Pride and Intersectional Bigotry - Episode 43

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Vanessa and Jess discuss Pride events and the discourse surrounding them. They talk about the importance of supporting Pride events and the need for inclusivity. They also touch on the controversy of bringing children to Pride and the role of law enforcement at these events. Overall, they emphasize the importance of creating a safe and welcoming environment for all attendees. 

They also various topics related to Pride Month and LGBTQ+ issues. They touch on the importance of chosen family and the significance of free hugs at Pride events. They also explore the dynamics of queer spaces and the inclusion of cisgender heterosexual individuals. The conversation then shifts to the recent ruling in Florida that struck down restrictions on gender-affirming care, highlighting the ongoing battle for transgender rights. They also discuss the challenges of social media and the importance of representation and diversity in the LGBTQ+ community.

Quote of the episode:  "The queer community has far bigger fish to fry than to be concerned about Chad showing up at Pride with his bisexual girlfriend." - Jess

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Announcements
02:18 Discussion on Pride Events
09:37 Incidents and Safety Concerns at Pride
25:41 Controversy and Discourse around Pride
36:24 Debating the Inclusion of Cishet Partners at Pride
39:38 Supporting Allies and Creating a Welcoming Environment
41:04 The Importance of Chosen Family and Free Hugs at Pride
44:30 Navigating Queer Spaces and the Inclusion of Cisgender Heterosexual Individuals
50:00 The Battle for Transgender Rights: The Florida Ruling
57:23 The Challenges and Impact of Social Media
01:08:15 The Significance of Representation and Diversity in the LGBTQ+ Community

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Executive Producer and Host: Vanessa Joy: https://linktr.ee/vanesstradiol

Vanesstradiol Podcast - Copyright © 2023-2025 Vanessa Joy

Episode Transcript

Vanessa (00:00):
It's the fanciest countdown ever, because we are

(00:02):
so high tech with this newrecording thing. So hello,
welcome back to transcendinghumanity. This is episode 43.
The typical reminder, you know,for the legal whatever would bet
a bad bet. Our views are ourviews and not those of anybody
we work for represent oranything like that. So, yeah. I

(00:26):
got a couple of announcements,one that Patreon is what was
probably on your screensomewhere right now. So like,
send us money, please. Like Ireally want to keep doing the
show as much as possible, butit's expensive. It's like 15% of
my income. yearly income goesinto the show. If you love the

(00:47):
show, help us out. We also nowhave a merch store. You heard
that right. I am currentlytesting out the T shirts. They
should hopefully be here thisweek. Keep an eye on our
Instagram to see how those look.
But I put some other things upthere. There's a conservative
tears mug, which, you know,yeah, I ordered one of those
too. And I made a little hormonebag for injectable hormones or

(01:11):
whatever. You need to come upwith some other things too. But
you know, and there's a hoodie,there's pajamas. And as I think
of other things, oh yeah,there's a there's a baby onesie
and says gender is a constructof our capitalist overlords. So

(01:31):
and you can't get it in pink, orblue is only comes in white,
gray or yellow. So fuck gender.
There you go. So yeah, maybe,maybe not. What's that?

Jess (01:53):
I said, that could also be another baby onesie, but I don't
know how you know, that's alittle maybe a little abrupt for
the baby to be just Khersonright out of the gate. That's

Vanessa (02:02):
what the Conservatives put on there. You know, I'm sure
conservatives like fuck JoeBiden things and everything
because he conservatives. You'renot watching this. So whatever.
So this week, justice here, andwe are going to be talking about
pride. I know just has a coupleof talking points. I have to

(02:28):
stuck I can talk about but Ijust want you to go first. Okay.
Okay, everybody. Happy to beback on the show.

Jess (02:44):
We are about halfway through June. And I know a lot
of pride events alreadyhappened. I think the one that I
just got a little blue in myears. But it looks like
everything's so on. I think thething that's standing out to
meet him. Am I I think myinternet is being a little wonky

(03:05):
again.

Vanessa (03:05):
It's been it's pretty wonky. Okay.

Jess (03:09):
I tell you what, I'm going to take a second and and and see
if I can

Vanessa (03:14):
fix that. Okay, we'll just cut this part out. Okay,

Jess (03:18):
I know it's disruptive. I apologize. But I'm gonna try.

Vanessa (03:21):
All I have to do is do a slice and then a slice. Okay,
good. The editing, or I leavethe center. And we're like, a
natural. Yeah. And

Jess (03:37):
this other network. If this doesn't work, then I'll put
on my hotspot.

Vanessa (03:41):
People are like, so you want us to donate to your
Patreon. Yet? You're leavingshit like this. Have you heard
of that thing? And yes, I haveheard of that thing. But this
shows unscripted. It's raw. It'sreal.

Jess (04:01):
So maybe leave it in? I think it's switched around.
Well, is this better?

Vanessa (04:05):
Is the scene a little bit better? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I
mean, your video is kind ofblurry, but like, I can hear you
better. So in the video doesn'tmatter, because it's Riverside,
and it uploads it from yourcomputer. So all right. I think
I

Jess (04:19):
would have tried this.
Yeah, Internet. The Internetgods have not been smiling on me
today. But hopefully that wasthe glitch. And now we're done.

Vanessa (04:27):
I'm hoping so I'm moving on Saturday. And so I'm
going to try one is T Mobilelike home internet things. But
my phone services also T Mobileand they don't have a very good
signal at my new house. Sofingers crossed, because it's a
lot cheaper than any of theinternet options around here.
It's like 40 bucks versus likethe cheapest one around here.
60. So yeah, let's see. Yeah,

Jess (04:49):
hopefully. Yeah, I've had one of those before like the
little hotspot right but for athome.

Vanessa (04:54):
Yeah, it's like a box or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
hopefully

Jess (04:59):
it'll be a Good minus, minus annoying it's through the
case. We don't have cable TV,but our internet is sued like
the cable provider. And it'slike, it's just like, very
intermittent. And plus I'm inthe basement, so I have to have
a, like a booster. Yeah, I gottalike, yeah, it's, it's, uh, you

(05:21):
know, she can be a little bittouchy. But, you know, sometimes
she gets through.

Vanessa (05:26):
Cable companies are the devil. So it's TMobile not a
sponsor. But if this works, hey,you could be a sponsor you
especially because you have that15 day trial period. So

Jess (05:38):
good, man. Yeah, yeah, that's Pride Month. So I mean,
come on to Melvil. What are youdoing? Yeah,

Vanessa (05:43):
pink. And I switched to you, because you're not at&t?
Who like is severely anti trans?
From what I've heard. So I'mlike, fuck them. I think they're
getting sued for it to soundlike other T Mobile. I'm pretty
sure had that. I'm sure someonecan fact check this. If anyone
cares enough. Anyways, back towhat you're saying about pride

(06:03):
before the technical touch?

Jess (06:06):
Yeah. We're about halfway through Pride Month.

Vanessa (06:10):
June 17. Today? Yes.
Yes, recording

Jess (06:14):
on a Monday a little different. But I know a lot of
prides have already happened. Ithink LA pride already happened.
I believe that I think that DCpride has happened. The thing
that stood out to me close to DCnot the same as Baltimore pride.
Don't know if you heard about achemical weapon or something. It

(06:36):
was a chemical agent releasedduring Baltimore pride, I
believe it was. Okay, I'm goingto have to apologize a little
bit because this may not be 100%accurate. I was trying to check
it. But again, the internet isfunky. But I believe if I
remember correctly, it was areally Saturday night between
like 830 and 9pm. At the neareststage, you know, so where there

(07:01):
was a crowd gathered, and it hasbeen determined by law
enforcement. Apparently, we'reinvestigating bodies that it was
mace. And so it was affecting alot of people people were
renting out their eyes. Therewas even a report of a child in
a stroller who was having tohave their eyes rinsed out

(07:22):
around the same time that thischemical was dispersed. Someone
said a fireworks which scatteredthe crowd, because people I'm
assuming thought it was gun suchgunshots.

Vanessa (07:35):
Every product go to I'm afraid the shooter is going to
show up.

Jess (07:37):
Yeah, it well. Yes, there is that. And I just also think,
unfortunately, any publicgathering where there is
fireworks even at this point,you're kind of like double
checking your cell phone thatwas a really a firework. So
yeah, this is I mean, really sadand terrible. That this is

(08:00):
happening. There was a warningfrom the State Department, the
US State Department that pridescould be targeted, you know,
this year. I mean, I think thatbetween the rhetoric being so
escalated and the fact that itis an election year. Yeah, the
interesting thing that I sawabout the State Department
warning was they were sayingthat it was a warning from a

(08:21):
foreign terrorist organization.
And it's like, I'm sorry, not tosay that some foreign
organizations might metal butlet's not put it past the non
foreign, the domestic terrorgroups to do something like
this. Because more likely in theUS, that is often what it is.
It's proud boys, and it's, youknow, the like, so. So, yeah,

(08:44):
that is, you know, definitelyvery scary and intimidating for
the whole community. And ofcourse, like, you know, my
hearts are with anybody inBaltimore, I actually have some
friends in Baltimore, I need tocheck on personally, but um, you
know, this is just, this iswhere we are. And unfortunately

(09:06):
in America, this is where we areanytime we go out in public that
we have to be like, slightlyconcerned about this
possibility. So being reallylike vigilant of everything, and
really aware and kind of havingto take some, some additional
considerations into you know,what kind of cards do you want
to go into? And if you seesomething if something starts to
feel funny, which of course itmight not, it might just feel

(09:29):
totally fine and then and thenit's not fine, but yeah,

Vanessa (09:33):
then a fine bomb blows up. Yeah, it's

Jess (09:38):
Yeah, so starting out a little bit starting out this
episode a little heavy, but thatwas like literally the news that
I heard this morning.

Vanessa (09:44):
I had just saw a little clip of that on on something
too. So

Jess (09:50):
yeah, so so that really sucks. I have not heard of
anything else really specific.
That has happened from you know,pride events this year. least
not so far knock on some woodthere.

Vanessa (10:02):
It's been quiet in Ohio for the most part at the STB
lab. I think it was asked toBeulah it was one of them there
is a guy in like full black gearwith sunglasses and a mask
wearing a press badge. And hehad his phone on a like a tripod
thing with a cup holder with abottle of water so he's staying

(10:22):
hydrated while then the job butlike he was recording like kids
and stuff like that and peoplewere really you know, skeeved
out by it. You know the, thewing that that's all upset about
drag shows, you know, so therehe is acting like a creeper
recording kids. I haven't heardany more details on him. The

(10:46):
only thing I personally saw,like, I went to Cleveland pride.
I went to start pride and I wentto Medina pride. And the
Cleveland one. I remember I wasdriving into town and I looked I
saw this guy wearing a mega hatin a like T shirt that had like
said no homos on the front. Andthen later on, I saw him on a

(11:08):
corner like kind of cornerupright. And he had a
loudspeaker kind of thing.
Actually, I think it was akaraoke machine, honestly, with
his little Magga hat, and he wasgoing on about how everyone's
singing. And then like the crowdwas kind of gathered around him
and he disappeared. So

Jess (11:29):
yeah, that's, I mean, at least it was like one guy. You
know, that's, that's nice. Andyou have really been getting
around the pride circuit in thatcase.

Vanessa (11:40):
Yeah, I was. Yeah. So I didn't actually really get to
get around the pride circuit. Iwas more of behind a little
table at the pride circuit, butit's fun. I spoke at Stark pride
Stark pride for anybody in theadjacent Ohio area. Go to Stark

(12:00):
pride next year. It is reallyreally really good. Like I went
to Cleveland pride and it waspretty chaotic. I soon as I got
there, I had like an autisticlike meltdown. And I was texting
like the other people in thegroup like where are you? I
don't know where to get. I don'tknow, I just shut the fuck down.
And then once I was there andset up I was fine. With Stark

(12:24):
was this is only their thirdyear at Stark. It's held in
downtown canton in a very redarea. And it's so wonderful. The
entertainment was just perfect.
The vibe was amazing. They havebathrooms, like you go in their
sinks, their stalls. It's anentire separate building that

(12:45):
was built last year. So there'sbathrooms and not just porta
potties, there's tons of foodthere tons of vendors, it was I
would say as many people thereas we're at Cleveland pride for
the most part. And it was just asuper chill vibe. It's if you
want a nice chill, fun, warmpride in you're not too far from

(13:09):
Ohio destock pride next year,it's I can't give them enough
kudos for that event. It wasabsolutely just perfect. So

Jess (13:21):
it's always great to see that like some newer
communities, excuse me, come on,you know, with like pride
events. I mean, that's, that isvery cool, especially if they're
growing that much in just a fewyears, you know, around where I
am in Asheville, the pride islater in the fall. And it's
because it's just I mean, it'sso hot right now. I don't know

(13:44):
if it's also has to do withlike, space booking in the city.
There's like a lot of Ashevillehas a super duper busy summer.
But I believe it's either inlate September, early October,
the day has kind of shifted alittle bit. But there there is
always a contingent of localprotesters. It's usually a few

(14:06):
of a handful of people. It'susually the same people who the
exact same people who protestthe Planned Parenthood you know,
so it's the same like theyliterally like Saturday morning
they go to Planned Parenthoodand protest anybody who's trying
to get health care and then, youknow, Saturday afternoon they go
down to pride and and they

Vanessa (14:27):
tell us to get a job.

Jess (14:29):
Seriously. Yeah, ya know, the amount of spare time that
these folks have is reallyimpressive. But it's it is
generally so so yeah, it's forus for this community. It is
unfortunately not just one guy,but it is a pretty small group
and they all are always just sovery much outnumbered and
there's usually pretty goodsecurity so there's usually like

(14:51):
a pretty good buffer zone inbetween like they don't ever get
inside any area or anything likethat, which is good. Yeah, but
that's That's, I mean, that'ssomething that like, so I mean,
growing up in Atlanta, Atlantapride is a mazing. Atlanta pride
is another one of those thatused to be in June, when I was a
teenager and first started goingto pride it was in June. That's

(15:13):
hot. It's so true. It's so hot.
It's also hot, not temperaturewise. It's also it's just hot.
There's like hot peopleeverywhere. But they're scantily
clad, because it's hot. So itwas at one of the biggest parks
in the city Piedmont Park. And Idon't know, you know, I think a

(15:35):
lot of people have a lot ofattachment to their first Pride.
And I definitely have attachmentto because it was my first
pride, but also, it's also justa really amazing pride. So for
quite a while it was at PiedmontPark, which is this really huge
park. So they have the wholearea with the food trucks, they
have the whole area with thevendors, they had the parade
that I believe would end there,if I remember correctly, like

(15:55):
ended that park, then they justhad a ton of green space, just
enough green space for you tolike, have room, have your
blanket, bring your bike, youknow, like come in with your I
mean, it was always really hardto find parking and then you had
to walk forever. But then youwere just like there for the
day. Just an amazing, an amazingspot. So now Atlanta pride has

(16:16):
moved to the fall as well justbecause of the frickin heat,
which is just smart. It's smart.
And I believe I'm pretty surethat it is back in Pima park for
a little while they moved it toanother location. And it was
basically like a massive parkinglot. It was like around like a
civic center or something. Andit was like, even I think even
in the fall, it was just like itwas still hot. And it was just

(16:38):
like not pleasant. And it wasn'tcool. And not just not cool.
It's a parking lot. Not cool. Itjust was a shitty area. Right.
But I believe it's I believeit's back at FEMA Park. In fact,
we might consider going thisfall. So I have not made it to a
summer pride. I don't know if Iwill this year but I know it's
happening. It's awesome. I knowespecially other folks in the

(17:00):
northeast, I believe Providencepride happened up in Rhode
Island, which I heard somereally good things about
Providence pride as well. So Soyeah, I know that's that is all
happening. And I believe I cantry to look it up. Let me see if
my internet will. I believethat. San Francisco pride may

(17:21):
not have happened yet. A lot oftimes that's the last thing.
One.

Vanessa (17:27):
That one's probably pretty epic. I would hope so.

Jess (17:30):
Okay, San Francisco pride is awesome. Yeah. San Francisco
pride is so huge. That Oh, yeah,yeah, that's right. That's
right. Yes. Okay. San Francisco.
Pride is the very end of June.
So it's the last so it's noteven it's not even this weekend
coming up. I believe it's thefollowing weekend. It spread
out. You know, understandablebecause that community is

(17:53):
massive. There is a whole vendorarea and area downtown in the
civic center. The parade routeis super long. They actually
have bleachers and stuff alongthe parade route because it's
that big. I went there in Oh mygoodness. I think it was 2018
that Kamala Harris was actuallythere and was like marching.

(18:16):
Yeah, for a while which wasreally cool in her like rainbows
sequined jacket, there are somephotos of her online and this
jacket. It was really, reallyawesome. And I saw her we were
in the bleachers. So we were notsuper close. But I saw her maybe
that was that was actually 2019.
Then the play there you hadcivic Center's huge, but the gem
of San Francisco pride that anylocal San Francisco person would

(18:40):
tell you, I believe Taryn would100% concur with this is that
Dolores Park is a big park,they're not super close to the
other areas and kind of easierto have a car to get over there.
But public trans is still prettygood. But the Dyke March, the
trans March, which I believeusually are on separate days,

(19:01):
like usually trans marches likeFriday night and night marches
Saturday night or you know,something like that Saturday,
Sunday, they're separate days.
But those are more of the likethe park hang, they still have a
stage but it's not like a supermassive stage. But they still
have a stage and they have aparking and, and they and so
like it's kind of like stuff isspread out around the whole
city, which is different.
Totally different experience.

(19:24):
Yeah. From like where I am now,which is like everything is
really in this like in thesquare, you know. But yeah, I
mean, love pride all around.
I'll stop advertising for allthe prizes up into now. But no,
it was really amazing.

Vanessa (19:39):
Well, this is an episode about pride and you're
educating people on price to goto That's

Jess (19:44):
right. That's right. 100% San Francisco was good. Atlanta
is good.

Vanessa (19:48):
I'm worried about Atkins pride. So there's a
little bit of drama going onhere in Ohio. Akron is the most
major city north of me so like,if you're looking at Ohio,
there's Cleveland up anotherlike acronyms like 40 miles
south, and then I am anotherlike 25 miles southwest of
Akron. But over the weekend, weare supposed to have a there's

(20:14):
supposed to be a bunch ofJuneteenth events. And an
announcement came out, literallyin some cases one hour before
the event was supposed to startsaying that it was canceled. So,
like, all these vendors are,like, out of all the money and
all these people, like peopletraveling from out of state to

(20:35):
come to it all screwed. And fromwhat I've heard, I watched the
video by I'm not sure if she's acurrent or former African
council person, but there was aguy, a council guy, Councilman,
council me and we're definitelygonna go man, I'm pretty sure
he's an old white Boomer. Buteven if he's not, he's an old

(20:56):
white Boomer.
I don't have a filter to it. Sohe had gotten into, he was in
argument with a couple of hisconstituents, some some younger
black men, I believe, like asafety thing that they were

(21:17):
concerned about, and he feltcornered. And he wound up, he
got his panties in a bunch, andwound up joining together with
another council person, and thenbringing in six more to write a
letter, saying that they wereconcerned about safety on these

(21:39):
events, and that they need to becancelled immediately. And but
they also talked that there wasno credible threat to any of
this. And if you know anythingabout accurate, and it's not a
safe town, especially if you'rea black person, and a cop was
around, it's one of thosecities. And but neighborhoods

(22:07):
take care of themselves theretoo. And these are neighborhood
celebrations. And they werereally important to a lot of
people. And there's a lot ofreally pissed off people. I
wouldn't be surprised if thenews of this starts branching
out and getting bigger and itmight pop up on national news
sooner or later. I hope it does.
Because this kind of thing needsto be exposed. Like this guy was
voted into office. And itdoesn't sound like he's

(22:32):
representing his constituents,which is definitely a very
common problem we have in thiscountry. So but yeah, that a
little dramatic thing going downnear Vanessa.

Jess (22:48):
That really sucks. I mean, it's terrible for for those
celebrations to have to becanceled. For all the vendors,
just for the whole community tolike, lose that. That's, that's
really shitty.

Vanessa (23:04):
People are like, are you gonna cancel July 4? And
since you're canceling? Yeah.

Jess (23:09):
See, that's that's where it starts to get into, you know,
like, on the one hand, if therewas a really credible threat
right before an event, sure, itmay be in the best interest of
safety to cancel it, you know,on the other hand, if there's no
credible threat, or like they'renot explaining it, or they can't

(23:29):
handle the security forJuneteenth, but they can handle
the security for July 4, forinstance, you know, then it
starts to get into like, okay,what are what are the real
priorities here? You know,what's going on? So yeah,
that's, that is reallyunfortunate. We are I was

(23:50):
actually just looking upJuneteenth events in around here
because in this city, there wasa there are different.
Juneteenth is a good changes alittle bit every year, how the
celebrations go, you know, somedifferent organizations in a
couple different parts of thesmall city where I am. But last
year, there was actually ashooting really close to a

(24:12):
celebration. And they've it'snot, they are still having
celebrations, but they're, it'sdifferent. And it's been
different every year. Like Ikind of think the city is trying
to figure it out. But I didwonder if they were not having
it at the same location, theyhad it last year because of what
happened. I don't know. So, soYeah, who knows? I mean, again,

(24:34):
it's it is on the one hand, itis really tricky and you want to
keep people safe. But yeah, onthe other hand, like, you know,
we, we need to be able tocelebrate these different
holidays. You know, whether it'sJuneteenth or pride or July 4
For whoever celebrates thosedifferent holidays.

Vanessa (24:54):
I personally think Juneteenth is far more important
than July 4 to this country, butWhatever. That's one girl's
opinion. Yeah.

Jess (25:04):
It's a it's a definitely more impressive mark in history,
at least by some standards. It

Vanessa (25:13):
wasn't taught in school. I didn't learn. I didn't
learn about you, too. As anadult. I didn't even know
anything about it in college.
So, which is a crime? Absolutecrime. But it's whitewashing of
history. Oh, the point I wastrying to make with the whole
aircon thing, acronyms. Pride islike August 24, for some reason.
And I'm hoping that it doesn'tget canceled too. So because

(25:35):
it's a pretty it's a pretty bigone.

Jess (25:41):
Yeah, yeah, hopefully it won't. There was a pride
celebration at a city just southof where we are and, and we
decided not to go I kind of wasa little torn because I like
want to support these reallysmall cities around here doing
it. But I also like thatparticular one is one where I'm

(26:03):
sure that same group ofprotesters will just go around
their their circuit because it'slike, local enough. And I didn't
I just wasn't quite sure. Andplus, it's a it's a much more,
it's a much less diverse, morewhite Boomer town. And we just
weren't quite feeling it. ButBut I do feel worn I feel torn

(26:25):
about this. Okay, so this canget us into the discourse,
though, because one of thereasons why I was a little
hesitant was because, like, wewould have taken our kid, and I
didn't really it's not that Idon't like I we take our kid to
pride. Like, we're happy tointegrate. And we're again,
considering going to Atlantapride this year, we'll
definitely take our kid. Andwe'll definitely go to the pride

(26:46):
in town with our kids. And thispride in town is like it's a
lot, it's a more family friendlypride. Anything that is not
family friendly, is as it is, atmost prides that I would say
really honestly, at any pricethat I've seen. I personally

(27:06):
don't think there's anything atduring the daytime in those
really big public events. Thatis not okay for my kid to see.
Like, yes, sometimes people aremore scantily clad. That is
something that can be liketalked about, you know, if the
opportunity comes up, that'slike, fine. That's, you know, a
way that some people celebrateexpress himself, right? Their

(27:30):
freedom, and like, that's partof it, right? I'm, like, hey, it
was like, kind of like MardiGras in a different way. Right.
But so I don't have an issuewith that anything that's really
going to be kind of what I whatI would say is like, not
appropriate for kids is going tohappen at a club at night, and

(27:51):
my kid is going to be in bedasleep. And that's just not it's
not a concern. My kid did seedrag, there was drag. At this
point, that was actually thefirst drag that he was able to
see, which is cool. So

Vanessa (28:01):
cool.

Jess (28:02):
I think it was last year, maybe it was last year. And I
don't know, the years kind ofwent together in my head. I'm
not sure I know. But um, butyeah, he definitely saw his
first drag queen was there. Andso they did, they did some, some
drag at, you know, just like theoutdoor stages in areas, which
was awesome. And he loved it.
And that was really wonderful tohave that exposure for him. But
there has been one thing that Ithought we could talk a little

(28:24):
bit about is all the discoursearound pride. So I think there's
been like a few subjects ofdiscourse around pride and one
of them is the whole Do you wantto take your kid to pride and
with this little town pride thatthe small town south of where we
are that we decided not to gorecently. There certainly would
not have been anythinginappropriate for a kid but I
just didn't really want to youknow, it does take a certain

(28:49):
amount of energy to get a kidout the door and to an activity
and manage you know, in additionto managing your own energy and
thirst levels, and hungerlevels, and all of that, like
dealing with that with you know,a young kid is a whole other
ball of energy, you know, awhole nother task to take on too
and I just wasn't afford at thetime. So I was like, I'm just

(29:11):
gonna wait for the ride in town.
But this whole like,conversation around. Do you want
you know, is it okay to takekids to pride or not to pride?
What do you think about this?
Have you seen this?

Vanessa (29:27):
I don't know how much of it I've seen. Personally. We
took my kid to the first stockpride. We did not go last year
because we were afraid ofsomething violent popping up.
And we did obviously don't likehim exposed to that. Yeah. And

(29:47):
this year, I actually spoke atmy pride on stage so my kids or
their mother said that she wouldtry to bring him in. She did Um,
after I spoke in, they were justwalking around, he was putting
in bouncy castles and stuff. ButI think, you know, when it comes

(30:09):
to kid appropriateness, likeduring the day, as you said,
pride, it's much more familyfriendly. Yeah, you're gonna see
some tips, I saw some glorioustests. And, but my kids seen my
tests, you know, it's just whathappens. And if you don't make a
big deal out of it, it's not abig deal. So but like, if they

(30:38):
were people like actuallyimitating sex on stage or
something that might give me alittle bit more of a positive
them because, you know, he'sgotten in, you know. But it's
overall, none of the productsI've been to were in any way not
family friendly. In fact, theywere, they were actively family

(31:03):
friendly, with stuff for thekids to do. And, you know, all
the vendors had a bunch of stuffto give away to kids, like, we
had flags and stickers, and, youknow, just, you'd see kids
walking around like flags andall kinds of fun things just
sticking out of their hair andjust having a blast. So it's, if
you're a kid at Pride, it'scolorful. There's a bunch of

(31:24):
interesting looking people, abunch of people wearing really
cool, wild fun outfits, a lot ofpeople that are really happy,
and there's just a good vibe toit. So I personally think
bringing kids to pride is Iencourage it. The only thing
that gives me pause really issome mega idiot showing up with

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Jess (33:02):
Yeah, fair enough. And that's a lot of times what ends
up you know, the, the that iswhat has shut down a lot of
like, drag queen story hours andstuff, right? Even the things
that are specifically for kids,but then they get shut down just
because of the amount of threatsagainst them. Yeah. Yeah, no, I

(33:22):
totally agree. I even remember,even in San Francisco, which
again, obviously has, you know,just the just the quantity of
queer people. The quantity ofpeople period is so much larger,
they're so much more denselypopulated. And then the quantity
equip you know, there's a lot ofqueer people there and they're
very out and, and it's a verymixed crowd. It is a just a

(33:46):
superduper mixed crowd. But Iwould say that like actually in
San Francisco, it was alwaysFolsom Street Fair, which is the
leather fair, that is far lesskid appropriate. Just like as
far as like, who's walkingaround on the street? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know,like you said it pride. It's
like, there may be you know,there may be some scantily clad,
there may be, you know, theremay be a little you know, there

(34:09):
may be some boobs out. There maybe some harnesses, chest
harnesses or something, they maybe a little bit of, you know, a
little like, flash a leather,but it's not generally really
anything that I think would be Ikind of rather like my kid be
exposed to that with me aroundmaybe the first time anyway, you
know, and not having like a hugedeal. But, but yeah, yeah, so

(34:34):
that's so so that's Um, okay,the kids in the kink is one of
the some of the discourseconversation that's been going
around than the other wholediscourse conversation, and
there's been so much onlinediscourse around this. And I
feel like I didn't really payattention to the online
discourse like in previousyears. I just don't think I was

(34:57):
involved in it to notice it, butapparently it has been going on
for quite a while, this is notthe first year that there has
been a bunch of opinionatedqueer folks talking about pride
and what they think of it andwho's, who should go and who
shouldn't go and what should bethere and what shouldn't be
there. But there was so muchdiscourse about it that there

(35:18):
were actually articles writtenabout the discourse that were
published in magazines, Ibelieve it was for them, or
them. Or them. One of thethings, just them, and maybe
it's them. Yeah, then period, Ithink, yes, I believe that they,
they them. So sorry, I had toget that pun in there. Yeah. Put

(35:43):
out an article about thediscourse. So here we are having
discourse on the discourse, themain one this year has been if
you're a bisexual woman, and youhave a sis het boyfriend, is it
okay for him to go to pride?
Although I don't necessarilythink that was how it started.
Because I think it I believe itstarted from some other origins,

(36:04):
there's a lot of like, I thinkit's also really hard to kind of
figure out exactly where theconversation started. And who
was having it and what was itabout? Because I think there's
like, there's a lot of levels ofthis conversation that you can
have, right. But the main pointof the article written by them

(36:25):
was that, you know, the queercommunity in general has far,
far bigger fish to fry than toreally be too concerned about
Chad, or whoever, showing up atthe pride parade with his
bisexual girlfriend. And

Vanessa (36:45):
yeah, it doesn't sound like a big deal to me at all.
Yeah, everyone's working withpride as long as they're not
nasil. So that's

Jess (36:53):
the idea. Right? Yes. So that's the idea. I've, and I'm
saying this from the perspectiveof them, I also agree with this
idea, you know, of just, this isnot, this is not really like,
this is not the hill that I willdie on. This is not really have
that much of that much interest.
You know, if Chad's gonna come,he better be chill. And if he's
not, then he's gonna get put inhis place. Like, and like it'll

(37:17):
be handled, and it's not thatbig of a deal. The protesters
need to like, either stay homeor stay on the outside, you
know, the cops need to berespectful and like, ideally,
hardly visible or not visibleand not on the inside the cops

(37:38):
should be the ones like inbetween the protesters and the
people celebrating pride. Right?
Because pride is a protestagainst police. This is true. So
true. So I'm not really inside.
That's not cool. I think that Ithink it would be definitely

(38:01):
better if if the cops out. And Iwill say that here and what I've
noticed, I don't I can't speakfor all the different prides,
obviously. But I've noticed thatthere's like so like pride has
its own security team. That'slike not the cops, right. So
it's a different like this, it'slike kind of like, the the
security team is more on theinside of the group. Right? They
may be checking check to kind ofcheck in the perimeters and

(38:24):
stuff like that kind of seeingwho's getting further in and all
in communication. But, but yeah,beyond that. I definitely, I
think that it's like people whoare supportive in my book, are
welcome, if they're going to besupportive, and want to

(38:47):
experience the queer communityand queer culture, and that's
great at the larger publicevents, and if it is a specific
event for a specific subset ofthe community, you know, then
that needs to be respected toyou know, if it's a lesbian
event, if it's a an event forblack and brown folks, you know,

(39:12):
that all needs to be respected.
Right, but other than that,like, you know, everybody's
welcome parents are welcome. Youknow, neighbors are welcome if
they want to check it out, andthey're like open to it and and

(39:33):
even the straight guys ifthey're not going to mind
getting hit on and maybe want toconsider like alternative
lifestyles, or whatever.

Vanessa (39:47):
Like, if they're just going to support a friend or
family member you know, what isit from the Kingsman Manners
maketh man? It's pretty simple.
Just Just be nice, you know, andenjoy yours. Self in support,
whoever you're there with ifyou're there as an ally, so
because allies are welcome to i,I saw a I forget where it was,

(40:07):
maybe I'm read it or something.
But a guy was like, is itdisrespectful if my wife and I
were a sis hat married couple?
Is it disrespectful if we showup to prides wearing free mom
hugs and free dad hugs shirts,and people were like, it's not

(40:29):
disrespectful at all. You'rewelcome. Like when I was at
privates. And I saw people inthose shirts, it warms my heart.
Because I know I come from suchan accepting family. So many
other people do, too, that thathug from one of them, could
honestly save a life. So yes,you have a place there. Yeah,

Jess (40:55):
absolutely. Yeah, I would definitely support people being
that ping that supportive andwanting to do that. And I think
that that's really nice. I lovethose people in general in
public cool. Put the like, freehugs shirt on, you know, for
people who like it. And Iactually, I think I saw this
online. And I saw a comment onthis that I really liked, which
was somebody saying, you know,that's actually, in their

(41:20):
opinion, a little more inboundsthan saying like, if you don't
have your family anymore, like,I'm your dad now, or I'm your
mom now. Because honestly,that's not that's not really
something you're really going tobe able to, if you're a
stranger, like you're notreally, you know, it's a
wonderful sentiment, right? Thethe feeling behind it is, is

(41:43):
very nice and warm, but you'renot really going to be able to
like be in somebody's life inthat supportive way. And then
kind of in that way, it mighteven kind of like, twist the
knife a little bit, you know,but saying some prayers. Yeah,
yeah. It's like, it's like, youknow, it's kind of like, I wish
you had an accepting family. Butit's like, if you're not, if

(42:03):
you're not actively insomebody's life, and really part
of somebody's chosen family,then maybe don't make that
statement. But being able to saylike, Hey, maybe, you know, some
queer folks are estranged fromtheir fit, so I'm not some
people who aren't queer. Oh, Ihear Gabby. Gabby's talking. You
know, even some folks who arenot queer, no contact with their

(42:25):
families. But yes, especiallyfor people in the queer
community who are no contactwith their families. Yeah, if
somebody wants to show up andgive free mux that's really
sweet. And, and totallyappreciate it. And somebody
might not have had a hug fromtheir mom or dad and a really
long time. And even though it'snot their mom or dad, so is
really appreciate it. So I lovethat. I think that's awesome.

(42:46):
And yeah, I mean, I still justthink that like, yeah, even if
it's friends, you know, and theyjust want to go because, like,
you know, I've had straightfriends who like, like to hang
out at the gay club. I mean, Iused to work in different again,
but when I was in San Francisco,I used to work in a bar on the
edge of the Castro. And it was avery mixed bar, you know, and
again, it's like, so freakinliberal out there. Like, it's

(43:08):
just the whole culture is somixed, and so diverse, and it's
amazing. But it was a very,like, it was very, like, it was
not a gay bar. It was not astraight bar. It was like just a
very mixed bar. We had knightsthat were taken over by
different factions, you know.
You know, of like, of thedifferent you know, we

(43:30):
definitely had some reallyamazing, amazing, you know,
Knights, some of like, music,music, takeovers, DJ takeovers,
and some of them were like,totally, like, boys and speedos
dancing on the bar, and, youknow, whatever. Those were some
of the best those were actuallythey were called That party was
called Big Top that particularone. Anyway, you know, but it

(43:52):
was just very, like, if you werethere, you just needed to be
very open and that was cool. SoI love that vibe. I did also
find interesting in thisdiscourse, though, that other
people have counted out thiswhole this whole theoretical
bisexual woman who has a sisboyfriend who is considering

(44:15):
going to pride with their SISboyfriend, that like it's like,
Can we can we flip that and say,Okay, what if it's a bisexual
guy who has a sis girlfriend?
Why are we not talking aboutthat? More? Like, why is that
not a you know, and I get itbecause right? Because there is

(44:37):
a huge reason why it's and it'slike, why we choose the bear
right?

Vanessa (44:44):
Misogyny

Jess (44:46):
not expecting it so much.
And, you know, sis, heterosexualmen invading queer spaces is
kind of speaking of the originsof pride as a protest and queer
people know not being able togather legally and without
potential safety repercussions.

(45:06):
And like life or repercussionsis like the whole reason why
this started. So yes, of coursethere is sensitivity around sis
heterosexual men invading prideinvading queer space. Right and,
and like, and you know, thoseguys need to be aware of that.

(45:29):
And in my book, like they canstill come, but they just need
to like, you know, be aware thatit is not their party, they can
like, hang with the party, butit didn't make it, you know,

Vanessa (45:40):
they have to remember that. Ally is a title that is
given, it is not a title thatyou give yourself.

Jess (45:47):
I like that. I think that's cool.

Vanessa (45:52):
I don't know where I heard that. But I use it a lot.
Now. It's earned, you know,like, if you call yourself an
ally, but you don't do anythingto support that, if a true ally,
will continue to have your backwhen you are not in the room,

(46:13):
they will continue to defendyou, a true ally will put
themselves themselves in thesame harm's way that we are in
all the time. That's what a trueally does. That's why it's a
title that's earned.

Jess (46:27):
Totally agreed.

Vanessa (46:32):
Get some words of wisdom on this podcast. Yeah.
But that that's a sillydiscourse to just start like, I
don't know.

Jess (46:45):
I mean, I do think that the bigger you know, I do think
that we have bigger fish to fryas far as external, people who
are outside of the community,people who are unquestionably
not queer, who are anti queer,whether some of them are anti

(47:06):
trans, and some of them areprobably also I'm gonna venture
to say, homophobic. I don't knowif I would meet anybody in this
current culture, who ishomophobic who is not also anti
trans, but who knows? I'm surethere's possibilities. I
definitely think that that's, Ithink that's a bigger concern.
And we need, like, you know, thewhole, like, we need all the

(47:30):
help we can get, we need tostick together, we need to stand
together like all of that, ofcourse. Right. And trans folks
specifically are, you know, justunder so much. I don't know what
to say like, not scrutiny is notthe right word. But yes, attack
just under such attack.
legislatively, legally. Verymuch. And, and that is obviously

(47:54):
it's obviously bigger, you know,as there is the intersection of
bigotry, right. Yeah. As thereis the intersection of

Vanessa (48:07):
big intersectional bigotry.

Jess (48:09):
How many levels of bigotry, can you experience,
right? And, you know, obviously,people who are lacking melanin
like ourselves, right, whitefolks, have it have privilege
attached to that, that needs tobe exceedingly high privilege

(48:34):
that absolutely needs to berecognized that it's just part
of our culture and the systemswithin it. You know, and men,
and even more so sis men, right.
So all of that is, is totallylegit. And important to
recognize as well, especially inthese times where the community

(48:56):
is under attack, it is like themost vulnerable, the most
bigoted, the intersections ofbigotry, right. And the and the
people who are experiencing themost of that are black and brown
trans women. Right. And sothat's always important to

(49:16):
recognize and remember, as oneof the leaders of the beginning
of pride. Marcia Johnson

Vanessa (49:27):
was a black trans woman she was

Jess (49:32):
and we celebrate her legacy and, and appreciate all
of that. So like, that's allreally important on the scope of
legislative attacks, likeswitching gears a little bit, a
little bit of good news outsideof pride stuff. There was a big
ruling that came down fromFlorida. Did you hear about this
last week? Oh, yeah.

Vanessa (49:52):
That was major news.

Jess (49:55):
And what I was trying to look up that I didn't they
didn't quite get to but I waskind of curious, because, you
know, sort of makes sure all ourlisteners are caught up to this,
which a lot of them probablyare. But um, there was the I
believe it was the 19 circuitcourt threw out, not sure if it

(50:17):
was nice. It was a federal courtthat Florida has restrictions on
gender affirming treatment,gender affirming care for
children, and some parts of therestrictions on Trent, gender
affirming care for adults, werestruck down as unconstitutional.

(50:37):
Just kind of a little bit frommy, from my memory on this. The
I think one of the things wasjust the the judges basically
said that you can't write law onmorals, like it's not, we're
not, you can't legislatemorality. If you disagree with
something you can disagree withit. But that doesn't mean that

(50:58):
you can not allow somebody tohave it. And I think
specifically with the, with theadult care that they were having
an issue with, they were sayingthat, you know, because one of
the things that Florida did wasthey made it so that if I
remember correctly, they made itso that nurse practitioners who
were the most common healthcareworker to to prescribe or

(51:21):
administer gender affirming carein the in the form of HRT,
right, hormone replacementtherapy, hormone treatments.
Were they were saying that thoseMPs couldn't do it anymore. It
had to be doctors. And so thatjust really that was that was
what really shifted. And so andI believe that the way that this
ruling came down was theybasically said you can't you
can't say that nursepractitioners can't do this when

(51:43):
they can do all this otherstuff. And there's really no
reason that you're not likethere's no basis why you're
saying that. NPS can't do this.
Other than that, you'reobviously just trying to make it
hard for trans adults to getcare.

Vanessa (51:56):
Yeah, I think there's like one person can get hormones
to treat something, but a transperson can't. It's just flat out
discrimination. I believe heeven I don't remember the exact
wording, but I believe he evencalled the laws out as just
being mean, or something alongthose are cruel. And because

(52:16):
they are, I think also inFlorida. For adults. If you're
on Medicare, they took away any

Jess (52:23):
HRT, so that makes sense.
So so it's a really strongruling and a big win as far as
that battle? What I have notbeen able to catch up on quite
yet is I'm not I'm not sure whatthat means about. Like, does
care change? Like, does thatmean that people are accessing

(52:45):
care again, this week? You know,what I mean? Does that like,
when does that go into effect?
Or, you know, what does thatmean, for folks in Florida? Some
of our listeners might know, andI need to do some research on
it. And hey, if you know, andyou feel like writing in then
like, let us know what it's likeon the ground there, please. But

(53:07):
yeah, I'm curious, because Iknow that, you know, some people
were, I mean, a lot of, we knowthat we know that some people
left Florida. Because of this,and some other people were
having to stop care. Some peoplemight have been considering
traveling in order to continueto get care in different states,
much like people who are seekingabortion are having to do in a

(53:28):
lot of cases. So that was a bigruling that came down. I do also
think that this the flip side ofthat, and the reason why I was
phrasing it as as the battle isbecause I do think that this
continues to I mean, obviously,the state of Florida and Ron

(53:50):
DeSantis is going to push backon this and are they going to
try to elevate it, you know, upto is this is this part of the
process of eventually getting itin front of the Supreme Court.

Vanessa (54:04):
So yeah, I know he said he's gonna appeal Sure. That was
so stuck in the closet.

Jess (54:11):
It's It's really crazy.
And he you know, he had such aterrible presidential candidacy
run that I know he's, I'm surereally, really butthurt right
now.

Vanessa (54:24):
My heart is broken for that absolute piece of I don't
have words. I don't know words.
Yeah.

Jess (54:39):
Yeah. So anyway, just something to something to be
aware of, just in case anybodydidn't know. And I think that
was I just I was, you know, ofcourse happy to see that ruling.
But also a little bit. I alwaysfeel now, unfortunately, like,
this is great for now. Once youhave it, it's gonna be Up next,

(55:00):
you know, it does seem like, youknow, there's been some talk and
I know that, you know, one ofour favorite places to get trans
news, Aaron Reed has, you know,reported that in several
different states, this lastlegislative session, there was
really kind of a loss inmomentum. One of those states

(55:23):
was Florida, where a lot ofbills, I believe there was also
New Hampshire, there wereseveral states in which this
happened. There were a lot ofbills that died, you know, at
the end of the session, or justwe're not, at least we're not
moved, move forward, they didn'treally have any progress. And in
fact, it seemed like compared tothe last few years, a lot less

(55:49):
really kind of made it furtherdown the legislative pike there.
But, but it's definitely stillan incredibly alarming number of
bills that are being introduced,that are anti trans bills and
anti queer bills. And I think inthat in that regard, obviously,

(56:10):
it is the trans kids that areunder that are in the worst
position or under siege,especially in certain,
especially in certain states,and then trans adults very
closely behind them. So, yeah,

Vanessa (56:32):
the gender gender affirming care ban in Ohio keeps
getting blocked, too, which isgood. A couple of notes on
Aaron, actually, Aaron Read.
One, she she wrote about somepolling data that shows like
Republican voters aren'tinterested in in anything about

(56:52):
trans people. It's not even ontheir radar. And they're
frustrated. Because this is thisentire agenda. The same thing
happened, you know, with gaypanic, and it just, oh, that's
one thing that I think the judgesaid someone said, I think it
was the judge. He said that thisis just the latest fad. And this
is going to disappear. Like,just like it was with like, the

(57:15):
fad was like going against gay,trans people, just like it was
against gay people. I think itwas that judge or something else
I read. But I want to send aquick note out to Aaron. I don't
know if he listened to the showor not. But I'm so sorry to hear
about your mom. And mom passed.

(57:36):
And it's heartbreaking. So we'rehere for you and your family.
And yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. Andthat.

Jess (57:53):
That is, that is very sad.
I, yeah, I sometimes find ithard to read all of Aaron's work
when it comes out because shepublishes so much. And I try to
I try to keep up on it. Verymuch.

Vanessa (58:15):
It's overwhelming.

Jess (58:16):
I think the last, I believe the last thing that I
read was about the Florida case,or maybe it was the thing about
I believe it was that that pollabout Republicans that you're
mentioning, I believe it waslike 76% was the percentage of
people who said like, we'rereally not interested in this.
Obviously, I did not have thatpersonal news. And so yeah, I

(58:38):
need to catch up a little bit.
But

Vanessa (58:42):
for those that don't know, Aaron Reed is an
independent reporter. She'sengaged to sow his effort, who
is a Montana State House Repthat has been in the news for
being bullied by Republicans.
But Erin, I would say she is thesource for all news trans, in
transit Jason. And her reportinghelps so many people it's I'm

(59:06):
sure it saved lives. And I'msure it's a lot of it is very
hard to read. Because any anynews around trans people tends
to be pretty depressing. Butshe's always always makes a
point to share good newswhenever it comes up to try to
stay up with things but if any,because I know we have we have

(59:27):
sis listeners, we've had hitlisteners, you know, just
anybody listening to the show ifyou if you want to know what's
really going on in thiscommunity and why trans people
are so fucking terrified all thetime and why you hear me talking
about comparing to Republicansto the Nazis. Go read air and
stuff. It's legit. She's a lotof her reporting is on what's

(59:54):
going on and state legislaturesacross the country. And you can
just see it's just, it's anonstop just deluge of hate
being thrown against us. Andshe's doing everything she can
to get the word out there. Sheeven creates maps to show which
states are safer and whichstates you shouldn't go to when

(01:00:16):
you're trans. So sorry for theassignment.

Jess (01:00:20):
Leave her. Her sub SEC is Aaron in the morning. And you
can just like, subscribe to hernewsletter directly there. The
she will, once you subscribe,you'll get articles emailed
directly to you really great.
And yes, the maps are reallyhelpful. I know a lot of she
started to create those mapsbecause she was getting people

(01:00:43):
asking her when they wereconsidering moving or even
traveling, trying to understandwhat states were safer. And I
believe that at this point, sheactually has an adult map and a
and trans youth map.

Vanessa (01:01:00):
gathers two separate ones. And she's not paywalled
either. When you go to hersubstack it does pop up saying
that, please donate it if you'reable to. But donations from our
readers make it so people thatcan't afford to donate can still
read the articles. So she makessure that nothing's behind the
paywall. That

Jess (01:01:19):
is true. Yeah. Which is, which is really awesome. I am a
I'm a paid subscriber at thispoint, because I want to support
her. But it is also only like,it's like five meters a month.
It's like very it's veryExactly. It's not matter the
amount of gas that comes out. Itis it is incredible.

Vanessa (01:01:36):
It's the best deal for media. But

Jess (01:01:42):
I know Gabby's got a lot to say this evening.

Vanessa (01:01:46):
Yeah, my, this is my last week, the last week that
you're gonna see this purplebackground, because I got my own
place. And so Gabby, and myson's other mothers dog, they've
lived together for four years.
But Gabby is a people dog andnot in not a dog dog. So she
attacks her dog all the time.

(01:02:10):
And there's this jealousy thingthat whenever Gabby hears the
other dog, she just loses herabsolute shit. And it's, I can't
wait to not have to hear thatscreaming all the time, and just
be able to just cut it with mypuppy rather than hear her
scream. So yeah. They just gotback from a walk. So if you're
wondering people watching this,or when he was looking down
earlier is because my kids ortheir mom was asking me if I

(01:02:33):
want to go on the walks like no,I'm podcasting.

Jess (01:02:38):
Well, that's very exciting that you're about to get to your
new place. That's yeah, I can'twait to hear about you're
settling in and everything thatgoes well, you've already been
over there and everything. I sawsome posts or something, right?
Yeah,

Vanessa (01:02:52):
yeah, I put my dog over there. It's just a tiny little
house. And you know, exactly.
And there's a second floor,what's not really air condition.
And I told the landlord that sheshe's moving all of her like in
last, the landlord is one of myclients for photography.
Absolutely wonderful woman.
She's never been a landlordbefore. She's like, I don't know

(01:03:12):
what to do. Oh, I'm like, we'llfigure it out. But. So like,
there's a bunch of stuff up inlike second floor of like,
family heirlooms and crap. Andlike, just leave it there. I
don't care. So when I'm out, youeventually want to sell the
house, whatever, but it's nothurting anything. And I'm not
going to use it. So I don't knowwhere I was going with that. But
yeah, it's just a cute littlehouse for and it's me my little

(01:03:36):
queer paradise. So

Jess (01:03:38):
that's awesome. And it's so great that you didn't you
know that you found a place thatis not super far.

Vanessa (01:03:47):
That's only 15 minutes away from here. So yeah, yeah.
Awesome. And pumped. Well, wejust had the size of one hour in

Jess (01:04:01):
that was our timer. Yeah.
Yeah, I

Vanessa (01:04:04):
think we're, I think we're both like okay. So, yeah,
we're still halfway throughPride Month. This episode will
be released on whatever.
Thursday is the 20th and you'llshow up to your privates and if
you want if you'reneurodivergent and autistic,
invest in some loop earplugs,they will help. I was the

(01:04:27):
Cleveland one was getting prettyrowdy at the end and I had to
put them in but it's just kindof helps us tune things down. So
loop not a sponsor, but youcould be

Jess (01:04:39):
looping in I am loop. If you're listening. I am actually
considering getting a pair ofloop as well because I have I
have not been tested for anyneurodivergent sees but I
wouldn't necessarily besurprised but I have I
definitely have a lot of noisesensitivity. I have noticed a

(01:05:00):
lot, especially since I have ayoung kid who has a very, you
know, wide range of volume, allthe things that come along with
kids that are very loud. So it'sjust been something that I've
been working on. And at certainpoints, I get really, really
sensitive to the noise. And I'vealways been sensitive to the
noise out and about in public, Idefinitely get really

(01:05:23):
overwhelmed by that. So I'vebeen looking at I know they have
a few different kinds of yeah,just different reasons. There's,
there is one though, that islike what you're describing of
the one where you're not tryingto do noise cancelling, but
you're, it's like a noisereduction, or it kind of, it
kind of calms things down alittle bit more.

Vanessa (01:05:42):
I think there might even be called calm ones

Jess (01:05:45):
I need to look into, I want to give those a try.
Because I, I just have to likehave to limit my time at big
loud events because of that, or,or like even at home, I just
need to be like, I gotta go in aquiet room for a little while.
So

Vanessa (01:06:02):
I've worn them while my kid was melting down. And it
helps. I mean, you can stillhear like, I was wearing them at
the Cleveland pride and stillhaving conversations with
people, but it takes that edgeoff. Loop if you're listening,
the one thing you need to doyour case is fucking suck.
They're hard to open. And whenyou're having an autistic

(01:06:23):
episode, autistic, autisticepisode, and you can't get that
damn fucking thing open. It it'saggravating. Try a better case,
please. suggestion

Jess (01:06:36):
for loop? Yes. Yes. Feel free to contact us to be a
sponsor?

Vanessa (01:06:42):
Yeah, for all the loop people that aren't listening to
this. So yeah, we do have a newPatreon subscriber. Thank you,
Lucy. She's been support. She'salso been supporting Ohio rice.
So yeah, it's all you know, it'sall big stuff to us. And Lucy

(01:07:04):
has been Lucy's been kind oflike a champion. For me on
LinkedIn, she always has niceand supportive things to say,
and she's helping me with my jobhunt. And so yeah, there's an
ally right there. So and thankyou to the rest of our
supporters. And, again, anyoneelse listening seriously, like

(01:07:24):
five bucks a month, it's, itwould really help. If I had 40
subscribers, the show would payfor itself. If I had more
subscribers for that, it wouldmore than pay for itself, I
eventually would really like tohave this show get bigger and
have an impact on as manypeople's lives as possible.
Because the feedback I'vereceived from it, I don't know

(01:07:46):
what you hear just on it. Butthe feedback I receive is really
positive. And it's makes me feelgood. Because a lot of times I
don't feel very good about theshow. Like I'm like, Oh, I don't
know, if it's helping anybody,but then people are like, it's
really like I learned a lot, ithelps a lot. So I want to keep
this,

Jess (01:08:04):
it's really important to have the representation. You
know, and and, I mean, I thinkthis is a really fun show,
because of the collaborativenature of it. I love I love
being able to be a co host. Andyou know, and I also love it
that there's like a group of usand it's not, you know, it's not
like it doesn't feeloverwhelming. And it really

(01:08:24):
we're able to provide a prettydiverse perspective, hopefully
could be more diverse, we coulddefinitely work on that. We'd
love to, you know, we'redefinitely more CO hosts and

Vanessa (01:08:37):
through different that aren't as pale don't

Jess (01:08:41):
have don't like melanin.
Yes. Yes. Well, you know, thatwould be great. Absolutely.
Because there needs to be morerepresentation of of folks who
are not white. In the transcommunity, specifically, I'm
speaking of so

Vanessa (01:09:00):
in everywhere. Yes, you know, every place. Diversity dei
starts and ends with race periodstarts and ends with race. So
we're guilty of a year of nothaving enough diversity.

Jess (01:09:17):
And it would also be something we could work on a bit
more with more subscribers,because at some point, we
actually might be able to, youknow, if we get to a certain
level, we might actually be ableto pay people to be on the show.
Versus versus just having tovolunteer our time, which like,

(01:09:38):
obviously, some of us are happyto do I'm stoked to do it. I
love it. But you know, it is itis a lot if we're asking folks
and so yeah, that somebody toconsider. Yes, please support
the show.

Vanessa (01:09:53):
And it would make it would make us happy. And

Jess (01:09:57):
write in and tell us what you think and

Vanessa (01:10:01):
Yeah, I got a Symbaloo check on Instagram to hopefully
increase our reach. It's fun,like getting a blue check as a
organization or as a company isharder. The only way I was able
to do it is because they neededa picture of you like the actual
you and your name on it. Andlike what this is a company,
like, I wanted to just do it asa company, but apparently I

(01:10:23):
couldn't do that way. So that'swhy if you're seeing on socials,
it says, transcending humanitywith Vanessa Joy. Yeah, I do
have a big ego, but it's notspecifically because of my ego.
It's so I could get that lootcheck in order to help help
reach. So if you're wonderingwhy my face is now with it, and
it says with Vanessa Joy, well,

Jess (01:10:40):
you are the fabulous executive producer. And, and,
you know, yeah, lead the leaderof this of this wonderful
collaboration. So, I mean, and

Vanessa (01:10:51):
I have an ego. Sure.
And asked my friend, as mypeople at Ohio, he writes, I
have an ego.

Jess (01:11:00):
And metta wants to make sure that you are who man. So,
so that is true as well.

Vanessa (01:11:09):
Man, female. Yeah. So here's a tip. If you haven't a
company and you want to get ablue, check with it. Getting a
blue check with anything'spaying as every time, you might
tick tock story aboutverification. Okay, I've tried a
couple times. And so I submittedarticles about myself from

(01:11:32):
Washington Post AP and New YorkTimes. And both times he came
back telling me that I needed touse articles from prestigious
news organizations. Now, Ireally don't think there's a
news organization moreprestigious than the AP. Yeah.
Because this entire kind offucking Point, New York Times,

(01:11:54):
okay, go back and forth. WIPO.
Yeah, they're trying to gettaken over by conservatives. But
still, I would call them bothprestigious. Like, it's not
like,

Jess (01:12:05):
what does that like the New York poster? Whatever. The
there's some other ones that arelike really? Yeah,

Vanessa (01:12:11):
one of them is? Yeah, yeah. One of those. That's wild.

Jess (01:12:17):
Yeah, yeah. That kind of verification stuff is kind of
weird. Yeah, and I could neverfigure out I, back when I was
in, like, 2022 or 23. When I wasjob searching. I was I tried to
get on. It was one of thelesbian dating apps. And I got
blocked. And I couldn't figureout why, like, they wouldn't let

(01:12:38):
me on because they couldn'tverify that I was a woman. I
don't know why I was like, Okay,this was like, early in. And I
didn't even necessarily think Iwas trying to pretend that I was
a woman. But I do think thatthey were trying to block men
from from doing it, which is notwhat I'm saying. I was walking
around, I gave up because thewhole reason I was even looking
into it was because they had ajob. Not because I was looking

(01:13:03):
to join the dating site. Notthat I have any issue with
people joining those datingsites, but that's not like I'm
married and monogamous and haveno need to be on there. So I was
actually trying to check out theplatform. Let's check it out.
Yeah, and I remember that theyyou know, they they asked for
they wanted a picture. Andwhatever picture I sent in it

(01:13:25):
wasn't like and I don't know ifit was like, I don't know what
it was. I do not know what itwas that was that like did not
allow me to go on because theycertainly were not trying to say
that it could only be sis folkson their like, I think that they
were definitely like non binaryand trans friendly. But they
were very explicit that theywere trying to you know, that

(01:13:45):
men were not welcome on the sitethat sis men were not welcome on
the site. So anyway, I don'tknow if but it was like, it was
too much. And I couldn't dealwith it. And I was like, This is
too hard. And this is probablynot gonna work anyway. So I just
gave up. So yeah, sometimes

Vanessa (01:13:57):
we're also strangely gender affirming, maybe

Jess (01:13:59):
in a in a weird way. Yeah.
Yeah. Sure, it's true.

Vanessa (01:14:10):
Another note, for blue checks, on meta platforms, you
can pay for them. And that'swhat I do. And I also my
Facebook posts are monetize. Soin the end, it all kind of evens
out. So if you want to do a bluecheck, get your page like
monetize first so your postsactually start earning a little
bit of money and then it allkind of evens itself out. And

(01:14:34):
I've definitely found betterreach when I have it turned on
when I have it turned off.
Especially when you come andcomment on things because it
stands out more. And it's just anice little way to just kind of
build up and get you got to payfor it. But if you can get the
money back from from Facebook,right. If you can

Jess (01:14:54):
have it pay for itself.
Absolutely. Advice. Yeah, allthe ins and outs of social media
are like it's a lot and it'slike constantly changing. Yeah,
wants to learn. So I was love itthat you are so into that
because I know we a little bitabout it. And I like I'm like my
kids too much.

Vanessa (01:15:10):
I don't wish it like right now, with Ohio equal
rights, we're trying to build upthe social media. And we need I
mean, we have a Gen Z in chargeof it, you know, it's the other
co executive director. And like,she made a tic tac video. And I

(01:15:31):
got five years on tick tockfive, and like nothing.
Nothing's going anywhere.
Probably partially because we'rea pack. But it's, I don't know.
We need someone that's smarterat social media than we are. But
we also can't afford to paysomeone for that. So just kind
of winging it, I suppose.

Jess (01:15:54):
Yeah, I know enough to just know that it can be really
tricky. And they're constantlychanging the algorithms and
everything. And it's a lot. It'sa lot to keep up with. But yeah,
except for I do know thatcomments, drive engagement.
That's about it. It's about allof God. Yeah,

Vanessa (01:16:09):
um, some things I've learned like on Instagram, when
people comment, you want tostart a post with that's
engaging, so has to becontroversial, or start with a
question something to get peopleto read more. I'm actually
testing it right now with myInstagram page, I've been
posting some pretty deep shitand and starting with like a
question, in order to kind ofsee how the engagement works

(01:16:31):
with it. And even now, still,though, like, most of the
insights, like it's like, 90% ofthe people are followers and
like 1%, or 2% aren't. So eventhen I don't know, but from,
from what I've learned, whenpeople comment on your stuff,
respond, but don't just respondwith like an emoji. You'll want

(01:16:54):
to respond with somethingengaging, and even asking
another question to have themrespond to you again. For me,
personally, I hate that becauseI don't like talking about like,
I hate it when people messageme, like when people send me a
DM off of my like, stories orsomething like that. And like,
Fuck, I don't want to know, Idon't want to be social. But
it's how you work with thealgorithm for like, comments on

(01:17:16):
posts. So if you want your poststo grow, you need to it's just
like creating tick tock videosor reels. You have to have a
hook to get people to want toengage with it. And once they
start commenting, and you startcoming back, that's when the
algorithm will start tounderstand that maybe this is
something for it to look at andpush out to more people. I don't

(01:17:39):
really know how well it works,but that's what I've learned.
That's your crash course onsocial

Jess (01:17:46):
media tips. Social media.
Okay, yeah.

Vanessa (01:17:52):
My dog just tweet is terrifying.

Jess (01:17:56):
Something. Yeah.

Vanessa (01:18:00):
Can you say hi to chat chest scab? Near she is Hello,

Jess (01:18:07):
Gabby. Hi. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that face.

Vanessa (01:18:11):
I like how 20 minutes ago? We're like, Yeah, we're out
it. I know.

Jess (01:18:14):
I know. We were wrapping up. But then we got a second
wind was happening. But

Vanessa (01:18:19):
hopefully people do you want to do you want to go for a
little ride or some fleece orwhat you want? Yes, please. It
was, it's so hot here. Liketoday, tomorrow at three
o'clock, it's gonna be heatindex. So it's like 98 standard.
And today hit like, I think hehit 94 here. And Ohio. He is

(01:18:43):
pure humid. Yeah. So it's

Jess (01:18:46):
really humid here. Not as bad as it was like, when I lived
in Atlanta, that's like, justthat is just, that is just want
to call it like, yeah, all thetime. But it is hot here. But
um, you know, we're in themountains. We're in like the
foothills. But but the we hitthat huge difference. Once you

(01:19:10):
go a little bit further away,and you go down a little bit in
elevation, and it's more flatwithout all of the foothills and
mountains to break up the windand everything. It is totally
different. So this is, you know,it's it's interesting to me that
I'm further south than you, butit's going to be like 85 You
know, so like, you're actuallygoing to be hotter, but it's
just because I'm sure that thereare other places in North
Carolina that are going to be 95or whatever tomorrow probably

(01:19:32):
but it's just not we're justlucky enough to get get a little
bit of a little bit of relieffrom that even though it still
gets

Vanessa (01:19:41):
in a reprieve is nice.
But yeah, I don't take her forcar rides. When it's hot. I
don't take her for walks. Don'ttake your dog for a walk on a
hot day. You're just gonna hittheir feet unless you have shoes
for them. And one of my clients,she and her husband busted up
the window on an on a truck at abar that the guy left his dog in

(01:20:04):
the car over the weekend.

Jess (01:20:08):
So yeah, it's dangerous folks. Don't leave. Don't leave
your animals in in a car likethat.

Vanessa (01:20:15):
We don't deserve dogs is what animals in general we
don't deserve them. They're,they're wonderful critters. So
okay good episode Yeah, this wasfun

Jess (01:20:29):
another in the books.
Exactly.

Vanessa (01:20:32):
They're always they're always good to have. So if you
have any fun stories that youwould like us to share, like
pumped them out on ourselves wassomething like that, you know,
contact us, it's easy to get ahold of us. Links are gonna be
in the bio for all the thingsand stuff and a merch store.
When you buy stuff from themerch store, you support the
show directly. So I tried tokeep the prices pretty

(01:20:56):
reasonable. And they're allslightly curvy. You'll see if
you if you know, you know. Butyeah, thank you, everyone for
this team. And I'm not surewho's gonna be on next week, but
there'll be someone back toweekly. We are back to weekly
now. So tell your friends. Iengagement had definitely

(01:21:21):
dropped off big time on the showwith us going to every two weeks
like so I'm hoping that thiskind of brings more people in. I
mean, it makes sense. You know,if when a show comes out weekly,
you expect it when it's everytwo weeks you start to forget
about it. So

Jess (01:21:36):
back to weeklies good. So usually Thursdays right
Thursdays or Fridays, it'll comeout.

Vanessa (01:21:42):
Yeah, that release Thursday is probably unless I
wind up recording like late on aWednesday or something. Who
knows Thursdays or Fridays?
Yeah, it's a good way of puttingit. It'll come out when it comes
out when it's ready to come outand not sooner. All right. Yes.
All right. Thank you for joiningme. And thank you everyone for
watching, listening whatever.