What if your nervous system isn’t the problem—just the scripts it’s been forced to follow?
In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty takes us deep into the erotic brain to unpack how binary gender roles confuse our arousal systems and disconnect us from pleasure. From polyvagal theory to sensory nuance, this one’s for the rebels, the neurospicy babes, and the caretakers who are tired of performing “sexy” instead of feeling it.
✨ Inside this episode:
– The four things your brain actually needs for arousal
– How masking and performance override your nervous system
– Why desire looks different when you're neurodivergent
– What to ask yourself when you’re stuck in a role that doesn’t fit
Plus: Listener letters from “M” and “Jordan” that hit right in the chest.
And a companion worksheet that helps you unmask your real erotic self—available now in The Ember Vault.
Show Notes:
In this episode, we explore:
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Why binary sexual roles disrupt the nervous system
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The science behind safety, novelty, stimulation, and attunement
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How the Dual Control Model explains desire for neurodivergent folks
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What happens when sex becomes emotional labor instead of embodied connection
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Queer relationship dynamics and the haunting echo of gendered scripts
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A letter from “Jordan” about losing touch with real desire after years of performance
Grab the worksheet: Binary Thinking & the Erotic Identity Crisis → Available inside The Ember Vault
Submit your own question: hello@untamedember.com (anonymity welcome!)
Chapters
- (00:00:00) - Intro: Your brain doesn’t care about gender roles
- (00:01:22) - Why binary roles confuse the erotic brain
- (00:03:08) - The 4 keys of arousal: Safety, Novelty, Stimulation, Attunement
- (00:09:00) - Story of “M”: Performance vs Presence
- (00:12:45) - Queer folks + the haunting of roles we didn’t choose
- (00:15:10) - Listener letter from “Jordan” and the blank space of truth
- (00:17:25) - This week’s worksheet + closing reminders
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