October 10, 2023 • 28 mins
A child’s eating habits are developed early in childhood and as parents, how we approach feeding our vegan kids directly impacts their eating habits.
In today’s episode, I am sharing my own eating and meal challenges I experienced with my oldest daughter during her time at a new pre-school. I share how her anxiety around food stemmed from the feeding environment she experienced at school and how that impacted her overall eating.
You’ll walk away with knowing what to do at home to foster healthy eating habits long-term and continue supporting your child’s growth.
Here’s what we cover:
>> A look into the four common parental feeding styles and how that impacts a child’s eating
>> How my oldest daughter’s picky eating significantly changed with a certain feeding style and environment at school
>> My top 4 recommendations to do at home to foster healthy eating habits long-term
>> How a child can regulate their own intake with more autonomy
>> What I did to transform meal time battles into more food acceptance
>> The power of food play to help your vegan child try and accept plant-based foods
Links mentioned in the episode
>> Episode 12 - How I do it: Boost vegetable intake with these 5 strategies
>> Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint course
___________________________________________
Want to learn what supplements your vegan kids need at each stage of their growth? Grab the FREE Supplement Checklist so you can feel confident you're providing everything they need to support their growth and development.
Click here to grab the FREE Supplement Checklist
Connect with me:
Website: www.vegankidsnutrition.com
Instagram: @vegan.kids.nutrition
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Karla Moreno-Bryce (00:00):
Children can sense our own agenda about
their own eating and when theydo, they begin to avoid more and
more foods, simply because theywant to be in control of their
own bodies, of their own feeding, and the more authoritarian
feeding is experienced, the morenutritional and health impacts
(00:20):
a child can have.
I'm Karla Monin-Obris, a veganmom and registered dietitian,
and your host of the Vegan KidsNutrition Podcast.
All information provided inthis podcast is intended to be
used for nutritional educationalpurposes only.
Please consult with a licensedprofessional prior to beginning
(00:43):
or modifying your diet or makingchanges to the diet of a child
in your care.
Alright, let's get started.
Hey there, I'm so glad you'vecome to join me on this episode.
I know it's been a while sincemy last episode, and for good
reason.
Over the summer, camila, myoldest daughter, was off from
(01:06):
school for three whole months,and if you're a parent to
multiple kids where they don'tgo to school or camps or daycare
during these months, yourday-to-day is spent primarily
being with and caring for yourkids.
Now I'm not complaining in anyway.
I'm glad we've had this timewith Camila, and having that
time with her relates to today'sepisode.
(01:28):
But as an ambitious businessowner myself, I generally like
to work.
I enjoy working on creatingcontent like podcast episodes
for you, or testing out newrecipes so that I can share them
with you on the blog, or justreading new and emerging
research about vegan kids.
But having Camila and myone-year-old daughter at home,
(01:51):
plus traveling to see family, Ineeded to pass work so that I
could focus on my family, and Ithank you for your patience with
that, which now brings me totoday's topic, and what I like
to share with you is a personalstory about Camila's overall
eating habits over the past yearwhile she was in preschool, and
(02:12):
how different feeding practicescan impact a child's eating and
food acceptance.
So in today's episode, you'llnot only hear about the
challenges I experienced withCamila at meal times, but also
share with you how you canfoster helpful eating habits for
your vegan child without theneed to pressure them to eat any
(02:32):
food, and as well as theoutcomes of your child's eating
behaviors based on these certainfeeding practices.
My goal with sharing with youmy personal experiences with
Camila's eating habits and thechallenges she herself faced, in
addition to what you can do athome, is to ensure that how you
approach meal times with yourvegan kids at home supports
(02:54):
their growth through helpfuleating habits, not just during
childhood, but throughoutadulthood as well.
A part of me feels veryvulnerable exposing such a
personal story with you, but atthe same time, I want to bring
awareness of how authoritarianfeeding or parenting for that
matter really impacts a child'snutritional intake and quality
(03:16):
of life.
This is the topic that is sodear to my heart as a vegan,
pediatric, registered dietitian,because the core of what I
believe in is having morecompassion for children and
truly seeing them for the humanthey are, whether they are two
days old or 16 years old.
They deserve respect, theydeserve to be understood, they
(03:38):
deserve to be acknowledged, andwe can demonstrate this through
our way of feeding, not justthrough words or our own
behavior.
So now that I got this out ofthe way, I'd like to start off
by sharing a bit of my feedingapproach at home and how, when
Camila started a new school, herbehavior around food changed
significantly.
(04:00):
Let's start by first looking atthe different parenting feeding
styles.
There are generally fourparental feeding styles, and
these are authoritarian,authoritative, indulgent and
neglectful.
Authoritarian, which is morecommonly known as a controlling
feeding style this is whereparents really lead a child's
(04:21):
food intake, like saying nodessert until you finish your
food or take one more bite theparent is the one that controls
much of what the child eats.
The second style isauthoritative.
This is where you, as a parent,allow your child to take the
lead in their own eating, butstill have boundaries where
applicable.
(04:41):
It's really about allowing andshowing trust that your child
can regulate their own intake.
It's also recognized as adivision of responsibility,
which is the feeding practice Ishare more about inside the
Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprintcourse.
The third feeding style isindulgent, where as a parent,
you're more loose around rulesand practices that involve food
(05:05):
or meals.
For example, if your childwants a cookie and you keep
saying no to them.
But the more and more you sayno, the more vocal they are and
begin to throw, possibly atantrum.
So you give up and finally yousay yes to them.
Fine, have a cookie.
Children who grow up under anindulgent feeding style
(05:28):
throughout their childhood havemore difficult time regulating
their food intake later on inlife.
And the last feeding style isneglectful.
This one is not commonly seen,but it is out there.
It's when a child grows up in ahome where there's hardly any
plants around meals or wherefood is very limited in the home
(05:51):
.
More often than not, a childgrows up feeling preoccupied
around food or feeling anxiousabout whether the food they'll
have will be enough when they doend up having a meal.
Your feeding style isdetermined by your attitudes
around food, your perceivednotion of what meal time should
be and your overall philosophywhen it comes to feeding your
(06:14):
vegan family.
Sometimes we may fall into thesame feeding style we grow up in
simply because that's all weknow or that's what we believe
is the right way.
Other times we change thecourse for our children because
we know more about how feedingour children can impact their
eating habits and overall growth.
And no matter which feedingstyle you fall into, please know
(06:36):
that there's no judgment here.
We are all learning togetherand can support one another to
help our kids thrive.
I wanted to briefly share thedifferent types of parental
feeding style because they willbe important in knowing when I
share my experience with GamilaAt home.
Ever since Gamila began solidfoods at six months of age, I
(06:57):
followed an authoritativefeeding style, meaning I allow
and give autonomy to Gamila atboth meal times and snacks as to
how much she wants to eat andwhat foods she'd like to eat.
From what I chose to serve,there are always boundaries to
some extent.
For example, as she got olderand was able to communicate more
(07:21):
, she would request forsomething else other than what
was on the menu for thatparticular meal or snack.
And for the most part, this isnormal for kids to request
during their development.
They're always trying to testboundaries to see what's
acceptable and what's not.
But rarely did she throw anytantrums or express really
(07:42):
strong feelings when it set aboundary.
The majority of the time Iwould tell her I know how much
you enjoy cookies, but it's noton the menu today.
Would you like to have ittomorrow at lunch or afternoon
snack?
And this is sort of my templatefor setting my boundary, but
still giving her some autonomyby choosing when she'd like to
(08:03):
have that particular food.
Again, she's been okay withthis response until she began
her preschool year at a newschool.
Her food choices just becamemore challenging to handle.
Camila began her preschool yearat a new school summer of 2022.
(08:23):
Luke and I thought it would bebest to move her to a smaller
school for various reasons whenwe toured that particular school
and asked way too manyquestions prior to making our
decision.
We came to the conclusion thatthis would be a good environment
for Camila and just to clarify,this was not a public school
(08:44):
but rather a private Montessorischool.
However, after just a few weeksof her being in that school, we
realized that perhaps we mayhave made a mistake in choosing
that school.
And we first noticed this whenI picked up Camila from school
and her wonderful teacher toldme they were entering the lesson
(09:08):
of what she should eat atmealtimes.
And just to give you somecontext here, the small group of
students all sat in one tablealong with the teacher to have
their lunch and they wereinstructed to eat quote unquote
healthy food first, and most ofthe time this was the vegetable.
(09:29):
Then they were instructed toeat the protein and last was a
fruit or treat, if that wasgiven.
I spoke with her teacher abouthow this was a very different
approach than what we follow athome and perhaps it may have
confused Camila.
I shared that we allow her toeat however much she'd like and
(09:52):
choose what she wants to eat, inno particular order, where
there's also no expectation ofher to eat anyone food or all of
her food.
Her teacher seemed verycollaborative and expressed how
our relationship should bemutual, which I very much
appreciated, and I have to say Ialways liked that
(10:16):
characteristic from her teachershe was willing to work with us
to find what was in the bestinterest of Gamila.
So I thought things were goingwell at school after speaking
with her teacher, until one dayGamila came home and shared that
her teacher said she'd have toeat her quote unquote healthy
food.
(10:36):
First I felt a bit discouraged,to be honest, but I also never
knew if it was directed to heror if it was just something that
Gamila kept hearing after herteacher told her other peers To
this day I still don't know butI began to notice that these
(10:56):
comments were affecting Gamilamore and more.
It started at home, with herfeeling very strongly about
certain foods.
For example, every time I wouldhave any sort of legging like
lentils or beans on the menu,she would practically beg to
have something else and shewould be crying out loud saying
she wanted something else to eat, by either opening the fridge
(11:19):
or the pantry.
I had so much compassion forher during these moments because
I could tell something muchdeeper than what was on the
dining table was bothering her.
I just didn't know what thatwas.
And handling these momentsright before we were about to
sit down for a meal wasn't avery pleasant experience.
(11:40):
It was very hard.
Her acceptance of food began toalso decline as the year went on
.
There were meals where it wasfrustrating.
She wasn't accepting foods shenormally would like, such as
oranges.
This was the fruit she gladlyaccepted any time of the day,
but throughout her time atpreschool she didn't want
(12:04):
anything to do with them and sherefused to have them in her
lunchbox.
Sometimes I would send them andshe would reply but I'm not
going to eat them.
And there went my frustration.
But I had to try so hard tokeep my thoughts to myself
because I knew that if I were tosay anything that demonstrated
(12:27):
any sort of pressure for her totry and eat the oranges, it
would only make her eatingbehavior worse.
So my response was alwayssomething along the lines of
that's okay, it's your choice.
And then her feeding challengesmoved to her only accepting
five things to take for lunch.
(12:48):
I would literally pack the samefive things every single week
because that's all she wouldaccept.
I began to notice she hadanxiety around food and I'm
getting a little choked up justthinking about it.
But I began to notice she hadanxiety around food and it was
(13:12):
escalating.
And the reason why was becauseshe was so preoccupied with what
her teacher might say or acomment about a particular food
or about her own way of eating.
And I could understand why.
Camila just didn't want tobring attention to herself.
She didn't want to be told howto eat or what to eat.
(13:34):
I'm sure being in thatenvironment for any one of us
would not be a pleasantexperience, and the last thing
we would actually want to do iseat to avoid being told anything
at all costs.
I mean, imagine you go to arestaurant and they serve you a
meal One you did in order, butthat's what was on the menu and
(13:59):
they tell you to eat the side ofsteamed eggplant because it's
the healthiest item.
Then once you finish theeggplant, they'll bring you the
curried lentils, and once youfinish that, they can bring you
some baked apples.
Well, I don't want to eat thatway and I imagine you wouldn't
(14:19):
want that either.
No one really wants to be toldhow to eat or in what order to
eat their food.
I want my food mixed togetherbecause that's what sounds more
appealing to me, and maybe Idon't want to finish the meal,
or I don't want to finish theeggplant, for whatever reason.
I would want to take home anyleftovers I didn't eat and I
(14:42):
don't want a lecture about howcertain foods are healthier for
me.
How would that whole experiencefeel to you?
I'm sure neither you or I wouldever desire that.
This is a similar feeling achild experiences when we tell
them to take a bite of theircarrots before they're allowed
(15:03):
to come down from their chair,or to try their vegetables first
before eating anything else ontheir plate, or to finish their
food before coming down fromtheir seat.
These are all normal practices.
I even see around my ownfriends.
This is part of howauthoritarian feeding can play,
(15:24):
where a child isn't allowed toeat in the way they choose to
eat, in a way that sounds andfeels good to them.
Children can sense our ownagenda about their own eating
and when they do, they begin toavoid more and more foods,
simply because they want to bein control of their own bodies,
(15:45):
of their own feeding.
And the more authoritarianfeeding is experienced, the more
nutritional and health impactsa child can have.
This message is really nothelpful for kids.
It's what leads them to wantmore control of their food and
become extremely picky eaters.
It's what leads to mealtimebattles.
(16:07):
It's what may cause stress foreveryone in the family.
It's what leads them to have apoor relationship with food.
If this approach to feeding isfollowed, the long term and I'm
not just saying that because ofmy own experience with my
daughter it's really impactedhow she eats at home in her
(16:28):
overall nutrition and whilethings have gotten a lot better
now, which I'll share a bitabout how we changed that there
is data that practicing anauthoritarian feeding style may
lead to child's eating habits toworsen, have lower nutritional
quality and poor weight statusand, in the long term, having
(16:51):
more difficulty learning how toregulate their own intake.
In fact, research shows thatthe preschool years, which in
many studies it's definedbetween the ages of three to six
years of age, is a criticalperiod, not just for growth and
development, but also a timewhere preschoolers form their
(17:12):
eating behaviors.
Research shows that preschoolage is a time where kids have
the opportunity to adopt healthyeating behaviors and
preferences that are likely tocontinue through both a
childhood and adulthood, so it'sa critical time for their
development when it comes tomaking sure they're getting
proper nutrition, yes, but it'salso a critical developmental
(17:35):
period to help foster helpfuleating behaviors, so they can
have a healthy relationship withfood.
So what are some things thatyou can do at home to help your
child form healthy eating habits?
Number one is that I encourageyou to take a more democratic
feeding style, also known asauthoritative, as this helps
(17:57):
foster a more positive eatingbehavior in kids, since they're
given more autonomy of theireating.
Taking on this type of parentalfeeding style has been
associated with higher dietaryquality when it comes to a
child's food choices and intake.
Number two is to practice beingresponsive to your child at meal
(18:18):
times, and what this looks likeis recognizing when they're
hungry or when they're ready tocome down from their high chair
or seat, especially before yourvegan child can communicate this
with you.
Knowing when they've had enoughor have felt satisfied with the
amount of food they've chosento eat allows you to be aware of
(18:39):
what their usual intake lookslike, which then helps you feel
more confident they're gettingthe nutrition they need to grow.
Number three is to trust yourchild at meal times.
This is done by allowing yourchild to take the lead of their
own appetite, with the amountthey choose to eat and with the
actual food they choose to wantto eat.
(19:00):
There's evidence that when achild is trusted with their own
eating, they're more likely tolearn how to self-regulate their
intake.
Number four have and beconfident with your boundaries
around food and meal times.
Now, I'm not perfect in thisarea by any means, and it's
something I know.
I can always do better.
(19:21):
But when you are confident inthe boundaries you set around
eating or meals in general, yourchild will test those
boundaries.
But they seek that leadershipfrom you, and having these
boundaries allows your child tonot only know what's acceptable
and what's not, but also develophealthier eating habits that
(19:43):
they can carry with them throughadulthood.
These are a few of thecharacteristics of a parent
practicing authoritative feedingstyle.
It's the type of style that I'vebeen following with both of my
girls since they started solids,and it's the type of style I
continue to use at home, evenwith Gamila experiencing some
(20:04):
eating challenges while at herformal school, because I know
the positive impact it has ontheir eating habits, nutritional
intake and ultimatelysupporting their growth.
Now, at this point, you may bewondering why we didn't remove
her from that school and it wassomething we thought about, but
(20:28):
for various reasons, we chose tonot move her because this would
cause a lot more stress anddysregulation, not just for
Gamila herself, but for ourfamily as well, and it just
didn't make sense to move hermidway, knowing she would be
starting a new school, herkindergarten year, in a new
(20:52):
environment with new peers.
Now, even though she avoidedcertain foods or rejected many
of them or simply refused to tryanything, I kept my course on
this feeding style because Iknow the impact I could have on
her eating behaviors long-termand just saying that sentence
(21:17):
makes me feel emotional again.
It's probably because I reallycare about this topic and what
we did was sort of take aquote-unquote reset during the
summer of 2023.
For the three months that shedidn't have school, I did the
(21:39):
same thing.
I always did Serve the meal,let her choose what she wanted
to eat and how much.
It allowed her to eat at herown pace.
If she didn't want the meal,then that was okay.
She didn't have to eat it.
I always tell my girls whenyou're ready or I trust you'll
(22:01):
try it when you're ready.
I also tried to invite Camilato the kitchen to help me prep
so that she was exposed to avariety of foods and for the
most part she really wasn'tinterested in helping in the
kitchen.
And that's okay.
It was an invitation and if achild isn't really interested in
(22:22):
something then we don't have tokeep pushing it.
But I continued to serve avariety of foods even if I knew
she wasn't going to eat it, andI never pressured her to eat
anything.
I didn't even bring attentionto how she was eating or even
asked her just to try food.
And I share more similarstrategies in more detail in
(22:46):
episode 12 of the Vegan KidsNutrition Podcast.
If you want to hear more aboutwhat this looks like, I'll leave
the link to episode 12 in theshow notes.
A big part of what we did was totry and make mealtimes less
about the food and more aboutjust having a meal together.
(23:06):
So this meant not bringingattention to a food or even
telling her what was on herplate, just sort of took a
neutral approach to our meals.
Sometimes I would incorporatefood play, which is something
new that I've done.
So an example was if I servedbroccoli, then I would ask her
(23:30):
which piece of broccoli istaller, your piece or mine, and
she would always try to makehers taller by standing on her
chair and extending her arm tothe ceiling, and sometimes she
would take a bite.
Food play always takes thepressure off a child from having
(23:51):
to eat that particular food.
The more relaxed you make mealsfor your child and the less
pressure they sense around themhaving to eat or try a food,
you'll see that they will try itwhen they're ready and in doing
so you'll be helping themcreate healthy eating habits
that they'll carry for life.
It's a wonderful thing, eventhough I know the day to day
(24:14):
meal times can sometimes be achallenge.
So Camila is eating a whole lotbetter now that she's no longer
in that feeding environment.
She's a lot more adventurouswith her food.
For what seemed like forevershe always refused beans and
just recently, since about amonth or so, she accepts them.
(24:38):
The other day I made beanburritos and I told her what I
was going to put in her burritowith having beans, and she was
okay with that and she ate it.
Surprised, but really proud ofCamila for coming around.
She's more accepting of mixedfoods and very rarely says she
(25:02):
doesn't want to eat what I'vemade.
Occasionally she'll say shewants something else, but it's
very rare.
Now I don't see extremebehaviors or even anxiety around
food anymore, which makes mereally happy, and I think it
really stems from me notpressuring her or bringing
(25:23):
attention to what she didn't eator even making any sort of
comments.
I really allowed her to takethe lead in her own eating, and
things have been a lot betternow.
As I mentioned at the beginningof the episode, this approach to
feeding is something I'm reallypassionate about and care about
(25:43):
, because it brings morebenefits to the child and to you
as well, and it's why I'vechosen to include it inside the
Bean Kids Nutrition Blueprintcourse to really give you a more
complete teaching of feedingyour Bean Kids beyond nutrients
and supplements.
Now, I realize that this isonly my own personal story and
(26:06):
this approach may not beapplicable for all children with
eating challenges or other foodaversions, but there's evidence
showing that a child's eatinghabits is formed early in their
childhood, between the ages ofthree and six years old, and we
as vegan parents play a pivotalrole in helping them foster
(26:28):
healthful eating habits, as theyspend the majority of their
eating environment with us.
Alright, so just to recap ourtime here, there are four
feeding practices that arerecognized and these are the
three practices that are on ourmicro Laura tree training
program that is going toauthoritarian, which is being
more in control of a child'seating.
Authoritative, which isallowing the child to have more
(26:49):
autonomy of their eating withinselected boundaries.
Indulgent, which is the parenthaving very loose rules around
eating or structure in the home.
And neglectful, which there'sno plans around meals and the
child learns to becomepreoccupied about when they'll
have food.
(27:10):
You can raise your van childwith helpful eating habits by
taking a more democratic feedingstyle where you give your child
more autonomy in their eating.
You can practice being moreresponsive at mealtimes,
trusting your child of their ownappetite and staying true to
your boundaries around food andmealtimes.
(27:30):
Following through with thesefour characteristics will help
support helpful eating habitsfor your child and really just
have a more pleasant experienceeating.
I believe in you and if you'dlike more support, I welcome you
to join me inside the VeganKids Nutrition Blueprint course,
where you'll learn how tocreate a positive eating
(27:52):
environment for your vegan child.
You'll have prompts on what tosay when they don't want to eat
something and have clarity onwhat to do if they avoid or
reject a food.
There is also a member's onlyprivate community, so you can
ask questions if you get stuckalong your journey or simply
need support from other veganparents who have gone through
(28:13):
similar experiences.
If you're ready, grab the linkin the show notes and I'll see
you there.
I hope that this episode helpsyou better understand how your
parental feeding style can trulymake a difference in your
child's eating habits.
It's not so much about how toquote-unquote get your child to
eat a food just to meet certainnutritional needs.
(28:35):
It's about fostering positiveeating habits that they will get
to carry throughout their life.
I'll talk to you in the nextepisode.
Bye for now.
Children can sense our own agenda about
their own eating and when theydo, they begin to avoid more and
more foods, simply because theywant to be in control of their
own bodies, of their own feeding, and the more authoritarian
feeding is experienced, the morenutritional and health impacts
(00:20):
a child can have.
I'm Karla Monin-Obris, a veganmom and registered dietitian,
and your host of the Vegan KidsNutrition Podcast.
All information provided inthis podcast is intended to be
used for nutritional educationalpurposes only.
Please consult with a licensedprofessional prior to beginning
(00:43):
or modifying your diet or makingchanges to the diet of a child
in your care.
Alright, let's get started.
Hey there, I'm so glad you'vecome to join me on this episode.
I know it's been a while sincemy last episode, and for good
reason.
Over the summer, camila, myoldest daughter, was off from
(01:06):
school for three whole months,and if you're a parent to
multiple kids where they don'tgo to school or camps or daycare
during these months, yourday-to-day is spent primarily
being with and caring for yourkids.
Now I'm not complaining in anyway.
I'm glad we've had this timewith Camila, and having that
time with her relates to today'sepisode.
(01:28):
But as an ambitious businessowner myself, I generally like
to work.
I enjoy working on creatingcontent like podcast episodes
for you, or testing out newrecipes so that I can share them
with you on the blog, or justreading new and emerging
research about vegan kids.
But having Camila and myone-year-old daughter at home,
(01:51):
plus traveling to see family, Ineeded to pass work so that I
could focus on my family, and Ithank you for your patience with
that, which now brings me totoday's topic, and what I like
to share with you is a personalstory about Camila's overall
eating habits over the past yearwhile she was in preschool, and
(02:12):
how different feeding practicescan impact a child's eating and
food acceptance.
So in today's episode, you'llnot only hear about the
challenges I experienced withCamila at meal times, but also
share with you how you canfoster helpful eating habits for
your vegan child without theneed to pressure them to eat any
(02:32):
food, and as well as theoutcomes of your child's eating
behaviors based on these certainfeeding practices.
My goal with sharing with youmy personal experiences with
Camila's eating habits and thechallenges she herself faced, in
addition to what you can do athome, is to ensure that how you
approach meal times with yourvegan kids at home supports
(02:54):
their growth through helpfuleating habits, not just during
childhood, but throughoutadulthood as well.
A part of me feels veryvulnerable exposing such a
personal story with you, but atthe same time, I want to bring
awareness of how authoritarianfeeding or parenting for that
matter really impacts a child'snutritional intake and quality
(03:16):
of life.
This is the topic that is sodear to my heart as a vegan,
pediatric, registered dietitian,because the core of what I
believe in is having morecompassion for children and
truly seeing them for the humanthey are, whether they are two
days old or 16 years old.
They deserve respect, theydeserve to be understood, they
(03:38):
deserve to be acknowledged, andwe can demonstrate this through
our way of feeding, not justthrough words or our own
behavior.
So now that I got this out ofthe way, I'd like to start off
by sharing a bit of my feedingapproach at home and how, when
Camila started a new school, herbehavior around food changed
significantly.
(04:00):
Let's start by first looking atthe different parenting feeding
styles.
There are generally fourparental feeding styles, and
these are authoritarian,authoritative, indulgent and
neglectful.
Authoritarian, which is morecommonly known as a controlling
feeding style this is whereparents really lead a child's
(04:21):
food intake, like saying nodessert until you finish your
food or take one more bite theparent is the one that controls
much of what the child eats.
The second style isauthoritative.
This is where you, as a parent,allow your child to take the
lead in their own eating, butstill have boundaries where
applicable.
(04:41):
It's really about allowing andshowing trust that your child
can regulate their own intake.
It's also recognized as adivision of responsibility,
which is the feeding practice Ishare more about inside the
Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprintcourse.
The third feeding style isindulgent, where as a parent,
you're more loose around rulesand practices that involve food
(05:05):
or meals.
For example, if your childwants a cookie and you keep
saying no to them.
But the more and more you sayno, the more vocal they are and
begin to throw, possibly atantrum.
So you give up and finally yousay yes to them.
Fine, have a cookie.
Children who grow up under anindulgent feeding style
(05:28):
throughout their childhood havemore difficult time regulating
their food intake later on inlife.
And the last feeding style isneglectful.
This one is not commonly seen,but it is out there.
It's when a child grows up in ahome where there's hardly any
plants around meals or wherefood is very limited in the home
(05:51):
.
More often than not, a childgrows up feeling preoccupied
around food or feeling anxiousabout whether the food they'll
have will be enough when they doend up having a meal.
Your feeding style isdetermined by your attitudes
around food, your perceivednotion of what meal time should
be and your overall philosophywhen it comes to feeding your
(06:14):
vegan family.
Sometimes we may fall into thesame feeding style we grow up in
simply because that's all weknow or that's what we believe
is the right way.
Other times we change thecourse for our children because
we know more about how feedingour children can impact their
eating habits and overall growth.
And no matter which feedingstyle you fall into, please know
(06:36):
that there's no judgment here.
We are all learning togetherand can support one another to
help our kids thrive.
I wanted to briefly share thedifferent types of parental
feeding style because they willbe important in knowing when I
share my experience with GamilaAt home.
Ever since Gamila began solidfoods at six months of age, I
(06:57):
followed an authoritativefeeding style, meaning I allow
and give autonomy to Gamila atboth meal times and snacks as to
how much she wants to eat andwhat foods she'd like to eat.
From what I chose to serve,there are always boundaries to
some extent.
For example, as she got olderand was able to communicate more
(07:21):
, she would request forsomething else other than what
was on the menu for thatparticular meal or snack.
And for the most part, this isnormal for kids to request
during their development.
They're always trying to testboundaries to see what's
acceptable and what's not.
But rarely did she throw anytantrums or express really
(07:42):
strong feelings when it set aboundary.
The majority of the time Iwould tell her I know how much
you enjoy cookies, but it's noton the menu today.
Would you like to have ittomorrow at lunch or afternoon
snack?
And this is sort of my templatefor setting my boundary, but
still giving her some autonomyby choosing when she'd like to
(08:03):
have that particular food.
Again, she's been okay withthis response until she began
her preschool year at a newschool.
Her food choices just becamemore challenging to handle.
Camila began her preschool yearat a new school summer of 2022.
(08:23):
Luke and I thought it would bebest to move her to a smaller
school for various reasons whenwe toured that particular school
and asked way too manyquestions prior to making our
decision.
We came to the conclusion thatthis would be a good environment
for Camila and just to clarify,this was not a public school
(08:44):
but rather a private Montessorischool.
However, after just a few weeksof her being in that school, we
realized that perhaps we mayhave made a mistake in choosing
that school.
And we first noticed this whenI picked up Camila from school
and her wonderful teacher toldme they were entering the lesson
(09:08):
of what she should eat atmealtimes.
And just to give you somecontext here, the small group of
students all sat in one tablealong with the teacher to have
their lunch and they wereinstructed to eat quote unquote
healthy food first, and most ofthe time this was the vegetable.
(09:29):
Then they were instructed toeat the protein and last was a
fruit or treat, if that wasgiven.
I spoke with her teacher abouthow this was a very different
approach than what we follow athome and perhaps it may have
confused Camila.
I shared that we allow her toeat however much she'd like and
(09:52):
choose what she wants to eat, inno particular order, where
there's also no expectation ofher to eat anyone food or all of
her food.
Her teacher seemed verycollaborative and expressed how
our relationship should bemutual, which I very much
appreciated, and I have to say Ialways liked that
(10:16):
characteristic from her teachershe was willing to work with us
to find what was in the bestinterest of Gamila.
So I thought things were goingwell at school after speaking
with her teacher, until one dayGamila came home and shared that
her teacher said she'd have toeat her quote unquote healthy
food.
(10:36):
First I felt a bit discouraged,to be honest, but I also never
knew if it was directed to heror if it was just something that
Gamila kept hearing after herteacher told her other peers To
this day I still don't know butI began to notice that these
(10:56):
comments were affecting Gamilamore and more.
It started at home, with herfeeling very strongly about
certain foods.
For example, every time I wouldhave any sort of legging like
lentils or beans on the menu,she would practically beg to
have something else and shewould be crying out loud saying
she wanted something else to eat, by either opening the fridge
(11:19):
or the pantry.
I had so much compassion forher during these moments because
I could tell something muchdeeper than what was on the
dining table was bothering her.
I just didn't know what thatwas.
And handling these momentsright before we were about to
sit down for a meal wasn't avery pleasant experience.
(11:40):
It was very hard.
Her acceptance of food began toalso decline as the year went on
.
There were meals where it wasfrustrating.
She wasn't accepting foods shenormally would like, such as
oranges.
This was the fruit she gladlyaccepted any time of the day,
but throughout her time atpreschool she didn't want
(12:04):
anything to do with them and sherefused to have them in her
lunchbox.
Sometimes I would send them andshe would reply but I'm not
going to eat them.
And there went my frustration.
But I had to try so hard tokeep my thoughts to myself
because I knew that if I were tosay anything that demonstrated
(12:27):
any sort of pressure for her totry and eat the oranges, it
would only make her eatingbehavior worse.
So my response was alwayssomething along the lines of
that's okay, it's your choice.
And then her feeding challengesmoved to her only accepting
five things to take for lunch.
(12:48):
I would literally pack the samefive things every single week
because that's all she wouldaccept.
I began to notice she hadanxiety around food and I'm
getting a little choked up justthinking about it.
But I began to notice she hadanxiety around food and it was
(13:12):
escalating.
And the reason why was becauseshe was so preoccupied with what
her teacher might say or acomment about a particular food
or about her own way of eating.
And I could understand why.
Camila just didn't want tobring attention to herself.
She didn't want to be told howto eat or what to eat.
(13:34):
I'm sure being in thatenvironment for any one of us
would not be a pleasantexperience, and the last thing
we would actually want to do iseat to avoid being told anything
at all costs.
I mean, imagine you go to arestaurant and they serve you a
meal One you did in order, butthat's what was on the menu and
(13:59):
they tell you to eat the side ofsteamed eggplant because it's
the healthiest item.
Then once you finish theeggplant, they'll bring you the
curried lentils, and once youfinish that, they can bring you
some baked apples.
Well, I don't want to eat thatway and I imagine you wouldn't
(14:19):
want that either.
No one really wants to be toldhow to eat or in what order to
eat their food.
I want my food mixed togetherbecause that's what sounds more
appealing to me, and maybe Idon't want to finish the meal,
or I don't want to finish theeggplant, for whatever reason.
I would want to take home anyleftovers I didn't eat and I
(14:42):
don't want a lecture about howcertain foods are healthier for
me.
How would that whole experiencefeel to you?
I'm sure neither you or I wouldever desire that.
This is a similar feeling achild experiences when we tell
them to take a bite of theircarrots before they're allowed
(15:03):
to come down from their chair,or to try their vegetables first
before eating anything else ontheir plate, or to finish their
food before coming down fromtheir seat.
These are all normal practices.
I even see around my ownfriends.
This is part of howauthoritarian feeding can play,
(15:24):
where a child isn't allowed toeat in the way they choose to
eat, in a way that sounds andfeels good to them.
Children can sense our ownagenda about their own eating
and when they do, they begin toavoid more and more foods,
simply because they want to bein control of their own bodies,
(15:45):
of their own feeding.
And the more authoritarianfeeding is experienced, the more
nutritional and health impactsa child can have.
This message is really nothelpful for kids.
It's what leads them to wantmore control of their food and
become extremely picky eaters.
It's what leads to mealtimebattles.
(16:07):
It's what may cause stress foreveryone in the family.
It's what leads them to have apoor relationship with food.
If this approach to feeding isfollowed, the long term and I'm
not just saying that because ofmy own experience with my
daughter it's really impactedhow she eats at home in her
(16:28):
overall nutrition and whilethings have gotten a lot better
now, which I'll share a bitabout how we changed that there
is data that practicing anauthoritarian feeding style may
lead to child's eating habits toworsen, have lower nutritional
quality and poor weight statusand, in the long term, having
(16:51):
more difficulty learning how toregulate their own intake.
In fact, research shows thatthe preschool years, which in
many studies it's definedbetween the ages of three to six
years of age, is a criticalperiod, not just for growth and
development, but also a timewhere preschoolers form their
(17:12):
eating behaviors.
Research shows that preschoolage is a time where kids have
the opportunity to adopt healthyeating behaviors and
preferences that are likely tocontinue through both a
childhood and adulthood, so it'sa critical time for their
development when it comes tomaking sure they're getting
proper nutrition, yes, but it'salso a critical developmental
(17:35):
period to help foster helpfuleating behaviors, so they can
have a healthy relationship withfood.
So what are some things thatyou can do at home to help your
child form healthy eating habits?
Number one is that I encourageyou to take a more democratic
feeding style, also known asauthoritative, as this helps
(17:57):
foster a more positive eatingbehavior in kids, since they're
given more autonomy of theireating.
Taking on this type of parentalfeeding style has been
associated with higher dietaryquality when it comes to a
child's food choices and intake.
Number two is to practice beingresponsive to your child at meal
(18:18):
times, and what this looks likeis recognizing when they're
hungry or when they're ready tocome down from their high chair
or seat, especially before yourvegan child can communicate this
with you.
Knowing when they've had enoughor have felt satisfied with the
amount of food they've chosento eat allows you to be aware of
(18:39):
what their usual intake lookslike, which then helps you feel
more confident they're gettingthe nutrition they need to grow.
Number three is to trust yourchild at meal times.
This is done by allowing yourchild to take the lead of their
own appetite, with the amountthey choose to eat and with the
actual food they choose to wantto eat.
(19:00):
There's evidence that when achild is trusted with their own
eating, they're more likely tolearn how to self-regulate their
intake.
Number four have and beconfident with your boundaries
around food and meal times.
Now, I'm not perfect in thisarea by any means, and it's
something I know.
I can always do better.
(19:21):
But when you are confident inthe boundaries you set around
eating or meals in general, yourchild will test those
boundaries.
But they seek that leadershipfrom you, and having these
boundaries allows your child tonot only know what's acceptable
and what's not, but also develophealthier eating habits that
(19:43):
they can carry with them throughadulthood.
These are a few of thecharacteristics of a parent
practicing authoritative feedingstyle.
It's the type of style that I'vebeen following with both of my
girls since they started solids,and it's the type of style I
continue to use at home, evenwith Gamila experiencing some
(20:04):
eating challenges while at herformal school, because I know
the positive impact it has ontheir eating habits, nutritional
intake and ultimatelysupporting their growth.
Now, at this point, you may bewondering why we didn't remove
her from that school and it wassomething we thought about, but
(20:28):
for various reasons, we chose tonot move her because this would
cause a lot more stress anddysregulation, not just for
Gamila herself, but for ourfamily as well, and it just
didn't make sense to move hermidway, knowing she would be
starting a new school, herkindergarten year, in a new
(20:52):
environment with new peers.
Now, even though she avoidedcertain foods or rejected many
of them or simply refused to tryanything, I kept my course on
this feeding style because Iknow the impact I could have on
her eating behaviors long-termand just saying that sentence
(21:17):
makes me feel emotional again.
It's probably because I reallycare about this topic and what
we did was sort of take aquote-unquote reset during the
summer of 2023.
For the three months that shedidn't have school, I did the
(21:39):
same thing.
I always did Serve the meal,let her choose what she wanted
to eat and how much.
It allowed her to eat at herown pace.
If she didn't want the meal,then that was okay.
She didn't have to eat it.
I always tell my girls whenyou're ready or I trust you'll
(22:01):
try it when you're ready.
I also tried to invite Camilato the kitchen to help me prep
so that she was exposed to avariety of foods and for the
most part she really wasn'tinterested in helping in the
kitchen.
And that's okay.
It was an invitation and if achild isn't really interested in
(22:22):
something then we don't have tokeep pushing it.
But I continued to serve avariety of foods even if I knew
she wasn't going to eat it, andI never pressured her to eat
anything.
I didn't even bring attentionto how she was eating or even
asked her just to try food.
And I share more similarstrategies in more detail in
(22:46):
episode 12 of the Vegan KidsNutrition Podcast.
If you want to hear more aboutwhat this looks like, I'll leave
the link to episode 12 in theshow notes.
A big part of what we did was totry and make mealtimes less
about the food and more aboutjust having a meal together.
(23:06):
So this meant not bringingattention to a food or even
telling her what was on herplate, just sort of took a
neutral approach to our meals.
Sometimes I would incorporatefood play, which is something
new that I've done.
So an example was if I servedbroccoli, then I would ask her
(23:30):
which piece of broccoli istaller, your piece or mine, and
she would always try to makehers taller by standing on her
chair and extending her arm tothe ceiling, and sometimes she
would take a bite.
Food play always takes thepressure off a child from having
(23:51):
to eat that particular food.
The more relaxed you make mealsfor your child and the less
pressure they sense around themhaving to eat or try a food,
you'll see that they will try itwhen they're ready and in doing
so you'll be helping themcreate healthy eating habits
that they'll carry for life.
It's a wonderful thing, eventhough I know the day to day
(24:14):
meal times can sometimes be achallenge.
So Camila is eating a whole lotbetter now that she's no longer
in that feeding environment.
She's a lot more adventurouswith her food.
For what seemed like forevershe always refused beans and
just recently, since about amonth or so, she accepts them.
(24:38):
The other day I made beanburritos and I told her what I
was going to put in her burritowith having beans, and she was
okay with that and she ate it.
Surprised, but really proud ofCamila for coming around.
She's more accepting of mixedfoods and very rarely says she
(25:02):
doesn't want to eat what I'vemade.
Occasionally she'll say shewants something else, but it's
very rare.
Now I don't see extremebehaviors or even anxiety around
food anymore, which makes mereally happy, and I think it
really stems from me notpressuring her or bringing
(25:23):
attention to what she didn't eator even making any sort of
comments.
I really allowed her to takethe lead in her own eating, and
things have been a lot betternow.
As I mentioned at the beginningof the episode, this approach to
feeding is something I'm reallypassionate about and care about
(25:43):
, because it brings morebenefits to the child and to you
as well, and it's why I'vechosen to include it inside the
Bean Kids Nutrition Blueprintcourse to really give you a more
complete teaching of feedingyour Bean Kids beyond nutrients
and supplements.
Now, I realize that this isonly my own personal story and
(26:06):
this approach may not beapplicable for all children with
eating challenges or other foodaversions, but there's evidence
showing that a child's eatinghabits is formed early in their
childhood, between the ages ofthree and six years old, and we
as vegan parents play a pivotalrole in helping them foster
(26:28):
healthful eating habits, as theyspend the majority of their
eating environment with us.
Alright, so just to recap ourtime here, there are four
feeding practices that arerecognized and these are the
three practices that are on ourmicro Laura tree training
program that is going toauthoritarian, which is being
more in control of a child'seating.
Authoritative, which isallowing the child to have more
(26:49):
autonomy of their eating withinselected boundaries.
Indulgent, which is the parenthaving very loose rules around
eating or structure in the home.
And neglectful, which there'sno plans around meals and the
child learns to becomepreoccupied about when they'll
have food.
(27:10):
You can raise your van childwith helpful eating habits by
taking a more democratic feedingstyle where you give your child
more autonomy in their eating.
You can practice being moreresponsive at mealtimes,
trusting your child of their ownappetite and staying true to
your boundaries around food andmealtimes.
(27:30):
Following through with thesefour characteristics will help
support helpful eating habitsfor your child and really just
have a more pleasant experienceeating.
I believe in you and if you'dlike more support, I welcome you
to join me inside the VeganKids Nutrition Blueprint course,
where you'll learn how tocreate a positive eating
(27:52):
environment for your vegan child.
You'll have prompts on what tosay when they don't want to eat
something and have clarity onwhat to do if they avoid or
reject a food.
There is also a member's onlyprivate community, so you can
ask questions if you get stuckalong your journey or simply
need support from other veganparents who have gone through
(28:13):
similar experiences.
If you're ready, grab the linkin the show notes and I'll see
you there.
I hope that this episode helpsyou better understand how your
parental feeding style can trulymake a difference in your
child's eating habits.
It's not so much about how toquote-unquote get your child to
eat a food just to meet certainnutritional needs.
(28:35):
It's about fostering positiveeating habits that they will get
to carry throughout their life.
I'll talk to you in the nextepisode.
Bye for now.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.