May 13, 2025 • 13 mins
What happens when God asks us to surrender control and trust His plans instead of our own? Kallin's powerful testimony takes us on a journey through fire, disappointment, cultural misunderstandings, and unexpected relationships to reveal the beautiful truth that God's plans are infinitely better than our carefully crafted ones.
As Kallin reflects on Christ's posture on the cross, her testimony challenges us to view our own disappointments differently. When plans change, doors close, or relationships end, could it be that God isn't taking from us but making room for something better? Listen now and discover how surrender might be the beginning of your greatest adventure.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Unwritten, a podcast dedicated to sharing
the stories of the movement ofthe Holy Spirit in the world.
Today I'm your host, trevorBrecka, and on today's episode
we're getting to hear fromCallan Hill.
When my wife and I go somewheretogether, I almost always drive
.
I hate the feeling of not beingin control, and even though
there's probably no evidencethat I'm a better driver than my
wife besides maybe a few lessspeeding tickets I can't escape
(00:31):
the feeling of wanting control.
I think most of us want controlin our lives, but we also have
had many times that the controlhas been slowly pulled away from
us.
Today's story gives a perfectexample of the pain of
surrendering control to God andhow he proves his love along the
way.
Welcome to the show and listenin.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Do you believe that Jesus is better than the life
you have planned for yourself?
If I close my eyes, I can stillfeel my heart pounding as I
heard this question proposed tome.
It makes sense because just afew weeks later, surprisingly,
(01:13):
god called me to be a full-timemissionary with Focus.
I had a lot of fears.
I was afraid of fundraising andGod providing for me.
I was afraid of where I wouldend up being sent.
I was afraid of who I would besent with my team and I was
(01:36):
worried about how things wouldturn out with my boyfriend, who
I would have to start datinglong distance.
I would have to start datinglong distance.
Right after I said yes and madethis big leap, I can remember
being in my sorority, being inthe house with all the girls at
dinner, thinking about how muchmy life was going to change when
(01:57):
, all of a sudden, my boyfriendat the time knocked on the door
and then barged in your house isburning down to the ground.
He said what.
My roommates and I were shocked.
We started running down thestreet and, sure enough, the
house that we had lived in wascompletely on fire and, in fact,
the fire was jumping to thenext house, next door, people
(02:21):
came outside their houses andall watched as we watched
everything that we ownedcompletely disintegrate into
ashes.
Thank God, my roommates and Iwere all safe and nobody was in
the house during the time.
It was really scary to loseeverything that I owned and it
(02:42):
left this question in my heartof Lord you're supposed to
provide for me Now I havenothing.
I don't have anything.
I get to summer training to bea missionary.
I basically have donatedclothes, no money because I'm
waiting to fundraise my salary.
A few weeks later, someone hadeven stolen the Vespa I had
(03:06):
bought in.
So no transportation.
I felt destitute.
I went out to fundraise and Ican remember shaking as I asked
the first person that I everasked to support me on mission
and I said will you support mefor $100 a month?
I was shocked by their answer.
They said you're not askingenough.
(03:28):
This mission is amazing.
We want to give you $5,000 tostart.
I took the check and Iliterally went straight to the
church and I just broke down intears.
And that was just the beginningof the most amazing summer of
God, letting me lose everythingonly to allow him to actually
(03:49):
give me everything.
And as I sat there in prayer.
I thought to myself Jesus, youare better than the life I have
planned for myself.
I experienced this again throughmy placement.
I'm from Southern Californiaand I fit about every stereotype
(04:09):
you can imagine.
I played the ukulele, I was avegetarian, I drove a VW bus
from the 70s and I loved to surfwith my family.
I opened up my placement cardand I had been praying and
really hoping to be near thebeach because I pictured myself
leading a Bible study with allthe girls sitting on the beach
(04:29):
and then taking them out for asurf after.
And when I opened my card, Iwas shocked to see that I was
being sent to Texas, which isreally not known for its beaches
or tropical location.
I went to him and I was likeokay, I'm gonna try to trust you
with this.
I don't really think this iswhat I wanted or what's best for
(04:51):
me.
I'm really far away from homeand when I got there, I was
putting forth my best efforts.
But it was an adjustment.
For example, I was supposed todo Greek outreach and I spent a
bunch of time planning thisfirst event.
I was pumped because 80 peopleended up showing up and I just
couldn't believe, as they werepouring through the door, that
(05:12):
they were coming.
I had spent a lot of money andtime buying hamburger meat and
personally making patties withmy hands, even though I was a
vegetarian and I was freaked outby it.
I was feeling on top of theworld.
One of the girls that I waswalking with pulls me aside and
is like hey, callan, people arereally mad because this event is
(05:36):
false advertising and you'regoing to break trust if you do
something like this again.
I was like what do you mean?
And she said well, this isn't abarbecue.
You said it was a Greekbarbecue.
This is a cookout.
Barbecue is pulled pork andactual barbecue sauce, which I
had no idea.
I just thought you know, meatis meat, it's free.
(05:59):
I'm doing the best I can.
This continued a few more timeswith a few other cultural
misunderstandings.
I kept inviting people to hangout with me on Saturdays and I
was wondering why I wasrepeatedly getting rejected
every Saturday, no matter what Icame up with.
Finally, sophie told me Callan,there's nothing else that
(06:20):
anyone does on Saturdays exceptgo to the football game, and
it's making you seem weird andsocially inept when you keep
inviting people to do things onSaturday.
Stop it.
You're not weird, you're great.
And even though it was a toughlearning curve at first, I came
to really love the people andthe culture of Texas.
(06:40):
I learned all the cities andthe neighborhoods and the lingo
and the way that people dressed.
I was willing to do so becauseI wanted to share the gospel
with them and I loved them.
At a certain point, there wasan option for me to leave Texas,
and I was praying about thiswhen I was on a pilgrimage to
(07:01):
the Holy Land, and it wasactually at Calvary, as I knelt
down in literally the placewhere Jesus had died for me and
for all souls, in literally theplace where Jesus had died for
me and for all souls, that Jesuscalled me specifically to be a
missionary to the people ofTexas.
And though I had only made atwo-year commitment at the time
(07:22):
and was ready to fulfill onemore year, it's now literally
been eight years of me servingthe people in Texas, and after
being a missionary there, I nowget to coach other missionaries
who are in Texas.
And after being a missionarythere, I now get to coach other
missionaries who are in Texas.
One of the campuses I got towork with is A&M, and they just
reached over a thousand peoplein their Bible studies, which
(07:42):
has never happened before.
It's been such a blessing.
And now people even think thatI'm from Texas.
And as I get those comments, Ithink to myself Jesus, you
really are better than the lifethat I had planned for myself.
You really are better.
(08:03):
I saw this again in the way thatI encountered my first team.
One of the significant desiresthat I had was having a team
director or a team lead who wasa woman, who was older than me,
with a lot of experience, and soit was already hard when I got
Texas.
And then I meet my girlteammate and she's a first year,
(08:25):
brand new, just like me, andeven worse than that, she's from
a campus that didn't have focus.
So that's an adjustment.
We move in together.
We're pretty culturally fromdifferent places and our
personalities are prettydifferent.
And I remember asking someonehow do I be friends with someone
(08:45):
so different than me?
And being disappointed that Goddidn't give me what I prayed
for.
But one day, mary, my teammate,asked me to start praying the
rosary with her.
Every day, we would intercedeout loud for each other, for the
mission on our campus, and aswe did this, we grew closer and
(09:05):
closer in friendship.
See, what started with me beingungrateful for being on a team
with her, it ended up being thebiggest gift God wanted to give
me, because I just got marriedand she was the maid of honor in
my wedding.
And a few months later, marygot married and I was the maid
of honor in her wedding, and asI stood up there to give a
(09:28):
speech about her and the waythat I've been healed by her
friendship, I broke down intears and again I thought to
myself Jesus, you are so muchbetter than the life that I have
planned for myself.
I've never had this amazing ofa friend and I didn't even want
(09:49):
her to begin with.
Lastly, when I think aboutthings that I didn't pray for
was my relationship with myboyfriend.
I was really terrified that thelong distance would lead to us
breaking up, which was my worstnightmare out of everything.
A few months in, I think thingsare pretty much going well.
(10:14):
He sits me down with a seriouslook.
He tells me that he needs tobreak up with me because God is
calling him to discern thepriesthood, which I'm totally
surprised by and taken aback by.
I didn't expect it and I'mheartbroken and it's really hard
(10:35):
for me to see God's plan andwhy he wouldn't answer that
prayer of my relationshipworking out.
Fast forward now and he's aboutto be ordained as a deacon and,
god willing, become a priestand he's going to be the most
amazing priest.
I'm in Denver and I'm stillwaiting for my vocation.
(10:55):
I'm in my house, we're hostingan event and I'm thinking about
this.
As I do, I meet a guy I'd nevermet before who had just moved
to Denver.
We start talking.
One of my roommates had invitedhim and as we're talking, he
tells me that he had been inseminary for several years, at
(11:17):
the same seminary that myex-boyfriend had been in, which
was interesting, and how he hadbecome a missionary, and now how
he had moved to Denver.
And as we're talking, we'rereally hitting it off and I
can't believe that he went tothat same seminary.
A baby starts to cry, thatsomeone's holding and I know the
baby because I babysit them, soI grabbed them, stephen.
(11:40):
He looks at me and he's like isthat your baby?
And his face just goes pale andI'm like no, it's not, it's
just a baby that I babysit.
And in his mind he's thinking,oh my gosh, I'm literally just
moved here and I'm hitting onsomebody's wife who's literally
(12:02):
a mom, because he really feltdrawn to me.
And so once we figured out thatI wasn't married, we got to
know each other more and we fellin love and we got married.
And now I'm about to have ourfirst child and as I think back
to that year of my life whereeverything that I prayed for not
(12:24):
to happen happened for not tohappen happened I'm so grateful
and I can truly say that Jesusis so much better than the life
that I planned for myself.
We often think of him aswanting to take everything from
us, which is what I thought, butreally, if you look at him on
(12:47):
the cross, his arms are openwide in a posture of giving.
It's not a posture of taking atall, and I'm so grateful for
that.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Thank you so much, callan, for sharing.
What I think is compellingabout your story is that my
experience has been I'm stressedand maybe frustrated with God
when things don't go the way Iwanted them to, but then, when
he brings about good for them,I'm not so quick to thank him
and increase in confidence inhis goodness as a result of that
.
But I think we can all learnfrom your example that you
(13:21):
shared with us today to trulyjust thank the Lord and place
our faith in him.
When we see those breakthroughsof providence in our life and
not only that, but I think youknow additionally, when the next
low or dark moment comes Ithink holding on to those
moments of breakthrough of graceand providence can probably
help us to be a lot more likeMary, who, the scripture tells
us, pondered and kept all thesethings in her heart.
(13:41):
Thanks so much for listeningand we hope to see you all next
week.
Welcome to Unwritten, a podcast dedicated to sharing
the stories of the movement ofthe Holy Spirit in the world.
Today I'm your host, trevorBrecka, and on today's episode
we're getting to hear fromCallan Hill.
When my wife and I go somewheretogether, I almost always drive
.
I hate the feeling of not beingin control, and even though
there's probably no evidencethat I'm a better driver than my
wife besides maybe a few lessspeeding tickets I can't escape
(00:31):
the feeling of wanting control.
I think most of us want controlin our lives, but we also have
had many times that the controlhas been slowly pulled away from
us.
Today's story gives a perfectexample of the pain of
surrendering control to God andhow he proves his love along the
way.
Welcome to the show and listenin.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Do you believe that Jesus is better than the life
you have planned for yourself?
If I close my eyes, I can stillfeel my heart pounding as I
heard this question proposed tome.
It makes sense because just afew weeks later, surprisingly,
(01:13):
god called me to be a full-timemissionary with Focus.
I had a lot of fears.
I was afraid of fundraising andGod providing for me.
I was afraid of where I wouldend up being sent.
I was afraid of who I would besent with my team and I was
(01:36):
worried about how things wouldturn out with my boyfriend, who
I would have to start datinglong distance.
I would have to start datinglong distance.
Right after I said yes and madethis big leap, I can remember
being in my sorority, being inthe house with all the girls at
dinner, thinking about how muchmy life was going to change when
(01:57):
, all of a sudden, my boyfriendat the time knocked on the door
and then barged in your house isburning down to the ground.
He said what.
My roommates and I were shocked.
We started running down thestreet and, sure enough, the
house that we had lived in wascompletely on fire and, in fact,
the fire was jumping to thenext house, next door, people
(02:21):
came outside their houses andall watched as we watched
everything that we ownedcompletely disintegrate into
ashes.
Thank God, my roommates and Iwere all safe and nobody was in
the house during the time.
It was really scary to loseeverything that I owned and it
(02:42):
left this question in my heartof Lord you're supposed to
provide for me Now I havenothing.
I don't have anything.
I get to summer training to bea missionary.
I basically have donatedclothes, no money because I'm
waiting to fundraise my salary.
A few weeks later, someone hadeven stolen the Vespa I had
(03:06):
bought in.
So no transportation.
I felt destitute.
I went out to fundraise and Ican remember shaking as I asked
the first person that I everasked to support me on mission
and I said will you support mefor $100 a month?
I was shocked by their answer.
They said you're not askingenough.
(03:28):
This mission is amazing.
We want to give you $5,000 tostart.
I took the check and Iliterally went straight to the
church and I just broke down intears.
And that was just the beginningof the most amazing summer of
God, letting me lose everythingonly to allow him to actually
(03:49):
give me everything.
And as I sat there in prayer.
I thought to myself Jesus, youare better than the life I have
planned for myself.
I experienced this again throughmy placement.
I'm from Southern Californiaand I fit about every stereotype
(04:09):
you can imagine.
I played the ukulele, I was avegetarian, I drove a VW bus
from the 70s and I loved to surfwith my family.
I opened up my placement cardand I had been praying and
really hoping to be near thebeach because I pictured myself
leading a Bible study with allthe girls sitting on the beach
(04:29):
and then taking them out for asurf after.
And when I opened my card, Iwas shocked to see that I was
being sent to Texas, which isreally not known for its beaches
or tropical location.
I went to him and I was likeokay, I'm gonna try to trust you
with this.
I don't really think this iswhat I wanted or what's best for
(04:51):
me.
I'm really far away from homeand when I got there, I was
putting forth my best efforts.
But it was an adjustment.
For example, I was supposed todo Greek outreach and I spent a
bunch of time planning thisfirst event.
I was pumped because 80 peopleended up showing up and I just
couldn't believe, as they werepouring through the door, that
(05:12):
they were coming.
I had spent a lot of money andtime buying hamburger meat and
personally making patties withmy hands, even though I was a
vegetarian and I was freaked outby it.
I was feeling on top of theworld.
One of the girls that I waswalking with pulls me aside and
is like hey, callan, people arereally mad because this event is
(05:36):
false advertising and you'regoing to break trust if you do
something like this again.
I was like what do you mean?
And she said well, this isn't abarbecue.
You said it was a Greekbarbecue.
This is a cookout.
Barbecue is pulled pork andactual barbecue sauce, which I
had no idea.
I just thought you know, meatis meat, it's free.
(05:59):
I'm doing the best I can.
This continued a few more timeswith a few other cultural
misunderstandings.
I kept inviting people to hangout with me on Saturdays and I
was wondering why I wasrepeatedly getting rejected
every Saturday, no matter what Icame up with.
Finally, sophie told me Callan,there's nothing else that
(06:20):
anyone does on Saturdays exceptgo to the football game, and
it's making you seem weird andsocially inept when you keep
inviting people to do things onSaturday.
Stop it.
You're not weird, you're great.
And even though it was a toughlearning curve at first, I came
to really love the people andthe culture of Texas.
(06:40):
I learned all the cities andthe neighborhoods and the lingo
and the way that people dressed.
I was willing to do so becauseI wanted to share the gospel
with them and I loved them.
At a certain point, there wasan option for me to leave Texas,
and I was praying about thiswhen I was on a pilgrimage to
(07:01):
the Holy Land, and it wasactually at Calvary, as I knelt
down in literally the placewhere Jesus had died for me and
for all souls, in literally theplace where Jesus had died for
me and for all souls, that Jesuscalled me specifically to be a
missionary to the people ofTexas.
And though I had only made atwo-year commitment at the time
(07:22):
and was ready to fulfill onemore year, it's now literally
been eight years of me servingthe people in Texas, and after
being a missionary there, I nowget to coach other missionaries
who are in Texas.
And after being a missionarythere, I now get to coach other
missionaries who are in Texas.
One of the campuses I got towork with is A&M, and they just
reached over a thousand peoplein their Bible studies, which
(07:42):
has never happened before.
It's been such a blessing.
And now people even think thatI'm from Texas.
And as I get those comments, Ithink to myself Jesus, you
really are better than the lifethat I had planned for myself.
You really are better.
(08:03):
I saw this again in the way thatI encountered my first team.
One of the significant desiresthat I had was having a team
director or a team lead who wasa woman, who was older than me,
with a lot of experience, and soit was already hard when I got
Texas.
And then I meet my girlteammate and she's a first year,
(08:25):
brand new, just like me, andeven worse than that, she's from
a campus that didn't have focus.
So that's an adjustment.
We move in together.
We're pretty culturally fromdifferent places and our
personalities are prettydifferent.
And I remember asking someonehow do I be friends with someone
(08:45):
so different than me?
And being disappointed that Goddidn't give me what I prayed
for.
But one day, mary, my teammate,asked me to start praying the
rosary with her.
Every day, we would intercedeout loud for each other, for the
mission on our campus, and aswe did this, we grew closer and
(09:05):
closer in friendship.
See, what started with me beingungrateful for being on a team
with her, it ended up being thebiggest gift God wanted to give
me, because I just got marriedand she was the maid of honor in
my wedding.
And a few months later, marygot married and I was the maid
of honor in her wedding, and asI stood up there to give a
(09:28):
speech about her and the waythat I've been healed by her
friendship, I broke down intears and again I thought to
myself Jesus, you are so muchbetter than the life that I have
planned for myself.
I've never had this amazing ofa friend and I didn't even want
(09:49):
her to begin with.
Lastly, when I think aboutthings that I didn't pray for
was my relationship with myboyfriend.
I was really terrified that thelong distance would lead to us
breaking up, which was my worstnightmare out of everything.
A few months in, I think thingsare pretty much going well.
(10:14):
He sits me down with a seriouslook.
He tells me that he needs tobreak up with me because God is
calling him to discern thepriesthood, which I'm totally
surprised by and taken aback by.
I didn't expect it and I'mheartbroken and it's really hard
(10:35):
for me to see God's plan andwhy he wouldn't answer that
prayer of my relationshipworking out.
Fast forward now and he's aboutto be ordained as a deacon and,
god willing, become a priestand he's going to be the most
amazing priest.
I'm in Denver and I'm stillwaiting for my vocation.
(10:55):
I'm in my house, we're hostingan event and I'm thinking about
this.
As I do, I meet a guy I'd nevermet before who had just moved
to Denver.
We start talking.
One of my roommates had invitedhim and as we're talking, he
tells me that he had been inseminary for several years, at
(11:17):
the same seminary that myex-boyfriend had been in, which
was interesting, and how he hadbecome a missionary, and now how
he had moved to Denver.
And as we're talking, we'rereally hitting it off and I
can't believe that he went tothat same seminary.
A baby starts to cry, thatsomeone's holding and I know the
baby because I babysit them, soI grabbed them, stephen.
(11:40):
He looks at me and he's like isthat your baby?
And his face just goes pale andI'm like no, it's not, it's
just a baby that I babysit.
And in his mind he's thinking,oh my gosh, I'm literally just
moved here and I'm hitting onsomebody's wife who's literally
(12:02):
a mom, because he really feltdrawn to me.
And so once we figured out thatI wasn't married, we got to
know each other more and we fellin love and we got married.
And now I'm about to have ourfirst child and as I think back
to that year of my life whereeverything that I prayed for not
(12:24):
to happen happened for not tohappen happened I'm so grateful
and I can truly say that Jesusis so much better than the life
that I planned for myself.
We often think of him aswanting to take everything from
us, which is what I thought, butreally, if you look at him on
(12:47):
the cross, his arms are openwide in a posture of giving.
It's not a posture of taking atall, and I'm so grateful for
that.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Thank you so much, callan, for sharing.
What I think is compellingabout your story is that my
experience has been I'm stressedand maybe frustrated with God
when things don't go the way Iwanted them to, but then, when
he brings about good for them,I'm not so quick to thank him
and increase in confidence inhis goodness as a result of that
.
But I think we can all learnfrom your example that you
(13:21):
shared with us today to trulyjust thank the Lord and place
our faith in him.
When we see those breakthroughsof providence in our life and
not only that, but I think youknow additionally, when the next
low or dark moment comes Ithink holding on to those
moments of breakthrough of graceand providence can probably
help us to be a lot more likeMary, who, the scripture tells
us, pondered and kept all thesethings in her heart.
(13:41):
Thanks so much for listeningand we hope to see you all next
week.
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