Embracing Career Change with VEST Members

In this episode we talk to VEST Members about how they've managed to navigate career transitions and setbacks, while rediscovering themselves and building meaningful connections. We discuss the importance of asking for help, leveraging peer networks, advocating for ourselves and other women unapologetically. Join us as we dive into double standards women face at work like self-promotion, work-life balance, and ageism. 

Guest Speakers:

Judy Reyes-Henderson COO at Freedom City OKC and owner of Focal Point Consulting & Interim Staffing (FCIS). Judy founded FCIS after having served as the Executive Director for Development at Ronald McDonald House Charities. Prior she served as the Asst. VP for development at Oklahoma City University, the Director of Corporate and Foundation Relations at Langston University, the Development M anager for University of Central Oklahoma and the Division Director for the March of Dimes. 
 
Kendra Loper Fundraising Coach with the Veritus Group. Kendra’s professional experience includes serving as the Chief External Relations Officer at the Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma, the Development Director for the Make A Wish Foundation and the Executive Director of Alumni Relations at Southern Nazarene University. Kendra is also a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, using the CliftonStrengths assessment to help organizations build stronger team dynamics, better conversations and increased collaboration.

Monica Ybarra Weedn Attorney at Rosell & Love PLLC. Prior she was the Director of Legal Affairs at TBS, and an Attorney at Phillips Murrah. From bartending to corporate counsel, Monica's ability to extract positive lessons and relationships from each career opportunity provides a strong foundation from which she now draws on to serve her clients in private practice. Monica is on the board of Oklahoma Board of Bar Examiners, OKC Latino Young Professionals and StitchCrew.

Yvita Crider owner of Fox Crider Consulting Group, where she spearheads the Oklahoma Square One Project, a statewide criminal justice initiative. She is also the artist and owner behind Yvita Handcrafted Jewelry. Prior, she was Director of Statewide Engagement for Oklahomans for Criminal Justice Reform, the Director of Leadership Development for Teach For America, and served in the United Nations and other INGOs.

If you enjoyed the episode share it with a friend and don't forget to leave us a review. If you are ready to take your career to the next level, apply to join our community of professional women, all eager to help you get there and stay there. Check out our VEST Membership and apply today! www.VESTHer.co

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey everyone, this is Erica Lucas, your host and
founding member of Vest, anorganization connecting women
across industries, regions andcareer levels so that together
we can expedite the pipeline ofmore women in positions of power
and influence.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Vestor podcast, where we

(00:23):
explore the invisible barriersholding women back in the
workplace and share stories ofwomen building power
collectively.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
I was not expecting to have my position eliminated.
I was in a C-suite position,and so it came as quite a shock.
I'm 52 and you're at an agewhere people start to say, oh,
you know like do we hire her?
Because you know how much doesshe have left to give, which is
crazy, because I do not feellike I'm anywhere near the end
of my career.
But you know all the thingsthat society tells us about our

(00:59):
age.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
There can be a tremendous amount of shame, like
maybe that we heap on ourselvesor we feel like people are
thinking when we're goingthrough transitions like that,
it can sometimes silence us andso we don't want to share, maybe
because we don't trust thatthere are people that won't
judge us.

Speaker 5 (01:16):
I am forever grateful to Shannon Cooper and the
ladies in this group really forjust you know wrapping their
arms around me and helping mefeel good about the changes that
were happening, even though itkind of hurt at that moment and
you just don't know where you'regoing and what's going to
happen, and how you're going tothrive and how you're going to
take care of your family.

Speaker 6 (01:35):
As a lawyer.
I mean, people are hiring you,they expect you to know what
you're doing right.
But sometimes it just needs toreach out to someone and ask and
I can do that without feelingjudged.
I can do that without feeling,you know, incompetent all of the
things that we tell ourselveswhen we reach out for help.

Speaker 5 (01:52):
For a long time I wanted to be an executive
director and a vice president ofan organization and now I'm
like hmm, no, I feel kind ofsweet spot right here in the COO
position.

Speaker 6 (02:03):
For example, my husband is an excellent
networker and he was the onethat really was, like you know,
showing me how to do it and Ithought the way he was doing it
worked great.
For him it didn't work greatfor me.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
You know, when I was younger, I think, in mentors I
looked for something verydifferent than I look for now.
I think I was looking for who,well, who's at the top right?
Who's the CEO?
How can I connect with thosefolks?
And, in reality, sometimes,often, those folks aren't where
the rubber meets the road and,while there is certainly value
and wisdom to share at thatlevel, those weren't the folks

(02:39):
that I needed to be speakinginto my career and journey.
I needed to have people thatwere really doing the work on a
day-to-day basis andunderstanding what it really
took, and that I could buildtrust with and hear from in a
different way.
So you learn that over time,but that's not a lesson I knew
right out of the gate.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
In this episode we talk about how best members have
managed to navigate careers,transitions and setbacks, all
while building meaningful andauthentic connections.
We also discuss the importanceof asking for help, leveraging
PR networks and advocating forourselves as well as other women
, unapologetically.
You will hear from Vest memberJudy Reyes Henderson, coo of

(03:20):
Freedom City OKC, an owner ofFolkl Point Consulting and Inner
Staffing Group.
Vest member Kendra Lopper, fundRacing Coach with the Veritas
Group and former C-suiteexecutive at a large nonprofit,
as well as Vest member MonicaIvarra-Wieden, attorney at
Russell Love and former directorof legal affairs at a large
fintech company.

(03:40):
This episode was part of a moreintimate coaching session with
Vest members and was moderatedby Vest member Evita Kreider,
owner of Fox Kreider Consulting,where Evita spearheads the
Oklahoma Square One project, acriminal justice reform
initiative.
Evita is also the owner andartist behind Evita Handcrafted
Jewelry.
Prior to these roles, evita wasdirector of engagement for

(04:02):
Oklahoma's for criminal justicereform and, before that,
director of leadershipdevelopment for Teach for
America in Oklahoma.
To access our guests full bioand show notes, go to
wwwvesthercocom.
This episode is brought to youby Vestr Ventures, our venture
capital arm investing inwomen-led companies, building

(04:25):
solutions for the intersectionof the care economy and future
of work.
Also by Vest Peer Network, anetwork of professional women
across industries, regions andcareer levels, helping each
other navigate careers andworking together to build a
future of more inclusiveworkspaces.
If you enjoy the episode, shareit with a friend and don't

(04:46):
forget to leave us a review.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
I want to welcome you , ladies, to the panel.
Thank you for sharing yourlessons learned, your life
journeys, with us today.
And you know we want to learnfrom you all and you know, see
how you got where you are duringthe good times, when these were
going smoothly, and when theyweren't going smoothly, how you
leverage the resources aroundyou to get where you are to be

(05:11):
successful.
So I am going to ask our firstquestion of all of our panelists
Can you provide short becausewe only have an hour right a bit
of your career journey?
Share with us a bit of yourcareer journey.
Has it been linear for you?
Just give us a glimpse so wecan start with Judy Sure.

Speaker 5 (05:32):
Good morning everyone .
So I would say no hasdefinitely not been a straight
track down through nonprofitwork.
I started out my career morethan 30 years ago studying
genetics at Children's Hospitaland never thought that I'd ever
get into nonprofit work at all.
I spent about 15 years thereand we got a new boss and he

(05:54):
came in and said I'm getting ridof everybody and bringing in
all my new people and I didn'tknow what else I was going to do
.
I had no clue how to doanything out in the world.
Honestly, I'd started there ata very young age and started
back to school, went toUniversity of Central Oklahoma
for a degree in public relationsand found out that nonprofit
work was a thing, and so I doveright on in thinking, if this is

(06:16):
going to be my career, I'm justgoing to keep moving up and
learning everything that I could.
So definitely was not expectingto be in this career at all.

Speaker 4 (06:25):
Thanks, Judy.
That is a, that's a big jump.
So go ahead, Monica.

Speaker 6 (06:31):
Good morning, glad to be here with you all.
So no, my career was definitelynot linear.
I think Evita mentioned some ofthe things in my bio but truly
I've, you know, been workingsince I was 14.
And I feel like it's importantto say that because I feel like

(06:52):
a lot of the lessons that Ilearned as a very young person
in the workforce really kind ofshaped me and expectations that
I had moving forward into myprofessional career.
But no, my career pathdefinitely hasn't been linear.
I went to law school.
I always say I was the oldperson at law school.
I went to law school much laterin life and I was just one of

(07:14):
these people that had all kindsof interests.
I just wanted to do all of thethings and I think I still do
and finding a way to channelthat and I think I finally
landed in the right career thatallows me to channel that
multifaceted interest.
With the legal skills that Ihave now, I've been able to kind
of leverage those in differentways, which we'll talk about
more.
So yeah, I think I've doneeverything from, like I said you

(07:39):
know, decade career as abartender to broadcast
journalism and a lot of thingsin between.
So definitely not linear for me.

Speaker 4 (07:49):
Thanks, Monica.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Good morning everyone .
Thanks so much for theopportunity to share today.
I would have to agree that mycareer doesn't feel like it was
linear.
It might look that way in someways, but it doesn't certainly
doesn't feel that way.
I really.
I started my professionaljourney in higher ed higher ed
administration and was at reallythe same institution but in a

(08:14):
lot of different roles for 19years, if you can believe it and
really then had honestly somevalues, questions that were
coming into play for me.
That made me really thinkdoesn't really feel like the
right fit for me here.
What is next?
And I always say you don't findthe nonprofit life that find

(08:35):
you, and so I made the move,pivoted into nonprofit.
I knew I wanted to do work thatfelt really meaningful to me
and you know, any, any type ofwork can be meaningful.
It just has to be meaningful toyou.
And so moved into nonprofit workand eventually found myself at
the regional food bank.
And then I had an unexpectedcareer transition, was not

(08:58):
expecting to have my positioneliminated, I was in a C sweet
position, and so it came asquite a shock and I think in
some ways, you know, having thebenefit of some years under my
belt kept me from sort offalling apart.
But honestly, this group thisbest group in my network, which

(09:18):
I know we'll talk about morelater is really what helped me
really clarify what I was hopingto do with my life, and
coaching is one of those thingsthat I really enjoy doing.
So I've now moved into aconsultant role and coaching
nonprofits really all over NorthAmerica and loving it.

Speaker 4 (09:37):
So, wow, thank you, kendra, you actually kind of
answered the second question Ihad for you all, but I love how
you all kind of shifted intocompletely different careers and
I know sometimes folks feellike, oh, I've been on this
track for so long, I just got tokeep going, even when it feels
like it doesn't fit.
But we don't, like Erica put inthe comments.
You know you don't have to knowwhat you want to be when you're

(09:59):
a kid.
You can always change andswitch tracks, you know, and it
may not be as easy, but it's,you can do it.
So I do want to ask thisquestion then, because, kendra,
you kind of already answered.
But, judy and Monica, how hasnetworking played a role in your
career and do you have anyspecific examples of how it's

(10:20):
positively impacted yourprofessional life?

Speaker 5 (10:23):
Yeah, for me, I would say definitely networking
within this group.
For sure I'm, when I firstjoined in, much like Kendra, was
going through a transition inmy previous role and and was
very vulnerable and sharing thatinformation with this group and
was really appreciative of thefact that this was a safe space

(10:46):
to do that and that these womenwere really listening, even
though I had not known theseladies for a very long time.
And there was one person inparticular in this group,
shannon Cooper, who would meetwith me from time to time and
she really listened and she madesure that I knew she really

(11:07):
cared about what I was dealingwith.
And it just so happened that wewent to a best luncheon that
was hosted by Kristen Garcia atthe verge and Shannon introduced
me to Brittany Carter-Thomas,who's the current executive
director and founder of FreedomCity OKC and who would have

(11:28):
thought that that day meetingBrittany would turn into me
being the chief operatingofficer for her all these months
later I started out really justdoing coaching and consulting
for her through my company thatI started last year and just
over time in talking to her shejust kind of talked to me about
what she wanted and who sheneeded on her team and those

(11:50):
types of things, and it justtransitioned to this.
So I am rather grateful toShannon Cooper and the ladies in
this group really for justwrapping their arms around me
and helping me feel good aboutthe changes that were happening,
even though it kind of hurt atthat moment and you just don't
know where you're going andwhat's going to happen and how
you're going to thrive and howyou're going to take care of

(12:11):
your family and make all thosechanges from things that you
weren't used to doing.
I'm not doing just nonprofit orfundraising work right now.
I'm really managing a wholeorganization, even though there
is an executive director, andfor a long time I wanted to be
an executive director and a vicepresident of an organization
and now I'm like no, I feel kindof sweet spot right here in the

(12:33):
COO position, and so I thinkthis is where I'll stay.
But I am grateful to everyonehere and definitely Shannon for
giving me the opportunity, andI'll be forever grateful to
Brittany for sure.
She's a fantastic executivedirector, she's got a fantastic
organization and I'm justexcited to be working for her.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
Thank you, Judy.
I'm so glad you shared that oneFreedom City.
I'm one of their volunteers andit's a great organization.
And then Shannon shout out toShannon, she is wonderful and I
love how you shared that, in atime where you were most
vulnerable, that you were ableto share with this group.
And I know there can be atremendous amount of shame, like

(13:15):
maybe, that we heap onourselves or we feel like people
are thinking that we didn'tmeet up to expectations when
we're going through transitionslike that and it can sometimes
silence us and so we don't wannashare, maybe because we don't
trust that there are people thatwon't judge us, or whatever it
may be.

(13:35):
Yeah, we isolate instead ofleaning into friends and network
.
And Monica, I'm gonna let yougo, Sorry, I just wanna add that
.
Thank you for sharing that,Judy.

Speaker 6 (13:47):
Yeah, I'll make my response quick.
I can't say enough, I think.
If I look back again from thebeginning of my working life to
now, I think at every juncturethere has been a powerful impact
that networking has played inmy long-term career.
Even things like I said I meanI will say it was my first

(14:11):
long-term career was bartending.
Can you imagine the number ofpeople that you meet over a
decade long of doing this jobright and just learning how to
connect with those people?
And then those people were theones that ended up writing my
letters of recommendation forlaw school, because I just so
happened to work at the localwatering hole for all the judges
and lawyers in my communityright but became very good

(14:33):
friends with those folks.
They helped me not onlynavigate the process when I was
a first-generation collegestudent definitely
first-generation law studentlearning how to navigate that
whole process.
Some of those guys for mybartending days right were
present at my law schoolgraduation years later and now
are some of my referral sourcesfor my practice now.

(14:54):
I mean it just all comes fullcircle and it all is about those
relationships and building apowerful network.
Most recently I had the luxuryin my most recent job transition
to out of corporate in-housecounsel into back into private
practice, of having kind of along transition period as the

(15:15):
company was looking to replacemy role with a new person, and
so I was involved in that andbut kind of had the luxury of
having this period of kind ofknowing, oh, I've got a lead
time right.
It wasn't just like all of asudden, and so I did tap into
this network.
Erica was very influential inhelping me tap into
opportunities.

(15:36):
A lot of the ladies throughoutour vest table sessions when I
made it known that I was gonnabe looking for a job, pegged me
for opportunities, sent memessages Shannon Cooper as well
I gotta give a shout out to herand so some of those touch,
every single one of those touchpoints, led to some experience
that has benefited me now, evenif, for example, an opportunity

(16:00):
that maybe, if Erica sent me anopportunity, if it didn't pan
out, it was still an excellentinterviewing opportunity,
opportunity to tweak my resumeand also get my face in front of
even more people and networkeven more.
So I can't say enough justnetworking in general.
I think if I look back over mylife and my career, I can't
identify a big transition pointwhen it wasn't playing a role in

(16:23):
my life, but now as and from aprofessional standpoint, being
in this city, in this community.
We all know Oklahoma City isthe smallest big city, right, I
mean it is.
We're all like two degrees ofseparation, and so building that
reputation first and foremost,but then building that network
of people, has been absolutelyinstrumental.

Speaker 4 (16:43):
Thank you for that, monica.
You sound like you build areally strong network, and we
know that's not easy foreveryone to build networks.
Some of us are more shy thanothers or we just lack like the
time and adequate networkingopportunities, trying to balance
work and home responsibilities.
How did you nurture therelationships that you were

(17:06):
building, monica?

Speaker 6 (17:08):
So I, to me, just first of all, authenticity, and
this is just human right.
This isn't networking, thisisn't women, this isn't.
This is just human right.
Authenticity, I think, is justfirst and foremost, paramount in
networking, particularly whenyou're trying to be intentional
about it.
I had a problem when, forexample, my husband is an

(17:30):
excellent networker and he wasthe one that really was like
showing me how to do it, and Ithought the way he was doing it
worked great for him, didn'twork great for me.
I just not that it wasdisingenuous coming from him,
but for me it felt fake.
And so, to me, nurturing therelationship in an authentic way

(17:52):
is what I feel like has allowedme to form amazing
relationships with not justpeople who I eventually can get
something from right whetherit's a client referral or
whatever but that I can giveback to.
And so one of the ways that Ido that and I know this sounds
so simple, but I'm a card writer.
I mean there's probably peoplein this room, I think maybe,

(18:14):
that have gotten or receivedcards from me, for whatever
right I mean.
But that's my authentic selfreaching out to somebody and
congratulating, sympathy orwhatever right.
Just a note of encouragementFor me, coming into my day,

(18:35):
we're starting off with prayeror whatever.
I mean that's my personal thing,but there's people that come to
mind and I try to shoot them amessage or send them a text or
put them on my card sending list.
I've got a note in my phone thatjust has people that I just
need to write a card to, and soto me, that's the key thing.
There's a lot of tips andtricks to you know that you can

(18:56):
read about, about networking,but to me, it all starts with
authenticity and doing it in away that feels authentic to you,
because if you just try tocopycat something that someone
else is doing, I think peoplereceive that in a different way
and it feels not very genuine.
So you know, in all thedifferent ways that I network,
or all the different you knowrooms that I'm in or networks

(19:17):
that I can reach in, or you knowyour fingers are in all these
pies.
Whatever analogy you want touse, I think the authenticity
piece is what really makes alasting impact and forms
meaningful relationships, and sowhatever that means for you
whether it's, you know, prayingfor people or writing cards, or
whatever it is that you do thatwould make it that is your

(19:39):
authentic way of reaching out.
I think that's paramount.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
Thank you.
Yeah, that's a lost art and itmakes an impact when you do get
a card.
Thank you, monica.
I also want to remind all ofour Vestis that if you have a
question, you can put it in achat, you can raise your hand
feature, and folks are watchingfor that so they can let us know
, so you don't have to wait tillthe end to ask a question.
Let's move on to the next one,and maybe all of this is you've

(20:05):
already mentioned it, but whathas been one of the most
challenging career decisionsthat you've had to make?
And, other than your network,what resources and tools did you
use to get through?

Speaker 5 (20:16):
it.
Sure, I guess I would saydefinitely starting my own
company.
It was super, super scary tothink about and even just put
into motion, but I think it wasmore related to just my own.
Can I do it?
Can I do it on my own?
Do I need to be, you know, witha company to have some you know

(20:38):
type of legitimacy?
How many people are reallygonna believe that this is gonna
work for them and those typesof things?
But I guess, just from all ofthe relationships I had built
over the years and people that Ihad worked with at different
organizations, or you know evendonors donors that I had worked

(21:01):
with at different organizationsand they came to you know my
rescue, they met with me, theyencouraged me, they said, look,
I'm glad to hear you're doing itbecause you know you should be
in this type of role, you shouldhave your own shop, those types
of things, and so that justfurther encouraged me and gave

(21:23):
me the momentum to go forwardwith it.
Now, what I do with it, I don'tknow, you know.
I mean I'm still kind of inthat spot where I'm like I'm not
sure if that's gonna besomething where I wanna keep my
main focus.
Again, like I said, I'm reallyenjoying where I'm at with
Freedom City.
It's given me a lot of abilityto do that coaching and

(21:44):
consulting and along with doingthe operations for the
organization, and so I feel likeit doesn't have to be one or
the other.
I did have somebody tell me onetime when I met with them to
talk to them about this verything, about what I should do,
and they literally said, oh, Ifeel like people who get into

(22:07):
coaching and consulting, thenthey find another job and then
they just ditched that effortand that I don't like that.
I don't like when they do that.
And I was like, I mean, shouldI do that?
Am I gonna look like that?
And then I thought to myselfbut it doesn't have to be one or
the other, it can be a mix ofboth.
I don't have to do just thecoaching and consulting and own

(22:29):
my own company.
I can do both and, gratefullyagain, brittany allows me to do
both.
So I still have some clientsunder my business that I started
and I'm still the chiefoperating officer and Brittany
knows that she can trust me andthat I'm gonna fulfill my duties
with her, and so she doesn'thave to worry about that and I'm
grateful for it.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
Yeah, that's so wonderful.
It's like I love that Justhearing that, even spring, like
you know, even for myself, likeI can patch together all the
things that I love and make myown quilt.
It doesn't have to fit someoneelse's pattern, right?
Thank you, judy Kendra.
What about you?
What is one of the mostchallenging career decisions
you've ever had to make?
Gosh?

Speaker 2 (23:11):
I think there's probably been a lot, but it's
related to a decision that wasmade for me but, similar to Judy
trying to decide what the nextstep would be when you're not
expecting a career transition,that was the first time at 51
that that had ever happened tome and I was like, okay, here we
go right.
And you know I much likeprobably many of you, and I know

(23:33):
we've got a lot of consultantsin the group I was like does the
world need another consultantreally?
I mean, do we Because there'sso many out there?
Like, why is my voice important?
You know, in this space and youknow I found a great niche
where I can join a firm of folksand I don't, you know, have to
do some of the toughest workthat I think consultants do,

(23:56):
which is really get your wordout there about the great
services you provide.
But I also just had a lot ofthat same self-doubt about do am
I needed in this space?
Is this the right space for me?
Also, I'm an independentcontractor, so that comes with a
whole set of, you know, scary.
There's no safety net, right?
And my husband is self-employedtoo, so we really have no

(24:18):
safety net in terms of benefitsand those kinds of things and it
just there's a lot of things totake into consideration at an
age where I felt like, okay,this career change is probably
hopefully the last one I'm gonnamake before I retire.
I'm 52 and you're at an agewhere people start to say, oh,
you know, like do we hire herBecause you know how much does

(24:40):
she have left to give, which iscrazy, because I don't do not
feel like I'm anywhere near theend of my career.
But you know all the thingsthat society tells us about our
age.
But I think, just walkingthrough that process of
determining what is my value,what is my unique contribution
and really what makes my heartlight up right when I think
about my daily work, I have anopportunity.

(25:01):
This wasn't expected, it wasn'tfun, but it gave me an
opportunity to really lookinside and say what are my
values and how do I wanna applythose in the world to do the
most good.
And it might not be me gettingto do the good at a nonprofit
right now, but I get to help alot of other nonprofits now do
really great work in theircommunities and get to help them

(25:21):
raise as much money as they canto support those missions and
that feels like a good fit.
So will it always, I don't know.
But that was a little bit of atough move and it's a tough
transition to make when you'rein a space where people expect
you to be an expert and somedays I'm like people pay me for
this and they think you knowwhat I mean.

(25:42):
You just have all thisself-doubt.
As you said, erica's self-doubtis a bitch and it shows up a
lot and you've gotta reallyremind yourself and have people
in your network that hold up themirror and say, no, you do good
work and you know what you'retalking about and your advice is
worth something.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
So yeah, that's so wonderful.
I love one having the network,the folks around you, to support
you and to counteract thatself-doubt.
And then I love that Well, I'mgonna quote you, just kind of
think of it, to speak it tomyself what makes your heart
light up?
Right?
So when you have those momentswhere you know the nagging at
you, like, oh you should be, no,what makes my heart light up

(26:20):
and follow that?
Well that.
Thank you, kendra.
Let's talk about mentors andsponsors.
So how important is it to havea mentor or a sponsor?
And have you all had mentors orsponsors who played a
significant role in your career?
Like, did you find them or didthey find you and how did they
contribute to your success?

Speaker 6 (26:43):
Yeah, I mean we've talked about, you know, forming
a network and so not everyone inyour network is going to be a
mentor, right, not everyone inyour network is gonna be a
sponsor.
And I think I one of my biggestmentors again, just looking at
my career and in the law andover the last decade I fell into

(27:04):
it right.
So when I started working at abig law firm, you know, phillips
Maras came in as a brand newlaw student, you know, right out
of law school and working in abig firm and you kind of get put
into a place and you're workingfor partners and this and that
and it's a real grind.
Not that that's anythingagainst the firm in general,
it's just that's the way big lawis right.
And I kind of fell into mymentor because I was assigned to

(27:28):
work in a particular sector ofthe firm and just landed in a
great space doing all of my workfor an amazing partner who was
really invested in growing me.
Because, again, I mean it'sbusiness right, I mean at first
right.
It's beneficial for them ifyou're growing right Because

(27:49):
you're bringing in more revenue.
But beyond that, likerecognizing the skills and
ability that I had and takingtime to ask me you know what are
your interests, where do youwanna grow?
I'm supporting the efforts thatI was making to grow my network
, like participating inleadership you know Oklahoma
City or serving on nonprofitboards, you know, in a big law

(28:12):
firm.
It's difficult to sometimessupport that because it's all
about the billable hour, right.
But finding that person, thatneedle in the haystack, I kind
of and again it wasn't anythingthat I did on my own, I fell
into it, obviously nurtured thatrelationship and to this day I
mean that partner is a mentorthat I go to for a lot of things

(28:33):
in life, not just career.
She's older than me, moreexperienced than I am, and just
comes from a differentbackground right, different
perspective than me, butappreciates my story and
respects my story, and so Ithink that mutual respect for
each other right, it's turnedinto a friendship, grown into

(28:55):
much more than that mentorrelationship.
But I think right now I meanjust like the most impactful
mentoring relationship that Ihave is that one and I just
honestly I just say it was theyou know God's hand.
I mean it was just such ablessing that I landed in that
space and I think longterm it'sjust been one of the biggest

(29:16):
blessings of my life and so,navigating most recently these
career changes that I've had tomake, she was definitely someone
that I relied on heavily.
And again, you know we see allthese memes on the internet
about you know, surroundyourself with people who say
your name when you're not aroundor like, well, speak up for you
and put your name out there foropportunities.
I mean she's all of thosethings right, and I come across

(29:38):
people now that I meet and theyheard about me through her,
right, and that's when you knowyou found someone good, right?
That's when you know thatyou're like, wow, I didn't even
know that she was saying my namein these places and spaces.
And so it's again critical tomy success but also my wellbeing
, because I feel like I havesomeone that I can talk to.

(30:00):
Because, like you said, kendra,I mean sometimes as a lawyer, I
mean people hiring you.
They expect you to know whatyou're doing right, and we all
have questions, right, and so Ilove my job, love my client,
love my practice area.
But sometimes it just needs toreach out to someone and ask,
and I can do that withoutfeeling judged.
I can do that without feeling,you know, incompetent, all of

(30:21):
the things that we tellourselves when we reach out for
help, so that you know, again Ifell into that relationship.
But again, nurturing thatrelationship in a very authentic
way, I think, is what hasallowed that relationship to
thrive and really become verycentral to not only my
professional life but mypersonal life as well.

Speaker 4 (30:40):
Thank you, monica.
Anyone else, any otherpanelists, have anything to add
on this?

Speaker 2 (30:45):
I'll just mention that.
You know, when I was younger, Ithink, in mentors I looked for
something very different than Ilook for now.
Right, Isn't that the truth ofeverything?
Right, but I think I waslooking for who?
Well, who's at the top right?
Who's the CEO?
How can I connect with thosefolks?
And, in reality, sometimes,often, those folks aren't where

(31:05):
the rubber meets the road and,while there is certainly value
and wisdom to share at thatlevel, those weren't the folks
that I needed to be speakinginto my career and journey.
I needed to have people thatwere really doing the work on a
day-to-day basis andunderstanding what it really
took, and that I could buildtrust with and hear from in a
different way.
So you learn that over time,but that's not a lesson I knew

(31:27):
right out of the gate, for sure.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
Thank you, Kendra.
You got some shots from thatone.
We do have a question fromMaribel.
I'm not sure if I said thatright.
Forgive me if I didn't, but howdo you maintain connection
consistently, not just whenthere is a want or a need?
She wants to provide value toher mentors but is unsure how
this is to any of our panelists.

Speaker 6 (31:50):
I love that question, Maribel, I struggle with that
too because A when I wasbuilding my network, I didn't
always just want to be reachingout when I needed a job or when
I needed a sponsorship forsomething I was doing or
whatever.
One of the ways again, this isjust my thing, my thing that I
love to do If I see someone isbeing recognized in a particular

(32:13):
way.
I just did this with myfinancial planner yesterday.
He won some kind of award.
The guy I'm sure he knows whowe are, but we're part of a
portfolio, Right.
But I sent him a card and Ijust said thank you for
everything you're doing for usand congratulations on this
recognition.
That's the pretty prestigiousrecognition To me.
I think maintaining that contactis just like making sure that

(32:34):
you're keeping abreast justthrough your social media,
through LinkedIn.
It's a great way to do thatRecognizing and giving those
props to people.
That's one way that you canstay in contact.
Another way again you guys haveprobably all received my
Christmas cards.
I'm huge on Christmas cards.
It's one time a year that youhave the opportunity and it's

(32:57):
normal People are getting themright.
Or happy new year card, Sendingsomething, a correspondence out
to just remind people.
I'm thinking of you at thistime of year that's special to
me, or whatever, Right?
So, again, I know it doesn'thave to be all about cards,
that's not that simple, butthat's one way that I do that.
So acknowledging recognitionthat they're receiving, kind of

(33:22):
giving that extra props whetherit's even just a comment on
social media and then providingvalue to them.
So I went through this recentlywhen I was looking for my next
role, and one of the things thatI said in my email that I sent
out to my network is at the endof my email.
I said something like I forgetexactly how I phrased it in the

(33:46):
email, but it was somethingalong the lines of I've told you
a little bit about what I'vebeen doing, what I'm looking to
do, I want to hear what you'vebeen up to and if there's any
way that you can plug me intowhat you're doing or that I can
be a resource for you, pleasefeel free to reach out to me.
And so sometimes it's likepeople get those emails where
you're saying, hey, I'm making acareer transition and I need a

(34:06):
job, like, hook me up if youheard here of any opportunities.
But we forget that last part ofwe want to be a value to them,
but we forget to say that Right,and so sometimes just saying
that to individuals brings it tomind and they're like oh, I
just read all about what they'vebeen doing, here's what I'm
doing.
I think I could plug them inhere or connect them with so and
so, or maybe they could be aresource or a mentor.

(34:30):
I had several people after mymost recent job email that went
out, say hey, my niece is goingto law school, she's
interviewing at OC or OU, Canyou chat with her?
Happy to do that?
Right, it's a phone call, it'sa 30 minute call, Just chatting
with somebody, but it's immensevalue to them because you're
doing something in return andsomething in return for them.
So, again, it's not always tipfor tat or, you know, quid pro

(34:53):
quo, but we do have a, like yousaid, money.
Well, we have a desire to alsowant to provide value, and so
those are some ways that I'vebeen able to do that.
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
Sophia had a question , and do you have any advice or
tips on looking for andapproaching someone to be your
mentor?
And I think you answered that,monica.
I want to give the otherpanelists an opportunity to
chime in and add anything, ifthey have anything else to add.

Speaker 5 (35:19):
I was just going to say for me.
I send text messages to peopleonce a month.
I will check in with people tosee how they're doing.
You know, if they need anything, it might be 30 days since I
spoke to them.
You know we're not maybe in thesame you know type of work or
we're not the same company, butI will check in on them and I'm

(35:39):
also a connector.
I love to help people connect tothings that they are needing
help with.
If I see that they needsomething or they ask me, I'm
always going to follow throughand help them connect with
something, and I know thatthat's going to come back to me
twofold.
Whether I asked them forsomething or not.
I know that at some pointthey're likely saying my name as
well, and so that's.

(36:01):
That for me, is not a bigconcern.
I don't send my text messagesor try to connect people to
things that they need or helppeople with stuff in hopes that
they're going to help me.
I want it to be very genuineand I want them to know that I
care about them and that I wantthem to do well as well.
So I think it's just reallyabout just finding your way that

(36:22):
you connect with people.
It could be through, you know,monthly text.
It could be, like Monica said,a card.
It could certainly be throughan email.
You know, whatever it is, somepeople you know still pick up
the phone and call each otherand I'm not great on talking on
the phone for long periods oftime, but I can text message
like a master ninja and I'm morethan willing to do that.

(36:42):
But that's really how I stay intouch with people and in terms
of just, you know, findingpeople who tend to only come to
you when they need help.
I saw this in the chat as well.
You know, I do set boundariesand I'm pretty transparent.
You know, if I can't help you,I'm going to let you know that I
can't help you.
I'm not going to drag you along.

(37:03):
I'm not going to make you feellike there's something that I'm
going to be able to do for you.
I'm not going to let you knowthat you can't.
I will try to connect you withsomebody.
Maybe they can.
But I truly try my best to betransparent and set those
boundaries very early in theconversation so that it just
doesn't drag on too long,because I think that that's
unfortunate when people actuallydo that.

Speaker 4 (37:23):
Thank you, and thank you for addressing that other
question too, judy.
Let's see.

Speaker 6 (37:30):
I'll put in on this one too, because, as a lawyer,
believe me, sometimes I'm thelawyer that people know in their
network and they're reachingout.
You know where I think, likewhen you say how do you set
boundaries.
I mean to me I'm hey if I don'thave an attorney-client

(37:50):
relationship with somebody.
There's all sort of ethicalthings that come in right for
giving legal advice or whatnot,but sometimes people just need
some general direction, for somepeace of mind, and so to me I
feel like that's part of mynetworking, that's part of
building my brand, that's partof building who I am as a lawyer
.
Right?
Because even if it's a friendof a friend that's calling

(38:13):
because they need just a quickanswer to this or that, it may
not be in my practice area orwhatever, but at the very least
I feel like somebody trusted meenough to give them my
information.
Right, and they've made contactwith me.
And at the very least, whetherit's time, expertise, whatever
that I don't have, I want to, atleast to the extent that I'm

(38:34):
able to make a good referral forthem.
Right?
Because, especially in a legalworld, sometimes you're just
shooting in the dark and you'rejust Googling who's a good
personal injury attorney and youdon't really have any frame of
reference for that.
So I don't do personal injurylaw, but I've had people reach
out and I'm able to get themconnected with somebody that I
know and that I trust and that Ithink does an excellent job,

(38:56):
and so sometimes it's just youknow doing that, and so I feel
like maybe I'm not the best atsetting the boundary because I
just don't.
I feel like that's part of my,my brand, right.
It's just that like I really dowant to help and I really do
want to make sure that they getto somebody that can help them,
even if it's not me.
But but yeah, I mean, sometimesI think it's just like in life,

(39:18):
right, your friends, yourfamily calling constantly
because they're getting adivorce or whatever.
It's just like, okay, I can't,I can't right now, but yeah, I
think I'm.
Maybe I'm not the right personto answer that question, but I
just wanted to add that thatit's like you know, I feel like
it's part of my brand is likebeing able to really be
authentic about that and andalso help get them to somebody

(39:41):
who can help them, because Ithink that's just as valuable,
particularly if I'm not able tohelp them.

Speaker 4 (39:47):
Thank you, Monica.
So you mentioned brand a fewtimes.
Some nice struggle.
So women often face the dilemmaof self promotion.
Erica knows I have a hard timeto be forever just even get on
Instagram and I'm still barelyon there.
But we know promoting yourcompliment, accomplishments and

(40:07):
contributions is critical tobuilding a personal brand.
Particularly in today'senvironment where everything is,
you know, social media, how doyou approach showcasing your
achievements and skills withoutfeeling uncomfortable, and what
advice do you have for women whostruggle with self advocacy in
their careers?

Speaker 2 (40:25):
I'll jump in on this, just because this gets my goat.
I get you know, I I have feltthe same feelings of like gosh,
should I share this?
I mean, I'm supposed to behumble and you know all those
things, but we don't ask men thesame questions about when, when
they share theiraccomplishments, we clap, we say

(40:49):
great job.
And for women, we have thisside I like.
Well, who's she trying toimpress, right?
And I think that is a bunch ofBS and I think we as women do it
to other women unknowingly,right, it's just these things
that we do.
We have this inner competitionsometimes, and that's one of the
things I love about this groupis there is so much applause for

(41:10):
each other and the great thingsthat are happening in
everyone's lives and that's youknow.
It's great to have othersrecognize that.
But you have to come to a placewhere if people don't like that
about you, that you'recelebrating something great in
your life, then they are not,they should not be in your life,
right, they are not, they'renot your cheering section,
they're not your people, andyou've got to find ways to just

(41:33):
really.
You've got to know your worthand your individual contribution
and it's okay to say that, andwe have to, we have to make that
space okay.
And I think, as women, we haveto celebrate when another woman
is celebrating heraccomplishments.
Go, girl, right, like, go forit, say it louder, you know,
scream it to the back, becausethat's the patriarchy and that

(41:57):
cannot be.
We cannot let that continue,because we there's a lot of
great things happening for womenand we have to celebrate it and
we have to make spaces safe forwomen to do that.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
Thank you, kendra, that was great.

Speaker 6 (42:10):
I'll kind of piggyback on that because, again
, I don't want to get into theweeds on all this.
I don't want to get into thereligious view or your societal
view or whatever.
I think there's value in beinghumble, right.
There's value in serving ratherthan promoting, there's value
in all those things, and I thinkthat you know, I tend to

(42:32):
believe that when we serve, thenGod will take care of the rest,
right, and you will berecognized and you will be
amplified in all of those things.
But I get that that's not whatwe're talking about here.
We're talking about in a worldwhere LinkedIn, instagram,
facebook all of that is key towhat I'm doing now in private

(42:54):
practice getting clients,letting people know this is what
I'm doing, this is what I cando for your business, this is
what I can do.
It's your business, right.
And I struggle with that and howto do that in a way that is in
that comports with what myspiritual beliefs are right, and

(43:14):
it's unfortunate that that's a.
I'm going to take that back.
I don't think that'sunfortunate.
I think it's a valid questionto ask yourself and I've
struggled with that.
But I do think that doing itfor one another right, that is a
way that you can serve someoneelse in this network.
You can serve people in yourcommunity men, women, whatever.

(43:37):
We can serve each other byamplifying those accomplishments
, by creating a space for themto be recognized, by mentioning
their name right Foropportunities and things like
that.
So there's a myriad of ways todo that, but sometimes we can't
rely on others to do it.
Erica has a million thingsgoing on, gabby has a million
things going on, so does Jay,and we can't just rely on them

(44:00):
to recognize everything thatwe're doing in our careers and
put it out there on blast onbest, linkedin or whatever,
right?
Sometimes we need to do thatfor ourselves and I think that
we have to get.
It's such a personal thingBecause, again, I think there's
all sorts of things that feedinto that, right, it's not even
just culture, right, society,religion, all of these things

(44:21):
feed into that.
And so finding your way ofdoing that, that again is
authentic for you, because Idon't really put I mean, I do
say things like I'm very excitedto partner with or we're, but I
feel more comfortable when I'mdoing it as a group, right, like

(44:42):
I'm part of the OKC LatinoYoung Professionals and we're
doing a lot of really greatthings and, yes, I'm the vice
president of the organizationand our leadership's doing great
things.
I feel more comfortable with itwhen I'm promoting that out
there as a group.
I don't think everybody in thisroom would agree with that,
right, that sometimes it's OK tojust say, hey, I did this right
, that's OK.

(45:02):
I'm not quite there yet, I'mnot quite that comfortable with
that, and I just think that it'ssuch a personal thing and one
thing that we can all do foreach other is not make the other
feel bad about how they'rechoosing to do it right If it's
as part of a group, if it's aspart as individuals, if we're
relying on others.
You know, I've had I won'tmention names, but like I've had

(45:27):
people say, you know, or Iasked hey, you got this award,
why didn't you say somethingabout it?
And they're like I kind of feelyou know, would you do it?
I'm happy to do it right, like,however, you want to figure
that out in your own head, right?
I just think it is such asensitive issue and it's a very
personal thing and don't agreewith people making each other

(45:50):
feel bad about choosing to do itor not do it right, and so it's
just what works for you, whatworks for your career, and that
might change over time.
Right, that it might change,and so I think one thing that we
can all do as women in thisgroup is support each other in.
However it is that we choose todo that and, at the end of the
day, if you see somebody thathas done something great, you

(46:14):
know unless they've specificallyasked you not to right what's
wrong with making that mention,tagging them on a post,
resharing it, something you knowto just recognize that.
So I know that's a convolutedway of saying.
I think it's just such apersonal thing and that's why
it's a question, right, how dowe navigate this?
Like, what do we do with it?

(46:34):
Because it is so I feel like itis very personal.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
So that's my yeah.
Thank you so much for that.
I mean, sometimes I think, oh,you know, my husband said I move
in silence.
Well, that's not good whenyou're trying to build a brand
or build a business, you know,and I have to think every time I
put up a post, I think, youknow what, when I worked for
other organizations, I had noproblem, you know, saying their
achievements and putting thingsout there on social media.

(46:58):
So I can't do it for myself,and so that's.
I'm still struggling with that,but I'm working through it.
Sophia, I see that hand Goahead.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
I just wanted to say to Monica you're just like your
support and even someone thathas struggled with sharing all
the different things that I doand like being that cheerleader
for myself.
You have definitely like alsobrought that attention and like
sharing, like hey, I saw thatyou did this, congratulations,

(47:28):
and you should like cheer onyourself on social media and
stuff.
So even having that said too,and just saying that someone can
make a big impact too, becausenow I'm very much on this
journey and trying to do thatfor myself.
So just yeah.

Speaker 6 (47:43):
And that's the classic.
You know, do as I say, not as Ido, right, because I'm telling
you wow, you did this amazingthing.
You should be promoting it outthere.
So we'll work through ittogether, sophia.

Speaker 4 (47:57):
Let's talk about.
Well, first of all, let me saythis we did mention how women
can support women, so I heardthat from Monica and Kendra how
we can support one another inour businesses.
And so, judy, I want to giveyou the opportunity to, if you
want to, chime in or addanything else to what they said
about how we can support oneanother as we navigate careers.
If not, we'll move on.

Speaker 5 (48:19):
Yeah, I think it's just really being about being
vulnerable and you know theperson who's needing the help
being vulnerable and the personthat's receiving that
information, giving them thefree space to do it.
You know, to share and to again, if you can't help them, being
transparent that you can't helpthem but you can maybe find
someone that can help them, orbeing that person that can

(48:41):
connect them.
I think that that's the mostimportant is creating that safe
space and allowing people to bevulnerable, but you also being
vulnerable yourself as towhether you can be of help to
someone or not, and I think thatthat's just super important and
, just again, making it a safespace is important to me.

Speaker 4 (48:59):
Yeah, that's really important.
Thank you, judy.
Well, as women in leadership,we know it can be a real
challenge to achieve andmaintain the work-life balance.
How have you all managed tobalance or integrate your
professional and personal life,and what advice do you have for
us in striving for a similarbalance?

Speaker 6 (49:21):
Silence right.
Has anyone figured this out?
So I think the three panelists,probably we all come from very
different like we all havedifferent family situations.
So, like I'll just tell you,I'm 42.
I'm married recently, marriedabout to celebrate two years.
I've been with them, with mypartner, for over a decade now.
But and I don't have childrenand my baby my thing, my love,

(49:47):
is my nonprofit work, my servicework, my board work, and so I'm
super lucky to have a partnerthat is also equally invested in
his nonprofit and service work.
And so we have found a way tointegrate that because it's what
we do, it's our thing, it's ourkid right, it's our baby, it's

(50:08):
just how we've chosen tostructure our life right now.
And so I've found the balancebecause I have the right partner
right that allows me to do thatand does it with me.
We made some strategic choiceswhen we got married two years
ago to kind of drop off a coupleof things and maybe join
efforts on a couple of things sowe could actually serve
together in a couple ofcapacities, because we were

(50:30):
finding ourselves like everynight of the week like different
board meetings, and if we couldcombine some of them and serve
together and then theorganization got more bang for
their buck because they got bothof us instead of one.
So that worked out well in acouple of situations.
But the bigger thing for me hasbeen balancing my bigger family
right.
I come from a large family foursisters, my mom and my dad.

(50:53):
They all live in Texas but relyheavily on me for a lot of
things in our family, not justfinancially, but I'm the doer in
my family, right?
So everything from let's figureout what's gonna happen with
these kids for college to what'sgonna happen with grandma,
what's going on with her estate,what's gonna happen with my dad
retires, all of those thingsright.

(51:14):
So I may not have kids, thatI'm balancing and trying to
figure out where, how to getthem to and from school and this
and that.
But I feel like sometimes Ihave the weight of the shoulder,
weight of the world on myshoulders for my bigger family
because as a first generationstudent I mean college grad,
professional attorney you'rekind of the person that
everybody looks to to just kindof like figure it out, and I'm

(51:38):
learning how to set boundaries.
I'm learning how to get my noseout of certain things that I
just I can't do it all right.
And so to me, the bigger thingis recognizing where I can make
the most impact in using mytalent, my treasure, my time in
that space.

(51:58):
Because and that's how I'vejust had to like balance my
bigger, greater family and theresponsibilities that I have to
do, the things that I do forthem, and just try to find where
I can get the most bang for mybuck.
Because if I had two or threekids or whatever, I wouldn't.
I value the work that I'm doingin the community, my service

(52:19):
work I wrote my job right, mylegal practice just as much, and
it's my thing, that's my liferight, it's important to me, and
so I don't wanna take up toomuch time from that.
And so I've just had toidentify areas where I think I
can make the most impact andstick with those rather than
because, if I say, settingboundaries like there's no

(52:39):
boundaries with my family, I'mlearning, but it's trying to
find those places where you canmake the most impact and try to
use it there.
But again, I think we all havevery different family situations
and whatnot, and so that's justfrom my perspective and just
kind of being.
I don't have kids and so it'sbeen.

(53:00):
That's how I've figured out howto balance it when it feels
balanced.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
Thank you, Monica.
I know we have a couple ofminutes, so I wanna give Kendra
as well.

Speaker 2 (53:09):
I would agree with a lot of what you said in terms of
we don't have it figured outright.
I don't think anyone does, butI've learned that no is a
complete sentence and I've alsolearned that just because I have
free time on my calendardoesn't mean I have to say yes
when the opportunity comes myway.
I know that for my own mentalhealth I need space in a day and

(53:30):
a week.
I can't have every minuteplanned out and I did not do
that as a young professional andI got myself in a lot of
trouble right.
I just was over committed, overtaxed.
I didn't, I wasn't doing mybest.
I learned from a supervisor atone point for every yes you say,
you know, every yes you give,you're saying no to something
else, and so I had to reallylearn like, what do I truly

(53:52):
wanna say yes to?
And it's not always easy.
I'm not always making the rightchoices, but I do my best and I
do really protect my personaltime and very rarely will I give
that up for really anythingother than my husband.
So I also don't have kids, butI still have.
I still need my space to becreative and think and process,

(54:13):
and you know all of the things.
So no is a complete sentence.

Speaker 4 (54:17):
Absolutely.

Speaker 5 (54:18):
thank you, kendra Judy we love to hear from you.
Well, like they said, we do allhave different family dynamics.
We have two children and agrandson, and I too have a very
supportive partner.
I mean, we're going on 31 yearstogether this June and so he has
, you know, put up with everysingle thing I've, you know,

(54:39):
gone and done and career changesand this, that and the other,
and so I think that's what makesit easy, and I think also, you
know, just determining, you knowwhat you're going to put your
time into and just what you'renot, and being able to say no.
And in doing that again, justvery genuinely and transparently
, and you know you don't have togive reasons why, but just

(55:01):
making sure that you are clearabout that and just making sure
that you're not going to bemaking you, from the start,
don't say yes to something thatyou're not going to follow
through on or that you have togive up because you know, 10
months in you're realizing thatyou just can't do it.
So I'm all about just makingthat decision right at the very
beginning and, again, justhaving a supportive partner and

(55:21):
friends and our kiddos are verysupportive as well.
They're growing adults, so theyget it.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
But I think that's what's important is just making
sure that you are positive andready to get to know your kid.
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