July 1, 2024 • 9 mins
If you're human like us, chances are you've had times where you've felt like you're drowning in commitments. But there's a way to keep your head above water, as Micah learns from Courtney Kaplan, the force behind Iconic Leadership Coaching, who shares a powerful approach for conquering overwhelm. Discover the transformative "whiteboard" technique that helps you visually organize and cut through what's dragging you down. This episode isn't just about managing tasks; it's about aligning your time with what truly matters.
"We know we've committed to more than what we can handle, but it's fixable. So how can we get back on track?” - Courtney Kaplan
Follow Courtney's work at iconicleadershipcoaching.com
Follow Unserious in your podcast app, at unserious.com, and on Instagram and Threads at @unserious.fun.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This is Unserious to use today.
Our guest today is CourtneyKaplan, coach, writer and
founder at Iconic LeadershipCoaching, helping folks reinvent
themselves and create livesthat matter, and Courtney's also
a friend of Unserious.
27 episodes later, welcome back, Courtney.
What are we learning today?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Thanks, Micah.
It's always fun to be withUnserious and today we are
diving into managing overwhelm.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I feel like we're all pretty overwhelmed right now.
So who is this for?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
You know, managing overwhelm is for caring
well-intentioned people who wantto be of use.
We want to be of service, wedon't want to disappoint others
and I feel that frequently thiscategory especially includes
women who have more societalexpectations on them at home and
at work.
So when you start to feel thatstress of overwhelm for me it's
(01:10):
sleepless nights, waking up withkind of that worry and
rumination, sitting at mycomputer and not knowing where
to start first.
I know some people make theselittle bargains with themselves
that they'll work late or workweekends or squeeze in more work
to resolve the overwhelm.
But at worst you start droppingthings or making mistakes or
(01:34):
eroding your health mental andphysical.
So that's when you're feelingthe stress of overwhelm.
You need to have a strategy.
We live in overwhelm right, ourculture there's.
The number of things thatothers want from us is endless.
Every day that we're going tohave requests, get assigned to
work and projects.
The overwhelm is not going away.
(01:55):
So how can we build strategiesto manage it and get ourselves
back on course pretty quickly?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You know, another coach told me once that
overwhelm is just an assessmentthat we make.
It's like a decision of howwe're assessing our life.
My current situation is thatthere's too much to do and it's
never gonna end.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
That's right, I think .
For me, overwhelm is when we'vemade commitments beyond our
capacity.
So it may be true that we'vecommitted to more than we can
actually complete, and that'swhy we do the late nights and
the weekends and we wake up atnight.
We know we've committed to morethan what we can handle, but
it's fixable.
It's not a personal weakness ora personal fault.
(02:34):
It happens.
So how can we get back on track?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well, let's dig in.
How can we get back on track?
What's your approach?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So, micah, I call this the whiteboard.
And what you want to do is gointo a conference room with one
of those huge whiteboards or, ifyou're at home, maybe get one
of those giant post-it notes.
Okay, and you're just going tostart at the top of that darn
whiteboard and make a list ofeverything in your brain.
Right, you're not going to.
You're just going to start atthe top of that darn whiteboard
and make a list of everything inyour brain.
Right, you're not going to.
(03:05):
You're not categorizing, you'renot editing, you're just
getting it out of your mind.
And this is going to do twothings.
First, cognitively, you're goingto see wait, this doesn't make
sense.
I'm shocked to see how much Ithink I should be managing.
I can't be expected to do allof this.
So it's a moment where you cansee with your own eyes that it's
(03:26):
too much.
It's too much.
And then, secondly, you've justcreated an artifact that you
can use to talk to somebody.
You can talk to your manager,you can talk to your partner or
your spouse to show themeverything that's inside your
brain out on a piece of paper.
And that's incredibly helpfulto kind of illustrate why you're
(03:47):
feeling stressed.
For me as a manager.
Often when people would makethese lists, I would be aware of
30% of the list, but there'd beanother amount of work that had
just fallen out of my awareness.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
So now we've got everything out of our brain.
It's all in a place where wecan see it.
What do we do with it next?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yes, so you may want to regroup and categorize, make
some order of things, but you'renot making this a to-do list.
Okay, you're not you're not.
Okay, great, now I've got myto-do list.
Need to do one of four things.
You need to delegate, you needto be able to say no, you need
to renegotiate or you need tokill.
So delegation, I think, is thething that comes up most
(04:30):
commonly when we talk aboutoverwhelm.
Oh, just delegate it to someoneelse.
We can be hesitant to do thatbecause we don't want to dump
work on someone else.
However frequently the work isshould be owned by someone else
someone else.
However frequently the workshould be owned by someone else,
someone else has a learningopportunity.
It actually belongs in someoneelse's realm of responsibility.
So you probably need to getsome of your work to the right
(04:51):
owners or delegate to someonewho that work would be useful
for them.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Okay, but what if you're embarrassed by the fact
that you dropped the ball?
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I think that when we acknowledge that embarrassment
and work through it and thenfree ourselves you're a human
being.
You're going to make mistakes,but freeing yourself instead of
letting that continue to erodeyour physical and mental health
is probably the wise thing to do.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Is there an element of forgiveness for yourself,
then too.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well, let me explain.
When I talk about kill, I thinkthat there are a lot of things
that come onto our to-do liststhat really don't need to be
done and they can kind of die ofbenign neglect.
So just not putting your effortinto some of those things, let
them die.
Everyone will be better off forit.
We can kind of in our ownambition, invent things that
(05:43):
must be done that actually haveno ultimate real meaning or
purpose for us.
So let those things die.
Another great tool is torenegotiate, and renegotiation
is yes, if yes, I can do this ifI have two weeks, yes, I can do
this if I can hand it off afterthe first phase.
(06:04):
That's a very useful tool,because part of the overwhelm is
thinking not only do we own it,but we have to do it all.
Yeah, we have to do itperfectly and we have to hold on
to it forever and ever.
So how can you renegotiate someof the things on that list?
Now the last one, micah, is thehardest saying no, yeah.
How do we say no?
(06:25):
We do not want to disappointpeople, we want to be a team
player and often we don't thinkthat no is even an option.
Sure, so what on that list canwe say no to, and frequently
that might be something with adeadline that's further out, so
the owner can find someone elseto take it on.
It could also be something thatyou said yes to most recently
(06:48):
that you're realizing afteryou're looking at your list you
actually can't own this anymore.
So being able to say no is askill that should be practiced
and should always be an optionwhen someone's asking you to do
something, and should always bean option when someone's asking
you to do something.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
So what should we watch out for when we're going
through the whiteboard?
Where do we get in our heads ormake mistakes?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Right, I mean, listen , the whiteboard exercise.
It's easy to justify or decidethat maybe you can handle it all
or you should handle it all.
Your actual desire there is toavoid uncomfortable
conversations or disappointingsomeone.
So let's be honest withourselves.
Like I said, it's not a to-dolist, it's kind of a to-don't
list.
What are you not going to beable to do?
Don't be a hero.
You are a human being, somanage expectations and manage
(07:40):
your life.
You're going to be a lothappier.
And tomorrow, another day dawnswith more requests coming your
way.
So making space is always asmart thing to do.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
The sun will come up, the ocean will be blue that's
right and more work will berequested of you, that's right.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And how do we level this up?
What are some of the pro tipsthat you've uncovered?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
For me, the people that I admire most are able to
say no much more often.
So Shonda Rhimes of Bridgertonfame wrote a book a couple of
years ago called A Year of yes,and I think that most of us
would actually benefit from abook titled A Year of no yeah,
the joy of missing out, right.
(08:23):
So if you really want to driveyour career and your life in the
direction that's most importantfor you, you'll be able to say
no much more often becauseyou'll be hyper-focused on what
it is you want to commit yourtime to and you're going to
ensure that that aligns withyour goals and the results you
want to produce.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, to the whiteboards everybody.
This is really great advice.
Thank you so much, courtney.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
You are welcome.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Well, you can learn about or work with Courtney at
iconicleadershipcoachingcom.
Sign up for that emailnewsletter.
I always read that In the shownotes.
We'll have a link to the PDFcheat sheet that accompanies
every Upshots episode.
This podcast is brought to youby Unserious Group.
We're a communications andstrategic consulting practice
that helps companies and leadersnavigate the rapidly changing
workplace by lowering the stakesand working more efficiently,
(09:14):
playfully and creatively, andwe're open for business.
So check out unseriouscom andlet's be work friends.
At Unserious, we make work play.
This is Unserious to use today.
Our guest today is CourtneyKaplan, coach, writer and
founder at Iconic LeadershipCoaching, helping folks reinvent
themselves and create livesthat matter, and Courtney's also
a friend of Unserious.
27 episodes later, welcome back, Courtney.
What are we learning today?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Thanks, Micah.
It's always fun to be withUnserious and today we are
diving into managing overwhelm.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I feel like we're all pretty overwhelmed right now.
So who is this for?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
You know, managing overwhelm is for caring
well-intentioned people who wantto be of use.
We want to be of service, wedon't want to disappoint others
and I feel that frequently thiscategory especially includes
women who have more societalexpectations on them at home and
at work.
So when you start to feel thatstress of overwhelm for me it's
(01:10):
sleepless nights, waking up withkind of that worry and
rumination, sitting at mycomputer and not knowing where
to start first.
I know some people make theselittle bargains with themselves
that they'll work late or workweekends or squeeze in more work
to resolve the overwhelm.
But at worst you start droppingthings or making mistakes or
(01:34):
eroding your health mental andphysical.
So that's when you're feelingthe stress of overwhelm.
You need to have a strategy.
We live in overwhelm right, ourculture there's.
The number of things thatothers want from us is endless.
Every day that we're going tohave requests, get assigned to
work and projects.
The overwhelm is not going away.
(01:55):
So how can we build strategiesto manage it and get ourselves
back on course pretty quickly?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You know, another coach told me once that
overwhelm is just an assessmentthat we make.
It's like a decision of howwe're assessing our life.
My current situation is thatthere's too much to do and it's
never gonna end.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
That's right, I think .
For me, overwhelm is when we'vemade commitments beyond our
capacity.
So it may be true that we'vecommitted to more than we can
actually complete, and that'swhy we do the late nights and
the weekends and we wake up atnight.
We know we've committed to morethan what we can handle, but
it's fixable.
It's not a personal weakness ora personal fault.
(02:34):
It happens.
So how can we get back on track?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well, let's dig in.
How can we get back on track?
What's your approach?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So, micah, I call this the whiteboard.
And what you want to do is gointo a conference room with one
of those huge whiteboards or, ifyou're at home, maybe get one
of those giant post-it notes.
Okay, and you're just going tostart at the top of that darn
whiteboard and make a list ofeverything in your brain.
Right, you're not going to.
You're just going to start atthe top of that darn whiteboard
and make a list of everything inyour brain.
Right, you're not going to.
(03:05):
You're not categorizing, you'renot editing, you're just
getting it out of your mind.
And this is going to do twothings.
First, cognitively, you're goingto see wait, this doesn't make
sense.
I'm shocked to see how much Ithink I should be managing.
I can't be expected to do allof this.
So it's a moment where you cansee with your own eyes that it's
(03:26):
too much.
It's too much.
And then, secondly, you've justcreated an artifact that you
can use to talk to somebody.
You can talk to your manager,you can talk to your partner or
your spouse to show themeverything that's inside your
brain out on a piece of paper.
And that's incredibly helpfulto kind of illustrate why you're
(03:47):
feeling stressed.
For me as a manager.
Often when people would makethese lists, I would be aware of
30% of the list, but there'd beanother amount of work that had
just fallen out of my awareness.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
So now we've got everything out of our brain.
It's all in a place where wecan see it.
What do we do with it next?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yes, so you may want to regroup and categorize, make
some order of things, but you'renot making this a to-do list.
Okay, you're not you're not.
Okay, great, now I've got myto-do list.
Need to do one of four things.
You need to delegate, you needto be able to say no, you need
to renegotiate or you need tokill.
So delegation, I think, is thething that comes up most
(04:30):
commonly when we talk aboutoverwhelm.
Oh, just delegate it to someoneelse.
We can be hesitant to do thatbecause we don't want to dump
work on someone else.
However frequently the work isshould be owned by someone else
someone else.
However frequently the workshould be owned by someone else,
someone else has a learningopportunity.
It actually belongs in someoneelse's realm of responsibility.
So you probably need to getsome of your work to the right
(04:51):
owners or delegate to someonewho that work would be useful
for them.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Okay, but what if you're embarrassed by the fact
that you dropped the ball?
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I think that when we acknowledge that embarrassment
and work through it and thenfree ourselves you're a human
being.
You're going to make mistakes,but freeing yourself instead of
letting that continue to erodeyour physical and mental health
is probably the wise thing to do.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Is there an element of forgiveness for yourself,
then too.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well, let me explain.
When I talk about kill, I thinkthat there are a lot of things
that come onto our to-do liststhat really don't need to be
done and they can kind of die ofbenign neglect.
So just not putting your effortinto some of those things, let
them die.
Everyone will be better off forit.
We can kind of in our ownambition, invent things that
(05:43):
must be done that actually haveno ultimate real meaning or
purpose for us.
So let those things die.
Another great tool is torenegotiate, and renegotiation
is yes, if yes, I can do this ifI have two weeks, yes, I can do
this if I can hand it off afterthe first phase.
(06:04):
That's a very useful tool,because part of the overwhelm is
thinking not only do we own it,but we have to do it all.
Yeah, we have to do itperfectly and we have to hold on
to it forever and ever.
So how can you renegotiate someof the things on that list?
Now the last one, micah, is thehardest saying no, yeah.
How do we say no?
(06:25):
We do not want to disappointpeople, we want to be a team
player and often we don't thinkthat no is even an option.
Sure, so what on that list canwe say no to, and frequently
that might be something with adeadline that's further out, so
the owner can find someone elseto take it on.
It could also be something thatyou said yes to most recently
(06:48):
that you're realizing afteryou're looking at your list you
actually can't own this anymore.
So being able to say no is askill that should be practiced
and should always be an optionwhen someone's asking you to do
something, and should always bean option when someone's asking
you to do something.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
So what should we watch out for when we're going
through the whiteboard?
Where do we get in our heads ormake mistakes?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Right, I mean, listen , the whiteboard exercise.
It's easy to justify or decidethat maybe you can handle it all
or you should handle it all.
Your actual desire there is toavoid uncomfortable
conversations or disappointingsomeone.
So let's be honest withourselves.
Like I said, it's not a to-dolist, it's kind of a to-don't
list.
What are you not going to beable to do?
Don't be a hero.
You are a human being, somanage expectations and manage
(07:40):
your life.
You're going to be a lothappier.
And tomorrow, another day dawnswith more requests coming your
way.
So making space is always asmart thing to do.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
The sun will come up, the ocean will be blue that's
right and more work will berequested of you, that's right.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And how do we level this up?
What are some of the pro tipsthat you've uncovered?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
For me, the people that I admire most are able to
say no much more often.
So Shonda Rhimes of Bridgertonfame wrote a book a couple of
years ago called A Year of yes,and I think that most of us
would actually benefit from abook titled A Year of no yeah,
the joy of missing out, right.
(08:23):
So if you really want to driveyour career and your life in the
direction that's most importantfor you, you'll be able to say
no much more often becauseyou'll be hyper-focused on what
it is you want to commit yourtime to and you're going to
ensure that that aligns withyour goals and the results you
want to produce.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, to the whiteboards everybody.
This is really great advice.
Thank you so much, courtney.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
You are welcome.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Well, you can learn about or work with Courtney at
iconicleadershipcoachingcom.
Sign up for that emailnewsletter.
I always read that In the shownotes.
We'll have a link to the PDFcheat sheet that accompanies
every Upshots episode.
This podcast is brought to youby Unserious Group.
We're a communications andstrategic consulting practice
that helps companies and leadersnavigate the rapidly changing
workplace by lowering the stakesand working more efficiently,
(09:14):
playfully and creatively, andwe're open for business.
So check out unseriouscom andlet's be work friends.
At Unserious, we make work play.
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