November 27, 2024 • 39 mins
The Holiday season is upon us! Thanksgiving is this week (tomorrow from our recording), and Christmas is right around the corner. The stress of everyday life can be heightened, or more noticeable, during this time of year. So what do we do about it?
We recognize it for what it is. We talk about it. We confront it, and deal with it.
We also talked about how two people in a marriage or relationship, will have preferences about how things happen. What do we do when those preferences are not the same? Dean'na likes listening to music throughout the day, Luke likes quiet. Is this a big deal?
Sit down and have a listen to what our thoughts are on this. Let us know what you think, and share this with your friends.
Have the best week! Enjoy the journey!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dina.
(00:13):
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
Good.
Happy almost turkey day.
Happy almost turkey day.
Yes.
Yay.
How are we doing?
I'm okay.
How are you?
How are we feeling?
I got was good until like two minutes ago.
Yeah.
Yeah, you were.
Yeah.
We want to tell everybody why.
(00:33):
Jesus this Lord.
Yeah.
And it is good and it is fine.
Because you just got a text from your brother saying that the booklet of Take Your Vitamins,
I don't know.
Again, it's like, is it just his copy?
Is it one copy out of the batch?
But you know, this is the joys of sending it off somewhere to get printed just small
(00:53):
batch at a time.
Yeah.
And his booklet had a couple of duplicate pages.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Which on our end, you looked before we started this.
Yeah.
I looked at what was sent to the printers and there were no duplicates.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
Which is frustrating.
So that means that from here on, we need to look through every one of the copies to double
(01:17):
check and make sure.
Not only when we send it off, but when we receive it.
Because the beautiful thing is the place that we do go through, they say if you are not
satisfied they will refund or they will fix it.
So I just, dang.
Yeah.
I was like, what?
And he goes, just letting you know.
And I'm like, ugh.
So if Bobby, if you listen to this one, thank you.
(01:40):
Yes.
Frustrates me, but it's not on you.
I'm grateful that he got back to us because I don't know.
See I haven't had any feedback from anybody else.
Nobody else has said anything.
So now I'm going to have to reach out to the people that have bought.
Have they just been graciously taking it with a smile and be like, oh, they're new.
Potentially, which in my brain, they would be those people.
(02:02):
We've got amazing friends.
We're going to support them.
They're starting out.
Yes.
We know that, but at the same time I want to go, I'm grateful.
Help us improve.
Yes, because we need to.
And that's what this is about.
This is a journey that we're going on.
You guys happen to go on the journey with us.
And we get to learn.
(02:22):
So it's frustrating because now I'm like, all right, well, now we've got to get my brother
a proper copy because that's not okay.
Dang it.
And we're at the tail end of batch number two.
Yeah.
So now I'm going, as soon as we get done with this, I'm going to go upstairs and look through
the rest of the remainder of the books and be like.
(02:45):
We're about to order batch three.
Yeah.
And we can't be having that because everything that we saw.
It's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
It keeps us on our toes.
It keeps us from being lazy.
Yes.
It's fine.
Yes.
And then we're about to put two weeks more into the devotional and then we're done.
(03:07):
Yeah.
So the last thing we need is our devotions to be jacked and weird.
And if we, you know, it's fine.
Hi guys.
Welcome to this is how we, what is it?
You sent me a reel and we literally just did that.
What is it?
The talk to the talk to think and the thing to talk.
(03:28):
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Because inevitably this is kind of one of the things that we wanted to talk about today.
I was the one that came up with the idea because you're like, you know, what's our subject?
And I said subject, how we process holidays and such.
Yes.
Because it's like, and you have one person that processes holidays with, I have Christmas
(03:50):
music going on in the kitchen.
Our daughter is just steadily baking.
I was cleaning.
I'm getting to the point where I shampooed carpet.
I did all this stuff.
We are hosting Thanksgiving.
I'm not, I'm not everything has to be perfect girl.
And I appreciate that.
I've determined this is the revelation that came to me today.
(04:11):
I'm not that everything has to be perfect girl, but I am the, I really want you to feel
special and honored today when you come and visit my home.
Like that girl.
And when it comes to the holidays or celebrations, birthdays, things of that nature, I want people
(04:32):
to come and be like, wow.
Like I feel, I feel like a little bit.
Yeah.
Like even, even though the people that are coming over for Thanksgiving are family that
see us weekend, week out, they know us.
We know them.
Yep.
Yep.
But it's still, it's a special occasion.
(04:52):
You know, it's, it's like, you know, Hey, you know, special occasion dress up for work
or something like that.
You know, you just, you put a little extra, a little extra effort into it.
Like Gabri's making homemade bakes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then it's like, and then tomorrow she's doing homemade mac and cheese.
Like I'm kind of stoked about this.
We're making homemade like mashed potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes, all the things.
(05:17):
And it's just, everything is going to be done intentionally with love.
I don't think I'm making anything.
I'm not making anything.
I'm warming up some green beans.
Probably going to warm up the corn on the cob.
I, I, you are the cooker, honestly, out of the two of us.
You really, you show up and show off.
I am the hospitality crew.
(05:38):
Like I make everything pretty and just hopefully make people feel comfortable.
And it's like, find you that person.
Cause here's even Gabri, you know, I'm sitting in the living room for a second, just to rest
for a minute.
And she comes out in, you know, in the kitchen, pops her head around the corner and says,
(05:59):
mom, I've determined that my future husband, he's going to have to like putting away clothes.
He's going to have to like putting away the laundry.
I will wash it and dry it all day.
And I go, amen sister, cause she gets that from me for sure.
And then she's like, um, and then like, he can be, he can be the cook.
I'll do the dishes.
I'd like the dishes get gross mom, but like something about it, like it's satisfying and
(06:20):
I don't mind it.
And I I'll do that and then I'll bake all day and do all the stuff.
And I was like, okay, it's funny.
Cause like she's being a little bit more specific sometimes with some of her requests.
In my mind, again, I'm like triggering back to our, our subject today.
Like when you're married to the opposite person, because I talk to think you think to talk.
(06:48):
And it's like when you have two different people in two different mind spaces, like
again, I like the music.
I like the noise.
I like the, maybe not the noise, but I like the bustle and the stuff.
You come up for five minutes and it could absolutely just make you go right back downstairs
again and just kind of like be quiet.
(07:10):
Yes.
Which is funny because I come into your office and you'll have your laptop going.
You'll be looking at Instagram and you're going to be working all at the same time.
And I'm like, I've determined it's not necessarily the noise.
It's you don't like the feeling of the chaos and you're not completely in control of the
(07:32):
noise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's what it is.
It's not so much the cast.
It's the control.
Yep.
Cause it's like, I mean, cause I'll be honest.
There's a lot of times music, there's a lot of music I don't like.
Yeah.
You don't like Christmas music?
(07:53):
A lot of it.
No.
Okay.
I don't like.
We are 12 and a half years in, Dave.
And I'm just now figuring out that you do not care for Christmas music.
Cause a lot of times I just put my head down and I, it's for the good of the family.
What happened to you as a child that you don't like Christmas music?
(08:14):
Like what's, what's that?
I, I mean, I don't know.
It's like,
It really sucks because your birthday is December 11th.
Your mom is Christmas Eve baby.
No, I know.
I don't know.
Like we got, let's, let's get, let's jump into this.
Let's figure this out.
(08:35):
Cause I think that that's part of, you guys are literally listening to this as we're processing
this.
But it's, but it's not just, it's not just Christmas music.
There's just a lot of music I don't like.
Okay.
It's like, cause I mean, even normal times,
You who's a jukebox.
Yeah.
Like even, even the times that we're in the kitchen and you're like, Oh, I'm just going
(08:55):
to put the radio on.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay.
Yeah.
There's a lot of music I just don't like.
And it's like, I just don't like, I don't, if I'm doing something like I can, I can handle
it while driving.
Yeah.
A lot of times, but I mean, for the most part, I'm not somebody that likes to listen to music,
(09:18):
just to listen to music or listen to the radio, just listen to the radio.
Where I am that girl.
Yes.
Like you before, you know, when you were figuring some stuff out before we started this, I'm
on the treadmill.
I have music playing in my head.
This is what we're doing.
Yeah.
Like I am a walking jukebox.
Like I will listen to music in the radio just because I think in my mind it's car equals
(09:45):
music.
Okay.
And it's just, that's what you do.
Okay.
But that's when you, that's when you listen to music is in the car.
What do you listen to when we go to the gym?
I mean, I'll try to listen to like heavy stuff, but it's, it's not stuff that you like.
And so it's like, I think that's part of it.
Or you'll do the extreme and you do classical music.
Yeah.
(10:06):
Which fascinates me.
Yeah.
But when you're out in the shop, you don't listen to music.
You listen to audio books.
Yeah.
Okay guys, so this is what we do, right?
Like, okay, those are things that we knew.
Yeah.
And then you realize as far as just music is not something that you...
I'm not, I'm not a fan of just listening to music to listen to music.
See music just puts me in a space.
(10:27):
Like it's not just to listen to it.
Like it, it helps me move into my day and gets me in a good head space.
And it puts you in a different space where you don't like to be there.
Dang.
So what do we do?
No, sincerely.
So this is, these are the things because again, listen, we've had friends, some of the friends
(10:48):
that are coming to us on Thanksgiving, they have watched, they have watched you.
Yeah.
Or Easter.
Okay.
Easter.
Was it Easter?
Yeah.
Yes.
Tracy will concur.
I'll call it out.
Tracy was right there.
Yeah.
No, I'm not arguing it.
I remember what you're talking about.
I just don't remember the...
Yeah.
It was Easter.
(11:09):
Okay.
And you were about to start working on whatever side dishes that you were going to start working
on.
Was it potatoes?
I think I was working on potatoes again.
Probably.
You're good at it.
Like, listen, you're good at it.
There's certain things you just, babe, just run.
But it's like you start working on something.
I can see you slowly getting more and more agitated.
(11:30):
I walk over and it's like, I don't know if you asked me or if I just knew and I turned
off the radio.
I think I mentioned something.
So I was like, I just want it quiet.
Yes.
I think you sounded it just like that.
And I turned off the radio and I said, I'll concede.
And I was like, ooh, I didn't mean it like that, but I did.
(11:52):
I did.
And it was bad.
And I apologize.
I did apologize.
I was like, babe, I am sorry.
I didn't mean it quite like that.
I did, but I didn't.
And I think that that might be one of those keys when it comes to marriages, when it comes
to these dynamics, because again, our daughter loves the music.
She would have it blaring right now if you were not in the house.
(12:16):
It's just that simple.
And she will respectfully be respectful.
I have it down to a space where maybe it might be you're not in the kitchen, but it's there.
So that way she's, okay, I'm making cookies now.
I'm making stuff and all the things.
But it's like, I think vocalizing those things, vocalizing how you are feeling in that moment,
(12:45):
it's like, I think that there's some days and you're really good at it.
There's some days.
And I would like to say that I think that I do fairly well too.
If you are having a moment or having a hard time, I'm all about it.
I'll be like, okay, I'll do whatever it is that I need to do to help make you comfortable
or to get you out of that head space.
(13:09):
We also know that there are, and this is where we'll need the video because I'm looking at
you smiling and you're just like, uh-huh, yep.
There's also those days where I want to thump you in the head and go, I need you to not
do this because when you do this, actually I said it today.
I said, babe, are you okay?
(13:31):
And you're like, I'm trying to be.
And I said, okay, so every time I do this, you do that.
And it makes me not want to do this.
But it was also, there was other stuff going on.
And we talked about that there's other stuff going on, which I'm willing to share on this.
But again, it's just, and I think that's a lot of times when there is stuff like that,
(13:53):
it's like, I know that you really like music.
I know that our daughter really likes music.
I know our son really likes music.
How many times does he say, hey, can I just play this?
Hey, I just want to listen to music.
There's even times where he's like, dad, can we listen to music in the car?
And I'm like, I really don't want to.
But yeah, but it's just, so it's like, I know y'all love music and love listening to music
(14:19):
just to listen to music.
And so I'm like, you know what?
I'll just go somewhere else in the house.
It's like, this is y'all, I'll go elsewhere.
Which is hard.
And I mean, I don't see it as offensive.
I don't take offense.
Good.
I mean, I hope that you guys don't take offense to it because it's, I think in my mind it's
(14:46):
a preference thing.
At the end of the day, it's a preference thing.
This is your preference.
This is my preference.
And it's just, hey, that's not my cup of tea.
Okay, I just won't participate.
And I think that's, I mean, in my mind it's like that simple.
It's like, oh, that's your thing?
(15:07):
Okay, cool.
I'll just be over here.
We don't have to do the same thing.
I think that that's, maybe that's what it is.
That's what causes a lot of the problems.
That causes a lot of the agitations when it comes to couples, when it comes to marriage,
right?
Just that you don't have to be doing the same thing constantly, which is good.
(15:33):
I think if you say, hey, it's really important.
I'd really like for you to be in this space with me.
I want to be with you.
I think having that kind of conversation, expressing that kind of, just expressing it.
Just vocalize what you want.
What do you want?
(15:53):
Babe, what do you want?
I would like for you to come into the kitchen with me and bake with me and maybe cook with
me.
And tomorrow you and I are going to be in the kitchen together.
There's going to be a lot of activity in the kitchen.
There's going to be a lot of activity in the kitchen.
And it's like, what do you do?
What do you do?
It's like in the mornings, Sunday mornings, you'll turn on the TV and you have soccer
(16:17):
going or you have rugby going.
I don't want it.
I don't want anything to do with it.
Could care less about it, but you're fine with it.
So it's not a big deal.
So I think it's like, understand you've said it, but I want to say it again because I want
to have a greater understanding.
(16:39):
So understanding more of the preference of your person and say, okay, where do you eventually
go though where maybe one person feels like their preference is being preferred over the
other?
(17:00):
How would you address something like that?
And again, I think that's where the conversations need to happen.
And it's like you said, tomorrow we're both going to be in the kitchen.
There's going to be a lot of activity in the house.
I might just put my headset on and just...
And see, and I almost said, in my mind, I was like, I'll just grab my headphones and
I'll put on a book.
All of us are going to put on our headphones.
(17:23):
It's like that silent dance party thing.
Yes.
Yes.
You got to be down with that.
I'm like, okay, that's cool.
I really would.
Would you?
But would we be dancing to the same music, babe?
Does it matter?
It does.
It does.
Because we do it at the gym.
We will dance to different music at the gym.
But baby, we're doing two different things at the gym.
When we're dancing, we need to be kind of in sync doing the same thing.
(17:47):
But wouldn't it be funny if we could find music that's like the same BPM, different
music, same BPM?
Yes.
It's like the videos with the how to do the BPM to the cardio or to the CPR.
Yes, actually.
That would be funny.
That would be funny.
Yeah.
All right.
Now my brain has just went to a completely different space.
(18:07):
But it is.
I think it's what you said.
It's that preference of... And again, it's that the conversations, the prayer, the introspection
of is this something major?
Is this a deal breaker?
(18:28):
We talk to other couples.
We talk to singles.
We talk to our gayberry, not so much Sebastian yet.
But what are your non-negotiables?
That's it.
Yeah, that's it.
What is your hard and fast?
This is a yes or no.
I need you to be on the same page as me on this.
(18:48):
But over here, eh.
Yeah.
It's like, again, on the weekend mornings, especially Sunday mornings, getting ready
for church, I love turning on football.
And I do my best not to have it too loud.
So it's just, I'm watching.
(19:10):
But you're in the bathroom, usually have your music going, and you're just getting ready
for the day.
And it's like, again, those two experiences, situations don't really conflict with each
other.
And if something is important, like, hey, I need you to come in here.
(19:32):
We need to have a conversation with this.
Or hey, what we're going to be doing involves the same space.
And for the most part, if it's, hey, what's going on in the game is kind of bothering
me, OK, I'll change it.
Or something.
But I do.
I think it's one of those, it is.
(19:53):
It's the having the conversations about it.
It's the what are your non-negotiables?
Is it really this important type thing?
I mean, if it's constantly, well, I don't like what's going on, so I'm constantly going
to be on the other side of the house.
It's like, OK, that's a conversation we need to have because now we're avoiding each other
(20:14):
in the same house.
Right.
Right.
No, absolutely.
But if it's one of those things where it's like, you know, I mean, even today before
we started recording, it's like, Gabri's baking upstairs.
You were on the treadmill.
I was like, you know what?
I'm going to go do my next chapter of the relationship certification.
(20:34):
You know, it's like, I'll just I'll just knock that out.
And this is what I'll do.
Yeah.
And I think I think it's also because because when you do that, you know, yes, you're you're
focusing on what what you need to take care of, what's on your project list or your to
(20:56):
do list, whatever.
But it's also taking care of those things so that when you do come together, it's more
quality.
I like that.
You know, because a lot of times if it's like, well, I've got this on my mind, I've got this
on my mind, I got to knock out this project, you got to make progress on that project.
When you do get them together, you almost you can almost be distracted too much of what
(21:23):
I need to be getting done.
Right.
Versus, OK, well, all that's taken care of or I've moved on, I've made enough progress
where I can now focus 100 percent and be in this spot with you.
Right.
So I'm totally focused, undistracted, spending time with you.
Yeah.
No, that's good.
Yeah.
(21:43):
I like that.
My I heard everything that you said.
No, I know.
I was literally thumbing through the pages of the book in my brain.
Yeah.
Horrible.
That's bad.
No, it's OK.
Maybe I should have looked at it before.
You even said that.
I did.
I want to go see it because I knew this was going to happen.
I was like, you're like, I'm like, you're going to I'm going to hone in, but then I'm
(22:04):
going to like not.
It's good.
It's fine.
Yeah.
No, because then it is like you said, understanding that there is enough things that you can come
together on that that you can say we're together.
That's all that matters.
Yeah.
We're together.
That's all that matters.
And so because it's like I mean, you can like you said, if you wanted to talk about some
(22:31):
of the stuff that you were talking about earlier, that was kind of also on your brain.
Like, you know, you're potentially about to start going into the office on a more regular
basis.
And, you know, you being in the house all the time is not healthy for you.
No.
Where it's not healthy for me either.
But I actually can be in here more often than I think anybody else in the house.
(22:51):
Yeah.
But that's who I am.
And that's where God has gifted me in this season.
Like what?
Well, I was going to say, and I think also the bonus is, you know, the days that you
are home, you know, you're you're bebopping around the house.
You know, you're not just.
And whereas when I'm at the where I'm quote unquote working in the office, not working,
(23:12):
not quote unquote working, I am working, I'm quote unquote in the office.
Right.
You know, it is.
I'm I will say I'm in one space and I'm sitting and I will I will completely lose track of
time.
Right.
And so it's like I am, you know, it's like I was messaging somebody talking about, you
know, getting back in shape and fitness and all.
(23:33):
And I'm like, yeah, I'll lose track of time and I'll be sitting in one spot for eight
to ten hours.
Right.
Not healthy.
No, definitely not healthy.
You know, and it's but it is it's you know, because and it's you know, it's like I said
to you earlier, it's.
You know, when you work from home.
(23:57):
And then you're where you podcast and do your studying and researching and working on your
certifications is in the exact same chair as your work chair.
Right.
You know, it's like there is there that that line of work and home or work and not work
(24:17):
gets very, very blurred.
Right.
If not, to some degrees, not existent.
Right.
And over the you know, over the past four years, that's really weighed on me.
Right.
You know, even the six even the six weeks that I was, you know, on that that 100 percent
remote detail.
Yeah.
You know, at least now I go into the work, the office one day a week.
(24:41):
And you are charged by the time you get home.
Like you're completely different.
It's not even you're a completely different person.
You're my husband.
Yeah.
Oh, there you are.
Hi, babe.
Yeah.
So you're like, I went to work, I left it at work.
Yes.
Yes.
Whereas when I'm at home, it's like I was I was at work and and now I'm I'm at work
home.
Yeah.
(25:01):
Thirteen steps up.
I didn't get a chance to commute.
Right.
Decompress and do other things because I'd even asked you when you got off work today,
I just said, do you need to go somewhere?
Do you need to go for a drive?
Yeah.
Do you need to just kind of be, you know, what what is it that you need?
And you're like, no, no, I'm OK.
You know, like I'm OK.
(25:21):
But it is it's it's I think being intentional, being
proactive.
Yeah.
Understanding the preferences of the other person, understanding that there are times
when those preferences need to take precedence and for someone's mental health.
(25:48):
And I'll even say just your it's we talk about yours a lot, but even the fact that you are
sensitive to mine, you're sensitive to our daughter and to our son.
That we're all very the three of us, four of us, but the three of us, the kids and I
very emotionally high IQ kids people.
(26:09):
Right.
To where we feel everything.
Yeah.
And that can be overwhelming to you, but you are very, very gracious and good to us.
So I think understanding your spouse, understanding your children, even understanding the the
spaces that you're going to be walking into for the holidays, just just be aware of how
(26:33):
you're feeling in that moment.
You don't have to be a jerk.
You don't have to just bounce.
You don't have to be like, well, you're not being sensitive to my needs.
It's not about you.
As much as it is about you, it's not because with all due respect, Luke and I will literally
look at each other and say, OK, I can't have that.
This can't be about us right now.
What can I do to help you?
(26:54):
But ultimately, we need to do it in a way to where we're not trying to absolutely wreck
everybody else's day.
Because can I say I'm going to say it?
I'm just gonna be real.
Because I unfortunately understand you have it too.
We both do.
We both do.
We both do.
(27:14):
And I think that's the best way to do it.
Where there are family members or there are friends and they are the they are the gray
cloud.
Yeah, the ear of the bunch.
And it's like you want them to come alongside you want to be your was always invited, which
was beautiful.
And that was great.
Yeah.
OK, that's great.
But listen, Tigger and Kanga and the ones that are just jumpy and constantly full of
(27:35):
joy.
Piglet, all the things like like don't be such a damper.
Yeah.
Because you are affecting people in such a negative space.
There is a fine line.
And I understand.
Like if you're if you're struggling, man, like I want you to tell me you're struggling.
But there's got there's got to be a difference between a struggle and I'm having just a yeah,
(27:57):
a flip of a day.
Yeah.
I was gonna say it's or it's it's also you know, where, you know, the ones that will
insist that you come down to their level when they come around.
That part.
That part.
That's the point.
Because I will say as as much as Eeyore was like that, he never insisted people come down
to him.
And he always showed up.
(28:17):
Always showed up.
He always showed up.
Man, babe, that will preach in itself.
Sincerely, even in the crap of the day, show up.
Yeah.
Yes.
He always showed up.
Yes, he was always sad and down, but he never insisted people come down and join him.
Yes.
He just said, here's what's going on.
This is who I am.
Yeah.
I lost my tail again.
You know,
(28:38):
I keep pinning it to him.
Just sew it.
It'll be fine.
They're young.
They're they're not allowed needles.
But they are allowed to have tacks.
Yes.
Okay.
It's a safety tack.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But still.
But yeah, yeah, that is, you know, I mean, again, like you said, that'll that'll that's
(29:00):
a lesson right then and there.
I love that.
He always showed up and he never insisted people join him.
Yes.
Just this is what's happening.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
See, now I'm like, where do we end on this conversation?
Did that even tie into what we had to say?
I think so.
Okay.
I think so.
Because again, we're talking about preferences and initially, I labeled this kind of, you
(29:22):
know, like holiday stress relief.
I like it.
You know, find find a stress relief.
Yeah.
What you need to do.
Yeah.
What does your spouse need from you?
What do your children need from you?
Look at your spouse or the people around you.
You know, like, I mean, our amazing friends that that do battle with the same things.
(29:43):
Right.
What, what is a, not so much a safe word, but what's a code word of just like, Hey,
it's just getting a little, it's getting a little loud.
I'm just going to excuse myself for just a second.
But hey, like have the one person.
Yeah.
Like, look at me.
Right.
I'm going to go step out for just a second.
(30:05):
Yeah.
If you don't see me back in like 10 minutes, though, go ahead and come find me.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know, and again, I think it helps that, you know, tomorrow for Thanksgiving, it's
going to be just, just family.
Yeah.
You know, and, and so it's like, everybody knows it's like, and I'm comfortable enough
(30:27):
where with, with everybody that if it does get a little too extra, I'll just be like,
Hey, I'm just going to go in the other room.
Yeah.
And then they will follow you.
They will follow.
Yeah.
But then they're, but I don't, I don't say, Hey, I'm going into the other room to be by
myself.
Right.
Hey, I'm going to the other room.
Yeah.
I'm going to be by myself for just a second and I'll be right back.
(30:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like we have, I mean, it feels like 14 years ago.
That's those are the moments where it's like, I'm going to go smoke.
Yeah.
But sorry, babe.
Yeah.
Like you.
I mean, I don't know.
No, but it is.
I think just have a game plan.
Yeah.
(31:10):
Vocalize what's going on.
Have a greater understanding.
Cause again, guys, you just heard it.
Yeah.
However many years now, like I'm looking at you going, you don't like Christmas music.
Like I'm not a huge Mariah Carey fan, but girl, like there's those times where I'm like,
yes, girl, let's just, let's go.
All I want for Christmas is you babe.
(31:30):
Like that's it.
Let's go.
But it is.
It's I, so, um, so thank you.
Thank you.
Appreciate you.
Appreciate genuinely appreciate, appreciate that you, you let the kids and I have our
Christmas and yeah.
Cause I know it's important.
See, because I did.
I ultimately know it's important and you babe and me not liking music is not that important.
(31:57):
Yeah.
Like I want to, you asked me earlier.
Like I would like to go see the lights come on because we used to do it all the time.
And I'm like, that would be great.
And you're like, I'm fine.
But if you want to go, I do, but like, but if you don't then say, yes, I want to go.
(32:18):
I would really like to go.
Then we'll go.
Okay.
And we could see if maybe it's, it's from five to eight and they, they plan on flipping
the switch around seven.
Okay.
And then we can just bounce or just have a good time.
But like it's, it's a fun memory.
It's, it's, I mean, the fact that it used to be our tradition and now it's like, you
(32:41):
know, our girls going off with her buddies, but it's like, Oh my gosh, mom, we haven't
done this in a really long time.
Cause we've usually been in Texas.
We've usually been in Texas, but like, I was like, Oh, that would really, that would really
be that I would think I would enjoy that.
So we shall see.
Yeah, we'll see.
We can go.
(33:01):
Okay.
We'll go.
Okay.
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Yes.
I'm sure.
I know that sometimes that just is not a lot of fun for you.
He's bigger now.
The last time we went was when Sebastian was on your shoulders and he's tiny.
Yes.
And again, tomorrow, just like back then, I enjoy watching y'all enjoy things.
(33:24):
Yeah.
I truly do.
I really do.
You know, again, I, I growing up, it was one of those things I never understood how, you
know, dads or parents could enjoy not really getting anything for Christmas, you know,
but yet still having a blast.
Yeah.
And it's like now on this side of, you know, seeing that joy in, in your kids' faces, you
(33:51):
know, and, and it is, it's like, this, this is what it is.
Yeah.
And there's so many things about, I mean, this could, this, I could go talk about this
for a while, but just how many things about kids, you know, babies, toddlers, you know,
just how they bring some of the lessons and the stories and the things from the Bible
(34:18):
to life.
Yeah.
In a, in a visual, tangible illustration, so to speak.
And, you know, like, like when Sebastian was a baby, you know, it's like, we would sing
a song at church, you know, you know, talking about gazing up within wide-eyed wonder.
And it's like, what is that?
(34:39):
What is, what does that look like?
What does that feel like?
And then all of a sudden it's like, you're holding an infant and yes, they're probably
just looking at the lights, but you know, who knows what they're looking at, you know,
because, because, but again, it's, it's just that wide-eyed, that open mouth, that just
look of amazement and astonishment.
(34:59):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, on their, their face.
And it's like, that's okay.
That's what the, that's what that is.
That is wide-eyed wonder.
That is, you know, the childlike faith of, you know, if you say, you know, Sebastian is
convinced that I'm the smartest person in the world, probably outside of pop-pop, you
know.
I mean, I'd have to agree.
But you know, I could, I could say anything and he knows that I know.
(35:22):
Yes.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
He knows dad knows.
Our daughter is kind of in the same boat.
Yeah.
I mean, it helps that I have some, I mean, I'll pat myself on the back.
It helps that I actually do like look some, look a bunch of the stuff up.
And it's like, I do know this.
I really do know this.
I'm not just pulling facts out of a random space, but you know, but I could, I could
(35:44):
randomly say anything and he'd be like, okay, dad said it.
It's real.
Period.
You know, it's like when I was a kid, it's like I would look at my dad.
I don't, I can't use the same example.
Yeah.
I can't use the same answer that my dad did, but you know, I would look at my dad.
I was like, dad, how do you know that?
I read it in a book.
You know, I don't, I don't read as many books as my dad, but it's like, I Googled it.
(36:04):
Yeah.
I've Googled it enough times in the past that you know that this is that I now know
it.
Yeah.
I am, I am that person that I will find, Oh, what's an article about random facts?
Okay, cool.
Yes.
And I was like, that I sent you some of them the other day that like the Roman Coliseum
was built and unveiled around the same time that the gospels were being written.
(36:28):
Crazy.
Absolutely crazy.
Yeah.
That the fact, I mean, the fact that the Coliseum was not active when Jesus was alive.
Yeah.
Man, man.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So preferences.
Yeah.
Preferences.
Preferences.
Yes.
Learn the preferences.
Learn, learn the signals.
(36:50):
Yes.
Don't, don't be offended if your person doesn't maybe want to be in a particular space.
Yeah.
Double check, ask them, ask questions.
Don't assume anything.
And then when you are out and about, maybe at other places, when it, when you need to
(37:12):
make space or maybe when it's time to go and make sure that you, you kind of have a plan
of escape.
Yeah.
You know, that, that does it in a way to where you're doing your best to not disrupt somebody
else's holiday.
Yeah.
Be a good person.
Yeah.
Just be a good person.
And if it's, if it's important to you, say so.
(37:34):
Say so.
Absolutely.
You don't have to try to coerce anybody.
You don't have to try to manipulate the situation.
Just, hey, going to the plaza lights.
Is important to you.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll go.
You're my favorite human.
It's that simple.
Yes.
Yes.
You're my, but if you said, babe, I'm not feeling it.
I would be fine.
I know.
(37:55):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Aw.
You're my favorite.
I love you.
I love you too.
I'm grateful for you, babe.
Thank you.
See, I'm trying not to cry because it's like, I am.
I'm grateful for you.
And we are grateful for our listeners.
We're grateful for you guys.
We're going to figure out this book thing.
(38:15):
Yes.
Yes.
Dang it.
It's going to be all right.
Yeah.
It's going to be all right.
We're about to owe people books potentially.
Yeah.
It's going to be all right.
Yes, it will.
Jesus is Lord.
It's fine.
That's right.
But we are going to get fixed.
We're going to get figured out.
If you guys are interested in purchasing, take your vitamins by all means.
(38:38):
Let us know.
And then also just know that our marriage divisional is going to be on the horizon soon.
So but yeah, have a safe, have a blessed, have a heart full of gratitude Thanksgiving
and know that we will see you guys next time.
(39:00):
Okay?
Yes.
Have the best week, guys.
Bye.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dina.
(00:13):
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
Good.
Happy almost turkey day.
Happy almost turkey day.
Yes.
Yay.
How are we doing?
I'm okay.
How are you?
How are we feeling?
I got was good until like two minutes ago.
Yeah.
Yeah, you were.
Yeah.
We want to tell everybody why.
(00:33):
Jesus this Lord.
Yeah.
And it is good and it is fine.
Because you just got a text from your brother saying that the booklet of Take Your Vitamins,
I don't know.
Again, it's like, is it just his copy?
Is it one copy out of the batch?
But you know, this is the joys of sending it off somewhere to get printed just small
(00:53):
batch at a time.
Yeah.
And his booklet had a couple of duplicate pages.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Which on our end, you looked before we started this.
Yeah.
I looked at what was sent to the printers and there were no duplicates.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
Which is frustrating.
So that means that from here on, we need to look through every one of the copies to double
(01:17):
check and make sure.
Not only when we send it off, but when we receive it.
Because the beautiful thing is the place that we do go through, they say if you are not
satisfied they will refund or they will fix it.
So I just, dang.
Yeah.
I was like, what?
And he goes, just letting you know.
And I'm like, ugh.
So if Bobby, if you listen to this one, thank you.
(01:40):
Yes.
Frustrates me, but it's not on you.
I'm grateful that he got back to us because I don't know.
See I haven't had any feedback from anybody else.
Nobody else has said anything.
So now I'm going to have to reach out to the people that have bought.
Have they just been graciously taking it with a smile and be like, oh, they're new.
Potentially, which in my brain, they would be those people.
(02:02):
We've got amazing friends.
We're going to support them.
They're starting out.
Yes.
We know that, but at the same time I want to go, I'm grateful.
Help us improve.
Yes, because we need to.
And that's what this is about.
This is a journey that we're going on.
You guys happen to go on the journey with us.
And we get to learn.
(02:22):
So it's frustrating because now I'm like, all right, well, now we've got to get my brother
a proper copy because that's not okay.
Dang it.
And we're at the tail end of batch number two.
Yeah.
So now I'm going, as soon as we get done with this, I'm going to go upstairs and look through
the rest of the remainder of the books and be like.
(02:45):
We're about to order batch three.
Yeah.
And we can't be having that because everything that we saw.
It's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
It keeps us on our toes.
It keeps us from being lazy.
Yes.
It's fine.
Yes.
And then we're about to put two weeks more into the devotional and then we're done.
(03:07):
Yeah.
So the last thing we need is our devotions to be jacked and weird.
And if we, you know, it's fine.
Hi guys.
Welcome to this is how we, what is it?
You sent me a reel and we literally just did that.
What is it?
The talk to the talk to think and the thing to talk.
(03:28):
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Because inevitably this is kind of one of the things that we wanted to talk about today.
I was the one that came up with the idea because you're like, you know, what's our subject?
And I said subject, how we process holidays and such.
Yes.
Because it's like, and you have one person that processes holidays with, I have Christmas
(03:50):
music going on in the kitchen.
Our daughter is just steadily baking.
I was cleaning.
I'm getting to the point where I shampooed carpet.
I did all this stuff.
We are hosting Thanksgiving.
I'm not, I'm not everything has to be perfect girl.
And I appreciate that.
I've determined this is the revelation that came to me today.
(04:11):
I'm not that everything has to be perfect girl, but I am the, I really want you to feel
special and honored today when you come and visit my home.
Like that girl.
And when it comes to the holidays or celebrations, birthdays, things of that nature, I want people
(04:32):
to come and be like, wow.
Like I feel, I feel like a little bit.
Yeah.
Like even, even though the people that are coming over for Thanksgiving are family that
see us weekend, week out, they know us.
We know them.
Yep.
Yep.
But it's still, it's a special occasion.
(04:52):
You know, it's, it's like, you know, Hey, you know, special occasion dress up for work
or something like that.
You know, you just, you put a little extra, a little extra effort into it.
Like Gabri's making homemade bakes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then it's like, and then tomorrow she's doing homemade mac and cheese.
Like I'm kind of stoked about this.
We're making homemade like mashed potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes, all the things.
(05:17):
And it's just, everything is going to be done intentionally with love.
I don't think I'm making anything.
I'm not making anything.
I'm warming up some green beans.
Probably going to warm up the corn on the cob.
I, I, you are the cooker, honestly, out of the two of us.
You really, you show up and show off.
I am the hospitality crew.
(05:38):
Like I make everything pretty and just hopefully make people feel comfortable.
And it's like, find you that person.
Cause here's even Gabri, you know, I'm sitting in the living room for a second, just to rest
for a minute.
And she comes out in, you know, in the kitchen, pops her head around the corner and says,
(05:59):
mom, I've determined that my future husband, he's going to have to like putting away clothes.
He's going to have to like putting away the laundry.
I will wash it and dry it all day.
And I go, amen sister, cause she gets that from me for sure.
And then she's like, um, and then like, he can be, he can be the cook.
I'll do the dishes.
I'd like the dishes get gross mom, but like something about it, like it's satisfying and
(06:20):
I don't mind it.
And I I'll do that and then I'll bake all day and do all the stuff.
And I was like, okay, it's funny.
Cause like she's being a little bit more specific sometimes with some of her requests.
In my mind, again, I'm like triggering back to our, our subject today.
Like when you're married to the opposite person, because I talk to think you think to talk.
(06:48):
And it's like when you have two different people in two different mind spaces, like
again, I like the music.
I like the noise.
I like the, maybe not the noise, but I like the bustle and the stuff.
You come up for five minutes and it could absolutely just make you go right back downstairs
again and just kind of like be quiet.
(07:10):
Yes.
Which is funny because I come into your office and you'll have your laptop going.
You'll be looking at Instagram and you're going to be working all at the same time.
And I'm like, I've determined it's not necessarily the noise.
It's you don't like the feeling of the chaos and you're not completely in control of the
(07:32):
noise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's what it is.
It's not so much the cast.
It's the control.
Yep.
Cause it's like, I mean, cause I'll be honest.
There's a lot of times music, there's a lot of music I don't like.
Yeah.
You don't like Christmas music?
(07:53):
A lot of it.
No.
Okay.
I don't like.
We are 12 and a half years in, Dave.
And I'm just now figuring out that you do not care for Christmas music.
Cause a lot of times I just put my head down and I, it's for the good of the family.
What happened to you as a child that you don't like Christmas music?
(08:14):
Like what's, what's that?
I, I mean, I don't know.
It's like,
It really sucks because your birthday is December 11th.
Your mom is Christmas Eve baby.
No, I know.
I don't know.
Like we got, let's, let's get, let's jump into this.
Let's figure this out.
(08:35):
Cause I think that that's part of, you guys are literally listening to this as we're processing
this.
But it's, but it's not just, it's not just Christmas music.
There's just a lot of music I don't like.
Okay.
It's like, cause I mean, even normal times,
You who's a jukebox.
Yeah.
Like even, even the times that we're in the kitchen and you're like, Oh, I'm just going
(08:55):
to put the radio on.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay.
Yeah.
There's a lot of music I just don't like.
And it's like, I just don't like, I don't, if I'm doing something like I can, I can handle
it while driving.
Yeah.
A lot of times, but I mean, for the most part, I'm not somebody that likes to listen to music,
(09:18):
just to listen to music or listen to the radio, just listen to the radio.
Where I am that girl.
Yes.
Like you before, you know, when you were figuring some stuff out before we started this, I'm
on the treadmill.
I have music playing in my head.
This is what we're doing.
Yeah.
Like I am a walking jukebox.
Like I will listen to music in the radio just because I think in my mind it's car equals
(09:45):
music.
Okay.
And it's just, that's what you do.
Okay.
But that's when you, that's when you listen to music is in the car.
What do you listen to when we go to the gym?
I mean, I'll try to listen to like heavy stuff, but it's, it's not stuff that you like.
And so it's like, I think that's part of it.
Or you'll do the extreme and you do classical music.
Yeah.
(10:06):
Which fascinates me.
Yeah.
But when you're out in the shop, you don't listen to music.
You listen to audio books.
Yeah.
Okay guys, so this is what we do, right?
Like, okay, those are things that we knew.
Yeah.
And then you realize as far as just music is not something that you...
I'm not, I'm not a fan of just listening to music to listen to music.
See music just puts me in a space.
(10:27):
Like it's not just to listen to it.
Like it, it helps me move into my day and gets me in a good head space.
And it puts you in a different space where you don't like to be there.
Dang.
So what do we do?
No, sincerely.
So this is, these are the things because again, listen, we've had friends, some of the friends
(10:48):
that are coming to us on Thanksgiving, they have watched, they have watched you.
Yeah.
Or Easter.
Okay.
Easter.
Was it Easter?
Yeah.
Yes.
Tracy will concur.
I'll call it out.
Tracy was right there.
Yeah.
No, I'm not arguing it.
I remember what you're talking about.
I just don't remember the...
Yeah.
It was Easter.
(11:09):
Okay.
And you were about to start working on whatever side dishes that you were going to start working
on.
Was it potatoes?
I think I was working on potatoes again.
Probably.
You're good at it.
Like, listen, you're good at it.
There's certain things you just, babe, just run.
But it's like you start working on something.
I can see you slowly getting more and more agitated.
(11:30):
I walk over and it's like, I don't know if you asked me or if I just knew and I turned
off the radio.
I think I mentioned something.
So I was like, I just want it quiet.
Yes.
I think you sounded it just like that.
And I turned off the radio and I said, I'll concede.
And I was like, ooh, I didn't mean it like that, but I did.
(11:52):
I did.
And it was bad.
And I apologize.
I did apologize.
I was like, babe, I am sorry.
I didn't mean it quite like that.
I did, but I didn't.
And I think that that might be one of those keys when it comes to marriages, when it comes
to these dynamics, because again, our daughter loves the music.
She would have it blaring right now if you were not in the house.
(12:16):
It's just that simple.
And she will respectfully be respectful.
I have it down to a space where maybe it might be you're not in the kitchen, but it's there.
So that way she's, okay, I'm making cookies now.
I'm making stuff and all the things.
But it's like, I think vocalizing those things, vocalizing how you are feeling in that moment,
(12:45):
it's like, I think that there's some days and you're really good at it.
There's some days.
And I would like to say that I think that I do fairly well too.
If you are having a moment or having a hard time, I'm all about it.
I'll be like, okay, I'll do whatever it is that I need to do to help make you comfortable
or to get you out of that head space.
(13:09):
We also know that there are, and this is where we'll need the video because I'm looking at
you smiling and you're just like, uh-huh, yep.
There's also those days where I want to thump you in the head and go, I need you to not
do this because when you do this, actually I said it today.
I said, babe, are you okay?
(13:31):
And you're like, I'm trying to be.
And I said, okay, so every time I do this, you do that.
And it makes me not want to do this.
But it was also, there was other stuff going on.
And we talked about that there's other stuff going on, which I'm willing to share on this.
But again, it's just, and I think that's a lot of times when there is stuff like that,
(13:53):
it's like, I know that you really like music.
I know that our daughter really likes music.
I know our son really likes music.
How many times does he say, hey, can I just play this?
Hey, I just want to listen to music.
There's even times where he's like, dad, can we listen to music in the car?
And I'm like, I really don't want to.
But yeah, but it's just, so it's like, I know y'all love music and love listening to music
(14:19):
just to listen to music.
And so I'm like, you know what?
I'll just go somewhere else in the house.
It's like, this is y'all, I'll go elsewhere.
Which is hard.
And I mean, I don't see it as offensive.
I don't take offense.
Good.
I mean, I hope that you guys don't take offense to it because it's, I think in my mind it's
(14:46):
a preference thing.
At the end of the day, it's a preference thing.
This is your preference.
This is my preference.
And it's just, hey, that's not my cup of tea.
Okay, I just won't participate.
And I think that's, I mean, in my mind it's like that simple.
It's like, oh, that's your thing?
(15:07):
Okay, cool.
I'll just be over here.
We don't have to do the same thing.
I think that that's, maybe that's what it is.
That's what causes a lot of the problems.
That causes a lot of the agitations when it comes to couples, when it comes to marriage,
right?
Just that you don't have to be doing the same thing constantly, which is good.
(15:33):
I think if you say, hey, it's really important.
I'd really like for you to be in this space with me.
I want to be with you.
I think having that kind of conversation, expressing that kind of, just expressing it.
Just vocalize what you want.
What do you want?
(15:53):
Babe, what do you want?
I would like for you to come into the kitchen with me and bake with me and maybe cook with
me.
And tomorrow you and I are going to be in the kitchen together.
There's going to be a lot of activity in the kitchen.
There's going to be a lot of activity in the kitchen.
And it's like, what do you do?
What do you do?
It's like in the mornings, Sunday mornings, you'll turn on the TV and you have soccer
(16:17):
going or you have rugby going.
I don't want it.
I don't want anything to do with it.
Could care less about it, but you're fine with it.
So it's not a big deal.
So I think it's like, understand you've said it, but I want to say it again because I want
to have a greater understanding.
(16:39):
So understanding more of the preference of your person and say, okay, where do you eventually
go though where maybe one person feels like their preference is being preferred over the
other?
(17:00):
How would you address something like that?
And again, I think that's where the conversations need to happen.
And it's like you said, tomorrow we're both going to be in the kitchen.
There's going to be a lot of activity in the house.
I might just put my headset on and just...
And see, and I almost said, in my mind, I was like, I'll just grab my headphones and
I'll put on a book.
All of us are going to put on our headphones.
(17:23):
It's like that silent dance party thing.
Yes.
Yes.
You got to be down with that.
I'm like, okay, that's cool.
I really would.
Would you?
But would we be dancing to the same music, babe?
Does it matter?
It does.
It does.
Because we do it at the gym.
We will dance to different music at the gym.
But baby, we're doing two different things at the gym.
When we're dancing, we need to be kind of in sync doing the same thing.
(17:47):
But wouldn't it be funny if we could find music that's like the same BPM, different
music, same BPM?
Yes.
It's like the videos with the how to do the BPM to the cardio or to the CPR.
Yes, actually.
That would be funny.
That would be funny.
Yeah.
All right.
Now my brain has just went to a completely different space.
(18:07):
But it is.
I think it's what you said.
It's that preference of... And again, it's that the conversations, the prayer, the introspection
of is this something major?
Is this a deal breaker?
(18:28):
We talk to other couples.
We talk to singles.
We talk to our gayberry, not so much Sebastian yet.
But what are your non-negotiables?
That's it.
Yeah, that's it.
What is your hard and fast?
This is a yes or no.
I need you to be on the same page as me on this.
(18:48):
But over here, eh.
Yeah.
It's like, again, on the weekend mornings, especially Sunday mornings, getting ready
for church, I love turning on football.
And I do my best not to have it too loud.
So it's just, I'm watching.
(19:10):
But you're in the bathroom, usually have your music going, and you're just getting ready
for the day.
And it's like, again, those two experiences, situations don't really conflict with each
other.
And if something is important, like, hey, I need you to come in here.
(19:32):
We need to have a conversation with this.
Or hey, what we're going to be doing involves the same space.
And for the most part, if it's, hey, what's going on in the game is kind of bothering
me, OK, I'll change it.
Or something.
But I do.
I think it's one of those, it is.
(19:53):
It's the having the conversations about it.
It's the what are your non-negotiables?
Is it really this important type thing?
I mean, if it's constantly, well, I don't like what's going on, so I'm constantly going
to be on the other side of the house.
It's like, OK, that's a conversation we need to have because now we're avoiding each other
(20:14):
in the same house.
Right.
Right.
No, absolutely.
But if it's one of those things where it's like, you know, I mean, even today before
we started recording, it's like, Gabri's baking upstairs.
You were on the treadmill.
I was like, you know what?
I'm going to go do my next chapter of the relationship certification.
(20:34):
You know, it's like, I'll just I'll just knock that out.
And this is what I'll do.
Yeah.
And I think I think it's also because because when you do that, you know, yes, you're you're
focusing on what what you need to take care of, what's on your project list or your to
(20:56):
do list, whatever.
But it's also taking care of those things so that when you do come together, it's more
quality.
I like that.
You know, because a lot of times if it's like, well, I've got this on my mind, I've got this
on my mind, I got to knock out this project, you got to make progress on that project.
When you do get them together, you almost you can almost be distracted too much of what
(21:23):
I need to be getting done.
Right.
Versus, OK, well, all that's taken care of or I've moved on, I've made enough progress
where I can now focus 100 percent and be in this spot with you.
Right.
So I'm totally focused, undistracted, spending time with you.
Yeah.
No, that's good.
Yeah.
(21:43):
I like that.
My I heard everything that you said.
No, I know.
I was literally thumbing through the pages of the book in my brain.
Yeah.
Horrible.
That's bad.
No, it's OK.
Maybe I should have looked at it before.
You even said that.
I did.
I want to go see it because I knew this was going to happen.
I was like, you're like, I'm like, you're going to I'm going to hone in, but then I'm
(22:04):
going to like not.
It's good.
It's fine.
Yeah.
No, because then it is like you said, understanding that there is enough things that you can come
together on that that you can say we're together.
That's all that matters.
Yeah.
We're together.
That's all that matters.
And so because it's like I mean, you can like you said, if you wanted to talk about some
(22:31):
of the stuff that you were talking about earlier, that was kind of also on your brain.
Like, you know, you're potentially about to start going into the office on a more regular
basis.
And, you know, you being in the house all the time is not healthy for you.
No.
Where it's not healthy for me either.
But I actually can be in here more often than I think anybody else in the house.
(22:51):
Yeah.
But that's who I am.
And that's where God has gifted me in this season.
Like what?
Well, I was going to say, and I think also the bonus is, you know, the days that you
are home, you know, you're you're bebopping around the house.
You know, you're not just.
And whereas when I'm at the where I'm quote unquote working in the office, not working,
(23:12):
not quote unquote working, I am working, I'm quote unquote in the office.
Right.
You know, it is.
I'm I will say I'm in one space and I'm sitting and I will I will completely lose track of
time.
Right.
And so it's like I am, you know, it's like I was messaging somebody talking about, you
know, getting back in shape and fitness and all.
(23:33):
And I'm like, yeah, I'll lose track of time and I'll be sitting in one spot for eight
to ten hours.
Right.
Not healthy.
No, definitely not healthy.
You know, and it's but it is it's you know, because and it's you know, it's like I said
to you earlier, it's.
You know, when you work from home.
(23:57):
And then you're where you podcast and do your studying and researching and working on your
certifications is in the exact same chair as your work chair.
Right.
You know, it's like there is there that that line of work and home or work and not work
(24:17):
gets very, very blurred.
Right.
If not, to some degrees, not existent.
Right.
And over the you know, over the past four years, that's really weighed on me.
Right.
You know, even the six even the six weeks that I was, you know, on that that 100 percent
remote detail.
Yeah.
You know, at least now I go into the work, the office one day a week.
(24:41):
And you are charged by the time you get home.
Like you're completely different.
It's not even you're a completely different person.
You're my husband.
Yeah.
Oh, there you are.
Hi, babe.
Yeah.
So you're like, I went to work, I left it at work.
Yes.
Yes.
Whereas when I'm at home, it's like I was I was at work and and now I'm I'm at work
home.
Yeah.
(25:01):
Thirteen steps up.
I didn't get a chance to commute.
Right.
Decompress and do other things because I'd even asked you when you got off work today,
I just said, do you need to go somewhere?
Do you need to go for a drive?
Yeah.
Do you need to just kind of be, you know, what what is it that you need?
And you're like, no, no, I'm OK.
You know, like I'm OK.
(25:21):
But it is it's it's I think being intentional, being
proactive.
Yeah.
Understanding the preferences of the other person, understanding that there are times
when those preferences need to take precedence and for someone's mental health.
(25:48):
And I'll even say just your it's we talk about yours a lot, but even the fact that you are
sensitive to mine, you're sensitive to our daughter and to our son.
That we're all very the three of us, four of us, but the three of us, the kids and I
very emotionally high IQ kids people.
(26:09):
Right.
To where we feel everything.
Yeah.
And that can be overwhelming to you, but you are very, very gracious and good to us.
So I think understanding your spouse, understanding your children, even understanding the the
spaces that you're going to be walking into for the holidays, just just be aware of how
(26:33):
you're feeling in that moment.
You don't have to be a jerk.
You don't have to just bounce.
You don't have to be like, well, you're not being sensitive to my needs.
It's not about you.
As much as it is about you, it's not because with all due respect, Luke and I will literally
look at each other and say, OK, I can't have that.
This can't be about us right now.
What can I do to help you?
(26:54):
But ultimately, we need to do it in a way to where we're not trying to absolutely wreck
everybody else's day.
Because can I say I'm going to say it?
I'm just gonna be real.
Because I unfortunately understand you have it too.
We both do.
We both do.
We both do.
(27:14):
And I think that's the best way to do it.
Where there are family members or there are friends and they are the they are the gray
cloud.
Yeah, the ear of the bunch.
And it's like you want them to come alongside you want to be your was always invited, which
was beautiful.
And that was great.
Yeah.
OK, that's great.
But listen, Tigger and Kanga and the ones that are just jumpy and constantly full of
(27:35):
joy.
Piglet, all the things like like don't be such a damper.
Yeah.
Because you are affecting people in such a negative space.
There is a fine line.
And I understand.
Like if you're if you're struggling, man, like I want you to tell me you're struggling.
But there's got there's got to be a difference between a struggle and I'm having just a yeah,
(27:57):
a flip of a day.
Yeah.
I was gonna say it's or it's it's also you know, where, you know, the ones that will
insist that you come down to their level when they come around.
That part.
That part.
That's the point.
Because I will say as as much as Eeyore was like that, he never insisted people come down
to him.
And he always showed up.
(28:17):
Always showed up.
He always showed up.
Man, babe, that will preach in itself.
Sincerely, even in the crap of the day, show up.
Yeah.
Yes.
He always showed up.
Yes, he was always sad and down, but he never insisted people come down and join him.
Yes.
He just said, here's what's going on.
This is who I am.
Yeah.
I lost my tail again.
You know,
(28:38):
I keep pinning it to him.
Just sew it.
It'll be fine.
They're young.
They're they're not allowed needles.
But they are allowed to have tacks.
Yes.
Okay.
It's a safety tack.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But still.
But yeah, yeah, that is, you know, I mean, again, like you said, that'll that'll that's
(29:00):
a lesson right then and there.
I love that.
He always showed up and he never insisted people join him.
Yes.
Just this is what's happening.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
See, now I'm like, where do we end on this conversation?
Did that even tie into what we had to say?
I think so.
Okay.
I think so.
Because again, we're talking about preferences and initially, I labeled this kind of, you
(29:22):
know, like holiday stress relief.
I like it.
You know, find find a stress relief.
Yeah.
What you need to do.
Yeah.
What does your spouse need from you?
What do your children need from you?
Look at your spouse or the people around you.
You know, like, I mean, our amazing friends that that do battle with the same things.
(29:43):
Right.
What, what is a, not so much a safe word, but what's a code word of just like, Hey,
it's just getting a little, it's getting a little loud.
I'm just going to excuse myself for just a second.
But hey, like have the one person.
Yeah.
Like, look at me.
Right.
I'm going to go step out for just a second.
(30:05):
Yeah.
If you don't see me back in like 10 minutes, though, go ahead and come find me.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know, and again, I think it helps that, you know, tomorrow for Thanksgiving, it's
going to be just, just family.
Yeah.
You know, and, and so it's like, everybody knows it's like, and I'm comfortable enough
(30:27):
where with, with everybody that if it does get a little too extra, I'll just be like,
Hey, I'm just going to go in the other room.
Yeah.
And then they will follow you.
They will follow.
Yeah.
But then they're, but I don't, I don't say, Hey, I'm going into the other room to be by
myself.
Right.
Hey, I'm going to the other room.
Yeah.
I'm going to be by myself for just a second and I'll be right back.
(30:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like we have, I mean, it feels like 14 years ago.
That's those are the moments where it's like, I'm going to go smoke.
Yeah.
But sorry, babe.
Yeah.
Like you.
I mean, I don't know.
No, but it is.
I think just have a game plan.
Yeah.
(31:10):
Vocalize what's going on.
Have a greater understanding.
Cause again, guys, you just heard it.
Yeah.
However many years now, like I'm looking at you going, you don't like Christmas music.
Like I'm not a huge Mariah Carey fan, but girl, like there's those times where I'm like,
yes, girl, let's just, let's go.
All I want for Christmas is you babe.
(31:30):
Like that's it.
Let's go.
But it is.
It's I, so, um, so thank you.
Thank you.
Appreciate you.
Appreciate genuinely appreciate, appreciate that you, you let the kids and I have our
Christmas and yeah.
Cause I know it's important.
See, because I did.
I ultimately know it's important and you babe and me not liking music is not that important.
(31:57):
Yeah.
Like I want to, you asked me earlier.
Like I would like to go see the lights come on because we used to do it all the time.
And I'm like, that would be great.
And you're like, I'm fine.
But if you want to go, I do, but like, but if you don't then say, yes, I want to go.
(32:18):
I would really like to go.
Then we'll go.
Okay.
And we could see if maybe it's, it's from five to eight and they, they plan on flipping
the switch around seven.
Okay.
And then we can just bounce or just have a good time.
But like it's, it's a fun memory.
It's, it's, I mean, the fact that it used to be our tradition and now it's like, you
(32:41):
know, our girls going off with her buddies, but it's like, Oh my gosh, mom, we haven't
done this in a really long time.
Cause we've usually been in Texas.
We've usually been in Texas, but like, I was like, Oh, that would really, that would really
be that I would think I would enjoy that.
So we shall see.
Yeah, we'll see.
We can go.
(33:01):
Okay.
We'll go.
Okay.
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Yes.
I'm sure.
I know that sometimes that just is not a lot of fun for you.
He's bigger now.
The last time we went was when Sebastian was on your shoulders and he's tiny.
Yes.
And again, tomorrow, just like back then, I enjoy watching y'all enjoy things.
(33:24):
Yeah.
I truly do.
I really do.
You know, again, I, I growing up, it was one of those things I never understood how, you
know, dads or parents could enjoy not really getting anything for Christmas, you know,
but yet still having a blast.
Yeah.
And it's like now on this side of, you know, seeing that joy in, in your kids' faces, you
(33:51):
know, and, and it is, it's like, this, this is what it is.
Yeah.
And there's so many things about, I mean, this could, this, I could go talk about this
for a while, but just how many things about kids, you know, babies, toddlers, you know,
just how they bring some of the lessons and the stories and the things from the Bible
(34:18):
to life.
Yeah.
In a, in a visual, tangible illustration, so to speak.
And, you know, like, like when Sebastian was a baby, you know, it's like, we would sing
a song at church, you know, you know, talking about gazing up within wide-eyed wonder.
And it's like, what is that?
(34:39):
What is, what does that look like?
What does that feel like?
And then all of a sudden it's like, you're holding an infant and yes, they're probably
just looking at the lights, but you know, who knows what they're looking at, you know,
because, because, but again, it's, it's just that wide-eyed, that open mouth, that just
look of amazement and astonishment.
(34:59):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, on their, their face.
And it's like, that's okay.
That's what the, that's what that is.
That is wide-eyed wonder.
That is, you know, the childlike faith of, you know, if you say, you know, Sebastian is
convinced that I'm the smartest person in the world, probably outside of pop-pop, you
know.
I mean, I'd have to agree.
But you know, I could, I could say anything and he knows that I know.
(35:22):
Yes.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
He knows dad knows.
Our daughter is kind of in the same boat.
Yeah.
I mean, it helps that I have some, I mean, I'll pat myself on the back.
It helps that I actually do like look some, look a bunch of the stuff up.
And it's like, I do know this.
I really do know this.
I'm not just pulling facts out of a random space, but you know, but I could, I could
(35:44):
randomly say anything and he'd be like, okay, dad said it.
It's real.
Period.
You know, it's like when I was a kid, it's like I would look at my dad.
I don't, I can't use the same example.
Yeah.
I can't use the same answer that my dad did, but you know, I would look at my dad.
I was like, dad, how do you know that?
I read it in a book.
You know, I don't, I don't read as many books as my dad, but it's like, I Googled it.
(36:04):
Yeah.
I've Googled it enough times in the past that you know that this is that I now know
it.
Yeah.
I am, I am that person that I will find, Oh, what's an article about random facts?
Okay, cool.
Yes.
And I was like, that I sent you some of them the other day that like the Roman Coliseum
was built and unveiled around the same time that the gospels were being written.
(36:28):
Crazy.
Absolutely crazy.
Yeah.
That the fact, I mean, the fact that the Coliseum was not active when Jesus was alive.
Yeah.
Man, man.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So preferences.
Yeah.
Preferences.
Preferences.
Yes.
Learn the preferences.
Learn, learn the signals.
(36:50):
Yes.
Don't, don't be offended if your person doesn't maybe want to be in a particular space.
Yeah.
Double check, ask them, ask questions.
Don't assume anything.
And then when you are out and about, maybe at other places, when it, when you need to
(37:12):
make space or maybe when it's time to go and make sure that you, you kind of have a plan
of escape.
Yeah.
You know, that, that does it in a way to where you're doing your best to not disrupt somebody
else's holiday.
Yeah.
Be a good person.
Yeah.
Just be a good person.
And if it's, if it's important to you, say so.
(37:34):
Say so.
Absolutely.
You don't have to try to coerce anybody.
You don't have to try to manipulate the situation.
Just, hey, going to the plaza lights.
Is important to you.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll go.
You're my favorite human.
It's that simple.
Yes.
Yes.
You're my, but if you said, babe, I'm not feeling it.
I would be fine.
I know.
(37:55):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Aw.
You're my favorite.
I love you.
I love you too.
I'm grateful for you, babe.
Thank you.
See, I'm trying not to cry because it's like, I am.
I'm grateful for you.
And we are grateful for our listeners.
We're grateful for you guys.
We're going to figure out this book thing.
(38:15):
Yes.
Yes.
Dang it.
It's going to be all right.
Yeah.
It's going to be all right.
We're about to owe people books potentially.
Yeah.
It's going to be all right.
Yes, it will.
Jesus is Lord.
It's fine.
That's right.
But we are going to get fixed.
We're going to get figured out.
If you guys are interested in purchasing, take your vitamins by all means.
(38:38):
Let us know.
And then also just know that our marriage divisional is going to be on the horizon soon.
So but yeah, have a safe, have a blessed, have a heart full of gratitude Thanksgiving
and know that we will see you guys next time.
(39:00):
Okay?
Yes.
Have the best week, guys.
Bye.
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