May 30, 2024 • 31 mins
In this episode, I talk with Tara Fuller as she shares with me a moment from her life that used to clouted with shame, but is now counted as joy.
Tara is an elementary teacher, a wonderful mother of two, and my friend.
In this episode, she opens up about her early struggles with identity, anxiety, and depression, culminating in a life-altering suicide attempt in 2015. She shares how seeking approval from God, rather than others, and the unwavering support from her husband, Kenny, were instrumental in her recovery. Tara's journey showcases the resilience that can emerge from the darkest times, providing hope and encouragement for anyone facing similar battles.
Tara offers invaluable advice for overcoming mental health struggles, emphasizing the importance of Christian therapy and the practice of EMDR to process trauma.
Join us for this heartfelt episode, as we explore the significance of keeping God's word close so that we can remember to replace the lies of the enemy with God's truth.
Take a listen and be encourage!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brandy Bostick (00:08):
In today's episode I'll be talking with
Tara Fuller hey guys, I'm hereyeah, She is a teacher at
Swartzs Upper Elementary and sheis also a wonderful mother of
two.
And you know she's just a goodfriend that I I've had for like
a really long time, but we'vejust recently reconnected
(00:28):
because of my podcast which issuper cool.
She just reached out to methrough instagram, so if you're
one of those people who want toknow more about me, just hit me
up on instagram or facebook orwherever, because I will respond
.
I'm really glad you did that,Tara.
It's really cool to know thatwe have small circle of friends,
mutual friends, that we didn'tknow.
So, yeah, so it's really goodjust to reconnect with you and
(00:50):
see kind of where you're at inlife right now.
So, yeah, all right.
Well, you have quite the storyfor us today, and so where would
you like to start?
Where does your story begin?
Tara Fuller (00:59):
Oh, okay, well, I have been a Christian since I
was 12 years old, and while Isay a Christian, but I was not,
the Lord was not my Lord andSavior at that time, like I knew
that he died on the cross forme, but that was pretty much the
gist of it.
I was not living for Him.
I was not, you know, dailypraying to Him.
(01:21):
I wasn't diving in His word.
I didn't have, you know, thatpersonal relationship that I
should have with Him.
Yeah, and I was just veryconfused as a young kid.
So, you know, just being thekid that wants to fit in, that
was me.
That was definitely always me.
So I got into some things that Ishouldn't have got into.
You know, starting in HighSchool, I felt like my identity
was in getting people to like me, getting my parents to notice
(01:45):
me.
A lot of my identity was insports.
At that time I was just wantingeveryone's approval instead of
the Main Man's approval, which Ishould have been searching for
the whole time.
And so fall of two years ago iswhen my life really
transitioned.
But I'm going to backtrack alittle bit, okay.
So around the time you met me,when did it wait me?
(02:08):
Like it was 20, isn't it nobefore 2020.
Brandy Bostick (02:15):
No, no, no, it was way before then.
It was like 2015.
Yeah, 2014, 2015.
Tara Fuller (02:22):
I think you met me after, like all the things that
happened.
Brandy Bostick (02:25):
No, I think.
I met you before because I metyou in Northeast Baptist.
Tara Fuller (02:29):
Okay, yeah, yeah, all right.
So March, the 28th of 2015,used to be literally a day that
I would just want to crawl in ahole and not even think about,
and the Lord has just reallytransformed my mind of it being
the worst day ever to being theday that I'm literally the most
thankful for and I look forwardto, and I remember all God's
(02:52):
done and that purpose.
So, long story short, I was ina very dark place from a really
early childhood.
I was the kid that always kindof just held in all my feelings
and tried to make people laughand, you know, kill all the
elephants in the room and I justtucked it all away and bottled
it all away and it eventuallycaught up with me and I was
(03:13):
facing a lot of anxiety anddepression and I didn't even
really know what those feelingswere.
At such a young age like to beable to identify them and, you
know, try to get help with them.
And so I went and got on somemedicine.
I went to the doctor because Iknew I wasn't like feeling right
but all in all, like I just wasnot myself and I was not living
(03:34):
for the Lord, and I got to apoint where I tried to take my
own life.
And by the grace of God, I'm amiracle and I'm able to sit here
and tell that story right now.
So, yeah, it was just a reallyrough time in my life.
But I just look back on thattime and I was in the hospital
(03:55):
for a long time, you know therecovery was rough.
Brandy Bostick (04:00):
Yeah, I remember hearing about it because I was
no longer at Northeast Baptist,I was already at a different
school, but I had friendsobviously still there and had
mentioned about it and I waslike, and I was just like what,
what happened?
Tara Fuller (04:16):
Like you, just don't ever know what somebody's
going through either, Because,like I was, I've always been a
very joyful, like you know.
Yeah, like you're a really funperson, Like that was my
thoughts of you and you know, itjust really has opened my eyes
and just the whole perspectiveof like seeing people like hey,
they have a smile on their face,but are they really like, okay,
yeah, and that was me, you know, for a long time, yeah, and I
(04:40):
just did not feel worthy of loveand afterwards I definitely was
feeling all the shame and likethe label of, you know, the
crazy girl that tried to killherself, like that was my label,
that the enemy, like, placed inmy head for years and I
literally didn't stay isolatedfor years because of that man.
(05:09):
I'm just thankful for theLord's restoration and
transformation because I knowfor a fact, if He wouldn't have
got a hold of my heart, that Iwouldn't be sitting here today
sharing that.
But it took a lot of stubbornhard-headedness to get there,
but we are here.
Brandy Bostick (05:23):
Yeah, yeah, because I know you and Kenny
were together, because when Imet you you guys were already
y'all been together for a while.
So were y'all married then orengaged?
Tara Fuller (05:33):
No, we had actually we've been together like around
10 years together, married forfive, but at this time we had
been together for about a year,okay this dude is a saint.
Okay, let me tell you, becausethis happened to me like in our
first year of dating and he hasjust stuck by my side through
every bit of it, just lookingback.
(05:54):
Like you know his family and Idon't blame them, but like
everybody was pushing him awayto like leave me.
And I've always struggled withpeople leaving me, especially
like close family members andstuff just let me down and I did
not expect him to stay.
And he, here we are, like withthe most beautiful two kids,
yeah, and like when I tell youI'm happily married, like I'm
(06:16):
happily married but it's becauseof the restoration of the Lord
in our marriage.
He has really truly done anumber in that too.
Brandy Bostick (06:23):
So yeah, so with your injuries and whatnot.
How long were you in thehospital?
Tara Fuller (06:28):
I was.
So I was in LSU Shreveport forprobably almost two months and
then they moved me to Glenwood(West Monroe) into the third
floor it's like a recoveryfloor, and I did therapy and
stuff and I was in there for agood month almost.
Then I was in like another yearalmost year and a half of just
(06:51):
hardcore therapy.
Yeah, and it was a struggle.
Like I still daily strugglewith chronic nerve pain from the
suicide attempt.
But I also like I had to changemy perspective of just like
okay, am I going to live everyday in pain and just like be mad
at the world, or am I going tolet this be my reminder that
(07:12):
this is like God keeping me hereand Jesus endured like so much
more pain than that on the crossand all that shame and all the
unworthiness that I was carrying, like He already carried that
for me.
And so you just have to likechange, change your whole
perspective of things.
Yeah.
Brandy Bostick (07:27):
Yeah, wow.
So like when things happened,who found you?
Tara Fuller (07:35):
Okay, so this is how God is just literally in
every puzzle piece of the story.
So I was, you know, not in agood place and I was psychotic,
and I was driving in my carabout to take my own life and I
pull over into a church parkinglot.
Wow yeah, like if that isn'tscreaming like the Lord was just
there the whole time.
(07:55):
And so Kenny was actually therewhenever I tried to attempt
suicide and it was rough, likefor a long time.
I mean, he didn't know if I wasgoing to make it or what was
going to happen, so it was alike for a long time.
I mean, he didn't know if I wasgoing to make it or what was
going to happen, so it was arough deal.
And then I had, you know, someof my family that didn't want to
believe that their daughter or,you know, their niece, you know
(08:17):
their niece or granddaughterwas capable of doing this to
herself.
So they wanted to, like, pointfingers elsewhere and he was
just catching all the the hardthings and doing it by himself.
So I tell you he's a good man,he really is.
I'm just thankful.
So yeah.
Brandy Bostick (08:38):
So what were some things that helped you like
, turn it around, like I said,like you've been able to reframe
it and, you know, say, hey, I'mnot going to look at it in that
negative way.
I'm looking at it away as likewhy God's keeping me here.
So what are some other thingsthat kind of helped you to push
on?
Tara Fuller (08:55):
Well, Brandy, I would love to say that, like, ok
, the day I woke up in thehospital, I was so grateful and
I turned my life around, but itdefinitely didn't happen that
fast.
It it took a lot of like hardyears of.
I was literally depressed afterI like woke up in the hospital
because I was in so much pain,and then I had this label me of
the girl that tried to killherself, and so that was my
(09:19):
identity, that was my newidentity, and I went from like
having a lot of friends to nothaving any friends, having like
good family and friendsrelationships, and just to
nothing.
And so me and my husbandeventually, about five years in
our relationships, about fouryears after this, we did get
married, and not long after wegot married, um, I got pregnant
(09:42):
with my little girl, and thatwas when the Lord really started
just like tugging on my heart,absolutely tugging on it, and,
gosh, she just changed my life.
She really did.
I knew the Lord was speaking tome and He was like you've got to
get in church.
And then my in-laws they areliterally just the most Godly
(10:02):
people I know and just the Lordplaced them in my life, exactly,
knew what I needed as parents,and they're just so good and
gracious and they stayed on meand my husband like constantly,
by going to church, gettingplugged in.
They're like you need to get ina life group here.
These people are going to beyour best friends and they're
going to be your people andwe're just like, oh dude, like I
(10:25):
wish they would just leave usalone and now, like I would just
hug their neck every day.
I'm like, thank you, like Ihave, and now I just hug their
neck every day.
I'm like, thank you, like I havethe best community, because
y'all didn't give up on us andso, anyway, having my little
girl in 2019 really gave me thatpush, and so I kind of we kind
of just took a step back fromour at the time like normal life
(10:47):
, which was not of the Lord, andwe just got to talking and
we're like we need to give ourkids like a foundation of the
Lord.
And we just got to talking andwe're like we need to give our
kids like a foundation of theLord, but we don't really know
how to do that because neitherone of us had walked through
that, and so I was just prayingabout one day.
I was like Lord, I'm letting goof all of this, like I'm giving
you control, but you know, likeI'm a people person and I have
(11:09):
to have people.
Brandy Bostick (11:10):
Yeah.
Tara Fuller (11:10):
And so like I need you to send me my people.
Yeah, this is what I'm supposedto do.
And it was just so cool becauseshe texted me today.
She was like I'm ready for you,you got this, like we talk all
the time.
But my friend Bethany, she sentme a Facebook message that day.
I was just like okay, Lord.
It's like okay, Lord, just slapme in the face with the answer,
(11:31):
because that's literally whatit was.
He was truly talking to me thatday and she invited me to the
Life Group.
And on that next Sunday, me andKenny, my husband, walked into
the Life Group and Hallie Dyewas teaching and I just could
not like zone out.
I was just zoned in with everyword that she was speaking.
She was just so full of wisdom,good stuff, with every word
(11:53):
that she was speaking.
She's just so full of wisdom,good stuff.
And then there was other girlsand couples that came that same
day like, for the first time,the life group, which is, oh,
wow, really odd yeah so now it'sjust insane, the community that
the Lord has brought to me, butthat's like not really where I
surrendered.
That was just kind of like whereGod got me in the door.
Yeah, yeah, I went on.
We were going to life groupfor probably like a year, year
(12:18):
and a half and my husband and myfather-in-law and my
brother-in-law all decided to goon a men's retreat.
Me and my husband had like notthe best relationship, but we
knew we needed Jesus.
That's where we were at thistime.
Yeah, and he went on his retreatand he came back, like
literally, when I tell you, achanged man, like my husband has
(12:40):
been a changed man since thatretreat and so I was just like,
hey, I don't know what y'all bedoing on these retreats, but I
got to know.
And so my hard-headed self,like at the time I was just
found out, I was pregnant withmy second, my little boy, and I
was just like I'm gonna waittill after I have him.
Well, the Lord's timing is justso cool because, like, looking
(13:05):
back, like I signed up to go onmy retreat fall of 2022 and
that's just where, like, myheart was just completely
transformed and I fullysurrendered my life to Christ.
And, looking back, there wereso many, uh like so many, so
much, so many of the women in mycommunity that I just like
gained in the last year and ahalf that don't even normally do
(13:27):
retreats, but they went on thatretreat because they knew like
I needed poured into, yeah.
And now that I'm plugging theretreats, I'm like y'all didn't
even normally do retreats, butthey went on that retreat
because they knew like I neededpoured into.
Yeah.
And now that I'm plugging theretreats, I'm like y'all didn't
even do retreats, y'all justlike sign up because y'all were
like loving on me how cool isthat?
And so I just saw the love ofJesus and so clearly, and I have
never felt that like I'mgetting chill.
(13:58):
I'm just talking about itbecause like it's just so cool
and full circle, like how I feellike the Lord has positioned me
now to try to do the same forother women.
You know, yeah, but like beforethen I was just really shameful
of my past and I didn't feelworthy of love.
Like I said in the past, likelove was kind of connected with
things or things held over myhead.
So I never fully understoodlove, and especially God's love.
But man, like when youcompletely understand, like I
(14:21):
will never understand completely, but His love is just so much
different than any kind of humanlove you could have here on
Earth.
Yeah, and so on the retreatfound, like true freedom, I
really did.
There was just a lot of liesthat the enemy had told me my
whole life and I can likebacktrack now from going to
therapy and I'm like, oh my gosh, I believed all these lies.
(14:43):
What were some of those lies?
You know that I just likewasn't enough.
Um, I was unlovable.
I just always had fear of likesome somebody I loved leaving me
you know yeah that was justalways a big fear because it
happened like pretty regularlyin my childhood and I don't know
like we could have a wholeanother episode, but like I
(15:09):
truly learned how to replacethose lies with God's truth and
then, like most, importantly,like being able to identify the
enemy in those situations.
Yeah, like no, this is a lie inmy head from the enemy and this
is not the truth.
This is not truth and I'm goingto replace this lie with God's
truth.
So I realized God's love islike far greater than any other
(15:33):
and I started asking myself,like, what does God want for me?
Yeah, and then I quicklyrealized he wanted me to be
unified, because I already knewthat, because he was giving me
community.
And then, you know, unity islike part of our mission too,
and but it's also like a hugeblessing and so, like God wants
us to be joyful, you know, and Isay that.
But like, obviously, John 16 (15:56):
33 , "we will have trouble, you
know we will have trials, andit's just one of those things.
There's no better trial to walkthrough having and knowing
god's fighting it with you.
Oh, yeah, and the battle wasdefinitely already won when
Jesus carried that cross foreach of us.
(16:17):
Yeah, and they bring growth.
We've had a really hard year,like our family has, but, man, I
am one of those.
I'm like I'm going to see thegood in this situation.
I'm going to see the God.
Yeah, the good and the God inthis whole last year of our life
and some other things we'vebeen going through is just man,
(16:38):
my spiritual life and my prayerlife not just individually but
in my marriage has strategicallyjust exploded like a firework.
It's just been so cool to seeboth of me and my husband like
just branch out and then like soy'all pray together regularly
every night.
Brandy Bostick (16:59):
That's really cool, because not every couple
does that.
Tara Fuller (17:01):
Yeah, even believing couples you know, like
that's really cool and it takeslike truly being intentional,
but we have little sponges athome and we are trying to-
Brandy Bostick (17:11):
Yes, yes, because first I was like little
sponges at home and we're tryingto, you know, you mean like
your kids.
Yes, yes, because first I waslike little sponges.
Tara Fuller (17:16):
They are, and Kennly is like a legit sponge
she just soaks it all up andit's just no.
That's one thing that I wouldsay like, if you are a parent to
young kids, pray with your kidsand pray like as a family.
Yeah, we've been like I wouldlove to say I've been doing this
.
Kennly's almost five years old.
(17:37):
I've been doing this everynight since she's five, but that
is a lot.
We've been intentionally likedoing that for probably like the
last 10 months and my littlefour-year-old can like spit out
a such a mature prayer.
Yeah, and I'm like she is out,like out of the mouth of babies,
like but it's just so good andlike Cage is only two.
(17:58):
But he, you know, give hislittle dear lord, thank you for
my family.
Amen, you know, but they do,they soak it in and yeah, and
like just the thought of, I havenever heard anybody in my
family pray.
And my kids are going to knowthat.
Brandy Bostick (18:15):
Yeah, that's big , that's awesome yeah.
Tara Fuller (18:17):
We're definitely trying to break some curses, but
it's one of those things thatyou have to be like truly
intentional about.
Brandy Bostick (18:22):
It's not about being perfect, it's about being
just trying every day, oh yeah.
Tara Fuller (18:28):
Like I couldn't eat a Mother's Day card and it was
like I love my mom because sheadmits when she messes up.
Brandy Bostick (18:33):
I was like, yeah , I do that a lot, but that's
really great.
You know, because you know Ihave to say I messed up a lot.
Tara Fuller (18:40):
But you know, as Christians, like we do Like in
the body of Christ, like we'renot perfect but, yes, obviously,
like our end goal is to try tobe as much like Jesus as we can
be.
But I think it's reallyimportant and I didn't hear that
enough growing up as a kid.
Like, hey, I messed up, yeah,but I love you and I'm always
going to be here for you andthat's what I want you to know.
Brandy Bostick (19:01):
Yeah, because that way she knows that her
relationship with you is notbased off her performance.
Yes, absolutely.
Just like our relationship withGod is not based off our
performance either.
Yeah, you know it's arelational thing.
So that's awesome.
That's really great Good stuff.
It's really good Tara.
Tara Fuller (19:15):
Yeah, you know, and like God, He definitely we are
the minority, like us Christians, we really are, and He calls us
to be different.
So we, I had to learn that,like, just looking back on my
adolescent years, I was livingin the world obviously, my
adolescent years was living inthe world obviously, and, or you
(19:36):
know, I was living of the worldand I should have been living
in the world for Jesus, not ofthe world and of the world does.
And so He calls us to like setapart and I was.
I'm kind of a nerd here.
So I like to look up words, andthe word holiness means to be
set apart, and it's part of ourmission to also, and also like
(19:57):
part of our blessing, to be setapart, and I'm pretty sure
Brother Bill preached on thatabout a month ago and I was like
, oh my gosh, like this is thebest you know outlook on this.
It really is.
And, as my girl, Hallie, Iwould say, we must definitely
die to self every single day.
And that's just another thingthat like sticks in my head
(20:18):
because, you know, if you wantto be intentional, you
definitely have to die to self.
And then you want to follow,like God's two greatest
commandments of you know loveyour Lord, god, with all your
heart, yeah, and then love hispeople as he loves his people
Definitely have God himself alot of days.
Yeah.
Sometimes, multiple times inthe day.
But by doing that we have todaily surrender.
(20:38):
You know and testify of God'slove and mercy.
For what?
He's done in our own life and Ithink, whenever I like, the more
that my heart transitioned andaligned with God, the more like
that shame and thatembarrassment was lifted and it
was just like no, Tara, yourstory is not an embarrassing
(20:59):
story.
Like you are not the crazy girlthat tried to, you know, kill
herself.
The God had a purpose and aplan this whole time and there's
other people out there thatstruggling with like some of the
same things and your purpose isto share your story.
If you don't know anything elseabout me share what you know
I've done for you, yeah.
And so that was me for like asolid you know year after my
(21:22):
surrender, because I was justtrying to dive in, you know,
learn more and more.
But I was like I don't knoweverything and I I never will,
probably, but I definitely won'tever know everything, but I
just know.
I'm like I can tell people whatJesus has done for me, yeah,
yeah.
And so I don't know, I justthink of, like how He gave us
like those fruits of the spiritand just like what a gift they
(21:46):
are.
And that's another thing Ithink about.
Like with my little girl, I'mlike everyone we have to do our
fruits of the Spirit, and that'sanother thing that I've gotten
from my community.
Like Bethany Wilson is big onfruits of the Spirit, so I was
looking up putting on your armorin Ephesians 6.
I was like you definitely needto do that.
Then I was like, okay, fruitsof the Spirit, my kid definitely
(22:09):
needs some self-control, solet's just go over these all of
them.
Brandy Bostick (22:12):
I think it's cool how you're mentioning that
because, like I know, I knowthat you also know Lindsey Stagg
and so I.
A long time ago 2009, yes, 2009, like that's when I first met
her uh, we were counselors atthe first.
We're the OGs staff at SeekerSprings and she has shared one
times because we would have likebible studies like daily or
(22:34):
weekly during that summer, andshe shared once like how, like
if she didn't know what to study, like didn't have like a thing
to study, she just kind of wouldgo back to like the fruits of
the spirit and just kind ofmeditate on one of those.
So I think it's really cool.
Tara Fuller (22:47):
You just brought that up, yeah, well, and like
I'm just telling you, in thelast two years of just being a
teacher, I have a fruits of thespirit listed on on my board and
all the kids.
They're like Mrs.
Fuller, are we going to say afruits of the spirit today?
I'm like you, bet we are.
We're going to remember,remember all of them, right?
(23:08):
Yeah, self control, yes, yes,so good.
Yeah, my kids are probably likesinging it, right?
Brandy Bostick (23:15):
Now I still have to do it in my head to like to
name them all, that's exactlywhat you mean.
Tara Fuller (23:20):
Can't be like.
No, you can't just sing them,you have to sing them.
Brandy Bostick (23:23):
I'm like okay, okay good stuff, good stuff, oh
man.
Well, you know we talked to andI feel like we got a clue of
some scriptures, but is thereany other particular scriptures?
You're like man, like this hasbeen my rock and something
(23:44):
that's really been a lot to you.
Tara Fuller (23:45):
Yes, whenever I knew I was going to have to
answer that question, I was justlike man.
I can narrow it down toprobably three, but my all time
just verse that I even teach mykids is Exodus 14: 14, that God
will fight for you.
Just be still man.
(24:07):
It's just so cool to know thatlike God is our defender and
like we don't have to doanything but just truly just
turn to him.
Yeah, and then Psalms 23 wewent to if gathering.
Well, we went last year.
This past year I went virtuallyyeah, two years ago it was on
Psalms 23 and it was wrecked myheart, and then put it all back
together and I think it's thelast verse, like surely your
goodness and mercy will followme all the days.
And then, obviously, like Ilove Red Rocks worship, and in
(24:32):
the song Good Plans, it's justscreaming that too, and I'm just
like, okay, lord, I hear youtalking to me.
Surely your goodness and mercywill follow me all the days of
my life.
So, yeah, I guess I'm going tohave to narrow it down to three.
So Exodus 14 (24:44):
14, Psalms, all of Psalms 23, but especially the
last one, yeah.
And then John 16 (24:50):
33 says I have told you these things so
that in me you may have peace Inthis world.
You will have trouble, but takeheart, I've overcome the world.
This world, you will havetrouble, but take heart, I've
overcome the world.
And that word peace just whenyou have anxiety or you're like
me and you have anxiety andyou're listening, you go look up
(25:14):
some scripture that has theword peace in it and the Lord
will instill that peace in you.
There is a lot of scriptures Icould just like spit out that
have the word peace in them, andthat was my word last year,
like pick a word at the end ofthe year.
Brandy Bostick (25:23):
Just pick a word .
Tara Fuller (25:25):
Yeah Well, you don't pick it.
You ask the Lord to pick it.
Yes, yes but he has a sense ofhumor, so just get ready.
Brandy Bostick (25:32):
And it'll just keep popping up yes, yeah,
absolutely.
Tara Fuller (25:35):
Yeah, but I'm just like Lord.
I knew I wasn't going to have apeaceful year last year and it
was just crazy how he gave methat word and then validated it
with all of his truth, you know.
So, yeah, it was just good,good stuff, but yeah.
Brandy Bostick (25:52):
I'm so glad.
I also feel like this is, Iwould say, ironic.
But it's really not.
It's like a God thing, because,you know, some of the things
you mentioned today are somethings like I just been kind of
mulling over in my own head formyself, just things like you
know you're talking about liketaking off that shame and
embarrassment, because that isso, because things that I've
been thinking on that little,that theme in general, for
(26:13):
people it's just like that'sjust not of the Lord, like like
if you're, if you're a person,that's just like dealing with
that or, you know, strugglingwith that.
Just know that that's not Jesus, that's not from the Lord,
because he never wants this,that's just not what he does.
You know he draws this to us,you know from his kindness and
his love and it's there toaccept.
(26:34):
So true, you just got to grabit and accept it for yourself.
Tara Fuller (26:43):
But that's not what he does.
Just no, whatever too.
Like, yeah, you try to likedive deep into, like, well, what
is god's character?
Yeah, that's really likewhenever you start to realize,
okay, these things that I'mhearing in my mind they're not
of the lord.
Yeah, this is of the enemy.
Yeah, I need to replace thatwith truth and with God's truth.
Well, and how do you do that?
(27:03):
Number one you dive into hisword.
Number two you surroundyourself with good, godly people
that will do that for you whenyou're struggling.
I still have days where I'm like, okay, I have a little ride or
die group chat and I'm like, hey, guys, I'm struggling today.
This is what I'm strugglingwith.
I need y'all to pray and like,have those prayer warrior
(27:24):
friends that will literallyflood you back with like an
essay text, like that's a prayer.
Yeah, and be that person forsomebody else too.
Yeah, yeah, and I've really, inthe last five years of my life,
you know, the Lord has blessedme with that, but for a long
time I was, I was yearning forthat.
Yeah, and there's just nothinglike having good, godly people
(27:44):
to pour into you.
Yeah, you know, especially likeeverybody's going to stumble,
everybody's going to struggle.
Some days you know you're goingto be on a roller coaster and
you've got to have somebody tohelp bounce you back to God's
truth.
Brandy Bostick (27:58):
Man, this was such a good conversation.
Yeah, man, this was such a goodconversation.
Yeah, it really is.
Like I wish you guys could seeher right now, like you just are
, like you're exuding joy, likeI don't know what you were.
You know what.
What was five, ten years ago?
Yes, it's been almost a decade.
Tara Fuller (28:15):
Yeah, that's what I was telling you march 20, 2015
so it'll be 10 years next Marchand I just remember coming up on
that date and hating that date.
And now I'm just like this isthe day that the Lord
transformed my life and kept mehere and I'm truly thankful for
that.
Yeah, it's just so good.
(28:37):
There's no shame behind it,it's all Jesus.
Brandy Bostick (28:39):
But, man, guys, I wish you just could see Tara
right now.
I was like, whoever she was 10years ago, that is definitely
not her, and who she is, you candefinitely see how the Lord has
transformed her life and howthat peace and joy is definitely
a part of who you are now.
It's awesome, that's awesome.
Last question is like if anyonewas, you know, really
struggling or having similarthoughts, what would you tell
(29:02):
them?
What?
Tara Fuller (29:04):
would you tell you 10 years ago.
Okay, so Tara's been living intherapy for the last two and a
half years and if you have notgot a good Christian therapist,
send me a DM and I will tell youthe best.
So she has truly, like, helpedme and taught me EMDR, which is
like processing all the hardtrauma, and whenever you have
that spiritual truth to replacethose lies with EMDR is just
(29:29):
truly a game changer.
So I had to just throw thatplug in there.
Oh yeah, but what would I tellsomebody that was suffering from
like depression or suicidalthoughts or even anxiety?
Number one, most importantly,importantly, keep god's word
tucked close into your heart torenew your mind and then, like I
said earlier, like seek thosegodly friends that will love and
(29:50):
pour truth into you.
And if you don't have a godlyfriend, you look up tara fuller
on facebook and you send her amessage and she will speak truth
into you.
that's awesome yes, because Iwant to be your friend, I want
to be everybody's friend andthen just you know, like I was
just talking about, seekchristian counseling and keep
that daily relationship with god.
I don't know how y'all are, butI love a good like worship jam
(30:13):
sesh, like we be jamming in thecar all the time.
If y'all see a girl with nohands on the steering wheel and
arms up like y'all just honk atme and I'll get one hand back.
It's probably me, and just likereading his word.
But, like I said earlier, likeyou have to be able to identify
the enemy, yeah, because hetruly comes to steal, kill and
(30:35):
destroy, and that's what hewants to do, and you have to
replace it with God's truth andum truly focus on god's
character so, yeah, awesome,yeah, awesome.
Brandy Bostick (30:47):
Well, thank you for sharing, tara.
This is, this is great, this isgood.
Tara Fuller (30:51):
I appreciate you having me.
This is just.
This has been.
It's been great, all right.
Brandy Bostick (30:56):
So my name is tara fuller and this is my story
of the middle and and I'm yourhost, Brandi Bostic You've been
listening to the Up and Uppodcast.
If you'd like some merch orhere's some extra content, just
check out my Patreon account inthe show notes below All right.
Tara Fuller (31:11):
Psalms 40, verse two.
He brought me up from adesolate pit, out of the muddy
clay, and set my feet on therock, making my steps secure.
In today's episode I'll be talking with
Tara Fuller hey guys, I'm hereyeah, She is a teacher at
Swartzs Upper Elementary and sheis also a wonderful mother of
two.
And you know she's just a goodfriend that I I've had for like
a really long time, but we'vejust recently reconnected
(00:28):
because of my podcast which issuper cool.
She just reached out to methrough instagram, so if you're
one of those people who want toknow more about me, just hit me
up on instagram or facebook orwherever, because I will respond
.
I'm really glad you did that,Tara.
It's really cool to know thatwe have small circle of friends,
mutual friends, that we didn'tknow.
So, yeah, so it's really goodjust to reconnect with you and
(00:50):
see kind of where you're at inlife right now.
So, yeah, all right.
Well, you have quite the storyfor us today, and so where would
you like to start?
Where does your story begin?
Tara Fuller (00:59):
Oh, okay, well, I have been a Christian since I
was 12 years old, and while Isay a Christian, but I was not,
the Lord was not my Lord andSavior at that time, like I knew
that he died on the cross forme, but that was pretty much the
gist of it.
I was not living for Him.
I was not, you know, dailypraying to Him.
(01:21):
I wasn't diving in His word.
I didn't have, you know, thatpersonal relationship that I
should have with Him.
Yeah, and I was just veryconfused as a young kid.
So, you know, just being thekid that wants to fit in, that
was me.
That was definitely always me.
So I got into some things that Ishouldn't have got into.
You know, starting in HighSchool, I felt like my identity
was in getting people to like me, getting my parents to notice
(01:45):
me.
A lot of my identity was insports.
At that time I was just wantingeveryone's approval instead of
the Main Man's approval, which Ishould have been searching for
the whole time.
And so fall of two years ago iswhen my life really
transitioned.
But I'm going to backtrack alittle bit, okay.
So around the time you met me,when did it wait me?
(02:08):
Like it was 20, isn't it nobefore 2020.
Brandy Bostick (02:15):
No, no, no, it was way before then.
It was like 2015.
Yeah, 2014, 2015.
Tara Fuller (02:22):
I think you met me after, like all the things that
happened.
Brandy Bostick (02:25):
No, I think.
I met you before because I metyou in Northeast Baptist.
Tara Fuller (02:29):
Okay, yeah, yeah, all right.
So March, the 28th of 2015,used to be literally a day that
I would just want to crawl in ahole and not even think about,
and the Lord has just reallytransformed my mind of it being
the worst day ever to being theday that I'm literally the most
thankful for and I look forwardto, and I remember all God's
(02:52):
done and that purpose.
So, long story short, I was ina very dark place from a really
early childhood.
I was the kid that always kindof just held in all my feelings
and tried to make people laughand, you know, kill all the
elephants in the room and I justtucked it all away and bottled
it all away and it eventuallycaught up with me and I was
(03:13):
facing a lot of anxiety anddepression and I didn't even
really know what those feelingswere.
At such a young age like to beable to identify them and, you
know, try to get help with them.
And so I went and got on somemedicine.
I went to the doctor because Iknew I wasn't like feeling right
but all in all, like I just wasnot myself and I was not living
(03:34):
for the Lord, and I got to apoint where I tried to take my
own life.
And by the grace of God, I'm amiracle and I'm able to sit here
and tell that story right now.
So, yeah, it was just a reallyrough time in my life.
But I just look back on thattime and I was in the hospital
(03:55):
for a long time, you know therecovery was rough.
Brandy Bostick (04:00):
Yeah, I remember hearing about it because I was
no longer at Northeast Baptist,I was already at a different
school, but I had friendsobviously still there and had
mentioned about it and I waslike, and I was just like what,
what happened?
Tara Fuller (04:16):
Like you, just don't ever know what somebody's
going through either, Because,like I was, I've always been a
very joyful, like you know.
Yeah, like you're a really funperson, Like that was my
thoughts of you and you know, itjust really has opened my eyes
and just the whole perspectiveof like seeing people like hey,
they have a smile on their face,but are they really like, okay,
yeah, and that was me, you know, for a long time, yeah, and I
(04:40):
just did not feel worthy of loveand afterwards I definitely was
feeling all the shame and likethe label of, you know, the
crazy girl that tried to killherself, like that was my label,
that the enemy, like, placed inmy head for years and I
literally didn't stay isolatedfor years because of that man.
(05:09):
I'm just thankful for theLord's restoration and
transformation because I knowfor a fact, if He wouldn't have
got a hold of my heart, that Iwouldn't be sitting here today
sharing that.
But it took a lot of stubbornhard-headedness to get there,
but we are here.
Brandy Bostick (05:23):
Yeah, yeah, because I know you and Kenny
were together, because when Imet you you guys were already
y'all been together for a while.
So were y'all married then orengaged?
Tara Fuller (05:33):
No, we had actually we've been together like around
10 years together, married forfive, but at this time we had
been together for about a year,okay this dude is a saint.
Okay, let me tell you, becausethis happened to me like in our
first year of dating and he hasjust stuck by my side through
every bit of it, just lookingback.
(05:54):
Like you know his family and Idon't blame them, but like
everybody was pushing him awayto like leave me.
And I've always struggled withpeople leaving me, especially
like close family members andstuff just let me down and I did
not expect him to stay.
And he, here we are, like withthe most beautiful two kids,
yeah, and like when I tell youI'm happily married, like I'm
(06:16):
happily married but it's becauseof the restoration of the Lord
in our marriage.
He has really truly done anumber in that too.
Brandy Bostick (06:23):
So yeah, so with your injuries and whatnot.
How long were you in thehospital?
Tara Fuller (06:28):
I was.
So I was in LSU Shreveport forprobably almost two months and
then they moved me to Glenwood(West Monroe) into the third
floor it's like a recoveryfloor, and I did therapy and
stuff and I was in there for agood month almost.
Then I was in like another yearalmost year and a half of just
(06:51):
hardcore therapy.
Yeah, and it was a struggle.
Like I still daily strugglewith chronic nerve pain from the
suicide attempt.
But I also like I had to changemy perspective of just like
okay, am I going to live everyday in pain and just like be mad
at the world, or am I going tolet this be my reminder that
(07:12):
this is like God keeping me hereand Jesus endured like so much
more pain than that on the crossand all that shame and all the
unworthiness that I was carrying, like He already carried that
for me.
And so you just have to likechange, change your whole
perspective of things.
Yeah.
Brandy Bostick (07:27):
Yeah, wow.
So like when things happened,who found you?
Tara Fuller (07:35):
Okay, so this is how God is just literally in
every puzzle piece of the story.
So I was, you know, not in agood place and I was psychotic,
and I was driving in my carabout to take my own life and I
pull over into a church parkinglot.
Wow yeah, like if that isn'tscreaming like the Lord was just
there the whole time.
(07:55):
And so Kenny was actually therewhenever I tried to attempt
suicide and it was rough, likefor a long time.
I mean, he didn't know if I wasgoing to make it or what was
going to happen, so it was alike for a long time.
I mean, he didn't know if I wasgoing to make it or what was
going to happen, so it was arough deal.
And then I had, you know, someof my family that didn't want to
believe that their daughter or,you know, their niece, you know
(08:17):
their niece or granddaughterwas capable of doing this to
herself.
So they wanted to, like, pointfingers elsewhere and he was
just catching all the the hardthings and doing it by himself.
So I tell you he's a good man,he really is.
I'm just thankful.
So yeah.
Brandy Bostick (08:38):
So what were some things that helped you like
, turn it around, like I said,like you've been able to reframe
it and, you know, say, hey, I'mnot going to look at it in that
negative way.
I'm looking at it away as likewhy God's keeping me here.
So what are some other thingsthat kind of helped you to push
on?
Tara Fuller (08:55):
Well, Brandy, I would love to say that, like, ok
, the day I woke up in thehospital, I was so grateful and
I turned my life around, but itdefinitely didn't happen that
fast.
It it took a lot of like hardyears of.
I was literally depressed afterI like woke up in the hospital
because I was in so much pain,and then I had this label me of
the girl that tried to killherself, and so that was my
(09:19):
identity, that was my newidentity, and I went from like
having a lot of friends to nothaving any friends, having like
good family and friendsrelationships, and just to
nothing.
And so me and my husbandeventually, about five years in
our relationships, about fouryears after this, we did get
married, and not long after wegot married, um, I got pregnant
(09:42):
with my little girl, and thatwas when the Lord really started
just like tugging on my heart,absolutely tugging on it, and,
gosh, she just changed my life.
She really did.
I knew the Lord was speaking tome and He was like you've got to
get in church.
And then my in-laws they areliterally just the most Godly
(10:02):
people I know and just the Lordplaced them in my life, exactly,
knew what I needed as parents,and they're just so good and
gracious and they stayed on meand my husband like constantly,
by going to church, gettingplugged in.
They're like you need to get ina life group here.
These people are going to beyour best friends and they're
going to be your people andwe're just like, oh dude, like I
(10:25):
wish they would just leave usalone and now, like I would just
hug their neck every day.
I'm like, thank you, like Ihave, and now I just hug their
neck every day.
I'm like, thank you, like I havethe best community, because
y'all didn't give up on us andso, anyway, having my little
girl in 2019 really gave me thatpush, and so I kind of we kind
of just took a step back fromour at the time like normal life
(10:47):
, which was not of the Lord, andwe just got to talking and
we're like we need to give ourkids like a foundation of the
Lord.
And we just got to talking andwe're like we need to give our
kids like a foundation of theLord, but we don't really know
how to do that because neitherone of us had walked through
that, and so I was just prayingabout one day.
I was like Lord, I'm letting goof all of this, like I'm giving
you control, but you know, likeI'm a people person and I have
(11:09):
to have people.
Brandy Bostick (11:10):
Yeah.
Tara Fuller (11:10):
And so like I need you to send me my people.
Yeah, this is what I'm supposedto do.
And it was just so cool becauseshe texted me today.
She was like I'm ready for you,you got this, like we talk all
the time.
But my friend Bethany, she sentme a Facebook message that day.
I was just like okay, Lord.
It's like okay, Lord, just slapme in the face with the answer,
(11:31):
because that's literally whatit was.
He was truly talking to me thatday and she invited me to the
Life Group.
And on that next Sunday, me andKenny, my husband, walked into
the Life Group and Hallie Dyewas teaching and I just could
not like zone out.
I was just zoned in with everyword that she was speaking.
She was just so full of wisdom,good stuff, with every word
(11:53):
that she was speaking.
She's just so full of wisdom,good stuff.
And then there was other girlsand couples that came that same
day like, for the first time,the life group, which is, oh,
wow, really odd yeah so now it'sjust insane, the community that
the Lord has brought to me, butthat's like not really where I
surrendered.
That was just kind of like whereGod got me in the door.
Yeah, yeah, I went on.
We were going to life groupfor probably like a year, year
(12:18):
and a half and my husband and myfather-in-law and my
brother-in-law all decided to goon a men's retreat.
Me and my husband had like notthe best relationship, but we
knew we needed Jesus.
That's where we were at thistime.
Yeah, and he went on his retreatand he came back, like
literally, when I tell you, achanged man, like my husband has
(12:40):
been a changed man since thatretreat and so I was just like,
hey, I don't know what y'all bedoing on these retreats, but I
got to know.
And so my hard-headed self,like at the time I was just
found out, I was pregnant withmy second, my little boy, and I
was just like I'm gonna waittill after I have him.
Well, the Lord's timing is justso cool because, like, looking
(13:05):
back, like I signed up to go onmy retreat fall of 2022 and
that's just where, like, myheart was just completely
transformed and I fullysurrendered my life to Christ.
And, looking back, there wereso many, uh like so many, so
much, so many of the women in mycommunity that I just like
gained in the last year and ahalf that don't even normally do
(13:27):
retreats, but they went on thatretreat because they knew like
I needed poured into, yeah.
And now that I'm plugging theretreats, I'm like y'all didn't
even normally do retreats, butthey went on that retreat
because they knew like I neededpoured into.
Yeah.
And now that I'm plugging theretreats, I'm like y'all didn't
even do retreats, y'all justlike sign up because y'all were
like loving on me how cool isthat?
And so I just saw the love ofJesus and so clearly, and I have
never felt that like I'mgetting chill.
(13:58):
I'm just talking about itbecause like it's just so cool
and full circle, like how I feellike the Lord has positioned me
now to try to do the same forother women.
You know, yeah, but like beforethen I was just really shameful
of my past and I didn't feelworthy of love.
Like I said in the past, likelove was kind of connected with
things or things held over myhead.
So I never fully understoodlove, and especially God's love.
But man, like when youcompletely understand, like I
(14:21):
will never understand completely, but His love is just so much
different than any kind of humanlove you could have here on
Earth.
Yeah, and so on the retreatfound, like true freedom, I
really did.
There was just a lot of liesthat the enemy had told me my
whole life and I can likebacktrack now from going to
therapy and I'm like, oh my gosh, I believed all these lies.
(14:43):
What were some of those lies?
You know that I just likewasn't enough.
Um, I was unlovable.
I just always had fear of likesome somebody I loved leaving me
you know yeah that was justalways a big fear because it
happened like pretty regularlyin my childhood and I don't know
like we could have a wholeanother episode, but like I
(15:09):
truly learned how to replacethose lies with God's truth and
then, like most, importantly,like being able to identify the
enemy in those situations.
Yeah, like no, this is a lie inmy head from the enemy and this
is not the truth.
This is not truth and I'm goingto replace this lie with God's
truth.
So I realized God's love islike far greater than any other
(15:33):
and I started asking myself,like, what does God want for me?
Yeah, and then I quicklyrealized he wanted me to be
unified, because I already knewthat, because he was giving me
community.
And then, you know, unity islike part of our mission too,
and but it's also like a hugeblessing and so, like God wants
us to be joyful, you know, and Isay that.
But like, obviously, John 16 (15:56):
33 , "we will have trouble, you
know we will have trials, andit's just one of those things.
There's no better trial to walkthrough having and knowing
god's fighting it with you.
Oh, yeah, and the battle wasdefinitely already won when
Jesus carried that cross foreach of us.
(16:17):
Yeah, and they bring growth.
We've had a really hard year,like our family has, but, man, I
am one of those.
I'm like I'm going to see thegood in this situation.
I'm going to see the God.
Yeah, the good and the God inthis whole last year of our life
and some other things we'vebeen going through is just man,
(16:38):
my spiritual life and my prayerlife not just individually but
in my marriage has strategicallyjust exploded like a firework.
It's just been so cool to seeboth of me and my husband like
just branch out and then like soy'all pray together regularly
every night.
Brandy Bostick (16:59):
That's really cool, because not every couple
does that.
Tara Fuller (17:01):
Yeah, even believing couples you know, like
that's really cool and it takeslike truly being intentional,
but we have little sponges athome and we are trying to-
Brandy Bostick (17:11):
Yes, yes, because first I was like little
sponges at home and we're tryingto, you know, you mean like
your kids.
Yes, yes, because first I waslike little sponges.
Tara Fuller (17:16):
They are, and Kennly is like a legit sponge
she just soaks it all up andit's just no.
That's one thing that I wouldsay like, if you are a parent to
young kids, pray with your kidsand pray like as a family.
Yeah, we've been like I wouldlove to say I've been doing this
.
Kennly's almost five years old.
(17:37):
I've been doing this everynight since she's five, but that
is a lot.
We've been intentionally likedoing that for probably like the
last 10 months and my littlefour-year-old can like spit out
a such a mature prayer.
Yeah, and I'm like she is out,like out of the mouth of babies,
like but it's just so good andlike Cage is only two.
(17:58):
But he, you know, give hislittle dear lord, thank you for
my family.
Amen, you know, but they do,they soak it in and yeah, and
like just the thought of, I havenever heard anybody in my
family pray.
And my kids are going to knowthat.
Brandy Bostick (18:15):
Yeah, that's big , that's awesome yeah.
Tara Fuller (18:17):
We're definitely trying to break some curses, but
it's one of those things thatyou have to be like truly
intentional about.
Brandy Bostick (18:22):
It's not about being perfect, it's about being
just trying every day, oh yeah.
Tara Fuller (18:28):
Like I couldn't eat a Mother's Day card and it was
like I love my mom because sheadmits when she messes up.
Brandy Bostick (18:33):
I was like, yeah , I do that a lot, but that's
really great.
You know, because you know Ihave to say I messed up a lot.
Tara Fuller (18:40):
But you know, as Christians, like we do Like in
the body of Christ, like we'renot perfect but, yes, obviously,
like our end goal is to try tobe as much like Jesus as we can
be.
But I think it's reallyimportant and I didn't hear that
enough growing up as a kid.
Like, hey, I messed up, yeah,but I love you and I'm always
going to be here for you andthat's what I want you to know.
Brandy Bostick (19:01):
Yeah, because that way she knows that her
relationship with you is notbased off her performance.
Yes, absolutely.
Just like our relationship withGod is not based off our
performance either.
Yeah, you know it's arelational thing.
So that's awesome.
That's really great Good stuff.
It's really good Tara.
Tara Fuller (19:15):
Yeah, you know, and like God, He definitely we are
the minority, like us Christians, we really are, and He calls us
to be different.
So we, I had to learn that,like, just looking back on my
adolescent years, I was livingin the world obviously, my
adolescent years was living inthe world obviously, and, or you
(19:36):
know, I was living of the worldand I should have been living
in the world for Jesus, not ofthe world and of the world does.
And so He calls us to like setapart and I was.
I'm kind of a nerd here.
So I like to look up words, andthe word holiness means to be
set apart, and it's part of ourmission to also, and also like
(19:57):
part of our blessing, to be setapart, and I'm pretty sure
Brother Bill preached on thatabout a month ago and I was like
, oh my gosh, like this is thebest you know outlook on this.
It really is.
And, as my girl, Hallie, Iwould say, we must definitely
die to self every single day.
And that's just another thingthat like sticks in my head
(20:18):
because, you know, if you wantto be intentional, you
definitely have to die to self.
And then you want to follow,like God's two greatest
commandments of you know loveyour Lord, god, with all your
heart, yeah, and then love hispeople as he loves his people
Definitely have God himself alot of days.
Yeah.
Sometimes, multiple times inthe day.
But by doing that we have todaily surrender.
(20:38):
You know and testify of God'slove and mercy.
For what?
He's done in our own life and Ithink, whenever I like, the more
that my heart transitioned andaligned with God, the more like
that shame and thatembarrassment was lifted and it
was just like no, Tara, yourstory is not an embarrassing
(20:59):
story.
Like you are not the crazy girlthat tried to, you know, kill
herself.
The God had a purpose and aplan this whole time and there's
other people out there thatstruggling with like some of the
same things and your purpose isto share your story.
If you don't know anything elseabout me share what you know
I've done for you, yeah.
And so that was me for like asolid you know year after my
(21:22):
surrender, because I was justtrying to dive in, you know,
learn more and more.
But I was like I don't knoweverything and I I never will,
probably, but I definitely won'tever know everything, but I
just know.
I'm like I can tell people whatJesus has done for me, yeah,
yeah.
And so I don't know, I justthink of, like how He gave us
like those fruits of the spiritand just like what a gift they
(21:46):
are.
And that's another thing Ithink about.
Like with my little girl, I'mlike everyone we have to do our
fruits of the Spirit, and that'sanother thing that I've gotten
from my community.
Like Bethany Wilson is big onfruits of the Spirit, so I was
looking up putting on your armorin Ephesians 6.
I was like you definitely needto do that.
Then I was like, okay, fruitsof the Spirit, my kid definitely
(22:09):
needs some self-control, solet's just go over these all of
them.
Brandy Bostick (22:12):
I think it's cool how you're mentioning that
because, like I know, I knowthat you also know Lindsey Stagg
and so I.
A long time ago 2009, yes, 2009, like that's when I first met
her uh, we were counselors atthe first.
We're the OGs staff at SeekerSprings and she has shared one
times because we would have likebible studies like daily or
(22:34):
weekly during that summer, andshe shared once like how, like
if she didn't know what to study, like didn't have like a thing
to study, she just kind of wouldgo back to like the fruits of
the spirit and just kind ofmeditate on one of those.
So I think it's really cool.
Tara Fuller (22:47):
You just brought that up, yeah, well, and like
I'm just telling you, in thelast two years of just being a
teacher, I have a fruits of thespirit listed on on my board and
all the kids.
They're like Mrs.
Fuller, are we going to say afruits of the spirit today?
I'm like you, bet we are.
We're going to remember,remember all of them, right?
(23:08):
Yeah, self control, yes, yes,so good.
Yeah, my kids are probably likesinging it, right?
Brandy Bostick (23:15):
Now I still have to do it in my head to like to
name them all, that's exactlywhat you mean.
Tara Fuller (23:20):
Can't be like.
No, you can't just sing them,you have to sing them.
Brandy Bostick (23:23):
I'm like okay, okay good stuff, good stuff, oh
man.
Well, you know we talked to andI feel like we got a clue of
some scriptures, but is thereany other particular scriptures?
You're like man, like this hasbeen my rock and something
(23:44):
that's really been a lot to you.
Tara Fuller (23:45):
Yes, whenever I knew I was going to have to
answer that question, I was justlike man.
I can narrow it down toprobably three, but my all time
just verse that I even teach mykids is Exodus 14: 14, that God
will fight for you.
Just be still man.
(24:07):
It's just so cool to know thatlike God is our defender and
like we don't have to doanything but just truly just
turn to him.
Yeah, and then Psalms 23 wewent to if gathering.
Well, we went last year.
This past year I went virtuallyyeah, two years ago it was on
Psalms 23 and it was wrecked myheart, and then put it all back
together and I think it's thelast verse, like surely your
goodness and mercy will followme all the days.
And then, obviously, like Ilove Red Rocks worship, and in
(24:32):
the song Good Plans, it's justscreaming that too, and I'm just
like, okay, lord, I hear youtalking to me.
Surely your goodness and mercywill follow me all the days of
my life.
So, yeah, I guess I'm going tohave to narrow it down to three.
So Exodus 14 (24:44):
14, Psalms, all of Psalms 23, but especially the
last one, yeah.
And then John 16 (24:50):
33 says I have told you these things so
that in me you may have peace Inthis world.
You will have trouble, but takeheart, I've overcome the world.
This world, you will havetrouble, but take heart, I've
overcome the world.
And that word peace just whenyou have anxiety or you're like
me and you have anxiety andyou're listening, you go look up
(25:14):
some scripture that has theword peace in it and the Lord
will instill that peace in you.
There is a lot of scriptures Icould just like spit out that
have the word peace in them, andthat was my word last year,
like pick a word at the end ofthe year.
Brandy Bostick (25:23):
Just pick a word .
Tara Fuller (25:25):
Yeah Well, you don't pick it.
You ask the Lord to pick it.
Yes, yes but he has a sense ofhumor, so just get ready.
Brandy Bostick (25:32):
And it'll just keep popping up yes, yeah,
absolutely.
Tara Fuller (25:35):
Yeah, but I'm just like Lord.
I knew I wasn't going to have apeaceful year last year and it
was just crazy how he gave methat word and then validated it
with all of his truth, you know.
So, yeah, it was just good,good stuff, but yeah.
Brandy Bostick (25:52):
I'm so glad.
I also feel like this is, Iwould say, ironic.
But it's really not.
It's like a God thing, because,you know, some of the things
you mentioned today are somethings like I just been kind of
mulling over in my own head formyself, just things like you
know you're talking about liketaking off that shame and
embarrassment, because that isso, because things that I've
been thinking on that little,that theme in general, for
(26:13):
people it's just like that'sjust not of the Lord, like like
if you're, if you're a person,that's just like dealing with
that or, you know, strugglingwith that.
Just know that that's not Jesus, that's not from the Lord,
because he never wants this,that's just not what he does.
You know he draws this to us,you know from his kindness and
his love and it's there toaccept.
(26:34):
So true, you just got to grabit and accept it for yourself.
Tara Fuller (26:43):
But that's not what he does.
Just no, whatever too.
Like, yeah, you try to likedive deep into, like, well, what
is god's character?
Yeah, that's really likewhenever you start to realize,
okay, these things that I'mhearing in my mind they're not
of the lord.
Yeah, this is of the enemy.
Yeah, I need to replace thatwith truth and with God's truth.
Well, and how do you do that?
(27:03):
Number one you dive into hisword.
Number two you surroundyourself with good, godly people
that will do that for you whenyou're struggling.
I still have days where I'm like, okay, I have a little ride or
die group chat and I'm like, hey, guys, I'm struggling today.
This is what I'm strugglingwith.
I need y'all to pray and like,have those prayer warrior
(27:24):
friends that will literallyflood you back with like an
essay text, like that's a prayer.
Yeah, and be that person forsomebody else too.
Yeah, yeah, and I've really, inthe last five years of my life,
you know, the Lord has blessedme with that, but for a long
time I was, I was yearning forthat.
Yeah, and there's just nothinglike having good, godly people
(27:44):
to pour into you.
Yeah, you know, especially likeeverybody's going to stumble,
everybody's going to struggle.
Some days you know you're goingto be on a roller coaster and
you've got to have somebody tohelp bounce you back to God's
truth.
Brandy Bostick (27:58):
Man, this was such a good conversation.
Yeah, man, this was such a goodconversation.
Yeah, it really is.
Like I wish you guys could seeher right now, like you just are
, like you're exuding joy, likeI don't know what you were.
You know what.
What was five, ten years ago?
Yes, it's been almost a decade.
Tara Fuller (28:15):
Yeah, that's what I was telling you march 20, 2015
so it'll be 10 years next Marchand I just remember coming up on
that date and hating that date.
And now I'm just like this isthe day that the Lord
transformed my life and kept mehere and I'm truly thankful for
that.
Yeah, it's just so good.
(28:37):
There's no shame behind it,it's all Jesus.
Brandy Bostick (28:39):
But, man, guys, I wish you just could see Tara
right now.
I was like, whoever she was 10years ago, that is definitely
not her, and who she is, you candefinitely see how the Lord has
transformed her life and howthat peace and joy is definitely
a part of who you are now.
It's awesome, that's awesome.
Last question is like if anyonewas, you know, really
struggling or having similarthoughts, what would you tell
(29:02):
them?
What?
Tara Fuller (29:04):
would you tell you 10 years ago.
Okay, so Tara's been living intherapy for the last two and a
half years and if you have notgot a good Christian therapist,
send me a DM and I will tell youthe best.
So she has truly, like, helpedme and taught me EMDR, which is
like processing all the hardtrauma, and whenever you have
that spiritual truth to replacethose lies with EMDR is just
(29:29):
truly a game changer.
So I had to just throw thatplug in there.
Oh yeah, but what would I tellsomebody that was suffering from
like depression or suicidalthoughts or even anxiety?
Number one, most importantly,importantly, keep god's word
tucked close into your heart torenew your mind and then, like I
said earlier, like seek thosegodly friends that will love and
(29:50):
pour truth into you.
And if you don't have a godlyfriend, you look up tara fuller
on facebook and you send her amessage and she will speak truth
into you.
that's awesome yes, because Iwant to be your friend, I want
to be everybody's friend andthen just you know, like I was
just talking about, seekchristian counseling and keep
that daily relationship with god.
I don't know how y'all are, butI love a good like worship jam
(30:13):
sesh, like we be jamming in thecar all the time.
If y'all see a girl with nohands on the steering wheel and
arms up like y'all just honk atme and I'll get one hand back.
It's probably me, and just likereading his word.
But, like I said earlier, likeyou have to be able to identify
the enemy, yeah, because hetruly comes to steal, kill and
(30:35):
destroy, and that's what hewants to do, and you have to
replace it with God's truth andum truly focus on god's
character so, yeah, awesome,yeah, awesome.
Brandy Bostick (30:47):
Well, thank you for sharing, tara.
This is, this is great, this isgood.
Tara Fuller (30:51):
I appreciate you having me.
This is just.
This has been.
It's been great, all right.
Brandy Bostick (30:56):
So my name is tara fuller and this is my story
of the middle and and I'm yourhost, Brandi Bostic You've been
listening to the Up and Uppodcast.
If you'd like some merch orhere's some extra content, just
check out my Patreon account inthe show notes below All right.
Tara Fuller (31:11):
Psalms 40, verse two.
He brought me up from adesolate pit, out of the muddy
clay, and set my feet on therock, making my steps secure.
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