Why You Can't Sleep When You're Safe: The Polyvagal Paradox (Trauma, Neurodivergence & Rest Explained)

Why does your brain turn into a haunted house the minute you finally feel safe enough to rest? Why do so many trauma-impacted, neurodivergent adults struggle with sleep—even when nothing is “wrong” on the outside? Welcome to Untamed Ember, where Dr. Misty dives headfirst into the Polyvagal Paradox—that infuriating reality where your body refuses to relax, no matter how perfect your sleep hygiene or how many weighted blankets you own.

In this episode, we break down:

• Why sleep is the ultimate act of vulnerability—and why your nervous system might see it as a threat, not a reward

• How trauma, neurodivergence, and chronic stress rewire your body’s ability to rest (and why “just relax” is a setup for shame)

• The difference between “tired but wired” insomnia and emotional collapse sleep—and why you might bounce between both

• The real role of fascia, hypervigilance, and your window of tolerance in sleep struggles (not just “bad habits”)

• How polyvagal theory reveals the secret language of your sleep cycles—plus what “false ventral” looks like at 2AM

• A client story that proves: Your sleep isn’t broken, your nervous system is just a damn good protector

• Radically practical, non-performative tools for reclaiming rest: deep pressure, rocking, Yoga Nidra, body scan journaling, and the lost art of letting your sleep be weird

This isn’t another lecture on blue light and bedtime routines. It’s a rebellious, trauma-informed, neurodivergent-friendly call to stop blaming yourself for sleepless nights and start building genuine nervous system safety—at your own pace, with your own rules.

PLUS: Vault members, don’t forget to grab this week’s worksheet, The Sleep Safety Map, to build your own personalized nervous system plan for rest at https://untamedember.com/membersworksheets And join our FREE newsletter for free weekly resources: untamedember.kit.com

Want more anti-shame, science-backed content?

• Listen to the Untamed Ember podcast wherever you get your podcasts

• Join The Ember Vault for weekly deep-dive worksheets and tools ($5/month)

#polyvagaltheory #trauma #neurodivergent #sleep #nervoussystem #insomnia #rest #healing #cptsd #adhd #autism #untamedember

Chapters

• (00:00:07) - It's Always 3am Again
• (00:00:49) - How to Sleep When You're Unable to Sleep
• (00:02:15) - Why Sleep Isn't Safe For Some People
• (00:05:36) - Why Your Sleep Isn't Restful
• (00:09:14) - How Neurodivergence Affects Your Sleep
• (00:13:52) - How to Sleep Better With Chronic Insomnia
• (00:17:25) - The Most Ridiculous Part of Sleep Struggles
• (00:18:19) - Why You're Not Safe to Sleep
• (00:21:36) - 5 Ways to Rest Your Body (That Actually Work)
• (00:26:56) - Reclaiming Sleep in Your Nerves
• (00:29:05) - How to Get More Sleep