Unveiling The Truth: Kate Bridal's Insight On Burnout In Work, Life, And The Transgender Community - Episode 37 - Vanesstradiol

Episode Transcript
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Music (00:10):
Come to me, the night is dark Come to me, the night is
long Sing for me, I'll singalong Sing for me, oh sing for
me Sway with me, we'll makethem scream Dance with me,
we'll make them bleed Sing forme, I'll sing along Sing for

(00:32):
me, oh sing for me Listen,do you hear it? Listen, do you
feel it? Listen, I'm callingyou Listen, you do know me
Listen, swing and roll meListen, I'm calling you You

(01:00):
hardly know (hardly know) Youhardly know (hardly know) You
hardly know (hardly know) Youhardly know (hardly know)

(01:31):
(Let's make them scream)Listen, do you hear it? Listen,
do you feel it? Listen, I'mcalling you Listen, you do know
me Listen, swing and roll meListen, I'm calling you

(01:52):
Listen, do you hear it? Listen,do you feel it? Listen, I'm
calling you Listen, you do knowme? Listen, swing and roll me
Listen, I'm calling you (I'mcalling you)

Vanessa (02:45):
Some be real on there.
So what am I doing here? StartRecording double record. All
right. So yeah, yeah Taryn and Iwere talking about Ted's

Kate Bridal (03:01):
love it and what about them specifically?

Vanessa (03:04):
How they grow. And you know how she around your five
had another little spike? Of areally? Yeah.

Taryn (03:14):
Yeah, it's like I'm on my fifth year of puberty. It's
getting blueprints for a while.
So that's the last one. I waslike a few months back where I
was just like, the burningnipples. I'm like, You're clumsy
again. And now they're like,

you have to get like new bras every time.

Taryn (03:32):
Sometimes. Yeah. Like I've actually thrown out or like
kind of donated probably atleast 30 plus years.

Vanessa (03:39):
That's a lot of bones.
So

that's expensive.

Taryn (03:43):
Right now I'm a 49 and I think maybe a city or a D Yeah,
I

was a growing up but now I'm like a be solid be
solid. I'm going

Vanessa (03:59):
I'm these are like A's right now. So but you know, the
year two to three is when a lotof things happen in year five. A
lot of things happens. But I'mreally it doesn't bother me that
much. I'm happy with them. Soyeah, they're super perky. Well,
you've seen them so they'reperky as fuck. So up to

Taryn (04:21):
Asli show them at every opportunity.

Vanessa (04:22):
Oh yes. I got it. Oh, I can send nudes everywhere. We
have the NSF s NS F W channel inour Discord. And you know if
your full and full nude Vanessain there, so.

Taryn (04:39):
Oh my god, I haven't been in all her glory.

Vanessa (04:42):
Yeah, I haven't done it. Since I've had my labia
reduction in clutter. plasti youknow that's all looking at nicer
down there now to so nice. Sonice. Not having What's that?

Taryn (04:56):
Look after more pics?

Vanessa (04:57):
Yeah, well, it's nice not having a labia stick into my
leg all the time, which is whatwas happening. So yeah,

then sound that's like, you might as well just
have a skirt. I'm not gonnastick to your

Vanessa (05:09):
Yeah, pretty much and fuck that as Sorry

Taryn (05:14):
bro you're not offending me.

Vanessa (05:16):
I don't I don't miss it at all. So you're you okay if
they like backed up earlier?
Apparently she was right behindme and I ran over her and Taryn
got to see her scream so buthopefully she'll behave herself
for this recording

might chime in happens a lot in our background.

Vanessa (05:41):
Okay, should we do a show?

Taryn (05:44):
Yeah, shall we not?

Vanessa (05:45):
Yeah, not to show Okay.
Struggling struggling with myvoice after surgery. So it's not
it's it didn't turn out the waythat I wanted it to. I'm really
not that happy with it. But

I know what it is.

Vanessa (05:58):
Well, it used to be so low that even with a 30%
reduction, it's but my vocalcords aren't touching when I
talk and so there's a lot oflike deep resonance. Especially
when I'm like stressed and shitlike that. So anyways, who knows

(06:19):
how much of that I'm gonna leavein at the beginning. But Hello,
everybody, welcome back totranscending humanity. I am
joined today by my co host Heronand Hannibal Lecter is
girlfriend, Kate bridle. Kate isone of the hosts of the legal

(06:43):
burnouts podcast, I was a gueston this show. Maybe two months
ago now a month and a half, twomonths ago. Now. It was a lot of
fun. If you want to hear megetting very sexual with a
microphone in the opening. Youcan do that I did a little bit

Unknown (07:00):
of ASMR. Left and right. This really doesn't come
out very good podcast format,though. If that's your car,
probably sounds like shit. But

Vanessa (07:11):
yeah, so we're going to be talking today about burnout
in the trans community. Which isextremely just prevalent. We're
all just fucking exhausted. Ifyou listen to the show, you know
how exhausted we are. And theamount of spoons it takes just

(07:33):
to get up every day is it's it'sa lot. So I'd like to give you a
second to just introduceyourself.

Yeah, yeah. Well, first off, thank you, both of
you for having me on. And Taryn,it's so nice to finally like
actually talk to you because weinteract a lot on Instagram, and
both love Mads Nicholson ofcourse. But it's so nice to
actually get to speak to you andsee your lovely face. I am the
best. Vanessa mentioned, I amthe co host and co founder of

(08:10):
legal burnouts podcast, we are apodcast that is dedicated.
Originally, we were dedicated toexploring the issue of burnout
in the legal industry,specifically because my co hosts
and I are all former legalindustry employees and noticed
that we and everyone we knew hadburned out. So we figured there
was probably a reason for that.
And now we're branching out alittle bit to focus more on

(08:30):
burnout more generally, which iswhy we had Vanessa on to talk
about her experience, like jobhunting and the whole election
fucking situation. And all ofthat fun stuff. And yeah, I'm a
former attorney. I waspracticing for a couple of years
doing nonprofit work,homelessness prevention work in
LA during COVID, which, as youcan imagine what's very

(08:53):
difficult and burned me outpretty quickly. But before that,
I lived a couple of lives wentto drama school right after high
school that I worked withchimpanzees who spoke fine
language in undergrad and then Iwent to law school. So I've been
all over the place, nonlinearcareer path. And now, as Vanessa
mentioned, I also make sillyvideos where I pretend to be in
a relationship with HannibalLecter on Hannibal Lecter should

(09:16):
at least say his last nameright? He would literally kill
me on on Tiktok and Instagram,so follow me. It'll party if you
want to see some of thatridiculousness.

Vanessa (09:31):
I'll link that to in the description. But yeah, her
stuffs funny, and I didn't knowthat you had some acting
training, too. That makes awhole lot more sense now with
your tic TOCs because youactually know what you're doing
with yours. So uh, Taryn, justpop in? How are you? What's
going on with you?

Taryn (09:48):
I mean, it's just work.
You know, the work of amarketing leader never stops. So
it's just kind of before youjoin in, I was telling him that
um, you know, I do social media,personally, right, but it's like
Got to be good for. So I feellike I'm doing double duty. So
just Yes. Work for Me and pokeand prod people to, to elevate
stuff and just been doing a lotof content writing and stuff

(10:09):
like that. Probably about a weekand a half off from posting any
trans related stuff. So just,you know, just feel like it's
new. It's kind of a littletense, I think with next murder,
his murder, you know, just kindof pull back a little bit. I'm
like, I'm good. Just go LinkedInfor a little bit. But other than

(10:30):
that, okay, and yeah, I gotta behonest. So, y'all know I'm a
liberal. I actually reallyenjoyed that. I know, right?
You're shocked shocked by that?
Forward. So I really enjoyed I'ma political geek. Man, I really

(10:51):
enjoyed the State of the Union.
Like watching your Uncle Joe.
Really lay into some peoplereally kind of put a smile on my
face and then watching.
Handmaid's Tale rebuttal andjust everything about it. So I
kind of like I stayed up andwatched MSNBC until that one in
the morning. So it was like, Icouldn't see Michael Steele's
hot take on this like, you know,Handmaid's Tale thing, so I've

(11:11):
been having a little fun withpolitics, but yeah,

Vanessa (11:16):
Scarlett Johansson spoof of that. Talk about
perfect casting. Where did thatcome from? That was,

I don't know what any of I gotta figure I gotta
get on my shit I have so Iobsessively Doom scrolled the
entire time that Trump was inoffice for like four years. I
was just constantly on the news.
The second Biden gotinaugurated, I just stopped
looking at the news because thatwas I burned myself out
honestly, from just like,looking all the time. And I
still now I'm way too much of aslacker. I need to like,

(11:46):
probably at least look at theimportant stuff like the State
of the Union. Fear thing.

Taryn (11:54):
I mean, like when Obama got like, four years, you know,
mission accomplished. Yeah,

we're like the world's probably not gonna end
if I don't look at what's goingon.

Taryn (12:07):
I mean, the during the Trump years, I spent like every
morning at 5am on Twitter andresponding in a very
sarcastically English way toDonald Trump. Probably one of
the only people is sassed himevery day. And we never blocked.
I was a little offended. Butyeah, before the transmittance.
I was like the liberal minutes.
So that's

Vanessa (12:26):
amazing. Just a menace in general. Pretty much so
magazine. So key. For ourlisteners, define burnout for
us, oh,

my God, I really wish that Rhea my co host was
here because she's an actualanti production. Yeah, she's an
amazing, like synced, but Ithink I remember the definition
that she is given. So burnout isactually a result of sustained
and unmanaged stress. So you canbe stressed without burning out,

(12:58):
you can not have burnout withoutVignon stressed. So it's
basically about stressmanagement is preventing
burnout. And some of usobviously have more things to be
stressed out on a daily basisthan others. So that is part of
why burnout is a much moreprevalent issue among women,

(13:21):
particularly global majoritywomen, the trans community,
obviously LGBTQ folks ingeneral, because all of us have
an one or multiple additionallayers of identity. That mean we
have to navigate the worlddifferently day to day, and that
we have to deal with differentbullshit, quite frankly, that

(13:41):
everybody else day to day. Andof course, the further the more
layers of identity you get awayfrom straight and white and sis
and male, the harder and harderit gets and the more prone to
burnout you become. So that'sthat's the basic definition of
burnout. Hopefully,

Vanessa (13:57):
that's a pretty good definition. What sorts of
burnout do you face currently?

Currently, I'm actually doing relatively okay,
I started a part time job. And Iwas like, because I've been
doing this work now for almost ayear and doing the podcast for
almost a year I've learned somuch. And I set up boundaries
right away. I was really proudof myself. I was like sending
Ria, Jesse all these messagesabout like, I sent an email and

(14:28):
I said this that I made surethat they'll respect my hours
and all this stuff, which theyhave been they've been great.
And so that actually thatelement of structure that I
haven't had for seven or eightmonths voluntarily, I rage quit
my job and lean into the podcastfor the last little while. I

(14:50):
have actually found it made mehas made me much more
productive, like the last coupleof weeks. Just knowing that I
have these hours to work in themorning and then the afternoon I
dedicate that time content hasactually really helped me. But
at the same time, one of thethings that makes me prone to
burnout is I am inclined to sayyes to a lot of stuff. And
especially when I'm excitedabout things, and I've noticed

(15:13):
myself start to creep into thata little bit. So I'm being aware
of that. And I noticed like,this morning, my anxiety was
kind of bad. So I'm trying tocheck in with myself a little
bit. But generally, that is, my,my risk for burnout these days
is my own self relationship, myown lack of boundaries around
work and productivity. And ofcourse, just like existing in

(15:38):
the world, and being a humanbeing, existence

Vanessa (15:41):
is pain. Ah,

how about the two of you? I want to hear from both
of you like, I mean, apart fromthe obvious, what kind of did
you feel like you're in a stateof burnout right now? Are you
skirting around it? But so Ifeel like I know your answer.
But

Vanessa (16:00):
yeah, I'm gonna turn go first.

Taryn (16:02):
I mean, I gotta be honest, I've been in the same
career field for about 27 years,I think 20. November, the sharp,
amazing. And I think marketingand design is just geared,
probably like legal writing isto, like being burned out prone.
And I live in a constant stateof like, fight or flight

(16:23):
burnout. So for me, my lastepisode really got bad because,
um, I was doing some volunteerwork. So I volunteer for a
strategy forum, right. And it'snot necessarily my job function,
but it's like, something, I feellike, I'm trying to expand my
mind and try different things.
So, but it got too much. And I'mtelling you, like, literally two

(16:44):
months ago, two months ago, Iwas having panic attacks, like,
on a weekly basis, my heart ratewas like, at 100 beats per
minute resting, right, like Ijust, I just was losing myself,
because I was planning amarketing summit in Utah, which
also creates more stress,because it's Utah, and I know
that I'm like, literally, youknow, unwelcomed. So I had this

(17:06):
thing building and building,it's like this giant boulder
thing. So after the event, I hadset some boundaries with the
volunteer function. And wenegotiated on something that,
you know, we can both have,like, you know, I get a little
bit peace of mind and not die ofa heart attack, and they get
some marketing work freelance.

(17:30):
You know, so it's been doing alittle bit better. And when
you're saying settingboundaries, one of the things I
do I mean, this sounds very, Iknow, we retail, like very
transactional. But if I'm onlydoing things that benefit me,
right, and if there's no benefitto myself, like give, it gives
me a strategic advantage orfinancial advantage or tactical

(17:51):
advantage, then I'm going to doit. But if it's just showing up
to do something, I'm like, Icouldn't believe somebody asked
for work this weekend. You know,I had a horrible headache on
Saturday. That was actually myofficial excuse, but I didn't
want to go, because I'm like,It's Saturday, in all my time
this week, cranked out all thisstuff. I'm like, can I just

(18:12):
chill out droplet gummy andlike, stream some Netflix or
something? Right now? So that'swhat I'm doing. I'm trying to
put myself forward into saying,you know, does it benefit me? Is
there benefit from being or myjust giving and giving and
getting getting nothing inreturn?

Oh, I love that.
Because it is so especially forwomen like it's just the
expectation, right? Likesocialized, trained and expected
to be the person who's doing allthe things and remembering all
the stuff. And it's it gets tobe like, even at work and like
that people don't mean to do it.

(18:48):
The women in the workplace, butit happens like, stuff just
falls on. You're like, what isthat my job? Because you're the
girl rescue. Yeah. But I've beenso impressed that you've been in
marketing for so long, because Idid. I mean, I actually really
loved my marketing job and likethe marketing side of it, but I
know what you mean it it's a lotand it's changes so much. You

(19:10):
have to get pulled in so manydirections, which I thought

Taryn (19:15):
was the way to burn out stories involve back a little
bit on the pulp like that, but alot about marketing. You know,
the stuff that like your pizzaon a Friday night, dropping a
gummy again, Hi, my Chanel withsome Rachel Maddow now, and your
CMO is like who the hellapproved the CBO campaign at
30am. Like, at work, you know,eating pizza high and LIKE
Rachel's in the background. I'mlike, Oh my god. Oh my God.

You're like, I cannot deal with this crisis
right now. I have not in thestate of mind. Yeah, exactly.

Taryn (19:42):
But I still had to do it right. And like that's, I mean,
that's the expected expectationis like and I think I don't know
what generation y'all are in.
Probably I'm gonna guessmillennial, am I right? Okay,
transitional So, I, for me, Ijust think as a Gen X er,

(20:02):
there's a whole differentmindset with that, like when I
was brought up and kind ofraised and you could totally
influence this with yourparents, right? It's just kind
of like you discuss, suck it upand take your lumps, right and
just deal with it. Like nocomplaining, just like plowed
through it. And I mean, I'mtelling you like that kind of
toxicity. It's like 2025 yearsof dealing with that stuff on

(20:23):
and on. And it's still aconstant fight. Right? So if
you'd like generationally,there's, you know, like, boomers
don't show it. And whetherthey're buying their Mazda Miata
convertible when they're 55.
And, you know, they're drinkingand they have, you know, they're
thrown their third wife for, youknow, whatever it is, but it's

(20:43):
like, it's somehow manifest.
Yeah,

and they're doing all of that and claiming that
they never burned out for them,and that we're so sad. It's
like, okay, well, maybe if weexamine some of the situations
that you find yourself in, youmight learn actually, that those
were the results of you havingsome ill behavior, because you
were burned out from, you know,grinding constantly in a job

(21:08):
that you didn't really like, notthat all boomers did that but
you know, plenty of them did,and I might sister's accent I
also I think, and it isinteresting, it's kind of
slightly different between thegenerations. And I think
millennials, like the thing thatwe struggle with most is that we
were told, like, oh, well, ifyou go to school, you can do

(21:29):
anything. The world is ouroyster, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, like, just get aneducation, and everything's
possible. And then it's like, westart doing that stuff. And then
we're like, wait, wait, this iswhat you promised us. And
boomers were like, well, that'syour fault. You're not working
hard enough, like, hold up. Andso we get all these mixed
messages of like, the fantasyand the reality and we're still

(21:50):
like, also realizing maybe wejust kind of want to be
teenagers forever, and just dowhat we want to do. And we're
all just navigating that whereasGen Z is like, comes out of the
womb knowing these things. Yeah.
annuals are like learning thehard way. I feel like

Vanessa (22:06):
yeah, millennials are we're a very, I like how you
said the house just wanted tostay teenagers. Because, I mean,
if you just look at us and ourpop culture and everything,
we're still obsessed witheverything that when we grew up,
you know, yeah, and I mean, I'm42 now he has a millennial slash

(22:27):
exam, y'all really? And I don'twant to grow up I just want to
be a Toys R Us kid. You know?
Yeah. And poor toys r us there.
They got like, tragic. Yeah,well, they kind of came back but
they're in like this littlecorner of Macy's stores in it is
so pitiful. Like why it's a slapin the face. You know, poor

(22:51):
Jeffrey they have like a littleJeffrey Sachi. They're

excited. It used to be when your parents were like,
we're going to Toys R Us. Yeah.

Vanessa (23:00):
It's don't get to experience that anymore. So we
had an interesting thing. Amazonactually sent a toy catalog. And
it was so nostalgic. Just flipthrough this physical toy
catalog. And I missed that mykid fucking loved it. So I

just did that with my nephew actually with a mind
where catalogus It's hisbirthday just a couple of days
that I was like, show me whatyou want and of course he
pointed to like every big onevery page and I have to do my
own narrowing down but yeah, itwas super fun to just be like
oh, let's flip through this andhe loves reading and books
anyways.

Vanessa (23:39):
Oh, the standard Yeah, it's well

Taryn (23:44):
you know, going through the catalog and be like I want
this I want this one this one

you know and I miss SkyMall that was the best way to
kill time on a flight was justbe like so I couldn't get my I
actually just I was back at myparents house and I just found
my boyfriend my very firstboyfriend in high school bought
me our when even stars pendantfrom Lord of the Rings out of

(24:12):
SkyMall magazine. It was like$70 big deal for like a 15 year
old and I was obsessed with Lordof the Rings. And I just found
it I brought it home.

Vanessa (24:24):
My Chart out no no that that's just not going to your
jewelry you wear that.

I should have word it right now. I'm really sad
actually. But I'm not new, butyou wouldn't see it.

Vanessa (24:39):
So you said something earlier that kind of resonate
with me. Your rage quitting. Itreminds me of when I left my
family's business which Ihaven't really talked a whole
lot about my past with myfamily's business but it was
about as toxic of a workplace asyou could possibly get and When

(25:00):
I left, because I had been itwas a cycle of abuse when I was
there. And the sense of reliefthat I had, like, when I left, I
had no idea how badly burned outthat I was. But you know, I, I
was suicidal towards the end,because it was just so hard. And

(25:24):
so just that like rage quittingthing I rage laid myself off,
but the freedom I had, I took acouple months to just not really
do anything. Yes. And theneventually started to like
driving for Uber and stuff likethat, but it was the most

(25:44):
liberating thing ever. And it'sthat release from burnout, can
it's euphoric, really, I'm thelevel of gender euphoria,
honestly. And is pretty, prettycrazy. I think a lot of people
can relate with that too. Justlike, when you've been stuck at

(26:07):
a job that's just horrible, andyou hate it. And you finally
have the opportunity to leavefor one reason or another. It's
a lightly going through. It'skind of like going through a
divorce in a way. Like, thesudden just responsibilities
lifted off of you. And is wild.
Absolutely why. And

it can be painful in some ways, too. Because I
there was so much about that jobI really loved it just came to a
head eventually. And I was justlike, okay, like yet, do both
these things. And I so so ithurt. But I felt the same way. I
was just like so liberated, soenergized, just felt really

(26:53):
empowered, like the mostempowered I've probably ever
felt. But I will say that thatcan be a little dangerous in
itself, because then of course,I just threw myself in the
podcast, and I was like, This iswhat I'm doing. I'm gonna edit
until 1am, you know, and I hadto take a step back in doing the
podcast and learning from otherpeople that like, okay, you
know, you can take yourself outof a bad work situation. But if

(27:17):
you don't work on your ownhabits as well, this is a
recurring theme on our podcastyourself relationship. Chances
are, if you've burned out you,you have some element of
something that you were doingthat's contributing as well, not
that you're completelyresponsible. But there are
things that you could have donedifferently, like boundaries,
etc. And I've learned that thehard way. And also burnout

(27:40):
recovery, especially if you'rethat burnout, that extremely I'm
so glad that you just took timeto do nothing, it can take up to
two years to recover from severeburnout. Her RIA again, these
are facts. If I say a fact aboutburnout, chances are I was from
RIA. But, or one of our otheramazing guests. But but it's it

(28:00):
can take so long depending onhow severe it is. And so I'm
really glad that you did that.
And then that you did a job,like Uber driving, you're
working but like it's a lowerstakes. Running a business,
right, it's still of us like abreak when you've been doing
there's not much brain powerinvolved. So exactly, you can
just get zoned out, you're likeI'm making money and the stakes
are very low. And that can alsobe kind of a good thing. Just

(28:23):
like give yourself a break.
don't view it as stepping downas like a step down or anything
like if you can do what you needto do, give yourself a break and
take maybe a little lower stakesjob if you're concerned about
resume gap money, what have you,which is obviously legitimate.

(28:43):
That's pretty much do what I didwas really, I had a lot of
privilege because I had asupportive spouse and you know,
I wasn't gonna be I was okayfinancially to just be like I'm
walking away for a little bit.
But I recognize that everyone'sable to do that. I had a little
bit of a break lower stakes job.

(29:05):
Sorry, sorry, go ahead.

Taryn (29:06):
No, it's fine. I'm just going to chime in I had a little
bit of that in 2020 So um, youknow move from one burning ship
late return we leave it to job Inever rage quit. I just moved
joke from one burning ship toanother. Even we'll see how fast
it's burning. So I was in. I wasin a business I hadn't done
before, but I'm working in amarketing role where they threw

(29:28):
literally, like, I had like 27different things in my job when
COVID hit, and I'm kind of anextrovert, so like if I require
humans to be around me, like Idon't know, maybe a lion with
the gazelles just like in thebackground, right. And like you
need somebody to get there. Sobeing alone and isolated and
working 12 hours a day wascrushing for me. And me, I was

(29:54):
stressed out I was just burningup. I was uninterested like
every typical thing you canthink of Right. And when I
express some of the stuff to mymanage my direct manager, I got
a crying emoji in Slack. It'slike that was literally that.
And I felt like I didn'thopeless, right. So a couple
months later, they needed toacquire. Yeah. By the way, one

(30:16):
of the my techniques that I dowant I leave a job is I block
everybody that was in leadershipwith a scar. So I don't want you
to see me, like you're dead tome. And I did find out that you
have to do that to protectyourself. One of the people I
blocked two years ago, was allyme on Facebook. I found that out

(30:38):
through a friend. So what that'slike, during that area, right,
it was really stressful. I wasrelieved when I got laid off,
right. And I was just like,because I hated that place. So
much the boss everything, theyculture was toxic. So you know,
what I did was I had Rico moneyleftover from a previous burning
show. So I sold stock. And thathelped get me through that

(31:01):
entire COVID layoff. So I'm ableto do some education for the
first time. So instead of like,you know, doing whatever I can
for $1, right, during a layoff,I educated for three months, I
hiked like three or four times,like a month, sometimes more,
did a beach high, when we wouldeat great meals, like just
healthy cooking and stuff likethat, and it just, but it was

(31:24):
privileged right to have thatability and have the cash, but
it got me ready for the nextjob. You know, like, I still had
nightmares that three monthsafter the layoff of how
inadequate I was, from thisboss, like would have these like
recurring, like impostorsyndrome nightmares. And then
after just going through thatwhole thing, and working through

(31:44):
the burnout, I was able to getback into a company. And of
course, that blew up buttransphobia and everything, so
I'm leaving that burning ship.
But um, it just strengthened meright and helped me kind of RE
is what I call it is resupply,Rearm, and unrest and just get
back.

I love that. And the thing about rest is it's
hard for a lot of people like itis we were not trained that it
was okay to just exist and justrest and just be with ourselves
unless it's a reward forsomething else, especially
again, as the women, but you'relike it, that is something that

(32:24):
I'm really trying to separate isif you need to feel productive,
you can think about rest asbeing something productive,
because it is going to help youreset. I mean, think about the
quality of your work when you'rereally tired. Or if you've ever
been burned out. I mean, that'swhen you start making mistakes,
you start missing things, youstart being really mad at
yourself for sending that emailwith that typo that you read 15

(32:45):
times and you didn't catch itsomehow like all of that stuff
you can avoid if you just beforeyou get to that point say it's
okay for me to stop working. Andsome people have jobs and
bosses, your boss here and itwas like, you know, giving you
something to do at 730 at nighton a Friday but to the extent
that you can you can shut offyou can set the boundary and

(33:07):
make the choice and reframe howyou're thinking about rest. You
know it's not a reward it issomething you need and it is
something you need to continueto be productive. So just lock
in let yourself do it. It's hardthough. I still struggle.

Taryn (33:22):
Yeah, no, it is it's almost a radical concept of like
rescue nation. I like to blamethe Puritans for bringing that
message. That's really thereagain and I see another non Safe
For Work podcast because of mypotty mouth. But yeah, so
Puritans blame them production.

Vanessa (33:40):
Yeah, tearing this podcast is always not safe for
work is really explicit.

I didn't even ask I was just like, yeah,

Vanessa (33:49):
she apologizes like a lot like, pardon my French you
don't fucking have to faculty,faculty. Fuck as shit Falkor.
Show?

Taryn (33:59):
Yeah, whatever the fuck pologize to otters and stuff
like that. When I'm talking tovendors and the recorders are
playing. I'm like, I'm sorry,recorder. I'm really profane. I
love it.

Vanessa (34:10):
It's just words. And there's so much power in those
words so

hard to get.
Treating burnout, honestly. Yes.
Just letting yourself kind offeel that stuff and say stuff
Josie, one of my co host, my OGco hosts, she was just talking
about how one of her things thatshe likes to do when she's
feeling really overwhelmed is inthe privacy of her own home. She
just out loud says everythingthat she wanted to say exactly

(34:38):
the way she wanted to say it.
Not mincing words. Like if Icould talk to that person the
way I really wanted to, this iswhat I would say and she just
gets it out. And that's like oneof her ways of, you know,
completing the stress cycle,which is also something I've
been learning about a lot whichis you know, your body responds
to stress in a fight or flightway and if you don't complete
that that cycle in some way withlike, it could be physical

(35:01):
movement. It could be somaticstuff tapping, EFT tapping, I've
just learned about that. Or itcould be the breathing, it could
be going for a walk, it could betaking a nap, if you need to, it
could be crying, it could bescreaming into a pillow. All of
those things help you workthrough the stress cycle. So it
doesn't continue. Because thething is, if you don't complete

(35:23):
it, you're gonna continue to bein that stressed state and your
anxiety won't go down. And thatjust causes more exhaustion
because the more prolongedyou're feeling that same
anxiety, the more severe yourexhaustion and burnout is going
to be as a result.

Vanessa (35:42):
I mean, you said that she waits till she gets home to
just arrow everything. Maybeit's just my autism, but I just
got in tell people, it gets mein trouble. But, you know, I've
been very blunt to pet like, Iremember someone I feel bad
about it now. But someone that Ijust didn't really like that
much was just unloading allthese problems and that and I

(36:05):
just don't, I don't care. Andmade me feel better made them
feel like shit. And afterwards,I'm like, Oh, I probably
shouldn't have done that. But Idon't know.

Karen kind of stress like, well, you initiated
in that person.

Vanessa (36:23):
Yeah, I I consider myself online. My alignment,
chaotic neutral. I'm not good.
I'm not evil. I'm just fuckedup. And it's fun. But, Taryn,
you mentioned something that Iwanted to talk on. impostor
syndrome. I think impostorsyndrome and in burnout are

(36:44):
like, like this. My personalburnout right now is this brutal
fucking job hunt that I've beengoing through for the past two
and a half years. And theimposter syndrome is real. Like,
because you, myself, and you seeso many other people. I know

(37:05):
Liam's going through right nowto just firing out resumes and
just comes into the void. Andyou think that you're good at
what you do you know that you'regood at what you do. But when
you get so much rejection overand over, and over and over and
over again, or just not hearinganything, being ghosted, it
makes you feel like, maybe Isuck. And I have the extra fun

(37:28):
part of my parents alwaystelling me that when reason I
stuck with the family businessfor so long, they would tell me
repeatedly that you, you're notgonna have to work anywhere
else, you know, you have thisjob, you know, as a favor, you
know, you'll never succeedanywhere else. So, when I get

(37:51):
into these things, like, I'm sodeep in this job, I'm so
exhausted, that goes through myhead a lot. And parents do fuck
up your kids,

please. It's like such a simple request.

Vanessa (38:09):
It does. It really does. But

Taryn (38:13):
no, I mean, I totally get that, you know, and it's like,
yeah, your parents are a specialkind of shitstain. You know,
hopefully get there as in theend somewhere. You know, I think
someone will have already gottentheirs. But um, ya know, I mean,
that's, it's, we always doubt,right, because we see each other

(38:35):
through, like we see ourselvesduring this critical lens that
swayed, of looking at otherpeople and saying that, like, I
have never been on a list of 30,under 3040, under 4050, under
50, whatever, right? And thenthey used to bug me a little bit
because I felt like I wascompetent, right? I'm like, why
don't I get these opportunities?
And I stopped judging myselfwith others, right? I stopped

(38:55):
looking at other people andbeing like, and just I kind of
like, it's a singular kind ofwarrior mindset, but it's just
like, like, and I'm just gonnasay this, y'all without
apologizing. Motherfuckers youare and you are not capable of
understanding what I am capableof. You know, and I focus on
that and I bring that to me,right. I like my grandfather

(39:17):
when he died years ago. Yeah,this be I went through his
paper. So I know this littlething about, like, living with
honor and being the person youwant to be in the mirror, but
it's really focused on on you,right, and strengthening who you
are. And your resolve and like,that's always kind of stayed
with me, but it's helped. But Imean, still, I'll get impostor

(39:38):
syndrome, right. Like, you know,I'm getting more and more media
appearances, right, and NASDAQand some of the other stuff and
it's like, I still feel like I'ma hack. Right? Yeah. I have to
draw my chin out. And just belike, you know, shit, you have
done chest and we can you know,you have a long list of
accomplishments. They can fit ona resume if it was 100 pages? So

(40:00):
this?

Yes, that is the thing is, that's one of the most
valuable I can't remember whosaid this, to me, I think
actually is my friend, KateGiordano. She's like a legal
tech writer. And she's anindependent contractor, we were
talking about stuff around theholidays, we did a little
webinar on LinkedIn. And she waslike, you have to ask your
anxiety or your impostersyndrome, or whatever it is, for
evidence, like, what is theevidence that I don't know what

(40:27):
I'm doing? What is the evidencethat I'm incompetent? What is
the evidence that I'm not asgood as these people who were on
the 30 other 30, usually, thereisn't any, besides the fact that
you didn't get put on 30, under30, or whatever this thing is,
like you in a moment of exit,and that has helped me so much
is when I'm having these momentsof anxiety where I'm like, it'll
be something stupid, like, Ihave a day where I didn't have a

(40:49):
creative idea, right. And mybrain says, You're never going
to have another idea, again,despite the fact that five every
day for five days before that Iwas having ideas, and I have
plenty of ideas, and it's gonnabe fine. If that's what pops up.
And so I'm learning the value oftalking to my self in those

(41:09):
moments and challenging myanxiety for evidence, but it's
really hard for me, I'm someonewho, and I'm working on this.
But I will value the opinions ofother people more than my own
opinion every time. And so Ineed a lot of external
validation. And so that's why Ikind of tend to put myself out

(41:30):
there, even though I'm very,very soft, and I cannot handle
anyone's mean to me. So I'mlike, why am I putting myself on
social media all the time? Oh,because I'm getting a majority
of the time I'm getting likepositive feedback, right. And
that's what I need to tellmyself that I am not an
impostor. But one strategy thatI've started employing is

(41:50):
talking to myself in my head, inthe voice of my husband, or my
best friend, or Ria. And so if Ihave a negative thought, what I
do is, I will have one of thempretend that I'm talking to one
of them, and hear their voice inmy head go, what the fuck are
you talking about? Becausethat's what any of them would

(42:10):
say to me? What are you talkingabout? That is not true. And you
know, all of the things thatthey have said to me in the past
and the circumstances. So ifyou're like me, and you're
trying to learn to validateyourself, but you're not quite
there yet, that's a useful trickthat I have started employing is
like, pull someone who is asupport system for you hear

(42:31):
their voice in your head inresponse to what you're
thinking.

Taryn (42:34):
Now, that's really good.
I mean, my inner voice is GerardButler, from like, 300
screaming, no sparring dicetoday. So do what you do.

I love that. I also once heard a trick that you're
supposed to turn yourselfcriticism voice, like the voice
that says mean things to you inyour head into someone you
really hate and don't respectthe opinion of so like the
example that was given us, like,talk to yourself, like, it's
Donald Trump saying it to you.
But like, when you know, like,stay the mean thought back to
yourself and the voice ofsomeone that you really are just
like, what

Vanessa (43:07):
are something funny, like, almost voice or something
like that, you know, to justmake you laugh. I think one
thing that a lot of us don'trealize is everybody has
impostor syndrome. And whetheror not they admit it, I mean,
Joe Biden, I'm sure has quite abit of it, too. You know, he
struggled with a stutter formost of his life. And he

(43:29):
probably has times where hefeels, you know, feels it but
he's the leader of a country. Sowe all have it. It's, it's the
hard part is getting through it.

And so much is projected on you too. And like
especially for I mean, you folkswho are trans are like, treated
as imposters all sorts ofthere's the participation. She
was feeling. She has feelingsabout impossible. No. But like,

(44:10):
you know, when you're or womento I mean, women in general,
like are often just treated andworkplace like the workplace
aren't designed for women. Thenine to five is not designed for
like nothing about corporateAmerica is designed. It was
designed when men were the onesworking when we're staying home.
So it's an even I just learnedthis apparently, again from RIA.

(44:33):
Currently men's hormonal cyclesare even because men have the
same like, cycle every day,whereas women are hormones
change daily. And so what wereour levels of exhaustion and
things change depending on wherein our hormonal cycle we are.
The nine to five, five day aweek work week was designed
around men's hormonal cycleswhere they're like, top energy

(44:53):
at 9am and I'm with the day atfive, so it's all of the shit
isn't the aside for us, so ofcourse, we feel like imposters,
what are we going into it like,and again, every layer that you
get away from the people that itwas designed for the more like
an imposter you're going to bemade to feel, which is bullshit.
So, exactly.

Taryn (45:16):
I've been nicknamed because on spicy tech. Now like
trans women, we have like, upsand downs with hormones. So I'm
just going down from likefinishing a cycle right now,
where mine cycle was, I eateverything in sight for the last
three days. And I try not tokill people. You know, so it's

(45:38):
like, but I'm going to do it, itwill work. One of my colleagues
is like, this spicy parent ishere, everybody.

This is what we need in the workplace. We need
people to just be like, it'sokay that you're spicy. Terran
today, and we're just gonna rollwith it. You know? What are you
on the rag? Like, that's notwhat we need. We don't need you
like, yes. I don't need areminder. Yeah.

Taryn (46:05):
But um, no, it's funny when you were talking about
men's hormone cycles, becauselike, the older I get, and the
more guys that I'm working withmy age, I'm just like, Jesus,
you guys are going throughmenopause. Like, consistency in
your train of thought. Like,you're like over here rage
tweeting this and doing this andthen you're out drinking all
night. I'm like, like, just getsome tea or something? Or, like,

(46:28):
just just be done with it.

Yep, and then we all have to deal with them,
which is another source of?

Taryn (46:37):
Well, yeah, menopause is definitely in your attempts.
experiencing a lot of them lastcouple years will be some folks
I work with.

Hmm, good times.
Good times.

Vanessa (46:49):
Bye, boys. And

then it's like, all of these things on top of the
imposter syndrome on top of allof this other stuff, like just
the considerations that, youknow, I'm exhausted as like a
straight sis white woman walkingaround in the world. And I don't
have to worry about where I'mgonna pee. Right? Like, at least
that's one thing that is not onmy mind. So when you think about

(47:11):
all of the extra consideration,I mean, turn when you were
talking about like having toplan a work thing in Utah, like
that. wouldn't even be I'm goingto Utah in the summer for my
cousin's wedding didn't eventhink about it, you know. And
there's moments where yourealize those extra steps that
you were having to take everysingle day that you don't even

(47:34):
consciously always think aboutcan just they just pile up?

Taryn (47:41):
I mean, it's been before I've been asked, I can't speak
for you, but it's been in theforefront of my mind for like,
the last five or six years sinceI came out. I transitioned
Right? Was like, I'm alwayslike, eyes in the back of the
head hyper vigilant. Yep, I didlike Sparrow Mom, just violence
and being encountered as ayouth. So I've got the hyper
vigilance of a secret serviceagent protecting POTUS. But I'm

(48:04):
not I'm constantly watchingstuff. And I shared it on the
pod before like when I was inArizona. So I was in Tucson, you
know, a little bit of a liberalcity college town. And I walked
back into the hotel with my mom,and literally, I could feel
them. All these sad white guysstuck all staring me right.
Someone discussed some withanger and hate in their eyes,

(48:26):
and walking through thelobbying. So for me, one of the
things I do for competence,right is I will click on walking
a runway show in Milan to likeEDM song. When I walk in
somewhere says, like, bars, afriend of mine says, heads up
and tits out. And I'm just goingright now I'm going through it.
And I'm seeing all of them in myperipheral. And then we got

(48:48):
through the room and my momgoes, What the hell was wrong
with those guys? I said, it'sme, mom. I said, some of them
want to know, Can I can I takeher right now? And she can can
they take me on? But they findme when they kill me? Why am I
here? Why do I exist? I said,these are all the things going
through their mind. And they letthat show on their face. I said,

(49:10):
this is what the communityendures all the time. Like you
don't see it. But that's likethe stress, like just being in
that environment. Right. I mean,thankfully, none of them had the
stupidity to do anything. Butstill you walk into a room where
you're obviously hated. When Ifly into Miami, right? I'm
clocked immediately. I feel likehad sheriff's deputies on my ass

(49:33):
throughout the airport, makingsure I'm using the right
restaurant. Which I don'tbecause they use the family
restroom. Right? And but you'reright. I mean, that kind of
stress. It is. It's a lot. Andit's why I don't go to probably
about 20 states in this country.

And I'm relatable.
You have to be vigilant in orderto protect yourself. You're not
being paranoid or silly orhysterical You know that there
is a real risk of danger foryou. And that is heavy. It's not
like, Oh, I'm just doing this asa precaution like, you know, oh,
you know, if I don't arm mysecurity system tonight specific

(50:12):
example, like, I'll be fine. Ilived without one for forever,
like, I locked my doors,whatever, I'm fine. It's not
that kind of just like extrathing it is either legitimately
concerned for your safety inyour life a lot of the time, and
that is really exhausting andalso just totally unavoidable,

(50:34):
because you'd have to, like, goout and, you know, yeah, I mean,
after you could be a completehermit, but like, obviously,
that's not your vibe. Maybemine.

Taryn (50:46):
I don't know, I could do some hermit for a while. I mean,
if I have enough cannabis, I'llbe good. But, ya know, when I
was in India, I mean, Iexperienced that, right? Like I
shared my concerns about safety.
My team in India did an amazingjob making sure I was safe
seeing respected. The hotel was,you know, high end hotel in
Bangalore. Everything wasperfect, right? And then one of
the people I worked with waslike, Don't you feel foolish

(51:08):
being worried about yoursecurity, and it was like, two
days later, I was flying back.
And my passport doesn't match,right. And I had a lot of visa
as trans. So I fill out a visaas trans, my passport doesn't
match. They sent me through themensline Because I'm six foot
one. And I got assaulted in theairport in front of 2000 people

(51:28):
at 230. In the morning, I was intears at the gate, right? Like,
I couldn't wait to get toGermany. I was like, just give
me the hell out of here. Butthat was like you just said
writing like, the SIS head,dude. It's just like, oh, well,
don't you feel foolish being soworried everything worked out in
the airport. Like I literallywas humiliated and assaulted

(51:49):
button by a security officer ina men's line. As he Jim that
thing between my legs andcrushed my breasts. And like, I
just felt like, and I didn'thave to go to this past year.
Right, your end. But I'm tellingyou, it was like that, to me. It
was it just people don'tunderstand the nuances and what
that means, right? Like, nobodyshould experience that. And that

(52:12):
is what is on the forefront,even if it matched. Right?
Because of my height. I can beclassified as something else.
Right. You know, and I felt likea ninja. Right. I mean, that's,
that creates a lot of stress. Imean, being in the bay area
right now is kind of like a bitof a paradise. Right? And
certainly, like far, far abovewhere you are Vanessa, right in

(52:33):
Ohio, which is, you know, Icouldn't even imagine, like, I
think about you, right, and justthink about how I have relative
safety here. And how you areliterally in a hostile state.
You know, it's hostileterritory. You're gonna have
some safety here and there, butyou also have a state that like
literally goes out of their wayto punish you.

Vanessa (52:53):
It just happened. It just happened today. I got a
surprise, a little gift from anew client. And whenever I have
new clients, I have to ask themlike, you do know that I'm trans
right. And this shoot was in atown called Doylestown, which is
deep Trump country. And I had toask her, I'm like, do the

(53:14):
sellers know that I'm trans?
Because I'm afraid of showing upto the house. I'm terrified to
drive through the country here.
Because there's people thatwould shoot me and even just
pulling up you know, like, whatif if they give me the wrong
address? And because I haveclients give me the wrong
address all the fucking time.
And I could go up to the door.

(53:38):
Especially like with this housedoors is supposed to be vacant.
In the doors unlocked. I gotthere and the owner was there.
Luckily, she's just just a nicelady about my age, but you just
never know. And then you hearpeople like online like saying,
What are you talking about transpeople having their rights taken
away? Trans people don't havethe right second way like this.

(53:59):
No one just no one watched thenews at all. That's all the
government's doing.

That's confusing to me. I mean, even if you're
because

Vanessa (54:09):
people are just so clueless. They're like, what,
what rights are being takenaway? Right, our rights to live,
you know? Like, we have thislooking at 2024 I personally
think that it's going to go inour favor. I think Democrats are
going to do pretty well, I hope.
But if they don't, we haveproject 2025 And Trump's agenda

(54:32):
47. And both of those are flatout deadly. It's full on, you
know, stages eight and nine ofgenocide that we're going to be
seeing where they are going tostart analyzing us. And
concentration camps, whatever.
You know, if, for me, being postop, I don't, my body doesn't

(54:57):
produce hormones anymore. So IfI no longer have access to my
hormones that could kill me now,it'd be a slow, horrible, brutal
death. And I, myself and I knowa lot of other trans people, we
have it in my desk, these are myold estrogen pills, I change

(55:17):
injections now. But like, my, myinjection vials, I save a little
bit in the bottom of each one.
Because you just never know, wemight need something to be able
to just survive. And it's it'sterrifying. And it's constant
burnout for us on a dailyfucking down to the minute level
from the minute we wake up. Ifwe have to go anywhere, like,

(55:40):
anywhere I just go to Starbucksby me. And overall, Starbucks is
a safe place from the employees.
But when I go in there, it'sjust a bunch of old white guys.
And it's just, here's the whiteguys want to see me? Yeah,
constantly. I've had cars stopand stare at me. And it's, you

(56:06):
just never know what's going tohappen. So yeah, as Taryn said,
head on a swivel. And in thebefore times back when I
presented is just your set whiteguy that didn't cross my mind at
all, but now go into a parkinglot in a parking garage, I
carried my car keys with withthe good with a key sticking

(56:26):
out, you know, overhead. Yeah.
And it's just stuffed that.
You're so sick guy you justcan't comprehend? And say,

right, yeah, don't have to deal with it. You're
talking to women in their livesor other people in their lives,
who I mean, like, I've had thisconversation multiple times with
men in their 30s where I'm like,you know, every woman, you know,
is but followed at some point intheir life. Right? And they're
like, what, like, they justthink that you're right. And I'm
like, yeah, it's happened to memultiple times. It's terrifying.
And, you know, obviously, samefor for trans folks, regardless

(57:02):
of if you're a trans woman or atrans man, like, we're non
binary like that, that shitstill happens. And it's not just
that feeling of constant danger,which would be enough on its own
right, but like, you never knowwhere it's gonna come from. And
like, I think about this as awoman, right? Like, I really

(57:22):
only have to be afraid of halfthe population. And sometimes
men that you think you're safewith turns out that you're not
and that really sucks. It'shurtful, like a whole nother
level. But then, again, the thefurther you get away from that
straight white sis, maleidentity, the more people that
you have to worry about. So Ican only imagine how difficult

(57:44):
it is for you to not just haveto keep your head on a swivel
around men, but around literallyeveryone. I mean, anyone could
be an and having to justify yourexistence. All the time is
exhausting, constantly, and tojustify your exhaustion is
exhausting. Like, can you justtake our word for it that we

(58:06):
have all this shit to deal with?
And we're tired. And it'ssomething that is a human flaw
that I am certainly guilty of,of not even thinking about
something that doesn't apply tome until someone else has talked
to me about it. So we all do. Weall do it. But don't. When
someone does tell you somethinglike that. Don't tell them
they're wrong.

Vanessa (58:26):
Yeah. Don't talk. Don't talk over them. You know? Yeah,
listen, and respect it.

Absolutely. Every time you help combat burnout.

Vanessa (58:39):
Okay, every time you give a thumbs up, it pops up
like this, like, thumbs upbubble on your screen.

I'm not doing it.

Vanessa (58:47):
It's funny, you do the thumbs up and it pops up this
this bubble on your screen. Andnow it's not doing registering

it Oh, it was one of you and making my what I was
saying. Oh,

Vanessa (58:58):
I think it was I like what is going on. But now that
you're actually trying to do it.
It doesn't do it. Yeah.

Taryn (59:07):
But I was like, Wow, I'm like, are we doing bubbles and
thumbs up now? That's awesome.
Yeah,

Vanessa (59:12):
I'm like, waited. I was like, I am confused. I want
that. You know,

I mean, you can do it from the reactions, right?
Like there. Oh, but that'sdifferent.

Taryn (59:22):
Totally different. On your own yours. Yeah. So

weird. Yeah, I saw it. I was seeing it. Well,

Vanessa (59:30):
the podcast listeners are happy. Like, where?

Zoom is giving us little emojis. Yeah. Yes, sir.

Taryn (59:38):
Do you have any questions? Watch the YouTube
video and there you go.

Vanessa (59:42):
There you go, you know, are talking about

but anyway, I just think that it's so yeah, y'all
have just so many extra thingsto worry about. And I don't
understand the tendency to justdismiss it and Be like, Well,
you're wrong about that withyour lived experience, like I
don't? What's the why? Yeah, Iassume you know better than the

(01:00:09):
person who's experiencing it.

Taryn (01:00:11):
And we certainly get some someone who's a little bit
higher on the narcissism scale.
Right? Yeah. That's usually thething where there's like a lack
of empathy and understanding andyou know, just not getting the
picture. So I feel like maybeget Bumble and lean towards
narcissism, tend to be thepeople that kind of dismissed
you, you know, like, oh, andworrying about nothing happens
to you, right? So, but But no, Imean, Vanessa, you covered it,

(01:00:36):
like Project 2025 is terrifyingfor me. And I have a lot of
privilege, right. And I'mworking, I've got some 36. I
want to tap out by 60 to do somevolunteer work for a couple
years and retire. My goal was toleave this country and to find
somewhere safe, like a safe zoneon this planet. I can like burn

(01:00:58):
the passport or the citizenshippapers done, keep the putting
Social Security pieces of crap.
Like I'm just like, I just don'twant to be here, right? Because
if you read that document, ittalks about what we're starting
to see. Right, which is how theydocument and how they classify

(01:01:21):
being trans being LGBTQ, to toless eye as a pornographic type
of material, which means it's afelony for us to be within a
certain amount of feet of askull around children, right?
Like, this is the kind of stuffthat like, in a sense, well said
that this will lead to camps andprisons, right? Where we will

(01:01:44):
not be able to be in society.
It's extricating us from that.
And I hope that it does not cometo fruition. I am kind of
hopeful. Like, because we'realready seeing like Ron to
Satan. You know, his his one,don't say God, and we're seeing
some courts overall, some ofthat stuff, right. Like, you
can't teach it, but you can talkabout it because it's free

(01:02:06):
speech, right? Like you're notearning anything having a
conversation. So we're seeingsome of these things fall apart
because conservatives do a lot.
They do this really well. Theyhate the super well. They like a
master like it's like theRembrandt's of hate. That's the
Conservative parties. But whatthey do hardly is write
legislation. Because most ofthem aren't even lawyers, right?

(01:02:28):
They're like, they're they're Idon't know, like, I don't want
to wanted to mean anybody'sthing. Whatever Marjorie Taylor
Greene was before she ran. Butthe Camry law, and it's easily
challenged in court, right? Sowe're seeing things failing to
go higher. I had something good.
I was in Ohio, and I hadsomething else fail. I know,

(01:02:48):
West Virginia had somethingrecently, it was Virginia had
the thing where we wouldn't beable to go near schools bail.
Yeah.

Kate Bridal (01:02:56):
But I don't even have that much warmer, illegals.
Employ, like, I'm glad thatthat's happening. Because I
maybe, you know, pre Trump era,I would have been like, yes, the
courts will do the right thing,but not anymore. Like, and I
never should have really,because then I read a bunch of
cases that happened in the preTrump era. And I was like, oh,

(01:03:18):
courts are crazy. And they haveway too much power in this
country. But like, it's, youknow, the Supreme Court,
especially the fact that wecan't remove anyone is that we
need to does this. But it's thatI'm glad to hear that it's going
that way that does give me alittle bit of faith, but I don't

(01:03:41):
want anyone to, you know, reston their laurels and assume that
that is a given because and Iknow the two of you don't want
that either. And you were sayingat all but like it's the courts
are also affected by politicalyou know, they are

Vanessa (01:03:56):
it's the things are only turning around to because
there are people fighting inFlorida there are rights that
are fighting this stuff, youknow, tooth and nail. And if
they were there doing that,these changes wouldn't happen.
But they shouldn't have tofucking either do that. They
should really just live theirlives and

and isn't it exhausting to just hate everyone
all the time, like talk aboutburnout? That doesn't sound fun
to me. Like have you walk aroundassuming that every person who's
just trying to live their lifeis like attacking you personally
somehow by just existing like,six months, tiring.

Taryn (01:04:33):
He comes out in the skin so like as you can see, you
know, like I mean, a lot ofthose like right wingers you see
out there, Donald Trump with hishorrible skin and it's orange
tent. You know, hate damages theskin. So like, that's why we all
look really young. You know, now

I'm 37. So, we're all keeping it very tight.

Vanessa (01:04:51):
We are slow, I have no idea

Taryn (01:04:58):
but that's the thing.
It's like stuff comes up amonster you are on the inside,
come down on me It happensthrough its

Vanessa (01:05:07):
toxicity. It's just pure toxicity live. Yeah, it
does. This episode's going awaythat I'm kind of hoping to kind
of push the show towards wherewe've been so trans focused up
until now. But I also wanting tofocus on the humanity part of

(01:05:29):
transcending humanity. And Ilove that we were able to just
talk his three people. And yeah,we did talk about trans stuff
here as well. But we're, I'lljust purchase three people like
in the workplace, three women inthe workplace, trying to just do
our things. So that's why I it'samazing to be able to have this

(01:05:51):
conversation with both of you.
So

Taryn (01:05:55):
I Packards have been really looking forward to
talking with Kate.

Vanessa (01:05:59):
Yeah. Free to

Taryn (01:06:02):
multimedia I love like our interactions with social
media. I was like, Oh my God,you're so awesome. Like, I just,
like, have to have coffee withyou. So it's kind of nice to be
able to do this. So

thank you, right back at you. And Vanessa, of
course, you and I have alreadyspent time together on on my
podcast, but always Always apleasure. And I really
appreciate you having me on andchatting with me. And yeah, Tara
definitely if next time I'm inthe Bay Area, or if God forbid
you ever wind up where I am inthe middle of the Nevada desert.
Coffee. If we go here we'll goto my house. Coffee at my in my

(01:06:37):
the safety of my

Vanessa (01:06:38):
home. I would love to come visit you in Nevada.

Oh my god. I love Nevada down where I am. But
yeah, sure.

Vanessa (01:06:45):
It's, it's just a gorgeous state. That's another
that's one thing that buys me Iwill not be able to go to Utah
because I remember taking roadtrips through Utah through like
the Green River area. Were sofucking pretty. And I can't go
there anymore. It bums me out.

Summer. Yeah, Utah shape up. Yeah, trans people
travel safely. Everywhere shapeup.

Vanessa (01:07:07):
Yeah, the entire fucking red block of law that
Aaron reads maps that are just,here's everywhere that you can
go.

Taryn (01:07:17):
The upper layer of where I can go, it was a transport.
And it was almost the sameoverlay of where I couldn't go.
It was a brown person beforetransitioning. Yeah. Yeah. It's
funny, because I mean, when Ilook at the Deep South, unlike
there were states that I went tothat I was like, treated like
utter garbage. I'm like, wow. Soat least you're consistent with
your hate. So it's like, Oh,yeah. So it's like you don't

(01:07:39):
like you because you're browndoesn't like you because you're
trans.

Vanessa (01:07:42):
Their hate is very intersectional if they could
just turn that around and not behate then. You know, it's very,
it's crazy. That's how

I'm gonna say that's a t shirt or something.

Taryn (01:07:56):
Right? There hate is intersectional oh, we're just
America. Probably. Need to getthem.

Yeah, you definitely need some merch,
because

Vanessa (01:08:07):
I want to get the logo redesigned. Again, I don't have
any money. So it's sometime butI still looking for an artist. I
was kind of hoping to use theones that Kate was using. But I
never heard from them. So oh,well, if she

if you reach out to Taylor, I think she followed you
on Instagram or you followedher.

Vanessa (01:08:28):
I found her she's not following me. But oh,

she's not on there that much to be honest. But I
did tell her about you. So I canalso reach out and see if she's
okay with me like, giving youher number or anything. So you
can actually get in touch withher but she's also just been had
a lot going on. So yeah,

Vanessa (01:08:47):
yeah, we all have.
Yeah, that doesn't need to be tshirt conservative haters in
intersection. So we need to havefun. Yeah, right wing. Yeah.
Haters intersectional. We needmugs. We need hoodies, we need
fucking all that stuff. Soeither you have any closing
thoughts. I need to sign offhere before my dog starts losing
her shit again. So

Taryn (01:09:11):
here you go. First of all the closing thoughts?

Okay, um, well, I feel like I offered a lot of
like the problems and maybe notas many solutions. We always try
and like give some manner ofpractical advice. I would just
say, practice positive selftalk. It sounds cheesy and like
it's not going to work. But Ipromise you it does. The more
you do it, the more your neuralpathways will get used to being
kind to you and you will starttalking to yourself positively

(01:09:37):
in your own head before you knowit. It's a practice though, and
don't beat yourself up. You arenot being perfect at it. And I
would say you know when you'rein these moments of stress if
you are in a circumstance whereyou are going to experience
prolonged stress, and there'sreally nothing you can do about

(01:09:57):
it, all you can do is try andmanage it. So Go do what you
can. Some of the stuff wementioned earlier, tapping,
screaming, crying, whatever youhave to do to just work your way
through that, that stress cycle.
And check out the legal burnoutsif you want any more anti
burnout advice, and keeplistening to this show and
support it so that it can keepgoing. Because I think that what

(01:10:19):
you all do here is so fuckingimportant and really vital and
helpful. And it's probablyhelping more people than you
even realize or know. So

Vanessa (01:10:31):
that's why that's why we keep doing it.

I know, and I know how difficult and expensive it
can be to make your own podcast.
So go on Patreon and support.

Vanessa (01:10:41):
Yeah, send us money.
Yeah.

Taryn (01:10:44):
Money helps with Bill does does. Awesome. Thanks. So
I'm going to just sharesomething that I'm you know,
seconding what Kate had said,you know, find that find the way
to relieve the stress thatyou're constantly in for me,
it's walking, sometimes I putyour heavy bag and knock it down
to the ground. You know, I findthat really exhausting myself

(01:11:05):
and the breaks the stress up alittle bit. But I'll remember
that these are jobs, right?
They're not your life. Theydon't, they aren't the all
encompassing measure of yourlife. So always prioritize
what's important to youprioritize who you love,
prioritize what feeds you what,what hurdles you what helps you

(01:11:25):
grow, right, and just be able totry to really compartmentalize
some of the angst and the stressand the anxiety from work and,
and kind of set those boundariesthat have reinforced that. I've
done that throughout my career.
And it's, it has helped me havestronger relationships with
people when I can set that likeBerlin wall boundary and, and

(01:11:48):
just be able to hold it andmaintain it. And if people can't
respect that, then you got tocut them off. Man, you've got to
got to really get the people.
Yeah, I was gonna say you bringthe people when that support and
help you and uplift you and kindof cut out the people who don't.

Vanessa (01:12:05):
Yeah, toxicity out of your life. It's gonna

be hard to do a lot about a person from how they
respond to you settingboundaries.

Vanessa (01:12:14):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Well, Kate, thank you for beingon the show. You're welcome to
come back anytime we love havingyou. Absolutely. And Taryn,
thank you again for being herethis week. And you'll get
gorgeous today again. Thank you,thank you. Tune in next time for
who knows what we're going totalk about something you know,

(01:12:37):
we are always open tosuggestions of topics to you
welcome to send us a message onour website transcending
humanity that calm ortranscending humanity
podcast@gmail.com And to thinkabout that for a second why
don't we keep making these longemail addresses such a pain like

a release today I put out a clip on Monday of me
stumbling over immediately I goto tell our email address and
I'm like s is in I don't knowsnake like try to do some kind
of phonetic thing and justbombed right off the bat but it
was just like fuck it it'sstories of illegal burnouts.

Vanessa (01:13:22):
There you go. Stories of legal burden so that's easy.
Thank you both Thank you peoplefor listening and watching and
we'll see you next time andstyle. Bye oops No, that's not
what I wanted to hit. I wantedto

Music (01:13:51):
Come to me, the night is dark Come to me, the night is
long Sing for me, I'll singalong Sing for me, oh sing for
me Sway with me, we'll makethem scream Dance with me,
we'll make them bleed Sing forme, I'll sing along Sing for

(01:14:13):
me, oh sing for me Listen,do you hear it? Listen, do you
feel it? Listen, I'm callingyou Listen, you do know me
Listen, swing and roll meListen, I'm calling you You

(01:14:36):
hardly know (hardly know) Youhardly know (hardly know) You
hardly know (hardly know) Youhardly know (hardly know)

(01:15:11):
(Let's make them scream)Listen, do you hear it? Listen,
do you feel it? Listen, I'mcalling you Listen, you do know
me Listen, swing and roll meListen, I'm calling you

(01:15:37):
Listen, do you hear it? Listen,do you feel it? Listen, I'm
calling you Listen, you do knowme? Listen, swing and roll me
Listen, I'm calling you (I'mcalling you)

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Unveiling The Truth: Kate Bridal's Insight On Burnout In Work, Life, And The Transgender Community - Episode 37

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Unveiling The Truth: Kate Bridal's Insight On Burnout In Work, Life, And The Transgender Community - Episode 37