October 15, 2024 • 46 mins
Just because we know each other, doesn't mean that we know everything about each other. Throughout marriage, we will go on many adventures and journeys. On those adventures, we might have different highlight reels from it. We could choose to downplay those differences, or we could celebrate them. When you go on a trip with family, you won't have the same highlights as everyone else, and that is OK.
"We were together, I forget the rest." - Walt, Whitman, paraphrase
Have a listen, and let us know what you think!
Have the best week! Enjoy the journey!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
(00:13):
Hi.
Hi babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
That's good.
It's been a good day.
It has.
It's been a full, it feels like it's been a full day, but it hasn't been a full day,
but it's-
Yes.
I think it's because it's been a full weekend.
Yes.
It felt like a full weekend.
Yes.
All of a sudden I was like, what did we do?
(00:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It has, it, hi guys.
First of all, thank you to all of our listeners that are still listening to us.
We appreciate you guys.
Very much so.
We have taken a quick siesta, not a siesta, not even a siesta, just a quick, a little
(00:54):
bit of a break.
Yeah.
And if anybody follows any of our other podcasts, they know that life has been lifing.
Yeah.
And on our last podcast, did we talk about where we took off to or what we did that we
took off to go bury a family member?
Oh, I got to be honest.
(01:17):
I don't remember.
I don't either.
We should probably have checked on that.
Probably.
Yeah.
It's okay.
I'll just recap, recap, because it's been a couple of weeks since we've been on here.
And in those couple of weeks, we have buried a family member.
(01:37):
Yeah.
Your sister.
My sister, my stepsister, but my sister.
And then we, let's see, we have our rough draft of our first book.
Yep.
So we're, we're in the process of getting that tightened up and finished.
(01:58):
Yep.
Let's see.
We finished up baseball season, celebrated a friend's wedding.
And then a friend's anniversary.
And then some friends and a 25th wedding anniversary.
And then we got to spend our day off taking care of family members and then watching Gabri
(02:25):
buy her own car, watch our daughter buy her very own first car.
Yep.
We're so proud of her.
Very much so.
So proud of her.
Like, like, listen, you guys, because we had to do some finagling around and she, I don't
know.
Let me, let me take just a second and let's brag on our girl because it's like, today
(02:49):
has been full of a lot of emotions and we had our Traverse, our Chevy Traverse for almost
like seven years.
Yeah.
Six years, seven years, seven years.
Seven because we bought it right before we got the house.
So that's kind of our timetable.
So we've had that for seven years.
(03:10):
We drove that thing like everywhere.
Yeah.
It has been literally to Colorado.
It's been over the East Coast.
It's been all, I see all now I'm going to get all emotional again because I'm like,
man, that is such, it's such a good car.
And 235 plus miles later.
(03:32):
235, not 235 plus.
Yeah, 235,000 plus miles later.
We are rolling up.
We, we, we got it appraised 800 bucks.
I'll just be very transparent with everybody.
It was like for $800.
(03:53):
We honestly, we're not quite sure how much we were going to get, not get whatever.
But the thing was, is I was telling you and then Gabriel and I said, did you guys even
look at like the list of things that they found, like the things that were wrong?
And whenever I had, no, I was going to say, don't, it's not the things they found wrong.
(04:14):
Oh yeah.
If you say that, it's like, Oh, look how much, but the things they, the checklist that they
look at when, cause we take it to CarMax.
We have had good luck with them.
Yeah.
This is not shameless plugs.
Like we're genuinely, we've been blessed.
Yeah, like cause I've, I've looked at it for stuff, but it's like, you know, what's leaking,
(04:34):
what's damaged, what's broken, what's inoperable, you know, what's falling apart, what's on its
last leg.
Yeah.
And it's like, we knew that, that she was going, she's, she's getting old.
I mean, it's a 13 year old car.
It is a 13 year old car.
And we've had it for seven years.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it's like, I'm looking at the different things and I'm like, Whoa, there's fluid.
(04:59):
Whoa.
The transmission.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But there's like, but like the transmission, all the different things.
But what, what I'm getting at is like, I, I, I pull it up into the service space so that
way they can go ahead and, you know, we can do the trade and we can do all the things
and I tap the steering wheel.
(05:22):
How do we get emotional about things sometimes?
You know what I mean?
But I think it's just that gratitude.
Yeah.
I was going to say it's, it's, it's not emotional about the thing.
It's emotional about the memories that have been created while we've had that.
Yeah.
You know, because again, we, we went to, you know, all the trips we took to, all the trips
(05:47):
we took to Texas, you know, our trip to Colorado, our trip to the East coast.
Yeah.
You know, all the times that we've laughed, we've cried, we've visited family, you know,
all of that.
And that, that traverse was our vehicle for doing all of those things.
She's a ride or die.
(06:08):
Right.
Literally.
You know, because again, and it's, it's those memories and it's the gratitude towards,
towards God that, you know, a he, you know, we're in a bind when we got it, you know,
as far as meeting a vehicle.
Yeah.
You know, so he, you know, made our family was outgrowing and our, the one car that we
(06:33):
had was, was falling apart.
Was falling apart.
Yeah.
You know, so it's, it's in my mind, it's like, it's that it's, it's the memories, it's the
gratitude towards God.
It's the, you know, the, the fact that, you know, Gabri's in a place where she's able
to buy her own first car.
Man.
(06:53):
You know?
Yeah.
It's like she, she, this is now, she now has her second vehicle in her vehicle history.
Yeah.
You know, the first one was, you know, yes, we kind of made her make some payments on
it, but it was basically gifted to her.
Correct.
And then now it's, she's buying her own car.
Yeah.
(07:14):
Yeah.
And she's on her own merit.
We didn't have to sign for it.
We did a matching match because we promised that that was something that we were going
to do.
We use the money for the traverses for that, the down and then like, man, there it is.
But it was, it was just, I tapped the steering wheel and I just said, you know, thanks for
(07:36):
taking such good care of us.
You know?
And it was, you know, not just, you know, again, not the car.
Yeah.
It is a car, but it's man, father, thank you for taking such good care of us.
Thank you.
Thank you for making a way where there didn't seem to be a way.
Thank you for providing constantly.
And thank you for showing yourself faithful to our beautiful girl because this is a space
(07:59):
where she gets to now grow in a place where, you know, like she gets to experience God
in a new space.
Yeah.
And her and him and it's, it's just, it's been a really good, it's just a good day.
Yeah.
It was really good.
(08:20):
And so, so that's where we've been guys.
That's where we've been just life in it and in figuring out the new rhythm of our season
because there's a new season that our family's in right now and you guys kind of can, I can
hear it a little bit, but it is just understand that right now.
(08:40):
We are in a space of even more intentionality because I believe that we've always been intentional,
but it feels like this season even more so standing back and saying, okay, father, you
know, this is what we're doing and this is what we're doing.
And it's like every time we do something, I literally am watching him do something else.
(09:03):
And then it's, it's like, okay, just work with me and we get to walk with this, walk
this journey together.
So it's just good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what are we talking about today?
So today we're not talking about that.
I'm trying not to leak everywhere.
I'm like, we don't have any tissue down here.
No, we don't.
Yeah.
It's fine.
(09:24):
So we were kind of inspired by again, something that happened over the weekend.
Yes.
But I wanted to, it's kind of a long title and I'm going to kind of shorten it a bit
on when I type it out.
But it's basically just because you know each other doesn't mean you know everything about
each other.
(09:45):
It's true.
It's true.
So quick backstory.
We at our, at our friend's anniversary party, we played a version of the new Lubeb game.
Yes.
Basically, how well do you know your spouse?
Yes.
And between the six questions, we basically got one right.
One.
I'd say one and a half maybe.
But, you know, but again, it's like, you know, people were laughing.
(10:09):
I mean, we were laughing.
We were having a blast.
We had so much fun.
But people were like, wow, you guys don't know each other.
And it's like, we do.
And when somebody even said, you guys are supposed to be the marriage gurus.
And then we were told to go to a marriage retreat.
Yeah, they're like, do you guys need to go to a marriage retreat?
It's like, yes, please.
(10:29):
That sounds really nice.
Yeah, you literally were like, oh my gosh.
Can we do that?
Can we do that for like a weekend?
A week maybe?
I'll go.
I'll volunteer for a week.
We'll go work on our marriage for a week.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Because again, in a way, it's, you know, we've we've talked about it before many times, you
know, and, you know, it's just like going to the gym.
(10:50):
It's just like focusing on your health, on your nutrition.
It's it's it's a journey.
It's not a destination.
Right.
And this you when you get married, you should want to always improve your marriage.
Yes.
You know, again, even if it's just one little step a day, it's it's that step, you know,
one step a week, one step a month, you know, it's that it's that trying to change that
(11:14):
one percent, you know, it's you know, what was it?
Somebody was like, you know, even if you, you know, even if you get to the point where
your your goal is to improve 50 percent, you'll never get all the way there.
Because, you know, when you hit that 50 percent, you're like, OK, half 50 percent of that and
(11:36):
then 50 percent of that.
And it's like you always have you'll never actually get there.
You know, it's kind of like when they talk about like radioactive materials, you know,
with the half life, you know, it's like when you split it in half, you can infinitely go
by half and you never actually get as little as it gets, it's never actually zero because
you're only going half.
You're only getting rid of half.
(11:58):
So it's like even if you strive to improve by 50 percent.
And then it's like, OK, that's how much we got left.
OK, 50 percent of that.
Yeah.
Then 50 percent of that.
And it's like because it's never you know, it's never like 50 percent of the what you
start with.
It's 50 percent of what's left and then 50 percent of what's left.
And then I got you.
Yeah.
Got you.
OK.
(12:19):
So again, we're always striving.
We're always, you know, we're always taking those steps, you know, because it's.
And you know, I'll say, you know, sometimes sometimes with those questions, it's like,
how well do you know your spouse?
It's like sometimes it's it's something as simple as.
You know, yes, this yes, our marriage is important to us.
(12:43):
Yeah.
But this memory, this specific memory might not be as important to me as it is to you.
Yeah.
Or even if that day is very special and we both remember it.
Yeah.
There are certain aspects that are going to get highlighted in my brain versus highlighted
(13:04):
in your brain.
That's good.
You know, it's like, you know, let's say for our 20th wedding anniversary.
OK.
We could make this really awesome trip somewhere destination.
Let's go.
We renew our vows.
Come on.
Go to some really great restaurants and we do some really fun experiences for our 25th
year anniversary.
(13:24):
Yes.
We could think back and say and I'll be like, man, look at this list of things that was
really important.
It was really great.
And I really remember from this trip.
And you're like, I don't remember half of that.
Yeah.
But here's what I remember.
And I could be like, oh, I don't remember half of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, and it was it was meaningful.
(13:44):
Yes.
It was important.
We connected.
Yes.
You know, we made those new memories.
We had those new experiences.
We did the things.
Right.
But it's just again, not saying that that's not important in my brain.
Yeah.
But this other thing was more highlighted and more meaningful, more connecting.
(14:06):
Yeah.
For me.
Yeah.
For us.
Take your perspective.
Yes.
It's a different perspective because I remember.
So the best thing I can think of.
So listen, I like this whole 20 year situation.
I just want to let you know if you want to start working on figuring that out, that'd
be great.
(14:26):
That would be great.
It's I immediately think of when your dad and mom blessed us with that trip to Disney
and you, who has already been a good amount of times at this point, enough times, let
me say it that way.
The fact that you used to work for a season.
(14:47):
Right.
So you had seen a lot of the things that had been that that were to be seen.
Yes.
There were things that like you were excited about, but there was other things like you're
like, it's not important to me, but it might have been important to the kids.
Or maybe it was important to me who like the three of us had never been.
(15:07):
You had your five year old, the 15 year old, and then your wife.
Right.
And so here you have three different personalities, three different perspectives.
But I remember you saying your favorite part of the trip was watching us in the trip.
Watching things from our perspective, being able to watch us and see things through our
(15:31):
eyes for the first time.
You know, and maybe part of what I think sometimes people miss when it comes to the marriage
situations, right?
When it comes to knowing somebody or not knowing somebody or getting to know somebody or I
(15:55):
don't even know you, you know, those statements I say to you periodically when I'm joking.
But like, whoa, babe, that's a whole other layer of your onion that I did not know even
existed.
Right.
But I think too many times we want somebody to be feeling the same thing we're feeling
in that moment or a shared experience, which is good.
(16:19):
But how much sweeter sometimes or how much more are we missing if we're not taking the
time maybe afterwards and saying, so what did you, what was your favorite part about
this?
You know, what did you see or what did you get out of this?
You know, or just embracing the pure joy of being with that person, being in that moment
(16:44):
together.
We have saying on our wall by Walt Whitman, right?
And you're going to say it better than I said.
We were together.
I forget the rest.
I forget the rest.
Yeah.
And that's literally what it says.
Yeah.
We were together.
I forget the rest.
Yeah.
That's all that matters.
(17:05):
We were together.
There's a lot of days.
There's a lot of memories I have that you're there where you're not.
Babe, that was before me.
I was before me.
And I'm like, but you've always been, but you've always been here.
And so you said, go ahead.
Or even, Hey, remember when we did this?
Oh no, that was, I was in Puerto Rico when that happened.
Oh, see, you know, snap.
(17:25):
But, and then somebody would say, Oh, you know, well, that's horrible.
Or, you know, Oh, well, who were you with?
And Dina, it's like, no, you don't understand.
Yeah.
Everything I do is attached to my husband.
Everything that I do is attached to my children.
(17:47):
It's somebody, somebody I loved was there with me.
They had to be with me because I don't go very many places by myself.
You can testify.
I don't.
And it's like, I think, I think that that's one of the, probably one of the main takeaways
(18:08):
that I would want to give somebody is just say, memorize the moments, but more so just
embrace, embrace the experience of what's going on with that person.
And if you guys see things kind of from different perspectives, like one of the things was,
what was the first movie?
(18:29):
And I was like, Oh, they said, what was the first, the question to me was, what was the
first movie that you guys went to?
And I was like, Oh, easy.
Numeo and Juliet.
That's when I heard Gabriel and Luke laugh at the same places at the same time.
And I fell that much more in love with him and said, he's got to be a part of our lives
(18:50):
where you're like, Oh, the way that it was asked in front of everybody was, was the first
movie that you guys watched together.
And I was like, wait, that wasn't the way that it was promised to me.
Well, then that's a different answer.
And you're like, Oh, I know this one.
It was Despicable Me.
I'm like, yep, it was.
(19:12):
That's when you hit your head on the ceiling fan and was being silly because you're so
freaking tall.
And because your basement was freakishly short, freakishly short.
Right.
I mean, for me, it was freakishly.
Truly.
I mean, even for me, I mean, I was pretty, I could touch it.
I could, I could touch the ceiling.
So, but it's one of those where it's like, um, but I remember you, I remember you in
(19:38):
that moment.
I remember you showing up with the little fun little hat and it had the little Bolly
thing.
It's still upstairs.
I have kept it.
I forgot about that.
I have kept it because I want to wear it so desperately, but I can't.
It does not look cute on me, but I love it because it's the first time we forgot about
that.
That's awesome.
(19:59):
Just got to be, see what I'm saying?
So it's like little things like that, that you just go, Oh, and instead of me going,
Oh, you don't, you, you didn't remember.
You're like, Oh, I forgot about that.
And yeah.
Oh, babe, that's sweet that you kept that.
Yep.
Because that's important to me.
It evokes an emotion and a memory.
And I'll also add, you know, again, even if it's, you know, when, when you go through
(20:25):
this life as a married couple, you know, you're going to do things that you enjoy that your
spouse doesn't.
Correct.
You know, I'm pretty certain we've had a podcast or two on that one.
I think so.
Yeah.
Um, you know, cause again, I, I, I have all the faith in the world and, and you know,
and in heaven that, that it will happen.
(20:45):
Um, for my 50th birthday, you talk about taking me to England to watch a Manchester United
football match.
We're going to need to rebuild that savings again.
We do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's okay.
But yes, we have a little bit of time.
Yes.
You know, but it's, I know that you are not a football fan and you can, for the most part,
(21:05):
you could take it or leave it.
True.
But you're going to have fun watching me.
I am going to have so much fun.
So much fun.
It's going to, I will probably enjoy the game because of just the electricity and I, but
not just you see everybody, everybody else that's going to be around us.
(21:26):
Just again, just taking, when we take these moments with each other, just take a step
back and just maybe try to see things from the perspective of your loved one.
Try to take, you know, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your children, family member,
friend, just, you know, just standing back and going, man, this is lame.
(21:49):
Like, I don't want to do this.
And then say, wait a minute, hold tight.
Okay.
Why are you so lit up about this?
Maybe, maybe what am I missing right now?
And I'm not saying that it will happen every time.
Like, you know, there might be some days you're like, Nope, that's, that's, that's your thing.
(22:09):
Okay.
Good for you.
And again, it's, you know, along those lines, we don't need to have shared likes.
No, not at all.
You know, and, you know, I remember, I remember years prior to you, you know, somebody was
talking to me about, you know, it was, it was one of those conversations that you have
(22:32):
sometimes with friends of like, you know, what do you want in a woman?
You know, what, what would, what would be some of the qualities of your ideal, you know,
partner or spouse?
And one of the things that I used to always say, and yes, I did not tell you this when
we got together, but I still believe strongly in it is, I didn't want, are we going to have
(22:55):
a talk later?
No, no, because we're having the talk now.
Okay.
Yeah.
But it was one of those things.
I always said, I didn't necessarily want a wife that was into the things that I was into,
but I wanted somebody that was cool with the things that I was into.
You know, because again, I, I, I was mature enough to realize that not everybody has the
(23:18):
same likes.
Yeah.
And if you and your spouse have 100% all of the same likes, life gets boring.
It's, I would have to say, yeah, I would have to say, yeah, yeah.
You know, because to a degree, you're not going to, you know, unless one of your likes
is thrill seeking and always finding that new thing, it's going to be hard to get new
things if you're always doing the same thing and you always have the same things that you
(23:43):
like.
Yeah.
You know, so, you know, there are things that I enjoy doing that again, you're like, I could
take it or leave it.
Right.
Or you know what?
You go off and do that for a while.
Yeah.
You know, me and Sebastian playing video games.
Yes.
You're not a huge fan.
No.
You're not going to stop us.
You're not going to be like, I don't like that.
So get it out of the house.
(24:04):
Right.
I mean, there might be some games that I'm like, yeah, but yeah, but yeah, nice.
No, I like, I, I like that.
No, I like that.
I think you got your, what you asked for.
Yeah, I did.
Very much.
I am.
I think I'm pretty cool with.
Yeah.
I'm cool.
I think I'd have to say everything.
(24:26):
99, at least 99.9.
I mean, I'm kind of looking around my office here.
I mean, even the Highland games, it's like you enjoyed watching me and cheering me on
and supporting me, but you're like, I was even asked to come.
Oh, you were there.
Like, but it was, I think that that was, that was a really sweet moment.
I appreciate that moment because there were, there were times where it's like, I want to
(24:49):
come and play because I'm strong and I like this and that would be fun.
And I would actually, I think I'd be really good at this, you know, kind of thing.
With you.
Yeah.
But then it was like, I remember one of the young ladies, do you remember kind of exactly
what she said?
Okay.
I do.
What'd she say?
(25:10):
She basically, like she started talking to you.
She's like, you know, you should come play with us.
Yeah.
You know, come, come join the party, come play with us.
Yeah.
And, and you're like, I don't know, you know, cause, cause some days you're cool with competing.
Some days you're like, you know, I know I get really competitive.
Maybe not.
I'm really angry guys.
But all of a sudden it was like, she stopped herself and she basically said, well, maybe
(25:36):
you don't because sometimes we get pretty raunchy and dirty.
Yeah.
Like she, and I, and I know that we had been doing this for lack of a better term, this,
the Highland circuit with you.
Everybody, everybody knew who we were.
(25:56):
Um, respectfully, just kind.
Everybody was very gentle and good and kind with us.
Did we constantly proclaim the name of Jesus above everything else?
No, no.
But did we engage with the other conversations and the things that might've been a little,
(26:19):
and we didn't, and I think it, side note.
So it's not always so much what you say.
It's what some, a lot of times what you don't say.
It's not what you do.
It's a lot of times what you don't do.
And in that it was, you could see almost like, like a aha or like a something.
(26:42):
I don't know.
I'm just going to assume Holy spirit just spoke directly to her and said, yeah, no,
she's, she's, I, I would be over in a corner somewhere and just be like,
respectfully, kindly, you know, honorably.
Cause again, good people.
I mean, they, they, we to this day say that like who, who these people are, some of the
(27:08):
most honorably honorable people we have ever met.
And so, uh, anyway, yeah.
Highland games.
I, it would be, it would have been a lot of fun.
Yeah.
But maybe, I don't know, maybe I might do something on my own.
I don't know.
I'll see.
Not Highland games.
We could start our own version of Highland games, call them kingdom games.
(27:32):
There you go.
See now you're wanting to, we're talking about creating our own little marriage retreat because
that was one of the conversations we had after this when it was like, you guys need, y'all,
maybe y'all need to go on a marriage retreat.
And I was like, okay, this is a sad thing about marriage retreats.
When people say this is like, Oh, you must be struggling.
No, man.
Like we want to do their marriage retreat where everybody's like bubbling over and just
(27:55):
all the things.
And you might be struggling a little bit, but not like you think so.
Like you might be, I just need a little extra boost.
Like we're going to be, we don't want people to think of marriage retreat the same way
they think of fat camp.
Come on.
Come on.
That part.
Throw all the PC out the window.
(28:15):
That's just all of it.
Yeah.
All of it.
So yeah.
And kingdom games.
Yeah.
I like this.
Yes.
Listen, y'all just saw y'all just heard our, our brains and our business ideas coming to
life.
Yeah.
Jesus out.
Then make it happen.
Yeah.
Seriously guys, we joke, but like there's actually things that happen in our minds right
(28:40):
now.
Yeah.
If, if we, if we had video, which we will, but if we had video, you guys would literally
be seeing our eyes and Luke is like literally leaned back in his chair and how could we
make this work?
Like we could totally make this work, babe, babe, why are you leaving me?
(29:02):
You can't leave me like this.
You got to come back.
This is good stuff.
I'm laughing at something else.
My brain goes on such trap rabbit trail.
That's where our son gets it.
That's what happens because I think that I'm thinking all of a sudden, you know, we're,
you know, the retreats and the kingdom games and the stuff and the stuff.
(29:23):
And all of a sudden I think of that video that we saw last night of the CrossFit of
the, you know, I'm JC and I started CrossFit, you know, pick up your cross, pick up your
mahogany cross and just walk with it.
Yes.
And if you just walk for eight hours for six days a week, yes, after 23 months, I lost
23 pounds, I know it seems unbelievable.
(29:46):
It's true.
It's true.
They kept like honing in on the biceps and the things.
That was funny.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
Back to the thought, back to the thought.
Back to the thought.
Yeah.
You're not, we're not going to know each other.
We're not going to know each other.
Yeah.
100%.
(30:06):
We're not going to know every detail about each other.
We're not going to.
Again, you know, even though we go through the same things, we're not going to have the
same memories.
No, no.
And there are some things that it's like, I'm going to take a bit of a turn here.
Okay.
It's different people are going to impact our lives different ways.
(30:30):
Agreed.
Even if they come, you know, especially if they come into our lives in different, at
different times.
Yes.
You know, cause, cause I am, I'm thinking about Papa, Papa Charlie.
You and I are squishy today.
Just all the, all the goodness, babe.
You know, but it's like, you had known them for so long.
(30:53):
Yeah.
You know, and, and it's like, I came in and it's like, you know, so I got to know Charlie
and Karen and like, I, it was like, I was cool by association.
Yeah.
You know, it's like you approved of me.
So all of a sudden it's like, okay, we'll accept you.
(31:14):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That Bob Evans breakfast.
Yeah, that's true.
That was, that was, no, he was checking you out.
Yeah, he was.
And if he had said, mmm, dinner Marie.
No, I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, but it is, it's, you know, cause even things like that, you know,
(31:37):
him as a, as a father figure is going to tell things to a son differently than he would
say it to his daughter.
Absolutely.
You know, our kids, I'm going to, I'm going to say things and, and do things differently
with Sebastian than I will with Gabri.
(31:59):
Yeah.
And, and it has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that they're two different
people.
They're two really different people.
You know, A, they're two different people.
B, one is a son, one is a daughter.
Correct.
Correct.
You know, and it's just, you know, I will be softer with her.
(32:20):
I will be rougher with him.
You know, I mean, but again, I, I, I about teared up earlier when I looked at her and,
you know, before the little fireworks went off on, on the 100% approval, you just bought
yourself a new car.
I just looked at her and I almost teared up just by saying, I'm so proud of you.
(32:42):
Yeah.
You know, and, and I, I just keep saying it to her.
You caught her off guard when you did that.
Like she caught her breath.
I like when you're doing that.
I do too.
Yeah.
So it is, it's, you know, and it is, it's these things.
It's you're, you're gonna, you're gonna, I keep, I keep going back to it.
(33:05):
You're just, you're gonna have, you're gonna have different memories, not because you have
different experiences, but just because different things will hit you differently.
And you're different people.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And there's, there's nothing wrong with that.
Yeah.
Because I'll even go to the other extreme.
And one of the things that we did talk about and what helped trigger and help with this
(33:30):
thought was talking to a very, very precious friend.
And she was kind of asking some, some marital advice, I suppose.
And her just kind of looking at me and she's like, you know, but like, this is this, you
know, this kind of like what we, what we're talking about now, like, well, we should know
(33:55):
each other.
We should have the things we should do the things we shouldn't be, you know, we shouldn't
be arguing.
We shouldn't know all the things.
And she's like, they're freshly married, which in, and these are good absolute standards
to live by.
Like, cause I'm looking at her going like, I could probably count on less than one handful
(34:16):
in almost 13 years of marriage, where you and I have ever raised our voice with each
other.
No, like less than a handful.
Yeah.
I have to literally rack my brain.
Yeah.
And, and even the times where it has, it, it hasn't, like, if I can say it like this,
it hasn't necessarily us been yelling at each other or one of us yelling at the other.
(34:40):
It's been frustration of, you know, that, that, that thing that's sitting on you, you
know, the, the, the attitude, the, the, the darkness, the, the spirit of oppression that's
like trying to drown you right now.
It's like, I'm yelling at that thing.
I'm not yelling at you.
(35:01):
Right.
Right.
And we've even taught our daughter that, right.
And our, our teaching our son.
Yeah.
And it's like, and I'm looking at her and I said, I'll be incredibly transparent with
you.
Just two days ago, we're downstairs in our basement because I walked out of the room
and said, I didn't even say anything.
(35:22):
I just walked out.
I was like, Oh, we're I'm pissed.
Yep.
We're done.
I'm not, we're done, but I am, I am, I am done being in this room.
I am agitated.
And if I stay here any longer, I'm probably going to cuss and get angry.
(35:43):
And yeah, you know what?
I know we're gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna try to figure out how to work this stupid
TV.
And I couldn't, so I just laid there and I prayed and nothing was breaking.
Yeah.
Like I'm just there.
Yeah.
And it was love is patient.
(36:07):
Love is kind.
Right.
The first Corinthians 13, the thing that we keep talking about and, and I'm, I'm grateful.
One thing I can say is I'm grateful that even in these times, like you had had an incredible
night, you had had a really good, solid touch with God, like even like I'm going to tell
(36:32):
on myself.
Yeah.
And I was mad as a hornet because the perspective of what was happening with me in that moment
was not what was happening with you.
And the selfishness and I can't even so much say I was being selfish because I even looked
at you as like, like I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to be selfish.
(36:54):
Like I don't believe that this is a selfish thing that's in me.
And then the moment that I said, but I think it's, and I'm not going to go into it.
And like, with all due respect guys, you don't need to know everything, but like whatever
that was, that was, I was dealing with in that moment broke.
And I looked at you and I was like, okay, okay.
(37:16):
This is, this is, oh, this is right.
And it's like, it helped you, it helped me.
And sometimes even in the perspectives, cause it is, it's like you, I think the thing that
I appreciated most about you and I feel like I really hope I'm not everywhere right now.
(37:39):
I hope I'm staying on topic, but I think the thing that I appreciated the most about you
in that space with me was you weren't trying to say, Oh, but babe, Oh, but, but you didn't.
Well that's on you or Oh, but babe, you know, kind of you, you actually were, it's cause
(38:03):
I'm looking at you going, I'm sorry.
Like I'm sorry.
You're really like poo pooing all over your stuff.
And this is so crap on me.
Sorry.
This is, you know, and it's like, you didn't lose that moment.
And while keeping that moment, you also were like, saw what was happening with me and we're
(38:27):
like, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Like we both saw each other's moments.
And then at the same time, we're like, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
And I think if we just give each other space in those moments, whether they're good, whether
they're bad, like this is devastating.
This is a moment that's devastating for me.
(38:48):
And I'm not talking about what we had, but like you have the loss of a child.
You have the loss of a something.
You have a loss of something, right?
Yes.
One spouse might be seemingly handling it better than the other or something might be
happening and then like you're expecting the other person to come into your, your sad party,
(39:08):
right?
And I don't, because I don't want to call it a pity party.
That's genuinely like, there's a sad, there's a grief, but in those spaces, you also need
to say, we're going to feel differently.
We're going to see this differently.
We're going to maybe grieve at different rates.
(39:28):
We might even celebrate at different rates.
You know, like, you know, here I'm all like giddy excited about our daughter's new car.
You're giddy excited to, you're excited too.
You just don't get all like, I'm walking around with the phone and doing all the videos and
oh my gosh, this is amazing.
You know, and my phone didn't leave my pocket.
(39:49):
It didn't leave the pocket, but you are still very much in the moment and still very much
in this space.
Right.
Like, I think we just need to give our spouses, our children, our family, the people, our
loved ones, license to be who they are in those moments.
Experience it for who and what they are.
(40:12):
And then maybe take this, take the time afterwards.
How did that?
What did you see?
Like, I could tell you all of this stuff, but like, what did you, what did you see?
Because I want to see this from your eyes too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah.
(40:32):
And that is, it does.
I mean, it, I, it makes sense to me.
I mean, hopefully it makes sense to our listeners.
Yes.
I almost said to our readers, I'm like, wait, you're not reading this?
Not today.
No, but it is.
Um, but no, I think, I think that's exactly how it is.
Like even, even when you're talking about it, you know, like this is how, this is what
(40:53):
I felt or this is what I saw, this is what I experienced.
You know, what, what did you, what did you get out of it?
You know, almost, um, it's like, as you're saying that in my mind, I'm like, it's almost
like comparing scrapbooks.
Hmm.
You know, it's good.
Yeah.
You know, if, if, if we were to go on the same trip and at the end of the day, at the
end of the trip, whatever, you know, we sat down and we made a scrapbook about what was
(41:16):
cool or what was memorable, what was highlights.
And it's like, you know, it's like, okay, well now let's compare, you know, what are
we, what was your highlight?
You know, who's your top three?
Yeah.
You know, type thing.
And it's like, oh, that's cool.
You know, my top three was over here.
Um, see now I want to start making scrapbooks for like trips.
I love that.
No, I do.
(41:37):
I love that because it's like, I think of our children, our children are so very, very
different.
Yes.
So very much the same, but so very different.
Yeah.
And you could see the perspective of a 10 year olds, what Sebastian would be putting
in his book or in his pockets, you know, on a trip versus what Gabri would put it.
(42:01):
And they're going to look so different, but then sit down.
I love, babe, I love that idea.
No, that's beautiful.
I mean, even, even what was it a couple of years ago when, when Gabri was, was first
able to go and hit the casino floor with us, you know, and she was like, you know, for
her it was this, this brand new thing and, you know, actually spending money to try to
(42:25):
win more money.
And you know, Sebastian looking from the outside in, it's like, I want to play video games.
I want to play video games.
Yep.
They're, they're video games.
They're big video games.
It's like a big arcade.
Yes.
That's all he cared about.
He's like, they're video games.
I want to play.
Yes.
I love that.
Yes.
Yeah.
The simplicity of something or the depths of something.
(42:47):
But the fact is that it's something, it's something to each one of them just at a different
rate, a different level.
Yeah.
I love that.
We, listen, we are about to become, listen, we got us, we got all sorts of idea.
We got a box.
We got a box of stuff.
Yes.
Cause that was gifted to us that we never touched.
What box?
(43:08):
In the storage, the, from my mom.
Yes, we do.
We are going to become scrapbookers.
They gave us a whole bunch of leftover scrapbook stuff.
That is right.
It's not even going to cost us anything.
Look at that.
We're saving money.
We're making memories.
Let's do this.
Shoot.
Come on.
Cause I love that.
Cause right now, like, I mean, they're, they're home again.
(43:29):
Yeah.
But like even right before we push play or push record.
Yeah.
Like I said, hold on babe, she's home.
I'm going to, before she gets out of the car.
Yeah.
I mean, and Sebastian.
Yeah.
You want to go for a ride with your sister.
And so she took him for a cruise in her new little car and they're going to have two totally
(43:50):
different memories.
Yep.
But the fact is that they were together.
They were together.
I don't remember the rest.
Yep.
We were together because some of my greatest memories, squishy.
I am, I am squishy today.
And that's okay.
One of my absolute greatest memories to this day is my brother came home from the army
(44:19):
and he had a doom buggy and it was cold and rainy, but he still wanted to take his little
sister on a ride in a doom buggy.
And my lips were purple and I'm chattering and we're in the rain and we're getting wet
(44:39):
and we're having the time of our lives.
Yeah.
Because we were together and I don't remember the rest.
That's what, that's what life should be.
It is.
Yeah.
That's how we, that's how our life should be with God.
Like I just, I just want to be with you, God.
(45:01):
Like we were together.
You never left me or forsake.
We were together all day today.
We got to be together, God.
I don't remember the rest.
What did we do today?
I don't know.
Like we had experiences, we had adventures, we had journeys.
We actually enjoyed the journey.
Yeah.
But I don't, I don't remember much more than that, but I just, I remember you.
(45:23):
I remember it was good.
I remember here's all four of us.
Well five, because we had sparks.
We had sparks.
But it's like, I don't remember the rest.
Yeah.
But it was good.
It was.
It was good.
Yeah.
This is a good one.
I like this.
Just crying.
(45:43):
Yeah.
Great is thy faithfulness, God.
Yes.
And the many more adventures to come.
Yes.
Grateful.
Very.
Grateful heart.
Just a grateful heart.
So take the memories, take the moments.
(46:05):
Don't, don't get so caught up on maybe the things that you don't know.
Celebrate each other's highlights.
I think that might be, need to be your title.
Okay.
Celebrate each other's highlights.
Yeah.
And on that note, have the best week.
(46:28):
Enjoy the journey.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
(00:13):
Hi.
Hi babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
That's good.
It's been a good day.
It has.
It's been a full, it feels like it's been a full day, but it hasn't been a full day,
but it's-
Yes.
I think it's because it's been a full weekend.
Yes.
It felt like a full weekend.
Yes.
All of a sudden I was like, what did we do?
(00:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It has, it, hi guys.
First of all, thank you to all of our listeners that are still listening to us.
We appreciate you guys.
Very much so.
We have taken a quick siesta, not a siesta, not even a siesta, just a quick, a little
(00:54):
bit of a break.
Yeah.
And if anybody follows any of our other podcasts, they know that life has been lifing.
Yeah.
And on our last podcast, did we talk about where we took off to or what we did that we
took off to go bury a family member?
Oh, I got to be honest.
(01:17):
I don't remember.
I don't either.
We should probably have checked on that.
Probably.
Yeah.
It's okay.
I'll just recap, recap, because it's been a couple of weeks since we've been on here.
And in those couple of weeks, we have buried a family member.
(01:37):
Yeah.
Your sister.
My sister, my stepsister, but my sister.
And then we, let's see, we have our rough draft of our first book.
Yep.
So we're, we're in the process of getting that tightened up and finished.
(01:58):
Yep.
Let's see.
We finished up baseball season, celebrated a friend's wedding.
And then a friend's anniversary.
And then some friends and a 25th wedding anniversary.
And then we got to spend our day off taking care of family members and then watching Gabri
(02:25):
buy her own car, watch our daughter buy her very own first car.
Yep.
We're so proud of her.
Very much so.
So proud of her.
Like, like, listen, you guys, because we had to do some finagling around and she, I don't
know.
Let me, let me take just a second and let's brag on our girl because it's like, today
(02:49):
has been full of a lot of emotions and we had our Traverse, our Chevy Traverse for almost
like seven years.
Yeah.
Six years, seven years, seven years.
Seven because we bought it right before we got the house.
So that's kind of our timetable.
So we've had that for seven years.
(03:10):
We drove that thing like everywhere.
Yeah.
It has been literally to Colorado.
It's been over the East Coast.
It's been all, I see all now I'm going to get all emotional again because I'm like,
man, that is such, it's such a good car.
And 235 plus miles later.
(03:32):
235, not 235 plus.
Yeah, 235,000 plus miles later.
We are rolling up.
We, we, we got it appraised 800 bucks.
I'll just be very transparent with everybody.
It was like for $800.
(03:53):
We honestly, we're not quite sure how much we were going to get, not get whatever.
But the thing was, is I was telling you and then Gabriel and I said, did you guys even
look at like the list of things that they found, like the things that were wrong?
And whenever I had, no, I was going to say, don't, it's not the things they found wrong.
(04:14):
Oh yeah.
If you say that, it's like, Oh, look how much, but the things they, the checklist that they
look at when, cause we take it to CarMax.
We have had good luck with them.
Yeah.
This is not shameless plugs.
Like we're genuinely, we've been blessed.
Yeah, like cause I've, I've looked at it for stuff, but it's like, you know, what's leaking,
(04:34):
what's damaged, what's broken, what's inoperable, you know, what's falling apart, what's on its
last leg.
Yeah.
And it's like, we knew that, that she was going, she's, she's getting old.
I mean, it's a 13 year old car.
It is a 13 year old car.
And we've had it for seven years.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it's like, I'm looking at the different things and I'm like, Whoa, there's fluid.
(04:59):
Whoa.
The transmission.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But there's like, but like the transmission, all the different things.
But what, what I'm getting at is like, I, I, I pull it up into the service space so that
way they can go ahead and, you know, we can do the trade and we can do all the things
and I tap the steering wheel.
(05:22):
How do we get emotional about things sometimes?
You know what I mean?
But I think it's just that gratitude.
Yeah.
I was going to say it's, it's, it's not emotional about the thing.
It's emotional about the memories that have been created while we've had that.
Yeah.
You know, because again, we, we went to, you know, all the trips we took to, all the trips
(05:47):
we took to Texas, you know, our trip to Colorado, our trip to the East coast.
Yeah.
You know, all the times that we've laughed, we've cried, we've visited family, you know,
all of that.
And that, that traverse was our vehicle for doing all of those things.
She's a ride or die.
(06:08):
Right.
Literally.
You know, because again, and it's, it's those memories and it's the gratitude towards,
towards God that, you know, a he, you know, we're in a bind when we got it, you know,
as far as meeting a vehicle.
Yeah.
You know, so he, you know, made our family was outgrowing and our, the one car that we
(06:33):
had was, was falling apart.
Was falling apart.
Yeah.
You know, so it's, it's in my mind, it's like, it's that it's, it's the memories, it's the
gratitude towards God.
It's the, you know, the, the fact that, you know, Gabri's in a place where she's able
to buy her own first car.
Man.
(06:53):
You know?
Yeah.
It's like she, she, this is now, she now has her second vehicle in her vehicle history.
Yeah.
You know, the first one was, you know, yes, we kind of made her make some payments on
it, but it was basically gifted to her.
Correct.
And then now it's, she's buying her own car.
Yeah.
(07:14):
Yeah.
And she's on her own merit.
We didn't have to sign for it.
We did a matching match because we promised that that was something that we were going
to do.
We use the money for the traverses for that, the down and then like, man, there it is.
But it was, it was just, I tapped the steering wheel and I just said, you know, thanks for
(07:36):
taking such good care of us.
You know?
And it was, you know, not just, you know, again, not the car.
Yeah.
It is a car, but it's man, father, thank you for taking such good care of us.
Thank you.
Thank you for making a way where there didn't seem to be a way.
Thank you for providing constantly.
And thank you for showing yourself faithful to our beautiful girl because this is a space
(07:59):
where she gets to now grow in a place where, you know, like she gets to experience God
in a new space.
Yeah.
And her and him and it's, it's just, it's been a really good, it's just a good day.
Yeah.
It was really good.
(08:20):
And so, so that's where we've been guys.
That's where we've been just life in it and in figuring out the new rhythm of our season
because there's a new season that our family's in right now and you guys kind of can, I can
hear it a little bit, but it is just understand that right now.
(08:40):
We are in a space of even more intentionality because I believe that we've always been intentional,
but it feels like this season even more so standing back and saying, okay, father, you
know, this is what we're doing and this is what we're doing.
And it's like every time we do something, I literally am watching him do something else.
(09:03):
And then it's, it's like, okay, just work with me and we get to walk with this, walk
this journey together.
So it's just good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what are we talking about today?
So today we're not talking about that.
I'm trying not to leak everywhere.
I'm like, we don't have any tissue down here.
No, we don't.
Yeah.
It's fine.
(09:24):
So we were kind of inspired by again, something that happened over the weekend.
Yes.
But I wanted to, it's kind of a long title and I'm going to kind of shorten it a bit
on when I type it out.
But it's basically just because you know each other doesn't mean you know everything about
each other.
(09:45):
It's true.
It's true.
So quick backstory.
We at our, at our friend's anniversary party, we played a version of the new Lubeb game.
Yes.
Basically, how well do you know your spouse?
Yes.
And between the six questions, we basically got one right.
One.
I'd say one and a half maybe.
But, you know, but again, it's like, you know, people were laughing.
(10:09):
I mean, we were laughing.
We were having a blast.
We had so much fun.
But people were like, wow, you guys don't know each other.
And it's like, we do.
And when somebody even said, you guys are supposed to be the marriage gurus.
And then we were told to go to a marriage retreat.
Yeah, they're like, do you guys need to go to a marriage retreat?
It's like, yes, please.
(10:29):
That sounds really nice.
Yeah, you literally were like, oh my gosh.
Can we do that?
Can we do that for like a weekend?
A week maybe?
I'll go.
I'll volunteer for a week.
We'll go work on our marriage for a week.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Because again, in a way, it's, you know, we've we've talked about it before many times, you
know, and, you know, it's just like going to the gym.
(10:50):
It's just like focusing on your health, on your nutrition.
It's it's it's a journey.
It's not a destination.
Right.
And this you when you get married, you should want to always improve your marriage.
Yes.
You know, again, even if it's just one little step a day, it's it's that step, you know,
one step a week, one step a month, you know, it's that it's that trying to change that
(11:14):
one percent, you know, it's you know, what was it?
Somebody was like, you know, even if you, you know, even if you get to the point where
your your goal is to improve 50 percent, you'll never get all the way there.
Because, you know, when you hit that 50 percent, you're like, OK, half 50 percent of that and
(11:36):
then 50 percent of that.
And it's like you always have you'll never actually get there.
You know, it's kind of like when they talk about like radioactive materials, you know,
with the half life, you know, it's like when you split it in half, you can infinitely go
by half and you never actually get as little as it gets, it's never actually zero because
you're only going half.
You're only getting rid of half.
(11:58):
So it's like even if you strive to improve by 50 percent.
And then it's like, OK, that's how much we got left.
OK, 50 percent of that.
Yeah.
Then 50 percent of that.
And it's like because it's never you know, it's never like 50 percent of the what you
start with.
It's 50 percent of what's left and then 50 percent of what's left.
And then I got you.
Yeah.
Got you.
OK.
(12:19):
So again, we're always striving.
We're always, you know, we're always taking those steps, you know, because it's.
And you know, I'll say, you know, sometimes sometimes with those questions, it's like,
how well do you know your spouse?
It's like sometimes it's it's something as simple as.
You know, yes, this yes, our marriage is important to us.
(12:43):
Yeah.
But this memory, this specific memory might not be as important to me as it is to you.
Yeah.
Or even if that day is very special and we both remember it.
Yeah.
There are certain aspects that are going to get highlighted in my brain versus highlighted
(13:04):
in your brain.
That's good.
You know, it's like, you know, let's say for our 20th wedding anniversary.
OK.
We could make this really awesome trip somewhere destination.
Let's go.
We renew our vows.
Come on.
Go to some really great restaurants and we do some really fun experiences for our 25th
year anniversary.
(13:24):
Yes.
We could think back and say and I'll be like, man, look at this list of things that was
really important.
It was really great.
And I really remember from this trip.
And you're like, I don't remember half of that.
Yeah.
But here's what I remember.
And I could be like, oh, I don't remember half of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, and it was it was meaningful.
(13:44):
Yes.
It was important.
We connected.
Yes.
You know, we made those new memories.
We had those new experiences.
We did the things.
Right.
But it's just again, not saying that that's not important in my brain.
Yeah.
But this other thing was more highlighted and more meaningful, more connecting.
(14:06):
Yeah.
For me.
Yeah.
For us.
Take your perspective.
Yes.
It's a different perspective because I remember.
So the best thing I can think of.
So listen, I like this whole 20 year situation.
I just want to let you know if you want to start working on figuring that out, that'd
be great.
(14:26):
That would be great.
It's I immediately think of when your dad and mom blessed us with that trip to Disney
and you, who has already been a good amount of times at this point, enough times, let
me say it that way.
The fact that you used to work for a season.
(14:47):
Right.
So you had seen a lot of the things that had been that that were to be seen.
Yes.
There were things that like you were excited about, but there was other things like you're
like, it's not important to me, but it might have been important to the kids.
Or maybe it was important to me who like the three of us had never been.
(15:07):
You had your five year old, the 15 year old, and then your wife.
Right.
And so here you have three different personalities, three different perspectives.
But I remember you saying your favorite part of the trip was watching us in the trip.
Watching things from our perspective, being able to watch us and see things through our
(15:31):
eyes for the first time.
You know, and maybe part of what I think sometimes people miss when it comes to the marriage
situations, right?
When it comes to knowing somebody or not knowing somebody or getting to know somebody or I
(15:55):
don't even know you, you know, those statements I say to you periodically when I'm joking.
But like, whoa, babe, that's a whole other layer of your onion that I did not know even
existed.
Right.
But I think too many times we want somebody to be feeling the same thing we're feeling
in that moment or a shared experience, which is good.
(16:19):
But how much sweeter sometimes or how much more are we missing if we're not taking the
time maybe afterwards and saying, so what did you, what was your favorite part about
this?
You know, what did you see or what did you get out of this?
You know, or just embracing the pure joy of being with that person, being in that moment
(16:44):
together.
We have saying on our wall by Walt Whitman, right?
And you're going to say it better than I said.
We were together.
I forget the rest.
I forget the rest.
Yeah.
And that's literally what it says.
Yeah.
We were together.
I forget the rest.
Yeah.
That's all that matters.
(17:05):
We were together.
There's a lot of days.
There's a lot of memories I have that you're there where you're not.
Babe, that was before me.
I was before me.
And I'm like, but you've always been, but you've always been here.
And so you said, go ahead.
Or even, Hey, remember when we did this?
Oh no, that was, I was in Puerto Rico when that happened.
Oh, see, you know, snap.
(17:25):
But, and then somebody would say, Oh, you know, well, that's horrible.
Or, you know, Oh, well, who were you with?
And Dina, it's like, no, you don't understand.
Yeah.
Everything I do is attached to my husband.
Everything that I do is attached to my children.
(17:47):
It's somebody, somebody I loved was there with me.
They had to be with me because I don't go very many places by myself.
You can testify.
I don't.
And it's like, I think, I think that that's one of the, probably one of the main takeaways
(18:08):
that I would want to give somebody is just say, memorize the moments, but more so just
embrace, embrace the experience of what's going on with that person.
And if you guys see things kind of from different perspectives, like one of the things was,
what was the first movie?
(18:29):
And I was like, Oh, they said, what was the first, the question to me was, what was the
first movie that you guys went to?
And I was like, Oh, easy.
Numeo and Juliet.
That's when I heard Gabriel and Luke laugh at the same places at the same time.
And I fell that much more in love with him and said, he's got to be a part of our lives
(18:50):
where you're like, Oh, the way that it was asked in front of everybody was, was the first
movie that you guys watched together.
And I was like, wait, that wasn't the way that it was promised to me.
Well, then that's a different answer.
And you're like, Oh, I know this one.
It was Despicable Me.
I'm like, yep, it was.
(19:12):
That's when you hit your head on the ceiling fan and was being silly because you're so
freaking tall.
And because your basement was freakishly short, freakishly short.
Right.
I mean, for me, it was freakishly.
Truly.
I mean, even for me, I mean, I was pretty, I could touch it.
I could, I could touch the ceiling.
So, but it's one of those where it's like, um, but I remember you, I remember you in
(19:38):
that moment.
I remember you showing up with the little fun little hat and it had the little Bolly
thing.
It's still upstairs.
I have kept it.
I forgot about that.
I have kept it because I want to wear it so desperately, but I can't.
It does not look cute on me, but I love it because it's the first time we forgot about
that.
That's awesome.
(19:59):
Just got to be, see what I'm saying?
So it's like little things like that, that you just go, Oh, and instead of me going,
Oh, you don't, you, you didn't remember.
You're like, Oh, I forgot about that.
And yeah.
Oh, babe, that's sweet that you kept that.
Yep.
Because that's important to me.
It evokes an emotion and a memory.
And I'll also add, you know, again, even if it's, you know, when, when you go through
(20:25):
this life as a married couple, you know, you're going to do things that you enjoy that your
spouse doesn't.
Correct.
You know, I'm pretty certain we've had a podcast or two on that one.
I think so.
Yeah.
Um, you know, cause again, I, I, I have all the faith in the world and, and you know,
and in heaven that, that it will happen.
(20:45):
Um, for my 50th birthday, you talk about taking me to England to watch a Manchester United
football match.
We're going to need to rebuild that savings again.
We do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's okay.
But yes, we have a little bit of time.
Yes.
You know, but it's, I know that you are not a football fan and you can, for the most part,
(21:05):
you could take it or leave it.
True.
But you're going to have fun watching me.
I am going to have so much fun.
So much fun.
It's going to, I will probably enjoy the game because of just the electricity and I, but
not just you see everybody, everybody else that's going to be around us.
(21:26):
Just again, just taking, when we take these moments with each other, just take a step
back and just maybe try to see things from the perspective of your loved one.
Try to take, you know, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your children, family member,
friend, just, you know, just standing back and going, man, this is lame.
(21:49):
Like, I don't want to do this.
And then say, wait a minute, hold tight.
Okay.
Why are you so lit up about this?
Maybe, maybe what am I missing right now?
And I'm not saying that it will happen every time.
Like, you know, there might be some days you're like, Nope, that's, that's, that's your thing.
(22:09):
Okay.
Good for you.
And again, it's, you know, along those lines, we don't need to have shared likes.
No, not at all.
You know, and, you know, I remember, I remember years prior to you, you know, somebody was
talking to me about, you know, it was, it was one of those conversations that you have
(22:32):
sometimes with friends of like, you know, what do you want in a woman?
You know, what, what would, what would be some of the qualities of your ideal, you know,
partner or spouse?
And one of the things that I used to always say, and yes, I did not tell you this when
we got together, but I still believe strongly in it is, I didn't want, are we going to have
(22:55):
a talk later?
No, no, because we're having the talk now.
Okay.
Yeah.
But it was one of those things.
I always said, I didn't necessarily want a wife that was into the things that I was into,
but I wanted somebody that was cool with the things that I was into.
You know, because again, I, I, I was mature enough to realize that not everybody has the
(23:18):
same likes.
Yeah.
And if you and your spouse have 100% all of the same likes, life gets boring.
It's, I would have to say, yeah, I would have to say, yeah, yeah.
You know, because to a degree, you're not going to, you know, unless one of your likes
is thrill seeking and always finding that new thing, it's going to be hard to get new
things if you're always doing the same thing and you always have the same things that you
(23:43):
like.
Yeah.
You know, so, you know, there are things that I enjoy doing that again, you're like, I could
take it or leave it.
Right.
Or you know what?
You go off and do that for a while.
Yeah.
You know, me and Sebastian playing video games.
Yes.
You're not a huge fan.
No.
You're not going to stop us.
You're not going to be like, I don't like that.
So get it out of the house.
(24:04):
Right.
I mean, there might be some games that I'm like, yeah, but yeah, but yeah, nice.
No, I like, I, I like that.
No, I like that.
I think you got your, what you asked for.
Yeah, I did.
Very much.
I am.
I think I'm pretty cool with.
Yeah.
I'm cool.
I think I'd have to say everything.
(24:26):
99, at least 99.9.
I mean, I'm kind of looking around my office here.
I mean, even the Highland games, it's like you enjoyed watching me and cheering me on
and supporting me, but you're like, I was even asked to come.
Oh, you were there.
Like, but it was, I think that that was, that was a really sweet moment.
I appreciate that moment because there were, there were times where it's like, I want to
(24:49):
come and play because I'm strong and I like this and that would be fun.
And I would actually, I think I'd be really good at this, you know, kind of thing.
With you.
Yeah.
But then it was like, I remember one of the young ladies, do you remember kind of exactly
what she said?
Okay.
I do.
What'd she say?
(25:10):
She basically, like she started talking to you.
She's like, you know, you should come play with us.
Yeah.
You know, come, come join the party, come play with us.
Yeah.
And, and you're like, I don't know, you know, cause, cause some days you're cool with competing.
Some days you're like, you know, I know I get really competitive.
Maybe not.
I'm really angry guys.
But all of a sudden it was like, she stopped herself and she basically said, well, maybe
(25:36):
you don't because sometimes we get pretty raunchy and dirty.
Yeah.
Like she, and I, and I know that we had been doing this for lack of a better term, this,
the Highland circuit with you.
Everybody, everybody knew who we were.
(25:56):
Um, respectfully, just kind.
Everybody was very gentle and good and kind with us.
Did we constantly proclaim the name of Jesus above everything else?
No, no.
But did we engage with the other conversations and the things that might've been a little,
(26:19):
and we didn't, and I think it, side note.
So it's not always so much what you say.
It's what some, a lot of times what you don't say.
It's not what you do.
It's a lot of times what you don't do.
And in that it was, you could see almost like, like a aha or like a something.
(26:42):
I don't know.
I'm just going to assume Holy spirit just spoke directly to her and said, yeah, no,
she's, she's, I, I would be over in a corner somewhere and just be like,
respectfully, kindly, you know, honorably.
Cause again, good people.
I mean, they, they, we to this day say that like who, who these people are, some of the
(27:08):
most honorably honorable people we have ever met.
And so, uh, anyway, yeah.
Highland games.
I, it would be, it would have been a lot of fun.
Yeah.
But maybe, I don't know, maybe I might do something on my own.
I don't know.
I'll see.
Not Highland games.
We could start our own version of Highland games, call them kingdom games.
(27:32):
There you go.
See now you're wanting to, we're talking about creating our own little marriage retreat because
that was one of the conversations we had after this when it was like, you guys need, y'all,
maybe y'all need to go on a marriage retreat.
And I was like, okay, this is a sad thing about marriage retreats.
When people say this is like, Oh, you must be struggling.
No, man.
Like we want to do their marriage retreat where everybody's like bubbling over and just
(27:55):
all the things.
And you might be struggling a little bit, but not like you think so.
Like you might be, I just need a little extra boost.
Like we're going to be, we don't want people to think of marriage retreat the same way
they think of fat camp.
Come on.
Come on.
That part.
Throw all the PC out the window.
(28:15):
That's just all of it.
Yeah.
All of it.
So yeah.
And kingdom games.
Yeah.
I like this.
Yes.
Listen, y'all just saw y'all just heard our, our brains and our business ideas coming to
life.
Yeah.
Jesus out.
Then make it happen.
Yeah.
Seriously guys, we joke, but like there's actually things that happen in our minds right
(28:40):
now.
Yeah.
If, if we, if we had video, which we will, but if we had video, you guys would literally
be seeing our eyes and Luke is like literally leaned back in his chair and how could we
make this work?
Like we could totally make this work, babe, babe, why are you leaving me?
(29:02):
You can't leave me like this.
You got to come back.
This is good stuff.
I'm laughing at something else.
My brain goes on such trap rabbit trail.
That's where our son gets it.
That's what happens because I think that I'm thinking all of a sudden, you know, we're,
you know, the retreats and the kingdom games and the stuff and the stuff.
(29:23):
And all of a sudden I think of that video that we saw last night of the CrossFit of
the, you know, I'm JC and I started CrossFit, you know, pick up your cross, pick up your
mahogany cross and just walk with it.
Yes.
And if you just walk for eight hours for six days a week, yes, after 23 months, I lost
23 pounds, I know it seems unbelievable.
(29:46):
It's true.
It's true.
They kept like honing in on the biceps and the things.
That was funny.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
Back to the thought, back to the thought.
Back to the thought.
Yeah.
You're not, we're not going to know each other.
We're not going to know each other.
Yeah.
100%.
(30:06):
We're not going to know every detail about each other.
We're not going to.
Again, you know, even though we go through the same things, we're not going to have the
same memories.
No, no.
And there are some things that it's like, I'm going to take a bit of a turn here.
Okay.
It's different people are going to impact our lives different ways.
(30:30):
Agreed.
Even if they come, you know, especially if they come into our lives in different, at
different times.
Yes.
You know, cause, cause I am, I'm thinking about Papa, Papa Charlie.
You and I are squishy today.
Just all the, all the goodness, babe.
You know, but it's like, you had known them for so long.
(30:53):
Yeah.
You know, and, and it's like, I came in and it's like, you know, so I got to know Charlie
and Karen and like, I, it was like, I was cool by association.
Yeah.
You know, it's like you approved of me.
So all of a sudden it's like, okay, we'll accept you.
(31:14):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That Bob Evans breakfast.
Yeah, that's true.
That was, that was, no, he was checking you out.
Yeah, he was.
And if he had said, mmm, dinner Marie.
No, I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, but it is, it's, you know, cause even things like that, you know,
(31:37):
him as a, as a father figure is going to tell things to a son differently than he would
say it to his daughter.
Absolutely.
You know, our kids, I'm going to, I'm going to say things and, and do things differently
with Sebastian than I will with Gabri.
(31:59):
Yeah.
And, and it has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that they're two different
people.
They're two really different people.
You know, A, they're two different people.
B, one is a son, one is a daughter.
Correct.
Correct.
You know, and it's just, you know, I will be softer with her.
(32:20):
I will be rougher with him.
You know, I mean, but again, I, I, I about teared up earlier when I looked at her and,
you know, before the little fireworks went off on, on the 100% approval, you just bought
yourself a new car.
I just looked at her and I almost teared up just by saying, I'm so proud of you.
(32:42):
Yeah.
You know, and, and I, I just keep saying it to her.
You caught her off guard when you did that.
Like she caught her breath.
I like when you're doing that.
I do too.
Yeah.
So it is, it's, you know, and it is, it's these things.
It's you're, you're gonna, you're gonna, I keep, I keep going back to it.
(33:05):
You're just, you're gonna have, you're gonna have different memories, not because you have
different experiences, but just because different things will hit you differently.
And you're different people.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And there's, there's nothing wrong with that.
Yeah.
Because I'll even go to the other extreme.
And one of the things that we did talk about and what helped trigger and help with this
(33:30):
thought was talking to a very, very precious friend.
And she was kind of asking some, some marital advice, I suppose.
And her just kind of looking at me and she's like, you know, but like, this is this, you
know, this kind of like what we, what we're talking about now, like, well, we should know
(33:55):
each other.
We should have the things we should do the things we shouldn't be, you know, we shouldn't
be arguing.
We shouldn't know all the things.
And she's like, they're freshly married, which in, and these are good absolute standards
to live by.
Like, cause I'm looking at her going like, I could probably count on less than one handful
(34:16):
in almost 13 years of marriage, where you and I have ever raised our voice with each
other.
No, like less than a handful.
Yeah.
I have to literally rack my brain.
Yeah.
And, and even the times where it has, it, it hasn't, like, if I can say it like this,
it hasn't necessarily us been yelling at each other or one of us yelling at the other.
(34:40):
It's been frustration of, you know, that, that, that thing that's sitting on you, you
know, the, the, the attitude, the, the, the darkness, the, the spirit of oppression that's
like trying to drown you right now.
It's like, I'm yelling at that thing.
I'm not yelling at you.
(35:01):
Right.
Right.
And we've even taught our daughter that, right.
And our, our teaching our son.
Yeah.
And it's like, and I'm looking at her and I said, I'll be incredibly transparent with
you.
Just two days ago, we're downstairs in our basement because I walked out of the room
and said, I didn't even say anything.
(35:22):
I just walked out.
I was like, Oh, we're I'm pissed.
Yep.
We're done.
I'm not, we're done, but I am, I am, I am done being in this room.
I am agitated.
And if I stay here any longer, I'm probably going to cuss and get angry.
(35:43):
And yeah, you know what?
I know we're gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna try to figure out how to work this stupid
TV.
And I couldn't, so I just laid there and I prayed and nothing was breaking.
Yeah.
Like I'm just there.
Yeah.
And it was love is patient.
(36:07):
Love is kind.
Right.
The first Corinthians 13, the thing that we keep talking about and, and I'm, I'm grateful.
One thing I can say is I'm grateful that even in these times, like you had had an incredible
night, you had had a really good, solid touch with God, like even like I'm going to tell
(36:32):
on myself.
Yeah.
And I was mad as a hornet because the perspective of what was happening with me in that moment
was not what was happening with you.
And the selfishness and I can't even so much say I was being selfish because I even looked
at you as like, like I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to be selfish.
(36:54):
Like I don't believe that this is a selfish thing that's in me.
And then the moment that I said, but I think it's, and I'm not going to go into it.
And like, with all due respect guys, you don't need to know everything, but like whatever
that was, that was, I was dealing with in that moment broke.
And I looked at you and I was like, okay, okay.
(37:16):
This is, this is, oh, this is right.
And it's like, it helped you, it helped me.
And sometimes even in the perspectives, cause it is, it's like you, I think the thing that
I appreciated most about you and I feel like I really hope I'm not everywhere right now.
(37:39):
I hope I'm staying on topic, but I think the thing that I appreciated the most about you
in that space with me was you weren't trying to say, Oh, but babe, Oh, but, but you didn't.
Well that's on you or Oh, but babe, you know, kind of you, you actually were, it's cause
(38:03):
I'm looking at you going, I'm sorry.
Like I'm sorry.
You're really like poo pooing all over your stuff.
And this is so crap on me.
Sorry.
This is, you know, and it's like, you didn't lose that moment.
And while keeping that moment, you also were like, saw what was happening with me and we're
(38:27):
like, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Like we both saw each other's moments.
And then at the same time, we're like, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
And I think if we just give each other space in those moments, whether they're good, whether
they're bad, like this is devastating.
This is a moment that's devastating for me.
(38:48):
And I'm not talking about what we had, but like you have the loss of a child.
You have the loss of a something.
You have a loss of something, right?
Yes.
One spouse might be seemingly handling it better than the other or something might be
happening and then like you're expecting the other person to come into your, your sad party,
(39:08):
right?
And I don't, because I don't want to call it a pity party.
That's genuinely like, there's a sad, there's a grief, but in those spaces, you also need
to say, we're going to feel differently.
We're going to see this differently.
We're going to maybe grieve at different rates.
(39:28):
We might even celebrate at different rates.
You know, like, you know, here I'm all like giddy excited about our daughter's new car.
You're giddy excited to, you're excited too.
You just don't get all like, I'm walking around with the phone and doing all the videos and
oh my gosh, this is amazing.
You know, and my phone didn't leave my pocket.
(39:49):
It didn't leave the pocket, but you are still very much in the moment and still very much
in this space.
Right.
Like, I think we just need to give our spouses, our children, our family, the people, our
loved ones, license to be who they are in those moments.
Experience it for who and what they are.
(40:12):
And then maybe take this, take the time afterwards.
How did that?
What did you see?
Like, I could tell you all of this stuff, but like, what did you, what did you see?
Because I want to see this from your eyes too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah.
(40:32):
And that is, it does.
I mean, it, I, it makes sense to me.
I mean, hopefully it makes sense to our listeners.
Yes.
I almost said to our readers, I'm like, wait, you're not reading this?
Not today.
No, but it is.
Um, but no, I think, I think that's exactly how it is.
Like even, even when you're talking about it, you know, like this is how, this is what
(40:53):
I felt or this is what I saw, this is what I experienced.
You know, what, what did you, what did you get out of it?
You know, almost, um, it's like, as you're saying that in my mind, I'm like, it's almost
like comparing scrapbooks.
Hmm.
You know, it's good.
Yeah.
You know, if, if, if we were to go on the same trip and at the end of the day, at the
end of the trip, whatever, you know, we sat down and we made a scrapbook about what was
(41:16):
cool or what was memorable, what was highlights.
And it's like, you know, it's like, okay, well now let's compare, you know, what are
we, what was your highlight?
You know, who's your top three?
Yeah.
You know, type thing.
And it's like, oh, that's cool.
You know, my top three was over here.
Um, see now I want to start making scrapbooks for like trips.
I love that.
No, I do.
(41:37):
I love that because it's like, I think of our children, our children are so very, very
different.
Yes.
So very much the same, but so very different.
Yeah.
And you could see the perspective of a 10 year olds, what Sebastian would be putting
in his book or in his pockets, you know, on a trip versus what Gabri would put it.
(42:01):
And they're going to look so different, but then sit down.
I love, babe, I love that idea.
No, that's beautiful.
I mean, even, even what was it a couple of years ago when, when Gabri was, was first
able to go and hit the casino floor with us, you know, and she was like, you know, for
her it was this, this brand new thing and, you know, actually spending money to try to
(42:25):
win more money.
And you know, Sebastian looking from the outside in, it's like, I want to play video games.
I want to play video games.
Yep.
They're, they're video games.
They're big video games.
It's like a big arcade.
Yes.
That's all he cared about.
He's like, they're video games.
I want to play.
Yes.
I love that.
Yes.
Yeah.
The simplicity of something or the depths of something.
(42:47):
But the fact is that it's something, it's something to each one of them just at a different
rate, a different level.
Yeah.
I love that.
We, listen, we are about to become, listen, we got us, we got all sorts of idea.
We got a box.
We got a box of stuff.
Yes.
Cause that was gifted to us that we never touched.
What box?
(43:08):
In the storage, the, from my mom.
Yes, we do.
We are going to become scrapbookers.
They gave us a whole bunch of leftover scrapbook stuff.
That is right.
It's not even going to cost us anything.
Look at that.
We're saving money.
We're making memories.
Let's do this.
Shoot.
Come on.
Cause I love that.
Cause right now, like, I mean, they're, they're home again.
(43:29):
Yeah.
But like even right before we push play or push record.
Yeah.
Like I said, hold on babe, she's home.
I'm going to, before she gets out of the car.
Yeah.
I mean, and Sebastian.
Yeah.
You want to go for a ride with your sister.
And so she took him for a cruise in her new little car and they're going to have two totally
(43:50):
different memories.
Yep.
But the fact is that they were together.
They were together.
I don't remember the rest.
Yep.
We were together because some of my greatest memories, squishy.
I am, I am squishy today.
And that's okay.
One of my absolute greatest memories to this day is my brother came home from the army
(44:19):
and he had a doom buggy and it was cold and rainy, but he still wanted to take his little
sister on a ride in a doom buggy.
And my lips were purple and I'm chattering and we're in the rain and we're getting wet
(44:39):
and we're having the time of our lives.
Yeah.
Because we were together and I don't remember the rest.
That's what, that's what life should be.
It is.
Yeah.
That's how we, that's how our life should be with God.
Like I just, I just want to be with you, God.
(45:01):
Like we were together.
You never left me or forsake.
We were together all day today.
We got to be together, God.
I don't remember the rest.
What did we do today?
I don't know.
Like we had experiences, we had adventures, we had journeys.
We actually enjoyed the journey.
Yeah.
But I don't, I don't remember much more than that, but I just, I remember you.
(45:23):
I remember it was good.
I remember here's all four of us.
Well five, because we had sparks.
We had sparks.
But it's like, I don't remember the rest.
Yeah.
But it was good.
It was.
It was good.
Yeah.
This is a good one.
I like this.
Just crying.
(45:43):
Yeah.
Great is thy faithfulness, God.
Yes.
And the many more adventures to come.
Yes.
Grateful.
Very.
Grateful heart.
Just a grateful heart.
So take the memories, take the moments.
(46:05):
Don't, don't get so caught up on maybe the things that you don't know.
Celebrate each other's highlights.
I think that might be, need to be your title.
Okay.
Celebrate each other's highlights.
Yeah.
And on that note, have the best week.
(46:28):
Enjoy the journey.
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