Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power

After more than a year of silence, my father finally makes his next move — not by compromise, but by decree. In his latest letter, he lays out exactly how the divorce should go, what each person will receive, and why his plan is the only “fair” option. But it is control disguised as generosity.  In this episode, I break down how he positioned himself as judge, jury, and king of the castle… and why he believed he deserved to decide ...

After months of silence and emotional stalemate, my father finally writes a letter that sounds less like a plan and more like a performance. In this episode, we examine how “being selfish” becomes a weapon in the hands of someone who uses emotional collapse as control — shifting from aggression to pathetic fragility in a way that would make Gollum himself proud.

But this episode isn’t only about manipulation. It’s also about clarity...

For thirty years, my father controlled every version of the story — what was said, what wasn't, and what was changed to suit the story he wanted to tell.
 But in this episode, something shifts. My mother finally demands that everything be put in writing. It is the first moment she begins taking back her power — by keeping a record he can no longer rewrite at will.

In this episode, I read an excerpt from the letter that chan...

In this episode, I revisit one of the most damaging rules my father ever imposed: Don’t tell your mother. Through letters, reflection, and childhood stories, I unpack how silence became the foundation of control — and how triangulation destroyed trust between my mother, my sister, and me.  I also look deeper into how and why telling a child not to tell their mother works so well, by examining two films  — The Tale (2018) and Americ...

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I continue reading my mother’s letters — one to my father, and one to my sister and me — as she reflects on the choices that shaped her marriage and the lessons she wanted us to learn from it. Through her words, I see how painful examples become powerful teachers, and how role models don’t just show us daughters what to do — they show us what to survive. I also explore the conce...

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, the words “I say it with love” take on a darker meaning. My father’s letter to my mother shows how abusers disguise control as concern — twisting affection into manipulation and calling it love. My mother’s response reveals exhaustion, self-awareness, and the first signs of emotional freedom. Together, their letters show how love can be used to confuse, silence, and bind. I also...

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, control doesn’t always look like control. Through two revealing letters — I start to uncover the many layers of abuse my father used against my mother.  Gaslighting, coercive control, contemp, manipulation - all forms of verbal abuse that, on the surface, didn't necessarily look like abuse at all. My father’s words show the subtleties of coercive control: how power hides be...

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I look at how control can hide behind care — especially when it comes to money, home, and dependence. To an outsider, the letters in this episode look like simple negotiations over housing and money. But when I revisit them, I see how they were really my first understanding of the coercive control my father had over my mother. What my father called generosity was really manageme...

To an outsider, it was just a passing comment. To us, it was a bomb.  This episode reveals how words can wound like weapons, how secrecy can preserve and destroy, and how silence leaves its mark — from my sister’s abusive relationship to my own. Families aren’t the only ones who guard their private “business.” Churches, schools, and organizations do the same, protecting reputation at the cost of truth. Family Business investigates ...

Every game begins with a first move. For my family, my father's threat set off years of conflict, loyalty tests, and betrayal. The Opening Gambit uncovers the roots of my family’s story — a story of power, manipulation, and deception. From the founding of the school to the first signs of abuse, this episode lays the foundation for the game my father played - a game none of us realized we were part of.

⚠️ Content Note: This epis...

A true story of how one man’s lies and unchecked power tore his family apart — and my investigation into why so many chose to believe him instead of the truth.

When I was five years old, I watched my father threaten to drive off a bridge. Years later, I began to understand the truth: my father — a respected school headmaster and teacher, beloved by families and students — was not who he seemed to be.

Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power...