freaking
yeah.
So I was like, so that's another thing.
And I think because one
speaking to us guys were visual,
if that's our only
(20:52):
or our first experience, we go expecting
that. And then when we have the real thing
and we see because, you know, this expectations
and reality and we contrast those things
and be like, dang, like
what's going on? I'm seeing it here is one
way. But in the actual real
act of it is completely
different. You know, it's
just like over here. It's just like, oh, they
just know blah, blah, blah. But here
(21:14):
it's like that something's
missing. Yeah. So is
I would say if I was to best answer
your question, disclaimer, I'm not married, never
been married and I'm 24.
He said so. I still got time.
So I still DMM.
I was
going to say I still got a lot of life left to live
about that. But
I would say open
(21:36):
communication. I'm all about having
a big boy, big girl conversations
like no matter what the topic
is like a win. If we in a relationship
together, right, we got to be able
to talk about anything, everything, you know,
and especially if you do on that, how come we can't talk about
that? Right. You know what I'm saying? And you know,
especially that because that's those
things that you're going to be able to talk about.
And I think that's the thing that I would say
(21:58):
that even if even in your abstinence,
you're still going to feel those emotions.
Oh, yeah. Even in like, yeah, I'm trying to
save it for God. I'm still like,
dang, she wearing a mess out of that dress
today. Like, she
or dang, y'all, it's Valentine's
Day. She's
bro or, you know, it's anniversary
day or just whatever.
You still want to feel those things. So I would
(22:20):
say open communication as far as like just
open communication. But
going back on the other side,
porn be lying, bro. And
and it's
a drug in a way, too,
bro, because earlier I was
talking, you know, symptom
and root cause when it
kind of came back and started to have a
stranglehold on me that I had to fight myself out of.
(22:42):
It was right after
a heartbreak. And
you just trying to, you know, it's a void left. If you
in deep and y'all
split, there's a void left. And then you
separate a part of you goes from them that you're not going
to get back. And you
going to try to fill that void as fast as you can. You
going to try to get that relief. And that's
where that thing kept right back in. And
it was a familiar
(23:04):
thing because we was in
deep. There was some experience there. There was
some stuff that I could connect with. But it
always left me feeling empty at
the end. It never
did the trick.
It was always like, man, I feel worse now than
I did before five minutes ago.
Five, ten, twenty minutes ago. I feel worse
now than I did before I clicked.
So it just
(23:26):
tears you down and stuff.
But it hooks you in, bruh.
It hooks you in so badly.
I'm not advocating for
I was playing
devil's advocate for somebody that
may have that question.
I'm not advocating.
Just in case y'all didn't hear
cause he didn't say it in the mic. He said
I'm not advocating for
(23:48):
it was playing devil's advocate
because there are certain questions that people
want to ask and won't ask.
And I'm that person that
asked that question. But those are great
questions.
That's legit.
They're genuine questions.
Yeah.
But yeah, man, that's
dangerous, bruh.
(24:10):
Go ahead, man.
I was like
what?
That was a lot to say.
Go ahead.
Go ahead. You have a lot to say.
I have a lot to say.
Did you ever say she didn't say
I know what I'm saying.
I think she's just so curious
about how we
(24:32):
But at the same time
you don't have to share.
I don't mind at all.
It's just cause I am curious about what y'all
have to say because I do feel that
I mean, just in general, in the mind
like my mind as a woman, like I do feel
like guys are more open with talking about sex
rather than girls because like as
a woman, I mean, first of all, I'm in like
I got a lot of friends who know Jesus.
(24:54):
So we only talk about that stuff. But like
even when I'm around people
who are just themselves and
that's not conversations that we get into.
It's like one of those taboo topics where it's just
weird if you're like, oh yeah, like
unless it's just a quick like, oh, I had sex in stone
so it's like, oh, OK, great. And that's
just like, not great. Sorry.
Wow.
Good for you. That's why you're so joyful today.
(25:16):
Just kidding. So that's why you have a glow
today. Anyways,
you're glowing. Makes sense. So
you got a spark on your eye.
So stop it.
Your brain died
in the back right now. You don't see him.
Yeah. So
sorry, I lost my train of thought.
Yeah, you say it. So you're saying the
conversations between the two are different.
(25:38):
Yeah, and it's not something that we just
openly talk about, I feel. And also just like
with porn, I feel like
for women, again, like, or at least
it's always put out there
like, oh, men struggle with porn.
But you never really hear about women talking about
their struggle with porn and stuff. But I feel like
maybe it's because there's expectation for us to
not be struggling with it. And it's just like,
oh, only men have hormones. We don't really talk
(26:00):
about it from a woman's perspective.
But as for myself, I was actually
introduced to pornography. I think I was probably like
10. And it was actually it was unintentional.
So y'all, do y'all remember bunk beds?
My God, I haven't seen a bunk bed
in so long. But like we had a bunk bed
and my sister thought that I was
asleep because like I would always I don't know why I was
at the top bunk. That's actually like pretty dangerous
if I fall, it would just be like a wrap. It would hurt.
(26:22):
Anyway, so that's not beside the point.
So one day she was like flipping through the channels
and you know, it's like after like 11 o'clock,
like when you're just like flipping through that
direct TV, you know, you
just like, oh, she found a chair. Yeah,
she found a channel.
And I was looking at it. I'm like, what the heck is
happening? You know, and it was just like
it was obviously like people being naked
and things. And but it just like but I
(26:44):
think that was for me. That's when my curiosity
started and I was like, what was
that? Like that was so weird.
But then on top of that, the other thing that we
don't talk about a lot is like,
you know, another thing is like,
you know, I was molested, like I was molested
as a child. And so because I
was molested, I also think that
that gave another curiosity for me
to like be into porn because I was like,
(27:06):
oh wow, these men are these men and women
like are doing things that, you know, like this
person is like doing to
me. So I would say that that was like
another thing why like I slowly started
to get into porn as well.
And then on top of that, my
situation is just complex. I can't speak for everyone.
But then on top of that, like my dad was very absent.
So that's why for me,
like I don't promote porn nor am I
(27:28):
like, oh, this is good because I feel like
for a lot of people and I feel like
majority of people is such an emotional thing. Like
like Deshawn was saying, you
know, it's just to fill that void.
Like, so for me, like I just went to that, like
I literally went to porn for like everything. Like
when somebody heard my feelings, I would go to porn.
Like I felt misunderstood. I would go to porn.
Like, you know, if I was having a horrible day
or like I was just like, I just want to
(27:50):
die. Like the world is ending. Like I would just
go to porn. So it really just became this
like refuge for me. Like porn became
a refuge. Porn became a comfort. Like
and that's all that like, you know, that's the only thing
that would like make me feel good. And also like because
I, one, didn't communicate with people when
they like hurt my feelings and things like that.
So it was just easy to be like, okay, like, you know, I'm just going to
watch porn. Like I'm just going to do what I do, you know,
because it's like, it's not just porn. We didn't really talk
(28:12):
about it, but it's also like, you know, masturbating. That's like a
whole different topic. But that was like two things
that I like really, really struggled
with. And I noticed that
I noticed
that it was such an emotional like up and
down roller coaster. And even like
you said, like it does make you feel empty.
Like it doesn't actually make you feel good.
And it's like, I don't know when the
shift happens, you know, and like that's
(28:34):
just something that like you really got to like pray
about and like really seek the Lord on. But like there
does come this shift at some point, or I would
hope so, where it's just like, you know
what? Like this is such a substitute where
it's like, what's really going on with me? And that's
something that we talked about in the other episode too, because I
was like, it's not just like,
oh, like this feel good. This looks good. You know,
like there was this podcasters,
there was these podcasters and the husband
(28:56):
was like confessing how he was watching
porn and his wife was like super hurt by it.
And he was like, you know what? I was watching porn
because I realized that the men on
that, like the men on that video
wasn't getting rejected.
And so it was like a deeper issue. And so
he's like, I can go to porn. And you
know, that's a woman, that's a woman just like
giving me whatever I want and like not
rejecting me, not denying me.
(29:18):
And so just hearing stuff like that,
like that's why I'm just, that's why for
me, like porn, like I just don't see
like benefits because even just
science, like science will show you like how porn
really messes up our mind because like obviously we have
like endorphin and things like that.
And so, right. And it's just going back to what he
said. Like I think it's called like,
I don't know if it's called, it's probably not
called the butterfly effect, but
(29:40):
it's like, it just goes back to what I was saying about
expectations. Like, you know, porn gets
you like really up here with like this is what
I expect, this is what I want. But the reality
of it is that most people are probably like down
here, like most people are probably down
here and they're never probably never going to get up
there. And so the fact that you like come
in with this idea or just this like,
you know, knowledge of like, oh, I know
what this is going to look like. I know like
(30:02):
how this is supposed to be. Then you're always
going to be left disappointed. You know,
it's not fair. It's not fair to the
person because you're like, oh, like, can you do this,
this and this? And it's just like
I am not an acrobat, my guy, like
I'm not in the service. Like, I don't
don't think I can do that, you know.
So, yeah, so that was just like
pornography for me. Like, it was just a very
like a very emotional thing.
(30:24):
And I would just go to it a lot. And
it took a while to like
break that. And I'm not going to say that I don't struggle with this
though, because I think because you know what I hate?
Let me talk, y'all. Let me get on my
soapbox because all the irritation just came up.
Like, I just hate when people
talk about like when people,
you know, and maybe this is true for
some people where they're like, oh, like, you know,
I don't deal with that anymore. And I'm like,
(30:46):
like, honestly, like, so
happy for you. Like, that's great.
But as for myself, like, this is an area that
I still struggle with because, like I
said, like, you know, it's
used to be a comfort for me. It used to be a
refuge for me. So, like, of course, like, that
thought's going to come like when I'm having a bad day of like,
oh, you know what? Like, you could just go ahead
and handle this. Like, you don't have to keep feeling this way.
You know, and so it takes me to be
(31:08):
like, nah, I'm not going to do
it really. It just be creeping up. It just
literally be creeping up, you know, or like,
oh, so and so like misunderstood you
or like, oh, you're heck are hurt by this. Like,
you know how to make yourself feel good. Like, you know how to make
yourself feel better. And so it's not
easy to just be like, oh,
I'm not going to watch it. And I feel like it really
does take like practicing
saying no to yourself, denying your flesh
(31:30):
as we would say. Like, it does take you
like changing your mindset. But like,
how are you going to change your mindset if you keep doing the same
thing? Like, at some point, you need to decide in
your heart, like, you know what? This isn't good for me.
Because for me, like, I finally came to
the realization like this is a substitute.
Because the reality, let me be honest, let me, can I
just keep it 100? I'm going to keep it 100. Because the
reality of it is like, you know, even
now when I struggle with porn sometimes, I just
(31:52):
want to have sex. And that's really what's happening. I'm
like, I don't really like, I'm like, I don't want to masturbate.
I don't want to watch porn. I just want to have sex.
I just want another body being on my body, in my body,
all that good stuff. And so like, we are
human. Bodies on top of bodies.
On the body.
And that's just me being
honest. And so I feel like a lot of times
like, and specifically, like, I'm
just talking, like, and specifically, like, I want
(32:14):
to talk to the person that's like growing up in
church and like growing up in the church. Because I feel
like a lot of times like sex can be
so demonized or it can be so on the hush-hush.
And it's so not helpful.
Like, it's not helpful for us. Because I'm like,
for me growing up, my mom was very
open, but I was like,
like, I'm being honest. Like, she
was very much like, oh, if you want to have sex, like,
have sex with somebody that you love. You know,
(32:36):
we can go get condoms. Like, we can go
get the birth control. And I'm like, oh, like, please
don't talk to me. I'm like, ma'am, I'm not even thinking
about that. I was still watching porn at the time.
But, you know, in my head, I'm like, I'm not actually thinking about
doing that with a man. Like, that's disgusting.
And so, yeah, but like,
I digress. I digress.
That was like a whole lot.
But I digress. But I feel like
porn, pornography is such a
(32:58):
complex thing. And when you're addicted,
it's like so hard. And it's just,
honestly, if you think about it, it's so perverted.
Like, it's literally so perverted. Let's talk
about the captions. Let's talk about the titles.
Literally, like, oh,
stepmom. I don't.
Sleeping with her, like, stepson.
You know, like, you know, stepdaughter.
You know, let stepdad or do whatever.
You know, dad do. It's just like,
(33:20):
it's nasty. Like, it's not cute.
The moment she said, just think about the times
when the shame kicked in.
Bro, I'm sorry. But don't you.
It's all hitting when she said that.
It all hit me. I'm like, damn, bro.
Like, we don't think about that, though. We're just like, oh, we're just
watching people. But I'm like, you literally saw that title
and that's attached. The title is
attached to that video. So like, it
does say a lot. And then a whole nother topic
(33:42):
that we can't really dive into too deep.
But a whole nother topic is like human
slave trafficking is a real thing.
And like, a lot of times we're like, oh, like, but
some of these people are getting paid. And I'm like, OK,
but still, like, you're like, literally
you are the topic around it to be
a sex slave worker one. But like
pornography is like a billion
dollar, like more than billions of dollars
of no commercials on TV,
(34:04):
commercials on TV, like
commercials on the radio. Right.
No, as on the web.
None of that. And every time you click like you're
it's like, what are we agreeing to? Like every
time we go to that page, every time we type in
that website, every time we go on there and
we see like, you know, an 18 year old
girl who like probably got like
was missing and we just don't even know what she looks
like now. And she's over here doing whatever
(34:26):
these people tell her. And she's all doped up on
drugs and stuff like because
like somebody sold her like innocence
because somebody took her life. And she's not even
getting paid. She's not even getting paid.
Like she's literally being treated like trash.
But here she is. Like, and now we're
getting pleasure off of her being
objectified. Now we're getting pleasure
off of her being
now we're getting pleasure off
(34:48):
of her, you know,
off of somebody having sex with her.
Like, and I'm going to talk about it because I just
I'm not OK with that. Like if it comes down
to it and people, I just I just
don't think that we talk about that enough. But human
slave trafficking is a real thing.
Sacramento is like one of the top places
where kids go missing
and they end up like, you know, doing
porn and all these things. Not by choice, but because
(35:10):
obviously like, you know, they're now somebody
slave. Like they're now somebody else's
like property, you know. And so
yeah, this is a side note, but that makes me think of
this movie. If you haven't seen it, Sound of Freedom.
Like it's just such a great production
because it just talks about how God's children
are not for sale and they are not like they're not
for sale. So yeah, so I think that's like my
biggest like no, thank you with pornography,
because I'm like, dang, like
(35:32):
and it convinced me because I'm like, dang, like I was
getting pleasure off of watching this stuff
convicted everyone here. Yeah, because it's
like it's it's not OK. It's not.
And like we have to stop like
being part of that problem.
You know what I'm saying? Like we really like we got
we have to do better, y'all, because like
there are kids who are suffering because of us
because we're clicking on videos, because every time we
decide to watch that like little 10
(35:54):
minute video and get our pleasure out
of it, like there are literally kids who are never going
to see the light of day, like there are kids who are going to die
as slave workers, like there are slave
workers who are dying as slave workers and they're not even
getting paid like and they're just like dying
off of overdoses, drugs, all those
things trying to like cope with just the
emotion and the feelings of just like being
a piece of meat to somebody like
I digress. Hey, piece of meat
(36:16):
is crazy.
That was heavy. Piece of meat is
crazy.
That was
that was
yeah
yeah
neither of I
yeah
yeah
yeah
(36:38):
yeah
My barber's daughter
is still missing.
She got caught up
in that. So
I never thought about that.
I was looking at it from
a writer, producer, from a
(37:00):
final product, from a production standpoint.
You know like cause you have your
quote unquote porn stars, like
you have your movie stars. So I was looking
at it from a production standpoint
and from like a intimate
within
the marriage, within that couple's
standpoint. I never
thought about that. And when you
think about it, not even
(37:22):
the titles, just some of the clips
when you see
they obviously in pain. So you
say, you said, do she really like that? Like that
look really, it look like she really crying.
You know what I mean? Like so
thank you for putting
that never crossed my mind.
For that reason alone
that reason alone, I couldn't
there's nothing you
(37:44):
can say. I can't advocate.
There's nothing really to advocate since
you put it that way. So that was
a great point. I'm glad you touched on that because
I'm very
hard to change my mind. I'm very stubborn
and like you literally any questions
that I may have had
or any devil advocacy work I
wanted to do, it just went out the
window as soon as you said that.
(38:06):
So that was heavy.
W Mo bro.
W's all around.
W's all around. Well dang.
Sheesh.
I look angry right now.
I'm not angry. I was just very passionate about that topic.
No, yeah, no. We heard it. We felt it.
We heard it.
It's happened. It's unfortunate.
We appreciate you saying that.
(38:28):
This can for sure be about
two or three or four continuation episodes
on this. It's kind of hard. Like dang, she
kind of had to drop the mic moment right there.
She really did.
I'll just say this one little quick thing and I guess we
can wrap it up because you
made it all out there. There really ain't much else
to add to it. But I do appreciate
because you have said it's something that you
you know you still kind of struggle with so you
(38:50):
are constantly working through it.
I relate to it. That's me.
And I'm noticing just with certain things in life
it's literally like an ongoing process.
Like you got to learn to say no every single day.
You know what I mean? Maybe cool
for a week, maybe cool for a month.
But after that good month, maybe that next day it's like
ooh man, it's kind of tough. And I've been there bro.
Like that one month
(39:12):
that one month that you don't even
touch it right? It feels so good right?
Not touching it. And then one day comes
like yo this day is a little bit harder to
say no than the day before.
Or the week last.
I feel like you get so much clarity though.
Just in general, you know it's
the same thing when someone's an alcoholic
and they finally stop drinking alcohol and it's like
the withdrawals are over. It's like
(39:34):
you have new eyes.
You literally have a different mind.
And it's helpful.
Because then it's like you can finally focus.
Like you can finally like go
do what it is the Lord created you to do upon this earth.
And so I feel like it's the same thing
with pornography.
If you are a person
who struggles with pornography
sometimes you may say yes.
(39:56):
And it's just like dang we're human. You're probably not as
strong. You're probably just not there yet.
But I just want to encourage you
to always remind yourself to
communicate. Because for me
communication was key. When I finally
started journaling. When I finally started to sit down
with myself and be like alright what's really
going on. Because sometimes
it is hormones. Don't get me wrong.
But then sometimes it really is like an
(40:18):
emotional thing. Maybe it's like
the little, sometimes it's like
little mo being like hey you know
this actually really hurt my feelings.
And I'm like okay
we got to work on those core
thoughts that we have in our heads.
And even the way that we perceive ourselves.
And I'm being honest. There were times where I'm like
this is just what I do.
To myself I wouldn't say that out loud.
(40:40):
But when those thoughts would come
and it would be like a week where I'm like no no no no no.
In my heart I'm like dang I already know
I'm going to eventually give in because I do every time.
This is just how it goes.
So it's just like learning to really see
ourselves like we don't need that.
We can be free from pornography.
We can be free from masturbating.
We can be free and just
fill in the blank with any addiction.
(41:02):
There is freedom. But it's just
like a very hard fight to get out.
And when you get out it's like
literally everything is like trying to call
you back in. So it's just like
standing ten toes down. It's just like
again your support system, your community.
If you don't have people
who hold you accountable
you're just going to keep falling in
and out of that at the end of the day. And you may
(41:24):
feel shame too. I'm not going to lie. I've had plenty
not plenty, like 20 just kidding.
I've had a couple of accountability
partners and I promise you I go to them
every time. I've gone to them so many times in
shame and it just got to a point where I was like
dang, I don't even want to call them anymore
because I keep doing it.
At some point they're going to just
be like, you know, there's no hope
for you. Because that's how I felt. That's how I
(41:46):
felt for myself. I literally feel like there's no hope
for me. I feel like I'm going to forever be addicted to porn.
I feel like I'm going to forever
be somebody who's my mistress base.
That's how I feel right now. Yeah. And it
does feel like that. But it's not a for everything.
It's just like, you know, finding somebody
that you feel safe with and just like
letting that person know what's up. And not only
that, but I just feel like whoever, like
if you are someone's accountability partner,
(42:08):
you always need to lead in love. You just
need to let them know, like, hey, I love you.
I don't ever want you to feel ashamed every time
you come to me. This is growth. Because the fact that
you're confessing it, that's a good step. That's a good
step by itself. That doesn't mean that you're not
going to do it over and over and over again.
But I'm here. No matter what,
I'm here. And I'm here to remind you that
you are going to be OK. I'm here to remind
you that you are, like, you're not going to
(42:30):
always be like this. You're not going to always
have that addiction. You're not going to always
go to that. But right now, it's just what
you're used to. So just like finding a
different route a different way. So it's like
we do, like, you know, we need,
we do need each other. Like if we're going to be
free from this, we need each other.
We need to hold each other accountable. We need to
love each other. We need to
really encourage each other.
(42:52):
So, yeah. Yeah.
We're going to end it on that note.
Yeah. There's like three more parts to this.
There's like for sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
For sure. We appreciate
you. Yeah. Another shout out
to Mr. Jermaine
on the set. We thank you very much.
No, thank you guys.
I had a lot of fun, man. You guys
(43:14):
are awesome. Your contribution
just, you know, just
on the set today, but in particular, this
episode, you asked really, really amazing questions.
Yeah, and also some great, genuine, valid
questions. Yeah. Yeah. I was like,
dang. Yeah, man. If y'all like this,
if y'all want us to continue these conversations
because as y'all can see, it's a lot to dive into.
Let us know in the comments. Click
the links in the descriptions. Follow us
(43:36):
everywhere. We'll be back with a new
episode. Love y'all.
Yer.
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